October 15, 2025 • 59 mins
Ever notice how certain people quietly step out of your life right when you start honoring yourself? We unpack that shift with open hands and clear language, exploring how fear, self-worth, and boundaries shape the bubble we keep—and the company we attract. Rather than spiraling into self-blame, we look at drifting relationships as data: signs that your standards are changing and your energy is recalibrating.
We dig into the difference between opinions and boundaries, and why real boundaries always come with consequences you can calmly carry out. You’ll hear practical ways to communicate without ultimatums, navigate heated topics with intention, and negotiate when both sides want a win. We also challenge the fixer mindset and codependency patterns that masquerade as compassion, offering simple checkpoints to know when you’re helping—and when you’re rescuing.
If fear has kept you frozen—worried about being alone, replaying the “why,” or yo-yoing on your standards—this conversation gives you a grounded path forward. Learn how to ask “why” for insight, not for victimhood. Practice “leave no doubt” clarity that protects your peace and preserves dignity on both sides. And if you’re leveling up your social circle, we talk about the awkward middle: how to fill the quiet with better habits, higher-vibe rooms, and people who thrive without drama.
We also share a quick update on our Spiritual Grind app and how creators can feature their tarot or oracle decks through our Creator Spotlight. If you’re an advertiser or investor, there’s a place for you too just go to www.thesaltytarot.net and you can find the tabs that will take you to the information. While your there you can also subscribe and get notice on when the Salty Tarot app drops.
If this resonates, subscribe, share with a friend who’s reworking their circle, and leave a review with one boundary you’re honoring this week—we’d love to hear it.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_01 (00:30):
Good morning, everybody.
Welcome back to the SpiritualGrind.
SPEAKER_00 (00:33):
Good morning.
SPEAKER_01 (00:35):
Thank you, grinders, for listening.
We appreciate you all.
SPEAKER_00 (00:39):
Yeah, we uh we definitely have put the video
option on hold for a bit.
Yeah.
The app has taken all all overtime.
Uh quite a bit of our time.
I wished we had the video up sothat everybody could see some of
the cat interaction that we talkabout often.
SPEAKER_02 (00:58):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (00:59):
Uh because the cat co-producer is live and in the
house yet again.
SPEAKER_01 (01:06):
Yeah.
They like to wait until we geton air to do things.
For some reason.
SPEAKER_00 (01:14):
I yeah.
Gotta be all up in the business.
SPEAKER_01 (01:18):
Are you ready for the topic of the day?
SPEAKER_00 (01:20):
You have a topic.
SPEAKER_01 (01:21):
I do.
SPEAKER_00 (01:21):
I kind of surprised you were a little bit off
sequence, so I wasn't sure.
If you had a topic or not.
SPEAKER_01 (01:28):
I do have a topic.
SPEAKER_00 (01:30):
Do test.
SPEAKER_01 (01:31):
You know, we always say that life happens for you,
not to you.
SPEAKER_00 (01:37):
Yes, we do.
SPEAKER_01 (01:39):
And my topic is about subjects within that.
And that subject is prettysimple.
But it can be very entailed.
And that subject is why do we dothings that eliminate us from
(02:00):
people's bubbles?
SPEAKER_00 (02:02):
Mmm.
SPEAKER_01 (02:04):
And I was thinking about this this morning in the
shower.
SPEAKER_00 (02:07):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (02:07):
You know, because I've I've had it happen to me.
You know?
SPEAKER_00 (02:11):
When you say that in the mornings, when you say that,
I think of you sitting in theshower like the thinking man.
SPEAKER_01 (02:18):
If I had a chair in there, I probably would.
SPEAKER_00 (02:22):
But we don't have a chair in there, so I think it's
a little small for a chair.
SPEAKER_01 (02:26):
On our new motorhome, we will have one
though.
I had to fold down kind of.
SPEAKER_00 (02:30):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (02:30):
Because they put them in all of them now, just
about.
SPEAKER_00 (02:32):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (02:33):
But anyway, so like it's happened to me, you know,
like uh I'll do things and thenpeople just kind of fade off
into the distance.
SPEAKER_00 (02:41):
Yeah, for sure.
SPEAKER_01 (02:42):
And and you get to under uh understand my thought
process.
I'm a very social individual.
SPEAKER_00 (02:48):
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (02:49):
I I like interactions with people, I like
to learn their stories.
Yeah.
And for me, when somebodydistances themselves from me, I
always start self-blaming.
SPEAKER_00 (03:01):
Oh, really?
SPEAKER_01 (03:02):
Yeah, like what did I do to piss them off?
SPEAKER_00 (03:04):
Or you know?
SPEAKER_01 (03:06):
Yeah.
And we a lot of people, ashumans, you know, we as humans,
have a tendency, I would say, tofall back on that.
Not everybody, because I knowyou don't think that way.
SPEAKER_00 (03:16):
I particularly don't.
But there was a time in my lifewhere I did.
SPEAKER_01 (03:21):
And so, like, here's a prime example.
There's a situation in my lifethat was it's historical that
changed the perception of mybubble because of stories and
stuff, and that were told topeople that was completely not
(03:44):
true.
SPEAKER_00 (03:44):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (03:45):
And so I'd stop and think, well, what did I do to
deserve that?
I started, you know, looking atmyself.
SPEAKER_00 (03:50):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (03:51):
And the reality is pretty much simple and for me is
how I log in now, and then I'mgonna ask you to have your input
in this subject.
But how I logged it is after Ilearned, after I learned, was
sometimes those bubbles justchange.
(04:12):
It ain't really got nothing todo with the stories.
Because if if you're if you havesomebody in your life that you
view as a friend, a loved one,and they just disappear out of
your bubble, it's really notbecause of anything other than
it was just supposed to happen.
(04:33):
And and but we as humans have atendency to self-blame.
SPEAKER_00 (04:38):
Right, yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (04:39):
And so that's my topic of this morning is is
understanding that things happensometimes to you or for you, not
to you, and you know, we talkabout it all the time.
But when we have things orpeople in our bubble that just
kind of just fade into thedistance, it's not your fault.
(05:00):
It's because of Dr.
Jenny's inclusion.
Here we go.
SPEAKER_00 (05:04):
Can I have an applause?
SPEAKER_01 (05:05):
Oh, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (05:06):
I'm trying to become famous here.
SPEAKER_01 (05:09):
Oh, that's not applause, I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_00 (05:20):
Yes, so you are exactly right.
The changing of your socialcircle can bring about the human
question of self-blame.
SPEAKER_02 (05:32):
Yes.
SPEAKER_00 (05:32):
Gosh, did I make them mad?
What did I do?
Uh, and that's a good thing.
SPEAKER_01 (05:37):
Why is this happening to me?
SPEAKER_00 (05:39):
That's right.
Uh, it's a good thing to askthose questions um because you
always want to come uh uh from aplace of kindness, compassion,
love, and you don't want to goaround being a douchebag or a
bitch and inadvertently runningpeople off because you haven't
(06:01):
dealt with your own shittydiaper or your own baggage.
Because that's one way that youcan run people off and do kind
of a self-isolation is that youhave underlying baggage that
you're not conscious or awareof, or just not ready to deal
with that will actually keeppeople at an arm's length
(06:23):
distance.
Uh, for example, if you've gonethrough a lot of death and
you've not dealt with thegrieving, you may have a fear of
getting close to someone becauseyou've told yourself it's easier
to not get close to them if theydo die or disappear.
So I just subconsciously am notgoing to get close to anybody
(06:45):
and not let them in my bubblebecause that hurts less.
SPEAKER_01 (06:48):
Well, and they don't even realize they're doing it
most of the time.
SPEAKER_00 (06:51):
Yeah, that's right.
That's why I said it's usually asubconscious thing because they
have an underlying uh belief orbaggage around the fear of maybe
death or separation orisolation.
Um paradoxically enough,ironically enough, they have
(07:11):
this underlying fear of beingalone or being isolated, and
subconsciously that is bringingabout isolation and being alone
because the universe says, okay,whatever energy you're putting
out there, here's a heapingspoonful of it.
Let me give it back to you.
SPEAKER_01 (07:32):
Especially fear.
SPEAKER_00 (07:33):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (07:33):
You know, because fear is a is a huge energy, and
it's the one word I will saythis, and because I've done a
lot of of uh studies on thereligious documents.
Yeah.
And fear technically the termfear not shows up in every
(07:54):
religious document out theremultiple times.
SPEAKER_00 (07:58):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (08:00):
And so to kind of marry it all together is if you
are doing those things out offear, that's it's a such a big
energy that you will just bringit right into your reality very
rapidly.
SPEAKER_00 (08:12):
Yeah, I mean, you can even see it in wildlife and
things like that.
Uh uh the most prominent examplewe we've experienced on that
topic is like a deer crossingthe road, they can go into such
a deep place of fear that itcauses them to freeze and
(08:34):
literally be hit by a car andbring about a death experience
because they froze and didn'teven know what to do.
And that can that can happen.
I pause for a second because Idon't want to say this in the
wrong way, but fear canliterally freeze you into a
place of not knowing what to do,not necessarily death.
SPEAKER_01 (08:56):
Right, yeah.
But um we almost had one ofthose last night, actually.
SPEAKER_00 (09:01):
It can bring you into a place of uh that I call
it the deer in the headlightsyndrome where you're so afraid
you don't know whether to goleft, you don't know whether to
go right, forwards, backwards,and it just stalls you out where
you're at.
So you're right.
Fear is a very, very large uhcontender in a lot of things.
(09:25):
Yeah, it'll keep people frommoving forward and changing and
accepting the the dream job oftheir life, yeah, the perfect
relationship.
It'll even cause people not evento be able to see when the
perfect job or the uhrelationship they've been
begging for is even right undertheir nose.
SPEAKER_01 (09:47):
Yeah, or a financial decision or whatever.
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (09:49):
Any part of that life pie, it can cause you not
even to be able to see that.
SPEAKER_01 (09:54):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (09:54):
But there's additional components to what
you said, so Yes, totally.
That's one way.
SPEAKER_01 (10:00):
Yes.
Um you know, fear um when whenallowed to manifest and grow
into your reality will cause youto say to yourself, Why?
SPEAKER_00 (10:14):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (10:16):
And in you know, because I hear it a lot.
Why is this happening to me?
Or why did this happen?
Or you know, I even I I catchmyself doing it and I ask myself
why.
You know, and I don't do it.
Right.
I don't do it out of fearthough.
I do it out of education now.
I used to do it out of fear.
SPEAKER_00 (10:33):
Yeah, so that's a good piece to talk about the
why.
Um, because it's okay to ask thewhy.
And in many, many, manysituations when you're trying to
clean up your belief programsand patterns, it is a crucial
part of what I teach is to askthe why.
SPEAKER_01 (10:52):
Right.
And be honest with yourself.
SPEAKER_00 (10:54):
Right.
But don't get tangled up inneeding to know and absolutely
have to know the why before youmove on to the next step because
sometimes knowing the why is notpart of the process.
SPEAKER_02 (11:06):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (11:06):
You can go too deep in having to know the why, and
that will trip you up.
SPEAKER_02 (11:13):
Yep.
SPEAKER_00 (11:13):
Um, if you're meant to know the why, and it's part
of the bigger picture on uhgetting you from where you're at
to the next place where you'resupposed to be, then you'll get
the answer why as soon as youare uh not vibrating at the um
victim level level.
SPEAKER_01 (11:34):
That's that's what it is.
It's a victim mentality.
SPEAKER_00 (11:36):
When you're new to the awakening process, and even
even still, you know, we've beendoing this for 30 plus years.
Sometimes you can get tangled upin the why too deeply.
Right.
And it can um put you back inthat victim mode for a second.
That's where you take it toofar.
SPEAKER_01 (11:57):
Yes, I agree.
SPEAKER_00 (11:58):
If you go into the why phase and you let it drag
you into the why is thishappening to me, woe is me, um,
I don't understand, and you gettangled up and hang out in that
pond too long, it can take yourvibrational frequency down
pretty low.
And you can actually go into uhthe victimhood depression, yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (12:24):
Um and lowering boundaries.
That's one thing that happens.
A lot of people will justsuddenly remove their boundaries
out of fear.
SPEAKER_00 (12:31):
Right.
I'm gonna oh my god, I'm gonnabe alone.
So let me, you know what, let mejust let me talk to him.
SPEAKER_01 (12:37):
I really miss my friend.
Right.
And and I uh you know, it's myfault.
And and I just need to be moreunderstanding, or I just need to
you know, I we hear that a lotout of people.
SPEAKER_00 (12:47):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (12:48):
And what that don't understand is that that's the
trap.
SPEAKER_00 (12:51):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (12:52):
That is the trap because it will cre it creates a
yo-yo effect, and you will keepyo-yoing yourself right into
oblivion if you can if you don'tlearn to withstand and
understand that it it's it comesdown to a lot of this comes down
to, and I don't want to jumpahead of you too much, but it
comes down to your self-worth.
SPEAKER_00 (13:12):
Right.
And I want to back up and talkmore about the oblivion part of
it.
SPEAKER_01 (13:18):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (13:19):
Give some examples.
SPEAKER_01 (13:20):
Yes, totally.
SPEAKER_00 (13:21):
If the if the relationship is between you and
a friend, and um they arecontinually crossing a boundary
for you, and you have anunderlying fear of being alone,
for example.
Right.
You'll hold to the consequencesof someone crossing a boundary
(13:42):
for a little while, but thenwhen it taps on that trigger
point for you of, oh my gosh,I'm sitting here alone and I I
don't like it, you'll startslowly putting that boundary
wall down.
SPEAKER_02 (14:00):
Yep.
SPEAKER_00 (14:01):
And you'll go back into the old habits of, well,
maybe they've changed.
Let me just reach out to thembecause it feels better to talk
to them and and the things theywere doing, they weren't that
bad.
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (14:15):
And I just was overreacting.
I've heard that one before, too.
SPEAKER_00 (14:18):
Yep.
And so you'll put your boundarydown because having the boundary
in place and sticking to yourguns feels more uncomfortable
than compromising and puttingyour boundary wall down and
saying, Okay, well, you knowwhat?
I'll just talk to them for alittle bit right now.
Yeah.
(14:39):
But what you're teaching thatother person is that you're
gonna set your boundaries and ina certain portion of time,
you're gonna get over whateverit is you were going through,
and you're gonna let that personback in, and they're gonna say,
Okay, this person is unhappyabout something, and I know in a
(14:59):
week or two's time they'll getover it, they'll be fine, and
then we'll go right back to theway that we were.
SPEAKER_02 (15:05):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (15:05):
Especially if you're working on teaching yourself how
to honor, um, not being run overor taken advantage of, and you
find yourself in a situationwhere that circle of people that
you have been allowing in yourbubble were all have the same
characteristics of kind ofrunning over you, and you're now
(15:28):
deciding it it's I'm done withthat crap.
SPEAKER_03 (15:32):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (15:32):
And you start to um put that boundary in place and
say, no more.
I want a different circle offriends.
There can be a moment in timewhere it does feel lonely.
SPEAKER_01 (15:42):
Yes, totally.
SPEAKER_00 (15:43):
Um, but that's an opportunity for you instead of
focusing on the fact that you'realone and you don't necessarily
have a social network for asmall amount of time.
SPEAKER_02 (15:52):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (15:52):
Because you have to remember as soon as you get rid
of the garbage, you make room inthe garage for new things, or in
the house for new things, or inyour life pie for new
relationships.
But you gotta get a you gottaget the old stuff out first,
especially whenever you'recreating new boundaries and new
beliefs.
SPEAKER_02 (16:11):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (16:12):
There is gonna be a moment of time where it does
feel a little bit lonely.
And with us having worked withthe hundreds and hundreds of
people, we hear that a lot.
A lot.
SPEAKER_02 (16:21):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (16:22):
Going through our spiritual awakening process
sometimes feels so lonely.
That's because your circle of uhyour social network is changing
because you're aligning with awhole new group of people that
are vibrating at that higherlevel, and you just gotta stay
focused on what your initialdesire was, and that's to create
(16:47):
a new social network wherepeople treat you kind and they
honor your boundaries, and theyare healthy relationships, not
you know, victimhoodrelationships or codependent
relationships or just flat outshitty relationships.
There is going to be that echomoment of time.
SPEAKER_01 (17:05):
Yeah, you know, and it's a human, it's a human
habit.
If you find yourself if you'regoing through an awakening
process and you find yourself ina lonely place, it's because
you're not creating new habitsto put yourself in places to
meet your new people.
SPEAKER_00 (17:19):
Or doing something that distracts you while that
energy spins down.
SPEAKER_01 (17:24):
Yeah, I agree.
SPEAKER_00 (17:25):
Everything is energy, and if you've spent
your, you know, 20 years of yourlife having this social network
where you're the doormat foreverybody, that's a lot of
energy that's been invested intothis pattern, these habits.
Yeah.
And so when you begin to changethat, you've got to give space
for that energy to create thefull circuit and spin out and
(17:48):
spin down so that the newcircuit can, I guess, um, obtain
momentum.
SPEAKER_02 (17:56):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (17:57):
Nothing happens instantaneously for most people,
especially in the early stagesof the awakening process.
There's always that lead time orthat little bit of gap between
what you're wanting now and whatyou had before.
SPEAKER_01 (18:14):
The dead time.
SPEAKER_00 (18:16):
Yeah, that dead time.
SPEAKER_01 (18:17):
And that's really that's the the point of
self-awakening andself-preservation and
self-worth, and that's where youkind of build your own new
beliefs inside of you.
SPEAKER_00 (18:26):
Yeah, you're building your own new world,
basically.
SPEAKER_01 (18:29):
I know when I went through that time of being by
myself and I when I uh I wasself-reflecting on things, you
know, because I had friends thatI missed and I had friends I
didn't miss, and and I hadpeople that just disappeared out
of my reality, and then I hadpeople that came into my reality
that I didn't really care for.
SPEAKER_03 (18:46):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (18:47):
And so I really stopped and self-reflected on
being okay and having enoughself-value to say, you know, I'm
okay being who I am, where I am,and how I am.
SPEAKER_00 (18:58):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (18:59):
And if they don't like it, that's their fault.
SPEAKER_00 (19:02):
That's their problem.
That's their problem.
That's their baggage.
SPEAKER_01 (19:04):
So it c it falls back on on uh self-value.
And when I I remember when thatthat girl I was there was a girl
that I worked with at one of theor at the ORI convention one
year and I did an aura readingfor her.
Yeah.
And uh I I picked up on that shewas a lesbian.
(19:25):
And and I was like, oh, so youreally need to tell your dad.
Oh I can't.
I've been avoiding it for Idon't.
I don't even you know, I don'teven take my my girlfriend with
me to the family things.
And I'm like, well, why?
Oh, my dad would hate me.
Is that something that you'veconsidered?
Oh yeah, I wish I could foryears.
(19:45):
Well, if you don't value thepreservation of yourself, then
he's not gonna value it.
unknown (19:51):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (19:52):
And so it it's not about the subject, it's about
the presentation that you do,and you gotta have the
self-worth and self-value insideof you to stop and say, My dad's
gonna love me, or he's not, andeither way is okay, but this is
me.
Yeah, this is who I am.
I'm not gonna allow this tocontinue to go on in this
(20:13):
direction.
And blah, blah, blah, blah.
Well, the next day she came backand she actually went home and
called her dad, and her and hergirl went and met him.
And guess what?
SPEAKER_00 (20:26):
He was fine with it.
SPEAKER_01 (20:27):
He was completely fine with it.
SPEAKER_00 (20:28):
Yeah, because it's a monkey mind story, and sometimes
that happens.
SPEAKER_01 (20:31):
She had to hug me uh a fifty times.
SPEAKER_00 (20:33):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (20:34):
And and I was like, you see, it's i your fear was
allowing you to lowerboundaries.
SPEAKER_00 (20:40):
And tell a story that wasn't even tell a story in
your head that wasn't true.
SPEAKER_01 (20:43):
Right, you're totally right.
And but the fear of it behind itwas in her self-value.
SPEAKER_03 (20:49):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (20:49):
Because she wasn't valuing herself enough to say,
listen, this is where I'm at.
SPEAKER_00 (20:55):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (20:56):
And when you get caught in that trap, it just
gives you that loop of wow, youknow, I I'm I'm just useless and
in it, and you lower your value,and you you can't get caught up
in that yo-yo.
SPEAKER_00 (21:09):
Yeah, you know, that's one of the things that I
work with people on.
And we play this game.
I teach them to be their ownbest friend.
SPEAKER_02 (21:21):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (21:22):
You've got to be your own best friend, and you've
got to decide how you want to betreated and treat yourself that
way first so that you can alignwith people who will treat you
that way.
And you've got to stick to that.
Right.
Treating yourself with uh honorand respect and um that will
(21:47):
bring about self-value andincrease your value.
SPEAKER_02 (21:50):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (21:50):
If you're being shitty to yourself by
self-criticizing or judgingevery stinking little thing you
do, oh it's happens to you.
SPEAKER_01 (21:57):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (21:58):
Right.
That I shouldn't have done that.
Um that was I should be moreunderstanding.
I was so selfish, or all of thatis is you not being your own
best friend or your own um whatdo you call it?
Your own personal parade or yourown personal uh value system.
Right.
(22:18):
And that will bring uh okay, solet me break this down.
You when you have the the lowerfrequency where you're
self-criticizing and you'reself-judging, which has in turn
(22:38):
decreased your self-value, yourself-worth, that's a certain
energy, that's a certainfrequency that you're putting
out there.
And so I think RuPaul said itbest if you can't love yourself,
how the hell are you gonna loveanybody else?
SPEAKER_01 (22:53):
That's correct.
SPEAKER_00 (22:54):
That is absolutely 100% true because they're two
different frequencies.
SPEAKER_01 (22:58):
Shout out to RuPaul.
SPEAKER_00 (22:59):
Yeah, for sure.
You have to do some reflection.
And, you know, I talked about awhile ago, there's always this
intermittent pause when you'redoing heavy belief work, such as
setting boundaries where youdidn't used to, and waiting for
that energy to spin out.
Part of the reason that there'sthat lapse or that lead time and
(23:22):
waiting for that energy to spindown is giving you an
opportunity to go within andwork on any of the extra little
garbage that's hanging out ofthe trash bag, such as
self-worth.
Am I treating myself the way Iwant other people to treat me?
(23:43):
Am I holding that frequency?
Am I carrying that frequency?
And then what will happen isyou'll give yourself little pop
quizzes.
SPEAKER_01 (23:51):
Yes, totally.
SPEAKER_00 (23:52):
You'll have that same person cross your path and
attempt to behave the way thatthey were behaving, right?
Just so you can test yourself tosee, did that belief stick?
Am I truly okay with this newbelief that I've put in place?
But you'll you'll notice that itfeels different.
(24:13):
Yeah.
If you've truly put that beliefin place and it's clean and
clear and in place, rocking androlling.
SPEAKER_02 (24:21):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (24:22):
If uh you come across that person in your path
and you're perfectly comfortableand no restriction in the body,
and you're able to have a nice,cordial, well, hello, how are
you?
How have you been?
Right.
And then you two go on aboutyour path, then you know that
(24:42):
that belief is pretty much inplace, very clean, very clear.
Right.
If you've given yourself thatpop quiz and that person comes
across your path, and all of asudden you find yourself in
self-judgment, or going back tothat place of, you know, what
did I do in that relationship tomake that person go away?
(25:04):
Or I must have done something uhthat pissed them off, or you go
back into that place where youwere, that's the point to where
you catch it.
SPEAKER_02 (25:17):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (25:17):
Because there's a little bit more work for you to
do.
It's not necessarily somethingyou did.
It was because you changed aboundary and a belief that you
know you're no longer allowingthis person to do their uh
walking on you like you're adoormat or manipulating the
situation.
SPEAKER_01 (25:38):
Right.
Yep, totally.
SPEAKER_00 (25:39):
And you can't fall back into the trap of that.
SPEAKER_01 (25:42):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (25:42):
It's not helpful.
SPEAKER_01 (25:44):
Yeah, I I agree with you.
And so I think the a key factorin a lot of this is
understanding the ownership ofwho owns what and what what you
own, what you don't own, whatyou control, what you don't
control.
Because the reality is is youcan't make people do anything.
(26:04):
You can't force them to besomething they're not.
You can you can't force them tobe in your bubble within
boundaries.
You know, you have to own thefact that A, you have
boundaries, you have self-worth,and you you you have if they
choose to live outside of thoseboundaries, that's their choice.
SPEAKER_00 (26:25):
Yeah, and that's a very, very key thing to remember
is setting boundaries foryourself does not make you a
horrible person.
No, it doesn't make you a meanperson.
SPEAKER_02 (26:37):
That's correct.
SPEAKER_00 (26:38):
It doesn't mean that you're being unloving or not
kind-hearted.
I went through this for a smalltime in my life because I had
tangled up in there years agothat if I set boundaries and I
told somebody no, they couldn'tbe in my bubble, or no, they
couldn't do that to me, Ithought that it was me not being
(27:01):
compassionate and understandingof their journey and not loving.
Right.
And that and I had that definedas in order to be a kind and
loving individual, I had to letpeople run over me because that
was allowing them to be whereverthey are in their path or their
journey.
What I came to realize is, and Iupdated my processes, that it's
(27:27):
okay for them to be in theirjourney where they are.
I don't have to judge it or be apart of it.
SPEAKER_02 (27:35):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (27:35):
And because I am putting a boundary in that says
it's not okay for you to behavethat way to me.
And so for that reason, youdon't get to be in my bubble,
didn't mean that I was being abitch or that I didn't love them
or that I wasn't beingcompassionate of their journey.
SPEAKER_02 (27:54):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (27:55):
It just meant that it was me defining my own bubble
on what I wanted it to look likeand how I wanted to be treated.
SPEAKER_01 (28:03):
Yes, totally.
SPEAKER_00 (28:04):
Because sometimes shadow work, as we say, is not a
spa day.
It's not a day at the effingspa.
SPEAKER_01 (28:13):
You know, I heard one time.
SPEAKER_00 (28:15):
And it um can be challenging and it can be
difficult.
And it it it's hard enoughwithout judging yourself, I
guess.
What was that?
It was the it was the channel uhdownloading.
SPEAKER_01 (28:37):
So, you know, there I I heard one time on the that
show Sex in the City.
Sarah Jessica Parker saidsomething to one of the girls,
this was year many years ago,and she was like very
promiscuous and she slept aroundand blah blah blah blah blah.
And the the girl that sleptaround and stuff hadn't called
her in a few days.
(28:58):
And she blogged about it.
She was a blogger on the showand she wrote blogs and
everything.
And in the process of doing allof this, when she asked the
girl, uh she's listening, shesaid, Well, I didn't think you'd
want to, you know, want to talkto me while I'm doing my stuff
because of the comment you made.
And because I guess in one ofthe previous episodes, she made
(29:21):
a comment about her beingpromiscuous and blah blah blah
blah blah blah.
And she said, Well, just becauseyou do things I don't like don't
mean I'm not gonna be yourfriend.
SPEAKER_00 (29:31):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (29:32):
Or do things that I wouldn't do, don't mean I'm
gonna be your friend.
And so looking at things fromthat perspective of when things
are happening in your bubbledon't mean it's happening, you
know, because of your boundary,and you can accept it or not,
and it's not breaking a boundarywhen you say to that person,
Hey, I love you for who you are,I wouldn't be that way.
(29:55):
But you know, it is what it is.
SPEAKER_00 (29:57):
Yeah, and so that is a good next.
Uh level thing that you'rebringing up.
Yep.
Um okay, so let me ask you this.
If you have someone, how do youknow the difference between,
okay, they're crossing aboundary and I need them to be
out of my life or my bubble, orthey're behaving in a way I
(30:20):
don't necessarily like, but it'sokay for them to stay uh as a
friend or uh whatever theirtitle is in your bubble.
How do you know the difference?
That would be what I ask you.
SPEAKER_01 (30:33):
You know, you and I actually had this conversation
the other day about one of ourfriends.
You know, just because it feelsto you that it is not what you
want.
You know, it's a choice.
You can say, wait a minute, isthis is this really is this
person acting in this waybecause um because they're
(30:55):
aggressive or whatever, youknow, whatever the topic is.
Because you have to be able tostop and say, are they really
doing this to me?
Or are they is that just them?
Um and what is their intentionbehind it?
SPEAKER_00 (31:08):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (31:08):
Because that's where the true boundary comes into
play, is the intention behindwhat they're doing.
SPEAKER_00 (31:14):
Right.
Because like with you and I, Ithink we have a phenomenal
relationship.
SPEAKER_01 (31:20):
Yes.
SPEAKER_00 (31:20):
But how do we?
Because there are we are bothvery independent, very
headstrong people.
We came into our relationshipnot because I needed you or you
needed me.
We came we we came together veryindependent and very healthy in
a lot of areas, but we stillhave many topics where we don't
(31:44):
see eye to eye.
Or I mean, I'll irritate you,you'll irritate me.
It doesn't mean that I'm gonnashove you out the door because
you've crossed a boundary,right?
Or you vice versa, shove me outbecause I've crossed a boundary.
So how are we making that workand what are we doing?
Um, can you give specific thingsthat we do?
SPEAKER_01 (32:03):
Well, I do just that.
I do I do just what I said.
Well, how I do that is is is soI ask myself, is this person
doing this to me?
Like for you, like if there'ssomething that we don't agree
on, I just say to myself, it'sokay to not agree.
Don't mean I don't love her.
SPEAKER_00 (32:20):
That's right.
SPEAKER_01 (32:20):
Um, and it's okay, you know, and a lot of the times
I'll I will say, and you'll sayto me, Well, how did you come to
that?
Or you know, what what what isit?
Because maybe there's somethingI'm missing.
And that's the secret to it iswhen somebody you view as
crossing your boundary come ordoing things, you have to say to
(32:41):
yourself, Are they doing this tome?
You know, is is am I feelingthis way about what they're
doing because I don't know?
Maybe there's something I'mmissing in life.
Maybe there's maybe I can cometo a different viewpoint.
SPEAKER_00 (32:58):
Right.
So let's let's let's see if wecan break it down a little more
simple.
SPEAKER_01 (33:04):
Okay.
SPEAKER_00 (33:05):
Because the question I'm putting out there is how do
you know the difference betweenthe people that you do let stay
and the people that you have tomake go away because they're not
honoring your process and yourboundaries.
Right.
And what I would say from myperspective is if something
happens, the first thing I woulddo is I would check in with it
(33:28):
and I would say, okay, are thereany of my major boundaries that
this is crossing?
And have I communicated withthat person that that they are
crossing a boundary is not aboundary without being
communicated.
That's right.
That they have crossed aboundary for me and go back into
(33:51):
negotiation of how can we handlethis differently.
And the second part to thatwould be if the other person is
willing to go into arelationship negotiation and
honor the boundary that you havecommunicated, then you can come
to a win-win negotiation andthey will uh be able to make the
(34:15):
choice of, okay, I honor yourboundary, and I am at a place in
my journey where I can not dothat anymore.
Or I can modify what I'm doingand do that.
The thing is, is that you'vecommunicated that to them.
And if they communicate back toyou that opposite of that, I
(34:41):
honor your boundary, but I amnot at a place where I can
behave in that manner.
SPEAKER_02 (34:47):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (34:47):
So therefore, I have to move on for now.
SPEAKER_02 (34:51):
Or wait a minute.
SPEAKER_00 (34:51):
Or I have to uh limit our interaction together.
It's a choice.
SPEAKER_01 (34:57):
You know, you asked.
It's a choice of you have tolearn to say, I'm keeping my
boundary here, just like we do.
Right.
I'm keeping my boundary here,and you're keeping your boundary
there.
Yeah.
And I'm going to accept yourboundary at where it is, and I'm
going to accept my boundarywhere it is.
And this topic is just off thetable.
SPEAKER_00 (35:15):
Right.
It can be a topic.
SPEAKER_01 (35:17):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (35:17):
And we just don't talk about it until we've gone
internally and really looked atthe topic and why it's offensive
or why it's bothersome, or doesit need modification?
SPEAKER_01 (35:28):
Right.
Is there something I'm missingin the case?
That's about humility too.
That's right.
Yep.
SPEAKER_00 (35:32):
Or are we just in a place because we're two
different people that thatparticular topic we just don't
agree on?
And if we want to talk about it,we know that we have to talk
about it in the presence ofenergy that is uh been set up in
a right way so that it doesn'tbring about an argument or
(35:54):
heated discussion.
You know, make sure if it's aheated topic, you go into that
conversation if you're needingto conversate.
Right.
Very calm, very mild, verymellow.
Don't do it after you've had ashitty day at work and then try
to bring up a sensitive topicand expect it to go calm, cool,
(36:15):
and collected.
SPEAKER_01 (36:16):
Because your emotions are already off.
SPEAKER_00 (36:17):
So then you but then there are situations where uh
you know you set a boundary outthere and the person just can't
honor that boundary.
That's right.
You get to then choose are youokay modifying your boundary?
Right.
Are you it's kind of like pingpong, you know?
(36:38):
You've communicated it outthere, they bounce it back to
you, they can't honor it.
Then you now get to go back inand do some internal reflection.
Right.
Okay, am I at a place where A, Ican modify my boundary and it
still feels okay and it stillfeels good?
B, do I want to modify myboundary or is it important
(37:01):
enough that it must stay inplace?
Right.
Um, and then C would be if I canmodify, did I communicate that
back to them that says, okay, Ihonor where you're at.
I am willing to modify thisboundary permanently,
temporarily, right, until you'vehad time to uh go in internally
(37:29):
and reflect, or I'm willing tomodify this boundary
indefinitely and just agree todisagree.
Right.
And we're gonna talk about thistopic when we're cool, calm, and
collective and we've both hadsome energetic Xanax.
SPEAKER_01 (37:43):
Well, that's see, that's where I think is one of
the key points of this is it'sokay with anybody for you to set
a boundary and for them to set aboundary.
Absolutely.
The key to it is the respect ofeach other's boundaries.
SPEAKER_00 (37:55):
And communicating that.
SPEAKER_01 (37:57):
Right.
You know, like like uh the thereference I made, Sarah Jessica
Barker telling the girl thisjust because you do things I
don't I wouldn't do don't meanI'm not gonna be your friend.
SPEAKER_00 (38:04):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (38:05):
You know, and I had a in personal development class
in high school, I had a coach,Ted Foster, and he said he said
one time, only a fool thinkshe's always right.
SPEAKER_00 (38:15):
That's right.
SPEAKER_01 (38:16):
And it when you can look at it in that perspective
and choose to love that personor not love that person, or
choose to love yourself or notlove yourself in that moment,
you know, it's all about beingyou humili uh humble enough to
say, you know, well maybe Dr.
Jenny's perspective is right.
Or maybe James's perspective'sperspective is right.
(38:38):
And it it is i because justbecause you think that because
of your life experiences, youhave to keep your boundary here
doesn't mean that it's right.
SPEAKER_00 (38:51):
But on the flip side of that, I wanna put out there
uh to I want to say that it isperfectly okay as well to be
very stern about certainboundaries and to put them in
place.
SPEAKER_01 (39:06):
100% agree with you.
SPEAKER_00 (39:07):
And if that means that the person doesn't get to
be in your bubble, that is okayas well.
SPEAKER_01 (39:12):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (39:12):
And not to flip out, not to panic, right, and not
don't continue to be a doormat.
Yeah, never be a doormat b tosomebody because they're not
willing to budge on a shittyboundary or not honor your
boundary and give space to itbeing, especially if they're not
(39:33):
willing to every relationship,no matter what kind it is, is a
two-way street.
Right.
And you can't know what theother party is doing, thinking
or whatever when they have, andyou can't even hear them if they
have their heads stuck up theirass and they're being an
asshole.
Right.
Um, and so if you're giving themopportunity to conversate and
(39:58):
they're choosing not toconversate and won't even
communicate with you, you canonly participate to to the point
of where you can participate byyourself.
You can't do it by yourselfeither.
SPEAKER_02 (40:12):
Right, I agree.
SPEAKER_00 (40:13):
You can't negotiate only by yourself.
And so if you're in arelationship, be it a friend, be
it a business, be it a job, beit a intimate relationship, if
they are not being an activeparticipant in the negotiation
and communication of theboundaries and where each other
(40:36):
is, then you really can't doanything about it because you
can't control another person.
SPEAKER_02 (40:41):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (40:41):
If you're putting out there, hey, I want to talk
about this, and they're ignoringyou, right, or they won't even
have a conversation, um, theywon't even give you a second of
their time to say, I understandyou want to talk about that, but
I'm not at a place where I can.
unknown (41:00):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (41:00):
That is even okay.
SPEAKER_01 (41:02):
That's right, yep.
SPEAKER_00 (41:03):
Because then that gives the other person we've had
that exact conversationopportunity to decide, okay, is
this so important that I mustconversate right now about it?
Or can I honor this person'srequest to put it on a temporary
hold?
It you know, communication opensthe door of allowing each person
(41:24):
to know where the other personis and getting to decide where
they are within the topic or thesetting or the situation, yes,
and being able to go back andforth and negotiate what is the
next thing, the best next thingthat we're gonna do in our
relationship.
SPEAKER_01 (41:45):
Right.
I want to talk about one part ofthat we have worked with people
and I see them do thisconstantly.
And that is an ego part of this.
Oh, I have a boundary, but I'mgonna help this person fix
theirs.
SPEAKER_00 (42:06):
Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (42:07):
And because it's a reciprocated yo-yo effect of
danger, because the reality isthis if that person is not
humble enough to say, you knowwhat, let me look at my boundary
and I respect yours, you can'tfix them anyway.
SPEAKER_00 (42:23):
No, and there's definitely people out there that
have adopted the fixerrelationship mentality that uh
uh it is my mission in life, andI was brought here for the sole
purpose of coming into your lifeand fixing all of your bullshit.
SPEAKER_01 (42:40):
Yep, I see what men do it all the time.
The damsel in distress disorder.
SPEAKER_00 (42:44):
And I'm gonna say that is a bunch of cop-out
bullshit that's your baggage,and if you're living that life,
you're only opening yourself toa shit ton of trauma drama and
disappointment.
SPEAKER_01 (42:59):
Yes, totally.
SPEAKER_00 (43:00):
You cannot do anything for anybody as far as
changing them or making thembehave in a certain way unless
they want to.
SPEAKER_01 (43:10):
Right.
It's like even with us whenwe're with clients, they come to
us repetitively with the sametopic.
And we say to them, Listen, Ican't keep doing this with you
until you are humble enough tostop and do the work.
And if they approach you with aboundary, you know, if they
approach you about it andthey're open and receptive to
(43:30):
talk, that's the only time youmight, and I mean like my new
chance, be able to help them fixtheir stuff.
Because they have to be open andreceptive.
And unless you know what'sreally going on.
SPEAKER_00 (43:43):
Might's on a chicken's ass.
SPEAKER_01 (43:45):
Yeah, that's right.
That's where the only placethat's what my dad used to
always say.
Ah, yes, only uh the only placeyou'll find mites is on a
chicken's ass.
But that is the key part in thereciprocating yo-yo that people
get caught in that trap of that,oh, I can fix them or I can I
can help this.
And the reality is is they'renot gonna fix themselves with
(44:07):
you interjecting.
SPEAKER_00 (44:09):
And if you think that they've got all these
things to fix, I'm gonna tellyou ten times out of ten.
It's you.
You have all those things thatyou need to fix.
And so internal uh looking andgoing within to see what kind
of, you know, shitty britchesyou're walking around in.
(44:32):
Right.
It would be a very, very healthyopportunity to clean up your own
dam.
SPEAKER_01 (44:38):
You know, there was a phrase back in the 90 that
said, you know, they said, leaveno doubt.
And do you remember that?
When uh I think it was it wasone of the movies that came out
on.
The football movie, but it was apretty popular saying back then
of when you conquer something,you leave no doubt.
SPEAKER_00 (44:55):
Okay.
Do you see?
SPEAKER_01 (44:56):
You know, I'm so I'm so good at this that I will
leave no doubt.
And what I'm saying to that is Iuse that phrase a lot in my own
mind of leaving no doubt.
SPEAKER_00 (45:05):
What does that mean though?
SPEAKER_01 (45:06):
Yeah, it means that leave no doubt of where you
stand or who you are.
And that falls down toboundaries and communication.
And so when we when you and Italk, when we leave the
conversation, we don't have anydoubt about where the other one
stands.
SPEAKER_00 (45:25):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (45:26):
And it's about the clear communication because it
we don't agree on everything.
There's a lot of things we don'tagree on.
SPEAKER_00 (45:31):
Oh, that's right, yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (45:32):
But I I respect your boundaries and you respect mine,
and until I am to until A comesup again to where we can talk
about it openly and withoutemotions and have like a logical
conversation about it.
SPEAKER_03 (45:45):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (45:45):
Or B, I choose to leave no doubt where I stand on
it.
And I think everybody in lifeshould too.
You know, you should have theself-preservation tool inside of
you to leave no doubt, be itcommunication, be it self-worth,
be it whatever that is, bestrong enough within yourself to
make sure that everybody in yourbubble they understand where
(46:08):
they are.
SPEAKER_00 (46:09):
And so how would you suggest one get to that point,
especially if they're hoveringaround in the fear template of
being alone, for example, orvictimhood?
SPEAKER_01 (46:20):
Or fear.
SPEAKER_00 (46:21):
Or fear.
How do you get to a place whereyou don't doubt your own self so
that you can leave no doubt whenyou're talking to another human
being?
Especially if their personalityis sometimes bigger or louder or
more assertive or evenaggressive, confused with
(46:42):
assertion.
SPEAKER_01 (46:43):
Well, the the how do you get to that place?
The reality of this is we arehuman.
SPEAKER_00 (46:46):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (46:47):
And no matter what happens, there's gonna always be
part of inside of you that makesyou doubt something.
And so that is where it's verycrucial for you to communicate
with yourself.
I don't care if you gotta walkoff by yourself, talk through
the process, and if somebody isbreaking one of your boundaries,
you have to have thatconversation that and and be
(47:09):
very clear that boundaries comewith what the if they come with
ifs.
No, they come with consequences,consequences.
That's the word I was lookingfor.
SPEAKER_00 (47:20):
Call it what it is.
SPEAKER_01 (47:21):
So my boundary is this.
If you do this, this is what Iwill do.
And consequences And it's notwhat you're gonna they're gonna
do.
It's what you you say what I amgoing to do.
SPEAKER_00 (47:30):
That's what I was just about to go in the
direction of.
SPEAKER_01 (47:37):
Correct.
SPEAKER_00 (47:38):
Because ultimatums do not work.
SPEAKER_01 (47:40):
Right.
If you do this, then I'm if youdon't do this, I'm gonna do
that.
And blah, blah, blah you can'tdo ultimatums.
Ultimatums do not work.
SPEAKER_00 (47:45):
They put a person in the defense mode absolutely
within a zero to sixty second uhsituation, and it will turn into
an all-out fight because peopledon't like to be given
ultimatums.
Oh, yeah, you're gonna do that?
Well, let's fucking find out.
Yeah, yeah.
Fuck around and find out.
Fuck around and find out.
SPEAKER_01 (48:05):
And that's where the the point of leave no doubt is
the conclusion of that is youcan't set a boundary and give a
consequence to that boundaryunless it's very clearly
communicated.
That's right.
And that's how you leave nodoubt.
And you have to be, when you setthat boundary and that
consequence to that boundary,you have to stand behind it.
Otherwise, it's just like achild that that uh every time
(48:29):
you go to the store, you say no,but you end up buying it for it
anyway.
That's why they repetitively doit.
SPEAKER_00 (48:34):
Not before you count to three.
SPEAKER_01 (48:35):
Yeah, you gotta count to three.
SPEAKER_00 (48:36):
Make sure you count to three.
SPEAKER_01 (48:38):
That is the stupidest thing I'd ever see.
SPEAKER_00 (48:41):
And then you just give in and you give it to them
anyway, because at the end ofthree, they throw themselves in
the floor and start screamingand wailing.
SPEAKER_01 (48:48):
Right.
You know, it's like And and thatactually brought up a very good
memory.
What you just said.
You know, I remember when my oneof my my daughter was very
young.
SPEAKER_00 (49:00):
Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_01 (49:00):
And I used to have a baby gate up.
We had this porch that waselevated.
SPEAKER_00 (49:03):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (49:04):
And I would sit in the chair and I would let her
play on the front porch outsideand you know, with a baby gate
up.
And then she got old enough, I Itook the baby gate down.
SPEAKER_00 (49:11):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (49:12):
And one day she looks back at me.
I'm in the chair, and she looksdown the stairs, and then she
looks back at me, and I justlook at her and said, Listen, if
you do that, it's gonna hurt.
And she had this look in hereyes, and you know what she did?
She stepped off the stairs.
(49:33):
She did it.
All seven stairs down to thebottom, head over butt overhead,
just kidding, nookin it down thestairs like a slinky.
And she landed on the bottomstep on her butt, and she sat
there.
Didn't move, didn't do anything.
She just sat there.
SPEAKER_00 (49:49):
Analyzing what just happened.
SPEAKER_01 (49:50):
Analyzing what just happened.
SPEAKER_00 (49:52):
Or saying to herself, fuck, he was right.
That did hurt.
SPEAKER_01 (49:55):
And so I looked down at her.
I went in, I went down.
I didn't panic because I mean,let's just be real, these are
six inches high, they're notgonna hurt her.
Yeah.
Um, I mean, she ended up with apretty good bruise on her
forehead, but she, you know,right up the and I looked down
and I said, I told you.
Now that's a boundary.
Guess what?
She never crossed that boundaryagain because she had clear
(50:17):
consequences, and when shecrossed the boundary, it hurt.
SPEAKER_02 (50:20):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (50:21):
And that's how we have to look at life when it
comes to our own personalboundaries.
SPEAKER_02 (50:25):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (50:26):
And it is a choice.
Like if you had if you dosomething I don't like, that's
something I wouldn't do.
That's not a boundary.
That's a that's opinion.
That's an opinion.
That's right.
You know, like Sarah JessicaParker and her friend that was
promiscuous.
SPEAKER_00 (50:39):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (50:39):
Sarah Jessica Parker chose not to participate in her
actions, but that doesn't meanthat she can't be her friend.
SPEAKER_00 (50:46):
That's right.
SPEAKER_01 (50:47):
It just means that her opinion of that situation is
they differ.
SPEAKER_00 (50:51):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (50:51):
And so that is not a boundary.
SPEAKER_00 (50:53):
That's right.
SPEAKER_01 (50:54):
So understanding the differences between boundaries
and opinions is key toboundaries come with
consequences.
SPEAKER_00 (51:01):
Yeah, that's right.
SPEAKER_01 (51:02):
And that consequence has to be something that you
have really thought through inyour head.
SPEAKER_00 (51:07):
And you're willing to walk the the That's right.
SPEAKER_01 (51:10):
You're ready to take yourself down those stairs.
SPEAKER_00 (51:12):
Right.
And and and I'm not saying it'sa bad thing, but don't go into
setting a boundary, coming upwith the consequence.
Right.
And then realizing, oh, theconsequence doesn't feel good to
me either.
Let me backtrack and let me putthis boundary down because I
(51:35):
didn't think about how theconsequence is going to make me
feel.
Yep.
And because doing that willbring up potential places where
you have an opportunity to clearwith stuff that is not
beneficial.
So if it if it brings up anddings you on the head with a
fear of being alone, that's agreat opportunity to look at
(51:59):
that.
There, you're not ever alone.
And um so what I'll I have twotopics I want to talk about
being alone.
Number one, if you change yourboundary and you find yourself
temporarily alone and it's notfeeling so good.
SPEAKER_01 (52:17):
You mean you change your boundary?
Or is that what you meant tosay?
SPEAKER_00 (52:19):
Right.
So, like if you're new andyou've been the doormat, okay,
and you decide I'm tired ofbeing the doormat, so I'm gonna
change my boundaries.
SPEAKER_01 (52:28):
That's a better example.
SPEAKER_00 (52:29):
And I no longer want to mingle with people who are
going to shit on me or wipetheir feet on me constantly and
take advantage of my kindnessbecause I have a underlying
belief that says I would ratherbe a doormat and be shit on than
to be alone.
SPEAKER_02 (52:47):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (52:48):
That belief in place will cause you to subconsciously
act in that manner.
Yes.
And that's called codependency.
Yeah, not cold, code.
SPEAKER_01 (52:57):
Code.
Codependency.
I said code, that's funny.
SPEAKER_00 (53:00):
I have a fat tongue.
So having a healthy relationshipmeans you set the boundary, it's
no longer an option to treat methat way.
You're sticking to theconsequence, and that momentary
place where you perceive thatyou're alone, stop and look at
(53:22):
that.
Right.
Because you are maybeoverlooking the new set of
people right under your nosethat could be at the vibrational
frequency that having thatboundary in place is lifting you
to.
Correct.
(53:42):
Yep.
And making it okay to interactwith them and practicing being
at that new frequency with thisnew vibe of people.
SPEAKER_02 (53:54):
Yep.
SPEAKER_00 (53:54):
Because what you're gonna find is that next level of
vibrational people, they don'twant to be part of the trauma
drama, they don't want to talkabout negative Nancy crap and
stay in that.
So it's a practiced habit.
You can't change social networksand expect the new higher
vibrational platform of peoplebe okay talking about the
(54:18):
negative shit of the world orwanting to have those.
And so, what it will do is whatI'm trying to say, is it may fit
make you feel like temporarilythat you're not part of the
tribe.
Right.
Uh, and so you just practice howto have new you're gonna be
socially awkward in that newring of people, and that's okay
because you gotta learn andtrain yourself.
(54:40):
What do you talk about whenyou've talked about nothing but
the outlying trauma drama?
Yep.
Right?
SPEAKER_01 (54:46):
Yep, I agree.
SPEAKER_00 (54:48):
Um, and I don't currently remember what the
other thing was.
SPEAKER_01 (54:52):
So that's a wrap then.
Real quick update on the app.
Yes, so we are so close, soexciting.
So, so close, guys.
They rolling out the freeversion.
Uh, go to www.thsalty tarot.netand subscribe on there.
And hey, listen, if you are ametaphysical creator, if you do
tarot oracle cards, we are goingto allow a portal to put your
(55:18):
deck in our app.
You can also see it on thatwebsite, www.thesalty tarot.net.
Uh click on the creatorspotlight program.
It's on the top right of thewebsite, and go through that and
understand and read it.
And if you are a creator, thenyou uh follow the steps.
SPEAKER_00 (55:37):
And what does that mean exactly?
You're gonna let them sell theirproduct from the app, or are you
gonna actually spotlight theirtarot uh or Oracle cards as some
that are used within the app tohave people interact with it?
Like what does that mean?
SPEAKER_01 (55:56):
So, what it means that we will do is we will put
your deck actually in the appoperating so people can see it
working.
SPEAKER_00 (56:02):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (56:03):
And we will make a spot where we're gonna have a
spotlight page on our website towhere you'd be a spotlight, and
there's gonna be a link in thestore to where they can buy that
deck.
SPEAKER_00 (56:13):
I see.
And that's for a fee though.
SPEAKER_01 (56:15):
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, it's not a setup fee,really.
I mean, you know, and then we'regonna ask for a commission off
the sales.
SPEAKER_00 (56:20):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (56:20):
Um, but you're gonna put your deck in front of
hundreds of thousands of people.
SPEAKER_00 (56:25):
Yeah, millions.
SPEAKER_01 (56:26):
You know, and so it's uh uh yeah, it's a
beneficial thing.
And there the setup fee isbasically for the coding because
we have to code it all into theapp.
SPEAKER_00 (56:35):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (56:35):
And uh we're gonna do those thirty days at a time,
and we may do more than onefeature per month.
You know, we could do we couldactually do a couple Toro Tarot,
a couple Oracle, and let peoplepick which deck they want to
use, and and uh we'll haveyou'll have a spotlight section
on our website.
Anyway, go to the website,www.thesalty tarot.net.
All the information is in there.
Click on creator spotlightprogram.
SPEAKER_00 (56:59):
And don't you have a tab on there for the investor
site as well, which is like thethe little commercials, what are
they called?
Ads.
SPEAKER_01 (57:08):
Yes, there is a yes, there's a place for you to run
an ad in there if you have anEtsy store and you just click on
the advertise in the appsection.
And if you're an investor, weare currently in a funding
round.
You can go on that same website,it's all in there.
SPEAKER_00 (57:20):
Um, because we have two more phases that have to
develop.
Yep.
Well, technically four, becauseonce we get all the iOS done,
then we're gonna go into theGoogle side that you're good.
Yep.
Um, so real quick clarificationyou said the Etsy store.
It's you it's not just an Etsystore that you have to have.
(57:44):
No, that's an example.
SPEAKER_01 (57:45):
That's just an example.
Yes, it tells you that in it.
SPEAKER_00 (57:47):
Like a brick and mortar store.
Yeah, you could run an ad at thebottom of the app, that's good.
SPEAKER_01 (57:53):
There's two places we have regular and premium
locations.
And uh that's all in the app aswell.
SPEAKER_00 (57:59):
And that and that's all described.
SPEAKER_01 (58:01):
Yep, it's all described in the app.
SPEAKER_00 (58:03):
Perfect.
All right, very good.
SPEAKER_01 (58:04):
Um, anyway, guys, we appreciate y'all listening.
Don't forget to like, follow,and share.
And share and comment and doeverything because the more you
engage, the easier it is to keepthis podcast running.
SPEAKER_00 (58:15):
Absolutely.
And ring that bell.
SPEAKER_01 (58:18):
All right, guys, you all have an awesome day.
SPEAKER_00 (58:20):
Love ya, and then we're gonna be able to
Good morning, everybody.
Welcome back to the SpiritualGrind.
SPEAKER_00 (00:33):
Good morning.
SPEAKER_01 (00:35):
Thank you, grinders, for listening.
We appreciate you all.
SPEAKER_00 (00:39):
Yeah, we uh we definitely have put the video
option on hold for a bit.
Yeah.
The app has taken all all overtime.
Uh quite a bit of our time.
I wished we had the video up sothat everybody could see some of
the cat interaction that we talkabout often.
SPEAKER_02 (00:58):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (00:59):
Uh because the cat co-producer is live and in the
house yet again.
SPEAKER_01 (01:06):
Yeah.
They like to wait until we geton air to do things.
For some reason.
SPEAKER_00 (01:14):
I yeah.
Gotta be all up in the business.
SPEAKER_01 (01:18):
Are you ready for the topic of the day?
SPEAKER_00 (01:20):
You have a topic.
SPEAKER_01 (01:21):
I do.
SPEAKER_00 (01:21):
I kind of surprised you were a little bit off
sequence, so I wasn't sure.
If you had a topic or not.
SPEAKER_01 (01:28):
I do have a topic.
SPEAKER_00 (01:30):
Do test.
SPEAKER_01 (01:31):
You know, we always say that life happens for you,
not to you.
SPEAKER_00 (01:37):
Yes, we do.
SPEAKER_01 (01:39):
And my topic is about subjects within that.
And that subject is prettysimple.
But it can be very entailed.
And that subject is why do we dothings that eliminate us from
(02:00):
people's bubbles?
SPEAKER_00 (02:02):
Mmm.
SPEAKER_01 (02:04):
And I was thinking about this this morning in the
shower.
SPEAKER_00 (02:07):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (02:07):
You know, because I've I've had it happen to me.
You know?
SPEAKER_00 (02:11):
When you say that in the mornings, when you say that,
I think of you sitting in theshower like the thinking man.
SPEAKER_01 (02:18):
If I had a chair in there, I probably would.
SPEAKER_00 (02:22):
But we don't have a chair in there, so I think it's
a little small for a chair.
SPEAKER_01 (02:26):
On our new motorhome, we will have one
though.
I had to fold down kind of.
SPEAKER_00 (02:30):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (02:30):
Because they put them in all of them now, just
about.
SPEAKER_00 (02:32):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (02:33):
But anyway, so like it's happened to me, you know,
like uh I'll do things and thenpeople just kind of fade off
into the distance.
SPEAKER_00 (02:41):
Yeah, for sure.
SPEAKER_01 (02:42):
And and you get to under uh understand my thought
process.
I'm a very social individual.
SPEAKER_00 (02:48):
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (02:49):
I I like interactions with people, I like
to learn their stories.
Yeah.
And for me, when somebodydistances themselves from me, I
always start self-blaming.
SPEAKER_00 (03:01):
Oh, really?
SPEAKER_01 (03:02):
Yeah, like what did I do to piss them off?
SPEAKER_00 (03:04):
Or you know?
SPEAKER_01 (03:06):
Yeah.
And we a lot of people, ashumans, you know, we as humans,
have a tendency, I would say, tofall back on that.
Not everybody, because I knowyou don't think that way.
SPEAKER_00 (03:16):
I particularly don't.
But there was a time in my lifewhere I did.
SPEAKER_01 (03:21):
And so, like, here's a prime example.
There's a situation in my lifethat was it's historical that
changed the perception of mybubble because of stories and
stuff, and that were told topeople that was completely not
(03:44):
true.
SPEAKER_00 (03:44):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (03:45):
And so I'd stop and think, well, what did I do to
deserve that?
I started, you know, looking atmyself.
SPEAKER_00 (03:50):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (03:51):
And the reality is pretty much simple and for me is
how I log in now, and then I'mgonna ask you to have your input
in this subject.
But how I logged it is after Ilearned, after I learned, was
sometimes those bubbles justchange.
(04:12):
It ain't really got nothing todo with the stories.
Because if if you're if you havesomebody in your life that you
view as a friend, a loved one,and they just disappear out of
your bubble, it's really notbecause of anything other than
it was just supposed to happen.
(04:33):
And and but we as humans have atendency to self-blame.
SPEAKER_00 (04:38):
Right, yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (04:39):
And so that's my topic of this morning is is
understanding that things happensometimes to you or for you, not
to you, and you know, we talkabout it all the time.
But when we have things orpeople in our bubble that just
kind of just fade into thedistance, it's not your fault.
(05:00):
It's because of Dr.
Jenny's inclusion.
Here we go.
SPEAKER_00 (05:04):
Can I have an applause?
SPEAKER_01 (05:05):
Oh, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (05:06):
I'm trying to become famous here.
SPEAKER_01 (05:09):
Oh, that's not applause, I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_00 (05:20):
Yes, so you are exactly right.
The changing of your socialcircle can bring about the human
question of self-blame.
SPEAKER_02 (05:32):
Yes.
SPEAKER_00 (05:32):
Gosh, did I make them mad?
What did I do?
Uh, and that's a good thing.
SPEAKER_01 (05:37):
Why is this happening to me?
SPEAKER_00 (05:39):
That's right.
Uh, it's a good thing to askthose questions um because you
always want to come uh uh from aplace of kindness, compassion,
love, and you don't want to goaround being a douchebag or a
bitch and inadvertently runningpeople off because you haven't
(06:01):
dealt with your own shittydiaper or your own baggage.
Because that's one way that youcan run people off and do kind
of a self-isolation is that youhave underlying baggage that
you're not conscious or awareof, or just not ready to deal
with that will actually keeppeople at an arm's length
(06:23):
distance.
Uh, for example, if you've gonethrough a lot of death and
you've not dealt with thegrieving, you may have a fear of
getting close to someone becauseyou've told yourself it's easier
to not get close to them if theydo die or disappear.
So I just subconsciously am notgoing to get close to anybody
(06:45):
and not let them in my bubblebecause that hurts less.
SPEAKER_01 (06:48):
Well, and they don't even realize they're doing it
most of the time.
SPEAKER_00 (06:51):
Yeah, that's right.
That's why I said it's usually asubconscious thing because they
have an underlying uh belief orbaggage around the fear of maybe
death or separation orisolation.
Um paradoxically enough,ironically enough, they have
(07:11):
this underlying fear of beingalone or being isolated, and
subconsciously that is bringingabout isolation and being alone
because the universe says, okay,whatever energy you're putting
out there, here's a heapingspoonful of it.
Let me give it back to you.
SPEAKER_01 (07:32):
Especially fear.
SPEAKER_00 (07:33):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (07:33):
You know, because fear is a is a huge energy, and
it's the one word I will saythis, and because I've done a
lot of of uh studies on thereligious documents.
Yeah.
And fear technically the termfear not shows up in every
(07:54):
religious document out theremultiple times.
SPEAKER_00 (07:58):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (08:00):
And so to kind of marry it all together is if you
are doing those things out offear, that's it's a such a big
energy that you will just bringit right into your reality very
rapidly.
SPEAKER_00 (08:12):
Yeah, I mean, you can even see it in wildlife and
things like that.
Uh uh the most prominent examplewe we've experienced on that
topic is like a deer crossingthe road, they can go into such
a deep place of fear that itcauses them to freeze and
(08:34):
literally be hit by a car andbring about a death experience
because they froze and didn'teven know what to do.
And that can that can happen.
I pause for a second because Idon't want to say this in the
wrong way, but fear canliterally freeze you into a
place of not knowing what to do,not necessarily death.
SPEAKER_01 (08:56):
Right, yeah.
But um we almost had one ofthose last night, actually.
SPEAKER_00 (09:01):
It can bring you into a place of uh that I call
it the deer in the headlightsyndrome where you're so afraid
you don't know whether to goleft, you don't know whether to
go right, forwards, backwards,and it just stalls you out where
you're at.
So you're right.
Fear is a very, very large uhcontender in a lot of things.
(09:25):
Yeah, it'll keep people frommoving forward and changing and
accepting the the dream job oftheir life, yeah, the perfect
relationship.
It'll even cause people not evento be able to see when the
perfect job or the uhrelationship they've been
begging for is even right undertheir nose.
SPEAKER_01 (09:47):
Yeah, or a financial decision or whatever.
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (09:49):
Any part of that life pie, it can cause you not
even to be able to see that.
SPEAKER_01 (09:54):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (09:54):
But there's additional components to what
you said, so Yes, totally.
That's one way.
SPEAKER_01 (10:00):
Yes.
Um you know, fear um when whenallowed to manifest and grow
into your reality will cause youto say to yourself, Why?
SPEAKER_00 (10:14):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (10:16):
And in you know, because I hear it a lot.
Why is this happening to me?
Or why did this happen?
Or you know, I even I I catchmyself doing it and I ask myself
why.
You know, and I don't do it.
Right.
I don't do it out of fearthough.
I do it out of education now.
I used to do it out of fear.
SPEAKER_00 (10:33):
Yeah, so that's a good piece to talk about the
why.
Um, because it's okay to ask thewhy.
And in many, many, manysituations when you're trying to
clean up your belief programsand patterns, it is a crucial
part of what I teach is to askthe why.
SPEAKER_01 (10:52):
Right.
And be honest with yourself.
SPEAKER_00 (10:54):
Right.
But don't get tangled up inneeding to know and absolutely
have to know the why before youmove on to the next step because
sometimes knowing the why is notpart of the process.
SPEAKER_02 (11:06):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (11:06):
You can go too deep in having to know the why, and
that will trip you up.
SPEAKER_02 (11:13):
Yep.
SPEAKER_00 (11:13):
Um, if you're meant to know the why, and it's part
of the bigger picture on uhgetting you from where you're at
to the next place where you'resupposed to be, then you'll get
the answer why as soon as youare uh not vibrating at the um
victim level level.
SPEAKER_01 (11:34):
That's that's what it is.
It's a victim mentality.
SPEAKER_00 (11:36):
When you're new to the awakening process, and even
even still, you know, we've beendoing this for 30 plus years.
Sometimes you can get tangled upin the why too deeply.
Right.
And it can um put you back inthat victim mode for a second.
That's where you take it toofar.
SPEAKER_01 (11:57):
Yes, I agree.
SPEAKER_00 (11:58):
If you go into the why phase and you let it drag
you into the why is thishappening to me, woe is me, um,
I don't understand, and you gettangled up and hang out in that
pond too long, it can take yourvibrational frequency down
pretty low.
And you can actually go into uhthe victimhood depression, yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (12:24):
Um and lowering boundaries.
That's one thing that happens.
A lot of people will justsuddenly remove their boundaries
out of fear.
SPEAKER_00 (12:31):
Right.
I'm gonna oh my god, I'm gonnabe alone.
So let me, you know what, let mejust let me talk to him.
SPEAKER_01 (12:37):
I really miss my friend.
Right.
And and I uh you know, it's myfault.
And and I just need to be moreunderstanding, or I just need to
you know, I we hear that a lotout of people.
SPEAKER_00 (12:47):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (12:48):
And what that don't understand is that that's the
trap.
SPEAKER_00 (12:51):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (12:52):
That is the trap because it will cre it creates a
yo-yo effect, and you will keepyo-yoing yourself right into
oblivion if you can if you don'tlearn to withstand and
understand that it it's it comesdown to a lot of this comes down
to, and I don't want to jumpahead of you too much, but it
comes down to your self-worth.
SPEAKER_00 (13:12):
Right.
And I want to back up and talkmore about the oblivion part of
it.
SPEAKER_01 (13:18):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (13:19):
Give some examples.
SPEAKER_01 (13:20):
Yes, totally.
SPEAKER_00 (13:21):
If the if the relationship is between you and
a friend, and um they arecontinually crossing a boundary
for you, and you have anunderlying fear of being alone,
for example.
Right.
You'll hold to the consequencesof someone crossing a boundary
(13:42):
for a little while, but thenwhen it taps on that trigger
point for you of, oh my gosh,I'm sitting here alone and I I
don't like it, you'll startslowly putting that boundary
wall down.
SPEAKER_02 (14:00):
Yep.
SPEAKER_00 (14:01):
And you'll go back into the old habits of, well,
maybe they've changed.
Let me just reach out to thembecause it feels better to talk
to them and and the things theywere doing, they weren't that
bad.
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (14:15):
And I just was overreacting.
I've heard that one before, too.
SPEAKER_00 (14:18):
Yep.
And so you'll put your boundarydown because having the boundary
in place and sticking to yourguns feels more uncomfortable
than compromising and puttingyour boundary wall down and
saying, Okay, well, you knowwhat?
I'll just talk to them for alittle bit right now.
Yeah.
(14:39):
But what you're teaching thatother person is that you're
gonna set your boundaries and ina certain portion of time,
you're gonna get over whateverit is you were going through,
and you're gonna let that personback in, and they're gonna say,
Okay, this person is unhappyabout something, and I know in a
(14:59):
week or two's time they'll getover it, they'll be fine, and
then we'll go right back to theway that we were.
SPEAKER_02 (15:05):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (15:05):
Especially if you're working on teaching yourself how
to honor, um, not being run overor taken advantage of, and you
find yourself in a situationwhere that circle of people that
you have been allowing in yourbubble were all have the same
characteristics of kind ofrunning over you, and you're now
(15:28):
deciding it it's I'm done withthat crap.
SPEAKER_03 (15:32):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (15:32):
And you start to um put that boundary in place and
say, no more.
I want a different circle offriends.
There can be a moment in timewhere it does feel lonely.
SPEAKER_01 (15:42):
Yes, totally.
SPEAKER_00 (15:43):
Um, but that's an opportunity for you instead of
focusing on the fact that you'realone and you don't necessarily
have a social network for asmall amount of time.
SPEAKER_02 (15:52):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (15:52):
Because you have to remember as soon as you get rid
of the garbage, you make room inthe garage for new things, or in
the house for new things, or inyour life pie for new
relationships.
But you gotta get a you gottaget the old stuff out first,
especially whenever you'recreating new boundaries and new
beliefs.
SPEAKER_02 (16:11):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (16:12):
There is gonna be a moment of time where it does
feel a little bit lonely.
And with us having worked withthe hundreds and hundreds of
people, we hear that a lot.
A lot.
SPEAKER_02 (16:21):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (16:22):
Going through our spiritual awakening process
sometimes feels so lonely.
That's because your circle of uhyour social network is changing
because you're aligning with awhole new group of people that
are vibrating at that higherlevel, and you just gotta stay
focused on what your initialdesire was, and that's to create
(16:47):
a new social network wherepeople treat you kind and they
honor your boundaries, and theyare healthy relationships, not
you know, victimhoodrelationships or codependent
relationships or just flat outshitty relationships.
There is going to be that echomoment of time.
SPEAKER_01 (17:05):
Yeah, you know, and it's a human, it's a human
habit.
If you find yourself if you'regoing through an awakening
process and you find yourself ina lonely place, it's because
you're not creating new habitsto put yourself in places to
meet your new people.
SPEAKER_00 (17:19):
Or doing something that distracts you while that
energy spins down.
SPEAKER_01 (17:24):
Yeah, I agree.
SPEAKER_00 (17:25):
Everything is energy, and if you've spent
your, you know, 20 years of yourlife having this social network
where you're the doormat foreverybody, that's a lot of
energy that's been invested intothis pattern, these habits.
Yeah.
And so when you begin to changethat, you've got to give space
for that energy to create thefull circuit and spin out and
(17:48):
spin down so that the newcircuit can, I guess, um, obtain
momentum.
SPEAKER_02 (17:56):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (17:57):
Nothing happens instantaneously for most people,
especially in the early stagesof the awakening process.
There's always that lead time orthat little bit of gap between
what you're wanting now and whatyou had before.
SPEAKER_01 (18:14):
The dead time.
SPEAKER_00 (18:16):
Yeah, that dead time.
SPEAKER_01 (18:17):
And that's really that's the the point of
self-awakening andself-preservation and
self-worth, and that's where youkind of build your own new
beliefs inside of you.
SPEAKER_00 (18:26):
Yeah, you're building your own new world,
basically.
SPEAKER_01 (18:29):
I know when I went through that time of being by
myself and I when I uh I wasself-reflecting on things, you
know, because I had friends thatI missed and I had friends I
didn't miss, and and I hadpeople that just disappeared out
of my reality, and then I hadpeople that came into my reality
that I didn't really care for.
SPEAKER_03 (18:46):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (18:47):
And so I really stopped and self-reflected on
being okay and having enoughself-value to say, you know, I'm
okay being who I am, where I am,and how I am.
SPEAKER_00 (18:58):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (18:59):
And if they don't like it, that's their fault.
SPEAKER_00 (19:02):
That's their problem.
That's their problem.
That's their baggage.
SPEAKER_01 (19:04):
So it c it falls back on on uh self-value.
And when I I remember when thatthat girl I was there was a girl
that I worked with at one of theor at the ORI convention one
year and I did an aura readingfor her.
Yeah.
And uh I I picked up on that shewas a lesbian.
(19:25):
And and I was like, oh, so youreally need to tell your dad.
Oh I can't.
I've been avoiding it for Idon't.
I don't even you know, I don'teven take my my girlfriend with
me to the family things.
And I'm like, well, why?
Oh, my dad would hate me.
Is that something that you'veconsidered?
Oh yeah, I wish I could foryears.
(19:45):
Well, if you don't value thepreservation of yourself, then
he's not gonna value it.
unknown (19:51):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (19:52):
And so it it's not about the subject, it's about
the presentation that you do,and you gotta have the
self-worth and self-value insideof you to stop and say, My dad's
gonna love me, or he's not, andeither way is okay, but this is
me.
Yeah, this is who I am.
I'm not gonna allow this tocontinue to go on in this
(20:13):
direction.
And blah, blah, blah, blah.
Well, the next day she came backand she actually went home and
called her dad, and her and hergirl went and met him.
And guess what?
SPEAKER_00 (20:26):
He was fine with it.
SPEAKER_01 (20:27):
He was completely fine with it.
SPEAKER_00 (20:28):
Yeah, because it's a monkey mind story, and sometimes
that happens.
SPEAKER_01 (20:31):
She had to hug me uh a fifty times.
SPEAKER_00 (20:33):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (20:34):
And and I was like, you see, it's i your fear was
allowing you to lowerboundaries.
SPEAKER_00 (20:40):
And tell a story that wasn't even tell a story in
your head that wasn't true.
SPEAKER_01 (20:43):
Right, you're totally right.
And but the fear of it behind itwas in her self-value.
SPEAKER_03 (20:49):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (20:49):
Because she wasn't valuing herself enough to say,
listen, this is where I'm at.
SPEAKER_00 (20:55):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (20:56):
And when you get caught in that trap, it just
gives you that loop of wow, youknow, I I'm I'm just useless and
in it, and you lower your value,and you you can't get caught up
in that yo-yo.
SPEAKER_00 (21:09):
Yeah, you know, that's one of the things that I
work with people on.
And we play this game.
I teach them to be their ownbest friend.
SPEAKER_02 (21:21):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (21:22):
You've got to be your own best friend, and you've
got to decide how you want to betreated and treat yourself that
way first so that you can alignwith people who will treat you
that way.
And you've got to stick to that.
Right.
Treating yourself with uh honorand respect and um that will
(21:47):
bring about self-value andincrease your value.
SPEAKER_02 (21:50):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (21:50):
If you're being shitty to yourself by
self-criticizing or judgingevery stinking little thing you
do, oh it's happens to you.
SPEAKER_01 (21:57):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (21:58):
Right.
That I shouldn't have done that.
Um that was I should be moreunderstanding.
I was so selfish, or all of thatis is you not being your own
best friend or your own um whatdo you call it?
Your own personal parade or yourown personal uh value system.
Right.
(22:18):
And that will bring uh okay, solet me break this down.
You when you have the the lowerfrequency where you're
self-criticizing and you'reself-judging, which has in turn
(22:38):
decreased your self-value, yourself-worth, that's a certain
energy, that's a certainfrequency that you're putting
out there.
And so I think RuPaul said itbest if you can't love yourself,
how the hell are you gonna loveanybody else?
SPEAKER_01 (22:53):
That's correct.
SPEAKER_00 (22:54):
That is absolutely 100% true because they're two
different frequencies.
SPEAKER_01 (22:58):
Shout out to RuPaul.
SPEAKER_00 (22:59):
Yeah, for sure.
You have to do some reflection.
And, you know, I talked about awhile ago, there's always this
intermittent pause when you'redoing heavy belief work, such as
setting boundaries where youdidn't used to, and waiting for
that energy to spin out.
Part of the reason that there'sthat lapse or that lead time and
(23:22):
waiting for that energy to spindown is giving you an
opportunity to go within andwork on any of the extra little
garbage that's hanging out ofthe trash bag, such as
self-worth.
Am I treating myself the way Iwant other people to treat me?
(23:43):
Am I holding that frequency?
Am I carrying that frequency?
And then what will happen isyou'll give yourself little pop
quizzes.
SPEAKER_01 (23:51):
Yes, totally.
SPEAKER_00 (23:52):
You'll have that same person cross your path and
attempt to behave the way thatthey were behaving, right?
Just so you can test yourself tosee, did that belief stick?
Am I truly okay with this newbelief that I've put in place?
But you'll you'll notice that itfeels different.
(24:13):
Yeah.
If you've truly put that beliefin place and it's clean and
clear and in place, rocking androlling.
SPEAKER_02 (24:21):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (24:22):
If uh you come across that person in your path
and you're perfectly comfortableand no restriction in the body,
and you're able to have a nice,cordial, well, hello, how are
you?
How have you been?
Right.
And then you two go on aboutyour path, then you know that
(24:42):
that belief is pretty much inplace, very clean, very clear.
Right.
If you've given yourself thatpop quiz and that person comes
across your path, and all of asudden you find yourself in
self-judgment, or going back tothat place of, you know, what
did I do in that relationship tomake that person go away?
(25:04):
Or I must have done something uhthat pissed them off, or you go
back into that place where youwere, that's the point to where
you catch it.
SPEAKER_02 (25:17):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (25:17):
Because there's a little bit more work for you to
do.
It's not necessarily somethingyou did.
It was because you changed aboundary and a belief that you
know you're no longer allowingthis person to do their uh
walking on you like you're adoormat or manipulating the
situation.
SPEAKER_01 (25:38):
Right.
Yep, totally.
SPEAKER_00 (25:39):
And you can't fall back into the trap of that.
SPEAKER_01 (25:42):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (25:42):
It's not helpful.
SPEAKER_01 (25:44):
Yeah, I I agree with you.
And so I think the a key factorin a lot of this is
understanding the ownership ofwho owns what and what what you
own, what you don't own, whatyou control, what you don't
control.
Because the reality is is youcan't make people do anything.
(26:04):
You can't force them to besomething they're not.
You can you can't force them tobe in your bubble within
boundaries.
You know, you have to own thefact that A, you have
boundaries, you have self-worth,and you you you have if they
choose to live outside of thoseboundaries, that's their choice.
SPEAKER_00 (26:25):
Yeah, and that's a very, very key thing to remember
is setting boundaries foryourself does not make you a
horrible person.
No, it doesn't make you a meanperson.
SPEAKER_02 (26:37):
That's correct.
SPEAKER_00 (26:38):
It doesn't mean that you're being unloving or not
kind-hearted.
I went through this for a smalltime in my life because I had
tangled up in there years agothat if I set boundaries and I
told somebody no, they couldn'tbe in my bubble, or no, they
couldn't do that to me, Ithought that it was me not being
(27:01):
compassionate and understandingof their journey and not loving.
Right.
And that and I had that definedas in order to be a kind and
loving individual, I had to letpeople run over me because that
was allowing them to be whereverthey are in their path or their
journey.
What I came to realize is, and Iupdated my processes, that it's
(27:27):
okay for them to be in theirjourney where they are.
I don't have to judge it or be apart of it.
SPEAKER_02 (27:35):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (27:35):
And because I am putting a boundary in that says
it's not okay for you to behavethat way to me.
And so for that reason, youdon't get to be in my bubble,
didn't mean that I was being abitch or that I didn't love them
or that I wasn't beingcompassionate of their journey.
SPEAKER_02 (27:54):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (27:55):
It just meant that it was me defining my own bubble
on what I wanted it to look likeand how I wanted to be treated.
SPEAKER_01 (28:03):
Yes, totally.
SPEAKER_00 (28:04):
Because sometimes shadow work, as we say, is not a
spa day.
It's not a day at the effingspa.
SPEAKER_01 (28:13):
You know, I heard one time.
SPEAKER_00 (28:15):
And it um can be challenging and it can be
difficult.
And it it it's hard enoughwithout judging yourself, I
guess.
What was that?
It was the it was the channel uhdownloading.
SPEAKER_01 (28:37):
So, you know, there I I heard one time on the that
show Sex in the City.
Sarah Jessica Parker saidsomething to one of the girls,
this was year many years ago,and she was like very
promiscuous and she slept aroundand blah blah blah blah blah.
And the the girl that sleptaround and stuff hadn't called
her in a few days.
(28:58):
And she blogged about it.
She was a blogger on the showand she wrote blogs and
everything.
And in the process of doing allof this, when she asked the
girl, uh she's listening, shesaid, Well, I didn't think you'd
want to, you know, want to talkto me while I'm doing my stuff
because of the comment you made.
And because I guess in one ofthe previous episodes, she made
(29:21):
a comment about her beingpromiscuous and blah blah blah
blah blah blah.
And she said, Well, just becauseyou do things I don't like don't
mean I'm not gonna be yourfriend.
SPEAKER_00 (29:31):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (29:32):
Or do things that I wouldn't do, don't mean I'm
gonna be your friend.
And so looking at things fromthat perspective of when things
are happening in your bubbledon't mean it's happening, you
know, because of your boundary,and you can accept it or not,
and it's not breaking a boundarywhen you say to that person,
Hey, I love you for who you are,I wouldn't be that way.
(29:55):
But you know, it is what it is.
SPEAKER_00 (29:57):
Yeah, and so that is a good next.
Uh level thing that you'rebringing up.
Yep.
Um okay, so let me ask you this.
If you have someone, how do youknow the difference between,
okay, they're crossing aboundary and I need them to be
out of my life or my bubble, orthey're behaving in a way I
(30:20):
don't necessarily like, but it'sokay for them to stay uh as a
friend or uh whatever theirtitle is in your bubble.
How do you know the difference?
That would be what I ask you.
SPEAKER_01 (30:33):
You know, you and I actually had this conversation
the other day about one of ourfriends.
You know, just because it feelsto you that it is not what you
want.
You know, it's a choice.
You can say, wait a minute, isthis is this really is this
person acting in this waybecause um because they're
(30:55):
aggressive or whatever, youknow, whatever the topic is.
Because you have to be able tostop and say, are they really
doing this to me?
Or are they is that just them?
Um and what is their intentionbehind it?
SPEAKER_00 (31:08):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (31:08):
Because that's where the true boundary comes into
play, is the intention behindwhat they're doing.
SPEAKER_00 (31:14):
Right.
Because like with you and I, Ithink we have a phenomenal
relationship.
SPEAKER_01 (31:20):
Yes.
SPEAKER_00 (31:20):
But how do we?
Because there are we are bothvery independent, very
headstrong people.
We came into our relationshipnot because I needed you or you
needed me.
We came we we came together veryindependent and very healthy in
a lot of areas, but we stillhave many topics where we don't
(31:44):
see eye to eye.
Or I mean, I'll irritate you,you'll irritate me.
It doesn't mean that I'm gonnashove you out the door because
you've crossed a boundary,right?
Or you vice versa, shove me outbecause I've crossed a boundary.
So how are we making that workand what are we doing?
Um, can you give specific thingsthat we do?
SPEAKER_01 (32:03):
Well, I do just that.
I do I do just what I said.
Well, how I do that is is is soI ask myself, is this person
doing this to me?
Like for you, like if there'ssomething that we don't agree
on, I just say to myself, it'sokay to not agree.
Don't mean I don't love her.
SPEAKER_00 (32:20):
That's right.
SPEAKER_01 (32:20):
Um, and it's okay, you know, and a lot of the times
I'll I will say, and you'll sayto me, Well, how did you come to
that?
Or you know, what what what isit?
Because maybe there's somethingI'm missing.
And that's the secret to it iswhen somebody you view as
crossing your boundary come ordoing things, you have to say to
(32:41):
yourself, Are they doing this tome?
You know, is is am I feelingthis way about what they're
doing because I don't know?
Maybe there's something I'mmissing in life.
Maybe there's maybe I can cometo a different viewpoint.
SPEAKER_00 (32:58):
Right.
So let's let's let's see if wecan break it down a little more
simple.
SPEAKER_01 (33:04):
Okay.
SPEAKER_00 (33:05):
Because the question I'm putting out there is how do
you know the difference betweenthe people that you do let stay
and the people that you have tomake go away because they're not
honoring your process and yourboundaries.
Right.
And what I would say from myperspective is if something
happens, the first thing I woulddo is I would check in with it
(33:28):
and I would say, okay, are thereany of my major boundaries that
this is crossing?
And have I communicated withthat person that that they are
crossing a boundary is not aboundary without being
communicated.
That's right.
That they have crossed aboundary for me and go back into
(33:51):
negotiation of how can we handlethis differently.
And the second part to thatwould be if the other person is
willing to go into arelationship negotiation and
honor the boundary that you havecommunicated, then you can come
to a win-win negotiation andthey will uh be able to make the
(34:15):
choice of, okay, I honor yourboundary, and I am at a place in
my journey where I can not dothat anymore.
Or I can modify what I'm doingand do that.
The thing is, is that you'vecommunicated that to them.
And if they communicate back toyou that opposite of that, I
(34:41):
honor your boundary, but I amnot at a place where I can
behave in that manner.
SPEAKER_02 (34:47):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (34:47):
So therefore, I have to move on for now.
SPEAKER_02 (34:51):
Or wait a minute.
SPEAKER_00 (34:51):
Or I have to uh limit our interaction together.
It's a choice.
SPEAKER_01 (34:57):
You know, you asked.
It's a choice of you have tolearn to say, I'm keeping my
boundary here, just like we do.
Right.
I'm keeping my boundary here,and you're keeping your boundary
there.
Yeah.
And I'm going to accept yourboundary at where it is, and I'm
going to accept my boundarywhere it is.
And this topic is just off thetable.
SPEAKER_00 (35:15):
Right.
It can be a topic.
SPEAKER_01 (35:17):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (35:17):
And we just don't talk about it until we've gone
internally and really looked atthe topic and why it's offensive
or why it's bothersome, or doesit need modification?
SPEAKER_01 (35:28):
Right.
Is there something I'm missingin the case?
That's about humility too.
That's right.
Yep.
SPEAKER_00 (35:32):
Or are we just in a place because we're two
different people that thatparticular topic we just don't
agree on?
And if we want to talk about it,we know that we have to talk
about it in the presence ofenergy that is uh been set up in
a right way so that it doesn'tbring about an argument or
(35:54):
heated discussion.
You know, make sure if it's aheated topic, you go into that
conversation if you're needingto conversate.
Right.
Very calm, very mild, verymellow.
Don't do it after you've had ashitty day at work and then try
to bring up a sensitive topicand expect it to go calm, cool,
(36:15):
and collected.
SPEAKER_01 (36:16):
Because your emotions are already off.
SPEAKER_00 (36:17):
So then you but then there are situations where uh
you know you set a boundary outthere and the person just can't
honor that boundary.
That's right.
You get to then choose are youokay modifying your boundary?
Right.
Are you it's kind of like pingpong, you know?
(36:38):
You've communicated it outthere, they bounce it back to
you, they can't honor it.
Then you now get to go back inand do some internal reflection.
Right.
Okay, am I at a place where A, Ican modify my boundary and it
still feels okay and it stillfeels good?
B, do I want to modify myboundary or is it important
(37:01):
enough that it must stay inplace?
Right.
Um, and then C would be if I canmodify, did I communicate that
back to them that says, okay, Ihonor where you're at.
I am willing to modify thisboundary permanently,
temporarily, right, until you'vehad time to uh go in internally
(37:29):
and reflect, or I'm willing tomodify this boundary
indefinitely and just agree todisagree.
Right.
And we're gonna talk about thistopic when we're cool, calm, and
collective and we've both hadsome energetic Xanax.
SPEAKER_01 (37:43):
Well, that's see, that's where I think is one of
the key points of this is it'sokay with anybody for you to set
a boundary and for them to set aboundary.
Absolutely.
The key to it is the respect ofeach other's boundaries.
SPEAKER_00 (37:55):
And communicating that.
SPEAKER_01 (37:57):
Right.
You know, like like uh the thereference I made, Sarah Jessica
Barker telling the girl thisjust because you do things I
don't I wouldn't do don't meanI'm not gonna be your friend.
SPEAKER_00 (38:04):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (38:05):
You know, and I had a in personal development class
in high school, I had a coach,Ted Foster, and he said he said
one time, only a fool thinkshe's always right.
SPEAKER_00 (38:15):
That's right.
SPEAKER_01 (38:16):
And it when you can look at it in that perspective
and choose to love that personor not love that person, or
choose to love yourself or notlove yourself in that moment,
you know, it's all about beingyou humili uh humble enough to
say, you know, well maybe Dr.
Jenny's perspective is right.
Or maybe James's perspective'sperspective is right.
(38:38):
And it it is i because justbecause you think that because
of your life experiences, youhave to keep your boundary here
doesn't mean that it's right.
SPEAKER_00 (38:51):
But on the flip side of that, I wanna put out there
uh to I want to say that it isperfectly okay as well to be
very stern about certainboundaries and to put them in
place.
SPEAKER_01 (39:06):
100% agree with you.
SPEAKER_00 (39:07):
And if that means that the person doesn't get to
be in your bubble, that is okayas well.
SPEAKER_01 (39:12):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (39:12):
And not to flip out, not to panic, right, and not
don't continue to be a doormat.
Yeah, never be a doormat b tosomebody because they're not
willing to budge on a shittyboundary or not honor your
boundary and give space to itbeing, especially if they're not
(39:33):
willing to every relationship,no matter what kind it is, is a
two-way street.
Right.
And you can't know what theother party is doing, thinking
or whatever when they have, andyou can't even hear them if they
have their heads stuck up theirass and they're being an
asshole.
Right.
Um, and so if you're giving themopportunity to conversate and
(39:58):
they're choosing not toconversate and won't even
communicate with you, you canonly participate to to the point
of where you can participate byyourself.
You can't do it by yourselfeither.
SPEAKER_02 (40:12):
Right, I agree.
SPEAKER_00 (40:13):
You can't negotiate only by yourself.
And so if you're in arelationship, be it a friend, be
it a business, be it a job, beit a intimate relationship, if
they are not being an activeparticipant in the negotiation
and communication of theboundaries and where each other
(40:36):
is, then you really can't doanything about it because you
can't control another person.
SPEAKER_02 (40:41):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (40:41):
If you're putting out there, hey, I want to talk
about this, and they're ignoringyou, right, or they won't even
have a conversation, um, theywon't even give you a second of
their time to say, I understandyou want to talk about that, but
I'm not at a place where I can.
unknown (41:00):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (41:00):
That is even okay.
SPEAKER_01 (41:02):
That's right, yep.
SPEAKER_00 (41:03):
Because then that gives the other person we've had
that exact conversationopportunity to decide, okay, is
this so important that I mustconversate right now about it?
Or can I honor this person'srequest to put it on a temporary
hold?
It you know, communication opensthe door of allowing each person
(41:24):
to know where the other personis and getting to decide where
they are within the topic or thesetting or the situation, yes,
and being able to go back andforth and negotiate what is the
next thing, the best next thingthat we're gonna do in our
relationship.
SPEAKER_01 (41:45):
Right.
I want to talk about one part ofthat we have worked with people
and I see them do thisconstantly.
And that is an ego part of this.
Oh, I have a boundary, but I'mgonna help this person fix
theirs.
SPEAKER_00 (42:06):
Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (42:07):
And because it's a reciprocated yo-yo effect of
danger, because the reality isthis if that person is not
humble enough to say, you knowwhat, let me look at my boundary
and I respect yours, you can'tfix them anyway.
SPEAKER_00 (42:23):
No, and there's definitely people out there that
have adopted the fixerrelationship mentality that uh
uh it is my mission in life, andI was brought here for the sole
purpose of coming into your lifeand fixing all of your bullshit.
SPEAKER_01 (42:40):
Yep, I see what men do it all the time.
The damsel in distress disorder.
SPEAKER_00 (42:44):
And I'm gonna say that is a bunch of cop-out
bullshit that's your baggage,and if you're living that life,
you're only opening yourself toa shit ton of trauma drama and
disappointment.
SPEAKER_01 (42:59):
Yes, totally.
SPEAKER_00 (43:00):
You cannot do anything for anybody as far as
changing them or making thembehave in a certain way unless
they want to.
SPEAKER_01 (43:10):
Right.
It's like even with us whenwe're with clients, they come to
us repetitively with the sametopic.
And we say to them, Listen, Ican't keep doing this with you
until you are humble enough tostop and do the work.
And if they approach you with aboundary, you know, if they
approach you about it andthey're open and receptive to
(43:30):
talk, that's the only time youmight, and I mean like my new
chance, be able to help them fixtheir stuff.
Because they have to be open andreceptive.
And unless you know what'sreally going on.
SPEAKER_00 (43:43):
Might's on a chicken's ass.
SPEAKER_01 (43:45):
Yeah, that's right.
That's where the only placethat's what my dad used to
always say.
Ah, yes, only uh the only placeyou'll find mites is on a
chicken's ass.
But that is the key part in thereciprocating yo-yo that people
get caught in that trap of that,oh, I can fix them or I can I
can help this.
And the reality is is they'renot gonna fix themselves with
(44:07):
you interjecting.
SPEAKER_00 (44:09):
And if you think that they've got all these
things to fix, I'm gonna tellyou ten times out of ten.
It's you.
You have all those things thatyou need to fix.
And so internal uh looking andgoing within to see what kind
of, you know, shitty britchesyou're walking around in.
(44:32):
Right.
It would be a very, very healthyopportunity to clean up your own
dam.
SPEAKER_01 (44:38):
You know, there was a phrase back in the 90 that
said, you know, they said, leaveno doubt.
And do you remember that?
When uh I think it was it wasone of the movies that came out
on.
The football movie, but it was apretty popular saying back then
of when you conquer something,you leave no doubt.
SPEAKER_00 (44:55):
Okay.
Do you see?
SPEAKER_01 (44:56):
You know, I'm so I'm so good at this that I will
leave no doubt.
And what I'm saying to that is Iuse that phrase a lot in my own
mind of leaving no doubt.
SPEAKER_00 (45:05):
What does that mean though?
SPEAKER_01 (45:06):
Yeah, it means that leave no doubt of where you
stand or who you are.
And that falls down toboundaries and communication.
And so when we when you and Italk, when we leave the
conversation, we don't have anydoubt about where the other one
stands.
SPEAKER_00 (45:25):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (45:26):
And it's about the clear communication because it
we don't agree on everything.
There's a lot of things we don'tagree on.
SPEAKER_00 (45:31):
Oh, that's right, yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (45:32):
But I I respect your boundaries and you respect mine,
and until I am to until A comesup again to where we can talk
about it openly and withoutemotions and have like a logical
conversation about it.
SPEAKER_03 (45:45):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (45:45):
Or B, I choose to leave no doubt where I stand on
it.
And I think everybody in lifeshould too.
You know, you should have theself-preservation tool inside of
you to leave no doubt, be itcommunication, be it self-worth,
be it whatever that is, bestrong enough within yourself to
make sure that everybody in yourbubble they understand where
(46:08):
they are.
SPEAKER_00 (46:09):
And so how would you suggest one get to that point,
especially if they're hoveringaround in the fear template of
being alone, for example, orvictimhood?
SPEAKER_01 (46:20):
Or fear.
SPEAKER_00 (46:21):
Or fear.
How do you get to a place whereyou don't doubt your own self so
that you can leave no doubt whenyou're talking to another human
being?
Especially if their personalityis sometimes bigger or louder or
more assertive or evenaggressive, confused with
(46:42):
assertion.
SPEAKER_01 (46:43):
Well, the the how do you get to that place?
The reality of this is we arehuman.
SPEAKER_00 (46:46):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (46:47):
And no matter what happens, there's gonna always be
part of inside of you that makesyou doubt something.
And so that is where it's verycrucial for you to communicate
with yourself.
I don't care if you gotta walkoff by yourself, talk through
the process, and if somebody isbreaking one of your boundaries,
you have to have thatconversation that and and be
(47:09):
very clear that boundaries comewith what the if they come with
ifs.
No, they come with consequences,consequences.
That's the word I was lookingfor.
SPEAKER_00 (47:20):
Call it what it is.
SPEAKER_01 (47:21):
So my boundary is this.
If you do this, this is what Iwill do.
And consequences And it's notwhat you're gonna they're gonna
do.
It's what you you say what I amgoing to do.
SPEAKER_00 (47:30):
That's what I was just about to go in the
direction of.
SPEAKER_01 (47:37):
Correct.
SPEAKER_00 (47:38):
Because ultimatums do not work.
SPEAKER_01 (47:40):
Right.
If you do this, then I'm if youdon't do this, I'm gonna do
that.
And blah, blah, blah you can'tdo ultimatums.
Ultimatums do not work.
SPEAKER_00 (47:45):
They put a person in the defense mode absolutely
within a zero to sixty second uhsituation, and it will turn into
an all-out fight because peopledon't like to be given
ultimatums.
Oh, yeah, you're gonna do that?
Well, let's fucking find out.
Yeah, yeah.
Fuck around and find out.
Fuck around and find out.
SPEAKER_01 (48:05):
And that's where the the point of leave no doubt is
the conclusion of that is youcan't set a boundary and give a
consequence to that boundaryunless it's very clearly
communicated.
That's right.
And that's how you leave nodoubt.
And you have to be, when you setthat boundary and that
consequence to that boundary,you have to stand behind it.
Otherwise, it's just like achild that that uh every time
(48:29):
you go to the store, you say no,but you end up buying it for it
anyway.
That's why they repetitively doit.
SPEAKER_00 (48:34):
Not before you count to three.
SPEAKER_01 (48:35):
Yeah, you gotta count to three.
SPEAKER_00 (48:36):
Make sure you count to three.
SPEAKER_01 (48:38):
That is the stupidest thing I'd ever see.
SPEAKER_00 (48:41):
And then you just give in and you give it to them
anyway, because at the end ofthree, they throw themselves in
the floor and start screamingand wailing.
SPEAKER_01 (48:48):
Right.
You know, it's like And and thatactually brought up a very good
memory.
What you just said.
You know, I remember when my oneof my my daughter was very
young.
SPEAKER_00 (49:00):
Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_01 (49:00):
And I used to have a baby gate up.
We had this porch that waselevated.
SPEAKER_00 (49:03):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (49:04):
And I would sit in the chair and I would let her
play on the front porch outsideand you know, with a baby gate
up.
And then she got old enough, I Itook the baby gate down.
SPEAKER_00 (49:11):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (49:12):
And one day she looks back at me.
I'm in the chair, and she looksdown the stairs, and then she
looks back at me, and I justlook at her and said, Listen, if
you do that, it's gonna hurt.
And she had this look in hereyes, and you know what she did?
She stepped off the stairs.
(49:33):
She did it.
All seven stairs down to thebottom, head over butt overhead,
just kidding, nookin it down thestairs like a slinky.
And she landed on the bottomstep on her butt, and she sat
there.
Didn't move, didn't do anything.
She just sat there.
SPEAKER_00 (49:49):
Analyzing what just happened.
SPEAKER_01 (49:50):
Analyzing what just happened.
SPEAKER_00 (49:52):
Or saying to herself, fuck, he was right.
That did hurt.
SPEAKER_01 (49:55):
And so I looked down at her.
I went in, I went down.
I didn't panic because I mean,let's just be real, these are
six inches high, they're notgonna hurt her.
Yeah.
Um, I mean, she ended up with apretty good bruise on her
forehead, but she, you know,right up the and I looked down
and I said, I told you.
Now that's a boundary.
Guess what?
She never crossed that boundaryagain because she had clear
(50:17):
consequences, and when shecrossed the boundary, it hurt.
SPEAKER_02 (50:20):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (50:21):
And that's how we have to look at life when it
comes to our own personalboundaries.
SPEAKER_02 (50:25):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (50:26):
And it is a choice.
Like if you had if you dosomething I don't like, that's
something I wouldn't do.
That's not a boundary.
That's a that's opinion.
That's an opinion.
That's right.
You know, like Sarah JessicaParker and her friend that was
promiscuous.
SPEAKER_00 (50:39):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (50:39):
Sarah Jessica Parker chose not to participate in her
actions, but that doesn't meanthat she can't be her friend.
SPEAKER_00 (50:46):
That's right.
SPEAKER_01 (50:47):
It just means that her opinion of that situation is
they differ.
SPEAKER_00 (50:51):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (50:51):
And so that is not a boundary.
SPEAKER_00 (50:53):
That's right.
SPEAKER_01 (50:54):
So understanding the differences between boundaries
and opinions is key toboundaries come with
consequences.
SPEAKER_00 (51:01):
Yeah, that's right.
SPEAKER_01 (51:02):
And that consequence has to be something that you
have really thought through inyour head.
SPEAKER_00 (51:07):
And you're willing to walk the the That's right.
SPEAKER_01 (51:10):
You're ready to take yourself down those stairs.
SPEAKER_00 (51:12):
Right.
And and and I'm not saying it'sa bad thing, but don't go into
setting a boundary, coming upwith the consequence.
Right.
And then realizing, oh, theconsequence doesn't feel good to
me either.
Let me backtrack and let me putthis boundary down because I
(51:35):
didn't think about how theconsequence is going to make me
feel.
Yep.
And because doing that willbring up potential places where
you have an opportunity to clearwith stuff that is not
beneficial.
So if it if it brings up anddings you on the head with a
fear of being alone, that's agreat opportunity to look at
(51:59):
that.
There, you're not ever alone.
And um so what I'll I have twotopics I want to talk about
being alone.
Number one, if you change yourboundary and you find yourself
temporarily alone and it's notfeeling so good.
SPEAKER_01 (52:17):
You mean you change your boundary?
Or is that what you meant tosay?
SPEAKER_00 (52:19):
Right.
So, like if you're new andyou've been the doormat, okay,
and you decide I'm tired ofbeing the doormat, so I'm gonna
change my boundaries.
SPEAKER_01 (52:28):
That's a better example.
SPEAKER_00 (52:29):
And I no longer want to mingle with people who are
going to shit on me or wipetheir feet on me constantly and
take advantage of my kindnessbecause I have a underlying
belief that says I would ratherbe a doormat and be shit on than
to be alone.
SPEAKER_02 (52:47):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (52:48):
That belief in place will cause you to subconsciously
act in that manner.
Yes.
And that's called codependency.
Yeah, not cold, code.
SPEAKER_01 (52:57):
Code.
Codependency.
I said code, that's funny.
SPEAKER_00 (53:00):
I have a fat tongue.
So having a healthy relationshipmeans you set the boundary, it's
no longer an option to treat methat way.
You're sticking to theconsequence, and that momentary
place where you perceive thatyou're alone, stop and look at
(53:22):
that.
Right.
Because you are maybeoverlooking the new set of
people right under your nosethat could be at the vibrational
frequency that having thatboundary in place is lifting you
to.
Correct.
(53:42):
Yep.
And making it okay to interactwith them and practicing being
at that new frequency with thisnew vibe of people.
SPEAKER_02 (53:54):
Yep.
SPEAKER_00 (53:54):
Because what you're gonna find is that next level of
vibrational people, they don'twant to be part of the trauma
drama, they don't want to talkabout negative Nancy crap and
stay in that.
So it's a practiced habit.
You can't change social networksand expect the new higher
vibrational platform of peoplebe okay talking about the
(54:18):
negative shit of the world orwanting to have those.
And so, what it will do is whatI'm trying to say, is it may fit
make you feel like temporarilythat you're not part of the
tribe.
Right.
Uh, and so you just practice howto have new you're gonna be
socially awkward in that newring of people, and that's okay
because you gotta learn andtrain yourself.
(54:40):
What do you talk about whenyou've talked about nothing but
the outlying trauma drama?
Yep.
Right?
SPEAKER_01 (54:46):
Yep, I agree.
SPEAKER_00 (54:48):
Um, and I don't currently remember what the
other thing was.
SPEAKER_01 (54:52):
So that's a wrap then.
Real quick update on the app.
Yes, so we are so close, soexciting.
So, so close, guys.
They rolling out the freeversion.
Uh, go to www.thsalty tarot.netand subscribe on there.
And hey, listen, if you are ametaphysical creator, if you do
tarot oracle cards, we are goingto allow a portal to put your
(55:18):
deck in our app.
You can also see it on thatwebsite, www.thesalty tarot.net.
Uh click on the creatorspotlight program.
It's on the top right of thewebsite, and go through that and
understand and read it.
And if you are a creator, thenyou uh follow the steps.
SPEAKER_00 (55:37):
And what does that mean exactly?
You're gonna let them sell theirproduct from the app, or are you
gonna actually spotlight theirtarot uh or Oracle cards as some
that are used within the app tohave people interact with it?
Like what does that mean?
SPEAKER_01 (55:56):
So, what it means that we will do is we will put
your deck actually in the appoperating so people can see it
working.
SPEAKER_00 (56:02):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (56:03):
And we will make a spot where we're gonna have a
spotlight page on our website towhere you'd be a spotlight, and
there's gonna be a link in thestore to where they can buy that
deck.
SPEAKER_00 (56:13):
I see.
And that's for a fee though.
SPEAKER_01 (56:15):
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, it's not a setup fee,really.
I mean, you know, and then we'regonna ask for a commission off
the sales.
SPEAKER_00 (56:20):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (56:20):
Um, but you're gonna put your deck in front of
hundreds of thousands of people.
SPEAKER_00 (56:25):
Yeah, millions.
SPEAKER_01 (56:26):
You know, and so it's uh uh yeah, it's a
beneficial thing.
And there the setup fee isbasically for the coding because
we have to code it all into theapp.
SPEAKER_00 (56:35):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (56:35):
And uh we're gonna do those thirty days at a time,
and we may do more than onefeature per month.
You know, we could do we couldactually do a couple Toro Tarot,
a couple Oracle, and let peoplepick which deck they want to
use, and and uh we'll haveyou'll have a spotlight section
on our website.
Anyway, go to the website,www.thesalty tarot.net.
All the information is in there.
Click on creator spotlightprogram.
SPEAKER_00 (56:59):
And don't you have a tab on there for the investor
site as well, which is like thethe little commercials, what are
they called?
Ads.
SPEAKER_01 (57:08):
Yes, there is a yes, there's a place for you to run
an ad in there if you have anEtsy store and you just click on
the advertise in the appsection.
And if you're an investor, weare currently in a funding
round.
You can go on that same website,it's all in there.
SPEAKER_00 (57:20):
Um, because we have two more phases that have to
develop.
Yep.
Well, technically four, becauseonce we get all the iOS done,
then we're gonna go into theGoogle side that you're good.
Yep.
Um, so real quick clarificationyou said the Etsy store.
It's you it's not just an Etsystore that you have to have.
(57:44):
No, that's an example.
SPEAKER_01 (57:45):
That's just an example.
Yes, it tells you that in it.
SPEAKER_00 (57:47):
Like a brick and mortar store.
Yeah, you could run an ad at thebottom of the app, that's good.
SPEAKER_01 (57:53):
There's two places we have regular and premium
locations.
And uh that's all in the app aswell.
SPEAKER_00 (57:59):
And that and that's all described.
SPEAKER_01 (58:01):
Yep, it's all described in the app.
SPEAKER_00 (58:03):
Perfect.
All right, very good.
SPEAKER_01 (58:04):
Um, anyway, guys, we appreciate y'all listening.
Don't forget to like, follow,and share.
And share and comment and doeverything because the more you
engage, the easier it is to keepthis podcast running.
SPEAKER_00 (58:15):
Absolutely.
And ring that bell.
SPEAKER_01 (58:18):
All right, guys, you all have an awesome day.
SPEAKER_00 (58:20):
Love ya, and then we're gonna be able to
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