The Stuck Stops Here ©

The Stuck Stops Here ©

Toxic family patterns travel though generations until someone decides to take the brave and painful step to end it. My name is Tami and my cohost is LW. We are ordinary people sharing what we have learned in hopes to inspire other ordinary people to wake up, heal, laugh and find their own path to healing. We are not life coaches. We are not licensed therapists. We keep it raw and real and want to the be the voice of the unheard and take the subject of emotional abuse more seriously than we take ourselves...and we use bad words. I hit rock bottom in 2014. It was a painful process to understand and accept that my parents (and my grandparents) were not good people that act bad sometimes, but sadly bad people that act good sometimes. For the last 100 + years, my family lived lives filled with rage, blame, greed, rejection, abandonment, shame, guilt and lies while pretending everything was fine. On my healing journey, I faced the emotionally toxic ties between myself and my ancestors that caused both sides of my family to in denial and to live false unhappy lives. Until a few short years ago, I could not answer the question "Who am I? Breaking free from poisonous (and invisible) familial chains was difficult and resulted in an identity crisis and total collapse - more than once. To mourn the childhood I deserved and didn't get as well as mourning the loss of people who are still alive was and continues to be life defining. My healing journey resulted in dozens of AHA! moments and I ended up discovering that my existence was dictated and controlled, both consciously and unconsciously, by a long history of emotional abuse and neglect. I learned about self-compassion and about the role I played in my own misery. My journey, has led to a podcast and book both called The Stuck Stops Here, as well as writing lyrics for 2 music albums. My life purpose is to engage, entertain, inform and inspire anyone seeking validation, healing and compassion. Content and lyrics created by author, Tami Atman. Podcast and music produced by LW Nolie.

Episodes

March 25, 2022 11 min

When narcissistic parents starts ageing, people eventually see through the false charm and see the person for who they really are.  Their behavior tends to get worse with the passage of time.  As time takes its toll on their looks and their health they painfully realize that admiration is a thing of the past. Time has taken its toll. Narcissistic parents are immature, angry, volatile and controlling. Sadly, their parenting was not ...

Share
Mark as Played

All-or-nothing thinking is a a cognitive distortion.  Cognitive meaning the way you understand, think, and perceive. And Distortion meaning misleading or irrational. All-or-nothing thinking and fear of failure paved a perfect path to perfectionism.  I was raised with impossibly high expectations that I could never meet and as miserable as that made me, it was familiar, so I stayed on that poison path for far too long and continuous...

Share
Mark as Played
March 17, 2022 12 min

Object Constancy is a cognitive skill we acquire at around 2 years old and is defined as the ability to maintain an emotional bond with others, even where there is distance and conflict.  In adulthood, Object Constancy allows us to trust that our bond with those who are close to us remains whole even when they are not physically present.  We understand that absence does not mean disappearance or abandonment, only temporary distance...

Share
Mark as Played
February 22, 2022 12 min

Toxic family rules live at the center of a dysfunctional family system and are designed to keep secrets hidden, enable abuse, keep children in line and avoid responsibility while also preventing safety, growth and connection.  Toxic family dynamics can have far-reaching impact on our lives as adults.  Children of toxic parents are emotionally starved. The family dynamic functions around the needs, wants, desires, and chaos of the p...

Share
Mark as Played

Albert Ellis, who is considered the 2nd most influential psychotherapist in history died in 2007 and believed psychological problems are due to pervasive patterns of irrational thought.  It is not events that create emotional states, but the way we interpret them. Chronic unhappiness is not caused directly by adversity but by us, it is our irrational beliefs and thoughts that cause suffering.  He said “There are three musts that ho...

Share
Mark as Played

“Something happened to us a long time ago. It happened more than once. It hurt us. We protected ourselves the only way we knew how. We are still protecting ourselves. It isn’t working anymore.” ― John C. Friel, Adult Children Secrets of Dysfunctional Families: The Secrets of Dysfunctional Families

“recovery is a process rather than an event.”
― John C. Friel, Adult Children Secrets of Dysfunctional Families

Millions of people grew up ...

Share
Mark as Played
February 8, 2022 9 min

Boundaries are a way to take care of ourselves. It means verbalizing what impacts your comfort levels. It means learning how and when to say "no." When we set boundaries, we’re less angry and resentful because our needs are getting met and our space is respected. Boundaries make our expectations clear, so others know what to expect from us and how we want to be treated.  Toxic people will do everything they can to ignore an...

Share
Mark as Played

The healing journey was and is not easy for me.  It is a continuous and rigorous cycle of aha moments followed by grief followed by acceptance.  If your parents were narcissistic, controlling,  smothering, unavailable, overly critical, manipulative, angry and emotionally immature...you may feel as lonely and disconnected as I have felt and battled the same crippling anxiety and depression that I did.   I fantasized often that my pa...

Share
Mark as Played
February 3, 2022 9 min

In March of 2021, my youngest daughter and her teammates experienced horrific emotional abuse from the coach of a Division 1 collegiate athletic team.  It was a sickening combination of narcissism, toxic leadership, and verbal abuse and I was crushed by it as there was nothing I could do.  I witnessed my daughter getting the exact same treatment that received during my entire childhood and I worked SO HARD to make sure she never ex...

Share
Mark as Played

Coming from a home filled with alcoholism and abuse, Gina knows the grit & grace it takes to not just survive, but to move into a life filled with peace. She trusts that her immediate instinct to follow her intuition (which she calls her light) has been the catalyst to every success she has been blessed to experience. Her greatest passion is to help others find, and trust, the light inside of them—no matter their past.

With a mo...

Share
Mark as Played

"I am four years old in that photo, half-naked and burned all over. I am propped up into a sitting position. My hair, which had been honey blonde and bouncy with waves, sprawls in a dark, stringy mess. My chest is completely covered with tight, raw bands of scars.  My right arm, also constricted by scars, is attached to my torso by contractures. My left wrist contracts in as well. You can see my tiny right ear and my nose unsca...

Share
Mark as Played


Vera Wilhelmsen was once ill with "incurable" chronic illness as a result from narcissistic abuse from her parents and grandparents. She fought her way out on her own, realized the root causes, cut contact with her entire family and all toxic people in her life and went deep into her own trauma to heal.

 She states on her web site “I was severely ill. Around Christmas 2018 I was preparing to die. I had been bedbound for 3,5 ...

Share
Mark as Played

There is significant truth behind the statement "everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about".  A conversation with my stepsister reveals how toxic parenting, favoritism, manipulation and emotional immaturity can fracture family ties - usually beyond repair.  My stepsister was the scapegoat and I bounced back and forth from golden to lost child.  All the assigned roles have their poisonous ripple effects.

It may hel...

Share
Mark as Played

"It is my goal to help other who grew up in homes with Alcoholics. I tell my story in hopes of bringing awareness to Alcoholism. I want to help other children of alcoholics, find community, develop their voices and heal. My work is dedicated to help create community, promote healing and change the attitude around Alcohol." - Colleen Perry

Instagram
Facebook
Blog
https://linktr.ee/CA_Perry

Share
Mark as Played

Codependency, the habit of gaining your self worth from pleasing others, is something most people know of nowadays. But it’s lesser known opposite, called counterdependency, can be just as much of a problem and is often related to codependency.  Those who suffer counterdependency have a dread of ever depending on or needing anyone, at heart of which is an inability to trust. If there was a mantra that all counterdependents have, it...

Share
Mark as Played
December 30, 2020 14 min

On my healing journey, I wrote (but never sent) a letter to my toxic parents.  Journal therapy originated in the 1960s with psychologist Dr. Ira Progoff's Intensive Journal method. With his developments, the therapeutic potential of journal writing moved into public view. One of the ways to deal with any overwhelming emotion is to find a healthy way to express yourself. This makes a journal a helpful tool in managing your menta...

Share
Mark as Played

Emotional abuse is a way to control another person by using emotions to criticize, embarrass, shame, blame, or otherwise manipulate another person. In general, a relationship is emotionally abusive when there is a consistent pattern of abusive words and bullying behaviors that wear down a person's self-esteem and undermine their mental health. Children often lack the perspective to be able to identify the abusive elements of th...

Share
Mark as Played
December 3, 2020 34 min

Shame is often referred to as “the toxic cousin of guilt. Guilt says “I’ve done something bad”.  Shame says “I am bad”.  Shame may show up in some of these ways: feeling inferior, defective, flawed, worthless, phony, and unlovable. For codependents, shame can lead to control, caretaking, and dysfunctional, nonassertive communication. Shame creates many fears and anxieties that make relationships difficult, especially intimate ones....

Share
Mark as Played

Comparing ourselves to others allows them to drive our behavior. I often worked too hard to determine what others expected so I  can make sure I  fit in.  I was constantly feeling less than, wanting to be greater than – leading to an ultra-competitive and unhealthy mindset.

You can be anything but you can’t be everything. When we compare ourselves to others, we’re often comparing their best features against our average ones. Not onl...

Share
Mark as Played

When parents emotionally ignore children, they feel invisible, invalidated, worthless, and disconnected from their true self.  Parents with unhealed emotional wounds are unable to authentically connect with their children and this lack of connection makes children chronically question their value.  They then turn to OUTSIDE forms of validation in an attempt to block feeling the deep pain of rejection. And then grow up to unconsciou...

Share
Mark as Played

Popular Podcasts

    Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations.

    Crime Junkie

    If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people.

    Stuff You Should Know

    If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.

    The Daily

    This is what the news should sound like. The biggest stories of our time, told by the best journalists in the world. Hosted by Michael Barbaro. Twenty minutes a day, five days a week, ready by 6 a.m.

    The Bobby Bones Show

    Listen to 'The Bobby Bones Show' by downloading the daily full replay.

Advertise With Us

For You

    Music, radio and podcasts, all free. Listen online or download the iHeart App.

    Connect

    © 2022 iHeartMedia, Inc.