December 12, 2025 • 24 mins
Cassandra helps people heal intergenerational trauma through somatic and ancestral practices. Through blending shadow work, inner child healing, and ritual, they guide clients into deeper liberation and authentic empowerment, so they can embody purpose and positively impact the world around them.
In this Episode:
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In this Episode:
- instagram.com/healinglineages
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-trauma-therapist--5739761/support.
You can learn more about what I do here:
The Trauma Therapist Newsletter: celebrates the people and voices in the mental health profession. And it's free! Check it out here: https://bit.ly/4jGBeSa
———
If you’d like to support The Trauma Therapist Podcast and the work I do you can do that here with a monthly donation of $5, $7, or $10: Donate to The Trauma Therapist Podcast.
Click here to join my email list and receive podcast updates and other news.
Thank you to our Sponsors:
Jane App - use code GUY1MO at https://jane.app
Arizona Trauma Institute at https://aztrauma.org/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Trauma Diver's podcast. My name is Gamiferson
and I interview incredible people who share the story of
how trauma has shaped their lives. An A big thank
you for sponsoring today's episode goes to my guest and
our sponsors.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Hello, and welcome back to the Trauma Therapist podcast. My
name is Christina Consalo's. I am a guest host for
Guy and I'm so excited to be here today with
Cassandra Solano at Cassandra. Hi, Christina, thanks for having me.
So nice to see your face because we haven't seen
each other in a minute. Yeah, Cassandra and I went
(00:47):
to grad school together, which is super cool. You know
each other for a minute of my time though, Yeah, seriously,
and we were at the same first year internship and
it's wild to see, you know, where where paths and
wives have taken us and still it feels very parallel
(01:08):
in many ways, and it's quite refreshing for me as
someone as a as a mental health practitioner in the field. So, Cassandra,
tell us tell the world a little bit more about yourself.
Speaker 3 (01:22):
Yeah, so, hi everybody. My name is Caseundra Soilono. I'm
a first generation LATINX queer therapist and coach. So I
work in a small, part time private practice. I'm also
a full time mom with three narrow divergent kiddos, so
that's my other job. And yeah, I see people for
(01:43):
therapy in the city of California and then for coaching
all over the world, and I support people through a
trauma informed somatic approach. A lot of the folks that
come to work with me really identify as like cycle
breakers and people that want to heal their lineages and
folks that you know often come from the global majority.
(02:08):
But I work with all kinds.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
Of people.
Speaker 3 (02:11):
Who you know, really see themselves, maybe the group as
the black sheep or the overfunctioning kid, the parentified kid,
and they have been doing some work on themselves and
are you know, really ready to go and do that
deeper work to break free of those kind of stuck points,
(02:35):
the self sabotaging behavior that's keeping them back from reaching
their goals. So we do a lot of work around
identifying family system dynamic issues, breaking codependency patterns, setting boundaries
with families, getting clear on like what do they want
from their life kind of and defining that outside of
(02:58):
the stories that they were raised with and maybe the
expectations of their parents and even their culture.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
And for you, like what most attracted to you to
taking this path, right is kind of your own healing
your own Yeah.
Speaker 3 (03:16):
Yeah, So I've been in the broader counseling field actually
for twenty years. I was a certified addiction treatment counselor
since two thousand and five. So, and I think a
lot of us come into this right as like the
wounded healers ourselves, we have also overcome things. And as
I continue to grow and work on my healing journey,
(03:36):
I've been in my healing journey for twenty five years.
I just think I will always be a student and
a learner, and in my process, as I'm supporting others,
my work also kind of evolves, right. So, you know,
when I was younger, I focused a lot on helping
people break cycles of unhealthy, toxic relationships because that was
(03:57):
me for twenty years. I'm divorced, remarried and a much
healthier relationship and worked on a lot of those attachment wounds.
And I think now in my stage of life too,
you know, really looking at it and thinking a lot
about my own ancestral healing process and my own spiritual process.
A lot of deconditioning from kind of fundamental Christianity is
(04:20):
in there. And how am I, you know, raising my
own like kids, right and influencing the other children in
my life? I have nieces and nephews, and I am
not the same kind of parent that their parents are.
You know, we all have our different approaches, and so
when they're with me, right, I am an adult that's
(04:42):
influencing them. And I take that seriously as well.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
Yeah, yeah, because we are we are future ancestors, right,
And we were talking about the fact earlier, like you
do not have to be a biological parent or technically
have children to impact future generations, right right.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
I think it's really important that we brought in our
kind of perspective of ancestors. You know, Indigenous people always
have done this. Yes, your ancestors are your biological lineage.
And for some people who don't have contact with their family,
who are adopted, who you know, their family doesn't have
(05:30):
recorded history for whatever reason of who they are and
where their people come from, that can feel challenging sometimes.
So you know, Indigenous people also understood our ancestors were
you know, the mountains, the soil, the waters around where
you were born. They can also be other people that
(05:54):
you know who are teachers and writers and poets and
use right, that like inspired you, that helped you along
in your own process, that you you know, feel like
you've built relationship with. It doesn't have to be biological.
And I think that also helps us break free a
(06:16):
little bit from this very like Western individualist perspective that
it's about like just protecting me and mine and like
the nuclear family, right, which I think has led to
a lot of mental illness as well or exacerbated mental illness,
like being disconnected from community. And right, that's all done
by the people in power to maintain systems of power.
(06:40):
But if we really brought in our perspective and our
idea of like family to our community, you know, our neighbors.
Our neighborhoods are cities or local environments you know, regional parks, oceans, rivers,
landmarks that are around us that can really help restore
(07:01):
sense of belonging and reciprocity and responsibility, you know, because
we are not just responsible to ourselves in our own
healing journeys. But I always tell people we do this work.
We do this personal healing to hopefully expand our capacity
(07:22):
to help others, right, to help our community, to participate
in some small way to kind of the broader healing
that the world needs right now.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
Amen to be in service in a way that feels
in alignment, right and doesn't you know, also take away
from you or you're able to pour from a fuller
cup rather so many of us have been conditioned to
pour from an empty cup. Especially talking about if you're
the eldest, eldest otor of immigrants, It's like the amount
(07:59):
of people pleasing and fawning just in order to survive.
That dynamic is profound, and you know, it carries on
until we decide no more, like I can, I can
be a kind human without it harming me and others.
And there's there's so much to this and something else
you mentioned. It's like a lot of indigenous groups see
(08:21):
things as you know, whatever decision and choice we make
impacts seven generations right Like, it's not just me individually
right now right here, it's it's me and my community
and these future generally. It's like, yeah, not so much
to be perfect, but progress over perfection. Just to be
(08:44):
mindful and conscientious of those you know, of those decisions,
and and so on and so forth.
Speaker 3 (08:52):
Yeah, in this, in this thinking about ourselves seated in
these lineages, seated in these communities, seated in these like
change movements, or you know, whatever is your cause, right
that you care about in the world. It's right not
to hopefully make us feel like overwhelmed and burdened with like, oh, no,
(09:12):
more responsibility when I've always been this overly responsible, traumatized,
overfunctioning person like you said. It's like when we are
able to truly heal and build our capacity, we're able
to learn how to kind of check in and be
mindful and monitor our fluctuating capacity. I always use the
(09:33):
analogy of a phone battery. You know that we need
to keep that charge, And ironically, we also tend to
check our phone batteries more often than we check in
with our own energy batteries. I think as like a culture,
like our own bodies. Right, if we all checked in
with our capacity like as often I think as we
(09:53):
check our phone batteries, we'd be in a much different world.
But you know, some things, like some apps take a
lot more charge from us, right, I mean, I had
like a little state tax fraud took all my money
out of my bank account thing two days ago, and
it was resolved and the bank put the money back,
(10:15):
but it just that like sucked all my battery for
the rest of the day dealing with that, and a
little into the next day yesterday, you know. And so
I just took it really easy and took very good
care and laid down a lot and to like recharge, right. So,
and when we get better, I think at holding that
(10:37):
and maintaining that awareness, then we're better able to step
into you know, community, into that like helping to share
together that shared responsibility to make change in the world.
And then also trusting our community and knowing when hey,
I need a break, I need to step back and
(11:00):
I'm going to like tag somebody else in because I
need to take some time off. And that is a
whole other commun you know, skill set of relationship building,
communication skills, community building that we also like don't really
learn a lot in our Western culture. And I actually
(11:21):
think therapy is a really good place to learn those skills.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
Yeah, I completely agree. I love the analogy with the
phone battery because in the chronic illness community, we use
the spoon theory, right like this is going to take
this many spoons. But I actually think this phone battery,
the phone battery makes a little bit more sense to
me because sometimes like if I forget to charge my phone,
it's at thirty percent, right, and then something like what
(11:46):
happened too, I'm so sorry, that's annoying two days ago.
If that happens like that would wipe me out completely
to where I'd likely be in bed and have to
cancel everything the next day because I would crab, I
would crash. And basically my phone won't turn on until
it's been charged for a bit. And we're no, we're
no different. And the ways in which we recharge is
(12:07):
different for for everyone. And what that what that looks like?
It could be watching some TV, it could be in nature,
it could be lying down reading a book, whatever it is.
I think it's important for us to find to find
those outlets, so to speak, that that really work for us.
And I think also like we truly do heal in community,
(12:28):
When we're around people we feel safe and courageous around
it is so healing. And I think there's also this,
you know, because you speak on activism quite a bit,
there's this idea that being an activist or active is
like so dysregulating to the nervous system, and I actually
just disagree. I find like when we are with a
(12:50):
community where you know, we have this this this goal,
this intention to make the world a more peaceful, better
safer place for all, that is extremely regulating to this system. Yeah,
and I wanted I wanted to mention that as well.
Speaker 3 (13:12):
Yep, yep, it's it's you know, kind of ironic because
it can feel kind of overwhelming, you know when you
first start. But when you're when you find your people
right and you find your role and you're not trying
to maintain that individualist superhero mentality that you've got to
do everything right and you learn how to trust and
(13:35):
relax into community and into a team, which a lot
of us didn't grow up in families that were like that,
so you know that we kind of can set ourselves
up for overwhelm and burnout. Whether it's you know, we're
being an activist, we're at work, right, we're a parent,
like we just continue that overfunctioning. I have to do
(13:56):
it all myself. I don't trust other people to be
there and shoulder this with me into like other areas
of our lives.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
Yeah, yeah, when we learn to be that we're human
beings and not human doings out of conditioning, you know,
I say, it's so much of adulthood, at least for myself,
has been unlearning and right deconditioning. And we can do anything.
We can't do everything. It's just it's not possible, and
that's okay. And when we find that group of people,
(14:27):
even a relationship, a therapist, what have you, where we
don't have to mask, we can just be ourselves. It's
just it really does fill us up, right, I say
that too. It's like I'm this, Uh, I'm an introvert
until I'm around the people I don't have to mask
around all of a sudden full of energy. So, you know,
(14:50):
being being mindful of that what is it and who
is it? You know that that is able to foster
that relationship with you? Who can cultivate that with you?
So for someone who is kind of like listening to
this and just starting, just starting on this path, and
(15:12):
it feels really kind of overwhelming, like they're hearing what
you're saying, you know on Instagram, like wow, this person
really gets me, understands me. Like where where can they start.
What can they do to start?
Speaker 3 (15:26):
Yeah, So the first thing I want to offer is
building your capacity for self compassion. And that is just
no matter if you're just starting a healing journey, if
you've been doing this for a while, if you're feeling stuck.
I always like recommend we check back in with that,
(15:49):
like are we judging ourselves for where we're at? Are
we expecting ourselves to be somewhere we're not? Are we
telling a story that where we're at is like wrong
or it's bad? Are we expecting more from ourselves and
our current capacity? Like allows because you know, and this
(16:10):
is kind of a little bit of like acceptance and
commitment therapy, which you know is basically like psychological Buddhism.
But anyways, it's really like coming into radical acceptance. You know,
where I'm at right now without all the story, all
the judgment, all the yucky stuff, Like what would it
mean if like where you're at right now is just
(16:34):
like it's just neutral, Like it's just what it is.
Like we don't have to like dress it up as
rainbows and sunshine or like everything happens for a reason.
We can just say, hey, like let's just look at
where you're at right now, like with clear eyes and
just say, Okay, yep, this is what's going on, this
is what you're struggling with, This is where your challenges are, like,
(16:57):
and you have been through so much and maybe some
of the things that you're struggling with are ways that
you know you like needed to be to get through
like a really difficult childhood or a really challenging toxic
job in the past, you know, and they like were
(17:17):
there to protect you, to help you adapt to a
dysfunctional environment. Right. So kind of taking just that like
assessment with as much compassion and neutrality can help like
diffuse a lot of like the emotional charge, right, and
then we can start looking at okay, like what that now,
(17:40):
how can we look at you know, some of those stories.
Where can we start like building safety within our body
to start maybe locating somatically like where some of this
trauma is like held and start to work on like
processes to to you know, complete that stress response cycle
and process out that trauma. But if we're still judging
(18:04):
ourselves and talking crap to ourselves about ourselves or just
like not accept not accepting just like where things are,
and again you don't have to love it, right, I
don't love that Southern California has gotten a lot more
humid in recent years in the summer, but I accept it.
I'm not going to go out when it's ninety degrees
and humid on a summer day and like be like, no,
(18:26):
it's raining and forty degrees. Like, you can accept something
and not approve of it. You can accept something and
not like it. You can accept something and wish it
was different. Right, So starting with that foundation of acceptance
and like just compassion for everything you've been through and
how you've found all these like subconscious ways sometimes when
(18:50):
you were really young to adapt and then just how
those adaptations maybe aren't serving you anymore, is like always
a good place to start and to return to.
Speaker 2 (19:03):
Yes, that radical acceptance and radical compassion piece are so
so so vital and healing because it can feel radical
right when it can we have the sense of it
being so you know, black or white. If I like this,
then it's mutually exclusive to this other feeling. No, we can,
like you said, accept it and not like it at
(19:26):
the same time, one does not cancel out the other
in our experience. Yeah, So Cassandra, like where can what
are you offering right now? Where can people find you? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (19:40):
Thanks for asking. Yeah, so again, if you identify as
a cycle breaker, if you you know, are looking for
to work with somebody that will look at your astrology
and your human design chart, because that's also important in
understanding who you are or talk to you about you know,
(20:02):
the WU. In addition to write this neuroscience polyvagel like
like therapy things, definitely check me out. You can find
me on Instagram at Healing Lineages. You can also go
to my website Cassandrasolano dot com. I have a blog there.
Speaker 2 (20:22):
I also have.
Speaker 3 (20:24):
My information about how to work with me one on
one in my coaching program. That information is available on
my website as well.
Speaker 2 (20:36):
Fantastic And if there is one thing you wish for
people listening or watching to part with today, what would
that be?
Speaker 3 (20:45):
So, I know, we talked a lot about finding this
balance of you know, stretching into like what can we
do right, like what, but also knowing like when to
rest right and kind of that that pendulation. And I
think it's also important to think about this in terms
(21:07):
of healing lineages and ancestral healing sometimes you know, again,
we can take that over functioning. I gotta be perfect
and do it all attitude into our healing work. And
I always say, like, if we were going to look
at a graph of like functioning and trauma, it's definitely
been on a downward trend for generations. And you know,
(21:33):
my I think my parents really were at the bottom,
and for all of their faults, they did a little
bit better than their parents did. Their parents did some
you know, pretty gnar linkings to them, and while my
parents were did use corporal punishment and more physically abusive
(21:54):
in that way, they they did a little bit better.
So you know, we've kind of moved the dot up
one point, and I think in my healing journey, I've
moved it up like so much more, you know, like
this kind of line graph of healing. And but I
also don't expect me to break every cycle and to
(22:16):
like completely be the one that like you know, completely
heals my lineage, and right, that's like kind of egocentric
to think like you have to heal everything and like
be perfect, Like we have to kind of take a
broader perspective, right, And a lot of indigenous cultures did
think of things in terms of generations and generations and
(22:37):
to have the humility of like. But I'm also just
one person doing the best I can here, and I
hope that my kids will be even better than me,
that they'll be more you know, mentally, well have healthier relationships.
I am already seen out with my teenagers and you
know the friends and the people they're choosing to date,
(22:57):
and that you know, if they have kids, their kids
will be even healthier than me.
Speaker 2 (23:02):
Right, Like, I want.
Speaker 3 (23:04):
To be able to look and be like, wow, you
guys are like doing so much better than I've ever done,
and I love that for you. So just you know, again,
be easy on yourself. You are doing I'm sure you
are always doing the best you can with what you have.
You're just one person in this longer lineage. Or you
know of your family, of your community, and you know
(23:27):
what you are doing, I'm sure is more than enough.
Speaker 2 (23:32):
Beautiful. Beautiful also the message I needed to hear today.
So Cassandra, thank you for coming on here and sharing
your profound wisdom with all of us. And again, if
you're listening or watching, take a moment to go check
out Cassandra's work. It's every post. I'm just like yes, yes, yes,
it's amazing for me of course, and lots of love
(23:55):
to everyone who came on to see us today. Take care,
it's acomplishing
Welcome to the Trauma Diver's podcast. My name is Gamiferson
and I interview incredible people who share the story of
how trauma has shaped their lives. An A big thank
you for sponsoring today's episode goes to my guest and
our sponsors.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Hello, and welcome back to the Trauma Therapist podcast. My
name is Christina Consalo's. I am a guest host for
Guy and I'm so excited to be here today with
Cassandra Solano at Cassandra. Hi, Christina, thanks for having me.
So nice to see your face because we haven't seen
each other in a minute. Yeah, Cassandra and I went
(00:47):
to grad school together, which is super cool. You know
each other for a minute of my time though, Yeah, seriously,
and we were at the same first year internship and
it's wild to see, you know, where where paths and
wives have taken us and still it feels very parallel
(01:08):
in many ways, and it's quite refreshing for me as
someone as a as a mental health practitioner in the field. So, Cassandra,
tell us tell the world a little bit more about yourself.
Speaker 3 (01:22):
Yeah, so, hi everybody. My name is Caseundra Soilono. I'm
a first generation LATINX queer therapist and coach. So I
work in a small, part time private practice. I'm also
a full time mom with three narrow divergent kiddos, so
that's my other job. And yeah, I see people for
(01:43):
therapy in the city of California and then for coaching
all over the world, and I support people through a
trauma informed somatic approach. A lot of the folks that
come to work with me really identify as like cycle
breakers and people that want to heal their lineages and
folks that you know often come from the global majority.
(02:08):
But I work with all kinds.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
Of people.
Speaker 3 (02:11):
Who you know, really see themselves, maybe the group as
the black sheep or the overfunctioning kid, the parentified kid,
and they have been doing some work on themselves and
are you know, really ready to go and do that
deeper work to break free of those kind of stuck points,
(02:35):
the self sabotaging behavior that's keeping them back from reaching
their goals. So we do a lot of work around
identifying family system dynamic issues, breaking codependency patterns, setting boundaries
with families, getting clear on like what do they want
from their life kind of and defining that outside of
(02:58):
the stories that they were raised with and maybe the
expectations of their parents and even their culture.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
And for you, like what most attracted to you to
taking this path, right is kind of your own healing
your own Yeah.
Speaker 3 (03:16):
Yeah, So I've been in the broader counseling field actually
for twenty years. I was a certified addiction treatment counselor
since two thousand and five. So, and I think a
lot of us come into this right as like the
wounded healers ourselves, we have also overcome things. And as
I continue to grow and work on my healing journey,
(03:36):
I've been in my healing journey for twenty five years.
I just think I will always be a student and
a learner, and in my process, as I'm supporting others,
my work also kind of evolves, right. So, you know,
when I was younger, I focused a lot on helping
people break cycles of unhealthy, toxic relationships because that was
(03:57):
me for twenty years. I'm divorced, remarried and a much
healthier relationship and worked on a lot of those attachment wounds.
And I think now in my stage of life too,
you know, really looking at it and thinking a lot
about my own ancestral healing process and my own spiritual process.
A lot of deconditioning from kind of fundamental Christianity is
(04:20):
in there. And how am I, you know, raising my
own like kids, right and influencing the other children in
my life? I have nieces and nephews, and I am
not the same kind of parent that their parents are.
You know, we all have our different approaches, and so
when they're with me, right, I am an adult that's
(04:42):
influencing them. And I take that seriously as well.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
Yeah, yeah, because we are we are future ancestors, right,
And we were talking about the fact earlier, like you
do not have to be a biological parent or technically
have children to impact future generations, right right.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
I think it's really important that we brought in our
kind of perspective of ancestors. You know, Indigenous people always
have done this. Yes, your ancestors are your biological lineage.
And for some people who don't have contact with their family,
who are adopted, who you know, their family doesn't have
(05:30):
recorded history for whatever reason of who they are and
where their people come from, that can feel challenging sometimes.
So you know, Indigenous people also understood our ancestors were
you know, the mountains, the soil, the waters around where
you were born. They can also be other people that
(05:54):
you know who are teachers and writers and poets and
use right, that like inspired you, that helped you along
in your own process, that you you know, feel like
you've built relationship with. It doesn't have to be biological.
And I think that also helps us break free a
(06:16):
little bit from this very like Western individualist perspective that
it's about like just protecting me and mine and like
the nuclear family, right, which I think has led to
a lot of mental illness as well or exacerbated mental illness,
like being disconnected from community. And right, that's all done
by the people in power to maintain systems of power.
(06:40):
But if we really brought in our perspective and our
idea of like family to our community, you know, our neighbors.
Our neighborhoods are cities or local environments you know, regional parks, oceans, rivers,
landmarks that are around us that can really help restore
(07:01):
sense of belonging and reciprocity and responsibility, you know, because
we are not just responsible to ourselves in our own
healing journeys. But I always tell people we do this work.
We do this personal healing to hopefully expand our capacity
(07:22):
to help others, right, to help our community, to participate
in some small way to kind of the broader healing
that the world needs right now.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
Amen to be in service in a way that feels
in alignment, right and doesn't you know, also take away
from you or you're able to pour from a fuller
cup rather so many of us have been conditioned to
pour from an empty cup. Especially talking about if you're
the eldest, eldest otor of immigrants, It's like the amount
(07:59):
of people pleasing and fawning just in order to survive.
That dynamic is profound, and you know, it carries on
until we decide no more, like I can, I can
be a kind human without it harming me and others.
And there's there's so much to this and something else
you mentioned. It's like a lot of indigenous groups see
(08:21):
things as you know, whatever decision and choice we make
impacts seven generations right Like, it's not just me individually
right now right here, it's it's me and my community
and these future generally. It's like, yeah, not so much
to be perfect, but progress over perfection. Just to be
(08:44):
mindful and conscientious of those you know, of those decisions,
and and so on and so forth.
Speaker 3 (08:52):
Yeah, in this, in this thinking about ourselves seated in
these lineages, seated in these communities, seated in these like
change movements, or you know, whatever is your cause, right
that you care about in the world. It's right not
to hopefully make us feel like overwhelmed and burdened with like, oh, no,
(09:12):
more responsibility when I've always been this overly responsible, traumatized,
overfunctioning person like you said. It's like when we are
able to truly heal and build our capacity, we're able
to learn how to kind of check in and be
mindful and monitor our fluctuating capacity. I always use the
(09:33):
analogy of a phone battery. You know that we need
to keep that charge, And ironically, we also tend to
check our phone batteries more often than we check in
with our own energy batteries. I think as like a culture,
like our own bodies. Right, if we all checked in
with our capacity like as often I think as we
(09:53):
check our phone batteries, we'd be in a much different world.
But you know, some things, like some apps take a
lot more charge from us, right, I mean, I had
like a little state tax fraud took all my money
out of my bank account thing two days ago, and
it was resolved and the bank put the money back,
(10:15):
but it just that like sucked all my battery for
the rest of the day dealing with that, and a
little into the next day yesterday, you know. And so
I just took it really easy and took very good
care and laid down a lot and to like recharge, right. So,
and when we get better, I think at holding that
(10:37):
and maintaining that awareness, then we're better able to step
into you know, community, into that like helping to share
together that shared responsibility to make change in the world.
And then also trusting our community and knowing when hey,
I need a break, I need to step back and
(11:00):
I'm going to like tag somebody else in because I
need to take some time off. And that is a
whole other commun you know, skill set of relationship building,
communication skills, community building that we also like don't really
learn a lot in our Western culture. And I actually
(11:21):
think therapy is a really good place to learn those skills.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
Yeah, I completely agree. I love the analogy with the
phone battery because in the chronic illness community, we use
the spoon theory, right like this is going to take
this many spoons. But I actually think this phone battery,
the phone battery makes a little bit more sense to
me because sometimes like if I forget to charge my phone,
it's at thirty percent, right, and then something like what
(11:46):
happened too, I'm so sorry, that's annoying two days ago.
If that happens like that would wipe me out completely
to where I'd likely be in bed and have to
cancel everything the next day because I would crab, I
would crash. And basically my phone won't turn on until
it's been charged for a bit. And we're no, we're
no different. And the ways in which we recharge is
(12:07):
different for for everyone. And what that what that looks like?
It could be watching some TV, it could be in nature,
it could be lying down reading a book, whatever it is.
I think it's important for us to find to find
those outlets, so to speak, that that really work for us.
And I think also like we truly do heal in community,
(12:28):
When we're around people we feel safe and courageous around
it is so healing. And I think there's also this,
you know, because you speak on activism quite a bit,
there's this idea that being an activist or active is
like so dysregulating to the nervous system, and I actually
just disagree. I find like when we are with a
(12:50):
community where you know, we have this this this goal,
this intention to make the world a more peaceful, better
safer place for all, that is extremely regulating to this system. Yeah,
and I wanted I wanted to mention that as well.
Speaker 3 (13:12):
Yep, yep, it's it's you know, kind of ironic because
it can feel kind of overwhelming, you know when you
first start. But when you're when you find your people
right and you find your role and you're not trying
to maintain that individualist superhero mentality that you've got to
do everything right and you learn how to trust and
(13:35):
relax into community and into a team, which a lot
of us didn't grow up in families that were like that,
so you know that we kind of can set ourselves
up for overwhelm and burnout. Whether it's you know, we're
being an activist, we're at work, right, we're a parent,
like we just continue that overfunctioning. I have to do
(13:56):
it all myself. I don't trust other people to be
there and shoulder this with me into like other areas
of our lives.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
Yeah, yeah, when we learn to be that we're human
beings and not human doings out of conditioning, you know,
I say, it's so much of adulthood, at least for myself,
has been unlearning and right deconditioning. And we can do anything.
We can't do everything. It's just it's not possible, and
that's okay. And when we find that group of people,
(14:27):
even a relationship, a therapist, what have you, where we
don't have to mask, we can just be ourselves. It's
just it really does fill us up, right, I say
that too. It's like I'm this, Uh, I'm an introvert
until I'm around the people I don't have to mask
around all of a sudden full of energy. So, you know,
(14:50):
being being mindful of that what is it and who
is it? You know that that is able to foster
that relationship with you? Who can cultivate that with you?
So for someone who is kind of like listening to
this and just starting, just starting on this path, and
(15:12):
it feels really kind of overwhelming, like they're hearing what
you're saying, you know on Instagram, like wow, this person
really gets me, understands me. Like where where can they start.
What can they do to start?
Speaker 3 (15:26):
Yeah, So the first thing I want to offer is
building your capacity for self compassion. And that is just
no matter if you're just starting a healing journey, if
you've been doing this for a while, if you're feeling stuck.
I always like recommend we check back in with that,
(15:49):
like are we judging ourselves for where we're at? Are
we expecting ourselves to be somewhere we're not? Are we
telling a story that where we're at is like wrong
or it's bad? Are we expecting more from ourselves and
our current capacity? Like allows because you know, and this
(16:10):
is kind of a little bit of like acceptance and
commitment therapy, which you know is basically like psychological Buddhism.
But anyways, it's really like coming into radical acceptance. You know,
where I'm at right now without all the story, all
the judgment, all the yucky stuff, Like what would it
mean if like where you're at right now is just
(16:34):
like it's just neutral, Like it's just what it is.
Like we don't have to like dress it up as
rainbows and sunshine or like everything happens for a reason.
We can just say, hey, like let's just look at
where you're at right now, like with clear eyes and
just say, Okay, yep, this is what's going on, this
is what you're struggling with, This is where your challenges are, like,
(16:57):
and you have been through so much and maybe some
of the things that you're struggling with are ways that
you know you like needed to be to get through
like a really difficult childhood or a really challenging toxic
job in the past, you know, and they like were
(17:17):
there to protect you, to help you adapt to a
dysfunctional environment. Right. So kind of taking just that like
assessment with as much compassion and neutrality can help like
diffuse a lot of like the emotional charge, right, and
then we can start looking at okay, like what that now,
(17:40):
how can we look at you know, some of those stories.
Where can we start like building safety within our body
to start maybe locating somatically like where some of this
trauma is like held and start to work on like
processes to to you know, complete that stress response cycle
and process out that trauma. But if we're still judging
(18:04):
ourselves and talking crap to ourselves about ourselves or just
like not accept not accepting just like where things are,
and again you don't have to love it, right, I
don't love that Southern California has gotten a lot more
humid in recent years in the summer, but I accept it.
I'm not going to go out when it's ninety degrees
and humid on a summer day and like be like, no,
(18:26):
it's raining and forty degrees. Like, you can accept something
and not approve of it. You can accept something and
not like it. You can accept something and wish it
was different. Right, So starting with that foundation of acceptance
and like just compassion for everything you've been through and
how you've found all these like subconscious ways sometimes when
(18:50):
you were really young to adapt and then just how
those adaptations maybe aren't serving you anymore, is like always
a good place to start and to return to.
Speaker 2 (19:03):
Yes, that radical acceptance and radical compassion piece are so
so so vital and healing because it can feel radical
right when it can we have the sense of it
being so you know, black or white. If I like this,
then it's mutually exclusive to this other feeling. No, we can,
like you said, accept it and not like it at
(19:26):
the same time, one does not cancel out the other
in our experience. Yeah, So Cassandra, like where can what
are you offering right now? Where can people find you? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (19:40):
Thanks for asking. Yeah, so again, if you identify as
a cycle breaker, if you you know, are looking for
to work with somebody that will look at your astrology
and your human design chart, because that's also important in
understanding who you are or talk to you about you know,
(20:02):
the WU. In addition to write this neuroscience polyvagel like
like therapy things, definitely check me out. You can find
me on Instagram at Healing Lineages. You can also go
to my website Cassandrasolano dot com. I have a blog there.
Speaker 2 (20:22):
I also have.
Speaker 3 (20:24):
My information about how to work with me one on
one in my coaching program. That information is available on
my website as well.
Speaker 2 (20:36):
Fantastic And if there is one thing you wish for
people listening or watching to part with today, what would
that be?
Speaker 3 (20:45):
So, I know, we talked a lot about finding this
balance of you know, stretching into like what can we
do right, like what, but also knowing like when to
rest right and kind of that that pendulation. And I
think it's also important to think about this in terms
(21:07):
of healing lineages and ancestral healing sometimes you know, again,
we can take that over functioning. I gotta be perfect
and do it all attitude into our healing work. And
I always say, like, if we were going to look
at a graph of like functioning and trauma, it's definitely
been on a downward trend for generations. And you know,
(21:33):
my I think my parents really were at the bottom,
and for all of their faults, they did a little
bit better than their parents did. Their parents did some
you know, pretty gnar linkings to them, and while my
parents were did use corporal punishment and more physically abusive
(21:54):
in that way, they they did a little bit better.
So you know, we've kind of moved the dot up
one point, and I think in my healing journey, I've
moved it up like so much more, you know, like
this kind of line graph of healing. And but I
also don't expect me to break every cycle and to
(22:16):
like completely be the one that like you know, completely
heals my lineage, and right, that's like kind of egocentric
to think like you have to heal everything and like
be perfect, Like we have to kind of take a
broader perspective, right, And a lot of indigenous cultures did
think of things in terms of generations and generations and
(22:37):
to have the humility of like. But I'm also just
one person doing the best I can here, and I
hope that my kids will be even better than me,
that they'll be more you know, mentally, well have healthier relationships.
I am already seen out with my teenagers and you
know the friends and the people they're choosing to date,
(22:57):
and that you know, if they have kids, their kids
will be even healthier than me.
Speaker 2 (23:02):
Right, Like, I want.
Speaker 3 (23:04):
To be able to look and be like, wow, you
guys are like doing so much better than I've ever done,
and I love that for you. So just you know, again,
be easy on yourself. You are doing I'm sure you
are always doing the best you can with what you have.
You're just one person in this longer lineage. Or you
know of your family, of your community, and you know
(23:27):
what you are doing, I'm sure is more than enough.
Speaker 2 (23:32):
Beautiful. Beautiful also the message I needed to hear today.
So Cassandra, thank you for coming on here and sharing
your profound wisdom with all of us. And again, if
you're listening or watching, take a moment to go check
out Cassandra's work. It's every post. I'm just like yes, yes, yes,
it's amazing for me of course, and lots of love
(23:55):
to everyone who came on to see us today. Take care,
it's acomplishing
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