Ever wondered how to choose the best educational setting for your special needs child and navigate the often daunting world of Individual Education Plans (IEPs) and 504 plans? Join Dr. Deanna Iverson as she empowers you with critical insights and practical advice to make informed decisions for your child's education journey. Discover the nuances of private, charter, and public schools, and learn how to identify institutions that may attempt to limit necessary accommodations. Dr. Iverson emphasizes your pivotal role in the IEP process and demonstrates effective collaboration strategies with your educational team to ensure your child's unique strengths and challenges are fully supported.
Effective communication with educators is essential for managing homework and school interactions, especially for children with special needs. Dr. Iverson shares invaluable strategies to build strong relationships with your child's school team, stressing the importance of collaboration over apologies for your child's behavior. You'll also gain insights on involving therapists and special education advocates, and understand why accommodations are not unfair advantages but essential tools for equal access to education. The power of appreciation in fostering positive relationships with educators and connecting with fellow special education parents is also highlighted, offering a supportive community to enhance your advocacy efforts. Tune in for actionable insights and heartwarming stories that will support you every step of the way.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This program is made possible by friends and partners
of the Special Parent Podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
I believe that empowering parents of special
needs children is like givingthem the superpower of
unconditional love andunbreakable determination.
They are not just parents, theyare true champions, shaping a
bright future for theirincredible children.
I'm Dr Deanna Iverson and I'mglad you're here.
I'm Dr Deanna Iverson and I'mglad you're here.
Welcome to the Special ParentPodcast.
(00:30):
This is Dr Deanna Iverson, andI'm really glad that you're here
with me today.
Have you ever struggled tounderstand your child's IEP,
which is your individualeducation plan, or know what
your role is in the meeting?
Well, I'm here to help youunderstand some pieces of that.
There are many educationoptions for your children that
range from private schools,charter schools and public
(00:53):
schools.
I know for my son, my husbandand I have toured several
different schools to try tofigure out what is the right
place for him, what's going tohelp him grow and develop and
thrive as a child and into beinga young adult.
In the future, I will beinterviewing individuals from
(01:13):
each of these areas to discusshow disabilities can be serviced
in each setting, so please lookfor those upcoming episodes.
The best schools out there maynot be the best school or the
best fit for your child, andthat's based upon the needs that
your child has.
So we have to look at eachschool not for the merits that
it offers everybody out there,and not for its achievements or
(01:36):
its flags that it hangs on thewall.
We need to look at what is thisschool going to do for my child
?
Children with disabilities canreceive services in the United
States using what they call a504 or an IEP, an individual
education plan.
This decision is individuallybased.
It's based on the child's needsand the team of people that
(01:59):
come together to make thedecision.
Both of these the 504 and theIEP provide accommodations and
modifications.
Please look for my episode onthe specifics of 504s, ieps,
their similarities, differencesand your rights.
That's going to be a separateone.
So one thing to be aware of,though, as you're looking for
(02:20):
schools, is any school thatwants to have you come in and
they want to do what we call ascrub of the IEP or the 504.
In other words, they want toreduce it down.
Oh well, you know what, we'lltake care of things.
Or oh no, no, we got you, don'tneed that in there.
Anything that wants to do thatis usually the best interest of
the school and not the bestinterest of your child, so be
(02:44):
careful and mindful of those andwatch out for them.
Today's main topic is workingwith your educational team,
understanding what it is thatyour role is as the parent in
this IEP process.
I'm going to talk a lot moreabout IEPs, but pretty much
everything can be doubled as 504talk to.
There was a topic that wasgiven in one of the books that
(03:06):
I'm reading, the book calledEverything.
No One Tells you AboutParenting a Disabled Child.
One of the quotes in there iswe may be paddling up the same
river, but not in the same boator paddling with the same
equipment.
This analogy basically meansthat your child can learn, all
(03:27):
of our children can learn.
It's what they learn, how theylearn and how quickly or much
they will learn.
And each team member of yourteam is in this riverboat with
you and they all bring somethingdifferent, including you, mom,
dad.
You bring something veryimportant to this role and to
(03:48):
this team.
Every person on the team has adifferent and valuable set of
skills and knowledge to bring tothe table.
You.
You are the expert on yourchild.
They should be and I put thatin quotes they should be the
expert on services and academics.
That's what the education teamis for.
They are for servicing yourchild's educational needs while
(04:13):
accommodating for some healthneeds that they may also have.
So if you're hearing impaired,if you even have restroom issues
, if you have physical needs,they are part of all of that.
Shoes, if you have physicalneeds, they are part of all of
that.
So, step number one comeprepared to every meeting with a
list of strengths andchallenges that you perceive at
(04:33):
home and at school.
Talk about, be prepared withspecific examples about how
homework or schoolwork orsocially, your child is being
impacted.
So is homework a good or a badthing in your house?
How does it?
How long do you take?
What is your child acting likeduring it?
(04:53):
For example, when my son bringshomework home, he is very
fixated In his mind.
He knows exactly what theteacher told him to do and he is
very fixated and he will insiston doing it his way, no matter
how correct it is.
He will insist on finishing it,even if he's been told to stop,
(05:17):
because part of our agreementis he only works on homework for
a certain amount of time andthen he stops and whatever he
got done they work with the nextday.
He won't stop, but then we endup him now having behavior
problems as the night goes on.
So we've had to tweak and adaptexactly what it means when
homework comes home for him.
(05:39):
You are part of this team, soyou bring this to the table.
What does it look like at homefor homework?
When you talk about schoolwork,what do you hear and see and
why?
When you talk about socialskills and social systems at
school, what do you hear and see?
So bring this as well as a listof strengths and challenges
you're having to every meeting.
(05:59):
How decisions and expectationsare impacting the home
environment is important for theschool team to know.
Don't apologize.
This is a hard one.
I've had to do this before.
Don't apologize for your childif they're challenging the
teacher or any staff member.
Emphasize this instead.
I can see that this isfrustrating for you and I will
(06:22):
be talking to my child about it.
How can we support each otherwith making changes?
I know that sounds super uberpolitical.
However, you are working withthis team and your child goes
there every day to them, so yourkey number one goal is to keep
that relationship tight.
(06:43):
There is no reason for you toapologize for your child's
behavior, but there is a reasonfor you to say, hey, I recognize
this behavior is causingfrustration in the environment
that he's in and I want to helpyou.
However, I'm not at school withyou, so what can we be doing
here?
What is it you need at schoolto be more successful?
And then, how can I help fromat home?
(07:04):
Because sometimes, if we're notgoing to be there, there's not
a lot that we can do to helpeven from the home environment,
because things don't alwayscarry over With special needs
children.
What happened in the morning at10 am, getting punished in the
evening at 5 pm is not going tobe effective for a lot of
children.
So we have to make sure wecommunicate with the school
(07:25):
about what the expectation isfor them to tell us and then for
us to do with it.
So think about that.
Another way to respond is Iunderstand what you're saying
and I definitely plan to talk tohis therapist or his provider
about strategies that I can doto help the school and home.
(07:45):
Again, to help the school andhome.
Therapists and providers anddoctors do have some suggestions
that can help at school too.
I always would circle back ifyou know that there's a problem
and you've said, hey, I'm goingto check into something, I'm
going to talk to my child.
I would circle back with themwithin a few days to a week or
two and say I have done thefollowing how are things
(08:10):
improving at school?
Please let me know what youguys have done and what results
you're seeing.
If you feel emotional orstruggle with communication with
these educators, considerconsulting an advocate.
A friend or family member is agood person for you to talk to,
but an advocate who's veryfamiliar with special education
(08:32):
laws and rights is or even aprevious educator, is going to
be on your team.
They're going to know what itis the school can and cannot do,
because sometimes the schoolwill tell you they can't do
something and that's becausethey don't want to.
So they're going to tell youwhat the school can and cannot
do.
They're going to make sure topush for the things the school
(08:53):
can do to help your child ifthat is in the best interest of
your child.
So if you're feeling emotionaland you're struggling with your
communication you're strugglingto get what's best for your kid
I highly suggest talking to aspecial ed advocate.
I am going to have actually anupcoming episode where I
interview an advocate.
So please look for that episodeand we'll be able to get you a
(09:13):
lot more information on that.
Another tip on this one is itdoes help to see the SPED
teacher as a human, just as youare as a parent.
They're not perfect either.
They're not going to make everydecision.
That's a hundred percent right.
They have 15 plus kids in aclassroom and they're trying to
work for the special needs ofevery child.
So when you can give them graceand another chance, sometimes
(09:37):
it helps them stay more calm andwork harder for your child
because they feel that peace,that communication and that
acceptance from you too.
So that's a good place to startas you move along this path of
working with educators.
Another thing to think about Isee this with a lot of educators
that are more in the general edpopulation.
(09:58):
They start seeingaccommodations as extras or
advantages.
We actually had during an IEPmeeting.
We actually had someone say tous well, if I give that to your
son, how is that fair to theother children?
I was really grateful in thatmoment for my SPED advocate,
(10:18):
because I don't know if you'veseen the movie where the anger
guy and like fire comes out ofhis head and it's straight up
and down.
That was me.
Fire was coming out of my head.
I was like what?
And my advocate just took overand it helps.
It helps me not lose it andoverreact and it helped the
(10:41):
meeting flow that I had thatadvocate there.
Accommodations are not extra,accommodations are not
advantages.
Accommodations are there toprovide equal access equal
access to the curriculum and,yes, you're going to have to
remind teachers of this.
So sometimes, before we go intothese IEP meetings, we might
(11:01):
want to have like a littleelevator talk about what
accommodations and modificationsreally mean.
And this is more seen if yourchild is in any general
education classes.
Maybe they're in co-talkclasses or classes with a
general ed teacher who hasn'tbeen trained as much as to why
children need accommodations andhow those accommodations are
helpful, not enabling they arehelping.
(11:24):
So just something to beprepared with.
Or it might be something that anelevator talk 30 second speech
you want to have for the nexttime you're out and you're at a
business dinner and someonementioned something that might
have happened.
We've been at dinner with somefriends and I mentioned, oh yeah
, he needed extra time on thatassignment and someone said,
(11:46):
well, if you give him extra time, then doesn't that mean that he
should have his grade taken offfor that?
And I was like, well, no,that's part of his
accommodations.
Well, everyone else didn't getextra time and I needed to be
prepared and I wasn't in thatmoment because I didn't expect
the conversation with friends,so expect it A little elevator
(12:09):
speech on how accommodations arenot an advantage, they're
creating inequality, they'recreating equity, and
accommodations and modificationsdo that and we need to be ready
to prepare.
We need to be prepared, excuseme, to educate others on how
that happens.
Any and all paperwork on yourchild is a living document, so
(12:31):
keep that in mind.
With IEPs and 504s is that ifyou had a meeting in September
and something's not working,come November you can call
another meeting and say I thinkwe need to revisit this.
We need to revisit this, weneed to add an accommodation, we
need to change something.
We need to possibly even lookat changing the way that the
(12:58):
assignments are given to ourchild or the way that a certain
teacher addresses our child,because that teacher is
triggering and it shuts my childdown or excites my child and
causes them to explode.
It is a living document.
It is not set in stone and itcan change as needed for your
child.
So remember that you have theright to call another meeting,
regardless of timing.
(13:19):
All staff that work with yourchild should respect your child
and your child's needs.
As we as parents know, not alldisabilities are obvious, and
there's been many times with myolder son that we have had
someone say he doesn't lookautistic.
I'm like, well thanks, but Idon't really know what autism
(13:40):
looks like.
It's not a look, it'sbehavioral and neurological.
So let's talk about what thatmeans.
And that happens even withteachers.
They can be doing well for awhile and then something can
trigger your child and theydon't do well and the teacher
goes well.
They just have to learn to dealwith that disappointment.
Well, no, but there's somethingthat happened that caused that.
(14:01):
So it's not dealing withdisappointment, it's dealing
with a disability.
So we have to sometimes helpeducate, and that can be
exhausting I know I've done it.
And then there are times thatit can be ineffective if you
don't have outside help, andthat's why I highly suggest
consulting an advocate.
So here's some tips and tricksBefore considering removing your
(14:33):
child to any school, tour theschool and come with specific
questions related to your child.
Talk to them specifically aboutwhat is in the IEP 504 special
education document.
Be prepared to talk about yourchild's strengths and challenges
during every single meeting.
Bring your own list, but demandthat out of others.
A lot of times, when teachersstart talking, they jump
immediately to the things thatare wrong or they go ditto
(14:54):
that's what someone else said.
Say, I would like to hearsomething good that's going on
in your classroom and give me anexample, please, of something,
a way that you found works forhim, something that worked.
Or give me an example ofsomething that's not working so
I can help with that.
Consider having a friend or anadvocate help you communicate.
(15:17):
This is one of the ones I loveBelieve 50% of what you hear and
hopefully teachers will believe50% of what they hear.
We know that stories get mixedup in between.
So when your child comes homewith a story, start with okay,
thank you so much for telling methat.
(15:38):
And then go to the school andask for their side of the story,
without giving up too much ofyours.
Just ask for theirs, and thenyou can start to work out what's
in between.
Recognizing both parties inthis are human and the
partnership and keeping lines ofcommunication open and
respectful is what's going to bebest for your child.
(15:59):
If you or the team want to tryan intervention, go for it.
Try it.
Then, after a few weeks, meetagain to reevaluate IEPs and
504s can be revisited as much asnecessary.
So make sure that if you thinkan intervention will be
successful or help, or if theteam does, even if you're not
(16:20):
sure if it'll be helpful, let'stry it and then say, okay, but
I'd like to reconvene in threeweeks or four weeks or whatever
the timeframe is.
That will work for checking andthen we'll know if it's working
.
Foster relationships witheducators and all staff by
spoiling them.
I do advocate for spoiling them, even if you're not a fan of
theirs, even if you don't feelthat they've done the best in
(16:43):
the world for your child.
Sometimes just showing themthat little bit of appreciation
pushes them to work a little bitharder and they recognize and
they remember that when the timecomes.
Finally, get to know other SPEDparents, especially ones that
attend the school that yourchild is going to go to.
We learn so much from eachother's experiences as special
(17:05):
needs parents.
That is what we have.
That is our gift to each other.
Our experiences, our stories,our triumphs and our failures.
These are our gifts to eachother.
We can learn from them and wecan use them as stepping stones
so that each interaction we havegoing forward gets a little bit
better.
Thank you so much for joiningme today.
(17:27):
As you've heard, there's goingto be several more episodes
about education and how we, asspecial needs parents, can learn
what are the rights of ourchild and the differences of
what's happening within thateducation system.
So I look forward to seeing youagain.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
Please reach out on my website, specialparentorg and
let me know if there isanything that you need.
This program is made possibleby friends and partners of the
Special Parent Podcast.
For more information and tojoin our mailing list, visit
specialparentorg.
This program is made possible by friends and partners
of the Special Parent Podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
I believe that empowering parents of special
needs children is like givingthem the superpower of
unconditional love andunbreakable determination.
They are not just parents, theyare true champions, shaping a
bright future for theirincredible children.
I'm Dr Deanna Iverson and I'mglad you're here.
I'm Dr Deanna Iverson and I'mglad you're here.
Welcome to the Special ParentPodcast.
(00:30):
This is Dr Deanna Iverson, andI'm really glad that you're here
with me today.
Have you ever struggled tounderstand your child's IEP,
which is your individualeducation plan, or know what
your role is in the meeting?
Well, I'm here to help youunderstand some pieces of that.
There are many educationoptions for your children that
range from private schools,charter schools and public
(00:53):
schools.
I know for my son, my husbandand I have toured several
different schools to try tofigure out what is the right
place for him, what's going tohelp him grow and develop and
thrive as a child and into beinga young adult.
In the future, I will beinterviewing individuals from
(01:13):
each of these areas to discusshow disabilities can be serviced
in each setting, so please lookfor those upcoming episodes.
The best schools out there maynot be the best school or the
best fit for your child, andthat's based upon the needs that
your child has.
So we have to look at eachschool not for the merits that
it offers everybody out there,and not for its achievements or
(01:36):
its flags that it hangs on thewall.
We need to look at what is thisschool going to do for my child
?
Children with disabilities canreceive services in the United
States using what they call a504 or an IEP, an individual
education plan.
This decision is individuallybased.
It's based on the child's needsand the team of people that
(01:59):
come together to make thedecision.
Both of these the 504 and theIEP provide accommodations and
modifications.
Please look for my episode onthe specifics of 504s, ieps,
their similarities, differencesand your rights.
That's going to be a separateone.
So one thing to be aware of,though, as you're looking for
(02:20):
schools, is any school thatwants to have you come in and
they want to do what we call ascrub of the IEP or the 504.
In other words, they want toreduce it down.
Oh well, you know what, we'lltake care of things.
Or oh no, no, we got you, don'tneed that in there.
Anything that wants to do thatis usually the best interest of
the school and not the bestinterest of your child, so be
(02:44):
careful and mindful of those andwatch out for them.
Today's main topic is workingwith your educational team,
understanding what it is thatyour role is as the parent in
this IEP process.
I'm going to talk a lot moreabout IEPs, but pretty much
everything can be doubled as 504talk to.
There was a topic that wasgiven in one of the books that
(03:06):
I'm reading, the book calledEverything.
No One Tells you AboutParenting a Disabled Child.
One of the quotes in there iswe may be paddling up the same
river, but not in the same boator paddling with the same
equipment.
This analogy basically meansthat your child can learn, all
(03:27):
of our children can learn.
It's what they learn, how theylearn and how quickly or much
they will learn.
And each team member of yourteam is in this riverboat with
you and they all bring somethingdifferent, including you, mom,
dad.
You bring something veryimportant to this role and to
(03:48):
this team.
Every person on the team has adifferent and valuable set of
skills and knowledge to bring tothe table.
You.
You are the expert on yourchild.
They should be and I put thatin quotes they should be the
expert on services and academics.
That's what the education teamis for.
They are for servicing yourchild's educational needs while
(04:13):
accommodating for some healthneeds that they may also have.
So if you're hearing impaired,if you even have restroom issues
, if you have physical needs,they are part of all of that.
Shoes, if you have physicalneeds, they are part of all of
that.
So, step number one comeprepared to every meeting with a
list of strengths andchallenges that you perceive at
(04:33):
home and at school.
Talk about, be prepared withspecific examples about how
homework or schoolwork orsocially, your child is being
impacted.
So is homework a good or a badthing in your house?
How does it?
How long do you take?
What is your child acting likeduring it?
(04:53):
For example, when my son bringshomework home, he is very
fixated In his mind.
He knows exactly what theteacher told him to do and he is
very fixated and he will insiston doing it his way, no matter
how correct it is.
He will insist on finishing it,even if he's been told to stop,
(05:17):
because part of our agreementis he only works on homework for
a certain amount of time andthen he stops and whatever he
got done they work with the nextday.
He won't stop, but then we endup him now having behavior
problems as the night goes on.
So we've had to tweak and adaptexactly what it means when
homework comes home for him.
(05:39):
You are part of this team, soyou bring this to the table.
What does it look like at homefor homework?
When you talk about schoolwork,what do you hear and see and
why?
When you talk about socialskills and social systems at
school, what do you hear and see?
So bring this as well as a listof strengths and challenges
you're having to every meeting.
(05:59):
How decisions and expectationsare impacting the home
environment is important for theschool team to know.
Don't apologize.
This is a hard one.
I've had to do this before.
Don't apologize for your childif they're challenging the
teacher or any staff member.
Emphasize this instead.
I can see that this isfrustrating for you and I will
(06:22):
be talking to my child about it.
How can we support each otherwith making changes?
I know that sounds super uberpolitical.
However, you are working withthis team and your child goes
there every day to them, so yourkey number one goal is to keep
that relationship tight.
(06:43):
There is no reason for you toapologize for your child's
behavior, but there is a reasonfor you to say, hey, I recognize
this behavior is causingfrustration in the environment
that he's in and I want to helpyou.
However, I'm not at school withyou, so what can we be doing
here?
What is it you need at schoolto be more successful?
And then, how can I help fromat home?
(07:04):
Because sometimes, if we're notgoing to be there, there's not
a lot that we can do to helpeven from the home environment,
because things don't alwayscarry over With special needs
children.
What happened in the morning at10 am, getting punished in the
evening at 5 pm is not going tobe effective for a lot of
children.
So we have to make sure wecommunicate with the school
(07:25):
about what the expectation isfor them to tell us and then for
us to do with it.
So think about that.
Another way to respond is Iunderstand what you're saying
and I definitely plan to talk tohis therapist or his provider
about strategies that I can doto help the school and home.
(07:45):
Again, to help the school andhome.
Therapists and providers anddoctors do have some suggestions
that can help at school too.
I always would circle back ifyou know that there's a problem
and you've said, hey, I'm goingto check into something, I'm
going to talk to my child.
I would circle back with themwithin a few days to a week or
two and say I have done thefollowing how are things
(08:10):
improving at school?
Please let me know what youguys have done and what results
you're seeing.
If you feel emotional orstruggle with communication with
these educators, considerconsulting an advocate.
A friend or family member is agood person for you to talk to,
but an advocate who's veryfamiliar with special education
(08:32):
laws and rights is or even aprevious educator, is going to
be on your team.
They're going to know what itis the school can and cannot do,
because sometimes the schoolwill tell you they can't do
something and that's becausethey don't want to.
So they're going to tell youwhat the school can and cannot
do.
They're going to make sure topush for the things the school
(08:53):
can do to help your child ifthat is in the best interest of
your child.
So if you're feeling emotionaland you're struggling with your
communication you're strugglingto get what's best for your kid
I highly suggest talking to aspecial ed advocate.
I am going to have actually anupcoming episode where I
interview an advocate.
So please look for that episodeand we'll be able to get you a
(09:13):
lot more information on that.
Another tip on this one is itdoes help to see the SPED
teacher as a human, just as youare as a parent.
They're not perfect either.
They're not going to make everydecision.
That's a hundred percent right.
They have 15 plus kids in aclassroom and they're trying to
work for the special needs ofevery child.
So when you can give them graceand another chance, sometimes
(09:37):
it helps them stay more calm andwork harder for your child
because they feel that peace,that communication and that
acceptance from you too.
So that's a good place to startas you move along this path of
working with educators.
Another thing to think about Isee this with a lot of educators
that are more in the general edpopulation.
(09:58):
They start seeingaccommodations as extras or
advantages.
We actually had during an IEPmeeting.
We actually had someone say tous well, if I give that to your
son, how is that fair to theother children?
I was really grateful in thatmoment for my SPED advocate,
(10:18):
because I don't know if you'veseen the movie where the anger
guy and like fire comes out ofhis head and it's straight up
and down.
That was me.
Fire was coming out of my head.
I was like what?
And my advocate just took overand it helps.
It helps me not lose it andoverreact and it helped the
(10:41):
meeting flow that I had thatadvocate there.
Accommodations are not extra,accommodations are not
advantages.
Accommodations are there toprovide equal access equal
access to the curriculum and,yes, you're going to have to
remind teachers of this.
So sometimes, before we go intothese IEP meetings, we might
(11:01):
want to have like a littleelevator talk about what
accommodations and modificationsreally mean.
And this is more seen if yourchild is in any general
education classes.
Maybe they're in co-talkclasses or classes with a
general ed teacher who hasn'tbeen trained as much as to why
children need accommodations andhow those accommodations are
helpful, not enabling they arehelping.
(11:24):
So just something to beprepared with.
Or it might be something that anelevator talk 30 second speech
you want to have for the nexttime you're out and you're at a
business dinner and someonementioned something that might
have happened.
We've been at dinner with somefriends and I mentioned, oh yeah
, he needed extra time on thatassignment and someone said,
(11:46):
well, if you give him extra time, then doesn't that mean that he
should have his grade taken offfor that?
And I was like, well, no,that's part of his
accommodations.
Well, everyone else didn't getextra time and I needed to be
prepared and I wasn't in thatmoment because I didn't expect
the conversation with friends,so expect it A little elevator
(12:09):
speech on how accommodations arenot an advantage, they're
creating inequality, they'recreating equity, and
accommodations and modificationsdo that and we need to be ready
to prepare.
We need to be prepared, excuseme, to educate others on how
that happens.
Any and all paperwork on yourchild is a living document, so
(12:31):
keep that in mind.
With IEPs and 504s is that ifyou had a meeting in September
and something's not working,come November you can call
another meeting and say I thinkwe need to revisit this.
We need to revisit this, weneed to add an accommodation, we
need to change something.
We need to possibly even lookat changing the way that the
(12:58):
assignments are given to ourchild or the way that a certain
teacher addresses our child,because that teacher is
triggering and it shuts my childdown or excites my child and
causes them to explode.
It is a living document.
It is not set in stone and itcan change as needed for your
child.
So remember that you have theright to call another meeting,
regardless of timing.
(13:19):
All staff that work with yourchild should respect your child
and your child's needs.
As we as parents know, not alldisabilities are obvious, and
there's been many times with myolder son that we have had
someone say he doesn't lookautistic.
I'm like, well thanks, but Idon't really know what autism
(13:40):
looks like.
It's not a look, it'sbehavioral and neurological.
So let's talk about what thatmeans.
And that happens even withteachers.
They can be doing well for awhile and then something can
trigger your child and theydon't do well and the teacher
goes well.
They just have to learn to dealwith that disappointment.
Well, no, but there's somethingthat happened that caused that.
(14:01):
So it's not dealing withdisappointment, it's dealing
with a disability.
So we have to sometimes helpeducate, and that can be
exhausting I know I've done it.
And then there are times thatit can be ineffective if you
don't have outside help, andthat's why I highly suggest
consulting an advocate.
So here's some tips and tricksBefore considering removing your
(14:33):
child to any school, tour theschool and come with specific
questions related to your child.
Talk to them specifically aboutwhat is in the IEP 504 special
education document.
Be prepared to talk about yourchild's strengths and challenges
during every single meeting.
Bring your own list, but demandthat out of others.
A lot of times, when teachersstart talking, they jump
immediately to the things thatare wrong or they go ditto
(14:54):
that's what someone else said.
Say, I would like to hearsomething good that's going on
in your classroom and give me anexample, please, of something,
a way that you found works forhim, something that worked.
Or give me an example ofsomething that's not working so
I can help with that.
Consider having a friend or anadvocate help you communicate.
(15:17):
This is one of the ones I loveBelieve 50% of what you hear and
hopefully teachers will believe50% of what they hear.
We know that stories get mixedup in between.
So when your child comes homewith a story, start with okay,
thank you so much for telling methat.
(15:38):
And then go to the school andask for their side of the story,
without giving up too much ofyours.
Just ask for theirs, and thenyou can start to work out what's
in between.
Recognizing both parties inthis are human and the
partnership and keeping lines ofcommunication open and
respectful is what's going to bebest for your child.
(15:59):
If you or the team want to tryan intervention, go for it.
Try it.
Then, after a few weeks, meetagain to reevaluate IEPs and
504s can be revisited as much asnecessary.
So make sure that if you thinkan intervention will be
successful or help, or if theteam does, even if you're not
(16:20):
sure if it'll be helpful, let'stry it and then say, okay, but
I'd like to reconvene in threeweeks or four weeks or whatever
the timeframe is.
That will work for checking andthen we'll know if it's working
.
Foster relationships witheducators and all staff by
spoiling them.
I do advocate for spoiling them, even if you're not a fan of
theirs, even if you don't feelthat they've done the best in
(16:43):
the world for your child.
Sometimes just showing themthat little bit of appreciation
pushes them to work a little bitharder and they recognize and
they remember that when the timecomes.
Finally, get to know other SPEDparents, especially ones that
attend the school that yourchild is going to go to.
We learn so much from eachother's experiences as special
(17:05):
needs parents.
That is what we have.
That is our gift to each other.
Our experiences, our stories,our triumphs and our failures.
These are our gifts to eachother.
We can learn from them and wecan use them as stepping stones
so that each interaction we havegoing forward gets a little bit
better.
Thank you so much for joiningme today.
(17:27):
As you've heard, there's goingto be several more episodes
about education and how we, asspecial needs parents, can learn
what are the rights of ourchild and the differences of
what's happening within thateducation system.
So I look forward to seeing youagain.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
Please reach out on my website, specialparentorg and
let me know if there isanything that you need.
This program is made possibleby friends and partners of the
Special Parent Podcast.
For more information and tojoin our mailing list, visit
specialparentorg.
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