December 18, 2024 • 46 mins
Can you support your kids and aging parents without sacrificing your financial stability? In this episode, we unpack the unique challenges of the sandwich generation and share practical strategies to help you stay balanced.
Key Takeaways:
- Talking Money with Parents: Learn how to initiate open conversations about their financial plans, from savings and debt to long-term care, so you can avoid unexpected burdens and ensure everyone’s stability.
- Caregiving Without Overload: Discover tips for managing elder care while maintaining your career, including leveraging employer benefits and budgeting wisely for caregiving options.
- Planning Ahead with Your Partner: Prepare for scenarios like integrating a parent into your home or navigating medical expenses with tools like life insurance and long-term care policies to secure generational wealth.
- Raising Financially Savvy Kids: Empower the next generation with financial literacy, teaching them critical skills like smart spending, delayed gratification, and planning for the future with 529 plans and UTMA accounts.
This episode is your guide to balancing family responsibilities and building a strong financial foundation for generations to come. Listen now to take control and thrive!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
So having that conversation as early as
possible with your parents andmaking sure that one they have a
plan.
And by making sure they have aplan I mean thoroughly talking
through it and actually seeingand looking at not just when
your parents are like, oh,everything's fine, everything's
fine, no, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Show me, pull up these accounts, show me what's
in these accounts.
Show me your life insurance,show me your disability
insurance.
Show me what you have in that401k, that 403b, that IRA.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
Yes, because too many times I know it's hard to have
those conversations with yourparents because they also still
view you as a child sometimes insome aspects.
But, like Jess said, you haveto actually have the numbers
behind it.
Hey, babe, what are we talkingabout today?
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Well, today is a special episode because Brandon
and I are at FinCon 2024.
We are recording this episodelive from the quote unquote
FinCon studios.
Thank you to LLCattorneycom forthis setup.
So we're super excited andpumped, not only for this
(01:13):
episode because it's going to begreat, but also just because
we're here and we're incommunity with so many of the
other content creators thatwe've been following, people
that we've had on the podcast,and so we are hyped up but also
exhausted at the same time,because it's already been.
We're only on day two and we'vealready learned so much.
(01:33):
We've had some great keynotesalready, great connections with
folks, and so we're just reallyexcited to be here and happy to
be recording live.
We wanted this to be anexperience.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
Yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
So, going back to hey , babe, what are we talking
about today?
Today, we are talking about thesandwich generation.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
Yes, yes, let's go ahead and get the definition so
people understand exactly whatthe sandwich generation is.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Okay, and this is a noun.
It is officially a real word.
It is a noun.
This is a noun.
It is officially a real word,it is a noun.
And the sandwich generation isthe millennials and Gen X, who
take care of aging parents andtheir own kids at the same time.
They're, quote unquote,sandwiched between caring for
two generations, so this can bestressful, as they balance
(02:19):
caregiving with their own livesand work.
Sound familiar.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
I would say thankfully we're not necessarily
in that situation, but wedefinitely have extreme.
We definitely have friends,though, that are 100% in this
exact situation.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
Yeah, they're taking care of their school age
children and also, you know,fully financially supporting
their parents, moving theirparents into their homes.
I mean, that is literally whatthis episode is all about.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
Yeah, I mean.
Think about all the parents outthere, think about how much you
spend on taking care of yourchildren.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
So much.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Now add the added stress of having to also
financially support, maybecompletely or partially, your
parents for multiple reasons.
You know it could be due toillness, it could be to, you
know, not proper planning onyour parents' part.
But I just am thankful that youknow that's not our situation
and I can definitely sympathizefor those who just feel stuck.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
Because life itself costs so much money just for you
and your own family, not havingto deal with taking on the
burdens of other people that youprobably never thought that
you'd have to take care of.
Because, let's be honest, mostpeople don't think about.
Hey, once I get to one point inmy life, I'm going to have to
financially take care of myparents.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
Well, and it's not only the financial aspect that
is a huge component, but there'salso the hey.
I need to now take off of workto take my aging parent to the
doctor, or you know if, if maybethere's some early onset
dementia or alzheimer's and theycannot live alone anymore and
now you're moving them into yourhome, or you're having to
(03:57):
purchase a new place to live toactually accommodate an extra
person, or or your parents, ifit's a two you know two person
situation, bringing them intoyour home.
So now you're having toaccommodate in those larger ways
.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
I mean, that's a lot yeah, because you know getting
into the aspects of, like, youknow the financial pressures and
challenges that come with thatis one like you want to do
proper planning for your ownlife, your you and your spouse,
whoever may be your kids, andfocus on that.
So you know saving enough moneyfor your kids to go to college
(04:31):
or, if you're already in college, you know paying for college,
saving for retirement, just ingeneral, doing the financial
plan that we've talked aboutthat you'd be doing for your own
family.
Now, the hard part is is that,when it comes to the budgeting
aspect, you're budgeting forthose things, but now you have
another line item that you haveto budget for, because, same
things that you're doing foryour own family, now you should
take on the expenses of yourparents, and it's kind of like
(04:53):
what do I do?
You know in what order should Ido this?
Can I do this?
Or you know, are there, isthere anything out there that
can help me do this?
right and is there I mean thereality is, is that this is a.
This is a new thing, becauseI'm not saying that previous
generations haven't had to takecare of um the older generation,
(05:15):
while taking care of someaspects of their current family
and their kids.
But I would say, with the waythe economy is, the, the way
that you know inflation as faras how much things cost, because
I hesitate to use the wordinflation because I think
partial is inflation, the otherpart is actually you know
corporate greed.
And then also incomes notkeeping up with you know the
(05:38):
cost of things and it's just,it's a lot in this day and age
as compared to, maybe, if peoplewere doing this 20, 30 years
ago.
Speaker 2 (05:45):
A hundred percent.
I mean, we've talked about onevery episode.
Life is so expensive and sowhen you're adding extra bodies
to take care of in any capacity,it costs money and it can it
feel like it can feel like itadds up fast, you know.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
And the first thing I would say is that, like you do
need to, well, first you need tohave the conversation.
Let's start, let's take a stepback.
What can you do to possiblyhelp prevent this?
Okay you want to start there?
Sure okay, so one of the thingsthat I've always said on this
podcast could I have preventedmy parents not being ready to
(06:23):
retire?
Speaker 2 (06:24):
Is that what we're talking about?
Speaker 1 (06:26):
No, no, no, no.
What I'm saying is that yourparents may not have.
Let's just stick with and makeit easy for the retirement
aspect.
Maybe they haven't done properplanning, but the idea of having
the conversation as soon aspossible with them to see what
their finances are.
So, for example, if your parentsare about five years from
retiring and they have not donethe proper planning throughout
(06:47):
the course of their life inorder to properly retire,
knowing five years beforehand isnot going to completely erase
all the other bad decisions thatwere made or completely fix the
problem, but it could help insome aspects as compared to
waiting Five years, is betterthan six months.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
Yeah, exactly, Because it's also also the thing
is too, is that obviously some?
Speaker 1 (07:05):
aspects as compared to five years is better than hey
, in six months, yeah, yeah,exactly, because it's also also
the thing is too is thatobviously in those?
I'm gonna say obviously,because there's a plethora of
things that can cause theseissues to happen.
But let's just say,hypothetically, your parents
just never had a plan.
They never had a plan.
So you were their plan, yeah, sohaving a conversation, at least
laying out a plan.
And also, the thing is, too, isthat have you ever had a
(07:26):
problem where you didn't reallydissect the problem itself and
you thought it was thistremendously huge problem?
But when you actually stoppedand did the work and found out
the details of the problem, theproblem wasn't quite as big as
you thought it was being, it wasmanageable.
So having that conversation asearly as possible with your
parents and making sure that onethey have a plan and by making
(07:46):
sure they have a plan I meanthoroughly talking through it
now.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
I know this might be actually seeing and looking at
not just when your parents arelike oh, everything's fine,
everything's fine, no, no, no,no, no, show me yes pull up
these accounts.
Show me what's in theseaccounts.
Show me your life insurance.
Show me your disabilityinsurance.
Show me what's in theseaccounts.
Show me your life insurance.
Show me your disabilityinsurance.
Show me what you have in that401k, that 403b, that IRA.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
Yes, because too many times I know it's hard to have
those conversations with yourparents because they also still
view you as a child sometimes insome aspects.
But, like Jess said, you haveto actually have the numbers
behind it.
Them simply saying, yeah, we'refine.
What does that mean?
Because even if they don't wantto necessarily have that
conversation with you and giveyou some pushback, at the end of
the day you're going to need toknow this information because
(08:31):
the day that they do pass away,you are going to have to handle
their estates.
You're going to have to knowthe information one way or
another.
And this is one way to get theinformation up front when it's
easy, when they're healthy.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
When everybody's sound of mind, of sound mind,
yeah, of sound mind.
Speaker 1 (08:44):
But then also you can help them navigate.
If you see any areas wherethere could be some potential
problems.
And if that approach doesn'twork I think I've said it on
here a million times I will drawa line in the sand and say that
if you do not want to have thisconversation to make sure that
you are all set when it comes toretirement, do not ask me for a
(09:07):
dime if the issue arises downthe line, Because we could have
mitigated maybe some of theserisks by having this
conversation early on, and Idon't want you to burden me with
your lack of preparation, yourlack of willingness to be open
and have a conversation about it.
And now I have to deal with theissue when I'm trying to handle
everything in regards to mylife and my family.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
Right.
Have you been listening to ourpodcast and wondering how am I
really doing with my money?
Am I doing the right thingswith my investments?
Am I on track to reach myfinancial goals?
What could I be doing better?
If you answered yes to any ofthese questions, then it's time
(09:49):
for you to reach out to Brandonto schedule your free yes, I
said free 30-minute introductionconversation to see how his
services could help make you themore confident moneymaker we
know you could be.
What are you waiting for?
It's literally free and at thevery least, you'll walk away
feeling more empowered andconfident about your financial
(10:10):
future.
Link is in our show notes.
Go schedule your call today.
Brandon is very passionate aboutthat.
I know he said it a few timeson the podcast.
We talk about it all the timeand when he talks about that
line in the sand, he has drawnit for all of our family members
.
Speaker 1 (10:29):
Yes, I have said this too, like thankfully, most of
our family listens to you knowwhat I try to tell them and I
help them out, you know as faras managing their money and
everything like that, so it'snot really a huge issue, but I
definitely said I I was like youknow what I do for a living
(10:49):
let's go ahead and have theseconversations.
If you don't and there's issueson the line do not come to me.
Then yeah, because I'mproactively coming to you now
with time right because time isthe biggest factor in all of
this yep, and we have it on ourside at this point in time.
And if you don't want to, youknow, talk to me don't come to
me later don't don't comeknocking on this door you,
because I know that's such ahard thing to do and a hard
thing to say.
You know, because it's yourparents, and is it?
Speaker 2 (11:09):
would it actually be the reality of like?
Speaker 1 (11:11):
well, I told you five years ago not to come to me, so
well, think about it too,because then this could become
like a cascading effect where,like, you are doing proper
planning in your life and yourparents derailed your planning.
So now, like once you get totheir age, you didn't have the
plan in place, you don't havethe money in place that you
thought you would have, becausethey sucked it out right and now
your kids are stuck yeah, youknow what this reminds me.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
I was like seeing this guy um obviously years ago
and and I.
I used to like drive my caruntil the gas light was like on,
on, you know, and he was alwayslike you need to just go and
get gas, and I don't know whyit's.
I don't do it anymore I havenot done it since this time, um,
(12:00):
but he always was like do notcall me if you run out of gas.
And I, straight up, ran out ofgas once.
It was the first and only timein my life.
Yes, it totally does.
First and only time in my lifethat I've run out of gas.
And of course I called him andhe's like I don't know what
you're calling me for.
And I mean, you know,everything's totally fine.
(12:20):
He's got a beautiful wife,beautiful child, now all the
things, like everything ended onon fine terms and we even and
joked about it.
But he was like I told you fromthe very beginning do not call
me if you run out of gas,because I'm telling you to fill
up your gas tank.
So anyway, that's what thatreminded me of.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
I mean it's but it's true, because we talk about the
things that we are, you know,talking to our kids about when
it comes to finances and settingthem up for a better place when
they get older than you knowwhere we're at.
The idea is to pass theknowledge along that we have
acquired and build upon that.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
Know better, do better.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
But.
But if you don't have the moneyto do these things, you know,
then we would just pass theburden down to them as far as
having to take care of us,because we had to take care of
our parents.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
Well, you know, it's even crazier going back to like
really, and you might need toease your way into saying, hey,
mom and dad, we need to havethis conversation Right Like you
can't just like bombard themand pull up your accounts.
I mean, that's not going to work.
So you need to ease in.
You need to say, you know, hey,these are the things we're
thinking of, these are top ofmind.
We want to make sure you're OK,come at it from a place of love
(13:37):
and concern and and you knowwanting them to be in a good
place.
As you're saying, hey, we needto look at your savings, we need
to look at your debt.
Do you have long term care inplace?
What does it look like?
Et cetera.
You want long-term care inplace, what does it look like?
Etc.
You want those details and youcan't just have your parents
keep telling you oh, we're fine,we're fine, don't worry.
Don't worry because, likebrandon said, it is going to
fall to us at the end of the day.
But we have friends who haveparents living with them and
they don't know anything abouttheir financial situation yeah
(13:59):
they are, they are living andthat that's it.
There's no knowledge of theirdebt, their credit cards, their
credit score, their this, theirthat.
That is not okay.
Speaker 1 (14:09):
Yeah, for me.
I don't judge anybody about thesituation because that's their
situation, but I can assure youthat if one of our parents had
to live with us in our house,I'm going to know everything
about your finances before youmove in Right.
That's just the rule, either ithappens or you don't move in.
Speaker 2 (14:24):
You need to be an open book at that point.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
Because, I mean, you got to think about it too and
unfortunately, in thosescenarios, that dynamic between
being the parent and the childis one thing, but then if you're
asking me to fund something foryou, Now I'm the parent.
Yes, the dynamic has to changeand they can't view you through
that same lens.
Through that same lens, becauseyou can't say like, oh, you
don't need to worry about this,but I'm paying all your bills.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
That's not how that works, right?
That's like just when your mamais like oh, you can't, I can't
check those text messages.
Who's paying that phone bill?
Exactly, it's the same thing, Imean the the table can turn
yeah in that.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
In that sense I'll say I was gonna say it's so like
, obviously the best route is totry to be preemptive, to
prevent from getting to thispoint.
But if you are currently inthis point, then there are some
things that you can do to maybehelp mitigate that situation.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
Okay, let's talk about those, because we want to
give people solutions.
We don't want to induce stressand anxiety of people being like
, oh, my mom's going to move inwith me.
Speaker 1 (15:19):
Well, I'm going to go ahead and start with one of the
things that we actually do, butwe're not in this current
situation, and that's havingflexibility in your career, your
work schedule, so workingremote, for example, those
individuals that maybe have toactually care for an ill parent
being able to work remote canallow you that flexibility.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
But there's plenty of professions that cannot work
remote right Now.
Now let's say you're a nurseand you're currently bedside.
That's one thing but there'salso nurses who work from home
and they work with pharmacistsand you know prescription drug
companies etc.
Etc.
So it might be something tolook into yes and be willing to
transition to, in the event thatyou did have an aging parent
(16:04):
that needed to be at home withyou because the thing is too, is
like.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
I don't ever want to just say like it's not the
simple thing to just changecareers right, yeah, you made it
sound really easy no, I doapologize if I made it sound
easy, but trying to find thatflexibility, like you said, if
you are in a career that allowsit, because things have 100
obviously, obviously changedsince the pandemic, but then
also the reality is that if youare going to take on this
(16:27):
responsibility, you might haveto do a pivot career wise also.
Yeah, I mean it's not easy andI'm not saying that's the first
thing you should go to, but itcould provide some flexibility.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
No, it's always something to look into.
I mean something to be preparedfor.
Hopefully, again, this doesn'thappen and it doesn't need to be
the scenario, but, in the event, thinking about some flexible
options.
Or maybe, you know, in the caseof maybe one spouse is working
somewhere quote unquote in thefield, right, like in a hospital
(16:59):
or in an office, but then theother spouse has more
flexibility to work from home.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
Yeah, so the I mean I think that kind of also really
boils down to once again divingdeep into your own budget and
seeing what flexibility you havethere from a money management
standpoint.
You know, obviously two onecomes is better than you know
one most of the time.
But in that given scenario,instead of having to maybe
outsource the care for yourparents and pay for it, it might
(17:26):
make sense to either, you know,cut back on work, maybe not
work if it works for the numberstandpoint.
It's just being open to theoptions and exploring what's,
you know, possible.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
Right.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
It's hard.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
Yeah, I mean, I don't think any of this is easy
Because at the same time, it'sthe sandwich generation.
So you're doing all of thiswhile still, you know, maybe
packing school lunches orsetting your kid up in their
dorm for college, and I meanagain, you're still living your
life as it is.
And then you're adding thisextra component of taking care
(18:00):
of aging parents.
Speaker 1 (18:01):
Yeah, and the next one is like exploring different
options that may be available toyou or your current employer is
.
When it comes to like differenttypes of leave that may be
available to you, Main one we'rethinking about is like FMLA,
which is Family and Medicalstands for Family and Medical
Leave Act.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
Right.
Well, and that, I feel like,would be in a more dire
situation, because if you'refiling for FMLA, really the
protection is around, you stillget to keep your job, but in
most cases you are not gettingpaid during that time and I
think most of the time is cappedat 12 weeks, similar to when
you're taking your maternitybenefits.
(18:38):
So this is not the ideal routeto take, but in the event that
there would be somethingemergent, it is an option that
you can explore and you can talkto your HR department about it.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
And depending on where you work and how
progressive the workplacebenefits package is where you
work, you might have otheroptions of flexibility that you
can utilize.
But the key thing here we'resaying is look to find out.
Don't assume that like, oh, Idon't have this option.
No, explore it.
Like you said, talk to the HRdepartment, Explain to them what
(19:09):
your situation is and they maybe able to help you navigate
that.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
Yeah, I know through our employee assistance program
there is an aging parentcomponent.
I've never looked into it Again.
We're fortunate enough thatthat is not our scenario right
now, but I have seen thepaperwork that there is
something to help with eldercare, which you know even if you
just need becoming a caregiverto your parent can be mentally
(19:35):
very taxing.
Or being a caregiver to anybodyRight, even if it's your spouse
or whatever that situation maybe.
So, again, utilizing yourtherapy that you have available
to you, there's other networksof people a lot of times through
EAP that you have access to.
Sometimes you just need anoutlet and a place to talk
things through, to get ideas, totalk to other people who are
(19:57):
going through the same thing, tohelp shed clarity and
perspective on the situation.
Speaker 1 (20:02):
And you'd be surprised at.
You know, in this day and age,with you know all the negative
things that come with socialmedia and online and everything
like that, there can be somereal positive things as far as
finding communities online ofpeople that are, you know, in
the same situation as you andmaybe they have found ways to
successfully navigate it and youknow being in some of these
(20:22):
online.
You know groups can help youfind solutions that you
otherwise, exactly, absolutely,yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:29):
So utilize those resources for sure, because I
think in this situation,flexibility and support are key.
Speaker 1 (20:37):
Yeah, and the other thing is as far as, like you
know, finding other resourcesthat are available.
It's like utilizing differenttypes of financial and
caregiving assistance programs.
I mean, there's all.
Really what it is is alsounderstanding.
So you're going to have toobviously understand what your
parents are eligible for andwhat's available to them, and it
really is going to be doingsome research and also reaching
(20:59):
out to professionals that are,you know, within that specific
field.
There we go.
Loss of words for me, but also,like you know, understanding,
like the different aspects foryour parents as far as, like
their Medicaid, how their SocialSecurity benefits work.
Also, even looking in your area, are there any local nonprofits
that help out with thesedifferent issues that people are
(21:21):
encountering?
Speaker 2 (21:22):
Right.
Speaker 1 (21:24):
But then also, too, it's like you.
You know, if you're taking careof your parent, do they
possibly qualify as a dependentfrom a tax standpoint?
So therefore, you are havingyou know, lower your, lowering
your um taxable income there wego.
Oh my gosh, what is?
Speaker 2 (21:37):
happening to you?
He's y'all.
Brandon hasn't been to aconference in a long time I
forgot how tiring they can behe's like he.
I can see his like socialbattery draining.
We're going to have to get hima nap soon.
Speaker 1 (21:48):
Well, it's because I I I have.
I would say I'm a little bitmore introvert than I am
extrovert.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
Yeah, I would agree with that.
So you do well after peoplegoes up and talks to people
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
So I'm running low.
Is that an?
Speaker 2 (22:03):
ambervert, I don't know there's so many verts now,
but back to the topic at hand.
Okay, yes.
Speaker 1 (22:09):
Let's stay focused, Looking at the different
programs that could be availableto you to help, you know,
relieve some of that tax burden,understand, like I said, the
different tax credits anddeductions.
That scenario it's going to be,you know, could be state
specific for some things, butthen it's reaching out to a tech
professional, you know, findinga CPA that is well-versed in
this knowledge to help you outwith that.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
Yeah, absolutely.
Again, I mean this is areoccurring theme in all of our
episodes.
Right, seek professional help,seek professional help.
Do it before you're in direstraits.
Right, do it while you'renavigating.
Do it while you're fresh in,whatever that situation is.
We've said it.
I mean we've said it with willsand trusts.
(22:50):
We've said it with prenups.
We've said it on our bankruptcyepisode.
Reach out to professionals.
Don't assume, don't get yourinformation off of TikTok, don't
even get it from our podcast.
We are giving you the ideas andthe foundations of things to
dig into further with theseprofessionals.
That's why we are bringinglawyers and attorneys on.
(23:14):
That's why we're going to haveCPAs.
That's why we're going to havepeople who are professionals in
their industry.
Speaker 1 (23:20):
Yeah, because especially on this topic, we're
not speaking from firsthandexperience.
Speaker 2 (23:24):
Right.
Speaker 1 (23:24):
We're speaking because we have seen it in our
friend circle.
Yeah Cause, especially on thistopic, we're not speaking from
firsthand experience.
Right, we're speaking because wehave seen it in our friend
circle where these things havecome up and it's sometimes
issues of contention and they'retrying to just do what they can
Like I said to one, be wherethey want to be financially in
their life, while also having todeal with that aspect.
Because also the things heretoo I just want to address this
(23:44):
also is that normally it's notlike both parents, it's one
parent, so you don't want tostart having any resentment for
your partner because maybe theirparent is the one that you're
now financially taking care of.
So you have to have theseconversations openly with your
spouse and with your parents.
Because, for example, if I wasjust simply Thankfully, this
(24:07):
wouldn't be an issue because mymom has done well for herself,
but if I imagine I just moved mymom in the house without
talking to Jess that's not goingto fly.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
It is not.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
So you have to have these conversations and be open,
because you don't want to.
You know, bringing up a parentto help take care of them, and
that is one of the and thenthat's be the trigger point that
causes your marriage to not gowell.
Speaker 2 (24:31):
Right?
Well, because there's the theemotional and mental aspect
behind it and the time right Oflike, where are you spending
your time now?
But then if there's a hugemonetary component as well, I
mean, hey, you just took awayour vacation money because you
moved your mom in and maybe wehad to fund a whole new bedroom
set.
I mean, the possibilities ofwhat could happen are endless.
(24:53):
But again, you want to keepyour marriage and your
foundation rock solid.
So, having these conversationsand outlining, in the event that
this happens, what would thatlook like?
Again, you have to go back tothe finances.
It's a completely differentconversation if Brandon were to
say, hey, I have to go back tothe finances.
It's a completely differentconversation if Brandon were to
say, hey, I need to move my momin, but don't worry, she's got
all of her finances in place,she just needs a safe place to
(25:15):
live.
That's a very differentconversation than, ooh, I need
to get a second job because nowwe have my mom's medical
expenses and I'm not going to beable to work as much because
she's got this doctor'sappointment and that doctor's
appointment.
I mean those are very differentconversations.
Speaker 1 (25:30):
They are very different conversations and the
thing is, too, is that evensometimes like so, for example,
I'm going to use this is that,unfortunately, alzheimer's runs
in our family.
So one of the things that I didas early as possible with my
mom was is get her a long-termcare policy so that she has a
policy that, you know, godforbid if she if she does have
has Alzheimer's, she can getin-home care and it's not going
to completely deplete all theall the wealth that she's
(25:53):
accumulated.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
Right All right.
Speaker 1 (25:55):
So even sometimes in certain scenarios, if you know
certain things running yourfamily, it might be beneficial
that like hey get ahead of it.
Well, one get ahead of it.
But, like, if your parentscan't afford it, it might make
sense for you to just go aheadand pay for it, because that
will cost you less than thealternative of not having it and
still having to take care ofthem.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (26:13):
So sometimes it's putting these things in place
beforehand that you maybe haveto pay for because your parents
can't afford it, because in thelong run it's going to cost you
less.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
Yeah, that's a really good call out.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
Because I know.
I definitely call out because Iknow, I definitely know in
certain communities, um, Idefinitely have heard of people
like said parents can'tnecessarily afford a long-term
care policy, so the kids pulltogether.
They pay for it because theyknow it's going to be lost.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
It's going to be much more cost effective to have
that in place than thealternative, having to take care
of them themselves well, youcould even and not to get take
this to like a morbid type ofdark place, but you could do
that, even if it's like, hey, myparents don't have life
insurance but I, you know, havea great paying job and I know
that they're going to needburial expenses, et cetera, et
cetera.
(26:54):
And I mean the reality is, isgenerational wealth a lot of
times is built with lifeinsurance.
And so, taking a policy out onyour parent or parents, you know
, in the event that they don'thave proper life insurance,
that's an option as well.
Parents, you know, in the eventthat they don't have proper
life insurance, that's an optionas well.
For you know, when they're nolonger here, which is not what
that episode is about, but justthere are options in place.
And again, if you are needinglong-term care or want to talk
(27:19):
about disability insurance, lifeinsurance, all of those things,
that is something Brandon canhelp you with.
So, reach out, schedule sometime.
That long-term care, I meanhaving somebody come into your
home versus sending somebody toa facility.
I mean that in itself isbeneficial you know, and I mean
there's been studies about howhaving older generations around
(27:43):
younger generations in the samehome can actually extend their
life expectancy.
So I mean I know I would ratherbe at home with my family
getting the care that I needthan in some facility.
Speaker 1 (27:56):
And also the thing is , too, is like for certain
things let's just sayhypothetically, part of the
aspect of your parents needinghelp financially is due to debt
that they have.
We just released an episodethat talks about possibly filing
a bankruptcy, because maybeyour parent's situation, the
best situation, is to actuallyjust file bankruptcy.
Speaker 2 (28:15):
Right and depending on their age, like if they're
not looking to buy a house,they're not looking to buy a car
, they're not trying to acquireany more assets.
Why not liquidate all of theirdebts so that you don't have to
take on that burden?
I?
Mean who wants to be paying offmedical debts and credit card
debts and whatever else mighthave happened Bad divorces, bad
relationships, you getting intodebt because you know they
(28:36):
needed to get themselves out ofa bad situation.
Speaker 1 (28:39):
Yeah, if you haven't listened to that episode with
Adrian Hines, then I definitelyrecommend listening to it,
because it's just a greatepisode to listen to.
Yes, and I definitely recommendlistening to because it's just
a great episode to listen to.
Yes, it would completely changeyour perspective on bankruptcy
and make you understand that itcould be a vital tool to help
reset and put you on the path towhere you want to be.
Speaker 2 (28:56):
Exactly so.
Let's talk about we've talkedabout our parents.
Let's talk about our children,because I really want to make
sure that we do better right Ourbig thing is always know better
, do better.
How do we help our children notbe in that situation when it's
their time, when they have theirown families, when they are the
next sandwich generation?
(29:17):
How do we fix that?
How can we set them up forsuccess?
Speaker 1 (29:21):
I mean, first it just starts with having those money
conversations, just normalizinghaving everyday conversations
about money.
You know, with our kids wealways joke that they waste so
much food and, like strawberriesare not cheap.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
Oh my gosh, the berries, how many, how many.
If we had a dollar every timewe talk about the berries again,
we would be in Bora Bora.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
So it's just, you know, at a young age, starting
off with that, that, just makingthem understand that things
cost money, and I'm not sayinglike parade them about every
single, you know cent oh, Istraight up told aston, if she
leaves her room again withoutturning off the light, I'm
starting to take money out ofher dang piggy bank I said
something I did I did saysomething to roman the other day
where, like, oh, he was wearing, he was wearing his socks
(30:04):
outside he was wearing his socksoutside with no shoes on and
dirtying them up, and I was likeRoman, if you keep doing that
and we keep buying you new socks?
I was like you do realize sockscost money.
He's like yeah, I was like howmuch money do you have?
He said I got $20.
Speaker 2 (30:16):
That's his birthday money.
He is stuck on that $20.
I'm going to start taking Aston.
When they become adults, whenthey become adults and he goes
should we get a hot tub?
And Aston's response was well,hot tubs are really expensive,
(30:41):
you know.
And so it just again.
We're just.
We're not having deepconversations about money with
our kids, we're just making itrelatable.
We're talking about life and weare trying to help them
understand that everything youtouch in this home, everything
you touch in this car, costsmoney.
You know, aston came home andshe said hey, she was so like.
She was like I'm so sorry, I'mso sorry my headphones broke.
(31:03):
They were $13 headphones off ofAmazon, like they're not going
to last forever.
And we said it's not a big deal.
And thankfully we were able toorder her another pair um
without any problems.
But you know, she now is reallystarting to understand things
cost money.
When you don't eat your dinner,that is wasted money.
When you ruin your clothes,that is wasted money.
Speaker 1 (31:24):
And then also we we, I mean we are very open in the
conversations that we have asfar as like, oh you know, mommy
makes, mommy goes.
Why is mommy in her meetings?
Mommy's in her meetings?
Because she's working andthat's how she's making money to
help pay for the life that wehave.
And also making them understandthat like, hey, we're trying to
grow in our career, we'retrying to.
You know, it's not always justabout the money, but it's about
(31:44):
the life that we want to liveand, let's be honest, it's
funded by money.
So just making sure theyunderstand those basic things,
like we're not, like I'm notlike teaching my kids about,
like, the S and P 500 oranything like that, not at this
point.
That would be a conversation asthey get older and, you know,
as they progress in theirknowledge.
But really it's just gettingthem comfortable talking about
money.
So, like in our house, it's notgoing to be a taboo, it's not
(32:06):
going to be something they'rescared to talk about.
It's not going to.
They're not going to grow upbeing shamed about money.
They're not going to grow upbeing afraid of money.
It's going to, it's going to bethe normal conversation and
that's really what we want themto do because, let's just say
hypothetically- you know youdon't get all the financial
literacy, you are going to bemuch more prone to go get that
information.
Speaker 2 (32:27):
Absolutely.
And then also one of the bigthings that we talk about all
the time in our house is problemsolving.
So if you feel comfortable andthere's no shame around talking
about money and you feelcomfortable asking questions,
then you're also going to doresearch and figure out how to
problem solve things you know,as they get older.
I mean, aston was alreadytalking about she wanted a face
(32:48):
painting kit and she was talkingabout how she could make that
her business and she could be aface painter at birthday parties
.
We are absolutely leaning intothat and are encouraging her to,
you know, to practice her facepainting and then, yeah, maybe
we go to the park one day andmaybe she does some face
painting and then maybe shestarts charging.
I mean, we want, you know them,to have that entrepreneurial
(33:11):
spirit and to really understandthat you can make your life what
you want it to be.
And when it comes to, hey,mommy and daddy are in meetings,
like, let's respect their time,we pull it back to you know,
hey, remember when we went onthat Disney cruise and had that
great adventure that costs money.
And so we tie it back to thethings we know that they love
and currently are important tothem.
(33:31):
And one of the things that wetalk to them about is this
Christmas we're actually goingaway and we're doing a Christmas
trip and we're not buying thempresents Now.
We're still going to do ministocking stuffers.
They don't know that.
Speaker 1 (33:44):
And they'll probably get some presents, obviously
from other people.
Speaker 2 (33:48):
Maybe, but we're not encouraging that.
But we really want them tounderstand the value of you know
the trip, the flight is part ofyour present.
The hotel room is part of yourpresent.
When we go out to dinner whilewe're on this trip, that is part
of your present.
And they've already wrappedtheir head around it and they're
really excited, and so you knowshowing them what we spend
money on and that's where wefind value.
Speaker 1 (34:09):
And then let's just be honest, these little toys.
Speaker 2 (34:11):
Oh my God, Our kids have more toys than they need.
Like what toy from your?
Speaker 1 (34:17):
childhood.
Do you remember getting atChristmas?
You're not going to rememberthat from when you were five.
I have no idea what I got forChristmas when I was five years
old.
No idea, but when.
I was five years old, no idea.
Speaker 2 (34:24):
But I do remember you remember your trips.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
I do remember taking a trip to Acapulco, mexico, when
I was five and there was likethousands of crabs in the street
that terrified me.
See, I remember all that.
Speaker 2 (34:33):
It's the adventures that are long lasting.
So that's what we want to giveour children, and if that's not
what you want to give yourchildren, that's okay.
We're just giving the exampleof how we normalize money
conversations, because that'swhere it starts.
When we have guests and we askthem their first money memory, a
lot of them are hey, there wasno financial conversation in our
(34:53):
house.
We weren't allowed to talkabout money.
I didn't learn about moneyuntil I went to college.
We don't want that to happen.
That is the start of so manyproblems.
Speaker 1 (35:02):
I want our kids to be the ones that, once they go to
college and they have a friendor a roommate, or whether, like
I don't know about this, I don'tknow about this, and like I got
you, Exactly, I can help youwith this.
Yes, and the thing is, too, isthat, like I said, it's
progressions in regards've beendoing, and this is what we're
going to continue doing for you,and I want you to understand
(35:30):
how this works, how it'sbeneficial for you and all those
things as well, so, likeshowing them the hands-on aspect
of it as well.
Speaker 2 (35:37):
Yes, I mean, we obviously talk about saving as
well.
We talk about not.
You know, if you get a giftcard for your birthday or you
get money for your birthday,let's put it in our piggy bank.
We're going to save that moneyand, yes, we want to encourage
you to spend it on somethingthat's meaningful to you, but
let's also make sure that we'regiving and that we're saving and
(35:57):
that we're planning for a rainyday, so to speak.
Speaker 1 (36:00):
And the thing is too, we want to make sure that
obviously they're little kids.
We want our kids to enjoy theirchildhood and enjoy being kids,
because you have such a shortperiod of time in life to be a
child.
Speaker 2 (36:09):
Yes, oh, so short.
Speaker 1 (36:10):
But what I want to instill in them is like take a
second stop and think, hey, isthis thing that I'm purchasing,
is it really going to bring mejoy or is it just a
gratification for a momentbecause I want to buy something?
Speaker 2 (36:22):
Yeah, we know that our children's generation for
sure need to learn or unlearnthe instant gratification.
Like patience is one of thebest things, I think, we can
teach our children.
Speaker 1 (36:34):
I would say they're even getting a little bit better
.
Just like asking, asking Aston,or asking Roman like hey, do
you really want to spend yourmoney on that Cause?
Like, especially like our sonRoman, he loves little um hot
wheel cars and he has hundredsand hundreds of them.
And I'm like Roman, do you?
Speaker 2 (36:48):
really want, do you really need?
Speaker 1 (36:49):
another one.
Unfortunately, at this point intime it's the most important
thing in his entire life, butthat's like all he asks for.
He doesn't ask for all theseother things.
Speaker 2 (36:59):
I mean they're like 99 cents to $1.25, depending on
where you go.
So it feels very manageable,you know.
But I think that there's alsogoing to come a time where it's
hey, you're asking for this, buthow about if we wait a week and
mommy gives you two extradollars because you waited?
And then you pull in likecompound interest, right, and
(37:20):
then you start like looping inthose terms that are going to be
beneficial, like hey, if youcan be patient, if you can wait,
your money can grow.
Or here's why we're putting itin this kind of an account, so
that it can grow and it canstart working for you.
Because, again, we very muchbelieve money is a tool.
It is not the goal anything.
Speaker 1 (37:38):
The thing is to like kind of taking a step back.
Um, you just don't want torepeat the same patterns you
know, just because you know yourparents didn't have the
financial literacy that wasavailable to them.
You maybe didn't have itgrowing up the way that you
would like to.
You want to change that, thatnarrative, and the thing is too.
It's like know better, dobetter, and we have so many more
(38:01):
resources, so you can't faultto a certain extent.
You sometimes can't fault yourparents because they didn't know
what they didn't know and theydidn't have access to it.
Speaker 2 (38:07):
Right, and their parents definitely weren't
talking to them about it.
Okay, you mentioned the 529plan.
We have an entire episodealready released on 529s.
Go listen to it.
There's been a lot of reallypositive changes to 529 plans
and we just encourage you tolisten to it.
Can you talk briefly about anUTMA account?
Speaker 1 (38:26):
An UTMA account stands for Uniform Transfer
Minor Account and basically whatit is is an investment account
for a child that is custodialessentially for 18 years or less
right.
No, no, no.
Well, as far as for the child,yes, yes.
So what ends up happening isit's a.
An UTMA account, is a UniformTransfer to Minor account and
(38:51):
it's an investment account foryour child, but it is owned
essentially by the parent untilthe child reaches a certain age
of adulthood.
In North Carolina, for us it's22.
In some states it's 18.
It varies, but the idea is thatit's actually in the child's
name, so it's taxed differently.
If there's any taxation onthere, then it's taxed
differently because it's taxedunder the child's name as
(39:12):
compared to being in the adult.
But the big thing is that oncethey become of age, the account
does transfer to them regardless.
Speaker 2 (39:20):
So then that's where that financial literacy comes in
where it's like no, no, no,we're not touching that money.
It's yours now, but we're nottouching it.
Speaker 1 (39:27):
So if you've, like I said, if you've been putting a
bunch of money in it since theday they were born and it's been
growing, and they have amillion dollars possibly in that
account, it becomes theirs todo whatever they want at 22 in
North Carolina, possibly 18.
Speaker 2 (39:40):
Now you did say parents, but then you also said
adult.
But this is also like if you'rethe rich auntie listening, you
can open an app for you know anychild in your life and hold
onto that account again untilthey turn 18.
Speaker 1 (39:53):
Same idea with the 529 plan.
Speaker 2 (39:55):
Right.
Speaker 1 (39:55):
Cause you can open up a five, like, for example, if
you're a grandparent, you canopen up a 529 plan for your
grandchild.
Speaker 2 (40:01):
Yeah, I love that.
All right, we've covered a lot.
I know we also gave you a lotof stories.
Speaker 1 (40:07):
We kind of veered a little bit here and there.
Speaker 2 (40:10):
But let's be serious.
That's why you're here, becauseyou like our stories.
But we hope that in thesandwich generation that we're
in, where we're raising ourlittle humans, but also wanting
to really ensure that ourparents are taken care of,
they're provided for, they'vegot what they need you know,
it's so easy to get burnt out,so we need to also make sure
(40:30):
that we are taking care ofourselves, and that starts by
having the conversations withour parents to understand their
financial situation.
Everything starts with propercommunication.
Speaker 1 (40:43):
What's going on in your life?
What do you need help with?
How can I help you?
What can we do?
I need all the details so thatwe know what we're working with.
Speaker 2 (40:52):
Yeah, and also going back to the communication
between you and your partner,for example, right, having the
conversations of what happens ifyeah.
Worst case scenario.
Speaker 1 (41:04):
Because we I mean Jess and I have talked about
this Right Because, like I said,I have, unfortunately,
Alzheimer's on my side of thefamily, my mom and her side, for
her mom, they have dementia,Right.
Speaker 2 (41:13):
So these are real conversations that we have
trying to understand.
Well, what if we do need tomove somebody?
And what is that going to looklike?
How is that going to change ourlives?
How does it change the finances?
Again, don't wait until thelast minute to have that
conversation.
Just start talking about it now, and hopefully it doesn't turn
into your reality.
In the event that it does, it'snot going to be the first time
(41:36):
you talk about it.
Speaker 1 (41:41):
And here's the thing I'm talking to specifically some
of our friends that we've hadthis conversation with, who I'm
like.
Do you know how your parents'finances are?
And they're like I thinkthey're okay Right.
Speaker 2 (41:47):
There's a lot of thinking.
Speaker 1 (41:49):
You can't operate in, I think maybe I feel like when
you're dealing with finances,that's not an area you need to
operate in, especially when youcan have an answer.
Speaker 2 (41:59):
Right Literally pull up the account.
Speaker 1 (42:02):
Have your parents sit down and go through this with
you.
Like I said, I might be alittle abrasive when I come to
it.
You know with maybe mybackground and what I do and
just my personality in general,but let them know.
Speaker 2 (42:13):
I just said, I would say passionate.
Speaker 1 (42:14):
Passionate, there we go.
Abrasive is like very negative,but I definitely agree with
your approach as far as likecoming to them from a place of
like, love and concern yes, andplanning and preparation right,
but yeah, come, come at it froma place of love for sure.
Speaker 2 (42:33):
So you know, think about that balancing of work and
caregiving, should that come up, as well as utilizing, you know
, resources and other supportsystems.
Really get to know youremployee benefits package.
Speaker 1 (42:45):
What's available to you Understand the tax
deductions, the credits.
Whatever it may be, it's worthit to hire a really good CPA
that understands this.
Speaker 2 (42:53):
Yes, a licensed financial planner is not a CPA,
so Brandon is not a CPA.
Speaker 1 (42:59):
He's not going to answer your tax questions.
Don't reach out to me about thetax deductions and credits that
are available through this,because I am not your person at
all.
Speaker 2 (43:05):
Not your person, he's not your guy for that.
Speaker 1 (43:07):
However, I do know CPAs that can help you, so if
you are looking forrecommendations, I can
definitely provide those.
Speaker 2 (43:13):
Yes, and we've actually been meeting multiple
awesome CPAs here at theconference as well, so we've got
even more great contacts now.
And then, you know, set up yourkids for success.
Start the conversations.
Have regular conversations withyour children about money.
Normalize it in your household.
Take away the shame, take awaythe fear.
(43:33):
You know, and there areresources.
There's now more children'sbooks than there's ever been
before.
About, um, about money andchildren.
We had lunch with somebody fromally today, and ally has really
great resources for children aswell.
Again, just get the informationin front of them.
Normalize that conversation.
Speaker 1 (43:53):
Yeah, best way to uh deal with the problem is prevent
it from occurring.
Speaker 2 (43:57):
Exactly, exactly.
Well, friends, welcome to thesandwich generation.
We are officially in it.
Whether you have kids incollege or kids in preschool, we
all have aging parents, boomerparents at this point, hopefully
, this episode just shed somelight on what you can do now to
start the conversation, startthe planning process and, if you
(44:25):
need any help in the arena of,you know, looking at your
finances together, maybe havinga mediator there, brandon is
happy to help with that.
If you're looking at long-termcare for your parents and you
know they don't have itdisability insurance, et cetera
Brandon can help you do that.
Schedule your free consult.
Speaker 1 (44:43):
He's never going to sell or pitch you anything that
you don't need, but we want youto be prepared for when you do
need it and also just to knowthat you're not alone and if
you're dealing with thisstruggle you're not alone.
There's people out there thatare dealing with it also, and I
think sometimes it doesn't fixthe problem, but from a mental
health standpoint it can behelpful to know that I'm not in
this by myself.
Speaker 2 (45:01):
Yeah, I mean, even though we're not in it, we're
still in it because we'rethinking about it we're planning
for it.
We're having the conversation,yeah.
Speaker 1 (45:11):
So we're at the part of that prevention.
So we have these conversationsearly to make sure that if it
does come to the point where weare taking care of our parents
in some capacity, that themoney's there to handle it.
Speaker 2 (45:21):
Yeah, and let's be serious, because I don't know
that my brother's listening.
It's going to fall to me andit's going to fall to you.
Speaker 1 (45:29):
Yeah, we already have older sibling issues.
Speaker 2 (45:32):
Yeah, I mean, let's be real, it's going to be you
and me taking care of ourparents and not our siblings.
If they want to step up, that'sgreat, but you know, just have
the conversation.
So we're going to wrap up.
Thank you for being with ustoday.
Thanks to LLCAttorneycom forsponsoring the live podcast at
FinCon 2024.
(45:53):
We hope you've enjoyed thisepisode.
Share it with a friend, shareit with your partner that needs
to hear this.
And happy sandwiching, don'tforget.
Benjamin franklin said aninvestment in knowledge pays the
best interest.
You just got paid until nexttime thanks for listening to
(46:14):
today's episode.
Speaker 1 (46:15):
We go.
Speaker 2 (46:16):
Smart investments money flow.
Thanks for listening to today'sepisode.
We are so glad to have you aspart of our Sugar Daddy
community.
If you learned something today,please remember to subscribe,
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(46:40):
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Speaker 1 (46:48):
Our content is intended to be used, and must be
used, for informationalpurposes only.
It is very important to do yourown analysis before making any
investment based upon your ownpersonal circumstances.
You should take independentfinancial advice from a licensed
professional in connection withor independently research and
verify any information you findin our podcast and wish to rely
upon, whether for the purpose ofmaking an investment decision
or otherwise.
So having that conversation as early as
possible with your parents andmaking sure that one they have a
plan.
And by making sure they have aplan I mean thoroughly talking
through it and actually seeingand looking at not just when
your parents are like, oh,everything's fine, everything's
fine, no, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Show me, pull up these accounts, show me what's
in these accounts.
Show me your life insurance,show me your disability
insurance.
Show me what you have in that401k, that 403b, that IRA.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
Yes, because too many times I know it's hard to have
those conversations with yourparents because they also still
view you as a child sometimes insome aspects.
But, like Jess said, you haveto actually have the numbers
behind it.
Hey, babe, what are we talkingabout today?
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Well, today is a special episode because Brandon
and I are at FinCon 2024.
We are recording this episodelive from the quote unquote
FinCon studios.
Thank you to LLCattorneycom forthis setup.
So we're super excited andpumped, not only for this
(01:13):
episode because it's going to begreat, but also just because
we're here and we're incommunity with so many of the
other content creators thatwe've been following, people
that we've had on the podcast,and so we are hyped up but also
exhausted at the same time,because it's already been.
We're only on day two and we'vealready learned so much.
(01:33):
We've had some great keynotesalready, great connections with
folks, and so we're just reallyexcited to be here and happy to
be recording live.
We wanted this to be anexperience.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
Yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
So, going back to hey , babe, what are we talking
about today?
Today, we are talking about thesandwich generation.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
Yes, yes, let's go ahead and get the definition so
people understand exactly whatthe sandwich generation is.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Okay, and this is a noun.
It is officially a real word.
It is a noun.
This is a noun.
It is officially a real word,it is a noun.
And the sandwich generation isthe millennials and Gen X, who
take care of aging parents andtheir own kids at the same time.
They're, quote unquote,sandwiched between caring for
two generations, so this can bestressful, as they balance
(02:19):
caregiving with their own livesand work.
Sound familiar.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
I would say thankfully we're not necessarily
in that situation, but wedefinitely have extreme.
We definitely have friends,though, that are 100% in this
exact situation.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
Yeah, they're taking care of their school age
children and also, you know,fully financially supporting
their parents, moving theirparents into their homes.
I mean, that is literally whatthis episode is all about.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
Yeah, I mean.
Think about all the parents outthere, think about how much you
spend on taking care of yourchildren.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
So much.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Now add the added stress of having to also
financially support, maybecompletely or partially, your
parents for multiple reasons.
You know it could be due toillness, it could be to, you
know, not proper planning onyour parents' part.
But I just am thankful that youknow that's not our situation
and I can definitely sympathizefor those who just feel stuck.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
Because life itself costs so much money just for you
and your own family, not havingto deal with taking on the
burdens of other people that youprobably never thought that
you'd have to take care of.
Because, let's be honest, mostpeople don't think about.
Hey, once I get to one point inmy life, I'm going to have to
financially take care of myparents.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
Well, and it's not only the financial aspect that
is a huge component, but there'salso the hey.
I need to now take off of workto take my aging parent to the
doctor, or you know if, if maybethere's some early onset
dementia or alzheimer's and theycannot live alone anymore and
now you're moving them into yourhome, or you're having to
(03:57):
purchase a new place to live toactually accommodate an extra
person, or or your parents, ifit's a two you know two person
situation, bringing them intoyour home.
So now you're having toaccommodate in those larger ways
.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
I mean, that's a lot yeah, because you know getting
into the aspects of, like, youknow the financial pressures and
challenges that come with thatis one like you want to do
proper planning for your ownlife, your you and your spouse,
whoever may be your kids, andfocus on that.
So you know saving enough moneyfor your kids to go to college
(04:31):
or, if you're already in college, you know paying for college,
saving for retirement, just ingeneral, doing the financial
plan that we've talked aboutthat you'd be doing for your own
family.
Now, the hard part is is that,when it comes to the budgeting
aspect, you're budgeting forthose things, but now you have
another line item that you haveto budget for, because, same
things that you're doing foryour own family, now you should
take on the expenses of yourparents, and it's kind of like
(04:53):
what do I do?
You know in what order should Ido this?
Can I do this?
Or you know, are there, isthere anything out there that
can help me do this?
right and is there I mean thereality is, is that this is a.
This is a new thing, becauseI'm not saying that previous
generations haven't had to takecare of um the older generation,
(05:15):
while taking care of someaspects of their current family
and their kids.
But I would say, with the waythe economy is, the, the way
that you know inflation as faras how much things cost, because
I hesitate to use the wordinflation because I think
partial is inflation, the otherpart is actually you know
corporate greed.
And then also incomes notkeeping up with you know the
(05:38):
cost of things and it's just,it's a lot in this day and age
as compared to, maybe, if peoplewere doing this 20, 30 years
ago.
Speaker 2 (05:45):
A hundred percent.
I mean, we've talked about onevery episode.
Life is so expensive and sowhen you're adding extra bodies
to take care of in any capacity,it costs money and it can it
feel like it can feel like itadds up fast, you know.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
And the first thing I would say is that, like you do
need to, well, first you need tohave the conversation.
Let's start, let's take a stepback.
What can you do to possiblyhelp prevent this?
Okay you want to start there?
Sure okay, so one of the thingsthat I've always said on this
podcast could I have preventedmy parents not being ready to
(06:23):
retire?
Speaker 2 (06:24):
Is that what we're talking about?
Speaker 1 (06:26):
No, no, no, no.
What I'm saying is that yourparents may not have.
Let's just stick with and makeit easy for the retirement
aspect.
Maybe they haven't done properplanning, but the idea of having
the conversation as soon aspossible with them to see what
their finances are.
So, for example, if your parentsare about five years from
retiring and they have not donethe proper planning throughout
(06:47):
the course of their life inorder to properly retire,
knowing five years beforehand isnot going to completely erase
all the other bad decisions thatwere made or completely fix the
problem, but it could help insome aspects as compared to
waiting Five years, is betterthan six months.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
Yeah, exactly, Because it's also also the thing
is too, is that obviously some?
Speaker 1 (07:05):
aspects as compared to five years is better than hey
, in six months, yeah, yeah,exactly, because it's also also
the thing is too is thatobviously in those?
I'm gonna say obviously,because there's a plethora of
things that can cause theseissues to happen.
But let's just say,hypothetically, your parents
just never had a plan.
They never had a plan.
So you were their plan, yeah, sohaving a conversation, at least
laying out a plan.
And also, the thing is, too, isthat have you ever had a
(07:26):
problem where you didn't reallydissect the problem itself and
you thought it was thistremendously huge problem?
But when you actually stoppedand did the work and found out
the details of the problem, theproblem wasn't quite as big as
you thought it was being, it wasmanageable.
So having that conversation asearly as possible with your
parents and making sure that onethey have a plan and by making
(07:46):
sure they have a plan I meanthoroughly talking through it
now.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
I know this might be actually seeing and looking at
not just when your parents arelike oh, everything's fine,
everything's fine, no, no, no,no, no, show me yes pull up
these accounts.
Show me what's in theseaccounts.
Show me your life insurance.
Show me your disabilityinsurance.
Show me what's in theseaccounts.
Show me your life insurance.
Show me your disabilityinsurance.
Show me what you have in that401k, that 403b, that IRA.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
Yes, because too many times I know it's hard to have
those conversations with yourparents because they also still
view you as a child sometimes insome aspects.
But, like Jess said, you haveto actually have the numbers
behind it.
Them simply saying, yeah, we'refine.
What does that mean?
Because even if they don't wantto necessarily have that
conversation with you and giveyou some pushback, at the end of
the day you're going to need toknow this information because
(08:31):
the day that they do pass away,you are going to have to handle
their estates.
You're going to have to knowthe information one way or
another.
And this is one way to get theinformation up front when it's
easy, when they're healthy.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
When everybody's sound of mind, of sound mind,
yeah, of sound mind.
Speaker 1 (08:44):
But then also you can help them navigate.
If you see any areas wherethere could be some potential
problems.
And if that approach doesn'twork I think I've said it on
here a million times I will drawa line in the sand and say that
if you do not want to have thisconversation to make sure that
you are all set when it comes toretirement, do not ask me for a
(09:07):
dime if the issue arises downthe line, Because we could have
mitigated maybe some of theserisks by having this
conversation early on, and Idon't want you to burden me with
your lack of preparation, yourlack of willingness to be open
and have a conversation about it.
And now I have to deal with theissue when I'm trying to handle
everything in regards to mylife and my family.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
Right.
Have you been listening to ourpodcast and wondering how am I
really doing with my money?
Am I doing the right thingswith my investments?
Am I on track to reach myfinancial goals?
What could I be doing better?
If you answered yes to any ofthese questions, then it's time
(09:49):
for you to reach out to Brandonto schedule your free yes, I
said free 30-minute introductionconversation to see how his
services could help make you themore confident moneymaker we
know you could be.
What are you waiting for?
It's literally free and at thevery least, you'll walk away
feeling more empowered andconfident about your financial
(10:10):
future.
Link is in our show notes.
Go schedule your call today.
Brandon is very passionate aboutthat.
I know he said it a few timeson the podcast.
We talk about it all the timeand when he talks about that
line in the sand, he has drawnit for all of our family members
.
Speaker 1 (10:29):
Yes, I have said this too, like thankfully, most of
our family listens to you knowwhat I try to tell them and I
help them out, you know as faras managing their money and
everything like that, so it'snot really a huge issue, but I
definitely said I I was like youknow what I do for a living
(10:49):
let's go ahead and have theseconversations.
If you don't and there's issueson the line do not come to me.
Then yeah, because I'mproactively coming to you now
with time right because time isthe biggest factor in all of
this yep, and we have it on ourside at this point in time.
And if you don't want to, youknow, talk to me don't come to
me later don't don't comeknocking on this door you,
because I know that's such ahard thing to do and a hard
thing to say.
You know, because it's yourparents, and is it?
Speaker 2 (11:09):
would it actually be the reality of like?
Speaker 1 (11:11):
well, I told you five years ago not to come to me, so
well, think about it too,because then this could become
like a cascading effect where,like, you are doing proper
planning in your life and yourparents derailed your planning.
So now, like once you get totheir age, you didn't have the
plan in place, you don't havethe money in place that you
thought you would have, becausethey sucked it out right and now
your kids are stuck yeah, youknow what this reminds me.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
I was like seeing this guy um obviously years ago
and and I.
I used to like drive my caruntil the gas light was like on,
on, you know, and he was alwayslike you need to just go and
get gas, and I don't know whyit's.
I don't do it anymore I havenot done it since this time, um,
(12:00):
but he always was like do notcall me if you run out of gas.
And I, straight up, ran out ofgas once.
It was the first and only timein my life.
Yes, it totally does.
First and only time in my lifethat I've run out of gas.
And of course I called him andhe's like I don't know what
you're calling me for.
And I mean, you know,everything's totally fine.
(12:20):
He's got a beautiful wife,beautiful child, now all the
things, like everything ended onon fine terms and we even and
joked about it.
But he was like I told you fromthe very beginning do not call
me if you run out of gas,because I'm telling you to fill
up your gas tank.
So anyway, that's what thatreminded me of.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
I mean it's but it's true, because we talk about the
things that we are, you know,talking to our kids about when
it comes to finances and settingthem up for a better place when
they get older than you knowwhere we're at.
The idea is to pass theknowledge along that we have
acquired and build upon that.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
Know better, do better.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
But.
But if you don't have the moneyto do these things, you know,
then we would just pass theburden down to them as far as
having to take care of us,because we had to take care of
our parents.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
Well, you know, it's even crazier going back to like
really, and you might need toease your way into saying, hey,
mom and dad, we need to havethis conversation Right Like you
can't just like bombard themand pull up your accounts.
I mean, that's not going to work.
So you need to ease in.
You need to say, you know, hey,these are the things we're
thinking of, these are top ofmind.
We want to make sure you're OK,come at it from a place of love
(13:37):
and concern and and you knowwanting them to be in a good
place.
As you're saying, hey, we needto look at your savings, we need
to look at your debt.
Do you have long term care inplace?
What does it look like?
Et cetera.
You want long-term care inplace, what does it look like?
Etc.
You want those details and youcan't just have your parents
keep telling you oh, we're fine,we're fine, don't worry.
Don't worry because, likebrandon said, it is going to
fall to us at the end of the day.
But we have friends who haveparents living with them and
they don't know anything abouttheir financial situation yeah
(13:59):
they are, they are living andthat that's it.
There's no knowledge of theirdebt, their credit cards, their
credit score, their this, theirthat.
That is not okay.
Speaker 1 (14:09):
Yeah, for me.
I don't judge anybody about thesituation because that's their
situation, but I can assure youthat if one of our parents had
to live with us in our house,I'm going to know everything
about your finances before youmove in Right.
That's just the rule, either ithappens or you don't move in.
Speaker 2 (14:24):
You need to be an open book at that point.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
Because, I mean, you got to think about it too and
unfortunately, in thosescenarios, that dynamic between
being the parent and the childis one thing, but then if you're
asking me to fund something foryou, Now I'm the parent.
Yes, the dynamic has to changeand they can't view you through
that same lens.
Through that same lens, becauseyou can't say like, oh, you
don't need to worry about this,but I'm paying all your bills.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
That's not how that works, right?
That's like just when your mamais like oh, you can't, I can't
check those text messages.
Who's paying that phone bill?
Exactly, it's the same thing, Imean the the table can turn
yeah in that.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
In that sense I'll say I was gonna say it's so like
, obviously the best route is totry to be preemptive, to
prevent from getting to thispoint.
But if you are currently inthis point, then there are some
things that you can do to maybehelp mitigate that situation.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
Okay, let's talk about those, because we want to
give people solutions.
We don't want to induce stressand anxiety of people being like
, oh, my mom's going to move inwith me.
Speaker 1 (15:19):
Well, I'm going to go ahead and start with one of the
things that we actually do, butwe're not in this current
situation, and that's havingflexibility in your career, your
work schedule, so workingremote, for example, those
individuals that maybe have toactually care for an ill parent
being able to work remote canallow you that flexibility.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
But there's plenty of professions that cannot work
remote right Now.
Now let's say you're a nurseand you're currently bedside.
That's one thing but there'salso nurses who work from home
and they work with pharmacistsand you know prescription drug
companies etc.
Etc.
So it might be something tolook into yes and be willing to
transition to, in the event thatyou did have an aging parent
(16:04):
that needed to be at home withyou because the thing is too, is
like.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
I don't ever want to just say like it's not the
simple thing to just changecareers right, yeah, you made it
sound really easy no, I doapologize if I made it sound
easy, but trying to find thatflexibility, like you said, if
you are in a career that allowsit, because things have 100
obviously, obviously changedsince the pandemic, but then
also the reality is that if youare going to take on this
(16:27):
responsibility, you might haveto do a pivot career wise also.
Yeah, I mean it's not easy andI'm not saying that's the first
thing you should go to, but itcould provide some flexibility.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
No, it's always something to look into.
I mean something to be preparedfor.
Hopefully, again, this doesn'thappen and it doesn't need to be
the scenario, but, in the event, thinking about some flexible
options.
Or maybe, you know, in the caseof maybe one spouse is working
somewhere quote unquote in thefield, right, like in a hospital
(16:59):
or in an office, but then theother spouse has more
flexibility to work from home.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
Yeah, so the I mean I think that kind of also really
boils down to once again divingdeep into your own budget and
seeing what flexibility you havethere from a money management
standpoint.
You know, obviously two onecomes is better than you know
one most of the time.
But in that given scenario,instead of having to maybe
outsource the care for yourparents and pay for it, it might
(17:26):
make sense to either, you know,cut back on work, maybe not
work if it works for the numberstandpoint.
It's just being open to theoptions and exploring what's,
you know, possible.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
Right.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
It's hard.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
Yeah, I mean, I don't think any of this is easy
Because at the same time, it'sthe sandwich generation.
So you're doing all of thiswhile still, you know, maybe
packing school lunches orsetting your kid up in their
dorm for college, and I meanagain, you're still living your
life as it is.
And then you're adding thisextra component of taking care
(18:00):
of aging parents.
Speaker 1 (18:01):
Yeah, and the next one is like exploring different
options that may be available toyou or your current employer is
.
When it comes to like differenttypes of leave that may be
available to you, Main one we'rethinking about is like FMLA,
which is Family and Medicalstands for Family and Medical
Leave Act.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
Right.
Well, and that, I feel like,would be in a more dire
situation, because if you'refiling for FMLA, really the
protection is around, you stillget to keep your job, but in
most cases you are not gettingpaid during that time and I
think most of the time is cappedat 12 weeks, similar to when
you're taking your maternitybenefits.
(18:38):
So this is not the ideal routeto take, but in the event that
there would be somethingemergent, it is an option that
you can explore and you can talkto your HR department about it.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
And depending on where you work and how
progressive the workplacebenefits package is where you
work, you might have otheroptions of flexibility that you
can utilize.
But the key thing here we'resaying is look to find out.
Don't assume that like, oh, Idon't have this option.
No, explore it.
Like you said, talk to the HRdepartment, Explain to them what
(19:09):
your situation is and they maybe able to help you navigate
that.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
Yeah, I know through our employee assistance program
there is an aging parentcomponent.
I've never looked into it Again.
We're fortunate enough thatthat is not our scenario right
now, but I have seen thepaperwork that there is
something to help with eldercare, which you know even if you
just need becoming a caregiverto your parent can be mentally
(19:35):
very taxing.
Or being a caregiver to anybodyRight, even if it's your spouse
or whatever that situation maybe.
So, again, utilizing yourtherapy that you have available
to you, there's other networksof people a lot of times through
EAP that you have access to.
Sometimes you just need anoutlet and a place to talk
things through, to get ideas, totalk to other people who are
(19:57):
going through the same thing, tohelp shed clarity and
perspective on the situation.
Speaker 1 (20:02):
And you'd be surprised at.
You know, in this day and age,with you know all the negative
things that come with socialmedia and online and everything
like that, there can be somereal positive things as far as
finding communities online ofpeople that are, you know, in
the same situation as you andmaybe they have found ways to
successfully navigate it and youknow being in some of these
(20:22):
online.
You know groups can help youfind solutions that you
otherwise, exactly, absolutely,yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:29):
So utilize those resources for sure, because I
think in this situation,flexibility and support are key.
Speaker 1 (20:37):
Yeah, and the other thing is as far as, like you
know, finding other resourcesthat are available.
It's like utilizing differenttypes of financial and
caregiving assistance programs.
I mean, there's all.
Really what it is is alsounderstanding.
So you're going to have toobviously understand what your
parents are eligible for andwhat's available to them, and it
really is going to be doingsome research and also reaching
(20:59):
out to professionals that are,you know, within that specific
field.
There we go.
Loss of words for me, but also,like you know, understanding,
like the different aspects foryour parents as far as, like
their Medicaid, how their SocialSecurity benefits work.
Also, even looking in your area, are there any local nonprofits
that help out with thesedifferent issues that people are
(21:21):
encountering?
Speaker 2 (21:22):
Right.
Speaker 1 (21:24):
But then also, too, it's like you.
You know, if you're taking careof your parent, do they
possibly qualify as a dependentfrom a tax standpoint?
So therefore, you are havingyou know, lower your, lowering
your um taxable income there wego.
Oh my gosh, what is?
Speaker 2 (21:37):
happening to you?
He's y'all.
Brandon hasn't been to aconference in a long time I
forgot how tiring they can behe's like he.
I can see his like socialbattery draining.
We're going to have to get hima nap soon.
Speaker 1 (21:48):
Well, it's because I I I have.
I would say I'm a little bitmore introvert than I am
extrovert.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
Yeah, I would agree with that.
So you do well after peoplegoes up and talks to people
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
So I'm running low.
Is that an?
Speaker 2 (22:03):
ambervert, I don't know there's so many verts now,
but back to the topic at hand.
Okay, yes.
Speaker 1 (22:09):
Let's stay focused, Looking at the different
programs that could be availableto you to help, you know,
relieve some of that tax burden,understand, like I said, the
different tax credits anddeductions.
That scenario it's going to be,you know, could be state
specific for some things, butthen it's reaching out to a tech
professional, you know, findinga CPA that is well-versed in
this knowledge to help you outwith that.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
Yeah, absolutely.
Again, I mean this is areoccurring theme in all of our
episodes.
Right, seek professional help,seek professional help.
Do it before you're in direstraits.
Right, do it while you'renavigating.
Do it while you're fresh in,whatever that situation is.
We've said it.
I mean we've said it with willsand trusts.
(22:50):
We've said it with prenups.
We've said it on our bankruptcyepisode.
Reach out to professionals.
Don't assume, don't get yourinformation off of TikTok, don't
even get it from our podcast.
We are giving you the ideas andthe foundations of things to
dig into further with theseprofessionals.
That's why we are bringinglawyers and attorneys on.
(23:14):
That's why we're going to haveCPAs.
That's why we're going to havepeople who are professionals in
their industry.
Speaker 1 (23:20):
Yeah, because especially on this topic, we're
not speaking from firsthandexperience.
Speaker 2 (23:24):
Right.
Speaker 1 (23:24):
We're speaking because we have seen it in our
friend circle.
Yeah Cause, especially on thistopic, we're not speaking from
firsthand experience.
Right, we're speaking because wehave seen it in our friend
circle where these things havecome up and it's sometimes
issues of contention and they'retrying to just do what they can
Like I said to one, be wherethey want to be financially in
their life, while also having todeal with that aspect.
Because also the things heretoo I just want to address this
(23:44):
also is that normally it's notlike both parents, it's one
parent, so you don't want tostart having any resentment for
your partner because maybe theirparent is the one that you're
now financially taking care of.
So you have to have theseconversations openly with your
spouse and with your parents.
Because, for example, if I wasjust simply Thankfully, this
(24:07):
wouldn't be an issue because mymom has done well for herself,
but if I imagine I just moved mymom in the house without
talking to Jess that's not goingto fly.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
It is not.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
So you have to have these conversations and be open,
because you don't want to.
You know, bringing up a parentto help take care of them, and
that is one of the and thenthat's be the trigger point that
causes your marriage to not gowell.
Speaker 2 (24:31):
Right?
Well, because there's the theemotional and mental aspect
behind it and the time right Oflike, where are you spending
your time now?
But then if there's a hugemonetary component as well, I
mean, hey, you just took awayour vacation money because you
moved your mom in and maybe wehad to fund a whole new bedroom
set.
I mean, the possibilities ofwhat could happen are endless.
(24:53):
But again, you want to keepyour marriage and your
foundation rock solid.
So, having these conversationsand outlining, in the event that
this happens, what would thatlook like?
Again, you have to go back tothe finances.
It's a completely differentconversation if Brandon were to
say, hey, I have to go back tothe finances.
It's a completely differentconversation if Brandon were to
say, hey, I need to move my momin, but don't worry, she's got
all of her finances in place,she just needs a safe place to
(25:15):
live.
That's a very differentconversation than, ooh, I need
to get a second job because nowwe have my mom's medical
expenses and I'm not going to beable to work as much because
she's got this doctor'sappointment and that doctor's
appointment.
I mean those are very differentconversations.
Speaker 1 (25:30):
They are very different conversations and the
thing is, too, is that evensometimes like so, for example,
I'm going to use this is that,unfortunately, alzheimer's runs
in our family.
So one of the things that I didas early as possible with my
mom was is get her a long-termcare policy so that she has a
policy that, you know, godforbid if she if she does have
has Alzheimer's, she can getin-home care and it's not going
to completely deplete all theall the wealth that she's
(25:53):
accumulated.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
Right All right.
Speaker 1 (25:55):
So even sometimes in certain scenarios, if you know
certain things running yourfamily, it might be beneficial
that like hey get ahead of it.
Well, one get ahead of it.
But, like, if your parentscan't afford it, it might make
sense for you to just go aheadand pay for it, because that
will cost you less than thealternative of not having it and
still having to take care ofthem.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (26:13):
So sometimes it's putting these things in place
beforehand that you maybe haveto pay for because your parents
can't afford it, because in thelong run it's going to cost you
less.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
Yeah, that's a really good call out.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
Because I know.
I definitely call out because Iknow, I definitely know in
certain communities, um, Idefinitely have heard of people
like said parents can'tnecessarily afford a long-term
care policy, so the kids pulltogether.
They pay for it because theyknow it's going to be lost.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
It's going to be much more cost effective to have
that in place than thealternative, having to take care
of them themselves well, youcould even and not to get take
this to like a morbid type ofdark place, but you could do
that, even if it's like, hey, myparents don't have life
insurance but I, you know, havea great paying job and I know
that they're going to needburial expenses, et cetera, et
cetera.
(26:54):
And I mean the reality is, isgenerational wealth a lot of
times is built with lifeinsurance.
And so, taking a policy out onyour parent or parents, you know
, in the event that they don'thave proper life insurance,
that's an option as well.
Parents, you know, in the eventthat they don't have proper
life insurance, that's an optionas well.
For you know, when they're nolonger here, which is not what
that episode is about, but justthere are options in place.
And again, if you are needinglong-term care or want to talk
(27:19):
about disability insurance, lifeinsurance, all of those things,
that is something Brandon canhelp you with.
So, reach out, schedule sometime.
That long-term care, I meanhaving somebody come into your
home versus sending somebody toa facility.
I mean that in itself isbeneficial you know, and I mean
there's been studies about howhaving older generations around
(27:43):
younger generations in the samehome can actually extend their
life expectancy.
So I mean I know I would ratherbe at home with my family
getting the care that I needthan in some facility.
Speaker 1 (27:56):
And also the thing is , too, is like for certain
things let's just sayhypothetically, part of the
aspect of your parents needinghelp financially is due to debt
that they have.
We just released an episodethat talks about possibly filing
a bankruptcy, because maybeyour parent's situation, the
best situation, is to actuallyjust file bankruptcy.
Speaker 2 (28:15):
Right and depending on their age, like if they're
not looking to buy a house,they're not looking to buy a car
, they're not trying to acquireany more assets.
Why not liquidate all of theirdebts so that you don't have to
take on that burden?
I?
Mean who wants to be paying offmedical debts and credit card
debts and whatever else mighthave happened Bad divorces, bad
relationships, you getting intodebt because you know they
(28:36):
needed to get themselves out ofa bad situation.
Speaker 1 (28:39):
Yeah, if you haven't listened to that episode with
Adrian Hines, then I definitelyrecommend listening to it,
because it's just a greatepisode to listen to.
Yes, and I definitely recommendlistening to because it's just
a great episode to listen to.
Yes, it would completely changeyour perspective on bankruptcy
and make you understand that itcould be a vital tool to help
reset and put you on the path towhere you want to be.
Speaker 2 (28:56):
Exactly so.
Let's talk about we've talkedabout our parents.
Let's talk about our children,because I really want to make
sure that we do better right Ourbig thing is always know better
, do better.
How do we help our children notbe in that situation when it's
their time, when they have theirown families, when they are the
next sandwich generation?
(29:17):
How do we fix that?
How can we set them up forsuccess?
Speaker 1 (29:21):
I mean, first it just starts with having those money
conversations, just normalizinghaving everyday conversations
about money.
You know, with our kids wealways joke that they waste so
much food and, like strawberriesare not cheap.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
Oh my gosh, the berries, how many, how many.
If we had a dollar every timewe talk about the berries again,
we would be in Bora Bora.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
So it's just, you know, at a young age, starting
off with that, that, just makingthem understand that things
cost money, and I'm not sayinglike parade them about every
single, you know cent oh, Istraight up told aston, if she
leaves her room again withoutturning off the light, I'm
starting to take money out ofher dang piggy bank I said
something I did I did saysomething to roman the other day
where, like, oh, he was wearing, he was wearing his socks
(30:04):
outside he was wearing his socksoutside with no shoes on and
dirtying them up, and I was likeRoman, if you keep doing that
and we keep buying you new socks?
I was like you do realize sockscost money.
He's like yeah, I was like howmuch money do you have?
He said I got $20.
Speaker 2 (30:16):
That's his birthday money.
He is stuck on that $20.
I'm going to start taking Aston.
When they become adults, whenthey become adults and he goes
should we get a hot tub?
And Aston's response was well,hot tubs are really expensive,
(30:41):
you know.
And so it just again.
We're just.
We're not having deepconversations about money with
our kids, we're just making itrelatable.
We're talking about life and weare trying to help them
understand that everything youtouch in this home, everything
you touch in this car, costsmoney.
You know, aston came home andshe said hey, she was so like.
She was like I'm so sorry, I'mso sorry my headphones broke.
(31:03):
They were $13 headphones off ofAmazon, like they're not going
to last forever.
And we said it's not a big deal.
And thankfully we were able toorder her another pair um
without any problems.
But you know, she now is reallystarting to understand things
cost money.
When you don't eat your dinner,that is wasted money.
When you ruin your clothes,that is wasted money.
Speaker 1 (31:24):
And then also we we, I mean we are very open in the
conversations that we have asfar as like, oh you know, mommy
makes, mommy goes.
Why is mommy in her meetings?
Mommy's in her meetings?
Because she's working andthat's how she's making money to
help pay for the life that wehave.
And also making them understandthat like, hey, we're trying to
grow in our career, we'retrying to.
You know, it's not always justabout the money, but it's about
(31:44):
the life that we want to liveand, let's be honest, it's
funded by money.
So just making sure theyunderstand those basic things,
like we're not, like I'm notlike teaching my kids about,
like, the S and P 500 oranything like that, not at this
point.
That would be a conversation asthey get older and, you know,
as they progress in theirknowledge.
But really it's just gettingthem comfortable talking about
money.
So, like in our house, it's notgoing to be a taboo, it's not
(32:06):
going to be something they'rescared to talk about.
It's not going to.
They're not going to grow upbeing shamed about money.
They're not going to grow upbeing afraid of money.
It's going to, it's going to bethe normal conversation and
that's really what we want themto do because, let's just say
hypothetically- you know youdon't get all the financial
literacy, you are going to bemuch more prone to go get that
information.
Speaker 2 (32:27):
Absolutely.
And then also one of the bigthings that we talk about all
the time in our house is problemsolving.
So if you feel comfortable andthere's no shame around talking
about money and you feelcomfortable asking questions,
then you're also going to doresearch and figure out how to
problem solve things you know,as they get older.
I mean, aston was alreadytalking about she wanted a face
(32:48):
painting kit and she was talkingabout how she could make that
her business and she could be aface painter at birthday parties
.
We are absolutely leaning intothat and are encouraging her to,
you know, to practice her facepainting and then, yeah, maybe
we go to the park one day andmaybe she does some face
painting and then maybe shestarts charging.
I mean, we want, you know them,to have that entrepreneurial
(33:11):
spirit and to really understandthat you can make your life what
you want it to be.
And when it comes to, hey,mommy and daddy are in meetings,
like, let's respect their time,we pull it back to you know,
hey, remember when we went onthat Disney cruise and had that
great adventure that costs money.
And so we tie it back to thethings we know that they love
and currently are important tothem.
(33:31):
And one of the things that wetalk to them about is this
Christmas we're actually goingaway and we're doing a Christmas
trip and we're not buying thempresents Now.
We're still going to do ministocking stuffers.
They don't know that.
Speaker 1 (33:44):
And they'll probably get some presents, obviously
from other people.
Speaker 2 (33:48):
Maybe, but we're not encouraging that.
But we really want them tounderstand the value of you know
the trip, the flight is part ofyour present.
The hotel room is part of yourpresent.
When we go out to dinner whilewe're on this trip, that is part
of your present.
And they've already wrappedtheir head around it and they're
really excited, and so you knowshowing them what we spend
money on and that's where wefind value.
Speaker 1 (34:09):
And then let's just be honest, these little toys.
Speaker 2 (34:11):
Oh my God, Our kids have more toys than they need.
Like what toy from your?
Speaker 1 (34:17):
childhood.
Do you remember getting atChristmas?
You're not going to rememberthat from when you were five.
I have no idea what I got forChristmas when I was five years
old.
No idea, but when.
I was five years old, no idea.
Speaker 2 (34:24):
But I do remember you remember your trips.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
I do remember taking a trip to Acapulco, mexico, when
I was five and there was likethousands of crabs in the street
that terrified me.
See, I remember all that.
Speaker 2 (34:33):
It's the adventures that are long lasting.
So that's what we want to giveour children, and if that's not
what you want to give yourchildren, that's okay.
We're just giving the exampleof how we normalize money
conversations, because that'swhere it starts.
When we have guests and we askthem their first money memory, a
lot of them are hey, there wasno financial conversation in our
(34:53):
house.
We weren't allowed to talkabout money.
I didn't learn about moneyuntil I went to college.
We don't want that to happen.
That is the start of so manyproblems.
Speaker 1 (35:02):
I want our kids to be the ones that, once they go to
college and they have a friendor a roommate, or whether, like
I don't know about this, I don'tknow about this, and like I got
you, Exactly, I can help youwith this.
Yes, and the thing is, too, isthat, like I said, it's
progressions in regards've beendoing, and this is what we're
going to continue doing for you,and I want you to understand
(35:30):
how this works, how it'sbeneficial for you and all those
things as well, so, likeshowing them the hands-on aspect
of it as well.
Speaker 2 (35:37):
Yes, I mean, we obviously talk about saving as
well.
We talk about not.
You know, if you get a giftcard for your birthday or you
get money for your birthday,let's put it in our piggy bank.
We're going to save that moneyand, yes, we want to encourage
you to spend it on somethingthat's meaningful to you, but
let's also make sure that we'regiving and that we're saving and
(35:57):
that we're planning for a rainyday, so to speak.
Speaker 1 (36:00):
And the thing is too, we want to make sure that
obviously they're little kids.
We want our kids to enjoy theirchildhood and enjoy being kids,
because you have such a shortperiod of time in life to be a
child.
Speaker 2 (36:09):
Yes, oh, so short.
Speaker 1 (36:10):
But what I want to instill in them is like take a
second stop and think, hey, isthis thing that I'm purchasing,
is it really going to bring mejoy or is it just a
gratification for a momentbecause I want to buy something?
Speaker 2 (36:22):
Yeah, we know that our children's generation for
sure need to learn or unlearnthe instant gratification.
Like patience is one of thebest things, I think, we can
teach our children.
Speaker 1 (36:34):
I would say they're even getting a little bit better
.
Just like asking, asking Aston,or asking Roman like hey, do
you really want to spend yourmoney on that Cause?
Like, especially like our sonRoman, he loves little um hot
wheel cars and he has hundredsand hundreds of them.
And I'm like Roman, do you?
Speaker 2 (36:48):
really want, do you really need?
Speaker 1 (36:49):
another one.
Unfortunately, at this point intime it's the most important
thing in his entire life, butthat's like all he asks for.
He doesn't ask for all theseother things.
Speaker 2 (36:59):
I mean they're like 99 cents to $1.25, depending on
where you go.
So it feels very manageable,you know.
But I think that there's alsogoing to come a time where it's
hey, you're asking for this, buthow about if we wait a week and
mommy gives you two extradollars because you waited?
And then you pull in likecompound interest, right, and
(37:20):
then you start like looping inthose terms that are going to be
beneficial, like hey, if youcan be patient, if you can wait,
your money can grow.
Or here's why we're putting itin this kind of an account, so
that it can grow and it canstart working for you.
Because, again, we very muchbelieve money is a tool.
It is not the goal anything.
Speaker 1 (37:38):
The thing is to like kind of taking a step back.
Um, you just don't want torepeat the same patterns you
know, just because you know yourparents didn't have the
financial literacy that wasavailable to them.
You maybe didn't have itgrowing up the way that you
would like to.
You want to change that, thatnarrative, and the thing is too.
It's like know better, dobetter, and we have so many more
(38:01):
resources, so you can't faultto a certain extent.
You sometimes can't fault yourparents because they didn't know
what they didn't know and theydidn't have access to it.
Speaker 2 (38:07):
Right, and their parents definitely weren't
talking to them about it.
Okay, you mentioned the 529plan.
We have an entire episodealready released on 529s.
Go listen to it.
There's been a lot of reallypositive changes to 529 plans
and we just encourage you tolisten to it.
Can you talk briefly about anUTMA account?
Speaker 1 (38:26):
An UTMA account stands for Uniform Transfer
Minor Account and basically whatit is is an investment account
for a child that is custodialessentially for 18 years or less
right.
No, no, no.
Well, as far as for the child,yes, yes.
So what ends up happening isit's a.
An UTMA account, is a UniformTransfer to Minor account and
(38:51):
it's an investment account foryour child, but it is owned
essentially by the parent untilthe child reaches a certain age
of adulthood.
In North Carolina, for us it's22.
In some states it's 18.
It varies, but the idea is thatit's actually in the child's
name, so it's taxed differently.
If there's any taxation onthere, then it's taxed
differently because it's taxedunder the child's name as
(39:12):
compared to being in the adult.
But the big thing is that oncethey become of age, the account
does transfer to them regardless.
Speaker 2 (39:20):
So then that's where that financial literacy comes in
where it's like no, no, no,we're not touching that money.
It's yours now, but we're nottouching it.
Speaker 1 (39:27):
So if you've, like I said, if you've been putting a
bunch of money in it since theday they were born and it's been
growing, and they have amillion dollars possibly in that
account, it becomes theirs todo whatever they want at 22 in
North Carolina, possibly 18.
Speaker 2 (39:40):
Now you did say parents, but then you also said
adult.
But this is also like if you'rethe rich auntie listening, you
can open an app for you know anychild in your life and hold
onto that account again untilthey turn 18.
Speaker 1 (39:53):
Same idea with the 529 plan.
Speaker 2 (39:55):
Right.
Speaker 1 (39:55):
Cause you can open up a five, like, for example, if
you're a grandparent, you canopen up a 529 plan for your
grandchild.
Speaker 2 (40:01):
Yeah, I love that.
All right, we've covered a lot.
I know we also gave you a lotof stories.
Speaker 1 (40:07):
We kind of veered a little bit here and there.
Speaker 2 (40:10):
But let's be serious.
That's why you're here, becauseyou like our stories.
But we hope that in thesandwich generation that we're
in, where we're raising ourlittle humans, but also wanting
to really ensure that ourparents are taken care of,
they're provided for, they'vegot what they need you know,
it's so easy to get burnt out,so we need to also make sure
(40:30):
that we are taking care ofourselves, and that starts by
having the conversations withour parents to understand their
financial situation.
Everything starts with propercommunication.
Speaker 1 (40:43):
What's going on in your life?
What do you need help with?
How can I help you?
What can we do?
I need all the details so thatwe know what we're working with.
Speaker 2 (40:52):
Yeah, and also going back to the communication
between you and your partner,for example, right, having the
conversations of what happens ifyeah.
Worst case scenario.
Speaker 1 (41:04):
Because we I mean Jess and I have talked about
this Right Because, like I said,I have, unfortunately,
Alzheimer's on my side of thefamily, my mom and her side, for
her mom, they have dementia,Right.
Speaker 2 (41:13):
So these are real conversations that we have
trying to understand.
Well, what if we do need tomove somebody?
And what is that going to looklike?
How is that going to change ourlives?
How does it change the finances?
Again, don't wait until thelast minute to have that
conversation.
Just start talking about it now, and hopefully it doesn't turn
into your reality.
In the event that it does, it'snot going to be the first time
(41:36):
you talk about it.
Speaker 1 (41:41):
And here's the thing I'm talking to specifically some
of our friends that we've hadthis conversation with, who I'm
like.
Do you know how your parents'finances are?
And they're like I thinkthey're okay Right.
Speaker 2 (41:47):
There's a lot of thinking.
Speaker 1 (41:49):
You can't operate in, I think maybe I feel like when
you're dealing with finances,that's not an area you need to
operate in, especially when youcan have an answer.
Speaker 2 (41:59):
Right Literally pull up the account.
Speaker 1 (42:02):
Have your parents sit down and go through this with
you.
Like I said, I might be alittle abrasive when I come to
it.
You know with maybe mybackground and what I do and
just my personality in general,but let them know.
Speaker 2 (42:13):
I just said, I would say passionate.
Speaker 1 (42:14):
Passionate, there we go.
Abrasive is like very negative,but I definitely agree with
your approach as far as likecoming to them from a place of
like, love and concern yes, andplanning and preparation right,
but yeah, come, come at it froma place of love for sure.
Speaker 2 (42:33):
So you know, think about that balancing of work and
caregiving, should that come up, as well as utilizing, you know
, resources and other supportsystems.
Really get to know youremployee benefits package.
Speaker 1 (42:45):
What's available to you Understand the tax
deductions, the credits.
Whatever it may be, it's worthit to hire a really good CPA
that understands this.
Speaker 2 (42:53):
Yes, a licensed financial planner is not a CPA,
so Brandon is not a CPA.
Speaker 1 (42:59):
He's not going to answer your tax questions.
Don't reach out to me about thetax deductions and credits that
are available through this,because I am not your person at
all.
Speaker 2 (43:05):
Not your person, he's not your guy for that.
Speaker 1 (43:07):
However, I do know CPAs that can help you, so if
you are looking forrecommendations, I can
definitely provide those.
Speaker 2 (43:13):
Yes, and we've actually been meeting multiple
awesome CPAs here at theconference as well, so we've got
even more great contacts now.
And then, you know, set up yourkids for success.
Start the conversations.
Have regular conversations withyour children about money.
Normalize it in your household.
Take away the shame, take awaythe fear.
(43:33):
You know, and there areresources.
There's now more children'sbooks than there's ever been
before.
About, um, about money andchildren.
We had lunch with somebody fromally today, and ally has really
great resources for children aswell.
Again, just get the informationin front of them.
Normalize that conversation.
Speaker 1 (43:53):
Yeah, best way to uh deal with the problem is prevent
it from occurring.
Speaker 2 (43:57):
Exactly, exactly.
Well, friends, welcome to thesandwich generation.
We are officially in it.
Whether you have kids incollege or kids in preschool, we
all have aging parents, boomerparents at this point, hopefully
, this episode just shed somelight on what you can do now to
start the conversation, startthe planning process and, if you
(44:25):
need any help in the arena of,you know, looking at your
finances together, maybe havinga mediator there, brandon is
happy to help with that.
If you're looking at long-termcare for your parents and you
know they don't have itdisability insurance, et cetera
Brandon can help you do that.
Schedule your free consult.
Speaker 1 (44:43):
He's never going to sell or pitch you anything that
you don't need, but we want youto be prepared for when you do
need it and also just to knowthat you're not alone and if
you're dealing with thisstruggle you're not alone.
There's people out there thatare dealing with it also, and I
think sometimes it doesn't fixthe problem, but from a mental
health standpoint it can behelpful to know that I'm not in
this by myself.
Speaker 2 (45:01):
Yeah, I mean, even though we're not in it, we're
still in it because we'rethinking about it we're planning
for it.
We're having the conversation,yeah.
Speaker 1 (45:11):
So we're at the part of that prevention.
So we have these conversationsearly to make sure that if it
does come to the point where weare taking care of our parents
in some capacity, that themoney's there to handle it.
Speaker 2 (45:21):
Yeah, and let's be serious, because I don't know
that my brother's listening.
It's going to fall to me andit's going to fall to you.
Speaker 1 (45:29):
Yeah, we already have older sibling issues.
Speaker 2 (45:32):
Yeah, I mean, let's be real, it's going to be you
and me taking care of ourparents and not our siblings.
If they want to step up, that'sgreat, but you know, just have
the conversation.
So we're going to wrap up.
Thank you for being with ustoday.
Thanks to LLCAttorneycom forsponsoring the live podcast at
FinCon 2024.
(45:53):
We hope you've enjoyed thisepisode.
Share it with a friend, shareit with your partner that needs
to hear this.
And happy sandwiching, don'tforget.
Benjamin franklin said aninvestment in knowledge pays the
best interest.
You just got paid until nexttime thanks for listening to
(46:14):
today's episode.
Speaker 1 (46:15):
We go.
Speaker 2 (46:16):
Smart investments money flow.
Thanks for listening to today'sepisode.
We are so glad to have you aspart of our Sugar Daddy
community.
If you learned something today,please remember to subscribe,
rate, review and share thisepisode with your friends,
family and extended network.
Don't forget to connect with uson social media at the Sugar
Daddy daddy podcast.
You can also email us yourquestions you want us to answer
(46:40):
for our past the sugar segmentsat the sugar daddy podcast at
gmailcom or leave us a voicemailthrough our instagram.
Speaker 1 (46:48):
Our content is intended to be used, and must be
used, for informationalpurposes only.
It is very important to do yourown analysis before making any
investment based upon your ownpersonal circumstances.
You should take independentfinancial advice from a licensed
professional in connection withor independently research and
verify any information you findin our podcast and wish to rely
upon, whether for the purpose ofmaking an investment decision
or otherwise.
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Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!