August 14, 2025 • 39 mins
We're often told to prioritize self-care, but what if simply meeting basic needs isn't enough? What if we deserve not just sustainability, but actual joy and pleasure in our daily lives? In this soul-nourishing conversation, intuitive guide Julie Hilson shares wisdom from her book "Life of Love: A Joyful Guide to Self and Sensuality" that will transform how you approach wellbeing.
Julie introduces the powerful concept of creating a "container for wellbeing" rather than waiting until we're depleted to address our needs. She suggests developing a personal checklist of activities that bring us joy and ground us – whether it's music, connecting with nature, or calling a friend – so we have resources ready when life gets challenging. As she beautifully puts it, "It's not reaching the bottom of your barrel and figuring out how to climb out. It's keeping your level at sustainability."
For parents especially, this conversation offers liberation from the cycle of endless giving without replenishment. While acknowledging that parenting has seasons requiring immense sacrifice, Julie reminds us that sustainable parenting requires boundaries and self-care. The most striking revelation? When we invest in our own joy and pleasure, we multiply what we can offer others. "Asking for help" becomes not a sign of weakness but a recognition of our humanity and needs.
Perhaps most transformative is Julie's perspective on stress itself. Rather than viewing it as an enemy, she suggests "making friends with stress" and using it constructively. By examining what triggers our stress responses, we can identify deeper patterns needing healing. Stress becomes not a burden but a messenger guiding us toward greater self-awareness. Julie also shares practical energy management techniques – from visualizing protective light to "shaking off" negativity – that help us navigate difficult moments with grace.
Ready to experience more magic and joy in your everyday life? Listen now, and discover how to find pleasure even amidst life's challenges. Connect with Julie at www.youneedapeptalk.com or find her book on Amazon.
Lindsay Miller is a distinguished kids mindfulness coach, mindfulness educator and host of The Stress Nanny Podcast. She is known for her suitcase tricks and playful laugh. When she's not cheering on her daughter or rollerblading on local trails with her husband, you can find her using her 20+ years of child development study and mindfulness certification to dream up new ways to get kids excited about deep breathing. Having been featured on numerous podcasts, platforms and publications, Lindsay’s words of wisdom are high impact and leave a lasting impression wherever she goes.
To sign up for Lindsay's "Calm & Collected" Newsletter click here.
To review the podcast click here.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Stress Nanny Podcast.
I'm your host, lindsay Miller,and I'm so delighted that you're
here today for my conversationwith Julie Hilson.
Julie is an intuitive with amaster's in communication
sciences, and she brings giftsfor relating to the spiritual
realm and helping us all connectwith our divine wisdom and
guidance.
She is going to share a littlebit about her book with us today
(00:21):
Life of Love A Joyful Guide toSelf and Sensuality and she's
going to bring a healing and funenergy to this conversation.
Just chatting with her beforewe started, I'm so excited for
just the feel of this podcast.
It's just going to be a fun onethat's also very gentle and
gracious.
So, julie, thank you so muchfor joining me today.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Oh, Lindsay, it's my absolute pleasure.
Thanks for having me andwelcome everyone.
I'm very excited to connect.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
Yeah, so we're going to talk a little bit about life
like living through the lens ofkind of magic and joy, and how
to do that in an also groundedway, right, because we can have
the idea of that and it cansound really great, but then,
like life hits and things getstressful and it's hard to kind
of keep that mindset or keepthat lens in the thick of all
(01:11):
that we are navigating right.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
Absolutely.
That's the trick.
It's easy to feel grounded andsatisfied when things are going
well.
It's those hiccups that throwus upside down inside out and
we're just like what and we'retrying to find our true north.
So I was so delighted to put mybook together to help people
connect to their light and theirjoy in a gentle way, instead of
(01:37):
a way out of necessity, just tohave it as a sounding board, as
a platform.
It's like your baseline, as asounding board, as a platform.
It's like your baseline.
So, yeah, I have exercises toconnect to the things that bring
you pleasure, to bring you joy,so that when a moment hits you
might be able to open the bookor remember oh yeah, I like to
self-soothe with music, gentlemusic, connecting to a nice cup
(02:00):
of tea.
You know just simple things thatyou can do for yourself that
you might not think of in amoment of crisis, but if you can
go back and tea, you know justsimple things that you can do
for yourself that you might notthink of in a moment of crisis,
but if you can go back and say,oh yeah, I do like to just call
a friend and chat for fiveminutes.
You know, and it's not in themoment of a crisis you don't
think of these simple thingsthat can ground you, that can
bring you joy.
You know, maybe it's smelling aflower, maybe go buy yourself
(02:23):
some flowers and just look atthem and the sacred geometry in
those flowers is healing.
And we forget the resourcesthat are inside of us and around
us when we're in overwhelm.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
Yeah, that was so beautifully put, thank you.
I really appreciate what youwere saying about gentle
invitation before crisis hits,because I think it can be easy
to kind of put offself-development or connecting
with ourselves, finding thethings that bring us joy and
pleasure when life feels busy or, you know, we're like someday
(02:57):
or at some point I'll have timeto X, y, z, and then when we get
to those moments where life isfalling apart a little bit or
throws us a curve ball and wehave the need for deep
rejuvenation if we haven'tpracticed those things, like
you're saying, we're kind offlying blind through those
moments, right, because we'relike I don't actually know what
(03:19):
helps me, I don't know whatmakes me feel joyful, I don't
know what's pleasurable to me, Idon't know, right.
And so the invitation, while itmight not seem pressing,
depending on where you're at inlife right now, really is
important anytime, right.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
Oh yes, it's essential and it took me about
45 years to realize.
You know, because we do, do, doand we're there for everyone
else.
And I have the imagery of whenyou have a newborn, like you
have this list.
They're crying, you burp them,or you check their diaper, you
change their diaper.
If they still cry, you try togive them a bottle.
(03:55):
If they're still crying, theywon't take the bottle.
You burp them and if they'restill crying, you swaddle them,
and so we have this checklist ofways we take care of others,
and so that kind of care can beapplied to yourself as well.
But we don't think of caring forourselves, because we're always
showing up for everyone else,and some people are really good
(04:16):
at it and I admire them and I'mlike you're my hero, but you
know life gets a little crazy,and I'm like you're my hero, but
you know life gets a littlecrazy.
So just to have those things,that you know, that there's one
essential oil that you just love, or maybe you've always wanted
to have a garden and you don'thave time to have a garden, but
just buy yourself a few plantsand take care of them and just
(04:39):
have these things every day thatyou know is in your soul is
something that's good for you,and just take that time.
It's not reach bottom of yourbarrel and figure out how to
climb out.
It's keeping your level at asustainability and, if you can
look at it and have a lens forthat, create a container for
your well-being instead of justgoing to it when you're at a
(05:01):
deficit.
I mean you can look at it asyour gas tank.
You don't want to run it emptybecause then you're inviting all
these other problems.
You've got air in your line.
You're going to have problemswith your car.
So just think about yourself,think of your resources, and
we're all abundant.
If you're listening to thispodcast, you have internet
connection, you have a good cellphone.
We have so much abundancearound us.
(05:22):
It's just taking the time tosay what moves you, what makes
you, and it's different.
And that what came to me whenyou were talking before was, if
you're not sure what it is, youmight just reach for that first
thing.
A bottle of Chardonnay, amargarita, and that's not going
to solve anything.
A Xanax, that's just going tocover it up.
And you're going through thisfor a reason.
(05:42):
There's nothing that comes inyour field, that isn't there to
show you something.
So if you go into victim or yougo into a place where you're
just trying to cover up yoursymptoms, then you're giving
yourself.
You're doing yourself adisservice.
You're not listening to whatyou need and it's just going to
come back in a more intense way,because that's the way the
world works.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
Unfortunately, if you ignore something, you're just
going to get a bigger sign.
It's going to find its waydifferently.
Thanks for sharing that.
I love the idea of having thatchecklist.
I know, when I work with kids,one of the things that we do is
we go through an emotionalself-care checklist and we'll
say, okay, when you're feelingthis, what are the things that
(06:25):
help?
Right, when you're feeling this, what are the things that help?
And for kids and I think it'strue for adults also, but I
primarily work with kids thetrick is helping them identify
each individual emotion in a waythat informs the thing that
would be most supportive, right.
Like, if you're feeling lonely,what would be helpful?
(06:45):
Would it be helpful to reachout to a friend to watch a movie
with your mom?
Would it be helpful to go on abike ride and do something that
brings you individual joy?
And then maybe you're out andyou see somebody else and you
can play.
Like, what is the thing that'smost supportive for you with
that emotional state?
And I think for adults, I lovethe idea of having the checklist
(07:06):
.
If I'm feeling this, I knowthese three things can usually
pull me out.
Or if I'm feeling really spent,I know a good night's sleep
will really be supportive andhaving the ability to identify
and then offer those toourselves, like you said,
consistently is really important.
And it does seem like when wetalk about this here on the
(07:27):
podcast quite a bit in terms ofself-care and how there's
baseline self-care we can do,right, like we can get enough
sleep, we can make sure we'retaking a shower, we can make
sure we have clean clothes.
I mean baseline self-care, whichsometimes for moms, depending
on the stage of life you're atlike if you've got a baby
spitting up all over you, havingclean clothes, maybe sometimes
(07:48):
feels like luxury, right?
Self-care can be differentdepending on the stage of life.
But one of the things I loveabout your work is that you take
it a step further.
It's not just take care of yourbasic needs, right, which I
think, as moms, is sometimes howwe think of it.
Right, like, just make sureyou're eating, you have a minute
(08:10):
to get a glass of water beforeyou run out the door, you grab a
granola bar for yourself beforeyou're taxing for the rest of
the night.
Right, like, make sure you justdo basic stuff for yourself.
But you're like no, no, no, no,let's take it to another level,
let's take it to joy, let'stake it to pleasure and let's
build those things in, weavethem into your day in a
sustainable way, right?
Speaker 2 (08:29):
Yeah, that's the goal , and you're gonna hit hiccups.
I mean, we were talking aboutmy father-in-law passing
unexpectedly and it's been hardfor me to stay in joy this week
and my husband just had surgeryand so I have to take care of
him.
He can't carry stuff and soit's been a lot on me, so I have
to take care of him.
He can't carry stuff and soit's been a lot on me.
And something that I learnedthrough that was that it's okay
to say you're done.
When you're done, say I can'tand it's all right, because
(08:55):
that's respecting yourself andthat helps those people around
you respect you as well, becausewe all have our spot where
we're just like I can't giveanymore, I need some time and
know that that's okay.
You know, I mean we want to besuperheroes, we want to be the
rock for everyone and we want tohave a life well lived.
(09:17):
But sometimes things just getout of control and we just have
to say, all right, I trust andI'm going to just work through
this, and so that's somethingthat's really strong in my field
right now is that we can'tcontrol the craziness that comes
in.
We can just control how wereact and if you're feeling like
you're at that edge whereyou're needing support.
(09:37):
It's perfectly fine to say that, and I think women, we don't
think we're worthy.
We think we have to show up andbe that for everyone else.
Well, you know, that's a majormessage I have is that it's you
asking and it's asking theangels to come in and help you.
It's asking your familyreaching out to your neighbors.
I mean, there's so muchabundance around us.
(10:00):
You just tie into it.
Know that you're not alone.
You're never alone.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
Love, that yeah Well, and it really does circle back
right.
I mean any investment we makein our own joy and our own
pleasure and our own happinessand our own care, it only
multiplies what we can thenoffer.
And I'm not saying we care forourselves with the intent to
offer more right, and that's notthe message I'm trying to
(10:26):
proclaim here.
But I think sometimes, like yousaid, we have this hesitancy
about our role or what will bethe most supportive for the
people around us, and I thinkone of the most beautiful things
about parenting in general isthe ability to give ourselves
the backseat sometimes to helpsomeone else grow.
(10:47):
I think there's so much beautyin that and also that can't be
like our MO, right.
Like there are times when youhave a newborn and you're up in
the night and things are alittle crate.
Like those are times when it'sa really functional, that baby
survives because you're willingto give up some sleep, right, or
because you're willing tonavigate a stretch where
exhaustion is just how you feelmost of the time.
(11:08):
But we can't parent that wayall the time, and so that, while
parenting has seasons wherethat willingness to invest and
give to the point of exhaustioncan be helpful.
It's also something we have toconsciously shift out of into
this sustainable self-care space, because that only multiplies
our ability to offer beautifulcare to others.
Speaker 2 (11:32):
Love that.
I love that it's so relevantand the whole idea that you're
serving from your heart andyou're in that present moment
and you know that you can onlygive that baby what it needs,
and so that's how you're showingup and it's a beautiful thing.
On motherhood, you can't put aprice tag on that and just know
that it's a temporary thing andthat this baby well, the baby
(11:56):
gives us so much too, so it's awonderful thing.
I know that I really gaveeverything to my two boys and
they're amazing teenagers nowand they're very compassionate
and caring and I know that'sbecause I did that for them.
And so all this suffering andself-deprivation when they're
babies, when they're colicky,when you got to take them, put
(12:18):
them in the hot shower and takethem out in the cold winter air
to clear their lungs, and you'remaking sure that they're alive
every 10 minutes, you know itall pays off.
It really does, because you'recoming from your heart and your
heart will tell you when youneed to call someone in and just
give yourself that permissionto call someone in or to ask
what needs to be seen.
Don't let yourself get to theplace where you're resentful.
(12:41):
I mean, there's a fine line andI think that it's like that
kind of depression or postpartumit may not get recognized as
much as it should, and so justknow that that's a thing and
it's okay.
And everything's there to showyou Maybe someone else in your
life needs to feel wanted andyou're giving that gift to help
you.
And this being in your life,being a parent, it shows you so
(13:05):
much about yourself.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
I mean, it's so true.
I love that, though, you know,because you're right even in
those seasons when it's taxing,especially in those seasons when
it's taxing, rallying yoursupport, finding our villages
and making sure that we'reasking I love the way you
phrased that asking to see wherewe can bring help in, or asking
to see where there isopportunity for us to lean into
(13:30):
the support instead of feelinglike we have to go it alone.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
Right and look at.
Maybe it's a trust thing.
Maybe you don't believe someoneelse could care for them the
same way you do, and you knowwhat.
Maybe that's okay.
Maybe that child sees thatyou're really good at taking
care of them and then theyappreciate you more.
Everything happens for a reason.
You 'd never endanger yourchild.
You have your intuition that'sgoing to tell you if somebody is
not doing what you expect orsomething that could be
(13:57):
detrimental.
I'm not saying just leave yourkid with anybody.
Use your intuition.
And you know, I know thatsometimes my in-laws would give
my kids way too much candy andI'd get them and they'd be high
strung.
I'd be like, guys, what did youeat all weekend?
And it was a learningexperience.
I was like, well, you knowpizza and then having chocolate
bars.
You know we don't really eatlike that.
So maybe you need to tellgrandma and grandpa how you take
(14:19):
care of your body a littlebetter.
You know, I always used it as alearning experience.
But part of me is like, why didthey just do this?
And that's their role, theirgrandparents.
But anything's a learning.
The kids know when they don'tfeel great and you can just
illuminate that for them alittle bit and maybe it helps
the whole family be more healthy.
I don't know, there's alwayssomething you can get from it
Something you can take from it.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
Yeah, one of the things that, as we're talking,
we're kind of making theassumption that we recognize
when we're getting to that pointwhere we have more stress than
we can manage, and I thinksometimes for people that can be
tricky to recognize.
So what are some of the waysyou help people identify stress
before it gets to the tippingpoint, like before we're kind of
at our wits end?
Speaker 2 (15:02):
Hmm, well, I think the biggest thing is taking a
deep breath, like to remindyourself to breathe, and if that
breath feels extra refreshing,that means you haven't been
breathing well and we forget.
And just that simple thing ofpushing your shoulders up and
back or forward and back, up anddown, just that kind of thing.
You can feel the tension andjust be present with your body,
(15:25):
how it's moving, what your voicesounds like.
Your voice sounds differentwhen you're stressed, and that's
another thing.
Music Music can change youroutlook.
And when you're stressed, if youcan play nice music while
you're doing the laundry orgetting ready for dinner, that
someone coming into the househearing soothing music can
(15:46):
change their dynamic as they'reentering your space.
So that consciousness of thisis your space, this is your
house and anything that comesinto your space needs to be of
love and light and then inviteanything that's not serving that
to leave.
This is not what I'm down forand please find a higher good.
And so having that idea thatyour space is sacred, and even
(16:09):
having when the kids are little,this isn't appropriate, but
have some kind of valuestatement for your household.
You know, if there's a conflict, how do we go about resolving a
conflict and I know that I usedto get snippy and I didn't like
it and I decided I didn't wantto be snippy.
So I came up with a plan formyself to not be snippy.
You know, if I'm feelingstressed?
(16:30):
Because if you're feelingstressed you're snippy, you're
short-tempered, you're judgingyourself.
You can catch yourself if yousit back and maybe just look at
your situation from up above.
If you were in a theater andyou're watching the play of your
day.
Try to find that and you canreally catch yourself before you
get to a high stress.
(16:51):
Stress is normal.
It helps us get stuff doneright.
Stress isn't bad.
It's just not letting it ruleyou.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
Yeah, 100%, optimizing it to the point that
you're able and then minimizingit when you can Talk to me a
little bit more about how yourpersonal state affects stress?
So, like you just said, ifwe're feeling super high strung
and something stressful comesour way, it just kind of sends
us right, whereas if we'refeeling kind of mellow or having
an okay day and somethingstressful comes, we can kind of
(17:22):
discharge the stress around itwith relative ease.
How do you help people, kind of, like you said, take that big
picture view of what's going onand identify their state, their
common state?
Speaker 2 (17:35):
That's a great question because it all leads
back to you have a choice torespond, and I think when you
react and you forget that youhave a choice to respond, then
you can get in a cycle ofvictimhood.
And so that's a tricky cycle, Iknow from experience.
I'm right there with you.
(17:56):
When the situation arises, youcan say, ok, is this positive,
negative or neutral?
And look at it as a mathequation.
So if it's negative, then youcan say, wow, this doesn't
resonate with me, I don't wantto accept this, and you don't
have to own it.
Or you could say, okay, here'smy options.
But being brought into theenergy of the negativity, of
(18:19):
whatever it is, isn't going tohelp disperse the energy.
For some reason, the energycame to you and you can think of
yourself as a powerful beingand you can say you know what?
I'm putting a pink bubblearound me and this isn't going
to affect me, and I'm going toask for this to be transmuted
for a higher good, and it works.
I mean, when you come from yourheart and you ask for this,
(18:40):
this pink bubble of light, todiffuse this, whatever it is, it
changes things and we all havethe power to do it.
It's the difference betweendiving in and adding to the
negativity and saying gosh, youknow, that's just a crappy thing
and I'm choosing not to let itaffect me.
And it comes from not judging.
It's just saying there it is,you see it, but you don't have
(19:02):
to participate.
And you're not condoning thebehavior or the situation,
you're not saying it's okay.
You're just stating that's notyour thing.
It probably showed up sosomeone could work through it.
But you can decide if that'ssomething you want to wrestle
with or if it's something youjust want to say hey, you know,
it's not for me right now, I'mnot going to enter it.
You don't have to enter everydrama.
(19:23):
It's the same way as when youopen up Facebook.
If somebody has a negativecomment, you can add more
negativity to it, or you cansend it light and love and wish
for the highest outcome.
You see now people can feed inand just one post can make a big
ripple effect in the wholeworld.
We've all heard about thebutterfly effect.
A butterfly's wings can affectthe weather, so our thoughts are
(19:45):
very powerful too.
So the conscious.
I'm not going to add to thedrama.
I'm not going to add to thenegativity.
I'm going to find somethingthat can bring light to the
situation or some compassion,for whatever it is, anything
negative is there to show uscompassion.
It's just us choosing to see it.
Speaker 1 (20:05):
In that way.
That's such an interestingperspective.
It makes me think about theconversations that I have with
parents around diffusing highintensity emotion.
So in a lot of settings wemight have a kid who's having a
meltdown or something's going onand we see there's just this
emotion kind of flying off ofthem, right.
(20:26):
I mean just a lot of emotion.
And sometimes we think that byasking questions about it or
kind of honoring it and creatingspace for it, that we will make
it bigger.
But the idea is that as aparent, you could help your
child regulate by acknowledgingwhat it is like, leaving space
for the emotion and bringing asmuch presence as you can to the
(20:47):
moment, to where you can let theemotion kind of sift out right
then, instead of building up andgetting bigger and then
exploding at some future time.
And the way you just describedthat reminded me of that idea
that with some intention, wehave the capacity to diffuse
instead of exacerbate, Right,and I mean we're all human so
(21:08):
we're going to probably do a mixof both.
But it seems like there aredefinite opportunities for being
in a place where we can diffuseto the extent possible without
stirring it even more.
Speaker 2 (21:20):
And it's that belief that your child is strong enough
to run through it.
I mean, I think a lot of peoplejust want to help their kids be
happy and everyone wants theirkids to be happy.
But we need to acknowledge youfall and skin your knee.
Man, that was a rough fall.
Is your knee okay?
You know, and it's not likeyou're okay, you're okay, you
know.
Brush it off and just makespace for that.
(21:42):
Oh, man, that was a rough fall,are you okay?
And if they're still upset, areyou frustrated?
Your ice cream cone fell down.
There's layers to frustrationand tears and just being in that
space with them, from comingfrom a loving calmness, can
really help that child know,number one, how to self-soothe
and number two, that they canget through it, because it's a
(22:07):
blessing of a skin knee.
That book changed my parentingthat.
I don't know if you've everread it.
The Blessings of a Skin Kneeit's the whole idea that things
are going to happen to your kidsand you just witness.
You witness, you're there forthem.
You don't try to fix everythingand it gives them so much
self-confidence and if somethingbad happens at school or they
(22:27):
get in a fight with a friend,it's not someone else's fault.
You know what I mean.
It's not.
You don't blame, you don'tcriticize.
You just say, oh man, how couldwe have been shown up
differently or what could wehave done.
And sometimes you can, sometimesyou just say, well, that just
stinks, but we're strong andwe're good people and we're
going to make the best choices.
We're going to do the best wecan.
(22:48):
And you know, nobody's perfect.
You know there's such lack ofaccountability in some
situations where everyone justwants to place a blame and be a
scapegoat.
But no, that's not going toelevate our children.
They need to understand thatit's OK to make a mistake, it's
OK to be the person who owns theproblem.
(23:09):
And once you own it, it's like,oh, it's freeing, right.
Like you can say, yeah, I ownit and I'm really sorry.
And what can I do to make it upto you?
You mean so much to me.
I want to make this up to you.
I never want you to feel likethis again.
It is so much more empoweringthan well.
You looked at me funny and Iwas hungry.
You know what I mean.
(23:29):
Own it.
Own it and be free.
We don't need to hold on to allthis and be right all the time.
Speaker 1 (23:36):
Yeah, the fight to be right or the fight to not feel
whatever we're feeling in themoment can create bigger, bigger
struggles than just making ourway through For sure.
Talk to me about how you seeabundance and stress related
Like how do they fit?
Speaker 2 (23:53):
Well, I think that we try to hold on to things.
And so when we are given ablessing or we have something
that is very pleasing to uswhether it's a relationship or a
material item then we can tryto hold on to that so tightly
that it blocks the joy that it'sassociated with having.
(24:14):
So it can really add to stressbecause you're working hard to
maintain what you had.
But the whole idea is abundancecomes and goes.
It's a flow.
So you're going to getabundance and then you're going
to have where you feed intoabundance and it's all that
trust.
Keeping that flow open.
You'll have what you need.
(24:35):
You'll have what's yours toflourish with and not try to
hold on to it.
I mean, it's the same with ourkids.
We have to let them go.
They have to go to school orthey have to have coaches or
weekends with their grandparentsand we're going to miss them.
But that relationship it'll getstronger as it's tested and
(24:56):
there's just a lot of letting goand receiving in abundance.
And so if you can just have themindset that you trust and
you're abundant being and you'regoing to be open to it and
you're never really losinganything, you never really own
anything either, it's justcoming and going.
Speaker 1 (25:14):
Yeah, I love that.
It's in the flow and as long asyou're somewhere in the flow of
it, whether you're receiving orgiving that, you can trust that
it's going to work its wayaround to you.
Again, I remember a while backit's been years and years but I
was helping my sister.
We were working on the startupthat she had and I was helping
her with it for a while and Iremember there was so much we
(25:37):
didn't know and all thesedifferent factors that were at
play, and I had at the time aquote on my desk and my fridge
that was like I'll have what Ineed when I need it.
And it was something that hadbeen true for me in a variety of
situations.
A lot of my listeners know I didin vitro to get my daughter and
so that process had so manytwists and turns and parts that
(26:01):
felt overwhelming and just allthe things.
And so through that time Irealized like, okay, that next
step will show me, the next stepwill show me the next.
You know it's not always goingto be clear at the outset, but
I'll have what I need when Ineed it, whether it's a person
or the knowledge or anopportunity and experience.
And so in that time with thebusiness, I was like we'll have
(26:23):
what we need when we need it.
And she was like, well then,that's a great thought.
And I was like, but no, no,it's true, it's not just the
thought.
But she was like that's a greatsaying, but we will.
You know, I think that can behow we live, but there are
moments when it certainly maybedoesn't feel that way, and
having faith and trust thatthat's the case can be trickier
(26:43):
at some times than others.
Speaker 2 (26:46):
It's so true.
It's so true, but it's the bestway to get out of your own way
is to serve and give.
And all of a sudden things openup and you just say I'm ready
to see, I'm ready to see what Ineed and what can be there, and
sometimes it's not anything youcould imagine.
You just say ask for thehighest good, and then you're
just blown away because youcan't even imagine what the
(27:07):
highest good is.
You're just open to it.
So that's been an amazing forceof magic in my life to do that
and get out of my way.
Life is crazy cool if you canget in that flow and just know
you're abundant.
I always think of that littlepicture.
It's a meme that went aroundwith a little girl holding a
tiny teddy bear and Jesus is infront of her and behind his back
(27:30):
he has a huge teddy bear.
And the saying was sometimesyou just have to let it go and
something better is coming yourway.
And it's so true for so manythings in life and in
relationships.
And there's always somethingaround the corner and you'll
have the clarity when you needthe clarity.
It'll show.
Speaker 1 (27:49):
Yeah, talk to us about making friends with stress
.
You mentioned it a little bitearlier and I'm a proponent on
this show of using it to ouradvantage, right, and like when
I work with kids, especiallyathletes, we'll talk about
optimizing stress or we'll talkabout how it's actually serving
you in these certain moments,but I love your phrase of making
(28:09):
friends with it, so talk to usabout that.
Speaker 2 (28:13):
Yeah, it's there, it's part of your energy, it's
part of your field, so you canchoose to use it the way you
want.
You can let it stay in yourhead and give you a pounding
headache, or you can get anawesome workout.
I know that when I work out, ifI'm angry about something or if
I have stress, that's a reallygood workout and think of it as
(28:34):
an emotional detox, you know.
So use that stress to get abetter workout and know that the
stress is, it needs to runthrough.
You can't hold on to it.
It's all about that flow againto it.
It's all about that flow again.
So there's a reason you'refeeling compelled and pressured,
and so if you can find the ball, you know, find the locus of
(28:55):
where the stress is coming from.
Are you feeling alone and beingalone and isolated?
That's like a childhood wound,right.
So if the stress is coming fromfeelings of abandonment, then
make friends with it, becausethat's a work step.
That's a key point that youneed to look at.
You need to dive into that alittle bit.
Is it because you feelinadequate or that you have to
(29:17):
show up to be worthy?
I mean that stress can give youa lot of information.
And once you deal with thatunderlining childhood wound or
whatever it is, that locus ofwhere it came from, once you
deal with that, then you're done.
You get your next challenge.
None of us like to stay at thesame level, right?
We all grew up playing videogames or, you know, getting
(29:38):
graded.
So we don't want to stay atthat same place.
We want to do better, we wantto show up better, and no one
wants to have that groundhog daywhere you're dealing with the
same thing with different peopleevery day.
You know so you're worth it.
Use the stress.
Use the stress to figure outwhat your soul is trying to say.
The answers are in you.
You just have to get quiet andtry to sort through it.
(29:59):
Or ask a friend, somebody elsewho's in your life.
They can give you insight andyou can decide to agree or
disagree, but you leavebreadcrumbs for yourself.
Speaker 1 (30:08):
Yeah, I love that.
I was listening to a podcastthe other day and they were
saying success leaves clues, andI think life, you know,
abundance, all those things theyleave clues, right, and if you
follow the breadcrumbs, like yousaid, we can find different
pieces of ourselves that maybewe jettisoned at some point, or
different ideas that will serveus if we allow them to become
(30:29):
beliefs that we hold andacknowledge regularly.
So I love the way you phrasethat.
What is one of the ways you dothat, like in terms of returning
to your center, returning toyour heart?
Is there a technique that youuse, besides deep breathing,
like we talked about, to helpyou come back to that
realization and come back tothat awareness that you're cared
(30:50):
for, you're held, you can makeit through.
Speaker 2 (30:54):
Well, I can't say it's like something I do on a
regular basis, but I'll rotatethrough things.
I'm walking my dog, I willconnect to the birds around me
and the birds give me healingmessages, their songs, they'll
fly by me and I'll justacknowledge that they're there
to help me and to calm me.
Also, just quick meditations ofbeing in the center and being
(31:18):
supported by my guides and I'llpicture myself in the center and
the beings around me supportingme and with that pink bubble of
light, and then the yelloweffervescence coming from in my
heart and a flower in my heart,with this yellow effervescence
coming out and just infusing myaura, cleansing.
(31:39):
I ask for things to be removedthat have stuck to me, because
you don't realize that when youdrive in your car you're going
through different energies andthings can just get stuck on you
.
So you just ask for thattransmission, that transmutation
of anything that doesn't serveyou to be released.
And when you practice doing itand visualizing it, it sounds
crazy but I can feel it lift offand the heaviness goes.
(32:03):
You know, yoga is really greatIf you can do some yoga poses
and vinyasas, sun salutationwith the intention of clearing
your chakras, with the intentionof grounding.
Anything you do, if you havethe intention that it's going to
help and support you, you'regoing to get there.
So that's my message Just playwith it.
(32:23):
Be curious about what you need.
You know I use music.
I'll use music all the timeI'll put on Spotify.
I'll ask for heart-based music.
Hertz of 428 you know, it's soawesome, so awesome.
I have crystal bowls.
I'll hit and I'll listen to mycrystal bowls.
I just I get curious andthere's certain things that I
(32:46):
just love my essential oils soI've just come up with things
that are around me all the time,like I have my crystal right
here, right, and so this ishealing when I look and hold
this crystal.
So I've just learned to havethings around me at all times
that raise my vibration.
And it's not that anyone toldme to, I just listened and I
just followed what my heartwanted.
And so, even like being sadabout my father-in-law passing,
(33:09):
I'm self-soothing, I'm sad, butthen I'm raising my energy up
constantly because I know myhigher good needs it.
So you know that's a rambledanswer, but it's different for
everybody.
So maybe something I said youhaven't tried, or you know it
just with the intention andopenness that we're everything's
here to support us, just haveto get, you have to see it.
Speaker 1 (33:30):
Yeah, I love that you gave us a list, because I think
that is really supportive ofpeople doing an exploration and
figuring out what works for them.
It reminded me you've talkedabout car and this morning I was
driving and there's a traintrack by my house and I pull out
and make a left turn.
So I had pulled out and made aleft turn because the train was
(33:53):
coming, so the bars were down,you know, there were these red
lights flashing and so no onewas going anywhere and the guy
that was coming on the road wasgoing kind of fast but I'm like,
well, he's going to have toslow down anyway for this train,
right?
So I pull out and make thisleft turn, and there was plenty
of space between us, but he hadto slow down because he was
(34:13):
going over the speed limit onthat road anyway.
Speaker 2 (34:15):
He felt like you cut him off.
He felt like I cut him off.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
Yeah, I was like a block ahead of him but he caught
up to me pretty quick becausehe was going pretty quick.
Anyway, he thought I cut himoff.
Yeah, so he zooms around me inthe median to get in front of me
at the train stop.
I mean, it's like less than ablock.
Like he zoomed around me to getin front of me at the media and
then he's gesticulating, he'slike flipping me off.
(34:39):
He was just like so upset andat first I was just kind of like
okay, and then when he keptafter it I was like you know, I
just kind of pointed like thelight is red, you and I were
just waiting for the train.
You weren't going to goanywhere, you know.
But it was funny because thatenergy it stuck with me.
Like you said, he drove past mewith his big energy and I was
(34:59):
feeling agitated about it andusually I'm just like whatever.
But on the way home I was likeokay, I don't want this
following me around, like Idon't need this guy's stuff with
me all day.
So I had taken my dogs, for youknow, I take my dogs for a walk
and I'm always like so I loveit when, after they meet up with
another dog and are barking.
(35:20):
They shake it off, right,they'll do that.
And so in the car I must'velooked so crazy, but I was
sitting in my car just shaking,shaking my hands, you know, like
kind of wiggling my torso.
I'm shaking this guy's energy.
I don't want it.
This is not for me.
I share that.
Just to say I'd never reallydone that before.
I'd thought about it and I'ddone some shaking in yoga, you
(35:42):
know, but I was like I needsomething.
I'm sitting in my car, what canI use right now?
And after I shook off thisguy's intensity, like I mean
whoever has to be around him forthe rest of the day.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
Yeah, if you can feel his heart was just like
pounding and he's so furious andit's like witnessing this child
having a fit right Like whatdoes he need to work through?
I have such compassion becauseyou know those people are just
off the hook, like exactlyEveryone around them has to
diffuse that all day.
And, yeah, that shaking youtotally, you totally transmuted
(36:19):
it.
Speaker 1 (36:20):
But I love that.
Yeah, thank you.
Hopefully I'm done with thatenergy, but I love the way that
you describe these differentscenarios or different
opportunities, because I think,too, we can sometimes have an
idea that, like, this is ourthing or this is what works and
I know, especially with kidsaround mindfulness, like a
strategy or technique will workfor a little while and then
another situation will comewhere maybe it doesn't work as
(36:40):
well, and so not beingdiscouraged in those moments.
But, like you said, you sharedall these different techniques
or ideas, like pick one, pickone with the belief that it's
going to be helpful, and then,if it's not, you know, go to
another one or give yourself thespace to just believe there's a
way to move through, leavingyou more whole or more supported
(37:03):
or more held by whatever poweris that you want to be held by?
Like believe that first, andthen maybe the thing isn't as
important as the belief that youcan move through.
Speaker 2 (37:16):
Exactly, exactly.
But these things can supportyou and be there for you.
Yeah, because we always want tolive like in the spiritual
bliss, but we've got to dealwith this quagmire of our 3D.
I mean, it's just around us allthe time, so it's just
breadcrumbs again.
Speaker 1 (37:34):
Yeah, take the pieces that can help you.
Well, julie, this has been sucha fun conversation.
Thank you so much for joiningme today.
Speaker 2 (37:43):
Oh it was.
It was a joy to my heart toshare and I just hope that
everybody just has such a greatday and just know that we don't
have to be serious.
Sometimes you can laugh atyourself and that diffuses any
kind of stress too, thatlaughter.
Speaker 1 (38:00):
That's so true, so true.
Talk to us about where we canfind your work.
Where can listeners find outmore about your book?
Speaker 2 (38:08):
Yeah, I'm on Amazon Life of Love, the Joyful Guide
to Self-Incentuality, and alsomy website, wwwyounetopeptalkcom
, has all my stuff on there.
I started that when I hadlittle little kids.
I thought, when I was going tohave this community, we could
all just, you know, vent andshare and help each other.
And that never really took off,but I still kept the name and
(38:32):
you know, a lot of the stuff Ido is a pep talk.
So I love how I created thisplatform and and it's served in
different ways throughout.
That website is like 15 yearsold, honestly, so it's it's been
my little baby.
So, yeah, you're welcome tocome explore, comment on any of
my podcasts.
I have a comment box so youknow if something wants to live
(38:54):
through you, you can comment orjust be part of the community
and you can reach me there.
And I'm on social Instagram JayHilson yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:03):
Thank you Well, thank you again for being here.
Thanks for having me.
All the best, Thank you.
Welcome to the Stress Nanny Podcast.
I'm your host, lindsay Miller,and I'm so delighted that you're
here today for my conversationwith Julie Hilson.
Julie is an intuitive with amaster's in communication
sciences, and she brings giftsfor relating to the spiritual
realm and helping us all connectwith our divine wisdom and
guidance.
She is going to share a littlebit about her book with us today
(00:21):
Life of Love A Joyful Guide toSelf and Sensuality and she's
going to bring a healing and funenergy to this conversation.
Just chatting with her beforewe started, I'm so excited for
just the feel of this podcast.
It's just going to be a fun onethat's also very gentle and
gracious.
So, julie, thank you so muchfor joining me today.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Oh, Lindsay, it's my absolute pleasure.
Thanks for having me andwelcome everyone.
I'm very excited to connect.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
Yeah, so we're going to talk a little bit about life
like living through the lens ofkind of magic and joy, and how
to do that in an also groundedway, right, because we can have
the idea of that and it cansound really great, but then,
like life hits and things getstressful and it's hard to kind
of keep that mindset or keepthat lens in the thick of all
(01:11):
that we are navigating right.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
Absolutely.
That's the trick.
It's easy to feel grounded andsatisfied when things are going
well.
It's those hiccups that throwus upside down inside out and
we're just like what and we'retrying to find our true north.
So I was so delighted to put mybook together to help people
connect to their light and theirjoy in a gentle way, instead of
(01:37):
a way out of necessity, just tohave it as a sounding board, as
a platform.
It's like your baseline, as asounding board, as a platform.
It's like your baseline.
So, yeah, I have exercises toconnect to the things that bring
you pleasure, to bring you joy,so that when a moment hits you
might be able to open the bookor remember oh yeah, I like to
self-soothe with music, gentlemusic, connecting to a nice cup
(02:00):
of tea.
You know just simple things thatyou can do for yourself that
you might not think of in amoment of crisis, but if you can
go back and tea, you know justsimple things that you can do
for yourself that you might notthink of in a moment of crisis,
but if you can go back and say,oh yeah, I do like to just call
a friend and chat for fiveminutes.
You know, and it's not in themoment of a crisis you don't
think of these simple thingsthat can ground you, that can
bring you joy.
You know, maybe it's smelling aflower, maybe go buy yourself
(02:23):
some flowers and just look atthem and the sacred geometry in
those flowers is healing.
And we forget the resourcesthat are inside of us and around
us when we're in overwhelm.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
Yeah, that was so beautifully put, thank you.
I really appreciate what youwere saying about gentle
invitation before crisis hits,because I think it can be easy
to kind of put offself-development or connecting
with ourselves, finding thethings that bring us joy and
pleasure when life feels busy or, you know, we're like someday
(02:57):
or at some point I'll have timeto X, y, z, and then when we get
to those moments where life isfalling apart a little bit or
throws us a curve ball and wehave the need for deep
rejuvenation if we haven'tpracticed those things, like
you're saying, we're kind offlying blind through those
moments, right, because we'relike I don't actually know what
(03:19):
helps me, I don't know whatmakes me feel joyful, I don't
know what's pleasurable to me, Idon't know, right.
And so the invitation, while itmight not seem pressing,
depending on where you're at inlife right now, really is
important anytime, right.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
Oh yes, it's essential and it took me about
45 years to realize.
You know, because we do, do, doand we're there for everyone
else.
And I have the imagery of whenyou have a newborn, like you
have this list.
They're crying, you burp them,or you check their diaper, you
change their diaper.
If they still cry, you try togive them a bottle.
(03:55):
If they're still crying, theywon't take the bottle.
You burp them and if they'restill crying, you swaddle them,
and so we have this checklist ofways we take care of others,
and so that kind of care can beapplied to yourself as well.
But we don't think of caring forourselves, because we're always
showing up for everyone else,and some people are really good
(04:16):
at it and I admire them and I'mlike you're my hero, but you
know life gets a little crazy,and I'm like you're my hero, but
you know life gets a littlecrazy.
So just to have those things,that you know, that there's one
essential oil that you just love, or maybe you've always wanted
to have a garden and you don'thave time to have a garden, but
just buy yourself a few plantsand take care of them and just
(04:39):
have these things every day thatyou know is in your soul is
something that's good for you,and just take that time.
It's not reach bottom of yourbarrel and figure out how to
climb out.
It's keeping your level at asustainability and, if you can
look at it and have a lens forthat, create a container for
your well-being instead of justgoing to it when you're at a
(05:01):
deficit.
I mean you can look at it asyour gas tank.
You don't want to run it emptybecause then you're inviting all
these other problems.
You've got air in your line.
You're going to have problemswith your car.
So just think about yourself,think of your resources, and
we're all abundant.
If you're listening to thispodcast, you have internet
connection, you have a good cellphone.
We have so much abundancearound us.
(05:22):
It's just taking the time tosay what moves you, what makes
you, and it's different.
And that what came to me whenyou were talking before was, if
you're not sure what it is, youmight just reach for that first
thing.
A bottle of Chardonnay, amargarita, and that's not going
to solve anything.
A Xanax, that's just going tocover it up.
And you're going through thisfor a reason.
(05:42):
There's nothing that comes inyour field, that isn't there to
show you something.
So if you go into victim or yougo into a place where you're
just trying to cover up yoursymptoms, then you're giving
yourself.
You're doing yourself adisservice.
You're not listening to whatyou need and it's just going to
come back in a more intense way,because that's the way the
world works.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
Unfortunately, if you ignore something, you're just
going to get a bigger sign.
It's going to find its waydifferently.
Thanks for sharing that.
I love the idea of having thatchecklist.
I know, when I work with kids,one of the things that we do is
we go through an emotionalself-care checklist and we'll
say, okay, when you're feelingthis, what are the things that
(06:25):
help?
Right, when you're feeling this, what are the things that help?
And for kids and I think it'strue for adults also, but I
primarily work with kids thetrick is helping them identify
each individual emotion in a waythat informs the thing that
would be most supportive, right.
Like, if you're feeling lonely,what would be helpful?
(06:45):
Would it be helpful to reachout to a friend to watch a movie
with your mom?
Would it be helpful to go on abike ride and do something that
brings you individual joy?
And then maybe you're out andyou see somebody else and you
can play.
Like, what is the thing that'smost supportive for you with
that emotional state?
And I think for adults, I lovethe idea of having the checklist
(07:06):
.
If I'm feeling this, I knowthese three things can usually
pull me out.
Or if I'm feeling really spent,I know a good night's sleep
will really be supportive andhaving the ability to identify
and then offer those toourselves, like you said,
consistently is really important.
And it does seem like when wetalk about this here on the
(07:27):
podcast quite a bit in terms ofself-care and how there's
baseline self-care we can do,right, like we can get enough
sleep, we can make sure we'retaking a shower, we can make
sure we have clean clothes.
I mean baseline self-care, whichsometimes for moms, depending
on the stage of life you're atlike if you've got a baby
spitting up all over you, havingclean clothes, maybe sometimes
(07:48):
feels like luxury, right?
Self-care can be differentdepending on the stage of life.
But one of the things I loveabout your work is that you take
it a step further.
It's not just take care of yourbasic needs, right, which I
think, as moms, is sometimes howwe think of it.
Right, like, just make sureyou're eating, you have a minute
(08:10):
to get a glass of water beforeyou run out the door, you grab a
granola bar for yourself beforeyou're taxing for the rest of
the night.
Right, like, make sure you justdo basic stuff for yourself.
But you're like no, no, no, no,let's take it to another level,
let's take it to joy, let'stake it to pleasure and let's
build those things in, weavethem into your day in a
sustainable way, right?
Speaker 2 (08:29):
Yeah, that's the goal , and you're gonna hit hiccups.
I mean, we were talking aboutmy father-in-law passing
unexpectedly and it's been hardfor me to stay in joy this week
and my husband just had surgeryand so I have to take care of
him.
He can't carry stuff and soit's been a lot on me, so I have
to take care of him.
He can't carry stuff and soit's been a lot on me.
And something that I learnedthrough that was that it's okay
to say you're done.
When you're done, say I can'tand it's all right, because
(08:55):
that's respecting yourself andthat helps those people around
you respect you as well, becausewe all have our spot where
we're just like I can't giveanymore, I need some time and
know that that's okay.
You know, I mean we want to besuperheroes, we want to be the
rock for everyone and we want tohave a life well lived.
(09:17):
But sometimes things just getout of control and we just have
to say, all right, I trust andI'm going to just work through
this, and so that's somethingthat's really strong in my field
right now is that we can'tcontrol the craziness that comes
in.
We can just control how wereact and if you're feeling like
you're at that edge whereyou're needing support.
(09:37):
It's perfectly fine to say that, and I think women, we don't
think we're worthy.
We think we have to show up andbe that for everyone else.
Well, you know, that's a majormessage I have is that it's you
asking and it's asking theangels to come in and help you.
It's asking your familyreaching out to your neighbors.
I mean, there's so muchabundance around us.
(10:00):
You just tie into it.
Know that you're not alone.
You're never alone.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
Love, that yeah Well, and it really does circle back
right.
I mean any investment we makein our own joy and our own
pleasure and our own happinessand our own care, it only
multiplies what we can thenoffer.
And I'm not saying we care forourselves with the intent to
offer more right, and that's notthe message I'm trying to
(10:26):
proclaim here.
But I think sometimes, like yousaid, we have this hesitancy
about our role or what will bethe most supportive for the
people around us, and I thinkone of the most beautiful things
about parenting in general isthe ability to give ourselves
the backseat sometimes to helpsomeone else grow.
(10:47):
I think there's so much beautyin that and also that can't be
like our MO, right.
Like there are times when youhave a newborn and you're up in
the night and things are alittle crate.
Like those are times when it'sa really functional, that baby
survives because you're willingto give up some sleep, right, or
because you're willing tonavigate a stretch where
exhaustion is just how you feelmost of the time.
(11:08):
But we can't parent that wayall the time, and so that, while
parenting has seasons wherethat willingness to invest and
give to the point of exhaustioncan be helpful.
It's also something we have toconsciously shift out of into
this sustainable self-care space, because that only multiplies
our ability to offer beautifulcare to others.
Speaker 2 (11:32):
Love that.
I love that it's so relevantand the whole idea that you're
serving from your heart andyou're in that present moment
and you know that you can onlygive that baby what it needs,
and so that's how you're showingup and it's a beautiful thing.
On motherhood, you can't put aprice tag on that and just know
that it's a temporary thing andthat this baby well, the baby
(11:56):
gives us so much too, so it's awonderful thing.
I know that I really gaveeverything to my two boys and
they're amazing teenagers nowand they're very compassionate
and caring and I know that'sbecause I did that for them.
And so all this suffering andself-deprivation when they're
babies, when they're colicky,when you got to take them, put
(12:18):
them in the hot shower and takethem out in the cold winter air
to clear their lungs, and you'remaking sure that they're alive
every 10 minutes, you know itall pays off.
It really does, because you'recoming from your heart and your
heart will tell you when youneed to call someone in and just
give yourself that permissionto call someone in or to ask
what needs to be seen.
Don't let yourself get to theplace where you're resentful.
(12:41):
I mean, there's a fine line andI think that it's like that
kind of depression or postpartumit may not get recognized as
much as it should, and so justknow that that's a thing and
it's okay.
And everything's there to showyou Maybe someone else in your
life needs to feel wanted andyou're giving that gift to help
you.
And this being in your life,being a parent, it shows you so
(13:05):
much about yourself.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
I mean, it's so true.
I love that, though, you know,because you're right even in
those seasons when it's taxing,especially in those seasons when
it's taxing, rallying yoursupport, finding our villages
and making sure that we'reasking I love the way you
phrased that asking to see wherewe can bring help in, or asking
to see where there isopportunity for us to lean into
(13:30):
the support instead of feelinglike we have to go it alone.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
Right and look at.
Maybe it's a trust thing.
Maybe you don't believe someoneelse could care for them the
same way you do, and you knowwhat.
Maybe that's okay.
Maybe that child sees thatyou're really good at taking
care of them and then theyappreciate you more.
Everything happens for a reason.
You 'd never endanger yourchild.
You have your intuition that'sgoing to tell you if somebody is
not doing what you expect orsomething that could be
(13:57):
detrimental.
I'm not saying just leave yourkid with anybody.
Use your intuition.
And you know, I know thatsometimes my in-laws would give
my kids way too much candy andI'd get them and they'd be high
strung.
I'd be like, guys, what did youeat all weekend?
And it was a learningexperience.
I was like, well, you knowpizza and then having chocolate
bars.
You know we don't really eatlike that.
So maybe you need to tellgrandma and grandpa how you take
(14:19):
care of your body a littlebetter.
You know, I always used it as alearning experience.
But part of me is like, why didthey just do this?
And that's their role, theirgrandparents.
But anything's a learning.
The kids know when they don'tfeel great and you can just
illuminate that for them alittle bit and maybe it helps
the whole family be more healthy.
I don't know, there's alwayssomething you can get from it
Something you can take from it.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
Yeah, one of the things that, as we're talking,
we're kind of making theassumption that we recognize
when we're getting to that pointwhere we have more stress than
we can manage, and I thinksometimes for people that can be
tricky to recognize.
So what are some of the waysyou help people identify stress
before it gets to the tippingpoint, like before we're kind of
at our wits end?
Speaker 2 (15:02):
Hmm, well, I think the biggest thing is taking a
deep breath, like to remindyourself to breathe, and if that
breath feels extra refreshing,that means you haven't been
breathing well and we forget.
And just that simple thing ofpushing your shoulders up and
back or forward and back, up anddown, just that kind of thing.
You can feel the tension andjust be present with your body,
(15:25):
how it's moving, what your voicesounds like.
Your voice sounds differentwhen you're stressed, and that's
another thing.
Music Music can change youroutlook.
And when you're stressed, if youcan play nice music while
you're doing the laundry orgetting ready for dinner, that
someone coming into the househearing soothing music can
(15:46):
change their dynamic as they'reentering your space.
So that consciousness of thisis your space, this is your
house and anything that comesinto your space needs to be of
love and light and then inviteanything that's not serving that
to leave.
This is not what I'm down forand please find a higher good.
And so having that idea thatyour space is sacred, and even
(16:09):
having when the kids are little,this isn't appropriate, but
have some kind of valuestatement for your household.
You know, if there's a conflict, how do we go about resolving a
conflict and I know that I usedto get snippy and I didn't like
it and I decided I didn't wantto be snippy.
So I came up with a plan formyself to not be snippy.
You know, if I'm feelingstressed?
(16:30):
Because if you're feelingstressed you're snippy, you're
short-tempered, you're judgingyourself.
You can catch yourself if yousit back and maybe just look at
your situation from up above.
If you were in a theater andyou're watching the play of your
day.
Try to find that and you canreally catch yourself before you
get to a high stress.
(16:51):
Stress is normal.
It helps us get stuff doneright.
Stress isn't bad.
It's just not letting it ruleyou.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
Yeah, 100%, optimizing it to the point that
you're able and then minimizingit when you can Talk to me a
little bit more about how yourpersonal state affects stress?
So, like you just said, ifwe're feeling super high strung
and something stressful comesour way, it just kind of sends
us right, whereas if we'refeeling kind of mellow or having
an okay day and somethingstressful comes, we can kind of
(17:22):
discharge the stress around itwith relative ease.
How do you help people, kind of, like you said, take that big
picture view of what's going onand identify their state, their
common state?
Speaker 2 (17:35):
That's a great question because it all leads
back to you have a choice torespond, and I think when you
react and you forget that youhave a choice to respond, then
you can get in a cycle ofvictimhood.
And so that's a tricky cycle, Iknow from experience.
I'm right there with you.
(17:56):
When the situation arises, youcan say, ok, is this positive,
negative or neutral?
And look at it as a mathequation.
So if it's negative, then youcan say, wow, this doesn't
resonate with me, I don't wantto accept this, and you don't
have to own it.
Or you could say, okay, here'smy options.
But being brought into theenergy of the negativity, of
(18:19):
whatever it is, isn't going tohelp disperse the energy.
For some reason, the energycame to you and you can think of
yourself as a powerful beingand you can say you know what?
I'm putting a pink bubblearound me and this isn't going
to affect me, and I'm going toask for this to be transmuted
for a higher good, and it works.
I mean, when you come from yourheart and you ask for this,
(18:40):
this pink bubble of light, todiffuse this, whatever it is, it
changes things and we all havethe power to do it.
It's the difference betweendiving in and adding to the
negativity and saying gosh, youknow, that's just a crappy thing
and I'm choosing not to let itaffect me.
And it comes from not judging.
It's just saying there it is,you see it, but you don't have
(19:02):
to participate.
And you're not condoning thebehavior or the situation,
you're not saying it's okay.
You're just stating that's notyour thing.
It probably showed up sosomeone could work through it.
But you can decide if that'ssomething you want to wrestle
with or if it's something youjust want to say hey, you know,
it's not for me right now, I'mnot going to enter it.
You don't have to enter everydrama.
(19:23):
It's the same way as when youopen up Facebook.
If somebody has a negativecomment, you can add more
negativity to it, or you cansend it light and love and wish
for the highest outcome.
You see now people can feed inand just one post can make a big
ripple effect in the wholeworld.
We've all heard about thebutterfly effect.
A butterfly's wings can affectthe weather, so our thoughts are
(19:45):
very powerful too.
So the conscious.
I'm not going to add to thedrama.
I'm not going to add to thenegativity.
I'm going to find somethingthat can bring light to the
situation or some compassion,for whatever it is, anything
negative is there to show uscompassion.
It's just us choosing to see it.
Speaker 1 (20:05):
In that way.
That's such an interestingperspective.
It makes me think about theconversations that I have with
parents around diffusing highintensity emotion.
So in a lot of settings wemight have a kid who's having a
meltdown or something's going onand we see there's just this
emotion kind of flying off ofthem, right.
(20:26):
I mean just a lot of emotion.
And sometimes we think that byasking questions about it or
kind of honoring it and creatingspace for it, that we will make
it bigger.
But the idea is that as aparent, you could help your
child regulate by acknowledgingwhat it is like, leaving space
for the emotion and bringing asmuch presence as you can to the
(20:47):
moment, to where you can let theemotion kind of sift out right
then, instead of building up andgetting bigger and then
exploding at some future time.
And the way you just describedthat reminded me of that idea
that with some intention, wehave the capacity to diffuse
instead of exacerbate, Right,and I mean we're all human so
(21:08):
we're going to probably do a mixof both.
But it seems like there aredefinite opportunities for being
in a place where we can diffuseto the extent possible without
stirring it even more.
Speaker 2 (21:20):
And it's that belief that your child is strong enough
to run through it.
I mean, I think a lot of peoplejust want to help their kids be
happy and everyone wants theirkids to be happy.
But we need to acknowledge youfall and skin your knee.
Man, that was a rough fall.
Is your knee okay?
You know, and it's not likeyou're okay, you're okay, you
know.
Brush it off and just makespace for that.
(21:42):
Oh, man, that was a rough fall,are you okay?
And if they're still upset, areyou frustrated?
Your ice cream cone fell down.
There's layers to frustrationand tears and just being in that
space with them, from comingfrom a loving calmness, can
really help that child know,number one, how to self-soothe
and number two, that they canget through it, because it's a
(22:07):
blessing of a skin knee.
That book changed my parentingthat.
I don't know if you've everread it.
The Blessings of a Skin Kneeit's the whole idea that things
are going to happen to your kidsand you just witness.
You witness, you're there forthem.
You don't try to fix everythingand it gives them so much
self-confidence and if somethingbad happens at school or they
(22:27):
get in a fight with a friend,it's not someone else's fault.
You know what I mean.
It's not.
You don't blame, you don'tcriticize.
You just say, oh man, how couldwe have been shown up
differently or what could wehave done.
And sometimes you can, sometimesyou just say, well, that just
stinks, but we're strong andwe're good people and we're
going to make the best choices.
We're going to do the best wecan.
(22:48):
And you know, nobody's perfect.
You know there's such lack ofaccountability in some
situations where everyone justwants to place a blame and be a
scapegoat.
But no, that's not going toelevate our children.
They need to understand thatit's OK to make a mistake, it's
OK to be the person who owns theproblem.
(23:09):
And once you own it, it's like,oh, it's freeing, right.
Like you can say, yeah, I ownit and I'm really sorry.
And what can I do to make it upto you?
You mean so much to me.
I want to make this up to you.
I never want you to feel likethis again.
It is so much more empoweringthan well.
You looked at me funny and Iwas hungry.
You know what I mean.
(23:29):
Own it.
Own it and be free.
We don't need to hold on to allthis and be right all the time.
Speaker 1 (23:36):
Yeah, the fight to be right or the fight to not feel
whatever we're feeling in themoment can create bigger, bigger
struggles than just making ourway through For sure.
Talk to me about how you seeabundance and stress related
Like how do they fit?
Speaker 2 (23:53):
Well, I think that we try to hold on to things.
And so when we are given ablessing or we have something
that is very pleasing to uswhether it's a relationship or a
material item then we can tryto hold on to that so tightly
that it blocks the joy that it'sassociated with having.
(24:14):
So it can really add to stressbecause you're working hard to
maintain what you had.
But the whole idea is abundancecomes and goes.
It's a flow.
So you're going to getabundance and then you're going
to have where you feed intoabundance and it's all that
trust.
Keeping that flow open.
You'll have what you need.
(24:35):
You'll have what's yours toflourish with and not try to
hold on to it.
I mean, it's the same with ourkids.
We have to let them go.
They have to go to school orthey have to have coaches or
weekends with their grandparentsand we're going to miss them.
But that relationship it'll getstronger as it's tested and
(24:56):
there's just a lot of letting goand receiving in abundance.
And so if you can just have themindset that you trust and
you're abundant being and you'regoing to be open to it and
you're never really losinganything, you never really own
anything either, it's justcoming and going.
Speaker 1 (25:14):
Yeah, I love that.
It's in the flow and as long asyou're somewhere in the flow of
it, whether you're receiving orgiving that, you can trust that
it's going to work its wayaround to you.
Again, I remember a while backit's been years and years but I
was helping my sister.
We were working on the startupthat she had and I was helping
her with it for a while and Iremember there was so much we
(25:37):
didn't know and all thesedifferent factors that were at
play, and I had at the time aquote on my desk and my fridge
that was like I'll have what Ineed when I need it.
And it was something that hadbeen true for me in a variety of
situations.
A lot of my listeners know I didin vitro to get my daughter and
so that process had so manytwists and turns and parts that
(26:01):
felt overwhelming and just allthe things.
And so through that time Irealized like, okay, that next
step will show me, the next stepwill show me the next.
You know it's not always goingto be clear at the outset, but
I'll have what I need when Ineed it, whether it's a person
or the knowledge or anopportunity and experience.
And so in that time with thebusiness, I was like we'll have
(26:23):
what we need when we need it.
And she was like, well then,that's a great thought.
And I was like, but no, no,it's true, it's not just the
thought.
But she was like that's a greatsaying, but we will.
You know, I think that can behow we live, but there are
moments when it certainly maybedoesn't feel that way, and
having faith and trust thatthat's the case can be trickier
(26:43):
at some times than others.
Speaker 2 (26:46):
It's so true.
It's so true, but it's the bestway to get out of your own way
is to serve and give.
And all of a sudden things openup and you just say I'm ready
to see, I'm ready to see what Ineed and what can be there, and
sometimes it's not anything youcould imagine.
You just say ask for thehighest good, and then you're
just blown away because youcan't even imagine what the
(27:07):
highest good is.
You're just open to it.
So that's been an amazing forceof magic in my life to do that
and get out of my way.
Life is crazy cool if you canget in that flow and just know
you're abundant.
I always think of that littlepicture.
It's a meme that went aroundwith a little girl holding a
tiny teddy bear and Jesus is infront of her and behind his back
(27:30):
he has a huge teddy bear.
And the saying was sometimesyou just have to let it go and
something better is coming yourway.
And it's so true for so manythings in life and in
relationships.
And there's always somethingaround the corner and you'll
have the clarity when you needthe clarity.
It'll show.
Speaker 1 (27:49):
Yeah, talk to us about making friends with stress
.
You mentioned it a little bitearlier and I'm a proponent on
this show of using it to ouradvantage, right, and like when
I work with kids, especiallyathletes, we'll talk about
optimizing stress or we'll talkabout how it's actually serving
you in these certain moments,but I love your phrase of making
(28:09):
friends with it, so talk to usabout that.
Speaker 2 (28:13):
Yeah, it's there, it's part of your energy, it's
part of your field, so you canchoose to use it the way you
want.
You can let it stay in yourhead and give you a pounding
headache, or you can get anawesome workout.
I know that when I work out, ifI'm angry about something or if
I have stress, that's a reallygood workout and think of it as
(28:34):
an emotional detox, you know.
So use that stress to get abetter workout and know that the
stress is, it needs to runthrough.
You can't hold on to it.
It's all about that flow againto it.
It's all about that flow again.
So there's a reason you'refeeling compelled and pressured,
and so if you can find the ball, you know, find the locus of
(28:55):
where the stress is coming from.
Are you feeling alone and beingalone and isolated?
That's like a childhood wound,right.
So if the stress is coming fromfeelings of abandonment, then
make friends with it, becausethat's a work step.
That's a key point that youneed to look at.
You need to dive into that alittle bit.
Is it because you feelinadequate or that you have to
(29:17):
show up to be worthy?
I mean that stress can give youa lot of information.
And once you deal with thatunderlining childhood wound or
whatever it is, that locus ofwhere it came from, once you
deal with that, then you're done.
You get your next challenge.
None of us like to stay at thesame level, right?
We all grew up playing videogames or, you know, getting
(29:38):
graded.
So we don't want to stay atthat same place.
We want to do better, we wantto show up better, and no one
wants to have that groundhog daywhere you're dealing with the
same thing with different peopleevery day.
You know so you're worth it.
Use the stress.
Use the stress to figure outwhat your soul is trying to say.
The answers are in you.
You just have to get quiet andtry to sort through it.
(29:59):
Or ask a friend, somebody elsewho's in your life.
They can give you insight andyou can decide to agree or
disagree, but you leavebreadcrumbs for yourself.
Speaker 1 (30:08):
Yeah, I love that.
I was listening to a podcastthe other day and they were
saying success leaves clues, andI think life, you know,
abundance, all those things theyleave clues, right, and if you
follow the breadcrumbs, like yousaid, we can find different
pieces of ourselves that maybewe jettisoned at some point, or
different ideas that will serveus if we allow them to become
(30:29):
beliefs that we hold andacknowledge regularly.
So I love the way you phrasethat.
What is one of the ways you dothat, like in terms of returning
to your center, returning toyour heart?
Is there a technique that youuse, besides deep breathing,
like we talked about, to helpyou come back to that
realization and come back tothat awareness that you're cared
(30:50):
for, you're held, you can makeit through.
Speaker 2 (30:54):
Well, I can't say it's like something I do on a
regular basis, but I'll rotatethrough things.
I'm walking my dog, I willconnect to the birds around me
and the birds give me healingmessages, their songs, they'll
fly by me and I'll justacknowledge that they're there
to help me and to calm me.
Also, just quick meditations ofbeing in the center and being
(31:18):
supported by my guides and I'llpicture myself in the center and
the beings around me supportingme and with that pink bubble of
light, and then the yelloweffervescence coming from in my
heart and a flower in my heart,with this yellow effervescence
coming out and just infusing myaura, cleansing.
(31:39):
I ask for things to be removedthat have stuck to me, because
you don't realize that when youdrive in your car you're going
through different energies andthings can just get stuck on you
.
So you just ask for thattransmission, that transmutation
of anything that doesn't serveyou to be released.
And when you practice doing itand visualizing it, it sounds
crazy but I can feel it lift offand the heaviness goes.
(32:03):
You know, yoga is really greatIf you can do some yoga poses
and vinyasas, sun salutationwith the intention of clearing
your chakras, with the intentionof grounding.
Anything you do, if you havethe intention that it's going to
help and support you, you'regoing to get there.
So that's my message Just playwith it.
(32:23):
Be curious about what you need.
You know I use music.
I'll use music all the timeI'll put on Spotify.
I'll ask for heart-based music.
Hertz of 428 you know, it's soawesome, so awesome.
I have crystal bowls.
I'll hit and I'll listen to mycrystal bowls.
I just I get curious andthere's certain things that I
(32:46):
just love my essential oils soI've just come up with things
that are around me all the time,like I have my crystal right
here, right, and so this ishealing when I look and hold
this crystal.
So I've just learned to havethings around me at all times
that raise my vibration.
And it's not that anyone toldme to, I just listened and I
just followed what my heartwanted.
And so, even like being sadabout my father-in-law passing,
(33:09):
I'm self-soothing, I'm sad, butthen I'm raising my energy up
constantly because I know myhigher good needs it.
So you know that's a rambledanswer, but it's different for
everybody.
So maybe something I said youhaven't tried, or you know it
just with the intention andopenness that we're everything's
here to support us, just haveto get, you have to see it.
Speaker 1 (33:30):
Yeah, I love that you gave us a list, because I think
that is really supportive ofpeople doing an exploration and
figuring out what works for them.
It reminded me you've talkedabout car and this morning I was
driving and there's a traintrack by my house and I pull out
and make a left turn.
So I had pulled out and made aleft turn because the train was
(33:53):
coming, so the bars were down,you know, there were these red
lights flashing and so no onewas going anywhere and the guy
that was coming on the road wasgoing kind of fast but I'm like,
well, he's going to have toslow down anyway for this train,
right?
So I pull out and make thisleft turn, and there was plenty
of space between us, but he hadto slow down because he was
(34:13):
going over the speed limit onthat road anyway.
Speaker 2 (34:15):
He felt like you cut him off.
He felt like I cut him off.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
Yeah, I was like a block ahead of him but he caught
up to me pretty quick becausehe was going pretty quick.
Anyway, he thought I cut himoff.
Yeah, so he zooms around me inthe median to get in front of me
at the train stop.
I mean, it's like less than ablock.
Like he zoomed around me to getin front of me at the media and
then he's gesticulating, he'slike flipping me off.
(34:39):
He was just like so upset andat first I was just kind of like
okay, and then when he keptafter it I was like you know, I
just kind of pointed like thelight is red, you and I were
just waiting for the train.
You weren't going to goanywhere, you know.
But it was funny because thatenergy it stuck with me.
Like you said, he drove past mewith his big energy and I was
(34:59):
feeling agitated about it andusually I'm just like whatever.
But on the way home I was likeokay, I don't want this
following me around, like Idon't need this guy's stuff with
me all day.
So I had taken my dogs, for youknow, I take my dogs for a walk
and I'm always like so I loveit when, after they meet up with
another dog and are barking.
(35:20):
They shake it off, right,they'll do that.
And so in the car I must'velooked so crazy, but I was
sitting in my car just shaking,shaking my hands, you know, like
kind of wiggling my torso.
I'm shaking this guy's energy.
I don't want it.
This is not for me.
I share that.
Just to say I'd never reallydone that before.
I'd thought about it and I'ddone some shaking in yoga, you
(35:42):
know, but I was like I needsomething.
I'm sitting in my car, what canI use right now?
And after I shook off thisguy's intensity, like I mean
whoever has to be around him forthe rest of the day.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
Yeah, if you can feel his heart was just like
pounding and he's so furious andit's like witnessing this child
having a fit right Like whatdoes he need to work through?
I have such compassion becauseyou know those people are just
off the hook, like exactlyEveryone around them has to
diffuse that all day.
And, yeah, that shaking youtotally, you totally transmuted
(36:19):
it.
Speaker 1 (36:20):
But I love that.
Yeah, thank you.
Hopefully I'm done with thatenergy, but I love the way that
you describe these differentscenarios or different
opportunities, because I think,too, we can sometimes have an
idea that, like, this is ourthing or this is what works and
I know, especially with kidsaround mindfulness, like a
strategy or technique will workfor a little while and then
another situation will comewhere maybe it doesn't work as
(36:40):
well, and so not beingdiscouraged in those moments.
But, like you said, you sharedall these different techniques
or ideas, like pick one, pickone with the belief that it's
going to be helpful, and then,if it's not, you know, go to
another one or give yourself thespace to just believe there's a
way to move through, leavingyou more whole or more supported
(37:03):
or more held by whatever poweris that you want to be held by?
Like believe that first, andthen maybe the thing isn't as
important as the belief that youcan move through.
Speaker 2 (37:16):
Exactly, exactly.
But these things can supportyou and be there for you.
Yeah, because we always want tolive like in the spiritual
bliss, but we've got to dealwith this quagmire of our 3D.
I mean, it's just around us allthe time, so it's just
breadcrumbs again.
Speaker 1 (37:34):
Yeah, take the pieces that can help you.
Well, julie, this has been sucha fun conversation.
Thank you so much for joiningme today.
Speaker 2 (37:43):
Oh it was.
It was a joy to my heart toshare and I just hope that
everybody just has such a greatday and just know that we don't
have to be serious.
Sometimes you can laugh atyourself and that diffuses any
kind of stress too, thatlaughter.
Speaker 1 (38:00):
That's so true, so true.
Talk to us about where we canfind your work.
Where can listeners find outmore about your book?
Speaker 2 (38:08):
Yeah, I'm on Amazon Life of Love, the Joyful Guide
to Self-Incentuality, and alsomy website, wwwyounetopeptalkcom
, has all my stuff on there.
I started that when I hadlittle little kids.
I thought, when I was going tohave this community, we could
all just, you know, vent andshare and help each other.
And that never really took off,but I still kept the name and
(38:32):
you know, a lot of the stuff Ido is a pep talk.
So I love how I created thisplatform and and it's served in
different ways throughout.
That website is like 15 yearsold, honestly, so it's it's been
my little baby.
So, yeah, you're welcome tocome explore, comment on any of
my podcasts.
I have a comment box so youknow if something wants to live
(38:54):
through you, you can comment orjust be part of the community
and you can reach me there.
And I'm on social Instagram JayHilson yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:03):
Thank you Well, thank you again for being here.
Thanks for having me.
All the best, Thank you.
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