August 1, 2023 • 25 mins
Have you ever wondered how family dynamics impact personal growth, especially in the face of adversity? Take an emotional stroll down memory lane with me, Brandon Caldwell, as I delve into my past, underscoring the roles of key individuals and impactful events. This episode is a tough narration, where I share tales from my upbringing, highlighting the influence of my sister Megan and her battles with addiction, how my stepfather Brian shaped my life, and how my long-time friend Eric Smith and his company Abuveground helped make this podcast come to life.
The episode also chronicles the resilience of my mother navigating the rough waters of a troubled marriage, the shock of my stepdad's infidelity, and the struggle of providing for us amidst it all. Her triumphant journey culminates in the purchase of a car - a symbol of her undying resilience. The narrative takes a turn as I discuss the aftermath of my father's abandonment, the impact on my values, relationships, and the struggle of accepting a new father figure. Come, peel back the layers of my life with me and gain insights on overcoming personal struggles.
The Successful Degenerate is produced by Brandon Caldwell and Eric Smith from Abuveground.
Make sure to connect and follow on our socials. Rate and review the show on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. Subscribe and follow on your favorite platforms so you're notified when new episodes go live!
https://www.instagram.com/thesuccessfuldegenerate/
www.abuveground.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
What's up everybody.
Welcome to the successfuldegenerate podcast.
I'm the host, brandon Caldwell,for those of you that don't
know me, and I'm just incrediblygrateful to everyone tuning in
to listen Music playing.
(00:39):
What's up everybody.
Thanks again for tuning in forthe successful degenerate.
Be sure to subscribe, follow,rate and review on Apple Podcast
(01:00):
or your preferred podcastplatform Really helps us reach
as large of an audience as wepossibly can.
We're really trying to changesome lives here at TSD and your
support is just so, so, soincredibly appreciated.
Again, give us a follow at thesuccessful degenerate on all
(01:24):
social platforms.
You'll find us there.
Share with your friends, shareout the page.
Let's see how many people wecan reach with this thing.
Let's really see if we can dosome good with this.
Anyways, guys, last episode weleft off at the age of 16 at
(01:48):
Dad's house, with Andrew havinga car and the fact that we're
now going over to Dad's less andless.
Well, today we're going totouch on Mom's house.
I know that we touched on thisa little bit before, but I
really feel like there was someimportant topics that just were
just brushed over or missed.
Again, guys, this is my veryfirst podcast.
(02:10):
I'm just learning how to dothis stuff.
I know I've got a lot ofimprovement here and I just hope
that you'll be patient with meas we continue to grow the
podcast and just get better andbetter and better with every
episode.
So real quick, I need to give aquick shout out At above ground
, my buddy Eric.
(02:31):
He's silently in the backgroundputting this all together for
me.
I cannot tell you how much orhow big of an impact Eric has on
this show.
Eric and I go way back, so Imet Eric back in high school
through a mutual friend and Itell you what I've been
following Eric since then.
(02:52):
Right now my buddy Eric he'sgot at above ground media and
I'm telling you what he is doingsome amazing work over there.
If you're ever interested ingetting into this podcast media
game, give him a shout.
He'll really point you in theright direction.
Anyways, guys, while we'retouching on the story first, I
(03:14):
know that I kind of brushed onthis on the very first episode,
but why I feel like it'simportant to touch on the story
first is I feel like we need todo some qualifying right as we
go in and start advocating andreally get into the advocacy
work behind the successfuldegenerate.
I want people to understandthat they have a reference point
(03:36):
, that I may have been throughsimilar things that they have.
I want to be able to connectwith people on that level.
I feel like by being vulnerable, by sharing these stories with
you, we will be able to betterconnect with people in the
future, and I truly do feel thatinside Again, it is absolutely,
(04:00):
massively uncomfortable attimes for me to share these
stories with you.
I'm not going to lie, it doestake some out of me and, but you
know we're plugging along and Itell you what every episode I
do, I feel better and better andbetter afterwards.
So you know, as I help otherpeople, honestly, guys, it's
(04:21):
really helping me out too, and Ijust thank you guys for tuning
in for that, because you know,the fact that people are even
interested in some of this stuffis just it's mind blowing to me
, just completely mind blowing.
So again, guys, today's episodewe're going to be touching on
mom's house.
You know I did feel the need todig a little bit further there.
(04:43):
There wasn't much said on thehome front other than you know
that things were really good andthey really were.
Dad's house or, I'm sorry,mom's house was great, dad's
house terrible experience, justan awful, awful experience.
But really I mean to really getinto today, today's episode.
(05:03):
Guys, I really want to startwith my sister.
My sister is Megan.
My sister was born July 24th1995.
And she is a absolute blessingin my life.
So I don't want to get too farinto Megan's story because I
definitely want to have Megan onhere, give her a chance to
(05:26):
share her side of things, right.
But I will give you thisbackground Megan is a strong,
resilient, incrediblyintelligent young woman who went
through some inner strugglesherself.
My sister is, she is gay, shehas always been gay and we love
(05:51):
Megan to death.
And so there was a lot of selfdiscovery that Megan went
through as a young kid and intoher early adolescent years.
That you know impacted hersignificantly, right, therefore
causing her to have her ownslight battle with with with
(06:11):
drugs and addiction there earlyon.
But I don't want to to go toofar into.
I want to.
I want Megan to be able toshare that aspect of her life if
she's comfortable.
But I definitely want to haveMegan on at some point to share
her perspective on howno-transcript wrongdoings in my
(06:31):
story affected her throughoutthose years as well, and I think
it's important to give her theopportunity to do so.
But from here, guys, I want toget into a couple of things that
were brushed over, and I thinkthe first and most important one
(06:53):
is Brian.
So Brian is Megan's biologicalfather.
Brian was my stepfather,remember from the years of
basically the age of six, allthe way through.
The divorce was finalized atthe age of 15, I believe I was
in junior high school at thetime but Brian is someone that I
(07:15):
absolutely considered a fatherfigure growing up.
He was my baseball coach,taught me how to ride a bike.
We had season tickets to theCardinals games.
We would go every Sunday thatthey were, that they were in
town and we would tailgate aheadof time and it was just a blast
and Brian was such a good dadand it taught me a lot of
(07:39):
discipline.
But he taught me, you know,taught me a lot of a lot about
how to you know do cool, coolboy stuff, like like fish camp
again.
Ride a bike, you know, getdirty, just do the just do boy
stuff right.
My, my, my.
My biological father was neverthere for stuff like that and I
(08:00):
just cannot thank Brian enoughfor being there during those
years to be able to have thatimpression on me that he did.
But later on and I think reallyI want to tie this story up to
the point where, you know, weleft off with dad on the last
episode, so basically the age ofAndrew being 16, I'm somewhere
(08:23):
in the age of 1415 at the time.
But I think that from there thestories really merge and, you
know, stay tuned to the end ofthe episode to really see where
we kind of take things fromthere.
But you know, man, brian was agreat father, just an awful,
terrible, terrible husband.
(08:44):
I mean just my mom tried herbest.
You know there was a lot of,you know, arguing and fighting
at times From away from from uskids for the most part.
I mean there was some thingsthat we saw for sure.
But you know, nobody's perfect,right, nobody's perfect.
(09:05):
And you know, brian, again,being a great dad, just fell
completely short on the on thehusband front.
So it was difficult.
Later on it was discovered thatBrian had cheated on my mom.
Brian had cheated at withanother co-worker of theirs by
(09:26):
the way, brian and my mom workedfor the same company at the
time and although they didn'twork necessarily in the same
office or directly together,brian was the VP of IT.
So if there was anything thatwas IT related that went wrong
at the branch that my mom workedat, you know Brian would be
(09:46):
called out.
So you know there's that wholedynamic as well, right, which is
, you know, a whole another setof problems.
You know, during, during thattime period.
But essentially, brian hadcheated, discovered that he was
cheated and mom decided to givehim the boot.
So separation took place.
(10:09):
Brian moved literally across theschool into these apartments.
They were pink at the time,they were God awful ugly, but
that's where he moved you to beclose to home, literally,
literally maybe a half mile fromthe house.
So that way, you know, he couldstill see Megan and us boys,
and you know be close by forthose types of activities.
(10:32):
Well, brian had done wellenough during a, you know, six
to eight month time period ofthe separation to be invited
back into the house.
Mom wanted to give him anotherchance, lucky him.
So, as Brian's moving back in,you know things are resuming
back to normal.
(10:52):
You know, during, during theseparation, as far as you know
us boys and Megan, you know westill saw Brian periodically.
Brian was still activelyinvolved in our sporting
activities.
You know none of that reallyhad stopped right.
But you know, brian moved backin and the fighting wasn't
(11:13):
really going away between himand my mom.
In fact, it was gettingsignificantly worse and over a
period of time, you know it.
Just, it just got to be too,too tough.
And I believe and I need to getmom on to confirm these points,
(11:33):
but I believe what had occurredwas it was discovered that
Brian's wages were now gonna begarnished.
Essentially, a woman was comingafter Brian for child support.
I said it yes, child support.
(11:55):
When Brian cheated, he got thisother woman pregnant.
Okay, that's what he did.
He did not take ownership ofthis child.
He, to my knowledge, to thisday still does not know that
young lady, has never met her,does not take an actor of role
(12:19):
as a father in her life by anymeans, I believe, owes a
significant portion of childsupport in alimony that are, you
know, are quartered orquartered, ordered to be paid
back.
But that's what occurred andobviously this was the last
(12:39):
straw for mom.
Brian, get the boot, get out ofhere, you're gone.
No more, no more chances.
The next thing that it showedme was what heartbreak looks
like Having to go through thatexperience, watching your mother
hurt, crying, heartbroken,distressed, feeling alone, not
(13:09):
sure where to go from here, buthaving three young children that
she's still responsible forraising, not to mention a
full-time job in a career that'sjust exploding.
At this point, so to say, momwas overwhelmed.
That's an understatement, right, but life goes on, and what it
(13:31):
taught me is in the face ofadversity, what are you going to
do to change things?
Are you going to sit there inpity party or are you going to
sit there and make the decisionto take a different path?
And that's the decision mommade, because she had to.
There was no choice.
(13:52):
Mom did not have that choice.
So what did mom do?
She picked herself back up.
She got back out there, shewent to work every day,
continued to earn a living,continued to support us boys,
and she prospered.
Not only did mom prosper, butall of her hard work was really,
(14:12):
really paying off.
At this point, what did mom doafter the divorce was finalized?
To reward herself, she boughtherself a brand new car.
Mom had never done that before,but she deserved it, so she did
it.
The next thing is she did.
She started investing in thehouse, she started remodeling
everything, making improvementsaround the home, doing just a
(14:36):
lot of things that she wouldhave never been able to do
before, and she dumped all ofher energy into this and
refocused herself and really,really showed me what that drive
to success really looks likeand set that example very early
on for me.
But seeing your mom go throughheartbreak was it was terrible,
(15:03):
it was awful, to say the least.
So that's the reason why Iwanted to really shift focus
back and point this event out,because you know, brian walking
out that door for the last timereally did not just a lot to me
personally, but obviously to mysister, to my brother, to my
(15:26):
mother.
I mean that one night ofintimacy cost him an entire
family and just left a familycompletely torn and heartbroken,
and that's what cheating can do.
And so it taught me that veryearly on and to this day I still
carry those values along withme and I show a lot of and I'm
(15:50):
very prideful in that right.
But later on I will go througha very similar experience,
almost that my mom did, you know, very early on in my dating
career.
I guess you would call itbecause the career is still
going.
Oh man, oh man, okay.
(16:17):
But when Brian actually packedhis things and left for the last
time, for whatever reason nowI'm uncertain of the details
here, but I was not supposed tobe at the house when this was
taking place.
He was supposed to be there byhimself, you know, kind of doing
his thing, getting what heneeded out of the house and then
(16:40):
moving on.
Well, I happened to be at thehouse and I was really the only
one there, and this is how Iremember it and it really stands
out in my mind even to thiscurrent day.
I can picture it very, veryclearly in my head.
Brian is packing up his things,I'm on the couch watching TV.
(17:02):
As Brian is finishing up, I goto grab a slice of pizza from
the fridge, just straight fromthe box.
You know, just really feelingman, just completely heartbroken
, right.
And I'm watching TV, pretendingeverything's okay, trying to
hold back the tears.
And you know Brian is done andready and he's ready to leave.
(17:25):
And so he comes up to me and hegoes hey, hey, sport, you know,
I'm sorry.
And he starts to cry and Icried too.
And I'm eating frozen pizza andI'm 15.
And my dad is walking out of mylife because pussy was more
(17:53):
important than his family and ittears me up to this day that
that happened.
But Brian turns to the door andhe lets himself out and I'm
there behind him to shut it andlock it and I just, and I'm, I
(18:15):
just collapse at this point,like there's no holding it back.
You know, I'm devastated,devastated, just absolutely
devastated, and this will set atone for some major abandonment
issues going forward in my life,scared to, to, to offer love,
but but at the same time verywilling to give it, and I give
(18:40):
it in an abundance and it getsme into a lot of trouble, you
know, for the next, you know,man, 10, 12, 15, whatever it is
years as far as relationships goit.
You know, I feel I started tofeel that giving was the only
(19:00):
way to show love and and I didthat to a, to a detriment, let's
just put it that way and we'regoing to get into some of those
stories as we get into more ofthe specifics around some of the
relationships in my life.
But the other significantimpact that this has is when my
(19:23):
mom starts to date again, youknow, she starts to date, a
gentleman named Rick, my stepdad, my dad today.
But it's very difficult atfirst for Rick.
I make it very difficult forRick at first as far as letting
him in, accepting him in, as youknow, a potential father figure
(19:48):
in my life.
Right, I feel very vulnerable atthis point.
I feel as though allowinganother male figure into my life
is not going to do me any good.
I've already had two.
They both failed.
What's the point of trying athird time?
Right, like it was this.
(20:09):
I might be jumping a little bitahead here, but I really kind of
want to point this out becauseBrian leaving and the impact in
the way that he had left us andthe hurt that he had caused
prevented me from allowing Rickto have a fair shot.
And I go on to hurt Rick a lotfor several, several, several
(20:29):
years, and I justify it, as youknow.
Who cares?
And I hate to say that today,because Rick and I, the
relationship that I have withRick, today, is very, very
different.
He is my dad.
I love Rick with all of myheart and I thank Rick for
(20:52):
everything that he's ever donefor me, which we will get into,
you know, as the storyprogresses, but you know so a
lot of things took place duringthese early years.
But we're really at this pointnow where we're caught up, where
, you know, andrew and I are 16,megan's around the age of eight
.
At this point, andrew's 16, 17,let's just put it in those
(21:15):
years I'm right around the sameage.
We're going to Dad's house less.
We're living at Mom's housefull-time.
Andrew's driving, andrew'sworking.
I'm now entering into theseyears where I'm about to get my
permit and start driving myself.
I really feel that from here thestory merges back into one.
(21:38):
Then we can get into wait forit.
From here we're going to gointo some high school years.
We're going to get into somepartying how this event really
changed the family dynamic athome.
What took place?
What changed the differencebetween having family dinners
(21:59):
every night to literally beinggone, except for when it was
time to come home, to go to bed.
That's the impact that this had.
It really changed the dynamicat home.
We're going to go into someyears where I start to do some
self-discovery on myself, findout what it is that I want out
(22:20):
of life, and then we go fromthere.
We're going to dive into thevery first experience that I had
with opiates at the age of 16and what effect that had on me
and the group dynamic.
I had a very close knit offriends at this point, a very
(22:44):
large group of friends, but veryclose group of friends that we
did everything together.
We're going to go into some ofthe dynamic there, but stay
tuned guys.
Stay tuned Again.
We're just getting going hereAgain.
As you can see, these episodesare going to vary in length
depending on the topic of choice, but as we get through the
(23:05):
story and as the storyprogresses, we're going to start
alternating some interviews inhere and then from there we're
going to really dive into theadvocacy work, looking at how
can we get involved in thecommunity, out in the outreach
aspect, and really putting somesignificant impact out there,
opening up some doors and someopportunities for some folks
that may be currentlyincarcerated or had just
(23:28):
recently been incarcerated.
I've got a buddy of mine thatwas just recently released that
I did a lot of time with.
In fact, believe it or not, heonly lives about four miles down
the road for me, so I hope tobring him on, as he's very early
out.
He did a lot of years.
He's very young.
(23:48):
He has basically spent hisentire young adulthood, from the
age of 18 through now, Ibelieve, he's at the age of 26,
pretty much in prison, and so Ithink it would be cool to kind
of get into some of thosestories and really kind of see
how we can help individuals likemy buddy, sam, get back into
(24:09):
the community and get activeagain.
Because right now I'll tell youwhat.
This is another motivation forme to get this podcast going and
off the ground, as Sam iscurrently having a really hard
time finding employment justbecause of his current record
and just the lack of opportunityout there, the lack of
(24:29):
conversations, the lack ofpeople willing to have those
conversations.
And through the successfuldegenerate we're going to open
those doors.
I guarantee it.
I will.
I will work my ass off to makesure that those opportunities
are there for people like Samand with that, folks.
(24:50):
Thank you so much again fortuning into the successful
degenerate.
Go give us a like, go give us afollow.
Subscribe to the podcast onyour favorite podcast platform.
Hey, leave us a rate.
Review the podcast.
Share your honest feedback withus guys.
Give Eric and I some pointersto go on.
(25:12):
What would you like to see usdo next.
Okay, and with that guys, seeyou later.
Degenerates.
What's up everybody.
Welcome to the successfuldegenerate podcast.
I'm the host, brandon Caldwell,for those of you that don't
know me, and I'm just incrediblygrateful to everyone tuning in
to listen Music playing.
(00:39):
What's up everybody.
Thanks again for tuning in forthe successful degenerate.
Be sure to subscribe, follow,rate and review on Apple Podcast
(01:00):
or your preferred podcastplatform Really helps us reach
as large of an audience as wepossibly can.
We're really trying to changesome lives here at TSD and your
support is just so, so, soincredibly appreciated.
Again, give us a follow at thesuccessful degenerate on all
(01:24):
social platforms.
You'll find us there.
Share with your friends, shareout the page.
Let's see how many people wecan reach with this thing.
Let's really see if we can dosome good with this.
Anyways, guys, last episode weleft off at the age of 16 at
(01:48):
Dad's house, with Andrew havinga car and the fact that we're
now going over to Dad's less andless.
Well, today we're going totouch on Mom's house.
I know that we touched on thisa little bit before, but I
really feel like there was someimportant topics that just were
just brushed over or missed.
Again, guys, this is my veryfirst podcast.
(02:10):
I'm just learning how to dothis stuff.
I know I've got a lot ofimprovement here and I just hope
that you'll be patient with meas we continue to grow the
podcast and just get better andbetter and better with every
episode.
So real quick, I need to give aquick shout out At above ground
, my buddy Eric.
(02:31):
He's silently in the backgroundputting this all together for
me.
I cannot tell you how much orhow big of an impact Eric has on
this show.
Eric and I go way back, so Imet Eric back in high school
through a mutual friend and Itell you what I've been
following Eric since then.
(02:52):
Right now my buddy Eric he'sgot at above ground media and
I'm telling you what he is doingsome amazing work over there.
If you're ever interested ingetting into this podcast media
game, give him a shout.
He'll really point you in theright direction.
Anyways, guys, while we'retouching on the story first, I
(03:14):
know that I kind of brushed onthis on the very first episode,
but why I feel like it'simportant to touch on the story
first is I feel like we need todo some qualifying right as we
go in and start advocating andreally get into the advocacy
work behind the successfuldegenerate.
I want people to understandthat they have a reference point
(03:36):
, that I may have been throughsimilar things that they have.
I want to be able to connectwith people on that level.
I feel like by being vulnerable, by sharing these stories with
you, we will be able to betterconnect with people in the
future, and I truly do feel thatinside Again, it is absolutely,
(04:00):
massively uncomfortable attimes for me to share these
stories with you.
I'm not going to lie, it doestake some out of me and, but you
know we're plugging along and Itell you what every episode I
do, I feel better and better andbetter afterwards.
So you know, as I help otherpeople, honestly, guys, it's
(04:21):
really helping me out too, and Ijust thank you guys for tuning
in for that, because you know,the fact that people are even
interested in some of this stuffis just it's mind blowing to me
, just completely mind blowing.
So again, guys, today's episodewe're going to be touching on
mom's house.
You know I did feel the need todig a little bit further there.
(04:43):
There wasn't much said on thehome front other than you know
that things were really good andthey really were.
Dad's house or, I'm sorry,mom's house was great, dad's
house terrible experience, justan awful, awful experience.
But really I mean to really getinto today, today's episode.
(05:03):
Guys, I really want to startwith my sister.
My sister is Megan.
My sister was born July 24th1995.
And she is a absolute blessingin my life.
So I don't want to get too farinto Megan's story because I
definitely want to have Megan onhere, give her a chance to
(05:26):
share her side of things, right.
But I will give you thisbackground Megan is a strong,
resilient, incrediblyintelligent young woman who went
through some inner strugglesherself.
My sister is, she is gay, shehas always been gay and we love
(05:51):
Megan to death.
And so there was a lot of selfdiscovery that Megan went
through as a young kid and intoher early adolescent years.
That you know impacted hersignificantly, right, therefore
causing her to have her ownslight battle with with with
(06:11):
drugs and addiction there earlyon.
But I don't want to to go toofar into.
I want to.
I want Megan to be able toshare that aspect of her life if
she's comfortable.
But I definitely want to haveMegan on at some point to share
her perspective on howno-transcript wrongdoings in my
(06:31):
story affected her throughoutthose years as well, and I think
it's important to give her theopportunity to do so.
But from here, guys, I want toget into a couple of things that
were brushed over, and I thinkthe first and most important one
(06:53):
is Brian.
So Brian is Megan's biologicalfather.
Brian was my stepfather,remember from the years of
basically the age of six, allthe way through.
The divorce was finalized atthe age of 15, I believe I was
in junior high school at thetime but Brian is someone that I
(07:15):
absolutely considered a fatherfigure growing up.
He was my baseball coach,taught me how to ride a bike.
We had season tickets to theCardinals games.
We would go every Sunday thatthey were, that they were in
town and we would tailgate aheadof time and it was just a blast
and Brian was such a good dadand it taught me a lot of
(07:39):
discipline.
But he taught me, you know,taught me a lot of a lot about
how to you know do cool, coolboy stuff, like like fish camp
again.
Ride a bike, you know, getdirty, just do the just do boy
stuff right.
My, my, my.
My biological father was neverthere for stuff like that and I
(08:00):
just cannot thank Brian enoughfor being there during those
years to be able to have thatimpression on me that he did.
But later on and I think reallyI want to tie this story up to
the point where, you know, weleft off with dad on the last
episode, so basically the age ofAndrew being 16, I'm somewhere
(08:23):
in the age of 1415 at the time.
But I think that from there thestories really merge and, you
know, stay tuned to the end ofthe episode to really see where
we kind of take things fromthere.
But you know, man, brian was agreat father, just an awful,
terrible, terrible husband.
(08:44):
I mean just my mom tried herbest.
You know there was a lot of,you know, arguing and fighting
at times From away from from uskids for the most part.
I mean there was some thingsthat we saw for sure.
But you know, nobody's perfect,right, nobody's perfect.
(09:05):
And you know, brian, again,being a great dad, just fell
completely short on the on thehusband front.
So it was difficult.
Later on it was discovered thatBrian had cheated on my mom.
Brian had cheated at withanother co-worker of theirs by
(09:26):
the way, brian and my mom workedfor the same company at the
time and although they didn'twork necessarily in the same
office or directly together,brian was the VP of IT.
So if there was anything thatwas IT related that went wrong
at the branch that my mom workedat, you know Brian would be
(09:46):
called out.
So you know there's that wholedynamic as well, right, which is
, you know, a whole another setof problems.
You know, during, during thattime period.
But essentially, brian hadcheated, discovered that he was
cheated and mom decided to givehim the boot.
So separation took place.
(10:09):
Brian moved literally across theschool into these apartments.
They were pink at the time,they were God awful ugly, but
that's where he moved you to beclose to home, literally,
literally maybe a half mile fromthe house.
So that way, you know, he couldstill see Megan and us boys,
and you know be close by forthose types of activities.
(10:32):
Well, brian had done wellenough during a, you know, six
to eight month time period ofthe separation to be invited
back into the house.
Mom wanted to give him anotherchance, lucky him.
So, as Brian's moving back in,you know things are resuming
back to normal.
(10:52):
You know, during, during theseparation, as far as you know
us boys and Megan, you know westill saw Brian periodically.
Brian was still activelyinvolved in our sporting
activities.
You know none of that reallyhad stopped right.
But you know, brian moved backin and the fighting wasn't
(11:13):
really going away between himand my mom.
In fact, it was gettingsignificantly worse and over a
period of time, you know it.
Just, it just got to be too,too tough.
And I believe and I need to getmom on to confirm these points,
(11:33):
but I believe what had occurredwas it was discovered that
Brian's wages were now gonna begarnished.
Essentially, a woman was comingafter Brian for child support.
I said it yes, child support.
(11:55):
When Brian cheated, he got thisother woman pregnant.
Okay, that's what he did.
He did not take ownership ofthis child.
He, to my knowledge, to thisday still does not know that
young lady, has never met her,does not take an actor of role
(12:19):
as a father in her life by anymeans, I believe, owes a
significant portion of childsupport in alimony that are, you
know, are quartered orquartered, ordered to be paid
back.
But that's what occurred andobviously this was the last
(12:39):
straw for mom.
Brian, get the boot, get out ofhere, you're gone.
No more, no more chances.
The next thing that it showedme was what heartbreak looks
like Having to go through thatexperience, watching your mother
hurt, crying, heartbroken,distressed, feeling alone, not
(13:09):
sure where to go from here, buthaving three young children that
she's still responsible forraising, not to mention a
full-time job in a career that'sjust exploding.
At this point, so to say, momwas overwhelmed.
That's an understatement, right, but life goes on, and what it
(13:31):
taught me is in the face ofadversity, what are you going to
do to change things?
Are you going to sit there inpity party or are you going to
sit there and make the decisionto take a different path?
And that's the decision mommade, because she had to.
There was no choice.
(13:52):
Mom did not have that choice.
So what did mom do?
She picked herself back up.
She got back out there, shewent to work every day,
continued to earn a living,continued to support us boys,
and she prospered.
Not only did mom prosper, butall of her hard work was really,
(14:12):
really paying off.
At this point, what did mom doafter the divorce was finalized?
To reward herself, she boughtherself a brand new car.
Mom had never done that before,but she deserved it, so she did
it.
The next thing is she did.
She started investing in thehouse, she started remodeling
everything, making improvementsaround the home, doing just a
(14:36):
lot of things that she wouldhave never been able to do
before, and she dumped all ofher energy into this and
refocused herself and really,really showed me what that drive
to success really looks likeand set that example very early
on for me.
But seeing your mom go throughheartbreak was it was terrible,
(15:03):
it was awful, to say the least.
So that's the reason why Iwanted to really shift focus
back and point this event out,because you know, brian walking
out that door for the last timereally did not just a lot to me
personally, but obviously to mysister, to my brother, to my
(15:26):
mother.
I mean that one night ofintimacy cost him an entire
family and just left a familycompletely torn and heartbroken,
and that's what cheating can do.
And so it taught me that veryearly on and to this day I still
carry those values along withme and I show a lot of and I'm
(15:50):
very prideful in that right.
But later on I will go througha very similar experience,
almost that my mom did, you know, very early on in my dating
career.
I guess you would call itbecause the career is still
going.
Oh man, oh man, okay.
(16:17):
But when Brian actually packedhis things and left for the last
time, for whatever reason nowI'm uncertain of the details
here, but I was not supposed tobe at the house when this was
taking place.
He was supposed to be there byhimself, you know, kind of doing
his thing, getting what heneeded out of the house and then
(16:40):
moving on.
Well, I happened to be at thehouse and I was really the only
one there, and this is how Iremember it and it really stands
out in my mind even to thiscurrent day.
I can picture it very, veryclearly in my head.
Brian is packing up his things,I'm on the couch watching TV.
(17:02):
As Brian is finishing up, I goto grab a slice of pizza from
the fridge, just straight fromthe box.
You know, just really feelingman, just completely heartbroken
, right.
And I'm watching TV, pretendingeverything's okay, trying to
hold back the tears.
And you know Brian is done andready and he's ready to leave.
(17:25):
And so he comes up to me and hegoes hey, hey, sport, you know,
I'm sorry.
And he starts to cry and Icried too.
And I'm eating frozen pizza andI'm 15.
And my dad is walking out of mylife because pussy was more
(17:53):
important than his family and ittears me up to this day that
that happened.
But Brian turns to the door andhe lets himself out and I'm
there behind him to shut it andlock it and I just, and I'm, I
(18:15):
just collapse at this point,like there's no holding it back.
You know, I'm devastated,devastated, just absolutely
devastated, and this will set atone for some major abandonment
issues going forward in my life,scared to, to, to offer love,
but but at the same time verywilling to give it, and I give
(18:40):
it in an abundance and it getsme into a lot of trouble, you
know, for the next, you know,man, 10, 12, 15, whatever it is
years as far as relationships goit.
You know, I feel I started tofeel that giving was the only
(19:00):
way to show love and and I didthat to a, to a detriment, let's
just put it that way and we'regoing to get into some of those
stories as we get into more ofthe specifics around some of the
relationships in my life.
But the other significantimpact that this has is when my
(19:23):
mom starts to date again, youknow, she starts to date, a
gentleman named Rick, my stepdad, my dad today.
But it's very difficult atfirst for Rick.
I make it very difficult forRick at first as far as letting
him in, accepting him in, as youknow, a potential father figure
(19:48):
in my life.
Right, I feel very vulnerable atthis point.
I feel as though allowinganother male figure into my life
is not going to do me any good.
I've already had two.
They both failed.
What's the point of trying athird time?
Right, like it was this.
(20:09):
I might be jumping a little bitahead here, but I really kind of
want to point this out becauseBrian leaving and the impact in
the way that he had left us andthe hurt that he had caused
prevented me from allowing Rickto have a fair shot.
And I go on to hurt Rick a lotfor several, several, several
(20:29):
years, and I justify it, as youknow.
Who cares?
And I hate to say that today,because Rick and I, the
relationship that I have withRick, today, is very, very
different.
He is my dad.
I love Rick with all of myheart and I thank Rick for
(20:52):
everything that he's ever donefor me, which we will get into,
you know, as the storyprogresses, but you know so a
lot of things took place duringthese early years.
But we're really at this pointnow where we're caught up, where
, you know, andrew and I are 16,megan's around the age of eight
.
At this point, andrew's 16, 17,let's just put it in those
(21:15):
years I'm right around the sameage.
We're going to Dad's house less.
We're living at Mom's housefull-time.
Andrew's driving, andrew'sworking.
I'm now entering into theseyears where I'm about to get my
permit and start driving myself.
I really feel that from here thestory merges back into one.
(21:38):
Then we can get into wait forit.
From here we're going to gointo some high school years.
We're going to get into somepartying how this event really
changed the family dynamic athome.
What took place?
What changed the differencebetween having family dinners
(21:59):
every night to literally beinggone, except for when it was
time to come home, to go to bed.
That's the impact that this had.
It really changed the dynamicat home.
We're going to go into someyears where I start to do some
self-discovery on myself, findout what it is that I want out
(22:20):
of life, and then we go fromthere.
We're going to dive into thevery first experience that I had
with opiates at the age of 16and what effect that had on me
and the group dynamic.
I had a very close knit offriends at this point, a very
(22:44):
large group of friends, but veryclose group of friends that we
did everything together.
We're going to go into some ofthe dynamic there, but stay
tuned guys.
Stay tuned Again.
We're just getting going hereAgain.
As you can see, these episodesare going to vary in length
depending on the topic of choice, but as we get through the
(23:05):
story and as the storyprogresses, we're going to start
alternating some interviews inhere and then from there we're
going to really dive into theadvocacy work, looking at how
can we get involved in thecommunity, out in the outreach
aspect, and really putting somesignificant impact out there,
opening up some doors and someopportunities for some folks
that may be currentlyincarcerated or had just
(23:28):
recently been incarcerated.
I've got a buddy of mine thatwas just recently released that
I did a lot of time with.
In fact, believe it or not, heonly lives about four miles down
the road for me, so I hope tobring him on, as he's very early
out.
He did a lot of years.
He's very young.
(23:48):
He has basically spent hisentire young adulthood, from the
age of 18 through now, Ibelieve, he's at the age of 26,
pretty much in prison, and so Ithink it would be cool to kind
of get into some of thosestories and really kind of see
how we can help individuals likemy buddy, sam, get back into
(24:09):
the community and get activeagain.
Because right now I'll tell youwhat.
This is another motivation forme to get this podcast going and
off the ground, as Sam iscurrently having a really hard
time finding employment justbecause of his current record
and just the lack of opportunityout there, the lack of
(24:29):
conversations, the lack ofpeople willing to have those
conversations.
And through the successfuldegenerate we're going to open
those doors.
I guarantee it.
I will.
I will work my ass off to makesure that those opportunities
are there for people like Samand with that, folks.
(24:50):
Thank you so much again fortuning into the successful
degenerate.
Go give us a like, go give us afollow.
Subscribe to the podcast onyour favorite podcast platform.
Hey, leave us a rate.
Review the podcast.
Share your honest feedback withus guys.
Give Eric and I some pointersto go on.
(25:12):
What would you like to see usdo next.
Okay, and with that guys, seeyou later.
Degenerates.
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