November 5, 2024 • 23 mins
Temporary Orders hearings can mean the difference between winning and losing your Texas divorce or child custody case. Family law attorneys Alex Hunt and Margaret Tucker of Hunt Law Firm, PLLC utilize their decades of combined experience to outline what you should and should NOT do if you are preparing for a Temporary Orders or TRO hearing.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Alex Hunt (00:09):
Welcome back to the Texas Family Lawyer Podcast.
My name is Alex Hunt.
With Hunt Law Firm, we servethe greater Houston area and we
have offices in Katy, Sugar Land, Cypress and League City, and
I'm joined once again byMargaret Tucker, Senior
Associate Attorney at Hunt LawFirm.
Thanks for coming back.
Thanks for having me All right.
(00:29):
We talked last time that youwere here about what to expect.
What is a temporary ordershearing.
Today, we're going to dosomething a little different
talk about 10 do's and 10 don'tsfor your temporary orders
hearing.
So let's jump right in.
Let's start with a don't.
Don't agree to something thatyou don't want.
(00:49):
For final, Tell me a little bitabout that.
Margaret Tucker (00:52):
Okay.
I have heard over time many,many times that people will say
don't worry about it, just agreeto it now, and then on final
you can change it.
I would actually venture to saythat's not necessarily the case
.
I kind of feel like when peopleagree to things on temporary,
you know whether you agree to,you know the primary person for
(01:16):
kids, or you know who gets thehouse or who gets you know a
bank account.
It's going to kind of stay thatway for final trial because the
judge is kind of like way forfinal trial, because the judge
is kind of like well, if youmade the decision back then and
everything seems to be fine, whyare we going to change it?
So, unless something is reallydifferent, it's going to stay in
(01:36):
place for final.
So try to pick what you likeand don't like and what's
important to you at temporary,what you like and don't like and
what's important to you attemporary.
Alex Hunt (01:46):
So then the do is set yourself up for success at your
temporary orders hearing, andthat means doing your homework,
getting all your ducks in a row,getting your evidence together
and listening to your lawyerbeing part of the process,
getting your lawyer what theyneed, so that way you can
present the best case to thecourt and try to get the relief
that you want for final ordersat temporary orders, because
(02:11):
judges most of the time are notgoing to want to upset the apple
cart.
If something seems to beworking in temporary orders,
they're not going to want toundo it.
So set yourself up for successat temporary orders, so that way
you're all you're all set forfor final orders.
So, uh, the next uh don't isdon't have unreasonably high
(02:33):
expectations.
We never have that in ourpractice.
Tell me a little bit about, um,uh, what we would like to see
from clients in that regard.
Margaret Tucker (02:44):
You know, I know that this is a very
personal thing for everybody.
You know this is your life,these are your kids, this is
your divorce, this is yourfamily and it's very impassioned
and it's very emotional, and sosometimes people want the
extremes.
I want all the money, I wantthe kids.
100% of the time the courtsaren't going to do it.
(03:06):
So if you come in withunreasonable expectations,
number one, you're going to besorely disappointed and number
two, you come off that way tothe court.
And so when you walk in and youask for something that is
completely unreasonable and haveno reason for it, the judges
don't receive that well and itseems like you're the problem.
So even though it may have beenyour spouse that was a problem
(03:30):
or something else was asituation that you know they
were the real problem, you comeoff as the person who has that
problem.
So be reasonable.
Either try to settle atmediation for reasonable
expectations or expect in courta reasonable outcome.
Alex Hunt (03:46):
Yes, certainly Be reasonable and also be flexible.
And you mentioned mediation.
It takes two parties to beflexible and reasonable in
mediation and most of the timewhen you get that you can reach
an agreement amicably.
Now our office, our attorneys,will always be ready to go if we
have to go to trial, if we haveto go to a temporary orders
hearing.
(04:06):
But the do here is do beflexible, do be reasonable in
your expectations, so the nextdon't is be unprepared.
And so our office, our hallmark, is being prepared.
That's a definite do.
What are some of thepreparations for a temporary
(04:28):
orders hearing?
What does that look like?
Margaret Tucker (04:30):
Well, we kind of work backwards.
You know, what do you want?
What are you looking for fromthe court?
Well, if you're looking to bethe primary parent of the
children or you're looking totake the house for temporary, we
work backwards.
How are you going to be able toshow the court that you should
be the primary parent?
Is it going to be throughrecords from the school?
(04:51):
Is it going to be throughrecords from a dentist or a
doctor?
How can you show the court thatyou should be the primary
parent?
Or if you want to be awardedthe property, how can you afford
it?
Should be the primary parent.
Or if you want to be awardedthe property, how can you afford
it?
You're going to need bankstatements, you're going to need
records.
So we always try to get thosekind of things ahead of time so
(05:13):
that when we go into court wecan say we are asking for X and
this is how we're showing to youthat we deserve to be awarded
this.
Alex Hunt (05:20):
Okay, Next up.
Don't hide the ball intemporary orders.
Tell me what we mean there.
Margaret Tucker (05:28):
Never let your attorney be surprised.
You know we are used to it asattorneys that we do get
surprises and we work on beingable to handle it.
So you know we keep a pokerface.
But I always tell my clients Iwould rather know and deal with
something.
So tell me, tell me things thatyou've done that they're going
(05:48):
to bring up, because if theybring it up then I'm completely
prepared how to handle it.
You know, if you hide the ballfrom your own attorney, then the
problem is they're going to becaught off guard.
So hiding from your ownattorney isn't going to help
your situation.
It probably is going to hurtyou.
Alex Hunt (06:06):
All right, and so the do is be as open and
transparent as possible withyour attorney, as you can.
That means sharing not only thegood parts of your case but the
bad parts of your case, and oneof the things I ask in
consultations or in preliminarymeetings with our clients is in
consultations or in preliminarymeetings with our clients is
(06:27):
what do you think the worstthing that the other side will
say about you?
Sometimes that brings someinteresting answers, because you
never know what the otherside's going to say, but often
it opens an honest dialogueabout what some of the
deficiencies in our clients'cases, and we need to know that
because you could rest sure thatthe other side is going to
bring it out in court and usknowing about it ahead of time
(06:47):
is going to be much better thanus being completely blindsided
and having to react in real timein court.
So do be open with yourattorney.
They're your counsel, they'reworking with you.
Margaret Tucker (07:06):
So be open with them.
And I think when people areopen about what has been going
on, it kind of sets the tone,because then they start to
realize, well, there are twosides to every story and there
are two people in this.
So, ok, I've done a few things,you've done a few things, let's
come to a middle agreement.
So it makes you recognize also,you know parts of the things
that you have done or you knowsaid and it maybe makes you
(07:29):
understand where you need to gofrom there.
Alex Hunt (07:32):
So the next don't is don't let your feelings towards
your spouse or your co-parentinfect your kids and your
relationship with your kids.
What do we mean there?
Margaret Tucker (07:43):
This is probably one of the most
important things that you canever remember in a divorce case
with children period.
When I have a client come into aconsult, I always tell them in
a divorce action it's almostlike there are two different
cases.
One is the kid's side, one isthe property and the marriage is
the property side, and so youmay have the worst spouse in the
(08:04):
world, but they're a goodfather or mother and vice versa.
So even though they're not thebest spouse to you, they're
great to your kids, and so youare getting divorced from that
person.
Remember that at the end of thetunnel you are getting divorced
and so, but you do have to workwith them for the, you know,
(08:24):
for the next 18 plus years, foryour children, and that's what
your children want too.
So they want, you know, twoparents and they want to have,
you know, loving relationshipswith both of them.
So remember that your kids pickup on a lot.
They see a lot more than youknow, even we know, and so to
remember that the best interestof your children should be the
(08:48):
forefront of a case.
Alex Hunt (08:50):
And so do differentiate between your
spouse or your co -parent as aco-parent and their role as your
partner.
And I'll tell you, if you're ina temporary orders hearing and
you don't differentiate thoseroles, not only is it bad for
your kids, it's bad for you, butthe court sees it too and they
(09:14):
can see that.
You know you don't want to letwhatever feelings you have
towards that person, which theyare what they are.
You're not going to be able tolose those feelings, but there's
no reason that that needs tothen infect the relationship
with the kids.
So do work hard atdifferentiating those two roles
that each of us has as a parent.
Margaret Tucker (09:34):
And you may be mad at something that your
spouse did.
But If you go on the stand andyou're bitter and angry, the
court is going to get thefeeling that you're not going to
be working with your spouse asa co-parent.
So it actually may turn aroundand bite you for acting that way
or portraying that to the judge, because, again, you only get a
very limited amount of time totell the judge everything.
(09:57):
So you have to be careful inhow you portray yourself.
You know if you have a lot ofanger towards your spouse or
that kind of thing.
So you have to put in theforefront of your mind your
children.
Alex Hunt (10:09):
So, in that same vein , don't refuse to negotiate
before your temporary ordershearing.
Do go to mediation, engage ininformal negotiations.
Why is that so valuable, andtell us a little bit about the
form that that might take beforea temporary orders hearing.
Margaret Tucker (10:29):
Okay, so, in order to have a temporary orders
hearing, the courts make usmediate, which is a good thing.
It is very good to mediatebecause the power is in your
hands.
You're going to be in a room byyourself or with your attorney,
and you know your spouse isgoing to be in a room with his
attorney or by himself, and themediator kind of walks back and
(10:49):
forth and offers are sent backand forth.
This is your time to try to getwhat you want.
You know you can think outsidethe box.
You know, actually ask forthings that might not be given
in court.
And this is your moment.
You are empowered, on your owncase, to ask for things and to
try to get some things that youwant that are important to you.
(11:10):
So the thing is again, you'regoing to get divorced from your
spouse.
So if your bitterness and youranger is going to come in to
cloud your judgment on amediation and you know you're
talking about your children it'sgoing to cloud how youiation
and you know you're talkingabout your children.
It's going to cloud how youthink about you know the best
interest of your children.
So put them in the forefrontand negotiate based on what you
(11:31):
think is best for your children.
Alex Hunt (11:34):
All right.
The next don't is let youragitation show, and I know you
had a recent case where we saw alitigant in court was really
letting his agitation show andit did not benefit him at all.
And so what we do want ourclients to do is to really be
(11:55):
respectful.
Respect the process, respectthe parties, respect the court.
What should the demeanor of alitigant, a client in court,
what should their approach be?
Margaret Tucker (12:07):
To remember that you respect the bench.
The court is there.
They have earned this positionthat they fill.
They are trying to do a job andtheir job is to make a judgment
.
In this case, they don't knowyou, they don't know your spouse
, they don't know your kids,they don't know your job.
They don't know anything aboutyou.
So when you walk into a courtand you maybe have an hour or
(12:29):
two to present your case, youknow your world is huge, but
you're only going to get an houror two to present it to the
court.
So, to be respectful of themand to talk to them, you're not
trying to prove a point to yourspouse, you're not trying to
prove a point to the opposingcounsel.
You're trying to tell the judgewhat you want.
(12:51):
You're talking to the court.
Respect them.
They've earned it and they'regoing to make a decision for you
.
So respect them.
I think when courts are shownrespect and you know they see a
better side of you.
They see you who you are andhopefully that comes out in your
favor.
Alex Hunt (13:11):
And I'll tell you that there's never been an
instance where I've had a clientor there's an opposing party
that has been disrespectful orhas been agitated or rolling
their eyes or making noiseswhere I thought in hindsight,
man, that was a good decision.
I mean, it is universally a badchoice because the judges see
(13:31):
it, and then it isn't just thatthey want to punish you or
something, but they think, ifthis solemn process, if this is
the way you're acting here, Ican only imagine what you're
like with the co-parent or yourspouse or the kids.
So be as respectful as possible, I think, is good advice all
around.
Next, don't overcomplicate thecase, and there's a practical
(13:56):
reason for that.
It's that we don't usually intemporary orders, hearings, at
least in the Houston area, getvery much time.
I know it's like that in otherjurisdictions in Texas as well.
What do we mean by notovercomplicating the case and
how could we keep it morestreamlined, which is our?
Do?
Keep it streamlined, keep itsimple.
Margaret Tucker (14:16):
The main point about a temporary orders hearing
is to hold the case.
The judge really doesn't knowmuch about the case yet doesn't
know much about the party.
So the judge really just wantsto hold things status quo, make
sure kids and property are takencare of, and we get a very
limited time to tell the judgeswhat we're asking for, what
we're looking for.
(14:37):
So if you walk in and you havethis list of demands that is way
off from the norm, the judge isgoing to be confused.
They're really not going to behappy with you and you know they
don't know what you're askingfor.
So then it gets verycomplicated and sometimes it
(14:58):
clouds what you're trying to sayand it's in a short time that
you're asking for it.
So sometimes overcomplicating itreally backfires.
You know the courts want to godown the streamline.
They want to do a standardpossession order.
That's the main thing they'regoing to do.
So you have to prove to themwhy they need to go off of the
norm and that takes time andthat takes clarity.
(15:21):
So you need to prioritize andnot be having too many asks that
are off the norm.
Alex Hunt (15:28):
So what are some things that you know we do in
our practice to keep thingsstreamlined, keep them as simple
as possible for the court interms of documentation,
providing the court document.
What do we do?
What can we do to keep it morestreamlined, keep it simple.
Margaret Tucker (15:45):
A lot of what we do in a temporary reverse
hearing is we do kind of thesummary of relief requested,
where we file a document thatsays this is what we want and if
we are asking for somethingthat is different from the norm,
we put it in there.
Maybe we have a parent whohasn't seen a child for a while
(16:06):
and they need reunificationtherapy.
So at that point in time, youknow, I usually try to meet with
the therapist beforehand, tryto get it cleared up Are they
going to accept insurance?
Are they going to, you know, beable to start seeing the child
and the parent?
You know, we try to clearthings up beforehand so that
when we present it to the courtand say we're, you know, going
(16:29):
to ask you something differenthere's what it is and why I'm
asking.
And if you grant this to me,it's all you know, already been
taken care of, it's already set,we're ready to go on it so that
we're moving forward.
Judge, we're not trying tostall.
Here's the evidence of why weneed what we need and why we're
asking for it.
Alex Hunt (16:49):
Okay.
So the next don't is don't goin uninformed and unprepared to
court.
What do we want to see from ourclients?
Margaret Tucker (16:58):
I think it's very important when you go into
the temporary orders mediationand the temporary orders hearing
.
If you don't settle atmediation to understand what the
court is going to do.
The court is going to do thenorm, that is, grant a standard
possession order, or you knowthey're not going to do much
with the property until later,those kind of things.
(17:19):
So if you are expectingsomething that is outside of the
norm, understand that thecourt's not going to do a lot of
things without extra evidence.
So you know you've got tounderstand what is your best day
and what is your worst day.
When I go into mediation Ialways prep my clients on what
(17:39):
is the best day in court, whatis the worst day in court.
And there is some middle groundbecause sometimes you just
don't know what a judge will do.
So if the judge in judges andfamily law have very have a lot
of discretion, judges and familylaw have a lot of discretion.
They can choose to do thingsthat they want to do.
(18:01):
So sometimes you won't evenknow if a judge can or can't do
it or will or won't do it.
But there are things that anattorney can tell you.
This is what you should expect.
This is your worst day, this isyour best day, and when you're
making a settlement or you'rewalking into court that day, you
need to keep both of those inmind.
So it sets your expectationsand when you're at mediation,
(18:25):
you know if you're going to holdout, not settle at mediation
for something that is, you know,unreasonable, you're not going
to get it in court.
Alex Hunt (18:36):
We've certainly had a lot of.
You know, we always have thoseconversations with our clients
so that they are informed andthey are prepared, and they are
prepared.
But we've seen particularlyother opposing parties, other
litigants that will walk intocourt and think that a court can
do something that a court justcan't do, because a court has to
be authorized by the law to doit.
(18:56):
And there is a difference, youmentioned, between what a court
can and can't do and what acourt can but won't do and
that's why it's particularlyimportant to have somebody who
is experienced in the localcourts.
Harris County we've got 10presiding judges, 10 associate
(19:17):
judges.
We've got a domestic protectiveorder court, fort Bend County
three presiding judges, threeassociate judges.
Waller County two judges.
You have to know each one ofthose courts, know what those
courts will and won't do, whattheir preferences are.
That knowledge is incrediblyvaluable, especially when you
know often you just have aboutan hour to present your case at
(19:40):
a temporary orders hearing.
So going in prepared, going ininformed not just the lawyer but
the client too, it's going tohelp make sure that our
expectations are reasonable andthey're set and that we're going
to have a successful day incourt.
So the last don't is a lot ofour clients are, you know, they
(20:01):
want to try to keep thingspeaceful, they want to maintain
that co-parenting relationshipor relationship that they have
with their partner, and theywill often withhold certain
facts.
They don't paint the fullpicture.
They do that to keep the peaceor they do that just to be nice
and oftentimes after court theysay, yeah, man, I have regret.
(20:26):
I wish that I did say that andI should have said that.
What do you want to see fromyour clients in a temporary
orders hearing in terms ofpainting that picture domestic
(20:47):
violence within your house.
Margaret Tucker (20:48):
you need to let your attorney know because it
needs to be brought up soon,Because if you go through a
temporary orders hearing anddon't say anything and the judge
rules against you and maybegives the primary to the other
parent, it's too late after thetemporary orders hearing to
bring up domestic violence.
The judge is going to think youonly bringing it up because
something happened that was notin your favor.
Alex Hunt (21:07):
Yeah, why are you just bringing this up now?
Margaret Tucker (21:09):
Right.
So it's very important to tellyour attorney and to prioritize,
what are the most importantfacts and the most important
things about your household oryour kids or your spouse that
need to be brought up in thatone hour hearing.
And so you know this is yourmoment in time to tell the judge
your story.
Everybody wants their story tobe told and sadly there are so
(21:34):
many cases the judges can't bethere all day or you know, six
weeks for each person, eachparty, and so we have to go fast
in doing it.
So we need to prioritize, knowwhat's very important and make
sure to tell your story in fulland you know it's not always
positive and it's not alwaysheartwarming, but it needs to be
(21:57):
told and the judge needs toknow and your attorney needs to
know.
So, to be open, to be honestand, you know, set your
priorities and make sure it'sheard.
Alex Hunt (22:08):
Well, I think you said that perfectly.
And when you take out theexhibits and the evidence and
the objections and the legalese,really all that a temporary
orders hearing is is anopportunity to tell the judge
who is just a person your storyand help them make a decision
about what's going to be bestfor your family and for your
(22:28):
children.
So being as open, as honest aspossible, being upfront, is
always the best policy.
Margaret, thank you so much forjoining and chatting with me
about temporary orders, somedo's and don'ts.
If anybody has more questionsabout temporary orders hearings,
divorce process, child custodyprocess or any of the services
(22:51):
that Hunt Law Firm provides, youcan visit familylawyerkatiecom
and we'll see you next time.
Welcome back to the Texas Family Lawyer Podcast.
My name is Alex Hunt.
With Hunt Law Firm, we servethe greater Houston area and we
have offices in Katy, Sugar Land, Cypress and League City, and
I'm joined once again byMargaret Tucker, Senior
Associate Attorney at Hunt LawFirm.
Thanks for coming back.
Thanks for having me All right.
(00:29):
We talked last time that youwere here about what to expect.
What is a temporary ordershearing.
Today, we're going to dosomething a little different
talk about 10 do's and 10 don'tsfor your temporary orders
hearing.
So let's jump right in.
Let's start with a don't.
Don't agree to something thatyou don't want.
(00:49):
For final, Tell me a little bitabout that.
Margaret Tucker (00:52):
Okay.
I have heard over time many,many times that people will say
don't worry about it, just agreeto it now, and then on final
you can change it.
I would actually venture to saythat's not necessarily the case
.
I kind of feel like when peopleagree to things on temporary,
you know whether you agree to,you know the primary person for
(01:16):
kids, or you know who gets thehouse or who gets you know a
bank account.
It's going to kind of stay thatway for final trial because the
judge is kind of like way forfinal trial, because the judge
is kind of like well, if youmade the decision back then and
everything seems to be fine, whyare we going to change it?
So, unless something is reallydifferent, it's going to stay in
(01:36):
place for final.
So try to pick what you likeand don't like and what's
important to you at temporary,what you like and don't like and
what's important to you attemporary.
Alex Hunt (01:46):
So then the do is set yourself up for success at your
temporary orders hearing, andthat means doing your homework,
getting all your ducks in a row,getting your evidence together
and listening to your lawyerbeing part of the process,
getting your lawyer what theyneed, so that way you can
present the best case to thecourt and try to get the relief
that you want for final ordersat temporary orders, because
(02:11):
judges most of the time are notgoing to want to upset the apple
cart.
If something seems to beworking in temporary orders,
they're not going to want toundo it.
So set yourself up for successat temporary orders, so that way
you're all you're all set forfor final orders.
So, uh, the next uh don't isdon't have unreasonably high
(02:33):
expectations.
We never have that in ourpractice.
Tell me a little bit about, um,uh, what we would like to see
from clients in that regard.
Margaret Tucker (02:44):
You know, I know that this is a very
personal thing for everybody.
You know this is your life,these are your kids, this is
your divorce, this is yourfamily and it's very impassioned
and it's very emotional, and sosometimes people want the
extremes.
I want all the money, I wantthe kids.
100% of the time the courtsaren't going to do it.
(03:06):
So if you come in withunreasonable expectations,
number one, you're going to besorely disappointed and number
two, you come off that way tothe court.
And so when you walk in and youask for something that is
completely unreasonable and haveno reason for it, the judges
don't receive that well and itseems like you're the problem.
So even though it may have beenyour spouse that was a problem
(03:30):
or something else was asituation that you know they
were the real problem, you comeoff as the person who has that
problem.
So be reasonable.
Either try to settle atmediation for reasonable
expectations or expect in courta reasonable outcome.
Alex Hunt (03:46):
Yes, certainly Be reasonable and also be flexible.
And you mentioned mediation.
It takes two parties to beflexible and reasonable in
mediation and most of the timewhen you get that you can reach
an agreement amicably.
Now our office, our attorneys,will always be ready to go if we
have to go to trial, if we haveto go to a temporary orders
hearing.
(04:06):
But the do here is do beflexible, do be reasonable in
your expectations, so the nextdon't is be unprepared.
And so our office, our hallmark, is being prepared.
That's a definite do.
What are some of thepreparations for a temporary
(04:28):
orders hearing?
What does that look like?
Margaret Tucker (04:30):
Well, we kind of work backwards.
You know, what do you want?
What are you looking for fromthe court?
Well, if you're looking to bethe primary parent of the
children or you're looking totake the house for temporary, we
work backwards.
How are you going to be able toshow the court that you should
be the primary parent?
Is it going to be throughrecords from the school?
(04:51):
Is it going to be throughrecords from a dentist or a
doctor?
How can you show the court thatyou should be the primary
parent?
Or if you want to be awardedthe property, how can you afford
it?
Should be the primary parent.
Or if you want to be awardedthe property, how can you afford
it?
You're going to need bankstatements, you're going to need
records.
So we always try to get thosekind of things ahead of time so
(05:13):
that when we go into court wecan say we are asking for X and
this is how we're showing to youthat we deserve to be awarded
this.
Alex Hunt (05:20):
Okay, Next up.
Don't hide the ball intemporary orders.
Tell me what we mean there.
Margaret Tucker (05:28):
Never let your attorney be surprised.
You know we are used to it asattorneys that we do get
surprises and we work on beingable to handle it.
So you know we keep a pokerface.
But I always tell my clients Iwould rather know and deal with
something.
So tell me, tell me things thatyou've done that they're going
(05:48):
to bring up, because if theybring it up then I'm completely
prepared how to handle it.
You know, if you hide the ballfrom your own attorney, then the
problem is they're going to becaught off guard.
So hiding from your ownattorney isn't going to help
your situation.
It probably is going to hurtyou.
Alex Hunt (06:06):
All right, and so the do is be as open and
transparent as possible withyour attorney, as you can.
That means sharing not only thegood parts of your case but the
bad parts of your case, and oneof the things I ask in
consultations or in preliminarymeetings with our clients is in
consultations or in preliminarymeetings with our clients is
(06:27):
what do you think the worstthing that the other side will
say about you?
Sometimes that brings someinteresting answers, because you
never know what the otherside's going to say, but often
it opens an honest dialogueabout what some of the
deficiencies in our clients'cases, and we need to know that
because you could rest sure thatthe other side is going to
bring it out in court and usknowing about it ahead of time
(06:47):
is going to be much better thanus being completely blindsided
and having to react in real timein court.
So do be open with yourattorney.
They're your counsel, they'reworking with you.
Margaret Tucker (07:06):
So be open with them.
And I think when people areopen about what has been going
on, it kind of sets the tone,because then they start to
realize, well, there are twosides to every story and there
are two people in this.
So, ok, I've done a few things,you've done a few things, let's
come to a middle agreement.
So it makes you recognize also,you know parts of the things
that you have done or you knowsaid and it maybe makes you
(07:29):
understand where you need to gofrom there.
Alex Hunt (07:32):
So the next don't is don't let your feelings towards
your spouse or your co-parentinfect your kids and your
relationship with your kids.
What do we mean there?
Margaret Tucker (07:43):
This is probably one of the most
important things that you canever remember in a divorce case
with children period.
When I have a client come into aconsult, I always tell them in
a divorce action it's almostlike there are two different
cases.
One is the kid's side, one isthe property and the marriage is
the property side, and so youmay have the worst spouse in the
(08:04):
world, but they're a goodfather or mother and vice versa.
So even though they're not thebest spouse to you, they're
great to your kids, and so youare getting divorced from that
person.
Remember that at the end of thetunnel you are getting divorced
and so, but you do have to workwith them for the, you know,
(08:24):
for the next 18 plus years, foryour children, and that's what
your children want too.
So they want, you know, twoparents and they want to have,
you know, loving relationshipswith both of them.
So remember that your kids pickup on a lot.
They see a lot more than youknow, even we know, and so to
remember that the best interestof your children should be the
(08:48):
forefront of a case.
Alex Hunt (08:50):
And so do differentiate between your
spouse or your co -parent as aco-parent and their role as your
partner.
And I'll tell you, if you're ina temporary orders hearing and
you don't differentiate thoseroles, not only is it bad for
your kids, it's bad for you, butthe court sees it too and they
(09:14):
can see that.
You know you don't want to letwhatever feelings you have
towards that person, which theyare what they are.
You're not going to be able tolose those feelings, but there's
no reason that that needs tothen infect the relationship
with the kids.
So do work hard atdifferentiating those two roles
that each of us has as a parent.
Margaret Tucker (09:34):
And you may be mad at something that your
spouse did.
But If you go on the stand andyou're bitter and angry, the
court is going to get thefeeling that you're not going to
be working with your spouse asa co-parent.
So it actually may turn aroundand bite you for acting that way
or portraying that to the judge, because, again, you only get a
very limited amount of time totell the judge everything.
(09:57):
So you have to be careful inhow you portray yourself.
You know if you have a lot ofanger towards your spouse or
that kind of thing.
So you have to put in theforefront of your mind your
children.
Alex Hunt (10:09):
So, in that same vein , don't refuse to negotiate
before your temporary ordershearing.
Do go to mediation, engage ininformal negotiations.
Why is that so valuable, andtell us a little bit about the
form that that might take beforea temporary orders hearing.
Margaret Tucker (10:29):
Okay, so, in order to have a temporary orders
hearing, the courts make usmediate, which is a good thing.
It is very good to mediatebecause the power is in your
hands.
You're going to be in a room byyourself or with your attorney,
and you know your spouse isgoing to be in a room with his
attorney or by himself, and themediator kind of walks back and
(10:49):
forth and offers are sent backand forth.
This is your time to try to getwhat you want.
You know you can think outsidethe box.
You know, actually ask forthings that might not be given
in court.
And this is your moment.
You are empowered, on your owncase, to ask for things and to
try to get some things that youwant that are important to you.
(11:10):
So the thing is again, you'regoing to get divorced from your
spouse.
So if your bitterness and youranger is going to come in to
cloud your judgment on amediation and you know you're
talking about your children it'sgoing to cloud how youiation
and you know you're talkingabout your children.
It's going to cloud how youthink about you know the best
interest of your children.
So put them in the forefrontand negotiate based on what you
(11:31):
think is best for your children.
Alex Hunt (11:34):
All right.
The next don't is let youragitation show, and I know you
had a recent case where we saw alitigant in court was really
letting his agitation show andit did not benefit him at all.
And so what we do want ourclients to do is to really be
(11:55):
respectful.
Respect the process, respectthe parties, respect the court.
What should the demeanor of alitigant, a client in court,
what should their approach be?
Margaret Tucker (12:07):
To remember that you respect the bench.
The court is there.
They have earned this positionthat they fill.
They are trying to do a job andtheir job is to make a judgment
.
In this case, they don't knowyou, they don't know your spouse
, they don't know your kids,they don't know your job.
They don't know anything aboutyou.
So when you walk into a courtand you maybe have an hour or
(12:29):
two to present your case, youknow your world is huge, but
you're only going to get an houror two to present it to the
court.
So, to be respectful of themand to talk to them, you're not
trying to prove a point to yourspouse, you're not trying to
prove a point to the opposingcounsel.
You're trying to tell the judgewhat you want.
(12:51):
You're talking to the court.
Respect them.
They've earned it and they'regoing to make a decision for you
.
So respect them.
I think when courts are shownrespect and you know they see a
better side of you.
They see you who you are andhopefully that comes out in your
favor.
Alex Hunt (13:11):
And I'll tell you that there's never been an
instance where I've had a clientor there's an opposing party
that has been disrespectful orhas been agitated or rolling
their eyes or making noiseswhere I thought in hindsight,
man, that was a good decision.
I mean, it is universally a badchoice because the judges see
(13:31):
it, and then it isn't just thatthey want to punish you or
something, but they think, ifthis solemn process, if this is
the way you're acting here, Ican only imagine what you're
like with the co-parent or yourspouse or the kids.
So be as respectful as possible, I think, is good advice all
around.
Next, don't overcomplicate thecase, and there's a practical
(13:56):
reason for that.
It's that we don't usually intemporary orders, hearings, at
least in the Houston area, getvery much time.
I know it's like that in otherjurisdictions in Texas as well.
What do we mean by notovercomplicating the case and
how could we keep it morestreamlined, which is our?
Do?
Keep it streamlined, keep itsimple.
Margaret Tucker (14:16):
The main point about a temporary orders hearing
is to hold the case.
The judge really doesn't knowmuch about the case yet doesn't
know much about the party.
So the judge really just wantsto hold things status quo, make
sure kids and property are takencare of, and we get a very
limited time to tell the judgeswhat we're asking for, what
we're looking for.
(14:37):
So if you walk in and you havethis list of demands that is way
off from the norm, the judge isgoing to be confused.
They're really not going to behappy with you and you know they
don't know what you're askingfor.
So then it gets verycomplicated and sometimes it
(14:58):
clouds what you're trying to sayand it's in a short time that
you're asking for it.
So sometimes overcomplicating itreally backfires.
You know the courts want to godown the streamline.
They want to do a standardpossession order.
That's the main thing they'regoing to do.
So you have to prove to themwhy they need to go off of the
norm and that takes time andthat takes clarity.
(15:21):
So you need to prioritize andnot be having too many asks that
are off the norm.
Alex Hunt (15:28):
So what are some things that you know we do in
our practice to keep thingsstreamlined, keep them as simple
as possible for the court interms of documentation,
providing the court document.
What do we do?
What can we do to keep it morestreamlined, keep it simple.
Margaret Tucker (15:45):
A lot of what we do in a temporary reverse
hearing is we do kind of thesummary of relief requested,
where we file a document thatsays this is what we want and if
we are asking for somethingthat is different from the norm,
we put it in there.
Maybe we have a parent whohasn't seen a child for a while
(16:06):
and they need reunificationtherapy.
So at that point in time, youknow, I usually try to meet with
the therapist beforehand, tryto get it cleared up Are they
going to accept insurance?
Are they going to, you know, beable to start seeing the child
and the parent?
You know, we try to clearthings up beforehand so that
when we present it to the courtand say we're, you know, going
(16:29):
to ask you something differenthere's what it is and why I'm
asking.
And if you grant this to me,it's all you know, already been
taken care of, it's already set,we're ready to go on it so that
we're moving forward.
Judge, we're not trying tostall.
Here's the evidence of why weneed what we need and why we're
asking for it.
Alex Hunt (16:49):
Okay.
So the next don't is don't goin uninformed and unprepared to
court.
What do we want to see from ourclients?
Margaret Tucker (16:58):
I think it's very important when you go into
the temporary orders mediationand the temporary orders hearing
.
If you don't settle atmediation to understand what the
court is going to do.
The court is going to do thenorm, that is, grant a standard
possession order, or you knowthey're not going to do much
with the property until later,those kind of things.
(17:19):
So if you are expectingsomething that is outside of the
norm, understand that thecourt's not going to do a lot of
things without extra evidence.
So you know you've got tounderstand what is your best day
and what is your worst day.
When I go into mediation Ialways prep my clients on what
(17:39):
is the best day in court, whatis the worst day in court.
And there is some middle groundbecause sometimes you just
don't know what a judge will do.
So if the judge in judges andfamily law have very have a lot
of discretion, judges and familylaw have a lot of discretion.
They can choose to do thingsthat they want to do.
(18:01):
So sometimes you won't evenknow if a judge can or can't do
it or will or won't do it.
But there are things that anattorney can tell you.
This is what you should expect.
This is your worst day, this isyour best day, and when you're
making a settlement or you'rewalking into court that day, you
need to keep both of those inmind.
So it sets your expectationsand when you're at mediation,
(18:25):
you know if you're going to holdout, not settle at mediation
for something that is, you know,unreasonable, you're not going
to get it in court.
Alex Hunt (18:36):
We've certainly had a lot of.
You know, we always have thoseconversations with our clients
so that they are informed andthey are prepared, and they are
prepared.
But we've seen particularlyother opposing parties, other
litigants that will walk intocourt and think that a court can
do something that a court justcan't do, because a court has to
be authorized by the law to doit.
(18:56):
And there is a difference, youmentioned, between what a court
can and can't do and what acourt can but won't do and
that's why it's particularlyimportant to have somebody who
is experienced in the localcourts.
Harris County we've got 10presiding judges, 10 associate
(19:17):
judges.
We've got a domestic protectiveorder court, fort Bend County
three presiding judges, threeassociate judges.
Waller County two judges.
You have to know each one ofthose courts, know what those
courts will and won't do, whattheir preferences are.
That knowledge is incrediblyvaluable, especially when you
know often you just have aboutan hour to present your case at
(19:40):
a temporary orders hearing.
So going in prepared, going ininformed not just the lawyer but
the client too, it's going tohelp make sure that our
expectations are reasonable andthey're set and that we're going
to have a successful day incourt.
So the last don't is a lot ofour clients are, you know, they
(20:01):
want to try to keep thingspeaceful, they want to maintain
that co-parenting relationshipor relationship that they have
with their partner, and theywill often withhold certain
facts.
They don't paint the fullpicture.
They do that to keep the peaceor they do that just to be nice
and oftentimes after court theysay, yeah, man, I have regret.
(20:26):
I wish that I did say that andI should have said that.
What do you want to see fromyour clients in a temporary
orders hearing in terms ofpainting that picture domestic
(20:47):
violence within your house.
Margaret Tucker (20:48):
you need to let your attorney know because it
needs to be brought up soon,Because if you go through a
temporary orders hearing anddon't say anything and the judge
rules against you and maybegives the primary to the other
parent, it's too late after thetemporary orders hearing to
bring up domestic violence.
The judge is going to think youonly bringing it up because
something happened that was notin your favor.
Alex Hunt (21:07):
Yeah, why are you just bringing this up now?
Margaret Tucker (21:09):
Right.
So it's very important to tellyour attorney and to prioritize,
what are the most importantfacts and the most important
things about your household oryour kids or your spouse that
need to be brought up in thatone hour hearing.
And so you know this is yourmoment in time to tell the judge
your story.
Everybody wants their story tobe told and sadly there are so
(21:34):
many cases the judges can't bethere all day or you know, six
weeks for each person, eachparty, and so we have to go fast
in doing it.
So we need to prioritize, knowwhat's very important and make
sure to tell your story in fulland you know it's not always
positive and it's not alwaysheartwarming, but it needs to be
(21:57):
told and the judge needs toknow and your attorney needs to
know.
So, to be open, to be honestand, you know, set your
priorities and make sure it'sheard.
Alex Hunt (22:08):
Well, I think you said that perfectly.
And when you take out theexhibits and the evidence and
the objections and the legalese,really all that a temporary
orders hearing is is anopportunity to tell the judge
who is just a person your storyand help them make a decision
about what's going to be bestfor your family and for your
(22:28):
children.
So being as open, as honest aspossible, being upfront, is
always the best policy.
Margaret, thank you so much forjoining and chatting with me
about temporary orders, somedo's and don'ts.
If anybody has more questionsabout temporary orders hearings,
divorce process, child custodyprocess or any of the services
(22:51):
that Hunt Law Firm provides, youcan visit familylawyerkatiecom
and we'll see you next time.
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