"I am four years old in that photo, half-naked and burned all over. I am propped up into a sitting position. My hair, which had been honey blonde and bouncy with waves, sprawls in a dark, stringy mess. My chest is completely covered with tight, raw bands of scars.  My right arm, also constricted by scars, is attached to my torso by contractures. My left wrist contracts in as well. You can see my tiny right ear and my nose unsca...

Vera Wilhelmsen was once ill with "incurable" chronic illness as a result from narcissistic abuse from her parents and grandparents. She fought her way out on her own, realized the root causes, cut contact with her entire family and all toxic people in her life and went deep into her own trauma to heal.

 She states on her web site “I was severely ill. Around Christmas 2018 I was preparing to die. I had been bedbound for 3,5 ...

There is significant truth behind the statement "everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about".  A conversation with my stepsister reveals how toxic parenting, favoritism, manipulation and emotional immaturity can fracture family ties - usually beyond repair.  My stepsister was the scapegoat and I bounced back and forth from golden to lost child.  All the assigned roles have their poisonous ripple effects.

It may hel...

Codependency, the habit of gaining your self worth from pleasing others, is something most people know of nowadays. But it’s lesser known opposite, called counterdependency, can be just as much of a problem and is often related to codependency.  Those who suffer counterdependency have a dread of ever depending on or needing anyone, at heart of which is an inability to trust. If there was a mantra that all counterdependents have, it...

On my healing journey, I wrote (but never sent) a letter to my toxic parents.  Journal therapy originated in the 1960s with psychologist Dr. Ira Progoff's Intensive Journal method. With his developments, the therapeutic potential of journal writing moved into public view. One of the ways to deal with any overwhelming emotion is to find a healthy way to express yourself. This makes a journal a helpful tool in managing your menta...

Emotional abuse is a way to control another person by using emotions to criticize, embarrass, shame, blame, or otherwise manipulate another person. In general, a relationship is emotionally abusive when there is a consistent pattern of abusive words and bullying behaviors that wear down a person's self-esteem and undermine their mental health. Children often lack the perspective to be able to identify the abusive elements of th...

Shame is often referred to as “the toxic cousin of guilt. Guilt says “I’ve done something bad”.  Shame says “I am bad”.  Shame may show up in some of these ways: feeling inferior, defective, flawed, worthless, phony, and unlovable. For codependents, shame can lead to control, caretaking, and dysfunctional, nonassertive communication. Shame creates many fears and anxieties that make relationships difficult, especially intimate ones....

Comparing ourselves to others allows them to drive our behavior. I often worked too hard to determine what others expected so I  can make sure I  fit in.  I was constantly feeling less than, wanting to be greater than – leading to an ultra-competitive and unhealthy mindset.

You can be anything but you can’t be everything. When we compare ourselves to others, we’re often comparing their best features against our average ones. Not onl...

When parents emotionally ignore children, they feel invisible, invalidated, worthless, and disconnected from their true self.  Parents with unhealed emotional wounds are unable to authentically connect with their children and this lack of connection makes children chronically question their value.  They then turn to OUTSIDE forms of validation in an attempt to block feeling the deep pain of rejection. And then grow up to unconsciou...

Marisa shares her story of surviving and healing from childhood emotional, mental, and physical abuse through Instagram (@littlebent_notbroken) to help others in a similar situation or with a similar background feel seen and heard, and to validate their experiences and emotions. Covert abuse in the form of narcissism or gaslighting can disconnect the victim from their inherent inner voice and their intuition. It is Marisa’s mis...

The problem with negative thoughts is that they can become self-fulfilling prophecies. We talk ourselves into believing that we're not good enough. And, as a result, these thoughts drag down our personal lives, our relationships, and our careers. Affirmations are positive statements that can help you to challenge and overcome self-sabotaging and negative thoughts. When you repeat them often and believe in them, you can start to...

Gail Ferguson Jones is an award-winning journalist, speaker, podcaster and family recovery coach. She is a recovering codependent who survived the trauma and chaos of three generations of alcoholism in her family: maternal grandmother, father and husband, all of whom died of the disease. After hitting a personal rock bottom about eight years ago, she embarked on a healing journey and is dedicated to sharing the beauty, freedom and ...

Toxic Family Dynamics

Definition of dis-ease - a particular quality, habit, or disposition regarded as adversely affecting a person or group of people.

Early experiences of stress and trauma require soothing by caring, consistent parental figures. When that care isn’t available early in life or when stressors are chronic, it can wreak havoc with our worldview, making us feel unsafe and hyper-vigilant.

Psychotherapy helped me understand that I can do somet...

Gaslighting — any sort of statement that makes someone doubt their own feelings or perceptions — is a common tactic used in abusive relationships. But it's also present in many kinds of relationships; not limited to romantic relationships, it may occur in parent-child ones, as well. Once you can spot the signs your parents are gaslighting you, you may come to realize that this type of behavior is practically normalized — althou...

The phrase “Gray Rock Method” was first coined by blogger Skylar in this article on her website: https://180rule.com/the-gray-rock-method-of-dealing-with-psychopaths/ after a fateful conversation she had with a complete stranger. You should definitely go and read that article after you’ve finished here.

Whether you play a big role such as a partner or family member, or a smaller part such as an occasional acquaintance, adopting the ...

Annie Highwater is a Writer, Speaker, Podcast Host and Family Advocate. She has a particular interest in family pathology and concepts of dysfunction, addiction, alcoholism and conflict. Annie published her memoir, Unhooked: A Mother's Story of Unhitching from the Roller Coaster of Her Son's Addiction, in 2016.

Annie's Mission: There are more people affected by addiction than addicted.  My mission is to promote healthy d...

For years (actually decades!) Carol didn’t know what she wanted to do. She had been working in the corporate world for over 20 years, most recently in a leadership role at a Fortune 5 company. 

Although she worked hard and was consistently recognized and promoted, she somehow knew that she was meant to do something different. she felt stuck in a life that didn’t fit. 

In early 2018, she left her corporate job and made the leap into t...