March 25, 2025 • 29 mins
Joanna Calado, a fascinating "woo-woo scientist," joins us to bridge the gap between biomedical science and spiritual parenting practices. Drawing from her background as both a scientist and holistic coach, Joanna offers transformative strategies for parents navigating the complex emotional landscape of raising sensitive children.
We dive deep into practical techniques that take mere seconds to implement yet create profound shifts in both children and parents. The "tense and release" exercise, which can be completed in just 30 seconds, helps teach our nervous systems that relaxation is possible and safe. Body scanning, mindful breathing, and even playful activities like "shaking it off" provide children with tools to process emotions and release accumulated stress from their day.
For empathic parents constantly absorbing their children's emotional states, Joanna offers a refreshing perspective on self-compassion. Rather than just dealing with emotional outbursts after they happen, she emphasizes prevention through self-awareness and boundary-setting. The conversation turns particularly illuminating when discussing manifestation through the lens of conscious parenting. Children, especially those under seven, are natural manifesters because they connect deeply with their senses and haven't developed the limiting beliefs that often block adults. Joanna shares how parents can guide children to harness this natural ability by focusing on sensory experiences rather than just outcomes.
Perhaps most powerful is her GPS analogy for trusting the manifestation process: we set the destination (the what) and purpose (the why), while trusting the universe to determine the route (the how) and arrival time (the when). This perspective invites parents to release control and practice faith—a valuable life skill to model for our watching children. Ready to transform your parenting journey into a pathway for spiritual growth? Listen now and discover how embracing childlike curiosity might be exactly what both you and your children need.
Connect with Joana Calado:
*Website: https://www.mindfulintrovert.com/
*Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thewoowooscientist/
*Linktree: https://linktr.ee/coachjoanacalado
Quiz time! Take my new Spiritual Parent Vibe quiz and meet your magical type:
https://www.tryinteract.com/share/quiz/683e320bf64af70015fae432
New! Conscious Family Travels Channel on YouTube with Carrie:
https://www.youtube.com/@consciousfamilytravels
Connect with Carrie:
*Website: https://hearttoheartlife.com/
*Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thespiritualparent
*YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheSpiritualParent
*Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/people/The-Spiritual-Parent/61554482625081
*Email: info@hearttoheartlife.com
**Please remember that the information shared on this podcast is educational in nature and does not constitute licensed mental health advice. If you need such advice, you should speak with a licensed professional about your unique situation. Thanks so much happy listeners.
© 2024-2025 Heart to Heart Life LLC
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Joana Calado (00:00):
they see the world in such a different way.
It's so interesting to bringcuriosity and have conversations
with them and understand whatit means to them and why are
they doing the things that theyare doing.
So I think it's not necessarilywanting to guide them out of it
(00:23):
, but wanting for us allowingourselves to be more playful and
a little bit more childlike.
It's not childish, it'schildlike, minded to different
(00:50):
ways of seeing the world,experiencing the world and
respecting that they can dothings differently and they're
different individuals than us.
I don't know if that answersyour question, but that's what I
thought I should say.
Carrie Lingenfelter (01:00):
Hi Conscious Parents.
It's Keri here and I am herewith a little info about raising
our mindful kids.
I've got some tips and tricksabout breaking free of the box
and becoming who you are andteaching your kids how to do
that.
Along the way, join us.
Hi there, happy listeners.
It's Keri here and I'm soexcited I have a new project
called Conscious Family Travelson YouTube.
(01:22):
It's all about mindfullytraveling with our highly
sensitive kids.
We love to give tips and toolsabout how you can pack, how you
can prepare traveling withdietary restrictions.
We love to share in-depthguides of certain areas that we
are traveling to, as well assome of the actual items that we
(01:42):
use along our journey.
So join us on this consciousfamily travels journey.
Hi there and welcome back.
I have a treat for you guys.
Today I have a special guest,joanna Kaladu, and I hope that I
said that right.
Joanna, she is a she's awoo-woo scientist.
She combines her expertise as abiomedical scientist, a
(02:04):
holistic coach and an NLP masterpractitioner to blend science
and spirituality.
And right away I wanted to askyou.
I saw the acronym NLP when Iwas reading your information and
I was curious what that standsfor.
Joana Calado (02:20):
Yes, first of all, keri, thank you so much for
having me here.
It's such an honor to be onthis lovely podcast.
Carrie Lingenfelter (02:28):
My daughter is six years old right now and
she's been screaming a lotlately.
We can't figure out like, whatis the trigger?
What is?
Why does she keep reacting likethis?
And it's one thing that werealize is she wants to be heard
when she's screaming.
And if we keep, if we try tocalm her down, let's have a
gentle pillow fight, let's dothis it's it makes it worse
(02:51):
lately for her where it used tohelp for her.
Joana Calado (02:54):
Yeah, yeah, no, I get it, and it can be very
challenging and it's great thatyou're working with that
therapist because that is goingto do amazing.
Obviously it would have to becase by case, but on a general
situation, what I would say isbreath work and with kids it
works very well because, let'sface it, everyone knows how to
(03:15):
breathe.
And if you model it yeah, ifyou model it yourself because if
you think about your specificcase, if she wants to be heard,
and then she's getting what shewants by having that reaction,
it's reinforcing the behavior.
(03:36):
So if she's being heard asshe's screaming, she connects
the dots and she'll be like, ooh, yeah, I'm getting what I want.
So this is a good behavior tohave and so it's being
reinforced.
Whereas if you just breathe,and you breathe yourself and you
model that and you invite heroh, would you like to breathe
(03:59):
with me?
I'm feeling a bit tense rightnow.
So it's doing.
Five minutes is all it takes.
Doing a body scan.
Have you ever heard of a bodyscan?
Yes, for sure.
I love it.
You can do it very fast.
There's another exercise that iscalled the tense and release.
That is based on CBT cognitivebehavioral therapy.
(04:20):
It's 30 seconds.
I teach this to adults quite alot because can do it between
meetings, can do it at anysituation.
So it's basically you.
It literally takes that 30seconds.
Basically you breathe in verydeep and you hold it and as
you're holding the breath youare going to tense up all the
(04:42):
muscles, all everything, and youjust crunch up your face and
everything, your butt, cheeks,everything.
Then you just release as youexhale and what that does is it
teaches your brain that you canrelax, you're safe.
It's almost like pushing alevel of a lever, of being like
(05:07):
I'm safe now because our bodytenses up without us knowing and
with kids, sometimes they havethat frustration and they either
cry or they just get so tensethat their body needs to expel
the energy.
So that can be a good exercise.
You can do it with her and 30seconds and just being present
(05:31):
after breathing out and justBecause the idea is breaking
patterns and that is whatneurolinguistic programming
helps as well is breaking theline of thought.
I can tell you that I used tohave a boyfriend that he would
annoy me tremendously and hewould there, blabbing, blabbing,
(05:54):
blabbing, and I, in my mind,would play, would sing the Harry
Potter soundtrack, andsometimes it would annoy me so
much that I would actually singit out loud and that would break
his pattern.
He couldn't continue arguingwith me, he couldn't.
He would sometimes would belike, oh you're there, you are
(06:15):
doing that again, but it wouldbreak his pattern.
Yeah, so it can be as simple asthat having a certain sound or
a certain something, a movement,a touch, that tells her okay,
time to break the pattern.
Carrie Lingenfelter (06:37):
Yes, I think that one's great.
I would love doing it with achild like my daughter.
I was thinking I could name itsomething like oh, let's squeeze
the lemon and then we're goingto release it, or something that
they could visualize thesqueeze or hold a teddy bear and
we're going to squeeze everypart of the teddy bear and then
(06:59):
we're going to release it.
I'm going to try that one.
I love it, joanna.
And for those, I was thinking Iknow what a body scan is, but
our listeners might not.
So I thought oh, let's come backto that one present moment.
Joana Calado (07:10):
You're mindful of your breathing and you're
imagining a line scanning all ofyour body, from the top of your
head, and as you're doing so,you are scanning for any tension
(07:37):
, any sensation or no sensationat all.
But the idea is that you'recompletely in tune with your
body and as you're coming downon your different body parts,
you're sensing for any tensionand you're releasing that
tension as you exhale and youcan even add a beam of light
(08:00):
that is nice and warm and ishealing.
That is nice and warm and ishealing.
And there's a lot of differentvariants to this.
But if you do the classic ofimagining a line just scanning
your body and looking for anytension and like cleaning it up
as you breathe out, that isalready a very impactful
(08:21):
exercise.
That is very grounding.
Carrie Lingenfelter (08:25):
That's wonderful.
I think I'm going to try itwhen I pick up my kids from
school today.
I think I'm going to try itwith them and see they are both
empath kids and they come homewith a lot of that energy from
the day.
So I think and then add, likepicturing rain washing over us
and just washing and cleaningall the energy of the day.
(08:46):
So I'm going to try that todaywhen we pick them up.
Joana Calado (08:49):
Yeah, For that, I would say for kids especially,
it can be quite fun.
And you can do this in 20seconds as well, shaking Before
they get in the car or asthey're getting in the car.
You can say, okay, let's shakeit out, shake and you physically
shake, because if you look atanimals in nature, they,
(09:11):
whenever a zebra is being chasedby a lion and she escapes, she
gives a little bit of a she.
I don't know if a zebra is ashe in my mind it is now is a
she.
She just kicks her back legs ina like a shake movement and
(09:33):
that is just a reaction that thebody has to release the stress
that she just endured.
So we as human beings, we don'tdo that very much because it
doesn't look right.
So we're very mindful ofjudgment.
But if we let go of judgmentand if we just do that, it can
even be to a sound of ourfavorite song or whatever.
(09:56):
You're in the car and you'relike, okay, let's shake the
energies of the day, let's shakewhatever energies are not ours
and and that is a form of cordcutting, and cord cutting is
another technique very good insomatic manifestation a lot of
the things that I do, but it'sgood to, at the end of the day,
(10:18):
let go of any energies andenergetic cords that we have
with other people situations.
It's good to do that.
Carrie Lingenfelter (10:31):
Okay, I love that.
It makes me think about when mykids are in a mood or after the
school day.
We like to dance and I keepthinking of Taylor Swift's Shake
it Off song.
I think is like the perfectsong to play in the car on the
way home and working on shakingit off.
So, being a empathic mom and myhusband is an empath as well we
(10:55):
often have moments where wetake on the energy of the day,
we take on the energy of ourkids, or we just have a moment
where we strike out at them andwe don't mean to.
We're trying to control it.
We've had a rough day.
What would you say to parentsabout self-compassion?
Joana Calado (11:15):
well, it is obviously having that
self-compassion if those eventshappen, but I would say it's
better to stop those events fromhappening beforehand.
So, making sure that you havetime for yourself alone, that
you're able to recharge, doingthat checkup, doing that body
scan on your own, for yourself,to understand, okay, what kind
(11:39):
of energy am I bringing to thetable?
Okay, how is my face?
Do I have the body languagethat says I'm welcoming or does
it say I'm tired, frustrated,exhausted?
What does it say?
How are people perceive me?
And then is really having thatself-compassion of saying maybe
(12:02):
I wasn't, didn't have enoughhours of sleep, didn't eat
properly, I didn't have enoughhours of sleep, didn't eat
properly, maybe I wasn't with mycup full, so I was just running
after I have empty and it'sokay, tomorrow will be better.
Always apologize.
It's so refreshing to have aparent that apologizes the way
(12:23):
they are, or I'm sorry.
Today I was feeling a bit tiredfrom other things.
It had nothing to do with you,but you are the receiving end of
this, unfortunately, and I justwant to say I'm sorry.
That is so refreshing becausefirst, it teaches the kids that
it's okay to say I'm sorry andit's okay to to take
(12:45):
accountability andresponsibility for your mistakes
.
And then it teaches them thatwhatever your behavior was, it
wasn't only because of themright, they are not inadequate
or terrible kids or no, it was.
It had other things going on aswell.
(13:05):
So it's important to have thatself-awareness and think
accountability.
Carrie Lingenfelter (13:12):
Yes, if we can try to prevent it before it
does happen, and then how we cantry to work to fix it if it
does.
Unfortunately, sometimes ithappens when we're human
Hopefully not as often as itused to.
But I'm thinking I don't knowif this may have a question
about a process that I've beenthrough as a mom and in my
journey of motherhood, and I wascurious if it relates to the
(13:35):
somatic pieces.
As I have been raising my kids,who were born gifted, spirited,
highly sensitive, it's beenchallenging at times to keep up
with them.
They came in with a passion forlife.
They came in very sensitive tobeing in their human form can be
very taxing on their souls attimes.
(13:55):
And this weekend I actuallyrealized I was picking up my
daughter's energy.
I was feeling like life is sohard, why does it always have to
be so hard?
And I was able to say in mymind is this my energy?
And it was actually hers, butit gave me more compassion for
her.
This is what she's feeling.
This is the challenge she'sgoing through right now.
What would you say, with yourbackground, to mothers using
(14:22):
this challenge and this hardpiece of raising these kids as
an opportunity for spiritualawakening and spiritual
connection?
Joana Calado (14:32):
What would you say to?
Carrie Lingenfelter (14:33):
this piece and this idea.
Joana Calado (14:35):
I love that question and I love it
especially when you say thatyour kids came loving life
because that is the best waythey should.
They should and we should notsay to kids be quiet and stay
still no let them, let them lovelife.
I would say that it's quiteimportant to learn from them and
(14:59):
sometimes let them lead the way, obviously within those
boundaries that we explained inthe beginning, but not cut the
fun.
They see things, and especiallywith neurodivergent people,
they see the world in such adifferent way.
It's so interesting to bringcuriosity and have conversations
(15:22):
with them and understand whatit means to them and why are
they doing the things that theyare doing.
So I think it's not necessarilywanting to guide them out of it
, but wanting for us allowingourselves to be more playful and
(15:43):
a little bit more childlikeit's not childish, it's
childlike be more curious aboutlife, be more open-minded to
different ways of seeing theworld, experiencing the world,
and respecting that they can dothings differently and they're
(16:06):
different individuals than us.
I don't know if that answersyour question, but that's what I
thought I should say.
Carrie Lingenfelter (16:14):
I love it.
I definitely agree.
I try to say fostering thepassion and the love in them,
while also trying to teach themsome of the skills of being a
human and how to function insociety, because society may not
love that side of them or maynot respect them if we don't
teach them how to function insome of society's pieces but
(16:35):
also keeping the authenticversion of themselves.
Joana Calado (16:37):
Yeah, I think that functioning part is giving them
opportunities to be emotionallyintelligent, aware of their
emotions and be able tocommunicate them, aware of
boundaries and to be able tocommunicate them.
I can tell you that when I wasa kid and I was going with my
grandma, we would stop aroundthe village and the old ladies
(17:02):
all wanted to kiss my cheek andto me and my grandma would say,
kiss the lady.
And they would give me thoseterrible kisses.
And nowadays that contact isjust too much for me, completely
overwhelming.
But I feel like I need to do itto appease my parents or
(17:22):
appease my whoever it is that ismaking that request and that
teaches to deem your light alittle bit, to please others.
That's when people pleasingstarts oh, you should be like
this, you should do this andlittle things.
It seems nothing right.
Oh, just kissing the old ladiesin the village, but it has an
(17:46):
impact.
It has an impact.
It teaches something.
I have a cousin that he's sevenand he never I think I can
count with five, five times orless that he has hugged me and
that's fine, that's his ownchoice.
I don't say, oh, why are youbeing such a bad boy for not
(18:09):
hugging me?
Hugging your cousin that youdon't see in a million years?
No, he doesn't want, that'sfine.
So it's respecting boundaries.
Children to function better ishaving that emotional
intelligence and having a clearpathway of communication to your
(18:31):
body.
Always ground them andgrounding yourself as well,
because sometimes we want toknow the why and the what for
and the what if.
But we don't need that.
Sometimes we just need to sitwith our body and understand how
we feel, and that's they areexperts at it.
Carrie Lingenfelter (18:51):
Beautiful.
Yes, can you imagine wherethey'll be if they're able to
start that now?
Where will they be when theyare 30?
It's pretty cool to think aboutraising these kids consciously
like this.
Yeah, I saved my favoritequestion for the end.
You had mentioned asking aboutmanifestation as a conscious
parent and what that looks likein conscious parenting.
(19:12):
I was curious what you wouldsay.
Joana Calado (19:14):
Yes, I love this because, like I said, especially
kids up to the age of seven,they are complete
unconsciousness, like you say,complete empaths.
They're always getting ininformation from their senses
and the way I do manifestationis through senses.
It cannot just be like oh, letme write a letter to Santa of
(19:39):
the things that I want andthat's it.
No, that's not manifestation.
It's envisioning, creating avision, and that vision needs to
be sensory stimulating, in thesense that they can almost feel
what they want, they can smellwhat they want and they can
(20:00):
experience it as if they arereceiving it today, whatever it
is that they want.
And everyone can do this, notkids, not just everyone.
It's whatever your desire isconnect with the senses.
And that's why kids are expertsat manifesting, because they
(20:23):
don't have the oh.
What if they don't like me?
What if they judge me for this?
What if I'm not good enough?
What if I cannot make enoughmoney to sustain myself?
They don't have these worries.
So for them is oh, how doesthis smell, okay.
How does this taste, okay.
How does this feel?
Okay, what color is it and whatshape is it?
(20:47):
So it's much easier for them tooperate in this sense and, as a
parent, you can guide themthrough it.
You can say, okay, what do youtruly want?
Okay, and how would it feel tohave it in your hand?
Oh, you want a car, I don'tknow, from Paw Patrol, I don't
know, my nephew likes okay, sohow does it feel?
(21:12):
What color is it?
And how would you feel if youreceived it today?
And it's just getting them inthat mode and that teaches them
that they can do that forforever.
And the idea of manifestingit's meant to be fun.
It's meant to be fun, it'smeant to be exciting, because
that raises your vibration to adegree that makes you much more
(21:36):
likely to be in alignment withwhat you truly want.
So bring fun to the mix, justplayfulness and imagination.
Kids are amazing withimagination, so in that sense,
we can learn from them as well.
Carrie Lingenfelter (21:55):
It's interesting.
I did a guided visualizationfor my kids before they started
school this school year and wepictured walking into the school
and feeling in our body at easeand happy to be there and
loving to be at school.
And I told them to picturewalking into the classroom and
(22:16):
my son.
He said I see so-and-so as myteacher and I said let's not
focus on having the specificteacher, let's focus on the
feeling because, I don't wantyou to necessarily manifest who
you think you want.
I want you to feel the happiness, because sometimes we think we
know the teacher that will bringus the most happiness.
Maybe something else changesbecause you were meant to be in
(22:39):
this other class for whateverreason.
So, that's what we choose tofocus on when we're doing.
I love to do that with the kidsbefore the school year starts.
I was going to ask you whenyou're talking about
manifestation and as an adult,we can say, yeah, how are we
going to get there?
How are we going to make themoney?
What is this process?
What do you term trusting inthe right place in the right
(23:02):
time in the process?
What do you like to term that?
Is it holding the faith?
Some people say faith in theprocess.
What do you like to term it.
Joana Calado (23:10):
So it is faith and releasing the outcome.
But I have an analogy that itmakes me.
I think it's easier tounderstand.
So imagine the universe beingthe satnav we say in the UK
satnav, but in America I wouldsay maybe the GPS.
Right, so the universe is yourGPS, and when you want to
(23:35):
manifest something, sometimesyou don't have the full postcode
or the full address.
Sometimes you just have oh, Iwant to feel happier, I want to
feel loved.
That is a bit vague formanifestation, but maybe that
would be the equivalent ofhaving the state or the county
(23:56):
or a little city in the GPS.
So that is the what you need tounderstand the what you want,
and then with as much detail asyou can.
Obviously, the bigger, the morecomplete the address, the
easier it will be to get there.
But if you don't, that's fine,the city will get you there.
And then you need to know thewhat for and the why, as in why
(24:21):
do you want it?
What for?
So the purpose behind it,because that is going to sustain
you, that is going to oh my God, I've been driving for 12 hours
.
How can I continue?
Because of the why.
That's what you need to worryabout the why and the what.
That is your concern.
The universe's concern is thewhen are you going to reach the
(24:43):
destination?
And the how.
And you trust because, the sameway, if you don't know the way,
you trust the universe.
You trust the GPS that it knowsany roadblocks, the best way,
that sometimes you think, oh,let me go this other way because
this GPS, it doesn't knowanything, and then it's actually
(25:04):
blocked or there's a problem, alot of traffic, an accident.
So the universe, aka the GPS,knows the best route.
Trust, trust the same way thatyou trust the GPS.
Trust the same way that youtrust when you're driving at
night and you have your highbeams, I don't know a certain
distance and you trust that theroad is going to continue.
(25:27):
Just trust, trust in yourselfthat whatever happens, you'll be
able to manage it.
And trust that sometimes thingsdon't work out the way you want
them, because they can beworking out even better than you
ever considered.
So it's trusting and makinggood questions, because you were
(25:47):
saying before that you startedto absorb your daughter's energy
of, oh, why is this not workingout, or why is my life terrible
, or something in those lines.
So we have a part of our brain,that is the reticular
activating system.
That is almost like thealgorithm of our lives, and so
(26:09):
if you are asking thosequestions, your brain is always
looking for the answers and thatpart of your brain is
understanding oh, this is whatyou're focusing on, so this is
your reality.
So that's not the case.
Your life is not terrible, evenif it's terrible for 10 minutes,
that's not the full spectrum ofyour life.
(26:32):
So it's having thatcommunication and asking good
questions.
Instead of saying why doesn'tanyone love me?
Why can't I get this job that Iwant?
Why are my kids always yellingat me?
Why am I always frustrated?
It's saying, okay, how can Iget to a better place?
What is some of the things thatI need to be doing to get
(26:56):
myself to this, to get this job,to get this promotion, to have
more time for myself, to spendmore time with my kids, whatever
it is, and then releasing theneed to have the answer, because
there are many forces in thisuniverse that we're not aware
that come together to help youachieve what you want.
Carrie Lingenfelter (27:19):
Perfect.
I love the word trust.
I think that resonates with memore than faith, and I think I
hear the having faith a lot.
But I think trusting in it isreally powerful too.
Joana Calado (27:30):
Yeah, it's stressing because this is a
co-creation.
It's like you set up the GPSand you tell it where to go and
it tells you how to get thereand when you're arriving.
So that is the reason, andknowing that whenever you're
saying, oh my God, how am Igoing to do this?
I can't figure it out, know andtrust that it is not for you to
(27:52):
figure it out, or at least it'snot right now to be figured out
.
Carrie Lingenfelter (27:58):
Yes, perfect.
Thank you so much, Joanna, forbeing here today and being a
guest, thank you.
Joana Calado (28:04):
Thank you for having me, it was lovely.
Carrie Lingenfelter (28:07):
Well, that's a wrap.
Thanks so much for tuning inChangemakers.
This is Keri.
Well, that's a wrap.
Thanks so much for tuning inchange makers.
This is carrie, and if youhaven't done a review for us,
five stars and a little fewwords about what you've enjoyed
in our podcast episodes.
We would really appreciate it.
If you guys would like to evermessage me, I would love any
questions you have or anyfeedback.
At info at heart to heartlifecom, we also have a brand
(28:31):
new website which we're superexcited to share.
It's heart to heart lifecom.
Thanks so much for tuning inand happy life, happy times,
change maker families.
they see the world in such a different way.
It's so interesting to bringcuriosity and have conversations
with them and understand whatit means to them and why are
they doing the things that theyare doing.
So I think it's not necessarilywanting to guide them out of it
(00:23):
, but wanting for us allowingourselves to be more playful and
a little bit more childlike.
It's not childish, it'schildlike, minded to different
(00:50):
ways of seeing the world,experiencing the world and
respecting that they can dothings differently and they're
different individuals than us.
I don't know if that answersyour question, but that's what I
thought I should say.
Carrie Lingenfelter (01:00):
Hi Conscious Parents.
It's Keri here and I am herewith a little info about raising
our mindful kids.
I've got some tips and tricksabout breaking free of the box
and becoming who you are andteaching your kids how to do
that.
Along the way, join us.
Hi there, happy listeners.
It's Keri here and I'm soexcited I have a new project
called Conscious Family Travelson YouTube.
(01:22):
It's all about mindfullytraveling with our highly
sensitive kids.
We love to give tips and toolsabout how you can pack, how you
can prepare traveling withdietary restrictions.
We love to share in-depthguides of certain areas that we
are traveling to, as well assome of the actual items that we
(01:42):
use along our journey.
So join us on this consciousfamily travels journey.
Hi there and welcome back.
I have a treat for you guys.
Today I have a special guest,joanna Kaladu, and I hope that I
said that right.
Joanna, she is a she's awoo-woo scientist.
She combines her expertise as abiomedical scientist, a
(02:04):
holistic coach and an NLP masterpractitioner to blend science
and spirituality.
And right away I wanted to askyou.
I saw the acronym NLP when Iwas reading your information and
I was curious what that standsfor.
Joana Calado (02:20):
Yes, first of all, keri, thank you so much for
having me here.
It's such an honor to be onthis lovely podcast.
Carrie Lingenfelter (02:28):
My daughter is six years old right now and
she's been screaming a lotlately.
We can't figure out like, whatis the trigger?
What is?
Why does she keep reacting likethis?
And it's one thing that werealize is she wants to be heard
when she's screaming.
And if we keep, if we try tocalm her down, let's have a
gentle pillow fight, let's dothis it's it makes it worse
(02:51):
lately for her where it used tohelp for her.
Joana Calado (02:54):
Yeah, yeah, no, I get it, and it can be very
challenging and it's great thatyou're working with that
therapist because that is goingto do amazing.
Obviously it would have to becase by case, but on a general
situation, what I would say isbreath work and with kids it
works very well because, let'sface it, everyone knows how to
(03:15):
breathe.
And if you model it yeah, ifyou model it yourself because if
you think about your specificcase, if she wants to be heard,
and then she's getting what shewants by having that reaction,
it's reinforcing the behavior.
(03:36):
So if she's being heard asshe's screaming, she connects
the dots and she'll be like, ooh, yeah, I'm getting what I want.
So this is a good behavior tohave and so it's being
reinforced.
Whereas if you just breathe,and you breathe yourself and you
model that and you invite heroh, would you like to breathe
(03:59):
with me?
I'm feeling a bit tense rightnow.
So it's doing.
Five minutes is all it takes.
Doing a body scan.
Have you ever heard of a bodyscan?
Yes, for sure.
I love it.
You can do it very fast.
There's another exercise that iscalled the tense and release.
That is based on CBT cognitivebehavioral therapy.
(04:20):
It's 30 seconds.
I teach this to adults quite alot because can do it between
meetings, can do it at anysituation.
So it's basically you.
It literally takes that 30seconds.
Basically you breathe in verydeep and you hold it and as
you're holding the breath youare going to tense up all the
(04:42):
muscles, all everything, and youjust crunch up your face and
everything, your butt, cheeks,everything.
Then you just release as youexhale and what that does is it
teaches your brain that you canrelax, you're safe.
It's almost like pushing alevel of a lever, of being like
(05:07):
I'm safe now because our bodytenses up without us knowing and
with kids, sometimes they havethat frustration and they either
cry or they just get so tensethat their body needs to expel
the energy.
So that can be a good exercise.
You can do it with her and 30seconds and just being present
(05:31):
after breathing out and justBecause the idea is breaking
patterns and that is whatneurolinguistic programming
helps as well is breaking theline of thought.
I can tell you that I used tohave a boyfriend that he would
annoy me tremendously and hewould there, blabbing, blabbing,
(05:54):
blabbing, and I, in my mind,would play, would sing the Harry
Potter soundtrack, andsometimes it would annoy me so
much that I would actually singit out loud and that would break
his pattern.
He couldn't continue arguingwith me, he couldn't.
He would sometimes would belike, oh you're there, you are
(06:15):
doing that again, but it wouldbreak his pattern.
Yeah, so it can be as simple asthat having a certain sound or
a certain something, a movement,a touch, that tells her okay,
time to break the pattern.
Carrie Lingenfelter (06:37):
Yes, I think that one's great.
I would love doing it with achild like my daughter.
I was thinking I could name itsomething like oh, let's squeeze
the lemon and then we're goingto release it, or something that
they could visualize thesqueeze or hold a teddy bear and
we're going to squeeze everypart of the teddy bear and then
(06:59):
we're going to release it.
I'm going to try that one.
I love it, joanna.
And for those, I was thinking Iknow what a body scan is, but
our listeners might not.
So I thought oh, let's come backto that one present moment.
Joana Calado (07:10):
You're mindful of your breathing and you're
imagining a line scanning all ofyour body, from the top of your
head, and as you're doing so,you are scanning for any tension
(07:37):
, any sensation or no sensationat all.
But the idea is that you'recompletely in tune with your
body and as you're coming downon your different body parts,
you're sensing for any tensionand you're releasing that
tension as you exhale and youcan even add a beam of light
(08:00):
that is nice and warm and ishealing.
That is nice and warm and ishealing.
And there's a lot of differentvariants to this.
But if you do the classic ofimagining a line just scanning
your body and looking for anytension and like cleaning it up
as you breathe out, that isalready a very impactful
(08:21):
exercise.
That is very grounding.
Carrie Lingenfelter (08:25):
That's wonderful.
I think I'm going to try itwhen I pick up my kids from
school today.
I think I'm going to try itwith them and see they are both
empath kids and they come homewith a lot of that energy from
the day.
So I think and then add, likepicturing rain washing over us
and just washing and cleaningall the energy of the day.
(08:46):
So I'm going to try that todaywhen we pick them up.
Joana Calado (08:49):
Yeah, For that, I would say for kids especially,
it can be quite fun.
And you can do this in 20seconds as well, shaking Before
they get in the car or asthey're getting in the car.
You can say, okay, let's shakeit out, shake and you physically
shake, because if you look atanimals in nature, they,
(09:11):
whenever a zebra is being chasedby a lion and she escapes, she
gives a little bit of a she.
I don't know if a zebra is ashe in my mind it is now is a
she.
She just kicks her back legs ina like a shake movement and
(09:33):
that is just a reaction that thebody has to release the stress
that she just endured.
So we as human beings, we don'tdo that very much because it
doesn't look right.
So we're very mindful ofjudgment.
But if we let go of judgmentand if we just do that, it can
even be to a sound of ourfavorite song or whatever.
(09:56):
You're in the car and you'relike, okay, let's shake the
energies of the day, let's shakewhatever energies are not ours
and and that is a form of cordcutting, and cord cutting is
another technique very good insomatic manifestation a lot of
the things that I do, but it'sgood to, at the end of the day,
(10:18):
let go of any energies andenergetic cords that we have
with other people situations.
It's good to do that.
Carrie Lingenfelter (10:31):
Okay, I love that.
It makes me think about when mykids are in a mood or after the
school day.
We like to dance and I keepthinking of Taylor Swift's Shake
it Off song.
I think is like the perfectsong to play in the car on the
way home and working on shakingit off.
So, being a empathic mom and myhusband is an empath as well we
(10:55):
often have moments where wetake on the energy of the day,
we take on the energy of ourkids, or we just have a moment
where we strike out at them andwe don't mean to.
We're trying to control it.
We've had a rough day.
What would you say to parentsabout self-compassion?
Joana Calado (11:15):
well, it is obviously having that
self-compassion if those eventshappen, but I would say it's
better to stop those events fromhappening beforehand.
So, making sure that you havetime for yourself alone, that
you're able to recharge, doingthat checkup, doing that body
scan on your own, for yourself,to understand, okay, what kind
(11:39):
of energy am I bringing to thetable?
Okay, how is my face?
Do I have the body languagethat says I'm welcoming or does
it say I'm tired, frustrated,exhausted?
What does it say?
How are people perceive me?
And then is really having thatself-compassion of saying maybe
(12:02):
I wasn't, didn't have enoughhours of sleep, didn't eat
properly, I didn't have enoughhours of sleep, didn't eat
properly, maybe I wasn't with mycup full, so I was just running
after I have empty and it'sokay, tomorrow will be better.
Always apologize.
It's so refreshing to have aparent that apologizes the way
(12:23):
they are, or I'm sorry.
Today I was feeling a bit tiredfrom other things.
It had nothing to do with you,but you are the receiving end of
this, unfortunately, and I justwant to say I'm sorry.
That is so refreshing becausefirst, it teaches the kids that
it's okay to say I'm sorry andit's okay to to take
(12:45):
accountability andresponsibility for your mistakes
.
And then it teaches them thatwhatever your behavior was, it
wasn't only because of themright, they are not inadequate
or terrible kids or no, it was.
It had other things going on aswell.
(13:05):
So it's important to have thatself-awareness and think
accountability.
Carrie Lingenfelter (13:12):
Yes, if we can try to prevent it before it
does happen, and then how we cantry to work to fix it if it
does.
Unfortunately, sometimes ithappens when we're human
Hopefully not as often as itused to.
But I'm thinking I don't knowif this may have a question
about a process that I've beenthrough as a mom and in my
journey of motherhood, and I wascurious if it relates to the
(13:35):
somatic pieces.
As I have been raising my kids,who were born gifted, spirited,
highly sensitive, it's beenchallenging at times to keep up
with them.
They came in with a passion forlife.
They came in very sensitive tobeing in their human form can be
very taxing on their souls attimes.
(13:55):
And this weekend I actuallyrealized I was picking up my
daughter's energy.
I was feeling like life is sohard, why does it always have to
be so hard?
And I was able to say in mymind is this my energy?
And it was actually hers, butit gave me more compassion for
her.
This is what she's feeling.
This is the challenge she'sgoing through right now.
What would you say, with yourbackground, to mothers using
(14:22):
this challenge and this hardpiece of raising these kids as
an opportunity for spiritualawakening and spiritual
connection?
Joana Calado (14:32):
What would you say to?
Carrie Lingenfelter (14:33):
this piece and this idea.
Joana Calado (14:35):
I love that question and I love it
especially when you say thatyour kids came loving life
because that is the best waythey should.
They should and we should notsay to kids be quiet and stay
still no let them, let them lovelife.
I would say that it's quiteimportant to learn from them and
(14:59):
sometimes let them lead the way, obviously within those
boundaries that we explained inthe beginning, but not cut the
fun.
They see things, and especiallywith neurodivergent people,
they see the world in such adifferent way.
It's so interesting to bringcuriosity and have conversations
(15:22):
with them and understand whatit means to them and why are
they doing the things that theyare doing.
So I think it's not necessarilywanting to guide them out of it
, but wanting for us allowingourselves to be more playful and
(15:43):
a little bit more childlikeit's not childish, it's
childlike be more curious aboutlife, be more open-minded to
different ways of seeing theworld, experiencing the world,
and respecting that they can dothings differently and they're
(16:06):
different individuals than us.
I don't know if that answersyour question, but that's what I
thought I should say.
Carrie Lingenfelter (16:14):
I love it.
I definitely agree.
I try to say fostering thepassion and the love in them,
while also trying to teach themsome of the skills of being a
human and how to function insociety, because society may not
love that side of them or maynot respect them if we don't
teach them how to function insome of society's pieces but
(16:35):
also keeping the authenticversion of themselves.
Joana Calado (16:37):
Yeah, I think that functioning part is giving them
opportunities to be emotionallyintelligent, aware of their
emotions and be able tocommunicate them, aware of
boundaries and to be able tocommunicate them.
I can tell you that when I wasa kid and I was going with my
grandma, we would stop aroundthe village and the old ladies
(17:02):
all wanted to kiss my cheek andto me and my grandma would say,
kiss the lady.
And they would give me thoseterrible kisses.
And nowadays that contact isjust too much for me, completely
overwhelming.
But I feel like I need to do itto appease my parents or
(17:22):
appease my whoever it is that ismaking that request and that
teaches to deem your light alittle bit, to please others.
That's when people pleasingstarts oh, you should be like
this, you should do this andlittle things.
It seems nothing right.
Oh, just kissing the old ladiesin the village, but it has an
(17:46):
impact.
It has an impact.
It teaches something.
I have a cousin that he's sevenand he never I think I can
count with five, five times orless that he has hugged me and
that's fine, that's his ownchoice.
I don't say, oh, why are youbeing such a bad boy for not
(18:09):
hugging me?
Hugging your cousin that youdon't see in a million years?
No, he doesn't want, that'sfine.
So it's respecting boundaries.
Children to function better ishaving that emotional
intelligence and having a clearpathway of communication to your
(18:31):
body.
Always ground them andgrounding yourself as well,
because sometimes we want toknow the why and the what for
and the what if.
But we don't need that.
Sometimes we just need to sitwith our body and understand how
we feel, and that's they areexperts at it.
Carrie Lingenfelter (18:51):
Beautiful.
Yes, can you imagine wherethey'll be if they're able to
start that now?
Where will they be when theyare 30?
It's pretty cool to think aboutraising these kids consciously
like this.
Yeah, I saved my favoritequestion for the end.
You had mentioned asking aboutmanifestation as a conscious
parent and what that looks likein conscious parenting.
(19:12):
I was curious what you wouldsay.
Joana Calado (19:14):
Yes, I love this because, like I said, especially
kids up to the age of seven,they are complete
unconsciousness, like you say,complete empaths.
They're always getting ininformation from their senses
and the way I do manifestationis through senses.
It cannot just be like oh, letme write a letter to Santa of
(19:39):
the things that I want andthat's it.
No, that's not manifestation.
It's envisioning, creating avision, and that vision needs to
be sensory stimulating, in thesense that they can almost feel
what they want, they can smellwhat they want and they can
(20:00):
experience it as if they arereceiving it today, whatever it
is that they want.
And everyone can do this, notkids, not just everyone.
It's whatever your desire isconnect with the senses.
And that's why kids are expertsat manifesting, because they
(20:23):
don't have the oh.
What if they don't like me?
What if they judge me for this?
What if I'm not good enough?
What if I cannot make enoughmoney to sustain myself?
They don't have these worries.
So for them is oh, how doesthis smell, okay.
How does this taste, okay.
How does this feel?
Okay, what color is it and whatshape is it?
(20:47):
So it's much easier for them tooperate in this sense and, as a
parent, you can guide themthrough it.
You can say, okay, what do youtruly want?
Okay, and how would it feel tohave it in your hand?
Oh, you want a car, I don'tknow, from Paw Patrol, I don't
know, my nephew likes okay, sohow does it feel?
(21:12):
What color is it?
And how would you feel if youreceived it today?
And it's just getting them inthat mode and that teaches them
that they can do that forforever.
And the idea of manifestingit's meant to be fun.
It's meant to be fun, it'smeant to be exciting, because
that raises your vibration to adegree that makes you much more
(21:36):
likely to be in alignment withwhat you truly want.
So bring fun to the mix, justplayfulness and imagination.
Kids are amazing withimagination, so in that sense,
we can learn from them as well.
Carrie Lingenfelter (21:55):
It's interesting.
I did a guided visualizationfor my kids before they started
school this school year and wepictured walking into the school
and feeling in our body at easeand happy to be there and
loving to be at school.
And I told them to picturewalking into the classroom and
(22:16):
my son.
He said I see so-and-so as myteacher and I said let's not
focus on having the specificteacher, let's focus on the
feeling because, I don't wantyou to necessarily manifest who
you think you want.
I want you to feel the happiness, because sometimes we think we
know the teacher that will bringus the most happiness.
Maybe something else changesbecause you were meant to be in
(22:39):
this other class for whateverreason.
So, that's what we choose tofocus on when we're doing.
I love to do that with the kidsbefore the school year starts.
I was going to ask you whenyou're talking about
manifestation and as an adult,we can say, yeah, how are we
going to get there?
How are we going to make themoney?
What is this process?
What do you term trusting inthe right place in the right
(23:02):
time in the process?
What do you like to term that?
Is it holding the faith?
Some people say faith in theprocess.
What do you like to term it.
Joana Calado (23:10):
So it is faith and releasing the outcome.
But I have an analogy that itmakes me.
I think it's easier tounderstand.
So imagine the universe beingthe satnav we say in the UK
satnav, but in America I wouldsay maybe the GPS.
Right, so the universe is yourGPS, and when you want to
(23:35):
manifest something, sometimesyou don't have the full postcode
or the full address.
Sometimes you just have oh, Iwant to feel happier, I want to
feel loved.
That is a bit vague formanifestation, but maybe that
would be the equivalent ofhaving the state or the county
(23:56):
or a little city in the GPS.
So that is the what you need tounderstand the what you want,
and then with as much detail asyou can.
Obviously, the bigger, the morecomplete the address, the
easier it will be to get there.
But if you don't, that's fine,the city will get you there.
And then you need to know thewhat for and the why, as in why
(24:21):
do you want it?
What for?
So the purpose behind it,because that is going to sustain
you, that is going to oh my God, I've been driving for 12 hours
.
How can I continue?
Because of the why.
That's what you need to worryabout the why and the what.
That is your concern.
The universe's concern is thewhen are you going to reach the
(24:43):
destination?
And the how.
And you trust because, the sameway, if you don't know the way,
you trust the universe.
You trust the GPS that it knowsany roadblocks, the best way,
that sometimes you think, oh,let me go this other way because
this GPS, it doesn't knowanything, and then it's actually
(25:04):
blocked or there's a problem, alot of traffic, an accident.
So the universe, aka the GPS,knows the best route.
Trust, trust the same way thatyou trust the GPS.
Trust the same way that youtrust when you're driving at
night and you have your highbeams, I don't know a certain
distance and you trust that theroad is going to continue.
(25:27):
Just trust, trust in yourselfthat whatever happens, you'll be
able to manage it.
And trust that sometimes thingsdon't work out the way you want
them, because they can beworking out even better than you
ever considered.
So it's trusting and makinggood questions, because you were
(25:47):
saying before that you startedto absorb your daughter's energy
of, oh, why is this not workingout, or why is my life terrible
, or something in those lines.
So we have a part of our brain,that is the reticular
activating system.
That is almost like thealgorithm of our lives, and so
(26:09):
if you are asking thosequestions, your brain is always
looking for the answers and thatpart of your brain is
understanding oh, this is whatyou're focusing on, so this is
your reality.
So that's not the case.
Your life is not terrible, evenif it's terrible for 10 minutes,
that's not the full spectrum ofyour life.
(26:32):
So it's having thatcommunication and asking good
questions.
Instead of saying why doesn'tanyone love me?
Why can't I get this job that Iwant?
Why are my kids always yellingat me?
Why am I always frustrated?
It's saying, okay, how can Iget to a better place?
What is some of the things thatI need to be doing to get
(26:56):
myself to this, to get this job,to get this promotion, to have
more time for myself, to spendmore time with my kids, whatever
it is, and then releasing theneed to have the answer, because
there are many forces in thisuniverse that we're not aware
that come together to help youachieve what you want.
Carrie Lingenfelter (27:19):
Perfect.
I love the word trust.
I think that resonates with memore than faith, and I think I
hear the having faith a lot.
But I think trusting in it isreally powerful too.
Joana Calado (27:30):
Yeah, it's stressing because this is a
co-creation.
It's like you set up the GPSand you tell it where to go and
it tells you how to get thereand when you're arriving.
So that is the reason, andknowing that whenever you're
saying, oh my God, how am Igoing to do this?
I can't figure it out, know andtrust that it is not for you to
(27:52):
figure it out, or at least it'snot right now to be figured out
.
Carrie Lingenfelter (27:58):
Yes, perfect.
Thank you so much, Joanna, forbeing here today and being a
guest, thank you.
Joana Calado (28:04):
Thank you for having me, it was lovely.
Carrie Lingenfelter (28:07):
Well, that's a wrap.
Thanks so much for tuning inChangemakers.
This is Keri.
Well, that's a wrap.
Thanks so much for tuning inchange makers.
This is carrie, and if youhaven't done a review for us,
five stars and a little fewwords about what you've enjoyed
in our podcast episodes.
We would really appreciate it.
If you guys would like to evermessage me, I would love any
questions you have or anyfeedback.
At info at heart to heartlifecom, we also have a brand
(28:31):
new website which we're superexcited to share.
It's heart to heart lifecom.
Thanks so much for tuning inand happy life, happy times,
change maker families.
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