October 25, 2025 • 53 mins
What if most conflicts aren’t about what was said, but about the answers your mind wrote before anyone spoke? We dive into the quiet mechanics of miscommunication—assumptions, redirects, body language, and the baggage that warps truth—and lay out a simple toolkit that turns friction into clarity.
We start with everyday moments: the “I don’t care” food choice that wasn’t honest, the car payment question loaded with old fear, and how a literal answer can sound like a lie when trust is thin. Then we introduce precision of words and the three whys method to find roots fast: answer clearly, ask why, then why again, then once more. That habit transforms awkward check-ins into safe conversations about history, needs, and boundaries. Along the way we tackle body language and energy cues, how to avoid mind-reading, and why a childlike curiosity is a better strategy than defensiveness.
Work and home both get real examples. The Little Steve story shows how unchecked assumptions almost cost someone a promotion; one question—“Why are you asking?”—would have changed everything. We also dig into self-communication: noticing stress signals, separating physical from mental pressure, and using the same three whys to calm the monkey mind before it writes its next doom script. A gem from a couple 77 years strong anchors the theme: people change daily—keep learning them.
If you’re ready to replace knee-jerk reactions with honest responses, to build trust with precise words, and to solve problems without turning them into stories, this one’s your guide. Listen, try the three whys, and tell us where your communication tends to break. Subscribe, share with someone who needs fewer fights and more clarity, and leave a review to help more listeners find us.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_03 (00:28):
Good morning, everybody.
Welcome back to the spiritualgrind.
Good morning.
We are here.
What was that?
SPEAKER_00 (00:40):
Are you part dog this morning?
SPEAKER_04 (00:42):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (00:44):
What was that show where the boy turns into shaggy
or the shaggy dog?
Is that what it's called?
The shaggy dog?
SPEAKER_03 (00:51):
I don't yes, I think it was.
Well, that was a that's aflashback from the 80s.
Right.
Holy cow.
Telling your age they're alittle bit under you.
And so, yeah, um, I guess I am.
SPEAKER_00 (01:06):
Okay.
I'm not telling my age.
I am telling my wisdom.
SPEAKER_03 (01:11):
Yeah, that's what it is, wisdom.
That's what I would call it too.
SPEAKER_00 (01:15):
Very wise.
SPEAKER_03 (01:18):
And so, are you ready for to talk about today's
topic?
SPEAKER_00 (01:22):
Of course.
SPEAKER_03 (01:23):
You know what today's topic is?
SPEAKER_00 (01:24):
I have no idea.
SPEAKER_03 (01:26):
I always surprise you, don't I?
SPEAKER_00 (01:28):
Indeed.
SPEAKER_03 (01:29):
We're going to talk about uh kind of a topic that's
at hand.
SPEAKER_00 (01:32):
Okay.
SPEAKER_03 (01:33):
And it is communication.
SPEAKER_00 (01:36):
Communication.
SPEAKER_03 (01:41):
And how the humans have a tendency to communicate
and have expectations of othersand the way they communicate
with their body.
SPEAKER_00 (01:50):
Well, what about the communication with the aliens?
SPEAKER_03 (01:54):
Well, yeah, we can talk about that at the end if
you want.
You know, because we're allaliens anyway, because we're
foreign to this land.
SPEAKER_00 (02:02):
Uh I was watching Agent Alien about that segment
that they talked about how theyput out there in like the 1970s
this uh binary message.
SPEAKER_03 (02:14):
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I've seen that with all theseven.
Yes.
SPEAKER_00 (02:22):
Thing back.
unknown (02:23):
Yes.
SPEAKER_00 (02:24):
And they're trying to decide if it's a hoax or if
it's real and what it means.
SPEAKER_03 (02:28):
There's actually a place in Vac in Nevada that it's
like a hundred satellite dishes,and all they do is try to
communicate withextraterrestrial beings.
They've been it's been it's allgovernment funded.
SPEAKER_00 (02:38):
Yeah, I'd love to go there and just kind of hang out
for the day.
SPEAKER_03 (02:41):
Yeah, it's pretty cool.
We they have an ancient alienepisode on it.
SPEAKER_00 (02:45):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I've seen it.
SPEAKER_03 (02:47):
But it's it would be uh that would be curious.
And they uh I think on thatepisode they actually showed a
communication back that they gotin it like it's all exciting
because twenty years and neverdid anything back, and then
suddenly they got somethingback.
SPEAKER_00 (03:00):
Right.
But I'd be interested to go andjust kind of hang out for the
day and see.
SPEAKER_03 (03:06):
Would be kind of interesting, I agree.
Kind of watch and see, and I'dlike to send a message out
there.
SPEAKER_00 (03:11):
Communication is vital.
It is, and there are so manydifferent types of
communication.
SPEAKER_03 (03:19):
There is.
SPEAKER_00 (03:20):
There's verbal communication, there's body
language, there's uh and youknow, there's yeah, the the body
language itself speaks foritself.
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_03 (03:30):
And the the words, a lot of times you can tell people
are being honest by their bodymotions over their words.
SPEAKER_01 (03:38):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (03:39):
And if you're me, you can see their energy, you
know, they're lying anyway.
unknown (03:42):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (03:44):
But because you know, um just so you guys know,
if you all come across any aurareaders, they will know if
you're not being honest.
SPEAKER_00 (03:52):
Right.
Can you imagine what kind ofworld it would morph into if
everybody knew that we couldread each other's energy without
even having to say anything?
Yeah, that would be it would bea completely different It would
make me not so special, but Oh,you will you'll always be
special in my heart.
(04:14):
I mean heart.
SPEAKER_03 (04:15):
Oh my Canada at least be some of the glitter
that comes flying out of there.
SPEAKER_00 (04:20):
You're my favorite turd.
SPEAKER_03 (04:21):
I've never flush you.
That's my line.
So let's talk aboutcommunication.
So when humans communicate, theyhave a tendency to in their
subconscious mind, say forexample, I say to you, What's
your favorite color?
They're in their subconsciousmind gonna have an answer that
(04:42):
they have already predeterminedthat you're gonna say and think
that they know what it is beforeyou answer it.
SPEAKER_00 (04:48):
Okay, so meaning when you ask me that question,
you already have answered thequestion in your head based on
what you think I'm gonna comeback with as an answer.
SPEAKER_03 (04:59):
Yes.
You know, in the psychologicalworld, they call that a
redirect.
unknown (05:03):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (05:04):
And uh I I was researching this this morning a
little bit.
SPEAKER_02 (05:07):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (05:07):
And so when somebody has a question they put out
there that they assumesubconsciously or even
consciously that they know theanswer to already, they're
redirecting their answer intheir mind.
So when somebody gives them ananswer that they didn't expect,
it puts them into a situation ofbelieving that they're lying.
SPEAKER_00 (05:26):
Oh nicely worded, sir.
Impressed.
I know, right?
SPEAKER_03 (05:33):
This is you know, this has been on my mind because
we do the same thing with ourbodies.
And this is why, you know, whenwe expect our bodies to do a
certain way, like I'm goingthrough this little blood
pressure thing, and my bloodpressure, you know, I'm doing
what the the society teaches youyou're supposed to do to lower
your blood pressure, doing allof it.
SPEAKER_00 (05:51):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (05:53):
And it's having some effect.
Right.
I agree, it is working somewhat,but then I'm communicating with
my body saying, Look,everything's okay, no need to be
stressed out about nothing.
And, you know, and so I'm tryingto communicate that differently.
And and we can kind of get intothat at part two a little bit,
or or not part two, but later onin the podcast.
So I want to talk about thehuman interaction first.
SPEAKER_00 (06:15):
Okay.
SPEAKER_03 (06:15):
Because we have a monkey mind.
SPEAKER_00 (06:19):
We do, we have an inner dialogue that goes on.
Yes, and we have called it themonkey mind because it can get
in there and monkey around.
Yes, and it can create wholestorylines that are basically a
lie.
SPEAKER_03 (06:36):
Yes, uh, based off their personal history,
historical beliefs or events orbeliefs.
SPEAKER_00 (06:42):
Yep, exactly.
SPEAKER_03 (06:44):
And so, like, for example, I'm gonna give them an
example because this is a prettygood one.
So let's just say you're datingsomebody.
SPEAKER_01 (06:52):
Okay.
SPEAKER_03 (06:53):
And they call you and they say, Hey, um, I'm
coming over.
Do you want me to bring supper?
And then the other personreplies, sure.
And then then the originalperson says, Well, what would
you like?
Oh, I don't care.
And then the person brings homesushi with avocado in it.
(07:18):
And because I assumed in my mindthat you were gonna bring
something.
This is a story, this isactually a real story that's
happened between Ginny and I.
I I hate avocado.
I can't actually let me rephraseit.
I love the flavor of avocado,but the grittiness of it, it
gags me.
The texture, the texture, andand so I had an an assumed
(07:40):
answer in my mind, and then whenyou came home with sushi, this
is when we first started dating.
Yeah, I was like, what the F.
SPEAKER_00 (07:52):
A little bit taken back.
SPEAKER_03 (07:53):
I was, and and so now we're we're still in
courting phases.
Yeah, and so now I'm having toconsume this because I did not
communicate appropriately.
Right.
And I created a story in my mindthat you would be like bringing
home like fried chicken becauseit was easy.
Nowhere in my mind did I thinkthat you would stop by and get
in the actual grocery store orPublix or whatever you got it
(08:14):
from, I don't even knowKroger's, and pick up actual
hand-rolled sushi and bring ithome.
SPEAKER_02 (08:20):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (08:20):
Never once crossed my mind because I did not
clearly communicate it, and Icreated the story in my mind, oh
yes, he's gonna bring home likefried chicken and mashed dates
or something.
SPEAKER_00 (08:28):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (08:29):
Well, that didn't happen.
SPEAKER_00 (08:30):
Which is not at all of my avenue.
It completely not at all.
SPEAKER_03 (08:34):
And I didn't communicate what I wanted.
SPEAKER_00 (08:37):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (08:38):
But I assumed because of my monkey mind
telling me, because if before ifanybody called, that they, you
know, everybody knows what Ilike.
And so I just I redirectedbecause of my historical events
in my mind to oh, let's feelthis bring it home.
I can say I don't care and andmake myself feel like, you know,
I'm I'm just easygoing guy.
SPEAKER_00 (08:57):
I'm malleable, I'm easy.
SPEAKER_03 (08:58):
I'm I can and and don't get me wrong, I choked
down that sushi.
SPEAKER_00 (09:03):
Oh god, he did.
SPEAKER_03 (09:05):
And I mean choked.
SPEAKER_00 (09:06):
And he tried to hide it, and I let him.
I think he drank an entiregallon of tea trying to swallow
the stuff whole.
He was gagging me.
Trying to hold back the tears inhis eyes and not even chewing.
And just gobbling it down.
I ignored all of it and justenjoyed mine because mine was
(09:27):
quite delightful.
SPEAKER_03 (09:29):
Yeah, so this story in my head was you were bringing
up.
SPEAKER_00 (09:31):
I did give you I bought two different kinds and I
let you choose between the two.
SPEAKER_04 (09:37):
I agree.
SPEAKER_00 (09:38):
However, they both had avocado.
And so I guess you chose thelesser of the two evils.
I did.
SPEAKER_03 (09:47):
So well now, so that's kind of a funny
situation, and it worked outfunny down the road.
And and uh we didn't I didn'tknow that she recognized that I
was choking on this suit.
SPEAKER_00 (09:58):
No, at the time he didn't let on, and I did not
dare uh call him out on hisnonsense.
I was still trying to be the uhyou know kind little individual.
SPEAKER_03 (10:10):
I didn't find out two years later that she knew I
was choking it down.
Now that's kind of a funnyscenario.
So put this into a scenariothat's not so funny.
SPEAKER_00 (10:18):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (10:19):
Like, for example, uh that I don't know Talk about
a big one, the finances.
Okay, let's talk about finances.
SPEAKER_00 (10:25):
Because uh, you know, the statistics say that
uh, you know, if you don't haveproper communication, finances
are one of the top contenders ofwhite people separate or
divorce.
SPEAKER_03 (10:37):
Number one's infidelity, number two is
finances.
That's right.
SPEAKER_00 (10:39):
It's a big, big contender.
SPEAKER_03 (10:42):
And so so put that into a perspective of the
conversation being like this.
Jenny calls me and she says,Hey, did you talk to your ex?
Or are you still talking toanybody?
SPEAKER_00 (10:55):
Oh, how's that finance related?
SPEAKER_03 (10:56):
Oh, I'm sorry, I I went to infidelity first.
You can go there.
SPEAKER_00 (10:59):
You can go to infidelity.
SPEAKER_03 (11:01):
Okay, no, no, we'll go to finances.
SPEAKER_00 (11:02):
That's fine.
SPEAKER_03 (11:03):
And so Jenny calls me and she says, Hey, did you uh
pay the car payment?
And I, you know, in my mind, Isay, Yes, because I'm planning
to pay the car payment later.
SPEAKER_01 (11:18):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (11:19):
Now you and but I create a story in my mind that
this is perfectly okay becauseof historical events.
SPEAKER_01 (11:25):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (11:25):
Or I believe that I'm gonna make the car payment
later.
Now something comes up and Iforget.
SPEAKER_01 (11:29):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (11:30):
Now what think about the scenario behind that.
Which I don't know quite know ifthat's a really good example of
where we're this talk is gonnago, but it is an example of
historical belief systems thatis answering a question in your
mind.
SPEAKER_00 (11:46):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (11:47):
And you are humanly answering it differently.
SPEAKER_00 (11:50):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (11:50):
Instead of me saying, Oh, I haven't done that
yet.
Thank you for reminding me, I'lldo that here.
SPEAKER_01 (11:57):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (11:57):
I make a story up in my mind of what's how she's
gonna respond if I say that.
SPEAKER_01 (12:03):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (12:04):
So if I uh I in my mind I say yes, and then I plan
on doing it, but it hasn'tactually done yet.
SPEAKER_00 (12:11):
And then she finds out that it's not done, or she
gets the text that says, Hey,your car payment hasn't been
made, because we get text fromthe bank that says reminder,
right?
Your car payment is due.
SPEAKER_03 (12:24):
But the reason why I answer that question is because
I have a historical or beliefsystem, historical event or
belief system within me thattells me either A, she's gonna
blow up at me if I say no, Ihaven't done that yet, or B,
it's okay for me to to do itlater and say yes now.
SPEAKER_00 (12:41):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (12:42):
But either way is still not good communication.
SPEAKER_00 (12:45):
Right.
And it can be viewed by theother person as misleading or a
lie or 100%.
Whatever, especially if theother person has trust issues
from their historical events onpeople telling the truth or
financially being truthful andpaying the bills and not leaving
(13:08):
them unpaid.
Right.
Um, you know, differentscenarios like that, it could
definitely impact therelationship because the person
who has the baggage that theybrought in that, you know, my ex
never would pay the bills andthey were always late and not on
time.
So when I asked him and he saidyes, he paid him, he outright
(13:31):
lied to me.
Um, so that that coulddefinitely create a traumatic
trauma drama for the person whoasked the question.
SPEAKER_03 (13:42):
Right.
And so that's where I was goingwith this conversation.
You actually led it right intoit.
Is I made a in this scenario, Igave you an answer that wasn't
completely true, even though Ihad every intention to do it.
SPEAKER_00 (13:55):
But you did it inadvertently because you So in
our relationship, you do all thebills and you take care of all
that.
SPEAKER_04 (14:05):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (14:05):
And if you have a plan, a structured plan where
you know the car payments due onFriday and your plan is to, you
know, pay bills on Thursday, youknow in your head, yeah, I am
paying it.
Right.
It's all already done and takencare of because you have a plan
in place.
And so in your mind, you'velogged it as, okay, because I
(14:28):
have the plan in place, I cananswer this yes, without it
being a lie.
Because historically I pay themon this date, and she probably
doesn't even know.
SPEAKER_03 (14:41):
The other part of that was is a it doesn't matter
because it was an end not acompletely truthful thing, so
it's a partial story.
And the other the other part ofthis is what everybody needs to
realize in in relationship or incommunication is the person
asking the question either Aalready knows the answer, or B,
there's something guiding themto ask that question.
(15:02):
Could it be an inner belief?
Could it be whatever?
That's where communicationbreaks down.
It's that third level of thatcommunication.
And the person asking thequestion is normally the one
that has the baggage.
SPEAKER_00 (15:14):
That's right.
Or needs more information, needsmore information, or is having
trouble navigating that.
SPEAKER_03 (15:20):
Like you wouldn't say to me, you wouldn't call me
and say, Hey, my ex-husband offour years didn't pay my car
payment and I got a carrepossessed.
So, did you remember to make thecar payment because I got the
text?
You don't say that.
SPEAKER_01 (15:30):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (15:30):
You just say, Hey, did you remember the car
payment?
And so it's the receivers of thequestions job to understand that
A, you know, there's a reasonwhy this question's coming out.
SPEAKER_00 (15:43):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (15:43):
And B, I need to look at my answer appropriately.
SPEAKER_00 (15:48):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (15:49):
And make sure it's clear, like you'll say it all
the time.
SPEAKER_00 (15:52):
Precision of words.
SPEAKER_03 (15:54):
Precision of words.
SPEAKER_01 (15:54):
That's right.
SPEAKER_03 (15:55):
Clarity of response.
SPEAKER_01 (15:56):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (15:57):
And when you have a communication breakdown, being
on anything, be it on financesor whatever, generally, if you
can go into it with a in a mindspace of the person asking the
question has the one that's gotsomething brewing.
And it can make you communicatebetter because now I know that
when you ask a question, I cansay honestly, that you have
(16:20):
baggage and you're trying tobuild trust.
Or, you know, or there'ssomething that's on your mind
about it.
SPEAKER_00 (16:25):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (16:26):
And I can honestly say no, but I'm gonna pay it on
Thursday.
SPEAKER_00 (16:29):
Right.
Or you can come back with anadditional question seeking more
information.
I'll give you a little extensionof the scenario.
Correct.
I don't normally ask thosequestions of you, but if I get
like a a reminder from the bankthat says, hey, the car payment
hasn't been paid, we'll use thatas an example.
(16:49):
Because our bank does send outreminders.
SPEAKER_03 (16:51):
Right.
Yep.
SPEAKER_00 (16:53):
Then if I ask you if you've made the car payment, you
then can come back and say,Well, I haven't yet, but why are
you asking the question?
SPEAKER_04 (17:05):
Yep.
SPEAKER_00 (17:06):
Because what you and I've learned in our journey
together is we're very good atcommunicating.
And so this is how we navigatethat.
You know that if I ask thatquestion, there is more to it.
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (17:22):
Because I would have said something like, Not yet.
So what why are you asking?
SPEAKER_00 (17:25):
Right, exactly.
And then my response would havebeen, oh, well, I got a
reminder, and I just want tomake sure you didn't forget with
everything that's going on inour bubble or whatever.
SPEAKER_03 (17:37):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (17:38):
But people don't go to that length.
SPEAKER_03 (17:39):
They don't.
And the one thing, another thingthat I want to add to this, is
not one thing, but the otherthing, is the receiver of the
question needs to understandthat you can't take those
questions defensively.
SPEAKER_00 (17:51):
Right.
Or ignore them as though theydon't have any value.
SPEAKER_03 (17:54):
That's right.
Because they're asking thequestion for, like we said,
either there's a reason behindit, that's right, or there's
some baggage behind it.
SPEAKER_00 (18:00):
That's right.
SPEAKER_03 (18:01):
And so you it's our job when we communicate to make
clarity of those things.
SPEAKER_00 (18:07):
Make clarity, but then also side note is you're
getting to know that personevery day on a different level.
That's correct.
And by you asking additionalquestions when questions are
asked of you helps you learnwhat that person is.
So, what I mean by that is noteverybody is like you and I.
(18:31):
You and I came together, andwhen we first came together, we
took that proverbial trash canof bullshit.
We dumped it all on the table,dumped it on the table, and we
said, Look, this is my baggage,this is what I know of.
SPEAKER_03 (18:43):
And that was a heated day and a half of work.
That was a heated day and a halfconversation.
SPEAKER_00 (18:47):
Are you in a place where you want to accept this?
Does any of that consume you?
This is me.
SPEAKER_04 (18:54):
Yep.
SPEAKER_00 (18:54):
And the naked, bold, black and white concept.
And we gave each other theopportunity to say, you know
what, that's a lot of shit,bitch.
I can't do you.
SPEAKER_04 (19:08):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (19:09):
Or, you know what?
Yeah, it's manageable.
I will make an informed decisionto move forward.
SPEAKER_03 (19:15):
Correct.
SPEAKER_00 (19:15):
That's one of the things that we did.
SPEAKER_03 (19:18):
Yes.
And so in when you're having acommunication with a partner,
individual, friend, anybody.
SPEAKER_00 (19:24):
Can I finish real quick?
Yeah, go ahead.
Go ahead.
SPEAKER_03 (19:26):
I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_00 (19:27):
What I was gonna say is if you are not trained and
did have not done that yet, thenit is your job to get to know
your the other person moreintimately on what their baggage
is.
And you do that by exploring whythey're ans asking the question,
(19:49):
whatever the question is.
SPEAKER_03 (19:51):
Yeah, I agree.
SPEAKER_00 (19:52):
You can give them the answer to the question, but
then ask, why do you ask?
Yeah, what's going on?
Because it's education, and theymay come back with something
simple of uh I was just curious,just wondering.
SPEAKER_03 (20:05):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (20:06):
Or they may come back and it may be an
opportunity for them to say,okay, I'm unpacking some
baggage, and this is some crapthat I've got.
Now, as the other side of that,if the person you've asked the
question of asks you inresponse, why do you ask?
(20:26):
That's an opportunity for you tocome clean and share with this
individual what you're workingon or why did you ask the
question?
That's an open platform for youto be open and honest about why
did you ask the question?
SPEAKER_04 (20:44):
Correct.
SPEAKER_00 (20:45):
What's going on inside of me that made me feel
like I needed to ask thequestion?
Is it a trust issue?
Is it baggage that I'm carrying?
You need to explore that as wellbecause every relationship, no
matter what kind it is, is atwo-way street.
SPEAKER_03 (21:02):
Correct.
SPEAKER_00 (21:03):
Okay, you can have the mic back.
SPEAKER_03 (21:05):
And so uh when we we as individuals and we are
engaged in a relationship, afriendship, or any of that kind
of stuff, we have to well say wehave to, we we need to acquire
one thought in mind is we havebeen taught as a society to be
(21:26):
protected and guarded and answerthings because life is going so
fast.
The one thing in your life thatyou don't need to go fast is
your answers and your responses.
You have to stop for that momentbecause I have to I have to do
it to myself all the time.
I have to slow myself down andsay, okay, wait a minute, why is
(21:48):
she asking this question?
Oh, it doesn't matter what topicit's about.
SPEAKER_01 (21:51):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (21:51):
What did I do to cause the question to be asked,
or what is causing the questionto be asked?
SPEAKER_04 (21:56):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (21:57):
And be humble within it.
Because when we don't do that,we don't slow ourselves down,
you're gonna give an answerthat's not either a not fully
the truth, or you're that's orit's informative, it's not an
informative answer, or you'regonna say something that
triggers the other person that'snot correct, and you're then
you're gonna have to try to fixit.
(22:20):
It doesn't matter your intentionbehind it because it's not your
situation, it's the personanswering the questions or
asking the questions that youneed to understand that it's
important to them or theywouldn't ask.
SPEAKER_01 (22:31):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (22:32):
And slow yourself down and let's quit letting
society speed up your life sofast that you don't stop and
give that person the moment thatthey want.
SPEAKER_00 (22:42):
Right.
I'll give another very, verypoignant, more mild example that
we came across.
SPEAKER_03 (22:50):
Okay.
SPEAKER_00 (22:51):
The wife says to the husband, Do you have your
hearing aids in?
SPEAKER_03 (22:57):
Yeah, this is a good example.
We used to see this in thecommunity all the time.
SPEAKER_00 (23:01):
All the time.
And he says, Yeah.
And he leaves it at that becausehe literally is just answering
the question.
So she comes from a place of sheasked the question because she
fell like she's not heard.
SPEAKER_04 (23:17):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (23:18):
Instead of saying to him precision of words, do you
have your hearing aid in?
And did you hear what I saidbecause it's very important to
me?
SPEAKER_03 (23:29):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (23:29):
She just asked if he had his hearing aids in.
SPEAKER_03 (23:32):
Which puts him in a defensive place.
SPEAKER_00 (23:33):
And he's like, or just in a let me answer this
literally.
SPEAKER_03 (23:38):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (23:38):
So he's like, Yeah, I've got my hearing aids in.
No discovery on why she's askingthat, and no uh further
investigation, inquisitive mindof, hmm, that's why did she ask
that's like an odd question.
Why would she ask that?
SPEAKER_04 (23:58):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (23:59):
Because if he were able to put himself in that
position and be more inquisitiveand say, I do, but better
question is is why are youasking?
SPEAKER_04 (24:08):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (24:09):
And it opens the floor for her to say, Well, I
wasn't sure that you heard me,and I was talking about an
important topic, and I wanted tomake sure that you heard me
because when I said blah blahblah, I didn't get a response
from you.
SPEAKER_04 (24:23):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (24:24):
Instead, she walked away from the situation thinking
that he didn't care about thetopic, which then translated in
he didn't care about her.
Here comes the monkey moon andhe never listens to me.
And so then I'm just notimportant.
He doesn't love me.
You see how that justassumptions rolls into a big
(24:45):
shit ball.
Yeah, that little beetle thatrolls around the shit ball.
SPEAKER_03 (24:50):
I don't know.
SPEAKER_00 (24:51):
Maybe we should call it that instead of the monkey
mind, the little shit beetle.
It just starts to roll into ashit ball.
SPEAKER_03 (24:57):
You know, this conversation brings up a thought
from a couple that I I workedwith back in Tampa.
You know, he had a fear ofinfidelity.
SPEAKER_00 (25:08):
Okay, so he was afraid that his wife was gonna
cheat on him, or partner, wasgonna cheat on him.
SPEAKER_03 (25:14):
Correct.
SPEAKER_00 (25:15):
Okay.
SPEAKER_03 (25:16):
And so he became very hovering.
SPEAKER_00 (25:19):
Oh, yep.
Suffocating, suffocating, veryalways willing to be around.
SPEAKER_03 (25:24):
Or questioning constantly and those kind of
things.
And and all it did to her wascreate a constant state of
either panic, I'm doingsomething wrong, or frustration
or fear, or mad.
SPEAKER_00 (25:35):
Or feeling like she was controlled, maybe.
SPEAKER_03 (25:39):
And so she started responding with it ref you know,
reflecting his energy back tohim.
You know, and she wouldpurposely do things that he
said.
Like, for example, she he wouldsay, Are you gonna go over and
see your friend over here?
And she had no intention to doit.
But because he was doing it, shewould out of spite and
(26:00):
frustration go see her friendover there.
Whatever that is, you know,that's just an example.
It's not actually the wholestory, because I don't want to
expose the whole story, but whenit comes to that, that's the
same scenario.
Instead of her saying no, I'mnot gonna go over there, why
would you ask that question?
And restabilizing him becauseshe doesn't know where it's
(26:24):
coming from where it's comingfrom.
Why are you you know why are yousaying this?
Instead, she got defensive.
SPEAKER_01 (26:29):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (26:29):
And you see how this all marries into every topic.
It can be infidelity, finances,health, and well-being, whatever
it is.
SPEAKER_01 (26:37):
Right, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (26:39):
And so the person asking the question is is the
person that needs to be in uh uhyou need to be more inquisitive
because you gotta find out why.
Because if that question annoysyou, you can't be a defensive,
you should figure out what'smaking the question come and
then try to fix that problem orhelp this person work through
it.
SPEAKER_00 (26:58):
Right.
That's a good segue intoreiterating having that
childlike persona.
Right.
Because if you think aboutchildren, they have this natural
just uh curiosity abouteverything.
Right.
Why?
Right, exactly.
Because they're learning andthey're growing and they need
(27:21):
all the information they can umretrieve from the world around
them, right?
And so it seems like every otherword that comes out of their
mouth is is why?
Why not?
Right.
What is that?
And they're asking thosequestions, and it's natural when
it comes from the child becausewe are patient and understand
that they are learning andgrowing.
(27:42):
You know, in my book, but whenthe adults do it, um we get
defensive.
SPEAKER_03 (27:47):
Yeah, we get guarded.
SPEAKER_00 (27:49):
We almost feel like we're put in that what what do
you call it when the cops likeinterrogation?
Yeah, you're an interrogation.
Interrogation spotlight.
SPEAKER_03 (27:58):
And it and all it is is clarity of information.
That's really all it is.
And in my book, you know, SalesEnergy Method, I talk about
every topic, you should havethree whys.
There should be three whys toeverything that gets brought up.
So, like for example, if youcall me and say, Hey, do you
make the car payment?
I I should answer the questiontruthfully and then say, But
why?
Well, why are you asking thatquestion?
SPEAKER_02 (28:18):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (28:19):
And then she's gonna answer the question, well,
because I got a text message.
Oh, well, okay, well, why did itbother you?
Oh, because you know, I I had acar repossessed once.
Okay.
But wh why would you think thatwould happen again?
You know, so for every topic,there should be three why
questions.
SPEAKER_01 (28:37):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (28:38):
And when you get into that depth and you start
asking those questions and havean open-minded, calm energy
about it, it opens the door forvery good communication in a
relationship, friendship, aboss, employee, whatever.
Yeah, it opens those doors.
And in sales, it will it willclose deals.
SPEAKER_00 (28:57):
Absolutely.
Yeah, and in relationships, itwill solidify the foundation of
a relationship.
SPEAKER_03 (29:03):
And security, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (29:04):
Because what it does is it it makes the person who's
asking the question, did youmake the car payment feel like
they have a safe space to talkabout these vulnerable skeletons
in the closet?
SPEAKER_04 (29:16):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (29:17):
Okay, he's opened up the segue of allowing me to
conversate about this verytouchy topic.
Oh, well, because I had thisthing come up where I am having
a little bit of a tough journey.
This happened to me in aprevious relationship, and this
(29:37):
interaction kind of threw up ared flag, and I'm trying to
clean that up a little bit orwhatever.
SPEAKER_03 (29:43):
You know, this is a prime example to a parenting
because you know, if anybody'sever read the book The Baking
Order.
SPEAKER_00 (29:50):
I have not.
SPEAKER_03 (29:51):
Um, but in the word in the book The Baking Order
Bacon, like bacon and is bakingB E C K O B.
SPEAKER_00 (29:58):
What's an is.
I meant to say.
Say eggs.
SPEAKER_03 (30:00):
Oh.
I don't really know.
Is that a genius?
SPEAKER_00 (30:03):
A pecking order?
SPEAKER_03 (30:04):
The pecking order, yeah.
That's it.
Becking order.
Pecking order.
That's it.
Pecking order.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (30:08):
Is it pecking or becking?
SPEAKER_03 (30:10):
Yeah, yeah.
It's pecking.
There is a becking order.
The book is called The PeckingOrder.
SPEAKER_01 (30:13):
Okay.
SPEAKER_03 (30:14):
And it's about three brothers.
SPEAKER_01 (30:16):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (30:17):
And uh the oldest brother got to do everything.
SPEAKER_01 (30:20):
Okay.
SPEAKER_03 (30:21):
The middle brother didn't get to do anything
because the older brother ruinedit for the middle brother.
SPEAKER_00 (30:27):
Oh, like you mean he got in trouble and went out and
done dumb shit.
SPEAKER_03 (30:31):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (30:32):
And then they tightened up the rules for the
middle person so they wouldn'thave to deal with the bullshit.
SPEAKER_03 (30:37):
And then the youngest gets to do anything.
Because it's a pendulum.
And i in the picking order,you've got to understand that
that first person is asking thequestion, you know, Mom, I'm
going to go out.
And if we were to ask threewives in parenting in anything,
on any topic, if you'd ask threequestions, Mom, I need five
(31:00):
bucks today.
Why do you need five bucks?
Oh, I'm going to go, I'm goingto go, there's a book fair
coming up.
Okay, but why do the w you whydo you need it today?
The book fair's not till nextFriday.
Well, because uh I'm making adeal with Bobby Joe and and I'm
gonna buy his thing, and thennext week when he gets his book
(31:21):
fair money, he's gonna give meseven dollars back for my money.
Why would you want to do that?
You need why would you want touh participate in this issue
that you don't know for surethat you're not gonna get your
money?
You know, the it's those kind ofthings.
It's the inquisitive nature,like you said, childlike
behavior, that everything wouldchange if we just asked three
(31:42):
whys.
The three whys for everything.
SPEAKER_01 (31:45):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (31:45):
Anytime something makes you uncomfortable, you
need to ask why why and why.
So anyway, sorry, didn't I got amuscle?
SPEAKER_00 (31:56):
No, you're fine.
You're fine.
I'm taking it in.
So from now on, whenever I'mgonna ask you a question, I need
to ask three questions.
SPEAKER_03 (32:09):
No, when you ask the question, I'm gonna I'm gonna
ask you with here's the answer,but why?
SPEAKER_00 (32:13):
And so when you ask me a question, I need to come
back with three whys.
SPEAKER_03 (32:17):
Well, yes, if it's uh if it's something that
rattles your chain, yes,totally.
If it's something that if it'ssomething that's on my mind.
SPEAKER_00 (32:24):
No, no.
You said I need to ask threewhys.
SPEAKER_03 (32:28):
I uh totally.
Okay, totally.
SPEAKER_00 (32:30):
Because like if I'm asking you a question, right you
need to be ready with your threeanswers somewhere else.
SPEAKER_03 (32:41):
But so now if you will just practice those little
common things in communication,your communication will improve
100%.
Absolutely, and so now let'smove on to the communication
with yourself.
SPEAKER_00 (32:53):
Okay.
SPEAKER_03 (32:55):
Because our monkey minds were run rampant about
everything.
SPEAKER_01 (32:59):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (33:00):
Be it finances, be it health, be it whatever.
And Google makes it all worse.
So lay off the Google people.
SPEAKER_00 (33:09):
Google punch.
SPEAKER_03 (33:11):
Unless you're Googling the spiritual grind,
then that's okay.
But or the Merc Centers.
Or the Salty Tarot.
Anyway, the the whole purposebehind it, when we are have a
monkey mind and we look at arelooking at stuff within
ourselves, we have to be able tocommunicate clearly with
ourselves as well.
SPEAKER_00 (33:30):
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_03 (33:32):
So, like a prime example, you're a 75-year-old
man and you're gonna go on atrip.
And on this trip, you decideyou're gonna go skydiving.
The day of the skydive that youhave scheduled, you wake up and
(33:52):
not feeling so well, and youtell yourself, you better feel
better because I'm I I'm notmissing out on this.
It's a lifelong dream.
SPEAKER_00 (34:00):
I've already paid for it, it's already scheduled.
SPEAKER_03 (34:03):
Right.
And so as the day goesthroughout the day, you're not
communicating with yourself,like, okay, what's going on?
Are you is it fear, is itstress?
Find out what's causing theillness within you or the the
bump against place.
Well, I mean, why do you wereyou just fine, you schedule this
trip, and then the day of yousuddenly don't feel well.
SPEAKER_01 (34:24):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (34:24):
You gotta figure out why.
SPEAKER_01 (34:26):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (34:26):
And why why am I doing this?
You know, like you you youbrought up this morning about my
blood pressure, and that'ssymbol and symbolic of things in
our reality.
And when you have underpressure, you know, like we're
rolling out this new app andwe're developing a new business,
blah, blah, blah, we're goingthrough all this, it can be very
pressure oriented.
SPEAKER_00 (34:45):
Well, yeah, and we also talked about the two types
of stress.
There can be mental stress andthere can be physical stress.
SPEAKER_03 (34:53):
Correct.
And I've always been that guythat says, I don't even know
what stress feels like becauseit's just me.
But the reality is when I was inthe shower today, I was asking
myself the questions, like, areyou stressed about things?
You know, or go it's okay totalk to yourself.
It don't make you crazy.
SPEAKER_00 (35:08):
Right.
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_03 (35:10):
Just because society teaches, as long as you don't do
it in public out in front of alike a you know, a storefront
window and you're talking toyourself and saying stupid
things, people aren't going tothink you're crazy.
SPEAKER_00 (35:19):
Or you can just be that way.
SPEAKER_03 (35:21):
I do it and not give a shit what people talking to
posts and sticking your tongueto a frozen post in the middle
of winter is not normal.
SPEAKER_00 (35:30):
I know it's not, but I'm okay not being normal.
I'm okay being weird.
SPEAKER_03 (35:35):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (35:35):
That is actually a shirt.
SPEAKER_03 (35:36):
That is a shirt.
We have it in the merch store.
SPEAKER_00 (35:38):
In the merch store.
SPEAKER_03 (35:41):
So it's okay to communicate with yourself.
SPEAKER_00 (35:43):
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_03 (35:44):
It's okay to ask the questions, and you're gonna it's
okay, like for example, if I itwas the opposite end of the
field or opposite end of thecourt, and I asked you, Did you
make the car payment?
I need to be humble enough tosay, Why are you asking
questions?
I mean, let me To yourself.
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (36:02):
Okay.
SPEAKER_03 (36:02):
And to myself and say, Well, has she ever missed a
car payment?
I mean, is I mean, is my is mycar here?
You know, go through theprocesses of because it is a you
know, those kind of things,especially if you are jamming
somebody up that you have givegiven the authority to do things
and you ask them, Well, did youmake the car payment today?
You need to be humble enough tostop and say, Why am I asking
(36:25):
these questions?
SPEAKER_00 (36:25):
Exactly.
Yeah, if I may tap in, that's agreat perspective or viewpoint
to incorporate in it.
SPEAKER_03 (36:32):
Totally.
SPEAKER_00 (36:33):
Is that if you're feeling the urge or the nudge to
ask a question, especially likeyou said, if it's a topic that
you've already negotiated inyour relationship that the other
person handles on a regularbasis, if it's not warranted by
some message from the bank witha legitimate thing, and it just
(36:53):
pops into your reality that youneed to ask this question, and
it's not an intuitively advancedguided nudge to go to this
person and say, Okay, I'm beingtold to tell you to check your
blood pressure.
Did you check it?
Right.
Yeah, and it's just a randomquestion.
(37:14):
You do need to stop and askyourself, okay, why all of a
sudden do I feel the urge to askthis person this particular
question?
And am I asking it from a true,authentic, I want knowledge
basis?
(37:34):
Right.
Or am I asking it from aperspective that is showing me
that I've got some garbagethat's ready to look at,
address, and deal with.
And that's a very, very majorpart of communication is asking
yourself first the whys.
SPEAKER_04 (37:53):
Correct.
SPEAKER_00 (37:54):
Because by doing that and and asking yourself the
questions, you may come to arealization that you're doing it
because of some old baggagethat's popping up and presenting
itself.
Yeah, and once you stop and dealwith that, the need to ask the
question may very wellabsolutely resolve when you go
through the questions like youshowed.
(38:15):
You know, has he ever missed acar payment?
Is my car still sitting in thedriveway?
SPEAKER_04 (38:21):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (38:22):
Have I gotten any messages from the financial
institution that the bill hasn'tbeen paid?
Right.
Like ask those prominentquestions.
And if they're all not givingyou some indication that you
need to ask the question, thenit is some shitty drawers that
you need to deal with.
(38:42):
It's some baggage.
SPEAKER_03 (38:43):
Right.
And and it's not fair to bringyour baggage and punish somebody
else with your old baggage.
SPEAKER_00 (38:48):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (38:49):
And it's really it's not fair to do that to your body
either.
I agree.
You can't you can't bring stuffto the table and then slap
somebody else in the face withit.
And this means they had zero todo with it.
SPEAKER_00 (39:01):
Right, especially if it coming, if it's coming from
uh an event, circumstance, orinvolvement with another human
that took place and that you'restill hanging on to that
bullshit to prematurely convictthis person, situation,
circumstance, or event of havingthe same qualities and the same
(39:24):
outcome.
SPEAKER_03 (39:25):
Well, we do the same thing with our body.
And like, like, for example, um,I know somebody that, you know,
the her mother died of a heartattack at a young age.
SPEAKER_00 (39:36):
Okay.
SPEAKER_03 (39:37):
And now she goes through her life with this
belief that she's gonna die of aheart attack at a young age.
And she's doing this to her ownbody.
She's not stopping and say, Whydo you think that's gonna
happen?
Because the reality is, is youall live completely different
lives, and you've got to beinquisitive with yourself as
well.
SPEAKER_01 (39:54):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (39:55):
And and when any of those topics come up, you you
need to say, Why do I have thisfear?
Why do I have this belief?
Why do I have this event in mymind?
SPEAKER_01 (40:04):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (40:05):
And what can I do to stop thinking this way?
Do it with your friends, any ofyour friends around, or any
other acquaintance.
You know, if you're jamming themup about how they're behaving,
you gotta ask yourself why.
Like I, you know, I I know weknow females that were giving
each other a hard time becauseone of them's got a new
boyfriend and now she has a UTI.
SPEAKER_01 (40:27):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (40:29):
You know, come on.
It why why would you jamsomebody else up somebody up
about that?
Right.
Why is it your business?
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (40:36):
And you have to figure out why you why are you
taking it unless that personcomes to you and asks for your
advice, it makes it yourbusiness.
SPEAKER_03 (40:43):
Right, right.
SPEAKER_00 (40:44):
Otherwise, you're just a nosy Nancy and stay the
fuck out of other people'sbusiness.
Right.
Go buy a newspaper.
SPEAKER_03 (40:52):
Correct.
You know, and that's the that'sthe key part is humility, I
think.
And the the key to communicationis open-minded humility and
asking the whys and being okaywith the answers because you
can't be defensive.
If you ask a why, you have toaccept the answer.
SPEAKER_00 (41:08):
That's right.
SPEAKER_03 (41:09):
And right.
SPEAKER_00 (41:10):
That's why I always preface when somebody asks me a
question, I always say, You sureyou want that answer?
You sure you want the answer?
SPEAKER_03 (41:18):
You do that all the time.
SPEAKER_00 (41:19):
As long as you heard it, you can't unhear it.
That's right.
And I don't sugarcoat anything,so Yep.
SPEAKER_03 (41:27):
Here it is.
SPEAKER_00 (41:28):
I always ask the question.
SPEAKER_03 (41:30):
Here's your sign.
The uh a whole part of this thatI wanted to get communicated to
people was is understand that uhquestions and openness are not
negatives.
SPEAKER_02 (41:46):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (41:46):
Don't take it as you're being questioned.
Don't take it as you're beingthat the other person is just
diving into you.
Right.
And don't take it that withyourself of self-guilt and
self-doubt and all that stuff.
It is you have to figure outwhy.
The question to life is why.
SPEAKER_00 (42:04):
That's why we're unless you are just being a nosy
bitch and introjecting yourselfinto somebody else's bubble,
right, or uh and haven't beeninvited, then it's an absolute
no-no.
Right.
Stay the fuck out of otherpeople's business if you haven't
been invited.
SPEAKER_04 (42:20):
Correct.
SPEAKER_00 (42:21):
But yes, it's a vital place of getting to know
the other party of thatrelationship, whatever type it
is.
Right.
And that and it applies to allrelationships employer,
employee, yeah, spouse, lovedone, family, children, friends,
(42:43):
whatever.
SPEAKER_03 (42:44):
I remember talking to an old set of our residents.
SPEAKER_00 (42:48):
It even I want to go one more outside the box.
It even as well with therelationship you have with
money.
SPEAKER_04 (42:56):
Yes.
SPEAKER_00 (42:56):
Personally, yeah.
Why am I bothered by thisparticular situation that's
going on?
It doesn't have to be anotherhuman being.
Right.
You have communication andconversation that goes on inside
of you when certain situationspresent themselves, even if
there's not another human beingaround.
SPEAKER_03 (43:17):
Totally agree.
Totally agree with what you'resaying.
Now I remember, and and I wantto bring this topic up because I
thought it was very enlighteningfor me.
We had a set of our oldresidents at our when we ran the
community.
SPEAKER_00 (43:31):
And old meaning past, or old meaning they were
chronologically old.
SPEAKER_03 (43:37):
Both.
unknown (43:38):
Okay.
SPEAKER_03 (43:39):
And they're they're both past now, too, by the way.
So it's in the past and they'repast.
So and they were both old, andit was an old set.
So yeah, all the above.
SPEAKER_01 (43:49):
All right.
SPEAKER_03 (43:50):
But I they had been together 77 years.
SPEAKER_01 (43:53):
Wow, yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (43:54):
And uh you probably remember I'm talking about up in
O'Cala.
And I went to him and I said,How did y'all make it 77 years?
SPEAKER_00 (44:04):
Right.
Where do you attribute to yourlongevity?
SPEAKER_03 (44:07):
And he said, You know, she woke up every day a
different person, and I neverstopped learning her.
SPEAKER_00 (44:14):
Beautiful words.
SPEAKER_03 (44:16):
And uh I was like, wow, that's a big statement for
an old man to say.
Because he was like in his Idon't know, mid eighties.
SPEAKER_00 (44:22):
Yeah.
But it's spot on with what webelieve and what we teach, is
that every microsecond of everyday you're a whole new person.
Yeah.
Because every event, everyinteraction changes you.
And so you evolve everymicrosecond of the day, millions
and billions of times a day,into a whole nother person.
(44:43):
Right.
And so when you stop learningwho that person is, you're
basically kind of just fizzleout and you're dead in the
water.
SPEAKER_03 (44:53):
Well, and and so you you should take that bit of
advice and turn it intoeverything that you know.
SPEAKER_00 (44:59):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (45:00):
You know, uh everything just because you've
done it once don't mean it's thesame today as it was yesterday.
SPEAKER_00 (45:04):
That's right.
SPEAKER_03 (45:05):
And becoming that inquisitive person that asks the
why questions is the key to allcommunication.
SPEAKER_00 (45:10):
Absolutely.
Childlike.
SPEAKER_03 (45:12):
Yeah, a childlike, a childlike heart and childlike
mentality.
SPEAKER_00 (45:16):
Well, yeah.
Being uh inquisitive and curiousabout every aspect and being
okay asking the questions andbeing okay with other people
asking the questions.
That's how we get to know eachother.
Yep, that's how we get to knowourselves, that's how we get to
know the inner interchange andexchange around events that that
(45:39):
you're going through.
It's asking questions andgetting the information.
SPEAKER_03 (45:45):
I'm going to tell everybody the story of little
Steve.
SPEAKER_00 (45:49):
I don't know this story, I don't think.
You don't.
SPEAKER_03 (45:51):
I don't think I've ever talked to you about it.
There was a guy that used towork for a friend of mine.
He ran a big uh commercialproperty company, he rented
apartments and things.
And Steve was his one of hismaintenance men.
And every day I'm I'm gonna I'mgonna call him Paul.
(46:15):
Paul was my friend.
He owned a large apartmentcompany.
SPEAKER_01 (46:20):
Okay.
SPEAKER_03 (46:21):
And Paul would call Steve and say, Steve, what'd you
do today?
SPEAKER_00 (46:27):
Steve's the maintenance person.
SPEAKER_03 (46:28):
Steve's the maintenance person, Paul's the
owner.
SPEAKER_00 (46:30):
Okay.
SPEAKER_03 (46:31):
And Paul didn't even normally uh Steve actually works
for Paul's um facilitiesdirector.
And so, you know, Paul callingSteve is kind of going out of
the realm of um chain ofcommand.
SPEAKER_00 (46:47):
I see, okay.
SPEAKER_03 (46:48):
But for uh this went on for months.
SPEAKER_01 (46:51):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (46:52):
And and Paul was just logging and writing down
everything he did.
Well, about another month later,Steve got tired of it and he
went in the office and he blew afit at Paul, wanting, you know,
why are you making me justify mywork and going went down this
whole realm of inner baggage andfear.
(47:16):
So instead of stop and saying toPaul, hey Paul, why you ask?
Am I not doing something, or isthere something I need to do
better?
unknown (47:24):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (47:25):
Whatever, because what Steve didn't know, and he
we called him Little Stevebecause he was like five foot
six, he was like 80-bitty guy,like 90 pounds maybe, but a hell
of a good maintenance guy.
SPEAKER_01 (47:35):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (47:35):
What Steve didn't know was that Paul had gotten a
lot of really positive calls onhim.
SPEAKER_01 (47:41):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (47:42):
And he was tracking his motion because he was
figuring out A, do I want tomake him, do I want to promote
him and pay him a lot moremoney?
Or B, do I want to give him hisown properties?
SPEAKER_01 (47:51):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (47:52):
He was actually trend, he was writing this stuff
down and trying to trend what hedoes.
And how do I how do I pay him orwhat can I do that justifies me
what I'm thinking in my head?
SPEAKER_01 (48:04):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (48:05):
And Steve ends up throwing his keys on the table
before he Paul even answered.
Oh my gosh.
And he walks out.
And as Steve walks out, Paulsays Have you ever thought about
asking why?
SPEAKER_01 (48:18):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (48:18):
Instead of just accusing me of making you
justify your job.
SPEAKER_01 (48:22):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (48:22):
And and he holds up his log and shows it to him.
He said, The reason why isbecause I was looking to promote
you and pay you more money.
SPEAKER_00 (48:31):
Ouch.
That's gonna leave a mark.
SPEAKER_03 (48:34):
And and Steve, of course, grobled.
SPEAKER_00 (48:37):
Of course.
SPEAKER_03 (48:38):
And and so Paul had the conversation, you know,
maybe next time you should askwhy.
SPEAKER_01 (48:43):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (48:44):
And I would have told you because I had uh it had
to be 50 compliments on youabout how good you are, you're
fast, efficient, blah, blah,blah, blah.
And I was actually thinkingabout making you a trainer.
Where you train all of my guysbecause my customer reuse are
up, everything's up.
You're creating a goodenvironment in my company.
SPEAKER_01 (49:03):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (49:03):
And instead of being curious, he became accusative.
SPEAKER_01 (49:06):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (49:07):
And so that's where life can really throw you a
monkey wrench.
SPEAKER_01 (49:10):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (49:10):
Your baggage can cause problems and you don't
even know it.
SPEAKER_01 (49:14):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (49:14):
And so be you know, become a curious, become
childlike and ask the wise.
Anyway, I feel pretty complete.
SPEAKER_00 (49:22):
It's good, it's a good opportunity to reiterate
changing your perspective.
And if you're gonna look atthings from one side of the
coin, flip that coin over andask the questions on the other
side of the coin.
SPEAKER_04 (49:35):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (49:36):
If your monkey mind is saying he's jamming me up
because he's getting ready tofire me, and the big boss is all
up in my business.
Stop and take a breath and lookat the ulterior possibilities by
flipping the coin over beforeyou have a reaction instead of a
(49:56):
response.
Correct.
Stop yourself.
SPEAKER_03 (49:59):
Yep.
And so I know everybody's gonnawant to know.
Everybody's gonna ask.
What?
Yes, Paul gave Steve his jobback.
And a year later, he wasactually his new facilities
director because another thingthat Steve didn't know was
Paul's facilities director wasretiring.
SPEAKER_00 (50:16):
Oh.
SPEAKER_03 (50:16):
And so a year later, he promoted him to facility
director.
SPEAKER_00 (50:20):
I see.
SPEAKER_03 (50:21):
After he went, you know, he let him train for that
year.
SPEAKER_00 (50:24):
After he made him go through some anger management
classes.
SPEAKER_03 (50:27):
He did, and and he used to make him I remember
because uh Paul and I would meetevery morning for coffee.
And Paul would make him come inthe office every single morning
and do affirmations with him.
SPEAKER_00 (50:38):
After that happened.
SPEAKER_03 (50:39):
After that happened, every morning.
He would be like, Before you goto any site, you come to my
office every morning.
This went on.
SPEAKER_01 (50:46):
Wow.
SPEAKER_03 (50:47):
And uh Paul Paul did it just for to get a kick out of
it, and but it changed him, andso it was it was a good
scenario.
SPEAKER_00 (50:53):
Yeah, it was showing him a way kind of covertly how
to create new thought patternsand habits.
Yeah, and Steve probably went onto continue his morning
affirmations because it was ahabit and it felt good, even
(51:14):
without having to be instigatedby Paul.
SPEAKER_03 (51:18):
Yeah, little Steve, man, he was a he was a
character, man.
He was he was a guy that wasdifferent, and Paul turned him
into quite the successful guy.
SPEAKER_00 (51:26):
Very nice.
SPEAKER_03 (51:27):
Anyway, so that is the key success.
I wanted to end that on asuccessful story.
Yeah.
Because when you do become openand receptive to to the whys and
the curiosity and the thehumbleness of understanding that
people ask questions for areason.
SPEAKER_00 (51:44):
And learning to evolve your communication
skills.
SPEAKER_03 (51:48):
Yes, work on it.
SPEAKER_00 (51:50):
Communication is key.
We can't get anything donewithout communicating in some
way, form, or fashion.
SPEAKER_03 (51:56):
Agreed.
SPEAKER_00 (51:57):
And I mean, until telepathy is a thing that we've
all acquired the skill of, wecan't read each other's minds if
our heads are up our ass.
SPEAKER_03 (52:06):
That's correct.
So get the bullers.
SPEAKER_00 (52:08):
Communication, body language, all the different
forms and kinds of communicationare key.
So ask the questions.
SPEAKER_03 (52:17):
I agree.
I feel pretty complete.
SPEAKER_00 (52:19):
Yeah, that was good.
SPEAKER_03 (52:20):
Hey, you know, uh um, thank y'all for listening.
Y'all check out the websitewww.themircenters.org.
Check out the app website atwww.thesalty tarot.net and be
paying attention to some newthings that are gonna be hitting
that app.
SPEAKER_00 (52:36):
Peeking around the corner.
SPEAKER_03 (52:38):
Yeah, this is an exciting thing.
I think it's really exciting.
SPEAKER_00 (52:41):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (52:41):
Um, y'all have no clue what's coming.
It's gonna be cool.
SPEAKER_00 (52:45):
Yeah, it's gonna knock your socks off.
SPEAKER_03 (52:47):
Knock your socks off.
And don't forget to like,follow, and share.
SPEAKER_00 (52:50):
And don't forget to ring the bell.
SPEAKER_03 (52:53):
Hey, we hope you all have an awesome day.
SPEAKER_00 (52:55):
Love ya.
Good morning, everybody.
Welcome back to the spiritualgrind.
Good morning.
We are here.
What was that?
SPEAKER_00 (00:40):
Are you part dog this morning?
SPEAKER_04 (00:42):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (00:44):
What was that show where the boy turns into shaggy
or the shaggy dog?
Is that what it's called?
The shaggy dog?
SPEAKER_03 (00:51):
I don't yes, I think it was.
Well, that was a that's aflashback from the 80s.
Right.
Holy cow.
Telling your age they're alittle bit under you.
And so, yeah, um, I guess I am.
SPEAKER_00 (01:06):
Okay.
I'm not telling my age.
I am telling my wisdom.
SPEAKER_03 (01:11):
Yeah, that's what it is, wisdom.
That's what I would call it too.
SPEAKER_00 (01:15):
Very wise.
SPEAKER_03 (01:18):
And so, are you ready for to talk about today's
topic?
SPEAKER_00 (01:22):
Of course.
SPEAKER_03 (01:23):
You know what today's topic is?
SPEAKER_00 (01:24):
I have no idea.
SPEAKER_03 (01:26):
I always surprise you, don't I?
SPEAKER_00 (01:28):
Indeed.
SPEAKER_03 (01:29):
We're going to talk about uh kind of a topic that's
at hand.
SPEAKER_00 (01:32):
Okay.
SPEAKER_03 (01:33):
And it is communication.
SPEAKER_00 (01:36):
Communication.
SPEAKER_03 (01:41):
And how the humans have a tendency to communicate
and have expectations of othersand the way they communicate
with their body.
SPEAKER_00 (01:50):
Well, what about the communication with the aliens?
SPEAKER_03 (01:54):
Well, yeah, we can talk about that at the end if
you want.
You know, because we're allaliens anyway, because we're
foreign to this land.
SPEAKER_00 (02:02):
Uh I was watching Agent Alien about that segment
that they talked about how theyput out there in like the 1970s
this uh binary message.
SPEAKER_03 (02:14):
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I've seen that with all theseven.
Yes.
SPEAKER_00 (02:22):
Thing back.
unknown (02:23):
Yes.
SPEAKER_00 (02:24):
And they're trying to decide if it's a hoax or if
it's real and what it means.
SPEAKER_03 (02:28):
There's actually a place in Vac in Nevada that it's
like a hundred satellite dishes,and all they do is try to
communicate withextraterrestrial beings.
They've been it's been it's allgovernment funded.
SPEAKER_00 (02:38):
Yeah, I'd love to go there and just kind of hang out
for the day.
SPEAKER_03 (02:41):
Yeah, it's pretty cool.
We they have an ancient alienepisode on it.
SPEAKER_00 (02:45):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I've seen it.
SPEAKER_03 (02:47):
But it's it would be uh that would be curious.
And they uh I think on thatepisode they actually showed a
communication back that they gotin it like it's all exciting
because twenty years and neverdid anything back, and then
suddenly they got somethingback.
SPEAKER_00 (03:00):
Right.
But I'd be interested to go andjust kind of hang out for the
day and see.
SPEAKER_03 (03:06):
Would be kind of interesting, I agree.
Kind of watch and see, and I'dlike to send a message out
there.
SPEAKER_00 (03:11):
Communication is vital.
It is, and there are so manydifferent types of
communication.
SPEAKER_03 (03:19):
There is.
SPEAKER_00 (03:20):
There's verbal communication, there's body
language, there's uh and youknow, there's yeah, the the body
language itself speaks foritself.
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_03 (03:30):
And the the words, a lot of times you can tell people
are being honest by their bodymotions over their words.
SPEAKER_01 (03:38):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (03:39):
And if you're me, you can see their energy, you
know, they're lying anyway.
unknown (03:42):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (03:44):
But because you know, um just so you guys know,
if you all come across any aurareaders, they will know if
you're not being honest.
SPEAKER_00 (03:52):
Right.
Can you imagine what kind ofworld it would morph into if
everybody knew that we couldread each other's energy without
even having to say anything?
Yeah, that would be it would bea completely different It would
make me not so special, but Oh,you will you'll always be
special in my heart.
(04:14):
I mean heart.
SPEAKER_03 (04:15):
Oh my Canada at least be some of the glitter
that comes flying out of there.
SPEAKER_00 (04:20):
You're my favorite turd.
SPEAKER_03 (04:21):
I've never flush you.
That's my line.
So let's talk aboutcommunication.
So when humans communicate, theyhave a tendency to in their
subconscious mind, say forexample, I say to you, What's
your favorite color?
They're in their subconsciousmind gonna have an answer that
(04:42):
they have already predeterminedthat you're gonna say and think
that they know what it is beforeyou answer it.
SPEAKER_00 (04:48):
Okay, so meaning when you ask me that question,
you already have answered thequestion in your head based on
what you think I'm gonna comeback with as an answer.
SPEAKER_03 (04:59):
Yes.
You know, in the psychologicalworld, they call that a
redirect.
unknown (05:03):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (05:04):
And uh I I was researching this this morning a
little bit.
SPEAKER_02 (05:07):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (05:07):
And so when somebody has a question they put out
there that they assumesubconsciously or even
consciously that they know theanswer to already, they're
redirecting their answer intheir mind.
So when somebody gives them ananswer that they didn't expect,
it puts them into a situation ofbelieving that they're lying.
SPEAKER_00 (05:26):
Oh nicely worded, sir.
Impressed.
I know, right?
SPEAKER_03 (05:33):
This is you know, this has been on my mind because
we do the same thing with ourbodies.
And this is why, you know, whenwe expect our bodies to do a
certain way, like I'm goingthrough this little blood
pressure thing, and my bloodpressure, you know, I'm doing
what the the society teaches youyou're supposed to do to lower
your blood pressure, doing allof it.
SPEAKER_00 (05:51):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (05:53):
And it's having some effect.
Right.
I agree, it is working somewhat,but then I'm communicating with
my body saying, Look,everything's okay, no need to be
stressed out about nothing.
And, you know, and so I'm tryingto communicate that differently.
And and we can kind of get intothat at part two a little bit,
or or not part two, but later onin the podcast.
So I want to talk about thehuman interaction first.
SPEAKER_00 (06:15):
Okay.
SPEAKER_03 (06:15):
Because we have a monkey mind.
SPEAKER_00 (06:19):
We do, we have an inner dialogue that goes on.
Yes, and we have called it themonkey mind because it can get
in there and monkey around.
Yes, and it can create wholestorylines that are basically a
lie.
SPEAKER_03 (06:36):
Yes, uh, based off their personal history,
historical beliefs or events orbeliefs.
SPEAKER_00 (06:42):
Yep, exactly.
SPEAKER_03 (06:44):
And so, like, for example, I'm gonna give them an
example because this is a prettygood one.
So let's just say you're datingsomebody.
SPEAKER_01 (06:52):
Okay.
SPEAKER_03 (06:53):
And they call you and they say, Hey, um, I'm
coming over.
Do you want me to bring supper?
And then the other personreplies, sure.
And then then the originalperson says, Well, what would
you like?
Oh, I don't care.
And then the person brings homesushi with avocado in it.
(07:18):
And because I assumed in my mindthat you were gonna bring
something.
This is a story, this isactually a real story that's
happened between Ginny and I.
I I hate avocado.
I can't actually let me rephraseit.
I love the flavor of avocado,but the grittiness of it, it
gags me.
The texture, the texture, andand so I had an an assumed
(07:40):
answer in my mind, and then whenyou came home with sushi, this
is when we first started dating.
Yeah, I was like, what the F.
SPEAKER_00 (07:52):
A little bit taken back.
SPEAKER_03 (07:53):
I was, and and so now we're we're still in
courting phases.
Yeah, and so now I'm having toconsume this because I did not
communicate appropriately.
Right.
And I created a story in my mindthat you would be like bringing
home like fried chicken becauseit was easy.
Nowhere in my mind did I thinkthat you would stop by and get
in the actual grocery store orPublix or whatever you got it
(08:14):
from, I don't even knowKroger's, and pick up actual
hand-rolled sushi and bring ithome.
SPEAKER_02 (08:20):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (08:20):
Never once crossed my mind because I did not
clearly communicate it, and Icreated the story in my mind, oh
yes, he's gonna bring home likefried chicken and mashed dates
or something.
SPEAKER_00 (08:28):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (08:29):
Well, that didn't happen.
SPEAKER_00 (08:30):
Which is not at all of my avenue.
It completely not at all.
SPEAKER_03 (08:34):
And I didn't communicate what I wanted.
SPEAKER_00 (08:37):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (08:38):
But I assumed because of my monkey mind
telling me, because if before ifanybody called, that they, you
know, everybody knows what Ilike.
And so I just I redirectedbecause of my historical events
in my mind to oh, let's feelthis bring it home.
I can say I don't care and andmake myself feel like, you know,
I'm I'm just easygoing guy.
SPEAKER_00 (08:57):
I'm malleable, I'm easy.
SPEAKER_03 (08:58):
I'm I can and and don't get me wrong, I choked
down that sushi.
SPEAKER_00 (09:03):
Oh god, he did.
SPEAKER_03 (09:05):
And I mean choked.
SPEAKER_00 (09:06):
And he tried to hide it, and I let him.
I think he drank an entiregallon of tea trying to swallow
the stuff whole.
He was gagging me.
Trying to hold back the tears inhis eyes and not even chewing.
And just gobbling it down.
I ignored all of it and justenjoyed mine because mine was
(09:27):
quite delightful.
SPEAKER_03 (09:29):
Yeah, so this story in my head was you were bringing
up.
SPEAKER_00 (09:31):
I did give you I bought two different kinds and I
let you choose between the two.
SPEAKER_04 (09:37):
I agree.
SPEAKER_00 (09:38):
However, they both had avocado.
And so I guess you chose thelesser of the two evils.
I did.
SPEAKER_03 (09:47):
So well now, so that's kind of a funny
situation, and it worked outfunny down the road.
And and uh we didn't I didn'tknow that she recognized that I
was choking on this suit.
SPEAKER_00 (09:58):
No, at the time he didn't let on, and I did not
dare uh call him out on hisnonsense.
I was still trying to be the uhyou know kind little individual.
SPEAKER_03 (10:10):
I didn't find out two years later that she knew I
was choking it down.
Now that's kind of a funnyscenario.
So put this into a scenariothat's not so funny.
SPEAKER_00 (10:18):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (10:19):
Like, for example, uh that I don't know Talk about
a big one, the finances.
Okay, let's talk about finances.
SPEAKER_00 (10:25):
Because uh, you know, the statistics say that
uh, you know, if you don't haveproper communication, finances
are one of the top contenders ofwhite people separate or
divorce.
SPEAKER_03 (10:37):
Number one's infidelity, number two is
finances.
That's right.
SPEAKER_00 (10:39):
It's a big, big contender.
SPEAKER_03 (10:42):
And so so put that into a perspective of the
conversation being like this.
Jenny calls me and she says,Hey, did you talk to your ex?
Or are you still talking toanybody?
SPEAKER_00 (10:55):
Oh, how's that finance related?
SPEAKER_03 (10:56):
Oh, I'm sorry, I I went to infidelity first.
You can go there.
SPEAKER_00 (10:59):
You can go to infidelity.
SPEAKER_03 (11:01):
Okay, no, no, we'll go to finances.
SPEAKER_00 (11:02):
That's fine.
SPEAKER_03 (11:03):
And so Jenny calls me and she says, Hey, did you uh
pay the car payment?
And I, you know, in my mind, Isay, Yes, because I'm planning
to pay the car payment later.
SPEAKER_01 (11:18):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (11:19):
Now you and but I create a story in my mind that
this is perfectly okay becauseof historical events.
SPEAKER_01 (11:25):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (11:25):
Or I believe that I'm gonna make the car payment
later.
Now something comes up and Iforget.
SPEAKER_01 (11:29):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (11:30):
Now what think about the scenario behind that.
Which I don't know quite know ifthat's a really good example of
where we're this talk is gonnago, but it is an example of
historical belief systems thatis answering a question in your
mind.
SPEAKER_00 (11:46):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (11:47):
And you are humanly answering it differently.
SPEAKER_00 (11:50):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (11:50):
Instead of me saying, Oh, I haven't done that
yet.
Thank you for reminding me, I'lldo that here.
SPEAKER_01 (11:57):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (11:57):
I make a story up in my mind of what's how she's
gonna respond if I say that.
SPEAKER_01 (12:03):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (12:04):
So if I uh I in my mind I say yes, and then I plan
on doing it, but it hasn'tactually done yet.
SPEAKER_00 (12:11):
And then she finds out that it's not done, or she
gets the text that says, Hey,your car payment hasn't been
made, because we get text fromthe bank that says reminder,
right?
Your car payment is due.
SPEAKER_03 (12:24):
But the reason why I answer that question is because
I have a historical or beliefsystem, historical event or
belief system within me thattells me either A, she's gonna
blow up at me if I say no, Ihaven't done that yet, or B,
it's okay for me to to do itlater and say yes now.
SPEAKER_00 (12:41):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (12:42):
But either way is still not good communication.
SPEAKER_00 (12:45):
Right.
And it can be viewed by theother person as misleading or a
lie or 100%.
Whatever, especially if theother person has trust issues
from their historical events onpeople telling the truth or
financially being truthful andpaying the bills and not leaving
(13:08):
them unpaid.
Right.
Um, you know, differentscenarios like that, it could
definitely impact therelationship because the person
who has the baggage that theybrought in that, you know, my ex
never would pay the bills andthey were always late and not on
time.
So when I asked him and he saidyes, he paid him, he outright
(13:31):
lied to me.
Um, so that that coulddefinitely create a traumatic
trauma drama for the person whoasked the question.
SPEAKER_03 (13:42):
Right.
And so that's where I was goingwith this conversation.
You actually led it right intoit.
Is I made a in this scenario, Igave you an answer that wasn't
completely true, even though Ihad every intention to do it.
SPEAKER_00 (13:55):
But you did it inadvertently because you So in
our relationship, you do all thebills and you take care of all
that.
SPEAKER_04 (14:05):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (14:05):
And if you have a plan, a structured plan where
you know the car payments due onFriday and your plan is to, you
know, pay bills on Thursday, youknow in your head, yeah, I am
paying it.
Right.
It's all already done and takencare of because you have a plan
in place.
And so in your mind, you'velogged it as, okay, because I
(14:28):
have the plan in place, I cananswer this yes, without it
being a lie.
Because historically I pay themon this date, and she probably
doesn't even know.
SPEAKER_03 (14:41):
The other part of that was is a it doesn't matter
because it was an end not acompletely truthful thing, so
it's a partial story.
And the other the other part ofthis is what everybody needs to
realize in in relationship or incommunication is the person
asking the question either Aalready knows the answer, or B,
there's something guiding themto ask that question.
(15:02):
Could it be an inner belief?
Could it be whatever?
That's where communicationbreaks down.
It's that third level of thatcommunication.
And the person asking thequestion is normally the one
that has the baggage.
SPEAKER_00 (15:14):
That's right.
Or needs more information, needsmore information, or is having
trouble navigating that.
SPEAKER_03 (15:20):
Like you wouldn't say to me, you wouldn't call me
and say, Hey, my ex-husband offour years didn't pay my car
payment and I got a carrepossessed.
So, did you remember to make thecar payment because I got the
text?
You don't say that.
SPEAKER_01 (15:30):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (15:30):
You just say, Hey, did you remember the car
payment?
And so it's the receivers of thequestions job to understand that
A, you know, there's a reasonwhy this question's coming out.
SPEAKER_00 (15:43):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (15:43):
And B, I need to look at my answer appropriately.
SPEAKER_00 (15:48):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (15:49):
And make sure it's clear, like you'll say it all
the time.
SPEAKER_00 (15:52):
Precision of words.
SPEAKER_03 (15:54):
Precision of words.
SPEAKER_01 (15:54):
That's right.
SPEAKER_03 (15:55):
Clarity of response.
SPEAKER_01 (15:56):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (15:57):
And when you have a communication breakdown, being
on anything, be it on financesor whatever, generally, if you
can go into it with a in a mindspace of the person asking the
question has the one that's gotsomething brewing.
And it can make you communicatebetter because now I know that
when you ask a question, I cansay honestly, that you have
(16:20):
baggage and you're trying tobuild trust.
Or, you know, or there'ssomething that's on your mind
about it.
SPEAKER_00 (16:25):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (16:26):
And I can honestly say no, but I'm gonna pay it on
Thursday.
SPEAKER_00 (16:29):
Right.
Or you can come back with anadditional question seeking more
information.
I'll give you a little extensionof the scenario.
Correct.
I don't normally ask thosequestions of you, but if I get
like a a reminder from the bankthat says, hey, the car payment
hasn't been paid, we'll use thatas an example.
(16:49):
Because our bank does send outreminders.
SPEAKER_03 (16:51):
Right.
Yep.
SPEAKER_00 (16:53):
Then if I ask you if you've made the car payment, you
then can come back and say,Well, I haven't yet, but why are
you asking the question?
SPEAKER_04 (17:05):
Yep.
SPEAKER_00 (17:06):
Because what you and I've learned in our journey
together is we're very good atcommunicating.
And so this is how we navigatethat.
You know that if I ask thatquestion, there is more to it.
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (17:22):
Because I would have said something like, Not yet.
So what why are you asking?
SPEAKER_00 (17:25):
Right, exactly.
And then my response would havebeen, oh, well, I got a
reminder, and I just want tomake sure you didn't forget with
everything that's going on inour bubble or whatever.
SPEAKER_03 (17:37):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (17:38):
But people don't go to that length.
SPEAKER_03 (17:39):
They don't.
And the one thing, another thingthat I want to add to this, is
not one thing, but the otherthing, is the receiver of the
question needs to understandthat you can't take those
questions defensively.
SPEAKER_00 (17:51):
Right.
Or ignore them as though theydon't have any value.
SPEAKER_03 (17:54):
That's right.
Because they're asking thequestion for, like we said,
either there's a reason behindit, that's right, or there's
some baggage behind it.
SPEAKER_00 (18:00):
That's right.
SPEAKER_03 (18:01):
And so you it's our job when we communicate to make
clarity of those things.
SPEAKER_00 (18:07):
Make clarity, but then also side note is you're
getting to know that personevery day on a different level.
That's correct.
And by you asking additionalquestions when questions are
asked of you helps you learnwhat that person is.
So, what I mean by that is noteverybody is like you and I.
(18:31):
You and I came together, andwhen we first came together, we
took that proverbial trash canof bullshit.
We dumped it all on the table,dumped it on the table, and we
said, Look, this is my baggage,this is what I know of.
SPEAKER_03 (18:43):
And that was a heated day and a half of work.
That was a heated day and a halfconversation.
SPEAKER_00 (18:47):
Are you in a place where you want to accept this?
Does any of that consume you?
This is me.
SPEAKER_04 (18:54):
Yep.
SPEAKER_00 (18:54):
And the naked, bold, black and white concept.
And we gave each other theopportunity to say, you know
what, that's a lot of shit,bitch.
I can't do you.
SPEAKER_04 (19:08):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (19:09):
Or, you know what?
Yeah, it's manageable.
I will make an informed decisionto move forward.
SPEAKER_03 (19:15):
Correct.
SPEAKER_00 (19:15):
That's one of the things that we did.
SPEAKER_03 (19:18):
Yes.
And so in when you're having acommunication with a partner,
individual, friend, anybody.
SPEAKER_00 (19:24):
Can I finish real quick?
Yeah, go ahead.
Go ahead.
SPEAKER_03 (19:26):
I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_00 (19:27):
What I was gonna say is if you are not trained and
did have not done that yet, thenit is your job to get to know
your the other person moreintimately on what their baggage
is.
And you do that by exploring whythey're ans asking the question,
(19:49):
whatever the question is.
SPEAKER_03 (19:51):
Yeah, I agree.
SPEAKER_00 (19:52):
You can give them the answer to the question, but
then ask, why do you ask?
Yeah, what's going on?
Because it's education, and theymay come back with something
simple of uh I was just curious,just wondering.
SPEAKER_03 (20:05):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (20:06):
Or they may come back and it may be an
opportunity for them to say,okay, I'm unpacking some
baggage, and this is some crapthat I've got.
Now, as the other side of that,if the person you've asked the
question of asks you inresponse, why do you ask?
(20:26):
That's an opportunity for you tocome clean and share with this
individual what you're workingon or why did you ask the
question?
That's an open platform for youto be open and honest about why
did you ask the question?
SPEAKER_04 (20:44):
Correct.
SPEAKER_00 (20:45):
What's going on inside of me that made me feel
like I needed to ask thequestion?
Is it a trust issue?
Is it baggage that I'm carrying?
You need to explore that as wellbecause every relationship, no
matter what kind it is, is atwo-way street.
SPEAKER_03 (21:02):
Correct.
SPEAKER_00 (21:03):
Okay, you can have the mic back.
SPEAKER_03 (21:05):
And so uh when we we as individuals and we are
engaged in a relationship, afriendship, or any of that kind
of stuff, we have to well say wehave to, we we need to acquire
one thought in mind is we havebeen taught as a society to be
(21:26):
protected and guarded and answerthings because life is going so
fast.
The one thing in your life thatyou don't need to go fast is
your answers and your responses.
You have to stop for that momentbecause I have to I have to do
it to myself all the time.
I have to slow myself down andsay, okay, wait a minute, why is
(21:48):
she asking this question?
Oh, it doesn't matter what topicit's about.
SPEAKER_01 (21:51):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (21:51):
What did I do to cause the question to be asked,
or what is causing the questionto be asked?
SPEAKER_04 (21:56):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (21:57):
And be humble within it.
Because when we don't do that,we don't slow ourselves down,
you're gonna give an answerthat's not either a not fully
the truth, or you're that's orit's informative, it's not an
informative answer, or you'regonna say something that
triggers the other person that'snot correct, and you're then
you're gonna have to try to fixit.
(22:20):
It doesn't matter your intentionbehind it because it's not your
situation, it's the personanswering the questions or
asking the questions that youneed to understand that it's
important to them or theywouldn't ask.
SPEAKER_01 (22:31):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (22:32):
And slow yourself down and let's quit letting
society speed up your life sofast that you don't stop and
give that person the moment thatthey want.
SPEAKER_00 (22:42):
Right.
I'll give another very, verypoignant, more mild example that
we came across.
SPEAKER_03 (22:50):
Okay.
SPEAKER_00 (22:51):
The wife says to the husband, Do you have your
hearing aids in?
SPEAKER_03 (22:57):
Yeah, this is a good example.
We used to see this in thecommunity all the time.
SPEAKER_00 (23:01):
All the time.
And he says, Yeah.
And he leaves it at that becausehe literally is just answering
the question.
So she comes from a place of sheasked the question because she
fell like she's not heard.
SPEAKER_04 (23:17):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (23:18):
Instead of saying to him precision of words, do you
have your hearing aid in?
And did you hear what I saidbecause it's very important to
me?
SPEAKER_03 (23:29):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (23:29):
She just asked if he had his hearing aids in.
SPEAKER_03 (23:32):
Which puts him in a defensive place.
SPEAKER_00 (23:33):
And he's like, or just in a let me answer this
literally.
SPEAKER_03 (23:38):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (23:38):
So he's like, Yeah, I've got my hearing aids in.
No discovery on why she's askingthat, and no uh further
investigation, inquisitive mindof, hmm, that's why did she ask
that's like an odd question.
Why would she ask that?
SPEAKER_04 (23:58):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (23:59):
Because if he were able to put himself in that
position and be more inquisitiveand say, I do, but better
question is is why are youasking?
SPEAKER_04 (24:08):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (24:09):
And it opens the floor for her to say, Well, I
wasn't sure that you heard me,and I was talking about an
important topic, and I wanted tomake sure that you heard me
because when I said blah blahblah, I didn't get a response
from you.
SPEAKER_04 (24:23):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (24:24):
Instead, she walked away from the situation thinking
that he didn't care about thetopic, which then translated in
he didn't care about her.
Here comes the monkey moon andhe never listens to me.
And so then I'm just notimportant.
He doesn't love me.
You see how that justassumptions rolls into a big
(24:45):
shit ball.
Yeah, that little beetle thatrolls around the shit ball.
SPEAKER_03 (24:50):
I don't know.
SPEAKER_00 (24:51):
Maybe we should call it that instead of the monkey
mind, the little shit beetle.
It just starts to roll into ashit ball.
SPEAKER_03 (24:57):
You know, this conversation brings up a thought
from a couple that I I workedwith back in Tampa.
You know, he had a fear ofinfidelity.
SPEAKER_00 (25:08):
Okay, so he was afraid that his wife was gonna
cheat on him, or partner, wasgonna cheat on him.
SPEAKER_03 (25:14):
Correct.
SPEAKER_00 (25:15):
Okay.
SPEAKER_03 (25:16):
And so he became very hovering.
SPEAKER_00 (25:19):
Oh, yep.
Suffocating, suffocating, veryalways willing to be around.
SPEAKER_03 (25:24):
Or questioning constantly and those kind of
things.
And and all it did to her wascreate a constant state of
either panic, I'm doingsomething wrong, or frustration
or fear, or mad.
SPEAKER_00 (25:35):
Or feeling like she was controlled, maybe.
SPEAKER_03 (25:39):
And so she started responding with it ref you know,
reflecting his energy back tohim.
You know, and she wouldpurposely do things that he
said.
Like, for example, she he wouldsay, Are you gonna go over and
see your friend over here?
And she had no intention to doit.
But because he was doing it, shewould out of spite and
(26:00):
frustration go see her friendover there.
Whatever that is, you know,that's just an example.
It's not actually the wholestory, because I don't want to
expose the whole story, but whenit comes to that, that's the
same scenario.
Instead of her saying no, I'mnot gonna go over there, why
would you ask that question?
And restabilizing him becauseshe doesn't know where it's
(26:24):
coming from where it's comingfrom.
Why are you you know why are yousaying this?
Instead, she got defensive.
SPEAKER_01 (26:29):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (26:29):
And you see how this all marries into every topic.
It can be infidelity, finances,health, and well-being, whatever
it is.
SPEAKER_01 (26:37):
Right, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (26:39):
And so the person asking the question is is the
person that needs to be in uh uhyou need to be more inquisitive
because you gotta find out why.
Because if that question annoysyou, you can't be a defensive,
you should figure out what'smaking the question come and
then try to fix that problem orhelp this person work through
it.
SPEAKER_00 (26:58):
Right.
That's a good segue intoreiterating having that
childlike persona.
Right.
Because if you think aboutchildren, they have this natural
just uh curiosity abouteverything.
Right.
Why?
Right, exactly.
Because they're learning andthey're growing and they need
(27:21):
all the information they can umretrieve from the world around
them, right?
And so it seems like every otherword that comes out of their
mouth is is why?
Why not?
Right.
What is that?
And they're asking thosequestions, and it's natural when
it comes from the child becausewe are patient and understand
that they are learning andgrowing.
(27:42):
You know, in my book, but whenthe adults do it, um we get
defensive.
SPEAKER_03 (27:47):
Yeah, we get guarded.
SPEAKER_00 (27:49):
We almost feel like we're put in that what what do
you call it when the cops likeinterrogation?
Yeah, you're an interrogation.
Interrogation spotlight.
SPEAKER_03 (27:58):
And it and all it is is clarity of information.
That's really all it is.
And in my book, you know, SalesEnergy Method, I talk about
every topic, you should havethree whys.
There should be three whys toeverything that gets brought up.
So, like for example, if youcall me and say, Hey, do you
make the car payment?
I I should answer the questiontruthfully and then say, But
why?
Well, why are you asking thatquestion?
SPEAKER_02 (28:18):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (28:19):
And then she's gonna answer the question, well,
because I got a text message.
Oh, well, okay, well, why did itbother you?
Oh, because you know, I I had acar repossessed once.
Okay.
But wh why would you think thatwould happen again?
You know, so for every topic,there should be three why
questions.
SPEAKER_01 (28:37):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (28:38):
And when you get into that depth and you start
asking those questions and havean open-minded, calm energy
about it, it opens the door forvery good communication in a
relationship, friendship, aboss, employee, whatever.
Yeah, it opens those doors.
And in sales, it will it willclose deals.
SPEAKER_00 (28:57):
Absolutely.
Yeah, and in relationships, itwill solidify the foundation of
a relationship.
SPEAKER_03 (29:03):
And security, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (29:04):
Because what it does is it it makes the person who's
asking the question, did youmake the car payment feel like
they have a safe space to talkabout these vulnerable skeletons
in the closet?
SPEAKER_04 (29:16):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (29:17):
Okay, he's opened up the segue of allowing me to
conversate about this verytouchy topic.
Oh, well, because I had thisthing come up where I am having
a little bit of a tough journey.
This happened to me in aprevious relationship, and this
(29:37):
interaction kind of threw up ared flag, and I'm trying to
clean that up a little bit orwhatever.
SPEAKER_03 (29:43):
You know, this is a prime example to a parenting
because you know, if anybody'sever read the book The Baking
Order.
SPEAKER_00 (29:50):
I have not.
SPEAKER_03 (29:51):
Um, but in the word in the book The Baking Order
Bacon, like bacon and is bakingB E C K O B.
SPEAKER_00 (29:58):
What's an is.
I meant to say.
Say eggs.
SPEAKER_03 (30:00):
Oh.
I don't really know.
Is that a genius?
SPEAKER_00 (30:03):
A pecking order?
SPEAKER_03 (30:04):
The pecking order, yeah.
That's it.
Becking order.
Pecking order.
That's it.
Pecking order.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (30:08):
Is it pecking or becking?
SPEAKER_03 (30:10):
Yeah, yeah.
It's pecking.
There is a becking order.
The book is called The PeckingOrder.
SPEAKER_01 (30:13):
Okay.
SPEAKER_03 (30:14):
And it's about three brothers.
SPEAKER_01 (30:16):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (30:17):
And uh the oldest brother got to do everything.
SPEAKER_01 (30:20):
Okay.
SPEAKER_03 (30:21):
The middle brother didn't get to do anything
because the older brother ruinedit for the middle brother.
SPEAKER_00 (30:27):
Oh, like you mean he got in trouble and went out and
done dumb shit.
SPEAKER_03 (30:31):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (30:32):
And then they tightened up the rules for the
middle person so they wouldn'thave to deal with the bullshit.
SPEAKER_03 (30:37):
And then the youngest gets to do anything.
Because it's a pendulum.
And i in the picking order,you've got to understand that
that first person is asking thequestion, you know, Mom, I'm
going to go out.
And if we were to ask threewives in parenting in anything,
on any topic, if you'd ask threequestions, Mom, I need five
(31:00):
bucks today.
Why do you need five bucks?
Oh, I'm going to go, I'm goingto go, there's a book fair
coming up.
Okay, but why do the w you whydo you need it today?
The book fair's not till nextFriday.
Well, because uh I'm making adeal with Bobby Joe and and I'm
gonna buy his thing, and thennext week when he gets his book
(31:21):
fair money, he's gonna give meseven dollars back for my money.
Why would you want to do that?
You need why would you want touh participate in this issue
that you don't know for surethat you're not gonna get your
money?
You know, the it's those kind ofthings.
It's the inquisitive nature,like you said, childlike
behavior, that everything wouldchange if we just asked three
(31:42):
whys.
The three whys for everything.
SPEAKER_01 (31:45):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (31:45):
Anytime something makes you uncomfortable, you
need to ask why why and why.
So anyway, sorry, didn't I got amuscle?
SPEAKER_00 (31:56):
No, you're fine.
You're fine.
I'm taking it in.
So from now on, whenever I'mgonna ask you a question, I need
to ask three questions.
SPEAKER_03 (32:09):
No, when you ask the question, I'm gonna I'm gonna
ask you with here's the answer,but why?
SPEAKER_00 (32:13):
And so when you ask me a question, I need to come
back with three whys.
SPEAKER_03 (32:17):
Well, yes, if it's uh if it's something that
rattles your chain, yes,totally.
If it's something that if it'ssomething that's on my mind.
SPEAKER_00 (32:24):
No, no.
You said I need to ask threewhys.
SPEAKER_03 (32:28):
I uh totally.
Okay, totally.
SPEAKER_00 (32:30):
Because like if I'm asking you a question, right you
need to be ready with your threeanswers somewhere else.
SPEAKER_03 (32:41):
But so now if you will just practice those little
common things in communication,your communication will improve
100%.
Absolutely, and so now let'smove on to the communication
with yourself.
SPEAKER_00 (32:53):
Okay.
SPEAKER_03 (32:55):
Because our monkey minds were run rampant about
everything.
SPEAKER_01 (32:59):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (33:00):
Be it finances, be it health, be it whatever.
And Google makes it all worse.
So lay off the Google people.
SPEAKER_00 (33:09):
Google punch.
SPEAKER_03 (33:11):
Unless you're Googling the spiritual grind,
then that's okay.
But or the Merc Centers.
Or the Salty Tarot.
Anyway, the the whole purposebehind it, when we are have a
monkey mind and we look at arelooking at stuff within
ourselves, we have to be able tocommunicate clearly with
ourselves as well.
SPEAKER_00 (33:30):
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_03 (33:32):
So, like a prime example, you're a 75-year-old
man and you're gonna go on atrip.
And on this trip, you decideyou're gonna go skydiving.
The day of the skydive that youhave scheduled, you wake up and
(33:52):
not feeling so well, and youtell yourself, you better feel
better because I'm I I'm notmissing out on this.
It's a lifelong dream.
SPEAKER_00 (34:00):
I've already paid for it, it's already scheduled.
SPEAKER_03 (34:03):
Right.
And so as the day goesthroughout the day, you're not
communicating with yourself,like, okay, what's going on?
Are you is it fear, is itstress?
Find out what's causing theillness within you or the the
bump against place.
Well, I mean, why do you wereyou just fine, you schedule this
trip, and then the day of yousuddenly don't feel well.
SPEAKER_01 (34:24):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (34:24):
You gotta figure out why.
SPEAKER_01 (34:26):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (34:26):
And why why am I doing this?
You know, like you you youbrought up this morning about my
blood pressure, and that'ssymbol and symbolic of things in
our reality.
And when you have underpressure, you know, like we're
rolling out this new app andwe're developing a new business,
blah, blah, blah, we're goingthrough all this, it can be very
pressure oriented.
SPEAKER_00 (34:45):
Well, yeah, and we also talked about the two types
of stress.
There can be mental stress andthere can be physical stress.
SPEAKER_03 (34:53):
Correct.
And I've always been that guythat says, I don't even know
what stress feels like becauseit's just me.
But the reality is when I was inthe shower today, I was asking
myself the questions, like, areyou stressed about things?
You know, or go it's okay totalk to yourself.
It don't make you crazy.
SPEAKER_00 (35:08):
Right.
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_03 (35:10):
Just because society teaches, as long as you don't do
it in public out in front of alike a you know, a storefront
window and you're talking toyourself and saying stupid
things, people aren't going tothink you're crazy.
SPEAKER_00 (35:19):
Or you can just be that way.
SPEAKER_03 (35:21):
I do it and not give a shit what people talking to
posts and sticking your tongueto a frozen post in the middle
of winter is not normal.
SPEAKER_00 (35:30):
I know it's not, but I'm okay not being normal.
I'm okay being weird.
SPEAKER_03 (35:35):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (35:35):
That is actually a shirt.
SPEAKER_03 (35:36):
That is a shirt.
We have it in the merch store.
SPEAKER_00 (35:38):
In the merch store.
SPEAKER_03 (35:41):
So it's okay to communicate with yourself.
SPEAKER_00 (35:43):
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_03 (35:44):
It's okay to ask the questions, and you're gonna it's
okay, like for example, if I itwas the opposite end of the
field or opposite end of thecourt, and I asked you, Did you
make the car payment?
I need to be humble enough tosay, Why are you asking
questions?
I mean, let me To yourself.
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (36:02):
Okay.
SPEAKER_03 (36:02):
And to myself and say, Well, has she ever missed a
car payment?
I mean, is I mean, is my is mycar here?
You know, go through theprocesses of because it is a you
know, those kind of things,especially if you are jamming
somebody up that you have givegiven the authority to do things
and you ask them, Well, did youmake the car payment today?
You need to be humble enough tostop and say, Why am I asking
(36:25):
these questions?
SPEAKER_00 (36:25):
Exactly.
Yeah, if I may tap in, that's agreat perspective or viewpoint
to incorporate in it.
SPEAKER_03 (36:32):
Totally.
SPEAKER_00 (36:33):
Is that if you're feeling the urge or the nudge to
ask a question, especially likeyou said, if it's a topic that
you've already negotiated inyour relationship that the other
person handles on a regularbasis, if it's not warranted by
some message from the bank witha legitimate thing, and it just
(36:53):
pops into your reality that youneed to ask this question, and
it's not an intuitively advancedguided nudge to go to this
person and say, Okay, I'm beingtold to tell you to check your
blood pressure.
Did you check it?
Right.
Yeah, and it's just a randomquestion.
(37:14):
You do need to stop and askyourself, okay, why all of a
sudden do I feel the urge to askthis person this particular
question?
And am I asking it from a true,authentic, I want knowledge
basis?
(37:34):
Right.
Or am I asking it from aperspective that is showing me
that I've got some garbagethat's ready to look at,
address, and deal with.
And that's a very, very majorpart of communication is asking
yourself first the whys.
SPEAKER_04 (37:53):
Correct.
SPEAKER_00 (37:54):
Because by doing that and and asking yourself the
questions, you may come to arealization that you're doing it
because of some old baggagethat's popping up and presenting
itself.
Yeah, and once you stop and dealwith that, the need to ask the
question may very wellabsolutely resolve when you go
through the questions like youshowed.
(38:15):
You know, has he ever missed acar payment?
Is my car still sitting in thedriveway?
SPEAKER_04 (38:21):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (38:22):
Have I gotten any messages from the financial
institution that the bill hasn'tbeen paid?
Right.
Like ask those prominentquestions.
And if they're all not givingyou some indication that you
need to ask the question, thenit is some shitty drawers that
you need to deal with.
(38:42):
It's some baggage.
SPEAKER_03 (38:43):
Right.
And and it's not fair to bringyour baggage and punish somebody
else with your old baggage.
SPEAKER_00 (38:48):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (38:49):
And it's really it's not fair to do that to your body
either.
I agree.
You can't you can't bring stuffto the table and then slap
somebody else in the face withit.
And this means they had zero todo with it.
SPEAKER_00 (39:01):
Right, especially if it coming, if it's coming from
uh an event, circumstance, orinvolvement with another human
that took place and that you'restill hanging on to that
bullshit to prematurely convictthis person, situation,
circumstance, or event of havingthe same qualities and the same
(39:24):
outcome.
SPEAKER_03 (39:25):
Well, we do the same thing with our body.
And like, like, for example, um,I know somebody that, you know,
the her mother died of a heartattack at a young age.
SPEAKER_00 (39:36):
Okay.
SPEAKER_03 (39:37):
And now she goes through her life with this
belief that she's gonna die of aheart attack at a young age.
And she's doing this to her ownbody.
She's not stopping and say, Whydo you think that's gonna
happen?
Because the reality is, is youall live completely different
lives, and you've got to beinquisitive with yourself as
well.
SPEAKER_01 (39:54):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (39:55):
And and when any of those topics come up, you you
need to say, Why do I have thisfear?
Why do I have this belief?
Why do I have this event in mymind?
SPEAKER_01 (40:04):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (40:05):
And what can I do to stop thinking this way?
Do it with your friends, any ofyour friends around, or any
other acquaintance.
You know, if you're jamming themup about how they're behaving,
you gotta ask yourself why.
Like I, you know, I I know weknow females that were giving
each other a hard time becauseone of them's got a new
boyfriend and now she has a UTI.
SPEAKER_01 (40:27):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (40:29):
You know, come on.
It why why would you jamsomebody else up somebody up
about that?
Right.
Why is it your business?
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (40:36):
And you have to figure out why you why are you
taking it unless that personcomes to you and asks for your
advice, it makes it yourbusiness.
SPEAKER_03 (40:43):
Right, right.
SPEAKER_00 (40:44):
Otherwise, you're just a nosy Nancy and stay the
fuck out of other people'sbusiness.
Right.
Go buy a newspaper.
SPEAKER_03 (40:52):
Correct.
You know, and that's the that'sthe key part is humility, I
think.
And the the key to communicationis open-minded humility and
asking the whys and being okaywith the answers because you
can't be defensive.
If you ask a why, you have toaccept the answer.
SPEAKER_00 (41:08):
That's right.
SPEAKER_03 (41:09):
And right.
SPEAKER_00 (41:10):
That's why I always preface when somebody asks me a
question, I always say, You sureyou want that answer?
You sure you want the answer?
SPEAKER_03 (41:18):
You do that all the time.
SPEAKER_00 (41:19):
As long as you heard it, you can't unhear it.
That's right.
And I don't sugarcoat anything,so Yep.
SPEAKER_03 (41:27):
Here it is.
SPEAKER_00 (41:28):
I always ask the question.
SPEAKER_03 (41:30):
Here's your sign.
The uh a whole part of this thatI wanted to get communicated to
people was is understand that uhquestions and openness are not
negatives.
SPEAKER_02 (41:46):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (41:46):
Don't take it as you're being questioned.
Don't take it as you're beingthat the other person is just
diving into you.
Right.
And don't take it that withyourself of self-guilt and
self-doubt and all that stuff.
It is you have to figure outwhy.
The question to life is why.
SPEAKER_00 (42:04):
That's why we're unless you are just being a nosy
bitch and introjecting yourselfinto somebody else's bubble,
right, or uh and haven't beeninvited, then it's an absolute
no-no.
Right.
Stay the fuck out of otherpeople's business if you haven't
been invited.
SPEAKER_04 (42:20):
Correct.
SPEAKER_00 (42:21):
But yes, it's a vital place of getting to know
the other party of thatrelationship, whatever type it
is.
Right.
And that and it applies to allrelationships employer,
employee, yeah, spouse, lovedone, family, children, friends,
(42:43):
whatever.
SPEAKER_03 (42:44):
I remember talking to an old set of our residents.
SPEAKER_00 (42:48):
It even I want to go one more outside the box.
It even as well with therelationship you have with
money.
SPEAKER_04 (42:56):
Yes.
SPEAKER_00 (42:56):
Personally, yeah.
Why am I bothered by thisparticular situation that's
going on?
It doesn't have to be anotherhuman being.
Right.
You have communication andconversation that goes on inside
of you when certain situationspresent themselves, even if
there's not another human beingaround.
SPEAKER_03 (43:17):
Totally agree.
Totally agree with what you'resaying.
Now I remember, and and I wantto bring this topic up because I
thought it was very enlighteningfor me.
We had a set of our oldresidents at our when we ran the
community.
SPEAKER_00 (43:31):
And old meaning past, or old meaning they were
chronologically old.
SPEAKER_03 (43:37):
Both.
unknown (43:38):
Okay.
SPEAKER_03 (43:39):
And they're they're both past now, too, by the way.
So it's in the past and they'repast.
So and they were both old, andit was an old set.
So yeah, all the above.
SPEAKER_01 (43:49):
All right.
SPEAKER_03 (43:50):
But I they had been together 77 years.
SPEAKER_01 (43:53):
Wow, yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (43:54):
And uh you probably remember I'm talking about up in
O'Cala.
And I went to him and I said,How did y'all make it 77 years?
SPEAKER_00 (44:04):
Right.
Where do you attribute to yourlongevity?
SPEAKER_03 (44:07):
And he said, You know, she woke up every day a
different person, and I neverstopped learning her.
SPEAKER_00 (44:14):
Beautiful words.
SPEAKER_03 (44:16):
And uh I was like, wow, that's a big statement for
an old man to say.
Because he was like in his Idon't know, mid eighties.
SPEAKER_00 (44:22):
Yeah.
But it's spot on with what webelieve and what we teach, is
that every microsecond of everyday you're a whole new person.
Yeah.
Because every event, everyinteraction changes you.
And so you evolve everymicrosecond of the day, millions
and billions of times a day,into a whole nother person.
(44:43):
Right.
And so when you stop learningwho that person is, you're
basically kind of just fizzleout and you're dead in the
water.
SPEAKER_03 (44:53):
Well, and and so you you should take that bit of
advice and turn it intoeverything that you know.
SPEAKER_00 (44:59):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (45:00):
You know, uh everything just because you've
done it once don't mean it's thesame today as it was yesterday.
SPEAKER_00 (45:04):
That's right.
SPEAKER_03 (45:05):
And becoming that inquisitive person that asks the
why questions is the key to allcommunication.
SPEAKER_00 (45:10):
Absolutely.
Childlike.
SPEAKER_03 (45:12):
Yeah, a childlike, a childlike heart and childlike
mentality.
SPEAKER_00 (45:16):
Well, yeah.
Being uh inquisitive and curiousabout every aspect and being
okay asking the questions andbeing okay with other people
asking the questions.
That's how we get to know eachother.
Yep, that's how we get to knowourselves, that's how we get to
know the inner interchange andexchange around events that that
(45:39):
you're going through.
It's asking questions andgetting the information.
SPEAKER_03 (45:45):
I'm going to tell everybody the story of little
Steve.
SPEAKER_00 (45:49):
I don't know this story, I don't think.
You don't.
SPEAKER_03 (45:51):
I don't think I've ever talked to you about it.
There was a guy that used towork for a friend of mine.
He ran a big uh commercialproperty company, he rented
apartments and things.
And Steve was his one of hismaintenance men.
And every day I'm I'm gonna I'mgonna call him Paul.
(46:15):
Paul was my friend.
He owned a large apartmentcompany.
SPEAKER_01 (46:20):
Okay.
SPEAKER_03 (46:21):
And Paul would call Steve and say, Steve, what'd you
do today?
SPEAKER_00 (46:27):
Steve's the maintenance person.
SPEAKER_03 (46:28):
Steve's the maintenance person, Paul's the
owner.
SPEAKER_00 (46:30):
Okay.
SPEAKER_03 (46:31):
And Paul didn't even normally uh Steve actually works
for Paul's um facilitiesdirector.
And so, you know, Paul callingSteve is kind of going out of
the realm of um chain ofcommand.
SPEAKER_00 (46:47):
I see, okay.
SPEAKER_03 (46:48):
But for uh this went on for months.
SPEAKER_01 (46:51):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (46:52):
And and Paul was just logging and writing down
everything he did.
Well, about another month later,Steve got tired of it and he
went in the office and he blew afit at Paul, wanting, you know,
why are you making me justify mywork and going went down this
whole realm of inner baggage andfear.
(47:16):
So instead of stop and saying toPaul, hey Paul, why you ask?
Am I not doing something, or isthere something I need to do
better?
unknown (47:24):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (47:25):
Whatever, because what Steve didn't know, and he
we called him Little Stevebecause he was like five foot
six, he was like 80-bitty guy,like 90 pounds maybe, but a hell
of a good maintenance guy.
SPEAKER_01 (47:35):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (47:35):
What Steve didn't know was that Paul had gotten a
lot of really positive calls onhim.
SPEAKER_01 (47:41):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (47:42):
And he was tracking his motion because he was
figuring out A, do I want tomake him, do I want to promote
him and pay him a lot moremoney?
Or B, do I want to give him hisown properties?
SPEAKER_01 (47:51):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (47:52):
He was actually trend, he was writing this stuff
down and trying to trend what hedoes.
And how do I how do I pay him orwhat can I do that justifies me
what I'm thinking in my head?
SPEAKER_01 (48:04):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (48:05):
And Steve ends up throwing his keys on the table
before he Paul even answered.
Oh my gosh.
And he walks out.
And as Steve walks out, Paulsays Have you ever thought about
asking why?
SPEAKER_01 (48:18):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (48:18):
Instead of just accusing me of making you
justify your job.
SPEAKER_01 (48:22):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (48:22):
And and he holds up his log and shows it to him.
He said, The reason why isbecause I was looking to promote
you and pay you more money.
SPEAKER_00 (48:31):
Ouch.
That's gonna leave a mark.
SPEAKER_03 (48:34):
And and Steve, of course, grobled.
SPEAKER_00 (48:37):
Of course.
SPEAKER_03 (48:38):
And and so Paul had the conversation, you know,
maybe next time you should askwhy.
SPEAKER_01 (48:43):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (48:44):
And I would have told you because I had uh it had
to be 50 compliments on youabout how good you are, you're
fast, efficient, blah, blah,blah, blah.
And I was actually thinkingabout making you a trainer.
Where you train all of my guysbecause my customer reuse are
up, everything's up.
You're creating a goodenvironment in my company.
SPEAKER_01 (49:03):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (49:03):
And instead of being curious, he became accusative.
SPEAKER_01 (49:06):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (49:07):
And so that's where life can really throw you a
monkey wrench.
SPEAKER_01 (49:10):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (49:10):
Your baggage can cause problems and you don't
even know it.
SPEAKER_01 (49:14):
Right.
SPEAKER_03 (49:14):
And so be you know, become a curious, become
childlike and ask the wise.
Anyway, I feel pretty complete.
SPEAKER_00 (49:22):
It's good, it's a good opportunity to reiterate
changing your perspective.
And if you're gonna look atthings from one side of the
coin, flip that coin over andask the questions on the other
side of the coin.
SPEAKER_04 (49:35):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (49:36):
If your monkey mind is saying he's jamming me up
because he's getting ready tofire me, and the big boss is all
up in my business.
Stop and take a breath and lookat the ulterior possibilities by
flipping the coin over beforeyou have a reaction instead of a
(49:56):
response.
Correct.
Stop yourself.
SPEAKER_03 (49:59):
Yep.
And so I know everybody's gonnawant to know.
Everybody's gonna ask.
What?
Yes, Paul gave Steve his jobback.
And a year later, he wasactually his new facilities
director because another thingthat Steve didn't know was
Paul's facilities director wasretiring.
SPEAKER_00 (50:16):
Oh.
SPEAKER_03 (50:16):
And so a year later, he promoted him to facility
director.
SPEAKER_00 (50:20):
I see.
SPEAKER_03 (50:21):
After he went, you know, he let him train for that
year.
SPEAKER_00 (50:24):
After he made him go through some anger management
classes.
SPEAKER_03 (50:27):
He did, and and he used to make him I remember
because uh Paul and I would meetevery morning for coffee.
And Paul would make him come inthe office every single morning
and do affirmations with him.
SPEAKER_00 (50:38):
After that happened.
SPEAKER_03 (50:39):
After that happened, every morning.
He would be like, Before you goto any site, you come to my
office every morning.
This went on.
SPEAKER_01 (50:46):
Wow.
SPEAKER_03 (50:47):
And uh Paul Paul did it just for to get a kick out of
it, and but it changed him, andso it was it was a good
scenario.
SPEAKER_00 (50:53):
Yeah, it was showing him a way kind of covertly how
to create new thought patternsand habits.
Yeah, and Steve probably went onto continue his morning
affirmations because it was ahabit and it felt good, even
(51:14):
without having to be instigatedby Paul.
SPEAKER_03 (51:18):
Yeah, little Steve, man, he was a he was a
character, man.
He was he was a guy that wasdifferent, and Paul turned him
into quite the successful guy.
SPEAKER_00 (51:26):
Very nice.
SPEAKER_03 (51:27):
Anyway, so that is the key success.
I wanted to end that on asuccessful story.
Yeah.
Because when you do become openand receptive to to the whys and
the curiosity and the thehumbleness of understanding that
people ask questions for areason.
SPEAKER_00 (51:44):
And learning to evolve your communication
skills.
SPEAKER_03 (51:48):
Yes, work on it.
SPEAKER_00 (51:50):
Communication is key.
We can't get anything donewithout communicating in some
way, form, or fashion.
SPEAKER_03 (51:56):
Agreed.
SPEAKER_00 (51:57):
And I mean, until telepathy is a thing that we've
all acquired the skill of, wecan't read each other's minds if
our heads are up our ass.
SPEAKER_03 (52:06):
That's correct.
So get the bullers.
SPEAKER_00 (52:08):
Communication, body language, all the different
forms and kinds of communicationare key.
So ask the questions.
SPEAKER_03 (52:17):
I agree.
I feel pretty complete.
SPEAKER_00 (52:19):
Yeah, that was good.
SPEAKER_03 (52:20):
Hey, you know, uh um, thank y'all for listening.
Y'all check out the websitewww.themircenters.org.
Check out the app website atwww.thesalty tarot.net and be
paying attention to some newthings that are gonna be hitting
that app.
SPEAKER_00 (52:36):
Peeking around the corner.
SPEAKER_03 (52:38):
Yeah, this is an exciting thing.
I think it's really exciting.
SPEAKER_00 (52:41):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (52:41):
Um, y'all have no clue what's coming.
It's gonna be cool.
SPEAKER_00 (52:45):
Yeah, it's gonna knock your socks off.
SPEAKER_03 (52:47):
Knock your socks off.
And don't forget to like,follow, and share.
SPEAKER_00 (52:50):
And don't forget to ring the bell.
SPEAKER_03 (52:53):
Hey, we hope you all have an awesome day.
SPEAKER_00 (52:55):
Love ya.
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