June 12, 2025 • 35 mins
Have you ever tried everything to solve a persistent family issue—therapy, specialists, countless books—only to find yourself still struggling? What if the root cause isn't in your parenting approach or your child's behavior, but in patterns inherited from generations past?
Family Systemic Constellations offers a profound perspective: many of our challenges stem from moments when love was interrupted in our family lineage. When traumatic events weren't properly processed by our ancestors—wars, migrations, losses, abandonments—someone down the line often unconsciously "takes on" this unresolved energy. This explains why we sometimes develop patterns that therapy can't fully address.
Elizabeth Lynn Rohr shares how this healing modality works with the natural flow of love through generations. Rather than blaming ourselves or our children, we discover how right-sizing our place in the family system creates profound shifts. The work honors each person's unique fate while releasing parents from the impossible burden of controlling outcomes. As Elizabeth explains, "We can guide our children, support them, model something different than what we received, but that's all we can do"—and remarkably, that's enough.
Most fascinating is how this work happens through horses, whose sensitivity to emotional energy makes them perfect representatives in the healing process. Without human preconceptions, they naturally respond to what needs healing, sometimes embodying family members or reflecting back exactly what we need to see.
Ready to experience a different approach to family challenges? This episode offers hope that by understanding and realigning these invisible threads of connection, we can restore the natural flow of love—benefiting not just ourselves, but generations past and future.
Connect with Elizabeth Lynn Rohr:
*Website: https://www.elizabethlynnrohr.com/
*Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/simplebeing.net/
Quiz time! Take my new Spiritual Parent Vibe quiz and meet your magical type:
https://www.tryinteract.com/share/quiz/683e320bf64af70015fae432
New! Conscious Family Travels Channel on YouTube with Carrie:
https://www.youtube.com/@consciousfamilytravels
Connect with Carrie:
*Website: https://hearttoheartlife.com/
*Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thespiritualparent
*YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheSpiritualParent
*Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/people/The-Spiritual-Parent/61554482625081
*Email: info@hearttoheartlife.com
**Please remember that the information shared on this podcast is educational in nature and does not constitute licensed mental health advice. If you need such advice, you should speak with a licensed professional about your unique situation. Thanks so much happy listeners.
© 2024-2025 Heart to Heart Life LLC
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Elizabeth Lynn Rohr (00:00):
And so what happens, based on this concept
of family, systemicconstellations, is that someone
further down in the line decidesthat, unconsciously, of course,
they decide this they're goingto take this on for that child,
or they're going to take this onfor the mother who never
grieved, or they're going totake this on for the father who
(00:23):
was never a part of the system.
Yeah, so it's about lovegetting interrupted somewhere
along the line, and someone downthe line has sometimes it's the
capacity to heal it, sometimesit's just a desire to heal it,
(00:44):
sometimes it's just a desire toheal it, and they start having
issues that can't necessarily beexplained by science or therapy
.
Carrie Lingenfelter (00:57):
Hi Conscious Parents.
It's Keri here and I am herewith a little info about raising
our mindful kids.
I've got some tips and tricksabout breaking free of the box
and becoming who you are andteaching your kids how to do
that.
Along the way, Join us.
Hi there and welcome back.
It's Carrie, your friendly,intuitive mama here, and I'm so
excited I have somebody that'spersonally helped me today here
(01:21):
on the podcast and so I'm soexcited to connect all of you
with Elizabeth Lynn Rohr.
She is a expert in familysystematic constellations and
it's a little bit of a mouthfulto say right now, elizabeth, but
I'm so excited to have you heretoday and connect with you
again.
Elizabeth Lynn Rohr (01:40):
It's wonderful to be here, and can I
clarify something?
I'm not an expert.
I'm learning and growing alongwith my clients, so I like to
always point that out.
Carrie Lingenfelter (01:50):
Yeah, I love that.
Yes, I totally understand that.
So I was going to ask you forour listeners what does family
systematic constellations mean?
What is it?
And sometimes I've heard itreferred to as family
constellations, so I'm reallyglad you helped me to understand
.
To add the systematic in there.
Elizabeth Lynn Rohr (02:10):
It's actually systemic.
So we think about families as asystem and that's the point of
entry for this modality.
It's a healing modality, butthere's all kinds of systems out
there.
It's not just families, there'sbusinesses.
Some people do organizationalconstellation work.
(02:30):
There is collective like what'sgoing on in the world right now
is causing a lot of peoplewobbles and people are doing
what we call collectiveconstellations.
Because we live as a system.
We're all interrelated.
So what happens in Washingtonaffects what's going on here.
So that's why we call itsystemic.
(02:52):
It's a fairly new modality.
It was created by a gentlemannamed Bert Hellinger in Germany
back in World War II, and he hasan interesting background.
I always like to tell peoplehis diverse background.
He was a Catholic priest.
He studied with the Zulus,which is a tribe in Africa.
(03:14):
So besides the ritualisticpiece of Catholicism he also got
the indigenous piece from theZulu tribe, and then he also
studied family systems withpeople such as some people might
know, virginia Satir.
She was one of my idols when Iwent to college and trained as a
(03:35):
therapist.
She studied families and howmom and dad affect the kids, how
the kids affect mom and dad.
Yeah, so I guess the way I woulddescribe it.
The best way I like to describeit is the concept is that
(03:56):
things that occur in oureveryday life, say, financial
problems, anger management, itcan be anything depression,
children with ADHD, childrenwith that the way Family
Systemic Constellations looks atit is that it's not something
(04:18):
the person did.
It's not a wound.
It's based on something thathappened back in someone's
lineage, and what happened wasthat love stopped somewhere in
the lineage.
It could be the story of ourgreat grandmother who had an
abortion, and think about that.
(04:40):
That wasn't a normal thing backthen and so people didn't
process that.
And so there's that child thatnever had a place in that family
line.
And so what happens, based onthis concept of family systemic
constellations, is that someonefurther down in the line decides
(05:02):
that unconsciously, of course,they decide this.
They're going to take this onfor that child, or they're going
to take this on for the motherwho never grieved, or they're
going to take this on for thefather who was never a part of
the system.
Yeah, so it's about love gettinginterrupted somewhere along the
(05:24):
line and someone down the linehas sometimes it's the capacity
to heal it, sometimes it's justa desire to heal it, and they
start having issues that can'tnecessarily be explained by
(05:45):
science or therapy.
I say to people all the timewhen they want to do a
constellation, think aboutsomething in your life that
you've been to therapy for manyyears ago with you know to look
at and it's never really shifted.
That's the kind of thing youwant to look at with family
systemic constellations thatmaybe you're not to blame, maybe
(06:11):
it's not your issue, maybe it'sout of love.
I've taken this on for mygrandmother, my grandfather, my
great-grandmother, mygreat-grandfather.
Think about we're a country ofI think this is important to say
we're a country of immigrants.
All of us came from someplaceelse, and usually the coming
(06:31):
from someplace else had to dowith war or famine or some
tragic event.
Right, that doesn't necessarilyget processed when it's
occurring, and so some of usdown the line decide to take
this on.
Carrie Lingenfelter (06:47):
Okay.
So it's really interesting, asI was listening to this and I
know because I've gone to youbefore, so I'm speaking a little
bit with experience.
For example, I'd love to sharethat there were things that were
coming up for my kiddo and Ihad been to occupational
therapists, I had been tocounselors, I had been to
(07:09):
psychologists and because I wasa speech therapist myself, I
tend to go looking for what kindof therapy do we need for this
behavior or this feelings orthings going on in our house.
And I actually had therapistssay well, we've taught you a lot
of therapy skills and basicallyyou're at the end of therapy.
(07:30):
There's not much we can do foryou, there's not much left that
we can do to help you supportyour kiddo or to help him with
these behaviors.
And at that point I was like,okay, well, now it's time to try
family constellations.
Elizabeth Lynn Rohr (07:42):
I wish I had done it earlier, but like
you said it's always the righttime, though it's always perfect
timing Right.
Carrie Lingenfelter (07:50):
Yeah, and it's interesting as a parent,
there were behaviors in myselfthat came up once I had my son
that I had never had before.
And I'm sharing this aboutmyself because I'm here and I'm
willing to say, yes, carrie, youcan share this, whereas I don't
have my kiddo, so I'm notsharing his behaviors per se,
but for me it was like theseangry moments that just came up
(08:13):
and my husband was like I havenever seen you like this.
And looking back, it came upright after my son was born.
I didn't have postpartumdepression.
I had like postpartum angerwhere I was angry at my husband
and sometimes I would just beangry with my son for not being
perfect and I was like where isthis coming from?
(08:33):
I'm a therapist and a teacherand I normally have such an
ability to stay calm andregulated and connect, and so I
wanted to share that piece.
Elizabeth Lynn Rohr (08:45):
Beautiful, that's beautiful and that
specifically speaks to what I'msaying is that it's something
that you try everything else forand it's not working, or or
your mind can't quite graspwhat's happening.
Why are you, why am I doingthis?
Why is this a pattern in mylife?
Right, I've known people that Iknow.
(09:05):
One of my early on personalconstellations I received, so I
have been known as a nomad,meaning I move every couple of
years, and I've moved all overthe country and I've moved even
to other countries, and I did aconstellation one time with a
woman and I saw one of myancestors as a gypsy in Germany
(09:28):
and I am the roar name is German, it's very German, and it's
probably three generations backthat we came over and who knows
what's in our lineage, right,like I don't have every piece of
knowledge, but this gypsy waskilled by a German soldier and I
(09:49):
was the, my lineage was thegypsy and so, whatever happened,
I don't even remember theparticulars, but something came
to me like this knowing thisunderstanding of why I do what I
do, that I'm trying to almostmake amends for what happened
back then.
Yeah, I'm allowing that personto come through me to have a
(10:13):
different experience with all ofthis.
Yeah, it was fascinating, yeah.
Carrie Lingenfelter (10:19):
It's really powerful yeah.
Elizabeth Lynn Rohr (10:21):
Those of us who actually facilitate these
sessions I will recommend thisto everybody should also be
doing sessions for themselves,so that we stay as clear as
possible when we work withclients.
Carrie Lingenfelter (10:32):
Yeah, yeah, that makes sense.
Yeah, and so so when we'reworking I guess in a session
like that I've done with you, itwas my husband and I and want
to do this work- he was soskillful in what he did and it
(11:09):
didn't take a lot of time to getto what needed to happen.
Elizabeth Lynn Rohr (11:12):
But he did create a couple of rules and one
of them is right order is whatwe call it in systemic
constellation work.
So right order is first comesthe parent and then comes the
child.
Behind the parent is theirparents, behind their parents is
(11:33):
their parents.
So the flow of love should becoming that way right.
What I see in my work is thatsome of us, myself included got
born into families where ourparents weren't quite able to
give us what we needed and thatthere was an interruption of
(11:53):
love in their world.
Right, so we became parents ofour parents.
This is really interesting.
It's come up a lot recently inthe work I've done with people.
This is really interesting.
It's come up a lot recently inthe work I've done with people.
The whole piece is to shiftthat back so that you become the
child again, act like parent inthis world, super responsible,
(12:33):
over responsible, taking on allthe troubles of the world, that
kind of thing.
But the other thing is whenparents come to me about their
children, I can't do anythingfor their children, but I can
work with the parents so thatenergy somehow yeah, it's opened
up, the love opens up, so thatthe parent can either see the
(12:56):
child differently, can bedifferent with the child, can
accept the right order, like Iam the parent.
Right, I am the parent.
I can't have my kid parentingme.
I am the parent and I have toset boundaries.
I had one woman say after hersession with a very challenging
teen I was able to setboundaries that I wasn't able to
(13:19):
set before.
Just that will change thedynamic with children, right?
Yeah, so the premise is thatwhen we do the work, like when I
do my work, it affects mymother and father and those
behind me, and it affects thosein front of me too, because it
just opens up the line.
(13:39):
It opens up the love that wantsto flow naturally and
organically through all the waythrough.
Yeah, I don't know if thatanswers what you're trying to
say, but I notice it'sfascinating when I do meet with
I'm not a parent myself, whichis fascinating to me, but for
the last year I've been gettingparents of young children, teens
(14:02):
, that have issues that theparents child, because the truth
is, the child has their own, asI have spoken to you about
their own fate in this world,right Like we can't interfere
(14:25):
with our children's fate wecan't interfere with.
That's the problem when we tryto parent our parents.
We can't.
We can't interfere with theirfate either.
They have to live through whatthey need to live through.
We have to live through what weneed to live through, and our
children need to live throughwhat they need to live through.
We can guide them, we cansupport them, we can model
(14:46):
something different for themthat we didn't get, but that's
all we can do but that's all wecan do.
Carrie Lingenfelter (15:00):
That's all we can do.
Yeah, I love that so much.
I've been sharing it on otherpodcasts and I've been sharing
it with guests that come on too,to heart, to heart, parents,
because I think it takes off somuch pressure as a parent when
we're trying to line up allthese ducks in a row and then
keep them in a row for what wethink will help our kids the
most.
But really, we can facilitateand we can help guide, but and
(15:25):
we can we can give them, we cangive them some of the knowledge
that we we've learned along theway, and if they accept it, they
accept it.
If they don't, if they don't,it takes off pressure for me to
have to make sure that it'sstamped in there for them.
I guess.
Elizabeth Lynn Rohr (15:42):
I remember when you shared that with me and
I don't mention your name, butI still say that to people it's
like imagine what it would feellike to have a little bit of the
weight lifted off of you as aparent regarding raising your
children, that it's not like yougo, a little bit of the weight
lifted off of you as a parentregarding raising your children,
that it's not like you go,you're on your own out the door,
but it is a little bit ofweight is lifted when you
(16:05):
understand that you can'tcontrol what happens.
You can't control and that, andthat could be really painful,
and I get that it's not easy towatch anybody we love suffer or
anybody we love make poorchoices.
And I will say the other thingthat parents can do is they can
(16:25):
do their own work, no matter howold their child is.
I have clients coming to me nowthat have 30 and 40 year old
children that they're worriedabout.
They can't do anything forthese people.
They're adults, right, they'reout living their lives, but
they're committed to doing theirown piece of work that might
free up their kids in some wayso that the child, the adult
(16:50):
child, the teenager, the preteen, the young child can have a
different experience in life.
And it does work.
It's an energetic thing.
Not everybody understands that,but it's it's true.
I see it happen over and, overand over again.
Carrie Lingenfelter (17:06):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's so important to, if
you feel called to do it, to atany age, to do it.
I know when I did it with you,there were some things that came
up from from my parent age, myparents age group, not getting
into specifics but and Iremember thinking, well, my mom
or my parents wouldn't, they'vealready dealt with this.
(17:27):
They wouldn't, but it was stillcoming into my life and
affecting my kids too.
So even if you're in your 60iesand you think is this necessary
, like it's so helpful to workthrough it because it's going to
come up as as your 40 somethingyear old child adult goes
(17:48):
through their parentingexperience, it's going to come
up.
Elizabeth Lynn Rohr (17:51):
Right, right, and and I so honor people
, parents that are willing tostep forward and do what they
need to do, to release, open up,have a different experience of
what they're caring so that theycan show up differently for
their kids, no matter what thatlooks like and no matter how old
the kids are.
(18:12):
I really honor people for that.
You know what we might want totalk about.
It just dawned on me we neversaid how this all works, and
that's really interesting, right, like there's so many ways that
this can work.
You got to experience myfavorite way of doing
constellation work, which iswith animals, with horses, and
(18:32):
I'm sure listeners are going togo well, how does that work?
Well, let me tell you.
The first thing I'll say aboutthat is that we all carry
stories, conscious andunconscious, about what a
mother's supposed to be like,what a father's supposed to be
like, what a child is supposedto be like, and no matter what
(18:54):
happens in a session.
When there's humans there, thatcan seep in those stories, our
own personal stories can seep in, but when we work with animals,
especially horses right nowI've got the two dogs, now that
I'm talking about animalsthey're starting to play All of
a sudden they're playing becausethey know I'm talking about the
animals and the magic of theanimals.
(19:15):
The horses have such a strongheart sense and they're studied
that they can sense things likehundreds of feet away prey.
And they have to be aware ofwhat's around them all the time,
which means they actually sense.
When we walk into arena, are weangry, are we fearful, are we
(19:40):
sad?
And they can respond to that.
And there's certain horses thatwill show up and respond
exactly like what the clientsneed.
If a client's sad, the horsemight come over and lay their
head on the shoulder until theperson regulates themselves and
(20:00):
they can continue on with thesession, or they might represent
.
I remember one woman whose sonwas really troubled and spotty,
the horse that I love to workwith.
He came over and he stood infront of the woman and did not
move for half an hour and I saidto her I think he's coming as
(20:23):
your son, I think he'srepresenting your son, and so I
would like you to say everythingyou need to say to your son
that you're not able to say tohim in this life and see what
happens.
And she said things thatmight've made her son angry, and
Spotty just stood there andtook it and showed how much he
(20:44):
respected and loved her, so thatshe knows that there's a bond
that she has with this son, nomatter what happens in life.
That's why the purity ofworking with animals is so
powerful.
They show us where we're notbeing aligned.
They show us when there's beena release of energy.
(21:04):
I think you might'veexperienced that Like horses go
when they want to let go ofsomething, when they want us to
let go of something, to remindus to let go of what it is that
we're feeling, so they canactually represent, take on
energies and they can take onpeople in our lives that can
(21:26):
help us work through whateverneeds to be worked through.
But typically what happens in asession is we sit down, we talk.
You, as the client, decide whatit is you want to look at.
I start to get a feel bylistening deeply.
Who is it in your world?
(21:47):
I like to say, as Susie Tucker,a great teacher, says, who at
the kitchen table?
Who at your kitchen table hassimilar aspects to this issue
that you want to work?
Mom, dad, grandparent, does itgo further back?
And then, if we're with humans,we start to pick people in the
(22:09):
group that can represent thosepeople.
And these people don't knowanything about your story, right
?
I had someone come one time andafter a session she said, well,
all these people knew thatwoman's dad, right?
And I said, no, they didn'tknow anything, they just.
Everybody just shows up with anopen heart and open mind and an
(22:31):
open will and somehow oranother, we start picking up on
the what your mother was like,what your father was like, maybe
some words that she might wantto say to you, or some words
that she did say to you, or somewords that she didn't say to
you.
That will help you understandwhat actually happened in your
(22:56):
relationship.
It's a potent experience.
Experience I think I want tosay this that there was early on
.
I was asked in a session.
I did not facilitate.
(23:17):
I was just there in support torepresent a woman's mother and I
stood up and I turned my backto the woman and I kept hearing
these words and I didn't want tosay these words.
I kept hearing them and finallyI called the facilitator over
and I said this is what I'mhearing.
Quietly, I said this to themthis is what I'm hearing.
(23:38):
Should I say it?
And the words I heard were Inever wanted to.
That as a a person was hard forme to even think about saying.
Yet when I said it, it releasedsomething in the client that she
had been holding for eonsTrying understanding.
(24:00):
Oh, I so understand more of whomy mother is now.
Compassion was able to startgrowing for her, for her mother,
I mean.
It's things like this thathappen and and it rang so true
for her, even though her mothernever said that to her right
things like that happen so thata healing can occur.
(24:25):
Either a healing occurs by amother saying something or doing
something that they never didin real life, or a client having
an experience that they neverhad in real life.
That helps them understand whatwas actually happening, instead
of putting our stories to itLike oh, she was a horrible
(24:52):
mother, and you know, yeah, Ilove that.
Carrie Lingenfelter (24:53):
It's focused on love.
I don't know if I hadunderstood that piece of it
before I did it, but the flow oflove and the disruption of the
love that makes so much sense.
Elizabeth Lynn Rohr (25:03):
I think that's what drew me into this
too is I am a social worker bytrade years ago and yet I don't
know, as I grew, that stuffnever worked for me anymore Like
traditional therapy.
I went to group therapy, I wentto one on theone therapy, I did
everything.
(25:24):
But as things started changingfor me, I started wanting some
other explanation for why I wasthe way.
I was.
Not blaming my parents, notblaming how I was raised, not
trying to find compassion for awoman, my mother, who I didn't
know her whole story right.
(25:44):
So as I started doingconstellation work, that started
opening up for me that thestory piece, the like,
understanding.
This is where this came from,so I can accept it more.
That is what love is acceptance,right, not wanting it to be any
different than it is.
And that's that's one of ourissues in this world, I think,
(26:07):
is we all want it to bedifferent.
I want, I want the world to bedifferent.
Yeah, I do, and there's a pieceof that I want to continue to
carry because that causes change.
But I can't live in thatBecause if I live in that, then
I'm a victim and I don't want tobe a victim.
Yeah, I'm not a victim.
Yeah.
Carrie Lingenfelter (26:26):
I like that , that piece of carrying a
little bit of it with us, to, to, to make the change, to be the
change, yeah, yeah not diggingyour head in the sand, right,
I'm full in love.
I can't.
I can't see this challenge.
I can't see this hard time.
Elizabeth Lynn Rohr (26:43):
Yep, Yep.
Well, we see a lot of thataround this area, in the Boulder
area, like a lot of what Iwould call.
What do I call it?
Spiritualized love, and I trulybelieve in spirituality and I
truly believe in love.
But love is a like a verb.
For me, it's not a, it's notjust a flighty feeling.
(27:05):
It's like how do I show upevery day?
Can I show up every day?
Can I show up exactly how I amevery day?
And even on those days when I'mnot feeling my best, if I can
show up and not like push thatonto someone else, that's,
that's a good day.
That's a good day.
Carrie Lingenfelter (27:26):
Definitely.
Yep, yeah, I, I will say myTestament.
Um, with family system, I can'thave a hard time saying the
word Thank you for a speech,therapist, that's good.
So, yes, I, I, you know, Ithink, like you said, it opened
up something in me that allowedmyself to see my kiddo for who
(27:50):
they were, but also thiscompassionate side that I was
trying so hard to dive intomyself, but I couldn't stay in
it.
Like I'd have pieces where I'dbe in it, but during those hard,
challenging moments it would beharder for me't stay in it.
Like I'd have pieces where I'dbe in it, but during those hard,
challenging moments it would beharder for me to stay in it,
whereas now it's easier to stayin that compassion,
(28:11):
understanding and that love andto feel that flow of love.
Elizabeth Lynn Rohr (28:15):
So that's it's that part is beautiful and
you said the beautiful wordslike to accept.
Accept your child for who he isright, that's such a, that's
such a beautiful.
I mean, think about what theworld would be like if we all
accepted people for exactly whothey are, and and and and.
Part of that is like.
I work with women who, who, whodid have mothers that were very,
(28:39):
you know, not great, not greatmoms, and so to be able to say
that's not something you usuallycan say to your mother I didn't
get what I needed, and if youdo say it, it's not really
productive.
But if I can stand in yourmother's representation and you
can say that to me, so that youcan let go of that, and then I
(29:04):
can show up slightly differentthan how your mother is in real
life, imagine what experiencethat.
And a lot of times we alsodecide, we also say that this is
a soul-based practice.
So a lot of times our parentsare not body anymore, they're on
the other side, and my beliefis that when people cross over,
(29:26):
they have a different view oflife than they had when they
were here, you know, trying tomake the rent and the mortgage
and the grocery bills and allthat stuff that they might have,
and your mom might show uploving and kind and sorry for
how she was, except acceptingher responsibility for what she
(29:48):
created.
That happens a lot in this workthat people before us take the
responsibility off our shouldersfor what they did, and so it
takes some of that energy awayfrom us.
Carrie Lingenfelter (30:03):
Yeah, well, that's lovely.
Do you have any things that youwould say?
Just a last thought for parentsgoing through this right now,
raising kids right now whatwould you leave us with?
Elizabeth Lynn Rohr (30:16):
Well, I never had kids, but I'll tell
you what I think the hardestthing to do in this world is to
be a parent.
You know, and every time I Ihave many friends that have
children so I can watch how theyare and see how they are, and I
(30:37):
also honor that.
Most people I know who areparenting right now are trying
to be different than what theyhad as an experience of a child
and I so honor that.
That is very courageous andvery loving and keep doing it.
(30:58):
And if you feel called to do afamily systemic constellation
for yourself, feel called to doa family systemic constellation
for yourself, then do it.
Do it.
We have there's a few of us inthe Boulder area as a that have
formed a group called theColorado Constellation
Collective and we offer monthlysessions at Una Vida Niwot
(31:20):
Meditation Center.
Because this modality is notsomething that's used in the
United States as frequently InEurope they use it all the time.
In Europe most therapists don'tdo marriage therapy anymore.
They do constellation work ifthey know about it, and in South
America it's very widely used.
(31:42):
I know a woman that uses it inthe judicial system another
system, especially the system of.
I think she works with family,family judicial system, which is
huge.
You know parenting, adoption.
You know when there's a divorcewho goes where she uses family
constellation work with thatCause.
It's a system.
(32:02):
You're working with a system.
When something's out of balance,you're trying to rebalance it
yeah and sometimes ourrebalancing causes issues for us
, and so this is what it showsfor us, so that we can right
size and right order everything.
Carrie Lingenfelter (32:20):
Yeah, I love that, el Elizabeth.
I'll make sure to include yourwebsite and your Facebook
information on our show notes.
Elizabeth Lynn Rohr (32:29):
I love that , thank you, thank you, thank
you for this.
This is fun.
Carrie Lingenfelter (32:33):
Yeah and oh , I forgot, you were just saying
about how people do it insteadof marriage counseling yeah.
I did, my husband and I didfamily constellations before we
got married.
We each did it.
Yeah, oh.
Elizabeth Lynn Rohr (32:47):
I remember that, I remember that and I love
that about what you guys did.
Yeah, I have a supervisor who'sfrom Germany and she there's
all.
There's so many ways that youcan experience constellation
work with horses, with people,and she does work with horses
with people and she does workwith mats what we call mats and
so what she'll do with a coupleis she'll um, just so she can
(33:12):
see where everybody is, she'llhave them pick up mat and she'll
not tell them what it is, butit's usually the husband, like
the wife will pick the husband.
The husband will pick the wife.
They don't know what it is, butit's usually the husband, like
the wife will pick the husband.
The husband will pick the wife.
They don't know what it is, andshe asked them to put it down
where it feels like it should beRight.
And so if you've got a couplecoming in for marriage therapy
(33:36):
and the wife puts her husbandover here and he puts the mat
over here, well that tells you alot right there as a therapist,
right, that's where you get tostart, rather than have to talk
about all the stuff that goes on.
You know where you are rightand it's a beautiful thing that,
like we're just trying to findour way back.
(33:58):
And so what can move the matscloser together?
What can move the people closertogether?
What can move the people closertogether?
What can bring the love closertogether?
That's the whole piece of work,yeah.
Carrie Lingenfelter (34:09):
Thank you so much, Elizabeth.
It's been lovely to have you.
Elizabeth Lynn Rohr (34:13):
Thanks, Carrie.
I appreciate your support and Ihope this has helped for people
.
Carrie Lingenfelter (34:19):
Me too.
Yeah Well, that's a wrap.
Thanks so much for tuning in.
Change makers.
This is Carrie, and if youhaven't done a review for us,
five stars and a little fewwords about what you've enjoyed
in our podcast episodes, wewould really appreciate it.
If you guys would like to evermessage me, I would love any
questions you have or anyfeedback.
(34:40):
At info at heart to heartlifecom, we also have a brand
new website which we're superexcited to share it's
hearttoheartlifecom.
Thanks so much for tuning inand happy life, happy times,
change maker families.
Bye.
And so what happens, based on this concept
of family, systemicconstellations, is that someone
further down in the line decidesthat, unconsciously, of course,
they decide this they're goingto take this on for that child,
or they're going to take this onfor the mother who never
grieved, or they're going totake this on for the father who
(00:23):
was never a part of the system.
Yeah, so it's about lovegetting interrupted somewhere
along the line, and someone downthe line has sometimes it's the
capacity to heal it, sometimesit's just a desire to heal it,
(00:44):
sometimes it's just a desire toheal it, and they start having
issues that can't necessarily beexplained by science or therapy
.
Carrie Lingenfelter (00:57):
Hi Conscious Parents.
It's Keri here and I am herewith a little info about raising
our mindful kids.
I've got some tips and tricksabout breaking free of the box
and becoming who you are andteaching your kids how to do
that.
Along the way, Join us.
Hi there and welcome back.
It's Carrie, your friendly,intuitive mama here, and I'm so
excited I have somebody that'spersonally helped me today here
(01:21):
on the podcast and so I'm soexcited to connect all of you
with Elizabeth Lynn Rohr.
She is a expert in familysystematic constellations and
it's a little bit of a mouthfulto say right now, elizabeth, but
I'm so excited to have you heretoday and connect with you
again.
Elizabeth Lynn Rohr (01:40):
It's wonderful to be here, and can I
clarify something?
I'm not an expert.
I'm learning and growing alongwith my clients, so I like to
always point that out.
Carrie Lingenfelter (01:50):
Yeah, I love that.
Yes, I totally understand that.
So I was going to ask you forour listeners what does family
systematic constellations mean?
What is it?
And sometimes I've heard itreferred to as family
constellations, so I'm reallyglad you helped me to understand
.
To add the systematic in there.
Elizabeth Lynn Rohr (02:10):
It's actually systemic.
So we think about families as asystem and that's the point of
entry for this modality.
It's a healing modality, butthere's all kinds of systems out
there.
It's not just families, there'sbusinesses.
Some people do organizationalconstellation work.
(02:30):
There is collective like what'sgoing on in the world right now
is causing a lot of peoplewobbles and people are doing
what we call collectiveconstellations.
Because we live as a system.
We're all interrelated.
So what happens in Washingtonaffects what's going on here.
So that's why we call itsystemic.
(02:52):
It's a fairly new modality.
It was created by a gentlemannamed Bert Hellinger in Germany
back in World War II, and he hasan interesting background.
I always like to tell peoplehis diverse background.
He was a Catholic priest.
He studied with the Zulus,which is a tribe in Africa.
(03:14):
So besides the ritualisticpiece of Catholicism he also got
the indigenous piece from theZulu tribe, and then he also
studied family systems withpeople such as some people might
know, virginia Satir.
She was one of my idols when Iwent to college and trained as a
(03:35):
therapist.
She studied families and howmom and dad affect the kids, how
the kids affect mom and dad.
Yeah, so I guess the way I woulddescribe it.
The best way I like to describeit is the concept is that
(03:56):
things that occur in oureveryday life, say, financial
problems, anger management, itcan be anything depression,
children with ADHD, childrenwith that the way Family
Systemic Constellations looks atit is that it's not something
(04:18):
the person did.
It's not a wound.
It's based on something thathappened back in someone's
lineage, and what happened wasthat love stopped somewhere in
the lineage.
It could be the story of ourgreat grandmother who had an
abortion, and think about that.
(04:40):
That wasn't a normal thing backthen and so people didn't
process that.
And so there's that child thatnever had a place in that family
line.
And so what happens, based onthis concept of family systemic
constellations, is that someonefurther down in the line decides
(05:02):
that unconsciously, of course,they decide this.
They're going to take this onfor that child, or they're going
to take this on for the motherwho never grieved, or they're
going to take this on for thefather who was never a part of
the system.
Yeah, so it's about love gettinginterrupted somewhere along the
(05:24):
line and someone down the linehas sometimes it's the capacity
to heal it, sometimes it's justa desire to heal it, and they
start having issues that can'tnecessarily be explained by
(05:45):
science or therapy.
I say to people all the timewhen they want to do a
constellation, think aboutsomething in your life that
you've been to therapy for manyyears ago with you know to look
at and it's never really shifted.
That's the kind of thing youwant to look at with family
systemic constellations thatmaybe you're not to blame, maybe
(06:11):
it's not your issue, maybe it'sout of love.
I've taken this on for mygrandmother, my grandfather, my
great-grandmother, mygreat-grandfather.
Think about we're a country ofI think this is important to say
we're a country of immigrants.
All of us came from someplaceelse, and usually the coming
(06:31):
from someplace else had to dowith war or famine or some
tragic event.
Right, that doesn't necessarilyget processed when it's
occurring, and so some of usdown the line decide to take
this on.
Carrie Lingenfelter (06:47):
Okay.
So it's really interesting, asI was listening to this and I
know because I've gone to youbefore, so I'm speaking a little
bit with experience.
For example, I'd love to sharethat there were things that were
coming up for my kiddo and Ihad been to occupational
therapists, I had been tocounselors, I had been to
(07:09):
psychologists and because I wasa speech therapist myself, I
tend to go looking for what kindof therapy do we need for this
behavior or this feelings orthings going on in our house.
And I actually had therapistssay well, we've taught you a lot
of therapy skills and basicallyyou're at the end of therapy.
(07:30):
There's not much we can do foryou, there's not much left that
we can do to help you supportyour kiddo or to help him with
these behaviors.
And at that point I was like,okay, well, now it's time to try
family constellations.
Elizabeth Lynn Rohr (07:42):
I wish I had done it earlier, but like
you said it's always the righttime, though it's always perfect
timing Right.
Carrie Lingenfelter (07:50):
Yeah, and it's interesting as a parent,
there were behaviors in myselfthat came up once I had my son
that I had never had before.
And I'm sharing this aboutmyself because I'm here and I'm
willing to say, yes, carrie, youcan share this, whereas I don't
have my kiddo, so I'm notsharing his behaviors per se,
but for me it was like theseangry moments that just came up
(08:13):
and my husband was like I havenever seen you like this.
And looking back, it came upright after my son was born.
I didn't have postpartumdepression.
I had like postpartum angerwhere I was angry at my husband
and sometimes I would just beangry with my son for not being
perfect and I was like where isthis coming from?
(08:33):
I'm a therapist and a teacherand I normally have such an
ability to stay calm andregulated and connect, and so I
wanted to share that piece.
Elizabeth Lynn Rohr (08:45):
Beautiful, that's beautiful and that
specifically speaks to what I'msaying is that it's something
that you try everything else forand it's not working, or or
your mind can't quite graspwhat's happening.
Why are you, why am I doingthis?
Why is this a pattern in mylife?
Right, I've known people that Iknow.
(09:05):
One of my early on personalconstellations I received, so I
have been known as a nomad,meaning I move every couple of
years, and I've moved all overthe country and I've moved even
to other countries, and I did aconstellation one time with a
woman and I saw one of myancestors as a gypsy in Germany
(09:28):
and I am the roar name is German, it's very German, and it's
probably three generations backthat we came over and who knows
what's in our lineage, right,like I don't have every piece of
knowledge, but this gypsy waskilled by a German soldier and I
(09:49):
was the, my lineage was thegypsy and so, whatever happened,
I don't even remember theparticulars, but something came
to me like this knowing thisunderstanding of why I do what I
do, that I'm trying to almostmake amends for what happened
back then.
Yeah, I'm allowing that personto come through me to have a
(10:13):
different experience with all ofthis.
Yeah, it was fascinating, yeah.
Carrie Lingenfelter (10:19):
It's really powerful yeah.
Elizabeth Lynn Rohr (10:21):
Those of us who actually facilitate these
sessions I will recommend thisto everybody should also be
doing sessions for themselves,so that we stay as clear as
possible when we work withclients.
Carrie Lingenfelter (10:32):
Yeah, yeah, that makes sense.
Yeah, and so so when we'reworking I guess in a session
like that I've done with you, itwas my husband and I and want
to do this work- he was soskillful in what he did and it
(11:09):
didn't take a lot of time to getto what needed to happen.
Elizabeth Lynn Rohr (11:12):
But he did create a couple of rules and one
of them is right order is whatwe call it in systemic
constellation work.
So right order is first comesthe parent and then comes the
child.
Behind the parent is theirparents, behind their parents is
(11:33):
their parents.
So the flow of love should becoming that way right.
What I see in my work is thatsome of us, myself included got
born into families where ourparents weren't quite able to
give us what we needed and thatthere was an interruption of
(11:53):
love in their world.
Right, so we became parents ofour parents.
This is really interesting.
It's come up a lot recently inthe work I've done with people.
This is really interesting.
It's come up a lot recently inthe work I've done with people.
The whole piece is to shiftthat back so that you become the
child again, act like parent inthis world, super responsible,
(12:33):
over responsible, taking on allthe troubles of the world, that
kind of thing.
But the other thing is whenparents come to me about their
children, I can't do anythingfor their children, but I can
work with the parents so thatenergy somehow yeah, it's opened
up, the love opens up, so thatthe parent can either see the
(12:56):
child differently, can bedifferent with the child, can
accept the right order, like Iam the parent.
Right, I am the parent.
I can't have my kid parentingme.
I am the parent and I have toset boundaries.
I had one woman say after hersession with a very challenging
teen I was able to setboundaries that I wasn't able to
(13:19):
set before.
Just that will change thedynamic with children, right?
Yeah, so the premise is thatwhen we do the work, like when I
do my work, it affects mymother and father and those
behind me, and it affects thosein front of me too, because it
just opens up the line.
(13:39):
It opens up the love that wantsto flow naturally and
organically through all the waythrough.
Yeah, I don't know if thatanswers what you're trying to
say, but I notice it'sfascinating when I do meet with
I'm not a parent myself, whichis fascinating to me, but for
the last year I've been gettingparents of young children, teens
(14:02):
, that have issues that theparents child, because the truth
is, the child has their own, asI have spoken to you about
their own fate in this world,right Like we can't interfere
(14:25):
with our children's fate wecan't interfere with.
That's the problem when we tryto parent our parents.
We can't.
We can't interfere with theirfate either.
They have to live through whatthey need to live through.
We have to live through what weneed to live through, and our
children need to live throughwhat they need to live through.
We can guide them, we cansupport them, we can model
(14:46):
something different for themthat we didn't get, but that's
all we can do but that's all wecan do.
Carrie Lingenfelter (15:00):
That's all we can do.
Yeah, I love that so much.
I've been sharing it on otherpodcasts and I've been sharing
it with guests that come on too,to heart, to heart, parents,
because I think it takes off somuch pressure as a parent when
we're trying to line up allthese ducks in a row and then
keep them in a row for what wethink will help our kids the
most.
But really, we can facilitateand we can help guide, but and
(15:25):
we can we can give them, we cangive them some of the knowledge
that we we've learned along theway, and if they accept it, they
accept it.
If they don't, if they don't,it takes off pressure for me to
have to make sure that it'sstamped in there for them.
I guess.
Elizabeth Lynn Rohr (15:42):
I remember when you shared that with me and
I don't mention your name, butI still say that to people it's
like imagine what it would feellike to have a little bit of the
weight lifted off of you as aparent regarding raising your
children, that it's not like yougo, a little bit of the weight
lifted off of you as a parentregarding raising your children,
that it's not like you go,you're on your own out the door,
but it is a little bit ofweight is lifted when you
(16:05):
understand that you can'tcontrol what happens.
You can't control and that, andthat could be really painful,
and I get that it's not easy towatch anybody we love suffer or
anybody we love make poorchoices.
And I will say the other thingthat parents can do is they can
(16:25):
do their own work, no matter howold their child is.
I have clients coming to me nowthat have 30 and 40 year old
children that they're worriedabout.
They can't do anything forthese people.
They're adults, right, they'reout living their lives, but
they're committed to doing theirown piece of work that might
free up their kids in some wayso that the child, the adult
(16:50):
child, the teenager, the preteen, the young child can have a
different experience in life.
And it does work.
It's an energetic thing.
Not everybody understands that,but it's it's true.
I see it happen over and, overand over again.
Carrie Lingenfelter (17:06):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's so important to, if
you feel called to do it, to atany age, to do it.
I know when I did it with you,there were some things that came
up from from my parent age, myparents age group, not getting
into specifics but and Iremember thinking, well, my mom
or my parents wouldn't, they'vealready dealt with this.
(17:27):
They wouldn't, but it was stillcoming into my life and
affecting my kids too.
So even if you're in your 60iesand you think is this necessary
, like it's so helpful to workthrough it because it's going to
come up as as your 40 somethingyear old child adult goes
(17:48):
through their parentingexperience, it's going to come
up.
Elizabeth Lynn Rohr (17:51):
Right, right, and and I so honor people
, parents that are willing tostep forward and do what they
need to do, to release, open up,have a different experience of
what they're caring so that theycan show up differently for
their kids, no matter what thatlooks like and no matter how old
the kids are.
(18:12):
I really honor people for that.
You know what we might want totalk about.
It just dawned on me we neversaid how this all works, and
that's really interesting, right, like there's so many ways that
this can work.
You got to experience myfavorite way of doing
constellation work, which iswith animals, with horses, and
(18:32):
I'm sure listeners are going togo well, how does that work?
Well, let me tell you.
The first thing I'll say aboutthat is that we all carry
stories, conscious andunconscious, about what a
mother's supposed to be like,what a father's supposed to be
like, what a child is supposedto be like, and no matter what
(18:54):
happens in a session.
When there's humans there, thatcan seep in those stories, our
own personal stories can seep in, but when we work with animals,
especially horses right nowI've got the two dogs, now that
I'm talking about animalsthey're starting to play All of
a sudden they're playing becausethey know I'm talking about the
animals and the magic of theanimals.
(19:15):
The horses have such a strongheart sense and they're studied
that they can sense things likehundreds of feet away prey.
And they have to be aware ofwhat's around them all the time,
which means they actually sense.
When we walk into arena, are weangry, are we fearful, are we
(19:40):
sad?
And they can respond to that.
And there's certain horses thatwill show up and respond
exactly like what the clientsneed.
If a client's sad, the horsemight come over and lay their
head on the shoulder until theperson regulates themselves and
(20:00):
they can continue on with thesession, or they might represent
.
I remember one woman whose sonwas really troubled and spotty,
the horse that I love to workwith.
He came over and he stood infront of the woman and did not
move for half an hour and I saidto her I think he's coming as
(20:23):
your son, I think he'srepresenting your son, and so I
would like you to say everythingyou need to say to your son
that you're not able to say tohim in this life and see what
happens.
And she said things thatmight've made her son angry, and
Spotty just stood there andtook it and showed how much he
(20:44):
respected and loved her, so thatshe knows that there's a bond
that she has with this son, nomatter what happens in life.
That's why the purity ofworking with animals is so
powerful.
They show us where we're notbeing aligned.
They show us when there's beena release of energy.
(21:04):
I think you might'veexperienced that Like horses go
when they want to let go ofsomething, when they want us to
let go of something, to remindus to let go of what it is that
we're feeling, so they canactually represent, take on
energies and they can take onpeople in our lives that can
(21:26):
help us work through whateverneeds to be worked through.
But typically what happens in asession is we sit down, we talk.
You, as the client, decide whatit is you want to look at.
I start to get a feel bylistening deeply.
Who is it in your world?
(21:47):
I like to say, as Susie Tucker,a great teacher, says, who at
the kitchen table?
Who at your kitchen table hassimilar aspects to this issue
that you want to work?
Mom, dad, grandparent, does itgo further back?
And then, if we're with humans,we start to pick people in the
(22:09):
group that can represent thosepeople.
And these people don't knowanything about your story, right
?
I had someone come one time andafter a session she said, well,
all these people knew thatwoman's dad, right?
And I said, no, they didn'tknow anything, they just.
Everybody just shows up with anopen heart and open mind and an
(22:31):
open will and somehow oranother, we start picking up on
the what your mother was like,what your father was like, maybe
some words that she might wantto say to you, or some words
that she did say to you, or somewords that she didn't say to
you.
That will help you understandwhat actually happened in your
(22:56):
relationship.
It's a potent experience.
Experience I think I want tosay this that there was early on
.
I was asked in a session.
I did not facilitate.
(23:17):
I was just there in support torepresent a woman's mother and I
stood up and I turned my backto the woman and I kept hearing
these words and I didn't want tosay these words.
I kept hearing them and finallyI called the facilitator over
and I said this is what I'mhearing.
Quietly, I said this to themthis is what I'm hearing.
(23:38):
Should I say it?
And the words I heard were Inever wanted to.
That as a a person was hard forme to even think about saying.
Yet when I said it, it releasedsomething in the client that she
had been holding for eonsTrying understanding.
(24:00):
Oh, I so understand more of whomy mother is now.
Compassion was able to startgrowing for her, for her mother,
I mean.
It's things like this thathappen and and it rang so true
for her, even though her mothernever said that to her right
things like that happen so thata healing can occur.
(24:25):
Either a healing occurs by amother saying something or doing
something that they never didin real life, or a client having
an experience that they neverhad in real life.
That helps them understand whatwas actually happening, instead
of putting our stories to itLike oh, she was a horrible
(24:52):
mother, and you know, yeah, Ilove that.
Carrie Lingenfelter (24:53):
It's focused on love.
I don't know if I hadunderstood that piece of it
before I did it, but the flow oflove and the disruption of the
love that makes so much sense.
Elizabeth Lynn Rohr (25:03):
I think that's what drew me into this
too is I am a social worker bytrade years ago and yet I don't
know, as I grew, that stuffnever worked for me anymore Like
traditional therapy.
I went to group therapy, I wentto one on theone therapy, I did
everything.
(25:24):
But as things started changingfor me, I started wanting some
other explanation for why I wasthe way.
I was.
Not blaming my parents, notblaming how I was raised, not
trying to find compassion for awoman, my mother, who I didn't
know her whole story right.
(25:44):
So as I started doingconstellation work, that started
opening up for me that thestory piece, the like,
understanding.
This is where this came from,so I can accept it more.
That is what love is acceptance,right, not wanting it to be any
different than it is.
And that's that's one of ourissues in this world, I think,
(26:07):
is we all want it to bedifferent.
I want, I want the world to bedifferent.
Yeah, I do, and there's a pieceof that I want to continue to
carry because that causes change.
But I can't live in thatBecause if I live in that, then
I'm a victim and I don't want tobe a victim.
Yeah, I'm not a victim.
Yeah.
Carrie Lingenfelter (26:26):
I like that , that piece of carrying a
little bit of it with us, to, to, to make the change, to be the
change, yeah, yeah not diggingyour head in the sand, right,
I'm full in love.
I can't.
I can't see this challenge.
I can't see this hard time.
Elizabeth Lynn Rohr (26:43):
Yep, Yep.
Well, we see a lot of thataround this area, in the Boulder
area, like a lot of what Iwould call.
What do I call it?
Spiritualized love, and I trulybelieve in spirituality and I
truly believe in love.
But love is a like a verb.
For me, it's not a, it's notjust a flighty feeling.
(27:05):
It's like how do I show upevery day?
Can I show up every day?
Can I show up exactly how I amevery day?
And even on those days when I'mnot feeling my best, if I can
show up and not like push thatonto someone else, that's,
that's a good day.
That's a good day.
Carrie Lingenfelter (27:26):
Definitely.
Yep, yeah, I, I will say myTestament.
Um, with family system, I can'thave a hard time saying the
word Thank you for a speech,therapist, that's good.
So, yes, I, I, you know, Ithink, like you said, it opened
up something in me that allowedmyself to see my kiddo for who
(27:50):
they were, but also thiscompassionate side that I was
trying so hard to dive intomyself, but I couldn't stay in
it.
Like I'd have pieces where I'dbe in it, but during those hard,
challenging moments it would beharder for me't stay in it.
Like I'd have pieces where I'dbe in it, but during those hard,
challenging moments it would beharder for me to stay in it,
whereas now it's easier to stayin that compassion,
(28:11):
understanding and that love andto feel that flow of love.
Elizabeth Lynn Rohr (28:15):
So that's it's that part is beautiful and
you said the beautiful wordslike to accept.
Accept your child for who he isright, that's such a, that's
such a beautiful.
I mean, think about what theworld would be like if we all
accepted people for exactly whothey are, and and and and.
Part of that is like.
I work with women who, who, whodid have mothers that were very,
(28:39):
you know, not great, not greatmoms, and so to be able to say
that's not something you usuallycan say to your mother I didn't
get what I needed, and if youdo say it, it's not really
productive.
But if I can stand in yourmother's representation and you
can say that to me, so that youcan let go of that, and then I
(29:04):
can show up slightly differentthan how your mother is in real
life, imagine what experiencethat.
And a lot of times we alsodecide, we also say that this is
a soul-based practice.
So a lot of times our parentsare not body anymore, they're on
the other side, and my beliefis that when people cross over,
(29:26):
they have a different view oflife than they had when they
were here, you know, trying tomake the rent and the mortgage
and the grocery bills and allthat stuff that they might have,
and your mom might show uploving and kind and sorry for
how she was, except acceptingher responsibility for what she
(29:48):
created.
That happens a lot in this workthat people before us take the
responsibility off our shouldersfor what they did, and so it
takes some of that energy awayfrom us.
Carrie Lingenfelter (30:03):
Yeah, well, that's lovely.
Do you have any things that youwould say?
Just a last thought for parentsgoing through this right now,
raising kids right now whatwould you leave us with?
Elizabeth Lynn Rohr (30:16):
Well, I never had kids, but I'll tell
you what I think the hardestthing to do in this world is to
be a parent.
You know, and every time I Ihave many friends that have
children so I can watch how theyare and see how they are, and I
(30:37):
also honor that.
Most people I know who areparenting right now are trying
to be different than what theyhad as an experience of a child
and I so honor that.
That is very courageous andvery loving and keep doing it.
(30:58):
And if you feel called to do afamily systemic constellation
for yourself, feel called to doa family systemic constellation
for yourself, then do it.
Do it.
We have there's a few of us inthe Boulder area as a that have
formed a group called theColorado Constellation
Collective and we offer monthlysessions at Una Vida Niwot
(31:20):
Meditation Center.
Because this modality is notsomething that's used in the
United States as frequently InEurope they use it all the time.
In Europe most therapists don'tdo marriage therapy anymore.
They do constellation work ifthey know about it, and in South
America it's very widely used.
(31:42):
I know a woman that uses it inthe judicial system another
system, especially the system of.
I think she works with family,family judicial system, which is
huge.
You know parenting, adoption.
You know when there's a divorcewho goes where she uses family
constellation work with thatCause.
It's a system.
(32:02):
You're working with a system.
When something's out of balance,you're trying to rebalance it
yeah and sometimes ourrebalancing causes issues for us
, and so this is what it showsfor us, so that we can right
size and right order everything.
Carrie Lingenfelter (32:20):
Yeah, I love that, el Elizabeth.
I'll make sure to include yourwebsite and your Facebook
information on our show notes.
Elizabeth Lynn Rohr (32:29):
I love that , thank you, thank you, thank
you for this.
This is fun.
Carrie Lingenfelter (32:33):
Yeah and oh , I forgot, you were just saying
about how people do it insteadof marriage counseling yeah.
I did, my husband and I didfamily constellations before we
got married.
We each did it.
Yeah, oh.
Elizabeth Lynn Rohr (32:47):
I remember that, I remember that and I love
that about what you guys did.
Yeah, I have a supervisor who'sfrom Germany and she there's
all.
There's so many ways that youcan experience constellation
work with horses, with people,and she does work with horses
with people and she does workwith mats what we call mats and
so what she'll do with a coupleis she'll um, just so she can
(33:12):
see where everybody is, she'llhave them pick up mat and she'll
not tell them what it is, butit's usually the husband, like
the wife will pick the husband.
The husband will pick the wife.
They don't know what it is, butit's usually the husband, like
the wife will pick the husband.
The husband will pick the wife.
They don't know what it is, andshe asked them to put it down
where it feels like it should beRight.
And so if you've got a couplecoming in for marriage therapy
(33:36):
and the wife puts her husbandover here and he puts the mat
over here, well that tells you alot right there as a therapist,
right, that's where you get tostart, rather than have to talk
about all the stuff that goes on.
You know where you are rightand it's a beautiful thing that,
like we're just trying to findour way back.
(33:58):
And so what can move the matscloser together?
What can move the people closertogether?
What can move the people closertogether?
What can bring the love closertogether?
That's the whole piece of work,yeah.
Carrie Lingenfelter (34:09):
Thank you so much, Elizabeth.
It's been lovely to have you.
Elizabeth Lynn Rohr (34:13):
Thanks, Carrie.
I appreciate your support and Ihope this has helped for people
.
Carrie Lingenfelter (34:19):
Me too.
Yeah Well, that's a wrap.
Thanks so much for tuning in.
Change makers.
This is Carrie, and if youhaven't done a review for us,
five stars and a little fewwords about what you've enjoyed
in our podcast episodes, wewould really appreciate it.
If you guys would like to evermessage me, I would love any
questions you have or anyfeedback.
(34:40):
At info at heart to heartlifecom, we also have a brand
new website which we're superexcited to share it's
hearttoheartlifecom.
Thanks so much for tuning inand happy life, happy times,
change maker families.
Bye.
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