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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Or when we were at a
restaurant in Castro Valley.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Oh, yeah, yeah and.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Kaylee was a baby
then and again her eyes were
super blue and she was just abright, bubbly baby with hair
just like Kyle she doesn't have.
Her hair is very straight andwavy.
It doesn't have a kink oranything to it.
And so this three group ofolder white ladies came up to
Kyle and Kyle was just holdingher.
Nothing wrong with that.
(00:25):
He's holding Kayleen.
I'm pushing the stroller.
I got the baby back, so to themI probably look like I was the
maid or the nanny.
I mean, it's Casual Valley,it's a prominent neighborhood,
small neighborhood in the BayArea, and so they're just doting
all over her and congratulatinghim.
And oh, he's such a good father.
And I'm standing here like isanybody gonna acknowledge the
(00:48):
fact that I look like I justbirthed her, like I'm a balloon,
like I'm not.
I just had her alien, had to bemaybe three months or something
like that, and I just stoodthere feeling helpless, like I
was just like.
Well, is this what I'm gonnahave to deal with?
Speaker 2 (01:04):
for the rest of my
life, because, because my baby
looks white and looks nothinglike I'm her mother.
Speaker 3 (01:10):
This is the Stuber
podcast, and so we appreciate
you for stopping by, and weactually do have a hot topic in
my opinion.
Actually, it's a topic that Ithink we've kind of not delved
into it enough as a society, andso we're talking about how to
(01:30):
parent biracial kids, and tojoin me are parents of two
biracial kids, and they actuallyhave a front row seat to the
good, the bad and the ugly ofraising kids in this unique
space.
So let's get into it.
Kyle Junaid, welcome to theshow.
How's it going?
Speaker 1 (01:51):
Thank you, Stu Good.
Speaker 3 (01:52):
Doing good man.
How you doing, man?
I am so happy you guys areready to get into this topic and
you said this is one that yougravitated towards.
Why is that?
Speaker 1 (02:06):
Well, I mean Kyle,
and I know firsthand about what
it's like to be a biracialcouple and having biracial
children, and even though I'm onthe chocolate side of the Black
race and Kyle is white, ourchildren look more like him than
me.
In the beginning, I thoughtthat the children would have a
fair mix of both of us, and sowhen they got here especially
(02:27):
Kayleen when she was born, shehad still blue eyes.
She was really light and I askedthe nurse.
I was like, did you switch mybaby?
Like who baby is this?
And then, if it wasn't for herstill being attached to me, I
would be like this is not mychild, because I'm like, what
did I create?
Like, did I have any part ofthis?
And I definitely was notprepared for how society would
(02:51):
view me as her mother.
Speaker 3 (02:53):
Oh, should we go
there right at this point in
time?
I mean, we're here, we'vearrived, so talk to us about
that?
Speaker 1 (03:00):
What do you mean when
Kaylee was a baby?
She was light and her eyes wereblue.
What do you mean when Kayleewas a baby?
She was light and her eyes wereblue.
And obviously I'm chocolate,with dark eyes and very
prominent fuller features andpeople would say, oh, she's so
pretty.
Oh, they would ask me outrightam I her babysitter?
Speaker 3 (03:18):
And what is your
typical response?
Do you catch feelings?
Do you get an attitude?
Speaker 1 (03:27):
Yes response do you?
You catch feelings, you get anattitude.
Yes, okay.
So in the beginning I felt, uh,disrespected because I'm like,
regardless, let's say I didn'tbirth kaylee, what if I adopted
her?
Regardless of the situation,I'm her mother or I am her
guardian at that time, and it'snot up for anybody else to ask
or discuss what my relationshipis with anybody that I'm with.
But people felt so bold to askthat.
And or, if I was with Kyle,then they would just look and
(03:52):
exclusively talk to Kyle and say, oh, she's so pretty, oh, she
looks like you, oh yourdaughter's so pretty but would
dismiss me completely, as if I'mthe nanny or like I had no part
in any of it?
Speaker 3 (04:03):
And, kyle, is this
your first time hearing of this,
or are you aware that this iskind of what she's had to
experience?
Speaker 2 (04:11):
No, we've talked
about it at length.
Yeah, multiple times.
Speaker 3 (04:16):
The light skin
treatment Does she?
Is she aware of that, or do youguys make her aware of that?
Speaker 2 (04:22):
Well, I think it just
.
It's not necessarily that, butunderstanding that there's two
sides, right, because the thingabout Kaylee is she's very bold
with her mouth as well andbecause of that she tends to say
things with an ignorant mind,just because of her age and lack
of experience to where she willmake comments about like oh you
(04:44):
know, I'm white and we have thereminders like, you are white,
but you're also half black,right?
Speaker 3 (04:51):
Well, let's put that
in context.
What do you?
When would, when would she needto say, assert her, her
whiteness?
Is it around other people orjust with you guys how far it's
only been around us, that weknow that idea, yeah that we
know of, we will say I'm white,to the point of like saying I'm
white, nothing else I've askedher for clarification what she
means by that.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
And she says well, on
the outside I'm white, but
nothing else.
I've asked her forclarification what she means by
that.
And she says well, on theoutside I'm white, but inside
I'm black because I look like mydad.
So to her it's purely what Ilook like, and she'd be like yo
mom, you're black.
In colloquial he's white likeme.
So that's how she's thinkingabout it.
Speaker 3 (05:28):
So in that sense
that's a pretty innocent
statement.
Yes, I think so.
Yeah, it's not loaded with.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
No but she's aware of
it, though, which is crazy.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
Right and like it's
not.
Like because we don't openlysay that, you know what I mean
Like we are like oh, I'm white,you're black.
We don't talk like that.
But for her to be, for her tosee it and recognize it is
pretty crazy.
Speaker 3 (05:52):
It's concerning a
little bit, because I don't
think I started categorizingmyself until probably actually
middle school is where I feltlike I needed to get into a
category.
But now, but she's alreadyhaving an identity.
Is it a crisis or what?
I don't know.
What is it?
I don't know?
Speaker 2 (06:09):
Realization maybe A
realization.
Speaker 1 (06:11):
Yeah, because in our
house, the one thing that Carl
and I have always agreed on isthat we are not going to say
either way, this is a blackhouse or a white house or any of
that.
We are a blended family, we areall God's children and that's
how we raise our children.
We don't, we don't tolerate anyof that.
(06:34):
We don't allow that kind oftalk in our house from loved
ones, from friends, from any ofthat.
We don't do that because theworld is going to see her
differently anyway.
We want to prepare her and wewant her to be a strong her and
Kolojaro to be a strongindividual and to say no, I'm
not just Black.
No, I'm not just white.
I am mixed.
I am Black and I'm white andI'm proud to be both and you're
not going to categorize me assuch.
Speaker 3 (06:55):
This is who I am
Mm-hmm, so are there certain
steps that you do, or that youwould advise parents to do, to
ensure that they are proud ofboth heritages?
Speaker 2 (07:08):
I mean, I know for
sure that I've never had that
conversation about like theN-word for and, like the whole,
(07:29):
what it means in the backstoryand the history of it all.
Speaker 3 (07:33):
I don't know if you
have her Kyle.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
she was like dad what
is the N word?
And he was like well, you're onthe phone with your grandfather
, my dad.
Why don't you ask yourgrandfather?
And then my dad was like well,where did you get that from?
So?
Speaker 3 (07:46):
are you waiting to
let her know about that history?
No, oh, okay.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
Not at all.
So we feel like in our houseeverything has a time and a
place and a purpose, and asthings come up, then we will
address it.
We're not going to overload heror any of the children with
information that they're notready to receive right now.
However, we do slip littlenuggets of knowledge to them,
but it's not going to beoverwhelming, because I don't
(08:13):
want her to be confused.
When she was a little girl, shecame up to us and was like well
, what am I?
And so we were like oh, here wego.
She probably just came out ofpull-ups, and so we're like okay
, here we go.
And so Kyle explained to herI'm white and your mom is black,
so that means you're black andwhite.
And she goes how old is thisshe?
Speaker 2 (08:32):
was probably like
three.
Yeah, it came from being aroundthe family Nae's family, a very
large family, there's anywherebetween 75 to 100 family members
at like a big party right, andthere's a lot of kids her age
right.
There's probably about, I wouldsay, about 10 of them at this
point, right Roughly around herage, and none of them look like
(08:54):
her.
And so I think she recognizedearly on, like, just looking
around, like damn, everybodydoes not look like me at all.
Why don't I look like them?
Yeah, you know, like what'sgoing on there, it was just like
all right, we knew it wascoming at some point.
Like you know, eventually we'regoing to have these
conversations and you know, sofar, smooth sailing.
Speaker 3 (09:13):
I'm glad you said
that it's smooth sailing because
she's able to navigate thesewaters very well.
Do you anticipate that changing, that she is going to have to
categorize herself at some point?
Speaker 2 (09:25):
I think, as long as
we continue to try to build as
strong a foundation as possible,no matter how much she wavers,
she'll still stand upright, hasshe?
Speaker 3 (09:32):
experienced hate at
all.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
Yeah, she has what.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
Well, I mean, it's
just like normal stuff at school
.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
I need to know what
happened because my blood
pressure rise.
Yeah, right.
Speaker 2 (09:43):
No, nothing like
different than like some
schoolyard stuff, right?
Speaker 3 (09:46):
Schoolyard stuff.
That's what I'm talking about.
Yeah, Like what.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
No, to my knowledge,
nothing racial.
It was just like, hey, I don'twant to play with you anymore.
Like she was specifically toldthat and as a parent you know I
got secondhand hurt from that.
Like you don't tell my daughteryou don't want to play with her.
No more, right.
Daughter's hella, cool, right.
So obviously something happenedwhere maybe she was being too
(10:09):
aggressive emotionally, orwhatever the case might be, and
the other girls in their groupwere like we're cool off,
kayleanne.
Right now I don't know but tomy knowledge it wasn't a racial
thing.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
When she was in
Montessori school.
Kayleanne was four and I cameto pick her up and this little
white boy was there at the gateand so I'm signing Kayleanne out
.
And Kayleanne was like oh mommy.
So she sees me and runs to thegate.
They can't open up the gateuntil the teacher says so.
So the little white boy goes tokaylee and says that's not your
(10:41):
mom.
So kaylee ann starts arguingwith him, like yes, that is,
that is my mom.
So they're going back and forthand the teacher was like I
don't know, I can't remember hisname.
Let's just go with johnny,because that's a common name to
say right, when you don't knowsomebody's name.
So it's like johnny, that iskaylee's mom.
She's like no, it's, look ather.
They don't look nothing alike.
And Kayla's like that's my mom.
So Kaylee got really defensive.
(11:02):
I kind of chuckled.
I said I am her mother.
I was like let's go, kaylee, um.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
I echo.
The last thing you said, ney,was my expectation is she's
going to get into discussionsand or arguments based on the
way she looks versus the way sheacts, because I don't think the
two are going to match at times, because she does have a level
of sass that is stereotypicallyassociated with being black, a
(11:30):
black female, for example,because, again, nay is her mom
she has what she calls oldersisters, which are basically
family of ours at this point,who are both 19 and 20 years old
, and so she mimics them a lot.
They're both young black girlsand so everything they do she
wants to do so.
Yes, although she isfair-skinned, green-eyed, with
(11:51):
dark, wavy hair, she does haveblack mannerisms stereotypically
.
And, with that being said,you're going to get people that
are going to want to challengeher on that because, as I got in
the past, you're not whiteenough.
For example, like, what are youdoing Right Now?
I didn't have the argument tolean back on.
Well, I am half black, right, Ifeel like her argument's a
(12:12):
little bit easier, easier road,but I feel like I got it so
minimally compared to where shemight eventually get it.
She might get it a lot moreoften.
Speaker 3 (12:20):
I don't know if it's
swept under the rug, but it's
almost assumed that they'll beokay.
They've got the best of bothworlds, but it's not always the
case.
As we're hearing, there areinternal struggles that need to
be nurtured in a positive way sothat kids who are growing up
biracial are felt as if they'resupported in this world too,
(12:44):
because not everything is alwaysblack and white.
Thanks for listening.
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(13:04):
Thanks again and until nexttime.
Keep your head up and eyes onthe road.