Ever wondered how to ease the back-to-school transition for your special needs child? Join us for part 1 of 3 of an enlightening conversation with Dr. Deanna Iverson and special guest, Shawna Fox, as they share their personal journeys and hard-earned wisdom. As both educators and parents of special needs children, Dr. D and Shawna dive into the common stressors parents face at the start of a new school year, from coordinating transportation and lunches to ensuring teachers are well-informed about their child's unique needs. Shawna even reveals her creative solution involving Tic Tacs, offering a fresh perspective on managing complex medical and psychological needs.
We'll also explore practical strategies for managing back-to-school stress, focusing on the power of effective communication with teachers and establishing structured schedules and routines. Learn how to create positive responses to anxiety, pick the right moments to address negative behaviors, and serve as a role model for stress management. We emphasize the importance of family traditions and daily routines to provide emotional stability. Tune in for actionable tips like adjusting sleep and food schedules, using music to manage time, and incorporating sensory cues into your child's daily routine. Whether you're a seasoned parent of a special needs child or new to the journey, this episode is packed with invaluable insights to help make the transition back to school smoother for everyone involved.
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Episode Transcript
This program is made possible by friends and partners
of the Special Parent Podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
I believe that empowering parents of special
needs children is like givingthem the superpower of
unconditional love andunbreakable determination.
They are not just parents, theyare true champions shaping a
bright future for theirincredible children.
I'm Dr Deanna Iverson and I'mglad you're here.
Welcome to the Special ParentPodcast.
(00:29):
I'm Dr Deanna Iverson.
The next three weeks, we aregoing to talk about going back
to school.
This is a conversation betweenShauna Fox and me, both
educators and special needsparents.
We will discuss the typical andatypical stressors at the
beginning of each new schoolyear, providing you with unique
solutions and tips to survivingthe start of a school year.
(00:51):
Thank you for watching andlistening.
Hi everyone, and welcome to theSpecial Parent Podcast.
This is Dr Deanna Iverson, andI have a special guest with me
here today, shawna Fox.
Hello, we are tackling animportant question today the
question of does going back toschool ever make you or your
child feel stressed?
Because I know it does for me.
(01:11):
How about you?
Speaker 3 (01:13):
Absolutely.
It is like the Night of theComet show from the 80s.
It's something like that.
We should just all hide in theshed and we'll be fine, but we
have to come out the next daywith everybody fully clothed and
lunches packed.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
Yeah and yeah, you've got to have your hair good,
because picture day is going tobe like the next day or
something Right, getting readyfor the IDs.
That's always good.
Speaker 3 (01:35):
Shauna, will you please introduce yourself both
professionally and personally toour I don't do a lot of things
professionally, but I do have aprofession.
Yes, I don't do a lot of thingsprofessionally, but I do have a
profession.
Yes, my name is Shawna Fox.
I am a school teacher.
I teach in a program that'sprimarily for students with
emotional and social behaviordifficulties.
(01:55):
That's my profession.
I've also been a youth pastorfor 35 years, and because we
were really open to kids of allabilities, we ended up becoming
really specializing, as well asstudents with a higher level of
needs.
There.
And then in my personal life, Ilike to say that I have seven
(02:19):
children and six baby daddies.
And then I wait for everybodyto stop gasping and I say I also
have six baby mamas.
My husband and I have adoptedsix children internationally,
and so they came with a sundryof different emotional and
physical issues.
So we have some autism in thehouse, some schizophrenia, some
(02:41):
ADHD, some reactive attachmentdisorder.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
It's just a party at all times Sounds like the
perfect mix for a lovely,calming day.
Speaker 3 (02:51):
Yes, that's exactly.
Every day is calming around theFox house.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
Well, so today what we wanted to talk about, of
course, was starting school, andyour kids are now older.
They're older children, and soyou've walked this walk and I
have kids that are deep in thewalk, and so for me, it starts
out like the stress of back toschool starts with before school
even starts, because I getthese emails.
Three kids, three differentschools, which means I'm getting
(03:18):
emails.
I can't just have one email.
Be universal and follow thedirections three times Right.
Speaker 3 (03:24):
And everything's different and you have to sort
out how their transportation isgoing to work out, how their
lunches are going to work out.
If teachers are aware of theirneeds and then each child will
have a unique interaction withtheir environment.
Some are very socially aware,so they don't want to disclose
their obvious in any way thatthey've got an extra challenge.
(03:45):
So you want to communicate thatto staff without sounding like
you're the helicopter mom thatis really embedding this
behavior.
But to know that you know Iknow my child and I want you to
know them as well.
As a parent and as a teacher, Idon't always know that school
(04:06):
staff have taken the time toread the paperwork that's
available, especially before thefirst day, especially before
the first day, because I knowthat I try to skim, I do my best
to read it, but it's still alot and you know, each
eligibility that we look at inthe school setting carries such
(04:26):
a different presentation perchild.
Right now my two nieces livewith this as well and they face
some really unique challengestheir siblings but how their
struggles present themselves issuch a different picture for
each kid.
So it is a lot.
(04:48):
It is absolutely stressful andjust that sense that I want to
make sure that whoever is inthat place, whoever I am
dropping my precious littleangel baby off to, is going to
treat them with.
I don't expect them to lovethem how I love them.
I expect them to regard themhow I want them regarded, which
(05:09):
is you are in a smaller classwith more adult eyes on you,
because you need that specialattention, you need that custom
approach.
You need somebody that willtake the time to say, not to say
, oh, this mom is absolutelyjust through the roof, but to
say this mom has some concerns.
(05:30):
She just wants to make us know.
Especially with my youngestdaughter, her needs were so
unique that we would call theschool and say, hey, we're going
to send you a prescriptionbottle with nothing on it but
Tic Tacs in it and she's goingto come up at lunch and say she
(05:50):
needs her placebo because she'sa little bit of a hypochondriac
on top of being schizoaffectiveand on the spectrum.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
It's a lot easier to give her a Tic Tac than it is to
fight the fight of.
You're not supposed to havethis or not?
Yes, and even if it's a loteasier to give her a Tic Tac
than it is to fight the fight of.
You're not supposed to havethis or not?
Speaker 3 (06:06):
Yes, and even if it's just a psychosomatic response
to I have a headache Right Toher.
She had the headache withoutthe Tic Tac.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
So, we.
Best headache medicine ever.
It really was.
Speaker 3 (06:18):
And it was funny because she'd go into the nurse
and she'd be like, oh, could Ihave my placebo please?
And the other doctors would belike, or the other staff would
be like her placebo, yeah,that's her prescription, it's
the placebo prescription.
But just finding staff andpeople that regard your child
for me that was as a parent,taking that child to
(06:42):
kindergarten for the first timewas so gut-wrenching.
But I feel like when you have achild with other needs, it
feels like that every year.
Is this going to be the yearthat everything falls into place
, or is this going to be theyear that one puzzle piece falls
out and I'm going to spend thewhole year having to advocate
(07:04):
for my child?
Speaker 2 (07:04):
Yeah, for sure, I know.
For us it was my one son, justhe was excited about school
every year, but my other son, atthe beginning of every year,
didn't want to go, and so we hadto constantly be having, you
know, offer incentives, which ofcourse, are really just bribes,
right, I do.
Speaker 3 (07:23):
It's fine, I will bribe my children anytime.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
And it works sometimes.
And you know what, hey, if icecream after school got them to
go to school?
Usually it's just getting overthat little hill and once
they're there, they're happy.
You had something this year.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
Well, the truth be told, that you and I, honestly,
in being coworkers, when thingsget real rough, we say we're
going to order lunch on Friday,so it's not one incentive that
pulls us.
Ok, that was a little dopaminedrip.
Yep, I'm going to get pizza onFriday, so it'll be good.
Yeah, so that's just the samething.
(07:57):
We're incentivizing appropriatebehavior with our kids.
Which thing were you going to?
Speaker 2 (08:03):
mention.
Oh no, I was just going to sayI remember at the beginning of
the school year this year,because you were saying last
year one of your nieces wasupset and this year it was the
other niece, and so it'sinteresting how every year it
can be different.
But then of course how it looksis different, like you were
saying.
Speaker 3 (08:18):
So, and beyond my nieces, I also have two
grandchildren, one two and oneseven that are on the spectrum
and I am worried to deathbecause these teeny, tiny little
angel babies that I have, theydon't live with me, but I have
them.
I'm imagining them getting intothe belly of this giant school
(08:40):
bus oh yeah, right, and I'm justso worried about it of this
giant school bus, oh yeah, right, and I'm just so worried about
it.
So if I, who know that this isa safe place and I know what's I
am a school teacher, I am asecond generation, both of my
parents were school teachers Iknow what's going to happen if I
am anxious.
How much more is this childanxious?
(09:01):
How much more are they?
And that's with the behaviorsthat we see negative in their
presentations.
Those show up all the more thoselast few weeks before school,
right?
So I almost feel like I have toget ahead of all the planning
stuff, because they're going tocome home so much more stressed
out, so it would be totallyavailable to walk with them
(09:22):
through.
I mean, last night it was theteacher said for you to get me
four different color folders.
And you got me four differentcolors, but one was supposed to
be yellow and you didn't get meyellow and it was like we were
about to have a five alarm fire.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
I mean, we all know Amazon can probably get you that
yellow folder in three hours,maybe 12.
I know how to quick shop.
Speaker 3 (09:41):
But we had to do it because there was nothing in the
world worth what that meltdownwas going to do to her brain and
I did not want her brain andher body being fully adrenalized
, fully cortisol, heading intoschool the next day, especially
(10:01):
this year.
We can face those situations asparents.
We can teach them how to copewith them, but sometimes we pick
the time when it's a good timeto teach?
Speaker 2 (10:11):
Yes, because there are times to hold the line with
our kids.
But beginning of the schoolwhen you know they're going to
walk away from you and walk intoa new environment, sometimes
that's the time to just bribeand meet what they need so they
can feel comfort, and sometimeswe pick our battles, but
sometimes we always also need topick the timing of our battles.
Speaker 3 (10:30):
Yeah, I love that and we do that a lot with our
students as well.
If I know that they already hadsome altercations this week or
they have something going on athome, but they have some
atrocious behavior, I'm going towink at the behavior.
You know we're going to be likedon't know, but as far as
really addressing it and gettingdown to it, we're going to give
(10:52):
their brains and their bodiessome time to get through this
week so that they can face itfrom level ground.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
So a tip for parents that are getting through this, I
would say is be a good rolemodel by taking care of yourself
and modeling for your kids howto take care of them.
You know they.
I read a quote that was likethe stress doesn't kill us, it's
our reaction to it that killsus off.
Right, and we're all going toface stress.
Speaker 3 (11:16):
We're all going to have anxiety.
That's part of our brain.
We do not want to let that getembedded to the point where
that's an automatic reaction orit is an out of proportion
reaction, because we then arepassing that on to our children.
Yep, we're teaching them, theysee how to respond.
This is how we respond tostressors, with the yelling,
(11:37):
with the meltdowns, with the youknow wildness.
Um, one of the best things thatI've tried to instate was a few
weeks before school.
We take that and I mean peoplethat are better at these things
do it the whole summer, but if Ican get in a few weeks before
school, get them to their schoolschedule.
(11:57):
As far as their sleep schedulefor school, yes, we're going to
get to that their food schedulefor school and come up with a
system routine yes, no matterhow simple it is.
Every night, we brush our teethwhile I'm playing this song,
this song and your teethbrushing, and then you take your
(12:18):
chewable vitamins and we walkdown the hall and tap this wall
and do this just so that theystart cueing their brains.
This is the routine.
Start to get sleepy, start todo that and the same thing in
the morning.
I actually have to deal with myADHD.
I have a playlist that is allreally upbeat.
(12:41):
The beats per minute are higherthan resting heart rate.
Waking you up, yes, but everysong is exactly five minutes
long, because I have a reallybad time blindness.
So when my husband goes to work, he's like you got three songs
before you have to be out thedoor, and so if you told me 15
minutes, I would say sure, andthen, 45 minutes later, be like
(13:02):
is it 15 minutes yet?
Right, but I can sense thepassage of songs, so so that's
part of my routine.
As soon as I hear one of thesongs on that playlist, I know
that my brain and my body startto wake up, so I do that.
Then I go immediately and brushmy teeth, and it can be the
smallest things.
It's also an opportunity reallyto make some family traditions.
(13:27):
That are maybe the smallestthing, oh yeah, that's neat.
Like every night, I give mylittle girl butterfly kisses on
the cheek, and then we go to bed.
So make those things part of theculture of your home and part
of your bonding practices,because even the most prickly of
kids I've shared quite oftenwhere my son has reactive
(13:48):
attachment disorder and he hesuspects I might be at the
bottom of every world warsomewhere.
It was my fault so I'm not hisfavorite.
So finding ways to connect withhim and and habituating that
into a daily routine issomething that helps.
It also keeps them emotionally.
(14:10):
It helps keep constants whentheir world's about to flip into
a new grade.
We've got some constants foryou.
We still do this every night,we still wash the dishes, we
play this song while you'regetting your pajamas on and
anytime.
You can link those routines tothe five senses.
That just makes it stronger.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
Oh, yeah, for sure, especially that sense of smell.
Sometimes we forget to leavethat one out, but it can be
really powerful too for likesleep.
Speaker 3 (14:39):
Well, especially junior high boys, the sense of
smell as a whole.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
Why do they smell like onions?
Thank you so much for joiningus for part one of three of our
discussion on back-to-schoolstressors and unique tips to
thrive and survive.
In this first part, we talkedabout the importance of
communication with teachers,staying positive through the
anxiety and establishingschedules and routines.
In our next episode, we willtalk about the empowering of
(15:08):
ourselves and our children totackle the upcoming year.
Thank you for watching andlistening.
We'll see you soon.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
This program is made possible by friends and partners
of the Special Parent Podcast.
For more information and tojoin our mailing list, visit
specialparentorg.
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