EP 62: Embracing Doubt: The Secret to Vibrant Faith

Doubt has gotten a bad rap in religious circles for centuries. Many of us have grown up hearing about "Doubting Thomas" as a cautionary tale – an example of insufficient faith rather than natural curiosity. But what if we've been approaching doubt all wrong?

In this eye-opening episode of The Tilted Halo, I challenge the conventional wisdom that doubt represents spiritual failure. Drawing from Frederick Buechner's brilliant definition that "doubts are the ants in the pants of faith" that "keep it awake and moving," I offer a refreshing perspective, particularly valuable for women in ministry and leadership positions.

Throughout the episode, I share some candid reflections on my journey through doubt – from wondering if I could ever become a pastor (especially when growing up in a tradition that didn't allow female ministers), to questioning whether I could complete seminary, secure positions, or make a meaningful impact. Rather than undermining her calling, these doubts continually drove me back to prayer, expanding my vision of what might be possible with God.

For anyone who has ever experienced second-guessing or found themselves trapped in the "should have, would have, could have" cycle of self-judgment, this episode offers liberation. Especially for women in faith leadership who feel pressure to be perfect while knowing they aren't, my message is this: your tilted halo isn't a sign of failure but evidence of authentic engagement with your faith. Your doubts don't diminish your ministry – they might be exactly what keeps it vital, growing, and receptive to divine possibilities beyond your imagination.

Ready to transform how you view doubt in your spiritual journey? Listen now, and discover how embracing uncertainty might be the key to deeper faith. 

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to the Tilted Halo.
This is a new podcast and it'sfor anybody who's a woman in
ministry.
You might be a pastor likemyself, a bishop, a priest, a
rabbi, music minister, elderchildren's minister whatever
your title is, you're absolutelyin the right place, especially
if you're someone who loves yourministry and you're doing it

(00:24):
well and you're feeling pressureto sometimes be perfect and
deep down inside, you knowyou're not, and how in the world
to deal with that?
And men, you're absolutelywelcome here too, because this
is about ministry and the samething can happen to you.
So you're all in the rightplace.
Let's get started with the show.

(00:45):
Hello, this is Pastor KathleenPanning, again coming to you
with another episode of theTilted Halo, a show for women of
faith and leadership who knowperfectly well that we are not
perfect.
It's also for men a faith inleadership and for women,

(01:10):
especially if you are a leaderin a faith community pastor,
priest, rabbi I know that therearen't female imams around these
days but, deacon, elder,whatever that position may be,
this show is for you, but it'salso for those of you who are

(01:34):
people of faith and leadershipin a business, in the community.
How do we live out our faith.
What does it mean to be aperson of faith in the position
we hold and especially in thesedays and the times and the kinds

(01:59):
of ways of thinking and beingthat are going on in our world?
There are all kinds ofchallenges to our faith with
that, and one of the things thatI talk about in my new book is
second-guessing ourselves.
The book is called Tilted Haloexposing I always get the

(02:21):
subtitle wrong Tilted HaloExposing the Truth of Women in
Ministry and Untold Stories.
That's the title.
So it's mostly stories from myministry, but talking about that
in a way that, how does thisrelate to you?
What does this mean for you,especially as a woman of faith

(02:44):
in ministry, in leadership insome way?
And one of the chapters that Italk about is about
second-guessing and how I havesecond-guessed myself many times
in life and how that can bevery frustrating, how that can
be very frustrating and we canwonder, well, is this really

(03:08):
where God wants me?
Is this what I'm supposed to bedoing?
Is this the way to go formyself, for faith community, for
the people I'm leading?
And we can really wonder aboutthat and sometimes with second
guessing, it's not secondguessing and doubt can seem very

(03:31):
similar.
Is this really it?
That's kind of a doubtstatement as well.
I should have, would have,couldn't.
That's also a part of secondguessing.
I should have done it this way,oh, I could have.
Oh, if only I would have donethat.
The should have, would have,could have.

(03:54):
Stuff is always a judgment thatwe're leveling against ourselves
and that's a way of kind ofputting ourselves down and not
realizing that and not believingthat, based on what we believed
and the evidence we had at thetime, we made the choice that we

(04:18):
did for the best of reasonsusually, hopefully, for the best
of reasons the best of reasons,usually, hopefully for the best
of reasons, but based on whatwe believed and what we saw was
the need at that particular time.
When it comes to doubt and thisis not in the book, so you've

(04:40):
got to go read the book for therest of the part of the story
about second guessing but thereare many faith practices and
people who always talked aboutdoubt as a very bad thing.
I grew up hearing that DoubtingThomas.

(05:03):
Oh, he was a bad disciplebecause he doubted that Jesus
had really risen from the dead.
Well, the rest of them, quitefrankly, doubted too, on Easter
morning and they had to see forthemselves that the tomb was
empty.
They had to see for themselves,they had to see for themselves

(05:24):
that Jesus was there and he atewith them or appeared in the
room with them the upper room,no-transcript.

(05:48):
And so doubt has gotten a verybad rap, so to speak, for
centuries.
That you know, if doubt creepsin that thatological ABC and
it'siscopal priest and preacher,and in this book of Theological

(06:44):
ABC he gives definitions ofsome things and some are longer
than others, but for now it'svery short, it's a very short
little definition and it arelonger than others, but for
doubt it's very short, it's avery short little definition and
it really has stuck with me andI'd like to read it to you from
his book.
And it goes like this Whetheryour faith is that there is a

(07:06):
God or that there is not a God,if you don't have any doubts you
are either kidding yourself orasleep.
Doubts are the ants in the pantsof faith.
They keep it awake and moving.
I love that definition.
Doubt is the ants in the pantsof faith.

(07:28):
The doubts keep it awake andmoving.
Those doubts whether we doubtourselves and what we're doing,
whether we doubt God, or how Godis moving and working in our
lives, or is God even workingand moving in our lives that

(07:53):
keeps our faith awake and moving?
We need those doubts, needthose doubts to open us up, to
think more, to think bigger, tostop thinking quite so small.
Could God really do this?
Could this mean such a thing?
Could this be where God isleading me or us as a community?

(08:19):
Could it really be possiblethat we would do such a thing?
Wow, you know, doubt the antsin the pants of fate.
Keep it awake and moving.
I doubted that I could ever do abook, and now I've got a book.

(08:42):
I doubted that many times thatI could be a pastor, primarily
because when I was growing up,the possibility of women being a
pastor just did not exist, wasnot allowed.
I doubted that I could make itthrough seminary.
Many times I doubted that Iwould get a position.

(09:06):
I doubted that I would evermove from the first position to
something different.
I doubted that many times.
Was I cut out to really do this?
Is this what God really wantedfrom me and for me?
I doubted myself.

(09:26):
I've doubted God many, many,many times.
Yes, and that keeps my halo offand askew tilted in many
respects, but it also has keptmy faith awake and moving,
searching, asking, thinking andasking God, is this really what

(09:48):
you want?
Could it be possible?
Yeah, thinking, taking mythinking from something confined
and small to seeing biggerpossibilities and what really
could be in God's vision for theministry I was a part of, for

(10:11):
me, but most of all for theministry and for the people of
faith, for us as people of faith, you know there's always been
wars and rumors of wars,unfortunately, and there's wars
in several different parts ofthe world today, even as we

(10:33):
speak, no matter when you'relistening to this, there are
wars going on, fightingconflicts, open warfare and
people who disagree and fightverbally and bring pain and

(10:56):
suffering into relationships,into businesses, into faith
communities because they havethe right answer.
Well, one side thinks that andthe other side disagrees and we
don't always know how to handlethose things.
But thinking about God'spresence and how can we, as

(11:23):
people and women of faith inleadership, bring God's word
even into the midst of thoseplaces?
Is it possible?
Yes, can our little ministry,our little business, our little
congregation, ever do anythingworthwhile?

(11:46):
I've served two smallcongregations and they many
times believe that.
You know we're too small to doanything like that.
Well, guess what Jesus startedout with just 12 disciples and
look where the church is now.
You know, yeah, could it bepossible?

(12:12):
With God, all things arepossible.
All good things, all things inlove are possible.
Doubt is a reality and it'sokay to second guess, to doubt,
to wonder is this really whatGod wants?
You know what?

(12:32):
Maybe it's not, but maybe, justmaybe, against all
possibilities and all logic andall reasoning, maybe it really
is, really is.

(12:59):
And you know that doubt keepsour faith.
Asking that question keeps uscoming back to God and saying
could it be?
Could it be?
And the answer is yeah, it'spossible sometime is yeah, it's
possible sometime.
So may your life today befilled with a little bit of

(13:20):
doubt and may God keep yourdoubts coming to keep your faith
awake and moving, to come backto God, to see new possibilities
, to give things a try and toknow that, even if it doesn't
work out, it's not the end ofthe world and God is still there
to help you try again withsomething new.

(13:43):
That's the beauty of God'sgrace and God's love.
For us as faith leaders, yes,and for the people of our faith
communities.
For us as faith leaders, evenin a business other than church
business or temple business, butin any kind of business, that

(14:06):
is God's gift to us grace andthe freedom to doubt and to try
again.
So look for my book pleaseTilted Halo Exposing the Truth
of Women in Ministry and UntoldStories and come back again next

(14:27):
week or next time.
Look for another episode ofthis on a podcast, your favorite
podcast platform, streaming TV,wherever you may be watching or
listening to this, but comeback again.
Leave me a comment, some likes,and I welcome you and invite

(15:03):
you to be part of this journeyof, you know, imperfect ministry
, perfectly placed in God'sgrace.
So until next time.
This is I Am the Tilted Halo.
You have been listening toTilted Halo with me, kathleen
Panning.
What did you think about thisepisode?
I'd really like to hear fromyou.
Leave me some comments, be sureto like, subscribe and share

(15:27):
this episode and catch anotherupcoming episode.
For more conversation onministry, life, mindset and a
whole lot more, go towwwtiltedhalohelpcom, where I've
got a resource guide and otherresources waiting for you, and
be sure to say hi to me,kathleen Panning, on LinkedIn.
See you on the next episode.