March 4, 2025 • 48 mins
Dive into a rich tapestry of insights in our latest podcast episode where we talk about the intricate dance of conscious parenting. In this episode, we unravel the potent concepts of emotional intelligence and co-regulation that are essential for nurturing emotionally aware children. Join our heartfelt conversation with Frankie Socash as we explore how our behaviors and emotional states significantly influence our children, highlighting the powerful idea that children inherently model what they observe.
We also touch on the often-overlooked aspects of finding one’s parenting tribe and the deep sense of connection that comes from being surrounded by like-minded individuals. Isolation can take a toll, especially in today’s landscape, making it crucial to build relationships that lift us up emotionally and offer camaraderie in this parenting journey.
Our exploration doesn't stop there—together, we delve into understanding emotional triggers, both in our lives as parents and in the lives of our children. Acknowledging and managing these triggers can foster healing in our relationships and pave the way for healthier interactions as families.
Finally, we highlight the role of physical and energetic elements like Kundalini energy and emphasize the importance of grounding oneself through emotional ups and downs. By nurturing ourselves, we can better support our children in experiencing and navigating their emotions.
Embrace your parenting journey with deeper insights and tools that empower both you and your children to thrive emotionally. Join us and be inspired to forge a path toward conscious parenting. We invite you to tune in and share your reflections with us!
Connect with Frankie Socash:
*Website: https://sanasantiyah.com/
*Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sanasantiyah/
*Email: sanasantiyah@gmail.com
New! Conscious Family Travels Channel on YouTube with Carrie:
https://www.youtube.com/@consciousfamilytravels
Connect with Carrie:
*Website: https://hearttoheartlife.com/
*Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thespiritualparent
*YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheSpiritualParent
*Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/people/The-Spiritual-Parent/61554482625081
*Email: info@hearttoheartlife.com
**Please remember that the information shared on this podcast is educational in nature and does not constitute licensed mental health advice. If you need such advice, you should speak with a licensed professional about your unique situation. Thanks so much happy listeners.
© 2024 Heart to Heart Life LLC
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Frankie Socash (00:00):
And seeing it as this opportunity for healing,
rather than oh, I just need tomake this stop, because trying
to make it stop is only going toperpetuate it.
And this makes me think aboutthe co-regulation.
What if we were to co-regulatewith the triggers and, rather
(00:21):
than trying to encourage someoneor a child, just breathe?
What if we just sat there withthem and were breathing?
Because if children do, if theymodel what we do rather than
what we say, and we were justthere and very present, we
didn't even have to say anything.
We could just be breathing,making it audible, whatever, and
just sit there and just breathe.
(00:42):
And it takes a little bit, buteventually their system is going
to link up with that system.
Carrie Lingenfelter (00:49):
Hi Conscious Parents.
It's Keri here and I am herewith a little info about raising
our mindful kids.
I've got some tips and tricksabout breaking free of the box
and becoming who you are andteaching your kids how to do
that along the way.
Join us Hi there and welcomeback.
I'm so excited to connect withyou all.
Today.
I have a wonderful special guest, frankie Sokhash, that I'm so
(01:12):
excited to connect with.
I've been following her onInstagram and, if you don't, you
should check her out in theshow notes because she's amazing
and she's helped me so muchwith my motherhood journey and
my spiritual awakening that I'vebeen feeling so.
Frankie is a somatic guide andmentor, helping women to birth
their creative gifts, bringtheir medicine to the world and
(01:34):
embrace the full spectrum ofthemselves and their emotions
while doing so.
And that pretty much describesmy year.
My word for this year has beenpassion for 2024.
And I feel like I started outwith passion and just last year
and this year just had this hugespiritual awakening through
motherhood and connection andit's been amazing.
(01:58):
I was actually just telling myhusband yesterday how this era
has calmed my brain down and nowI can hear my heart and it
really just feels this powerfullove toward him.
So it's just this reconnectionthat I've been having with
myself, with my husband, alittle bit with my parents I
feel like that's going on andthen my kids.
(02:20):
So I love what you're doing forothers.
Frankie Socash (02:23):
Yeah, that's beautiful.
Thank you, Carrie.
Thank you for having me, thankyou for inviting me to your
podcast and onto this platform,super inspired by what you're
doing and the consciousparenting and spreading the word
and giving parents tools to beable to work through whatever
they need to work through inorder to be able to bring more
of that consciousness and moreof that awareness into our daily
(02:45):
lives, because that's like thebread and butter of humanity and
of reality.
Right, it's?
like our foundation of whatwe've created here on earth and
what we're going to continue tobe able to create on earth.
So, yeah, I'm super stoked tobe here and I had a word for
this year and I think it wasdevotion or dedication, one of
(03:05):
those D words.
And yeah, my year has also beenjust like really filled with a
lot of relationship building andrediscovering my relationship
to my mom, to my body, to myfuture children and my partner.
And, yeah, it must be somethingin the air.
Carrie Lingenfelter (03:21):
I love it.
Yeah, it must be something withour charts or what we're meant
to work through in this era.
It's so powerful and it'sinteresting that you were
talking about connection withyour parents and I think for me
you had mentioned beforehand.
I was reading you had talkedabout your tribe and how we were
(03:44):
not meant to raise childrenalone and in a vulnerable piece
of myself, I have been feelingso lonely in parenting.
That's why I started Heart toHeart.
Parents was.
I felt like I was the only oneraising these gifted, spirited,
highly sensitive kids, and it'sbeen hard for my husband and I
(04:07):
to find our tribe because wefeel like we're so different
than others.
When, as I'm starting this, I'mlike oh my gosh, there are so
many people like this.
Do you have any pieces that youwould say about, maybe like
calling in our tribe, findingpeople that accept us?
For us, I think this.
(04:28):
It was like this huge movementthat my husband and I discovered
.
We had thought we had to be thisbox version of what parents
should look like, especiallyafter the pandemic, when we were
holed up with our kids.
We loved that piece because wereally got to connect with our
kids, but when we went out intothe world.
We were like we're going tomake friends and we're going to
(04:49):
discover it's going to bewonderful We've been locked in,
and so we almost became this boxversion of what other parents
think that we should look likeand we weren't letting our true
selves out.
And then, once we did, it waslike everybody disappeared.
But I think it was because weneeded to start new, and we
ended 2023 at this version ofpeace, which was both of our
(05:12):
word for the year.
It was really funny we ended upwith the same word, but we felt
peaceful at the end.
We changed our kid's school, welet go of old relationships and
now we're at this era wherewe're trying to bring in and we
have a really hard timeconnecting with others and
finding other people in ourparenting journey.
Frankie Socash (05:30):
Yeah, I feel that there was a time when I was
dating someone and surroundedby a lot of people who I just
didn't feel like I really trulyresonated.
I was like like my spiritualitywas in the closet still, like I
hadn't really fully embracedwho I knew.
I was on the inside and Ididn't feel confident.
(05:52):
I didn't feel comfortabletalking about the things that I
really wanted to talk about andit just it felt like I was
living this kind of secret life.
And I think this is like areally important part in
everyone's journey.
Right Is being able toacknowledge I'm no longer really
in resonance with who I'vebecome and some of the people
that I'm surrounded by.
(06:13):
And then there's like that leapof faith right, like in the
hero's journey, there's alwaysthis kind of like this leap that
we have to take off the cliffand hope and pray.
And sometimes it comes with alot of difficulties and
challenges and I felt like afterI had moved on from this group
of people that I had grown soclose to and don't get me wrong
like I still love them.
(06:34):
They played a huge role in mybecoming, but it came to a point
where it wasn't serving and itwas almost like the pain of
sticking around became sooverwhelming to me that I had to
, and then it was a while ofjust feeling like loneliness and
I think that is part of theprocess.
But continuing to walk the pathand continuing to walk in this
(06:58):
way, where I know that I'm trueto who I am on the inside, I
know that I'm true to who I amat the heart right Of my heart
and soul, and I do believe thatwhere I'm going and where I'm
headed there are people, andcontinuing to dedicate ourselves
to that path, it's likededicating ourselves to
something that we can't quitesee yet or we can't quite grasp
it yet, and it's like being ableto connect to that and just
(07:21):
continuing to walk the path.
That is what attracts the tribe,that's what attracts the people
that we're looking for or thatwe know are out there, and the
people who are also doing thesame thing.
It's magnetic when we canovercome who we thought we were
and put ourselves in thosesituations where we have to just
burn in our own fire of passionand desire.
This is who I am and this iswho I'm not willing to be
(07:45):
anymore, and with love andcompassion to that version and
who we were and the people whowere around us, and being
willing to take that leap andit's not easy, it's scary, but I
think that played a really bigrole as being willing to go
through that piece of I'm notbeing totally true to who I know
(08:09):
I am and then being willing tobe lonely and learn through the
loneliness, right, because whatis loneliness besides maybe not
really fully connecting with whowe really are and like the
world all around us, right?
Carrie Lingenfelter (08:28):
are and like the world all around us,
right?
Yeah, that's beautiful and it'sinteresting because I think
about when I was a child.
All of our kids are soconscious, my kids are very
conscious, and I was a veryconscious child and I would
connect, or I would attempt toconnect, heart to heart with all
of my friends.
I would be the best friend, andI wouldn't always receive the
same version that I was puttingout.
And so I feel as an adult, Ithought, oh, I have to mask or
(08:55):
give this version of me to be afriend.
And then finally, as I cameinto my own this past year or
two, it's oh, no, I need thisother, I need to be me and I
need to be a connected friend.
So I'm thinking in my mind mykids have to go through that as
well, because they I can see mykids and they are very conscious
(09:17):
in their friendships, they arevery devoted friends.
So I guess it's probablysomething that they'll have to
go through at some point.
Frankie Socash (09:24):
Yeah, that's an interesting one, because I
believe that we all have our ownjourney right.
We all come here and we're hereto just we have to learn, and
there are some things that wecan't really tell children.
They have to figure it out ontheir own.
But then how much of it is likehow can we teach them some of
(09:45):
the things that we've gonethrough?
Right, and maybe encouragingthem to still keep their heart
open when the world around themis encouraging them to close up
their heart because it's toomuch or because people don't
know how to handle it?
And because I know that story,like what you were just saying
about having this big, openheart and feeling like we had to
adjust, because I think it's Isit like, on one hand, I feel
(10:09):
like it's really rare to read,to meet people with that big,
wide, open heart, but then, atthe same time, I feel like it's
just perspective and beingwilling to like look around and
see, and also like how can weteach our children to still
remain open, regardless of whatother children may be
(10:31):
encouraging them or teachingthem or what their teachers may
be teaching them even, and Ithink this all really comes back
to just emotional intelligencebeing able to understand
emotions and being able tounderstand triggers and being
able to understand projectionsright, like the way someone
responds to how I love them.
It doesn't say anything about me.
So if I'm big, wide, openhearted and someone can't handle
(10:54):
it, or they get mad or theyattack me, or and then I want to
shut down, it's myresponsibility to to not shut
down or to move through it right, or to discover what is it
about it that's actually makingme want to shut down, because
it's not the other person.
And so being able to untanglethe mess that I think a lot of
(11:14):
humans have found themselves inthis kind of like emotional
trigger dynamic relationships.
Everything is so conditional.
I need you to do this so I canbe this.
And yeah, just, I think theemotional intelligence is really
important, and especially forchildren.
Carrie Lingenfelter (11:31):
Yeah, yeah, there's so much of.
I think we're really realizingand recognizing these pieces and
teaching them the emotionalintelligence pieces my two a
six-year-old daughter andnine-year-old son and we moved
them to a social emotional focusschool and there's pieces of it
(11:52):
that really helped them withthose emotional intelligence and
also empowering them in theirsensitivity, in their big, open
hearts, empowering them tounderstand how they connect with
others, and it's been reallywonderful for my two kids.
But, yeah, I love that.
(12:12):
I think, as we're working toteach them about their emotional
responses, that's a huge onethat I've been doing as a mom
and this is a little bit offtopic, but I was thinking
yesterday.
I was thinking about how Iteach my kids.
We've been working lately.
My kids will have a sensoryresponse to the world around
(12:33):
them as emotional, highlysensitive, empath kids.
There can be triggers or thingsthat feel, and it's oftentimes
like a sensory trigger orsomething that's just
overwhelming.
When they're sick, when they'retired, it's even worse.
So they will erupt and in thatmoment they'll say things that
they don't mean to trigger myhusband and I, because they've
(12:55):
learned, they're very smart, sothey've learned what these
triggers are and for me, one ofmy triggers is if my son hits my
daughter, it's a huge mama beartrigger.
Or if he hits my husband,oftentimes he doesn't hit as
much, but so he'll use words tohit.
Now that's where he's learnedThinking about these.
So that's one thing is talkingabout those triggers I would
(13:16):
love to come back to that formoms, but also I've been talking
to my kids about that is aresponse, that's your physical
response to what's going on inyour system and that is not who
your true spirit and soul andperson is.
You have a beautiful spirit, youhave a beautiful soul.
I see it and I know how youlove people and you take care of
(13:38):
others, and that's yourresponse.
Do you want to name it?
Let's name it like sillymonster or let's name it
something, because I want you tonot identify with your response
.
Do you want to name it?
Let's name it like sillymonster or let's name it
something, because I want you tonot identify with that response
.
I want you to identify with whoyou truly are, and I've noticed
that my kids really love thatand they take to it and I hear
less I'm a bad kid or what I didwas makes me a bad person.
(14:02):
It's really interesting.
My son will now say I'm feelingtriggered.
Can we turn on the audio bookto help me calm myself down?
Or I'm going to go play with myLegos because I'm feeling
triggered and I love the waykids are using these tools and
they know how to identify it.
So I'm going to share thatpiece of what we've been working
on.
Frankie Socash (14:21):
Oh, that's so cool.
I love it.
On.
Carrie Lingenfelter (14:23):
Oh that's so cool.
I love it.
Yeah, and just identifying withthat moment and that energy
right, it's like this buildup ofenergy and this explosion and
like they got to get it out.
And sometimes, like we use alot of our occupational
therapists have taught us toolsof bringing them into their body
again.
Right, Grounding them likehitting them with a pillow we
(14:43):
have pillow fights or likethrowing them onto the bed in a
soft manner to just help themlike reset.
But yeah, not identifying thosemoments as who their soul and
their person is.
Frankie Socash (14:54):
Yeah, totally I also think like it's to be able
to watch adults do it, becauseI'm just reflecting on when I
was a child and bless, bless,bless my mother.
I love her so much and shewould try to tell me to do
something.
And it's like you don't do it.
Why should I?
So it's very it's childrenwatch.
(15:16):
They're watching.
They're not doing what they'retold, they're doing what is
modeled to them, which I thinkis really fascinating.
I have a story that, while youwere talking, was coming up and
I want to share it, and it feelsreally vulnerable to share this
story.
It's about me and my partner.
(15:37):
He I don't even know, I can'teven remember what the thing was
, but I kept doing this thingand he'd be like stop, and I'm
like still doing it.
A little kid, I don't even know, I can't even remember what the
thing was, but I kept doingthis thing and he'd be like stop
, and I'm like still doing it.
He's a little kid.
This is like a kind of a littlekid dynamic and he's just stop
it, stop it.
And this is over a period oftime where I just kept doing
this thing and kept doing thisthing and I wasn't really
(15:59):
listening to him when he saidstop, like I didn't take it
seriously, I didn't think it gotto a point where he like
started, you know, grabbing myarms and like kind of play, play
, wrestling, but also wrestling,to the point where it's stop.
And it got heated to the pointwhere I, like I was getting
(16:22):
triggered.
I was like, why does it feellike it's getting to a point of
violence?
I didn't understand.
And we had this, notnecessarily a blow up, but this
moment of what?
What is going on?
Why are like, why are youacting this way towards me?
And it came to the point whereit was like because I wasn't
actually listening to him andhearing him when he was saying
(16:43):
stop, please, don't do that, andI wasn't taking it seriously
Like his only response was like,okay, now I need to get
physical, now I need to get I'mnot going to say violent,
because that's a really intenseword, it's not violence, he's
not hitting me, he used to doBrazilian jujitsu, so he really
(17:06):
likes to do those weird moves.
But it was getting to the pointwhere I was getting triggered.
And I was getting to this placeof remembering when I was a
child, when I would blow up andI'd freak out and get physical
and start screaming and hittingand doing whatever I needed to
do in order to be heard.
And it was this moment of oh myGod, I can't believe that I'm
doing that.
Right, I'm the one creatingthis.
I'm the one who's continuouslyjust pushing and pushing, doing
(17:29):
this thing and not listening tohim when he's very gently and
kindly saying please stop.
And then it gets to this pointof kind of a physical
altercation and oh, wow, okay,like I just I wasn't hearing you
and for, I guess, a human Idon't I say human because it
(17:51):
could be children, it could beadults, right, if our boundaries
are being crossed and we're notactually being heard, like
sometimes we have to take it tothat level in order to be heard,
because sometimes our wordsjust aren't enough, which is
unfortunate.
It really it hit me.
It's unfortunate that he, whois such a loving and kind and
(18:11):
generous person and partner tobe saying like, please stop.
And I'm over here just stilllike nagging on it and egging it
on, and oh wow, yeah, that thatfeels bad.
That feels really bad on eitherend.
Right, it felt really bad forme to be on the end of.
Oh, I was the one who keptpushing it and encouraging and
(18:32):
pushed it to that extent.
Carrie Lingenfelter (18:35):
Yes, yes, I think there's the idea of we
all have our capacity bucket, ofhow much we can fill it with
demands, right, and sometimes wecannot verbalize why our bucket
is completely full and spillingout.
And so I think of that for kids.
(18:57):
They can't always say this isoverwhelming to me, or I have
way too many activities afterschool.
I need to play outside on oneday or two days a week.
This is too much.
So, yeah, having thatconnection with our kids to
understand like this is whatyou're overreacting a lot lately
(19:18):
, or you're feeling like veryexplosive lately.
What is it that's triggeringyou?
Or can we figure out how toreduce the demands on your
system too?
Frankie Socash (19:27):
Yeah, and you may, you say that, like kids
don't have the vocabulary orhave the really ability to speak
in that way, and I barely do, Ican, barely, I'm triggered.
Right now, I still get intothese moods of like where I snap
and I go back into thesepatterns and it's yeah.
How do we remember in themoment, how, like, how, and if
(19:51):
I'm modeling for other peoplearound me and I'm going through
it, how do we?
How, like, how do we do it?
How do we do it together?
This is the question like howdo we all do it together?
Carrie Lingenfelter (20:02):
yeah, yeah, because there's so much that
the kids bring up in us that wemay not have known was there,
which has been like this wholeparenting experience for me.
I did not, but it was only inthis past year where I started
to realize and see it, and Ithink it gets easier to
recognize those.
Oh, this is a trigger for mefrom my childhood.
(20:25):
That's why I'm feeling upset,and it gets easier over time.
And then, also using yourintuition too, sometimes there's
I'll look back and I'll be likewhy did I react to such?
Oh, it's this piece and I feellike I just I can hear it
quicker as I practice it.
Frankie Socash (20:42):
Yeah, Keyword right there Practice right, yes,
right.
Carrie Lingenfelter (20:46):
That's self-reflection and teaching our
kids how to recognize thosepieces and, if it is appropriate
, sharing with your kids.
I'm sorry, I reacted in thatmoment.
I felt really intense in mybody when you hit your sister
and it kicked into me.
I wanted it to stop and I don'tlike yelling.
(21:07):
I'm sorry I yelled.
I know you were having aresponse to something else and
sometimes I'll work with my kid.
What do you were having aresponse to something else, and
sometimes I'll work with my kid.
What do you think we could doto fix this?
How do you think your bodyneeds to learn about this so it
doesn't go there next time?
Yeah, so I think you hadmentioned earlier.
I was reading you had mentionedco-regulation and that can be
(21:30):
really hard if we're not in thatregulated state ourselves.
Frankie Socash (21:34):
Yeah, yeah, so that's when and, to be fair, I
am current.
I'm not a mother right now, soI do want to acknowledge that
I'm not currently in a positionwhere I'm raising a child, that
(21:54):
I'm not currently in a positionwhere I'm raising a child.
I am in a position where I amworking very closely to my
partner and to his parents, andso it's almost like like it's
different, but it's also notreally like there are
similarities in it, and I findthat, as long as I take the time
to do the work on myself and Iregulate myself, and so I'm in a
(22:16):
consistent, if I'm consistentlyregulated, I have more capacity
for the times when there areexplosions around me, when other
people maybe are not regulated.
It's almost like my duty to beregulated, and so I'm
consistently doing the practices, I'm consistently using my
(22:37):
tools to be able to maintainregulation, and when I have a
trigger, I will deal with itright there in the moment, move
it through my body and, even ifI have to go, take a moment to
myself really quick, run to mybedroom, do what I need to do,
have a good cry, do.
However, it needs to movethrough me, because I find that
(23:00):
if I can do that, then I get tobe that role model for those
around me where they can see, oh, there's another way.
Oh, I felt that I saw thatemotion rise up within.
I saw her get triggered, hermove through it, and so it's
again.
It's like teaching by exampleand co-regulation.
I used to.
I worked at a daycare right uplike I was in high school I
(23:27):
think I was 15 and I workedthere for years.
I was in the toddler and therewas a child who just very
physical and he would hitwhenever he'd get really upset
and really mad and really angryand I would find, and I would
upset, my immediate reactionduring this time would be like I
want to grab him, I want toyell, I want to do something,
(23:50):
like, it's true, don't do.
And I found that would almostamplify it.
It would amplify the energy.
And I think back to even thetimes when I was a child and
there was violence in my homeand then I would go out there
and I'd be screaming and yellingand there'd be like it would
just amplify it.
And so being able to be thatcalm person is going to help
(24:11):
another person, whether it's achild, whether it's another
adult, whether it's one of ourelders, whoever it is.
As long as we can maintain thislevel of groundedness and
centeredness, it's prettyprofound.
I also worked as a massagetherapist and I found that, as
long as I was feeling safe in mybody, I was calm, grounded.
(24:34):
It doesn't have to be anythingcrazy.
There was something reallyprofound that would happen when
someone would come in.
Maybe they'd been sitting intraffic, they had a rough day at
work and they're feeling reallyfrazzled, they got this pain on
their neck, they're like allthese things and they'd come in
and they lay down and all I'dhave to do is put my hands on
them and then their system wouldthen sync up with my system.
(24:56):
It's like the way that thenervous systems communicate
together, they sync up andthat's like this idea of
co-regulation, where it's likemy system can now mingle with
yours.
So it's actually happening onlike a nervous system level, on
like a nervous system level.
So it's like really it's like.
Personally, I feel like it'sreally important for anyone,
(25:17):
whether we're moms, sisters,daughters, granddaughters, like
whatever, whoever, even menthat's not even just to say it's
like a woman's responsibility,but to be able to do the work
that we need to do to take careof ourselves, and that work.
When I say work, it's going tolook different for everybody.
Okay, what does it?
Carrie Lingenfelter (25:40):
if I was having a moment and say somebody
kicked their dad and I neededto let it out and I went into
the bedroom to take a minute,like my husband was taking care
of the kids and I was able toleave safely with the kids being
watched, but something I coulddo.
(26:01):
Do you have any idea?
I know it's personal if youhave different triggers or such,
but I'm just thinking what'slike a activity or an idea, or
do you?
Frankie Socash (26:14):
I guess I break it like yeah, it's very, it's
really going to depend oneverybody's capacity, especially
in the moment, right, sure, butif we were to break it down to
the actual moment when ithappened, and let's say that
this child kicked his father andit's, what is the reaction that
(26:35):
happens within my body when Iwatch that and I see that, and
if it's, let's say, it's like awave of emotion and I want to
react and I want to say no and Iwant to go and grab them, right
, that's usually how it goes.
Right, there's this wave ofemotion that rises up and it's
okay.
How present can I be with thatemotion?
(26:55):
And, rather than reacting andbeing reactive towards it, how
can I create more capacity in mybody to receive the emotion,
because it's valid, it's present, it's moving through me, but I
don't necessarily need to let itmove me, I don't need to let it
control me, I don't need to letit create this kind of also
(27:20):
reactive response Like how can Ibe the pattern interruption and
I'm just I'll, I'll come backto, like my experience when that
happens, sometimes I have towhite knuckle it and but make
sure that I'm breathing becauseright, because then otherwise
that emotion is going to gettrapped into us.
So it's a really like fine tune, and this is the stuff that I
(27:42):
do with my clients is teachingthem how to actually move an
emotion through the body like afull circuit, so that way it
doesn't get stuck.
But it's also not actuallyruling us.
It's not creating thesereactions, these knee jerk
reactions that we don'tnecessarily want.
So it's like these knee jerkreactions that we don't
necessarily want.
So it's like how can I be sopresent with that emotion and
(28:02):
maybe take a moment, maybe takea moment to like breathe?
And one of my favorite exercisesto do is when we feel like an
emotion rises and if you canstart to track it and start to
name where it's coming from.
Let's say this emotion isalways coming from like the
solar plexus.
Let's say it's coming fromright there and it just it's
(28:24):
this feeling and it's this.
Oh my God, like I got it, I gotit.
It's creating this response.
Right, it's okay, I feel thisin my body.
How can I just and it's a ballof energy.
How can I disperse thatthroughout my entire body?
How can I bring that out to thetips of my fingers and down to
the tips of my toes and how canI be so present with it and
(28:45):
allow it to fully move throughmy body?
And it's you gotta, you gotta,lean into it.
I don't know if you've ever hada massage or have you ever had
what like when someone finds aknot?
You know a knot, and if youhave a skilled practitioner,
they'll find it and they'll pin,and they'll pin it down and
they'll lean into it and it's,oh God, like I, I feel that I
(29:08):
like, yeah, it's, there's a lotof sensation and you just
breathe.
That's what it's like.
It's like being able to findthat spot, but we're the
practitioners and it's anemotion, and so it's like how
can I find just the rightleverage to lean into it and
allow it to move through me, butto be present with it enough so
(29:28):
that I can still breathe andit's.
It sometimes is a veryuncomfortable moment.
A couple of moments, yeah, butbeing able to be so present with
it and then after that, becauseit takes about 90 seconds for
an emotion to complete a circuitwithin the body as it comes up
(29:50):
and then moves through the body,about 90 seconds.
So that's a 90 seconds of justbeing for a moment, just taking
a moment before and taking somebreaths and then being able to
move from that space of beinglike, okay, I moved through my
own trigger, I moved through myown emotion.
I'm now finding this place ofregulation within myself and now
(30:11):
I can go have a conversation ofhey, what's going on, what's
happening, are you okay?
What do you need right now?
Because I think oftentimes whenchildren are reacting like that
, it's what if they're needingsomething, but they don't have
the words to explain it.
They don't know the words ofthis is what's happening and
this is what I'm feeling, andsometimes it's too overwhelming
(30:33):
and so it comes out in thoseways, like those knee-jerk
reactions that we have when wefeel those emotions.
I think that also goes back toyeah, I don't know.
Did that answer the question?
Carrie Lingenfelter (30:42):
It totally did.
I think for me, breathing isone that I always stop, and it's
interesting because my kidswill stop the breathing,
especially my son, and we'relike breathe, you got to breathe
.
He's no, like he just has thebuild.
He wants to just keep buildingit up to get the reaction from
us and just like explode, likehe wants that explosion to move
(31:03):
that energy through.
But I love the way that you'redescribing this because I have
the similar feelings that hedoes, and so I think really
working to get that breathinggoing will really help.
Frankie Socash (31:15):
Yeah, yeah, totally.
Carrie Lingenfelter (31:18):
Like naming will really help.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally Likenaming.
There's that.
It's like a Daniel Siegelauthor mentions name it to tame
it.
And with the kids I'm like Iwill always say because I don't
want it to be an accusatory soI'm like I'm noticing that your
fists are clenched or you'retaking action at dad,
something's going on Like howcan I help you right now?
(31:38):
And sometimes they'll saywhatever it is, you're not
listening to me right now.
You only listen to brother formy daughter or something like
that.
And then if I listen to her,that's oftentimes the reason my
six-year-old will have herexplosive moments.
It's we're not listening, we'renot identifying with her
problem.
(31:58):
She just wants to tell us theproblem.
She doesn't want us to fix it.
She wants us to say I'm sosorry you're going through that.
How can I help you?
Do you want a hug?
Things like that.
So, it's interesting we'rethinking about it at an adult
level too.
But there's that piece of.
I want to work through it, butI also need you here with me
helping me work through it.
Frankie Socash (32:19):
Yeah, oh my gosh , yeah, totally.
That's like the never endingstory of the male and the female
too, because I feel likeoftentimes, like when I have
something big in me and I likeand I'll go to my partner and
then he's OK, but what do youlike, what should we do?
Or he'll try to like fix it.
I'm like no, I don't want youto fix it, I just want you to be
with me, I just want hold me,touch my arm or something Like
(32:40):
let me know you're here, yeah,and he doesn't get it.
There's a, I can see it.
There's a part of him thatwants to like reach this
ultimate truth of what is, andthese emotions don't make sense.
And I, he and he's, he's agreat guy and so he's okay, I'll
touch your arm, I'll nod myhead, I hear you.
Carrie Lingenfelter (33:02):
Totally.
Yes, I agree with the feminineand the masculine that's.
I found that as well, and Ialso have found it like as an
adult, even talking to my momabout something.
I just want to I want you tounderstand how hard it can be
parenting my two kids right now.
To understand how hard it canbe parenting my two kids right
now.
I don't need you to try to fixit.
I don't need multiple articleson neurodiversity or I don't
(33:27):
need you to send me these things.
I need you to connect with meand understand that maybe I was
an easy kid.
You keep telling me I was aneasy kid.
I was made to be an easy kid.
I thought that was my role wasto be an easy kid, to be quiet,
to be easy because you've beenthrough a lot in your life, yeah
, so just I think also in ourown parenting journey we find
that for ourselves again, likeyou we had talked about.
Frankie Socash (33:52):
Yeah.
Carrie Lingenfelter (33:52):
Yeah, I love so many of the things
you're saying and do you haveany tips on finding the trigger?
If it's not, if we're notconnected with our, is it
connecting to our?
Or I guess what would be yourmindset on finding the trigger
for parents or humans?
Frankie Socash (34:11):
yeah, that's a big question, it is, it is a
really big question.
Carrie Lingenfelter (34:19):
But in our parenting journey, maybe number
one step is like acknowledgingand I don't know if you have any
pieces that you feel drawntoward with that, or maybe the
story that I told in that, likeI'm realizing hey, I have a
podcast now, I have a lot ofvoice getting my voice out,
(34:42):
because I felt like I didn't asa child but yeah, those pieces
letting my kids have their voice, seeing them for who they truly
are, allowing them to tell mewho they are, instead of being
like you're so easy.
Or yeah, I don't know.
I was thinking of those piecestoo.
Frankie Socash (35:03):
I'm still marinating on what you said
about the trigger, like how doyou find a trigger?
Yeah, yeah, and I feel, do youknow what your triggers are?
I think for me and you don'thave to share them.
Sure, I'm trying to think, if Iknow them all, I don't know if
I always do.
Carrie Lingenfelter (35:18):
I think for me and you don't have to share
that Sure.
I'm just trying to think if Iknow them all, I don't know if I
always do.
I think for me.
I'm thinking in my mind likewhat is the trigger?
Why do I have that eruptionwhen one kid hurts the other or
hurts an adult?
Frankie Socash (35:30):
I don't know if I know the trigger for that
Oftentimes they come from thesubconscious, so it's an
unconscious response generally,usually like we can know what
our trigger is but we don't know, but then it's hard to see it
in the moment because then it's,then it turns into an
unconscious response, right Likethose knee jerk reactions.
When we react from a like anemotional response, that's an
(35:52):
unconscious response.
So it's all very much likehappening in the subconscious
and the thing about theunconscious is you can't see it.
You can't see it until you haveit reflected for you.
So having conversations withyour partner, maybe having
conversations with your children, and then you get to have, you
(36:13):
get to discover, oh, that's atrigger, that's my trigger.
I'm trying to think of if I havean example of what a trigger of
mine is.
So I grew up in a like a fairlyviolent household, so for me,
any kind of like physical likeif anyone's trying to hold me
(36:34):
down or do something that Idon't like physically with my
body, and that's a trigger forme and I have been known to snap
from that like it, like thatkind of knee jerk reaction, but
I'm like, okay, so I know whatmy trigger is and that came from
doing a lot of work, hiring alot of mentors, having a lot of
(36:56):
coaches.
I went to therapy for a littlewhile and so I think the thing
about our triggers, or even justanything that is unconscious,
like it really can, unless we'rediving really deeply into
dreams but even then we stillneed to be able to have
something to reflect back to usbecause we can't always see it
(37:18):
and then, as you start topinpoint what the trigger is,
then becomes the process of okay, now, how do I lean into it?
How do I start to break up thepattern of this happens, and
then I react like this how do Ibreak up that pattern?
And you just start to collapsetime a little bit of okay, I
(37:39):
know what my trigger is.
I'm going to go through acouple more interactions that
are going to bring up thistrigger for healing.
Right, it's because there'ssomething that's unresolved
within us and it's wanting toseek resolution.
So it's coming up for a purposeand I think, even just having
that mindset about a trigger,it's not anything I don't know,
(38:00):
it's not like I need to get ridof it, I need to like there's
not this magic pill that's goingto take it away.
It's a process and it's ajourney and being able to
identify it and then start tobreak it down to, okay, what
happens.
As soon as I know I'm triggered, what's the first thing that
happens in my body and that'sthe process that I go through is
(38:23):
being able to identify, like,what's happening in my body,
what's the first thing, to gointo contraction and then from
there it's like a domino effect.
Right, there will be one pieceof our body that's going to
contract, and then maybe someother pieces, and then it's
going to come out in some kindof arms or legs or voice or
everything.
So, yeah, I think obviouslycuriosity is going to be the big
(38:45):
one and seeing it as thisopportunity for healing rather
than oh, I just need to makethis stop, because trying to
make it stop is only going toperpetuate it.
And this makes me think aboutthe co-regulation.
What if we were to co-regulatewith the triggers?
And, rather than trying toencourage someone or a child to
(39:12):
just breathe, what if we justsat there with them and were
breathing?
Because if children do, if theymodel what we do rather than
what we say, and we were justthere and very present, we
didn't even have to say anything.
We could just be breathing,making it audible, whatever, and
just sit there and just breathe, and it takes a little bit, but
eventually their system isgoing to link up with that
(39:33):
system.
And so what if we treated thetrigger in the same way of oh
okay, like, I see you right,this is.
It's like holding like anotherpart of ourselves.
It's like this is in our childwork too, and, depending on
where this trigger could beanywhere in the journey, it
could be an older version of us,it could be a younger version
of us.
But holding it in that same way, the way that we would a child
(39:56):
of what's up, what's going on,what are you feeling, and then
just breathe with it and watchit, that's how I would approach
that.
Carrie Lingenfelter (40:03):
I'd say I love it.
That's so helpful.
Thank you, I know my questionwas very big in the scenario
right, it was a big question.
I feel like my daughter comesto me with questions like that,
these big questions of who are?
We, where are we from?
(40:24):
I'm like, okay, that's going totake a minute.
Frankie Socash (40:25):
I love it.
Yeah, I appreciate it, frankie.
Yeah, oh my gosh.
Yeah, I love it.
I love the questions that likeget me to think too and like
really dig deeper.
I'm like how do you even answer?
Carrie Lingenfelter (40:33):
that I know .
I know it's so many.
It's amazing opportunities forgrowth and reflection.
And that's this podcastingjourney for me.
It's been so wonderful and Ihave a personal question.
I wanted to ask you do you whatare your thoughts on Kundalini?
I had that since I started,since I did Reiki, and then I
(40:55):
started doing my meditation andI noticed I had all of these
movements and I'm like what isgoing on?
It was after having my son andthen studying Reiki and I
started to my mom and I finallymy mom has it as well we finally
were able to name it.
It didn't tame it though.
No, but I've heard interestingthings.
I just wanted to connect withyou on that.
(41:16):
If anybody's having that.
Frankie Socash (41:18):
Yeah, oh, my God , I love this.
It lights me up.
Yeah, what you said about beingable to name it, didn't tame it
.
I think there's something aboutit just to say naming it to
tame it.
I believe in naming it, but Idon't believe in taming it.
I don't believe in taming it.
I think even trying to tame itis going to create a lot of
(41:43):
problems, a lot of physicalailments, a lot of maybe even
psychological issues as well.
Kundalini is the energy that'slocated at the base of the spine
.
This is connected to oursexuality.
This is connected to oursensuality, to our creativity.
This is like the primal lifeforce, energy that lives inside
of us and over.
(42:04):
I don't even know how long.
I don't even know how long wecan say that it's the patriarchy
.
We can easily blame society andthe world that we're living in
now as to why so many people arecut off from their vitality,
from who they truly are, fromthis kundalini energy that lives
inside of us, and I think forme, that's the least interesting
(42:28):
part of the conversation, andit's more okay.
How do we nurture this?
How do we bring it forth?
How do we?
Again, I feel like everything,especially these days, comes
back to how do we again it all Ifeel like everything,
especially these days, comesback to how do we increase our
capacity to experience it?
Because I think a lot of bodieshave been taught to cut it off,
have been taught to fear it,have been taught to reject it,
(42:53):
and so the capacity is, capacityis very.
It's like this, and thenthere's this kind of big
bubbling energy happening inside, which is the Kundalini energy,
and it's moving and it'sundulating through us and if
we're not moving with that it's,you know, I don't think that it
(43:16):
will go away.
I don't think it will stop.
It will come out in differentways.
It will start to seep out inways that are maybe not healthy.
It'll seep out in ways that aremaybe unconscious, that could
potentially I don't know causeharm.
I don't know exactly.
It's a really powerful energyand being able to remember who
(43:42):
we really are and the power thatwe have as human beings, as
really creative energetic beings, it's really profound and it
really excites me to know thatthere are a lot of people who
are connecting to this energyand this energy that is actually
getting activated and turned on.
I think that there's manydifferent thoughts as to what's
happening, whether it'sastrologically, cosmically,
(44:04):
whatever's happening on theplanet solar flares, 5g, you
name it.
There's just so many thingsthat are happening that are
altering our energetic capacityand being able to move with it.
And so, if we think aboutKundalini energy and how it's a
serpent, snake-like energy,right, this is like how does
your body want to move it, howdoes your body want to move with
(44:27):
it, or how does it want to moveyour body, and you can play
with these different ways andhow you want to relate to it or
how it relates to you and beingable to move it through the body
, right, and so playing with it,like if you can feel it moving
in your body.
You said you felt.
What did you feel?
Carrie Lingenfelter (44:43):
I'm doing it right now.
When I first got it, it waslike turning my head like up and
down.
Now I get it.
The time where I really feel itrelease is during when I'm
doing Qigong like a group Qigongclass I go to weekly and I love
it because it's a nice movementand it comes out and it just
moves with it.
Or sometimes when I'mmeditating too, I get it.
(45:04):
So I'm learning to embrace itand let it out and it's growing
into different versions.
It's really cool.
Frankie Socash (45:12):
Yeah, yeah, that's so exciting, that's
powerful.
That's so powerful.
Yeah, I think it probably looksdifferent for everybody, but I
think often, oftentimes, it'sdefinitely this like energy,
that's like very felt right inthe base of the spine or even
just up the spine.
Sometimes it gets stuck alittle bit like behind, maybe
the heart or or the occiput area, which is the base of the skull
(45:35):
, and I think it's likeencouraging.
It's it's very energetic, butit's also very visceral, and so
being able to move it throughthe body, I think is a really
powerful practice and stuff likeQigong.
Obviously, there's Kundaliniyoga, which was created for that
.
Carrie Lingenfelter (45:54):
Yeah, I haven't tried it yet, but I
definitely need to look into it.
It would be awesome.
Yeah, yeah, frankie, thanks somuch for answering my yeah, I
haven't tried it yet, but Idefinitely need to look into it.
It would be awesome.
Yeah, yeah, frankie, thanks somuch for answering my random
questions and following along onmy journey.
I love it and I love you.
You mentioned that you do somebusiness or some practices with
helping business ladies startingtheir entrepreneur journeys.
(46:16):
I love that.
Frankie Socash (46:17):
Yeah, yeah, so it's, I guess, more what I'm
doing right now.
I have a mentorship that I'mwalking women through and a lot
of it is really rooted in someof the conversation that we had
today and being able tounderstand triggers, how to
honor emotions and how to movethem through the body and how to
be able to create the structurewithin the body that creates a
system to where you can movethrough it naturally and be
(46:40):
really present.
So it becomes almost ingrained,right, it's like creating this
new neurology to be able to movethese emotions and move these
triggers and move old trauma,old stagnant stories, whatever
it is, whatever we may beholding onto that is keeping us
from actually being able to showup in the way that we really
freaking want to Love it.
(47:01):
That's really all it is.
And yeah, and a lot of what I'mdoing is being able to do that
foundational work and then, ofcourse, walking women through
the process and helping them beable to figure out how to work
with clients, how to fine tunetheir skills working with
clients, how to set up paymentplans, how to do all that stuff
and actually get to the pointwhere they are being able to
(47:23):
really develop the service thatthey're here to offer through
their own transformation andthrough their own really unique
way of working in the world, andthen offer that so that's so
wonderful.
Carrie Lingenfelter (47:35):
I've been on that journey myself and doing
a lot of that myself at home,and so it's really powerful when
we can bring that into ourbusiness side.
Yeah, I love that yeah.
I'll include all of yourinformation in our show notes
today, where they can find you,and they should go follow you on
Instagram, because I love it.
It's been a journey, so thanksso much for being here, frankie.
(47:56):
I love chatting with you yeah,thank you.
Frankie Socash (47:59):
Thank you, carrie.
It's so good to be here, it'sso good to connect with you and,
yeah, have this conversation.
It was nice and juicy juicy, tosay the least.
Carrie Lingenfelter (48:07):
Thank you, frankie.
That's a wrap.
Thanks so much for tuning in.
Change makers.
This is Carrie, and if youhaven't done a review for us,
five stars and a little fewwords about what you've enjoyed
in our podcast episodes, wewould really appreciate it.
If you guys would like to evermessage me, I would love any
questions you have or anyfeedback.
(48:28):
At info at hearttoheartlifecom,we also have a brand new
website which we're superexcited to share.
It's hearttoheartlifecom.
Thanks so much for tuning inand happy life, happy times.
Changemaker families.
And seeing it as this opportunity for healing,
rather than oh, I just need tomake this stop, because trying
to make it stop is only going toperpetuate it.
And this makes me think aboutthe co-regulation.
What if we were to co-regulatewith the triggers and, rather
(00:21):
than trying to encourage someoneor a child, just breathe?
What if we just sat there withthem and were breathing?
Because if children do, if theymodel what we do rather than
what we say, and we were justthere and very present, we
didn't even have to say anything.
We could just be breathing,making it audible, whatever, and
just sit there and just breathe.
(00:42):
And it takes a little bit, buteventually their system is going
to link up with that system.
Carrie Lingenfelter (00:49):
Hi Conscious Parents.
It's Keri here and I am herewith a little info about raising
our mindful kids.
I've got some tips and tricksabout breaking free of the box
and becoming who you are andteaching your kids how to do
that along the way.
Join us Hi there and welcomeback.
I'm so excited to connect withyou all.
Today.
I have a wonderful special guest, frankie Sokhash, that I'm so
(01:12):
excited to connect with.
I've been following her onInstagram and, if you don't, you
should check her out in theshow notes because she's amazing
and she's helped me so muchwith my motherhood journey and
my spiritual awakening that I'vebeen feeling so.
Frankie is a somatic guide andmentor, helping women to birth
their creative gifts, bringtheir medicine to the world and
(01:34):
embrace the full spectrum ofthemselves and their emotions
while doing so.
And that pretty much describesmy year.
My word for this year has beenpassion for 2024.
And I feel like I started outwith passion and just last year
and this year just had this hugespiritual awakening through
motherhood and connection andit's been amazing.
(01:58):
I was actually just telling myhusband yesterday how this era
has calmed my brain down and nowI can hear my heart and it
really just feels this powerfullove toward him.
So it's just this reconnectionthat I've been having with
myself, with my husband, alittle bit with my parents I
feel like that's going on andthen my kids.
(02:20):
So I love what you're doing forothers.
Frankie Socash (02:23):
Yeah, that's beautiful.
Thank you, Carrie.
Thank you for having me, thankyou for inviting me to your
podcast and onto this platform,super inspired by what you're
doing and the consciousparenting and spreading the word
and giving parents tools to beable to work through whatever
they need to work through inorder to be able to bring more
of that consciousness and moreof that awareness into our daily
(02:45):
lives, because that's like thebread and butter of humanity and
of reality.
Right, it's?
like our foundation of whatwe've created here on earth and
what we're going to continue tobe able to create on earth.
So, yeah, I'm super stoked tobe here and I had a word for
this year and I think it wasdevotion or dedication, one of
(03:05):
those D words.
And yeah, my year has also beenjust like really filled with a
lot of relationship building andrediscovering my relationship
to my mom, to my body, to myfuture children and my partner.
And, yeah, it must be somethingin the air.
Carrie Lingenfelter (03:21):
I love it.
Yeah, it must be something withour charts or what we're meant
to work through in this era.
It's so powerful and it'sinteresting that you were
talking about connection withyour parents and I think for me
you had mentioned beforehand.
I was reading you had talkedabout your tribe and how we were
(03:44):
not meant to raise childrenalone and in a vulnerable piece
of myself, I have been feelingso lonely in parenting.
That's why I started Heart toHeart.
Parents was.
I felt like I was the only oneraising these gifted, spirited,
highly sensitive kids, and it'sbeen hard for my husband and I
(04:07):
to find our tribe because wefeel like we're so different
than others.
When, as I'm starting this, I'mlike oh my gosh, there are so
many people like this.
Do you have any pieces that youwould say about, maybe like
calling in our tribe, findingpeople that accept us?
For us, I think this.
(04:28):
It was like this huge movementthat my husband and I discovered
.
We had thought we had to be thisbox version of what parents
should look like, especiallyafter the pandemic, when we were
holed up with our kids.
We loved that piece because wereally got to connect with our
kids, but when we went out intothe world.
We were like we're going tomake friends and we're going to
(04:49):
discover it's going to bewonderful We've been locked in,
and so we almost became this boxversion of what other parents
think that we should look likeand we weren't letting our true
selves out.
And then, once we did, it waslike everybody disappeared.
But I think it was because weneeded to start new, and we
ended 2023 at this version ofpeace, which was both of our
(05:12):
word for the year.
It was really funny we ended upwith the same word, but we felt
peaceful at the end.
We changed our kid's school, welet go of old relationships and
now we're at this era wherewe're trying to bring in and we
have a really hard timeconnecting with others and
finding other people in ourparenting journey.
Frankie Socash (05:30):
Yeah, I feel that there was a time when I was
dating someone and surroundedby a lot of people who I just
didn't feel like I really trulyresonated.
I was like like my spiritualitywas in the closet still, like I
hadn't really fully embracedwho I knew.
I was on the inside and Ididn't feel confident.
(05:52):
I didn't feel comfortabletalking about the things that I
really wanted to talk about andit just it felt like I was
living this kind of secret life.
And I think this is like areally important part in
everyone's journey.
Right Is being able toacknowledge I'm no longer really
in resonance with who I'vebecome and some of the people
that I'm surrounded by.
(06:13):
And then there's like that leapof faith right, like in the
hero's journey, there's alwaysthis kind of like this leap that
we have to take off the cliffand hope and pray.
And sometimes it comes with alot of difficulties and
challenges and I felt like afterI had moved on from this group
of people that I had grown soclose to and don't get me wrong
like I still love them.
(06:34):
They played a huge role in mybecoming, but it came to a point
where it wasn't serving and itwas almost like the pain of
sticking around became sooverwhelming to me that I had to
, and then it was a while ofjust feeling like loneliness and
I think that is part of theprocess.
But continuing to walk the pathand continuing to walk in this
(06:58):
way, where I know that I'm trueto who I am on the inside, I
know that I'm true to who I amat the heart right Of my heart
and soul, and I do believe thatwhere I'm going and where I'm
headed there are people, andcontinuing to dedicate ourselves
to that path, it's likededicating ourselves to
something that we can't quitesee yet or we can't quite grasp
it yet, and it's like being ableto connect to that and just
(07:21):
continuing to walk the path.
That is what attracts the tribe,that's what attracts the people
that we're looking for or thatwe know are out there, and the
people who are also doing thesame thing.
It's magnetic when we canovercome who we thought we were
and put ourselves in thosesituations where we have to just
burn in our own fire of passionand desire.
This is who I am and this iswho I'm not willing to be
(07:45):
anymore, and with love andcompassion to that version and
who we were and the people whowere around us, and being
willing to take that leap andit's not easy, it's scary, but I
think that played a really bigrole as being willing to go
through that piece of I'm notbeing totally true to who I know
(08:09):
I am and then being willing tobe lonely and learn through the
loneliness, right, because whatis loneliness besides maybe not
really fully connecting with whowe really are and like the
world all around us, right?
Carrie Lingenfelter (08:28):
are and like the world all around us,
right?
Yeah, that's beautiful and it'sinteresting because I think
about when I was a child.
All of our kids are soconscious, my kids are very
conscious, and I was a veryconscious child and I would
connect, or I would attempt toconnect, heart to heart with all
of my friends.
I would be the best friend, andI wouldn't always receive the
same version that I was puttingout.
And so I feel as an adult, Ithought, oh, I have to mask or
(08:55):
give this version of me to be afriend.
And then finally, as I cameinto my own this past year or
two, it's oh, no, I need thisother, I need to be me and I
need to be a connected friend.
So I'm thinking in my mind mykids have to go through that as
well, because they I can see mykids and they are very conscious
(09:17):
in their friendships, they arevery devoted friends.
So I guess it's probablysomething that they'll have to
go through at some point.
Frankie Socash (09:24):
Yeah, that's an interesting one, because I
believe that we all have our ownjourney right.
We all come here and we're hereto just we have to learn, and
there are some things that wecan't really tell children.
They have to figure it out ontheir own.
But then how much of it is likehow can we teach them some of
(09:45):
the things that we've gonethrough?
Right, and maybe encouragingthem to still keep their heart
open when the world around themis encouraging them to close up
their heart because it's toomuch or because people don't
know how to handle it?
And because I know that story,like what you were just saying
about having this big, openheart and feeling like we had to
adjust, because I think it's Isit like, on one hand, I feel
(10:09):
like it's really rare to read,to meet people with that big,
wide, open heart, but then, atthe same time, I feel like it's
just perspective and beingwilling to like look around and
see, and also like how can weteach our children to still
remain open, regardless of whatother children may be
(10:31):
encouraging them or teachingthem or what their teachers may
be teaching them even, and Ithink this all really comes back
to just emotional intelligencebeing able to understand
emotions and being able tounderstand triggers and being
able to understand projectionsright, like the way someone
responds to how I love them.
It doesn't say anything about me.
So if I'm big, wide, openhearted and someone can't handle
(10:54):
it, or they get mad or theyattack me, or and then I want to
shut down, it's myresponsibility to to not shut
down or to move through it right, or to discover what is it
about it that's actually makingme want to shut down, because
it's not the other person.
And so being able to untanglethe mess that I think a lot of
(11:14):
humans have found themselves inthis kind of like emotional
trigger dynamic relationships.
Everything is so conditional.
I need you to do this so I canbe this.
And yeah, just, I think theemotional intelligence is really
important, and especially forchildren.
Carrie Lingenfelter (11:31):
Yeah, yeah, there's so much of.
I think we're really realizingand recognizing these pieces and
teaching them the emotionalintelligence pieces my two a
six-year-old daughter andnine-year-old son and we moved
them to a social emotional focusschool and there's pieces of it
(11:52):
that really helped them withthose emotional intelligence and
also empowering them in theirsensitivity, in their big, open
hearts, empowering them tounderstand how they connect with
others, and it's been reallywonderful for my two kids.
But, yeah, I love that.
(12:12):
I think, as we're working toteach them about their emotional
responses, that's a huge onethat I've been doing as a mom
and this is a little bit offtopic, but I was thinking
yesterday.
I was thinking about how Iteach my kids.
We've been working lately.
My kids will have a sensoryresponse to the world around
(12:33):
them as emotional, highlysensitive, empath kids.
There can be triggers or thingsthat feel, and it's oftentimes
like a sensory trigger orsomething that's just
overwhelming.
When they're sick, when they'retired, it's even worse.
So they will erupt and in thatmoment they'll say things that
they don't mean to trigger myhusband and I, because they've
(12:55):
learned, they're very smart, sothey've learned what these
triggers are and for me, one ofmy triggers is if my son hits my
daughter, it's a huge mama beartrigger.
Or if he hits my husband,oftentimes he doesn't hit as
much, but so he'll use words tohit.
Now that's where he's learnedThinking about these.
So that's one thing is talkingabout those triggers I would
(13:16):
love to come back to that formoms, but also I've been talking
to my kids about that is aresponse, that's your physical
response to what's going on inyour system and that is not who
your true spirit and soul andperson is.
You have a beautiful spirit, youhave a beautiful soul.
I see it and I know how youlove people and you take care of
(13:38):
others, and that's yourresponse.
Do you want to name it?
Let's name it like sillymonster or let's name it
something, because I want you tonot identify with your response
.
Do you want to name it?
Let's name it like sillymonster or let's name it
something, because I want you tonot identify with that response
.
I want you to identify with whoyou truly are, and I've noticed
that my kids really love thatand they take to it and I hear
less I'm a bad kid or what I didwas makes me a bad person.
(14:02):
It's really interesting.
My son will now say I'm feelingtriggered.
Can we turn on the audio bookto help me calm myself down?
Or I'm going to go play with myLegos because I'm feeling
triggered and I love the waykids are using these tools and
they know how to identify it.
So I'm going to share thatpiece of what we've been working
on.
Frankie Socash (14:21):
Oh, that's so cool.
I love it.
On.
Carrie Lingenfelter (14:23):
Oh that's so cool.
I love it.
Yeah, and just identifying withthat moment and that energy
right, it's like this buildup ofenergy and this explosion and
like they got to get it out.
And sometimes, like we use alot of our occupational
therapists have taught us toolsof bringing them into their body
again.
Right, Grounding them likehitting them with a pillow we
(14:43):
have pillow fights or likethrowing them onto the bed in a
soft manner to just help themlike reset.
But yeah, not identifying thosemoments as who their soul and
their person is.
Frankie Socash (14:54):
Yeah, totally I also think like it's to be able
to watch adults do it, becauseI'm just reflecting on when I
was a child and bless, bless,bless my mother.
I love her so much and shewould try to tell me to do
something.
And it's like you don't do it.
Why should I?
So it's very it's childrenwatch.
(15:16):
They're watching.
They're not doing what they'retold, they're doing what is
modeled to them, which I thinkis really fascinating.
I have a story that, while youwere talking, was coming up and
I want to share it, and it feelsreally vulnerable to share this
story.
It's about me and my partner.
(15:37):
He I don't even know, I can'teven remember what the thing was
, but I kept doing this thingand he'd be like stop, and I'm
like still doing it.
A little kid, I don't even know, I can't even remember what the
thing was, but I kept doingthis thing and he'd be like stop
, and I'm like still doing it.
He's a little kid.
This is like a kind of a littlekid dynamic and he's just stop
it, stop it.
And this is over a period oftime where I just kept doing
this thing and kept doing thisthing and I wasn't really
(15:59):
listening to him when he saidstop, like I didn't take it
seriously, I didn't think it gotto a point where he like
started, you know, grabbing myarms and like kind of play, play
, wrestling, but also wrestling,to the point where it's stop.
And it got heated to the pointwhere I, like I was getting
(16:22):
triggered.
I was like, why does it feellike it's getting to a point of
violence?
I didn't understand.
And we had this, notnecessarily a blow up, but this
moment of what?
What is going on?
Why are like, why are youacting this way towards me?
And it came to the point whereit was like because I wasn't
actually listening to him andhearing him when he was saying
(16:43):
stop, please, don't do that, andI wasn't taking it seriously
Like his only response was like,okay, now I need to get
physical, now I need to get I'mnot going to say violent,
because that's a really intenseword, it's not violence, he's
not hitting me, he used to doBrazilian jujitsu, so he really
(17:06):
likes to do those weird moves.
But it was getting to the pointwhere I was getting triggered.
And I was getting to this placeof remembering when I was a
child, when I would blow up andI'd freak out and get physical
and start screaming and hittingand doing whatever I needed to
do in order to be heard.
And it was this moment of oh myGod, I can't believe that I'm
doing that.
Right, I'm the one creatingthis.
I'm the one who's continuouslyjust pushing and pushing, doing
(17:29):
this thing and not listening tohim when he's very gently and
kindly saying please stop.
And then it gets to this pointof kind of a physical
altercation and oh, wow, okay,like I just I wasn't hearing you
and for, I guess, a human Idon't I say human because it
(17:51):
could be children, it could beadults, right, if our boundaries
are being crossed and we're notactually being heard, like
sometimes we have to take it tothat level in order to be heard,
because sometimes our wordsjust aren't enough, which is
unfortunate.
It really it hit me.
It's unfortunate that he, whois such a loving and kind and
(18:11):
generous person and partner tobe saying like, please stop.
And I'm over here just stilllike nagging on it and egging it
on, and oh wow, yeah, that thatfeels bad.
That feels really bad on eitherend.
Right, it felt really bad forme to be on the end of.
Oh, I was the one who keptpushing it and encouraging and
(18:32):
pushed it to that extent.
Carrie Lingenfelter (18:35):
Yes, yes, I think there's the idea of we
all have our capacity bucket, ofhow much we can fill it with
demands, right, and sometimes wecannot verbalize why our bucket
is completely full and spillingout.
And so I think of that for kids.
(18:57):
They can't always say this isoverwhelming to me, or I have
way too many activities afterschool.
I need to play outside on oneday or two days a week.
This is too much.
So, yeah, having thatconnection with our kids to
understand like this is whatyou're overreacting a lot lately
(19:18):
, or you're feeling like veryexplosive lately.
What is it that's triggeringyou?
Or can we figure out how toreduce the demands on your
system too?
Frankie Socash (19:27):
Yeah, and you may, you say that, like kids
don't have the vocabulary orhave the really ability to speak
in that way, and I barely do, Ican, barely, I'm triggered.
Right now, I still get intothese moods of like where I snap
and I go back into thesepatterns and it's yeah.
How do we remember in themoment, how, like, how, and if
(19:51):
I'm modeling for other peoplearound me and I'm going through
it, how do we?
How, like, how do we do it?
How do we do it together?
This is the question like howdo we all do it together?
Carrie Lingenfelter (20:02):
yeah, yeah, because there's so much that
the kids bring up in us that wemay not have known was there,
which has been like this wholeparenting experience for me.
I did not, but it was only inthis past year where I started
to realize and see it, and Ithink it gets easier to
recognize those.
Oh, this is a trigger for mefrom my childhood.
(20:25):
That's why I'm feeling upset,and it gets easier over time.
And then, also using yourintuition too, sometimes there's
I'll look back and I'll be likewhy did I react to such?
Oh, it's this piece and I feellike I just I can hear it
quicker as I practice it.
Frankie Socash (20:42):
Yeah, Keyword right there Practice right, yes,
right.
Carrie Lingenfelter (20:46):
That's self-reflection and teaching our
kids how to recognize thosepieces and, if it is appropriate
, sharing with your kids.
I'm sorry, I reacted in thatmoment.
I felt really intense in mybody when you hit your sister
and it kicked into me.
I wanted it to stop and I don'tlike yelling.
(21:07):
I'm sorry I yelled.
I know you were having aresponse to something else and
sometimes I'll work with my kid.
What do you were having aresponse to something else, and
sometimes I'll work with my kid.
What do you think we could doto fix this?
How do you think your bodyneeds to learn about this so it
doesn't go there next time?
Yeah, so I think you hadmentioned earlier.
I was reading you had mentionedco-regulation and that can be
(21:30):
really hard if we're not in thatregulated state ourselves.
Frankie Socash (21:34):
Yeah, yeah, so that's when and, to be fair, I
am current.
I'm not a mother right now, soI do want to acknowledge that
I'm not currently in a positionwhere I'm raising a child, that
(21:54):
I'm not currently in a positionwhere I'm raising a child.
I am in a position where I amworking very closely to my
partner and to his parents, andso it's almost like like it's
different, but it's also notreally like there are
similarities in it, and I findthat, as long as I take the time
to do the work on myself and Iregulate myself, and so I'm in a
(22:16):
consistent, if I'm consistentlyregulated, I have more capacity
for the times when there areexplosions around me, when other
people maybe are not regulated.
It's almost like my duty to beregulated, and so I'm
consistently doing the practices, I'm consistently using my
(22:37):
tools to be able to maintainregulation, and when I have a
trigger, I will deal with itright there in the moment, move
it through my body and, even ifI have to go, take a moment to
myself really quick, run to mybedroom, do what I need to do,
have a good cry, do.
However, it needs to movethrough me, because I find that
(23:00):
if I can do that, then I get tobe that role model for those
around me where they can see, oh, there's another way.
Oh, I felt that I saw thatemotion rise up within.
I saw her get triggered, hermove through it, and so it's
again.
It's like teaching by exampleand co-regulation.
I used to.
I worked at a daycare right uplike I was in high school I
(23:27):
think I was 15 and I workedthere for years.
I was in the toddler and therewas a child who just very
physical and he would hitwhenever he'd get really upset
and really mad and really angryand I would find, and I would
upset, my immediate reactionduring this time would be like I
want to grab him, I want toyell, I want to do something,
(23:50):
like, it's true, don't do.
And I found that would almostamplify it.
It would amplify the energy.
And I think back to even thetimes when I was a child and
there was violence in my homeand then I would go out there
and I'd be screaming and yellingand there'd be like it would
just amplify it.
And so being able to be thatcalm person is going to help
(24:11):
another person, whether it's achild, whether it's another
adult, whether it's one of ourelders, whoever it is.
As long as we can maintain thislevel of groundedness and
centeredness, it's prettyprofound.
I also worked as a massagetherapist and I found that, as
long as I was feeling safe in mybody, I was calm, grounded.
(24:34):
It doesn't have to be anythingcrazy.
There was something reallyprofound that would happen when
someone would come in.
Maybe they'd been sitting intraffic, they had a rough day at
work and they're feeling reallyfrazzled, they got this pain on
their neck, they're like allthese things and they'd come in
and they lay down and all I'dhave to do is put my hands on
them and then their system wouldthen sync up with my system.
(24:56):
It's like the way that thenervous systems communicate
together, they sync up andthat's like this idea of
co-regulation, where it's likemy system can now mingle with
yours.
So it's actually happening onlike a nervous system level, on
like a nervous system level.
So it's like really it's like.
Personally, I feel like it'sreally important for anyone,
(25:17):
whether we're moms, sisters,daughters, granddaughters, like
whatever, whoever, even menthat's not even just to say it's
like a woman's responsibility,but to be able to do the work
that we need to do to take careof ourselves, and that work.
When I say work, it's going tolook different for everybody.
Okay, what does it?
Carrie Lingenfelter (25:40):
if I was having a moment and say somebody
kicked their dad and I neededto let it out and I went into
the bedroom to take a minute,like my husband was taking care
of the kids and I was able toleave safely with the kids being
watched, but something I coulddo.
(26:01):
Do you have any idea?
I know it's personal if youhave different triggers or such,
but I'm just thinking what'slike a activity or an idea, or
do you?
Frankie Socash (26:14):
I guess I break it like yeah, it's very, it's
really going to depend oneverybody's capacity, especially
in the moment, right, sure, butif we were to break it down to
the actual moment when ithappened, and let's say that
this child kicked his father andit's, what is the reaction that
(26:35):
happens within my body when Iwatch that and I see that, and
if it's, let's say, it's like awave of emotion and I want to
react and I want to say no and Iwant to go and grab them, right
, that's usually how it goes.
Right, there's this wave ofemotion that rises up and it's
okay.
How present can I be with thatemotion?
(26:55):
And, rather than reacting andbeing reactive towards it, how
can I create more capacity in mybody to receive the emotion,
because it's valid, it's present, it's moving through me, but I
don't necessarily need to let itmove me, I don't need to let it
control me, I don't need to letit create this kind of also
(27:20):
reactive response Like how can Ibe the pattern interruption and
I'm just I'll, I'll come backto, like my experience when that
happens, sometimes I have towhite knuckle it and but make
sure that I'm breathing becauseright, because then otherwise
that emotion is going to gettrapped into us.
So it's a really like fine tune, and this is the stuff that I
(27:42):
do with my clients is teachingthem how to actually move an
emotion through the body like afull circuit, so that way it
doesn't get stuck.
But it's also not actuallyruling us.
It's not creating thesereactions, these knee jerk
reactions that we don'tnecessarily want.
So it's like these knee jerkreactions that we don't
necessarily want.
So it's like how can I be sopresent with that emotion and
(28:02):
maybe take a moment, maybe takea moment to like breathe?
And one of my favorite exercisesto do is when we feel like an
emotion rises and if you canstart to track it and start to
name where it's coming from.
Let's say this emotion isalways coming from like the
solar plexus.
Let's say it's coming fromright there and it just it's
(28:24):
this feeling and it's this.
Oh my God, like I got it, I gotit.
It's creating this response.
Right, it's okay, I feel thisin my body.
How can I just and it's a ballof energy.
How can I disperse thatthroughout my entire body?
How can I bring that out to thetips of my fingers and down to
the tips of my toes and how canI be so present with it and
(28:45):
allow it to fully move throughmy body?
And it's you gotta, you gotta,lean into it.
I don't know if you've ever hada massage or have you ever had
what like when someone finds aknot?
You know a knot, and if youhave a skilled practitioner,
they'll find it and they'll pin,and they'll pin it down and
they'll lean into it and it's,oh God, like I, I feel that I
(29:08):
like, yeah, it's, there's a lotof sensation and you just
breathe.
That's what it's like.
It's like being able to findthat spot, but we're the
practitioners and it's anemotion, and so it's like how
can I find just the rightleverage to lean into it and
allow it to move through me, butto be present with it enough so
(29:28):
that I can still breathe andit's.
It sometimes is a veryuncomfortable moment.
A couple of moments, yeah, butbeing able to be so present with
it and then after that, becauseit takes about 90 seconds for
an emotion to complete a circuitwithin the body as it comes up
(29:50):
and then moves through the body,about 90 seconds.
So that's a 90 seconds of justbeing for a moment, just taking
a moment before and taking somebreaths and then being able to
move from that space of beinglike, okay, I moved through my
own trigger, I moved through myown emotion.
I'm now finding this place ofregulation within myself and now
(30:11):
I can go have a conversation ofhey, what's going on, what's
happening, are you okay?
What do you need right now?
Because I think oftentimes whenchildren are reacting like that
, it's what if they're needingsomething, but they don't have
the words to explain it.
They don't know the words ofthis is what's happening and
this is what I'm feeling, andsometimes it's too overwhelming
(30:33):
and so it comes out in thoseways, like those knee-jerk
reactions that we have when wefeel those emotions.
I think that also goes back toyeah, I don't know.
Did that answer the question?
Carrie Lingenfelter (30:42):
It totally did.
I think for me, breathing isone that I always stop, and it's
interesting because my kidswill stop the breathing,
especially my son, and we'relike breathe, you got to breathe
.
He's no, like he just has thebuild.
He wants to just keep buildingit up to get the reaction from
us and just like explode, likehe wants that explosion to move
(31:03):
that energy through.
But I love the way that you'redescribing this because I have
the similar feelings that hedoes, and so I think really
working to get that breathinggoing will really help.
Frankie Socash (31:15):
Yeah, yeah, totally.
Carrie Lingenfelter (31:18):
Like naming will really help.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally Likenaming.
There's that.
It's like a Daniel Siegelauthor mentions name it to tame
it.
And with the kids I'm like Iwill always say because I don't
want it to be an accusatory soI'm like I'm noticing that your
fists are clenched or you'retaking action at dad,
something's going on Like howcan I help you right now?
(31:38):
And sometimes they'll saywhatever it is, you're not
listening to me right now.
You only listen to brother formy daughter or something like
that.
And then if I listen to her,that's oftentimes the reason my
six-year-old will have herexplosive moments.
It's we're not listening, we'renot identifying with her
problem.
(31:58):
She just wants to tell us theproblem.
She doesn't want us to fix it.
She wants us to say I'm sosorry you're going through that.
How can I help you?
Do you want a hug?
Things like that.
So, it's interesting we'rethinking about it at an adult
level too.
But there's that piece of.
I want to work through it, butI also need you here with me
helping me work through it.
Frankie Socash (32:19):
Yeah, oh my gosh , yeah, totally.
That's like the never endingstory of the male and the female
too, because I feel likeoftentimes, like when I have
something big in me and I likeand I'll go to my partner and
then he's OK, but what do youlike, what should we do?
Or he'll try to like fix it.
I'm like no, I don't want youto fix it, I just want you to be
with me, I just want hold me,touch my arm or something Like
(32:40):
let me know you're here, yeah,and he doesn't get it.
There's a, I can see it.
There's a part of him thatwants to like reach this
ultimate truth of what is, andthese emotions don't make sense.
And I, he and he's, he's agreat guy and so he's okay, I'll
touch your arm, I'll nod myhead, I hear you.
Carrie Lingenfelter (33:02):
Totally.
Yes, I agree with the feminineand the masculine that's.
I found that as well, and Ialso have found it like as an
adult, even talking to my momabout something.
I just want to I want you tounderstand how hard it can be
parenting my two kids right now.
To understand how hard it canbe parenting my two kids right
now.
I don't need you to try to fixit.
I don't need multiple articleson neurodiversity or I don't
(33:27):
need you to send me these things.
I need you to connect with meand understand that maybe I was
an easy kid.
You keep telling me I was aneasy kid.
I was made to be an easy kid.
I thought that was my role wasto be an easy kid, to be quiet,
to be easy because you've beenthrough a lot in your life, yeah
, so just I think also in ourown parenting journey we find
that for ourselves again, likeyou we had talked about.
Frankie Socash (33:52):
Yeah.
Carrie Lingenfelter (33:52):
Yeah, I love so many of the things
you're saying and do you haveany tips on finding the trigger?
If it's not, if we're notconnected with our, is it
connecting to our?
Or I guess what would be yourmindset on finding the trigger
for parents or humans?
Frankie Socash (34:11):
yeah, that's a big question, it is, it is a
really big question.
Carrie Lingenfelter (34:19):
But in our parenting journey, maybe number
one step is like acknowledgingand I don't know if you have any
pieces that you feel drawntoward with that, or maybe the
story that I told in that, likeI'm realizing hey, I have a
podcast now, I have a lot ofvoice getting my voice out,
(34:42):
because I felt like I didn't asa child but yeah, those pieces
letting my kids have their voice, seeing them for who they truly
are, allowing them to tell mewho they are, instead of being
like you're so easy.
Or yeah, I don't know.
I was thinking of those piecestoo.
Frankie Socash (35:03):
I'm still marinating on what you said
about the trigger, like how doyou find a trigger?
Yeah, yeah, and I feel, do youknow what your triggers are?
I think for me and you don'thave to share them.
Sure, I'm trying to think, if Iknow them all, I don't know if
I always do.
Carrie Lingenfelter (35:18):
I think for me and you don't have to share
that Sure.
I'm just trying to think if Iknow them all, I don't know if I
always do.
I think for me.
I'm thinking in my mind likewhat is the trigger?
Why do I have that eruptionwhen one kid hurts the other or
hurts an adult?
Frankie Socash (35:30):
I don't know if I know the trigger for that
Oftentimes they come from thesubconscious, so it's an
unconscious response generally,usually like we can know what
our trigger is but we don't know, but then it's hard to see it
in the moment because then it's,then it turns into an
unconscious response, right Likethose knee jerk reactions.
When we react from a like anemotional response, that's an
(35:52):
unconscious response.
So it's all very much likehappening in the subconscious
and the thing about theunconscious is you can't see it.
You can't see it until you haveit reflected for you.
So having conversations withyour partner, maybe having
conversations with your children, and then you get to have, you
(36:13):
get to discover, oh, that's atrigger, that's my trigger.
I'm trying to think of if I havean example of what a trigger of
mine is.
So I grew up in a like a fairlyviolent household, so for me,
any kind of like physical likeif anyone's trying to hold me
(36:34):
down or do something that Idon't like physically with my
body, and that's a trigger forme and I have been known to snap
from that like it, like thatkind of knee jerk reaction, but
I'm like, okay, so I know whatmy trigger is and that came from
doing a lot of work, hiring alot of mentors, having a lot of
(36:56):
coaches.
I went to therapy for a littlewhile and so I think the thing
about our triggers, or even justanything that is unconscious,
like it really can, unless we'rediving really deeply into
dreams but even then we stillneed to be able to have
something to reflect back to usbecause we can't always see it
(37:18):
and then, as you start topinpoint what the trigger is,
then becomes the process of okay, now, how do I lean into it?
How do I start to break up thepattern of this happens, and
then I react like this how do Ibreak up that pattern?
And you just start to collapsetime a little bit of okay, I
(37:39):
know what my trigger is.
I'm going to go through acouple more interactions that
are going to bring up thistrigger for healing.
Right, it's because there'ssomething that's unresolved
within us and it's wanting toseek resolution.
So it's coming up for a purposeand I think, even just having
that mindset about a trigger,it's not anything I don't know,
(38:00):
it's not like I need to get ridof it, I need to like there's
not this magic pill that's goingto take it away.
It's a process and it's ajourney and being able to
identify it and then start tobreak it down to, okay, what
happens.
As soon as I know I'm triggered, what's the first thing that
happens in my body and that'sthe process that I go through is
(38:23):
being able to identify, like,what's happening in my body,
what's the first thing, to gointo contraction and then from
there it's like a domino effect.
Right, there will be one pieceof our body that's going to
contract, and then maybe someother pieces, and then it's
going to come out in some kindof arms or legs or voice or
everything.
So, yeah, I think obviouslycuriosity is going to be the big
(38:45):
one and seeing it as thisopportunity for healing rather
than oh, I just need to makethis stop, because trying to
make it stop is only going toperpetuate it.
And this makes me think aboutthe co-regulation.
What if we were to co-regulatewith the triggers?
And, rather than trying toencourage someone or a child to
(39:12):
just breathe, what if we justsat there with them and were
breathing?
Because if children do, if theymodel what we do rather than
what we say, and we were justthere and very present, we
didn't even have to say anything.
We could just be breathing,making it audible, whatever, and
just sit there and just breathe, and it takes a little bit, but
eventually their system isgoing to link up with that
(39:33):
system.
And so what if we treated thetrigger in the same way of oh
okay, like, I see you right,this is.
It's like holding like anotherpart of ourselves.
It's like this is in our childwork too, and, depending on
where this trigger could beanywhere in the journey, it
could be an older version of us,it could be a younger version
of us.
But holding it in that same way, the way that we would a child
(39:56):
of what's up, what's going on,what are you feeling, and then
just breathe with it and watchit, that's how I would approach
that.
Carrie Lingenfelter (40:03):
I'd say I love it.
That's so helpful.
Thank you, I know my questionwas very big in the scenario
right, it was a big question.
I feel like my daughter comesto me with questions like that,
these big questions of who are?
We, where are we from?
(40:24):
I'm like, okay, that's going totake a minute.
Frankie Socash (40:25):
I love it.
Yeah, I appreciate it, frankie.
Yeah, oh my gosh.
Yeah, I love it.
I love the questions that likeget me to think too and like
really dig deeper.
I'm like how do you even answer?
Carrie Lingenfelter (40:33):
that I know .
I know it's so many.
It's amazing opportunities forgrowth and reflection.
And that's this podcastingjourney for me.
It's been so wonderful and Ihave a personal question.
I wanted to ask you do you whatare your thoughts on Kundalini?
I had that since I started,since I did Reiki, and then I
(40:55):
started doing my meditation andI noticed I had all of these
movements and I'm like what isgoing on?
It was after having my son andthen studying Reiki and I
started to my mom and I finallymy mom has it as well we finally
were able to name it.
It didn't tame it though.
No, but I've heard interestingthings.
I just wanted to connect withyou on that.
(41:16):
If anybody's having that.
Frankie Socash (41:18):
Yeah, oh, my God , I love this.
It lights me up.
Yeah, what you said about beingable to name it, didn't tame it
.
I think there's something aboutit just to say naming it to
tame it.
I believe in naming it, but Idon't believe in taming it.
I don't believe in taming it.
I think even trying to tame itis going to create a lot of
(41:43):
problems, a lot of physicalailments, a lot of maybe even
psychological issues as well.
Kundalini is the energy that'slocated at the base of the spine
.
This is connected to oursexuality.
This is connected to oursensuality, to our creativity.
This is like the primal lifeforce, energy that lives inside
of us and over.
(42:04):
I don't even know how long.
I don't even know how long wecan say that it's the patriarchy
.
We can easily blame society andthe world that we're living in
now as to why so many people arecut off from their vitality,
from who they truly are, fromthis kundalini energy that lives
inside of us, and I think forme, that's the least interesting
(42:28):
part of the conversation, andit's more okay.
How do we nurture this?
How do we bring it forth?
How do we?
Again, I feel like everything,especially these days, comes
back to how do we again it all Ifeel like everything,
especially these days, comesback to how do we increase our
capacity to experience it?
Because I think a lot of bodieshave been taught to cut it off,
have been taught to fear it,have been taught to reject it,
(42:53):
and so the capacity is, capacityis very.
It's like this, and thenthere's this kind of big
bubbling energy happening inside, which is the Kundalini energy,
and it's moving and it'sundulating through us and if
we're not moving with that it's,you know, I don't think that it
(43:16):
will go away.
I don't think it will stop.
It will come out in differentways.
It will start to seep out inways that are maybe not healthy.
It'll seep out in ways that aremaybe unconscious, that could
potentially I don't know causeharm.
I don't know exactly.
It's a really powerful energyand being able to remember who
(43:42):
we really are and the power thatwe have as human beings, as
really creative energetic beings, it's really profound and it
really excites me to know thatthere are a lot of people who
are connecting to this energyand this energy that is actually
getting activated and turned on.
I think that there's manydifferent thoughts as to what's
happening, whether it'sastrologically, cosmically,
(44:04):
whatever's happening on theplanet solar flares, 5g, you
name it.
There's just so many thingsthat are happening that are
altering our energetic capacityand being able to move with it.
And so, if we think aboutKundalini energy and how it's a
serpent, snake-like energy,right, this is like how does
your body want to move it, howdoes your body want to move with
(44:27):
it, or how does it want to moveyour body, and you can play
with these different ways andhow you want to relate to it or
how it relates to you and beingable to move it through the body
, right, and so playing with it,like if you can feel it moving
in your body.
You said you felt.
What did you feel?
Carrie Lingenfelter (44:43):
I'm doing it right now.
When I first got it, it waslike turning my head like up and
down.
Now I get it.
The time where I really feel itrelease is during when I'm
doing Qigong like a group Qigongclass I go to weekly and I love
it because it's a nice movementand it comes out and it just
moves with it.
Or sometimes when I'mmeditating too, I get it.
(45:04):
So I'm learning to embrace itand let it out and it's growing
into different versions.
It's really cool.
Frankie Socash (45:12):
Yeah, yeah, that's so exciting, that's
powerful.
That's so powerful.
Yeah, I think it probably looksdifferent for everybody, but I
think often, oftentimes, it'sdefinitely this like energy,
that's like very felt right inthe base of the spine or even
just up the spine.
Sometimes it gets stuck alittle bit like behind, maybe
the heart or or the occiput area, which is the base of the skull
(45:35):
, and I think it's likeencouraging.
It's it's very energetic, butit's also very visceral, and so
being able to move it throughthe body, I think is a really
powerful practice and stuff likeQigong.
Obviously, there's Kundaliniyoga, which was created for that
.
Carrie Lingenfelter (45:54):
Yeah, I haven't tried it yet, but I
definitely need to look into it.
It would be awesome.
Yeah, yeah, frankie, thanks somuch for answering my yeah, I
haven't tried it yet, but Idefinitely need to look into it.
It would be awesome.
Yeah, yeah, frankie, thanks somuch for answering my random
questions and following along onmy journey.
I love it and I love you.
You mentioned that you do somebusiness or some practices with
helping business ladies startingtheir entrepreneur journeys.
(46:16):
I love that.
Frankie Socash (46:17):
Yeah, yeah, so it's, I guess, more what I'm
doing right now.
I have a mentorship that I'mwalking women through and a lot
of it is really rooted in someof the conversation that we had
today and being able tounderstand triggers, how to
honor emotions and how to movethem through the body and how to
be able to create the structurewithin the body that creates a
system to where you can movethrough it naturally and be
(46:40):
really present.
So it becomes almost ingrained,right, it's like creating this
new neurology to be able to movethese emotions and move these
triggers and move old trauma,old stagnant stories, whatever
it is, whatever we may beholding onto that is keeping us
from actually being able to showup in the way that we really
freaking want to Love it.
(47:01):
That's really all it is.
And yeah, and a lot of what I'mdoing is being able to do that
foundational work and then, ofcourse, walking women through
the process and helping them beable to figure out how to work
with clients, how to fine tunetheir skills working with
clients, how to set up paymentplans, how to do all that stuff
and actually get to the pointwhere they are being able to
(47:23):
really develop the service thatthey're here to offer through
their own transformation andthrough their own really unique
way of working in the world, andthen offer that so that's so
wonderful.
Carrie Lingenfelter (47:35):
I've been on that journey myself and doing
a lot of that myself at home,and so it's really powerful when
we can bring that into ourbusiness side.
Yeah, I love that yeah.
I'll include all of yourinformation in our show notes
today, where they can find you,and they should go follow you on
Instagram, because I love it.
It's been a journey, so thanksso much for being here, frankie.
(47:56):
I love chatting with you yeah,thank you.
Frankie Socash (47:59):
Thank you, carrie.
It's so good to be here, it'sso good to connect with you and,
yeah, have this conversation.
It was nice and juicy juicy, tosay the least.
Carrie Lingenfelter (48:07):
Thank you, frankie.
That's a wrap.
Thanks so much for tuning in.
Change makers.
This is Carrie, and if youhaven't done a review for us,
five stars and a little fewwords about what you've enjoyed
in our podcast episodes, wewould really appreciate it.
If you guys would like to evermessage me, I would love any
questions you have or anyfeedback.
(48:28):
At info at hearttoheartlifecom,we also have a brand new
website which we're superexcited to share.
It's hearttoheartlifecom.
Thanks so much for tuning inand happy life, happy times.
Changemaker families.
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