September 19, 2025 • 51 mins
Ever catch yourself spinning stories about what your partner expects from you? That mental treadmill of overthinking could be sabotaging your relationship without you even realizing it.
In this raw, unfiltered conversation, we dive deep into how societal expectations create relationship baggage that weighs us down. We share personal examples of how traditional concepts like "wifely duties" continue to influence even the most self-aware among us. Dr. Jenny opens up about her struggle with feeling obligated to fulfill certain roles to be "worthy" of love, while James challenges these outdated paradigms with refreshing honesty.
The most liberating relationship truth we explore? Your partner chooses to be with you—they don't need to be. When both people approach a relationship as independent individuals who choose each other daily rather than dependent entities fulfilling obligatory roles, everything transforms. We discuss how this simple perspective shift eliminates the pressure to "earn" love through duties or obligations and instead cultivates authentic connection.
We also tackle the uncomfortable reality of shadow work—it's not "a spa day" as we colorfully put it. Examining your own baggage requires courage and accountability. When you notice yourself creating scenarios about what your partner expects, we provide practical guidance on how to pause, question these assumptions, and communicate honestly instead of spiraling into overthinking.
Whether you're in a relationship struggling with old paradigms or single and wondering how to approach partnership differently, this episode offers both the tough love and practical wisdom to break free from relationship overthinking. Listen now, and discover what becomes possible when you stop creating stories and start embracing the freedom of choice in your relationships.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
Hello.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Hello everybody, welcome back to the Spiritual
Grind.
We are here again for yourlistening pleasure.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
Good morning.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Should I give you the deep tone voice?
Speaker 1 (00:40):
Should I?
Should I stare?
Should I go?
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Oh my goodness, what just happened.
Should I, should I stay orshould I go?
Oh my goodness, what justhappened.
I think my earphones are off.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
That sure sounded like Dr Jenny singing.
Oh, anyway, life is a bigmusical in my head it is you
know what life is?
Life is fun, life is fun Lifeis a big musical in my head.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
It is.
You know what life is?
Life is fun.
Life is fun Life is fun, whichbrings me to my topic today.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
Indeed.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
Do you overthink life ?
Speaker 1 (01:16):
Of course you know I do girl.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
You know we had the coffee talk this morning a
little bit and when I ran to thestore and on my way back I was
sitting there because I had tostand in line forever because of
the Powerball drawing.
Oh my God, it's like 1.6billion and I was trying to get
our Powerball ticket and therewas like 40 people in line.
It was insanity.
Because it was right at lunch,of course, I decided to go to
(01:43):
the store at lunch.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
Right right.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
So while I was standing there in line, I was
thinking about our conversationthis morning and how, even us,
after so many years of doingthis, reading, studying, you
know, humanistic sciences andworking with people and
understanding human beliefs andpatterns and programs we still
(02:11):
overthink too.
Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
I mean, that's the thing that I try to do every
time we sit down at thesemicrophones is keep it genuine,
man.
We are not some fucking gurusthat got it all figured out.
Speak for yourself.
We're just doing the same thingyou guys are doing out there,
(02:34):
which is trying to figure it outthe best way we can, each and
every day, whenever the shitsandwich comes up and you gotta
deal with with it.
I'm no different.
This morning's topic was all inmy baseball field.
It was all about that garbagethat I'm mucking around in.
(02:56):
Feel free to share.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
Overthinking it.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
Overthinking.
Absolutely, we'll share, dr.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
Jenny's overthinking.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
And it makes no fucking logical sense.
I'm gonna have to bleep thatout we and we have.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
You don't have to believe it.
Uh, we have.
Well anyway, it just aggravatesme, just like it would any
other human yeah, you know drjenny's thing that she's talking
about is she was raised um inan environment to where women
were taught a they have to takecare of their man and b they
(03:29):
have certain specific dutiesthat they have to fulfill to a
keep their man happy and b beloved yeah, the wifely duties,
yeah, the wifely duties and thestupid thing is I don't even
know I had such a weirdupbringing.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
I don't even know I had such a weird upbringing, I
don't even know, I can't reallyeven pinpoint where.
All a lot of time at mygrandparents houses and they
(04:07):
were still married to theirspouse of many, many, many years
and neither one of thoserelationships were really
healthy.
They had one set ofgrandparents that didn't like
each other and so they went toopposite ends of the world.
(04:27):
Basically every day he went tothe farm and she stayed at home
and played with us grandkids andthat was kind of their life,
but they slept in separate beds.
They still got in arguments,heavy heated arguments.
If she wanted to go dancing,like at the vfw, she took me,
(04:48):
not him.
When I got older, yeah and thenon the other side of it, the
other grandparents.
Like she cooked and cleaned anddid all the housework and he
went to the shop and weldedbecause he was a welder but she
nagged his ass up one side anddown the other.
She was a very devoutpentecostal and we went to
(05:13):
church every time those damndoors were open and at home it
was the 700 club playing on thetv constantly nuts until it was
time for uh, what's that?
What's that, bob barker?
oh price is right oh yeah, rightprice is right.
And then in the evening it waswill of fortune yeah, six
(05:34):
o'clock she would nag his assabout.
He liked to drink beer.
He smoked camel cigarettes withno filter.
Constantly on his ass aboutboth of those things.
Yeah, and as the oldestgrandchild who everybody wanted
to be a boy, I ended upinadvertently taking on that
(05:57):
tomboy persona.
So I would spend most of mydays out in the shop with him
learning how to weld doing boythings.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
So I don't even know where that came from.
I mean the closest.
I can come to is mygrandparents' relationships and
watching those.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
Yeah, well, you know, and there's probably a lot of
listeners that hear this andeverybody needs to hear.
We've actually kind of touchedon a little bit over the course
of the last year on our podcast.
But when you overthink thingslike, for example and I will use
abundance or money- Actuallyuse sex.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
Use sex, Use my example.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
Okay, and so.
Speaker 1 (06:45):
Dr Jenny was taught.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
I think I'm going to use abundance.
I like that example better.
So in the money-wise situation,when you're overthinking life,
you have a tendency yes, wecreate our reality.
Yes, we are in what we put outenergy-wise, we get back.
That is all part of ourspiritual beliefs and our living
(07:08):
and that's how we live.
But the big part of that that alot of people get confused is
in the process of creating theirreality.
They have a tendency to createscenarios of stuff they know
nothing about or they shouldn'teven be creating.
So they're building anexpectation on what the reality
(07:30):
is supposed to be and don't evenreally know what it's supposed
to be.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
And so you create a bottleneck the story or the
picture just so I can reconfirmwhat you're talking about of
what it should look like in yourhead and that inadvertently
creates a situation where you'renot only not allowing that
version to come in, but you'renot allowing an expanded version
(08:01):
of that, if it were to be.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Right, it's a very limiting practice yeah, and when
you, when you get to a spot, towhere you are creating
scenarios in your head of howsomething should look and then
hanging on to that, and thenhanging on to that yeah, we were
hanging.
You know, I see people do it injobs.
I see people do it in life.
I see people doingrelationships and money and sex
(08:24):
and whatever.
They create this scenario intheir head of how they want
their reality to look in thisspecific topic.
And it is okay to have beliefsand patterns and program that
create that reality.
But it's not okay when you putparameters or expectations on
that reality to look this way,because you put it out there in
(08:46):
the world and you create yourreality.
You have to let it go.
You know.
You have to be okay with eitherway for when it happens,
whatever happens, because youdon't know the steps by which
you're going to get there.
You know we don't.
Yes, we have crystal balls inour world.
Yes, we have crystal balls inour world.
But when you don't haveanything, that's going to tell
(09:08):
you A, if I do this, this isgoing to happen, and then that's
going to happen, and thenthat's going to happen and this
is going to happen.
All we do is we say listen, Iwant to get here.
Spirit, take the wheel.
And when you start, creatingthose scenarios in your head.
Those scenarios are based offyour beliefs, patterns and
(09:28):
programs right when your beliefsare not in the right place for
where you are now, you know,like your belief of you have
wifely chores.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
Otherwise I'm not going to be happy well, yeah,
and that was that's somethingthat came up for me is to, to
give you guys insight on whathe's talking about In my
definition of being a good wifeair quote what baggage still
lived there is.
If I don't provide my man withsex as a wifely duty, he's going
(09:58):
to go somewhere else to get it.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
I'm still, after all these years, I'm still carrying
that bullshit around well, yeah,and you're using a sex example,
but you were doing in a lot ofother topics as well, right, but
I, because we've been talkingabout spiritual sex.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
I thought I would bring that in, since that's the
most recent thing this lastcouple of days that I the shadow
work that I've been doing formyself, because, man, I'm tired
of lugging that fucking baggagearound right.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
I mean, like the example I told you this morning,
I can say in the car man, I'mhungry and all I'm doing is kind
of communicating verbally thatI'm setting the intention that
I'm gonna go get something toeat and Dr Jenny will go through
her entire bag of goodies thatshe has.
Okay, do you want peanuts?
Do you want crackers?
Do you want peanuts?
Do you want crackers, do youwant?
And I'm like no, no, no,because I know what she carries.
(10:47):
What it does is from this sideof the plate.
It puts me in a weird position.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
How so.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
You've gotten irritated when you say caca pues
.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
You know, in Spanish I was taught that that meant OK,
you want shit instead.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
Right when I go through that list and I'm like
no, no, no, because I'm thinkingin my head what I want to eat.
Speaker 1 (11:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
And you get to the end.
You're frustrated because youjust offered me everything you
have.
I've stated I'm hungry andsomehow you've taken it on the
ownership of it.
It's your responsibility tomake sure I eat.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
Right of.
It's your responsibility tomake sure I eat Right and I.
The funky part about it is Ididn't realize that I was doing
that because I still was hangingon to.
It's my wifely duty to makesure that you've got something
to eat.
I cloaked it as I am doing itbecause this is the bag of stuff
I have and I'm kindly justoffering what I have to you and
(11:44):
if you want to eat it, you do,and if you don't, you don't.
Right, that's how I saw it.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
Yeah, but.
Speaker 1 (11:50):
I didn't see the accountability in the real place
of.
I'm still hanging on to thatbullshit of oh it's my wifely
responsibility to put my wifecape on and go into action
because he said he's hungry.
And the vision that pops up ismy grandmother, the devout
(12:13):
Pentecostal one.
That's exactly what she.
That's her whole lot in life tomake sure that the man is fed
and he eats before the childrendo.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
And that was how the whole household was.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
He got his plate first and she made it for him.
She took it to him.
Wifely duty.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
So what's?
Speaker 1 (12:37):
coming up right this minute is this image, and that's
exactly where I created mytemplate from was watching her
do that.
Speaker 2 (12:45):
Yeah, well, you said it right, is you mask it?
A lot of people have a tendencyto do that, so and that's where
I was kind of going with thisis it's overthinking things.
And it's over because I am likeI don't know how many times
I've told you in ourrelationship together I'm a big
boy, I can do my laundry, I cancook my own clothes, yeah, my
own house well, and in the, inthe first parts of our
(13:05):
relationship and maybe even nowI don't see my energy but
definitely in the first parts ofour relationship.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
I kind of got offended at that Like you're not
letting me do my wifely duty.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
And so and it becomes a masking, Because when I tell
you I don't need need the things, it's kind of like the same
scenario when you said if you'regoing to cheat with somebody,
it makes sure you take me right.
It's kind of the same scenariois it when I take away the
responsibilities that you haveas a belief, it you'll ask wow,
(13:44):
what the fuck am I supposed todo then?
Yeah, but then you don't needme.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
What am I supposed to do?
Speaker 2 (13:49):
what I choose you.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
I don't need you, right, but that's the kind of
existential crisis where I'vegot to redefine everything right
and go into a whole, create awhole, nother grid or matrix, if
you will of.
Okay, then what's the fuckingpoint of being your wife?
If what, what does wife mean?
Speaker 2 (14:08):
you're salty today, aren't you?
Speaker 1 (14:10):
I am salty man.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
I got up in that f-bomb a lot what?
Speaker 1 (14:14):
what's the point in being the wife?
What does the wife definitionmean?
What is why did I?
Why did I do this, then?
What does that mean?
Speaker 2 (14:24):
do you think it comes with responsibilities?
Speaker 1 (14:26):
I did yeah at one point in my life.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
And there's a lot of people that do think that.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
And I fall back on that inadvertently,
subconsciously, if I'm notcareful.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
Right, and I think this is a very crucial part of
our work.
Speaker 1 (14:42):
I built a whole nursing career where I'm
basically like, for example, inthe ER or in the OR.
I have created an entire careerof being someone's proverbial
wife yeah, Anticipating whattool they're going to need next
or what thing they're going toneed next, so that I'm right
(15:04):
there by their side performingthat work wife duty of giving
them what they need.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
an entire career built around that perspective
yeah, I know, I totallyunderstand a lot of people do.
When you, when you startmasking it and you start trying
to hide it behind things, it isa belief you should really look
at.
Because when you have arelationship where you have two
independent people that cometogether and choose, when you
have two independent people thatcome together, when one brings
(15:32):
beliefs into the relationshipthat I don't need somebody, I
choose to be with you yeah andthe other one brings in that I
have to do something to bechosen right.
It can cause a really weirddynamic it can.
It can, definitely it can makea wonky situation and people may
(15:52):
be asking themselves well, whatdo I?
How do I change that?
Because yeah, you know intoday's society.
Yes, 50 years ago the wifehaving wifely duties was normal,
right, you know the?
Because they were single incomehouseholds.
Now every household just abouthas two incomes.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
Both people work.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Right.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
But yet we still have this weird dynamic that it's
the woman's responsibility totake care of the children.
The man comes home, pops open abeer and sits in the recliner.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
Right.
Speaker 2 (16:21):
And how is that balanced and how is that fair?
She just worked 40 hours a week, that week too.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
Exactly.
Speaker 2 (16:26):
Because I can tell you why Because the women still
get viewed that they don't workas hard as men.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
And raising kids and working 40 hours a week is not
always an easy job.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
No.
Speaker 2 (16:38):
When it comes to today's world, when you have
people that bring in thosevalues in there is they're
useless.
It's useless because all itdoes is cause, first of all, the
person bringing them in issuesand, second of all, it now
creates a problem for the otherperson well, the person bringing
them in, and I can talk on thatbehalf.
Speaker 1 (17:00):
I felt a sense of don't get me wrong, I have
baggage too what's my oh God,what's my purpose then, right, I
found myself lost on, okay.
Well then, I don't know whatthis means and I don't know how
to do this, and it almost, for atime in our relationship,
caused a kind of panic situationof why am I here, why am I
(17:23):
doing?
This Like what's the point?
And I was lost and had tofigure out what.
What is my new right?
What is my new purpose, then,in all of this?
Speaker 2 (17:35):
and that's where relationships go really weird
yeah when people don't know howto live and in a way that they
that some other person doesn'tneed them, without
aconditionally, without apurpose right.
I choose to be with you.
I don't need you to do mylaundry, I don't need you to run
my bathwater, I don't need youto go to the refrigerator and
get me a beer.
I choose to be with youindependently and honor you who
(18:01):
you are and where you are, andwhen people in relationships now
can come to a point to where itincludes sex.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
Yeah, it's part of the whole paradigm of wifely
duty that's incorporated in ittoo off of a to-do list like you
would house chores instead ofgiving it the space to move
around and actually be a thingthat you experience from a place
(18:32):
of enjoyment.
Yeah, and not obligation that'sthe key.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
That's the key right there, right, because there's no
room for us to are.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
You know, I can only speak for myself, but there's
there's no room for me to enjoyit, because it's an obligation
and I'm just trying to check itoff of a list.
Okay, this is a chore done thisweek, right along with laundry
and dishes and everything else,so I'm not leaving any room for
it to take on any other persona.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
Agreed.
And that brings me to a place,to where this is where
unintended consequences comeinto play, because there are
people that joke around about.
I'll tell you how to keep yourman happy and not cheating on
you, you keep his belly full andhis balls drained.
I've heard that joke a milliontimes.
I've seen it just today onYouTube shorts.
(19:25):
Well, first of all, I'm goingto challenge men to step up and
be independent, first of all.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
Right.
Speaker 2 (19:31):
Second of all, newsflash.
Ladies, y'all ready for this?
We are no matter what you do.
If your man's going to cheat,he's going to cheat, that's
right.
It has nothing to do with youkeeping his belly full and his
balls drained.
It ain't got nothing to do withit.
Belly full and his ballsdrained ain't got nothing to do
with it.
If he's gonna cheat, he's gonnacheat.
It ain't got nothing to do withthat.
And it doesn't mean it ain'tgot nothing to do with you right
(19:52):
.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
It doesn't mean that you're um unworthy of love or
unworthy of perfection or youknow any of that garbage that
comes up with when.
When you're talking about thatstuff, I can only speak for me.
What was tangled up in it wasif I'm not perfect, then I am
(20:18):
not worth loving.
If I don't do all of my wifelyduties, then I don't deserve
love.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
Do my laundry lady, Because I am not man enough to
wash my own clothes.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
And I'm going to give you 50 lashes with the
thumb-sized switch that I findout in the yard, right.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
And this is the crazy part about this, and I've
actually worked with somebodythat said this.
The woman was in counseling andshe says he always expects me
to do his laundry.
I work too, and I have to cook,I have to take care of the baby
, and he sits and watches TV inthe chair and I'll hand him the
baby and go through all that,right?
And I said well, have you askedhim to do his own laundry?
(21:04):
He says he don't know how.
So you have a man that is anengineer, that goes all day long
and figures out how to usedifferent tools and how to build
things.
Speaker 1 (21:17):
How to build a fucking rocket that goes to the
moon.
Speaker 2 (21:20):
But he doesn't know how to work a washing machine,
right?
First of all, I don't know ify'all ever heard this before,
but I call bullshit, we callbullshit, right.
So that's a challenge I'm goingto put out there to the man is,
first of all, quit, quit, justquit.
We are 50 years, 70 years pastthat crap, right, you know, take
(21:45):
care of your dang self andenjoy your life with somebody
you choose to be with, notsomebody you want to live to
wait on you hand and foot.
That is ridiculous, right, itis just a.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
If you want that, move back in with your mommy
right, go live in your mama'sbasement, for god's sake.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
you know it's like it because it it makes like me.
Cause don't get me wrong, Iwasn't perfect for a good number
of years and I'm still notperfect to this day.
But you know, I have been inbad spots in relationships.
I have cheated, I have done allsorts of things in
relationships.
But what I did do is learn.
I did become somebody different.
Speaker 1 (22:22):
Yeah.
And I, because I chose to be,to be somebody different and I
don't need anybody.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
And and when we have these guys out here that are
setting these standards, andthese moms and these grandmas
are teaching these daughtersthese responsibilities, and
these, these men that aren'traising their sons or telling
their sons yeah, you're justperpetuating, you're just
perpetuating this freaking cycleof things that's not going to
(22:51):
go nowhere.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
Yeah, and then they become adults who are in therapy
because their life is notworking.
Speaker 2 (22:57):
Or they end up divorced a hundred times.
Speaker 1 (22:59):
Right, and they have to get therapy and try and
figure all that shit out, right.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
And here's the crazy part about this is it's very
easy, yeah, and it's onesentence that all you have to do
is dad's sons, whoever they are, and you, any guy out there.
It's one sentence and it's I amman enough to take care of
myself or I am woman womanenough to take care of myself I
(23:31):
don't need somebody else.
I choose to have somebody elsethat's right and I'm not,
definitely not going to compilemy responsibilities on somebody
else right that is not being aman that's not being a leader.
Speaker 1 (23:44):
It's not being a leader.
Well, it's not just the men.
Women do it too right, Itotally agree, and so there's
women out there that take thatreverse role and expect the man
to do everything, while they sitaround blowing the polish dry
on their fingers right.
Speaker 2 (24:02):
I had to heard somebody making fun of somebody
that one day here, but I don'tknow six, seven months ago that
he, because he was astay-at-home dad, the wife was
the breadwinner.
He stayed home with the kids.
Speaker 1 (24:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:12):
And there was actually a couple people making
fun of him.
I told him I'm like, bro, justdo you, man, if it's a
negotiated thing between you twothen do it.
That's fine, it's not a bigdeal.
But there were it's not a bigdeal, but there was other people
that were saying oh, you're notman, you're not taking care of
(24:33):
your family, and he is takingcare of his family.
He's probably actually going toraise two very good kids.
And he, he said I, I take careof the house.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
When she comes home, she don't have to do nothing
yeah, and if that's how thenegotiation is panned out for
them and it works and and Iagree with that scenario.
Speaker 2 (24:46):
If one person works and the other one, doesn't
matter the gender right.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
It's what works in your particular situation and
what the two of you'vecommunicated and negotiated your
gives and takes correct, 100correct, but anyway.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
So the perpetuation of this pattern of evolution
between couples over the last 50to 70 years is the most
ridiculous thing and shame onthis society.
We need to fix it, you knoweverybody is equal.
Everybody should be taking careof themselves and choosing to
(25:23):
be, and I guarantee you divorcerates will drop way down when
people come into therelationship with the thought of
I don't need you to take careof me, I don't need you to
provide me with anything.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
But I am choosing you to spend my life with you, all
these wifely duties.
It's very freeing to have arelationship such as ours, where
I was able to let go of thatbaggage and really experience a
new kind of relationship withoutthe have-tos.
Speaker 2 (25:59):
Right, and this brings me back.
I get to.
Speaker 1 (26:03):
And so then what?
Speaker 2 (26:03):
happens, you get to.
That's a good way to put it.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
I don't have to now.
I get to if I want to.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
Right.
Speaker 1 (26:10):
But because it was such a long practiced habit.
Sometimes even I get caught inan unaware state and I begin to
tell the story that overthinksthe situation.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
Totally agree.
We all do it to an extent incertain ways.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
And so you know.
So what do we do about it?
Speaker 2 (26:32):
Like me.
I open your car door every timewe go somewhere, Right?
Do I have to do that?
Do you expect me to do that?
No, I get to do that.
Speaker 1 (26:41):
Right, exactly.
Speaker 2 (26:42):
I do it out of respect and love, because I
chose you.
You chose to be with me, anddoorknobs shouldn't be in your
hand.
Speaker 1 (26:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:51):
It's just I'm sorry, it's just me, right?
But?
That used to be me.
Don't get me wrong, that didn'tused to be me.
But in my change of life, in mychanging myself, I changed a
lot of my practices.
Speaker 1 (27:05):
Right, but you did it because you wanted to.
Speaker 2 (27:08):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (27:09):
I did it by myself, not because somebody said oh,
you're going to open my door orwe're not going to be together.
Speaker 2 (27:17):
Right, I didn't like who I had become.
Speaker 1 (27:19):
Right.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
And so I became somebody different.
Speaker 1 (27:21):
But the key is that you made that change because
that's who you wanted to become.
You made that change becausethat's who you wanted to become,
and what?
One of the the one of thethings that you wanted to
embrace and do right.
I have no regrets for who I was, but I'm very proud of who I am
now yeah, I mean, that's how itworks really, and so, uh, I
(27:44):
guess, if you know, people areout there and they're like okay,
well then, how do I start?
What do I do?
What's the first step?
Speaker 2 (27:52):
And this is pretty easy.
I think the first step of thisscenario is stopping to realize
that you're bringing problems tothe table, that it's not the
other person's fault.
If there's something that isbothering you, that's on you.
Speaker 1 (28:06):
That's the first thing you have to realize yeah,
that's the first thing is isthat if it's bugging you, then
it's your problem?
it's your problem, not theirsyou gotta dig in there and you
gotta look at that right, youcan't deflect if it, if it's not
bothering you, then therethere's no belief or anything in
there and you give it nodefinition.
You give it no emotion becausethere's no point, it's not
(28:29):
bugging you.
So the minute that it starts tofeel uncomfortable or offensive
or blame, whatever, whateverthose emotions are that it
triggers inside of you, that's abig indicator that you've got
some work to do you.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
You've got some stuff to look at.
There's alarm bells going offon that belief.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
Yeah, exactly Right.
And you know you kind of likethe conversation and one of
those things that is more thanlikely happening is you're
telling yourself a story that'sa lie.
Speaker 2 (29:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
Hence overthinking things.
Speaker 2 (29:07):
That's right.
Hey way to bring it back out.
Speaker 1 (29:08):
They used to be my job, but heaven and so if you've
come to the discovery pointwhere you're, you've created a
story in your head and you'renot sure if it's accurate or if
it's just an outright lie thatyou've told yourself to make
things feel better, go to yourpartner and say listen, I've
(29:28):
been tooling around with this,this is what I've come up with.
Can you help me by identifying?
Is this just a dumb ass lie I'mtelling myself, or is this
something that has any truth toit whatsoever and talk it out
with your person?
Speaker 2 (29:45):
yes and that'll enhance communication.
Speaker 1 (29:49):
That'll give you a sounding board and it will
identify, because if he looks atyou and says you're telling the
all right lie now you can't getoffended or have your feelings
hurt because you went to him andasked for that verification.
You got to just big girl up orman up and say, all right, I
(30:09):
asked for that and it's a lie.
Now what am I going to do withit?
Speaker 2 (30:12):
and that is the number two part of it that you
perfectly said, that I think youworded that well.
I said I would add one littlething to that.
Yeah, is when you open the doorto a belief and you bring it up
to your partner to communicateit is.
You have to be understandingthat sometimes that person's
(30:33):
going to say, listen, I don'tknow where that's coming from.
Speaker 1 (30:37):
Your shit stinks.
Speaker 2 (30:39):
But that is a dirty diaper.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
Yeah, and you've got to be open and receptive if
you're going to bring the personin from a place of okay, I
asked for it.
Don't ask for something thatyou can't handle without going
into a place of defensivenessand create an all-out argument.
War over because you asked forthe information.
(31:04):
Asked for the information,right.
Don't turn it into an argumentand take it defensively like the
other person, be it he or theshe, of the or the he and the he
, whatever your partner's genderis makes no difference, right?
But if you bring it up to yourpartner as a sounding board,
make sure you're ready for whatcomes out of that person's mouth
(31:25):
when you ask for the assistancein clarifying whether it's just
a dumbass lie and you're readyto get rid of it.
Don't go into defense modebecause it'll create an argument
.
Speaker 2 (31:38):
See, that's one thing that I do Like when I bring
something to you that we cantalk about.
If I need to talk aboutsomething, yeah.
I don't look at you as my wife.
I look at you as my counselor,and I do it from a different
perspective.
Yeah, you know like yesterdaywhen we were talking to Misty
Misty Nichols, by the way, sheowns a fortune teller seller and
she's on Facebook.
Look her up.
She is a tarot reader andprobably one of the best tarot
(31:58):
readers that I have everexperienced in my life.
Speaker 1 (32:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (32:02):
But she said it well yesterday when she said people
come to me and they get mad whenI tell them things and she says
to them listen, it ain't methat's talking, it's you.
And if you can't take whatyou're hearing, it's on you,
because these are your cards.
I mean, this is your reading,it's not my reading.
(32:23):
You're not reading me.
These cards are reading you.
Speaker 1 (32:26):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (32:29):
And so when you go to have that conversation and
understand that approach, thatperson in a way of, I really
truly want to know the answer tothis question and be
open-minded, you can't getdefensive.
Speaker 1 (32:43):
And accountable, and accountable.
I totally agree.
By golly, shadow work is not afucking spa day.
Speaker 2 (32:47):
There's a reason why it's called shadow work.
Speaker 1 (32:49):
And be careful what you ask for the minute that you
ask for a tarot reading or theminute that you ask to talk to
your partner and bounce it offof them.
Know what you're going into andbe open to receive whatever
constructive criticism comes outin a true.
I'm ready to receive this.
(33:11):
I'm ready to look at thenitty-gritty dirt of it and do
something about it.
Not from that martyr victimplace uh, I going to passively
aggressively turn this into anarcissistic.
Well, I do that.
Because you do this bullshitthing?
Because that's not beneficialto anybody.
Speaker 2 (33:33):
And it starts fights, and sometimes it's people's
first nature, because that wasreally my first nature for a
very long time.
Speaker 1 (33:39):
If that's where you're at, then don't even
bother having the conversation.
Then don't even bother havingthe conversation.
Keep it to yourself untilyou're absolutely 100% ready for
that person to have whatevercome out of their mouth.
Because even if you go to themand say, okay, I want to pass
this by you, but I really wantyou to sugarcoat it because I'm
a tit bag.
(34:00):
That's not beneficial.
It's not helpful.
Don't waste their time anddon't freaking waste your time
if you're not ready to gethardcore about it and take what
they're telling you uncoatedwith sugar and freaking deal
with it Right.
If you're not ready to get realabout it?
Then wallow in your crap andmove on.
Speaker 2 (34:22):
Yeah, totally agree.
You know, and there's anotherpart to that.
It's like for me, when I bringsomething to you, that's baggage
for me and we talk through itand it's pattern or belief or
whatever it is going on.
When I bring it to you, I haveto change who I am as well, how.
(34:42):
So when I bring something tothe table and it gets brought up
, and if it makes me emotional,it has to be okay.
You have to allow the emotionalguidance system to work its
process and so making yourselfespecially on the side of the
(35:02):
masculinity side we have atendency to not allow our
emotions to show.
Speaker 1 (35:07):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it.
Speaker 2 (35:09):
And emotions are part of our life.
And if you can't be man enoughto have emotions, then you're
not or be masculine.
Let me rephrase it's not evenabout man and woman.
Who cares what sex it is.
It doesn't matter what sex itis.
If you are not a strong,spiritually grounded human
enough to allow your emotions toguide you through the process
(35:29):
of changing the way you thinkand making yourself feel better,
then what are you doing?
Speaker 1 (35:34):
Right, because nine times out of ten, not allowing
yourself to experience theemotions of a situation just
keeps you in that trauma loop.
Yeah, because you're notdealing with the emotions,
you're keeping them bottled up.
And that just holds the energyof that thing and not allowing
you to release it fully.
(35:55):
That is 100% correct you got tohave the emotions in it,
Whether that be tears or angeror whatever.
Speaker 2 (36:04):
whatever that is I, I totally agree, and I think that
I'm going to tell every, I'mgoing to tell everybody the
secret to a relationship youready, everybody's going to hear
this this is the secret to allrelationships if you want to
have an awesome relationship dotoo, you ready yeah, they don't
have to be with you, they chooseto be with you.
Speaker 1 (36:26):
Bingo.
Speaker 2 (36:27):
They don't have to do anything.
Speaker 1 (36:29):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (36:30):
They can choose to get up and leave today.
They can choose to stay withyou today.
Yeah, they can choose to holdyour hand when they walk.
They can choose to run in frontof you 100 yards because
they're embarrassed by you.
It is their choice, and whenyou have enough respect for
yourself to understand that thatperson is with you because
they're choosing to be with you,it will change the way you look
(36:50):
at everything.
Speaker 1 (36:51):
But it will also change for them.
Speaker 2 (36:53):
And change for them as well.
Speaker 1 (36:56):
When they are no longer obligated to perform.
Speaker 2 (36:58):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (37:00):
Then it gives them freedom as well, and then you
get to experience a relationshipwhere freedom is the name of
the game.
Speaker 2 (37:08):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (37:09):
And every single second and every single moment
has the opportunity to take onits own like just amazing energy
, because it hasn't beenpredefined or pre boxed of.
It's got to look this way, orit's got to look that way, or
it's not right, or I've got toperform this or she's not going
to be happy, or I've totallyperformed this, or he's not
(37:30):
going to be happy.
When you can break free fromall that nonsense and come to
that place of you know what?
I sit here because I choose tobe there.
That.
Speaker 2 (37:41):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (37:42):
He sits there because he chooses to.
It not only allows me thefreedom of that choice, but it
allows the freedom of thatchoice on your side as well.
Then the relationship morphsinto a whole nother thing,
(38:03):
completely.
Speaker 2 (38:03):
Right, that's another part of this.
The the last part I think forfor me in this conversation is
you know, you and I, when wefirst got together, we said
we're not going to get marriedbecause that, because the paper
doesn't mean anything.
Yeah, all it does is a marriagecertificate comes with that
societal taught responsibilitiesBoxed in.
(38:26):
And the reality is is marriageis a choice.
Yeah, relationships are achoice, right, you know?
Like?
You know, like the first time Igot married, we went in front
of the pastor and he said, okay,okay, james, you have to love,
honor, respect, obey, be a goodpresent man, a man of God.
(38:48):
You have to do all of thesethings.
And I was like, oh, no, what,but wait.
Speaker 1 (39:06):
And so marriage certificates come with these
societal taught crap yeah it'salso programmed energy of
expectation and judgment rightyou and I agreed to not ever get
married.
Speaker 2 (39:19):
We ended up marrying during covid because we heard
the stuff that was going on.
The part of it for me is theparameters and all the crap that
comes with that piece of paper.
That is not freedom.
Speaker 1 (39:33):
No.
Speaker 2 (39:34):
That is basically paying the state to tax you to
enslave some of the other person.
It doesn't make any dang sense.
Speaker 1 (39:42):
Yeah, it's a.
It's a legal form of slavery.
Speaker 2 (39:47):
Almost you know and I you know don't get me wrong,
I'm not bad mouth of marriageand I'm not saying any of that
kind of stuff.
That's not what I mean.
For us what I mean is when youenter into that relationship and
you, if you go to get marriedto somebody, because you all
both choose to be with somebody,with the other person, don't
take that for granted and don'tfall into that societal top
(40:08):
belief that I've got to love,honor, obey, respect everything
my man says, because is tilldeath, do us part if you
(40:35):
spiritually have a death aspectof you where you recreate a
whole new you, because you'velearned everything that you
needed to learn from thatindividual.
Speaker 1 (40:49):
That's a form of death.
So, then that gives you thepermission to divorce them.
Speaker 2 (40:56):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (40:57):
It does.
Speaker 2 (40:59):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (40:59):
So I'm not going to hell.
Speaker 2 (41:00):
Nope.
Speaker 1 (41:02):
Can I get an applause ?
You know why, why.
Speaker 2 (41:08):
Because that piece of paper wasn't made by spirit.
That piece of paper is a wayfor you to be taxed.
It has nothing to do withbeliefs and it definitely has
nothing to do with relationshipsright yeah, it's fun to hang on
the wall and say oh, mr and MrsEmory, thank you.
Speaker 1 (41:29):
Does anybody?
Speaker 2 (41:30):
actually, we don't even know where our merch
certificate is.
Actually we do.
We found it when we got thepassports.
Speaker 1 (41:37):
I was going to say I had to drag it up and find it
because we had to have it forthe passports so we could go on
our cruise.
Speaker 2 (41:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (41:43):
I don't think anybody actually hangs it on the wall,
do they?
Maybe some people do, they hangit on the wall.
Speaker 2 (41:50):
Oh my god, that's crazy and the place where we
were yesterday.
Speaker 1 (41:54):
It was hanging on the wall really yes, oh wow, I
shouldn't laugh so hard.
Speaker 2 (42:04):
Yeah, wow, it's hanging on the wall, but anyway.
And so just to everybody, tokind of clarify and top
everything off in this scenariois it is not your job to take
care of your person, it is yourjob to respect them and choose
to be with them and respecttheir beliefs and where they are
.
Speaker 1 (42:24):
Right.
And so what does that mean?
That means like I'll give acouple of examples Like, for
example, if your breadcrumb is,you know what?
I've got some unfinishedbusiness.
I need to go follow thisbreadcrumb to the casino.
Speaker 2 (42:42):
Oh, I did that to you .
That was two weeks ago, yeah.
Speaker 1 (42:45):
My respect to you is is that okay?
Cool, you got to follow somebreadcrumbs and your offer back
is do you want to go?
And I, at that point, I get tochoose right do I want to go?
it's not my breadcrumb.
Or do I want to stay home andyou go take your journey
(43:05):
yourself?
And that is a very freeingfeeling versus the way I used to
run, which was, oh my God.
My man says he's doing this.
I, as a loving wife, it's mywifely duty to go and support
him and honor whatever this is.
Even if I don't freaking wantto do it, I must attend this
(43:27):
thing and stand by his side.
There's even a song stand by myman, stand by your man.
Speaker 2 (43:36):
It's a 50 song, of course right, and so I.
Speaker 1 (43:41):
I could stand there and I could say it doesn't
matter to me personally eitherway in that situation, whether I
stay or whether I go.
Okay, so then, do I truly do Iwant to go and check out the
casino for myself, or would Irather stay at home?
What's the enjoyment factorthere?
Speaker 2 (44:03):
either way.
Speaker 1 (44:05):
And then I make the choice.
Speaker 2 (44:07):
Nine times out of ten .
Speaker 1 (44:09):
Freedom Nine times out of ten.
I go because I'm curious aboutwhat this whole adventure is for
you and.
I enjoy watching it unfold foryou.
So a lot of times I'll go justso I can watch it.
Speaker 2 (44:22):
It didn't unfold very well for me last time.
It wasn't very much fun.
I learned something.
That's all that matters.
Speaker 1 (44:28):
But anyway, that's what it boils down to is don't
overthink it.
Speaker 2 (44:33):
Right, don't overthink life.
Speaker 1 (44:34):
I'll give you an example of overthinking that
simple scenario.
Okay, wait.
Okay.
So he is going to go to thecasino.
I don't really want to go, butif I don't go, he's going to
think that I'm not supportinghim or that I don't love him, or
that I am not going to honorhis place where he's at in his
(44:55):
journey.
Then I'm going to look like abad wife.
And then we're going to comehome and I'm going to have some
resentment because I had to goinstead of because I would
rather I would rather be at homewatching tv in my sweatpants
this is my one and only day offtoo.
how dare him drag me into thisnonsense of this stupid journey
(45:19):
that he's on, when I wouldrather be on my couch watching a
disney movie my sweatpants?
Speaker 2 (45:24):
And eating your chocolate ice cream.
Speaker 1 (45:26):
Like that's overthinking a boxed-in
perspective.
Speaker 2 (45:31):
All I wanted you to say is do you want to go or not?
Speaker 1 (45:34):
It's a question of hey, like I'm going to go follow
this spiritual breadcrumb, I'minviting you to go if you want
to.
If you don't, it's cool with meeither way.
Speaker 2 (45:48):
I don't care don't overthink it and and don't think
that that doesn't that thatmeans that that person doesn't
want you to go right it's just,it's freedom in this example, I
do want you to always go with meright right but it's your
choice, right?
I don't own you, I ain yourdaddy.
Speaker 1 (46:05):
But if I had done that whole overthinking process,
essentially what could have?
Speaker 2 (46:12):
You said, if I had done, you did do that.
Speaker 1 (46:16):
I did.
Yeah, we talked about it Really.
Speaker 2 (46:18):
Yeah, you were like I really don't want to go, but
I'm going to go.
Speaker 1 (46:31):
And then I asked you like why did you go if you
didn't want to go?
Oh, so I was speaking like thetruth.
Speaker 2 (46:34):
Yeah, see, see, guys, what happens like I'm just
human.
Speaker 1 (46:35):
My poop stinks, just like yours does, man.
Yeah, well then it can take youto a place of resentment and
you resent him for dragging youinto that dumb ass situation and
don't fall into the trap eitherand there's no point in
resenting him because he didn'tdo anything wrong.
Your own dumb ass story andyour own dumb ass baggage my
dumb ass, overthinking my dumbass, not just speaking my truth
(47:00):
and saying no, you know what?
I want to stay home and hangout on my couch.
Speaker 2 (47:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (47:06):
I need to be resenting myself.
Speaker 2 (47:08):
Right, yeah.
Speaker 1 (47:11):
The resentment needs to be pointed right back at me,
because I'm the one that didn'thonor my truth of what I really
wanted to do, because I am stilltrying to honor some dumbass
baggage of wifely duty paradigm.
Speaker 2 (47:21):
Yeah, totally the.
Speaker 1 (47:23):
June Cleaver syndrome .
Yeah, we done with that.
Speaker 2 (47:27):
yeah, put a match, check it out, strike that match
do you kind of finish out thistopic because we're getting
pressed on time here isunderstand this.
Really, you can make your lifeso much easier.
Understand, first of all, thateverybody has a choice.
It is a choice for them to bewith you and if you're, if
you're allowing your mind towander on things and assume on
(47:50):
things, just remind yourselfthat that person is choosing to
be with me and that what you maybe putting around in your head
in the story is probably just anoutright lie yeah, totally 100.
It probably 99% of the time itis a lie.
Speaker 1 (48:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (48:05):
Now there are the rare occasions that it's not a
lie.
It is what it is and rememberit's a choice.
They don't have to be with you.
Speaker 1 (48:14):
And you don't have to be with them.
Speaker 2 (48:15):
That's right.
Hey guys, don't forget to like,follow and share.
Hey, check out our website,wwwthemerchcentersorg.
The Spiritual Grind is onYouTube.
You can actually link it fromour website and our Salty Tarot
store is up and running.
You can get Spiritual Grindmerch on there and you can get
Salty Tarot merch.
(48:36):
And you can also what else?
Salty Tarot merch, spiritualGrind, merc Center merch.
Speaker 1 (48:43):
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, merc.
Speaker 2 (48:44):
Center merch.
If you go on instagram, look upthe salty tarot and follow us.
It's not salty tarot.
It's the salty tarot, if youwould like, follow and share
them as well, because we areposting in there starting next
week.
So go ahead and follow the pageand you'll get notification
when the world famous app comesout oh yeah, and we are still
(49:05):
working on the videos.
Speaker 1 (49:06):
We haven't worked.
Speaker 2 (49:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (49:06):
We haven't forget about that.
Speaker 2 (49:08):
I'm waiting for some software downloads.
Speaker 1 (49:11):
We're having to go through the learning curve of
how to put a video together andall of that.
Speaker 2 (49:18):
So sometimes learning curves- If it was just one
person, it would be easy, butthere's two of us, right?
And so you have to have threeto four cameras and you have to
have multi-camera view in studio.
If you want to do it right, youdo.
You don't want to do it right.
Speaker 1 (49:31):
You don't want to just do some dumb jackass video
If you want to give it justice.
Right, so we're going throughthat learning phase, but they
are coming, don't give up on us.
Speaker 2 (49:41):
I actually thought about us going to that place
that you could do your podcastin their studio.
Speaker 1 (49:48):
You pay them to do it , and then they video it and do
all that Maybe I didn't knowthat existed.
Speaker 2 (49:53):
Yeah, there's one here.
Anyway, that's really all I got.
Speaker 1 (49:59):
Ring that bell.
Speaker 2 (50:01):
Oh yeah, for your notifications, all righty, hey,
y'all have an awesome day.
Speaker 1 (50:08):
Love you.
Speaker 2 (50:09):
That was my sexy voice.
We'll see you next time.
Hello.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Hello everybody, welcome back to the Spiritual
Grind.
We are here again for yourlistening pleasure.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
Good morning.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Should I give you the deep tone voice?
Speaker 1 (00:40):
Should I?
Should I stare?
Should I go?
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Oh my goodness, what just happened.
Should I, should I stay orshould I go?
Oh my goodness, what justhappened.
I think my earphones are off.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
That sure sounded like Dr Jenny singing.
Oh, anyway, life is a bigmusical in my head it is you
know what life is?
Life is fun, life is fun Lifeis a big musical in my head.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
It is.
You know what life is?
Life is fun.
Life is fun Life is fun, whichbrings me to my topic today.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
Indeed.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
Do you overthink life ?
Speaker 1 (01:16):
Of course you know I do girl.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
You know we had the coffee talk this morning a
little bit and when I ran to thestore and on my way back I was
sitting there because I had tostand in line forever because of
the Powerball drawing.
Oh my God, it's like 1.6billion and I was trying to get
our Powerball ticket and therewas like 40 people in line.
It was insanity.
Because it was right at lunch,of course, I decided to go to
(01:43):
the store at lunch.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
Right right.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
So while I was standing there in line, I was
thinking about our conversationthis morning and how, even us,
after so many years of doingthis, reading, studying, you
know, humanistic sciences andworking with people and
understanding human beliefs andpatterns and programs we still
(02:11):
overthink too.
Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
I mean, that's the thing that I try to do every
time we sit down at thesemicrophones is keep it genuine,
man.
We are not some fucking gurusthat got it all figured out.
Speak for yourself.
We're just doing the same thingyou guys are doing out there,
(02:34):
which is trying to figure it outthe best way we can, each and
every day, whenever the shitsandwich comes up and you gotta
deal with with it.
I'm no different.
This morning's topic was all inmy baseball field.
It was all about that garbagethat I'm mucking around in.
(02:56):
Feel free to share.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
Overthinking it.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
Overthinking.
Absolutely, we'll share, dr.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
Jenny's overthinking.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
And it makes no fucking logical sense.
I'm gonna have to bleep thatout we and we have.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
You don't have to believe it.
Uh, we have.
Well anyway, it just aggravatesme, just like it would any
other human yeah, you know drjenny's thing that she's talking
about is she was raised um inan environment to where women
were taught a they have to takecare of their man and b they
(03:29):
have certain specific dutiesthat they have to fulfill to a
keep their man happy and b beloved yeah, the wifely duties,
yeah, the wifely duties and thestupid thing is I don't even
know I had such a weirdupbringing.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
I don't even know I had such a weird upbringing, I
don't even know, I can't reallyeven pinpoint where.
All a lot of time at mygrandparents houses and they
(04:07):
were still married to theirspouse of many, many, many years
and neither one of thoserelationships were really
healthy.
They had one set ofgrandparents that didn't like
each other and so they went toopposite ends of the world.
(04:27):
Basically every day he went tothe farm and she stayed at home
and played with us grandkids andthat was kind of their life,
but they slept in separate beds.
They still got in arguments,heavy heated arguments.
If she wanted to go dancing,like at the vfw, she took me,
(04:48):
not him.
When I got older, yeah and thenon the other side of it, the
other grandparents.
Like she cooked and cleaned anddid all the housework and he
went to the shop and weldedbecause he was a welder but she
nagged his ass up one side anddown the other.
She was a very devoutpentecostal and we went to
(05:13):
church every time those damndoors were open and at home it
was the 700 club playing on thetv constantly nuts until it was
time for uh, what's that?
What's that, bob barker?
oh price is right oh yeah, rightprice is right.
And then in the evening it waswill of fortune yeah, six
(05:34):
o'clock she would nag his assabout.
He liked to drink beer.
He smoked camel cigarettes withno filter.
Constantly on his ass aboutboth of those things.
Yeah, and as the oldestgrandchild who everybody wanted
to be a boy, I ended upinadvertently taking on that
(05:57):
tomboy persona.
So I would spend most of mydays out in the shop with him
learning how to weld doing boythings.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
So I don't even know where that came from.
I mean the closest.
I can come to is mygrandparents' relationships and
watching those.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
Yeah, well, you know, and there's probably a lot of
listeners that hear this andeverybody needs to hear.
We've actually kind of touchedon a little bit over the course
of the last year on our podcast.
But when you overthink thingslike, for example and I will use
abundance or money- Actuallyuse sex.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
Use sex, Use my example.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
Okay, and so.
Speaker 1 (06:45):
Dr Jenny was taught.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
I think I'm going to use abundance.
I like that example better.
So in the money-wise situation,when you're overthinking life,
you have a tendency yes, wecreate our reality.
Yes, we are in what we put outenergy-wise, we get back.
That is all part of ourspiritual beliefs and our living
(07:08):
and that's how we live.
But the big part of that that alot of people get confused is
in the process of creating theirreality.
They have a tendency to createscenarios of stuff they know
nothing about or they shouldn'teven be creating.
So they're building anexpectation on what the reality
(07:30):
is supposed to be and don't evenreally know what it's supposed
to be.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
And so you create a bottleneck the story or the
picture just so I can reconfirmwhat you're talking about of
what it should look like in yourhead and that inadvertently
creates a situation where you'renot only not allowing that
version to come in, but you'renot allowing an expanded version
(08:01):
of that, if it were to be.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Right, it's a very limiting practice yeah, and when
you, when you get to a spot, towhere you are creating
scenarios in your head of howsomething should look and then
hanging on to that, and thenhanging on to that yeah, we were
hanging.
You know, I see people do it injobs.
I see people do it in life.
I see people doingrelationships and money and sex
(08:24):
and whatever.
They create this scenario intheir head of how they want
their reality to look in thisspecific topic.
And it is okay to have beliefsand patterns and program that
create that reality.
But it's not okay when you putparameters or expectations on
that reality to look this way,because you put it out there in
(08:46):
the world and you create yourreality.
You have to let it go.
You know.
You have to be okay with eitherway for when it happens,
whatever happens, because youdon't know the steps by which
you're going to get there.
You know we don't.
Yes, we have crystal balls inour world.
Yes, we have crystal balls inour world.
But when you don't haveanything, that's going to tell
(09:08):
you A, if I do this, this isgoing to happen, and then that's
going to happen, and thenthat's going to happen and this
is going to happen.
All we do is we say listen, Iwant to get here.
Spirit, take the wheel.
And when you start, creatingthose scenarios in your head.
Those scenarios are based offyour beliefs, patterns and
(09:28):
programs right when your beliefsare not in the right place for
where you are now, you know,like your belief of you have
wifely chores.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
Otherwise I'm not going to be happy well, yeah,
and that was that's somethingthat came up for me is to, to
give you guys insight on whathe's talking about In my
definition of being a good wifeair quote what baggage still
lived there is.
If I don't provide my man withsex as a wifely duty, he's going
(09:58):
to go somewhere else to get it.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
I'm still, after all these years, I'm still carrying
that bullshit around well, yeah,and you're using a sex example,
but you were doing in a lot ofother topics as well, right, but
I, because we've been talkingabout spiritual sex.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
I thought I would bring that in, since that's the
most recent thing this lastcouple of days that I the shadow
work that I've been doing formyself, because, man, I'm tired
of lugging that fucking baggagearound right.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
I mean, like the example I told you this morning,
I can say in the car man, I'mhungry and all I'm doing is kind
of communicating verbally thatI'm setting the intention that
I'm gonna go get something toeat and Dr Jenny will go through
her entire bag of goodies thatshe has.
Okay, do you want peanuts?
Do you want crackers?
Do you want peanuts?
Do you want crackers, do youwant?
And I'm like no, no, no,because I know what she carries.
(10:47):
What it does is from this sideof the plate.
It puts me in a weird position.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
How so.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
You've gotten irritated when you say caca pues
.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
You know, in Spanish I was taught that that meant OK,
you want shit instead.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
Right when I go through that list and I'm like
no, no, no, because I'm thinkingin my head what I want to eat.
Speaker 1 (11:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
And you get to the end.
You're frustrated because youjust offered me everything you
have.
I've stated I'm hungry andsomehow you've taken it on the
ownership of it.
It's your responsibility tomake sure I eat.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
Right of.
It's your responsibility tomake sure I eat Right and I.
The funky part about it is Ididn't realize that I was doing
that because I still was hangingon to.
It's my wifely duty to makesure that you've got something
to eat.
I cloaked it as I am doing itbecause this is the bag of stuff
I have and I'm kindly justoffering what I have to you and
(11:44):
if you want to eat it, you do,and if you don't, you don't.
Right, that's how I saw it.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
Yeah, but.
Speaker 1 (11:50):
I didn't see the accountability in the real place
of.
I'm still hanging on to thatbullshit of oh it's my wifely
responsibility to put my wifecape on and go into action
because he said he's hungry.
And the vision that pops up ismy grandmother, the devout
(12:13):
Pentecostal one.
That's exactly what she.
That's her whole lot in life tomake sure that the man is fed
and he eats before the childrendo.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
And that was how the whole household was.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
He got his plate first and she made it for him.
She took it to him.
Wifely duty.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
So what's?
Speaker 1 (12:37):
coming up right this minute is this image, and that's
exactly where I created mytemplate from was watching her
do that.
Speaker 2 (12:45):
Yeah, well, you said it right, is you mask it?
A lot of people have a tendencyto do that, so and that's where
I was kind of going with thisis it's overthinking things.
And it's over because I am likeI don't know how many times
I've told you in ourrelationship together I'm a big
boy, I can do my laundry, I cancook my own clothes, yeah, my
own house well, and in the, inthe first parts of our
(13:05):
relationship and maybe even nowI don't see my energy but
definitely in the first parts ofour relationship.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
I kind of got offended at that Like you're not
letting me do my wifely duty.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
And so and it becomes a masking, Because when I tell
you I don't need need the things, it's kind of like the same
scenario when you said if you'regoing to cheat with somebody,
it makes sure you take me right.
It's kind of the same scenariois it when I take away the
responsibilities that you haveas a belief, it you'll ask wow,
(13:44):
what the fuck am I supposed todo then?
Yeah, but then you don't needme.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
What am I supposed to do?
Speaker 2 (13:49):
what I choose you.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
I don't need you, right, but that's the kind of
existential crisis where I'vegot to redefine everything right
and go into a whole, create awhole, nother grid or matrix, if
you will of.
Okay, then what's the fuckingpoint of being your wife?
If what, what does wife mean?
Speaker 2 (14:08):
you're salty today, aren't you?
Speaker 1 (14:10):
I am salty man.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
I got up in that f-bomb a lot what?
Speaker 1 (14:14):
what's the point in being the wife?
What does the wife definitionmean?
What is why did I?
Why did I do this, then?
What does that mean?
Speaker 2 (14:24):
do you think it comes with responsibilities?
Speaker 1 (14:26):
I did yeah at one point in my life.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
And there's a lot of people that do think that.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
And I fall back on that inadvertently,
subconsciously, if I'm notcareful.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
Right, and I think this is a very crucial part of
our work.
Speaker 1 (14:42):
I built a whole nursing career where I'm
basically like, for example, inthe ER or in the OR.
I have created an entire careerof being someone's proverbial
wife yeah, Anticipating whattool they're going to need next
or what thing they're going toneed next, so that I'm right
(15:04):
there by their side performingthat work wife duty of giving
them what they need.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
an entire career built around that perspective
yeah, I know, I totallyunderstand a lot of people do.
When you, when you startmasking it and you start trying
to hide it behind things, it isa belief you should really look
at.
Because when you have arelationship where you have two
independent people that cometogether and choose, when you
have two independent people thatcome together, when one brings
(15:32):
beliefs into the relationshipthat I don't need somebody, I
choose to be with you yeah andthe other one brings in that I
have to do something to bechosen right.
It can cause a really weirddynamic it can.
It can, definitely it can makea wonky situation and people may
(15:52):
be asking themselves well, whatdo I?
How do I change that?
Because yeah, you know intoday's society.
Yes, 50 years ago the wifehaving wifely duties was normal,
right, you know the?
Because they were single incomehouseholds.
Now every household just abouthas two incomes.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
Both people work.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Right.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
But yet we still have this weird dynamic that it's
the woman's responsibility totake care of the children.
The man comes home, pops open abeer and sits in the recliner.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
Right.
Speaker 2 (16:21):
And how is that balanced and how is that fair?
She just worked 40 hours a week, that week too.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
Exactly.
Speaker 2 (16:26):
Because I can tell you why Because the women still
get viewed that they don't workas hard as men.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
And raising kids and working 40 hours a week is not
always an easy job.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
No.
Speaker 2 (16:38):
When it comes to today's world, when you have
people that bring in thosevalues in there is they're
useless.
It's useless because all itdoes is cause, first of all, the
person bringing them in issuesand, second of all, it now
creates a problem for the otherperson well, the person bringing
them in, and I can talk on thatbehalf.
Speaker 1 (17:00):
I felt a sense of don't get me wrong, I have
baggage too what's my oh God,what's my purpose then, right, I
found myself lost on, okay.
Well then, I don't know whatthis means and I don't know how
to do this, and it almost, for atime in our relationship,
caused a kind of panic situationof why am I here, why am I
(17:23):
doing?
This Like what's the point?
And I was lost and had tofigure out what.
What is my new right?
What is my new purpose, then,in all of this?
Speaker 2 (17:35):
and that's where relationships go really weird
yeah when people don't know howto live and in a way that they
that some other person doesn'tneed them, without
aconditionally, without apurpose right.
I choose to be with you.
I don't need you to do mylaundry, I don't need you to run
my bathwater, I don't need youto go to the refrigerator and
get me a beer.
I choose to be with youindependently and honor you who
(18:01):
you are and where you are, andwhen people in relationships now
can come to a point to where itincludes sex.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
Yeah, it's part of the whole paradigm of wifely
duty that's incorporated in ittoo off of a to-do list like you
would house chores instead ofgiving it the space to move
around and actually be a thingthat you experience from a place
(18:32):
of enjoyment.
Yeah, and not obligation that'sthe key.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
That's the key right there, right, because there's no
room for us to are.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
You know, I can only speak for myself, but there's
there's no room for me to enjoyit, because it's an obligation
and I'm just trying to check itoff of a list.
Okay, this is a chore done thisweek, right along with laundry
and dishes and everything else,so I'm not leaving any room for
it to take on any other persona.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
Agreed.
And that brings me to a place,to where this is where
unintended consequences comeinto play, because there are
people that joke around about.
I'll tell you how to keep yourman happy and not cheating on
you, you keep his belly full andhis balls drained.
I've heard that joke a milliontimes.
I've seen it just today onYouTube shorts.
(19:25):
Well, first of all, I'm goingto challenge men to step up and
be independent, first of all.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
Right.
Speaker 2 (19:31):
Second of all, newsflash.
Ladies, y'all ready for this?
We are no matter what you do.
If your man's going to cheat,he's going to cheat, that's
right.
It has nothing to do with youkeeping his belly full and his
balls drained.
It ain't got nothing to do withit.
Belly full and his ballsdrained ain't got nothing to do
with it.
If he's gonna cheat, he's gonnacheat.
It ain't got nothing to do withthat.
And it doesn't mean it ain'tgot nothing to do with you right
(19:52):
.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
It doesn't mean that you're um unworthy of love or
unworthy of perfection or youknow any of that garbage that
comes up with when.
When you're talking about thatstuff, I can only speak for me.
What was tangled up in it wasif I'm not perfect, then I am
(20:18):
not worth loving.
If I don't do all of my wifelyduties, then I don't deserve
love.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
Do my laundry lady, Because I am not man enough to
wash my own clothes.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
And I'm going to give you 50 lashes with the
thumb-sized switch that I findout in the yard, right.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
And this is the crazy part about this, and I've
actually worked with somebodythat said this.
The woman was in counseling andshe says he always expects me
to do his laundry.
I work too, and I have to cook,I have to take care of the baby
, and he sits and watches TV inthe chair and I'll hand him the
baby and go through all that,right?
And I said well, have you askedhim to do his own laundry?
(21:04):
He says he don't know how.
So you have a man that is anengineer, that goes all day long
and figures out how to usedifferent tools and how to build
things.
Speaker 1 (21:17):
How to build a fucking rocket that goes to the
moon.
Speaker 2 (21:20):
But he doesn't know how to work a washing machine,
right?
First of all, I don't know ify'all ever heard this before,
but I call bullshit, we callbullshit, right.
So that's a challenge I'm goingto put out there to the man is,
first of all, quit, quit, justquit.
We are 50 years, 70 years pastthat crap, right, you know, take
(21:45):
care of your dang self andenjoy your life with somebody
you choose to be with, notsomebody you want to live to
wait on you hand and foot.
That is ridiculous, right, itis just a.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
If you want that, move back in with your mommy
right, go live in your mama'sbasement, for god's sake.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
you know it's like it because it it makes like me.
Cause don't get me wrong, Iwasn't perfect for a good number
of years and I'm still notperfect to this day.
But you know, I have been inbad spots in relationships.
I have cheated, I have done allsorts of things in
relationships.
But what I did do is learn.
I did become somebody different.
Speaker 1 (22:22):
Yeah.
And I, because I chose to be,to be somebody different and I
don't need anybody.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
And and when we have these guys out here that are
setting these standards, andthese moms and these grandmas
are teaching these daughtersthese responsibilities, and
these, these men that aren'traising their sons or telling
their sons yeah, you're justperpetuating, you're just
perpetuating this freaking cycleof things that's not going to
(22:51):
go nowhere.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
Yeah, and then they become adults who are in therapy
because their life is notworking.
Speaker 2 (22:57):
Or they end up divorced a hundred times.
Speaker 1 (22:59):
Right, and they have to get therapy and try and
figure all that shit out, right.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
And here's the crazy part about this is it's very
easy, yeah, and it's onesentence that all you have to do
is dad's sons, whoever they are, and you, any guy out there.
It's one sentence and it's I amman enough to take care of
myself or I am woman womanenough to take care of myself I
(23:31):
don't need somebody else.
I choose to have somebody elsethat's right and I'm not,
definitely not going to compilemy responsibilities on somebody
else right that is not being aman that's not being a leader.
Speaker 1 (23:44):
It's not being a leader.
Well, it's not just the men.
Women do it too right, Itotally agree, and so there's
women out there that take thatreverse role and expect the man
to do everything, while they sitaround blowing the polish dry
on their fingers right.
Speaker 2 (24:02):
I had to heard somebody making fun of somebody
that one day here, but I don'tknow six, seven months ago that
he, because he was astay-at-home dad, the wife was
the breadwinner.
He stayed home with the kids.
Speaker 1 (24:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:12):
And there was actually a couple people making
fun of him.
I told him I'm like, bro, justdo you, man, if it's a
negotiated thing between you twothen do it.
That's fine, it's not a bigdeal.
But there were it's not a bigdeal, but there was other people
that were saying oh, you're notman, you're not taking care of
(24:33):
your family, and he is takingcare of his family.
He's probably actually going toraise two very good kids.
And he, he said I, I take careof the house.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
When she comes home, she don't have to do nothing
yeah, and if that's how thenegotiation is panned out for
them and it works and and Iagree with that scenario.
Speaker 2 (24:46):
If one person works and the other one, doesn't
matter the gender right.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
It's what works in your particular situation and
what the two of you'vecommunicated and negotiated your
gives and takes correct, 100correct, but anyway.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
So the perpetuation of this pattern of evolution
between couples over the last 50to 70 years is the most
ridiculous thing and shame onthis society.
We need to fix it, you knoweverybody is equal.
Everybody should be taking careof themselves and choosing to
(25:23):
be, and I guarantee you divorcerates will drop way down when
people come into therelationship with the thought of
I don't need you to take careof me, I don't need you to
provide me with anything.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
But I am choosing you to spend my life with you, all
these wifely duties.
It's very freeing to have arelationship such as ours, where
I was able to let go of thatbaggage and really experience a
new kind of relationship withoutthe have-tos.
Speaker 2 (25:59):
Right, and this brings me back.
I get to.
Speaker 1 (26:03):
And so then what?
Speaker 2 (26:03):
happens, you get to.
That's a good way to put it.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
I don't have to now.
I get to if I want to.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
Right.
Speaker 1 (26:10):
But because it was such a long practiced habit.
Sometimes even I get caught inan unaware state and I begin to
tell the story that overthinksthe situation.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
Totally agree.
We all do it to an extent incertain ways.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
And so you know.
So what do we do about it?
Speaker 2 (26:32):
Like me.
I open your car door every timewe go somewhere, Right?
Do I have to do that?
Do you expect me to do that?
No, I get to do that.
Speaker 1 (26:41):
Right, exactly.
Speaker 2 (26:42):
I do it out of respect and love, because I
chose you.
You chose to be with me, anddoorknobs shouldn't be in your
hand.
Speaker 1 (26:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:51):
It's just I'm sorry, it's just me, right?
But?
That used to be me.
Don't get me wrong, that didn'tused to be me.
But in my change of life, in mychanging myself, I changed a
lot of my practices.
Speaker 1 (27:05):
Right, but you did it because you wanted to.
Speaker 2 (27:08):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (27:09):
I did it by myself, not because somebody said oh,
you're going to open my door orwe're not going to be together.
Speaker 2 (27:17):
Right, I didn't like who I had become.
Speaker 1 (27:19):
Right.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
And so I became somebody different.
Speaker 1 (27:21):
But the key is that you made that change because
that's who you wanted to become.
You made that change becausethat's who you wanted to become,
and what?
One of the the one of thethings that you wanted to
embrace and do right.
I have no regrets for who I was, but I'm very proud of who I am
now yeah, I mean, that's how itworks really, and so, uh, I
(27:44):
guess, if you know, people areout there and they're like okay,
well then, how do I start?
What do I do?
What's the first step?
Speaker 2 (27:52):
And this is pretty easy.
I think the first step of thisscenario is stopping to realize
that you're bringing problems tothe table, that it's not the
other person's fault.
If there's something that isbothering you, that's on you.
Speaker 1 (28:06):
That's the first thing you have to realize yeah,
that's the first thing is isthat if it's bugging you, then
it's your problem?
it's your problem, not theirsyou gotta dig in there and you
gotta look at that right, youcan't deflect if it, if it's not
bothering you, then therethere's no belief or anything in
there and you give it nodefinition.
You give it no emotion becausethere's no point, it's not
(28:29):
bugging you.
So the minute that it starts tofeel uncomfortable or offensive
or blame, whatever, whateverthose emotions are that it
triggers inside of you, that's abig indicator that you've got
some work to do you.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
You've got some stuff to look at.
There's alarm bells going offon that belief.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
Yeah, exactly Right.
And you know you kind of likethe conversation and one of
those things that is more thanlikely happening is you're
telling yourself a story that'sa lie.
Speaker 2 (29:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
Hence overthinking things.
Speaker 2 (29:07):
That's right.
Hey way to bring it back out.
Speaker 1 (29:08):
They used to be my job, but heaven and so if you've
come to the discovery pointwhere you're, you've created a
story in your head and you'renot sure if it's accurate or if
it's just an outright lie thatyou've told yourself to make
things feel better, go to yourpartner and say listen, I've
(29:28):
been tooling around with this,this is what I've come up with.
Can you help me by identifying?
Is this just a dumb ass lie I'mtelling myself, or is this
something that has any truth toit whatsoever and talk it out
with your person?
Speaker 2 (29:45):
yes and that'll enhance communication.
Speaker 1 (29:49):
That'll give you a sounding board and it will
identify, because if he looks atyou and says you're telling the
all right lie now you can't getoffended or have your feelings
hurt because you went to him andasked for that verification.
You got to just big girl up orman up and say, all right, I
(30:09):
asked for that and it's a lie.
Now what am I going to do withit?
Speaker 2 (30:12):
and that is the number two part of it that you
perfectly said, that I think youworded that well.
I said I would add one littlething to that.
Yeah, is when you open the doorto a belief and you bring it up
to your partner to communicateit is.
You have to be understandingthat sometimes that person's
(30:33):
going to say, listen, I don'tknow where that's coming from.
Speaker 1 (30:37):
Your shit stinks.
Speaker 2 (30:39):
But that is a dirty diaper.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
Yeah, and you've got to be open and receptive if
you're going to bring the personin from a place of okay, I
asked for it.
Don't ask for something thatyou can't handle without going
into a place of defensivenessand create an all-out argument.
War over because you asked forthe information.
(31:04):
Asked for the information,right.
Don't turn it into an argumentand take it defensively like the
other person, be it he or theshe, of the or the he and the he
, whatever your partner's genderis makes no difference, right?
But if you bring it up to yourpartner as a sounding board,
make sure you're ready for whatcomes out of that person's mouth
(31:25):
when you ask for the assistancein clarifying whether it's just
a dumbass lie and you're readyto get rid of it.
Don't go into defense modebecause it'll create an argument
.
Speaker 2 (31:38):
See, that's one thing that I do Like when I bring
something to you that we cantalk about.
If I need to talk aboutsomething, yeah.
I don't look at you as my wife.
I look at you as my counselor,and I do it from a different
perspective.
Yeah, you know like yesterdaywhen we were talking to Misty
Misty Nichols, by the way, sheowns a fortune teller seller and
she's on Facebook.
Look her up.
She is a tarot reader andprobably one of the best tarot
(31:58):
readers that I have everexperienced in my life.
Speaker 1 (32:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (32:02):
But she said it well yesterday when she said people
come to me and they get mad whenI tell them things and she says
to them listen, it ain't methat's talking, it's you.
And if you can't take whatyou're hearing, it's on you,
because these are your cards.
I mean, this is your reading,it's not my reading.
(32:23):
You're not reading me.
These cards are reading you.
Speaker 1 (32:26):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (32:29):
And so when you go to have that conversation and
understand that approach, thatperson in a way of, I really
truly want to know the answer tothis question and be
open-minded, you can't getdefensive.
Speaker 1 (32:43):
And accountable, and accountable.
I totally agree.
By golly, shadow work is not afucking spa day.
Speaker 2 (32:47):
There's a reason why it's called shadow work.
Speaker 1 (32:49):
And be careful what you ask for the minute that you
ask for a tarot reading or theminute that you ask to talk to
your partner and bounce it offof them.
Know what you're going into andbe open to receive whatever
constructive criticism comes outin a true.
I'm ready to receive this.
(33:11):
I'm ready to look at thenitty-gritty dirt of it and do
something about it.
Not from that martyr victimplace uh, I going to passively
aggressively turn this into anarcissistic.
Well, I do that.
Because you do this bullshitthing?
Because that's not beneficialto anybody.
Speaker 2 (33:33):
And it starts fights, and sometimes it's people's
first nature, because that wasreally my first nature for a
very long time.
Speaker 1 (33:39):
If that's where you're at, then don't even
bother having the conversation.
Then don't even bother havingthe conversation.
Keep it to yourself untilyou're absolutely 100% ready for
that person to have whatevercome out of their mouth.
Because even if you go to themand say, okay, I want to pass
this by you, but I really wantyou to sugarcoat it because I'm
a tit bag.
(34:00):
That's not beneficial.
It's not helpful.
Don't waste their time anddon't freaking waste your time
if you're not ready to gethardcore about it and take what
they're telling you uncoatedwith sugar and freaking deal
with it Right.
If you're not ready to get realabout it?
Then wallow in your crap andmove on.
Speaker 2 (34:22):
Yeah, totally agree.
You know, and there's anotherpart to that.
It's like for me, when I bringsomething to you, that's baggage
for me and we talk through itand it's pattern or belief or
whatever it is going on.
When I bring it to you, I haveto change who I am as well, how.
(34:42):
So when I bring something tothe table and it gets brought up
, and if it makes me emotional,it has to be okay.
You have to allow the emotionalguidance system to work its
process and so making yourselfespecially on the side of the
(35:02):
masculinity side we have atendency to not allow our
emotions to show.
Speaker 1 (35:07):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it.
Speaker 2 (35:09):
And emotions are part of our life.
And if you can't be man enoughto have emotions, then you're
not or be masculine.
Let me rephrase it's not evenabout man and woman.
Who cares what sex it is.
It doesn't matter what sex itis.
If you are not a strong,spiritually grounded human
enough to allow your emotions toguide you through the process
(35:29):
of changing the way you thinkand making yourself feel better,
then what are you doing?
Speaker 1 (35:34):
Right, because nine times out of ten, not allowing
yourself to experience theemotions of a situation just
keeps you in that trauma loop.
Yeah, because you're notdealing with the emotions,
you're keeping them bottled up.
And that just holds the energyof that thing and not allowing
you to release it fully.
(35:55):
That is 100% correct you got tohave the emotions in it,
Whether that be tears or angeror whatever.
Speaker 2 (36:04):
whatever that is I, I totally agree, and I think that
I'm going to tell every, I'mgoing to tell everybody the
secret to a relationship youready, everybody's going to hear
this this is the secret to allrelationships if you want to
have an awesome relationship dotoo, you ready yeah, they don't
have to be with you, they chooseto be with you.
Speaker 1 (36:26):
Bingo.
Speaker 2 (36:27):
They don't have to do anything.
Speaker 1 (36:29):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (36:30):
They can choose to get up and leave today.
They can choose to stay withyou today.
Yeah, they can choose to holdyour hand when they walk.
They can choose to run in frontof you 100 yards because
they're embarrassed by you.
It is their choice, and whenyou have enough respect for
yourself to understand that thatperson is with you because
they're choosing to be with you,it will change the way you look
(36:50):
at everything.
Speaker 1 (36:51):
But it will also change for them.
Speaker 2 (36:53):
And change for them as well.
Speaker 1 (36:56):
When they are no longer obligated to perform.
Speaker 2 (36:58):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (37:00):
Then it gives them freedom as well, and then you
get to experience a relationshipwhere freedom is the name of
the game.
Speaker 2 (37:08):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (37:09):
And every single second and every single moment
has the opportunity to take onits own like just amazing energy
, because it hasn't beenpredefined or pre boxed of.
It's got to look this way, orit's got to look that way, or
it's not right, or I've got toperform this or she's not going
to be happy, or I've totallyperformed this, or he's not
(37:30):
going to be happy.
When you can break free fromall that nonsense and come to
that place of you know what?
I sit here because I choose tobe there.
That.
Speaker 2 (37:41):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (37:42):
He sits there because he chooses to.
It not only allows me thefreedom of that choice, but it
allows the freedom of thatchoice on your side as well.
Then the relationship morphsinto a whole nother thing,
(38:03):
completely.
Speaker 2 (38:03):
Right, that's another part of this.
The the last part I think forfor me in this conversation is
you know, you and I, when wefirst got together, we said
we're not going to get marriedbecause that, because the paper
doesn't mean anything.
Yeah, all it does is a marriagecertificate comes with that
societal taught responsibilitiesBoxed in.
(38:26):
And the reality is is marriageis a choice.
Yeah, relationships are achoice, right, you know?
Like?
You know, like the first time Igot married, we went in front
of the pastor and he said, okay,okay, james, you have to love,
honor, respect, obey, be a goodpresent man, a man of God.
(38:48):
You have to do all of thesethings.
And I was like, oh, no, what,but wait.
Speaker 1 (39:06):
And so marriage certificates come with these
societal taught crap yeah it'salso programmed energy of
expectation and judgment rightyou and I agreed to not ever get
married.
Speaker 2 (39:19):
We ended up marrying during covid because we heard
the stuff that was going on.
The part of it for me is theparameters and all the crap that
comes with that piece of paper.
That is not freedom.
Speaker 1 (39:33):
No.
Speaker 2 (39:34):
That is basically paying the state to tax you to
enslave some of the other person.
It doesn't make any dang sense.
Speaker 1 (39:42):
Yeah, it's a.
It's a legal form of slavery.
Speaker 2 (39:47):
Almost you know and I you know don't get me wrong,
I'm not bad mouth of marriageand I'm not saying any of that
kind of stuff.
That's not what I mean.
For us what I mean is when youenter into that relationship and
you, if you go to get marriedto somebody, because you all
both choose to be with somebody,with the other person, don't
take that for granted and don'tfall into that societal top
(40:08):
belief that I've got to love,honor, obey, respect everything
my man says, because is tilldeath, do us part if you
(40:35):
spiritually have a death aspectof you where you recreate a
whole new you, because you'velearned everything that you
needed to learn from thatindividual.
Speaker 1 (40:49):
That's a form of death.
So, then that gives you thepermission to divorce them.
Speaker 2 (40:56):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (40:57):
It does.
Speaker 2 (40:59):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (40:59):
So I'm not going to hell.
Speaker 2 (41:00):
Nope.
Speaker 1 (41:02):
Can I get an applause ?
You know why, why.
Speaker 2 (41:08):
Because that piece of paper wasn't made by spirit.
That piece of paper is a wayfor you to be taxed.
It has nothing to do withbeliefs and it definitely has
nothing to do with relationshipsright yeah, it's fun to hang on
the wall and say oh, mr and MrsEmory, thank you.
Speaker 1 (41:29):
Does anybody?
Speaker 2 (41:30):
actually, we don't even know where our merch
certificate is.
Actually we do.
We found it when we got thepassports.
Speaker 1 (41:37):
I was going to say I had to drag it up and find it
because we had to have it forthe passports so we could go on
our cruise.
Speaker 2 (41:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (41:43):
I don't think anybody actually hangs it on the wall,
do they?
Maybe some people do, they hangit on the wall.
Speaker 2 (41:50):
Oh my god, that's crazy and the place where we
were yesterday.
Speaker 1 (41:54):
It was hanging on the wall really yes, oh wow, I
shouldn't laugh so hard.
Speaker 2 (42:04):
Yeah, wow, it's hanging on the wall, but anyway.
And so just to everybody, tokind of clarify and top
everything off in this scenariois it is not your job to take
care of your person, it is yourjob to respect them and choose
to be with them and respecttheir beliefs and where they are
.
Speaker 1 (42:24):
Right.
And so what does that mean?
That means like I'll give acouple of examples Like, for
example, if your breadcrumb is,you know what?
I've got some unfinishedbusiness.
I need to go follow thisbreadcrumb to the casino.
Speaker 2 (42:42):
Oh, I did that to you .
That was two weeks ago, yeah.
Speaker 1 (42:45):
My respect to you is is that okay?
Cool, you got to follow somebreadcrumbs and your offer back
is do you want to go?
And I, at that point, I get tochoose right do I want to go?
it's not my breadcrumb.
Or do I want to stay home andyou go take your journey
(43:05):
yourself?
And that is a very freeingfeeling versus the way I used to
run, which was, oh my God.
My man says he's doing this.
I, as a loving wife, it's mywifely duty to go and support
him and honor whatever this is.
Even if I don't freaking wantto do it, I must attend this
(43:27):
thing and stand by his side.
There's even a song stand by myman, stand by your man.
Speaker 2 (43:36):
It's a 50 song, of course right, and so I.
Speaker 1 (43:41):
I could stand there and I could say it doesn't
matter to me personally eitherway in that situation, whether I
stay or whether I go.
Okay, so then, do I truly do Iwant to go and check out the
casino for myself, or would Irather stay at home?
What's the enjoyment factorthere?
Speaker 2 (44:03):
either way.
Speaker 1 (44:05):
And then I make the choice.
Speaker 2 (44:07):
Nine times out of ten .
Speaker 1 (44:09):
Freedom Nine times out of ten.
I go because I'm curious aboutwhat this whole adventure is for
you and.
I enjoy watching it unfold foryou.
So a lot of times I'll go justso I can watch it.
Speaker 2 (44:22):
It didn't unfold very well for me last time.
It wasn't very much fun.
I learned something.
That's all that matters.
Speaker 1 (44:28):
But anyway, that's what it boils down to is don't
overthink it.
Speaker 2 (44:33):
Right, don't overthink life.
Speaker 1 (44:34):
I'll give you an example of overthinking that
simple scenario.
Okay, wait.
Okay.
So he is going to go to thecasino.
I don't really want to go, butif I don't go, he's going to
think that I'm not supportinghim or that I don't love him, or
that I am not going to honorhis place where he's at in his
(44:55):
journey.
Then I'm going to look like abad wife.
And then we're going to comehome and I'm going to have some
resentment because I had to goinstead of because I would
rather I would rather be at homewatching tv in my sweatpants
this is my one and only day offtoo.
how dare him drag me into thisnonsense of this stupid journey
(45:19):
that he's on, when I wouldrather be on my couch watching a
disney movie my sweatpants?
Speaker 2 (45:24):
And eating your chocolate ice cream.
Speaker 1 (45:26):
Like that's overthinking a boxed-in
perspective.
Speaker 2 (45:31):
All I wanted you to say is do you want to go or not?
Speaker 1 (45:34):
It's a question of hey, like I'm going to go follow
this spiritual breadcrumb, I'minviting you to go if you want
to.
If you don't, it's cool with meeither way.
Speaker 2 (45:48):
I don't care don't overthink it and and don't think
that that doesn't that thatmeans that that person doesn't
want you to go right it's just,it's freedom in this example, I
do want you to always go with meright right but it's your
choice, right?
I don't own you, I ain yourdaddy.
Speaker 1 (46:05):
But if I had done that whole overthinking process,
essentially what could have?
Speaker 2 (46:12):
You said, if I had done, you did do that.
Speaker 1 (46:16):
I did.
Yeah, we talked about it Really.
Speaker 2 (46:18):
Yeah, you were like I really don't want to go, but
I'm going to go.
Speaker 1 (46:31):
And then I asked you like why did you go if you
didn't want to go?
Oh, so I was speaking like thetruth.
Speaker 2 (46:34):
Yeah, see, see, guys, what happens like I'm just
human.
Speaker 1 (46:35):
My poop stinks, just like yours does, man.
Yeah, well then it can take youto a place of resentment and
you resent him for dragging youinto that dumb ass situation and
don't fall into the trap eitherand there's no point in
resenting him because he didn'tdo anything wrong.
Your own dumb ass story andyour own dumb ass baggage my
dumb ass, overthinking my dumbass, not just speaking my truth
(47:00):
and saying no, you know what?
I want to stay home and hangout on my couch.
Speaker 2 (47:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (47:06):
I need to be resenting myself.
Speaker 2 (47:08):
Right, yeah.
Speaker 1 (47:11):
The resentment needs to be pointed right back at me,
because I'm the one that didn'thonor my truth of what I really
wanted to do, because I am stilltrying to honor some dumbass
baggage of wifely duty paradigm.
Speaker 2 (47:21):
Yeah, totally the.
Speaker 1 (47:23):
June Cleaver syndrome .
Yeah, we done with that.
Speaker 2 (47:27):
yeah, put a match, check it out, strike that match
do you kind of finish out thistopic because we're getting
pressed on time here isunderstand this.
Really, you can make your lifeso much easier.
Understand, first of all, thateverybody has a choice.
It is a choice for them to bewith you and if you're, if
you're allowing your mind towander on things and assume on
(47:50):
things, just remind yourselfthat that person is choosing to
be with me and that what you maybe putting around in your head
in the story is probably just anoutright lie yeah, totally 100.
It probably 99% of the time itis a lie.
Speaker 1 (48:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (48:05):
Now there are the rare occasions that it's not a
lie.
It is what it is and rememberit's a choice.
They don't have to be with you.
Speaker 1 (48:14):
And you don't have to be with them.
Speaker 2 (48:15):
That's right.
Hey guys, don't forget to like,follow and share.
Hey, check out our website,wwwthemerchcentersorg.
The Spiritual Grind is onYouTube.
You can actually link it fromour website and our Salty Tarot
store is up and running.
You can get Spiritual Grindmerch on there and you can get
Salty Tarot merch.
(48:36):
And you can also what else?
Salty Tarot merch, spiritualGrind, merc Center merch.
Speaker 1 (48:43):
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, merc.
Speaker 2 (48:44):
Center merch.
If you go on instagram, look upthe salty tarot and follow us.
It's not salty tarot.
It's the salty tarot, if youwould like, follow and share
them as well, because we areposting in there starting next
week.
So go ahead and follow the pageand you'll get notification
when the world famous app comesout oh yeah, and we are still
(49:05):
working on the videos.
Speaker 1 (49:06):
We haven't worked.
Speaker 2 (49:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (49:06):
We haven't forget about that.
Speaker 2 (49:08):
I'm waiting for some software downloads.
Speaker 1 (49:11):
We're having to go through the learning curve of
how to put a video together andall of that.
Speaker 2 (49:18):
So sometimes learning curves- If it was just one
person, it would be easy, butthere's two of us, right?
And so you have to have threeto four cameras and you have to
have multi-camera view in studio.
If you want to do it right, youdo.
You don't want to do it right.
Speaker 1 (49:31):
You don't want to just do some dumb jackass video
If you want to give it justice.
Right, so we're going throughthat learning phase, but they
are coming, don't give up on us.
Speaker 2 (49:41):
I actually thought about us going to that place
that you could do your podcastin their studio.
Speaker 1 (49:48):
You pay them to do it , and then they video it and do
all that Maybe I didn't knowthat existed.
Speaker 2 (49:53):
Yeah, there's one here.
Anyway, that's really all I got.
Speaker 1 (49:59):
Ring that bell.
Speaker 2 (50:01):
Oh yeah, for your notifications, all righty, hey,
y'all have an awesome day.
Speaker 1 (50:08):
Love you.
Speaker 2 (50:09):
That was my sexy voice.
We'll see you next time.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist
It’s 1996 in rural North Carolina, and an oddball crew makes history when they pull off America’s third largest cash heist. But it’s all downhill from there. Join host Johnny Knoxville as he unspools a wild and woolly tale about a group of regular ‘ol folks who risked it all for a chance at a better life. CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist answers the question: what would you do with 17.3 million dollars? The answer includes diamond rings, mansions, velvet Elvis paintings, plus a run for the border, murder-for-hire-plots, and FBI busts.