May 19, 2025 • 19 mins
What happens when you're called to blaze a trail with no map to follow? For women in ministry leadership, this isn't just a theoretical question—it's the daily reality of navigating spaces traditionally dominated by men.
I launch this episode of the "Tilted Halo" podcast with a powerful reflection on finding your place when there's no clear roadmap. Drawing from my experience as the only female pastor within a 60-mile radius of her first rural parish, I share the vulnerable story of receiving directions to "turn where the Peterson barn used to be"—a perfect metaphor for the challenges women face when following non-existent guides.
The journey unfolds with raw honesty as I recount conducting my very first funeral service for a stranger, quickly followed by 13 more funerals in just 14 weeks. This baptism by fire reveals how women in pioneering positions often learn through immediate immersion, without the benefit of seeing others who look like them in similar roles.
Though lacking in female predecessors, I reveal the unexpected sources of guidance that sustained me: scripture, supportive community members, fellow faith leaders across traditions, and most importantly, divine grace. My message resonates beyond ministry contexts to any woman creating new pathways in uncharted territory.
Whether your halo feels perfectly balanced or perpetually tilted, this podcast offers companionship and wisdom for the journey ahead. As I'd like to remind you, with gentle assurance, "You do not walk this way alone. God is there, walking the road with you, and so are some of us who've been there before."
Ready to find your way without a roadmap? Subscribe to the Tilted Halo podcast and join a community of women discovering their path in ministry and beyond.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to the Tilted Halo.
This is a new podcast and it'sfor anybody who's a woman in
ministry.
You might be a pastor likemyself, a bishop, a priest, a
rabbi, music minister, elder,children's minister whatever
your title is.
You're absolutely in the rightplace, especially if you're
(00:21):
someone who loves your ministryand you're doing it well and
you're feeling pressure tosometimes be perfect and deep
down inside, you know you're not, and how in the world to deal
with that?
And men, you're absolutelywelcome here too, because this
is about ministry and the samething can happen to you.
(00:41):
So you're all in the rightplace.
Let's get started with the show.
Hello, I'm Pastor KathleenPanning yes, the Tilted Halo
host of this show, and this is ashow for women of faith in
leadership who know perfectlywell that we are not perfect,
(01:02):
perfectly well that we are notperfect.
So it's for women who arepastors, priests, rabbis,
deacons, elders, whatever yourtitle may be.
But it's also for you.
If you are a woman of faith andleadership in your community,
in your business, in a company,wherever you may be, it's for
(01:22):
you, wherever you may be.
It's for you.
And one of the things I talkabout in my new book called
Tilted Halo, exposing the Truthof Women in Ministry and Untold
Stories, which I tell most of inthe book, or many of in the
book.
One of the things in there isabout how do we as women and
(01:45):
this is specifically for women,so, men, listen in, please, and
to learn a little bit more andunderstand a bit more what some
of the women in your life may begoing through how do we find
our place sometimes, when no onecan tell us how to get there?
(02:06):
And this has been particularlytrue for many of us who, as
women, over the last 50, 60years or longer, have stepped
into careers and places wherewomen haven't normally been, or
(02:28):
at least not in any numbers.
And that was true for mebecoming a pastor.
I became a pastor in adenomination that, when I was
growing up, did not allow womento be pastors.
Growing up did not allow womento be pastors and in fact, until
(02:51):
I started college, that was thepolicy that women were not
allowed to be pastors.
By the time I was in highschool, women were allowed to
serve on the church board andmaybe to read lessons, but there
are some faith groups anddenominations that do not allow
(03:13):
women to do that even to thisday.
So finding our place as a womanof faith in leadership can be
difficult.
And how do you do that?
And sometimes it's veryliterally finding your place.
My first two congregations, aparish of two congregations,
(03:38):
were two small ruralcongregations and the first
Sunday I was there, I had noteven preached or led worship.
I was the congregation saidjust come and watch how we do
things and get to meet us andthings like that, which was a
(03:59):
wonderful gift that they gave me.
And that evening one of thosetwo congregations had their
monthly church board meeting, orwhat they call the church
council, and so I was there atthat meeting and the phone rang.
The meeting was held in thechurch basement and there was an
(04:21):
extension phone from the officewhich was upstairs near the
worship space and there was anextension phone from the office
which was upstairs near theworship space and there was an
extension of that phone down inthe basement.
And the phone rang and you knowthe meeting was going on and I
just began to wonder well, whyisn't somebody answering the
phone?
And then I realized oh, they'rewanting the pastor to answer
(04:45):
the phone.
That's me.
So I got up and answered thephone and it was a member of the
other congregation in thisparish saying that a gentleman
had passed away, a friend of thecongregation had passed away,
an older gentleman, and thefamily.
(05:07):
This man was not a member of acongregation and the family knew
that that other congregationnow had a pastor and they were
wondering if I would be willingto do a funeral service for this
gentleman.
And I said, okay, I had neverdone a funeral service before.
(05:33):
I mean, that was going to bethe very first funeral service I
did, and it was set for, Ithink, wednesday of that week.
And I realized, you know, Idon't know this person, I have
no clue who this man was oranything about him, and so I
asked to be able to meet withthe family the next day and they
(05:57):
agreed to that in a time and tomeet at this gentleman's house.
To meet at this gentleman'shouse.
And then I asked for directionshow to get there, and the lady
who was on the phone with me, amember of the other congregation
, told me well, you got to takethis road out of town.
(06:21):
The church I was at was in avery small community of about
six to 700 people, but you know,there were a couple of roads
out of town, I said, yes, I knewwhere that one was.
And then to turn where thePeterson barn used to be, and I
(06:42):
stopped and I was thinking, uh,this isn't going to work so well
.
So I very politely asked I saidI don't know where that barn
used to be, can you please tellme the name of the street?
And the caller was well, wealways just call it Peterson
Road.
She didn't know what might beon the street sign, what name or
(07:08):
if there even was a street sign.
So with very minimal directionsI set out the next day to try
and find and figure out where toturn where the Peterson Barn
used to be, and I took a guesson turning at a certain point
(07:36):
and saw a farm where there werea number of cars by the house
and I figured, well, if nothingelse, these people can hopefully
tell me how to get to thisperson's house.
And it happened to be the rightplace.
(07:58):
But that became kind of a symbolfor me, Like how do I figure
out what my place is as a womanin ministry when there really
weren't other women around totell me I was the only female
(08:19):
pastor of any faith group withinat least a 60-mile radius.
I had no models of womenpastors when I was growing up.
I mean, it just wasn't possible.
So I was just kind of figuringthis whole thing out as I went
(08:40):
along, trying to do my best atbeing a leader, a faith leader,
a woman of faith, in those twolittle congregations.
And there were some wonderfulexperiences along the way.
(09:00):
That first funeral that I didbecame the first of 14 funerals
in a period of 14 weeks.
(09:25):
That's a very difficult way tostart out ministry.
Plus there was the season ofLent and Easter to deal with in
the midst of that too, and itwas, you know, everything I was
doing.
I was figuring it out all alongthe way and it was like, okay,
what do I do now?
How do I do this?
How do how does these twocongregations normally do this
and how does that fit with who Iam and what I do with this?
How do I deal with each newsituation along the way?
(09:52):
And we all have to do that.
And even when we are inministry for a number of years,
even when we've had other womenand people to help show us the
way, and maybe even a supportgroup, which thankfully I had
(10:13):
some support group experiencesnot immediately, but at other
points in my ministry.
But even when we have thosepeople and those things and
situations to help us, we'restill trying to find their way
(10:33):
every step along the way.
And how do we do that?
We do that by our faith,trusting in the training that
we've received, in the faiththat we have and, most of all,
in the grace of God and learningto say thank you to people who
(10:57):
help us along the way, to say,oops, I made a mistake on this
one.
You know, help me, know what todo differently the next time
around.
You know each step of the way,each new situation.
(11:18):
We have to figure it out.
There's no roadmap thatdescribes every possibility in
ministry.
It just doesn't exist.
Or let me put it this way Ifyou have one like that, please
let me know and please share itwith your sisters and brothers
(11:39):
in ministry, because I never sawone, I never experienced one.
Yes, there are guideposts alongthe way.
There's scripture that helps uswith guideposts along the way,
the writings of the Gospels andPaul and the letters all of that
helps us along the way.
(11:59):
There are members of our faithcommunities who help us along
the way and, yes, they arehelpful Many times.
Many times, there are otherpeople in our communities, other
people we meet in our own faithand people of different faiths,
(12:22):
different denominations withinChristianity, different faiths,
different denominations withinChristianity, different faiths
altogether who help us see andunderstand our faith and help it
grow and help us understand newdepths of ministry.
As a pastor, I didn't get toexcuse me.
(12:45):
As a pastor serving in a parish, I didn't get to hear a lot of
other people preach.
Now that I'm retired, I get tohear other sermons and it's a
wonderful gift because I canhear the same texts I've
preached on maybe many times,and somebody else will bring it
(13:12):
in from a new angle, seesomething different there and
it's like, oh wow, there's more.
There's more, there's differentpossibilities.
So, finding our way yeah,there's no roadmap to ministry.
(13:36):
There's guideposts, there arepeople who walk with us and help
us along the way, but most ofall, there's God and God's love
Walking with us, helping ussometimes cut a path, figuring
(13:59):
it out each and every step alongthe way, and that's the beauty
of being in community, that'sthe beauty of God's grace in
ministry.
God helps us find the way Evenwhen there's no roadmap, even in
those days when things areextremely frustrating or when
(14:22):
life gets really difficult andthe ministry is tough.
And there are days like thatand God helps us find a way.
There's so many stories thatevery pastor can share, but most
of all it's a story of God'slove and God's grace and opening
(14:48):
our eyes to the possibilitiesthat God lays before us.
In the moment we may not seevery far down the road, that's
okay, even though sometimes wewant to.
It's nice to have that higherperch and be able to see the
road up ahead.
You know that's why some peopledrive big vehicles, so they can
(15:12):
sit up higher and see.
But you know that's not alwayspossible and many times in life
that's not possible.
We don't know what's coming.
Sometimes that's a good thing,because it might scare the
daylights out of us and have usrunning the other way, because
(15:37):
God's mission and ministry canseem so big and overwhelming at
times and as women we don'talways have the people who've
been there and done that alongthe way and we have to figure it
out and trust that God hasgiven us the knowledge, the
(16:01):
wisdom, the community to help usdo exactly that and the
scriptures and the guides to doexactly that.
So even when your halo istilted and even when it feels
like it's about to fall off I'vehad that experience too it's
(16:32):
about to fall off.
I've had that experience too.
You know, we are still peoplewho, as women, are often
charting our own course,charting a road and a course
maybe for someone else to followbehind us, but most of all, a
course for God's love and God'sgrace.
No matter where we are or whatwe're doing whether in a faith
(16:54):
community, as a professionalfaith leader, in our own
families, in a local communitycommunity organization, in a
local community communityorganization, maybe even in a
big business or a small one,maybe even in government God is
(17:15):
with us to walk and to see andto help us find that way, and
that's the good news.
We're never alone on thejourney.
That's how we find the way.
So please look for my book,Tilted Halo Exposing the Truth
(17:39):
of Women in Ministry and UntoldStories, and there are more
stories in the book than whatI've shared here and more
stories that will someday beshared on one of these podcasts.
So please come back for anotherepisode.
Share some comments with me.
Look for me at my website,kathleenapanningcom, and social
media LinkedIn, youtube,facebook, a little bit on
(18:03):
Instagram, but look for me andyou'll find me in a lot of
different places.
So until next time, god's peace, god's blessings.
And you do not walk this wayalone.
God is there, walking the roadwith you, and so are some of us
who've been there before,willing to listen and walk the
(18:26):
road with you.
So reach out.
Until next time, peace andblessings.
You have been listening toTilted Halo with me, kathleen
Panning.
What did you think about thisepisode?
I'd really like to hear fromyou.
Leave me some comments, be sureto like, subscribe and share
this episode and catch anotherupcoming episode.
(18:49):
For more conversation onministry, life, mindset and a
whole lot more, go towwwtiltedhalohelpcom, where I've
got a resource guide and otherresources waiting for you, and
be sure to say hi to me,kathleen Panning, on LinkedIn.
See you on the next episode.
Welcome to the Tilted Halo.
This is a new podcast and it'sfor anybody who's a woman in
ministry.
You might be a pastor likemyself, a bishop, a priest, a
rabbi, music minister, elder,children's minister whatever
your title is.
You're absolutely in the rightplace, especially if you're
(00:21):
someone who loves your ministryand you're doing it well and
you're feeling pressure tosometimes be perfect and deep
down inside, you know you're not, and how in the world to deal
with that?
And men, you're absolutelywelcome here too, because this
is about ministry and the samething can happen to you.
(00:41):
So you're all in the rightplace.
Let's get started with the show.
Hello, I'm Pastor KathleenPanning yes, the Tilted Halo
host of this show, and this is ashow for women of faith in
leadership who know perfectlywell that we are not perfect,
(01:02):
perfectly well that we are notperfect.
So it's for women who arepastors, priests, rabbis,
deacons, elders, whatever yourtitle may be.
But it's also for you.
If you are a woman of faith andleadership in your community,
in your business, in a company,wherever you may be, it's for
(01:22):
you, wherever you may be.
It's for you.
And one of the things I talkabout in my new book called
Tilted Halo, exposing the Truthof Women in Ministry and Untold
Stories, which I tell most of inthe book, or many of in the
book.
One of the things in there isabout how do we as women and
(01:45):
this is specifically for women,so, men, listen in, please, and
to learn a little bit more andunderstand a bit more what some
of the women in your life may begoing through how do we find
our place sometimes, when no onecan tell us how to get there?
(02:06):
And this has been particularlytrue for many of us who, as
women, over the last 50, 60years or longer, have stepped
into careers and places wherewomen haven't normally been, or
(02:28):
at least not in any numbers.
And that was true for mebecoming a pastor.
I became a pastor in adenomination that, when I was
growing up, did not allow womento be pastors.
Growing up did not allow womento be pastors and in fact, until
(02:51):
I started college, that was thepolicy that women were not
allowed to be pastors.
By the time I was in highschool, women were allowed to
serve on the church board andmaybe to read lessons, but there
are some faith groups anddenominations that do not allow
(03:13):
women to do that even to thisday.
So finding our place as a womanof faith in leadership can be
difficult.
And how do you do that?
And sometimes it's veryliterally finding your place.
My first two congregations, aparish of two congregations,
(03:38):
were two small ruralcongregations and the first
Sunday I was there, I had noteven preached or led worship.
I was the congregation saidjust come and watch how we do
things and get to meet us andthings like that, which was a
(03:59):
wonderful gift that they gave me.
And that evening one of thosetwo congregations had their
monthly church board meeting, orwhat they call the church
council, and so I was there atthat meeting and the phone rang.
The meeting was held in thechurch basement and there was an
(04:21):
extension phone from the officewhich was upstairs near the
worship space and there was anextension phone from the office
which was upstairs near theworship space and there was an
extension of that phone down inthe basement.
And the phone rang and you knowthe meeting was going on and I
just began to wonder well, whyisn't somebody answering the
phone?
And then I realized oh, they'rewanting the pastor to answer
(04:45):
the phone.
That's me.
So I got up and answered thephone and it was a member of the
other congregation in thisparish saying that a gentleman
had passed away, a friend of thecongregation had passed away,
an older gentleman, and thefamily.
(05:07):
This man was not a member of acongregation and the family knew
that that other congregationnow had a pastor and they were
wondering if I would be willingto do a funeral service for this
gentleman.
And I said, okay, I had neverdone a funeral service before.
(05:33):
I mean, that was going to bethe very first funeral service I
did, and it was set for, Ithink, wednesday of that week.
And I realized, you know, Idon't know this person, I have
no clue who this man was oranything about him, and so I
asked to be able to meet withthe family the next day and they
(05:57):
agreed to that in a time and tomeet at this gentleman's house.
To meet at this gentleman'shouse.
And then I asked for directionshow to get there, and the lady
who was on the phone with me, amember of the other congregation
, told me well, you got to takethis road out of town.
(06:21):
The church I was at was in avery small community of about
six to 700 people, but you know,there were a couple of roads
out of town, I said, yes, I knewwhere that one was.
And then to turn where thePeterson barn used to be, and I
(06:42):
stopped and I was thinking, uh,this isn't going to work so well
.
So I very politely asked I saidI don't know where that barn
used to be, can you please tellme the name of the street?
And the caller was well, wealways just call it Peterson
Road.
She didn't know what might beon the street sign, what name or
(07:08):
if there even was a street sign.
So with very minimal directionsI set out the next day to try
and find and figure out where toturn where the Peterson Barn
used to be, and I took a guesson turning at a certain point
(07:36):
and saw a farm where there werea number of cars by the house
and I figured, well, if nothingelse, these people can hopefully
tell me how to get to thisperson's house.
And it happened to be the rightplace.
(07:58):
But that became kind of a symbolfor me, Like how do I figure
out what my place is as a womanin ministry when there really
weren't other women around totell me I was the only female
(08:19):
pastor of any faith group withinat least a 60-mile radius.
I had no models of womenpastors when I was growing up.
I mean, it just wasn't possible.
So I was just kind of figuringthis whole thing out as I went
(08:40):
along, trying to do my best atbeing a leader, a faith leader,
a woman of faith, in those twolittle congregations.
And there were some wonderfulexperiences along the way.
(09:00):
That first funeral that I didbecame the first of 14 funerals
in a period of 14 weeks.
(09:25):
That's a very difficult way tostart out ministry.
Plus there was the season ofLent and Easter to deal with in
the midst of that too, and itwas, you know, everything I was
doing.
I was figuring it out all alongthe way and it was like, okay,
what do I do now?
How do I do this?
How do how does these twocongregations normally do this
and how does that fit with who Iam and what I do with this?
How do I deal with each newsituation along the way?
(09:52):
And we all have to do that.
And even when we are inministry for a number of years,
even when we've had other womenand people to help show us the
way, and maybe even a supportgroup, which thankfully I had
(10:13):
some support group experiencesnot immediately, but at other
points in my ministry.
But even when we have thosepeople and those things and
situations to help us, we'restill trying to find their way
(10:33):
every step along the way.
And how do we do that?
We do that by our faith,trusting in the training that
we've received, in the faiththat we have and, most of all,
in the grace of God and learningto say thank you to people who
(10:57):
help us along the way, to say,oops, I made a mistake on this
one.
You know, help me, know what todo differently the next time
around.
You know each step of the way,each new situation.
(11:18):
We have to figure it out.
There's no roadmap thatdescribes every possibility in
ministry.
It just doesn't exist.
Or let me put it this way Ifyou have one like that, please
let me know and please share itwith your sisters and brothers
(11:39):
in ministry, because I never sawone, I never experienced one.
Yes, there are guideposts alongthe way.
There's scripture that helps uswith guideposts along the way,
the writings of the Gospels andPaul and the letters all of that
helps us along the way.
(11:59):
There are members of our faithcommunities who help us along
the way and, yes, they arehelpful Many times.
Many times, there are otherpeople in our communities, other
people we meet in our own faithand people of different faiths,
(12:22):
different denominations withinChristianity, different faiths,
different denominations withinChristianity, different faiths
altogether who help us see andunderstand our faith and help it
grow and help us understand newdepths of ministry.
As a pastor, I didn't get toexcuse me.
(12:45):
As a pastor serving in a parish, I didn't get to hear a lot of
other people preach.
Now that I'm retired, I get tohear other sermons and it's a
wonderful gift because I canhear the same texts I've
preached on maybe many times,and somebody else will bring it
(13:12):
in from a new angle, seesomething different there and
it's like, oh wow, there's more.
There's more, there's differentpossibilities.
So, finding our way yeah,there's no roadmap to ministry.
(13:36):
There's guideposts, there arepeople who walk with us and help
us along the way, but most ofall, there's God and God's love
Walking with us, helping ussometimes cut a path, figuring
(13:59):
it out each and every step alongthe way, and that's the beauty
of being in community, that'sthe beauty of God's grace in
ministry.
God helps us find the way Evenwhen there's no roadmap, even in
those days when things areextremely frustrating or when
(14:22):
life gets really difficult andthe ministry is tough.
And there are days like thatand God helps us find a way.
There's so many stories thatevery pastor can share, but most
of all it's a story of God'slove and God's grace and opening
(14:48):
our eyes to the possibilitiesthat God lays before us.
In the moment we may not seevery far down the road, that's
okay, even though sometimes wewant to.
It's nice to have that higherperch and be able to see the
road up ahead.
You know that's why some peopledrive big vehicles, so they can
(15:12):
sit up higher and see.
But you know that's not alwayspossible and many times in life
that's not possible.
We don't know what's coming.
Sometimes that's a good thing,because it might scare the
daylights out of us and have usrunning the other way, because
(15:37):
God's mission and ministry canseem so big and overwhelming at
times and as women we don'talways have the people who've
been there and done that alongthe way and we have to figure it
out and trust that God hasgiven us the knowledge, the
(16:01):
wisdom, the community to help usdo exactly that and the
scriptures and the guides to doexactly that.
So even when your halo istilted and even when it feels
like it's about to fall off I'vehad that experience too it's
(16:32):
about to fall off.
I've had that experience too.
You know, we are still peoplewho, as women, are often
charting our own course,charting a road and a course
maybe for someone else to followbehind us, but most of all, a
course for God's love and God'sgrace.
No matter where we are or whatwe're doing whether in a faith
(16:54):
community, as a professionalfaith leader, in our own
families, in a local communitycommunity organization, in a
local community communityorganization, maybe even in a
big business or a small one,maybe even in government God is
(17:15):
with us to walk and to see andto help us find that way, and
that's the good news.
We're never alone on thejourney.
That's how we find the way.
So please look for my book,Tilted Halo Exposing the Truth
(17:39):
of Women in Ministry and UntoldStories, and there are more
stories in the book than whatI've shared here and more
stories that will someday beshared on one of these podcasts.
So please come back for anotherepisode.
Share some comments with me.
Look for me at my website,kathleenapanningcom, and social
media LinkedIn, youtube,facebook, a little bit on
(18:03):
Instagram, but look for me andyou'll find me in a lot of
different places.
So until next time, god's peace, god's blessings.
And you do not walk this wayalone.
God is there, walking the roadwith you, and so are some of us
who've been there before,willing to listen and walk the
(18:26):
road with you.
So reach out.
Until next time, peace andblessings.
You have been listening toTilted Halo with me, kathleen
Panning.
What did you think about thisepisode?
I'd really like to hear fromyou.
Leave me some comments, be sureto like, subscribe and share
this episode and catch anotherupcoming episode.
(18:49):
For more conversation onministry, life, mindset and a
whole lot more, go towwwtiltedhalohelpcom, where I've
got a resource guide and otherresources waiting for you, and
be sure to say hi to me,kathleen Panning, on LinkedIn.
See you on the next episode.
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Are You A Charlotte?
In 1997, actress Kristin Davis’ life was forever changed when she took on the role of Charlotte York in Sex and the City. As we watched Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte navigate relationships in NYC, the show helped push once unacceptable conversation topics out of the shadows and altered the narrative around women and sex. We all saw ourselves in them as they searched for fulfillment in life, sex and friendships. Now, Kristin Davis wants to connect with you, the fans, and share untold stories and all the behind the scenes. Together, with Kristin and special guests, what will begin with Sex and the City will evolve into talks about themes that are still so relevant today. "Are you a Charlotte?" is much more than just rewatching this beloved show, it brings the past and the present together as we talk with heart, humor and of course some optimism.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
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If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.