Struggling with back-to-school anxiety? Imagine if a simple scent could help ease your child's transition. In part two of our series on back-to-school stressors, Shawna and I share inventive ways to empower your children and reduce the stress that comes with the new school year. From establishing pre-school routines to using familiar scents like vanilla candles at bedtime, we discuss practical methods that can make this annual upheaval smoother. We also highlight the importance of supporting and listening to your kids as they navigate the complexities of new teachers, classmates, and social circles.
Tune in for heartfelt stories and actionable advice! I recount my own experiences, like how I reached out to my son's new teachers before the school year started to give them a heads-up about his unique needs and vibrant sense of style. By recognizing your child's bravery in facing these transitions, you can help normalize their anxieties and boost their confidence. Don't miss out on tips that can make this school year a positive and empowering experience for your entire family. Listen and discover how to turn back-to-school stress into an opportunity for growth and resilience.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi everyone.
Welcome to part two of three onour discussion of
back-to-school stressors andunique solutions.
If you missed part one, go tomy webpage, specialparentorg,
and get caught up there first.
In this episode, shauna and Icontinue the discussion, giving
you unique ways to empower yourchildren and reduce your stress.
(00:20):
We will talk aboutdevelopmental readiness for
school compared to the age ofour children.
So let's get chatting.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
But even something as simple as finding like a really
common scented candle likevanilla.
So the for the rest of yourlife you can find a vanilla
candle somewhere and so alwayshave that be present when they
go to bed or just to plug in andit begins to cue their brain.
We're slipping into the routinenow.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
And routine school is a routine.
That's one of the reasons welove to go back is because it
sets our routines up, but if,like you said, we've got to
start that before school starts,so that way, when school starts
, and it's the new transition,there's the other constants in
our life.
So, that's a tip about gettingyour routine started before
school starts.
And then school is a transitionnew people, old people we may
(01:19):
not like.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
It's really probably the only time in our lives where
we, as a species, are forced tocompletely immerse ourself into
a culturally different setting.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
All new people, all new master and commanders.
So our teachers are going to benew Every year your boss
changes Every year.
your boss changes Every year.
Your boss changes Every year.
Your boss changes.
Every year.
Your social circle changes.
I mean, if we're awesome enoughin a position where it's
awesome enough that we have samefriends throughout school,
that's fantastic.
That's not always the case, no,and especially not in big
(01:57):
cities like ours, where you havemultiple elementary schools
feeding into the same juniorhigh school.
Now you've got several schoolsrepresented at the same thing in
high school.
This is really the onlyartifice in our culture where we
do that.
As adults, we don't, once ayear, flip the mattress on our
life and have everything new.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Yeah, we have more stability as adults than our
kids, and I think that's anothertip is listen to your kids as
they go through this.
Just give them that spacebecause you can normalize for
them that it's okay to have theanxiety about this.
I don't go through thistransition every single year you
do, but I'm here to support youbecause I survived it, going
(02:37):
through it myself, right.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
And I would really be strong in the talk, even with
teenagers, and they'll sayyou're cheesy.
And I'm going to say, well, youlike nachos, so I guess we're
cool.
Find ways to enforce that.
This is the seventh new schoolyear that you've started, or
this is the 10th new school year.
How courageous are you that youkeep going back and you find
(03:03):
your way and you find a place.
That that's incredible.
Yes, I, as an adult, I don'thave to do that, but you have to
do that every year andencourage them, because we don't
really recognize that as askill, but it is.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
It is and it's a huge challenge for some kids.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
they love it.
We have, so we have studentsthat are bummed out at the
breaks.
They're bummed out at summer.
They're thriving in the schoolsetting.
But I think that is not thenorm.
There is just a societalexpectation that this is what we
do.
But we're doing this to thosewho are most rapidly changing
(03:41):
and growing neurologically anddevelopmentally and we're
wanting them to completelyreadjust annually.
Yes, it's a lot.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
And it's a good thing .
You mentioned kind of reachingout to the teacher beforehand.
Sometimes reaching out to theteacher is a good idea and I
know I did that this yearbecause my middle son
transferred schools and I wantedsome of the teachers to kind of
just have an idea.
He had some unique needs as faras bathrooming and toileting
goes not that the teacher neededto do any of it, but they need
(04:11):
to be aware of it.
So I put a picture of him inthe email so that way they can
have a face to it, kind of alsoshowed his unique sense of style
with his bright green shirt andhis camo orange shorts, with
his red Crocs.
So I was like this is my kid'ssense of style.
He loves to learn.
He actually is a pleaser.
So he'll work his little buttoff, but just understand that
(04:33):
all of a sudden, when his eyespop up, if he goes I got to go
to the bathroom, but he needs togo now.
He can't wait for someone elseto come back, he can't do these
other, he can't wait till theend of the lesson, right,
exactly, he's not trying to bedisruptive, exactly.
So I think it's important whenyour kid has a unique need.
That's going to be differentthan classroom expectations.
We reach out beforehand andjust give the teacher, hey, a
(04:54):
heads up, without maybe givingthem a paragraph or their life
story, right?
Speaker 2 (05:31):
And so being a teacher also being on the other,
the flip side of that, if Ihave, you know, 15 parents
wanting to and send it.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
You are the queen of making requests with gifts.
I'm a gift giver, yeah, you'rea gift giver.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
So if you make the request with the Starbucks card
or make the request with a candybar because what you're really
doing card, or make the requestwith a candy bar, because what
you're really doing, first ofall it's wonderful for the gift
givers and receivers.
But you're also saying I'm notattacking you, yes, I'm not
questioning your ability and I'mnot angry, I'm not pointing my
(05:58):
finger, I'm saying I'm excitedthat you're part of my kiddos
team and I so appreciate that.
You're doing yes, and I.
I just thought that this mighthelp him and you to have this
quick reminder because a lot oftimes as parents, I remember
when my kids were younger, Iwould look at the IEPs and I
(06:19):
didn't know what half of itmeant.
And even now, when we get IEPsfrom another state, we're like
we've got our Indiana Jones haton.
We're trying to like figure outwhat yeah, because the the
wording is different, thetechnical wording is different.
So, as a parent, just beingable to say to the teacher, hey,
you might want to check withthis, this, this.
(06:40):
So with my son I had who was,for lack of a better term, a
major know-it-all, and I triedto tell her.
So my son's disability presentsa little different, because he
has reactive attachment disorderand a lot of times everything
you do is very counterintuitiveto these kids and I said I'm
(07:05):
going to send you him with somethings.
And he was in the meeting and heinterrupted me and she turned
and just was like meeting and heinterrupted me and she turned
and just was like you will notinterrupt in my classroom and
you will not.
And I thought we'll see, ma'am,we'll see what he does, have
fun with that.
And she said you will not bestealing in my room.
(07:25):
That's not just not going tohappen and for my son it's not
even enforceable.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
Yeah, he was set herself up to fail.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
He was like game on, yeah, and um challenge accepted.
Exactly Within within a week wewere like hey um.
She called hey um, I'm missing13 new calculators.
And then we just found them inlittle holes buried around in
our backyard.
Just, he didn't need them, shejust said he couldn't take them
(07:53):
home.
So they were buried in ourbackyard.
So, giving the teacher theheads up hey, my kid is great, I
love them, but you might wantto hide your electronics.
And he really, really loves thebacks of remote controls.
I don't know why, but he hasquite a collection of them, so
just put some tape on it.
So, heads up.
(08:13):
But it's very easy as a teacherto feel like you're being
attacked, and a lot of times, bythe time, kids are older and
heading into school.
They've spent especially if it'san invisible disability they've
spent a lot of time with staffand people rolling their eyes
and clicking their sucking theirteeth at them, so they're very
(08:36):
weaponized.
It's, it's.
The judgment is outrageous.
And already, I mean, mychildren are adopted from
orphanages.
I went there, I saw where theywere living.
I know what early trauma lookslike, but I still I'm the mom,
these are my children.
So there was still such guiltover the places where I didn't
(08:57):
see health in their life, and sowe take on ownership of that.
So when you that's what makesyou a good mom, though Right
Well, not, according to my sonStill over there trying to whip
up some world wars, but when westand in that place of judgment,
(09:18):
it's hard not to weaponizeyourself.
So a lot of times I feel likeas educators, we spend some of
the first part of the year justtrying to get our parents to lay
down their defenses.
Speaker 1 (09:32):
Because parents are used to the judgment that comes
from educators, I mean Iexperienced that last year.
I know I talked to you about itlast year.
We won't go into too muchdetail here, but a lot of
judgment from teachers I evenhad during an IEP meeting.
It was recorded.
Even the teacher said well, Idon't, so what does it mean for
him to have this disability?
How does that even affect whathe does in the classroom?
(09:53):
And that was said in April andI was just like well, that
explains a lot.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
Now I understand why the accommodations weren't as
effective as you'd hoped so as aparent.
Speaker 1 (10:07):
It's like we're going back to school and I have that
in my mind.
That just happened in April andnow he's going to have new
teachers and there's the stressof am I going to have teachers
who don't understand that it isa disability at all, not an
excuse, that it is somethingthat they can help him with if
they're willing to?
So we have that stress.
We have the stress of I have tobuy new stuff, all the new
(10:29):
pencils and the supplies, andthis you can go broke at the
beginning of the school year.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
You have seven kids.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
Yes, yes, school year had to be very taxing on your
financial situation.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
Well, you know, I'm also like I'm.
I'm a.
Shopping is my love language,and so it is.
It's outrageous and it's it'shonestly, it's it's honestly.
It's another thing.
Planning, um, they will mock me, but I have little cubby holes
in my closet of school suppliesand stuff when it goes on sale
through the year.
I mean they're all going toneed colored markers, they're
all going to be crayons.
So I put it aside to not killmyself because, you know, as
(11:03):
teachers, we have, like that,top ramen august we're waiting
for that first, that first checkto show up.
But yeah, I mean even with thekids to make it a game.
You can make it a game.
Oh, we've got all the newspaperads.
Let's see who has the bestprice on pencils.
Who has the best price?
Because my mind, get in thereand what's the most expensive
(11:26):
pencil I can find?
These are the Ticonderoga'salready sharpened, ma'am, I
don't need to be spending all mytime doing this on the
sharpener.
Speaker 1 (11:36):
Oh now, kids have it easy.
Yeah, they do.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
But then we have to listen to it.
That's true.
Sorry, it's so bad.
Speaker 1 (11:45):
You can edit Well and that's actually a way to kind
of empower kids and get themexcited about the school year is
have them help with theshopping, have them find that
new backpack that they love,because they, you know, drag the
other one along all year andnow it's got a big hole in the
bottom, but it was theirfavorite, but duct tape's not
even going to fix this one baby.
(12:06):
So, yeah, this is how, hey I,you need to help me get you
ready and if again, we modelthat excitement about the school
year rather than that.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
Oh, I gotta buy more of that again, so we can even
make it a.
Make it a game where you givethem a budget.
Here's how much you have.
Here's all the ads.
Piece it together, what youwant to buy.
There will probably be lesspencils and more squishables on
there than you would like, butmom I need one for each class.
I need one.
Each teacher said that I haveto have a stuffed animal in my
(12:38):
desk.
Of course they did Right.
Sure, I'm sure.
Oh, your teacher wanted yourcell phone updated.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
All right, I don't think that happened but I don't
think you need the newest iPhoneor Google or whatever, right?
Speaker 2 (12:51):
Yeah, but too, I mean , and I have my own opinions on
basically our supply list forour classes are just bring, get
yourself there.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
Uh huh, yeah, with the students that we work with.
The supply list is please cometo school.
Please get there.
That would be great.
On time would be preferableStaying in class would be great.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
Fully cloth school, please get that would be great.
On time would be preferable.
Staying in class would be fullyclothed, fantastic.
Whoa, let's get there.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
Um, there are definitely things you can do.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
Definitely one student wearing pajama pants
today I was told by anotherstudent that tomorrow is friday,
so she would be wearing pajamas, and I was like that's a
different version of casualfriday.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
Yeah, exactly, I didn't know I, I I'm hoping her
pajamas are full pajamas.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
Listen these days with the high schools out there,
but yeah our district justdecided they're really going to
enforce the dress code and I'mhoping our students are very
angry and upset.
We'll see how that goes.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
And I think it's fantastic.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
I mean I was kind of shocked when I saw a brassiere
and walk on the campus the otherday.
Yeah, on the outside there wasnothing covering it and I was
like, oh wow, this is that.
That's not a shirt.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
So and that's another thing when, when you're sending
your special needs child, it isvery confusing often that they
are developmentally not wherethey should be, so they're not
ready to see now they're, yeah,they're watching.
Wow is, is this a lingerieshowroom?
Speaker 1 (14:20):
I didn't know and we're trying to protect them
because we know developmentallythey're not prepared for that
and yet, right, they're goinginto an environment where
they're going to start to see itright.
So sometimes we have to starthaving the conversation about
what our family does.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
Just to add one more stressor Right Exactly, you need
to get the pencils, the rightcolor folders and beware the bra
.
Right Exactly.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
It's like, oh my gosh , and I watch my son.
So my oldest is a senior but mymiddle is navigating as a
freshman and I watch him walkaround and, I'll be honest,
there are times I'm really gladhis face is in his phone.
I'm like he has no idea whathe's just passed by.
Okay, that's really okay.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
Keep looking at your phone, yep, just keep looking
down.
Speaker 1 (15:05):
So there are times that those distractions can be
good.
Well, yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
You know there are times normal, healthy
development is what it is and Ithink that that is the misnomer
when their body is developing ata normal rate and their brain.
But their brain is not, andsometimes it's more of a social
construct.
They're presenting just youngerthan they are, and so it's not
(15:34):
that you're wanting to protectthem from the world or do
anything.
You want them to be able todevelop in a functional, healthy
curve.
And if they're not prepared toprocess that information but
it's going to be up in theirface then you've got some issues
.
But it's going to be up intheir face, then you've got some
(15:55):
issues.
One thing that we do a lot andwe try to be a lot better about
it during the school year ishighs and lows.
We'll sit down at the dinnertable what were your highs and
lows?
And get everybody talking.
Or roses and thorns Ooh, that'sa good one.
Yeah, what were your roses?
What were your thorns?
Usually, every adult says whatwere your highs?
Right now, this time when I'mabout, when it's almost bedtime,
(16:16):
bedtime is my high, I'm feedingmy face and I'm going to go to
bed soon.
It's so close, so yeah, butbeing able for them to talk and
to talk freely with you.
And if you say, gosh, I haven'tbeen doing all this, Right, I
haven't been that is just fine,because every day is a new day
(16:38):
and we're going to start, we'vegot you know tomorrow, maybe
tomorrow we're going to set it,make it easy, do a.
Would you rather around thetable?
Would you rather go on vacationin a forest or to the ocean?
What would you know?
Just that sort of thing.
(17:00):
And usually adolescentsinitially are very reticent and
kind of snarky about it.
But really what happens is oncepeople everybody starts to feel
free to share their heart andwhere they're at, they'll end up
leading it.
You know, they'll end upleading it, They'll end up
stepping up.
I do have some typical childrenas well and typical family
members.
I live in a multi-generationalhousehold.
We have multiple generations,but my one daughter, Kylie, when
(17:25):
we do what we, rather, justbecause of her level of
opposition, she will neverchoose one of the two options.
She always goes so rogue shehas option three.
She has option three.
We're always like I don't knowKylie's.
You're like, hey, we didn'tthink of that one.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
All right, thank you Thank you, Kylie.
Well, and that's one of thethings we teach when we're
stressed out we can do it forourselves and we can teach our
kids to do.
It is when we're stressed out.
We're in that emotional part ofour brain.
So if we can do things like thewould you rather, or those you
know the highs and the lows, itkind of takes us out of that
emotion and makes us think aboutsomething completely different
(18:00):
which can calm us down and thenwe can process the day better,
or the upcoming week of newschool or whatever it is that
we're having anxiety about.
So those are great tips for,you know, parents to try to help
, kind of help their kids learnto stress a little less, have a
little bit more maybe laughterand fun about what's coming up.
You know, rather than tellingthem just picture everyone in
(18:23):
the room naked.
Remember that used to be the tipright?
Yeah, and I hope you enjoyedpart two of three of our
discussion on back to school.
Shauna and I continued givingunique examples and solutions.
We discussed routines,communication with teachers,
ways to encourage our kids andwhy school is such a unique
(18:44):
experience in everyone's lives.
As parents, we believe that allparents can help find the
balance between age placementsin school and developmental
readiness.
Join us next week for partthree, where we talk about
healthy coping strategies forback to cool stress and wrapping
up how to start this schoolyear.
Thank you so much for watchingand listening.
Hi everyone.
Welcome to part two of three onour discussion of
back-to-school stressors andunique solutions.
If you missed part one, go tomy webpage, specialparentorg,
and get caught up there first.
In this episode, shauna and Icontinue the discussion, giving
you unique ways to empower yourchildren and reduce your stress.
(00:20):
We will talk aboutdevelopmental readiness for
school compared to the age ofour children.
So let's get chatting.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
But even something as simple as finding like a really
common scented candle likevanilla.
So the for the rest of yourlife you can find a vanilla
candle somewhere and so alwayshave that be present when they
go to bed or just to plug in andit begins to cue their brain.
We're slipping into the routinenow.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
And routine school is a routine.
That's one of the reasons welove to go back is because it
sets our routines up, but if,like you said, we've got to
start that before school starts,so that way, when school starts
, and it's the new transition,there's the other constants in
our life.
So, that's a tip about gettingyour routine started before
school starts.
And then school is a transitionnew people, old people we may
(01:19):
not like.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
It's really probably the only time in our lives where
we, as a species, are forced tocompletely immerse ourself into
a culturally different setting.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
All new people, all new master and commanders.
So our teachers are going to benew Every year your boss
changes Every year.
your boss changes Every year.
Your boss changes Every year.
Your boss changes.
Every year.
Your social circle changes.
I mean, if we're awesome enoughin a position where it's
awesome enough that we have samefriends throughout school,
that's fantastic.
That's not always the case, no,and especially not in big
(01:57):
cities like ours, where you havemultiple elementary schools
feeding into the same juniorhigh school.
Now you've got several schoolsrepresented at the same thing in
high school.
This is really the onlyartifice in our culture where we
do that.
As adults, we don't, once ayear, flip the mattress on our
life and have everything new.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Yeah, we have more stability as adults than our
kids, and I think that's anothertip is listen to your kids as
they go through this.
Just give them that spacebecause you can normalize for
them that it's okay to have theanxiety about this.
I don't go through thistransition every single year you
do, but I'm here to support youbecause I survived it, going
(02:37):
through it myself, right.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
And I would really be strong in the talk, even with
teenagers, and they'll sayyou're cheesy.
And I'm going to say, well, youlike nachos, so I guess we're
cool.
Find ways to enforce that.
This is the seventh new schoolyear that you've started, or
this is the 10th new school year.
How courageous are you that youkeep going back and you find
(03:03):
your way and you find a place.
That that's incredible.
Yes, I, as an adult, I don'thave to do that, but you have to
do that every year andencourage them, because we don't
really recognize that as askill, but it is.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
It is and it's a huge challenge for some kids.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
they love it.
We have, so we have studentsthat are bummed out at the
breaks.
They're bummed out at summer.
They're thriving in the schoolsetting.
But I think that is not thenorm.
There is just a societalexpectation that this is what we
do.
But we're doing this to thosewho are most rapidly changing
(03:41):
and growing neurologically anddevelopmentally and we're
wanting them to completelyreadjust annually.
Yes, it's a lot.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
And it's a good thing .
You mentioned kind of reachingout to the teacher beforehand.
Sometimes reaching out to theteacher is a good idea and I
know I did that this yearbecause my middle son
transferred schools and I wantedsome of the teachers to kind of
just have an idea.
He had some unique needs as faras bathrooming and toileting
goes not that the teacher neededto do any of it, but they need
(04:11):
to be aware of it.
So I put a picture of him inthe email so that way they can
have a face to it, kind of alsoshowed his unique sense of style
with his bright green shirt andhis camo orange shorts, with
his red Crocs.
So I was like this is my kid'ssense of style.
He loves to learn.
He actually is a pleaser.
So he'll work his little buttoff, but just understand that
(04:33):
all of a sudden, when his eyespop up, if he goes I got to go
to the bathroom, but he needs togo now.
He can't wait for someone elseto come back, he can't do these
other, he can't wait till theend of the lesson, right,
exactly, he's not trying to bedisruptive, exactly.
So I think it's important whenyour kid has a unique need.
That's going to be differentthan classroom expectations.
We reach out beforehand andjust give the teacher, hey, a
(04:54):
heads up, without maybe givingthem a paragraph or their life
story, right?
Speaker 2 (05:31):
And so being a teacher also being on the other,
the flip side of that, if Ihave, you know, 15 parents
wanting to and send it.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
You are the queen of making requests with gifts.
I'm a gift giver, yeah, you'rea gift giver.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
So if you make the request with the Starbucks card
or make the request with a candybar because what you're really
doing card, or make the requestwith a candy bar, because what
you're really doing, first ofall it's wonderful for the gift
givers and receivers.
But you're also saying I'm notattacking you, yes, I'm not
questioning your ability and I'mnot angry, I'm not pointing my
(05:58):
finger, I'm saying I'm excitedthat you're part of my kiddos
team and I so appreciate that.
You're doing yes, and I.
I just thought that this mighthelp him and you to have this
quick reminder because a lot oftimes as parents, I remember
when my kids were younger, Iwould look at the IEPs and I
(06:19):
didn't know what half of itmeant.
And even now, when we get IEPsfrom another state, we're like
we've got our Indiana Jones haton.
We're trying to like figure outwhat yeah, because the the
wording is different, thetechnical wording is different.
So, as a parent, just beingable to say to the teacher, hey,
you might want to check withthis, this, this.
(06:40):
So with my son I had who was,for lack of a better term, a
major know-it-all, and I triedto tell her.
So my son's disability presentsa little different, because he
has reactive attachment disorderand a lot of times everything
you do is very counterintuitiveto these kids and I said I'm
(07:05):
going to send you him with somethings.
And he was in the meeting and heinterrupted me and she turned
and just was like meeting and heinterrupted me and she turned
and just was like you will notinterrupt in my classroom and
you will not.
And I thought we'll see, ma'am,we'll see what he does, have
fun with that.
And she said you will not bestealing in my room.
(07:25):
That's not just not going tohappen and for my son it's not
even enforceable.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
Yeah, he was set herself up to fail.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
He was like game on, yeah, and um challenge accepted.
Exactly Within within a week wewere like hey um.
She called hey um, I'm missing13 new calculators.
And then we just found them inlittle holes buried around in
our backyard.
Just, he didn't need them, shejust said he couldn't take them
(07:53):
home.
So they were buried in ourbackyard.
So, giving the teacher theheads up hey, my kid is great, I
love them, but you might wantto hide your electronics.
And he really, really loves thebacks of remote controls.
I don't know why, but he hasquite a collection of them, so
just put some tape on it.
So, heads up.
(08:13):
But it's very easy as a teacherto feel like you're being
attacked, and a lot of times, bythe time, kids are older and
heading into school.
They've spent especially if it'san invisible disability they've
spent a lot of time with staffand people rolling their eyes
and clicking their sucking theirteeth at them, so they're very
(08:36):
weaponized.
It's, it's.
The judgment is outrageous.
And already, I mean, mychildren are adopted from
orphanages.
I went there, I saw where theywere living.
I know what early trauma lookslike, but I still I'm the mom,
these are my children.
So there was still such guiltover the places where I didn't
(08:57):
see health in their life, and sowe take on ownership of that.
So when you that's what makesyou a good mom, though Right
Well, not, according to my sonStill over there trying to whip
up some world wars, but when westand in that place of judgment,
(09:18):
it's hard not to weaponizeyourself.
So a lot of times I feel likeas educators, we spend some of
the first part of the year justtrying to get our parents to lay
down their defenses.
Speaker 1 (09:32):
Because parents are used to the judgment that comes
from educators, I mean Iexperienced that last year.
I know I talked to you about itlast year.
We won't go into too muchdetail here, but a lot of
judgment from teachers I evenhad during an IEP meeting.
It was recorded.
Even the teacher said well, Idon't, so what does it mean for
him to have this disability?
How does that even affect whathe does in the classroom?
(09:53):
And that was said in April andI was just like well, that
explains a lot.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
Now I understand why the accommodations weren't as
effective as you'd hoped so as aparent.
Speaker 1 (10:07):
It's like we're going back to school and I have that
in my mind.
That just happened in April andnow he's going to have new
teachers and there's the stressof am I going to have teachers
who don't understand that it isa disability at all, not an
excuse, that it is somethingthat they can help him with if
they're willing to?
So we have that stress.
We have the stress of I have tobuy new stuff, all the new
(10:29):
pencils and the supplies, andthis you can go broke at the
beginning of the school year.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
You have seven kids.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
Yes, yes, school year had to be very taxing on your
financial situation.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
Well, you know, I'm also like I'm.
I'm a.
Shopping is my love language,and so it is.
It's outrageous and it's it'shonestly, it's it's honestly.
It's another thing.
Planning, um, they will mock me, but I have little cubby holes
in my closet of school suppliesand stuff when it goes on sale
through the year.
I mean they're all going toneed colored markers, they're
all going to be crayons.
So I put it aside to not killmyself because, you know, as
(11:03):
teachers, we have, like that,top ramen august we're waiting
for that first, that first checkto show up.
But yeah, I mean even with thekids to make it a game.
You can make it a game.
Oh, we've got all the newspaperads.
Let's see who has the bestprice on pencils.
Who has the best price?
Because my mind, get in thereand what's the most expensive
(11:26):
pencil I can find?
These are the Ticonderoga'salready sharpened, ma'am, I
don't need to be spending all mytime doing this on the
sharpener.
Speaker 1 (11:36):
Oh now, kids have it easy.
Yeah, they do.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
But then we have to listen to it.
That's true.
Sorry, it's so bad.
Speaker 1 (11:45):
You can edit Well and that's actually a way to kind
of empower kids and get themexcited about the school year is
have them help with theshopping, have them find that
new backpack that they love,because they, you know, drag the
other one along all year andnow it's got a big hole in the
bottom, but it was theirfavorite, but duct tape's not
even going to fix this one baby.
(12:06):
So, yeah, this is how, hey I,you need to help me get you
ready and if again, we modelthat excitement about the school
year rather than that.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
Oh, I gotta buy more of that again, so we can even
make it a.
Make it a game where you givethem a budget.
Here's how much you have.
Here's all the ads.
Piece it together, what youwant to buy.
There will probably be lesspencils and more squishables on
there than you would like, butmom I need one for each class.
I need one.
Each teacher said that I haveto have a stuffed animal in my
(12:38):
desk.
Of course they did Right.
Sure, I'm sure.
Oh, your teacher wanted yourcell phone updated.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
All right, I don't think that happened but I don't
think you need the newest iPhoneor Google or whatever, right?
Speaker 2 (12:51):
Yeah, but too, I mean , and I have my own opinions on
basically our supply list forour classes are just bring, get
yourself there.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
Uh huh, yeah, with the students that we work with.
The supply list is please cometo school.
Please get there.
That would be great.
On time would be preferableStaying in class would be great.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
Fully cloth school, please get that would be great.
On time would be preferable.
Staying in class would be fullyclothed, fantastic.
Whoa, let's get there.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
Um, there are definitely things you can do.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
Definitely one student wearing pajama pants
today I was told by anotherstudent that tomorrow is friday,
so she would be wearing pajamas, and I was like that's a
different version of casualfriday.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
Yeah, exactly, I didn't know I, I I'm hoping her
pajamas are full pajamas.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
Listen these days with the high schools out there,
but yeah our district justdecided they're really going to
enforce the dress code and I'mhoping our students are very
angry and upset.
We'll see how that goes.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
And I think it's fantastic.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
I mean I was kind of shocked when I saw a brassiere
and walk on the campus the otherday.
Yeah, on the outside there wasnothing covering it and I was
like, oh wow, this is that.
That's not a shirt.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
So and that's another thing when, when you're sending
your special needs child, it isvery confusing often that they
are developmentally not wherethey should be, so they're not
ready to see now they're, yeah,they're watching.
Wow is, is this a lingerieshowroom?
Speaker 1 (14:20):
I didn't know and we're trying to protect them
because we know developmentallythey're not prepared for that
and yet, right, they're goinginto an environment where
they're going to start to see itright.
So sometimes we have to starthaving the conversation about
what our family does.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
Just to add one more stressor Right Exactly, you need
to get the pencils, the rightcolor folders and beware the bra
.
Right Exactly.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
It's like, oh my gosh , and I watch my son.
So my oldest is a senior but mymiddle is navigating as a
freshman and I watch him walkaround and, I'll be honest,
there are times I'm really gladhis face is in his phone.
I'm like he has no idea whathe's just passed by.
Okay, that's really okay.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
Keep looking at your phone, yep, just keep looking
down.
Speaker 1 (15:05):
So there are times that those distractions can be
good.
Well, yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
You know there are times normal, healthy
development is what it is and Ithink that that is the misnomer
when their body is developing ata normal rate and their brain.
But their brain is not, andsometimes it's more of a social
construct.
They're presenting just youngerthan they are, and so it's not
(15:34):
that you're wanting to protectthem from the world or do
anything.
You want them to be able todevelop in a functional, healthy
curve.
And if they're not prepared toprocess that information but
it's going to be up in theirface then you've got some issues
.
But it's going to be up intheir face, then you've got some
(15:55):
issues.
One thing that we do a lot andwe try to be a lot better about
it during the school year ishighs and lows.
We'll sit down at the dinnertable what were your highs and
lows?
And get everybody talking.
Or roses and thorns Ooh, that'sa good one.
Yeah, what were your roses?
What were your thorns?
Usually, every adult says whatwere your highs?
Right now, this time when I'mabout, when it's almost bedtime,
(16:16):
bedtime is my high, I'm feedingmy face and I'm going to go to
bed soon.
It's so close, so yeah, butbeing able for them to talk and
to talk freely with you.
And if you say, gosh, I haven'tbeen doing all this, Right, I
haven't been that is just fine,because every day is a new day
(16:38):
and we're going to start, we'vegot you know tomorrow, maybe
tomorrow we're going to set it,make it easy, do a.
Would you rather around thetable?
Would you rather go on vacationin a forest or to the ocean?
What would you know?
Just that sort of thing.
(17:00):
And usually adolescentsinitially are very reticent and
kind of snarky about it.
But really what happens is oncepeople everybody starts to feel
free to share their heart andwhere they're at, they'll end up
leading it.
You know, they'll end upleading it, They'll end up
stepping up.
I do have some typical childrenas well and typical family
members.
I live in a multi-generationalhousehold.
We have multiple generations,but my one daughter, Kylie, when
(17:25):
we do what we, rather, justbecause of her level of
opposition, she will neverchoose one of the two options.
She always goes so rogue shehas option three.
She has option three.
We're always like I don't knowKylie's.
You're like, hey, we didn'tthink of that one.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
All right, thank you Thank you, Kylie.
Well, and that's one of thethings we teach when we're
stressed out we can do it forourselves and we can teach our
kids to do.
It is when we're stressed out.
We're in that emotional part ofour brain.
So if we can do things like thewould you rather, or those you
know the highs and the lows, itkind of takes us out of that
emotion and makes us think aboutsomething completely different
(18:00):
which can calm us down and thenwe can process the day better,
or the upcoming week of newschool or whatever it is that
we're having anxiety about.
So those are great tips for,you know, parents to try to help
, kind of help their kids learnto stress a little less, have a
little bit more maybe laughterand fun about what's coming up.
You know, rather than tellingthem just picture everyone in
(18:23):
the room naked.
Remember that used to be the tipright?
Yeah, and I hope you enjoyedpart two of three of our
discussion on back to school.
Shauna and I continued givingunique examples and solutions.
We discussed routines,communication with teachers,
ways to encourage our kids andwhy school is such a unique
(18:44):
experience in everyone's lives.
As parents, we believe that allparents can help find the
balance between age placementsin school and developmental
readiness.
Join us next week for partthree, where we talk about
healthy coping strategies forback to cool stress and wrapping
up how to start this schoolyear.
Thank you so much for watchingand listening.
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