November 24, 2025 • 28 mins
Hakeem Bourne McFarlane is a creator, author, and motivational speaker whose raw truth and relentless tenacity have inspired thousands to stop living on autopilot and start choosing themselves. He’s the mind behind Choose Yourself To Be Chosen and the founder of the Choose Yourself Movement, a community built for people who are ready to face their excuses head-on, tear down what isn’t working, and build an unshakeable foundation for the life they actually want.
In This Episode
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In This Episode
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-trauma-therapist--5739761/support.
You can learn more about what I do here:
The Trauma Therapist Newsletter: celebrates the people and voices in the mental health profession. And it's free! Check it out here: https://bit.ly/4jGBeSa
———
If you’d like to support The Trauma Therapist Podcast and the work I do you can do that here with a monthly donation of $5, $7, or $10: Donate to The Trauma Therapist Podcast.
Click here to join my email list and receive podcast updates and other news.
Thank you to our Sponsors:
Incogni - Use code [traumatherapist] and get 60% off annual plans: https://incogni.com/traumatherapist
Jane App - use code GUY1MO at https://jane.app/book_a_demo
Journey Clinical - visit https://join.journeyclinical/trauma for 1 month off your membership
Therapy Wisdom - https://therapywisdom.com/jan/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Trauma Therivers podcast. My name is Guimiferson
and I interview incredible people who share the story of
how trauma has shaped their lives. And a big thank
you for sponsoring today's episode goes to my guest and
our sponsors. So five four, three, two and one, our folks,
(00:24):
welcome back to the podcast. Very excited to have as
my guest today. Hakim Born McFarlane, Hakim welcome.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Hey, Thank you guy. I appreciate what you're doing for
yourself and for everybody else. Thank you.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
So. Hakim is a creator, author, and motivational speaker whose
raw truth and relentless tenacity have inspired thousands to stop
living on an autopilot and start choosing themselves. He's the
mind behind Choose Yourself to be Chosen and the founder
of the Choose Yourself Movement, a community built for people
who are ready to face their excuses head on, tear
(00:58):
down what isn't working, and build an unshakeable foundation for
the life they actually want. All right, Hakeem, just a
little bit about you, but before we get go in here,
share with the listeners where you're from originally and where
you are currently.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Yeah. Man born and raised Minneapolis thirty years. I've been
in Manhattan for four now hours. I like to say,
from the Minnieapple to the Big Apple.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
All right, so raw truth, relentless honesty. How does it
start for you?
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Man? Eight days locked up in a cell, no pen,
no pad, no journal, no shower, no phone call, no
answer on when this would end. But we all go
through our dark days and then we get to a
point where we're done dealing with our own bs, our
own excuse is our own victors mentality. We embrace our
accountability and we take action in order to make a change.
But it starts inside. And for me, that took at
(01:57):
least ten to eleven points of God in universe knocking
on my door, hitting me with sides. But my ego
was too headstrong. I didn't listen until I was absolutely
forced into solitude in this huge your self process. We
called it the turning point.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
Okay, that's the big picture. In this podcast, get we
dived down what happened? How did you even get in
that cell in the first place?
Speaker 2 (02:23):
Yeah? Well, you know, initially, my little brother died when
he was six and I was sixteen. I pulled the
plug and went and played a basketball game. In the
same day. That was my first experience for grief. He
died from cancer. I had a bunch of animosity, a
rebellious attitude towards surgeons and towards my parents for coming
from addiction. They both were from addiction. My mom quit,
(02:44):
my dad was still living in the rock star lifestyle.
So it's me and my moms and my little brother
came and he died and it was me and my
mom's And what that does to a family, What that
does to an older brother to think he has to
step up as the man, What that does for the
bond between the only child, as your mom tends to
kind of fade in between the hospital bed and the
nursing station while you're still out here going to school,
(03:06):
playing sports, trying to hold it down. That type of
friction put up on an emotional safe, an emotional case
around expressing myself and so playing sports, making jokes, acted
up in class. That was my mask, and so I
talk about in the book the mask or numbing or
projections is typically how we deal with grief, and for me,
(03:29):
it was masking, and I masked it into sports so
I was able to go d one full ride. But
since I masked it. My anger inside started to project
onto my teammates and into the schools that I went to.
So when D one got kicked out, when D two
tore my a cl got into a fight, got eighteen
eighty six months over my head with twenty years probation,
(03:51):
first degree assault felony at age nineteen. So I got
so between the trauma when I was sixteen, or I
caught yer development the grieving when I was sixteen leaving
my full ride, you know, because every frame right there,
you know, we try to try to be grateful because
if we thank God for the good, we got to
thank them for the bad. What can we get from this?
(04:12):
So the grieving when I was sixteen, obviously seeing what
that did to my mom, D one full ride messed
that up. D two ACL D two felony. Then I
dropped out for a year and I was back at
my mom's started messing around in the streets. When the
night club started doing security, took my anger out in
my job title, which a lot of people do nowadays too.
(04:33):
They will take their anger out on their employees, their staff,
and their family, not knowing that it's literally the friction
between their healing and their mask. And so that's what
we do in the Choose Yourself community is embrace the
story and the pain first, first things first. And I'm
sure you know anybody who's in this field probably understands
(04:55):
something similar. So eventually I got too deep in the
black market party and and I had four more knee
injuries during that time, and I got to a trigger point.
My first trigger point was I got beat up doing security.
I was in pain. The next morning, I said, I
do not belong in the streets. I need to go
back to school. So because I had a felony, I
(05:16):
couldn't go back to university. So I went to a
private school where I had to talk to the head
coach and the president and the chairman to say, I'm
not a fela, I'm an athlete. They just labeled me
nah blah blah victim. Okay, but they allowed me to play.
So I went back for four years. But now I
had already unlocked the numbing component of substances. I didn't
drink until I went to Ndsun til I went D one.
(05:38):
In high school. From sixteen to eighteen, I didn't do
any substances. I just numbed it sports girlfriend class cloud.
But when I got outside of that structure, that environment
of my home and my friends who were watching me,
who saw me lose my brother, who were like, is
he going to crack? Is he going to crack? I
was fine. But when the pressure was off and I
went to a whole new campus, nobody cared about that.
(05:59):
So I was seeking where to fit in, and I
started fitting into partying. But they didn't have the buried
character development experiences and the addictive genes that I did.
Maybe some of them did, but I wasn't comparing that.
I was just like, Oh, we're on the same team.
Let's party. So every single drink was a crack on
that safe, a crack on that safe, crack on that safe.
And even when I was sober, the anger that had
(06:20):
been released while I was drinking was still part of
my conscious mind. Because once you expand the conscious mind,
it doesn't come back. So a lot of people continue
to numb it with more drinking. And so through partying
and neglecting my grief, I kept getting injured. My body
started breaking down trying to tell me stop running from it.
And when I went back to college, I had now
(06:41):
balanced partying in the off season locking in in the
on season. So I locked in after my brother passed,
and I partied in my dark place. Now I'm doing
both every other semester, so I was half fast in
my career. I was the best on that team because
it was D three and I was D one talent.
But I wasn't being pushed enough to really push myself,
and I played the line of ask numb, ask numb,
(07:01):
mass numb. Still got my degree, still went all American,
still got a chance at the pros. But I wasn't prepared.
So when the Dallas Cowboys came to my school, I
wasn't prepared because I was still balancing party and dedication. Now,
if I didn't have my football team, I probably would
have Party of the year round. And that's the people
pleasing in me. I locked in in order to please
my teammates. I locked in order to please the people
(07:23):
at the party. I made sure I had a booth.
I made sure you're at the front of the line.
I made sure I can get you on the guest
guest list. That was me giving away because I wasn't
given to myself. So eventually, once I couldn't go play pro,
I didn't make Dallas. Then I tried to play Arena,
but my probation officer felt any probation stuck in a county,
said you can't go play outside of this county. It's
too much of a hassle. So I lost my spot
(07:45):
on arena team. Then I broke my ankle, and then
that very first mask from when I pulled the plug
on my brother was gone, because now the dream was
gone to play in the NFL. As long as I
could play sports, that was the mask. Once the mask
was gone, you'd think I'd have to sit in the
grief of pain. That's not what I did. I went
back to the other side, which was Numby so my
second dark place. First one was when I ended up
(08:08):
moving back after my ACL The second one was after
I lost my identity and my identity in football, and
in there I doubled down super deep into the dark
place for about two years. And then that's how I
ended up my second eight month stint eight days locked
in a sale by myself because somebody overdosed. I was
forced into sobriety, and then I stayed sober for eighteen
(08:30):
months after that, partnering with my uncle who started doing
sales crushed in Minnesota, and then we expanded to New York.
Moved out to New York and started choose yourself.
Speaker 1 (08:40):
Wow, okay, I mean you have an incredible awareness about
your process and what happened when you were in that cell.
What was happening for you, what shifted for you.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
Well, the first time, first eight months, there was a
way to acquire substances and numb the pain and sleep
your time away. The second eight months, after somebody overdosed,
they stripped down the whole sale. So now they got
super strict on the UA's. They added more substances to
the UA list. So really, this was my first time
being sober since I went to my first college and
(09:20):
I was forced into sobriety the first day, and I
talk about this as kind of a transition process for
all of us. The first day was withdrawals, pain, depression, confusion,
lack of clarity, fatigue, loss of hope. Second day was anger,
blaming my dad, the judge, my brother, my injuries, the
(09:41):
white judge, blah blah blah blah blah. Third day, I
was looking angrily to join in to all the three
hundred and fifty men who were locked up screaming and banging,
drinking coffee all night, gang banging, threatening the CEOs, blah blah,
I gotta do this. And then day three I was
exerting anger out of ourself with hopes to join the
(10:03):
pain of others. Man, I can't believe this, y'all been
letting me out, blah blah. At first, I was like,
why doesn't everybody shut up? Because I want to play
the victim. And after that you're like, Okay, where do
I fit in? And a lot of times we transition
to a new life, a new job, a new school,
and new business. You don't really know the ground, so
it forces you to be present. But then if we
haven't prepared, then we our confidence is lower than if
(10:24):
we would have prepared for a previous version. And so
that's why growth can seem lonely. And that's why I
have the community. But seeking to connect with others without
having a community in place may push you may take
double time to backtrack, because if you don't have your family,
a support system, someone to talk to, a therapist, a podcasts,
even if you don't know the people something you're in
(10:46):
your foundation, you'll be seeking looks, achievements, connection, validation, abuse, neglect,
just to justify how your nervous system is operating. And
so that's a lot of times what I was doing
with the parties. But then the fourth day was like,
all right, I got myself in here. I don't like
screaming with them. Nobody's coming. Then I give me a
(11:08):
phone call. The girls are gone, touchdown and gone. My
dad ain't answering, my uncle won't bail me out for
the seventh time. I'm gonna choose myself. And in that
moment I went back to fitness, twenty five push ups
and twenty five sit ups every fifteen minutes between the
first meal and the third meal. And in that moment
I realized how fitness forces you to be present, because
(11:29):
once I was fatigued, all I thought about was the
next rep in the next breath. So now I use
it as an active meditation form of therapy because it
forces me to be present, to push myself outside of
the comfort zone, which is the exact same zone that
you visit internally when you transition into a new version.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
What is so inspiring about this scheme is that alone,
along with your story and how I mean tragic it is,
it is horrific and tragic, and you are in that
freaking cell, and there was that moment you were like, Okay,
(12:15):
this isn't happening anymore. I don't have this person to
rely on. I'm gonna choose myself. How did you have
the strength to do that?
Speaker 2 (12:24):
What was it?
Speaker 1 (12:24):
Desperation? What was it?
Speaker 2 (12:27):
I think I think it was it was trying to
prove myself at that point. You know, I had my
mom who never gave up, and watching how my little
brother crushed her. And then I started to realize how
my choices were also getting that same type of reaction
out of her, going back to anxiety meds, going back
to drinking, going back to depression and suicidal parts and
(12:47):
all these things that I was hearing about her over
the cell phone, because I did eight months before the
second eight months and I was partying for you know
however long before that, and you know, I was violating
and get failing you a's my pl was giving me chance,
and you know a second time, I actually had to
go to treatment and treatment and therapy along with sobriety.
(13:09):
But in that cell, it was more of like my
girl left me. When I was in there, I was
used to having a d one full ride. I was
used to everybody calling my phone. I was used to
being under the influence of something. I was used to
my mom giving me a second chance, and my uncle,
my dad and all this. And because I would I
didn't know how long I would be in there. They
(13:30):
never told us eight days. They just said, we don't know.
We got to search the whole sale make sure. So
I was like, Okay, well I can't. I'm not. I
just got to do something. But as I said, all right, well,
in order to make this better, I'm just gonna just
get active so I can at least be tired at night,
because I'm not even tiger, because I'm freaking wired. So
that was my first first kind of intention, was to
(13:51):
get tired and be able to sleep and when all
these dudes is screaming and banging on the bed. But
as I realized that, I started to get it in
level of confidence in my exercise, because my mind would
say you need to be depressed, you need to complain,
and I would just say shut up and do a
push up. I'd be boo hoo when I would do
a push up, and I would just go and tell
(14:12):
fatigue and tell my mind, it's like I can't do it,
and focusing on the push up, I can't get out
of the cell. So you had to get yourself to
such an uncomfortable state that I could no longer think
about the next day or the next meal or the
people screaming outside of my mind. It was like, oh,
my muscles are tearing, and that was peace for me.
I chose that over whatever else, wherever else my mind
(14:34):
was going.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
Let me remind everyone I'm speaking with Hakeem Born McFarlane.
He is the founder of the Choose Yourself movement. So okay,
let's talk about this. You get out of there, what happens.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
I got out. That was eight months of that though.
So I stayed in for eight months, but I went
to treatment from eight am to four pm. Then I
would be on work on a work release from five
to ten, and then I would sleep from eleven to five.
And I do it again for eight months. One day
a week. You had to stay in all day and
then I did therapy once a week as well. And
(15:10):
so the first forty days I did the same exact
things at four days, first with draws, denial, second anger, blaming, complaining, blaming, complaining, third,
trying to fit in with all these uses within the
treatment center. Oh, I didn't have this. I couldn't make
it at the BUSSA man's my po min. Eventually, I
was in the group one day, probably about three months in,
(15:33):
and this dude blamed everybody around him, and I don't
know what it was, but I saw myself in him,
and I was like, that is annoying as hell. I'm
never going to be that person that sounds like me.
I'm not doing this. And then I bought in. I
was at every class, I was doing worksheets, I was
reading extra books outside, I was listening to audio books
(15:54):
when I was whenever I if I ever could, I was,
you know, make sure. I started reading The Secret and TDJ,
and there was another book in there. I can't remember
what it was, but I think it was seven seven
Habits Effective Habits, something like that. But those three really
started shifting my mind into internal. You change what's in here,
(16:14):
then you change how you feel about what's out here.
And the only thing that has us disrupted between what's outside.
The only thing that makes us dislike what's outside is
what's in here. So we can't change out here and that.
When I started having that realization, I was like, Oh,
just is what it is. It just is what it is.
What am I going to do? And so I started
evolving and going into my foundation. That's now what I
(16:36):
help provide people with is the time before and after state.
Speaker 1 (16:39):
So how did you get to a point where you
was like, all right, I want to start this foundation.
I want to start helping other people. How did you
get to that point? I came what was that like?
Speaker 2 (16:48):
Yeah, when I when I got out of jail, then
I went back to I had been bortenning since I
was nineteen through this whole thing, which is why it
was hard to stop partying because everybody around me was partying.
But I went to after that eighteen months of sobriety,
I was still bartending sober, I was locked in. I
was like, I'm not going back. Obviously I was on
(17:10):
tighter probation, so I also had restrictions. But that that
was another thing that helped me. Plus my therapist helped
me heal some things, plus actually being sober, plus like
seeing that in treatment, like all these things helped me
stay strong on the outside. And then my uncle, I
was living in my boys unfinished basement, and he actually
started a liquor company, and so he's like, yo, I
(17:32):
just started liquor company who made a new category, you
know about spirits? Do you want to sell it? So
I'm like yeah. So I got this little hoopti no
air condition, put three cases in my truck and drove
around the city to bar's restaurants, some liquor stores, probably
thirty thirty to fifty a day from eleven am to
eight pm, right, But in order to get on the
(17:53):
street by eleven I was bartending and waking up at
two pm. By the time my uncle called me and said,
do you want this job? I was waking up at
two because I'm a full time bartender, and then I
would go to the gym and then I would go
back to work at five. That was like my forty
hour week. Nless had a day off. So when I
had to start waking up at nine, then in order
(18:14):
to wake up earlier, I had to find a way
to not snooze, not nap. I had to find a
way to get more energy, and so that started with
my sleep the night before. So as I transitioned out
of bartending, I didn't have to bartend late, but I
had to start going to sleep earlier. So then I
started giving myself a curfew or kickout time, where I
would kick out company or i'd be home by a
(18:34):
certain time. And then i'd have a digital sunset where
all my screens would be down, the phone, TV, just candles.
And then I'd have a routine between my digital sunset
and my reading bedtime. Because I learned that when you
start shutting down your nighttime routine, your melatonin gets released,
your circadian rhythm activates. I was just learning about all this,
so I gave myself a nighttime routine. Then I was
able to get sleep, which allowed me to wake up
(18:56):
on time. And it was hard to stop hitting the snooze.
But I started using motivational content right in the morning
and they would say something online Aaron Thomas, David Gagains,
Denzel Washington, Will Smith, and my top go to it
would say something online while I was laying in bed complaining.
It would trigger me to get up. After about two
weeks of that, I wanted to be that voice for people,
(19:18):
and then I started doing content. Then when I did content,
it forced me to I knew it was my passion
because I couldn't sleep because I wanted to wake up
to make content. Then I didn't.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
Want what did you want to say? What did you
want to get across to.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
People that I was changing, you know, and there was
more me to me okay and what and what? And
I knew people that were close to me who already
wrote me off for watching me. People are like, oh, athlete,
he's in jail eating that stuff. He's done. I'm like, yeah,
I about to show y'all. So that was part of it.
But then after a little bit of doing that, I
started to realize that when my excuses would pop up
(19:54):
in the following days to come, I'd have a choice
to make. Do I want to be a liar? Do
I want to follow up with what I said? And
so I started and then I was I started going
out again. Actually I started going out and drinking again
in a balance, and there were some times that kind
of almost lost myself and me and my uncle had
a difficult conversation about six months in because I was
(20:15):
slipping back. But then I really cranked up the juice
and the foundation and my boundaries and elevated man sold
more than the top selling competitor that about two years later,
and so I really really did well. But yeah, that
it was the foundation, man, And now it's evolved over
time where I have a seven hour foundation and a
twelve hour foundation. It just depends on what's surrounded it.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
Let's talk about Choose Yourself movement.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
Who's it for?
Speaker 1 (20:46):
What's involved with it?
Speaker 2 (20:50):
Yeah, Choose Yourself movement is to help people embrace who
they were supposed to be before the world made them
someone or not. So we're trying to go to embrace
the power within by unblocking the suppression like I did
my little brother, by tapping into the painful parts, like
I did to losing football, to try to combine what
(21:11):
happened in those moments that gave me my strength. Well,
I got the foundation, I got leadership, I got balance.
I have knowledge about health and fitness. I have the
ability to process grief or at least do the preventative
action to make sure I can recover faster, because I
know what happens when you suppress it right away. I
(21:32):
have the knowledge of a single kid, a being from poverty.
So all these things, having addicts's parents, all these things
now are part of my story. So then what was
my gift while I got my communications major. I did
our presentations, and every presentation was my favorite part of
the whole year was presentations. And I was always the
(21:52):
leader on every team. I was the chanter guy. I
was the leader. I was the halftime guy that pumped
people up. That was always me since third grade. Always
I always has to coach. I do a speech. I
was always that. So I'm like, okay, not an athlete,
but I love talking. I always kind of did riddles
and rhymes when I was growing up. I'm like, okay,
so speaking the pressure, performance, the practice, pressure and performance
(22:15):
of football. That's what I get from speaking. And the
only thing I can describe on stage is I've called
them three heil marriage to win the game that time
when the clock goes down and there's a bunch of
defenders around me and I'm jumping. I never questioned am
I going to catch it? I always say this bos's mind.
That's what I feel on stage. I've prepared, I'm gifted.
(22:36):
This is my message to deliver, but it's not my
message that I've created. I'm here to deliver it. And
so my story gift my passion. You know, my passion
is speaking. My story gave me the traits. Now, my
gift is the words that I give to people from
what I know and my story. That's my gift to
help people choose themselves. So now in that combination, that's
(22:59):
the trilogy that I'm trying to help people access to
the Choose Yourself movement. So you go through your you
go through your story, embrace your story after you get
to your turning point, and then there's five levels to
the tune to Choose Yourself process. First, you evaluate your environment,
your consumption, all five levels, digital emotional, mental relationships as well.
Sit down evaluate them. Next, foundation, nighttime routine, pleasure, sleep
(23:22):
without pleasure, nighttime routine plus your sleep pleasure, morning routine
without people, without screens, without toxins, Between your digital sunset
and your first obligation to just be you. We'll put
systems in there to help you create the characteristics that
need you to acquire the life, push through adversity, identify opportunities.
Once you have your mindful consumption, you've taken things out
(23:43):
of your environment and consumption. Then you've added time management,
your foundation. You start knocking out your foundation every day.
Then you start to make choices to bring things into
your foundation. That's self investment. That's the fourth level. Now
your podcast, change your food, change your relationships, change your mentors,
your coaches, your book, stay all changed. Now you're bringing
stuff in. Then once you once you take those actions,
(24:04):
you put time to tap into your passion and your foundation.
You've done the work in the beginning with the Choose
Yourself community to be able to brace your story. You've
read the book that also have has innercizes. Now you
have accountability. Now you're starting to see your old version
in other people. Once the student is ready to teacher appears,
and that's the fifth level. Create and contribute. Once you're
ready to create and contribute, we have a branch. We
(24:26):
have branches now of the CYC where you can utilize
the CYC to start a branch. We just started CYC
Kids and a teacher, coach and wellness professional has now
started a branch four kids and parents about to Choose
Yourself philosophy and how you can implement foundational living in
two families. So now we're recruiting parents into there. Now,
if we get one who does relationships, one who wants
(24:47):
to do music, one who wants to do athletes. We
have branches that are discovered through authenticity and sustainability, through
the process from story, gift, passion. Then you make a branch.
Then you build your following, then you launch your business
or bring bring your business into the branch.
Speaker 1 (25:05):
How came You're on fire?
Speaker 2 (25:09):
Thank you? Man? I love it.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
You are on fire? Who? Why is choose yourself? Why
is it so hard for many of us, most of
us to do that?
Speaker 2 (25:23):
Conditioning and lack of emotional awareness. So there's in the
scientific component is why I do a lot of neuroplasticity
studying and becoming supernatural. I mean to try to learn
about the actual neurology of the brain and so our
(25:43):
process and perception, which sure you know is environment, sensory input, thought, emotion, action,
between emotion and action. There's a space. It's the power
of choice. It's actually a book. And in that space
we can choose old habits, which is primitive, conservative, comfortable, energy, conservation,
(26:06):
no fear, because we know what's coming. You choose old
habits that is literally day to day living what they
want us to do auto pilot because we're easy to
be controlled. If we're stuck an autopilot and we don't
even remember. The second choice is the present, past, habits
present emotions very dangerous because you never know what that
emotion is going to be and what it's attached to,
(26:27):
or you choose your future intention, which is what you
said you would do before your sensory input was impacted,
penetrated by the environment and your emotions, because your emotions
can come up just from seeing somebody, and there could
be a whole different correlation of oh, black guy with
a gun trigger shoot him back. I'm a cop, I'm untrained,
Or it could be oh, they're overweight, blah blah.
Speaker 1 (26:48):
Don't know.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
You don't know what they went through. You know you're
somebody who's homeless. You don't know. But the judgment is
what is habits and emotions? Now? Intention is you want
to be a good person, you want to be compassionate,
We're going to be empathetic. How long does it take
you to process those emotions. So we're taught to live,
We're taught to live habitually and emotionally, but intentionally it
(27:11):
comes from preparation. They don't tell us to prepare for
what happens after grief. We don't get taught that growing up.
We don't get taught to prepare what happens when you
look when the economy shuts down, and don't tell you
what happens when you experience grief. They just give your
time off and give you some pills. So that's the
normal way for it, and especially for men athletes to
(27:35):
be emotional to speak about it. You're either be quiet
and you're strong but you're soft inside, or you talk
about it and you get stronger but you look soft outside.
Speaker 1 (27:46):
Er Dakim. The book is called Choose Yourself to be Chosen.
We'll have the linked up here at the show notes
page at the Trauma Therapist podcast dot com. How do
people learn more about you and what you're doing?
Speaker 2 (28:00):
Choose Yourself dot info. You'll find all the cities I'm
coming to I'm working on to choose yourself to her
to come to a city near you. Otherwise, big dream
hai keen on Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, and the big dream
is to help you live yours.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
Okay, and we'll have that linked up again here at
the show notes page at the Trauma Therapist podcast dot com. Akeem,
I'd love to have you back at a later day,
all right, I mean, there's this obviously so much to
talk about and I love talking to you. You're on fire,
You're you're obviously inspired and passionate about what you do,
(28:35):
and that's what I love doing. So thank you so
much for being here. I appreciate you.
Speaker 2 (28:41):
Hey, thank you for having me. Man, just just let's
just keep the gratitude in the attitude and keep growing
and going. Thanks guys, right, take care.
Welcome to the Trauma Therivers podcast. My name is Guimiferson
and I interview incredible people who share the story of
how trauma has shaped their lives. And a big thank
you for sponsoring today's episode goes to my guest and
our sponsors. So five four, three, two and one, our folks,
(00:24):
welcome back to the podcast. Very excited to have as
my guest today. Hakim Born McFarlane, Hakim welcome.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Hey, Thank you guy. I appreciate what you're doing for
yourself and for everybody else. Thank you.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
So. Hakim is a creator, author, and motivational speaker whose
raw truth and relentless tenacity have inspired thousands to stop
living on an autopilot and start choosing themselves. He's the
mind behind Choose Yourself to be Chosen and the founder
of the Choose Yourself Movement, a community built for people
who are ready to face their excuses head on, tear
(00:58):
down what isn't working, and build an unshakeable foundation for
the life they actually want. All right, Hakeem, just a
little bit about you, but before we get go in here,
share with the listeners where you're from originally and where
you are currently.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Yeah. Man born and raised Minneapolis thirty years. I've been
in Manhattan for four now hours. I like to say,
from the Minnieapple to the Big Apple.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
All right, so raw truth, relentless honesty. How does it
start for you?
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Man? Eight days locked up in a cell, no pen,
no pad, no journal, no shower, no phone call, no
answer on when this would end. But we all go
through our dark days and then we get to a
point where we're done dealing with our own bs, our
own excuse is our own victors mentality. We embrace our
accountability and we take action in order to make a change.
But it starts inside. And for me, that took at
(01:57):
least ten to eleven points of God in universe knocking
on my door, hitting me with sides. But my ego
was too headstrong. I didn't listen until I was absolutely
forced into solitude in this huge your self process. We
called it the turning point.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
Okay, that's the big picture. In this podcast, get we
dived down what happened? How did you even get in
that cell in the first place?
Speaker 2 (02:23):
Yeah? Well, you know, initially, my little brother died when
he was six and I was sixteen. I pulled the
plug and went and played a basketball game. In the
same day. That was my first experience for grief. He
died from cancer. I had a bunch of animosity, a
rebellious attitude towards surgeons and towards my parents for coming
from addiction. They both were from addiction. My mom quit,
(02:44):
my dad was still living in the rock star lifestyle.
So it's me and my moms and my little brother
came and he died and it was me and my
mom's And what that does to a family, What that
does to an older brother to think he has to
step up as the man, What that does for the
bond between the only child, as your mom tends to
kind of fade in between the hospital bed and the
nursing station while you're still out here going to school,
(03:06):
playing sports, trying to hold it down. That type of
friction put up on an emotional safe, an emotional case
around expressing myself and so playing sports, making jokes, acted
up in class. That was my mask, and so I
talk about in the book the mask or numbing or
projections is typically how we deal with grief, and for me,
(03:29):
it was masking, and I masked it into sports so
I was able to go d one full ride. But
since I masked it. My anger inside started to project
onto my teammates and into the schools that I went to.
So when D one got kicked out, when D two
tore my a cl got into a fight, got eighteen
eighty six months over my head with twenty years probation,
(03:51):
first degree assault felony at age nineteen. So I got
so between the trauma when I was sixteen, or I
caught yer development the grieving when I was sixteen leaving
my full ride, you know, because every frame right there,
you know, we try to try to be grateful because
if we thank God for the good, we got to
thank them for the bad. What can we get from this?
(04:12):
So the grieving when I was sixteen, obviously seeing what
that did to my mom, D one full ride messed
that up. D two ACL D two felony. Then I
dropped out for a year and I was back at
my mom's started messing around in the streets. When the
night club started doing security, took my anger out in
my job title, which a lot of people do nowadays too.
(04:33):
They will take their anger out on their employees, their staff,
and their family, not knowing that it's literally the friction
between their healing and their mask. And so that's what
we do in the Choose Yourself community is embrace the
story and the pain first, first things first. And I'm
sure you know anybody who's in this field probably understands
(04:55):
something similar. So eventually I got too deep in the
black market party and and I had four more knee
injuries during that time, and I got to a trigger point.
My first trigger point was I got beat up doing security.
I was in pain. The next morning, I said, I
do not belong in the streets. I need to go
back to school. So because I had a felony, I
(05:16):
couldn't go back to university. So I went to a
private school where I had to talk to the head
coach and the president and the chairman to say, I'm
not a fela, I'm an athlete. They just labeled me
nah blah blah victim. Okay, but they allowed me to play.
So I went back for four years. But now I
had already unlocked the numbing component of substances. I didn't
drink until I went to Ndsun til I went D one.
(05:38):
In high school. From sixteen to eighteen, I didn't do
any substances. I just numbed it sports girlfriend class cloud.
But when I got outside of that structure, that environment
of my home and my friends who were watching me,
who saw me lose my brother, who were like, is
he going to crack? Is he going to crack? I
was fine. But when the pressure was off and I
went to a whole new campus, nobody cared about that.
(05:59):
So I was seeking where to fit in, and I
started fitting into partying. But they didn't have the buried
character development experiences and the addictive genes that I did.
Maybe some of them did, but I wasn't comparing that.
I was just like, Oh, we're on the same team.
Let's party. So every single drink was a crack on
that safe, a crack on that safe, crack on that safe.
And even when I was sober, the anger that had
(06:20):
been released while I was drinking was still part of
my conscious mind. Because once you expand the conscious mind,
it doesn't come back. So a lot of people continue
to numb it with more drinking. And so through partying
and neglecting my grief, I kept getting injured. My body
started breaking down trying to tell me stop running from it.
And when I went back to college, I had now
(06:41):
balanced partying in the off season locking in in the
on season. So I locked in after my brother passed,
and I partied in my dark place. Now I'm doing
both every other semester, so I was half fast in
my career. I was the best on that team because
it was D three and I was D one talent.
But I wasn't being pushed enough to really push myself,
and I played the line of ask numb, ask numb,
(07:01):
mass numb. Still got my degree, still went all American,
still got a chance at the pros. But I wasn't prepared.
So when the Dallas Cowboys came to my school, I
wasn't prepared because I was still balancing party and dedication. Now,
if I didn't have my football team, I probably would
have Party of the year round. And that's the people
pleasing in me. I locked in in order to please
my teammates. I locked in order to please the people
(07:23):
at the party. I made sure I had a booth.
I made sure you're at the front of the line.
I made sure I can get you on the guest
guest list. That was me giving away because I wasn't
given to myself. So eventually, once I couldn't go play pro,
I didn't make Dallas. Then I tried to play Arena,
but my probation officer felt any probation stuck in a county,
said you can't go play outside of this county. It's
too much of a hassle. So I lost my spot
(07:45):
on arena team. Then I broke my ankle, and then
that very first mask from when I pulled the plug
on my brother was gone, because now the dream was
gone to play in the NFL. As long as I
could play sports, that was the mask. Once the mask
was gone, you'd think I'd have to sit in the
grief of pain. That's not what I did. I went
back to the other side, which was Numby so my
second dark place. First one was when I ended up
(08:08):
moving back after my ACL The second one was after
I lost my identity and my identity in football, and
in there I doubled down super deep into the dark
place for about two years. And then that's how I
ended up my second eight month stint eight days locked
in a sale by myself because somebody overdosed. I was
forced into sobriety, and then I stayed sober for eighteen
(08:30):
months after that, partnering with my uncle who started doing
sales crushed in Minnesota, and then we expanded to New York.
Moved out to New York and started choose yourself.
Speaker 1 (08:40):
Wow, okay, I mean you have an incredible awareness about
your process and what happened when you were in that cell.
What was happening for you, what shifted for you.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
Well, the first time, first eight months, there was a
way to acquire substances and numb the pain and sleep
your time away. The second eight months, after somebody overdosed,
they stripped down the whole sale. So now they got
super strict on the UA's. They added more substances to
the UA list. So really, this was my first time
being sober since I went to my first college and
(09:20):
I was forced into sobriety the first day, and I
talk about this as kind of a transition process for
all of us. The first day was withdrawals, pain, depression, confusion,
lack of clarity, fatigue, loss of hope. Second day was anger,
blaming my dad, the judge, my brother, my injuries, the
(09:41):
white judge, blah blah blah blah blah. Third day, I
was looking angrily to join in to all the three
hundred and fifty men who were locked up screaming and banging,
drinking coffee all night, gang banging, threatening the CEOs, blah blah,
I gotta do this. And then day three I was
exerting anger out of ourself with hopes to join the
(10:03):
pain of others. Man, I can't believe this, y'all been
letting me out, blah blah. At first, I was like,
why doesn't everybody shut up? Because I want to play
the victim. And after that you're like, Okay, where do
I fit in? And a lot of times we transition
to a new life, a new job, a new school,
and new business. You don't really know the ground, so
it forces you to be present. But then if we
haven't prepared, then we our confidence is lower than if
(10:24):
we would have prepared for a previous version. And so
that's why growth can seem lonely. And that's why I
have the community. But seeking to connect with others without
having a community in place may push you may take
double time to backtrack, because if you don't have your family,
a support system, someone to talk to, a therapist, a podcasts,
even if you don't know the people something you're in
(10:46):
your foundation, you'll be seeking looks, achievements, connection, validation, abuse, neglect,
just to justify how your nervous system is operating. And
so that's a lot of times what I was doing
with the parties. But then the fourth day was like,
all right, I got myself in here. I don't like
screaming with them. Nobody's coming. Then I give me a
(11:08):
phone call. The girls are gone, touchdown and gone. My
dad ain't answering, my uncle won't bail me out for
the seventh time. I'm gonna choose myself. And in that
moment I went back to fitness, twenty five push ups
and twenty five sit ups every fifteen minutes between the
first meal and the third meal. And in that moment
I realized how fitness forces you to be present, because
(11:29):
once I was fatigued, all I thought about was the
next rep in the next breath. So now I use
it as an active meditation form of therapy because it
forces me to be present, to push myself outside of
the comfort zone, which is the exact same zone that
you visit internally when you transition into a new version.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
What is so inspiring about this scheme is that alone,
along with your story and how I mean tragic it is,
it is horrific and tragic, and you are in that
freaking cell, and there was that moment you were like, Okay,
(12:15):
this isn't happening anymore. I don't have this person to
rely on. I'm gonna choose myself. How did you have
the strength to do that?
Speaker 2 (12:24):
What was it?
Speaker 1 (12:24):
Desperation? What was it?
Speaker 2 (12:27):
I think I think it was it was trying to
prove myself at that point. You know, I had my
mom who never gave up, and watching how my little
brother crushed her. And then I started to realize how
my choices were also getting that same type of reaction
out of her, going back to anxiety meds, going back
to drinking, going back to depression and suicidal parts and
(12:47):
all these things that I was hearing about her over
the cell phone, because I did eight months before the
second eight months and I was partying for you know
however long before that, and you know, I was violating
and get failing you a's my pl was giving me chance,
and you know a second time, I actually had to
go to treatment and treatment and therapy along with sobriety.
(13:09):
But in that cell, it was more of like my
girl left me. When I was in there, I was
used to having a d one full ride. I was
used to everybody calling my phone. I was used to
being under the influence of something. I was used to
my mom giving me a second chance, and my uncle,
my dad and all this. And because I would I
didn't know how long I would be in there. They
(13:30):
never told us eight days. They just said, we don't know.
We got to search the whole sale make sure. So
I was like, Okay, well I can't. I'm not. I
just got to do something. But as I said, all right, well,
in order to make this better, I'm just gonna just
get active so I can at least be tired at night,
because I'm not even tiger, because I'm freaking wired. So
that was my first first kind of intention, was to
(13:51):
get tired and be able to sleep and when all
these dudes is screaming and banging on the bed. But
as I realized that, I started to get it in
level of confidence in my exercise, because my mind would
say you need to be depressed, you need to complain,
and I would just say shut up and do a
push up. I'd be boo hoo when I would do
a push up, and I would just go and tell
(14:12):
fatigue and tell my mind, it's like I can't do it,
and focusing on the push up, I can't get out
of the cell. So you had to get yourself to
such an uncomfortable state that I could no longer think
about the next day or the next meal or the
people screaming outside of my mind. It was like, oh,
my muscles are tearing, and that was peace for me.
I chose that over whatever else, wherever else my mind
(14:34):
was going.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
Let me remind everyone I'm speaking with Hakeem Born McFarlane.
He is the founder of the Choose Yourself movement. So okay,
let's talk about this. You get out of there, what happens.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
I got out. That was eight months of that though.
So I stayed in for eight months, but I went
to treatment from eight am to four pm. Then I
would be on work on a work release from five
to ten, and then I would sleep from eleven to five.
And I do it again for eight months. One day
a week. You had to stay in all day and
then I did therapy once a week as well. And
(15:10):
so the first forty days I did the same exact
things at four days, first with draws, denial, second anger, blaming, complaining, blaming, complaining, third,
trying to fit in with all these uses within the
treatment center. Oh, I didn't have this. I couldn't make
it at the BUSSA man's my po min. Eventually, I
was in the group one day, probably about three months in,
(15:33):
and this dude blamed everybody around him, and I don't
know what it was, but I saw myself in him,
and I was like, that is annoying as hell. I'm
never going to be that person that sounds like me.
I'm not doing this. And then I bought in. I
was at every class, I was doing worksheets, I was
reading extra books outside, I was listening to audio books
(15:54):
when I was whenever I if I ever could, I was,
you know, make sure. I started reading The Secret and TDJ,
and there was another book in there. I can't remember
what it was, but I think it was seven seven
Habits Effective Habits, something like that. But those three really
started shifting my mind into internal. You change what's in here,
(16:14):
then you change how you feel about what's out here.
And the only thing that has us disrupted between what's outside.
The only thing that makes us dislike what's outside is
what's in here. So we can't change out here and that.
When I started having that realization, I was like, Oh,
just is what it is. It just is what it is.
What am I going to do? And so I started
evolving and going into my foundation. That's now what I
(16:36):
help provide people with is the time before and after state.
Speaker 1 (16:39):
So how did you get to a point where you
was like, all right, I want to start this foundation.
I want to start helping other people. How did you
get to that point? I came what was that like?
Speaker 2 (16:48):
Yeah, when I when I got out of jail, then
I went back to I had been bortenning since I
was nineteen through this whole thing, which is why it
was hard to stop partying because everybody around me was partying.
But I went to after that eighteen months of sobriety,
I was still bartending sober, I was locked in. I
was like, I'm not going back. Obviously I was on
(17:10):
tighter probation, so I also had restrictions. But that that
was another thing that helped me. Plus my therapist helped
me heal some things, plus actually being sober, plus like
seeing that in treatment, like all these things helped me
stay strong on the outside. And then my uncle, I
was living in my boys unfinished basement, and he actually
started a liquor company, and so he's like, yo, I
(17:32):
just started liquor company who made a new category, you
know about spirits? Do you want to sell it? So
I'm like yeah. So I got this little hoopti no
air condition, put three cases in my truck and drove
around the city to bar's restaurants, some liquor stores, probably
thirty thirty to fifty a day from eleven am to
eight pm, right, But in order to get on the
(17:53):
street by eleven I was bartending and waking up at
two pm. By the time my uncle called me and said,
do you want this job? I was waking up at
two because I'm a full time bartender, and then I
would go to the gym and then I would go
back to work at five. That was like my forty
hour week. Nless had a day off. So when I
had to start waking up at nine, then in order
(18:14):
to wake up earlier, I had to find a way
to not snooze, not nap. I had to find a
way to get more energy, and so that started with
my sleep the night before. So as I transitioned out
of bartending, I didn't have to bartend late, but I
had to start going to sleep earlier. So then I
started giving myself a curfew or kickout time, where I
would kick out company or i'd be home by a
(18:34):
certain time. And then i'd have a digital sunset where
all my screens would be down, the phone, TV, just candles.
And then I'd have a routine between my digital sunset
and my reading bedtime. Because I learned that when you
start shutting down your nighttime routine, your melatonin gets released,
your circadian rhythm activates. I was just learning about all this,
so I gave myself a nighttime routine. Then I was
able to get sleep, which allowed me to wake up
(18:56):
on time. And it was hard to stop hitting the snooze.
But I started using motivational content right in the morning
and they would say something online Aaron Thomas, David Gagains,
Denzel Washington, Will Smith, and my top go to it
would say something online while I was laying in bed complaining.
It would trigger me to get up. After about two
weeks of that, I wanted to be that voice for people,
(19:18):
and then I started doing content. Then when I did content,
it forced me to I knew it was my passion
because I couldn't sleep because I wanted to wake up
to make content. Then I didn't.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
Want what did you want to say? What did you
want to get across to.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
People that I was changing, you know, and there was
more me to me okay and what and what? And
I knew people that were close to me who already
wrote me off for watching me. People are like, oh, athlete,
he's in jail eating that stuff. He's done. I'm like, yeah,
I about to show y'all. So that was part of it.
But then after a little bit of doing that, I
started to realize that when my excuses would pop up
(19:54):
in the following days to come, I'd have a choice
to make. Do I want to be a liar? Do
I want to follow up with what I said? And
so I started and then I was I started going
out again. Actually I started going out and drinking again
in a balance, and there were some times that kind
of almost lost myself and me and my uncle had
a difficult conversation about six months in because I was
(20:15):
slipping back. But then I really cranked up the juice
and the foundation and my boundaries and elevated man sold
more than the top selling competitor that about two years later,
and so I really really did well. But yeah, that
it was the foundation, man, And now it's evolved over
time where I have a seven hour foundation and a
twelve hour foundation. It just depends on what's surrounded it.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
Let's talk about Choose Yourself movement.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
Who's it for?
Speaker 1 (20:46):
What's involved with it?
Speaker 2 (20:50):
Yeah, Choose Yourself movement is to help people embrace who
they were supposed to be before the world made them
someone or not. So we're trying to go to embrace
the power within by unblocking the suppression like I did
my little brother, by tapping into the painful parts, like
I did to losing football, to try to combine what
(21:11):
happened in those moments that gave me my strength. Well,
I got the foundation, I got leadership, I got balance.
I have knowledge about health and fitness. I have the
ability to process grief or at least do the preventative
action to make sure I can recover faster, because I
know what happens when you suppress it right away. I
(21:32):
have the knowledge of a single kid, a being from poverty.
So all these things, having addicts's parents, all these things
now are part of my story. So then what was
my gift while I got my communications major. I did
our presentations, and every presentation was my favorite part of
the whole year was presentations. And I was always the
(21:52):
leader on every team. I was the chanter guy. I
was the leader. I was the halftime guy that pumped
people up. That was always me since third grade. Always
I always has to coach. I do a speech. I
was always that. So I'm like, okay, not an athlete,
but I love talking. I always kind of did riddles
and rhymes when I was growing up. I'm like, okay,
so speaking the pressure, performance, the practice, pressure and performance
(22:15):
of football. That's what I get from speaking. And the
only thing I can describe on stage is I've called
them three heil marriage to win the game that time
when the clock goes down and there's a bunch of
defenders around me and I'm jumping. I never questioned am
I going to catch it? I always say this bos's mind.
That's what I feel on stage. I've prepared, I'm gifted.
(22:36):
This is my message to deliver, but it's not my
message that I've created. I'm here to deliver it. And
so my story gift my passion. You know, my passion
is speaking. My story gave me the traits. Now, my
gift is the words that I give to people from
what I know and my story. That's my gift to
help people choose themselves. So now in that combination, that's
(22:59):
the trilogy that I'm trying to help people access to
the Choose Yourself movement. So you go through your you
go through your story, embrace your story after you get
to your turning point, and then there's five levels to
the tune to Choose Yourself process. First, you evaluate your environment,
your consumption, all five levels, digital emotional, mental relationships as well.
Sit down evaluate them. Next, foundation, nighttime routine, pleasure, sleep
(23:22):
without pleasure, nighttime routine plus your sleep pleasure, morning routine
without people, without screens, without toxins, Between your digital sunset
and your first obligation to just be you. We'll put
systems in there to help you create the characteristics that
need you to acquire the life, push through adversity, identify opportunities.
Once you have your mindful consumption, you've taken things out
(23:43):
of your environment and consumption. Then you've added time management,
your foundation. You start knocking out your foundation every day.
Then you start to make choices to bring things into
your foundation. That's self investment. That's the fourth level. Now
your podcast, change your food, change your relationships, change your mentors,
your coaches, your book, stay all changed. Now you're bringing
stuff in. Then once you once you take those actions,
(24:04):
you put time to tap into your passion and your foundation.
You've done the work in the beginning with the Choose
Yourself community to be able to brace your story. You've
read the book that also have has innercizes. Now you
have accountability. Now you're starting to see your old version
in other people. Once the student is ready to teacher appears,
and that's the fifth level. Create and contribute. Once you're
ready to create and contribute, we have a branch. We
(24:26):
have branches now of the CYC where you can utilize
the CYC to start a branch. We just started CYC
Kids and a teacher, coach and wellness professional has now
started a branch four kids and parents about to Choose
Yourself philosophy and how you can implement foundational living in
two families. So now we're recruiting parents into there. Now,
if we get one who does relationships, one who wants
(24:47):
to do music, one who wants to do athletes. We
have branches that are discovered through authenticity and sustainability, through
the process from story, gift, passion. Then you make a branch.
Then you build your following, then you launch your business
or bring bring your business into the branch.
Speaker 1 (25:05):
How came You're on fire?
Speaker 2 (25:09):
Thank you? Man? I love it.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
You are on fire? Who? Why is choose yourself? Why
is it so hard for many of us, most of
us to do that?
Speaker 2 (25:23):
Conditioning and lack of emotional awareness. So there's in the
scientific component is why I do a lot of neuroplasticity
studying and becoming supernatural. I mean to try to learn
about the actual neurology of the brain and so our
(25:43):
process and perception, which sure you know is environment, sensory input, thought, emotion, action,
between emotion and action. There's a space. It's the power
of choice. It's actually a book. And in that space
we can choose old habits, which is primitive, conservative, comfortable, energy, conservation,
(26:06):
no fear, because we know what's coming. You choose old
habits that is literally day to day living what they
want us to do auto pilot because we're easy to
be controlled. If we're stuck an autopilot and we don't
even remember. The second choice is the present, past, habits
present emotions very dangerous because you never know what that
emotion is going to be and what it's attached to,
(26:27):
or you choose your future intention, which is what you
said you would do before your sensory input was impacted,
penetrated by the environment and your emotions, because your emotions
can come up just from seeing somebody, and there could
be a whole different correlation of oh, black guy with
a gun trigger shoot him back. I'm a cop, I'm untrained,
Or it could be oh, they're overweight, blah blah.
Speaker 1 (26:48):
Don't know.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
You don't know what they went through. You know you're
somebody who's homeless. You don't know. But the judgment is
what is habits and emotions? Now? Intention is you want
to be a good person, you want to be compassionate,
We're going to be empathetic. How long does it take
you to process those emotions. So we're taught to live,
We're taught to live habitually and emotionally, but intentionally it
(27:11):
comes from preparation. They don't tell us to prepare for
what happens after grief. We don't get taught that growing up.
We don't get taught to prepare what happens when you
look when the economy shuts down, and don't tell you
what happens when you experience grief. They just give your
time off and give you some pills. So that's the
normal way for it, and especially for men athletes to
(27:35):
be emotional to speak about it. You're either be quiet
and you're strong but you're soft inside, or you talk
about it and you get stronger but you look soft outside.
Speaker 1 (27:46):
Er Dakim. The book is called Choose Yourself to be Chosen.
We'll have the linked up here at the show notes
page at the Trauma Therapist podcast dot com. How do
people learn more about you and what you're doing?
Speaker 2 (28:00):
Choose Yourself dot info. You'll find all the cities I'm
coming to I'm working on to choose yourself to her
to come to a city near you. Otherwise, big dream
hai keen on Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, and the big dream
is to help you live yours.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
Okay, and we'll have that linked up again here at
the show notes page at the Trauma Therapist podcast dot com. Akeem,
I'd love to have you back at a later day,
all right, I mean, there's this obviously so much to
talk about and I love talking to you. You're on fire,
You're you're obviously inspired and passionate about what you do,
(28:35):
and that's what I love doing. So thank you so
much for being here. I appreciate you.
Speaker 2 (28:41):
Hey, thank you for having me. Man, just just let's
just keep the gratitude in the attitude and keep growing
and going. Thanks guys, right, take care.
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