September 6, 2025 • 53 mins
Do you find yourself creating elaborate stories about what your partner thinks, needs, or expects from you? If so, you're not alone. In this deeply personal exploration of relationship dynamics, we dive into the complex world of overthinking and outdated expectations that plague even the most self-aware among us.
Dr. Jenny bravely shares her ongoing struggle with the concept of "wifely duties" – that invisible checklist of responsibilities she was taught would keep her relationship secure. From preparing food to fulfilling sexual obligations, these internalized beliefs continue to affect her despite years of studying human behavior and patterns. This revelation launches us into a powerful conversation about how these outdated paradigms limit authentic connection.
We challenge the traditional relationship model where one person feels obligated to serve the other, replacing it with a revolutionary perspective: your partner doesn't need you – they choose you. This subtle but profound shift transforms relationships from obligation to freedom. When you understand that someone actively chooses to be with you every day, it changes how you approach every interaction.
The most liberating relationship secret we've discovered? Stop creating scenarios in your head about how things "should" look. Those mental stories, usually based on outdated beliefs or fears, create bottlenecks that prevent you from experiencing the full potential of your partnership. Instead, we offer practical strategies for recognizing when you're overthinking, communicating effectively about your concerns, and embracing the freedom to be your authentic self.
Whether you're struggling with gender role expectations, feeling resentful about relationship "duties," or simply wanting to build a more authentic connection, this episode provides both the validation and tools you need. Ready to drop the relationship baggage you've been carrying? Listen now, and discover what becomes possible when you choose freedom over obligation in your relationships.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
Hello.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Hello everybody, welcome back to the Spiritual
Grind.
We are here again for yourlistening pleasure.
Good morning.
Should I give you the deep tonevoice?
Speaker 1 (00:40):
Should I?
Should I stare?
Should I go?
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Oh my goodness, what just happened.
Should I, should I stay orshould I go?
Oh my goodness, what justhappened.
I think my earphones are off.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
That sure sounded like Dr Jenny singing.
Oh, anyway, life is a bigmusical in my head it is you
know what life is?
Life is fun, life is fun.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
Life is a big musical in my head.
It is.
You know what life is?
Life is fun.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Life is fun.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
Life is fun, which brings me to my topic today.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
Indeed.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
Do you overthink life ?
Speaker 1 (01:16):
Of course you know I do girl.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
You know, we had the coffee talk this morning a
little bit and when I ran to thestore and on my way back I was
sitting there because I had tostand in line forever because of
the Powerball drawing.
Oh my God, it's like 1.6billion and I was trying to get
our Powerball ticket and therewas like 40 people in line Right
.
It was insanity.
Because it was right at lunch,of course, I decided to go to
(01:44):
the store at lunch.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
Right right.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
So while I was standing there in line, I was
thinking about our conversationthis morning and how, even us,
after so many years of doingthis, reading, studying, you
know, humanistic sciences andworking with people and
understanding human beliefs andpatterns and programs we still
(02:12):
overthink too.
Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
I mean, that's the thing that I try to do every
time we sit down at thesemicrophones is keep it genuine,
man.
We are not some fucking gurusthat got it all figured out.
Speak for yourself.
We're just doing the same thingyou guys are doing out there,
(02:34):
which is trying to figure it outthe best way we can, each and
every day.
Whenever the shit sandwichcomes up and you gotta deal,
deal with it.
I'm no different.
This morning's topic was all inmy baseball field.
It was all about that garbagethat I'm mucking around in.
(03:00):
Feel free to share.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
Overthinking it Overthinking.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
We'll share Dr Jenny's overthinking, and it
makes no fucking logical sense.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
I'm going to have to bleep that out.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
And we have.
You don't have to bleep it out,we have anyway.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
Well, it just aggravates me, just like it
would any other human.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
Yeah, you know Dr Jenny's thing that she's talking
about is she was raised in anenvironment to where women were
taught A they have to take careof their man and B they have
certain specific duties thatthey have to fulfill to A keep
their man happy and B be loved.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
Yeah, the wifely duties.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
Yeah, the wifely duties, yeah, the wifely duties.
And chores.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
And the stupid thing is I don't even know.
I had such a weird upbringing.
I don't even know.
I can't really even pinpointwhere all that bullshit came
from, because my mom, on aregular basis, was not in the
picture.
So, I didn't have like aparental template to really work
(04:05):
from and I spent a lot of timeat my grandparents' houses and
they were still married to theirspouse of many, many, many
years and neither one of thoserelationships were really
healthy.
They had one set ofgrandparents that didn't like
(04:25):
each other, um, and so they wentto opposite ends of the world.
Basically every day he went tothe farm and she stayed at home
and played with us grandkids andthat was kind of their life,
but they slept in separate beds.
They, they still got inarguments, heavy, heated
(04:46):
arguments.
If she wanted to go dancing,like at the VFW, she took me,
not him.
When I got older, yeah.
And then on the other side of it, the other grandparents, like
she, cooked and cleaned and didall the housework and he went to
(05:07):
the shop and welded because hewas a welder but she nagged his
ass up one side and down theother.
She was a very devoutpentecostal and we went to
church every time those damndoors were open.
And at home it was the 700 clubplaying on the tv constantly
nuts until it was time forwhat's that?
(05:30):
What's that, bob barker?
oh price is right oh yeah, rightprice is right.
And then in the evening it waswill of fortune yeah, six
o'clock she would nag his assabout.
He liked to drink beer.
He smoked Camel cigarettes withno filter, constantly on his
ass about both of those thingsand as the oldest grandchild who
(05:56):
everybody wanted to be a boy, Iended up inadvertently taking
on that tomboy persona.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
So I would spend most of my days out in the shop with
him learning how to weld, doingboy things.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
So I don't even know where that came from, I mean,
the closest.
I can come to is mygrandparents' relationships and
watching those.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
Yeah, well, you know, and there's probably a lot of
listeners that hear this and andeverybody needs to hear we've
actually kind of touched on alittle bit over the over the
course of the last year on ourpodcast.
But when you overthink thingslike, for example and I will use
abundance or money- actuallyActually use sex.
Speaker 1 (06:44):
Use sex, use my example, okay.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
And so.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
Dr Jenny was taught, I think.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
I'm going to use abundance.
I like that example better.
So in the money-wise situation,when you're overthinking life,
you have a tendency yes, wecreate our reality.
Yes, we are in what we put out.
Energy wise, we get back.
That is all what I want, thatring thing, oh um, that is all
(07:20):
part of our spiritual beliefs inour living and that's how we
live.
But the big part of that that alot of people get confused is
in the process of creating theirreality.
They have a tendency to createscenarios of stuff they know
nothing about or they shouldn'teven be creating.
(07:41):
So they're building anexpectation on what the reality
is supposed to be and don't evenreally know what it's supposed
to be, and so you create abottleneck and right so you
create, uh, the story or thepicture, just so I can reconfirm
what you're talking about, yeah, of what it should look like in
(08:04):
your head, and thatinadvertently creates a
situation where you're not onlynot allowing that version to
come in, but you're not allowingan expanded version of that, if
it were to be.
Right, it's a very limitingpractice.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
Yeah, I agree.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
When you get to a spot, to where you are creating
scenarios in your head of howsomething should look.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
And then hanging on to that, and then hanging on to
that With a death grip.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
Yeah, we're hanging.
You know, I see people do it injobs, I see people do it in
life, I see people do it inrelationships, in money, in sex,
in whatever.
They create this scenario intheir head of how they want
their reality to look in thisspecific topic.
And it is okay to have beliefsand patterns and program that
create that reality.
(08:54):
But it's not okay, when you putparameters or expectations on
that reality to look this way,because you put it out there in
the world and you create yourreality.
You have to let it go.
You know, you have to be okaywith either way, for when it
happens, whatever happens,because you don't know the steps
by which you're going to getthere.
You know we don't gonna guess,we have crystal balls in our
(09:17):
world, but when you you don'thave anything that's going to
tell you a if I do this, this isgoing to happen, and then
that's going to happen, and thenthat's going to tell you a if I
do this, this is going tohappen, and then that's going to
happen, and then that's goingto happen and this is going to
happen.
All we do is we say listen, Iwant to get here.
Spirit, take the wheel yeah andwhen you start creating those
scenarios in your head, it can.
That are there.
(09:38):
Those scenarios are based offyour beliefs, patterns and
programs.
Right and when you?
When you do that, when yourbeliefs are not in the right
place for where you are now, youknow like your belief of you
have wifely chores.
Otherwise I'm not going to behappy.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
Well, yeah, and that's something that came up
for me is to give you guysinsight on what he's talking
about In my definition of beinga good wife.
Air quote what baggage stilllived there is if I don't
provide my man with sex as awifely duty, he's going to go
(10:18):
somewhere else to get it.
I'm still, after all theseyears, I'm still carrying that
bullshit around.
Well and you use it as a sexexample.
But, but you were doing in alot of other topics as well,
right, but I, because we've beentalking about spiritual sex, I
thought I would bring that in,since that's the most recent
thing this last couple of daysthat I the shadow work that I've
(10:41):
been doing for myself, because,man, I'm tired of lugging that
fucking baggage around.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
Right.
I mean, like the example I toldyou this morning, I can say in
the car man, I'm hungry and allI'm doing is kind of
communicating verbally that I'msetting the intention that I'm
going to go get something to eatand Dr Jenny will go through
her entire bag of goodies thatshe has Okay, do you want
peanuts?
Do you want crackers?
That she has Okay, do you wantpeanuts?
Do you want crackers, Do youwant?
(11:05):
And I'm like no, no, Because Iknow what she carries and so
what it does is from this sideof the plate.
It puts me in a weird position.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
How so.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
Because you've gotten irritated when you say caca
pues you know, in Spanish I wastaught that that meant okay, you
want shit instead, right, andso when I go through you go
through that list, and I'm likeno, no, no, because I'm thinking
in my head what I want to eat.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
And you get to the end.
You're frustrated because youjust offered me everything you
have.
I've stated I'm hungry andsomehow you've taken it on the
ownership of it.
It's your responsibility tomake sure I eat.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
Right and I.
The funky part about it is Ididn't realize that I was doing
that because I still was hangingon to.
It's my wifely duty to makesure that you've got something
to eat, right it's my wifelyduty to make sure that you've
got something to eat.
I cloaked it as I am doing it,because this is the bag of stuff
I have and I'm kindly justoffering what I have to you, and
(12:13):
if you want to eat it, you do,and if you don't, you don't.
Right, that's how I saw it.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
Yeah, but.
Speaker 1 (12:19):
I didn't see the accountability in the real place
of.
I'm still hanging on to thatbullshit of oh, it's my wifely
responsibility to put my wifecape on and go into action
because he said he's hungry andthe vision that pops up is my
grandmother devout Pentecostalone, so that's her whole lot in
(12:44):
life to make sure that the manis fed and he eats before the
children do.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
And that was how the whole household was.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
He got his plate first and she made it for him.
She took it to him.
Wifely duty.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
So what's?
Speaker 1 (13:02):
coming up right this minute is this image, and that's
exactly where I created mytemplate from was watching her
do that.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
Well, you said it right.
A lot of people have a watchingher do that.
Yeah, well, you, you said itright is you mask it?
A lot of people have a tendencyto do that.
So, and that's where I was kindof going with this is it's
overthinking things.
And it's over because I like Idon't know how many times I've
told you in our relationshiptogether I'm a big boy, I can do
my laundry, I could cook my ownclothes, yeah, my own house.
Well, and in the in the firstparts of our relationship and
(13:33):
maybe even now I don't see myenergy, but definitely in the
first parts of our relationshipI kind of got offended at that,
like you're not letting me do mywifely duty and so and, and it
becomes a masking, because when,when I tell you I don't need
(13:53):
the things, it's kind of likethe same scenario when you said
if you're going to cheat withsomebody, make sure you take me
Right.
It's kind of the same scenario.
When I take away theresponsibilities that you have
as a belief, you'll mask it.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
It's like, wow, what the fuck am I supposed to do
then?
Yeah, you don't need me.
What am I supposed to do then?
Yeah, but then you don't needme.
What am I supposed to do?
Speaker 2 (14:16):
what I choose you.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
I don't need you, right, but that's the kind of
existential crisis where I'vegot to redefine everything right
and go into a whole, create awhole, nother grid or matrix, if
you will of.
Okay, then what's the fuckingpoint of being your wife?
If what, what does wife?
Speaker 2 (14:35):
mean, you're salty today, aren't?
Speaker 1 (14:36):
you, I am salty man.
I got my job in that f-bomb alot what?
What's the point in being thewife?
What does the wife definitionmean?
What is why did I?
Why did I do this?
Then?
What does mean Do?
Speaker 2 (14:50):
you think it comes with responsibilities.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
I did yeah At one point in my life.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
And there's a lot of people that do think that.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
And I fall back on that inadvertently,
subconsciously, if I'm notcareful.
Right and and I think this is avery crucial part of our I
built a whole nursing careerwhere I'm basically like, for
example, in the ER or in the OR.
I have created an entire careerof being someone's proverbial
(15:23):
wife, yeah, anticipating whattool they're going to need next
or what thing they're going toneed next, so that I'm right
there by their side performingthat work-wife duty of giving
them what they need.
An entire career built aroundthat perspective.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
Yeah, I know, I totally understand A lot of
people do.
But when you start masking itand you start trying to hide it
behind things, and it is a truebelief that you should really
look at, because when you have arelationship where you have two
independent people that cometogether and choose, did you
(16:00):
hear that I did?
Speaker 1 (16:01):
What was that?
Speaker 2 (16:01):
I don't know, that was weird.
My mic cut out for a second too.
That was weird.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
I'll have to look at it when I edit.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
Yeah, that was odd.
But when you have twoindependent people that come
together, when one brings beliefinto the beliefs, into the
relationship that I don't needsomebody, I choose to be with
you, yeah, and the other onebrings in that I have to do
something to be chosen right, itcan cause a really weird
(16:31):
dynamic it can.
It can, definitely it can makea wonky situation and people may
be asking themselves well, whatdo I?
How do I change that?
because yeah, you know intoday's society.
Yes, 50 years ago the wifehaving wifely duties was normal,
right, you know the?
Because they were single incomehouseholds.
(16:51):
Now every household just aboutis two incomes.
Both people work, but yet westill have this weird dynamic
that it's the woman'sresponsibility to take care of
the children.
The man comes home, pops open abeer and sits in the recliner.
And how is that balanced andhow is that fair?
She just worked 40 hours thatweek too.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
Exactly.
Speaker 2 (17:13):
I can tell you why Because the women still get
viewed that they don't work ashard as men yeah and raising
kids and working 40 hours a weekis not always an easy job no
but when it comes to today'sworld, when you have people that
bring in those, those values inthere that are not, they're
(17:37):
they not?
really?
What am I looking for?
When you bring in those beliefsand right, it's not balanced.
That's one thing, but what isthe word I'm trying to think is
they're useless.
It's useless because all itdoes is cause, first of all, the
person bringing them in issuesand, second of all, it now
creates a problem for the otherperson.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
Well, the person bringing them in and I can talk
on that behalf I felt a sense ofDon't get me wrong, I have
baggage too.
What's my, oh my God.
What's my purpose then?
Speaker 2 (18:10):
Right.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
I found myself lost on, okay.
Well then, I don't know whatthis means and I don't know how
to do this, and it, almost for atime in our relationship,
caused a kind of panic situationof why am I here, why am I
doing?
This Like what's the point?
And I got I I was lost and hadhad to figure out what, what,
(18:36):
what is my new right?
What is my new purpose then, inall of this?
Speaker 2 (18:42):
and that's where relationships go really weird
yeah when people don't know howto live and in a way that they
that some person doesn't needthem Unconditionally without a
purpose right.
I choose to be with you.
Speaker 1 (18:56):
I don't need you to do my laundry, I don't need you
to run my bathwater, I don'tneed you to go to the
refrigerator and get me a beer,and I choose to be with you
independently and honor you whoyou are and where you are Right,
and when people inrelationships now can come to a
point to where it includes sexyeah it's part of the whole
(19:19):
paradigm of wifely duty that'sincorporated in it too and what
it does on the female side is itmakes sex then more of a chore
to check off of a to-do list,like you would house chores,
instead of giving it the spaceto move around and actually be a
thing that you experience froma place of enjoyment and not
(19:42):
obligation?
Speaker 2 (19:43):
that's the key.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
That's the key right there, right, because there's no
room for us to or you know Ican only speak for myself, but
there's there's no room for usto.
Or you know I can only speakfor myself, but there's no room
for me to enjoy it, because it'san obligation and I'm just
trying to check it off of a list.
Okay, this is a chore done thisweek, right along with laundry
and dishes and everything else,so I'm not leaving any room for
(20:07):
it to take on any other persona.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
Agreed.
And that brings me to a place,to where this is where
unintended consequences comeinto play, because there are
people that joke around about.
I'll tell you how to keep yourman happy and not cheating on
you, you keep his belly full andhis balls drained.
I've heard that joke a milliontimes.
I've seen it just today onYouTube shorts.
(20:30):
Well, first of all, I'm goingto challenge men.
A million times, I've seen itjust today on YouTube Shorts.
Yeah.
Well, first of all, I'm goingto challenge men to step up and
be independent, first of all.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
Right.
Speaker 2 (20:39):
Second of all, newsflash.
Ladies, y'all ready for this?
We are no matter what you do.
If your man's going to cheat,he's going to cheat, that's
right.
It has nothing to do with youkeeping his belly full and his
balls drained.
It ain't get nothing to do withyou keeping his belly full and
his balls drained.
It ain't got nothing to do withit.
If he's going to cheat, he'sgoing to cheat.
It ain't got nothing to do withthat.
And it doesn't mean that you're, and it ain't got nothing to do
(21:00):
with you, right?
Speaker 1 (21:00):
It doesn't mean that you're unworthy of love or
unworthy of perfection or youknow any of that garbage that
comes up with when you'retalking about that stuff.
I can only speak for me.
What was tingled up in it wasif I'm not perfect, then I am
(21:26):
not worth loving, right?
Speaker 2 (21:29):
If I don't do all of my wifely duties, then I don't
deserve love do my laundry lady,because I am not man enough to
wash my own clothes and I'mgonna, I'm gonna, give you 50
lashes with the thumb sizeswitch that I find out in the
(21:49):
yard right, and this is thecrazy part about this, and I've
actually worked with somebodythat said this.
The woman was in counseling andshe says he always expects me to
do his laundry.
I work too, and I have to cook,I have to take care of the baby
, and he sits and watches TV inthe chair and I'll hand him the
baby and da-da-da-da-da-da-dababy and go through all that,
(22:10):
right.
And I said well, have you askedhim to do his own laundry?
He says he don't know how.
So you have a man that is anengineer, that goes all day long
and figures out how to usedifferent tools and how to build
things.
Speaker 1 (22:26):
How to build a fucking rocket that goes to the
moon.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
But he doesn't know how to work a washing machine
Right.
It goes to the moon, but hedoesn't know how to work a
washing machine Right.
First of all, I don't know ify'all ever heard this before,
but I call bullshit.
We call bullshit, and so that'sa challenge I'm going to put
out there to the man is, firstof all, quit, quit, just quit.
(22:50):
We are 50 years, 70 years pastthat crap.
Speaker 1 (22:52):
Right.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
You know.
Take care of your dang self andenjoy your life with somebody
you choose to be with, notsomebody you want to live.
To wait on your hand and foot,that is ridiculous, right.
Speaker 1 (23:03):
It is just a If you want that, move back in with
your mommy, right.
Speaker 2 (23:06):
Go live in your mama's basement, for God's sake.
You know it's like Because itgives.
It makes guys like me because,don't get me wrong, I wasn't
perfect for a good number ofyears and I'm still not perfect
to this day.
But you know, I have been inbad spots in relationships.
I have cheated, I have done allsorts of things in
relationships, but what I did dois learn.
(23:28):
I did become somebody different.
Yeah, and I, because I chose tobe somebody different and I
don't need anybody.
And when we have these guys outhere that are setting these
standards, and these moms andthese grandmas are teaching
these daughters theseresponsibilities, and these,
these men that aren't raisingtheir sons or telling their sons
(23:50):
yeah, you're just perpetuating.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
You're just perpetuating this stupid crap.
Speaker 2 (23:53):
You're just perpetuating this freaking cycle
of things that's not going togo nowhere.
Speaker 1 (24:00):
Yeah, and then they become adults who are in therapy
because their life is notworking, or they end up divorced
a hundred times.
Right, and they have to gettherapy and try and figure all
that shit out.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
Right, and here's the crazy part about this is it's
very easy.
Speaker 1 (24:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:20):
And it's one sentence that all you have to do is
dad's sons, whoever they are,any guy out there.
It's one sentence and it's.
I am man enough to take care ofmyself.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
Or.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
I am woman enough to take care of myself.
I don't need somebody else.
I choose to have somebody else.
That's right, and I'mdefinitely not going to compile
my responsibilities on somebodyelse.
That is not being a man, that'snot being a leader.
Speaker 1 (24:52):
That's not being a leader.
That's not being a leader.
Well, it's not just the menWomen do it too.
Speaker 2 (24:57):
Right, I totally agree.
Speaker 1 (24:59):
Women.
There's women out there thattake that reverse role and
expect the man to do everything,while they sit around blowing
the polish dry on their fingers.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
Right, I had to heard somebody making fun of somebody
that one day here, but I don'tknow six, seven months ago that
he cause he was a stay at homedad, the wife was the
breadwinner, he stayed home withthe kids, yeah, and there was
actually a couple of peoplemaking fun of him.
I told him I'm like, bro, justdo you, man, if it's a
negotiated thing between you twothen, do it.
(25:31):
That's fine, it's not a big deal.
But there were other peoplethat were saying oh, you're not
a man, You're not taking care ofyour family and he is taking
care of his family.
He's probably actually going toraise two very good kids.
And he said I take care of thehouse when she comes home, she
doesn't have to do nothing.
Speaker 1 (25:48):
Yeah, and if that's how the negotiation is panned
out for them and it works and.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
I agree with that scenario.
If one person works and theother one doesn't, it doesn't
matter, the gender.
Right.
Speaker 1 (26:00):
It's what works in your particular situation and
what the two of you havecommunicated and negotiated,
your gives and takes.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
Correct, 100% correct , but anyway.
So the perpetuation of thispattern of evolution between
couples over the last 50 to 70years is the most ridiculous
thing and shame on this society.
We need to fix it, you knoweverybody is equal.
(26:32):
Everybody should be taking careof themselves and choosing to be
, and I guarantee you divorcerates will drop way down when
people come into therelationship with the thought of
I don't need you to take careof me, I don't need you to
provide me with anything, what Iam choosing you to spend my
life with you and if you're theone bringing in the baggage,
like me who was the wife withall these wifely duties, it's
(26:56):
very freeing to have arelationship such as ours, where
I was able to let go of thatbaggage yeah and really
experience a new kind ofrelationship without the
relationship, without thehave-tos.
Right, and this brings me back.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
I get to, and so then what?
Speaker 2 (27:17):
ends up happening.
Right, you get to.
That's a good way to put itRight.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
I don't have to now.
I get to if I want to, right,but because it was such a
long-practiced habit, sometimeseven I get caught in an unaware
state and I begin to tell thestory that overthinks the
(27:40):
situation.
Speaker 2 (27:40):
Totally agree, we all do it to extend in certain ways
and so I you know so what.
Speaker 1 (27:45):
What do we do about it?
Speaker 2 (27:46):
like me.
I open your car door every timewe go somewhere, right, right,
do I have to do that?
Do you expect me to do that?
No, I get to do that.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
Right, exactly.
Speaker 2 (27:57):
I do it out of respect and love, because I
chose you.
You chose to be with me, anddoorknob shouldn't be in your
hand.
Speaker 1 (28:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (28:05):
It's just I'm sorry, it's just me.
Speaker 1 (28:07):
Right that used to be me.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
Don't get me wrong, that didn't used to be me.
But in my change of life, in mychanging myself, I changed a
lot of my practices.
Speaker 1 (28:18):
Right, but you did it because you wanted to.
Speaker 2 (28:21):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
I did it by myself, Not because somebody said oh,
you're going to open my door orwe're not going to be together.
Right, I didn't like who I hadbecome.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
Right, and so I became somebody different.
But the key is that you madethat or we're not going to be
together.
Right?
I didn't like who I had becomeRight, and so I became somebody
different.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
But the key is that you made that change, because
that's who you wanted to becomeand one of the things that you
wanted to embrace and do.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
Right, I have no regrets for who I was, but I'm
very proud of who I am now.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
Yeah, I mean, that's how it works really, and so, uh,
I guess, if you know, peopleare out there and they're like
okay, well then, how do I start?
What do I do?
What's the first step?
Speaker 2 (29:04):
Well, and this is pretty easy, I think.
I think the first step of thisscenario is stopping to realize
that that you bring you'rebringing problems to the table,
that it's not the other person'sfault if there's something that
is bothering you, that's on you.
Yeah, that's the first thingyou have to realize yeah, that's
.
Speaker 1 (29:21):
The first thing is is that if it's bugging you, then
it's your problem.
It's your problem, not theirsyou gotta dig in there and you
gotta look at that right, youcan't deflect if it, if it's not
bothering you, then therethere's no belief or anything in
there and you give it nodefinition, you give it no
emotion because there's no point, it's not bugging you, so the
(29:43):
minute that it starts to feeluncomfortable or offensive or
blame whatever.
Whatever those emotions are thatit triggers inside of you,
that's a big indicator thatyou've got some work to do you
got some.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (30:01):
There's alarm bells going off on that belief yeah,
exactly right and you know youkind of like one of those things
that is more than likelyhappening is you're telling
yourself a story that's a lie.
Speaker 2 (30:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:17):
Hence overthinking things.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
That's right.
Hey, wait till you bring itback.
That used to be my job,whatever every point where
you're.
Speaker 1 (30:35):
You've created a story in your head and you're
not sure if it's accurate or ifit's just an outright lie that
you've told yourself to makethings feel better.
Go to your partner and saylisten, I've been tooling around
with this, this is what I'vecome up with.
Can you help me by identifying?
Is this just a dumb ass lie I'mtelling myself, or is this
something that has any truth toit whatsoever?
(30:55):
And talk it out with yourperson.
Speaker 2 (30:58):
Yes, and that'll enhance communication.
Speaker 1 (31:02):
That'll give you a sounding board and it will
identify, because if he looks atyou and says you're telling an
outright lie Now you can't getoffended or have your feelings
hurt because you went to him andasked for that verification.
You got to just big girl up orman up and say, all right, I
(31:24):
asked for that and it's a lie.
Now, what am I going to do withit?
Speaker 2 (31:28):
And that is the number two part of it that you
perfectly said, that I think youworded that well.
I would add one little thing tothat.
Speaker 1 (31:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (31:38):
Is when you open the door to a belief and you bring
it up to your partner tocommunicate.
It.
Open the door to a belief andyou bring it up to your partner
to communicate it is.
Speaker 1 (31:47):
You have to be understanding that sometimes
that person's going to say,listen, I don't know where
that's coming from your shitsting but that is a dirty diaper
yeah, and you've got to be openand receptive if you're going
to bring that other person infrom a place of okay, I asked
for it.
Don't ask for something thatyou can't handle without going
(32:10):
into a place of defensivenessand create an all-out argument.
War over because you asked forthe information, right?
Don't turn it into an argumentand take it defensively like the
other person, be it he or theshe, of the or the he and the he
, whatever your partner's genderis makes no difference, right,
(32:33):
but if you bring it up to yourpartner as a sounding board,
make sure you're ready for whatcomes out of that person's mouth
when you ask for the assistancein clarifying whether it's just
a dumb ass lie and you're readyto get rid of it.
Speaker 2 (32:50):
Don't go into defense mode because I don't create an
argument we see, that's onething that I do like when I
bring something to you that wecan talk about, if I need to
talk about something yeah I.
I don't look at you as my wife.
I look at you as my counselorand I and I do it from a
different perspective.
Yeah, you know like yesterdaywhen we were talking to Misty
Misty Nichols by the way, sheowns a fortune teller seller and
(33:10):
she's on Facebook, look her up.
Uh, she is a tarot reader andprobably one of the best tarot
readers that I have everexperienced in my life.
Yeah it well yesterday when shesaid people come to me and they
get mad when I tell them things, and she says to them listen,
it ain't me that's talking, it'syou, and if you can't take what
(33:33):
you hearing, it's on youbecause that's these are your
cards.
I mean, this is your reading,it's not my reading you're not
reading me.
These cards are reading youthat's right and and it's on it,
and so when you go to have thatconversation and understand
that, approach that person in away of.
I really truly want to know theanswer to this question yeah
(33:57):
and be open-minded.
Speaker 1 (33:58):
You can't get defensive and accountable, and
accountable because I totallyagree by golly shadow work is
not a fucking spot reason whyit's called shadow work and be
careful what you ask for theminute that you ask for a tarot
reading or the minute that youask to talk to your partner and
bounce it off of them.
Know what you're going into andbe open to receive whatever
(34:22):
constructive criticism comes outin a true.
I'm ready to receive this.
I'm ready to look at thenitty-gritty dirt of it and do
something about it.
Not from that martyr victimplace uh, I'm gonna passively
aggressively turn this into anarcissistic.
(34:43):
Well, I do that.
Because you do this bullshitthing?
Speaker 2 (34:46):
because that's not beneficial to anybody and it
starts fights and it's sometimesit's people's first nature,
because that was really my firstnature for a very long time if
that's where you're at, thendon't even bother having the
conversation.
Speaker 1 (34:58):
Keep it to yourself until you're absolutely 100
ready for that person to havewhatever come out of their mouth
.
Because even if you go to themand say, okay, I want to pass
this by you, but I really wantyou to sugar coat it because I'm
a tip bag.
That's not beneficial.
It's not helpful.
Don't waste their time anddon't freaking waste your time
(35:21):
If you're not ready to gethardcore about it and take what
they're telling you uncoatedwith sugar and freaking deal
with it right if you're notready to get real about it?
then waller in your crap andmove on yeah, totally agree.
Speaker 2 (35:39):
And you know and there's another part to that
it's like for me, when I bringsomething to you, that's baggage
for me and we talk through itand it's pattern or belief or
whatever it is going on.
When I bring it to you, I haveto change who I am as well, how.
So when I bring something tothe table and it gets brought up
(36:05):
, and if it makes me emotional,it has to be okay.
You have to allow the emotionalguidance system to work its
process.
Speaker 1 (36:13):
Right.
Speaker 2 (36:14):
And so making yourself especially on the side
of the masculinity side.
Right we have a tendency to notallow our emotions to show.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I get itand emotions are part of our
life, and if you can't be manenough to have emotions, then
you're not or be masculine.
Let me rephrase it's not evenabout man and woman who cares
(36:35):
what sex it is.
It doesn't matter what sex itis.
If you are not a strong,spiritually grounded human
enough to allow your emotions toguide you through the process
of changing the way you thinkand making yourself feel better,
then what are you doing?
Speaker 1 (36:50):
Right, because nine times out of 10, not allowing
yourself to experience theemotions of a situation just
keeps you in that trauma loop.
Speaker 2 (37:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (37:03):
Because you're not dealing with the emotions,
you're keeping them bottled up.
And that just holds the energyof that thing and not allowing
you to release it fully.
That is 100% correct you got tohave the emotions in it.
Whether that be tears or angeror whatever, whatever that is.
Speaker 2 (37:23):
I totally agree and I think I'm going to tell
everybody the secret to arelationship you ready.
Everybody's going to hear this.
Speaker 1 (37:31):
Listen in.
Speaker 2 (37:32):
This is the secret to all relationships, if you want
to have an awesome relationship.
Speaker 1 (37:37):
Do tell you ready yeah.
Speaker 2 (37:40):
They don't have to be with you, they choose to be
with you.
Speaker 1 (37:42):
Bingo.
Speaker 2 (37:44):
They don't have to do with you.
They choose to be with youBingo.
They don't have to do anything.
Speaker 1 (37:46):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (37:47):
They can choose to get up and leave today.
They can choose to stay withyou today.
Yeah, they can choose to holdyour hand when they walk.
They can choose to run in frontof you a hundred yards because
they're embarrassed by you.
It is their choice, and whenyou have enough respect for
yourself to understand that thatperson is with you because
they're choosing to be with you,it will change the way you look
(38:08):
at everything.
Speaker 1 (38:09):
But it will also change for them.
Speaker 2 (38:10):
And change for them as well.
Speaker 1 (38:13):
When they are no longer obligated to perform,
then it gives them freedom aswell, and then you get to
experience a relationship wherefreedom is the name of the game
and every single second andevery single moment has the
opportunity to take on its own,like just amazing energy.
(38:35):
Because it hasn't beenpredefined or pre-boxed of.
It's got to look this way, orit's got to look that way, or
it's not right.
Or I've got to perform this way, or it's got to look that way,
or it's not right.
Or I've got to perform this, orshe's not going to be happy, or
I've got to perform this orhe's not going to be happy.
When you can break free fromall that nonsense and come to
that place of you know what?
I sit here because I choose to.
Speaker 2 (38:58):
To be there.
That's right.
Speaker 1 (38:59):
He sits there because he chooses to it not only
allows me the freedom of thatchoice, but it allows the
freedom of that choice on yourside as well.
Then the relationship morphsinto a whole nother thing,
(39:20):
completely.
Speaker 2 (39:21):
Right, and that's another part of this.
The last part, I think, for mein this conversation is you know
, you and I, when we first gottogether, we said we're not
going to get married because apaper doesn't mean anything.
Speaker 1 (39:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (39:36):
All it does is a marriage certificate comes with
societal taught,responsibilities Boxed in, and
the reality is is marriage is achoice?
Yeah, relationships are achoice, right, you know?
Like?
You know, like the first time Igot married, we went in front
(39:57):
of the pastor and he said okay,okay, james, you have to love,
honor, respect, obey, be a goodpresent man, a man of God.
You have to do all of thesethings.
And I was like oh no, what,what but wait.
(40:25):
And so marriage certificatescome with these societal talk
crap.
Speaker 1 (40:31):
Yeah.
It's all societal, it's theprogrammed energy of expectation
and judgment.
You and I agreed to not everget married.
Speaker 2 (40:43):
We ended up marrying during COVID because we heard
the stuff that was going on.
But part of it for me is theparameters and all the crap that
comes with that piece of paper.
That is not freedom.
Speaker 1 (40:58):
No.
Speaker 2 (40:59):
That is basically paying the state to tax you to
enslave the other person.
It doesn't make any dang sense.
Speaker 1 (41:07):
Yeah, it's a legal form of slavery, almost.
Speaker 2 (41:13):
Almost.
Don't get me wrong.
I'm not bad mouth of marriageand I'm not saying any of that
kind of stuff.
That's not what I mean.
For us what I mean is when youenter into that relationship and
if you go to get married tosomebody because you all both
choose to be with somebody, withthe other person, don't take
that for granted Right and don'tfall into that societal top
(41:34):
belief that I've got to love,honor, obey, respect everything
my man says, because dead tilldeath do us part.
Well, no shit, we're all dying.
But to be real about it isunderstand that the rabbit hole.
Speaker 1 (41:55):
Part of that is till death.
Do us part if you spirituallyhave a death aspect of you where
you recreate a whole new you.
Because you've learnedeverything that you needed to
learn from that individual.
That's a form of death.
(42:17):
So, then that gives you thepermission to divorce them.
Speaker 2 (42:22):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (42:24):
It does, yep, so I'm not going to hell nope can I get
an applause?
Speaker 2 (42:30):
you know why, why because that piece of paper
wasn't made by spirit.
That piece of paper is a wayfor you to be taxed.
It has nothing to do withbeliefs and it definitely has
nothing to do with relationships.
Speaker 1 (42:47):
Right.
Speaker 2 (42:49):
Yeah, it's fun to hang on the wall and say oh, mr
and Mrs Emery, thank you.
Speaker 1 (42:56):
Does anybody actually ?
Speaker 2 (42:58):
We don't even know where our merch certificate is.
Actually we do.
We found it when we got thepassports.
Speaker 1 (43:03):
I was going to say I had to drag it up and find it
Because we found it when we gotthe passports.
I was gonna say I had to dragit up and find it because we had
to have it for the passport sowe could go on our cruise yeah I
don't think anybody actuallyhangs it on the wall, do they?
Maybe some people do, they hangit on the wall.
Speaker 2 (43:17):
Oh my god, that's crazy and the place where we
were yesterday.
It was hanging on the wall.
Speaker 1 (43:23):
Really, yes, oh wow, I shouldn't laugh so hard.
Speaker 2 (43:32):
Yeah, it was hanging on the wall, but anyway.
And so just to everybody, tokind of clarify and top
everything off in this scenario,is it is not your job to take
care of your person, it is yourjob to respect them and choose
to be with them and respecttheir beliefs and where they are
right.
Speaker 1 (43:53):
And so what does that mean?
That means, like I give acouple of examples, like, for
example, if the, if yourbreadcrumb is, you know what
I've got some unfinishedbusiness.
I need to go follow thisbreadcrumb to the casino.
Speaker 2 (44:11):
Oh, I did that to you .
That was two weeks ago, yeah.
Speaker 1 (44:14):
My respect to you is that okay, cool, you got to
follow some breadcrumbs and youroffer back is do you want to go
?
And I, at that point, I get tochoose right do I want to go
it's not my breadcrumb or do Iwant to stay home and you go
take your journey yourself?
(44:36):
and you want to choose and thatis a very freeing feeling versus
the way I used to run, whichwas oh my God.
My man says he's doing this, I,as a, as a loving wife, it's my
wifely duty to go and supporthim and honor whatever this is,
even if I don't freaking want todo it, I must attend this thing
(45:00):
and stand by his side.
There's even a song Stand by myman man stand by your man.
Speaker 2 (45:10):
It's a 50 song, of course right, and so I.
Speaker 1 (45:14):
I could stand there and I could say it doesn't
matter to me personally eitherway in that situation, whether I
stay or whether I go.
Okay, so then, do I truly do Iwant to go and check out the
casino for myself, or would Irather stay at home?
What's the enjoyment factorthere?
Speaker 2 (45:36):
either way.
Speaker 1 (45:38):
And then I make the choice.
Nine times out of ten Freedom.
Then I make the choice.
Speaker 2 (45:41):
Nine times out of ten .
Speaker 1 (45:42):
Freedom Nine times out of ten.
I go because I'm curious aboutwhat this whole adventure is for
you, you get it and.
I enjoy watching it unfold foryou.
Speaker 2 (45:55):
So a lot of times I'll go just so I can watch it.
It didn't unfold very well forme last time.
It wasn't very much fun.
I learned something.
That's all that matters.
Speaker 1 (46:04):
But anyway, that's what it boils down to is don't
overthink it right like I'llgive you an example of
overthinking that simplescenario.
Okay, wait.
Okay.
So he is gonna go to the casino.
I don't really want to go, butif I don't go, he's gonna think
that I'm not supporting him orthat I don't love him, or that I
(46:25):
am not gonna honor his placewhere he's at in his journey.
Then I'm gonna look like a badwife and I.
Then we're gonna come home andI'm gonna have some resentment
because I had to go instead ofmake being able, because I would
rather I would rather be athome watching TV in my
(46:46):
sweatpants this is my one andonly day off too.
How dare him drag me into thisnonsense of this stupid journey
that he's on, when I wouldrather be on my couch watching a
Disney movie in my sweatpants?
Speaker 2 (46:59):
And eating your chocolate ice cream.
Speaker 1 (47:01):
Like that's overthinking a boxed way over
thinking perspective.
Speaker 2 (47:07):
All I wanted you to say is do you want to go or not?
Speaker 1 (47:10):
hey, like I'm gonna go follow this spiritual
breadcrumb, I'm inviting you togo if you want to.
Uh, if you don't, it's coolwith me either way I don't care,
so don't overthink it.
Speaker 2 (47:27):
And don't think that that means that that person
doesn't want you to go.
Speaker 1 (47:32):
Right.
Speaker 2 (47:33):
It's freedom.
In this example, I do want youto always go with me.
Speaker 1 (47:39):
Right, right but it's your choice.
Right.
Speaker 2 (47:42):
I don't own you, I ain't your daddy right, right,
but it's your choice, right?
Speaker 1 (47:48):
I?
I don't own you, I ain't yourdaddy.
Speaker 2 (47:49):
But if I had done that whole overthinking process
essentially, what could have yousaid if I had done?
Speaker 1 (47:53):
you did do that I did , yeah, you talked we talked
about it.
Speaker 2 (47:57):
Really, yeah, you, you's like I really don't want
to go, but I'm gonna go.
And then I asked you like whydid you go if you didn't want to
go?
Speaker 1 (48:04):
oh, so I was speaking like the truth.
Yeah, see, see, guys, whathappens, like I'm just human.
My poop stinks just like yoursdoes man yeah and so then, what
it does, is it?
I lost my train of thought yeah, sorry I didn't mean it.
Um, well then it can take youto a place of resentment and you
(48:27):
resent him for dragging youinto that dumbass situation.
Speaker 2 (48:32):
And don't fall into the trap either.
Speaker 1 (48:34):
And there's no point in resenting him because he
didn't do anything wrong.
Your own dumbass story and yourown dumbass baggage.
My dumbass, overthinking mydumbass, not just speaking my
truth and saying no, you knowwhat?
I want to stay home and hangout on my couch.
Speaker 2 (48:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (48:55):
I need to be resenting myself.
Speaker 2 (48:58):
Right, yeah.
Speaker 1 (48:58):
The resentment needs to be pointed right back at me,
because I'm the one that didn'thonor my truth of what I really
wanted to do, because I am stilltrying to honor some dumbass
baggage of wifely duty paradigm.
Speaker 2 (49:11):
Yeah, totally the.
Speaker 1 (49:12):
June Cleaver syndrome .
Yeah, we done with that.
Speaker 2 (49:16):
Yeah, put a match to that.
Speaker 1 (49:18):
Strike that match.
So anyway that's what it lookslike.
Speaker 2 (49:24):
So to kind of finish out this topic, because we're
getting pressed on time here, umis understand this really.
You can make your life so mucheasier if you just realize on
time.
Speaker 1 (49:34):
Listen, we try to do what the recommendation is which
did to give you guys a quick 20minute little 20 to 40 little
thing when he says pressed ontime because we'll sit here and
talk for freaking ever.
Speaker 2 (49:48):
Oh, we do, we just did this morning.
Speaker 1 (49:50):
We are trying desperately to give you a little
20-minute gig and not keep youright it's hard.
Yeah it is.
Speaker 2 (49:56):
It's hard to do it is hard to do, especially when you
get flowing on a topic.
The one bit of advice I wouldgive about all this is first of
all, don't understand, first ofall, that everybody has a choice
.
It is a choice for them to bewith you and if you're, if
you're allowing your mind towander on things and assume on
(50:18):
things, just remind yourselfthat that person is choosing to
be with me.
Speaker 1 (50:23):
And that what you may be putting around in your head
in the story is probably just anoutright lie.
Speaker 2 (50:28):
Yeah, totally 100.
It did probably 99% of the time.
It is a lie.
Speaker 1 (50:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (50:33):
Um now there are the rare occasions, and it's not a
lie, but it it it is.
It is what it is, it is what itis and remember it's a choice.
They don't have to be with you.
Speaker 1 (50:44):
And you don't have to be with them.
Speaker 2 (50:45):
That's right, but anyway, hey guys, don't forget
to like, follow and share.
Hey, check out our website,wwwthemerchcentersorg.
The Spiritual Grind is onYouTube.
You can actually link it fromour website and our Salty Tarot
store is up and running.
You can get spiritual grindmerch on there and you can get
(51:09):
salty tarot merch and you canalso merc center merch, oh, yeah
, yeah, yeah and uh, the thecoffee thing is still not up
there yet, by the way, because Ihaven't got a response back.
I asked if we could.
Uh, anyway, we'll talk.
Talk about that later.
But the salty tarot if you goon Instagram, look up the salty
tarot and follow us.
(51:31):
It's not salty tarot, it's thesalty tarot, cause I I'm going
to have to file a complaintbecause we have somebody
mimicking us.
But, uh, follow if you wouldlike.
Follow and share them as well,because we are posting in there
starting next week.
So go ahead and follow the pageand you'll get notification
when the world-famous app comesout.
Speaker 1 (51:53):
Oh yeah, and we are still working on the videos.
We haven't forgotten about that.
I'm waiting for some softwaredownloads, we're having to go
through the learning curve ofhow to put a video together and
all of that.
So sometimes learning curvesare.
Speaker 2 (52:09):
If it was just one person, it would be easy, but
there's two of us.
Speaker 1 (52:13):
Right.
Speaker 2 (52:13):
And so you have to have three to four cameras and
you have to have multi-cameraview in studio.
If you want to do it right, youdo you don't want to do it
right.
Speaker 1 (52:24):
You don't want to just do some dumb jackass video.
So we're going through thatlearning phase, but they are
coming, don't give up on us.
Speaker 2 (52:31):
I actually thought about us going to that place
that you could do your podcastin their studio.
You pay them to do it and thenthey video it and do all that.
Speaker 1 (52:41):
Maybe I didn't know that existed.
Speaker 2 (52:43):
Yeah, and there's one here, oh, but anyway, that's
really all I got.
Ring that bell.
Oh yeah, for your notifications.
All righty, hey, y'all have anawesome day.
Speaker 1 (52:59):
Love ya.
Speaker 2 (53:01):
That was my sexy voice.
Ha, ha, ha ha ha, ha ha ha.
Speaker 1 (53:11):
Love ya, that was my sexy voice.
We'll see you next time.
Hello.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Hello everybody, welcome back to the Spiritual
Grind.
We are here again for yourlistening pleasure.
Good morning.
Should I give you the deep tonevoice?
Speaker 1 (00:40):
Should I?
Should I stare?
Should I go?
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Oh my goodness, what just happened.
Should I, should I stay orshould I go?
Oh my goodness, what justhappened.
I think my earphones are off.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
That sure sounded like Dr Jenny singing.
Oh, anyway, life is a bigmusical in my head it is you
know what life is?
Life is fun, life is fun.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
Life is a big musical in my head.
It is.
You know what life is?
Life is fun.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Life is fun.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
Life is fun, which brings me to my topic today.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
Indeed.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
Do you overthink life ?
Speaker 1 (01:16):
Of course you know I do girl.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
You know, we had the coffee talk this morning a
little bit and when I ran to thestore and on my way back I was
sitting there because I had tostand in line forever because of
the Powerball drawing.
Oh my God, it's like 1.6billion and I was trying to get
our Powerball ticket and therewas like 40 people in line Right
.
It was insanity.
Because it was right at lunch,of course, I decided to go to
(01:44):
the store at lunch.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
Right right.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
So while I was standing there in line, I was
thinking about our conversationthis morning and how, even us,
after so many years of doingthis, reading, studying, you
know, humanistic sciences andworking with people and
understanding human beliefs andpatterns and programs we still
(02:12):
overthink too.
Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
I mean, that's the thing that I try to do every
time we sit down at thesemicrophones is keep it genuine,
man.
We are not some fucking gurusthat got it all figured out.
Speak for yourself.
We're just doing the same thingyou guys are doing out there,
(02:34):
which is trying to figure it outthe best way we can, each and
every day.
Whenever the shit sandwichcomes up and you gotta deal,
deal with it.
I'm no different.
This morning's topic was all inmy baseball field.
It was all about that garbagethat I'm mucking around in.
(03:00):
Feel free to share.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
Overthinking it Overthinking.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
We'll share Dr Jenny's overthinking, and it
makes no fucking logical sense.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
I'm going to have to bleep that out.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
And we have.
You don't have to bleep it out,we have anyway.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
Well, it just aggravates me, just like it
would any other human.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
Yeah, you know Dr Jenny's thing that she's talking
about is she was raised in anenvironment to where women were
taught A they have to take careof their man and B they have
certain specific duties thatthey have to fulfill to A keep
their man happy and B be loved.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
Yeah, the wifely duties.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
Yeah, the wifely duties, yeah, the wifely duties.
And chores.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
And the stupid thing is I don't even know.
I had such a weird upbringing.
I don't even know.
I can't really even pinpointwhere all that bullshit came
from, because my mom, on aregular basis, was not in the
picture.
So, I didn't have like aparental template to really work
(04:05):
from and I spent a lot of timeat my grandparents' houses and
they were still married to theirspouse of many, many, many
years and neither one of thoserelationships were really
healthy.
They had one set ofgrandparents that didn't like
(04:25):
each other, um, and so they wentto opposite ends of the world.
Basically every day he went tothe farm and she stayed at home
and played with us grandkids andthat was kind of their life,
but they slept in separate beds.
They, they still got inarguments, heavy, heated
(04:46):
arguments.
If she wanted to go dancing,like at the VFW, she took me,
not him.
When I got older, yeah.
And then on the other side of it, the other grandparents, like
she, cooked and cleaned and didall the housework and he went to
(05:07):
the shop and welded because hewas a welder but she nagged his
ass up one side and down theother.
She was a very devoutpentecostal and we went to
church every time those damndoors were open.
And at home it was the 700 clubplaying on the tv constantly
nuts until it was time forwhat's that?
(05:30):
What's that, bob barker?
oh price is right oh yeah, rightprice is right.
And then in the evening it waswill of fortune yeah, six
o'clock she would nag his assabout.
He liked to drink beer.
He smoked Camel cigarettes withno filter, constantly on his
ass about both of those thingsand as the oldest grandchild who
(05:56):
everybody wanted to be a boy, Iended up inadvertently taking
on that tomboy persona.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
So I would spend most of my days out in the shop with
him learning how to weld, doingboy things.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
So I don't even know where that came from, I mean,
the closest.
I can come to is mygrandparents' relationships and
watching those.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
Yeah, well, you know, and there's probably a lot of
listeners that hear this and andeverybody needs to hear we've
actually kind of touched on alittle bit over the over the
course of the last year on ourpodcast.
But when you overthink thingslike, for example and I will use
abundance or money- actuallyActually use sex.
Speaker 1 (06:44):
Use sex, use my example, okay.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
And so.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
Dr Jenny was taught, I think.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
I'm going to use abundance.
I like that example better.
So in the money-wise situation,when you're overthinking life,
you have a tendency yes, wecreate our reality.
Yes, we are in what we put out.
Energy wise, we get back.
That is all what I want, thatring thing, oh um, that is all
(07:20):
part of our spiritual beliefs inour living and that's how we
live.
But the big part of that that alot of people get confused is
in the process of creating theirreality.
They have a tendency to createscenarios of stuff they know
nothing about or they shouldn'teven be creating.
(07:41):
So they're building anexpectation on what the reality
is supposed to be and don't evenreally know what it's supposed
to be, and so you create abottleneck and right so you
create, uh, the story or thepicture, just so I can reconfirm
what you're talking about, yeah, of what it should look like in
(08:04):
your head, and thatinadvertently creates a
situation where you're not onlynot allowing that version to
come in, but you're not allowingan expanded version of that, if
it were to be.
Right, it's a very limitingpractice.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
Yeah, I agree.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
When you get to a spot, to where you are creating
scenarios in your head of howsomething should look.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
And then hanging on to that, and then hanging on to
that With a death grip.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
Yeah, we're hanging.
You know, I see people do it injobs, I see people do it in
life, I see people do it inrelationships, in money, in sex,
in whatever.
They create this scenario intheir head of how they want
their reality to look in thisspecific topic.
And it is okay to have beliefsand patterns and program that
create that reality.
(08:54):
But it's not okay, when you putparameters or expectations on
that reality to look this way,because you put it out there in
the world and you create yourreality.
You have to let it go.
You know, you have to be okaywith either way, for when it
happens, whatever happens,because you don't know the steps
by which you're going to getthere.
You know we don't gonna guess,we have crystal balls in our
(09:17):
world, but when you you don'thave anything that's going to
tell you a if I do this, this isgoing to happen, and then
that's going to happen, and thenthat's going to tell you a if I
do this, this is going tohappen, and then that's going to
happen, and then that's goingto happen and this is going to
happen.
All we do is we say listen, Iwant to get here.
Spirit, take the wheel yeah andwhen you start creating those
scenarios in your head, it can.
That are there.
(09:38):
Those scenarios are based offyour beliefs, patterns and
programs.
Right and when you?
When you do that, when yourbeliefs are not in the right
place for where you are now, youknow like your belief of you
have wifely chores.
Otherwise I'm not going to behappy.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
Well, yeah, and that's something that came up
for me is to give you guysinsight on what he's talking
about In my definition of beinga good wife.
Air quote what baggage stilllived there is if I don't
provide my man with sex as awifely duty, he's going to go
(10:18):
somewhere else to get it.
I'm still, after all theseyears, I'm still carrying that
bullshit around.
Well and you use it as a sexexample.
But, but you were doing in alot of other topics as well,
right, but I, because we've beentalking about spiritual sex, I
thought I would bring that in,since that's the most recent
thing this last couple of daysthat I the shadow work that I've
(10:41):
been doing for myself, because,man, I'm tired of lugging that
fucking baggage around.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
Right.
I mean, like the example I toldyou this morning, I can say in
the car man, I'm hungry and allI'm doing is kind of
communicating verbally that I'msetting the intention that I'm
going to go get something to eatand Dr Jenny will go through
her entire bag of goodies thatshe has Okay, do you want
peanuts?
Do you want crackers?
That she has Okay, do you wantpeanuts?
Do you want crackers, Do youwant?
(11:05):
And I'm like no, no, Because Iknow what she carries and so
what it does is from this sideof the plate.
It puts me in a weird position.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
How so.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
Because you've gotten irritated when you say caca
pues you know, in Spanish I wastaught that that meant okay, you
want shit instead, right, andso when I go through you go
through that list, and I'm likeno, no, no, because I'm thinking
in my head what I want to eat.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
And you get to the end.
You're frustrated because youjust offered me everything you
have.
I've stated I'm hungry andsomehow you've taken it on the
ownership of it.
It's your responsibility tomake sure I eat.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
Right and I.
The funky part about it is Ididn't realize that I was doing
that because I still was hangingon to.
It's my wifely duty to makesure that you've got something
to eat, right it's my wifelyduty to make sure that you've
got something to eat.
I cloaked it as I am doing it,because this is the bag of stuff
I have and I'm kindly justoffering what I have to you, and
(12:13):
if you want to eat it, you do,and if you don't, you don't.
Right, that's how I saw it.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
Yeah, but.
Speaker 1 (12:19):
I didn't see the accountability in the real place
of.
I'm still hanging on to thatbullshit of oh, it's my wifely
responsibility to put my wifecape on and go into action
because he said he's hungry andthe vision that pops up is my
grandmother devout Pentecostalone, so that's her whole lot in
(12:44):
life to make sure that the manis fed and he eats before the
children do.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
And that was how the whole household was.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
He got his plate first and she made it for him.
She took it to him.
Wifely duty.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
So what's?
Speaker 1 (13:02):
coming up right this minute is this image, and that's
exactly where I created mytemplate from was watching her
do that.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
Well, you said it right.
A lot of people have a watchingher do that.
Yeah, well, you, you said itright is you mask it?
A lot of people have a tendencyto do that.
So, and that's where I was kindof going with this is it's
overthinking things.
And it's over because I like Idon't know how many times I've
told you in our relationshiptogether I'm a big boy, I can do
my laundry, I could cook my ownclothes, yeah, my own house.
Well, and in the in the firstparts of our relationship and
(13:33):
maybe even now I don't see myenergy, but definitely in the
first parts of our relationshipI kind of got offended at that,
like you're not letting me do mywifely duty and so and, and it
becomes a masking, because when,when I tell you I don't need
(13:53):
the things, it's kind of likethe same scenario when you said
if you're going to cheat withsomebody, make sure you take me
Right.
It's kind of the same scenario.
When I take away theresponsibilities that you have
as a belief, you'll mask it.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
It's like, wow, what the fuck am I supposed to do
then?
Yeah, you don't need me.
What am I supposed to do then?
Yeah, but then you don't needme.
What am I supposed to do?
Speaker 2 (14:16):
what I choose you.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
I don't need you, right, but that's the kind of
existential crisis where I'vegot to redefine everything right
and go into a whole, create awhole, nother grid or matrix, if
you will of.
Okay, then what's the fuckingpoint of being your wife?
If what, what does wife?
Speaker 2 (14:35):
mean, you're salty today, aren't?
Speaker 1 (14:36):
you, I am salty man.
I got my job in that f-bomb alot what?
What's the point in being thewife?
What does the wife definitionmean?
What is why did I?
Why did I do this?
Then?
What does mean Do?
Speaker 2 (14:50):
you think it comes with responsibilities.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
I did yeah At one point in my life.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
And there's a lot of people that do think that.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
And I fall back on that inadvertently,
subconsciously, if I'm notcareful.
Right and and I think this is avery crucial part of our I
built a whole nursing careerwhere I'm basically like, for
example, in the ER or in the OR.
I have created an entire careerof being someone's proverbial
(15:23):
wife, yeah, anticipating whattool they're going to need next
or what thing they're going toneed next, so that I'm right
there by their side performingthat work-wife duty of giving
them what they need.
An entire career built aroundthat perspective.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
Yeah, I know, I totally understand A lot of
people do.
But when you start masking itand you start trying to hide it
behind things, and it is a truebelief that you should really
look at, because when you have arelationship where you have two
independent people that cometogether and choose, did you
(16:00):
hear that I did?
Speaker 1 (16:01):
What was that?
Speaker 2 (16:01):
I don't know, that was weird.
My mic cut out for a second too.
That was weird.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
I'll have to look at it when I edit.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
Yeah, that was odd.
But when you have twoindependent people that come
together, when one brings beliefinto the beliefs, into the
relationship that I don't needsomebody, I choose to be with
you, yeah, and the other onebrings in that I have to do
something to be chosen right, itcan cause a really weird
(16:31):
dynamic it can.
It can, definitely it can makea wonky situation and people may
be asking themselves well, whatdo I?
How do I change that?
because yeah, you know intoday's society.
Yes, 50 years ago the wifehaving wifely duties was normal,
right, you know the?
Because they were single incomehouseholds.
(16:51):
Now every household just aboutis two incomes.
Both people work, but yet westill have this weird dynamic
that it's the woman'sresponsibility to take care of
the children.
The man comes home, pops open abeer and sits in the recliner.
And how is that balanced andhow is that fair?
She just worked 40 hours thatweek too.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
Exactly.
Speaker 2 (17:13):
I can tell you why Because the women still get
viewed that they don't work ashard as men yeah and raising
kids and working 40 hours a weekis not always an easy job no
but when it comes to today'sworld, when you have people that
bring in those, those values inthere that are not, they're
(17:37):
they not?
really?
What am I looking for?
When you bring in those beliefsand right, it's not balanced.
That's one thing, but what isthe word I'm trying to think is
they're useless.
It's useless because all itdoes is cause, first of all, the
person bringing them in issuesand, second of all, it now
creates a problem for the otherperson.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
Well, the person bringing them in and I can talk
on that behalf I felt a sense ofDon't get me wrong, I have
baggage too.
What's my, oh my God.
What's my purpose then?
Speaker 2 (18:10):
Right.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
I found myself lost on, okay.
Well then, I don't know whatthis means and I don't know how
to do this, and it, almost for atime in our relationship,
caused a kind of panic situationof why am I here, why am I
doing?
This Like what's the point?
And I got I I was lost and hadhad to figure out what, what,
(18:36):
what is my new right?
What is my new purpose then, inall of this?
Speaker 2 (18:42):
and that's where relationships go really weird
yeah when people don't know howto live and in a way that they
that some person doesn't needthem Unconditionally without a
purpose right.
I choose to be with you.
Speaker 1 (18:56):
I don't need you to do my laundry, I don't need you
to run my bathwater, I don'tneed you to go to the
refrigerator and get me a beer,and I choose to be with you
independently and honor you whoyou are and where you are Right,
and when people inrelationships now can come to a
point to where it includes sexyeah it's part of the whole
(19:19):
paradigm of wifely duty that'sincorporated in it too and what
it does on the female side is itmakes sex then more of a chore
to check off of a to-do list,like you would house chores,
instead of giving it the spaceto move around and actually be a
thing that you experience froma place of enjoyment and not
(19:42):
obligation?
Speaker 2 (19:43):
that's the key.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
That's the key right there, right, because there's no
room for us to or you know Ican only speak for myself, but
there's there's no room for usto.
Or you know I can only speakfor myself, but there's no room
for me to enjoy it, because it'san obligation and I'm just
trying to check it off of a list.
Okay, this is a chore done thisweek, right along with laundry
and dishes and everything else,so I'm not leaving any room for
(20:07):
it to take on any other persona.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
Agreed.
And that brings me to a place,to where this is where
unintended consequences comeinto play, because there are
people that joke around about.
I'll tell you how to keep yourman happy and not cheating on
you, you keep his belly full andhis balls drained.
I've heard that joke a milliontimes.
I've seen it just today onYouTube shorts.
(20:30):
Well, first of all, I'm goingto challenge men.
A million times, I've seen itjust today on YouTube Shorts.
Yeah.
Well, first of all, I'm goingto challenge men to step up and
be independent, first of all.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
Right.
Speaker 2 (20:39):
Second of all, newsflash.
Ladies, y'all ready for this?
We are no matter what you do.
If your man's going to cheat,he's going to cheat, that's
right.
It has nothing to do with youkeeping his belly full and his
balls drained.
It ain't get nothing to do withyou keeping his belly full and
his balls drained.
It ain't got nothing to do withit.
If he's going to cheat, he'sgoing to cheat.
It ain't got nothing to do withthat.
And it doesn't mean that you're, and it ain't got nothing to do
(21:00):
with you, right?
Speaker 1 (21:00):
It doesn't mean that you're unworthy of love or
unworthy of perfection or youknow any of that garbage that
comes up with when you'retalking about that stuff.
I can only speak for me.
What was tingled up in it wasif I'm not perfect, then I am
(21:26):
not worth loving, right?
Speaker 2 (21:29):
If I don't do all of my wifely duties, then I don't
deserve love do my laundry lady,because I am not man enough to
wash my own clothes and I'mgonna, I'm gonna, give you 50
lashes with the thumb sizeswitch that I find out in the
(21:49):
yard right, and this is thecrazy part about this, and I've
actually worked with somebodythat said this.
The woman was in counseling andshe says he always expects me to
do his laundry.
I work too, and I have to cook,I have to take care of the baby
, and he sits and watches TV inthe chair and I'll hand him the
baby and da-da-da-da-da-da-dababy and go through all that,
(22:10):
right.
And I said well, have you askedhim to do his own laundry?
He says he don't know how.
So you have a man that is anengineer, that goes all day long
and figures out how to usedifferent tools and how to build
things.
Speaker 1 (22:26):
How to build a fucking rocket that goes to the
moon.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
But he doesn't know how to work a washing machine
Right.
It goes to the moon, but hedoesn't know how to work a
washing machine Right.
First of all, I don't know ify'all ever heard this before,
but I call bullshit.
We call bullshit, and so that'sa challenge I'm going to put
out there to the man is, firstof all, quit, quit, just quit.
(22:50):
We are 50 years, 70 years pastthat crap.
Speaker 1 (22:52):
Right.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
You know.
Take care of your dang self andenjoy your life with somebody
you choose to be with, notsomebody you want to live.
To wait on your hand and foot,that is ridiculous, right.
Speaker 1 (23:03):
It is just a If you want that, move back in with
your mommy, right.
Speaker 2 (23:06):
Go live in your mama's basement, for God's sake.
You know it's like Because itgives.
It makes guys like me because,don't get me wrong, I wasn't
perfect for a good number ofyears and I'm still not perfect
to this day.
But you know, I have been inbad spots in relationships.
I have cheated, I have done allsorts of things in
relationships, but what I did dois learn.
(23:28):
I did become somebody different.
Yeah, and I, because I chose tobe somebody different and I
don't need anybody.
And when we have these guys outhere that are setting these
standards, and these moms andthese grandmas are teaching
these daughters theseresponsibilities, and these,
these men that aren't raisingtheir sons or telling their sons
(23:50):
yeah, you're just perpetuating.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
You're just perpetuating this stupid crap.
Speaker 2 (23:53):
You're just perpetuating this freaking cycle
of things that's not going togo nowhere.
Speaker 1 (24:00):
Yeah, and then they become adults who are in therapy
because their life is notworking, or they end up divorced
a hundred times.
Right, and they have to gettherapy and try and figure all
that shit out.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
Right, and here's the crazy part about this is it's
very easy.
Speaker 1 (24:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:20):
And it's one sentence that all you have to do is
dad's sons, whoever they are,any guy out there.
It's one sentence and it's.
I am man enough to take care ofmyself.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
Or.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
I am woman enough to take care of myself.
I don't need somebody else.
I choose to have somebody else.
That's right, and I'mdefinitely not going to compile
my responsibilities on somebodyelse.
That is not being a man, that'snot being a leader.
Speaker 1 (24:52):
That's not being a leader.
That's not being a leader.
Well, it's not just the menWomen do it too.
Speaker 2 (24:57):
Right, I totally agree.
Speaker 1 (24:59):
Women.
There's women out there thattake that reverse role and
expect the man to do everything,while they sit around blowing
the polish dry on their fingers.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
Right, I had to heard somebody making fun of somebody
that one day here, but I don'tknow six, seven months ago that
he cause he was a stay at homedad, the wife was the
breadwinner, he stayed home withthe kids, yeah, and there was
actually a couple of peoplemaking fun of him.
I told him I'm like, bro, justdo you, man, if it's a
negotiated thing between you twothen, do it.
(25:31):
That's fine, it's not a big deal.
But there were other peoplethat were saying oh, you're not
a man, You're not taking care ofyour family and he is taking
care of his family.
He's probably actually going toraise two very good kids.
And he said I take care of thehouse when she comes home, she
doesn't have to do nothing.
Speaker 1 (25:48):
Yeah, and if that's how the negotiation is panned
out for them and it works and.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
I agree with that scenario.
If one person works and theother one doesn't, it doesn't
matter, the gender.
Right.
Speaker 1 (26:00):
It's what works in your particular situation and
what the two of you havecommunicated and negotiated,
your gives and takes.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
Correct, 100% correct , but anyway.
So the perpetuation of thispattern of evolution between
couples over the last 50 to 70years is the most ridiculous
thing and shame on this society.
We need to fix it, you knoweverybody is equal.
(26:32):
Everybody should be taking careof themselves and choosing to be
, and I guarantee you divorcerates will drop way down when
people come into therelationship with the thought of
I don't need you to take careof me, I don't need you to
provide me with anything, what Iam choosing you to spend my
life with you and if you're theone bringing in the baggage,
like me who was the wife withall these wifely duties, it's
(26:56):
very freeing to have arelationship such as ours, where
I was able to let go of thatbaggage yeah and really
experience a new kind ofrelationship without the
relationship, without thehave-tos.
Right, and this brings me back.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
I get to, and so then what?
Speaker 2 (27:17):
ends up happening.
Right, you get to.
That's a good way to put itRight.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
I don't have to now.
I get to if I want to, right,but because it was such a
long-practiced habit, sometimeseven I get caught in an unaware
state and I begin to tell thestory that overthinks the
(27:40):
situation.
Speaker 2 (27:40):
Totally agree, we all do it to extend in certain ways
and so I you know so what.
Speaker 1 (27:45):
What do we do about it?
Speaker 2 (27:46):
like me.
I open your car door every timewe go somewhere, right, right,
do I have to do that?
Do you expect me to do that?
No, I get to do that.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
Right, exactly.
Speaker 2 (27:57):
I do it out of respect and love, because I
chose you.
You chose to be with me, anddoorknob shouldn't be in your
hand.
Speaker 1 (28:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (28:05):
It's just I'm sorry, it's just me.
Speaker 1 (28:07):
Right that used to be me.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
Don't get me wrong, that didn't used to be me.
But in my change of life, in mychanging myself, I changed a
lot of my practices.
Speaker 1 (28:18):
Right, but you did it because you wanted to.
Speaker 2 (28:21):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
I did it by myself, Not because somebody said oh,
you're going to open my door orwe're not going to be together.
Right, I didn't like who I hadbecome.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
Right, and so I became somebody different.
But the key is that you madethat or we're not going to be
together.
Right?
I didn't like who I had becomeRight, and so I became somebody
different.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
But the key is that you made that change, because
that's who you wanted to becomeand one of the things that you
wanted to embrace and do.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
Right, I have no regrets for who I was, but I'm
very proud of who I am now.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
Yeah, I mean, that's how it works really, and so, uh,
I guess, if you know, peopleare out there and they're like
okay, well then, how do I start?
What do I do?
What's the first step?
Speaker 2 (29:04):
Well, and this is pretty easy, I think.
I think the first step of thisscenario is stopping to realize
that that you bring you'rebringing problems to the table,
that it's not the other person'sfault if there's something that
is bothering you, that's on you.
Yeah, that's the first thingyou have to realize yeah, that's
.
Speaker 1 (29:21):
The first thing is is that if it's bugging you, then
it's your problem.
It's your problem, not theirsyou gotta dig in there and you
gotta look at that right, youcan't deflect if it, if it's not
bothering you, then therethere's no belief or anything in
there and you give it nodefinition, you give it no
emotion because there's no point, it's not bugging you, so the
(29:43):
minute that it starts to feeluncomfortable or offensive or
blame whatever.
Whatever those emotions are thatit triggers inside of you,
that's a big indicator thatyou've got some work to do you
got some.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (30:01):
There's alarm bells going off on that belief yeah,
exactly right and you know youkind of like one of those things
that is more than likelyhappening is you're telling
yourself a story that's a lie.
Speaker 2 (30:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:17):
Hence overthinking things.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
That's right.
Hey, wait till you bring itback.
That used to be my job,whatever every point where
you're.
Speaker 1 (30:35):
You've created a story in your head and you're
not sure if it's accurate or ifit's just an outright lie that
you've told yourself to makethings feel better.
Go to your partner and saylisten, I've been tooling around
with this, this is what I'vecome up with.
Can you help me by identifying?
Is this just a dumb ass lie I'mtelling myself, or is this
something that has any truth toit whatsoever?
(30:55):
And talk it out with yourperson.
Speaker 2 (30:58):
Yes, and that'll enhance communication.
Speaker 1 (31:02):
That'll give you a sounding board and it will
identify, because if he looks atyou and says you're telling an
outright lie Now you can't getoffended or have your feelings
hurt because you went to him andasked for that verification.
You got to just big girl up orman up and say, all right, I
(31:24):
asked for that and it's a lie.
Now, what am I going to do withit?
Speaker 2 (31:28):
And that is the number two part of it that you
perfectly said, that I think youworded that well.
I would add one little thing tothat.
Speaker 1 (31:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (31:38):
Is when you open the door to a belief and you bring
it up to your partner tocommunicate.
It.
Open the door to a belief andyou bring it up to your partner
to communicate it is.
Speaker 1 (31:47):
You have to be understanding that sometimes
that person's going to say,listen, I don't know where
that's coming from your shitsting but that is a dirty diaper
yeah, and you've got to be openand receptive if you're going
to bring that other person infrom a place of okay, I asked
for it.
Don't ask for something thatyou can't handle without going
(32:10):
into a place of defensivenessand create an all-out argument.
War over because you asked forthe information, right?
Don't turn it into an argumentand take it defensively like the
other person, be it he or theshe, of the or the he and the he
, whatever your partner's genderis makes no difference, right,
(32:33):
but if you bring it up to yourpartner as a sounding board,
make sure you're ready for whatcomes out of that person's mouth
when you ask for the assistancein clarifying whether it's just
a dumb ass lie and you're readyto get rid of it.
Speaker 2 (32:50):
Don't go into defense mode because I don't create an
argument we see, that's onething that I do like when I
bring something to you that wecan talk about, if I need to
talk about something yeah I.
I don't look at you as my wife.
I look at you as my counselorand I and I do it from a
different perspective.
Yeah, you know like yesterdaywhen we were talking to Misty
Misty Nichols by the way, sheowns a fortune teller seller and
(33:10):
she's on Facebook, look her up.
Uh, she is a tarot reader andprobably one of the best tarot
readers that I have everexperienced in my life.
Yeah it well yesterday when shesaid people come to me and they
get mad when I tell them things, and she says to them listen,
it ain't me that's talking, it'syou, and if you can't take what
(33:33):
you hearing, it's on youbecause that's these are your
cards.
I mean, this is your reading,it's not my reading you're not
reading me.
These cards are reading youthat's right and and it's on it,
and so when you go to have thatconversation and understand
that, approach that person in away of.
I really truly want to know theanswer to this question yeah
(33:57):
and be open-minded.
Speaker 1 (33:58):
You can't get defensive and accountable, and
accountable because I totallyagree by golly shadow work is
not a fucking spot reason whyit's called shadow work and be
careful what you ask for theminute that you ask for a tarot
reading or the minute that youask to talk to your partner and
bounce it off of them.
Know what you're going into andbe open to receive whatever
(34:22):
constructive criticism comes outin a true.
I'm ready to receive this.
I'm ready to look at thenitty-gritty dirt of it and do
something about it.
Not from that martyr victimplace uh, I'm gonna passively
aggressively turn this into anarcissistic.
(34:43):
Well, I do that.
Because you do this bullshitthing?
Speaker 2 (34:46):
because that's not beneficial to anybody and it
starts fights and it's sometimesit's people's first nature,
because that was really my firstnature for a very long time if
that's where you're at, thendon't even bother having the
conversation.
Speaker 1 (34:58):
Keep it to yourself until you're absolutely 100
ready for that person to havewhatever come out of their mouth
.
Because even if you go to themand say, okay, I want to pass
this by you, but I really wantyou to sugar coat it because I'm
a tip bag.
That's not beneficial.
It's not helpful.
Don't waste their time anddon't freaking waste your time
(35:21):
If you're not ready to gethardcore about it and take what
they're telling you uncoatedwith sugar and freaking deal
with it right if you're notready to get real about it?
then waller in your crap andmove on yeah, totally agree.
Speaker 2 (35:39):
And you know and there's another part to that
it's like for me, when I bringsomething to you, that's baggage
for me and we talk through itand it's pattern or belief or
whatever it is going on.
When I bring it to you, I haveto change who I am as well, how.
So when I bring something tothe table and it gets brought up
(36:05):
, and if it makes me emotional,it has to be okay.
You have to allow the emotionalguidance system to work its
process.
Speaker 1 (36:13):
Right.
Speaker 2 (36:14):
And so making yourself especially on the side
of the masculinity side.
Right we have a tendency to notallow our emotions to show.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I get itand emotions are part of our
life, and if you can't be manenough to have emotions, then
you're not or be masculine.
Let me rephrase it's not evenabout man and woman who cares
(36:35):
what sex it is.
It doesn't matter what sex itis.
If you are not a strong,spiritually grounded human
enough to allow your emotions toguide you through the process
of changing the way you thinkand making yourself feel better,
then what are you doing?
Speaker 1 (36:50):
Right, because nine times out of 10, not allowing
yourself to experience theemotions of a situation just
keeps you in that trauma loop.
Speaker 2 (37:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (37:03):
Because you're not dealing with the emotions,
you're keeping them bottled up.
And that just holds the energyof that thing and not allowing
you to release it fully.
That is 100% correct you got tohave the emotions in it.
Whether that be tears or angeror whatever, whatever that is.
Speaker 2 (37:23):
I totally agree and I think I'm going to tell
everybody the secret to arelationship you ready.
Everybody's going to hear this.
Speaker 1 (37:31):
Listen in.
Speaker 2 (37:32):
This is the secret to all relationships, if you want
to have an awesome relationship.
Speaker 1 (37:37):
Do tell you ready yeah.
Speaker 2 (37:40):
They don't have to be with you, they choose to be
with you.
Speaker 1 (37:42):
Bingo.
Speaker 2 (37:44):
They don't have to do with you.
They choose to be with youBingo.
They don't have to do anything.
Speaker 1 (37:46):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (37:47):
They can choose to get up and leave today.
They can choose to stay withyou today.
Yeah, they can choose to holdyour hand when they walk.
They can choose to run in frontof you a hundred yards because
they're embarrassed by you.
It is their choice, and whenyou have enough respect for
yourself to understand that thatperson is with you because
they're choosing to be with you,it will change the way you look
(38:08):
at everything.
Speaker 1 (38:09):
But it will also change for them.
Speaker 2 (38:10):
And change for them as well.
Speaker 1 (38:13):
When they are no longer obligated to perform,
then it gives them freedom aswell, and then you get to
experience a relationship wherefreedom is the name of the game
and every single second andevery single moment has the
opportunity to take on its own,like just amazing energy.
(38:35):
Because it hasn't beenpredefined or pre-boxed of.
It's got to look this way, orit's got to look that way, or
it's not right.
Or I've got to perform this way, or it's got to look that way,
or it's not right.
Or I've got to perform this, orshe's not going to be happy, or
I've got to perform this orhe's not going to be happy.
When you can break free fromall that nonsense and come to
that place of you know what?
I sit here because I choose to.
Speaker 2 (38:58):
To be there.
That's right.
Speaker 1 (38:59):
He sits there because he chooses to it not only
allows me the freedom of thatchoice, but it allows the
freedom of that choice on yourside as well.
Then the relationship morphsinto a whole nother thing,
(39:20):
completely.
Speaker 2 (39:21):
Right, and that's another part of this.
The last part, I think, for mein this conversation is you know
, you and I, when we first gottogether, we said we're not
going to get married because apaper doesn't mean anything.
Speaker 1 (39:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (39:36):
All it does is a marriage certificate comes with
societal taught,responsibilities Boxed in, and
the reality is is marriage is achoice?
Yeah, relationships are achoice, right, you know?
Like?
You know, like the first time Igot married, we went in front
(39:57):
of the pastor and he said okay,okay, james, you have to love,
honor, respect, obey, be a goodpresent man, a man of God.
You have to do all of thesethings.
And I was like oh no, what,what but wait.
(40:25):
And so marriage certificatescome with these societal talk
crap.
Speaker 1 (40:31):
Yeah.
It's all societal, it's theprogrammed energy of expectation
and judgment.
You and I agreed to not everget married.
Speaker 2 (40:43):
We ended up marrying during COVID because we heard
the stuff that was going on.
But part of it for me is theparameters and all the crap that
comes with that piece of paper.
That is not freedom.
Speaker 1 (40:58):
No.
Speaker 2 (40:59):
That is basically paying the state to tax you to
enslave the other person.
It doesn't make any dang sense.
Speaker 1 (41:07):
Yeah, it's a legal form of slavery, almost.
Speaker 2 (41:13):
Almost.
Don't get me wrong.
I'm not bad mouth of marriageand I'm not saying any of that
kind of stuff.
That's not what I mean.
For us what I mean is when youenter into that relationship and
if you go to get married tosomebody because you all both
choose to be with somebody, withthe other person, don't take
that for granted Right and don'tfall into that societal top
(41:34):
belief that I've got to love,honor, obey, respect everything
my man says, because dead tilldeath do us part.
Well, no shit, we're all dying.
But to be real about it isunderstand that the rabbit hole.
Speaker 1 (41:55):
Part of that is till death.
Do us part if you spirituallyhave a death aspect of you where
you recreate a whole new you.
Because you've learnedeverything that you needed to
learn from that individual.
That's a form of death.
(42:17):
So, then that gives you thepermission to divorce them.
Speaker 2 (42:22):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (42:24):
It does, yep, so I'm not going to hell nope can I get
an applause?
Speaker 2 (42:30):
you know why, why because that piece of paper
wasn't made by spirit.
That piece of paper is a wayfor you to be taxed.
It has nothing to do withbeliefs and it definitely has
nothing to do with relationships.
Speaker 1 (42:47):
Right.
Speaker 2 (42:49):
Yeah, it's fun to hang on the wall and say oh, mr
and Mrs Emery, thank you.
Speaker 1 (42:56):
Does anybody actually ?
Speaker 2 (42:58):
We don't even know where our merch certificate is.
Actually we do.
We found it when we got thepassports.
Speaker 1 (43:03):
I was going to say I had to drag it up and find it
Because we found it when we gotthe passports.
I was gonna say I had to dragit up and find it because we had
to have it for the passport sowe could go on our cruise yeah I
don't think anybody actuallyhangs it on the wall, do they?
Maybe some people do, they hangit on the wall.
Speaker 2 (43:17):
Oh my god, that's crazy and the place where we
were yesterday.
It was hanging on the wall.
Speaker 1 (43:23):
Really, yes, oh wow, I shouldn't laugh so hard.
Speaker 2 (43:32):
Yeah, it was hanging on the wall, but anyway.
And so just to everybody, tokind of clarify and top
everything off in this scenario,is it is not your job to take
care of your person, it is yourjob to respect them and choose
to be with them and respecttheir beliefs and where they are
right.
Speaker 1 (43:53):
And so what does that mean?
That means, like I give acouple of examples, like, for
example, if the, if yourbreadcrumb is, you know what
I've got some unfinishedbusiness.
I need to go follow thisbreadcrumb to the casino.
Speaker 2 (44:11):
Oh, I did that to you .
That was two weeks ago, yeah.
Speaker 1 (44:14):
My respect to you is that okay, cool, you got to
follow some breadcrumbs and youroffer back is do you want to go
?
And I, at that point, I get tochoose right do I want to go
it's not my breadcrumb or do Iwant to stay home and you go
take your journey yourself?
(44:36):
and you want to choose and thatis a very freeing feeling versus
the way I used to run, whichwas oh my God.
My man says he's doing this, I,as a, as a loving wife, it's my
wifely duty to go and supporthim and honor whatever this is,
even if I don't freaking want todo it, I must attend this thing
(45:00):
and stand by his side.
There's even a song Stand by myman man stand by your man.
Speaker 2 (45:10):
It's a 50 song, of course right, and so I.
Speaker 1 (45:14):
I could stand there and I could say it doesn't
matter to me personally eitherway in that situation, whether I
stay or whether I go.
Okay, so then, do I truly do Iwant to go and check out the
casino for myself, or would Irather stay at home?
What's the enjoyment factorthere?
Speaker 2 (45:36):
either way.
Speaker 1 (45:38):
And then I make the choice.
Nine times out of ten Freedom.
Then I make the choice.
Speaker 2 (45:41):
Nine times out of ten .
Speaker 1 (45:42):
Freedom Nine times out of ten.
I go because I'm curious aboutwhat this whole adventure is for
you, you get it and.
I enjoy watching it unfold foryou.
Speaker 2 (45:55):
So a lot of times I'll go just so I can watch it.
It didn't unfold very well forme last time.
It wasn't very much fun.
I learned something.
That's all that matters.
Speaker 1 (46:04):
But anyway, that's what it boils down to is don't
overthink it right like I'llgive you an example of
overthinking that simplescenario.
Okay, wait.
Okay.
So he is gonna go to the casino.
I don't really want to go, butif I don't go, he's gonna think
that I'm not supporting him orthat I don't love him, or that I
(46:25):
am not gonna honor his placewhere he's at in his journey.
Then I'm gonna look like a badwife and I.
Then we're gonna come home andI'm gonna have some resentment
because I had to go instead ofmake being able, because I would
rather I would rather be athome watching TV in my
(46:46):
sweatpants this is my one andonly day off too.
How dare him drag me into thisnonsense of this stupid journey
that he's on, when I wouldrather be on my couch watching a
Disney movie in my sweatpants?
Speaker 2 (46:59):
And eating your chocolate ice cream.
Speaker 1 (47:01):
Like that's overthinking a boxed way over
thinking perspective.
Speaker 2 (47:07):
All I wanted you to say is do you want to go or not?
Speaker 1 (47:10):
hey, like I'm gonna go follow this spiritual
breadcrumb, I'm inviting you togo if you want to.
Uh, if you don't, it's coolwith me either way I don't care,
so don't overthink it.
Speaker 2 (47:27):
And don't think that that means that that person
doesn't want you to go.
Speaker 1 (47:32):
Right.
Speaker 2 (47:33):
It's freedom.
In this example, I do want youto always go with me.
Speaker 1 (47:39):
Right, right but it's your choice.
Right.
Speaker 2 (47:42):
I don't own you, I ain't your daddy right, right,
but it's your choice, right?
Speaker 1 (47:48):
I?
I don't own you, I ain't yourdaddy.
Speaker 2 (47:49):
But if I had done that whole overthinking process
essentially, what could have yousaid if I had done?
Speaker 1 (47:53):
you did do that I did , yeah, you talked we talked
about it.
Speaker 2 (47:57):
Really, yeah, you, you's like I really don't want
to go, but I'm gonna go.
And then I asked you like whydid you go if you didn't want to
go?
Speaker 1 (48:04):
oh, so I was speaking like the truth.
Yeah, see, see, guys, whathappens, like I'm just human.
My poop stinks just like yoursdoes man yeah and so then, what
it does, is it?
I lost my train of thought yeah, sorry I didn't mean it.
Um, well then it can take youto a place of resentment and you
(48:27):
resent him for dragging youinto that dumbass situation.
Speaker 2 (48:32):
And don't fall into the trap either.
Speaker 1 (48:34):
And there's no point in resenting him because he
didn't do anything wrong.
Your own dumbass story and yourown dumbass baggage.
My dumbass, overthinking mydumbass, not just speaking my
truth and saying no, you knowwhat?
I want to stay home and hangout on my couch.
Speaker 2 (48:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (48:55):
I need to be resenting myself.
Speaker 2 (48:58):
Right, yeah.
Speaker 1 (48:58):
The resentment needs to be pointed right back at me,
because I'm the one that didn'thonor my truth of what I really
wanted to do, because I am stilltrying to honor some dumbass
baggage of wifely duty paradigm.
Speaker 2 (49:11):
Yeah, totally the.
Speaker 1 (49:12):
June Cleaver syndrome .
Yeah, we done with that.
Speaker 2 (49:16):
Yeah, put a match to that.
Speaker 1 (49:18):
Strike that match.
So anyway that's what it lookslike.
Speaker 2 (49:24):
So to kind of finish out this topic, because we're
getting pressed on time here, umis understand this really.
You can make your life so mucheasier if you just realize on
time.
Speaker 1 (49:34):
Listen, we try to do what the recommendation is which
did to give you guys a quick 20minute little 20 to 40 little
thing when he says pressed ontime because we'll sit here and
talk for freaking ever.
Speaker 2 (49:48):
Oh, we do, we just did this morning.
Speaker 1 (49:50):
We are trying desperately to give you a little
20-minute gig and not keep youright it's hard.
Yeah it is.
Speaker 2 (49:56):
It's hard to do it is hard to do, especially when you
get flowing on a topic.
The one bit of advice I wouldgive about all this is first of
all, don't understand, first ofall, that everybody has a choice
.
It is a choice for them to bewith you and if you're, if
you're allowing your mind towander on things and assume on
(50:18):
things, just remind yourselfthat that person is choosing to
be with me.
Speaker 1 (50:23):
And that what you may be putting around in your head
in the story is probably just anoutright lie.
Speaker 2 (50:28):
Yeah, totally 100.
It did probably 99% of the time.
It is a lie.
Speaker 1 (50:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (50:33):
Um now there are the rare occasions, and it's not a
lie, but it it it is.
It is what it is, it is what itis and remember it's a choice.
They don't have to be with you.
Speaker 1 (50:44):
And you don't have to be with them.
Speaker 2 (50:45):
That's right, but anyway, hey guys, don't forget
to like, follow and share.
Hey, check out our website,wwwthemerchcentersorg.
The Spiritual Grind is onYouTube.
You can actually link it fromour website and our Salty Tarot
store is up and running.
You can get spiritual grindmerch on there and you can get
(51:09):
salty tarot merch and you canalso merc center merch, oh, yeah
, yeah, yeah and uh, the thecoffee thing is still not up
there yet, by the way, because Ihaven't got a response back.
I asked if we could.
Uh, anyway, we'll talk.
Talk about that later.
But the salty tarot if you goon Instagram, look up the salty
tarot and follow us.
(51:31):
It's not salty tarot, it's thesalty tarot, cause I I'm going
to have to file a complaintbecause we have somebody
mimicking us.
But, uh, follow if you wouldlike.
Follow and share them as well,because we are posting in there
starting next week.
So go ahead and follow the pageand you'll get notification
when the world-famous app comesout.
Speaker 1 (51:53):
Oh yeah, and we are still working on the videos.
We haven't forgotten about that.
I'm waiting for some softwaredownloads, we're having to go
through the learning curve ofhow to put a video together and
all of that.
So sometimes learning curvesare.
Speaker 2 (52:09):
If it was just one person, it would be easy, but
there's two of us.
Speaker 1 (52:13):
Right.
Speaker 2 (52:13):
And so you have to have three to four cameras and
you have to have multi-cameraview in studio.
If you want to do it right, youdo you don't want to do it
right.
Speaker 1 (52:24):
You don't want to just do some dumb jackass video.
So we're going through thatlearning phase, but they are
coming, don't give up on us.
Speaker 2 (52:31):
I actually thought about us going to that place
that you could do your podcastin their studio.
You pay them to do it and thenthey video it and do all that.
Speaker 1 (52:41):
Maybe I didn't know that existed.
Speaker 2 (52:43):
Yeah, and there's one here, oh, but anyway, that's
really all I got.
Ring that bell.
Oh yeah, for your notifications.
All righty, hey, y'all have anawesome day.
Speaker 1 (52:59):
Love ya.
Speaker 2 (53:01):
That was my sexy voice.
Ha, ha, ha ha ha, ha ha ha.
Speaker 1 (53:11):
Love ya, that was my sexy voice.
We'll see you next time.
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