August 11, 2023 • 36 mins
Ever felt stuck in a negativity whirlwind? What if you could harness the superpower of gratitude to shift your mindset and achieve success? Join us as we explore this transformative journey with real estate veteran Christine Newell, who's cultivated a positive mindset through 22 years of industry experience. Discover the power of a gratitude-filled morning routine and learn practical strategies to wake up early.
Christine takes us on her journey from a butter-less kitchen, a symbol of her rock-bottom, to the heights of her career. She shares her insights into the science of gratitude and how to channel it through gratitude interventions. Christine's secret? Writing notes of gratitude and practicing daily affirmations. Listen as she unravels the balance between discipline, indulgence, and presenting oneself healthily and confidently to the world.
We also delve into the wisdom of Bob Bird, author of The Go-Giver, and his five influential laws. Learn how to navigate the law of authenticity, value disappointments, and set easy goals for effective habit formation. Christine gives us a sneak peek into her inspiring book, The Habit of Grateful, an essential guide to spreading gratitude. Stay tuned for a transformative exploration into an abundance mindset and the positive use of social media. Get ready to reshape your world with the power of gratitude!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
All right, hey, I'm with Christine Newell here.
Welcome to another episode ofthe Still Occasion podcast.
Christine has a pretty coolbackground here.
She's gonna talk about her dayjob and then she's gonna talk
about her career, I guess, orwhat it is that makes you up.
So welcome to the podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Thank you so much, Alex.
I'm excited to be here today.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
Awesome, thank you.
So we're gonna get into thegratitude stuff here a little
bit later.
I love that we have a gratitudeexpert on here.
I know I'm gonna learn,hopefully, a lot from you here,
but talk to the audience alittle bit about your background
, because we do have a lot ofpeople on here that are real
estate background and I thinkthat's pertinent here.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Excellent.
Yeah, so I've been in realestate for just over 22 years.
I started off selling realestate and did that for quite
some time.
Also during my real estatecareer when I was out there in
the field selling, you know Ilived in Connecticut and at one
point was a single mom and threelittle kids survived the
downturn in the market of 0809,which anyone listening if you
(01:01):
survive that downturn, morepower to you, because that was
pretty tough for all of us.
And yeah, so sounds like Alex,so you may have survived that as
well.
Yeah, stronger for it, right?
We always say that these toughtimes they just make us stronger
and smarter, so I'll leave thatright there and look real
(01:22):
estate's in my blood now.
I just can't seem to get awayfrom it.
And so, about gosh, 11-ishyears ago, went into leadership,
became an assistant manager, amanager, a regional manager, and
now I'm a senior vice presidentfor a major luxury company in
both North Carolina and Florida.
So you know I think real estatehas been amazing to me, and
(01:45):
probably most of you guyslistening.
But there's a high rate ofburnout and mindset is key.
That's one thing I know forsure.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
So how do we?
That's a great segue.
How do we?
How do we forestall, or even,you know, get away from that
dreaded word, or double wordthere burnout.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
Oh gosh.
Well, you know, I feel that inreal estate, first of all, every
day is really a roller coaster,right?
So you can be having an amazingmorning, but by lunch
something's crashing and burning, or vice versa.
So by having kind of a nicelevel, I would say, outlook,
having a level outlook and beingin the positive mindset, we can
(02:28):
handle those curve balls andwith our clients we can just
become collected and that'sreally what they want from us,
right To be that step downtransformer.
So mindset and also askingyourself, you know, are you a
victim, Are you a player, areyou on the negative side or in
the positive side?
And having that daily routinethat can help you to be in a
(02:50):
positive mindset every singleday.
So I don't know about you, alex, but I gravitate towards
positive people and if you agreewith that, most people ask
themselves how do I like becomemore positive in real estate?
You know how do I do that everyday.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
So with a lot to unpack there, let's look back up
a little bit.
Let's say, I mean it takes sometime.
So say you maybe have anegative mindset, or maybe even
that you're not even aware ofwhat your mindset is.
So let's go with that.
You are aware that you're justhaving these kind of tough
thoughts.
What is your secret?
What would you tell theaudience?
(03:29):
How do we shift that from beingin negative space to being in a
positive mindset?
Speaker 2 (03:33):
Yeah, absolutely so.
Number one having negativefeelings.
You know, sometimes that'snormal.
So I wanna obviouslyacknowledge that.
If you're negative once in awhile, we're all human and
having awareness of yourself isa huge step.
So if you recognize the factthat you wanna make a change,
that you're noticing you arekind of very negative about
(03:54):
everything, that's awesome,right.
So that means you're kind ofready for the next step, and I
use several different methods.
The first is really gratitude,and I've been studying gratitude
now for I don't know, probablyat least 10 years, and ended up,
you know, writing a book aboutgratitude.
What I learned is that gratitudeis the easiest way to shift
yourself into a positive mindset.
(04:14):
It also has a lot of otherbenefits that go far and far
beyond even mindset.
But if we just stick withmindset, it's impossible to be
angry and grateful at the sametime.
So there's so many little tools, but if you start off on using
gratitude right when you wake upevery day and having that as
part of your morning routine inreal estate especially for us,
(04:38):
you know again, in real estate,high degree burnout we're
dealing with difficult clientsevery single day.
In real estate I've found thetop, top performers that I know
in the markets if they use amorning routine every single day
.
They are high achievers,they're high performers, so
gratitude should be the absolutefirst thing you do every single
day when you wake up.
Right Sounds easy, but the keyis doing it every single day.
(05:01):
So, alex, not sure what is yourfirst thought first thing when
you wake up?
What do you typically do whenyou open your eyes?
Speaker 1 (05:10):
Shilu I wrestle with because I usually set the alarm
for 4.30, so I still, afteryears of doing that wrestle with
you, could go back to bed.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
Yeah, and maybe it's Be honest, that would be what it
is.
Yeah, I typically have likethree alarms going off at once.
Same thing I'm always trying toget up at five.
4.30 is ambitious, so okay.
So you're coming toconsciousness, right.
You're trying to decide ifyou're gonna wake up.
When you finally decide okay,it's time to do it, and then I'm
gonna get up.
What's the first thing you do?
Speaker 1 (05:44):
Cold shower.
Put the coffee on, get ready togo to the gym.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
Okay, cool.
So right before you get out ofbed, this is where you're going
to start practicing yourgratitude, and it's very, very
simple.
The first gratitude everysingle day is today is a new day
and I'm alive, right, and I saythat to myself every single
morning.
I am alive and that is a gift,because let's take a minute and
(06:09):
think about the fact that thereare people that did not wake up
today or won't wake up tomorrow,and so there's a saying this
morning I had two gifts, andthey were my eyes.
So waking up and just beinggrateful for your life, that's a
very easy gratitude.
If you say it out loud in yourmind, that's fine.
And then you go on to threemore things that you're grateful
(06:30):
for in that moment, and sowhat's gonna happen is, as you
come out of that sleepy mindsetkind of coming to your day, a
lot of us have a tendency tostart thinking about all the
negative things or about all thethings you have to do, and so
this helps your mind go right togratitude.
What are you grateful for?
So you can make it very simple,like this morning when I woke
(06:52):
up, I was really grateful thatyesterday was my birthday and I
had a wonderful day, thank you,and I thought to myself wow, I
had a beautiful day.
I have amazing kids I talked toall my kids and amazing husband
.
I had a great birthday and I'mhappy to be alive.
So that's very simple.
Other days it's my dog, otherdays it's coffee.
I don't know about you you saidcold shower but I live for my
(07:13):
coffee every day, like when thesun's coming up.
So, again, you just start tothink about some things that
you're grateful for, and justthree things Very, very simple,
very simple.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
And what effect so that has an effect over time to
start to get you into a positivemindset?
It sounds like you've done alot of research on this.
Is there any anatomical likeeffects on the body or anything
like that?
Speaker 2 (07:37):
Yes, there is so much .
So anytime you shift into thestate of gratitude, you're
actually working on yourdopamine and serotonin kind of
your feel good chemicals in thebrain and mind.
There are drugs that they sellfor those things.
You know it's that rush.
They also have done brain scansof gray matter in different
parts of the brain that areassociated with just being
(07:59):
having a more positivedisposition, in general, more
agreeable, and there are alsoimmune benefits that if you
practice gratitude as a habit.
So that's the key, alex, and weneed to talk about that.
It's got to be a habit.
You can't just do it once.
If you practice it as a habit,your immune system is stronger,
you have better relationshipswith your friends and your
(08:21):
family and, again, you're justmore level set when it comes to
emotions.
So I may get negative or upset,but I flip right back pretty
quick.
I don't allow myself to staythere.
It's very easy for me.
So I would say 95% of the time,because we're human, I am living
in a positive, a low positivemindset.
(08:41):
High positive is the performermindset.
That's like Tom Brady when he'sLFG get out on the field.
It's if you acts, are going ona big listing appointment.
That's high positive, that'sawesome, but that's not
sustainable because that's sucha high level of energy.
So we want to live most of ourday in real estate, in the low
positive.
Now, if we were in the negative,you have high negative or low
(09:01):
negative and if you've ever metsomebody that is just negative,
you pick up on that vibe andmost people don't want to be
around them unless they're alsonegative.
Negative people like to hangout together, you'll notice, and
so I really try to run awayfrom those people.
But getting back to thebenefits, I have actually four
habits to work on every day andthe first one is that daily
(09:24):
gratitude in the morning.
Now I also suggest again havingthat morning routine.
Now it sounds like you do acold shower, you go to the gym,
which is great.
I also love affirmations, so Iwill do my affirmations.
And again, you can read so muchabout morning routines.
There's so many books andthought leaders.
Like I love Jim Quick.
(09:44):
He talks a lot about hismorning routine, which is
different than mine, right, andprobably different from yours,
but I think gratitude needs tobe a part of that morning
routine.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
So are there any like other within the let's stick
with the habits of gratitude?
Do you do that throughout theday?
Is it something that you canhelp shift you and use it as
like a tool?
Speaker 2 (10:07):
Absolutely Yep.
So the first one is the dailygratitude.
The second habit is going to beusing the words I appreciate
you or I'm grateful for you allthroughout the day.
So what this does, and this isreally cool when you start off
doing your own gratitude, it's avery internal process, right?
So you're thinking about thethings you are grateful for.
(10:28):
The second piece is going to beshifting gratitude to an
external focus, so telling otherpeople in every conversation
how much you appreciate them.
I use this a lot.
If I'm starting a meeting, Ican ask everyone in the room hey
, let's start the meeting andjust everybody throughout a
quick gratitude.
That's a cool icebreaker.
You can do that at a lunch withone person.
(10:49):
You can do it at a meeting with20 people.
If I'm doing a sales meeting,I'll usually start my sales
meeting like that.
So that's a great way to startusing gratitude.
But even one-on-one like, sayyou know, I just was on the
phone with you, I would start myconversation and I'd say, alex,
I really appreciate you and Iwould tell you why.
Because I'm you know.
Again, it's I'm having to thinkof gratitude for you, another
(11:12):
person, and the same benefitsapply, so the same benefits of
the improved immune system andthe positive mindset and all of
that.
It still applies.
And now I get to make someoneelse feel really good and kind
of lift them up.
Because the other thing Ilearned in all my gratitude
research is as humans, ourbiggest desire is to feel that
(11:34):
we matter.
That's really, it comes down toit for every single person,
right, feeling like we matter.
So when you tell someone else,even in a really quick
conversation and I don't knowabout you, I probably talk to at
least 10 people a day,sometimes 30.
If you can tell those 30 peopleor those five people, hey, I
(11:54):
appreciate you, you know, anddidn't give a few reasons,
that's going to give them alittle lift.
And I also believe in any timeyou talk to somebody, to leaving
them a little bit better thanwhen you started.
You know, just kind of liftingthem up as best you can.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
What brought you down this path that you started 10
years ago or so?
Speaker 2 (12:14):
Yeah, so great question.
It really was that crash of a0809, when I was selling real
estate, and I'll never forget it.
I had a $19 million sale, whichmy average the average price
point in that market was like$450,000, but I had a $19
million sale that was set toclose.
And not only was it going to bea huge commission, but that
deal was going to basicallychange my life.
(12:36):
Yeah, I thought it would.
You know, get me out of myfinancial mess, save my marriage
, fix my everything.
I was going to, you know, get atrainer, get healthy.
I mean I was going to solve allproblems, right, Classic.
And so when that deal crashed,my life crashed along with it
and the financial crash wentthrough a horrible divorce.
And at the bottom of that, Ihad what I describe as my butter
(13:00):
moment and I was trying to makedinner for my three kids.
Back then was a single momex-husband had moved out and the
kids myself, the dog and I just, you know, things have kind of
gotten bad and I didn't realizeit.
So I was trying to put togetherstuff for dinner and I had like
, okay, I had no eggs to dobreakfast dinner, I had no mac
and cheese kit.
I had no, no, ravioli.
(13:21):
Or I didn't have sauce and Ididn't have butter.
And butter seemed you needeverything for butter.
And in that moment I thought tomyself what kind of a mom
doesn't have butter?
A mom of three kids, successfulreal estate agent, doesn't have
butter?
And I fell to the ground, neverforget it, laid there sobbing
(13:41):
hysterically until I saw thekids appear over me, kind of
going like what's wrong with mom?
And that was really when I hitrock bottom and I basically had
to get help.
I had to thankfully had somefriends and family members had
to get help and rebuild my life.
And a few months later, when wewere having dinner and we had a
(14:04):
lot of food, finally I had suchgratitude for food.
I'd always just eaten my dinnerand never really thought about
it.
But to see the kids reallyhappy and our kitchen was full
again with food, I reallyfocused on.
What did that feel like?
Feeling grateful for food, andit was kind of this warm, fuzzy
(14:24):
blanket, this ray of hope, and Ilike to compare it to a life
raft, because every single daywe can look around at all the
things we don't have and onsocial media we see so many
things we don't have.
I don't have a garage full ofexotic cars, I don't have the
10,000 square foot mansion, I'mnot going to Greece right now.
We can stay fixated on all thethings we don't have, but when
(14:47):
we think about what we do havethe fact that, gosh, I had three
kids and I'm still now I havefour kids and there's a lot of
people that don't get to beparents, right or the fact that
I have a beautiful home or ahome with heat or air
conditioning when you reallythink about those simple things
(15:08):
like I can go to my kitchen andI can turn on the faucet and
there's water how grateful areyou for water?
I mean, there are people incountries that don't have water
in their home like that, andthey don't have a toilet that
flushes.
So when you really start tofocus on all the things you're
grateful for, suddenly you feelreally really rich.
Right, and what does that do?
It puts you in a positivemindset and increases your vibe
(15:31):
over time, and you just tend tolook at life differently right
Through the lens of all that youhave.
And what's so interesting ispeople have a misconception that
, oh yeah, somebody's reallysuccessful.
Of course they're grateful, youknow.
But it's actually the opposite.
What if that's how they becamesuccessful?
Because they were grateful forthose little blessings that
(15:52):
built and built and built andbuilt.
So that kind of led me down thisjourney and I just found, like,
the more I started readingabout gratitude, I got really
fascinated in all the studies,the science Dr Robert Emmons is
one of the leading researchersof gratitude.
He's at UCLA, he has a bunch ofbooks, or so many books.
And then I started when I wastalking to really successful
people.
(16:12):
Most of them have a morningroutine and most of them do use
gratitude and the ones that useit as a habit I just found, like
my gosh, like this is asuperpower, like I need to know
more about it.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
How long did you take ?
So there's so much there that Iwanted to ask, I think, for the
audience, like, how long did ittake with this, as we want to
know, right, and it's gonna bedifferent for everybody because
it's not a prescription, right,but what kind of timeframe do
you see like this taking effect,absolutely?
Speaker 2 (16:46):
Yeah, and it's.
You know.
What's fascinating is certainpeople are more predispositioned
towards gratitude and I findthat fascinating.
So, for example, my husband ismore.
He's wired more in a negativestate and a lot of the research.
Dr Martin Selgman he's also apioneer, actually a positive
thinking.
(17:06):
There's a positive psychologymovement that he started and he
says firsthand that he's wiredvery negatively.
But the good news is you cantrain yourself to see things
more positive.
What that requires is, if youpicture a garden and you have
negative seeds and positiveseeds, water the positive seeds
and make sure they have lots ofsunshine.
(17:28):
They're just gonna grow anddevelop more.
So over time you can actuallydo that.
So everyone's gonna vary alittle bit depending on what
side of the spectrum you are,but a solid 30 days.
If you do a gratitudeintervention for 30 days, you
will see benefit, and I do in mybook.
I talk about gratitudeintervention.
(17:48):
The next piece to simply sayingthings like I appreciate you in
your conversations.
Also, like if you're aStarbucks or with a new bird,
tell that person that youappreciate them.
I know it sounds really simplebut, man, when she started doing
this it feels really good andit works.
But the third habit is writingnotes of gratitude, and so this
(18:09):
is really has been and still isvery fulfilling to me, and I
would encourage everyone rightnow, like if you think of one
person in your life that you'regrateful for and maybe it's
somebody that's done somethingbig for you, or maybe it's
somebody that's done somethingkind of small, but that one
person that's been your champion, that has maybe seen things in
(18:29):
you you don't see and if youthink of that one person, it
would be great to write them anote of gratitude.
And this simple exercise, againit's part of the daily habit or
weekly habit, however heavy youwanna go with gratitude, but
you would write their name downand I recommend taking a scrap
piece of paper and actuallywriting out some things you
(18:51):
really appreciate about them.
And again, in my book I havesome guides happy that we can
even get more into this now ifwe have time and then you write
that on a little note dear Mary,I appreciate you for taking me
out to dinner and having suchgreat conversation, always
encouraging me.
You're an important person inmy life.
Thank you Simple and sign yourname and I recommend sending
(19:14):
that in the mail.
And again, when you're writingthat note.
You're using gratitude, soyou're flexing that gratitude
muscle, because if you do onepushup you're not gonna get buff
.
It's the same thing withgratitude.
You gotta like work out thatmuscle every day.
But then when that personreceives that note, they feel
like they matter, they feelappreciated, they feel lifted up
(19:34):
and it strengthens yourrelationship.
Now they've also done studies.
If people were, say, havingsymptoms of depression, dr
Emmons did various studies wherehe had those people write notes
of gratitude and it did improvetheir feelings of depression.
They felt happier and lessdepressed the more frequently
(19:55):
they wrote notes to people.
So if you are to do these basichabits for 30 days, you will
see a difference, a dramaticdifference, and most people
report after like a few days.
Speaker 1 (20:09):
Awesome.
So you mentioned somethingearlier and I don't feel like I
wanna, or how I can phrase thequestion is so those are
positive habits.
What about?
You mentioned it earlier aboutsocial, about they're going to
Greece, they got the big houseand so forth.
I have this kind of and I don'tthink this is anything
(20:29):
groundbreaking, but I think, doyou think that that, but with
that being on social quite a bitkind of like pulls away from
that gratitude, because you kindof have this want of something
else and not being just thankfulof what you have?
Speaker 2 (20:45):
Yeah, I think it's interesting.
We live in this age right ofsocial media that for many of us
, you know, we never had before,so we kind of get to see it.
We still remember life prior tosocial media, which is
different, you know, than thekids of today.
I think that you have to payattention to who you're
following on social media.
If you find that you're usingyour social media and you're
(21:06):
having a negative response, takea look at who you're following
and you want to make thoseadjustments.
Maybe unfollow people and putin different hashtags.
So, like I have a lot ofhashtags around mindset,
inspiration, gratitude,abundance.
You know abundance and scarcitythat's everything in real
estate.
You know those two mindsets.
I believe there's more thanenough for all of us.
(21:28):
There is abundance.
So if I don't get that deal, Idon't get that client or someone
else gets it, it's okay,there's more than enough minus
coming right versus thatscarcity like oh no, I'm never
going to share.
You know there's not enough andthey took that lead.
If you go to the abundance sideof it and you talk to any big
producer that's been in thisbusiness for a long time, most
(21:51):
of them live that abundancemindset.
They're very generous people,because they know there's more
than enough.
So I think you have to kind ofask yourself, like, who are you
following?
What are you seeing?
Yeah, and in those moments,sure, like I see somebody in
grace on, like, oh, you know, Iwish I could do that.
What I do is I say to myself,do I want that bad enough to put
it on my vision board?
Right, because I have a lifelist, I have a little vision
(22:14):
board of, like, what do I wantto accomplish?
And maybe I'll add that trip tograce on there, you know, or
maybe I'll take a new look at myvision board.
It's okay to be curious aboutthose things if they bother you,
and then go back to the thingsyou have, though, you know,
because you know, there's asaying that you know someone
else is praying for all thethings you have right now, and
(22:37):
so you also just have to put itin perspective, and that's what
gratitude does for me.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
Yeah, you had mentioned a couple of other
things here.
If I was to throw it as an openforum here, what would you like
to kind of discuss this?
Maybe some cutting edge stuffthat you're kind of diving into
right now?
Speaker 2 (22:57):
Gosh, I think, writing the notes of gratitude
and kind of going deep there, Ithink that's kind of exciting.
I recently did an exercise witha group of people and it was
pretty deep.
I also think I have a reallyfun meditation that I love to do
on gratitude to get us intothat state of mind.
I think that's all exciting.
(23:17):
And I think the habit you know,developing a habit that's
something we all struggle with,you know, especially in real
estate where every day is sounpredictable and our schedules
are unpredictable.
You know, I think having ahabit and you know, kind of
getting into how do we cultivatethat habit, I think that's also
very important.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
What do you find?
Have you read Atomic Habits orany of those on kind of how to
develop habits?
Speaker 2 (23:43):
Absolutely James Clear.
He's incredible.
His blog is also incredible andI love his stuff.
I do.
I like when he talks about thevalue of disappointment, kind of
like that place, because a lotof times there's another saying
like don't give up before themagic happens.
So sometimes when you have anew endeavor, like, say, you
want to, you know, lose weightor be more fit or you know
(24:06):
whatever, do, this gratituderoutine that we're talking about
there tends to be that likelittle dip in which you don't
see the results, and then all ofa sudden you do.
And it's funny.
Dealing with a lot of realestate agents, I feel like so
many give up, you know, before,before they recognize the
benefits, and that can be likeeven a direct mail piece or
working on their social media.
(24:27):
You know it's like don't giveup, but yeah, just getting a
little better each day, becauseI do think also we tend to be
hard on ourselves, right, a lotof us were, and that's not good
either.
So maybe just, you know,setting a pretty easy goal, like
you know, every morning I'mgoing to do my gratitude for the
next 30 days Like that's oneeasy place to kind of start.
(24:48):
How do you find, alex, that.
How do you institute like newhabits when you're working on
that for yourself?
Speaker 1 (24:57):
I have a.
I know it's not here right now,but usually it's in front of me
.
It's a tatter piece, so I getthese, and these are all habit
trackers.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
Wow, okay, awesome.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
Years of these, and so if I want to institute a new
habit, when I first startedthese they were very, very I
won't pull it out, but you cansee there's like there was like
10 things, but now I've addedand added, and added, and added
and added.
So it's like everything fromworking out to did I read bold
(25:37):
law, did I?
How many contacts that I wantto make, and so forth, and that
just strengthens those habits.
So now I have actually I'mproud of this bag of tattered
pieces of paper with coffeestains on the lens.
Speaker 2 (25:51):
That is awesome.
I know it's awesome.
You have something tangible tosay, like you did it.
Speaker 1 (25:57):
Yeah, I'm a paper kind of person.
You mentioned social, so Iremember you know beepers and
such.
But yeah, you know it's justworked for me.
I know that's that's my systemto start a new habit to answer
your question.
Speaker 2 (26:11):
Yeah, I know, that's why Discipline.
Well, it sounds like you're avery disciplined person.
Speaker 1 (26:16):
Yeah, I'd maybe want to talk about that, like you
mentioned.
So what I try to, what I'mworking on, is finding the
balance between beingdisciplined and saying like no,
we're not doing that and hey,sometimes it's okay to eat ice
cream, you know.
Like finding that balance,that's what I'm working on.
(26:40):
So, yeah, I can be verydisciplined and I think I've
always said recently, I guess,that I think that word is really
misunderstood I always say it'slike people think of discipline
as like wagging the finger,like you know where are you, you
know you need to do this, youneed to do this, and it's like
(27:01):
discipline is just basicallydoing what you say you're going
to do.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
Yeah, well, and it's also, yeah, it's choosing how
you want to present to the world.
I guess you know and Idefinitely struggle with
discipline in the food fitnessarena I recently, in February,
started a new lifestyle of beingvery physically fit and eating
really clean.
So now you know.
So yesterday was my birthday,so of course I ate like sugar
(27:25):
and like all the bad things, andso I hear you on that.
I think that each one of us hasto kind of figure out, you know
, how often do we want to be100%, you know, and can we have
a few cheat meals or a littletime off or a little Netflix,
you know to?
I mean, it just depends.
Like I think the cool thing ischoosing what you want to work
on right now for yourself, andI've always been one of those
(27:48):
people and always working onsome part of me.
I was reading a book actuallythis morning and it resonated,
it tied in and it just broke itdown into mind, body, soul.
It just articulated for methose three kind of silos and I
feel like they all have to beworking together right.
(28:09):
So mind is pretty simple andwe're talking about reading
books and writing and beingcurious about ourselves and
developing our intellect and allof that.
And body right, and there'ssuch a tie into body In real
estate.
I find that with the burnout,so many people just stop being
physically active and eating.
Well, because we're so busy allthe time.
And it's the first thing to go.
(28:31):
But when you really honoryourself and you take care of
your body and you put yourselffirst, you will read big
benefits.
You know, with everything, theway you feel, the way you
present to the world, and thensoul, which I think talking
about things like lifting othersand being in a more positive
mindset and spreading kindnessand using gratitude and
(28:52):
relationships with other people.
You know that really comes downto soul.
So I think you know working onthese three things, it comes
down to how do you want topresent to the world.
And in real estate we are sofortunate that we can earn
unlimited income and I thinkevery day is a journey.
So you know, I think just thediscipline thing, it's so fun.
(29:16):
I think we all struggle.
When I talk to agents, you knowaround the country most people
are struggling with one of thosecomponents and it's going to be
a journey, right, we're nevergoing to be experts.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
Yeah, certainly.
I guess you know the thing withthe discipline is it's like you
know how, I know how quickly Ican slip, so it's where I really
really don't say, ah, youdeserve that.
It's like, yeah, I deserve itand I've got plenty, so why do I
need to indulge a little bitmore?
(29:50):
So it's like, yeah, it kind offalls into what you're talking
about here because it helps meto go.
Hey, you know, be grateful foryour health, and why do you need
to?
I look, my weakness is fro yo,I like froze.
Speaker 2 (30:03):
Yeah, fro yo is horrible.
I'm eating chocolate cake, Imean exactly.
Speaker 1 (30:09):
Then I'll be like, oh , it's on the cake, it's you
know, it's like kind of the goodand you put some strawberries
out there and you get yourfruits for the day.
But yeah, I mean it's, I quitdrinking about I don't know
three something years ago andit's really interesting.
As I was talking to, I justwent home and I remember,
(30:30):
because when I go home Iremember high school and stuff
and I don't remember it, youknow, or it doesn't come to mind
on a daily basis, but anyways,my wrestling coach was sober and
I just couldn't even, Icouldn't even imagine it.
I was like, how could you notdrink?
Yeah, I was 18, too, which iscrazy, but I was like, how can
(30:51):
you not drink?
And then you real I realizedmore over the years these things
that you know you really areattached to habits.
When you do let them go, it'slike, wow, why did I hold on to
that so much, or why did I putso much value or whatever word
you want to put on it On it, youfind that, with the gratitude,
(31:16):
once you get something going andyou get momentum going again
back to that discipline, it'slike I want to keep it going
with real estate as well.
If you're on a momentum, keepgoing.
Don't take your foot off thegas.
What are your thoughts aroundall of that jumbled thought I
just had there?
Speaker 2 (31:33):
No, I agree 100%.
I think where it becomes evenmore tangible in terms of
business and gratitude would bewriting notes of gratitude to
clients, past clients.
It's because that's where, ifyou were to do that, every
single day, write a note, oronce a week, say, pick a day and
you just write 20 note cards.
(31:54):
First of all, most people don'tget stuff in the mail, a
personal note.
You'd be amazing if you asksomebody.
The last time they got apersonal note on the mail.
You get so much attention andthere's an open rate that you
can't compare to.
It really does pay off becauseyou're practicing your gratitude
muscle Again, you're flexingthat muscle, you're working it
(32:15):
out and you're generatingbusiness for yourself.
If you start sending outhandwritten notes of gratitude
to your clients, your pastclients, with frequency and to
what you're saying, likeactually just doing it every day
, you will get leads, you willget referrals far more than if
you weren't doing it.
(32:35):
That is one area that I thinkit's really easy to crank up the
knob, just like you do withyour little habit, trackers and
reframing the way that we thinkof stuff to your point.
All of a sudden, you conqueredthat drinking and making it
something very easilyaccomplishable.
(32:56):
I think gratitude's the sameway.
If you just start to add thisinto your daily routine the
thinking of things and thewriting of the letters, and
using it in your conversation,before you know it, it's
autopilot.
I'm doing most of this withouteven thinking about it.
Everyone's going to have toremind myself.
Okay, I have to get my notesout, but all the other stuff,
(33:19):
it's total autopilot.
In fact, if I have a bad dayand I say, oh wait, did I do my
gratitude this morning?
I usually did not.
So, yeah, it becomes autopilot.
It comes part of you, just partof who you are.
So now you're not a drinker.
Speaker 1 (33:36):
Do you actually you ever heard of Ninja selling?
I think you guys actually thinkSotheby's did it.
Speaker 2 (33:42):
Yeah, absolutely so.
Larry Kendall is a dear friendof mine and he is in the book as
well, and I do credit him forteaching me about his morning
routine and gratitude for sure.
That's where I heard a lotabout gratitude, reinforced with
some other sources.
But yeah, ninja selling, ifyou've not read that amazing and
(34:04):
you can do the four dayin-person course.
I highly recommend it 100%.
Speaker 1 (34:08):
Awesome.
I love that.
You edified that.
So I remembered one of thethings which I did for a while
and then, of course, got out ofdoing it was writing two
personal notes a day, and it wasincredible and it's like, oh
well, then I found Zillow, sothen I don't need to write notes
anymore.
So you have really, reallyinspired me to integrate
gratitude into my morningroutine.
(34:30):
I've read about it Now andyou've really solidified it for
me here and also for writing thepersonal notes.
I really implore upon theagents to do that.
I write them a lot to peoplethat I talk about, but you
reminded me I need to do it tomy past clients and to my
friends and family and all that.
So what a wonderful guestyou've been.
I really appreciate you takingthe time.
(34:51):
Our good friend another one, alegend, Bob Bird, put us
together and I'm very gratefulto him.
He really walks the walk.
That guy is incredible.
He's incredible.
Speaker 2 (35:01):
Yeah, His book the Go-Giver is incredible and he is
such an amazing human being.
I love his five laws.
I live by them as well, and Ithink the law of authenticity
that was one of the harder onesfor me and because sometimes we
don't do things like send notesor reach out because we think
we're bothering people when infact you are a gift right, Just
(35:24):
a nice phone call, that's a giftto someone and don't ever
forget that, how powerful it isand how much you have to share
and give to the world.
So, yeah, I appreciate you somuch, Alex.
Really fun talking to you.
Speaker 1 (35:37):
Well, how can the audience consume some of your
content?
Where can they reach you?
And we'd love to plug from youhere.
Speaker 2 (35:45):
Oh, thank you so much .
So, yeah, my book.
You can buy it on Amazon, anBarnes and Noble, and it's the
Habit of Grateful.
So I would love, if you'd liketo read the book and I'd love
any comments.
Follow me on Instagram.
Christine W Newell.
I'm on Instagram every day.
I'd love to hear from peoplethat are reading the book, that
are doing the four habits andjust spread gratitude.
(36:08):
That's what life's about justbeing grateful and appreciating
others.
So, thank you.
Speaker 1 (36:14):
Well, speaking of that, thank you so much.
I appreciate you.
All right, hey, I'm with Christine Newell here.
Welcome to another episode ofthe Still Occasion podcast.
Christine has a pretty coolbackground here.
She's gonna talk about her dayjob and then she's gonna talk
about her career, I guess, orwhat it is that makes you up.
So welcome to the podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Thank you so much, Alex.
I'm excited to be here today.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
Awesome, thank you.
So we're gonna get into thegratitude stuff here a little
bit later.
I love that we have a gratitudeexpert on here.
I know I'm gonna learn,hopefully, a lot from you here,
but talk to the audience alittle bit about your background
, because we do have a lot ofpeople on here that are real
estate background and I thinkthat's pertinent here.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Excellent.
Yeah, so I've been in realestate for just over 22 years.
I started off selling realestate and did that for quite
some time.
Also during my real estatecareer when I was out there in
the field selling, you know Ilived in Connecticut and at one
point was a single mom and threelittle kids survived the
downturn in the market of 0809,which anyone listening if you
(01:01):
survive that downturn, morepower to you, because that was
pretty tough for all of us.
And yeah, so sounds like Alex,so you may have survived that as
well.
Yeah, stronger for it, right?
We always say that these toughtimes they just make us stronger
and smarter, so I'll leave thatright there and look real
(01:22):
estate's in my blood now.
I just can't seem to get awayfrom it.
And so, about gosh, 11-ishyears ago, went into leadership,
became an assistant manager, amanager, a regional manager, and
now I'm a senior vice presidentfor a major luxury company in
both North Carolina and Florida.
So you know I think real estatehas been amazing to me, and
(01:45):
probably most of you guyslistening.
But there's a high rate ofburnout and mindset is key.
That's one thing I know forsure.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
So how do we?
That's a great segue.
How do we?
How do we forestall, or even,you know, get away from that
dreaded word, or double wordthere burnout.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
Oh gosh.
Well, you know, I feel that inreal estate, first of all, every
day is really a roller coaster,right?
So you can be having an amazingmorning, but by lunch
something's crashing and burning, or vice versa.
So by having kind of a nicelevel, I would say, outlook,
having a level outlook and beingin the positive mindset, we can
(02:28):
handle those curve balls andwith our clients we can just
become collected and that'sreally what they want from us,
right To be that step downtransformer.
So mindset and also askingyourself, you know, are you a
victim, Are you a player, areyou on the negative side or in
the positive side?
And having that daily routinethat can help you to be in a
(02:50):
positive mindset every singleday.
So I don't know about you, alex, but I gravitate towards
positive people and if you agreewith that, most people ask
themselves how do I like becomemore positive in real estate?
You know how do I do that everyday.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
So with a lot to unpack there, let's look back up
a little bit.
Let's say, I mean it takes sometime.
So say you maybe have anegative mindset, or maybe even
that you're not even aware ofwhat your mindset is.
So let's go with that.
You are aware that you're justhaving these kind of tough
thoughts.
What is your secret?
What would you tell theaudience?
(03:29):
How do we shift that from beingin negative space to being in a
positive mindset?
Speaker 2 (03:33):
Yeah, absolutely so.
Number one having negativefeelings.
You know, sometimes that'snormal.
So I wanna obviouslyacknowledge that.
If you're negative once in awhile, we're all human and
having awareness of yourself isa huge step.
So if you recognize the factthat you wanna make a change,
that you're noticing you arekind of very negative about
(03:54):
everything, that's awesome,right.
So that means you're kind ofready for the next step, and I
use several different methods.
The first is really gratitude,and I've been studying gratitude
now for I don't know, probablyat least 10 years, and ended up,
you know, writing a book aboutgratitude.
What I learned is that gratitudeis the easiest way to shift
yourself into a positive mindset.
(04:14):
It also has a lot of otherbenefits that go far and far
beyond even mindset.
But if we just stick withmindset, it's impossible to be
angry and grateful at the sametime.
So there's so many little tools, but if you start off on using
gratitude right when you wake upevery day and having that as
part of your morning routine inreal estate especially for us,
(04:38):
you know again, in real estate,high degree burnout we're
dealing with difficult clientsevery single day.
In real estate I've found thetop, top performers that I know
in the markets if they use amorning routine every single day
.
They are high achievers,they're high performers, so
gratitude should be the absolutefirst thing you do every single
day when you wake up.
Right Sounds easy, but the keyis doing it every single day.
(05:01):
So, alex, not sure what is yourfirst thought first thing when
you wake up?
What do you typically do whenyou open your eyes?
Speaker 1 (05:10):
Shilu I wrestle with because I usually set the alarm
for 4.30, so I still, afteryears of doing that wrestle with
you, could go back to bed.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
Yeah, and maybe it's Be honest, that would be what it
is.
Yeah, I typically have likethree alarms going off at once.
Same thing I'm always trying toget up at five.
4.30 is ambitious, so okay.
So you're coming toconsciousness, right.
You're trying to decide ifyou're gonna wake up.
When you finally decide okay,it's time to do it, and then I'm
gonna get up.
What's the first thing you do?
Speaker 1 (05:44):
Cold shower.
Put the coffee on, get ready togo to the gym.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
Okay, cool.
So right before you get out ofbed, this is where you're going
to start practicing yourgratitude, and it's very, very
simple.
The first gratitude everysingle day is today is a new day
and I'm alive, right, and I saythat to myself every single
morning.
I am alive and that is a gift,because let's take a minute and
(06:09):
think about the fact that thereare people that did not wake up
today or won't wake up tomorrow,and so there's a saying this
morning I had two gifts, andthey were my eyes.
So waking up and just beinggrateful for your life, that's a
very easy gratitude.
If you say it out loud in yourmind, that's fine.
And then you go on to threemore things that you're grateful
(06:30):
for in that moment, and sowhat's gonna happen is, as you
come out of that sleepy mindsetkind of coming to your day, a
lot of us have a tendency tostart thinking about all the
negative things or about all thethings you have to do, and so
this helps your mind go right togratitude.
What are you grateful for?
So you can make it very simple,like this morning when I woke
(06:52):
up, I was really grateful thatyesterday was my birthday and I
had a wonderful day, thank you,and I thought to myself wow, I
had a beautiful day.
I have amazing kids I talked toall my kids and amazing husband
.
I had a great birthday and I'mhappy to be alive.
So that's very simple.
Other days it's my dog, otherdays it's coffee.
I don't know about you you saidcold shower but I live for my
(07:13):
coffee every day, like when thesun's coming up.
So, again, you just start tothink about some things that
you're grateful for, and justthree things Very, very simple,
very simple.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
And what effect so that has an effect over time to
start to get you into a positivemindset?
It sounds like you've done alot of research on this.
Is there any anatomical likeeffects on the body or anything
like that?
Speaker 2 (07:37):
Yes, there is so much .
So anytime you shift into thestate of gratitude, you're
actually working on yourdopamine and serotonin kind of
your feel good chemicals in thebrain and mind.
There are drugs that they sellfor those things.
You know it's that rush.
They also have done brain scansof gray matter in different
parts of the brain that areassociated with just being
(07:59):
having a more positivedisposition, in general, more
agreeable, and there are alsoimmune benefits that if you
practice gratitude as a habit.
So that's the key, alex, and weneed to talk about that.
It's got to be a habit.
You can't just do it once.
If you practice it as a habit,your immune system is stronger,
you have better relationshipswith your friends and your
(08:21):
family and, again, you're justmore level set when it comes to
emotions.
So I may get negative or upset,but I flip right back pretty
quick.
I don't allow myself to staythere.
It's very easy for me.
So I would say 95% of the time,because we're human, I am living
in a positive, a low positivemindset.
(08:41):
High positive is the performermindset.
That's like Tom Brady when he'sLFG get out on the field.
It's if you acts, are going ona big listing appointment.
That's high positive, that'sawesome, but that's not
sustainable because that's sucha high level of energy.
So we want to live most of ourday in real estate, in the low
positive.
Now, if we were in the negative,you have high negative or low
(09:01):
negative and if you've ever metsomebody that is just negative,
you pick up on that vibe andmost people don't want to be
around them unless they're alsonegative.
Negative people like to hangout together, you'll notice, and
so I really try to run awayfrom those people.
But getting back to thebenefits, I have actually four
habits to work on every day andthe first one is that daily
(09:24):
gratitude in the morning.
Now I also suggest again havingthat morning routine.
Now it sounds like you do acold shower, you go to the gym,
which is great.
I also love affirmations, so Iwill do my affirmations.
And again, you can read so muchabout morning routines.
There's so many books andthought leaders.
Like I love Jim Quick.
(09:44):
He talks a lot about hismorning routine, which is
different than mine, right, andprobably different from yours,
but I think gratitude needs tobe a part of that morning
routine.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
So are there any like other within the let's stick
with the habits of gratitude?
Do you do that throughout theday?
Is it something that you canhelp shift you and use it as
like a tool?
Speaker 2 (10:07):
Absolutely Yep.
So the first one is the dailygratitude.
The second habit is going to beusing the words I appreciate
you or I'm grateful for you allthroughout the day.
So what this does, and this isreally cool when you start off
doing your own gratitude, it's avery internal process, right?
So you're thinking about thethings you are grateful for.
(10:28):
The second piece is going to beshifting gratitude to an
external focus, so telling otherpeople in every conversation
how much you appreciate them.
I use this a lot.
If I'm starting a meeting, Ican ask everyone in the room hey
, let's start the meeting andjust everybody throughout a
quick gratitude.
That's a cool icebreaker.
You can do that at a lunch withone person.
(10:49):
You can do it at a meeting with20 people.
If I'm doing a sales meeting,I'll usually start my sales
meeting like that.
So that's a great way to startusing gratitude.
But even one-on-one like, sayyou know, I just was on the
phone with you, I would start myconversation and I'd say, alex,
I really appreciate you and Iwould tell you why.
Because I'm you know.
Again, it's I'm having to thinkof gratitude for you, another
(11:12):
person, and the same benefitsapply, so the same benefits of
the improved immune system andthe positive mindset and all of
that.
It still applies.
And now I get to make someoneelse feel really good and kind
of lift them up.
Because the other thing Ilearned in all my gratitude
research is as humans, ourbiggest desire is to feel that
(11:34):
we matter.
That's really, it comes down toit for every single person,
right, feeling like we matter.
So when you tell someone else,even in a really quick
conversation and I don't knowabout you, I probably talk to at
least 10 people a day,sometimes 30.
If you can tell those 30 peopleor those five people, hey, I
(11:54):
appreciate you, you know, anddidn't give a few reasons,
that's going to give them alittle lift.
And I also believe in any timeyou talk to somebody, to leaving
them a little bit better thanwhen you started.
You know, just kind of liftingthem up as best you can.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
What brought you down this path that you started 10
years ago or so?
Speaker 2 (12:14):
Yeah, so great question.
It really was that crash of a0809, when I was selling real
estate, and I'll never forget it.
I had a $19 million sale, whichmy average the average price
point in that market was like$450,000, but I had a $19
million sale that was set toclose.
And not only was it going to bea huge commission, but that
deal was going to basicallychange my life.
(12:36):
Yeah, I thought it would.
You know, get me out of myfinancial mess, save my marriage
, fix my everything.
I was going to, you know, get atrainer, get healthy.
I mean I was going to solve allproblems, right, Classic.
And so when that deal crashed,my life crashed along with it
and the financial crash wentthrough a horrible divorce.
And at the bottom of that, Ihad what I describe as my butter
(13:00):
moment and I was trying to makedinner for my three kids.
Back then was a single momex-husband had moved out and the
kids myself, the dog and I just, you know, things have kind of
gotten bad and I didn't realizeit.
So I was trying to put togetherstuff for dinner and I had like
, okay, I had no eggs to dobreakfast dinner, I had no mac
and cheese kit.
I had no, no, ravioli.
(13:21):
Or I didn't have sauce and Ididn't have butter.
And butter seemed you needeverything for butter.
And in that moment I thought tomyself what kind of a mom
doesn't have butter?
A mom of three kids, successfulreal estate agent, doesn't have
butter?
And I fell to the ground, neverforget it, laid there sobbing
(13:41):
hysterically until I saw thekids appear over me, kind of
going like what's wrong with mom?
And that was really when I hitrock bottom and I basically had
to get help.
I had to thankfully had somefriends and family members had
to get help and rebuild my life.
And a few months later, when wewere having dinner and we had a
(14:04):
lot of food, finally I had suchgratitude for food.
I'd always just eaten my dinnerand never really thought about
it.
But to see the kids reallyhappy and our kitchen was full
again with food, I reallyfocused on.
What did that feel like?
Feeling grateful for food, andit was kind of this warm, fuzzy
(14:24):
blanket, this ray of hope, and Ilike to compare it to a life
raft, because every single daywe can look around at all the
things we don't have and onsocial media we see so many
things we don't have.
I don't have a garage full ofexotic cars, I don't have the
10,000 square foot mansion, I'mnot going to Greece right now.
We can stay fixated on all thethings we don't have, but when
(14:47):
we think about what we do havethe fact that, gosh, I had three
kids and I'm still now I havefour kids and there's a lot of
people that don't get to beparents, right or the fact that
I have a beautiful home or ahome with heat or air
conditioning when you reallythink about those simple things
(15:08):
like I can go to my kitchen andI can turn on the faucet and
there's water how grateful areyou for water?
I mean, there are people incountries that don't have water
in their home like that, andthey don't have a toilet that
flushes.
So when you really start tofocus on all the things you're
grateful for, suddenly you feelreally really rich.
Right, and what does that do?
It puts you in a positivemindset and increases your vibe
(15:31):
over time, and you just tend tolook at life differently right
Through the lens of all that youhave.
And what's so interesting ispeople have a misconception that
, oh yeah, somebody's reallysuccessful.
Of course they're grateful, youknow.
But it's actually the opposite.
What if that's how they becamesuccessful?
Because they were grateful forthose little blessings that
(15:52):
built and built and built andbuilt.
So that kind of led me down thisjourney and I just found, like,
the more I started readingabout gratitude, I got really
fascinated in all the studies,the science Dr Robert Emmons is
one of the leading researchersof gratitude.
He's at UCLA, he has a bunch ofbooks, or so many books.
And then I started when I wastalking to really successful
people.
(16:12):
Most of them have a morningroutine and most of them do use
gratitude and the ones that useit as a habit I just found, like
my gosh, like this is asuperpower, like I need to know
more about it.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
How long did you take ?
So there's so much there that Iwanted to ask, I think, for the
audience, like, how long did ittake with this, as we want to
know, right, and it's gonna bedifferent for everybody because
it's not a prescription, right,but what kind of timeframe do
you see like this taking effect,absolutely?
Speaker 2 (16:46):
Yeah, and it's.
You know.
What's fascinating is certainpeople are more predispositioned
towards gratitude and I findthat fascinating.
So, for example, my husband ismore.
He's wired more in a negativestate and a lot of the research.
Dr Martin Selgman he's also apioneer, actually a positive
thinking.
(17:06):
There's a positive psychologymovement that he started and he
says firsthand that he's wiredvery negatively.
But the good news is you cantrain yourself to see things
more positive.
What that requires is, if youpicture a garden and you have
negative seeds and positiveseeds, water the positive seeds
and make sure they have lots ofsunshine.
(17:28):
They're just gonna grow anddevelop more.
So over time you can actuallydo that.
So everyone's gonna vary alittle bit depending on what
side of the spectrum you are,but a solid 30 days.
If you do a gratitudeintervention for 30 days, you
will see benefit, and I do in mybook.
I talk about gratitudeintervention.
(17:48):
The next piece to simply sayingthings like I appreciate you in
your conversations.
Also, like if you're aStarbucks or with a new bird,
tell that person that youappreciate them.
I know it sounds really simplebut, man, when she started doing
this it feels really good andit works.
But the third habit is writingnotes of gratitude, and so this
(18:09):
is really has been and still isvery fulfilling to me, and I
would encourage everyone rightnow, like if you think of one
person in your life that you'regrateful for and maybe it's
somebody that's done somethingbig for you, or maybe it's
somebody that's done somethingkind of small, but that one
person that's been your champion, that has maybe seen things in
(18:29):
you you don't see and if youthink of that one person, it
would be great to write them anote of gratitude.
And this simple exercise, againit's part of the daily habit or
weekly habit, however heavy youwanna go with gratitude, but
you would write their name downand I recommend taking a scrap
piece of paper and actuallywriting out some things you
(18:51):
really appreciate about them.
And again, in my book I havesome guides happy that we can
even get more into this now ifwe have time and then you write
that on a little note dear Mary,I appreciate you for taking me
out to dinner and having suchgreat conversation, always
encouraging me.
You're an important person inmy life.
Thank you Simple and sign yourname and I recommend sending
(19:14):
that in the mail.
And again, when you're writingthat note.
You're using gratitude, soyou're flexing that gratitude
muscle, because if you do onepushup you're not gonna get buff
.
It's the same thing withgratitude.
You gotta like work out thatmuscle every day.
But then when that personreceives that note, they feel
like they matter, they feelappreciated, they feel lifted up
(19:34):
and it strengthens yourrelationship.
Now they've also done studies.
If people were, say, havingsymptoms of depression, dr
Emmons did various studies wherehe had those people write notes
of gratitude and it did improvetheir feelings of depression.
They felt happier and lessdepressed the more frequently
(19:55):
they wrote notes to people.
So if you are to do these basichabits for 30 days, you will
see a difference, a dramaticdifference, and most people
report after like a few days.
Speaker 1 (20:09):
Awesome.
So you mentioned somethingearlier and I don't feel like I
wanna, or how I can phrase thequestion is so those are
positive habits.
What about?
You mentioned it earlier aboutsocial, about they're going to
Greece, they got the big houseand so forth.
I have this kind of and I don'tthink this is anything
(20:29):
groundbreaking, but I think, doyou think that that, but with
that being on social quite a bitkind of like pulls away from
that gratitude, because you kindof have this want of something
else and not being just thankfulof what you have?
Speaker 2 (20:45):
Yeah, I think it's interesting.
We live in this age right ofsocial media that for many of us
, you know, we never had before,so we kind of get to see it.
We still remember life prior tosocial media, which is
different, you know, than thekids of today.
I think that you have to payattention to who you're
following on social media.
If you find that you're usingyour social media and you're
(21:06):
having a negative response, takea look at who you're following
and you want to make thoseadjustments.
Maybe unfollow people and putin different hashtags.
So, like I have a lot ofhashtags around mindset,
inspiration, gratitude,abundance.
You know abundance and scarcitythat's everything in real
estate.
You know those two mindsets.
I believe there's more thanenough for all of us.
(21:28):
There is abundance.
So if I don't get that deal, Idon't get that client or someone
else gets it, it's okay,there's more than enough minus
coming right versus thatscarcity like oh no, I'm never
going to share.
You know there's not enough andthey took that lead.
If you go to the abundance sideof it and you talk to any big
producer that's been in thisbusiness for a long time, most
(21:51):
of them live that abundancemindset.
They're very generous people,because they know there's more
than enough.
So I think you have to kind ofask yourself, like, who are you
following?
What are you seeing?
Yeah, and in those moments,sure, like I see somebody in
grace on, like, oh, you know, Iwish I could do that.
What I do is I say to myself,do I want that bad enough to put
it on my vision board?
Right, because I have a lifelist, I have a little vision
(22:14):
board of, like, what do I wantto accomplish?
And maybe I'll add that trip tograce on there, you know, or
maybe I'll take a new look at myvision board.
It's okay to be curious aboutthose things if they bother you,
and then go back to the thingsyou have, though, you know,
because you know, there's asaying that you know someone
else is praying for all thethings you have right now, and
(22:37):
so you also just have to put itin perspective, and that's what
gratitude does for me.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
Yeah, you had mentioned a couple of other
things here.
If I was to throw it as an openforum here, what would you like
to kind of discuss this?
Maybe some cutting edge stuffthat you're kind of diving into
right now?
Speaker 2 (22:57):
Gosh, I think, writing the notes of gratitude
and kind of going deep there, Ithink that's kind of exciting.
I recently did an exercise witha group of people and it was
pretty deep.
I also think I have a reallyfun meditation that I love to do
on gratitude to get us intothat state of mind.
I think that's all exciting.
(23:17):
And I think the habit you know,developing a habit that's
something we all struggle with,you know, especially in real
estate where every day is sounpredictable and our schedules
are unpredictable.
You know, I think having ahabit and you know, kind of
getting into how do we cultivatethat habit, I think that's also
very important.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
What do you find?
Have you read Atomic Habits orany of those on kind of how to
develop habits?
Speaker 2 (23:43):
Absolutely James Clear.
He's incredible.
His blog is also incredible andI love his stuff.
I do.
I like when he talks about thevalue of disappointment, kind of
like that place, because a lotof times there's another saying
like don't give up before themagic happens.
So sometimes when you have anew endeavor, like, say, you
want to, you know, lose weightor be more fit or you know
(24:06):
whatever, do, this gratituderoutine that we're talking about
there tends to be that likelittle dip in which you don't
see the results, and then all ofa sudden you do.
And it's funny.
Dealing with a lot of realestate agents, I feel like so
many give up, you know, before,before they recognize the
benefits, and that can be likeeven a direct mail piece or
working on their social media.
(24:27):
You know it's like don't giveup, but yeah, just getting a
little better each day, becauseI do think also we tend to be
hard on ourselves, right, a lotof us were, and that's not good
either.
So maybe just, you know,setting a pretty easy goal, like
you know, every morning I'mgoing to do my gratitude for the
next 30 days Like that's oneeasy place to kind of start.
(24:48):
How do you find, alex, that.
How do you institute like newhabits when you're working on
that for yourself?
Speaker 1 (24:57):
I have a.
I know it's not here right now,but usually it's in front of me
.
It's a tatter piece, so I getthese, and these are all habit
trackers.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
Wow, okay, awesome.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
Years of these, and so if I want to institute a new
habit, when I first startedthese they were very, very I
won't pull it out, but you cansee there's like there was like
10 things, but now I've addedand added, and added, and added
and added.
So it's like everything fromworking out to did I read bold
(25:37):
law, did I?
How many contacts that I wantto make, and so forth, and that
just strengthens those habits.
So now I have actually I'mproud of this bag of tattered
pieces of paper with coffeestains on the lens.
Speaker 2 (25:51):
That is awesome.
I know it's awesome.
You have something tangible tosay, like you did it.
Speaker 1 (25:57):
Yeah, I'm a paper kind of person.
You mentioned social, so Iremember you know beepers and
such.
But yeah, you know it's justworked for me.
I know that's that's my systemto start a new habit to answer
your question.
Speaker 2 (26:11):
Yeah, I know, that's why Discipline.
Well, it sounds like you're avery disciplined person.
Speaker 1 (26:16):
Yeah, I'd maybe want to talk about that, like you
mentioned.
So what I try to, what I'mworking on, is finding the
balance between beingdisciplined and saying like no,
we're not doing that and hey,sometimes it's okay to eat ice
cream, you know.
Like finding that balance,that's what I'm working on.
(26:40):
So, yeah, I can be verydisciplined and I think I've
always said recently, I guess,that I think that word is really
misunderstood I always say it'slike people think of discipline
as like wagging the finger,like you know where are you, you
know you need to do this, youneed to do this, and it's like
(27:01):
discipline is just basicallydoing what you say you're going
to do.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
Yeah, well, and it's also, yeah, it's choosing how
you want to present to the world.
I guess you know and Idefinitely struggle with
discipline in the food fitnessarena I recently, in February,
started a new lifestyle of beingvery physically fit and eating
really clean.
So now you know.
So yesterday was my birthday,so of course I ate like sugar
(27:25):
and like all the bad things, andso I hear you on that.
I think that each one of us hasto kind of figure out, you know
, how often do we want to be100%, you know, and can we have
a few cheat meals or a littletime off or a little Netflix,
you know to?
I mean, it just depends.
Like I think the cool thing ischoosing what you want to work
on right now for yourself, andI've always been one of those
(27:48):
people and always working onsome part of me.
I was reading a book actuallythis morning and it resonated,
it tied in and it just broke itdown into mind, body, soul.
It just articulated for methose three kind of silos and I
feel like they all have to beworking together right.
(28:09):
So mind is pretty simple andwe're talking about reading
books and writing and beingcurious about ourselves and
developing our intellect and allof that.
And body right, and there'ssuch a tie into body In real
estate.
I find that with the burnout,so many people just stop being
physically active and eating.
Well, because we're so busy allthe time.
And it's the first thing to go.
(28:31):
But when you really honoryourself and you take care of
your body and you put yourselffirst, you will read big
benefits.
You know, with everything, theway you feel, the way you
present to the world, and thensoul, which I think talking
about things like lifting othersand being in a more positive
mindset and spreading kindnessand using gratitude and
(28:52):
relationships with other people.
You know that really comes downto soul.
So I think you know working onthese three things, it comes
down to how do you want topresent to the world.
And in real estate we are sofortunate that we can earn
unlimited income and I thinkevery day is a journey.
So you know, I think just thediscipline thing, it's so fun.
(29:16):
I think we all struggle.
When I talk to agents, you knowaround the country most people
are struggling with one of thosecomponents and it's going to be
a journey, right, we're nevergoing to be experts.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
Yeah, certainly.
I guess you know the thing withthe discipline is it's like you
know how, I know how quickly Ican slip, so it's where I really
really don't say, ah, youdeserve that.
It's like, yeah, I deserve itand I've got plenty, so why do I
need to indulge a little bitmore?
(29:50):
So it's like, yeah, it kind offalls into what you're talking
about here because it helps meto go.
Hey, you know, be grateful foryour health, and why do you need
to?
I look, my weakness is fro yo,I like froze.
Speaker 2 (30:03):
Yeah, fro yo is horrible.
I'm eating chocolate cake, Imean exactly.
Speaker 1 (30:09):
Then I'll be like, oh , it's on the cake, it's you
know, it's like kind of the goodand you put some strawberries
out there and you get yourfruits for the day.
But yeah, I mean it's, I quitdrinking about I don't know
three something years ago andit's really interesting.
As I was talking to, I justwent home and I remember,
(30:30):
because when I go home Iremember high school and stuff
and I don't remember it, youknow, or it doesn't come to mind
on a daily basis, but anyways,my wrestling coach was sober and
I just couldn't even, Icouldn't even imagine it.
I was like, how could you notdrink?
Yeah, I was 18, too, which iscrazy, but I was like, how can
(30:51):
you not drink?
And then you real I realizedmore over the years these things
that you know you really areattached to habits.
When you do let them go, it'slike, wow, why did I hold on to
that so much, or why did I putso much value or whatever word
you want to put on it On it, youfind that, with the gratitude,
(31:16):
once you get something going andyou get momentum going again
back to that discipline, it'slike I want to keep it going
with real estate as well.
If you're on a momentum, keepgoing.
Don't take your foot off thegas.
What are your thoughts aroundall of that jumbled thought I
just had there?
Speaker 2 (31:33):
No, I agree 100%.
I think where it becomes evenmore tangible in terms of
business and gratitude would bewriting notes of gratitude to
clients, past clients.
It's because that's where, ifyou were to do that, every
single day, write a note, oronce a week, say, pick a day and
you just write 20 note cards.
(31:54):
First of all, most people don'tget stuff in the mail, a
personal note.
You'd be amazing if you asksomebody.
The last time they got apersonal note on the mail.
You get so much attention andthere's an open rate that you
can't compare to.
It really does pay off becauseyou're practicing your gratitude
muscle Again, you're flexingthat muscle, you're working it
(32:15):
out and you're generatingbusiness for yourself.
If you start sending outhandwritten notes of gratitude
to your clients, your pastclients, with frequency and to
what you're saying, likeactually just doing it every day
, you will get leads, you willget referrals far more than if
you weren't doing it.
(32:35):
That is one area that I thinkit's really easy to crank up the
knob, just like you do withyour little habit, trackers and
reframing the way that we thinkof stuff to your point.
All of a sudden, you conqueredthat drinking and making it
something very easilyaccomplishable.
(32:56):
I think gratitude's the sameway.
If you just start to add thisinto your daily routine the
thinking of things and thewriting of the letters, and
using it in your conversation,before you know it, it's
autopilot.
I'm doing most of this withouteven thinking about it.
Everyone's going to have toremind myself.
Okay, I have to get my notesout, but all the other stuff,
(33:19):
it's total autopilot.
In fact, if I have a bad dayand I say, oh wait, did I do my
gratitude this morning?
I usually did not.
So, yeah, it becomes autopilot.
It comes part of you, just partof who you are.
So now you're not a drinker.
Speaker 1 (33:36):
Do you actually you ever heard of Ninja selling?
I think you guys actually thinkSotheby's did it.
Speaker 2 (33:42):
Yeah, absolutely so.
Larry Kendall is a dear friendof mine and he is in the book as
well, and I do credit him forteaching me about his morning
routine and gratitude for sure.
That's where I heard a lotabout gratitude, reinforced with
some other sources.
But yeah, ninja selling, ifyou've not read that amazing and
(34:04):
you can do the four dayin-person course.
I highly recommend it 100%.
Speaker 1 (34:08):
Awesome.
I love that.
You edified that.
So I remembered one of thethings which I did for a while
and then, of course, got out ofdoing it was writing two
personal notes a day, and it wasincredible and it's like, oh
well, then I found Zillow, sothen I don't need to write notes
anymore.
So you have really, reallyinspired me to integrate
gratitude into my morningroutine.
(34:30):
I've read about it Now andyou've really solidified it for
me here and also for writing thepersonal notes.
I really implore upon theagents to do that.
I write them a lot to peoplethat I talk about, but you
reminded me I need to do it tomy past clients and to my
friends and family and all that.
So what a wonderful guestyou've been.
I really appreciate you takingthe time.
(34:51):
Our good friend another one, alegend, Bob Bird, put us
together and I'm very gratefulto him.
He really walks the walk.
That guy is incredible.
He's incredible.
Speaker 2 (35:01):
Yeah, His book the Go-Giver is incredible and he is
such an amazing human being.
I love his five laws.
I live by them as well, and Ithink the law of authenticity
that was one of the harder onesfor me and because sometimes we
don't do things like send notesor reach out because we think
we're bothering people when infact you are a gift right, Just
(35:24):
a nice phone call, that's a giftto someone and don't ever
forget that, how powerful it isand how much you have to share
and give to the world.
So, yeah, I appreciate you somuch, Alex.
Really fun talking to you.
Speaker 1 (35:37):
Well, how can the audience consume some of your
content?
Where can they reach you?
And we'd love to plug from youhere.
Speaker 2 (35:45):
Oh, thank you so much .
So, yeah, my book.
You can buy it on Amazon, anBarnes and Noble, and it's the
Habit of Grateful.
So I would love, if you'd liketo read the book and I'd love
any comments.
Follow me on Instagram.
Christine W Newell.
I'm on Instagram every day.
I'd love to hear from peoplethat are reading the book, that
are doing the four habits andjust spread gratitude.
(36:08):
That's what life's about justbeing grateful and appreciating
others.
So, thank you.
Speaker 1 (36:14):
Well, speaking of that, thank you so much.
I appreciate you.
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