EP 58: Embracing Your Authentic Self in Ministry

What does it truly mean to be authentic in ministry? This profound question forms the heart of my conversation with award-winning life purpose coach Edna White, who brings wisdom born from both personal trauma and professional expertise.

Edna begins by taking us back to our five-year-old selves—that magical time when we believed anything was possible, when we innately trusted ourselves and the world around us. This, she explains, is our natural state of authenticity before life's expectations began reshaping us. Her definition resonates powerfully, especially for those of us navigating leadership roles while trying to maintain our genuine selves.

The conversation deepens as Edna courageously shares her journey through childhood sexual abuse and how it disconnected her from her true identity for decades. Despite outward achievements—modeling, marriage, motherhood—she describes living as if trapped "in a black bag," going through motions prescribed by others rather than living from her authentic core. Her story mirrors what many women in ministry experience: following paths laid out by institutions, mentors, or cultural expectations rather than the unique calling God has placed within them.

Most transformative is Edna's account of how a devastating accident became her pathway to genuine spiritual awakening. While relearning to walk after breaking her entire right side, she discovered a relationship with God more authentic than anything she'd experienced in 29 years of religious observance. This breakthrough illuminates the paradoxical truth that sometimes our greatest authenticity emerges precisely when our carefully constructed identities are broken open.

Ready to discover your authentic calling beneath the layers of "shoulds" and expectations? Listen now, and join our community of imperfectly perfect women of faith who are embracing their tilted halos while making a genuine difference in the world.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to the Tilted Halo.
This is a new podcast and it'sfor anybody who's a woman in
ministry.
You might be a pastor likemyself, a bishop, a priest, a
rabbi, music minister, elderchildren's minister whatever
your title is.
You're absolutely in the rightplace, especially if you're

(00:21):
someone who loves your ministryand you're doing it well and
you're feeling pressure tosometimes be perfect and deep
down inside, you know you're not.
And how in the world to dealwith that?
And men, you're absolutelywelcome here too, because this
is about ministry and the samething can happen to you.

(00:41):
So you're all in the rightplace.
Let's get started with the show.
Welcome to another episode ofthe Tilted Halo podcast for
women of faith in any kind ofposition who know perfectly well
that we are not quite perfect.
And I'm your host, pastorKathleen Panning.

(01:02):
And I have with me today awonderful guest who I met oh
about a month or so ago at aconference in Toronto, Edna
White.
And let me give you a littlebackground on Miss Edna.
She is an award-winninglife-purpose coach, author and
creative facilitator whospecializes in empowering

(01:22):
individuals to overcome pasttrauma and build fulfilling
lives.
With a unique approach thatblends dynamic workshops,
engaging presentations andpersonalized coaching, edna has
become a leading figure in thefield of personal development.
Edna's journey into lifecoaching began with her own

(01:43):
experiences of overcomingadversity, which fueled her
passion for helping others totransform their lives.
Her programs are designed toprovide individuals with the
knowledge and tools necessary toheal, connect effectively and
thrive in all aspects of theirlives.
Through her work, sheemphasizes the importance of

(02:04):
understanding and addressingpast trauma as a crucial step
towards achieving personalgrowth and fulfillment.
As an author, edna has pennedseveral insightful books that
delve into the intricacies ofpersonal development and
self-improvement.
Her writing is celebrated forits clarity, compassion and

(02:26):
practical advice, making her asought-after voice in the
industry.
Edna's impact extends beyondher coaching and writing.
She is a dynamic presenter andfacilitator known for her
engaging and transformativeworkshops.
Her ability to connect withaudiences and inspire change has
earned her numerous accoladesand a dedicated following.

(02:51):
Edna White is not just a lifepurpose coach.
She is a catalyst fortransformation, dedicated to
helping individuals unlock theirtrue potential and live their
best lives.
That's a lot.
Thank you, edna, for being hereFor honor.
It is really an honor to haveyou here.
Thank you so much.

(03:13):
I mean you talk aboutauthenticity.
Maybe it would be helpful tostart by kind of defining what
authenticity is or isn't okay Ialways give this, this um
example.

Speaker 2 (03:33):
Um, and I go back to my five-year-old self.
Think about your five-year-oldself and how you wanted.
You had the creativity, you hadthe opportunity to do whatever
you wanted.
You had the creativity, you hadthe opportunity to do whatever
you wanted when you were let outinto the backyard or let out
into the yard to play, right,nothing was an obstacle, right,

(03:55):
nobody was an obstacle.
Everybody was your friend.
And that feeling of self-worthand self-esteem that you had,
and that feeling of self-worthand self-esteem that you had.
We have to take that back.
So that's the authenticity thatI'm talking about being so sure

(04:15):
that the world supports you andyou don't know anything about
religion, you don't knowanything about God.
You don't know anything aboutyourself.
You don't know anything aboutyourself.
You don't even anything aboutthe people you're around, but
you have this knowing thatyou'll be okay.
That's what I'm talking aboutComing back to that place that

(04:38):
there's all trust and belief inyourself and the supporting
universe and God alone that youwill want.
That's really what it's about.

Speaker 1 (04:52):
That's a beautiful picture.
Unfortunately, not allfive-year-olds have that
experience and you know, therecan be traumas and things even
as a very young child traumasand things even as a very young
child.
Um so, but you know, for thosewho, who know that sense and

(05:13):
that feeling, it's a beautifulfeeling and it's a beautiful, um
sense of being able to do andgo and play and be creative and
all of those wonderful thingswithout somebody telling us how
to do it or what to do.
So, yeah, so why is thisjourney of becoming the

(05:38):
authentic self, back to thatstate of freedom and knowing
that we might have had as achild, why is that important?

Speaker 2 (05:49):
to you.
Well, I think it's importantbecause, number one, I'm a
product of, or I'm a survivorand now thriver of, childhood
sexual abuse.
That started at five.
So I remember being happy and Ialso remember when I was
damaged.
So I have a great sense of whatit feels like, you know, and I

(06:16):
can really tell you that.
Why is it important to me?
Because all through life I wascarrying the burden of shame,
carrying the burden of who I was.
I couldn't even figure out whoI was because I was damaged
early.
So think about being damaged,just think about being in a bag,
right, just covered up, justclosed off in a black bag, and

(06:40):
living like that until you werein your 20s.
So maybe you could peep out alittle bit.
But all through the times thatyou're supposed to be growing
and knowing and learning andgetting all this great
information, I wasn't getting it.
I wasn't getting any of that.
Even though I was part of theworld, I wasn't getting any of
it.
I went to college, I wasmodeling, I had children, I was

(07:06):
married.
I still children, I was married.
I wasn't, still wasn't gettingany of that.
I was dull, I was numb and Iwas just moving along because
somebody told me that's what I'msupposed to do.
That's what I'm supposed to do.
I even became part of Go ahead.

Speaker 1 (07:31):
I'm sorry, as you're talking about that going along,
because that's how somebody toldyou what they're supposed to do
Without childhood sexual trauma.
A lot of us, as women inparticular, have that same.
You know, this is how you'resupposed to behave.
What will the neighbors think?
Do something different?
I mean, I heard that kind ofthing.

(07:53):
um yeah, uh, that's not the wayour family does things right,
yeah uh, all of those, all thesethings, and that puts that
absolutely big over our headsand it has to the right way, so
yeah, so please continue withyour own story.

Speaker 2 (08:13):
So, you know, going through that and then getting to
the point like I'm going, I'mmodeling because that's one of
the things I wanted to do.
So I'm modeling and I even knowmy own self-worth, my beauty.
I didn't know I was beautifuluntil I was in my 40s.
No one had ever told me that Iwas beautiful, ever, not even my
parent.

(08:33):
When I met my dad for the firsttime, I was 27, he did say oh,
you are cute, you know.
He said you are cute, you'recute, you sure you're my
daughter.
He did say that that I wasbeautiful.
I heard that at 27.
Then I really heard that youknow, um, you know.

(08:55):
And when older, like people say, oh you're really pretty, like
it was a um, it was like Ididn't notice it.
But yeah, you are cute, like,almost like matter of factly,
yeah, you are cute, you knowwhat was they?
I guess it was expectingsomething else.
You know it was.
It never was told you'rebeautiful, you know.

(09:15):
I never heard that.
I was hurt, you know.
Oh, you are cute, you're cute,you know.
Like they were expectingsomething else.
You know, you know, and we aswomen, we don't get that.
You know, we're either too busyor nurturing, doing the things

(09:45):
that we're supposed to.
You know, all those thingswe're supposed to do, you know,
and fulfill somebody else'sdream, except for the dream that
God had instilled us in thefirst place.
You know, and, obscure as itmay be, sometimes it is an
obscure position.
You know, for me, I never knewthat.
I thought it was when I, when Istarted to join the church, I
thought I was supposed to be inthe pulpits.

(10:05):
You know, doing this, this iswhat somebody kind of designed
for me.
You know, like I thought it was, that I didn't know, ministry
was bigger, way bigger than Icould ever think it was Right, I
didn't know, I thought it wasjust one thing.
And until I heard the call ofGod, like I really heard God's

(10:29):
call, I feel like I was like andit was knocking on me.
It was really knocking on meand I could hear him and I'm
saying what's going on with me?
What's going on?
And the call was so present inmy life that I was literally
hearing out loud.
So when I was out of thereligious order let's just say

(10:55):
the religious order, not out ofGod, but out of the religious
order, because I was questioningand I was angry, I was upset.
The day that happened was NewYear's Eve of 2026.
And I had a horrific accidentcoming from church, where it
landed me in the hospital withmy entire right side broken.

(11:17):
Everything on my right side wasbroken because the engine came
in, you know, on top of my.
My hip broke my legs,everything, and I was in
hospital 48 days.
So I had to relearn to walk.
But in that walking I learnedthat God taught me every little
step.
He was with me.

(11:37):
I've learned to have arelationship with God like I
never learned in the 29 years.
I was in the order and I'lltell you why Because I was doing
what other people told me to do, and that's the lesson I got.
Because other people pronounceoh, you're going to be this,

(11:57):
you're going to do this, youshould do this, you ought to do
this, this is better for you.
I was getting all thosemessages and not getting the
message that God intended, thatwas already pronounced on my
life.
So I wasn't getting thatmessage.
Wow.

Speaker 1 (12:16):
So that's why being your authentic self is important
is getting that originalmessage, that original message
yeah, you're talking about allthe people who told you what you
should be doing, how you shoulddo things, and all of that.
It reminds me of somebody oncetold me the 11th commandment and

(12:44):
then the one which is and Igotta say this carefully
gaushkelp, not should aboutmyself or others, and uh, that's
a good one.
Yeah, every one of those shouldsbecomes a judgment yes um of

(13:06):
what's right or wrong and whenwe're not doing what others
think we should, we become wrongin some ways, and that's you
know, at least in theirestimation of what's right and
wrong, point in time.
And, like you said, that puts abarrier to living out who we

(13:33):
really are At least it can in myrespect.
Sometimes you know those thingsthat other people tell us to do
or how we should do them.
You know it's okay, how weshould do them.
You know it's okay.
But we always got to putourselves the uniqueness of Edna

(13:54):
, the uniqueness of Kathleen,into everything, otherwise it's
not.

Speaker 2 (14:03):
Yeah, it's not.
It's not genuine.
But the Bible says study toshow yourself approved.
It doesn't say you take thestudy of somebody else.
It said study to show yourselfapproved.
That means, if it applies toyou, apply it and make it
applicable to your life.

(14:23):
Does it mean apply it the waythey tell you to apply it to
your life?
It means how can I apply this?
Take this, take this, studythis.
Let me look at this now.
How can I apply this to myoriginal life?
How can it make, how can I makeit applicable to me, being my
original self, and make it work?

Speaker 1 (14:43):
right, and for some people, that might be yeah, that
may.
That may be singing, it may beart, being very artistic.
It can be just the unique waywe put ideas and concepts
together, all of the uniquenessthat's in each and every one of

(15:06):
us.
Yeah, you're not created to bethat other person or compete
with them, so it's not acompetition.
It's being your authentic selfand who God created you to be,
and that to be who God createdus to be, be who God created us

(15:29):
to be, that's what makes us themost beautiful, confident,
worthy people of all.
So well, thank you, edna.
This has been absolutely, andwhat you talk about is really so
important for all of us, aswomen of faith, in any position

(15:51):
of leadership, to be our ofitself.
And to all those who arelistening and are watching,
please come back again foranother episode of the Tilted
Halo.
You have been listening toTilted Halo with me, kathleen
Panning.
What did you think about thisepisode?
I'd really like to hear fromyou.

(16:12):
Leave me some comments, be sureto like, subscribe and share
this episode and catch anotherupcoming episode.
For more conversation onministry, life, mindset and a
whole lot more, go towwwtiltedhalohelpcom, where I've
got a resource guide and otherresources waiting for you, and

(16:34):
be sure to say hi to me,kathleen Panning, on LinkedIn.
See you on the next episode.