October 16, 2025 • 30 mins
Kristin Louise Duncombe is an American therapist, couples counselor, life coach, and author who's been living and working in Europe since 2001. With a global perspective shaped by growing up across Africa and Asia as the child of a U.S. diplomat, Kristin spent her career supporting international and expatriate individuals and families.Her latest book, OBJECT: A Memoir, is a powerful and courageous account of the U.S. State Department’s protection of a serial pedophile—and the deep, lasting impact on his many preteen victims. Described as 'devastating and enthralling—a bombshell of a book,' OBJECT is a testament to truth-telling, healing, and resilience.
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In This Episode
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-trauma-therapist--5739761/support.
You can learn more about what I do here:
The Trauma Therapist Newsletter: celebrates the people and voices in the mental health profession. And it's free! Check it out here: https://bit.ly/4jGBeSa
———
If you’d like to support The Trauma Therapist Podcast and the work I do you can do that here with a monthly donation of $5, $7, or $10: Donate to The Trauma Therapist Podcast.
Click here to join my email list and receive podcast updates and other news.
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Jane App - use code GUY1MO at https://jane.app/book_a_demo
Journey Clinical - visit https://join.journeyclinical/trauma for 1 month off your membership
Therapy Wisdom - https://therapywisdom.com/jan/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Trauma Thepor's podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
My name is Gimickerson and I interview incredible people who
share the story of how trauma has shaped their lives.
And a big thank you for sponsoring today's episode goes
to my guest.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
And our sponsors.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
So five four, three, two and one, Our folks, welcome
back to the podcast. Very excited to talk to my
guest today, Kristen Luise Uncombe.
Speaker 3 (00:29):
Kristen, Welcome, Thank you so much, thanks for having me so.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Kristen is an American therapist, a couple's counselor, life coach,
and author who's been living and working in Europe since
two thousand and one. With a global perspective. Shape by
growing up across Africa and Asia as a child of
US diplomat, Kristen spent her career supporting international makes, patriot
individuals and families. Her latest book, Object, a Memoir, is
(00:54):
a powerful and courageous account of the US State Department's
protection of a serial pedophile and the deep lasting impact
on as many preteen victims described as devastating and enthralling.
A bombshell of a book, Object is a testament to
truth telling, healing, and brasilience.
Speaker 3 (01:14):
Down. Thank you so much, and honestly, you want to know,
it's so funny. Guys.
Speaker 4 (01:23):
Sometimes when I hear someone else describe what my book
is about, I still have that feeling of, oh my god,
I can't believe that that is what happened in my life.
Speaker 3 (01:38):
To be part of a US government cover up. But
I was, and I am.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
All right, we're going to get into that. Yes, we
do share with the listeners. We're from originally where.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
You are currently?
Speaker 4 (01:49):
Okay, So I am originally from Washington, d C. For
anyone who knows the DC area, I was born in
Sibley Hospital in nineteen sixty nine. But like many people
in the DC area, my dad was a foreign service officer.
So even though I did live in the Washington DC
(02:11):
area for a few years as a child, I spent
most of my life moving around the world as part
of a foreign service family, and that kind of set
the stage for me to continue living internationally as an adult.
And I am speaking to you from Paris, France, where
I live permanently.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
Now, all right, so we're gonna be talking about the
book Optic Memoir.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
How does all this start? How did all this start?
Speaker 3 (02:45):
Okay. So the starting point.
Speaker 4 (02:49):
Of the story that would become the book object is
that when I was ten years old, my father was
posted to the USMB embassy in the Ivory Coast.
Speaker 3 (03:03):
At the time.
Speaker 4 (03:04):
Since then, there's been some revolutions and a lot of upheaval.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
The country's back in peaceful.
Speaker 4 (03:09):
Times now, but at the time that my family moved
there in nineteen seventy nine, it was a very quiet, peaceful,
kind of sleepy, small West African country. And shortly after
we arrived there, one of the senior diplomats at the
(03:31):
US embassy. He was one of the senior USAID people.
A lot of people have heard of USAID in recent
history because of what's happening in the Trump administration with
dismantling USAID. I think a lot of people didn't know
that USAID is part of the State Department. So at
the embassy, it was USAID people and State Department people,
(03:52):
and one of the senior USAID diplomats who was also
the father of my best friend. In my fifth grade
class at the little international school we went to, he
started sexually molesting me. I was ten years old, totally
(04:13):
pre pubescent, and I absorbed this man's.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
Constant assaults on me.
Speaker 4 (04:27):
Now I say assault because it is assault, but that's
part of what the problem is is that this was
the quintessential pedophile, always buying ice cream and presents and treats,
and he was fun and he played with all the
kids in the pool and everyone loved him. He played
Santa Claus at the US Ambassador's Christmas party every year.
(04:49):
And so when he started doing the things that he
did to me over the course of two years, for
me as a ten year old, eleven year old, and
then twelve year old kid, it was extremely confusing because
I knew it was weird, I knew it was wrong,
but I also knew that everyone held him his name
(05:10):
was mister Mulkay. He held him in super high regard,
and as happens to so many children that are sexually abused,
I just internalized it and thought that it was my fault.
I thought that it was something about me that made
him do that to me and just jumping me. Of course,
(05:31):
there's so many things to say, but I want to
tell you about the dual trauma here, because of course,
for those couple of years, I was absorbing what he
was doing to me. But then when he did it
to someone else who dared tell on him. See, because
I never dared tell anyone. A new family arrived at post.
(05:53):
He molested the daughter. She was eleven years old. She
called her dad, and within three days the State Department
whisked mister mulkay He back to Washington. But once he
was back in Washington, the powers that be at the
State Department told the families back in the Ivory Coast,
(06:16):
because as it turns out, there was seven of us
girls that were victims. They told us that they need
that our parents needed to stop talking about it, that
mister mulkay He's civil liberties needed to be protected, that
he had diplomatic immunity, and at the time at least
(06:37):
that there was no federal law against pedophilia, so there
wasn't even.
Speaker 3 (06:42):
A crime to charge him with.
Speaker 4 (06:44):
He did not lose his job, He did not get prosecuted.
Speaker 3 (06:50):
Ten years after.
Speaker 4 (06:52):
That fact, when I so, you know, many other things
happened in a life, in my life, but when I
was twenty two years old, it's when I really started
manifesting the fallout from that trauma, and I ended up
in therapy. I was living in Seattle, Washington at that time,
(07:14):
I had just graduated from college and I ended up
seeing a therapist at the Sexual Assault Center, which is
part of Harbor View Medical Center for anyone that's in
the Seattle area, and she really encouraged me to get
the state department to pay for my therapy bills. So
I contacted them and it took like two sentences of conversation.
(07:41):
I'm exaggerating a little bit, but just like that, they
had me fill out what they called a torte claim
and then they cut me a check for twenty thousand
dollars to pay for therapy and to never bug them
about this matter again. And at the time, you know,
this was the early nineties, I was twenty two twenty
(08:04):
thousand dollars.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
Wow, I thought I was rich.
Speaker 4 (08:07):
I thought I even went through this thing, and I
talked about it a lot in therapy, feeling like I
didn't deserve that money, because I mean, I didn't do
anything to earn it. I mean, the whole thing was
just so crazy. But fast forward.
Speaker 3 (08:21):
Another ten years.
Speaker 4 (08:23):
By then, I'm married, I have my first child, she's
three years old. At the time, I'm living in Paris, France,
and I get an email from someone that I have
not spoken to four years. A childhood friend named Francesca,
who was also one of the victims at the hands
(08:45):
of mister mulcahey. And she writes to me and says,
is this the same Kristin Duncombe that lived in the
Ivory Coast from seventy nine to eighty three. Yes, And
I'm like, oh my god, it's so great to hear
from you.
Speaker 3 (09:02):
How are you?
Speaker 4 (09:02):
Blah blah blah, And she said, there's obviously so much
to catch up about. And I'm sorry I'm not more
conversational right now. But the reason I'm writing to you
is the following. Please click this link. So I click
the link. It's an article in the Boston Herald that
says x US Foreign Service officer turned Eucharist minister arrested
(09:27):
on Cape cod for raping an eight year old girl.
And so once again, so it's like, in these ten
year increments, this story just keeps appearing. And so finally
mister mail kay Heat was stopped and arrested. And when
that happened, people started coming.
Speaker 3 (09:51):
Out of the woodwork.
Speaker 4 (09:52):
I mean, obviously, it doesn't take a brain surgeon to
know that he didn't just stop molesting and raping people.
When he was removed from the coast, he continued doing
that for all those years, and he did go to jail.
He went to jail for five years. He only got
(10:12):
five years for all of those kids that he raped
and molested.
Speaker 3 (10:17):
He was only given a five year.
Speaker 4 (10:19):
Sentence, and then he was released and he died shortly thereafter.
So he's actually no longer alive and with us. So
that's the gist of the story. I realize I'm going
on and on, But there's something else I'd like to
(10:41):
add that I think is really a critical piece of.
Speaker 3 (10:44):
The trauma story that I'm sure you'll find interesting. You know,
me and I.
Speaker 4 (10:51):
Do want to talk about how all of that affected
my life, because many things happened to me in my
life that are a direct.
Speaker 3 (10:59):
Sequel of that abuse and the cover up.
Speaker 4 (11:04):
But once he was arrested and jailed, I didn't experience
that as some great, big moment of liberation. I continue
to just kind of feel like silenced, like that I
wasn't like it still didn't feel okay to talk about it.
(11:25):
Then a series of things happened which ultimately led to
me writing this book. And so the thing I wanted
to tell you is that when I sat down and
started writing the book, I said to my father, who
has since died. Unfortunately, my father died four years ago
(11:50):
in August, so it was five years ago in August
when I started writing the book. And when I said
to him, Dad, I have decided I am going to
tell the story of mister Mulkay he and the State
Department cover up.
Speaker 3 (12:05):
And you want to know what he said.
Speaker 4 (12:07):
He goes, you can't use mister mulkay He's name. You
have to change his name. And I said, Dad, why,
I said.
Speaker 3 (12:20):
First of all, it's all public record now and he's dead.
Speaker 4 (12:26):
And so that I'm telling you that because that shows
you the incredible power of a cover up and a silencing.
Speaker 3 (12:39):
Because there was my dad. He was eighty three years
old at that time.
Speaker 4 (12:44):
And you know the State Department, if you work for
the State Department, it's like a paternalistic organization. So the
parents of us child victims, it's like they were silenced
by their father State Department. And it shocked me to
discover that even all these years later, and even with
(13:07):
everything that had happened, you know, he had been arrested,
it was named publicly, and he was even dead, that
my father was still holding on to this idea that
we weren't allowed to talk about it. I thought that
was a remarkable thing.
Speaker 3 (13:23):
So that's the story.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
Thank you, Thank you for sharing. It's it's chilling, actually.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
Yes it is. And you know a lot of people
listening to this are therapists themselves in the mental health
field and are probably familiar of.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
With a you know, it's one thing to read.
Speaker 2 (13:57):
About this stuff, you know, when you're in this field,
it's one thing to be oh, how does trauma impact?
But you know, to listen to you share this, I
can't I just can't imagine going through this and taking
that in, not being able to tell anymore, and the
(14:23):
power that everything's silenced.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
You mentioned how this impacted you. I'm curious, how the
hell did you get through this?
Speaker 2 (14:35):
Did it?
Speaker 1 (14:35):
How did it impact you?
Speaker 3 (14:38):
Well? You know what's really interesting.
Speaker 4 (14:40):
I mean I think that's as it's it's a totally
understandable question, like, oh my god, how could you have
gotten through that?
Speaker 3 (14:49):
And this is part of what the problem is.
Speaker 4 (14:52):
And I think this really is a great segue into
a discussion of complex trauma.
Speaker 3 (14:57):
Because I got through through that.
Speaker 4 (15:01):
I'll start with the frequent and ongoing molestations, like when
I filled out the torte claim, you know, when I
was twenty two, they had me quantify how many times
I had been molested in how many different ways I
had been molested. It was hundreds and hundreds of times
of different acts. Because this man had regular access to me,
(15:24):
and there was more invasive molest stations, like when I
found myself alone with him, But then there was more
sort of casual in public malestations like when our family
would go out for dinner together. We used to go
to this Chinese restaurant often on Sunday nights, called The Dragon.
Speaker 3 (15:44):
And he would be feeling me up under the table.
Speaker 4 (15:47):
So this was so frequent and ongoing that the way
I dealt with it was to simply.
Speaker 3 (15:57):
Make it normal for me. It was a normal part
of my weekly existence. I wasn't scared of him because
he was kind to me, so it was very confusing.
(16:18):
I didn't want.
Speaker 4 (16:19):
That type of relationship, but I never felt like, oh,
you know, he's going to stab me with a knife
and kill me. It was it was something very very insidious,
and that is the problem that I learned at that
very formative age.
Speaker 3 (16:38):
To accept things.
Speaker 4 (16:42):
That are wrong and that I know are wrong, and
to totally suppress my own instinct and capacity to say
no or to question. I learned to just accept. And
so what I can tell you happened to me in
(17:04):
those years when the abuse was ongoing is is like
I kind of lived with a split, you know. I
mostly was just going about my life, being a goofy,
rambunctious ten eleven and twelve year old girl. I was
having a happy, fun life. I played soccer, and I
with my pedophile's daughter Rose, she was my best friend.
Speaker 3 (17:25):
Oh my god.
Speaker 4 (17:25):
We used to dress up like Pat Benatar and play
you know, air guitar with the tennis rackets, and we
did swimming less. I mean, we did so much stuff.
It was a normal childhood except for that thing that
was happening. And when that thing would happen, I would.
Speaker 3 (17:43):
Freeze, you know, the fight flight, freeze fawn.
Speaker 4 (17:48):
I was a freezer and a fauner because I was
so afraid that I would be found out that I
wanted to just always play.
Speaker 3 (18:04):
The role of the one that nothing's wrong.
Speaker 4 (18:08):
And so in terms of the trauma that befell me,
I can tell you that in a way, and I
write about this in the book. When this other kid
told on him and it came out that actually, mister
Mulkay he was this rampant pedophile. My parents fell apart,
All the adults in the community fell apart, and that was.
Speaker 3 (18:32):
An acute trauma.
Speaker 4 (18:35):
It was traumatic at an acute level to have all
the adults screaming and crying, and my father used the
word rape and I had never thought in those terms,
and it was just so awful.
Speaker 3 (18:50):
And then just as quickly to have it wiped away.
Speaker 4 (18:55):
And you know, I was from the type of family
and this was also a different era, but it was like, you.
Speaker 3 (19:02):
People must sweep this under the rug.
Speaker 4 (19:05):
And my parents said, okay, So we swept it under
the rug, and just as quickly as it blew up,
it was over. Then my family, as foreign service families do,
we left the Ivory Coast and moved to Egypt and
lived in Egypt for two years. That was when I
(19:27):
was fourteen and fifteen. And by the time those first
two years in Egypt were done, I had bulimia. It's
not because it was Egypt. I'm just talking about my transition.
I had blimia. I had become a chain smoke or
you know, some teenager smoke like a cigarette here and
there to look cool.
Speaker 3 (19:48):
I had a serious.
Speaker 4 (19:49):
Nicotine habit when I was a young teenager. I'd smoked
two packs a day. It was like a compulsive.
Speaker 3 (19:55):
Smoker binge drinking. But the worst thing.
Speaker 4 (19:59):
Is the boundarylessness with guys I had, you know, as
so many girls do. I had guys coming after me,
and I had no capacity to say no. It was
really one of those things like if you like me,
then I like you. Like you choose me, and therefore
(20:21):
I have to accommodate the fact that you have chosen me.
So even though I don't think you're cute, even though
I don't think you're nice or interesting, even though I
don't want to go out with you, you.
Speaker 3 (20:33):
Chose me, so I have to do it.
Speaker 4 (20:36):
And so that's the piece that regresses back to what
I was telling you, you know, when I was getting
molested on an ongoing basis.
Speaker 3 (20:44):
It's like just accepting.
Speaker 4 (20:47):
And just the last thing I would then add is
from Cairo, my family moved to New Delhi, so another move,
and that's where I did my last two years of
high school. And then from New Delhi, we moved to Indonesia,
So all this time I'm not having a permanent or
(21:08):
stable home base either, which you know, lots of international kids,
you learn to be very adaptive. That's a strength. I'm
not saying that it's it's not a strength. But what
I wanted to point to is the fact that because
of how I was functioning, I got into so many
situations of repeat victimization, you know, date, rape situations, unwanted
(21:35):
sexual situations. Not many situations like that, but not many
that I can say, oh, yes, it was rape, it
was assault, because I can assure you I did not
say no.
Speaker 3 (21:51):
I just froze and accepted.
Speaker 2 (21:56):
Let me ask you something, so do Let me just
remind me when I'm speaking with Christian Louisa Home.
Speaker 1 (22:00):
The book is.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
Called object a Memoir. So during this time, with these moves,
you were what fourteen fifteen, sixteen seventeen, there was okay,
there was no or was there any sense from your parents.
Speaker 1 (22:16):
Of we need to get her some help. Zero, nothing
that was not.
Speaker 3 (22:22):
Even that was not even no, no, no, not at all.
Speaker 4 (22:24):
And I just want to be clear, I'm not saying
that to demonize my parents. That was just not the
culture of our household, nor was it the culture of
the day really, you know, like I graduated from high
school in nineteen eighty seven. I don't know state side,
(22:50):
like how many teens saw a therapist in the eighties,
but I can tell you that, like if you were
an American teenager in New Delhi, India, in the American
embassy community, you didn't see a therapist.
Speaker 3 (23:01):
It was just like not just it wasn't part of
our normal culture.
Speaker 1 (23:10):
So as we kind of wind down here, why did
you write the book?
Speaker 4 (23:16):
So I wrote the book because, like so many people,
when the Me Too movement really took off, and there
was the stories, you know, the Larry Nasser stories and
the Harvey Weinstein and the Dominique strass Cohn and all
(23:38):
of those guys, those high powered abusers.
Speaker 3 (23:43):
That had been systematically.
Speaker 4 (23:45):
Protected by the institutions that they worked.
Speaker 3 (23:49):
For, it just made my blood boil.
Speaker 4 (23:55):
And you know Trump getting elected the first time, Bret Cavana,
oh my god, the Christine Blaze Ford, I mean, just
so many things just like made my heart rage. And simultaneously,
what happened at that time is that I left my marriage.
Speaker 3 (24:17):
I was married for.
Speaker 4 (24:18):
Twenty years to someone who I always want to clarify.
He's the father of my two children, and we're still
good friends. I don't hate him, nothing like that. We
have a decent friendship. But we should never have been married.
Why you'll find this detail very interesting because the person
I married, he's Argentinian. He hates Americans and he hates
(24:40):
American culture.
Speaker 3 (24:41):
So look at here's the faunor that I am.
Speaker 4 (24:45):
I met this guy who pursued me like crazy. He
was madly in love with me, so he chose me.
And even though he told me that my culture is
unacceptable and that if we're to be together, we never
live in the United States ever. Again, I did not
have the internal resource to say what I would say
(25:08):
to someone like that today. I'd be like, well, I'm sorry,
I don't think we're the right match for each other.
I did what I always did, I'm like okay, and
off I went. And for twenty years we had a
relationship that required me to erase a part of myself.
Speaker 3 (25:25):
And then I had my children and life went on.
Speaker 4 (25:28):
I you know, developed my successful career working with lots
of people with complex trauma, and it was like there
was just too much dissonance between what I had come
to understand about myself and the way I was living.
Speaker 3 (25:43):
So I left my marriage.
Speaker 4 (25:45):
Then there was you know, the Trump era, Cavanaugh, all
of that stuff started, and I just realized.
Speaker 3 (25:52):
Why am I not talking about this?
Speaker 4 (25:56):
Like that seal of silence somehow melted off when I
watched the Christine blazy Ford trials and I just sat
down and started writing, Yeah, that's what happened.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
I mean, your story is incredible. You are incredible. You're
so inspiring.
Speaker 3 (26:19):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (26:20):
Yeah, it's the truth. Chrisin and man, I who would
you say the book is for?
Speaker 3 (26:30):
Well, you know what, I'm going to tell you who
the book is for. And I'd like to show you
the picture the book.
Speaker 4 (26:35):
I dedicate the book to girls everywhere, but the first
dedication is.
Speaker 3 (26:41):
To Rose, and this is Rose. Rose is the pedophile's.
Speaker 4 (26:45):
Daughter who I was finally able to have contact with.
That's me and that's Rose, and after she is because
that's the other major travesty of what happened when the
State Department whisked her pedophile for They're back to Washington
and then covered up the crime. They whisked his twelve
year old daughter back with him, and no one thought
(27:10):
to say wow, he's a pedophile. I wonder what he's
doing to his own child. And yes, indeed she was
a victim. And one of the great painful parts of
this story is that I was forbidden to ever speak
to my best friend ever again, and that poor kid Rose,
(27:33):
she lost her community all at once. And now that
we're back in touch as adults.
Speaker 3 (27:40):
What she has revealed to me.
Speaker 4 (27:42):
And there is one more detail I'd like to add
to you about this, the government cover up. Her family
believes that this is not the first time what happened
in the Ivory Coast, it was not the first time
his crimes had been covered up, because he had been
posted before that in the Philippines and in Vietnam, and
(28:02):
he had left.
Speaker 3 (28:03):
He had been removed from those places quickly.
Speaker 4 (28:07):
Also, so his poor kid Rose had a track record
now of all of a sudden losing all of her friends.
Speaker 3 (28:15):
I mean to talk about a trauma on a child.
What I wanted to tell.
Speaker 4 (28:19):
You is, since this book came out, I had a
meeting with someone at the State Department, and what I
said is, I want to know what happened. I want
to see the files from behind closed doors from all
those years ago. I was referred to this portal called
the Freedom of Information Act, and I sent multiple requests.
(28:44):
I did get an answer, I got multiple answers. But
what I have been told is there is absolutely no
record at all of Bill mcahey's crimes, nor is there
a record of the twenty thousand dollars check that they
cut me in nineteen ninety two. And there just seems
(29:07):
to be no trace at all of this story. And
I have trouble believing it, and truthfully, I'm planning to
go further with looking into that.
Speaker 3 (29:20):
But you see what happened as I was doing this is.
Speaker 4 (29:23):
Then Trump came along and dismantled usaid and so once
again it's kind of like my story sort of like
I think it's going to. It's really hard now to
get anyone to answer or anything.
Speaker 3 (29:38):
Yeah, isn't that nuts?
Speaker 4 (29:39):
So yeah, this book is for girls everywhere, and it's
for my old friend Rose, the poor kid.
Speaker 3 (29:46):
It's awful.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
Oh, Kristin, how do people learn more about you by
the book? What's the best way?
Speaker 4 (29:53):
The best way is, you know, like in this day
and age of internet, is to go to my website.
Speaker 3 (29:58):
It's Kristin donecom dot.
Speaker 4 (30:00):
Com and there you can find everything about my my books.
This is actually my third book, so there's you can
read about my other books.
Speaker 3 (30:09):
You can read about the work that I do. You
can email me.
Speaker 4 (30:12):
If you want to contribute any thoughts or have any questions.
I'm always happy to hear from listeners and readers.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
I appreciate you so much being here. You're a delight
to talk to and you're you're so inspiring. Love to
have you back at a later date.
Speaker 3 (30:31):
Thank you so much. I'd love to come back.
Speaker 2 (30:35):
You so much.
Speaker 3 (30:35):
Thank you so much. It's great to meet you. Bye.
Welcome to the Trauma Thepor's podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
My name is Gimickerson and I interview incredible people who
share the story of how trauma has shaped their lives.
And a big thank you for sponsoring today's episode goes
to my guest.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
And our sponsors.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
So five four, three, two and one, Our folks, welcome
back to the podcast. Very excited to talk to my
guest today, Kristen Luise Uncombe.
Speaker 3 (00:29):
Kristen, Welcome, Thank you so much, thanks for having me so.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Kristen is an American therapist, a couple's counselor, life coach,
and author who's been living and working in Europe since
two thousand and one. With a global perspective. Shape by
growing up across Africa and Asia as a child of
US diplomat, Kristen spent her career supporting international makes, patriot
individuals and families. Her latest book, Object, a Memoir, is
(00:54):
a powerful and courageous account of the US State Department's
protection of a serial pedophile and the deep lasting impact
on as many preteen victims described as devastating and enthralling.
A bombshell of a book, Object is a testament to
truth telling, healing, and brasilience.
Speaker 3 (01:14):
Down. Thank you so much, and honestly, you want to know,
it's so funny. Guys.
Speaker 4 (01:23):
Sometimes when I hear someone else describe what my book
is about, I still have that feeling of, oh my god,
I can't believe that that is what happened in my life.
Speaker 3 (01:38):
To be part of a US government cover up. But
I was, and I am.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
All right, we're going to get into that. Yes, we
do share with the listeners. We're from originally where.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
You are currently?
Speaker 4 (01:49):
Okay, So I am originally from Washington, d C. For
anyone who knows the DC area, I was born in
Sibley Hospital in nineteen sixty nine. But like many people
in the DC area, my dad was a foreign service officer.
So even though I did live in the Washington DC
(02:11):
area for a few years as a child, I spent
most of my life moving around the world as part
of a foreign service family, and that kind of set
the stage for me to continue living internationally as an adult.
And I am speaking to you from Paris, France, where
I live permanently.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
Now, all right, so we're gonna be talking about the
book Optic Memoir.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
How does all this start? How did all this start?
Speaker 3 (02:45):
Okay. So the starting point.
Speaker 4 (02:49):
Of the story that would become the book object is
that when I was ten years old, my father was
posted to the USMB embassy in the Ivory Coast.
Speaker 3 (03:03):
At the time.
Speaker 4 (03:04):
Since then, there's been some revolutions and a lot of upheaval.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
The country's back in peaceful.
Speaker 4 (03:09):
Times now, but at the time that my family moved
there in nineteen seventy nine, it was a very quiet, peaceful,
kind of sleepy, small West African country. And shortly after
we arrived there, one of the senior diplomats at the
(03:31):
US embassy. He was one of the senior USAID people.
A lot of people have heard of USAID in recent
history because of what's happening in the Trump administration with
dismantling USAID. I think a lot of people didn't know
that USAID is part of the State Department. So at
the embassy, it was USAID people and State Department people,
(03:52):
and one of the senior USAID diplomats who was also
the father of my best friend. In my fifth grade
class at the little international school we went to, he
started sexually molesting me. I was ten years old, totally
(04:13):
pre pubescent, and I absorbed this man's.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
Constant assaults on me.
Speaker 4 (04:27):
Now I say assault because it is assault, but that's
part of what the problem is is that this was
the quintessential pedophile, always buying ice cream and presents and treats,
and he was fun and he played with all the
kids in the pool and everyone loved him. He played
Santa Claus at the US Ambassador's Christmas party every year.
(04:49):
And so when he started doing the things that he
did to me over the course of two years, for
me as a ten year old, eleven year old, and
then twelve year old kid, it was extremely confusing because
I knew it was weird, I knew it was wrong,
but I also knew that everyone held him his name
(05:10):
was mister Mulkay. He held him in super high regard,
and as happens to so many children that are sexually abused,
I just internalized it and thought that it was my fault.
I thought that it was something about me that made
him do that to me and just jumping me. Of course,
(05:31):
there's so many things to say, but I want to
tell you about the dual trauma here, because of course,
for those couple of years, I was absorbing what he
was doing to me. But then when he did it
to someone else who dared tell on him. See, because
I never dared tell anyone. A new family arrived at post.
(05:53):
He molested the daughter. She was eleven years old. She
called her dad, and within three days the State Department
whisked mister mulkay He back to Washington. But once he
was back in Washington, the powers that be at the
State Department told the families back in the Ivory Coast,
(06:16):
because as it turns out, there was seven of us
girls that were victims. They told us that they need
that our parents needed to stop talking about it, that
mister mulkay He's civil liberties needed to be protected, that
he had diplomatic immunity, and at the time at least
(06:37):
that there was no federal law against pedophilia, so there
wasn't even.
Speaker 3 (06:42):
A crime to charge him with.
Speaker 4 (06:44):
He did not lose his job, He did not get prosecuted.
Speaker 3 (06:50):
Ten years after.
Speaker 4 (06:52):
That fact, when I so, you know, many other things
happened in a life, in my life, but when I
was twenty two years old, it's when I really started
manifesting the fallout from that trauma, and I ended up
in therapy. I was living in Seattle, Washington at that time,
(07:14):
I had just graduated from college and I ended up
seeing a therapist at the Sexual Assault Center, which is
part of Harbor View Medical Center for anyone that's in
the Seattle area, and she really encouraged me to get
the state department to pay for my therapy bills. So
I contacted them and it took like two sentences of conversation.
(07:41):
I'm exaggerating a little bit, but just like that, they
had me fill out what they called a torte claim
and then they cut me a check for twenty thousand
dollars to pay for therapy and to never bug them
about this matter again. And at the time, you know,
this was the early nineties, I was twenty two twenty
(08:04):
thousand dollars.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
Wow, I thought I was rich.
Speaker 4 (08:07):
I thought I even went through this thing, and I
talked about it a lot in therapy, feeling like I
didn't deserve that money, because I mean, I didn't do
anything to earn it. I mean, the whole thing was
just so crazy. But fast forward.
Speaker 3 (08:21):
Another ten years.
Speaker 4 (08:23):
By then, I'm married, I have my first child, she's
three years old. At the time, I'm living in Paris, France,
and I get an email from someone that I have
not spoken to four years. A childhood friend named Francesca,
who was also one of the victims at the hands
(08:45):
of mister mulcahey. And she writes to me and says,
is this the same Kristin Duncombe that lived in the
Ivory Coast from seventy nine to eighty three. Yes, And
I'm like, oh my god, it's so great to hear
from you.
Speaker 3 (09:02):
How are you?
Speaker 4 (09:02):
Blah blah blah, And she said, there's obviously so much
to catch up about. And I'm sorry I'm not more
conversational right now. But the reason I'm writing to you
is the following. Please click this link. So I click
the link. It's an article in the Boston Herald that
says x US Foreign Service officer turned Eucharist minister arrested
(09:27):
on Cape cod for raping an eight year old girl.
And so once again, so it's like, in these ten
year increments, this story just keeps appearing. And so finally
mister mail kay Heat was stopped and arrested. And when
that happened, people started coming.
Speaker 3 (09:51):
Out of the woodwork.
Speaker 4 (09:52):
I mean, obviously, it doesn't take a brain surgeon to
know that he didn't just stop molesting and raping people.
When he was removed from the coast, he continued doing
that for all those years, and he did go to jail.
He went to jail for five years. He only got
(10:12):
five years for all of those kids that he raped
and molested.
Speaker 3 (10:17):
He was only given a five year.
Speaker 4 (10:19):
Sentence, and then he was released and he died shortly thereafter.
So he's actually no longer alive and with us. So
that's the gist of the story. I realize I'm going
on and on, But there's something else I'd like to
(10:41):
add that I think is really a critical piece of.
Speaker 3 (10:44):
The trauma story that I'm sure you'll find interesting. You know,
me and I.
Speaker 4 (10:51):
Do want to talk about how all of that affected
my life, because many things happened to me in my
life that are a direct.
Speaker 3 (10:59):
Sequel of that abuse and the cover up.
Speaker 4 (11:04):
But once he was arrested and jailed, I didn't experience
that as some great, big moment of liberation. I continue
to just kind of feel like silenced, like that I
wasn't like it still didn't feel okay to talk about it.
(11:25):
Then a series of things happened which ultimately led to
me writing this book. And so the thing I wanted
to tell you is that when I sat down and
started writing the book, I said to my father, who
has since died. Unfortunately, my father died four years ago
(11:50):
in August, so it was five years ago in August
when I started writing the book. And when I said
to him, Dad, I have decided I am going to
tell the story of mister Mulkay he and the State
Department cover up.
Speaker 3 (12:05):
And you want to know what he said.
Speaker 4 (12:07):
He goes, you can't use mister mulkay He's name. You
have to change his name. And I said, Dad, why,
I said.
Speaker 3 (12:20):
First of all, it's all public record now and he's dead.
Speaker 4 (12:26):
And so that I'm telling you that because that shows
you the incredible power of a cover up and a silencing.
Speaker 3 (12:39):
Because there was my dad. He was eighty three years
old at that time.
Speaker 4 (12:44):
And you know the State Department, if you work for
the State Department, it's like a paternalistic organization. So the
parents of us child victims, it's like they were silenced
by their father State Department. And it shocked me to
discover that even all these years later, and even with
(13:07):
everything that had happened, you know, he had been arrested,
it was named publicly, and he was even dead, that
my father was still holding on to this idea that
we weren't allowed to talk about it. I thought that
was a remarkable thing.
Speaker 3 (13:23):
So that's the story.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
Thank you, Thank you for sharing. It's it's chilling, actually.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
Yes it is. And you know a lot of people
listening to this are therapists themselves in the mental health
field and are probably familiar of.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
With a you know, it's one thing to read.
Speaker 2 (13:57):
About this stuff, you know, when you're in this field,
it's one thing to be oh, how does trauma impact?
But you know, to listen to you share this, I
can't I just can't imagine going through this and taking
that in, not being able to tell anymore, and the
(14:23):
power that everything's silenced.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
You mentioned how this impacted you. I'm curious, how the
hell did you get through this?
Speaker 2 (14:35):
Did it?
Speaker 1 (14:35):
How did it impact you?
Speaker 3 (14:38):
Well? You know what's really interesting.
Speaker 4 (14:40):
I mean I think that's as it's it's a totally
understandable question, like, oh my god, how could you have
gotten through that?
Speaker 3 (14:49):
And this is part of what the problem is.
Speaker 4 (14:52):
And I think this really is a great segue into
a discussion of complex trauma.
Speaker 3 (14:57):
Because I got through through that.
Speaker 4 (15:01):
I'll start with the frequent and ongoing molestations, like when
I filled out the torte claim, you know, when I
was twenty two, they had me quantify how many times
I had been molested in how many different ways I
had been molested. It was hundreds and hundreds of times
of different acts. Because this man had regular access to me,
(15:24):
and there was more invasive molest stations, like when I
found myself alone with him, But then there was more
sort of casual in public malestations like when our family
would go out for dinner together. We used to go
to this Chinese restaurant often on Sunday nights, called The Dragon.
Speaker 3 (15:44):
And he would be feeling me up under the table.
Speaker 4 (15:47):
So this was so frequent and ongoing that the way
I dealt with it was to simply.
Speaker 3 (15:57):
Make it normal for me. It was a normal part
of my weekly existence. I wasn't scared of him because
he was kind to me, so it was very confusing.
(16:18):
I didn't want.
Speaker 4 (16:19):
That type of relationship, but I never felt like, oh,
you know, he's going to stab me with a knife
and kill me. It was it was something very very insidious,
and that is the problem that I learned at that
very formative age.
Speaker 3 (16:38):
To accept things.
Speaker 4 (16:42):
That are wrong and that I know are wrong, and
to totally suppress my own instinct and capacity to say
no or to question. I learned to just accept. And
so what I can tell you happened to me in
(17:04):
those years when the abuse was ongoing is is like
I kind of lived with a split, you know. I
mostly was just going about my life, being a goofy,
rambunctious ten eleven and twelve year old girl. I was
having a happy, fun life. I played soccer, and I
with my pedophile's daughter Rose, she was my best friend.
Speaker 3 (17:25):
Oh my god.
Speaker 4 (17:25):
We used to dress up like Pat Benatar and play
you know, air guitar with the tennis rackets, and we
did swimming less. I mean, we did so much stuff.
It was a normal childhood except for that thing that
was happening. And when that thing would happen, I would.
Speaker 3 (17:43):
Freeze, you know, the fight flight, freeze fawn.
Speaker 4 (17:48):
I was a freezer and a fauner because I was
so afraid that I would be found out that I
wanted to just always play.
Speaker 3 (18:04):
The role of the one that nothing's wrong.
Speaker 4 (18:08):
And so in terms of the trauma that befell me,
I can tell you that in a way, and I
write about this in the book. When this other kid
told on him and it came out that actually, mister
Mulkay he was this rampant pedophile. My parents fell apart,
All the adults in the community fell apart, and that was.
Speaker 3 (18:32):
An acute trauma.
Speaker 4 (18:35):
It was traumatic at an acute level to have all
the adults screaming and crying, and my father used the
word rape and I had never thought in those terms,
and it was just so awful.
Speaker 3 (18:50):
And then just as quickly to have it wiped away.
Speaker 4 (18:55):
And you know, I was from the type of family
and this was also a different era, but it was like, you.
Speaker 3 (19:02):
People must sweep this under the rug.
Speaker 4 (19:05):
And my parents said, okay, So we swept it under
the rug, and just as quickly as it blew up,
it was over. Then my family, as foreign service families do,
we left the Ivory Coast and moved to Egypt and
lived in Egypt for two years. That was when I
(19:27):
was fourteen and fifteen. And by the time those first
two years in Egypt were done, I had bulimia. It's
not because it was Egypt. I'm just talking about my transition.
I had blimia. I had become a chain smoke or
you know, some teenager smoke like a cigarette here and
there to look cool.
Speaker 3 (19:48):
I had a serious.
Speaker 4 (19:49):
Nicotine habit when I was a young teenager. I'd smoked
two packs a day. It was like a compulsive.
Speaker 3 (19:55):
Smoker binge drinking. But the worst thing.
Speaker 4 (19:59):
Is the boundarylessness with guys I had, you know, as
so many girls do. I had guys coming after me,
and I had no capacity to say no. It was
really one of those things like if you like me,
then I like you. Like you choose me, and therefore
(20:21):
I have to accommodate the fact that you have chosen me.
So even though I don't think you're cute, even though
I don't think you're nice or interesting, even though I
don't want to go out with you, you.
Speaker 3 (20:33):
Chose me, so I have to do it.
Speaker 4 (20:36):
And so that's the piece that regresses back to what
I was telling you, you know, when I was getting
molested on an ongoing basis.
Speaker 3 (20:44):
It's like just accepting.
Speaker 4 (20:47):
And just the last thing I would then add is
from Cairo, my family moved to New Delhi, so another move,
and that's where I did my last two years of
high school. And then from New Delhi, we moved to Indonesia,
So all this time I'm not having a permanent or
(21:08):
stable home base either, which you know, lots of international kids,
you learn to be very adaptive. That's a strength. I'm
not saying that it's it's not a strength. But what
I wanted to point to is the fact that because
of how I was functioning, I got into so many
situations of repeat victimization, you know, date, rape situations, unwanted
(21:35):
sexual situations. Not many situations like that, but not many
that I can say, oh, yes, it was rape, it
was assault, because I can assure you I did not
say no.
Speaker 3 (21:51):
I just froze and accepted.
Speaker 2 (21:56):
Let me ask you something, so do Let me just
remind me when I'm speaking with Christian Louisa Home.
Speaker 1 (22:00):
The book is.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
Called object a Memoir. So during this time, with these moves,
you were what fourteen fifteen, sixteen seventeen, there was okay,
there was no or was there any sense from your parents.
Speaker 1 (22:16):
Of we need to get her some help. Zero, nothing
that was not.
Speaker 3 (22:22):
Even that was not even no, no, no, not at all.
Speaker 4 (22:24):
And I just want to be clear, I'm not saying
that to demonize my parents. That was just not the
culture of our household, nor was it the culture of
the day really, you know, like I graduated from high
school in nineteen eighty seven. I don't know state side,
(22:50):
like how many teens saw a therapist in the eighties,
but I can tell you that, like if you were
an American teenager in New Delhi, India, in the American
embassy community, you didn't see a therapist.
Speaker 3 (23:01):
It was just like not just it wasn't part of
our normal culture.
Speaker 1 (23:10):
So as we kind of wind down here, why did
you write the book?
Speaker 4 (23:16):
So I wrote the book because, like so many people,
when the Me Too movement really took off, and there
was the stories, you know, the Larry Nasser stories and
the Harvey Weinstein and the Dominique strass Cohn and all
(23:38):
of those guys, those high powered abusers.
Speaker 3 (23:43):
That had been systematically.
Speaker 4 (23:45):
Protected by the institutions that they worked.
Speaker 3 (23:49):
For, it just made my blood boil.
Speaker 4 (23:55):
And you know Trump getting elected the first time, Bret Cavana,
oh my god, the Christine Blaze Ford, I mean, just
so many things just like made my heart rage. And simultaneously,
what happened at that time is that I left my marriage.
Speaker 3 (24:17):
I was married for.
Speaker 4 (24:18):
Twenty years to someone who I always want to clarify.
He's the father of my two children, and we're still
good friends. I don't hate him, nothing like that. We
have a decent friendship. But we should never have been married.
Why you'll find this detail very interesting because the person
I married, he's Argentinian. He hates Americans and he hates
(24:40):
American culture.
Speaker 3 (24:41):
So look at here's the faunor that I am.
Speaker 4 (24:45):
I met this guy who pursued me like crazy. He
was madly in love with me, so he chose me.
And even though he told me that my culture is
unacceptable and that if we're to be together, we never
live in the United States ever. Again, I did not
have the internal resource to say what I would say
(25:08):
to someone like that today. I'd be like, well, I'm sorry,
I don't think we're the right match for each other.
I did what I always did, I'm like okay, and
off I went. And for twenty years we had a
relationship that required me to erase a part of myself.
Speaker 3 (25:25):
And then I had my children and life went on.
Speaker 4 (25:28):
I you know, developed my successful career working with lots
of people with complex trauma, and it was like there
was just too much dissonance between what I had come
to understand about myself and the way I was living.
Speaker 3 (25:43):
So I left my marriage.
Speaker 4 (25:45):
Then there was you know, the Trump era, Cavanaugh, all
of that stuff started, and I just realized.
Speaker 3 (25:52):
Why am I not talking about this?
Speaker 4 (25:56):
Like that seal of silence somehow melted off when I
watched the Christine blazy Ford trials and I just sat
down and started writing, Yeah, that's what happened.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
I mean, your story is incredible. You are incredible. You're
so inspiring.
Speaker 3 (26:19):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (26:20):
Yeah, it's the truth. Chrisin and man, I who would
you say the book is for?
Speaker 3 (26:30):
Well, you know what, I'm going to tell you who
the book is for. And I'd like to show you
the picture the book.
Speaker 4 (26:35):
I dedicate the book to girls everywhere, but the first
dedication is.
Speaker 3 (26:41):
To Rose, and this is Rose. Rose is the pedophile's.
Speaker 4 (26:45):
Daughter who I was finally able to have contact with.
That's me and that's Rose, and after she is because
that's the other major travesty of what happened when the
State Department whisked her pedophile for They're back to Washington
and then covered up the crime. They whisked his twelve
year old daughter back with him, and no one thought
(27:10):
to say wow, he's a pedophile. I wonder what he's
doing to his own child. And yes, indeed she was
a victim. And one of the great painful parts of
this story is that I was forbidden to ever speak
to my best friend ever again, and that poor kid Rose,
(27:33):
she lost her community all at once. And now that
we're back in touch as adults.
Speaker 3 (27:40):
What she has revealed to me.
Speaker 4 (27:42):
And there is one more detail I'd like to add
to you about this, the government cover up. Her family
believes that this is not the first time what happened
in the Ivory Coast, it was not the first time
his crimes had been covered up, because he had been
posted before that in the Philippines and in Vietnam, and
(28:02):
he had left.
Speaker 3 (28:03):
He had been removed from those places quickly.
Speaker 4 (28:07):
Also, so his poor kid Rose had a track record
now of all of a sudden losing all of her friends.
Speaker 3 (28:15):
I mean to talk about a trauma on a child.
What I wanted to tell.
Speaker 4 (28:19):
You is, since this book came out, I had a
meeting with someone at the State Department, and what I
said is, I want to know what happened. I want
to see the files from behind closed doors from all
those years ago. I was referred to this portal called
the Freedom of Information Act, and I sent multiple requests.
(28:44):
I did get an answer, I got multiple answers. But
what I have been told is there is absolutely no
record at all of Bill mcahey's crimes, nor is there
a record of the twenty thousand dollars check that they
cut me in nineteen ninety two. And there just seems
(29:07):
to be no trace at all of this story. And
I have trouble believing it, and truthfully, I'm planning to
go further with looking into that.
Speaker 3 (29:20):
But you see what happened as I was doing this is.
Speaker 4 (29:23):
Then Trump came along and dismantled usaid and so once
again it's kind of like my story sort of like
I think it's going to. It's really hard now to
get anyone to answer or anything.
Speaker 3 (29:38):
Yeah, isn't that nuts?
Speaker 4 (29:39):
So yeah, this book is for girls everywhere, and it's
for my old friend Rose, the poor kid.
Speaker 3 (29:46):
It's awful.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
Oh, Kristin, how do people learn more about you by
the book? What's the best way?
Speaker 4 (29:53):
The best way is, you know, like in this day
and age of internet, is to go to my website.
Speaker 3 (29:58):
It's Kristin donecom dot.
Speaker 4 (30:00):
Com and there you can find everything about my my books.
This is actually my third book, so there's you can
read about my other books.
Speaker 3 (30:09):
You can read about the work that I do. You
can email me.
Speaker 4 (30:12):
If you want to contribute any thoughts or have any questions.
I'm always happy to hear from listeners and readers.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
I appreciate you so much being here. You're a delight
to talk to and you're you're so inspiring. Love to
have you back at a later date.
Speaker 3 (30:31):
Thank you so much. I'd love to come back.
Speaker 2 (30:35):
You so much.
Speaker 3 (30:35):
Thank you so much. It's great to meet you. Bye.
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