The Stars Aren't Alright | Call of Cthulhu Actual Play

The Stars Aren't Alright | Call of Cthulhu Actual Play

The Stars Aren't Alright is an Actual Play comedy/horror podcast, blending the Lovecraftian mythos with a far future, sci fi setting. The Keeper, Brian, uses the Call of Cthulhu TTRPG system to lead Alex, Catherine, Tom, and Leah through a series of mysterious events, unfolding into eldritch horror that stretches their character's sanity - and, in the end, learning that the true reality bending beings from outside time and space were the friends we made along the way. Find us everywhere at linktree.com/thestarsarentalright (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener discretion is strongly advised.) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Episodes

S1E1: Welcome to Gate City!

November 12, 2023 • 178 mins
Welcome to Gate City - a massive Beam Gate Station approximately 6000 light years from Earth! (Also, learn WTF that means.) In this episode, we meet our characters - Glade, Pyotr, Juno, and Lift - as their lives are turned upside down...(This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener discretion is strongly advised.)

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S1E2: Blackmail, Booze, and Burning Buildings

November 26, 2023 • 158 mins
[Note: This episode was recorded in a much different space than our first episode - as such, there were some issues with the sound. Let us know if it needs work!] Our heroes cover up crimes not committed by them, commit some new ones, and uncover new secrets that drag them deeper into conspiracy...also we dunk on the British Empire a bunch. DOWN TO BUSINESS: 11:30. (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if...

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S1E3: The Long Arm of the Law

December 10, 2023 • 159 mins
[Note: This episode was recorded in a much different space than our first episode - as such, there were some issues with the sound. Let us know if it needs work!] Low blood sugar, explosions, getting shot at - it's not been a great couple of days for our heroes. Maybe assembling the team will help? Doubtful. DOWN TO BUSINESS: 3:29. (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbin...

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S1E4: Go Play Outside

December 22, 2023 • 157 mins
Our ragtag gang leaves the station to do a 30 km spacewalk. Their oxygen? Limited. Their tempers? Limited. Their experience? Limited. But, it's just an EVA - how hard can it be? DOWN TO BUSINESS: 5:30. (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener discretion is strongly advised.)

Hosted on Acast. See a...

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S1E5: Sympathy for Oxygen Tanks

January 7, 2024 • 153 mins

[Note: There was a strange audio glitch on Brian's track for a few seconds - it's not you, it's us] Our beat up group deals with the aftermath of Juno's gunshot. Pyotr experiences empathy for inanimate objects. Secrets are revealed, but only bring up more questions. Brian is required by law to offer his apologies to the country and peoples of Australia. DOWN TO BUSINESS: 6:50. (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult langua...

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S1E6: A Spooky, Soylent Hallway

January 21, 2024 • 150 mins
Our merry gang of degenerates plunges into an alternative route suggested by Special K. Juno starts her electrician's apprenticeship. Pyotr learns about the drip of the future. The evidence of darkness and evil grows stronger - Lift and Glade do violence about it. DOWN TO BUSINESS: 6:50. (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener discretion is stro...

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S1E7: No Ships Like Friendships

February 4, 2024 • 147 mins
The increasingly battered and bruised group finally get themselves off the station. Pyotr puts two and two together, and wishes he hadn't. Juno eats crackers and tries to do therapy at Glade. Lift uncovers details about his past that provide more questions than closure... DOWN TO BUSINESS: 8:00. (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener discretion...

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S1E8: An Industrial Amount of Lube

February 18, 2024 • 157 mins
Our puddle of sentient chaos continues their journey on the Violet King Henry, making their way to Gizen-Sha Station. Juno and Glade open up after taking inventory of the ship's leftover cargo. Lift, Doug, and Pyotr induct Juno into the Thot LLC while she's hammered. Glade and Pyotr demonstrate their conflict resolution skills. DOWN TO BUSINESS: 7:55. (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jo...

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S1E9: Fever Dreams

March 3, 2024 • 171 mins
(TW: Suicide 2h36m) Our mishmash of marginally lovable misfits have a chat with the architect of their suffering. Lift and Glade take a walk down memory lane. Juno is humbled. Pyotr closes a deal. Doug is not in this one. DOWN TO BUSINESS: 12:30. (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener discretion is strongly advised.)

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S1E10: The Fundamentals of the Principles of Historical Astro-Economics

March 17, 2024 • 134 mins
Glade gets in touch with her inner child. Juno realizes our 'ship is sailing through some rough waters. Pyotr decides what he's gonna be when he grows up. Lift tells chatGPT to get bent. Doug completes a Sudoku (subtextually - he's not in this one). DOWN TO BUSINESS: 9:30. (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener discretion is strongly advised.)<...

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S1E11: Be Not Afraid

April 15, 2024 • 153 mins
Religious Extremists? Check. Wanted Terrorists? Check. The Puddle? Check. Our flimsy plastic bag of humanity makes a desperate attempt to escape Gizen-Sha station in our season 1 finale, still reeling from the revelations of Lift (and Glade)'s memories... DOWN TO BUSINESS: 7:00. (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener discretion is strongly advi...

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Season 1 Recap: I Thought We Had More Time

April 15, 2024 • 185 mins
Keeper and cast unite to discuss season one while we get progressively sillier, until the whole thing devolves into nonsense (even more so than usual). Join us while we discuss characters, storylines, behind the scenes details, tidbits of what might be in the future, and Catherine's childhood office supplies - all while serenaded with a random splattering of music from Season One. (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult la...

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Alex's D&D Oneshot: The Kids Aren't Alright

May 12, 2024 • 182 mins

We give Alex the reins, and he leads us to glory (chaos) and (mis)adventure!


As would-be transfers to the prestigious Knockleberry College of Swordsmanship, Spellerey and Sneakerey, our band of rampaging hormone homunculi must navigate the inscrutable and arcane world of a college admissions interview for the pre-eminent adventuring academy in the land. Will Sol's perfectionism be her undoing? Will Hael purge the groups demons? ...

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Leah's Oneshot: The Gals Aren't Alright PT 1

June 9, 2024 • 112 mins
This time we hand Leah the reins, as she leads Brian, Tom, Alex, and our new friend James in a dark and scary cave, for what is probably the third-worst bachelorette party you've ever heard of. Join Brigitte, Coleen, Tonya, and Jessica as they slowly unravel the mystery of missing appendages, and girlboss gatekeep gaslight themselves into and out of trouble. PT 2 coming soon! DOWN TO BUSINESS: 5:05. (This podcast contains scenes of...

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Leah's Oneshot: The Gals Aren't Alright PT 2

June 23, 2024 • 106 mins
Our gals continue their unintentional spelunking through the cave of horrors in the bloodcurdling conclusion to our GayKeeper series. Brigitte demonstrates how well she can climb. Jessica does her best. Coleen embraces an open-door mentality. Tonya makes statements about democracy. Cathy is glowing. There's a gun in this one. DOWN TO BUSINESS: 2:05. (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs...

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Tom's Oneshot: The Most Astral of Adventures PT 1

July 14, 2024 • 145 mins
Join Marco, Adella, Sidd, and Buddy the Bear - elite tour guides with Astral Adventures LLC - as Tom Keepers us all down to the surface of Radwin V, to lead some rich people on a tour that costs more than most people will make in their lifetimes. This tour was planned and executed using machinery and software sourced from the absolute lowest possible bidder - what could possibly go wrong? DOWN TO BUSINESS: 6:30. (This podcast conta...

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Tom's Oneshot: The Most Astral of Adventures PT 2

July 28, 2024 • 158 mins
After the planetary landing went sideways, we meet up with our Extreme Tour Guides Sidd, Marco, Adella, and Buddy the Bear on the surface of Radwin V. Things get spooky as the architect of their misfortune delves into their fears and insecurities, and we most certainly do NOT split the party (citation needed) in the uberduber super spoopums finale to our Most Astral of Adventures! DOWN TO BUSINESS: 3:12. (This podcast contains scen...

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Catherine's ThreeShot: Call Center of Cthulhu PT 1 of 3

August 25, 2024 • 157 mins
Catherine leads us into the godless pit of despair that is customer service in the Call Center of Cthulhu! Join Howie (Brian), Craig (Alex), Cathy (Leah), and Lonestar (Tom) as they try to keep their sanity in the multidimensional horror of the call center. We commiserate on the service industry for about 13 minutes - skip to that point if you wanna get to the goods! DOWN TO BUSINESS: 17:16. (This podcast contains scenes of violenc...

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Catherine's ThreeShot: Call Center of Cthulhu PT 2 of 3

September 8, 2024 • 124 mins
Cathy, Lonestar, Craig, and Howie delve deeper into the mysteries of the Call Center. A Caesar cypher makes all of us confront our fragile masculinity. Brian gets to recycle a lot of old sound bites from previous episodes. DOWN TO BUSINESS: 8:56. (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subject matter. Listener discretion is strongly advised.)

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Catherine's ThreeShot: Call Center of Cthulhu PT 3 of 3

September 22, 2024 • 195 mins
The horse traps? Knitted. The customers? On hold. The Phil? Collins'd. The Lord's? Justice. Join Cathy, Lonestar, Howie and Craig as they finally discover who is responsible for their misfortune, and the misfortune of the Call Center itself, in the blood gargling conclusion to Catherine's three shot. DOWN TO BUSINESS: 9:25. (This podcast contains scenes of violence, adult language, and - if we did our jobs right - disturbing subjec...

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