June 18, 2025 • 43 mins
Most couples unknowingly agree to their state’s version of a prenup when they sign a marriage license. But what if you could rewrite the rules to actually reflect your values?
In this episode, Jess & Brandon share why they created a post-nuptial agreement after nine years of marriage—not as a plan for divorce, but as a blueprint for how they handle money, co-parenting, and conflict with intention.
They walk through how they worked with attorney Aaron Thomas to build a post-nup that protects their family, outlines their financial responsibilities, and brings them closer—not further apart.
This is the conversation every couple should have—but most don’t. Listen in and find out how designing your own rules can bring more clarity, connection, and peace of mind to your marriage, and why protecting your assets “just in case” can help you feel more confident than ever in your relationship.
Visit prenups.com/sugardaddy to learn more about fair prenups that help couples plan for a healthy financial relationship.
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To apply to be a guest on the show
You can email us at: thesugardaddypodcast@gmail.com
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Learn more about Brandon and schedule a free 30-minute introductory call with him
Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review.
Notes from the show:
Episode 78: Why We Decided on a Post-Nuptial Agreement
Episode 28: Love, Money and Law: A Deep Dive into Prenuptial Agreements with Aaron Thomas
Aaron Thomas, Founder of Prenups.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This episode is sponsored by Prenupscom.
The truth is, every marriedcouple has a prenup a set of
rules that defines your legaland financial relationship with
your spouse.
You either choose your ownrules or use what your state
gives you.
At Prenupscom, they writeprenups that actually help
couples stay married.
Their specialty is fair prenupsthat help couples plan for a
(00:22):
healthy financial relationship.
Don't let the state decide yourmarriage rules.
Make your own.
Visit prenupscom.
Slash sugardaddy to learn more.
That's prenupscom.
Backslash sugardaddy and getthe prenup that helps you stay
married.
Already married?
No worries, they dopost-nuptial agreements too.
That's what Brandon and I didafter eight years of marriage.
(00:44):
In today's episode, brandon andI will be discussing what we
put into our postnuptialagreement.
We will have been married foralmost nine years this year and
we decided on a postnup for ourfinancial portfolio.
It made sense after talking toAaron Thomas, our family law
attorney and the founder ofPrenupscom, and so, if this is
(01:07):
of interest, we hope you'll staytuned.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Hey babe, what are we talking about today?
Speaker 1 (01:22):
Today we are talking about what we put in our prenup.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Yes, yes, oh no, our postnup.
Oh sorry, okay, let's startI'll say we've been married for
almost nine years now, so it waskind of a little bit late for a
prenup.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
Yes, well, you know the prenup.
Apparently we don't know thedifference, but apparently is
maybe an easier process sinceyou haven't already combined
assets.
But for us, the process ofgetting the post-snap was
actually extremely easy.
It took less than 60 days.
We actually the whole familyhad the flu during the process,
(01:59):
but I think had we not had theplague, we could have easily
knocked it all out within amonth.
So it was painless.
What did you think?
Speaker 2 (02:09):
No, I definitely thought it was painless and it
also helps that Aaron Thomas'process is very thorough and
he's very consultative inregards to how he goes about the
process, because obviously alot of us don't know what a
post-nup or a pre or prenupshould entail.
So they walk you through theirprocess and there was a lot of
things that, like we didn't eventhink would be talked about
(02:32):
during the postnup.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
We very quickly realized that it's really just
about creating your own rules,right, and so every state that
you get married in has a prenupalready in place.
So when you sign that marriagelicense, you are signing a
(02:55):
prenup, and I guarantee you youdidn't read what it said,
because I know we did not readwhat it said.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
No, no idea what North Carolina's is.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
Yeah, and I'm pretty sure that the rules that we have
now come up with in thispost-nuptial agreement process
are much more in line with whatwe actually value, what's
important to us, than what thestate of North Carolina in our
instance, whatever that documentsays that we signed many, many
years ago.
So for us it was really moreabout understanding the
importance, kind of we'redesignating it as insurance for
(03:29):
our love, right, we hope tonever actually need it, but now
we feel better having it inplace and, honestly, part of it
was we wanted to help educateour audience about what the
prenup and post-nup process islike, what kind of things you
can include, what we included.
It's all about honest and openconversation for us, and so we
(03:52):
wanted to give you some insightsinto what is actually in our
postnup and why we decided onthose things.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
Yeah, and if you're a new listener, you haven't
listened to other previousepisodes that we have.
We had Aaron Thomas on a whileback and that completely opened
our eyes and changed ourviewpoints when it comes to
post-nups and pre-nups.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
Yeah, so it's kind of a progression.
You can listen to the fullepisode with Aaron that we did a
few years ago.
We'll make sure to link it inthe show notes.
Then we did a kind of a hey,we're in the middle of the
process, here's what's come upfor us, and now that we have a,
you know, signed, sealed anddelivered document, so to speak,
we wanted to do a follow up tolet you know you know high level
(04:31):
what is in our post map and whyit was important, and some
things that we learned along theway that we think would be
important for others to knowabout as well.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
And I definitely want to emphasize that.
You know, if you're listeningto this episode and you're
thinking like, hey, I don't havea lot of assets, me and my wife
or husband or whatever partnerare not going to break up, blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah all thehead trash that we had before I
highly encourage you to listento that episode with Aaron
Thomas because, like Jeff saidearlier, you know you already
have a prenup for each statethat you live in.
(05:02):
There's one already written, sohis biggest take was why not
write your own?
Also, through the process ofcreating a post-nup or a prenup,
you talk about a lot of thefinancial stuff that a lot of
people don't talk about beforethey get married or even during
their marriage.
So it really helps you toactually iron out and have these
conversations around money thatyou should be having, or you
should have had, prior togetting married, and it gets you
on the same page as far as howyou want to actually navigate
(05:23):
your finances.
Now, obviously, it's a littlebit different for Jeff's, not
because we have theseconversations all the time, but
it definitely brought somethings to light that we hadn't
actually thought about.
All right, real quick, I want tospeak to the person listening
who feels like they can't workwith a financial planner yet
because they're carrying a lotof debt.
First of all, I see you and Ineed you to know you're not
(05:45):
broken, you're not behind,you're just in a tough season.
I created something just foryou because I've had people
reach out who are serious aboutchanging their money story.
But the full financial planningpackage just wasn't the right
fit yet.
So I built a new servicethrough Oak City Financial
that's focused completely ondebt reduction.
No fluff, no shame.
You'll get a one-time planningsession, a personalized payoff
(06:08):
strategy, your own financialdashboard and monthly coaching.
If you want extra support whileyou climb out, it's $300 to get
started and $100 a month if youwant that ongoing guidance,
that's it.
This is about helping you getunstuck, not making you feel
like you failed.
If this sounds like what you'vebeen needing, go ahead and
schedule a call with me.
The link is in the show notes.
(06:28):
Let's take the first steptogether.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
Well, and one thing that I think that was really
important and eye-opening for usthat we talked to Aaron about
is, let's say, we would havedone this in our 20s, right?
Or if you're first gettingmarried and it is a prenup, but
maybe you're a youngprofessional, you don't have a
bustling 401k, whatever that is.
It's not necessarily about whatyou have right now.
It's about what you arebuilding in the process of your
(06:58):
marriage, and so if you'rethinking about your career
progression, what you're able tocontribute to your retirement
accounts and the money thatyou're making over time, that's
where the significance comes in,because you're building and
growing your wealth individuallyand together, and so you want
to protect those assets yeah,definitely.
So you start the process bydetailing your assets and your
(07:21):
liabilities as an individual.
So I basically wrote downeverything that I own, so all of
my accounts, my retirementaccounts, my savings, my
checking, my debts, etc.
Brandon did the same and then,basically, a net worth statement
is created from that.
So that is just the baseline of, as of this date, what do you
(07:43):
have in these accounts and arethese accounts yours?
So that was very simple.
This is something that we wereable to put together pretty
quickly Again.
These are conversations that wehave all the time, numbers that
we are aware of and look at allthe time, and so for us nothing
came up that we weren't alreadyaware of in either category
when it comes to assets or debts.
(08:05):
But this is something you mightwant to consider as you go into
the process that you will bedisclosing what you have, so you
know if you haven't been veryhonest, if you've got some
secret accounts.
This is the time to have thatconversation, before you put it
on paper, because it is going tocome out.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
In all honesty, if you have secret accounts at this
point in time and like you'regetting ready to get married or
you're already married, I wouldsay that there's some other
issues that probably also needto be addressed as well.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
Yes, absolutely.
We've always been on the recordto say we believe in having
separate accounts, not secretaccounts, and that's something
else that we talked to Aaronabout is how do we want to
structure the money in our home,and that, I think, is a really
interesting conversation,regardless of if you're a new
couple, you know, or you'replanning your life and your you
(08:55):
know your marriage together, oryou're established, because we
go through different phases ofhow money comes into the home,
right.
So I work a corporate job, so Ihave a steady income.
You know, I have my 401k, mymatch, health insurance, etc.
Brandon is a business owner, sohe puts a lot of the money that
(09:16):
he earns back into his business.
I would say that, no, twomonths are the same.
You know, sometimes he'sonboarding multiple clients,
sometimes there might be a lull,and so for us it works well
that I have a consistent incomeand he has a flexible income.
So those are things that wewanted to also kind of point out
(09:36):
, because money flowsdifferently, and so we decided
to go with the what is it?
The inside out right, where youput everything into one pot and
then you take out what you needfor your own individual kind of
spending.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
Yeah, that's what it was.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
Okay, I know Sometimes I twist it up in my
mind, but inside out you dump itall into one pot and then you
pay your communal living billsfrom that, your groceries, your
home expenses, etc.
And then you separate outwhatever you, if you decide on
this, what you want for yourindividual spending money.
(10:11):
That then goes into your ownaccount.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
Yeah, so basically the structure of that is is that
we have a joint checkingaccount together and the money
that we're, you know, making,you're getting paid on a you
know, whenever you get yourpaycheck, it goes into the joint
account and then that's divviedup in regards to how the bills
are going to be paid there andwhatnot, and then you separate
(10:33):
out, like any additionalspending money that you want to
have for yourself.
So let's just say hypotheticallyyou know bills come to $5,000
for the for the month, our moneygoes in there.
But if we put in, say, $8,000,then maybe Jess takes out an
additional $2,000 for herspending and everything like
that and I take out anadditional $1,000 on my end.
Speaker 1 (10:53):
Yeah, so you can do this.
We talked about doing it basedon a percentage.
We talked about it based onjust equal amounts.
I am the higher earner, and sowe also talked about me getting
more spending money for myselfin my personal account than
Brandon.
So those are thoseconversations that you want to
start thinking about.
(11:13):
Right?
Does it make sense to splitthings 50-50 if one partner is
earning significantly more thananother?
Right?
I feel like you see things likethat on different social media
posts all the time, like, whyare we splitting all the bills
down the middle when my partnermakes four times as much as me?
So, again, we're not here totell you what your rules should
(11:34):
be, but these are the thingsthat you can start thinking
about as you potentially preparefor a pre or a postnup, because
it's going to be an importantpart of the conversation how do
you want your money to work inyour household?
Speaker 2 (11:47):
Also too, is doing a deeper dive into some of the
quote unquote discretionalspending which are needs, but
they're not the same amountspent each month.
So, for example, a lot of thestuff that the kids need, like
clothes and stuff of that nature, just buys.
So obviously she also like shemakes more, but then also she
needs more money.
More money for that anyways,because she's the one that's
handling those transactions.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
Yeah, I mean I'm the one replenishing the kids'
clothes, buying birthdaypresents for when we go to
parties, booking vacations.
I naturally, in ourrelationship, am the quote
unquote spender, which obviouslywe don't like that term because
it's dumb but I spend the moneybecause I'm the one handling a
lot of those just expenses,naturally, you know, buying
(12:30):
things for the classroom partyat the end of the year and
teacher appreciation and all ofthose things.
So it makes more sense in ourhousehold for me to have quote
unquote more spending money,because I spend more, I need to
spend more because I handle itall Exactly.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
I don't do.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
Exactly.
One of the other things that webasically said is our
retirement accounts are our own,but we will be contributing the
same amount.
So Brandon obviously is anentrepreneur.
That doesn't mean that he can'thave his own retirement
accounts.
You know, I get a company matchand so whatever he puts into
his retirement accountpercentage-wise, I'm going to
(13:11):
put into my retirement accountand vice versa, and we'll decide
on that on an annual basis.
We just want to make sure thatwe are both equally contributing
to retirement, regardless ofthe fact that I get a match and
he works for himself.
So that was something importantthat we wanted to put in there.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
Well, the biggest thing there is that God forbid
something happens and we do endup getting divorced is that
that's already been established,that her retirement account is
hers and my retirement accountis mine.
That's what the postnup was for, because, as I have said in
previous episodes, I started myfinance career working for
Fidelity and what's called adefined contribution so your
(13:48):
401k plans, 403b, stuff of thatnature, and what I would often
see sometimes come across oncalls is what's called a quadro.
I can't remember.
The top of my head it's anacronym.
I can't remember what it standsfor.
Speaker 1 (13:59):
The top of my head it did come up in our meeting
though, but basically what?
Speaker 2 (14:03):
it is is that when you don't have those postnups or
prenups in place to say, hey,if we were to separate, then
your retirement account is yoursand my retirement account is
mine, then what happens is tosay, traditionally the man might
be the one making more money,he has a larger retirement
account.
Say, you have a wife that's astay-at-home mom.
She didn't have a retirementaccount, so now she's entitled
(14:25):
to half of his.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
As she should be.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
I'm not disputing that, but I could tell you that
when those calls come across,I'm talking to the person who's
the owner of the account andthey're having to split theirs.
They're not necessarily happy.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
Yeah, no, and I get that.
And that's where we wanted tocome in and just say what's
yours is yours, what's mine ismine.
We're not splitting it.
We're also in the age you know.
Our parents are getting older,they're boomers, and so, you
know, eventually there willlikely be some sort of
inheritance coming, and so wealso designated that your
inheritance is yours and mine ismine.
(14:59):
Now, one of the clauses that weput in which I thought was
really good and Aaron suggestedthis is that if you put money
from some sort of a windfallinheritance, big bonus, whatever
it might be into your jointaccount, that it needs to have a
document attached that saysthis is now becoming joint
(15:22):
property.
And so if I get an inheritanceand I put it in my account,
brandon can't say anything aboutthat.
It's my inheritance, it'salready defined.
Now, if I choose to use that onfamily vacations or home
improvements or to buy himwhatever I want, that's totally
fine.
But if I put it in our jointaccount, we need to have a
statement notarized saying thatthis is now joint property, and
(15:45):
I do think that that could helpeliminate any kind of confusion
of well you know, wheneverything was good, I put down
this deposit on the house orthis or that and now you owe me
half.
No, we're not doing that right.
I mean, that's come up in myown family with a down payment
(16:06):
on a house that was my mom'sinheritance and my parents then
got divorced and I still have tohear about it to this day, like
I'm tired of it.
I don't want to have thoseconversations.
If I'm contributing somethingfrom a windfall, a bonus, a
whatever, and it's going intoour joint account, we will have
a statement notarized that saysthis is now basically our
community property, this is ourjoint property and we can't
(16:28):
bring it up later.
And I think that that justavoids some of those things that
just come up because people areemotional about their money and
we want to avoid all of thatemotional you call it head trash
that comes with giving moneywhen you're in a good place, but
then when you're not in a goodplace, then you want to be
pissed about it.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
Yeah, it's just one of those things where nobody
goes into marriage with thepreconceived notion that they're
going to get divorced.
But the reality is is thataround 50% of marriages end in
divorce.
So the idea behind this is islike any of the minutia when it
comes to the splitting of money,let's get that out of the way
in the beginning, while we'rehappy with the hopes that we
(17:10):
never need to use it, but if itdoes come to that day, then
we've already taken care of itand even that scenario.
So especially with us, like youknow, since we do have kids, I
think, if you got to the pointwhere a divorce happens, that if
you could take all that stuffthat could potentially lead to
you guys not liking each otherduring the divorce process take
that out of the table since it'salready settled then that could
(17:32):
be will lead to a betterrelationship post-divorce, which
obviously would be helpful whenyou have kids involved in the
scenario.
I feel as though, like forpeople that get divorced when
they have kids, a lot of thestuff happens during the divorce
that makes things just evenworse, yeah, and then that leads
into negative interactionsbetween the parents when it
comes to co-parenting asdivorcees.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
Yeah, and you can't put.
We do have almost like a clauseabout our children in the
post-snap and we'll talk aboutthat momentarily, but you can't
actually put any kind of custodyor child support information
into your post-nup, so it canonly pertain to the two people
that are married.
It cannot contain informationabout any other people and or
(18:15):
minors.
But we basically put in aclause of like here are the
things that, while we love eachother, while we respect each
other, while we're happy, weexpect, in the event that we do
dissolve this marriage and sowe'll get into some of those
things From a high level we putin there that we're going to
have an annual money meetingwhere we talk about how much
(18:38):
have we spent, how much have wesaved, what our retirement
accounts look like.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
It's basically like a mini state of the union right
Of like our household We'll havemore than one a year, but our
postnup does have that.
You know, we at least have oneyear.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
Yeah, so we'll talk about our assets, our debts,
disclose any changes in income,review the previous year
spending, budgeting for theupcoming year, discussion of
retirement contributions,subscriptions, reoccurring
expenses, insurance policies forauto home, reoccurring expenses
, insurance policies for autohome, health, medical disability
, identifying large expensesthat are coming up, and then
(19:13):
upcoming travel budgetconversations.
So those are things that wetalk about anyways, but if that
is not something that you'recurrently doing, you can put in
there that at least once a yearyou will have designated time,
and you could even put in therethat you're going to sit down,
maybe with your financialadvisor or financial coach or
whoever you might be workingwith, to make sure that that
(19:33):
happens and you don't just keepputting it off.
So I thought that was somethinggood to have in there.
Speaker 2 (19:39):
No, I agree.
Speaker 1 (19:40):
The other thing that we put in is that, aside from
the inheritance belonging to thereceiver, is that anything
above $500 taken out of thejoint account needs to have a
discussion first.
But then we also, because Isaid listen, if I'm at Costco
shopping for the annual familybarbecue, I'm going to spend
more than $500.
I don't need to stand in lineto call Brandon to make sure
(20:02):
that I can buy these burgers andhot dogs.
So we put in there that that isaside from the general
household expenses.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
It's also like a single item, like you're going
to buy one item itself thatcosts $500 or more as compared
to like oh, you went shopping.
Speaker 1 (20:17):
Or you went grocery shopping.
You're going to buy multipleitems.
Yeah.
But again, if you're not usedto maybe sharing the expenses,
looking at the accounts together, you don't want large amounts
of money, whatever large is toyou.
You don't want large amounts ofmoney coming out and then
somebody goes to swipe a cardand then you're surprised
because you know there'sthousands of dollars missing.
(20:38):
So we just put that littleclause in there.
That way we're encouraged tohave those conversations and if
one of us wanted to spend 500 ormore out of the joint account,
we would just either send aquick text message or pick up
the phone and have a quickconversation and then decide how
to move forward from there.
(20:59):
One thing that was interestingthat came up for North Carolina,
because we put in there that weare not going to, in the event
of us dissolving our marriage,we are not going to pay each
other alimony.
I've said that from the verybeginning.
I'm like I'm not paying a grownman.
It's just not going to happen.
But the state of North Carolinadoes not actually allow that to
(21:20):
be in a post-snap, and so wehave a clause in there that
states that we are taking ourown financial responsibilities
and that we have enough assetsand means to cover our own
expenses outside of alimony, sowe would hope that that would
pass in a court of law.
It's not something that I thinkwe're super concerned about,
but legally we could not add thestatement in North Carolina, so
(21:44):
something to keep in mind.
Speaker 2 (21:45):
Yeah, essentially, the clause was to provide
context of what our wishes wereat the time that we did the
posting up.
So, like she said, hopefully ifit ever came to that point of a
divorce, then the court wouldbe like.
You know, this is what you weretalking about, this is what you
wanted this time.
You might be angry now and wantsomething different, but this
is what you wanted.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
Right.
Um, one thing that I think andI, as I've talked to some people
about this, I really was moreinterested in the logistics of,
like, what happens if we were tosplit up right, Because we do
have children, we do want to, ofcourse, be happy co-parents, we
want to.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
We own a home.
Speaker 1 (22:25):
We own a home, we want to minimize the amount of
disruption they have in theirlife, and so we talked a lot
about.
Well, who moves out?
What does that look like?
How much time do you get tomove out?
Let's say we dissolve ourmarriage.
I mean, brandon probably can'tgo out within the next week and
find another apartment, right,so how much time does he have,
(22:47):
or do I have, to move out?
Speaker 2 (22:49):
Like what's a reasonable time.
Speaker 1 (22:50):
We decided Brandon's moving out.
That's in the post-nup.
So Brandon, according to ourpost-nup, has 60 days to find a
new residence.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
And also just to be clear to those people out there
like for our situation I don'tspeak to everybody else's
situation, for our situation Iput in the post-nup that I would
move out because that was mychoice, that I think, from a
structure standpoint, to keepthings as normal as possible for
the kids.
And I think from a structurestandpoint to keep things as
normal as possible for the kids,I think as a father you can try
(23:21):
to do as best as you can toquote unquote be 50-50 with a
mom, but the reality is thatmajority of the time that's not
the case.
So I wanted them to be therestability-wise with her more if
we went through that process oftransitioning.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
Yeah, so Brandon has 60 days to move out and another
30 days after that to remove allof his things from the house.
Let's be serious.
Brandon has a laptop and someclothes.
Like that's all he's getting.
Speaker 2 (23:51):
I am not, I am not like.
So everything in our house froma design standpoint, I have not
put any input.
I shouldn't say that.
I wouldn't say I haven't putany input in.
I've always asked you, shealways asked me, but I'm not
good at that, so I'm likewhatever you want.
If I have something where I'madamantly like, no, I do not
want that, she's like okay, youdon't have a lot of opinion, so
I'm going to listen to you onthat one, but 99.9% of the stuff
(24:14):
she's done, so like it wouldn'tnecessarily be anything for me
to take.
However, we did put in therelike a reasonable amount of our
joint assets would be specified,would be given to me to
purchase furniture for a newplace.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
Yes, so Brandon gets a $5,000 allowance.
Again, my concern at this point, if we were to get a divorce,
is not Brandon, but if ourchildren are going to be with
Brandon in whatever new livingsituation he's going to be in, I
want them to have a home withBrandon.
So we did put a clause in thatyou get to take $5,000 from the
(24:49):
joint account to furnish yournew place.
So in my head I was like listen, I don't need this man on
Facebook marketplace buying someold rank mattress, no like
don't buy things on Facebookmarketplace.
I'm just saying again, this islike you know, we're happy and
then now we're not.
So I'm thinking about mychildren, our children in this
(25:10):
event of no, they still they'reused to sleeping in their own
nice beds with nice bedding, andI mean they're spoiled right,
their own nice beds with nicebedding, and I mean they're
spoiled right, like we have agreat life, so we need to
maintain that, and so I didn'twant to do the well.
Who gets this bed and who getsthis sofa?
And what about this table?
And no, just go to rooms to gofurnish your place, get the kids
(25:32):
what they need.
Here's money from the jointaccount, and so those are the
things that I'm really glad wetalked about.
We talked about them with Aaron.
We said, well, what do what dopeople do?
What is in your prenup orwhat's in your post up?
You know we talked about thesescenarios and now that it's
outlined, I feel great Likeagain.
We don't ever plan on usingthis, but in the event that we
(25:54):
did, it's already written outfor us.
We don't have to now be pissedand angry and exhausted with
each other and figuring out,well, when are you going to get
your stuff out and how much timedo you have?
And well, no, I don't want youtaking money from the account.
It's already decided.
We decided on it while we're inlove, while we respect each
other, while we're good.
Speaker 2 (26:12):
It's also like any planning that might be seen as
like quote unquote a negativesituation.
You do the planning when thesituation is not occurring and
it makes it so much easier sothat if that situation does
occur, you already have the planin place.
I mean, it's like what's itlike for?
Like a business, like crisisplanning.
Speaker 1 (26:30):
Yeah, yeah, and like um uh succession planning right,
like um uh succession planningright, like I mean that's.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
I mean like important you think about anything like I
mean even just like, thinkabout from like a standpoint of,
like you know, first responders, stuff like that they're
running through this stuffthey're running through this
stuff and practicing when it'squote, unquote, not real right
so that when it is real, theyknow what to do.
Yeah, so this wasn't a morbidconversation.
It wasn't anything that we gotemotional about because, like I
said, we're planning forsomething that we hopefully
(26:58):
never have to use.
Speaker 1 (26:59):
I mean, I think we were probably the exception here
, but we probably nerded outabout it, because I loved this
conversation.
I loved this detail of, like,what happens, how much time do
you have, how much time do wehave to separate our bank
accounts?
How much money do you get tofurnish your new apartment?
Like I love that because now weknow and we don't have to talk
about it again.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
It also kind of like I'm trying to think of, like how
I want to phrase this, but italso opens you up to understand
the conversations on certaintopics that maybe you haven't
had before, and what yourpartner's thinking is.
Speaker 1 (27:34):
Yeah, I mean, was there anything that we weren't
aligned on, though?
Speaker 2 (27:39):
No, we're the exception, I would say, though,
because we have theseconversations all the time, and,
honestly, I think, out of allthe financial conversations we
ever had, the only one where wewere slightly not aligned with
initially.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
But then we're kind of on the same page was college
paying for our kid's college.
Speaker 2 (27:55):
Yeah, I think that's pretty much it.
Speaker 1 (27:56):
Oh, that's something else that we talked about right
Of like we don't know.
Let's say we did get a divorcein 10, 15, 20 years.
We don't know what ourfinancial standing is going to
be, what we're going to beearning.
So we did talk about thingslike well, can we split, you
know things with our minorchildren 50-50.
So like what, if you know what,if we are getting them cell
(28:17):
phones and cars?
And what about prom and seniortrips?
And so we talked about thosethings, and Aaron again made
very valid points and gave ushis professional, you know
expertise on not putting in thepostnup, that everything would
be split 50-50, right, Becausethen you can run into areas
where maybe, while you createthe postnup, that makes sense.
(28:41):
But then life happens and nowit's not feasible for one parent
to still maintain a 50-50 splitwhen it comes to buying a car,
things like that.
And so we basically put inthere that we will share the
responsibilities as equally aspossible for anything above and
beyond child support.
(29:02):
So if there were, I mean ourminor children would still be
involved.
If we were to get a divorce,child support would obviously be
handled in family court.
And so these were for expensesabove and beyond.
Right, oh, you want to take ourkids to the Bahamas now for
their birthday.
Is that a reasonable expense ordo you need to cover that
yourself?
Speaker 2 (29:21):
Well, technically, child support only technically
comes into play if you decide totake the other parent to child
support for child support.
Which we would hopefully not do, yeah, so like you can like
manage the expenses before thatif you are on good terms.
Speaker 1 (29:37):
Yeah.
And handle it that way also.
I think the really good thinghere and we even put in again
you can't actually add yourchildren to the postnup or the
prenup, but you can putstatements in of.
Here is what we agreed upon aspart of this process.
So something else we agreedupon is that neither parent
would live more than 30 milesaway.
(29:57):
Right, I think neither one ofus would even want to do that,
so that seems easy enough.
I think we also added in therethat we would do a week on and a
week off.
I was very adamant about that.
We're not doing a midweek change.
I'm not doing a Tuesday,wednesday, I'm not doing it.
You get the kids for a week.
(30:18):
I get the kids for a week.
You get a chance to miss them.
No, of course we don't want tobe apart from our kids for a
week, but I see in that worklife how difficult it is,
especially if you travel forwork, which I do how hard it is
to manage one Tuesday here, oneFriday there.
To manage one Tuesday here, oneFriday there.
It's a nightmare and it'sexhausting for the kids.
(30:39):
I was a former teacher.
I knew exactly when studentswere with one parent versus
another parent.
It's a disaster.
I'm just not doing it.
So we put in there that we areagreeing to one full week on,
one full week off.
We didn't put anything in thereabout holidays.
But again, our goal with all ofthis is to remain excellent
parents to our children, and sothose are the details that we
(31:01):
would, of course, work out, youknow, on the back end.
But those core kind ofday-to-day living, you know, not
moving the children from theirbase school, things like that
were really important to usbecause we want to maintain the
quality of life that they haveand not let our you know, our
relationship be a burden to them.
So that's really what we weretrying to maintain as much as
(31:22):
possible.
Speaker 2 (31:23):
Yeah, and you know, like, specifically like for
myself, my parents got divorcedwhen I was five.
So you know, I grew up mybrother and I grew up being
raised by my mom.
So like that thought process ofwhat I experienced as a kid
went into you know theconversations that we had for
the post-nup because, like yousaid, the 30 mile radius was so
(31:44):
that we could both be present inthe kids' lives and without
having to uproot them per se, solike they could stay at the
same, like so, for example, oneweek with her, one week with me,
they're still at the sameschool, they're still able to do
all the same activities andeverything like that.
So that's one of the mainreasons that we put that in
Cause.
Also, like I said, I was very I, we didn't need I don't even
think just how to bring that upLike that was one of my things
were like we need to be in closeproximity because God forbid
(32:07):
that happens that we gotdivorced.
I need to be there.
Speaker 1 (32:09):
Yeah, well, and to change schools and teachers and,
like you said, extracurricularsand all those things that are
in your community.
You know they happen within acertain radius and so we just
wanted to maintain that as muchas possible.
Yeah, there's also some otherclauses that we put in
counseling clauses, mediationand then family counseling.
So counseling is for Brandonand myself.
(32:32):
Either one of us could initiatea request to go to counseling
at any time throughout the year,and the idea there is that
within 30 days, your firstsession needs to be scheduled
and you have to have threesessions within a 90-day window.
And what I thought was alsogreat and this is something that
came from Aaron is whoeverinitiates the request for
(32:56):
counseling has to present threecounselors that are already
insurance approved to the otherperson, and then the other
person gets to decide.
You know, based on the bios orprofiles, who they would want to
go with as far as a therapist,so that there's not well, you
chose this person.
They're clearly on your side.
Yeah, you're both part of theprocess, um.
(33:17):
And then you, there's also, aspart of that, you can extend a
request.
So let's say you go to threecounseling sessions, it's going
well, and one person says, hey,I would like to continue, um,
then the other person you knowcan respond accordingly, but
there's a minimum of three.
If we decided to, after thosecounseling sessions, go through
(33:39):
with the divorce, then we haveto go to mediation, and that can
include the children.
So this is where you figure outsome of those remaining details
that are not already in thepost-SNP, which again I thought
was great because we're tryingto raise happy, healthy children
.
You know emotionally healthychildren, and so we wanted to
bring them into that process aswell.
(34:00):
And then we also have a familycounseling clause where we allow
the children to be part of thetherapy process so that they can
work out, you know, anythingthat they need to, with us or by
themselves, so that you knowagain, they're getting the
support that they need.
So, all in all, you know acounseling clause, a mediation
clause and then familycounseling as well.
Speaker 2 (34:22):
Yeah, that's important too because, like you
know, obviously talking aboutmental health on all levels is
much more of a you know talkedabout subject matter now, where,
you know, my parents gotdivorced in 1988.
So it wasn't really a big thingand I think that myself and my
brother definitely, probablycould have benefited, definitely
(34:43):
, probably, definitely couldhave benefited from some form of
, you know, counseling at thattime to help get through that
period.
Speaker 1 (34:52):
Yeah, yeah.
We just want to give our kidsthe resources that we think they
might need during a transitionlike that.
One of the other things thatcame up is, if we actually
decided to go through with thefull divorce, that we should
also go into binding arbitrationfollowing mediation.
And there were a couple ofbenefits for arbitration that we
(35:15):
didn't realize, but it offersseveral advantages over the
traditional court litigation,including speed, cost
effectiveness, flexibility.
And then Aaron's big point wasconfidentiality platform or a
(35:38):
podcast or you're in the publiceye, et cetera.
If you don't want all yourbusiness out on the street and
you don't want somebody that canjust pop into the court
hearings because technically youcan do that, you need to have
an arbitration clause in yourpost-nup or your prenup.
So I thought that was reallygreat.
Aaron says he recommends it toall of his clients Definitely,
of course, the high net worthindividuals, celebrities that he
represents, et cetera.
(36:02):
But he did say, because we havea quote, unquote public
presence, that he wouldrecommend that for us as well,
because otherwise, if peoplecatch wind, they could just be
sitting up in that courtroomtaking notes and then you end up
on the shade room, I meanthat's what happens.
So I thought that was reallyinteresting, and that's
certainly not something we knewabout and or would have known
about without Aaron's guidanceand expertise.
Yeah, on top of that, I thinkwhat's really important here is
(36:25):
you're making your own rulesright, so come prepared with the
things that are important toyou, that are top of mind.
I mean, there was even like,hey, what about my points and
miles?
Right, I'm the one who,strategically, like we're using
this credit card, I'm the onedoing it all, so, like, if this
doesn't work, I want to keep allmy points and miles.
Speaker 2 (36:44):
I think that's fair.
Speaker 1 (36:46):
But the point is, ask whatever it is that is
important to you, right, andhave a conversation with your
partner to determine how youwant this to go.
I mean, yes, you can talk aboutyour kids and you can have
clauses in there.
One of the other things that wetalked about is like how do you
introduce a new person, right?
Let's say, brandon moves outand moves in with a buddy, right
(37:11):
?
Okay?
Well, I need to be comfortablewith that, first of all, because
now my kids are living withsomebody that I might not know.
But also, what happens if youknow the divorce is final and he
starts dating or I start dating?
What is the rule forintroducing somebody new?
We also talked about things likeour aging parents.
How do we handle an agingparent moving in, whether it's
(37:34):
temporary or permanent?
What does that look like from afinancial point of view?
Right, we will be exhaustingtheir health insurance and
retirement benefits because wedon't want to take on the
financial strain of now havingan elderly adult in our home and
(37:58):
us taking over all of theirfinancial burdens.
That's not going to be good foranybody, especially not our
relationship.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
Yeah, and that comes from, like you know, we know
people who unfortunately maybedidn't have this conversation
beforehand and then a parentmoved in and that parent maybe
isn't contributing, you know, asthey maybe should, to household
expenses, so that starts tostress your expenses.
Right Now you're paying foranother person being there.
Speaker 1 (38:19):
Yeah, no thanks.
So those are all the things,you know.
We're just kind of taking theexperiences of the people around
us, the conversations thatwe're already having and the
things that are important to us,and we shaped that into the
rules, kind of quote unquote forour love insurance, and I feel
great.
I mean it's something we couldalways go back and revisit.
(38:42):
I mean, it is a document thatyou can make updates to, but I
feel like we're in a really goodplace.
We put in there what is mostimportant to us for right now
and I think the basics arecovered right, like the no
alimony was important to me.
Keeping our retirementsaccounts separate was important
(39:03):
to me, you know, making surethat your debt is yours, which
you don't really have debtbesides your car.
And then I have more debtbecause of my student loans.
Speaker 2 (39:13):
Oh, one of the point we talked about is is that um,
the mortgage is in just his namebut in our postnup we put that
that is still a joint asset.
Speaker 1 (39:22):
Yes, well, it's an asset and a liability.
Yes, it shows up on both.
So Brandon is on the deed, butthe mortgage is solely in my
name.
But if we were to dissolve ourmarriage, I am just as much
responsible for it, for themortgage.
Yeah, so we could.
There's like a first right ofrefusal.
If, let's say, I wanted to sellthe house but Brandon wanted to
keep it, well then he can buyout his portion, for example, or
(39:46):
we sell it and everything thatgoes into selling the house and
what we make from the house getssplit.
So, even though he's nottechnically on the mortgage, we
did define it as a joint asset.
So you can do that with anyproperties or other assets that
you have and determine,regardless of who's on the
actual loan, who would beresponsible.
(40:09):
Or is it a sharedresponsibility?
So great, call out.
So all that to say.
You get who would beresponsible.
Or is it a sharedresponsibility?
So great, call out.
So all that to say.
You get to make your own rules.
That's what this was all aboutfor us in the beginning and I'm
so glad that we did it.
Hopefully we'll never have touse it, but, as far as you know,
helping educate people on theprocess, obviously for the
podcast, but then also we reallynow do consider it part of a
(40:31):
comprehensive financialportfolio, so I feel great about
it.
Speaker 2 (40:35):
I mean, and we told, we've told all our friends that
you know they should reallythink about looking into doing
that and, honestly, one of thebiggest takeaways that I took
from it is that there are somany things that can happen in a
marriage that lead to divorce,and one of the top ones is
financial stress.
So if you could take away anyof those potential areas that
(40:57):
could lead to divorce, then thatjust sets you up for a higher
probability of having asuccessful marriage.
So if you take that financialstress aspect off of the table
by having these conversations,having certain things in place,
that leaves less things to haveto worry about and can't predict
the future.
But I think that puts you in amuch better place to stay in a
(41:17):
happy marriage, because thereare a lot of people out there
that are probably married andnot happy, but the idea is to
stay in a happy marriage.
Speaker 1 (41:23):
Yeah, I feel great about it.
I'm glad we did it.
No regrets.
Speaker 2 (41:30):
And I highly recommend using Aaron Thomas,
like process was so easy so easy.
Speaker 1 (41:35):
His team was great communication, easy scheduling,
um you know he works with youknow uh individuals in several
States.
Speaker 2 (41:43):
So he's located in um Georgia but he works.
Like I said, we're in NorthCarolina.
He works with people in severalother states.
Speaker 1 (41:49):
Yeah, so reach out to Aaron.
We have an affiliate link justfor tracking purposes so that if
you hear about Aaron on thepodcast.
Speaker 2 (41:57):
Yeah, we're not getting any money from it.
Speaker 1 (41:59):
Yeah, if you hear about Aaron from our podcast, he
wants to know and he's a reallygreat resource.
He shed a lot of light on theprocess things that we should
consider things how they'restandard, you know how they're
done, kind of in a standard wayIf we asked about non-standard
things, what that would be, howwe should phrase them, etc.
So absolutely great experienceand I'm so glad we now have this
(42:22):
done and checked off the list.
Yeah, so if you have any otherquestions about our specific
post-nuptial agreement, feelfree to reach out.
We're pretty much an open book.
There are a couple of clausesin there that state that we
can't talk about certain things,but for the most part, we have
shared everything that is in ourpost-nup and we hope that this
(42:43):
was a helpful episode for you.
Don't forget Benjamin Franklinsaid an investment in knowledge
pays the best interest.
You just got paid Until nexttime.
Don't forget, Benjamin Franklinsaid an investment in knowledge
pays the best interest.
You just got paid Until nexttime.
Thanks for listening to today'sepisode.
(43:05):
We are so glad to have you aspart of our Sugar Daddy
community.
If you learned something today,please remember to subscribe,
rate, review and share thisepisode with your friends,
family and extended network.
Don't forget to connect with uson social media.
At the Sugar Daddy Podcast, youcan also email us your
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(43:26):
at thesugardaddypodcast atgmailcom, or leave usa voicemail
through our Instagram.
Speaker 2 (43:32):
Our content is intended to be used, and must be
used, for informationalpurposes only.
It is very important to do yourown analysis before making any
investment based upon your ownpersonal circumstances.
You should take independentfinancial advice from a licensed
professional in connection with, or independently research and
verify any information you findin our podcast and wish to rely
upon, whether for the purpose ofmaking an investment decision
or
This episode is sponsored by Prenupscom.
The truth is, every marriedcouple has a prenup a set of
rules that defines your legaland financial relationship with
your spouse.
You either choose your ownrules or use what your state
gives you.
At Prenupscom, they writeprenups that actually help
couples stay married.
Their specialty is fair prenupsthat help couples plan for a
(00:22):
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That's prenupscom.
Backslash sugardaddy and getthe prenup that helps you stay
married.
Already married?
No worries, they dopost-nuptial agreements too.
That's what Brandon and I didafter eight years of marriage.
(00:44):
In today's episode, brandon andI will be discussing what we
put into our postnuptialagreement.
We will have been married foralmost nine years this year and
we decided on a postnup for ourfinancial portfolio.
It made sense after talking toAaron Thomas, our family law
attorney and the founder ofPrenupscom, and so, if this is
(01:07):
of interest, we hope you'll staytuned.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Hey babe, what are we talking about today?
Speaker 1 (01:22):
Today we are talking about what we put in our prenup.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Yes, yes, oh no, our postnup.
Oh sorry, okay, let's startI'll say we've been married for
almost nine years now, so it waskind of a little bit late for a
prenup.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
Yes, well, you know the prenup.
Apparently we don't know thedifference, but apparently is
maybe an easier process sinceyou haven't already combined
assets.
But for us, the process ofgetting the post-snap was
actually extremely easy.
It took less than 60 days.
We actually the whole familyhad the flu during the process,
(01:59):
but I think had we not had theplague, we could have easily
knocked it all out within amonth.
So it was painless.
What did you think?
Speaker 2 (02:09):
No, I definitely thought it was painless and it
also helps that Aaron Thomas'process is very thorough and
he's very consultative inregards to how he goes about the
process, because obviously alot of us don't know what a
post-nup or a pre or prenupshould entail.
So they walk you through theirprocess and there was a lot of
things that, like we didn't eventhink would be talked about
(02:32):
during the postnup.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
We very quickly realized that it's really just
about creating your own rules,right, and so every state that
you get married in has a prenupalready in place.
So when you sign that marriagelicense, you are signing a
(02:55):
prenup, and I guarantee you youdidn't read what it said,
because I know we did not readwhat it said.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
No, no idea what North Carolina's is.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
Yeah, and I'm pretty sure that the rules that we have
now come up with in thispost-nuptial agreement process
are much more in line with whatwe actually value, what's
important to us, than what thestate of North Carolina in our
instance, whatever that documentsays that we signed many, many
years ago.
So for us it was really moreabout understanding the
importance, kind of we'redesignating it as insurance for
(03:29):
our love, right, we hope tonever actually need it, but now
we feel better having it inplace and, honestly, part of it
was we wanted to help educateour audience about what the
prenup and post-nup process islike, what kind of things you
can include, what we included.
It's all about honest and openconversation for us, and so we
(03:52):
wanted to give you some insightsinto what is actually in our
postnup and why we decided onthose things.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
Yeah, and if you're a new listener, you haven't
listened to other previousepisodes that we have.
We had Aaron Thomas on a whileback and that completely opened
our eyes and changed ourviewpoints when it comes to
post-nups and pre-nups.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
Yeah, so it's kind of a progression.
You can listen to the fullepisode with Aaron that we did a
few years ago.
We'll make sure to link it inthe show notes.
Then we did a kind of a hey,we're in the middle of the
process, here's what's come upfor us, and now that we have a,
you know, signed, sealed anddelivered document, so to speak,
we wanted to do a follow up tolet you know you know high level
(04:31):
what is in our post map and whyit was important, and some
things that we learned along theway that we think would be
important for others to knowabout as well.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
And I definitely want to emphasize that.
You know, if you're listeningto this episode and you're
thinking like, hey, I don't havea lot of assets, me and my wife
or husband or whatever partnerare not going to break up, blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah all thehead trash that we had before I
highly encourage you to listento that episode with Aaron
Thomas because, like Jeff saidearlier, you know you already
have a prenup for each statethat you live in.
(05:02):
There's one already written, sohis biggest take was why not
write your own?
Also, through the process ofcreating a post-nup or a prenup,
you talk about a lot of thefinancial stuff that a lot of
people don't talk about beforethey get married or even during
their marriage.
So it really helps you toactually iron out and have these
conversations around money thatyou should be having, or you
should have had, prior togetting married, and it gets you
on the same page as far as howyou want to actually navigate
(05:23):
your finances.
Now, obviously, it's a littlebit different for Jeff's, not
because we have theseconversations all the time, but
it definitely brought somethings to light that we hadn't
actually thought about.
All right, real quick, I want tospeak to the person listening
who feels like they can't workwith a financial planner yet
because they're carrying a lotof debt.
First of all, I see you and Ineed you to know you're not
(05:45):
broken, you're not behind,you're just in a tough season.
I created something just foryou because I've had people
reach out who are serious aboutchanging their money story.
But the full financial planningpackage just wasn't the right
fit yet.
So I built a new servicethrough Oak City Financial
that's focused completely ondebt reduction.
No fluff, no shame.
You'll get a one-time planningsession, a personalized payoff
(06:08):
strategy, your own financialdashboard and monthly coaching.
If you want extra support whileyou climb out, it's $300 to get
started and $100 a month if youwant that ongoing guidance,
that's it.
This is about helping you getunstuck, not making you feel
like you failed.
If this sounds like what you'vebeen needing, go ahead and
schedule a call with me.
The link is in the show notes.
(06:28):
Let's take the first steptogether.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
Well, and one thing that I think that was really
important and eye-opening for usthat we talked to Aaron about
is, let's say, we would havedone this in our 20s, right?
Or if you're first gettingmarried and it is a prenup, but
maybe you're a youngprofessional, you don't have a
bustling 401k, whatever that is.
It's not necessarily about whatyou have right now.
It's about what you arebuilding in the process of your
(06:58):
marriage, and so if you'rethinking about your career
progression, what you're able tocontribute to your retirement
accounts and the money thatyou're making over time, that's
where the significance comes in,because you're building and
growing your wealth individuallyand together, and so you want
to protect those assets yeah,definitely.
So you start the process bydetailing your assets and your
(07:21):
liabilities as an individual.
So I basically wrote downeverything that I own, so all of
my accounts, my retirementaccounts, my savings, my
checking, my debts, etc.
Brandon did the same and then,basically, a net worth statement
is created from that.
So that is just the baseline of, as of this date, what do you
(07:43):
have in these accounts and arethese accounts yours?
So that was very simple.
This is something that we wereable to put together pretty
quickly Again.
These are conversations that wehave all the time, numbers that
we are aware of and look at allthe time, and so for us nothing
came up that we weren't alreadyaware of in either category
when it comes to assets or debts.
(08:05):
But this is something you mightwant to consider as you go into
the process that you will bedisclosing what you have, so you
know if you haven't been veryhonest, if you've got some
secret accounts.
This is the time to have thatconversation, before you put it
on paper, because it is going tocome out.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
In all honesty, if you have secret accounts at this
point in time and like you'regetting ready to get married or
you're already married, I wouldsay that there's some other
issues that probably also needto be addressed as well.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
Yes, absolutely.
We've always been on the recordto say we believe in having
separate accounts, not secretaccounts, and that's something
else that we talked to Aaronabout is how do we want to
structure the money in our home,and that, I think, is a really
interesting conversation,regardless of if you're a new
couple, you know, or you'replanning your life and your you
(08:55):
know your marriage together, oryou're established, because we
go through different phases ofhow money comes into the home,
right.
So I work a corporate job, so Ihave a steady income.
You know, I have my 401k, mymatch, health insurance, etc.
Brandon is a business owner, sohe puts a lot of the money that
(09:16):
he earns back into his business.
I would say that, no, twomonths are the same.
You know, sometimes he'sonboarding multiple clients,
sometimes there might be a lull,and so for us it works well
that I have a consistent incomeand he has a flexible income.
So those are things that wewanted to also kind of point out
(09:36):
, because money flowsdifferently, and so we decided
to go with the what is it?
The inside out right, where youput everything into one pot and
then you take out what you needfor your own individual kind of
spending.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
Yeah, that's what it was.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
Okay, I know Sometimes I twist it up in my
mind, but inside out you dump itall into one pot and then you
pay your communal living billsfrom that, your groceries, your
home expenses, etc.
And then you separate outwhatever you, if you decide on
this, what you want for yourindividual spending money.
(10:11):
That then goes into your ownaccount.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
Yeah, so basically the structure of that is is that
we have a joint checkingaccount together and the money
that we're, you know, making,you're getting paid on a you
know, whenever you get yourpaycheck, it goes into the joint
account and then that's divviedup in regards to how the bills
are going to be paid there andwhatnot, and then you separate
(10:33):
out, like any additionalspending money that you want to
have for yourself.
So let's just say hypotheticallyyou know bills come to $5,000
for the for the month, our moneygoes in there.
But if we put in, say, $8,000,then maybe Jess takes out an
additional $2,000 for herspending and everything like
that and I take out anadditional $1,000 on my end.
Speaker 1 (10:53):
Yeah, so you can do this.
We talked about doing it basedon a percentage.
We talked about it based onjust equal amounts.
I am the higher earner, and sowe also talked about me getting
more spending money for myselfin my personal account than
Brandon.
So those are thoseconversations that you want to
start thinking about.
(11:13):
Right?
Does it make sense to splitthings 50-50 if one partner is
earning significantly more thananother?
Right?
I feel like you see things likethat on different social media
posts all the time, like, whyare we splitting all the bills
down the middle when my partnermakes four times as much as me?
So, again, we're not here totell you what your rules should
(11:34):
be, but these are the thingsthat you can start thinking
about as you potentially preparefor a pre or a postnup, because
it's going to be an importantpart of the conversation how do
you want your money to work inyour household?
Speaker 2 (11:47):
Also too, is doing a deeper dive into some of the
quote unquote discretionalspending which are needs, but
they're not the same amountspent each month.
So, for example, a lot of thestuff that the kids need, like
clothes and stuff of that nature, just buys.
So obviously she also like shemakes more, but then also she
needs more money.
More money for that anyways,because she's the one that's
handling those transactions.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
Yeah, I mean I'm the one replenishing the kids'
clothes, buying birthdaypresents for when we go to
parties, booking vacations.
I naturally, in ourrelationship, am the quote
unquote spender, which obviouslywe don't like that term because
it's dumb but I spend the moneybecause I'm the one handling a
lot of those just expenses,naturally, you know, buying
(12:30):
things for the classroom partyat the end of the year and
teacher appreciation and all ofthose things.
So it makes more sense in ourhousehold for me to have quote
unquote more spending money,because I spend more, I need to
spend more because I handle itall Exactly.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
I don't do.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
Exactly.
One of the other things that webasically said is our
retirement accounts are our own,but we will be contributing the
same amount.
So Brandon obviously is anentrepreneur.
That doesn't mean that he can'thave his own retirement
accounts.
You know, I get a company matchand so whatever he puts into
his retirement accountpercentage-wise, I'm going to
(13:11):
put into my retirement accountand vice versa, and we'll decide
on that on an annual basis.
We just want to make sure thatwe are both equally contributing
to retirement, regardless ofthe fact that I get a match and
he works for himself.
So that was something importantthat we wanted to put in there.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
Well, the biggest thing there is that God forbid
something happens and we do endup getting divorced is that
that's already been established,that her retirement account is
hers and my retirement accountis mine.
That's what the postnup was for, because, as I have said in
previous episodes, I started myfinance career working for
Fidelity and what's called adefined contribution so your
(13:48):
401k plans, 403b, stuff of thatnature, and what I would often
see sometimes come across oncalls is what's called a quadro.
I can't remember.
The top of my head it's anacronym.
I can't remember what it standsfor.
Speaker 1 (13:59):
The top of my head it did come up in our meeting
though, but basically what?
Speaker 2 (14:03):
it is is that when you don't have those postnups or
prenups in place to say, hey,if we were to separate, then
your retirement account is yoursand my retirement account is
mine, then what happens is tosay, traditionally the man might
be the one making more money,he has a larger retirement
account.
Say, you have a wife that's astay-at-home mom.
She didn't have a retirementaccount, so now she's entitled
(14:25):
to half of his.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
As she should be.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
I'm not disputing that, but I could tell you that
when those calls come across,I'm talking to the person who's
the owner of the account andthey're having to split theirs.
They're not necessarily happy.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
Yeah, no, and I get that.
And that's where we wanted tocome in and just say what's
yours is yours, what's mine ismine.
We're not splitting it.
We're also in the age you know.
Our parents are getting older,they're boomers, and so, you
know, eventually there willlikely be some sort of
inheritance coming, and so wealso designated that your
inheritance is yours and mine ismine.
(14:59):
Now, one of the clauses that weput in which I thought was
really good and Aaron suggestedthis is that if you put money
from some sort of a windfallinheritance, big bonus, whatever
it might be into your jointaccount, that it needs to have a
document attached that saysthis is now becoming joint
(15:22):
property.
And so if I get an inheritanceand I put it in my account,
brandon can't say anything aboutthat.
It's my inheritance, it'salready defined.
Now, if I choose to use that onfamily vacations or home
improvements or to buy himwhatever I want, that's totally
fine.
But if I put it in our jointaccount, we need to have a
statement notarized saying thatthis is now joint property, and
(15:45):
I do think that that could helpeliminate any kind of confusion
of well you know, wheneverything was good, I put down
this deposit on the house orthis or that and now you owe me
half.
No, we're not doing that right.
I mean, that's come up in myown family with a down payment
(16:06):
on a house that was my mom'sinheritance and my parents then
got divorced and I still have tohear about it to this day, like
I'm tired of it.
I don't want to have thoseconversations.
If I'm contributing somethingfrom a windfall, a bonus, a
whatever, and it's going intoour joint account, we will have
a statement notarized that saysthis is now basically our
community property, this is ourjoint property and we can't
(16:28):
bring it up later.
And I think that that justavoids some of those things that
just come up because people areemotional about their money and
we want to avoid all of thatemotional you call it head trash
that comes with giving moneywhen you're in a good place, but
then when you're not in a goodplace, then you want to be
pissed about it.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
Yeah, it's just one of those things where nobody
goes into marriage with thepreconceived notion that they're
going to get divorced.
But the reality is is thataround 50% of marriages end in
divorce.
So the idea behind this is islike any of the minutia when it
comes to the splitting of money,let's get that out of the way
in the beginning, while we'rehappy with the hopes that we
(17:10):
never need to use it, but if itdoes come to that day, then
we've already taken care of itand even that scenario.
So especially with us, like youknow, since we do have kids, I
think, if you got to the pointwhere a divorce happens, that if
you could take all that stuffthat could potentially lead to
you guys not liking each otherduring the divorce process take
that out of the table since it'salready settled then that could
(17:32):
be will lead to a betterrelationship post-divorce, which
obviously would be helpful whenyou have kids involved in the
scenario.
I feel as though, like forpeople that get divorced when
they have kids, a lot of thestuff happens during the divorce
that makes things just evenworse, yeah, and then that leads
into negative interactionsbetween the parents when it
comes to co-parenting asdivorcees.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
Yeah, and you can't put.
We do have almost like a clauseabout our children in the
post-snap and we'll talk aboutthat momentarily, but you can't
actually put any kind of custodyor child support information
into your post-nup, so it canonly pertain to the two people
that are married.
It cannot contain informationabout any other people and or
(18:15):
minors.
But we basically put in aclause of like here are the
things that, while we love eachother, while we respect each
other, while we're happy, weexpect, in the event that we do
dissolve this marriage and sowe'll get into some of those
things From a high level we putin there that we're going to
have an annual money meetingwhere we talk about how much
(18:38):
have we spent, how much have wesaved, what our retirement
accounts look like.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
It's basically like a mini state of the union right
Of like our household We'll havemore than one a year, but our
postnup does have that.
You know, we at least have oneyear.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
Yeah, so we'll talk about our assets, our debts,
disclose any changes in income,review the previous year
spending, budgeting for theupcoming year, discussion of
retirement contributions,subscriptions, reoccurring
expenses, insurance policies forauto home, reoccurring expenses
, insurance policies for autohome, health, medical disability
, identifying large expensesthat are coming up, and then
(19:13):
upcoming travel budgetconversations.
So those are things that wetalk about anyways, but if that
is not something that you'recurrently doing, you can put in
there that at least once a yearyou will have designated time,
and you could even put in therethat you're going to sit down,
maybe with your financialadvisor or financial coach or
whoever you might be workingwith, to make sure that that
(19:33):
happens and you don't just keepputting it off.
So I thought that was somethinggood to have in there.
Speaker 2 (19:39):
No, I agree.
Speaker 1 (19:40):
The other thing that we put in is that, aside from
the inheritance belonging to thereceiver, is that anything
above $500 taken out of thejoint account needs to have a
discussion first.
But then we also, because Isaid listen, if I'm at Costco
shopping for the annual familybarbecue, I'm going to spend
more than $500.
I don't need to stand in lineto call Brandon to make sure
(20:02):
that I can buy these burgers andhot dogs.
So we put in there that that isaside from the general
household expenses.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
It's also like a single item, like you're going
to buy one item itself thatcosts $500 or more as compared
to like oh, you went shopping.
Speaker 1 (20:17):
Or you went grocery shopping.
You're going to buy multipleitems.
Yeah.
But again, if you're not usedto maybe sharing the expenses,
looking at the accounts together, you don't want large amounts
of money, whatever large is toyou.
You don't want large amounts ofmoney coming out and then
somebody goes to swipe a cardand then you're surprised
because you know there'sthousands of dollars missing.
(20:38):
So we just put that littleclause in there.
That way we're encouraged tohave those conversations and if
one of us wanted to spend 500 ormore out of the joint account,
we would just either send aquick text message or pick up
the phone and have a quickconversation and then decide how
to move forward from there.
(20:59):
One thing that was interestingthat came up for North Carolina,
because we put in there that weare not going to, in the event
of us dissolving our marriage,we are not going to pay each
other alimony.
I've said that from the verybeginning.
I'm like I'm not paying a grownman.
It's just not going to happen.
But the state of North Carolinadoes not actually allow that to
(21:20):
be in a post-snap, and so wehave a clause in there that
states that we are taking ourown financial responsibilities
and that we have enough assetsand means to cover our own
expenses outside of alimony, sowe would hope that that would
pass in a court of law.
It's not something that I thinkwe're super concerned about,
but legally we could not add thestatement in North Carolina, so
(21:44):
something to keep in mind.
Speaker 2 (21:45):
Yeah, essentially, the clause was to provide
context of what our wishes wereat the time that we did the
posting up.
So, like she said, hopefully ifit ever came to that point of a
divorce, then the court wouldbe like.
You know, this is what you weretalking about, this is what you
wanted this time.
You might be angry now and wantsomething different, but this
is what you wanted.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
Right.
Um, one thing that I think andI, as I've talked to some people
about this, I really was moreinterested in the logistics of,
like, what happens if we were tosplit up right, Because we do
have children, we do want to, ofcourse, be happy co-parents, we
want to.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
We own a home.
Speaker 1 (22:25):
We own a home, we want to minimize the amount of
disruption they have in theirlife, and so we talked a lot
about.
Well, who moves out?
What does that look like?
How much time do you get tomove out?
Let's say we dissolve ourmarriage.
I mean, brandon probably can'tgo out within the next week and
find another apartment, right,so how much time does he have,
(22:47):
or do I have, to move out?
Speaker 2 (22:49):
Like what's a reasonable time.
Speaker 1 (22:50):
We decided Brandon's moving out.
That's in the post-nup.
So Brandon, according to ourpost-nup, has 60 days to find a
new residence.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
And also just to be clear to those people out there
like for our situation I don'tspeak to everybody else's
situation, for our situation Iput in the post-nup that I would
move out because that was mychoice, that I think, from a
structure standpoint, to keepthings as normal as possible for
the kids.
And I think from a structurestandpoint to keep things as
normal as possible for the kids,I think as a father you can try
(23:21):
to do as best as you can toquote unquote be 50-50 with a
mom, but the reality is thatmajority of the time that's not
the case.
So I wanted them to be therestability-wise with her more if
we went through that process oftransitioning.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
Yeah, so Brandon has 60 days to move out and another
30 days after that to remove allof his things from the house.
Let's be serious.
Brandon has a laptop and someclothes.
Like that's all he's getting.
Speaker 2 (23:51):
I am not, I am not like.
So everything in our house froma design standpoint, I have not
put any input.
I shouldn't say that.
I wouldn't say I haven't putany input in.
I've always asked you, shealways asked me, but I'm not
good at that, so I'm likewhatever you want.
If I have something where I'madamantly like, no, I do not
want that, she's like okay, youdon't have a lot of opinion, so
I'm going to listen to you onthat one, but 99.9% of the stuff
(24:14):
she's done, so like it wouldn'tnecessarily be anything for me
to take.
However, we did put in therelike a reasonable amount of our
joint assets would be specified,would be given to me to
purchase furniture for a newplace.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
Yes, so Brandon gets a $5,000 allowance.
Again, my concern at this point, if we were to get a divorce,
is not Brandon, but if ourchildren are going to be with
Brandon in whatever new livingsituation he's going to be in, I
want them to have a home withBrandon.
So we did put a clause in thatyou get to take $5,000 from the
(24:49):
joint account to furnish yournew place.
So in my head I was like listen, I don't need this man on
Facebook marketplace buying someold rank mattress, no like
don't buy things on Facebookmarketplace.
I'm just saying again, this islike you know, we're happy and
then now we're not.
So I'm thinking about mychildren, our children in this
(25:10):
event of no, they still they'reused to sleeping in their own
nice beds with nice bedding, andI mean they're spoiled right,
their own nice beds with nicebedding, and I mean they're
spoiled right, like we have agreat life, so we need to
maintain that, and so I didn'twant to do the well.
Who gets this bed and who getsthis sofa?
And what about this table?
And no, just go to rooms to gofurnish your place, get the kids
(25:32):
what they need.
Here's money from the jointaccount, and so those are the
things that I'm really glad wetalked about.
We talked about them with Aaron.
We said, well, what do what dopeople do?
What is in your prenup orwhat's in your post up?
You know we talked about thesescenarios and now that it's
outlined, I feel great Likeagain.
We don't ever plan on usingthis, but in the event that we
(25:54):
did, it's already written outfor us.
We don't have to now be pissedand angry and exhausted with
each other and figuring out,well, when are you going to get
your stuff out and how much timedo you have?
And well, no, I don't want youtaking money from the account.
It's already decided.
We decided on it while we're inlove, while we respect each
other, while we're good.
Speaker 2 (26:12):
It's also like any planning that might be seen as
like quote unquote a negativesituation.
You do the planning when thesituation is not occurring and
it makes it so much easier sothat if that situation does
occur, you already have the planin place.
I mean, it's like what's itlike for?
Like a business, like crisisplanning.
Speaker 1 (26:30):
Yeah, yeah, and like um uh succession planning right,
like um uh succession planningright, like I mean that's.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
I mean like important you think about anything like I
mean even just like, thinkabout from like a standpoint of,
like you know, first responders, stuff like that they're
running through this stuffthey're running through this
stuff and practicing when it'squote, unquote, not real right
so that when it is real, theyknow what to do.
Yeah, so this wasn't a morbidconversation.
It wasn't anything that we gotemotional about because, like I
said, we're planning forsomething that we hopefully
(26:58):
never have to use.
Speaker 1 (26:59):
I mean, I think we were probably the exception here
, but we probably nerded outabout it, because I loved this
conversation.
I loved this detail of, like,what happens, how much time do
you have, how much time do wehave to separate our bank
accounts?
How much money do you get tofurnish your new apartment?
Like I love that because now weknow and we don't have to talk
about it again.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
It also kind of like I'm trying to think of, like how
I want to phrase this, but italso opens you up to understand
the conversations on certaintopics that maybe you haven't
had before, and what yourpartner's thinking is.
Speaker 1 (27:34):
Yeah, I mean, was there anything that we weren't
aligned on, though?
Speaker 2 (27:39):
No, we're the exception, I would say, though,
because we have theseconversations all the time, and,
honestly, I think, out of allthe financial conversations we
ever had, the only one where wewere slightly not aligned with
initially.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
But then we're kind of on the same page was college
paying for our kid's college.
Speaker 2 (27:55):
Yeah, I think that's pretty much it.
Speaker 1 (27:56):
Oh, that's something else that we talked about right
Of like we don't know.
Let's say we did get a divorcein 10, 15, 20 years.
We don't know what ourfinancial standing is going to
be, what we're going to beearning.
So we did talk about thingslike well, can we split, you
know things with our minorchildren 50-50.
So like what, if you know what,if we are getting them cell
(28:17):
phones and cars?
And what about prom and seniortrips?
And so we talked about thosethings, and Aaron again made
very valid points and gave ushis professional, you know
expertise on not putting in thepostnup, that everything would
be split 50-50, right, Becausethen you can run into areas
where maybe, while you createthe postnup, that makes sense.
(28:41):
But then life happens and nowit's not feasible for one parent
to still maintain a 50-50 splitwhen it comes to buying a car,
things like that.
And so we basically put inthere that we will share the
responsibilities as equally aspossible for anything above and
beyond child support.
(29:02):
So if there were, I mean ourminor children would still be
involved.
If we were to get a divorce,child support would obviously be
handled in family court.
And so these were for expensesabove and beyond.
Right, oh, you want to take ourkids to the Bahamas now for
their birthday.
Is that a reasonable expense ordo you need to cover that
yourself?
Speaker 2 (29:21):
Well, technically, child support only technically
comes into play if you decide totake the other parent to child
support for child support.
Which we would hopefully not do, yeah, so like you can like
manage the expenses before thatif you are on good terms.
Speaker 1 (29:37):
Yeah.
And handle it that way also.
I think the really good thinghere and we even put in again
you can't actually add yourchildren to the postnup or the
prenup, but you can putstatements in of.
Here is what we agreed upon aspart of this process.
So something else we agreedupon is that neither parent
would live more than 30 milesaway.
(29:57):
Right, I think neither one ofus would even want to do that,
so that seems easy enough.
I think we also added in therethat we would do a week on and a
week off.
I was very adamant about that.
We're not doing a midweek change.
I'm not doing a Tuesday,wednesday, I'm not doing it.
You get the kids for a week.
(30:18):
I get the kids for a week.
You get a chance to miss them.
No, of course we don't want tobe apart from our kids for a
week, but I see in that worklife how difficult it is,
especially if you travel forwork, which I do how hard it is
to manage one Tuesday here, oneFriday there.
To manage one Tuesday here, oneFriday there.
It's a nightmare and it'sexhausting for the kids.
(30:39):
I was a former teacher.
I knew exactly when studentswere with one parent versus
another parent.
It's a disaster.
I'm just not doing it.
So we put in there that we areagreeing to one full week on,
one full week off.
We didn't put anything in thereabout holidays.
But again, our goal with all ofthis is to remain excellent
parents to our children, and sothose are the details that we
(31:01):
would, of course, work out, youknow, on the back end.
But those core kind ofday-to-day living, you know, not
moving the children from theirbase school, things like that
were really important to usbecause we want to maintain the
quality of life that they haveand not let our you know, our
relationship be a burden to them.
So that's really what we weretrying to maintain as much as
(31:22):
possible.
Speaker 2 (31:23):
Yeah, and you know, like, specifically like for
myself, my parents got divorcedwhen I was five.
So you know, I grew up mybrother and I grew up being
raised by my mom.
So like that thought process ofwhat I experienced as a kid
went into you know theconversations that we had for
the post-nup because, like yousaid, the 30 mile radius was so
(31:44):
that we could both be present inthe kids' lives and without
having to uproot them per se, solike they could stay at the
same, like so, for example, oneweek with her, one week with me,
they're still at the sameschool, they're still able to do
all the same activities andeverything like that.
So that's one of the mainreasons that we put that in
Cause.
Also, like I said, I was very I, we didn't need I don't even
think just how to bring that upLike that was one of my things
were like we need to be in closeproximity because God forbid
(32:07):
that happens that we gotdivorced.
I need to be there.
Speaker 1 (32:09):
Yeah, well, and to change schools and teachers and,
like you said, extracurricularsand all those things that are
in your community.
You know they happen within acertain radius and so we just
wanted to maintain that as muchas possible.
Yeah, there's also some otherclauses that we put in
counseling clauses, mediationand then family counseling.
So counseling is for Brandonand myself.
(32:32):
Either one of us could initiatea request to go to counseling
at any time throughout the year,and the idea there is that
within 30 days, your firstsession needs to be scheduled
and you have to have threesessions within a 90-day window.
And what I thought was alsogreat and this is something that
came from Aaron is whoeverinitiates the request for
(32:56):
counseling has to present threecounselors that are already
insurance approved to the otherperson, and then the other
person gets to decide.
You know, based on the bios orprofiles, who they would want to
go with as far as a therapist,so that there's not well, you
chose this person.
They're clearly on your side.
Yeah, you're both part of theprocess, um.
(33:17):
And then you, there's also, aspart of that, you can extend a
request.
So let's say you go to threecounseling sessions, it's going
well, and one person says, hey,I would like to continue, um,
then the other person you knowcan respond accordingly, but
there's a minimum of three.
If we decided to, after thosecounseling sessions, go through
(33:39):
with the divorce, then we haveto go to mediation, and that can
include the children.
So this is where you figure outsome of those remaining details
that are not already in thepost-SNP, which again I thought
was great because we're tryingto raise happy, healthy children
.
You know emotionally healthychildren, and so we wanted to
bring them into that process aswell.
(34:00):
And then we also have a familycounseling clause where we allow
the children to be part of thetherapy process so that they can
work out, you know, anythingthat they need to, with us or by
themselves, so that you knowagain, they're getting the
support that they need.
So, all in all, you know acounseling clause, a mediation
clause and then familycounseling as well.
Speaker 2 (34:22):
Yeah, that's important too because, like you
know, obviously talking aboutmental health on all levels is
much more of a you know talkedabout subject matter now, where,
you know, my parents gotdivorced in 1988.
So it wasn't really a big thingand I think that myself and my
brother definitely, probablycould have benefited, definitely
(34:43):
, probably, definitely couldhave benefited from some form of
, you know, counseling at thattime to help get through that
period.
Speaker 1 (34:52):
Yeah, yeah.
We just want to give our kidsthe resources that we think they
might need during a transitionlike that.
One of the other things thatcame up is, if we actually
decided to go through with thefull divorce, that we should
also go into binding arbitrationfollowing mediation.
And there were a couple ofbenefits for arbitration that we
(35:15):
didn't realize, but it offersseveral advantages over the
traditional court litigation,including speed, cost
effectiveness, flexibility.
And then Aaron's big point wasconfidentiality platform or a
(35:38):
podcast or you're in the publiceye, et cetera.
If you don't want all yourbusiness out on the street and
you don't want somebody that canjust pop into the court
hearings because technically youcan do that, you need to have
an arbitration clause in yourpost-nup or your prenup.
So I thought that was reallygreat.
Aaron says he recommends it toall of his clients Definitely,
of course, the high net worthindividuals, celebrities that he
represents, et cetera.
(36:02):
But he did say, because we havea quote, unquote public
presence, that he wouldrecommend that for us as well,
because otherwise, if peoplecatch wind, they could just be
sitting up in that courtroomtaking notes and then you end up
on the shade room, I meanthat's what happens.
So I thought that was reallyinteresting, and that's
certainly not something we knewabout and or would have known
about without Aaron's guidanceand expertise.
Yeah, on top of that, I thinkwhat's really important here is
(36:25):
you're making your own rulesright, so come prepared with the
things that are important toyou, that are top of mind.
I mean, there was even like,hey, what about my points and
miles?
Right, I'm the one who,strategically, like we're using
this credit card, I'm the onedoing it all, so, like, if this
doesn't work, I want to keep allmy points and miles.
Speaker 2 (36:44):
I think that's fair.
Speaker 1 (36:46):
But the point is, ask whatever it is that is
important to you, right, andhave a conversation with your
partner to determine how youwant this to go.
I mean, yes, you can talk aboutyour kids and you can have
clauses in there.
One of the other things that wetalked about is like how do you
introduce a new person, right?
Let's say, brandon moves outand moves in with a buddy, right
(37:11):
?
Okay?
Well, I need to be comfortablewith that, first of all, because
now my kids are living withsomebody that I might not know.
But also, what happens if youknow the divorce is final and he
starts dating or I start dating?
What is the rule forintroducing somebody new?
We also talked about things likeour aging parents.
How do we handle an agingparent moving in, whether it's
(37:34):
temporary or permanent?
What does that look like from afinancial point of view?
Right, we will be exhaustingtheir health insurance and
retirement benefits because wedon't want to take on the
financial strain of now havingan elderly adult in our home and
(37:58):
us taking over all of theirfinancial burdens.
That's not going to be good foranybody, especially not our
relationship.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
Yeah, and that comes from, like you know, we know
people who unfortunately maybedidn't have this conversation
beforehand and then a parentmoved in and that parent maybe
isn't contributing, you know, asthey maybe should, to household
expenses, so that starts tostress your expenses.
Right Now you're paying foranother person being there.
Speaker 1 (38:19):
Yeah, no thanks.
So those are all the things,you know.
We're just kind of taking theexperiences of the people around
us, the conversations thatwe're already having and the
things that are important to us,and we shaped that into the
rules, kind of quote unquote forour love insurance, and I feel
great.
I mean it's something we couldalways go back and revisit.
(38:42):
I mean, it is a document thatyou can make updates to, but I
feel like we're in a really goodplace.
We put in there what is mostimportant to us for right now
and I think the basics arecovered right, like the no
alimony was important to me.
Keeping our retirementsaccounts separate was important
(39:03):
to me, you know, making surethat your debt is yours, which
you don't really have debtbesides your car.
And then I have more debtbecause of my student loans.
Speaker 2 (39:13):
Oh, one of the point we talked about is is that um,
the mortgage is in just his namebut in our postnup we put that
that is still a joint asset.
Speaker 1 (39:22):
Yes, well, it's an asset and a liability.
Yes, it shows up on both.
So Brandon is on the deed, butthe mortgage is solely in my
name.
But if we were to dissolve ourmarriage, I am just as much
responsible for it, for themortgage.
Yeah, so we could.
There's like a first right ofrefusal.
If, let's say, I wanted to sellthe house but Brandon wanted to
keep it, well then he can buyout his portion, for example, or
(39:46):
we sell it and everything thatgoes into selling the house and
what we make from the house getssplit.
So, even though he's nottechnically on the mortgage, we
did define it as a joint asset.
So you can do that with anyproperties or other assets that
you have and determine,regardless of who's on the
actual loan, who would beresponsible.
(40:09):
Or is it a sharedresponsibility?
So great, call out.
So all that to say.
You get who would beresponsible.
Or is it a sharedresponsibility?
So great, call out.
So all that to say.
You get to make your own rules.
That's what this was all aboutfor us in the beginning and I'm
so glad that we did it.
Hopefully we'll never have touse it, but, as far as you know,
helping educate people on theprocess, obviously for the
podcast, but then also we reallynow do consider it part of a
(40:31):
comprehensive financialportfolio, so I feel great about
it.
Speaker 2 (40:35):
I mean, and we told, we've told all our friends that
you know they should reallythink about looking into doing
that and, honestly, one of thebiggest takeaways that I took
from it is that there are somany things that can happen in a
marriage that lead to divorce,and one of the top ones is
financial stress.
So if you could take away anyof those potential areas that
(40:57):
could lead to divorce, then thatjust sets you up for a higher
probability of having asuccessful marriage.
So if you take that financialstress aspect off of the table
by having these conversations,having certain things in place,
that leaves less things to haveto worry about and can't predict
the future.
But I think that puts you in amuch better place to stay in a
(41:17):
happy marriage, because thereare a lot of people out there
that are probably married andnot happy, but the idea is to
stay in a happy marriage.
Speaker 1 (41:23):
Yeah, I feel great about it.
I'm glad we did it.
No regrets.
Speaker 2 (41:30):
And I highly recommend using Aaron Thomas,
like process was so easy so easy.
Speaker 1 (41:35):
His team was great communication, easy scheduling,
um you know he works with youknow uh individuals in several
States.
Speaker 2 (41:43):
So he's located in um Georgia but he works.
Like I said, we're in NorthCarolina.
He works with people in severalother states.
Speaker 1 (41:49):
Yeah, so reach out to Aaron.
We have an affiliate link justfor tracking purposes so that if
you hear about Aaron on thepodcast.
Speaker 2 (41:57):
Yeah, we're not getting any money from it.
Speaker 1 (41:59):
Yeah, if you hear about Aaron from our podcast, he
wants to know and he's a reallygreat resource.
He shed a lot of light on theprocess things that we should
consider things how they'restandard, you know how they're
done, kind of in a standard wayIf we asked about non-standard
things, what that would be, howwe should phrase them, etc.
So absolutely great experienceand I'm so glad we now have this
(42:22):
done and checked off the list.
Yeah, so if you have any otherquestions about our specific
post-nuptial agreement, feelfree to reach out.
We're pretty much an open book.
There are a couple of clausesin there that state that we
can't talk about certain things,but for the most part, we have
shared everything that is in ourpost-nup and we hope that this
(42:43):
was a helpful episode for you.
Don't forget Benjamin Franklinsaid an investment in knowledge
pays the best interest.
You just got paid Until nexttime.
Don't forget, Benjamin Franklinsaid an investment in knowledge
pays the best interest.
You just got paid Until nexttime.
Thanks for listening to today'sepisode.
(43:05):
We are so glad to have you aspart of our Sugar Daddy
community.
If you learned something today,please remember to subscribe,
rate, review and share thisepisode with your friends,
family and extended network.
Don't forget to connect with uson social media.
At the Sugar Daddy Podcast, youcan also email us your
questions you want us to answerfor our past, the Sugar segments
(43:26):
at thesugardaddypodcast atgmailcom, or leave usa voicemail
through our Instagram.
Speaker 2 (43:32):
Our content is intended to be used, and must be
used, for informationalpurposes only.
It is very important to do yourown analysis before making any
investment based upon your ownpersonal circumstances.
You should take independentfinancial advice from a licensed
professional in connection with, or independently research and
verify any information you findin our podcast and wish to rely
upon, whether for the purpose ofmaking an investment decision
or
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