July 31, 2024 • 24 mins
BONUS MATERIAL - This is a mid-week conversation Neil & Lindsey had as a followup to our gathering two weeks ago (The Power of Our Words).
In a cultural moment where feelings are celebrated, the principles of the kingdom of God stand in stark contrast. What does the Bible mean by, "A fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man holds them back"? How can holding back our feelings be healthy? Let's take some time to talk through the healthy, kingdom response to our feelings.
DISCLAIMER: the conclusions we make in this video may not apply to individuals with certain mental disorders, previous trauma, or dangerous relational situations. In no way are we dismissing the role that pastors and counselors play.
To see the video of this conversation, check out the new AROUND THE TABLE YouTube channel:
https://www.youtube.com/@AroundTheTable-xs6ld?sub_confirmation=1
For more information on THE TABLE please visit:
www.thetablecalifornia.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
So someone said yeah, I have a question about what
you said about feelings.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
It was a big statement, you made a big
statement.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
A feeling is only a feeling, but as soon as I give
language to it, then I'mresponsible for it, because it's
entered into the atmosphere asword.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
And do we want to reap the harvest of the seeds
that we've sowed with words thatissue from a place of flesh and
chaos?
Speaker 1 (00:28):
Shall we Sure here at the kids' table again.
I like it, okay.
So two weeks ago we weretalking about the power of the
tongue, the power of our words,how kingdom people are
disciplined with their speechbecause they understand the
(00:50):
power of words, and I referencedI think it was Proverbs 29, 11,
which says a fool vents all ofhis feelings.
A wise man holds his tongue.
Feelings, a wise man holds histongue.
And the comment that I made isthis was in a larger context,
but the statement I made was Idon't care how you feel, tell me
(01:14):
what you believe.
And the larger context was athought is only a thought.
A feeling is only a feeling.
Thought is only a thought.
A feeling is only a feeling.
But as soon as I give languageto it and I release it, then I'm
responsible for it, becauseit's now taking shape, form,
it's entered into the atmosphereas word and we are responsible
(01:38):
for every word that comes out ofour mouth.
Jesus says in Matthew 12,you'll be accountable for every
idle word that you speak.
So context was that statement Idon't care how you feel, let's
talk about what you believe andthen at the end for those of you
(02:01):
that aren't here regularly on aSunday, what we'll do is,
rather than having the sermonand the teaching as a monologue,
it's more of a dialogue time,and so there's time for
questions and comments and thatsort of thing.
So someone said yeah, I have aquestion about what you said
about feelings.
Am I not supposed to talk aboutmy feelings?
(02:24):
Like, essentially, what am Isupposed to talk about my
feelings?
Like, essentially, what am Isupposed to do with my feelings?
Then, understandably so, and soit was really good we were able
to talk through that togetheras a church family, and that's
one of the reasons I love theformat that we have is there's
space for those sort ofdiscussions.
(02:44):
But then, even afterwards, Igot a message from somebody else
who wasn't part of thediscussion time and they said
man, I got a question about that.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
It was a big statement, you made a big
statement.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
Admittedly so, it was a big statement.
Admittedly so, it was a bigstatement.
So even for the folks whoweren't able to be here on
sunday, they only listened tothe message on the podcast but
were not able to benefit from ustalking through it together.
So here we are, talking throughit, our feelings, our, our
(03:22):
feelings, in a more a settingwhere we'll be able to put it
out, so hopefully it'll be ableto help some folks.
So would you like to begin andshare your feelings, Linz.
How do you feel about this?
Speaker 2 (03:38):
No, I've learned not to do that.
Um, yeah, I think when you madethat statement that Sunday, it
was an attention grabber,because we live in a culture now
where feelings are honored, Ithink, more than they have been
(04:02):
in past generations.
I think about our parents'generation, and even the way
that we were raised to an extentwas you don't talk about how
you feel, like you kind of likesuck it up and move on, and I
think a lot of people in ourgeneration are swinging to the
opposite end of that pendulum,where feelings need to get all
(04:24):
the air time.
So come into a place that'slike.
This is how we do, this is howwe steward our feelings and our
words in the kingdom of God isimportant and vital.
So this conversation isimportant.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
Yeah, okay.
So how would you say kingdompeople deal with their feelings.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
What I have learned from being discipled by the Lord
is my feelings are a beautifulgift that God has given me and
it's a gift that's intended topush me into him.
And it's a gift that's intendedto push me into him that, if
not stewarded well, thesefeelings and these thoughts can
(05:09):
turn me inward and push me intomyself.
That's detrimental.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
The best place for me to take my feelings is to Jesus
and to have that discussionbefore him and let him filter
through it before any breath isgiven to him.
Yeah, yeah, I agree.
I think feelings can serve asannouncements of where you are
positionally in that moment.
So if I'm feeling fear, if I'mfeeling anxiety, then that's an
(05:49):
announcement.
It's like a warning sign thatI'm not in Christ in that moment
.
I'm in my circumstance, becauseif I'm in Christ, fear is not
allowed, anxiety is not allowed,and so these feelings are like
the hand on the hot stove.
The pain is an announcementthat something's not right.
(06:10):
You're in a place you shouldn'tbe Back up.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
So what would you do with feeling hurt, or feeling
disappointed, or feeling I meaneven the feelings that are we
would term good?
I mean, my belief is, feelingsare just feelings.
They're neither good or bad.
(06:35):
It's what you do with them thatmakes them good or bad.
But like loved or that's notreally an announcement that
you're outside of him?
Yeah, if you feel hurt.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
Yeah.
So, so what should we do withthose feelings of maybe that
aren't as extreme as fear,anxiety, but maybe, on a
different level, disappointmenthurt?
Speaker 2 (06:59):
Yeah, I think still, the place to take them is Him.
I think we mishandle ouremotions when we entrust them to
either our own way of dealingwith them or we entrust them
primarily to other people way ofdealing with them or we entrust
(07:21):
them primarily to other people.
I think being able to take ourhurt and articulate it to the
Lord and allow him to ministerto our hearts could be a very
beautiful healing thing.
If I take my hurt first to youbefore going to the Lord with it
, then I'm bringing yousomething that really doesn't
(07:47):
belong to you, even if you werethe one that caused the hurt.
I'm bringing something to youand I'm dumping it off on you,
but it doesn't belong to you andyou're not the solution for it.
God is not to say that I neverbring it to you, but it it
passes through the Lord first.
(08:07):
You know, and I think you knowoftentimes when we, when we vent
or really quick to verballyexpress the way that we feel, we
make the other person almost.
You have to steward now thethings that I've spoken to you,
and I'm a firm believer that thesource that we speak from is
(08:31):
vital, and so if I'm speaking toyou from a place of intense
pain and hurt.
From a place of intense painand hurt, I almost have this
picture of like.
With my words and with mybreath, I'm sowing these seeds
into you, and when you receivethose words they're gonna land
and settle.
And now you and the Lord areresponsible for dealing with
(08:55):
what springs up in your heartbecause of the things that I
sowed into you.
So it's better to go to theLord first and share these
things with him and come to aplace of rest and then bring it
to you.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
Yeah, so bringing it to somebody, whether they're the
source of the feelings or ifthey're just a safe space to
talk through them.
That has to be step two.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
Yes, that's yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
Yeah, step one is wrestling with these feelings,
with the Holy Spirit, in aninternal process.
Paul says in Romans 12, betransformed by the renewing of
your mind.
So the mind is a place oftransformation, it's the
(09:48):
crucible where thoughts andfeelings are forged into things
that the Holy Spirit can sayamen to when they come out as
words, things that the HolySpirit can say amen to when they
come out as words.
Until then, they're goingthrough a process of
transformation, of renewal.
That's why the wise man holdshis speech.
The fool vents his emotions.
(10:09):
The fool is venting somethingthat hasn't gone through the
process of renewal internallywith the Holy Spirit.
So that process of taking thethought captive, of taking the
emotion captive, acknowledgingthat it is real.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
It is important, it has value.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
It's an important thing.
It's a very real thing.
Those feelings that we'refeeling are genuinely real, but
it doesn't make them true.
But the moment we give languageto them and speak them out as
words, now we're responsible forthese things.
That may not be true, and Jesussays in Matthew 12 at the end
(10:54):
of the age, we are going to beheld accountable for these words
yeah, yeah, yeah, that's good.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
I think I remember this is years ago, but you were
spending a lot of time in youroffice when we were in Iraq and
the kids were very little andyou had that quiet time.
The door would be closed.
It was like your prayer closettime.
And I remember being sofrustrated because I kept
(11:22):
thinking like, where's my time?
I don't get that time.
I'm here.
Kids are running all over theplace.
You know, I think we had a dogat the time.
He's in and out of the house andI was so frustrated and so
angry and I thought in my mindsurely the Lord is on my side,
like he was going to be thefriend I would go to that would
(11:42):
coddle me and say bless yourheart.
This is terrible.
I feel so bad for you.
So, praise God.
I had my wits about me.
I went to the Lord and I'm likeLord, you have to fix this.
Like he doesn't, he's doingthis, he's doing that.
I mean thinking in my mindsurely he's on my side, not
(12:04):
really knowing.
He's on your side and my sideand he is after my heart, with
me.
He gets to handle you however.
He handles you, but he's aftermy heart and that's what he
wants to talk about.
So I'm like getting all thesethings out before the Lord and
he stops me and he points meback to scripture and says right
(12:26):
now you're after what's his,and that is why there is so much
chaos and swirl on the inside.
You're not created to be afterwhat's his.
You're created to receive whatI have for you.
And it was like in that momentevery bit of frustration
(12:47):
disappeared.
I never needed to come to youand have this discussion because
I went to the Lord first and hesettled my heart.
So I think a lot of it is.
Do we trust that Jesus isenough?
Do we trust that we can go tohim and that he hears and that
(13:10):
he's going to speak to ourhearts and heal our hearts?
Or do we want that immediatereaction from somebody that we
can sit face to face with?
You know?
Speaker 1 (13:20):
Yeah, and I think the majority of the conversations
that are emotion-based are usjust venting and, like you said
earlier, right now we're in acultural moment where venting is
applauded, it's encouraged, butscripturally, that's not the
(13:41):
way of the kingdom.
We use the example the otherday the vent on the dryer.
All it's doing is justreleasing into the air things
that are going on internally.
It's not accomplishing anythingin terms of producing something
good.
It's just releasing out intothe atmosphere the junk that's
(14:02):
going on inside of the dryer,that needs to get out.
That's what happens when wevent our feelings.
We are releasing somethingtoxic that's going on inside.
We're releasing it into theatmosphere and that has power it
the world around us yeah, we'resowing seeds into people from
(14:24):
that like venting.
Speaker 2 (14:27):
yeah, I just have this picture of us sowing seeds
with our words and we get tochoose.
Are we sowing seeds that aregonna to bear good fruit, or are
we Galatians 6, sowing seedsthat are flesh, that are
corruptible?
They're not spirit seeds,they're flesh seeds and there's
going to be a harvest either way.
(14:48):
And do we want to reap theharvest of the seeds that we've
sowed with words that issue froma place of flesh and chaos?
I mean, that's you know, whenwe're held accountable for the
things that we say, it's goingto feel like something.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
Yeah, yeah, and this is what it means to be
disciplined.
This is what it means to besomeone who understands the ways
of the kingdom, walks with asense of discipline with their
speech.
If you look through the book ofProverbs, I'd encourage
everyone to just take a few daysread through the book of
Proverbs.
I'd encourage everyone to justtake a few days read through the
book of Proverbs and you'llnotice the characteristics of
(15:26):
the wise compared to thecharacteristics of the foolish,
and one of the commoncharacteristics is the foolish
have no discipline over theirspeech.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
Maybe it's the goodness of the Lord.
No, I know it's the goodness ofthe Lord that we feel things so
deeply, because it really isthis current that is intended to
push us into Him, not intoourselves, not into other people
, but to drive us into His heart.
Speaker 1 (15:56):
All right, here comes an extreme statement.
Oh gosh.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
We're going to do Podcast part two.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
I believe that if we insist on airing out our
emotions and venting ourfeelings, it's an announcement
that we don't understand thepower of prayer.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
Oh Okay.
Speaker 1 (16:22):
Meaning.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
No, I get you.
Yeah, that's a good one If.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
I have to come to you with my feelings.
It means I don't know how to goto God with my feelings.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
And I don't trust that he's going to be able to
reconcile my feelings with truth.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
Hmm, If I trust that I can lock myself in a room for
an hour, pray in tongues andcome out better, why do I need
to go to you with my feelings?
I can go to God and he can formand fashion.
He can transform and renew mymind through prayer, something
(17:00):
that no other person ever could.
Speaker 2 (17:02):
Yeah, yeah, and I think too, those feelings really
can be used to transform ourheart, you know, for our heart
to become pliable, for the Lordto transform us and to shape us.
It's a.
They are wonderfulopportunities to run to him and
(17:22):
to sit with him.
I wanted to share somethingfrom Jeremiah 17.
I was thinking about this and Iactually didn't realize, until
I kind of dove in and startedreading, that these two things
were connected.
But the Lord says, when he'stalking about the sins of Judah,
he encourages and said blessedis the man who trusts in the
Lord, whose trust is the Lord.
(17:44):
He's like a tree planted bywater.
It's someone bears fruit in allseason and then it switches.
And he says the heart isdeceitful, above all things, and
desperately sick.
Who can understand it?
I, the Lord, search the heart.
I, the Lord, test the mind.
(18:05):
The other translations arefilter through feelings, and so
it's.
I feel like it's this beautifulencouragement from the Lord
your heart is deceitful.
Don't trust in that.
Trust in the Lord, becauseblessed is the one who trusts in
the Lord.
He bears fruit, good fruit, inevery season, because he knows
(18:27):
where to take these thoughts ofthe heart.
I love that so good.
Yeah, the Lord loves purity,and mixture is a space that he
(18:49):
doesn't move in.
And how could it be that ourprayer life lacks authority?
Could it be that our deliveryof the gospel with the people
who are unsaved around us thatit lacks authority?
Could it be that you know thewords that we speak when you
(19:13):
know people are sick and we prayfor them to be healed?
Could it be that these thingslack authority because our words
have duplicity in them?
On one hand we're ventingthings that are flesh and then
we go to the same source and tryto pull life seeds out of it,
(19:33):
like there's mixture in thereand the lord desires to use a
people who walk with authority,whose breath and words carry
authority, and it's important tohim that our words are
stewarded well, that we don'tbecome this like pool of
(19:55):
unfiltered things that we haveto just vent to other human
beings.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
Like what scripture says can you have saltwater and
freshwater flow from the samesource?
Yeah, yeah, rhetorical questionthough, yeah, okay, so let's
sum it up.
What are some of the takeaways?
Okay, let me, let me ask aquestion and you, you summarize
the answers.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
Okay, no pressure.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
What do we do with these feelings that are very
real?
Speaker 2 (20:26):
Yes, I would say that we allow our feelings to drive
us into the heart of God.
I see feelings as vehicles thattake us into his heart.
We can either draw intoourselves or be pushed into him,
(20:49):
and I believe that God gave usfeelings and emotions.
They're important to him,they're important to us, they're
vital because they push us intohis heart and they announce
okay, something's going on here.
You know it needs healing, itneeds, you know.
(21:09):
Is there an ungodly belief?
Now?
Is there?
Speaker 1 (21:12):
Yeah, are feelings bad.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
No.
Speaker 1 (21:17):
Okay.
When is it okay to bring afeeling to another person to
process?
Speaker 2 (21:28):
I think after for me personally, and the way that
I've raised the girls and theboys, raised the girls and the
boys is feelings go to the Lordfirst and we allow him to sort
through it, to address ourhearts, and then, when we feel
(21:52):
released to share with someoneelse, then we do it, but we go
to him first.
It's like our feelings filter.
They're dangerous outside ofthat, you know.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:06):
Practicing taking your feelings and emotions to
God first is really an act offaith and an act of trust.
An act of faith and an act oftrust and the Lord loves faith
and the Lord loves when we trustin him.
(22:27):
So you can believe.
If this is something thatyou're doing and you're shaky
because your only experience isI vent to my best friend and
she's okay with it and this isjust how we do.
If that's been your onlyexperience and you make the
shift to say, okay, what happensif I start to go to the lord
first?
It's gonna feel shaky and it'sgonna feel like I don't know if
(22:50):
this works, but it does.
The lord is near when we'releaning on faith and we're
trusting him to shepherd ourhearts.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
Yeah, so let's encourage people to test the
Lord on this.
Take the feeling to him inprayer, discipline ourselves to
not do, maybe, what we've donein the past, which is vent our
feelings to our close friend orwhoever it might be.
(23:21):
Instead, take the feelings toGod, test him on this and see
what he does, and can we makethe guarantee that he will
transform us by the renewing ofour minds?
Speaker 2 (23:36):
Yes, I believe maybe I would say 10 out of 10 times,
it's like 100% of the time.
If we sit with him long enough,he will soften our heart to the
people who've hurt us oroffended us.
He'll soften our heart andhe'll heal our heart, and if
(23:58):
it's something that he needs toaddress in us, he'll soften our
heart and he'll heal our heart,and if it's something that he
needs to address in us, he'll dothat.
Speaker 1 (24:05):
You just said something that is key If we sit
with him long enough.
All right, this was fun.
Speaker 2 (24:16):
The title should be this was fun.
Oh man, it was fun.
Speaker 1 (24:21):
You actually made me feel a certain way the other day
.
I'd like to talk about that.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
You see my blank stare.
I was like wait, what this wasfun.
So someone said yeah, I have a question about what
you said about feelings.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
It was a big statement, you made a big
statement.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
A feeling is only a feeling, but as soon as I give
language to it, then I'mresponsible for it, because it's
entered into the atmosphere asword.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
And do we want to reap the harvest of the seeds
that we've sowed with words thatissue from a place of flesh and
chaos?
Speaker 1 (00:28):
Shall we Sure here at the kids' table again.
I like it, okay.
So two weeks ago we weretalking about the power of the
tongue, the power of our words,how kingdom people are
disciplined with their speechbecause they understand the
(00:50):
power of words, and I referencedI think it was Proverbs 29, 11,
which says a fool vents all ofhis feelings.
A wise man holds his tongue.
Feelings, a wise man holds histongue.
And the comment that I made isthis was in a larger context,
but the statement I made was Idon't care how you feel, tell me
(01:14):
what you believe.
And the larger context was athought is only a thought.
A feeling is only a feeling.
Thought is only a thought.
A feeling is only a feeling.
But as soon as I give languageto it and I release it, then I'm
responsible for it, becauseit's now taking shape, form,
it's entered into the atmosphereas word and we are responsible
(01:38):
for every word that comes out ofour mouth.
Jesus says in Matthew 12,you'll be accountable for every
idle word that you speak.
So context was that statement Idon't care how you feel, let's
talk about what you believe andthen at the end for those of you
(02:01):
that aren't here regularly on aSunday, what we'll do is,
rather than having the sermonand the teaching as a monologue,
it's more of a dialogue time,and so there's time for
questions and comments and thatsort of thing.
So someone said yeah, I have aquestion about what you said
about feelings.
Am I not supposed to talk aboutmy feelings?
(02:24):
Like, essentially, what am Isupposed to talk about my
feelings?
Like, essentially, what am Isupposed to do with my feelings?
Then, understandably so, and soit was really good we were able
to talk through that togetheras a church family, and that's
one of the reasons I love theformat that we have is there's
space for those sort ofdiscussions.
(02:44):
But then, even afterwards, Igot a message from somebody else
who wasn't part of thediscussion time and they said
man, I got a question about that.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
It was a big statement, you made a big
statement.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
Admittedly so, it was a big statement.
Admittedly so, it was a bigstatement.
So even for the folks whoweren't able to be here on
sunday, they only listened tothe message on the podcast but
were not able to benefit from ustalking through it together.
So here we are, talking throughit, our feelings, our, our
(03:22):
feelings, in a more a settingwhere we'll be able to put it
out, so hopefully it'll be ableto help some folks.
So would you like to begin andshare your feelings, Linz.
How do you feel about this?
Speaker 2 (03:38):
No, I've learned not to do that.
Um, yeah, I think when you madethat statement that Sunday, it
was an attention grabber,because we live in a culture now
where feelings are honored, Ithink, more than they have been
(04:02):
in past generations.
I think about our parents'generation, and even the way
that we were raised to an extentwas you don't talk about how
you feel, like you kind of likesuck it up and move on, and I
think a lot of people in ourgeneration are swinging to the
opposite end of that pendulum,where feelings need to get all
(04:24):
the air time.
So come into a place that'slike.
This is how we do, this is howwe steward our feelings and our
words in the kingdom of God isimportant and vital.
So this conversation isimportant.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
Yeah, okay.
So how would you say kingdompeople deal with their feelings.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
What I have learned from being discipled by the Lord
is my feelings are a beautifulgift that God has given me and
it's a gift that's intended topush me into him.
And it's a gift that's intendedto push me into him that, if
not stewarded well, thesefeelings and these thoughts can
(05:09):
turn me inward and push me intomyself.
That's detrimental.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
The best place for me to take my feelings is to Jesus
and to have that discussionbefore him and let him filter
through it before any breath isgiven to him.
Yeah, yeah, I agree.
I think feelings can serve asannouncements of where you are
positionally in that moment.
So if I'm feeling fear, if I'mfeeling anxiety, then that's an
(05:49):
announcement.
It's like a warning sign thatI'm not in Christ in that moment
.
I'm in my circumstance, becauseif I'm in Christ, fear is not
allowed, anxiety is not allowed,and so these feelings are like
the hand on the hot stove.
The pain is an announcementthat something's not right.
(06:10):
You're in a place you shouldn'tbe Back up.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
So what would you do with feeling hurt, or feeling
disappointed, or feeling I meaneven the feelings that are we
would term good?
I mean, my belief is, feelingsare just feelings.
They're neither good or bad.
(06:35):
It's what you do with them thatmakes them good or bad.
But like loved or that's notreally an announcement that
you're outside of him?
Yeah, if you feel hurt.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
Yeah.
So, so what should we do withthose feelings of maybe that
aren't as extreme as fear,anxiety, but maybe, on a
different level, disappointmenthurt?
Speaker 2 (06:59):
Yeah, I think still, the place to take them is Him.
I think we mishandle ouremotions when we entrust them to
either our own way of dealingwith them or we entrust them
primarily to other people way ofdealing with them or we entrust
(07:21):
them primarily to other people.
I think being able to take ourhurt and articulate it to the
Lord and allow him to ministerto our hearts could be a very
beautiful healing thing.
If I take my hurt first to youbefore going to the Lord with it
, then I'm bringing yousomething that really doesn't
(07:47):
belong to you, even if you werethe one that caused the hurt.
I'm bringing something to youand I'm dumping it off on you,
but it doesn't belong to you andyou're not the solution for it.
God is not to say that I neverbring it to you, but it it
passes through the Lord first.
(08:07):
You know, and I think you knowoftentimes when we, when we vent
or really quick to verballyexpress the way that we feel, we
make the other person almost.
You have to steward now thethings that I've spoken to you,
and I'm a firm believer that thesource that we speak from is
(08:31):
vital, and so if I'm speaking toyou from a place of intense
pain and hurt.
From a place of intense painand hurt, I almost have this
picture of like.
With my words and with mybreath, I'm sowing these seeds
into you, and when you receivethose words they're gonna land
and settle.
And now you and the Lord areresponsible for dealing with
(08:55):
what springs up in your heartbecause of the things that I
sowed into you.
So it's better to go to theLord first and share these
things with him and come to aplace of rest and then bring it
to you.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
Yeah, so bringing it to somebody, whether they're the
source of the feelings or ifthey're just a safe space to
talk through them.
That has to be step two.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
Yes, that's yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
Yeah, step one is wrestling with these feelings,
with the Holy Spirit, in aninternal process.
Paul says in Romans 12, betransformed by the renewing of
your mind.
So the mind is a place oftransformation, it's the
(09:48):
crucible where thoughts andfeelings are forged into things
that the Holy Spirit can sayamen to when they come out as
words, things that the HolySpirit can say amen to when they
come out as words.
Until then, they're goingthrough a process of
transformation, of renewal.
That's why the wise man holdshis speech.
The fool vents his emotions.
(10:09):
The fool is venting somethingthat hasn't gone through the
process of renewal internallywith the Holy Spirit.
So that process of taking thethought captive, of taking the
emotion captive, acknowledgingthat it is real.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
It is important, it has value.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
It's an important thing.
It's a very real thing.
Those feelings that we'refeeling are genuinely real, but
it doesn't make them true.
But the moment we give languageto them and speak them out as
words, now we're responsible forthese things.
That may not be true, and Jesussays in Matthew 12 at the end
(10:54):
of the age, we are going to beheld accountable for these words
yeah, yeah, yeah, that's good.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
I think I remember this is years ago, but you were
spending a lot of time in youroffice when we were in Iraq and
the kids were very little andyou had that quiet time.
The door would be closed.
It was like your prayer closettime.
And I remember being sofrustrated because I kept
(11:22):
thinking like, where's my time?
I don't get that time.
I'm here.
Kids are running all over theplace.
You know, I think we had a dogat the time.
He's in and out of the house andI was so frustrated and so
angry and I thought in my mindsurely the Lord is on my side,
like he was going to be thefriend I would go to that would
(11:42):
coddle me and say bless yourheart.
This is terrible.
I feel so bad for you.
So, praise God.
I had my wits about me.
I went to the Lord and I'm likeLord, you have to fix this.
Like he doesn't, he's doingthis, he's doing that.
I mean thinking in my mindsurely he's on my side, not
(12:04):
really knowing.
He's on your side and my sideand he is after my heart, with
me.
He gets to handle you however.
He handles you, but he's aftermy heart and that's what he
wants to talk about.
So I'm like getting all thesethings out before the Lord and
he stops me and he points meback to scripture and says right
(12:26):
now you're after what's his,and that is why there is so much
chaos and swirl on the inside.
You're not created to be afterwhat's his.
You're created to receive whatI have for you.
And it was like in that momentevery bit of frustration
(12:47):
disappeared.
I never needed to come to youand have this discussion because
I went to the Lord first and hesettled my heart.
So I think a lot of it is.
Do we trust that Jesus isenough?
Do we trust that we can go tohim and that he hears and that
(13:10):
he's going to speak to ourhearts and heal our hearts?
Or do we want that immediatereaction from somebody that we
can sit face to face with?
You know?
Speaker 1 (13:20):
Yeah, and I think the majority of the conversations
that are emotion-based are usjust venting and, like you said
earlier, right now we're in acultural moment where venting is
applauded, it's encouraged, butscripturally, that's not the
(13:41):
way of the kingdom.
We use the example the otherday the vent on the dryer.
All it's doing is justreleasing into the air things
that are going on internally.
It's not accomplishing anythingin terms of producing something
good.
It's just releasing out intothe atmosphere the junk that's
(14:02):
going on inside of the dryer,that needs to get out.
That's what happens when wevent our feelings.
We are releasing somethingtoxic that's going on inside.
We're releasing it into theatmosphere and that has power it
the world around us yeah, we'resowing seeds into people from
(14:24):
that like venting.
Speaker 2 (14:27):
yeah, I just have this picture of us sowing seeds
with our words and we get tochoose.
Are we sowing seeds that aregonna to bear good fruit, or are
we Galatians 6, sowing seedsthat are flesh, that are
corruptible?
They're not spirit seeds,they're flesh seeds and there's
going to be a harvest either way.
(14:48):
And do we want to reap theharvest of the seeds that we've
sowed with words that issue froma place of flesh and chaos?
I mean, that's you know, whenwe're held accountable for the
things that we say, it's goingto feel like something.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
Yeah, yeah, and this is what it means to be
disciplined.
This is what it means to besomeone who understands the ways
of the kingdom, walks with asense of discipline with their
speech.
If you look through the book ofProverbs, I'd encourage
everyone to just take a few daysread through the book of
Proverbs.
I'd encourage everyone to justtake a few days read through the
book of Proverbs and you'llnotice the characteristics of
(15:26):
the wise compared to thecharacteristics of the foolish,
and one of the commoncharacteristics is the foolish
have no discipline over theirspeech.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
Maybe it's the goodness of the Lord.
No, I know it's the goodness ofthe Lord that we feel things so
deeply, because it really isthis current that is intended to
push us into Him, not intoourselves, not into other people
, but to drive us into His heart.
Speaker 1 (15:56):
All right, here comes an extreme statement.
Oh gosh.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
We're going to do Podcast part two.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
I believe that if we insist on airing out our
emotions and venting ourfeelings, it's an announcement
that we don't understand thepower of prayer.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
Oh Okay.
Speaker 1 (16:22):
Meaning.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
No, I get you.
Yeah, that's a good one If.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
I have to come to you with my feelings.
It means I don't know how to goto God with my feelings.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
And I don't trust that he's going to be able to
reconcile my feelings with truth.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
Hmm, If I trust that I can lock myself in a room for
an hour, pray in tongues andcome out better, why do I need
to go to you with my feelings?
I can go to God and he can formand fashion.
He can transform and renew mymind through prayer, something
(17:00):
that no other person ever could.
Speaker 2 (17:02):
Yeah, yeah, and I think too, those feelings really
can be used to transform ourheart, you know, for our heart
to become pliable, for the Lordto transform us and to shape us.
It's a.
They are wonderfulopportunities to run to him and
(17:22):
to sit with him.
I wanted to share somethingfrom Jeremiah 17.
I was thinking about this and Iactually didn't realize, until
I kind of dove in and startedreading, that these two things
were connected.
But the Lord says, when he'stalking about the sins of Judah,
he encourages and said blessedis the man who trusts in the
Lord, whose trust is the Lord.
(17:44):
He's like a tree planted bywater.
It's someone bears fruit in allseason and then it switches.
And he says the heart isdeceitful, above all things, and
desperately sick.
Who can understand it?
I, the Lord, search the heart.
I, the Lord, test the mind.
(18:05):
The other translations arefilter through feelings, and so
it's.
I feel like it's this beautifulencouragement from the Lord
your heart is deceitful.
Don't trust in that.
Trust in the Lord, becauseblessed is the one who trusts in
the Lord.
He bears fruit, good fruit, inevery season, because he knows
(18:27):
where to take these thoughts ofthe heart.
I love that so good.
Yeah, the Lord loves purity,and mixture is a space that he
(18:49):
doesn't move in.
And how could it be that ourprayer life lacks authority?
Could it be that our deliveryof the gospel with the people
who are unsaved around us thatit lacks authority?
Could it be that you know thewords that we speak when you
(19:13):
know people are sick and we prayfor them to be healed?
Could it be that these thingslack authority because our words
have duplicity in them?
On one hand we're ventingthings that are flesh and then
we go to the same source and tryto pull life seeds out of it,
(19:33):
like there's mixture in thereand the lord desires to use a
people who walk with authority,whose breath and words carry
authority, and it's important tohim that our words are
stewarded well, that we don'tbecome this like pool of
(19:55):
unfiltered things that we haveto just vent to other human
beings.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
Like what scripture says can you have saltwater and
freshwater flow from the samesource?
Yeah, yeah, rhetorical questionthough, yeah, okay, so let's
sum it up.
What are some of the takeaways?
Okay, let me, let me ask aquestion and you, you summarize
the answers.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
Okay, no pressure.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
What do we do with these feelings that are very
real?
Speaker 2 (20:26):
Yes, I would say that we allow our feelings to drive
us into the heart of God.
I see feelings as vehicles thattake us into his heart.
We can either draw intoourselves or be pushed into him,
(20:49):
and I believe that God gave usfeelings and emotions.
They're important to him,they're important to us, they're
vital because they push us intohis heart and they announce
okay, something's going on here.
You know it needs healing, itneeds, you know.
(21:09):
Is there an ungodly belief?
Now?
Is there?
Speaker 1 (21:12):
Yeah, are feelings bad.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
No.
Speaker 1 (21:17):
Okay.
When is it okay to bring afeeling to another person to
process?
Speaker 2 (21:28):
I think after for me personally, and the way that
I've raised the girls and theboys, raised the girls and the
boys is feelings go to the Lordfirst and we allow him to sort
through it, to address ourhearts, and then, when we feel
(21:52):
released to share with someoneelse, then we do it, but we go
to him first.
It's like our feelings filter.
They're dangerous outside ofthat, you know.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:06):
Practicing taking your feelings and emotions to
God first is really an act offaith and an act of trust.
An act of faith and an act oftrust and the Lord loves faith
and the Lord loves when we trustin him.
(22:27):
So you can believe.
If this is something thatyou're doing and you're shaky
because your only experience isI vent to my best friend and
she's okay with it and this isjust how we do.
If that's been your onlyexperience and you make the
shift to say, okay, what happensif I start to go to the lord
first?
It's gonna feel shaky and it'sgonna feel like I don't know if
(22:50):
this works, but it does.
The lord is near when we'releaning on faith and we're
trusting him to shepherd ourhearts.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
Yeah, so let's encourage people to test the
Lord on this.
Take the feeling to him inprayer, discipline ourselves to
not do, maybe, what we've donein the past, which is vent our
feelings to our close friend orwhoever it might be.
(23:21):
Instead, take the feelings toGod, test him on this and see
what he does, and can we makethe guarantee that he will
transform us by the renewing ofour minds?
Speaker 2 (23:36):
Yes, I believe maybe I would say 10 out of 10 times,
it's like 100% of the time.
If we sit with him long enough,he will soften our heart to the
people who've hurt us oroffended us.
He'll soften our heart andhe'll heal our heart, and if
(23:58):
it's something that he needs toaddress in us, he'll soften our
heart and he'll heal our heart,and if it's something that he
needs to address in us, he'll dothat.
Speaker 1 (24:05):
You just said something that is key If we sit
with him long enough.
All right, this was fun.
Speaker 2 (24:16):
The title should be this was fun.
Oh man, it was fun.
Speaker 1 (24:21):
You actually made me feel a certain way the other day
.
I'd like to talk about that.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
You see my blank stare.
I was like wait, what this wasfun.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!