March 18, 2025 • 26 mins
When was the last time you truly filled your cup? Not with a generic self-care ritual that Instagram told you to try, but with exactly what your unique system needed in that moment?
Somatic practitioner Em Roberts joins us to explore a refreshing perspective on self-regulation that views each of us as a garden with different parts needing varied care. "It's not, oh, every day I love a bath with Epsom salt and music," Em explains. "Other days you might need to go sea swimming and boost your energy." This flexibility in our approach to self-care allows us to develop personalized tools that address our changing needs.
For parents raising sensitive kids, quick regulation techniques can be lifesavers. Em shares several practical methods including breathing patterns that signal safety to your nervous system, ear pulling to stimulate the vagus nerve, and recognizing when movement needs to precede stillness. We discuss how dysregulation manifests in the body through tension, sleep disturbances, and behavioral changes, while exploring the power of co-regulation between parent and child.
Perhaps most comforting is Em's reminder that perfect regulation isn't the goal. "You'll never be regulated all the time," she assures us. "It's normal to come out [of balance] and you just come back." This permission to be imperfect while having tools to return to center may be exactly what conscious parents need to hear.
Check out our new website at hearttoheartlife.com and share your thoughts with us at info@hearttoheartlife.com. Don't forget to leave a five-star review if you've found value in our conversations!
Connect with Em Roberts:
*Instagram: https://instagram.com/hearttoheartparentspodcast
*Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@emrobertssomatic
Quiz time! Take my new Spiritual Parent Vibe quiz and meet your magical type:
https://www.tryinteract.com/share/quiz/683e320bf64af70015fae432
New! Conscious Family Travels Channel on YouTube with Carrie:
https://www.youtube.com/@consciousfamilytravels
Connect with Carrie:
*Website: https://hearttoheartlife.com/
*Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thespiritualparent
*YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheSpiritualParent
*Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/people/The-Spiritual-Parent/61554482625081
*Email: info@hearttoheartlife.com
**Please remember that the information shared on this podcast is educational in nature and does not constitute licensed mental health advice. If you need such advice, you should speak with a licensed professional about your unique situation. Thanks so much happy listeners.
© 2024-2025 Heart to Heart Life LLC
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Em Roberts (00:00):
I think a really good analogy is seeing yourself
as a garden or a vegetable patchwith all these different parts
of yourself that need tending toin different ways, and I think
that's the key here.
It's not oh, every day I love abath and I make a real ritual
out of it.
I have my Epsom salt and music,and it's a real like experience
(00:22):
for myself.
But that's not necessarily whatyou need every day.
Other days you might need to gosea swimming and really boost
up your energy.
So I think it's about findingwhat works for you and creating
a toolbox for those differentneeds, and I think there's been
such an emphasis on calming, andsometimes I feel like we forget
(00:43):
about those tasks that are moreenergizing, like creating and
doing.
Your hobbies knitting, sewing,things like that, I think, are
also really important or runningor doing boxing that kind of
expands your energy.
Carrie Lingenfelter (01:01):
Hi, conscious Parents.
It's Carrie here and I am herewith a little info about raising
our mindful kids.
I've got some tips and tricksabout breaking free of the box
and becoming who you are andteaching your kids how to do
that along the way.
Join us.
Hi there, happy listeners.
It's Keri here and I'm soexcited I have a new project
called Conscious Family Travelson YouTube.
(01:23):
New project called ConsciousFamily Travels on YouTube.
It's all about mindfullytraveling with our highly
sensitive kids.
We love to give tips and toolsabout how you can pack, how you
can prepare and traveling withdietary restrictions.
We love to share in-depthguides of certain areas that we
are traveling to, as well assome of the actual items that we
(01:43):
use along our journey.
So join us on this ConsciousFamily Travels journey.
Hi there and welcome back.
I have a wonderful guest foryou all today.
Her name is M Roberts and sheis a somatic and spiritual
practitioner, and I startedfollowing her on Instagram and I
was really connected.
A lot of the things she wassaying really resonated with my
(02:06):
heart in the parenting world andraising my kiddos as I am, and
so I'm so excited to have Emhere with us today.
Thanks so much for being here,em.
Em Roberts (02:17):
Yeah, thank you so much for having me and I like
instantly followed you back andI feel like we have quite a
similar ethos already, justbeing heart-centered, body, mind
people, I think, instantly havethat connection and you can, we
can spot each other and I thinkthis work is so meaningful,
(02:39):
especially what you're doingwith parents, because it impacts
so many generations to come.
Carrie Lingenfelter (02:46):
Yes, I love that.
Thank you so much.
I love thinking about pastgenerations, healing some of
those pieces and then also doingour work for moving on.
I love that and that actuallystarts.
I wanted to ask oh sorry, justblinked out, so I was thinking
as we're talking about some ofthe pieces and some of the past
(03:08):
pieces, have you felt, I think?
I don't know about you and howyou grew up, but did you grow up
finding and watching your momfilling her own cup?
How did that happen for you?
I did not see my mom fillingher own cup when I was a kid.
I feel like that was notsomething that was talked about
in the 80s and 90s when I grewup.
Em Roberts (03:31):
No, and it's interesting you say that,
because I feel like quite a lotof what I've done now is guide
my mom into filling her own cupby showing her what you can do.
And yeah, I my mum was aphysiotherapist and was always
pouring out to her clients and Isaw that and saw her coming
(03:53):
home in the evening being reallydepleted, I guess, and not
necessarily having that muchenergy for us as children,
because she was giving out a lotand that shift, that shifted
and changed.
But yeah, I really noticedthere was no like emphasis on
how to fill up your own cup andnurture yourself yes, I feel
(04:15):
like my mom was the same way.
Carrie Lingenfelter (04:17):
She was a medical assistant and helped in
pediatric offices, so she gaveto a lot of different patients
and the office that they wouldsee and, coming home, I'm sure
they both had energy lapses whenthey got home.
I don't even know how they didit raising kids but I think in
this era I love that we're nowidentifying the self-care.
(04:41):
It's like a big buzzword rightin all of social media.
So what do you recommend forfilling your cup?
What have you found that youlike to share with others?
Em Roberts (04:51):
yeah, I feel like filling my cup is, or also the
gift of telling others about it.
It's like my thing.
I love tarot and the cup cardswere coming through for me loads
at the beginning of my journeyand it was all about like, how
can you water yourself?
And I think a really goodanalogy is seeing yourself as a
(05:14):
garden or a vegetable patch,with all these different parts
of yourself that need tending toin different ways, and I think
that's the key here.
It's not, oh, every day I lovea bath and I make a real ritual
out of it.
I have my Epsom salt and music,and it's a real like experience
for myself.
But that's not necessarily whatyou need every day.
(05:36):
Other days you might need to gosea swimming and really boost
up your energy.
So I think it's about findingwhat works for you and creating
a toolbox for those differentneeds, and I think there's been
such an emphasis on calming, andsometimes I feel like we forget
about those tasks that are moreenergizing, like creating and
(05:59):
doing your hobbies knitting,sewing, things like that I are
also really important or runningor doing boxing.
That kind of expands yourenergy.
So, yeah, I think it's aboutfeeling into your body and what
your body needs, and not thatsort of mind that's going on.
(06:19):
Oh, I'll just stay here.
Sometimes it's slightly pushingpast the mind and listening to
your body.
Carrie Lingenfelter (06:27):
Yeah, I love that so much.
I feel like we all think wehave to meditate for five hours
or whatever amount of time, andthat's the only way that we can
really connect with ourmind-body experience.
So I love that you'rementioning physical activity and
movement before podcasting.
Sometimes, if I'm feelingnervous about something, I love
(06:50):
to get movement in and I'll turnin some hip hop music from the
90s and move that energy outright, instead of sitting in
that calm space, I feel likethat energy just builds up
inside of me and I need to movewith it yeah, I love that and
that is such a somatic practicedancing or just feeling a rhythm
(07:12):
and shifting your energy, and Ithink you're so right.
Em Roberts (07:15):
There's such an emphasis on meditation, but what
I found through my work, it'sthrough movement that you can
really create those shifts andthere's definitely a time and a
place for stillness with thebody a hundred percent.
But often I found it's movingfirst and then coming into
stillness, which we've seen inyoga with fastener, the moving,
(07:38):
and then you find yourmeditative state that's a good
point.
Carrie Lingenfelter (07:43):
To have that calm time afterwards.
I love that, yeah, and that's abetter way to connect
afterwards.
That makes sense.
And you had mentioned going fora swim in the ocean.
Somebody once told me, whenyou're in the ocean water or
near the ocean ocean, that's areally good time to feel
(08:04):
connected.
And the spiritual there's aspiritual idea of when you're
connected with the ocean, whenyou're standing in the ocean
water, that's a really good timethat your energy is raising to
a higher conscious level.
So I love that you'rementioning swimming in the sea.
Have you heard this as wellwith the saltwater?
(08:25):
It's interesting.
Em Roberts (08:27):
No, I haven't.
Actually, I've heard a lot ofgood things about the sea, but
not that which is reallyinteresting, because I see swim
a lot.
It's one of my amazing things Ijust love to do.
I'm lucky enough to live by thesea and I knew that there's
definitely this energy shift,but I never heard about that.
(08:47):
And it makes so much sensebecause I'll often come out
feeling really divinelyconnected to something bigger
than me yeah, I love that.
Carrie Lingenfelter (09:00):
It's really interesting for my kids.
They want to just be at the seaall day long.
When we were in Hawaii, we werereally lucky we got to go to
Hawaii this summer and we couldnot pull my nine-year-old son
out of the water even to eat.
He just wanted to continuebeing there and it was really
(09:20):
interesting to see him just bein this really zen, happy state.
And when I heard that pieceabout the seawater I was like,
oh, this makes sense because Ithink it maybe calms down his
sensory system and everythingthat comes with being a human
right.
All of the pieces and theoverworking brain pieces
(09:43):
Everything's just calm so he canfeel like in that mind-body
connection he can feel in hissoul space.
Em Roberts (09:51):
Right, yeah, and it's that sense of flow state,
isn't it?
Carrie Lingenfelter (09:55):
Yeah, that flow state, that's a wonderful
place to be.
And yeah, hiking in themountains is another place for
us that we find in our soulstate and sometimes it can be
hard to get out there, but oncewe're out there and we're
resetting, I think all of uscome home happy.
So, yeah, I love when you'retalking about it.
Yeah, I was going to ask you.
(10:16):
So you mentioned that you canhelp regulate the system quickly
.
What are some of the pointersthat have worked for you?
Yeah, or others that you sharewith?
Em Roberts (10:28):
Yeah, that's a great question and I think the
easiest one is using your breath.
Regulation can be just onebreath away, which is breathing
out slower than you breathe in,and that instantly sends signals
to your body to regulate.
And then you can do gentlerocking, just like rocking side
(10:50):
to side or tapping on the body.
There's a lot of smallerpractices you can do that really
help you in the moment, and Ithink there's that balance with
the somatic work of doing biggerpractices and then having your
toolbox of smaller ones to comeback to.
But yeah, one of my favoriteones is pulling on my ear and
(11:11):
it's so simple and you could doit anywhere, but it just gives
you this amazing feeling.
It connects with your vagusnerve, so it tones your vagus
nerve and calms you down.
But I, when I first did it, Iwas like no way would this make
me feel so significantlydifferent?
And then I was so relaxedafterwards and felt the edges of
(11:33):
my body and felt really calm.
Carrie Lingenfelter (11:36):
I love that .
Which part of the ear is ityour earlobe or the upper part?
Em Roberts (11:41):
that's more cart cartilage feeling, yeah so you
can pull on any bits.
You could pull up to the side,pull down and I guess, if I
quite like pulling and moving on, you just hold it for a moment
and move on.
And sometimes some clients havevery sort of tight ears and
(12:01):
then that's something we canlook into.
Where's that tightness comingfrom or what's the message
behind that?
Carrie Lingenfelter (12:08):
okay, wow, that's really interesting, I
love.
I feel like the vagus nerve isdefinitely another hot topic
right now.
Yeah, can you tell?
Do you?
Would you be willing to shareanything about the vagus nerve,
to give us a little bit moreinfo?
Em Roberts (12:25):
Yeah, definitely.
I feel like the best way ofthinking about it is it's like a
tree that's rooting throughoutyour whole body and the brain's
kind of the center of the nerve.
I think something that's sointeresting is this we often
feel like the brain is sendingsignals to the body, but there's
so much messages coming up fromthe body to our brain and the
(12:48):
vagus nerve is linked to that,but it's linked to so many
systems.
So breathing, digestion, ourour sense of touch, and we can
tone our vagus nerve, just likewe tone any muscle, just to tap
into that calmer state quickerand help us get into our
(13:08):
parasympathetic nervous system,which is our rest and digest
state, and that's so importantfor healing.
So we're often not in thatstate, we're go.
So it's really important totrain ourselves to come into
that calming state, to heal andto sleep and to come home to
(13:28):
ourselves sleep and to come hometo ourselves.
Carrie Lingenfelter (13:37):
Okay, so if I'm starting to get overwhelmed
and overworked, what would besomething?
Em Roberts (13:41):
that I could try, as a parent, to help me.
Yeah, really good question, andI think some something a bit
like we were saying beforewhether you want movement or
stillness is assessing whereyou're at.
Is your overwhelm like five outof ten plus?
And then, if it's there, I'dsay, definitely do something
where you're moving.
One thing that I think isreally useful sometimes is
(14:03):
actually using that energy totidy or clean up.
Because you're moving, you'redoing something useful for the
home and you can just shift.
That's something that reallyhelps me, but I know not
everyone is loves tidying.
But you could go for a run, aswim, something active, and then
if you're more sort of one tofive, you're overwhelmed.
(14:27):
That's when I would say, dojournaling or take time to
meditate or have a long bath andthen, if you were five out of
ten plus and move into doingsomething more calming.
But it's just figuring out waysthat can support you.
And then I think, withoverwhelm, it can be really
(14:47):
important to find out what thatis, what's underneath it.
We have this feeling ofoverwhelm, but sometimes it's a
deeper emotion underneath.
Maybe it's anger or frustrationfrom something that's happened
with your kids or something atschool, or it's a sadness
because something hasn't workedout, and then taking time to
(15:11):
feel that emotion and I'm not aparent myself, but I have
friends that are and I oftenthink about how you don't
necessarily have so much time toprocess your emotions because
you're out with your kids.
So I would say taking a littlepause and just having an
emotional check-in and beinglike how am I feeling would be
(15:31):
really beneficial yeah.
Carrie Lingenfelter (15:34):
Is there any way that can help us?
If we're not able to, we justfeel frustrated and we're not
sure why.
Do you have any tips in tryingto figure that out?
Em Roberts (15:45):
yeah, I think that's such a good question because
sometimes you can just feel thisway and you're like, oh, why?
I think what one is actuallylearning to accept the emotion
for what they are and that youdon't necessarily need a reason
to feel that way.
And that's really helped me asa person to not constantly
(16:07):
overanalyze why I'm in thissituation and I think we can
often think, oh, I'm feelingthat way because my mum did that
when I was little and now I'mexpectable we go on this big
story.
But it can be quite good topractice just allowing,
accepting, being a peacefulobserver of the emotion, but at
(16:28):
the same time, this is a dualityof life.
Sometimes you really do need tounderstand where that's coming
from because you can address it.
So I think trying to name it,naming the emotion, can be
helpful.
Carrie Lingenfelter (16:43):
And then often with my clients, I think
about when we first felt thatemotion and doing some inner
child work and figuring outwhere does that come up in our
childhood, because often thatcan be actually the root behind
the emotion that's beingtriggered in adulthood yeah, I
(17:03):
feel like that's just such acommon theme and point for us,
for so many parents, is havingthose wounds or pieces that come
up later on, especially as ourkids are going through those
phases or those eras that we mayhave had pieces of us.
It's definitely I almost latelyI'm trying to think of it as a
(17:27):
gift, as giving me this higherconscious connection as to this
is something that was neededinside of me to be worked on and
to grow from, so I'm trying touse that mindset.
Em Roberts (17:42):
I love that and I think I often think as well your
nervous system wouldn't let youfeel something you can't cope.
So yeah, you can't cope.
So yeah, you're in thatposition.
Carrie Lingenfelter (17:54):
You're in that era of your life where you
can take time to process thatand that's like you said, that
is a gift yeah, I think, tryingto have that mindset as things
can sometimes be challenging,it's nice to have a little bit
of that positive mindset on it,on the change and that energy.
(18:14):
So if we do not work on some ofthese dysregulated feelings,
what can happen in our body Ifwe squelch it down or ignore it?
What does that look like?
Em Roberts (18:29):
I think this for me that looked, looked like and it
turned into quite a big burnoutand I just had so much to deal
with all at once I was like whoaand I couldn't ignore it
anymore.
So I think by us, likesquashing it down was like
constantly on the verge ofboiling point, and if we just
had a moment to let it out, wewould just be able to process it
(18:53):
.
So I think there's that andthen I think it really does
affect how you behave when youare dysregulated.
You're not in your centeredstate, you're coming from a
survival response which can leadto you.
I think it's that moment whenyou have an instant reaction and
it's not quite yourself and youcan surprise yourself.
(19:16):
I think when we don't take timeto regulate, we can be snappy
and that's not so useful as aparent, is it Because you don't
necessarily want to be like thatwith your child?
Because you don't necessarilywant to be like that with your
child?
So I think if it's ignored, itcan lead to yeah, quite, I think
, quite serious things and Ithink often people then find
(19:41):
nervous system regulation whenthey have reached that boiling
point.
So I would always wish that wewould talk more about this when
I was younger.
I wish I knew about more aboutmy emotional world and how to
regulate, because it is apractice and a skill that we
could learn and continue withthat's yeah.
Carrie Lingenfelter (20:03):
It makes so much sense to try to beat it
early on or to work through itearly on.
What you had mentioned, somesigns that you may or reactions
that may come out to show these,this dysregulation in our, in
our hearts, and some of theactions we may have.
What could dysregulation?
(20:24):
What are some signs that wecould have in the body of the
dysregulation?
What could that look?
Em Roberts (20:30):
Yeah, that's a really good question, and I
think it can look different foreveryone, but there's some that
just come up because our bodiesare obviously, we all have a
body, but it could be liketension that we just can't get
rid of, like shoulder tension.
It could be pain, for example,like back pain, twitchy eyes
(20:51):
from excess cortisol, too muchoversleeping, undersleeping, or
just not feeling 100%, when youjust know that you're not in
your kind of thriving position.
Yeah, there are some signs, andthen I think it's those
behaviors as well that you couldnotice in yourself.
(21:12):
You're not just quite right, oryou're sat in a room and you're
not quite present in that room,your brain's running through
other things.
I think that can be quite a bigsign.
Carrie Lingenfelter (21:24):
I love that .
That's really helpful things tolook for and signs to watch for
in our bodies, and I wanted toask you if you could share
something with parents raisingkids that are spirited, gifted,
highly sensitive right now.
What would you share?
Em Roberts (21:42):
Yeah, what a good question.
I think it would be just takingtime to meet them where they're
at and understanding them andwhat their desires and goals are
.
I suppose children don't havegoals, but their desires and how
they want to follow theirhearts and how you can support
them, follow their hearts.
(22:03):
And also, I think parents havesuch an important role in
co-regulation, which is we alldo that, even as adults.
We regulate together throughcuddles or spending time
together and really I would saymaking time to co-regulate with
your child, whether that is thatsupportive, nourishing hugs or
(22:29):
it's active rest where you'rejust creating with that child.
I'd say those would be my areasand how you can fill up your
cups together.
Carrie Lingenfelter (22:42):
You love that.
I think that's great andthere's so much.
We're learning so much aboutthe co -regulation between moms
and kids or dads and kids, andit's wonderful to think about
that piece and I love all thetools you're giving us because
it can be hard to always stayregulated and it's a work in
progress.
Even I'm learning so much andtrying it all the time.
(23:04):
I wanted to ask you what bookare you reading right now?
Should you give us any ideasabout that?
Em Roberts (23:11):
I literally don't know the title because it's on
my kindle.
Can I just get it quickly?
This is a problem with readingon the kindle.
Let me, and then I forget whatI'm reading.
Carrie Lingenfelter (23:25):
I'm reading like six books at the same time
, so it's funny that's amazing.
Em Roberts (23:30):
Oh, I just never finish them and now I've lost it
in the library.
That's really unhelpful.
I'm gonna.
I'm gonna talk about one thathaven't started.
Sorry, you're gonna have toedit that bit out, that's okay,
I got it, I noted it thank you.
I'm about to start reading ACourt of Thrones and no A Court
(23:55):
of Thorns and Roses, which Iactually have been recommended
by so many of my friends, whichis a fantasy novel, and I'm
really trying to read for joy.
So I spent probably last yearreading a lot for somatic books,
which was amazing, but I'mtrying to read a bit more for
(24:15):
joy and I really like readingbefore bed.
It really helps me wind down.
Try not to watch too much tvaround bedtime yeah, yeah, that
sounds lovely.
Carrie Lingenfelter (24:28):
A court of thorns and roses, is that what
it was?
yeah, okay yeah, that soundsgreat.
I will put it in the show notes.
I'd love to include new ideasof things.
Thank you so much, um, forspending time with us and
sharing all of your amazingideas and tips, and I love these
pieces, love giving tools toparents raising these kids today
(24:50):
, born with so many gifts, andalso supporting their needs as
well yeah, thank you so much forhaving me, and one thing I'd
love to say to parents is thatyou'll never be regulated all
the time.
Em Roberts (25:03):
It's normal to come out and you just come back to
balance, and it's the same withyour children, and I think just
remembering that is so important.
Carrie Lingenfelter (25:13):
Yeah, that's wonderful.
It's a great last end for us.
Thank you so much for joiningus today.
Thank you for having me.
Well, that's a wrap.
Thanks so much for tuning in.
Changemakers.
This is Keri, and if youhaven't done a review for us
five stars and a little fewwords about what you've enjoyed
in our podcast episodes we wouldreally appreciate it.
(25:35):
If you guys would like to evermessage me, I would love any
questions you have or anyfeedback at info at
hearttoheartlifecom.
We also have a brand newwebsite which we're super
excited to share.
It's hearttoheartlifecom.
Thanks so much for tuning inand happy life, happy times.
Changemaker families.
I think a really good analogy is seeing yourself
as a garden or a vegetable patchwith all these different parts
of yourself that need tending toin different ways, and I think
that's the key here.
It's not oh, every day I love abath and I make a real ritual
out of it.
I have my Epsom salt and music,and it's a real like experience
(00:22):
for myself.
But that's not necessarily whatyou need every day.
Other days you might need to gosea swimming and really boost
up your energy.
So I think it's about findingwhat works for you and creating
a toolbox for those differentneeds, and I think there's been
such an emphasis on calming, andsometimes I feel like we forget
(00:43):
about those tasks that are moreenergizing, like creating and
doing.
Your hobbies knitting, sewing,things like that, I think, are
also really important or runningor doing boxing that kind of
expands your energy.
Carrie Lingenfelter (01:01):
Hi, conscious Parents.
It's Carrie here and I am herewith a little info about raising
our mindful kids.
I've got some tips and tricksabout breaking free of the box
and becoming who you are andteaching your kids how to do
that along the way.
Join us.
Hi there, happy listeners.
It's Keri here and I'm soexcited I have a new project
called Conscious Family Travelson YouTube.
(01:23):
New project called ConsciousFamily Travels on YouTube.
It's all about mindfullytraveling with our highly
sensitive kids.
We love to give tips and toolsabout how you can pack, how you
can prepare and traveling withdietary restrictions.
We love to share in-depthguides of certain areas that we
are traveling to, as well assome of the actual items that we
(01:43):
use along our journey.
So join us on this ConsciousFamily Travels journey.
Hi there and welcome back.
I have a wonderful guest foryou all today.
Her name is M Roberts and sheis a somatic and spiritual
practitioner, and I startedfollowing her on Instagram and I
was really connected.
A lot of the things she wassaying really resonated with my
(02:06):
heart in the parenting world andraising my kiddos as I am, and
so I'm so excited to have Emhere with us today.
Thanks so much for being here,em.
Em Roberts (02:17):
Yeah, thank you so much for having me and I like
instantly followed you back andI feel like we have quite a
similar ethos already, justbeing heart-centered, body, mind
people, I think, instantly havethat connection and you can, we
can spot each other and I thinkthis work is so meaningful,
(02:39):
especially what you're doingwith parents, because it impacts
so many generations to come.
Carrie Lingenfelter (02:46):
Yes, I love that.
Thank you so much.
I love thinking about pastgenerations, healing some of
those pieces and then also doingour work for moving on.
I love that and that actuallystarts.
I wanted to ask oh sorry, justblinked out, so I was thinking
as we're talking about some ofthe pieces and some of the past
(03:08):
pieces, have you felt, I think?
I don't know about you and howyou grew up, but did you grow up
finding and watching your momfilling her own cup?
How did that happen for you?
I did not see my mom fillingher own cup when I was a kid.
I feel like that was notsomething that was talked about
in the 80s and 90s when I grewup.
Em Roberts (03:31):
No, and it's interesting you say that,
because I feel like quite a lotof what I've done now is guide
my mom into filling her own cupby showing her what you can do.
And yeah, I my mum was aphysiotherapist and was always
pouring out to her clients and Isaw that and saw her coming
(03:53):
home in the evening being reallydepleted, I guess, and not
necessarily having that muchenergy for us as children,
because she was giving out a lotand that shift, that shifted
and changed.
But yeah, I really noticedthere was no like emphasis on
how to fill up your own cup andnurture yourself yes, I feel
(04:15):
like my mom was the same way.
Carrie Lingenfelter (04:17):
She was a medical assistant and helped in
pediatric offices, so she gaveto a lot of different patients
and the office that they wouldsee and, coming home, I'm sure
they both had energy lapses whenthey got home.
I don't even know how they didit raising kids but I think in
this era I love that we're nowidentifying the self-care.
(04:41):
It's like a big buzzword rightin all of social media.
So what do you recommend forfilling your cup?
What have you found that youlike to share with others?
Em Roberts (04:51):
yeah, I feel like filling my cup is, or also the
gift of telling others about it.
It's like my thing.
I love tarot and the cup cardswere coming through for me loads
at the beginning of my journeyand it was all about like, how
can you water yourself?
And I think a really goodanalogy is seeing yourself as a
(05:14):
garden or a vegetable patch,with all these different parts
of yourself that need tending toin different ways, and I think
that's the key here.
It's not, oh, every day I lovea bath and I make a real ritual
out of it.
I have my Epsom salt and music,and it's a real like experience
for myself.
But that's not necessarily whatyou need every day.
(05:36):
Other days you might need to gosea swimming and really boost
up your energy.
So I think it's about findingwhat works for you and creating
a toolbox for those differentneeds, and I think there's been
such an emphasis on calming, andsometimes I feel like we forget
about those tasks that are moreenergizing, like creating and
(05:59):
doing your hobbies knitting,sewing, things like that I are
also really important or runningor doing boxing.
That kind of expands yourenergy.
So, yeah, I think it's aboutfeeling into your body and what
your body needs, and not thatsort of mind that's going on.
(06:19):
Oh, I'll just stay here.
Sometimes it's slightly pushingpast the mind and listening to
your body.
Carrie Lingenfelter (06:27):
Yeah, I love that so much.
I feel like we all think wehave to meditate for five hours
or whatever amount of time, andthat's the only way that we can
really connect with ourmind-body experience.
So I love that you'rementioning physical activity and
movement before podcasting.
Sometimes, if I'm feelingnervous about something, I love
(06:50):
to get movement in and I'll turnin some hip hop music from the
90s and move that energy outright, instead of sitting in
that calm space, I feel likethat energy just builds up
inside of me and I need to movewith it yeah, I love that and
that is such a somatic practicedancing or just feeling a rhythm
(07:12):
and shifting your energy, and Ithink you're so right.
Em Roberts (07:15):
There's such an emphasis on meditation, but what
I found through my work, it'sthrough movement that you can
really create those shifts andthere's definitely a time and a
place for stillness with thebody a hundred percent.
But often I found it's movingfirst and then coming into
stillness, which we've seen inyoga with fastener, the moving,
(07:38):
and then you find yourmeditative state that's a good
point.
Carrie Lingenfelter (07:43):
To have that calm time afterwards.
I love that, yeah, and that's abetter way to connect
afterwards.
That makes sense.
And you had mentioned going fora swim in the ocean.
Somebody once told me, whenyou're in the ocean water or
near the ocean ocean, that's areally good time to feel
(08:04):
connected.
And the spiritual there's aspiritual idea of when you're
connected with the ocean, whenyou're standing in the ocean
water, that's a really good timethat your energy is raising to
a higher conscious level.
So I love that you'rementioning swimming in the sea.
Have you heard this as wellwith the saltwater?
(08:25):
It's interesting.
Em Roberts (08:27):
No, I haven't.
Actually, I've heard a lot ofgood things about the sea, but
not that which is reallyinteresting, because I see swim
a lot.
It's one of my amazing things Ijust love to do.
I'm lucky enough to live by thesea and I knew that there's
definitely this energy shift,but I never heard about that.
(08:47):
And it makes so much sensebecause I'll often come out
feeling really divinelyconnected to something bigger
than me yeah, I love that.
Carrie Lingenfelter (09:00):
It's really interesting for my kids.
They want to just be at the seaall day long.
When we were in Hawaii, we werereally lucky we got to go to
Hawaii this summer and we couldnot pull my nine-year-old son
out of the water even to eat.
He just wanted to continuebeing there and it was really
(09:20):
interesting to see him just bein this really zen, happy state.
And when I heard that pieceabout the seawater I was like,
oh, this makes sense because Ithink it maybe calms down his
sensory system and everythingthat comes with being a human
right.
All of the pieces and theoverworking brain pieces
(09:43):
Everything's just calm so he canfeel like in that mind-body
connection he can feel in hissoul space.
Em Roberts (09:51):
Right, yeah, and it's that sense of flow state,
isn't it?
Carrie Lingenfelter (09:55):
Yeah, that flow state, that's a wonderful
place to be.
And yeah, hiking in themountains is another place for
us that we find in our soulstate and sometimes it can be
hard to get out there, but oncewe're out there and we're
resetting, I think all of uscome home happy.
So, yeah, I love when you'retalking about it.
Yeah, I was going to ask you.
(10:16):
So you mentioned that you canhelp regulate the system quickly
.
What are some of the pointersthat have worked for you?
Yeah, or others that you sharewith?
Em Roberts (10:28):
Yeah, that's a great question and I think the
easiest one is using your breath.
Regulation can be just onebreath away, which is breathing
out slower than you breathe in,and that instantly sends signals
to your body to regulate.
And then you can do gentlerocking, just like rocking side
(10:50):
to side or tapping on the body.
There's a lot of smallerpractices you can do that really
help you in the moment, and Ithink there's that balance with
the somatic work of doing biggerpractices and then having your
toolbox of smaller ones to comeback to.
But yeah, one of my favoriteones is pulling on my ear and
(11:11):
it's so simple and you could doit anywhere, but it just gives
you this amazing feeling.
It connects with your vagusnerve, so it tones your vagus
nerve and calms you down.
But I, when I first did it, Iwas like no way would this make
me feel so significantlydifferent?
And then I was so relaxedafterwards and felt the edges of
(11:33):
my body and felt really calm.
Carrie Lingenfelter (11:36):
I love that .
Which part of the ear is ityour earlobe or the upper part?
Em Roberts (11:41):
that's more cart cartilage feeling, yeah so you
can pull on any bits.
You could pull up to the side,pull down and I guess, if I
quite like pulling and moving on, you just hold it for a moment
and move on.
And sometimes some clients havevery sort of tight ears and
(12:01):
then that's something we canlook into.
Where's that tightness comingfrom or what's the message
behind that?
Carrie Lingenfelter (12:08):
okay, wow, that's really interesting, I
love.
I feel like the vagus nerve isdefinitely another hot topic
right now.
Yeah, can you tell?
Do you?
Would you be willing to shareanything about the vagus nerve,
to give us a little bit moreinfo?
Em Roberts (12:25):
Yeah, definitely.
I feel like the best way ofthinking about it is it's like a
tree that's rooting throughoutyour whole body and the brain's
kind of the center of the nerve.
I think something that's sointeresting is this we often
feel like the brain is sendingsignals to the body, but there's
so much messages coming up fromthe body to our brain and the
(12:48):
vagus nerve is linked to that,but it's linked to so many
systems.
So breathing, digestion, ourour sense of touch, and we can
tone our vagus nerve, just likewe tone any muscle, just to tap
into that calmer state quickerand help us get into our
(13:08):
parasympathetic nervous system,which is our rest and digest
state, and that's so importantfor healing.
So we're often not in thatstate, we're go.
So it's really important totrain ourselves to come into
that calming state, to heal andto sleep and to come home to
(13:28):
ourselves sleep and to come hometo ourselves.
Carrie Lingenfelter (13:37):
Okay, so if I'm starting to get overwhelmed
and overworked, what would besomething?
Em Roberts (13:41):
that I could try, as a parent, to help me.
Yeah, really good question, andI think some something a bit
like we were saying beforewhether you want movement or
stillness is assessing whereyou're at.
Is your overwhelm like five outof ten plus?
And then, if it's there, I'dsay, definitely do something
where you're moving.
One thing that I think isreally useful sometimes is
(14:03):
actually using that energy totidy or clean up.
Because you're moving, you'redoing something useful for the
home and you can just shift.
That's something that reallyhelps me, but I know not
everyone is loves tidying.
But you could go for a run, aswim, something active, and then
if you're more sort of one tofive, you're overwhelmed.
(14:27):
That's when I would say, dojournaling or take time to
meditate or have a long bath andthen, if you were five out of
ten plus and move into doingsomething more calming.
But it's just figuring out waysthat can support you.
And then I think, withoverwhelm, it can be really
(14:47):
important to find out what thatis, what's underneath it.
We have this feeling ofoverwhelm, but sometimes it's a
deeper emotion underneath.
Maybe it's anger or frustrationfrom something that's happened
with your kids or something atschool, or it's a sadness
because something hasn't workedout, and then taking time to
(15:11):
feel that emotion and I'm not aparent myself, but I have
friends that are and I oftenthink about how you don't
necessarily have so much time toprocess your emotions because
you're out with your kids.
So I would say taking a littlepause and just having an
emotional check-in and beinglike how am I feeling would be
(15:31):
really beneficial yeah.
Carrie Lingenfelter (15:34):
Is there any way that can help us?
If we're not able to, we justfeel frustrated and we're not
sure why.
Do you have any tips in tryingto figure that out?
Em Roberts (15:45):
yeah, I think that's such a good question because
sometimes you can just feel thisway and you're like, oh, why?
I think what one is actuallylearning to accept the emotion
for what they are and that youdon't necessarily need a reason
to feel that way.
And that's really helped me asa person to not constantly
(16:07):
overanalyze why I'm in thissituation and I think we can
often think, oh, I'm feelingthat way because my mum did that
when I was little and now I'mexpectable we go on this big
story.
But it can be quite good topractice just allowing,
accepting, being a peacefulobserver of the emotion, but at
(16:28):
the same time, this is a dualityof life.
Sometimes you really do need tounderstand where that's coming
from because you can address it.
So I think trying to name it,naming the emotion, can be
helpful.
Carrie Lingenfelter (16:43):
And then often with my clients, I think
about when we first felt thatemotion and doing some inner
child work and figuring outwhere does that come up in our
childhood, because often thatcan be actually the root behind
the emotion that's beingtriggered in adulthood yeah, I
(17:03):
feel like that's just such acommon theme and point for us,
for so many parents, is havingthose wounds or pieces that come
up later on, especially as ourkids are going through those
phases or those eras that we mayhave had pieces of us.
It's definitely I almost latelyI'm trying to think of it as a
(17:27):
gift, as giving me this higherconscious connection as to this
is something that was neededinside of me to be worked on and
to grow from, so I'm trying touse that mindset.
Em Roberts (17:42):
I love that and I think I often think as well your
nervous system wouldn't let youfeel something you can't cope.
So yeah, you can't cope.
So yeah, you're in thatposition.
Carrie Lingenfelter (17:54):
You're in that era of your life where you
can take time to process thatand that's like you said, that
is a gift yeah, I think, tryingto have that mindset as things
can sometimes be challenging,it's nice to have a little bit
of that positive mindset on it,on the change and that energy.
(18:14):
So if we do not work on some ofthese dysregulated feelings,
what can happen in our body Ifwe squelch it down or ignore it?
What does that look like?
Em Roberts (18:29):
I think this for me that looked, looked like and it
turned into quite a big burnoutand I just had so much to deal
with all at once I was like whoaand I couldn't ignore it
anymore.
So I think by us, likesquashing it down was like
constantly on the verge ofboiling point, and if we just
had a moment to let it out, wewould just be able to process it
(18:53):
.
So I think there's that andthen I think it really does
affect how you behave when youare dysregulated.
You're not in your centeredstate, you're coming from a
survival response which can leadto you.
I think it's that moment whenyou have an instant reaction and
it's not quite yourself and youcan surprise yourself.
(19:16):
I think when we don't take timeto regulate, we can be snappy
and that's not so useful as aparent, is it Because you don't
necessarily want to be like thatwith your child?
Because you don't necessarilywant to be like that with your
child?
So I think if it's ignored, itcan lead to yeah, quite, I think
, quite serious things and Ithink often people then find
(19:41):
nervous system regulation whenthey have reached that boiling
point.
So I would always wish that wewould talk more about this when
I was younger.
I wish I knew about more aboutmy emotional world and how to
regulate, because it is apractice and a skill that we
could learn and continue withthat's yeah.
Carrie Lingenfelter (20:03):
It makes so much sense to try to beat it
early on or to work through itearly on.
What you had mentioned, somesigns that you may or reactions
that may come out to show these,this dysregulation in our, in
our hearts, and some of theactions we may have.
What could dysregulation?
(20:24):
What are some signs that wecould have in the body of the
dysregulation?
What could that look?
Em Roberts (20:30):
Yeah, that's a really good question, and I
think it can look different foreveryone, but there's some that
just come up because our bodiesare obviously, we all have a
body, but it could be liketension that we just can't get
rid of, like shoulder tension.
It could be pain, for example,like back pain, twitchy eyes
(20:51):
from excess cortisol, too muchoversleeping, undersleeping, or
just not feeling 100%, when youjust know that you're not in
your kind of thriving position.
Yeah, there are some signs, andthen I think it's those
behaviors as well that you couldnotice in yourself.
(21:12):
You're not just quite right, oryou're sat in a room and you're
not quite present in that room,your brain's running through
other things.
I think that can be quite a bigsign.
Carrie Lingenfelter (21:24):
I love that .
That's really helpful things tolook for and signs to watch for
in our bodies, and I wanted toask you if you could share
something with parents raisingkids that are spirited, gifted,
highly sensitive right now.
What would you share?
Em Roberts (21:42):
Yeah, what a good question.
I think it would be just takingtime to meet them where they're
at and understanding them andwhat their desires and goals are
.
I suppose children don't havegoals, but their desires and how
they want to follow theirhearts and how you can support
them, follow their hearts.
(22:03):
And also, I think parents havesuch an important role in
co-regulation, which is we alldo that, even as adults.
We regulate together throughcuddles or spending time
together and really I would saymaking time to co-regulate with
your child, whether that is thatsupportive, nourishing hugs or
(22:29):
it's active rest where you'rejust creating with that child.
I'd say those would be my areasand how you can fill up your
cups together.
Carrie Lingenfelter (22:42):
You love that.
I think that's great andthere's so much.
We're learning so much aboutthe co -regulation between moms
and kids or dads and kids, andit's wonderful to think about
that piece and I love all thetools you're giving us because
it can be hard to always stayregulated and it's a work in
progress.
Even I'm learning so much andtrying it all the time.
(23:04):
I wanted to ask you what bookare you reading right now?
Should you give us any ideasabout that?
Em Roberts (23:11):
I literally don't know the title because it's on
my kindle.
Can I just get it quickly?
This is a problem with readingon the kindle.
Let me, and then I forget whatI'm reading.
Carrie Lingenfelter (23:25):
I'm reading like six books at the same time
, so it's funny that's amazing.
Em Roberts (23:30):
Oh, I just never finish them and now I've lost it
in the library.
That's really unhelpful.
I'm gonna.
I'm gonna talk about one thathaven't started.
Sorry, you're gonna have toedit that bit out, that's okay,
I got it, I noted it thank you.
I'm about to start reading ACourt of Thrones and no A Court
(23:55):
of Thorns and Roses, which Iactually have been recommended
by so many of my friends, whichis a fantasy novel, and I'm
really trying to read for joy.
So I spent probably last yearreading a lot for somatic books,
which was amazing, but I'mtrying to read a bit more for
(24:15):
joy and I really like readingbefore bed.
It really helps me wind down.
Try not to watch too much tvaround bedtime yeah, yeah, that
sounds lovely.
Carrie Lingenfelter (24:28):
A court of thorns and roses, is that what
it was?
yeah, okay yeah, that soundsgreat.
I will put it in the show notes.
I'd love to include new ideasof things.
Thank you so much, um, forspending time with us and
sharing all of your amazingideas and tips, and I love these
pieces, love giving tools toparents raising these kids today
(24:50):
, born with so many gifts, andalso supporting their needs as
well yeah, thank you so much forhaving me, and one thing I'd
love to say to parents is thatyou'll never be regulated all
the time.
Em Roberts (25:03):
It's normal to come out and you just come back to
balance, and it's the same withyour children, and I think just
remembering that is so important.
Carrie Lingenfelter (25:13):
Yeah, that's wonderful.
It's a great last end for us.
Thank you so much for joiningus today.
Thank you for having me.
Well, that's a wrap.
Thanks so much for tuning in.
Changemakers.
This is Keri, and if youhaven't done a review for us
five stars and a little fewwords about what you've enjoyed
in our podcast episodes we wouldreally appreciate it.
(25:35):
If you guys would like to evermessage me, I would love any
questions you have or anyfeedback at info at
hearttoheartlifecom.
We also have a brand newwebsite which we're super
excited to share.
It's hearttoheartlifecom.
Thanks so much for tuning inand happy life, happy times.
Changemaker families.
Popular Podcasts
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.