September 24, 2023 • 49 mins
Welcome to Season 2 of the Traveling Black Women Podcast with your host Nadine!! In this first episode I am chatting with Esha Herbert-Davis, founder of the Carnivalista Lifestyle, as she shares 3 ways to experience self-love through travel. This is a discussion that you won't want to miss! We really dig into the ways we treat ourselves on vacation and the way we treat ourselves "in real life." Tune In!
***To find out more about the Ultimate Girls' Getaway mentioned in this episode visit: http://ultimategirlsgetaway.net
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome back to the Traveling Black Women Podcast.
(00:04):
It's your host Nadine and I have an amazing season two lined up for you.
Now this season we're really going to be talking about the depths of travel.
We're going to talk a little bit about self-love through travel,
a little bit about travel etiquette,
we're going to talk about traveling through the African diaspora.
We're going to have some deep conversations y'all,
so make sure you're tuning in whether it be Apple Podcasts, Spotify, whatever you use.
(00:28):
So without further ado, let's start with our very first episode.
Hello, hello and welcome to season two of the Traveling Black Women Podcast.
Now I have a very, very special guest who is kicking off our season to talk to us about self-love through travel.
(00:52):
Today we have Miss Isha Herbert Davis.
She is the Carnivalista in Chief of the Carnivalista Lifestyle,
a travel consultant for professional black women who take care of everyone else
and want to put themselves first in spite of society telling them that they should be at the bottom of their list.
She is also an international best-selling author,
(01:14):
a mompreneur with a busy six-year-old and a multiple six-figure business owner.
She is dope y'all and she's from Trinidad.
So I had to throw that out there.
So without further ado, I want to introduce you guys to Miss Isha Herbert Davis.
(01:37):
Hello, hello, hello everyone.
Thank you for that wonderful introduction, Nadine.
And of course, I had to slide in and she's from Trinidad, yo.
I love it.
Well, I am so happy to be here and thank you so much for having me to talk about three ways to experience self-love through travel.
It's definitely one of the topics that is near and dear to my own heart
(02:00):
because it definitely speaks to my journey over the years as a young professional black woman
and navigating relationships and career and self-love.
And one of the ways that I was able to get back to self-love was through travel.
So I'm really, really excited to be here.
I love to travel. So I'm really, really excited to talk about this topic today.
Nice. And I'm excited to talk about that track, that topic.
(02:22):
Like travel is really the thing that over the last few years has just opened everyone's eyes to like,
there is a whole reality outside of the reality that I originally envisioned for myself.
There are children who are talking about, I want to grow up and travel the world.
Like that wasn't a conversation when I was little.
It was like, I want to go to Paris because you heard about the Eiffel Tower
(02:43):
and that was like a cutesy teenage theme.
But outside of that, we didn't know how powerful travel could be.
I just love that we're just now starting to find this out.
And it's like, oh man, look at how much more I could be doing,
what life could be like and all of that great stuff.
So talk about it. Tell us about it.
(03:04):
Agreed. A hundred percent.
It definitely was not a part of the conversation when I was growing up.
Travel was, growing up as a teenager, was kind of like to go see family.
And you'd be buck up in a one bedroom apartment with like 20 of you sleeping, people in the bathtub.
That's the kind of travel that I grew up with.
(03:26):
You know how we Caribbean folk do.
Talk about all your cousins.
All the cousins, all of them. All of them.
So that is the kind of travel that I grew up with.
So as a young adult, coming into travel in a different way
(03:47):
and realizing that it can feed your soul, it can, you know, kick off your self-love journey.
You know, that was definitely not something I had the language for,
nor did I have experience of travel in that way until I was a young adult.
You know, so it is an important conversation.
(04:08):
Yes. It is. Oh my goodness, it really is.
Because a lot of times, just as Black women, we just get so trapped in the day to day, the routine,
you know, the things that we have to do, the things that someone else is telling us that we have to do.
You know, are we measuring up? Are, you know, there's all these questions that are just like,
but it never gets to the core of who you are, right? And who you want to be.
(04:30):
It's always about like, what are the expectations that are laid out that I'm following or not following?
Absolutely. Absolutely. And that actually segues really nicely into the first way, which is good.
Because the first way that you can really start to experience self-love through travel
is by allowing it to disrupt your routine.
(04:52):
And as you were saying, you know, we kind of give in to those expectations and our routine
and what we are supposed to do, you know, and that whenever I talk about those kind of topics,
it brings me back to me when I was in my 20s and you know, what was happening.
I was not in a good place emotionally. I'll start off by saying that.
(05:15):
And in addition to all of that, all of everything that was present in my life at the time was not showing me that I love myself.
Like I was working a job that I didn't really like, you know, it paid the bills.
I was making more money than I had ever made before, making more money than my parents were making, you know,
and you kind of get to that place, financial and you're like, OK, well, this is a good job.
(05:37):
That's what you've pretty much been conditioned to, especially as, you know, young Caribbean black women, right?
We're conditioned to get the good job, right? So had a good job, wasn't happy at all with it.
I was in a relationship that was pretty much a dead end relationship.
We were dating for quite some time and we're in this comfortable kind of routine.
It's not that he was a bad person or I was a bad person. It just wasn't really exciting to me.
(06:01):
It just wasn't really filling my cup in that sense from an emotional perspective.
I had people in my life like my friends who were very negative, you know,
did not share my passion for life in the same way that I did were part of the the the talks.
(06:22):
When we got together for our, you know, girl brunches or lunches or whatever, just wine party, you know, whatever,
you know, you get together with your girls and your children, whatever.
The talk was just very limiting. There were just limits in the talk like, oh, my gosh, there's no good men out there.
Oh, you know, you can't make any more money. Oh, girl, we all broke, you know, like just a negative talk. Right.
(06:46):
And I know there's many of you are listening here to be like, yeah, that's what's happening in my life, too.
But it's a part of our routine. It's a part of what we are accustomed to.
You know, the people in our circle, that's the life that they live as well.
So it's not like we have an example to look out and be like, oh, maybe this could be different.
(07:10):
You know, so travel for me was that disruption of the routine.
And it really started out as my annual escape. And now I'm solely talking about Trinidad Carnival. Right.
So when I started going to Trinidad Carnival, now this is back in 1998. So this is a long time ago.
(07:34):
Yes. Yes. It was a long time ago. It really was.
It started out as an escape, you know, just an escape from that life, you know, from negativity or from whatever I was going through in my whatever drama was going on my relationship from work.
You know, it really started out as an escape. But as I began to continue traveling, you know, to go to Trinidad Carnival every year,
(08:02):
what I came to realize was it disrupted my routine and I saw something different every Trinidad Carnival trip.
I saw something different, whether it was coming back to my real life and being like, what is really going on with this relationship?
Like, for real, for real. Like, why? Why are we fighting all the time? Or why are my needs not being met?
(08:26):
You know, why do I not feel as happy as I feel when I am traveling? You know, so it's kind of like the slow recognition through the disruption of the routine
and then making the decisions to make changes and do it right. And that's really the first way, you know, travel disrupts your routine.
And that for me, if your routine is not serving you in the best way, that disruption of routine on its own is self-love because you are breaking the cycle
(08:56):
and it's up to you to recognize that you're breaking the cycle. And secondly, try to make changes to do something different, you know.
So that's for me, self-love disrupting the routine is just self-love.
I love that. I love that because you know what, one of the things that really stood out to me and what you were saying is being in that relationship
and feeling like this is it, right? You're having talks with your girlfriends and it's just like, yeah, this is what life is.
(09:22):
Like, there's this uncomfortable acceptance of the bare minimum. And you have that opportunity to step out of that and have this amazing, like, just, you know,
and we talk about Carnival being this freeing experience, but just to have this complete freeing experience and realize, no, I can feel something else.
(09:47):
I can feel more like there is more like that's powerful. And I don't think people really recognize what that is.
If they just, I mean, it's just something you have to experience. Like I always push solo travel because I feel like that was solo travel for me.
Like that moment of being like, I can experience more. Like I can feel what it is I really want to feel.
(10:10):
So now how do I replicate that in my real life? Right. Absolutely.
It's like the fact that you won't be able to really see it until you see it is I don't know how to explain it, but it's deep.
Yeah, it really is. No, it really is. You know, they always say there's this whole thing about representation, you know, and seeing yourself reflected, you know, whether it's on TV or social media or whatever in a different situation than where you are in.
(10:43):
And that's where I was in my 20s. I didn't have anyone around me who looked like me who was doing something different, who was doing something positive.
Like I didn't have any entrepreneurs around me. I didn't have, you know, everyone kind of worked a job.
I was around single black women. All of us were single. I wasn't single at the time, but I wasn't in a relationship where I was happy either. You know what I mean?
(11:06):
So there's there's something to be said about that, even as adults. I know we think of representation as something for little black girls and little black boys, but there's something about representation, even for us as adults and as young adults, especially when we're just kind of getting started in the real world.
You know, if you don't have that example, if you don't have that person that you can look at and say, hmm, they're doing something different and that looks nothing like my reality right now.
(11:32):
I want that. Right. Then it's really, really, really difficult to break out of that routine. It really is because you just don't have the example.
So as you were saying, you can't see what you can't see. You literally can't see it because it's not in front of you. Right.
It literally does not exist to you at all. Exactly. Exactly.
(11:54):
Yeah. Yeah. Good ones. So disrupting your routine. Okay. All right. So that's the first one.
So the second way to experience self love through travel is by indulging yourself.
And this is one of my favorite ones.
Because what I found, you know, in the pattern at looking at my travel and, you know, as I got older, looking at the patterns of travel of people around me and then eventually my clients, you know, when you travel, you allow yourself to do things that you wouldn't do in real life.
(12:28):
You know, you sleep more. Yeah, that's that's a big one. You sleep more. Okay. You eat the dessert.
You indulge in a nice meal or two or three. You essentially live your best life when you're on vacation.
So why don't we live our best lives in our real lives. Right. That piece about indulging yourself is definitely something that I absolutely love about travel.
(12:54):
And it's all about showing yourself self love through indulgence. And I think part of it is because self denial is such a part of our culture.
We, you know, are rewarded or we feel virtuous when we deny ourselves a dessert or when we say, oh, I'm surviving on three hours of sleep today.
You know, that's those are seen as badges of honor and they're seen as things that we should feel good about. Right.
(13:23):
So the whole self denial piece, when we get back home after we're done traveling and we've had more sleep and we're feeling rested and we were like we ate all the food that we wanted to eat.
You know, we get back home, we go back to that routine again of self denial. You know, so we go back to the four hours of sleep.
We go back to the eat having a crappy diet. You know, our bodies feeling unnourished, our souls feeling unnourished, you know, not treating ourselves.
(13:52):
Even if it's small indulgences, not treating ourselves to nice things and really denying our best life once we get back to real life, which is crazy. Right.
It just doesn't make any sense. So through travel, I realized that I didn't have to deny myself. Why would I do that? Why am I doing this? Right.
(14:14):
Why? Why should I wait until I travel to do nice things for myself to feed my body properly to get good sleep?
Why would I deny myself all of those things in my regular life? Because if I implemented it into my regular life, I could do so much more.
I could have like, imagine, think about it this way. You know, Americans on the whole are sleep deprived.
(14:40):
Imagine we do so much on so little sleep. Imagine if we all got a good night's rest. You know, our all of our needs were met.
Our bodies were nourished. We were exercising, you know, and we are literally living our best lives every single day. How much more good could we do in the world?
And it's not about piling on the work, but it's about doing things that nourish our soul and really in through that process nourishes other people as well. Right.
(15:11):
Right. Like, imagine what we could do if we were all feeling like we were whole and rested and all of these really great things. Right. Like we could do so much.
We could do so much. It's still interesting because at the same time, you're like, when you know that you don't have sleep and you haven't nourished your body and you have all of these things that you just need, you know, your attitude sucks. Right.
(15:36):
Like, even if you're trying on the surface to keep it together, you know that ultimately your attitude sucks. Like you're irritable. You don't feel like your best. You just feel like, if I'm feeling cruddy for whatever reason,
I can pull out one of those characteristics from my last vacation and just do it. These little things that you don't think about, like if I do it on vacation, it makes me feel good.
(16:00):
How can I slip a little piece out here and there in my real life to make me feel good? Like leaving my job, becoming an independent contractor and all of that was a part of that.
Like during the pandemic, teaching from home, I went to Mexico for three weeks and continued to work. And I was just like, I like this feeling. I like getting up in the morning, handling my business, you know, have my classes in the morning.
(16:23):
And in the afternoon, I'm at the beach, eating a taco. I am living my best life. Like I am in the moment. And then after three weeks, I went back home and you know, was back into the routine.
But when I got back into the routine, I realized I don't have to be in this box and still work. I want to work from home now, like forever.
(16:45):
Exactly. Exactly. That was my last year. I was just like, this feels good. I can handle my business, do my work, but I can still enjoy my life.
Like that gave me the best work-life balance that I could have imagined for myself because I'm always talking about work-life balance being important. But like we said with the last one, you don't really know what you haven't experienced until you haven't experienced it.
(17:11):
And once I experienced the magnitude of having a work-life balance where I'm teaching US history in the morning and I'm on the beach in the afternoon. Oh, we're making this happen. We're making this happen forever.
Best balance ever. Right? Best balance ever. Yes.
If I was just regularly at home, I'd probably be eating one of those like, you know, little frozen peanut butter and jelly things.
(17:37):
But now, you know, it's just like, okay, this is the life I want for myself. This is what I'm about to do. We're going to get this independent contractor thing going. And two years later, I am still here.
Here you are. Exactly. And for me, it was a very similar trajectory to Nadine, you know, starting up my business, Events by Ashae part-time first while I was working full-time.
(18:08):
So I was part-time for three years, about three years, and then went to full-time. Right? So similar trajectory too.
And then it was like, well, I'm working part-time. I really like this working from home thing. I don't want to talk to nobody. You know, there's no water cooler for me to be around.
This is good. How can we do this some more? You know, and then crunching the numbers like, okay, so we did this and let's say the business did this.
(18:35):
Could I really let go of my full-time job or could I go to a consultant model where I was doing part-time hours, you know, and that's how everything kind of petered out over time.
And eventually I became full-time in my business. But you're right. It was following that good feeling following what started out as an indulgence because really back then working from home like 2012, even 2012, even 2015, working from home was like an indulgence.
(19:01):
Right. It was like you were from home. Oh, you're so lucky. Yeah. You know, it was an indulgence.
No one ever really thought about it. It was like, oh wow, that's cool. And that was kind of the end of it. You know, exactly. Exactly. So again, it was following that good feeling and you know, travel gives us that window, right?
(19:22):
In the seeing, okay, this I like this. This was an indulgence when I was traveling. So how can I bring that back home? And for me, there was definitely the work from home factor. Yes, for sure. But it translated into other parts of my life that I didn't really expect.
Like I was like, so why do I have such a good night's sleep at hotels? You know, and then I was like, is this something to do with the bedding? Right. Is the bedding really nice? And I was like, oh, there's pillow tops. What is this?
(19:48):
You know, I got a pillow top for my bed, got some new pillows. I was like, oh, this is great. This is what they do in hotels. Now I can sleep better at home. You know, it just started with little things, just little things. But again, it's all about that picture of, you know, what is your best life?
(20:11):
And a really great clue for that and giving yourself self love is when you go on vacation, when you travel, because again, that's the time when we're like, I'm living my best life. I'm on vacation. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do that. So what are those small things that you or big things that you can bring back from your travel to your regular life?
(20:33):
Yeah, yeah, I love that. I love that. I mean, you have to figure out how to create the life that makes you the most comfortable when you're finding pieces of that, slices of that as you go outside your comfort zone. You got to bring it back. And I don't know, even having this conversation, I don't know if I ever even thought about it like that. I think some of those things I've naturally done, even just with artwork, a lot of my artwork around my house is like from different countries or whatnot. It's like a natural like,
(21:02):
reminder when I walk past different things like when I see this every day, I'm like, Oh, yeah, Columbia, that was great. You know, it's good. You know, it's but I never really thought to outline the way you just did. Now you can share that with other people like, hey, this is what you can do. You know, what would I try? What would I get out of it? Well, this is an example.
(21:24):
Right? Example like example, like you can take slices from everywhere and then create a whole new life for yourself, new reality for yourself. I love that. Absolutely. Because even those small changes, as you know, Nadine, I mean, we're talking about the artwork and I, you know, I have examples here too, from Trinidad and stuff. And I'll give you a story in a second. But even those small changes, you know, that give you that happy little jolt, you know, as you go, you know, you're going to be able to do that.
(21:53):
You know, as you go about your day, as you say, you pass by your artwork and you remember and you smile, you know, and it brings you back to that place that alone bringing that good feeling into your body.
It just does so much. You don't realize that it does so much. But, you know, chronic stress is real. Stressful lives are real. And if you can even bring that little glimmer of your day where you just you're like, Oh, you look at that artwork and you're like, Oh, I remember my trip to Columbia.
(22:22):
It was fantastic. I got to I saw your Instagram reel of you dancing. You know, like all that stuff. You bring back all those awesome memories. Right. Yeah. So even that little glimmer, it just does so much. It feels good in your body.
You know, that is that is self love, you know, just remembering those good times and bringing those wonderful feelings into your body is really good. Yeah. Yeah.
(22:48):
So let me tell you my story. So I have a piece of artwork that I bought. Gosh, 2006. And this was actually in Trinidad because I lived in Trinidad as an adult for about almost a year, actually, almost a year.
I did and bought this piece of artwork. I just love the colors in it. Right. I was like, Oh, it's so colorful. It's pretty. I love it. I love it. I love it. Fast forward 2015 or 16 somewhere around there just moved into the new house, you know, finally framed this artwork because it was rolled up.
(23:25):
You know, like I didn't get it framed or anything finally frame this artwork and looked at the title of the artwork and the artist I knew it was a Trinidadian artist, but I never really looked at I just love the colors and I bought it.
It is titled Carnival like literally titled Carnival, which was so funny for me because now that you know Caribbean carnivals have become such a big part of my life with events by Ashae and you know taking groups to experience it.
(23:58):
It's just like, wow, I had carnival with me all of these years, artistic representation right but every time I look at it again it brings back that really happy and joyous feeling, you know, and for me it's just like, it's just the Caribbean in a frame.
And all of the love that I have for my Caribbean roots in my Caribbean culture and taking people to experience the Caribbean, whether it be on a retreat or carnival trip or whatever the case may be that just reminds me every time I look at it, you know, and it hangs right here in my office, you know, I see it every single day and I was like, huh, never even read the title of the artwork.
(24:41):
I mean, it just kind of shows how life automatically aligns itself like once you put things out there, this is what I want.
And then you start seeing things just start to align, the smallest things, and it just feels like, oh, this is where I'm supposed to be.
Yes, absolutely, absolutely. So that was my little story there.
(25:02):
I love that. I love that. Oh my goodness.
Thank you.
So we have the last way. And this one is a good one too.
So when you travel, you give yourself permission to have fun.
And this one, it's interesting because, you know, as even as we're kids, we're taught to pay attention, pay attention in class, it's time to be serious. And we take that to heart so much as adults as we get older that the fun gets pushed out of our lives somehow.
(25:42):
And we don't even remember what it was like to have fun after getting stuck in our little routines. And, you know, this one is really, really important because when you travel, you actually give yourself permission to have fun.
Yeah, yeah, you really do. It's strange. You don't give us, we don't give ourselves permission to have fun in our regular life, but we give ourselves permission to have fun when we're on vacation.
(26:08):
You know, you let loose when you're on vacation, you find fun things to do. Oh, what can I get into today? You know, what am I going to go on today? Oh, let me go river rafting. Oh, let me go get a, you know, mud bath somewhere.
You know, like we think about all of the fun things when we're on vacation, we laugh more, we feel lighter, you know, and the more fun you have, the more good feelings you have in your body, the more you're laughing, the more you're releasing and relieving yourself of all that stress.
(26:40):
And that is a very radical act of self love, especially as an adult, right? That is really what I think of as the gift of self love, you know, laughing, having fun, enjoying yourself. That's a gift of self love, you know, you're giving yourself permission to feel all of those good feelings and to feel joy and to feel unrestrained by the, you know, shackles of society.
(27:09):
That's the power of travel, right? That's the power of travel.
That is definitely it. I would so agree. And it's so interesting because why don't we give ourselves the permission to have fun? You know what I mean?
I know.
It's like you said in the beginning, we have this, this, this trophy, this denial trophy, or this denial badge that we love to walk around with. Like I've denied myself this and now I am great.
(27:32):
Right.
And it's just like, but no, you're not happy.
You're so unhappy.
You know, like, yeah, you have three hours of sleep, but now you're cranky and you're rude and you're mean and I don't even want to be around you.
Right. You're taking it out on everybody else. Like, seriously.
Yeah.
Take a nap.
Right.
(27:55):
So give it like giving yourself permission to have fun on vacation really should start to lead back to, I need to give myself permission to feel what I felt on vacation every day, you know, every single day.
Absolutely. And for this may, you know, strike a nerve with some people. I'm not talking about Netflix and for five hours. Okay, no.
(28:22):
I think as North Americans, our ideas of fun have become so streamlined and so frankly, basic, they become so basic. Right. So it's what is convenience, as opposed to what is actually fun.
Right. What is actually making you feel good, making you laugh, making you smile. So no, I'm not talking about a Netflix marathon. No, no.
(28:54):
I'm not talking about scrolling through Instagram on your phone, scrolling through reels. That's not what we're talking about here.
I'm talking about true, genuine fun, whatever that looks like for you. And I'll give you a personal example. For me, it's more about indulging in my hobbies like I love doing puzzles.
I love sewing. I love creating with my hands right that is for me that is fun and it works a different side of my brain right.
(29:22):
But whatever it looks like for you and if you're thinking, I don't even remember what it's like to have fun. That is okay because by being open and being curious about what is actually fun for you and trying new things is actually self love too.
So that is just fine.
Sometimes when we look at media, and that's all media streaming media and social media, we get caught up with media. It's really a more of an escape like a, I don't want to say mindless escape because it sounds so bad, but it's a mindless escape.
(29:57):
You know, it can be fun for a little while but it's, you know, of course there's funny reels and things like that, but it doesn't require you to really find the core of what brings you joy. It just requires you to watch someone else's joy, watch what someone else is doing.
You know, maybe you are laughing at that or entertained by that but it does not really give you the source of your own joy.
(30:20):
Absolutely. Your own joy. I think that's that just hits it right on the head Nadine. Agreed. It doesn't bring you back to what lights you up. What is fun for you. What brings you joy. You're absolutely right. It doesn't quite hit that mark, you know, and it's, as you said, going back to what you're saying about zoning out.
(30:42):
There are times where I feel like some of these forms of entertainment have almost turned us into zombies or trying to turn us into zombies. And I'm not talking about a zombie apocalypse or anything like that. Okay, people.
Don't be DMing me saying, you know, that's not what I'm talking about. What I'm talking about is the whole zoning out piece and being completely disconnected emotionally emotionally from the activity that you're taking part in. Right, whether it's scrolling through social media or, you know, zoning out in front of Netflix, and those things have their places, right, they have their places, but that should not be the only source of your fun.
(31:24):
Yeah, please don't let that be the only source of your fun. Right.
Because that in itself is limiting, right.
Absolutely. You're limiting physical movements, you know, you're limiting your interaction with the world around you. Like, it's just limiting. And it's not, it doesn't require you to do anything.
It does not require your engagement. Yeah, it does not require your engagement. So in real true social interaction where you're talking with somebody requires engagement, right, you know, you're being completely engrossed in putting together a puzzle or doing a craft or doing something with your
(32:04):
hands requires engagement, right. So yeah, the zoning out does not require any engagement at all. No, it doesn't. And then you kind of lose yourself in that because you're you're you're kind of over I think overly entertained with what else is going on with other people.
But I do feel like there's also the side where those are the people are living their lives to entertain you and you're missing yours.
(32:28):
Absolutely. You're standing by in your own life, while you're watching everybody else live theirs. Yeah, right. Yeah. And the other piece and I know this will strike a nerve as well. A lot of us complain that we don't have enough time.
You have time for what you want to make time for. I'll say it again, you have time what you want to make time for.
(33:02):
So the hours you spend scrolling on Instagram. That's time you could have used doing something else. The Netflix binge that you did. That's time you could have used doing something else that's really going to feed your soul that's going to engage your brain that's going to actually that you're
actually going to enjoy. So if your first thing is saying, Well, I don't have time to do this. Really think about what are you doing with your time. Yeah, it's so true. It's so true because it's like, you know, sometimes we get overwhelmed and we want that that minute of this like, okay, I don't want to think about anything.
(33:36):
Let me just scroll. Absolutely. But then that has to come to an end right it has to stop at some point so that way you can kind of recalibrate and get to that place where it's just like, all right, let me let me figure out what I need.
I need to feel good, you know, not just to not just to release the feeling of being stressed, but also to fill myself feeling good. Yeah, yeah, and I don't I don't think we really talk about that enough but that's like something different.
(34:07):
It's one thing to, let me get rid of what I don't like. But you have to intentionally look for bringing back in what you do like. Yes, absolutely. Giving yourself permission to do that on vacation, then should open your eyes to how can I do that back in my regular life my day to day.
Yes. Yeah, exactly.
(34:28):
Exactly.
I'm just like this is so deep because we don't talk about the value of travel enough, you know, right. I'm big on solo travel. I feel like people have to have some time to go and do something by themselves like not just okay well I did go to a restaurant or this step myself or what not.
(34:58):
Well, what's actually planned something for yourself. Decide what you are going to enjoy without the input of anybody else. You know what you're going to attend, and how are you going to engage with people that you don't know, or do you even engage in all at all or do you
have so much fun with yourself which I do that you don't have to you don't need anybody else.
(35:32):
You know, you have never experienced you know, being enjoying being by themselves. Yeah, but it really is an opportunity for you to find that center of joy. Absolutely joy is directly connected to self love as far as I'm concerned.
Yes, completely agree with you 100% and it really was one of the reasons that I created the ultimate girls getaway which is our retreat that we're doing next year for professional black women, you know, it's a group trip.
(36:02):
However, you are encouraged to spend time with yourself.
We have those pockets of time because the intention of the trip is for you to not need a vacation from a vacation. And it's also to all of the reasons I like to call them to recharge to reset revitalize yourself and really get back to the core of your
(36:27):
joy, like whatever that is right we just have so many demands on our time as we were talking about time, including self inflicted demands on our time and scrolling on Instagram or binging Netflix, that we don't have the space to really get back to that core of our
(36:48):
joy and I like that term Nadine I really do the core of our joy. Yes, absolutely.
I love that. This sounds amazing. Okay, information on that like how can we sign up like, yes, yes, definitely. So, all of our information is on our website website at ultimate girls getaway.net.
(37:10):
And on our website you can actually sign up for a full YouTube series on these three ways to experience self love through travel. It is a series that I absolutely love creating. Oh my gosh, I had so much fun just you know filming those videos and talking about
self love through travel, and it goes deeper in terms of the three in regards to the three ways that I shared today with you all. And it's completely free so you can sign up for that on the website and then also on the website you can find out more information about the ultimate
(37:41):
girls getaway that we're doing the next ultimate girls getaway that we're doing. Yes, I love that I love that you have space for the group, and for the individual, because I feel like that is the perfect balance for one.
Those who are like you know, I need support in trying to figure out what this looks like for me, you know, sometimes with solo travel you if someone else is not there maybe you do need that support from that but that person of course has to be in that space
(38:06):
as well. But having people around to kind of create that atmosphere I think is amazing, and then giving people also the space to say okay, now it's about you, you know, go off and here you are here.
And that can be really really cathartic, like, yeah, to have both, you know, yeah, yeah, intentionally, you know, created an intentionally created space to, you know, just kind of sit through whatever emotions whatever realities just whatever.
(38:41):
That's amazing. It was very very intentional like the curating of this getaway was very very intentional, because I definitely wanted it to be a complete retreat, not just like a partial you know, on the surface kind of retreat you know where you kind of,
you know, you get this you get that I wanted it to be deeper than that. And I also wanted it to be in a safe space for these women, where they are supported and supporting each other, you know, in their solo journeys and you know coming together as a group at
(39:15):
different points throughout the retreat as well so it was very intentionally curated in that way to give the space and the time for us as black women to really, really really get to the core of our joy.
I love that.
Listen,
(39:37):
I might use something like, as my girl Nadine said, listen, core of my joy. Yes, I love it.
Yes, that's exactly what everything is connected to your self awareness, your self love, your, your self control, like everything really results in, in my purview, in my perspective, everything revolves around where you source your joy.
(40:04):
Yes, and when I realized for me that it was travel.
That was it right was when I moved back when I moved back from Abu Dhabi, and I was like okay I'm going to keep traveling this no big deal I'm over here by Atlanta Airport like we're good.
But when I started to realize like there were some, like you talked about your friends earlier, you know, having conversations that just felt so limiting.
(40:25):
That's what I came back to. And here it is I've just spent three and a half years living abroad so my whole mindset has completely changed.
You know, and that and within that time I'm also traveling to different places in Asia and other places in the Middle East, you know in Europe and I'm just, I'm, I'm seeing life, I'm seeing all these different things I'm like oh I like this and, you know, I'm understanding
(40:48):
this about Islam and I'm understanding this about you know so there's all these different or new understandings that you have, and you come back and you hear people have conversations that you were once a part of here like that's actually that true, you know,
right.
It's a really strange thing, right. It is the strangest feeling you are absolutely right because once you shift, you can't go back. You really can't go back once you're, you're limited view has shifted and you can envision a life of more abundance and a life
(41:25):
of limits, you really can't shift back so when you come back to those old conversations, you're kind of like, Hmm, yeah, that no not there anymore. Yeah, that's not where I'm at.
And it's not saying that you're better than people or you know, but I think that's the natural ebb and flow of life as you grow as you see different things as you were saying and as you shift your perspective, right.
(41:52):
Once you see those examples we were talking about earlier those representation examples, and you have that bigger vision, you know and you shift. It's really, really hard.
Yeah, it's really hard to ignore it's really hard to go back, because you find yourself thinking like, Well, I saw them do it like you know you just find yourself thinking about how other people have lived their lives, you know how other people have
(42:19):
done things. You know I run an Airbnb. My Airbnb is ran like how it's run overseas. When I go to the Airbnb overseas there are certain things that are just available certain ways that the host interacts you know there are just certain things that
make me feel more like I am renting someone's home, then I'm just here. Right, and I've used that same concept to run my Airbnb, and the reviews I get is like this is the best hope ever.
(42:49):
Oh my god thank you. You know, you always have a couple hard issues here and there and that's like, what, you know, I love when I get that feedback that's just like wow you were such an amazing host or wow thank you.
And I'm like, that's because I've seen how this can look in other places, and how people can, you know, feel that sense of hospitality and other places, and that sense of autonomy, because most of the places that I've rented abroad were so easy to
(43:20):
check in and check out. I was like, Oh, that's a really good technique, you know, I'll do that in my Airbnb, Airbnb, so just little things that you kind of learn, just based on how other people do things, you know,
Absolutely.
Staying open to that is exactly what you're talking about. Yep. That way to love yourself enough to say, I actually like doing it this way, instead of that way.
(43:47):
This is the only way. But now that I know that there's more. I'm going to go for it. Yeah, yeah that giving yourself permission right it goes back to that permission piece, giving yourself permission to think about something differently and apply it to your own life,
you may have been conditioned to do, despite what you may have been told is the right way to do despite what everybody else is doing around you. That, yes, is self love. Absolutely.
(44:17):
I feel like this conversation needs to be had more and more and more.
Read. Yeah, I mean this is what I do in my own life, if I come, I read a lot. I read a lot. If I come across something that really struck me, or I was like, I need to apply this to my own life.
I will read it over and over and over or listen to it over and over and over again, because one of the laws of learning is repetition. Yes, right. And you learn when you hear something over and over again and then conversely it works if you
(44:51):
hear something negative over and over and over again, right, right absorb that as well. So why not hear something positive over and over and over again so you can learn it, get the lesson and apply it to your own life so share it multiple times,
I know I will be sharing it multiple times because I think this conversation is needed, and it was just fantastic. Yes, girl, it was definitely needed. I mean, you know just thinking about how many how many times I talk about travel being so cathartic and just the
(45:24):
opportunity to just change and shift your whole reality that I'm like yes, somebody else gets it. You should get it.
Nadine gets it.
Right?
You just need the two of us, and you just need to broadcast it out there.
Send it out to the masses. Yes, yes, yes, yes, because otherwise you find yourself like, you know, you don't you don't want to be a gatekeeper, and you want, you want the community of the community of women community of black women, you just want people to feel
(46:00):
that way. And it's like if I if I can find something that can help you get out of a rut, get out of, you know, bad routine, whatever it is. I want to share that. Absolutely. Absolutely. I'm with you on that. Yes, share multiple ways.
That's what it sounds like. So I'll be there.
(46:34):
I think, like, you know, we touched on a lot of things that aren't talked about too often in travel, but kind of the deeper side of travel like of course travel is pretty and nice and look at the blue water and look at this little tiny bikini, you know, and all the other things that that draw people to travel.
But ultimately, there's a whole deeper side that I think we really need to continue to consider. So that way we can kind of get out of our own limitations, you know, I posted on threads the other day that part of my purpose with traveling black women is to get us away from the double
(47:08):
consciousness that we all look through, you know, this is how the world sees me. So this is how I'm supposed to be. And we don't recognize that we do that consciously. Not a lot of us, you know, when we have conversations like this, then it starts to open our minds or our eyes that are doing
this, but really, we don't really think about it, we're always looking at ourselves through someone else's expectations, just like we said in the beginning, to be able to kind of peel back those expectations and get to the core of like, this is this is what I want what I need, whatever
(47:41):
I want to get out of life and just figure it out and just feel better and feel good and whatever else you know is is something that really needs to be put on the forefront a little bit more. So, I agree.
And that whole double consciousness that you were talking about the whole piece about living authentically, you know, living that single consciousness life right where you are yourself, because that is more than enough. Yes, right is more than enough.
(48:12):
Right. Oh yes, it's yes. And, you know, I know right, because I'm about to go down a whole rabbit hole you know I want to go down a whole rabbit hole again.
So, I'm gonna say you're welcome Nadine and thank you for having me because I'm about to go down a whole rabbit hole authenticity piece, girl.
Oh, well, we can do this again and we can jump into that again.
(48:36):
And do a whole nother hour and jump into all of that again. I would love it.
That's a whole other topic right? It's literally a whole other topic. But it is another topic. It's connected though, it's definitely connected.
Yes, it is.
All right, well thank you all so much for tuning in. And as a final inspiration. I have a quote from Audre Lorde. You probably already know it.
(49:01):
We're caring for myself is not self indulgence. It is self preservation. I'm gonna repeat that first part again. Some of you may already know it, maybe not. But if you don't write it down. Caring for myself is not self indulgence. It is self preservation and that is an act of political warfare.
(49:24):
So I'm gonna marinate on that. Feel that out. See what that means for you how that feels in your body.
And that's it. So thank you again Isha and thank you all for tuning in.
Thank you for having me.
Welcome back to the Traveling Black Women Podcast.
(00:04):
It's your host Nadine and I have an amazing season two lined up for you.
Now this season we're really going to be talking about the depths of travel.
We're going to talk a little bit about self-love through travel,
a little bit about travel etiquette,
we're going to talk about traveling through the African diaspora.
We're going to have some deep conversations y'all,
so make sure you're tuning in whether it be Apple Podcasts, Spotify, whatever you use.
(00:28):
So without further ado, let's start with our very first episode.
Hello, hello and welcome to season two of the Traveling Black Women Podcast.
Now I have a very, very special guest who is kicking off our season to talk to us about self-love through travel.
(00:52):
Today we have Miss Isha Herbert Davis.
She is the Carnivalista in Chief of the Carnivalista Lifestyle,
a travel consultant for professional black women who take care of everyone else
and want to put themselves first in spite of society telling them that they should be at the bottom of their list.
She is also an international best-selling author,
(01:14):
a mompreneur with a busy six-year-old and a multiple six-figure business owner.
She is dope y'all and she's from Trinidad.
So I had to throw that out there.
So without further ado, I want to introduce you guys to Miss Isha Herbert Davis.
(01:37):
Hello, hello, hello everyone.
Thank you for that wonderful introduction, Nadine.
And of course, I had to slide in and she's from Trinidad, yo.
I love it.
Well, I am so happy to be here and thank you so much for having me to talk about three ways to experience self-love through travel.
It's definitely one of the topics that is near and dear to my own heart
(02:00):
because it definitely speaks to my journey over the years as a young professional black woman
and navigating relationships and career and self-love.
And one of the ways that I was able to get back to self-love was through travel.
So I'm really, really excited to be here.
I love to travel. So I'm really, really excited to talk about this topic today.
Nice. And I'm excited to talk about that track, that topic.
(02:22):
Like travel is really the thing that over the last few years has just opened everyone's eyes to like,
there is a whole reality outside of the reality that I originally envisioned for myself.
There are children who are talking about, I want to grow up and travel the world.
Like that wasn't a conversation when I was little.
It was like, I want to go to Paris because you heard about the Eiffel Tower
(02:43):
and that was like a cutesy teenage theme.
But outside of that, we didn't know how powerful travel could be.
I just love that we're just now starting to find this out.
And it's like, oh man, look at how much more I could be doing,
what life could be like and all of that great stuff.
So talk about it. Tell us about it.
(03:04):
Agreed. A hundred percent.
It definitely was not a part of the conversation when I was growing up.
Travel was, growing up as a teenager, was kind of like to go see family.
And you'd be buck up in a one bedroom apartment with like 20 of you sleeping, people in the bathtub.
That's the kind of travel that I grew up with.
(03:26):
You know how we Caribbean folk do.
Talk about all your cousins.
All the cousins, all of them. All of them.
So that is the kind of travel that I grew up with.
So as a young adult, coming into travel in a different way
(03:47):
and realizing that it can feed your soul, it can, you know, kick off your self-love journey.
You know, that was definitely not something I had the language for,
nor did I have experience of travel in that way until I was a young adult.
You know, so it is an important conversation.
(04:08):
Yes. It is. Oh my goodness, it really is.
Because a lot of times, just as Black women, we just get so trapped in the day to day, the routine,
you know, the things that we have to do, the things that someone else is telling us that we have to do.
You know, are we measuring up? Are, you know, there's all these questions that are just like,
but it never gets to the core of who you are, right? And who you want to be.
(04:30):
It's always about like, what are the expectations that are laid out that I'm following or not following?
Absolutely. Absolutely. And that actually segues really nicely into the first way, which is good.
Because the first way that you can really start to experience self-love through travel
is by allowing it to disrupt your routine.
(04:52):
And as you were saying, you know, we kind of give in to those expectations and our routine
and what we are supposed to do, you know, and that whenever I talk about those kind of topics,
it brings me back to me when I was in my 20s and you know, what was happening.
I was not in a good place emotionally. I'll start off by saying that.
(05:15):
And in addition to all of that, all of everything that was present in my life at the time was not showing me that I love myself.
Like I was working a job that I didn't really like, you know, it paid the bills.
I was making more money than I had ever made before, making more money than my parents were making, you know,
and you kind of get to that place, financial and you're like, OK, well, this is a good job.
(05:37):
That's what you've pretty much been conditioned to, especially as, you know, young Caribbean black women, right?
We're conditioned to get the good job, right? So had a good job, wasn't happy at all with it.
I was in a relationship that was pretty much a dead end relationship.
We were dating for quite some time and we're in this comfortable kind of routine.
It's not that he was a bad person or I was a bad person. It just wasn't really exciting to me.
(06:01):
It just wasn't really filling my cup in that sense from an emotional perspective.
I had people in my life like my friends who were very negative, you know,
did not share my passion for life in the same way that I did were part of the the the talks.
(06:22):
When we got together for our, you know, girl brunches or lunches or whatever, just wine party, you know, whatever,
you know, you get together with your girls and your children, whatever.
The talk was just very limiting. There were just limits in the talk like, oh, my gosh, there's no good men out there.
Oh, you know, you can't make any more money. Oh, girl, we all broke, you know, like just a negative talk. Right.
(06:46):
And I know there's many of you are listening here to be like, yeah, that's what's happening in my life, too.
But it's a part of our routine. It's a part of what we are accustomed to.
You know, the people in our circle, that's the life that they live as well.
So it's not like we have an example to look out and be like, oh, maybe this could be different.
(07:10):
You know, so travel for me was that disruption of the routine.
And it really started out as my annual escape. And now I'm solely talking about Trinidad Carnival. Right.
So when I started going to Trinidad Carnival, now this is back in 1998. So this is a long time ago.
(07:34):
Yes. Yes. It was a long time ago. It really was.
It started out as an escape, you know, just an escape from that life, you know, from negativity or from whatever I was going through in my whatever drama was going on my relationship from work.
You know, it really started out as an escape. But as I began to continue traveling, you know, to go to Trinidad Carnival every year,
(08:02):
what I came to realize was it disrupted my routine and I saw something different every Trinidad Carnival trip.
I saw something different, whether it was coming back to my real life and being like, what is really going on with this relationship?
Like, for real, for real. Like, why? Why are we fighting all the time? Or why are my needs not being met?
(08:26):
You know, why do I not feel as happy as I feel when I am traveling? You know, so it's kind of like the slow recognition through the disruption of the routine
and then making the decisions to make changes and do it right. And that's really the first way, you know, travel disrupts your routine.
And that for me, if your routine is not serving you in the best way, that disruption of routine on its own is self-love because you are breaking the cycle
(08:56):
and it's up to you to recognize that you're breaking the cycle. And secondly, try to make changes to do something different, you know.
So that's for me, self-love disrupting the routine is just self-love.
I love that. I love that because you know what, one of the things that really stood out to me and what you were saying is being in that relationship
and feeling like this is it, right? You're having talks with your girlfriends and it's just like, yeah, this is what life is.
(09:22):
Like, there's this uncomfortable acceptance of the bare minimum. And you have that opportunity to step out of that and have this amazing, like, just, you know,
and we talk about Carnival being this freeing experience, but just to have this complete freeing experience and realize, no, I can feel something else.
(09:47):
I can feel more like there is more like that's powerful. And I don't think people really recognize what that is.
If they just, I mean, it's just something you have to experience. Like I always push solo travel because I feel like that was solo travel for me.
Like that moment of being like, I can experience more. Like I can feel what it is I really want to feel.
(10:10):
So now how do I replicate that in my real life? Right. Absolutely.
It's like the fact that you won't be able to really see it until you see it is I don't know how to explain it, but it's deep.
Yeah, it really is. No, it really is. You know, they always say there's this whole thing about representation, you know, and seeing yourself reflected, you know, whether it's on TV or social media or whatever in a different situation than where you are in.
(10:43):
And that's where I was in my 20s. I didn't have anyone around me who looked like me who was doing something different, who was doing something positive.
Like I didn't have any entrepreneurs around me. I didn't have, you know, everyone kind of worked a job.
I was around single black women. All of us were single. I wasn't single at the time, but I wasn't in a relationship where I was happy either. You know what I mean?
(11:06):
So there's there's something to be said about that, even as adults. I know we think of representation as something for little black girls and little black boys, but there's something about representation, even for us as adults and as young adults, especially when we're just kind of getting started in the real world.
You know, if you don't have that example, if you don't have that person that you can look at and say, hmm, they're doing something different and that looks nothing like my reality right now.
(11:32):
I want that. Right. Then it's really, really, really difficult to break out of that routine. It really is because you just don't have the example.
So as you were saying, you can't see what you can't see. You literally can't see it because it's not in front of you. Right.
It literally does not exist to you at all. Exactly. Exactly.
(11:54):
Yeah. Yeah. Good ones. So disrupting your routine. Okay. All right. So that's the first one.
So the second way to experience self love through travel is by indulging yourself.
And this is one of my favorite ones.
Because what I found, you know, in the pattern at looking at my travel and, you know, as I got older, looking at the patterns of travel of people around me and then eventually my clients, you know, when you travel, you allow yourself to do things that you wouldn't do in real life.
(12:28):
You know, you sleep more. Yeah, that's that's a big one. You sleep more. Okay. You eat the dessert.
You indulge in a nice meal or two or three. You essentially live your best life when you're on vacation.
So why don't we live our best lives in our real lives. Right. That piece about indulging yourself is definitely something that I absolutely love about travel.
(12:54):
And it's all about showing yourself self love through indulgence. And I think part of it is because self denial is such a part of our culture.
We, you know, are rewarded or we feel virtuous when we deny ourselves a dessert or when we say, oh, I'm surviving on three hours of sleep today.
You know, that's those are seen as badges of honor and they're seen as things that we should feel good about. Right.
(13:23):
So the whole self denial piece, when we get back home after we're done traveling and we've had more sleep and we're feeling rested and we were like we ate all the food that we wanted to eat.
You know, we get back home, we go back to that routine again of self denial. You know, so we go back to the four hours of sleep.
We go back to the eat having a crappy diet. You know, our bodies feeling unnourished, our souls feeling unnourished, you know, not treating ourselves.
(13:52):
Even if it's small indulgences, not treating ourselves to nice things and really denying our best life once we get back to real life, which is crazy. Right.
It just doesn't make any sense. So through travel, I realized that I didn't have to deny myself. Why would I do that? Why am I doing this? Right.
(14:14):
Why? Why should I wait until I travel to do nice things for myself to feed my body properly to get good sleep?
Why would I deny myself all of those things in my regular life? Because if I implemented it into my regular life, I could do so much more.
I could have like, imagine, think about it this way. You know, Americans on the whole are sleep deprived.
(14:40):
Imagine we do so much on so little sleep. Imagine if we all got a good night's rest. You know, our all of our needs were met.
Our bodies were nourished. We were exercising, you know, and we are literally living our best lives every single day. How much more good could we do in the world?
And it's not about piling on the work, but it's about doing things that nourish our soul and really in through that process nourishes other people as well. Right.
(15:11):
Right. Like, imagine what we could do if we were all feeling like we were whole and rested and all of these really great things. Right. Like we could do so much.
We could do so much. It's still interesting because at the same time, you're like, when you know that you don't have sleep and you haven't nourished your body and you have all of these things that you just need, you know, your attitude sucks. Right.
(15:36):
Like, even if you're trying on the surface to keep it together, you know that ultimately your attitude sucks. Like you're irritable. You don't feel like your best. You just feel like, if I'm feeling cruddy for whatever reason,
I can pull out one of those characteristics from my last vacation and just do it. These little things that you don't think about, like if I do it on vacation, it makes me feel good.
(16:00):
How can I slip a little piece out here and there in my real life to make me feel good? Like leaving my job, becoming an independent contractor and all of that was a part of that.
Like during the pandemic, teaching from home, I went to Mexico for three weeks and continued to work. And I was just like, I like this feeling. I like getting up in the morning, handling my business, you know, have my classes in the morning.
(16:23):
And in the afternoon, I'm at the beach, eating a taco. I am living my best life. Like I am in the moment. And then after three weeks, I went back home and you know, was back into the routine.
But when I got back into the routine, I realized I don't have to be in this box and still work. I want to work from home now, like forever.
(16:45):
Exactly. Exactly. That was my last year. I was just like, this feels good. I can handle my business, do my work, but I can still enjoy my life.
Like that gave me the best work-life balance that I could have imagined for myself because I'm always talking about work-life balance being important. But like we said with the last one, you don't really know what you haven't experienced until you haven't experienced it.
(17:11):
And once I experienced the magnitude of having a work-life balance where I'm teaching US history in the morning and I'm on the beach in the afternoon. Oh, we're making this happen. We're making this happen forever.
Best balance ever. Right? Best balance ever. Yes.
If I was just regularly at home, I'd probably be eating one of those like, you know, little frozen peanut butter and jelly things.
(17:37):
But now, you know, it's just like, okay, this is the life I want for myself. This is what I'm about to do. We're going to get this independent contractor thing going. And two years later, I am still here.
Here you are. Exactly. And for me, it was a very similar trajectory to Nadine, you know, starting up my business, Events by Ashae part-time first while I was working full-time.
(18:08):
So I was part-time for three years, about three years, and then went to full-time. Right? So similar trajectory too.
And then it was like, well, I'm working part-time. I really like this working from home thing. I don't want to talk to nobody. You know, there's no water cooler for me to be around.
This is good. How can we do this some more? You know, and then crunching the numbers like, okay, so we did this and let's say the business did this.
(18:35):
Could I really let go of my full-time job or could I go to a consultant model where I was doing part-time hours, you know, and that's how everything kind of petered out over time.
And eventually I became full-time in my business. But you're right. It was following that good feeling following what started out as an indulgence because really back then working from home like 2012, even 2012, even 2015, working from home was like an indulgence.
(19:01):
Right. It was like you were from home. Oh, you're so lucky. Yeah. You know, it was an indulgence.
No one ever really thought about it. It was like, oh wow, that's cool. And that was kind of the end of it. You know, exactly. Exactly. So again, it was following that good feeling and you know, travel gives us that window, right?
(19:22):
In the seeing, okay, this I like this. This was an indulgence when I was traveling. So how can I bring that back home? And for me, there was definitely the work from home factor. Yes, for sure. But it translated into other parts of my life that I didn't really expect.
Like I was like, so why do I have such a good night's sleep at hotels? You know, and then I was like, is this something to do with the bedding? Right. Is the bedding really nice? And I was like, oh, there's pillow tops. What is this?
(19:48):
You know, I got a pillow top for my bed, got some new pillows. I was like, oh, this is great. This is what they do in hotels. Now I can sleep better at home. You know, it just started with little things, just little things. But again, it's all about that picture of, you know, what is your best life?
(20:11):
And a really great clue for that and giving yourself self love is when you go on vacation, when you travel, because again, that's the time when we're like, I'm living my best life. I'm on vacation. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do that. So what are those small things that you or big things that you can bring back from your travel to your regular life?
(20:33):
Yeah, yeah, I love that. I love that. I mean, you have to figure out how to create the life that makes you the most comfortable when you're finding pieces of that, slices of that as you go outside your comfort zone. You got to bring it back. And I don't know, even having this conversation, I don't know if I ever even thought about it like that. I think some of those things I've naturally done, even just with artwork, a lot of my artwork around my house is like from different countries or whatnot. It's like a natural like,
(21:02):
reminder when I walk past different things like when I see this every day, I'm like, Oh, yeah, Columbia, that was great. You know, it's good. You know, it's but I never really thought to outline the way you just did. Now you can share that with other people like, hey, this is what you can do. You know, what would I try? What would I get out of it? Well, this is an example.
(21:24):
Right? Example like example, like you can take slices from everywhere and then create a whole new life for yourself, new reality for yourself. I love that. Absolutely. Because even those small changes, as you know, Nadine, I mean, we're talking about the artwork and I, you know, I have examples here too, from Trinidad and stuff. And I'll give you a story in a second. But even those small changes, you know, that give you that happy little jolt, you know, as you go, you know, you're going to be able to do that.
(21:53):
You know, as you go about your day, as you say, you pass by your artwork and you remember and you smile, you know, and it brings you back to that place that alone bringing that good feeling into your body.
It just does so much. You don't realize that it does so much. But, you know, chronic stress is real. Stressful lives are real. And if you can even bring that little glimmer of your day where you just you're like, Oh, you look at that artwork and you're like, Oh, I remember my trip to Columbia.
(22:22):
It was fantastic. I got to I saw your Instagram reel of you dancing. You know, like all that stuff. You bring back all those awesome memories. Right. Yeah. So even that little glimmer, it just does so much. It feels good in your body.
You know, that is that is self love, you know, just remembering those good times and bringing those wonderful feelings into your body is really good. Yeah. Yeah.
(22:48):
So let me tell you my story. So I have a piece of artwork that I bought. Gosh, 2006. And this was actually in Trinidad because I lived in Trinidad as an adult for about almost a year, actually, almost a year.
I did and bought this piece of artwork. I just love the colors in it. Right. I was like, Oh, it's so colorful. It's pretty. I love it. I love it. I love it. Fast forward 2015 or 16 somewhere around there just moved into the new house, you know, finally framed this artwork because it was rolled up.
(23:25):
You know, like I didn't get it framed or anything finally frame this artwork and looked at the title of the artwork and the artist I knew it was a Trinidadian artist, but I never really looked at I just love the colors and I bought it.
It is titled Carnival like literally titled Carnival, which was so funny for me because now that you know Caribbean carnivals have become such a big part of my life with events by Ashae and you know taking groups to experience it.
(23:58):
It's just like, wow, I had carnival with me all of these years, artistic representation right but every time I look at it again it brings back that really happy and joyous feeling, you know, and for me it's just like, it's just the Caribbean in a frame.
And all of the love that I have for my Caribbean roots in my Caribbean culture and taking people to experience the Caribbean, whether it be on a retreat or carnival trip or whatever the case may be that just reminds me every time I look at it, you know, and it hangs right here in my office, you know, I see it every single day and I was like, huh, never even read the title of the artwork.
(24:41):
I mean, it just kind of shows how life automatically aligns itself like once you put things out there, this is what I want.
And then you start seeing things just start to align, the smallest things, and it just feels like, oh, this is where I'm supposed to be.
Yes, absolutely, absolutely. So that was my little story there.
(25:02):
I love that. I love that. Oh my goodness.
Thank you.
So we have the last way. And this one is a good one too.
So when you travel, you give yourself permission to have fun.
And this one, it's interesting because, you know, as even as we're kids, we're taught to pay attention, pay attention in class, it's time to be serious. And we take that to heart so much as adults as we get older that the fun gets pushed out of our lives somehow.
(25:42):
And we don't even remember what it was like to have fun after getting stuck in our little routines. And, you know, this one is really, really important because when you travel, you actually give yourself permission to have fun.
Yeah, yeah, you really do. It's strange. You don't give us, we don't give ourselves permission to have fun in our regular life, but we give ourselves permission to have fun when we're on vacation.
(26:08):
You know, you let loose when you're on vacation, you find fun things to do. Oh, what can I get into today? You know, what am I going to go on today? Oh, let me go river rafting. Oh, let me go get a, you know, mud bath somewhere.
You know, like we think about all of the fun things when we're on vacation, we laugh more, we feel lighter, you know, and the more fun you have, the more good feelings you have in your body, the more you're laughing, the more you're releasing and relieving yourself of all that stress.
(26:40):
And that is a very radical act of self love, especially as an adult, right? That is really what I think of as the gift of self love, you know, laughing, having fun, enjoying yourself. That's a gift of self love, you know, you're giving yourself permission to feel all of those good feelings and to feel joy and to feel unrestrained by the, you know, shackles of society.
(27:09):
That's the power of travel, right? That's the power of travel.
That is definitely it. I would so agree. And it's so interesting because why don't we give ourselves the permission to have fun? You know what I mean?
I know.
It's like you said in the beginning, we have this, this, this trophy, this denial trophy, or this denial badge that we love to walk around with. Like I've denied myself this and now I am great.
(27:32):
Right.
And it's just like, but no, you're not happy.
You're so unhappy.
You know, like, yeah, you have three hours of sleep, but now you're cranky and you're rude and you're mean and I don't even want to be around you.
Right. You're taking it out on everybody else. Like, seriously.
Yeah.
Take a nap.
Right.
(27:55):
So give it like giving yourself permission to have fun on vacation really should start to lead back to, I need to give myself permission to feel what I felt on vacation every day, you know, every single day.
Absolutely. And for this may, you know, strike a nerve with some people. I'm not talking about Netflix and for five hours. Okay, no.
(28:22):
I think as North Americans, our ideas of fun have become so streamlined and so frankly, basic, they become so basic. Right. So it's what is convenience, as opposed to what is actually fun.
Right. What is actually making you feel good, making you laugh, making you smile. So no, I'm not talking about a Netflix marathon. No, no.
(28:54):
I'm not talking about scrolling through Instagram on your phone, scrolling through reels. That's not what we're talking about here.
I'm talking about true, genuine fun, whatever that looks like for you. And I'll give you a personal example. For me, it's more about indulging in my hobbies like I love doing puzzles.
I love sewing. I love creating with my hands right that is for me that is fun and it works a different side of my brain right.
(29:22):
But whatever it looks like for you and if you're thinking, I don't even remember what it's like to have fun. That is okay because by being open and being curious about what is actually fun for you and trying new things is actually self love too.
So that is just fine.
Sometimes when we look at media, and that's all media streaming media and social media, we get caught up with media. It's really a more of an escape like a, I don't want to say mindless escape because it sounds so bad, but it's a mindless escape.
(29:57):
You know, it can be fun for a little while but it's, you know, of course there's funny reels and things like that, but it doesn't require you to really find the core of what brings you joy. It just requires you to watch someone else's joy, watch what someone else is doing.
You know, maybe you are laughing at that or entertained by that but it does not really give you the source of your own joy.
(30:20):
Absolutely. Your own joy. I think that's that just hits it right on the head Nadine. Agreed. It doesn't bring you back to what lights you up. What is fun for you. What brings you joy. You're absolutely right. It doesn't quite hit that mark, you know, and it's, as you said, going back to what you're saying about zoning out.
(30:42):
There are times where I feel like some of these forms of entertainment have almost turned us into zombies or trying to turn us into zombies. And I'm not talking about a zombie apocalypse or anything like that. Okay, people.
Don't be DMing me saying, you know, that's not what I'm talking about. What I'm talking about is the whole zoning out piece and being completely disconnected emotionally emotionally from the activity that you're taking part in. Right, whether it's scrolling through social media or, you know, zoning out in front of Netflix, and those things have their places, right, they have their places, but that should not be the only source of your fun.
(31:24):
Yeah, please don't let that be the only source of your fun. Right.
Because that in itself is limiting, right.
Absolutely. You're limiting physical movements, you know, you're limiting your interaction with the world around you. Like, it's just limiting. And it's not, it doesn't require you to do anything.
It does not require your engagement. Yeah, it does not require your engagement. So in real true social interaction where you're talking with somebody requires engagement, right, you know, you're being completely engrossed in putting together a puzzle or doing a craft or doing something with your
(32:04):
hands requires engagement, right. So yeah, the zoning out does not require any engagement at all. No, it doesn't. And then you kind of lose yourself in that because you're you're you're kind of over I think overly entertained with what else is going on with other people.
But I do feel like there's also the side where those are the people are living their lives to entertain you and you're missing yours.
(32:28):
Absolutely. You're standing by in your own life, while you're watching everybody else live theirs. Yeah, right. Yeah. And the other piece and I know this will strike a nerve as well. A lot of us complain that we don't have enough time.
You have time for what you want to make time for. I'll say it again, you have time what you want to make time for.
(33:02):
So the hours you spend scrolling on Instagram. That's time you could have used doing something else. The Netflix binge that you did. That's time you could have used doing something else that's really going to feed your soul that's going to engage your brain that's going to actually that you're
actually going to enjoy. So if your first thing is saying, Well, I don't have time to do this. Really think about what are you doing with your time. Yeah, it's so true. It's so true because it's like, you know, sometimes we get overwhelmed and we want that that minute of this like, okay, I don't want to think about anything.
(33:36):
Let me just scroll. Absolutely. But then that has to come to an end right it has to stop at some point so that way you can kind of recalibrate and get to that place where it's just like, all right, let me let me figure out what I need.
I need to feel good, you know, not just to not just to release the feeling of being stressed, but also to fill myself feeling good. Yeah, yeah, and I don't I don't think we really talk about that enough but that's like something different.
(34:07):
It's one thing to, let me get rid of what I don't like. But you have to intentionally look for bringing back in what you do like. Yes, absolutely. Giving yourself permission to do that on vacation, then should open your eyes to how can I do that back in my regular life my day to day.
Yes. Yeah, exactly.
(34:28):
Exactly.
I'm just like this is so deep because we don't talk about the value of travel enough, you know, right. I'm big on solo travel. I feel like people have to have some time to go and do something by themselves like not just okay well I did go to a restaurant or this step myself or what not.
(34:58):
Well, what's actually planned something for yourself. Decide what you are going to enjoy without the input of anybody else. You know what you're going to attend, and how are you going to engage with people that you don't know, or do you even engage in all at all or do you
have so much fun with yourself which I do that you don't have to you don't need anybody else.
(35:32):
You know, you have never experienced you know, being enjoying being by themselves. Yeah, but it really is an opportunity for you to find that center of joy. Absolutely joy is directly connected to self love as far as I'm concerned.
Yes, completely agree with you 100% and it really was one of the reasons that I created the ultimate girls getaway which is our retreat that we're doing next year for professional black women, you know, it's a group trip.
(36:02):
However, you are encouraged to spend time with yourself.
We have those pockets of time because the intention of the trip is for you to not need a vacation from a vacation. And it's also to all of the reasons I like to call them to recharge to reset revitalize yourself and really get back to the core of your
(36:27):
joy, like whatever that is right we just have so many demands on our time as we were talking about time, including self inflicted demands on our time and scrolling on Instagram or binging Netflix, that we don't have the space to really get back to that core of our
(36:48):
joy and I like that term Nadine I really do the core of our joy. Yes, absolutely.
I love that. This sounds amazing. Okay, information on that like how can we sign up like, yes, yes, definitely. So, all of our information is on our website website at ultimate girls getaway.net.
(37:10):
And on our website you can actually sign up for a full YouTube series on these three ways to experience self love through travel. It is a series that I absolutely love creating. Oh my gosh, I had so much fun just you know filming those videos and talking about
self love through travel, and it goes deeper in terms of the three in regards to the three ways that I shared today with you all. And it's completely free so you can sign up for that on the website and then also on the website you can find out more information about the ultimate
(37:41):
girls getaway that we're doing the next ultimate girls getaway that we're doing. Yes, I love that I love that you have space for the group, and for the individual, because I feel like that is the perfect balance for one.
Those who are like you know, I need support in trying to figure out what this looks like for me, you know, sometimes with solo travel you if someone else is not there maybe you do need that support from that but that person of course has to be in that space
(38:06):
as well. But having people around to kind of create that atmosphere I think is amazing, and then giving people also the space to say okay, now it's about you, you know, go off and here you are here.
And that can be really really cathartic, like, yeah, to have both, you know, yeah, yeah, intentionally, you know, created an intentionally created space to, you know, just kind of sit through whatever emotions whatever realities just whatever.
(38:41):
That's amazing. It was very very intentional like the curating of this getaway was very very intentional, because I definitely wanted it to be a complete retreat, not just like a partial you know, on the surface kind of retreat you know where you kind of,
you know, you get this you get that I wanted it to be deeper than that. And I also wanted it to be in a safe space for these women, where they are supported and supporting each other, you know, in their solo journeys and you know coming together as a group at
(39:15):
different points throughout the retreat as well so it was very intentionally curated in that way to give the space and the time for us as black women to really, really really get to the core of our joy.
I love that.
Listen,
(39:37):
I might use something like, as my girl Nadine said, listen, core of my joy. Yes, I love it.
Yes, that's exactly what everything is connected to your self awareness, your self love, your, your self control, like everything really results in, in my purview, in my perspective, everything revolves around where you source your joy.
(40:04):
Yes, and when I realized for me that it was travel.
That was it right was when I moved back when I moved back from Abu Dhabi, and I was like okay I'm going to keep traveling this no big deal I'm over here by Atlanta Airport like we're good.
But when I started to realize like there were some, like you talked about your friends earlier, you know, having conversations that just felt so limiting.
(40:25):
That's what I came back to. And here it is I've just spent three and a half years living abroad so my whole mindset has completely changed.
You know, and that and within that time I'm also traveling to different places in Asia and other places in the Middle East, you know in Europe and I'm just, I'm, I'm seeing life, I'm seeing all these different things I'm like oh I like this and, you know, I'm understanding
(40:48):
this about Islam and I'm understanding this about you know so there's all these different or new understandings that you have, and you come back and you hear people have conversations that you were once a part of here like that's actually that true, you know,
right.
It's a really strange thing, right. It is the strangest feeling you are absolutely right because once you shift, you can't go back. You really can't go back once you're, you're limited view has shifted and you can envision a life of more abundance and a life
(41:25):
of limits, you really can't shift back so when you come back to those old conversations, you're kind of like, Hmm, yeah, that no not there anymore. Yeah, that's not where I'm at.
And it's not saying that you're better than people or you know, but I think that's the natural ebb and flow of life as you grow as you see different things as you were saying and as you shift your perspective, right.
(41:52):
Once you see those examples we were talking about earlier those representation examples, and you have that bigger vision, you know and you shift. It's really, really hard.
Yeah, it's really hard to ignore it's really hard to go back, because you find yourself thinking like, Well, I saw them do it like you know you just find yourself thinking about how other people have lived their lives, you know how other people have
(42:19):
done things. You know I run an Airbnb. My Airbnb is ran like how it's run overseas. When I go to the Airbnb overseas there are certain things that are just available certain ways that the host interacts you know there are just certain things that
make me feel more like I am renting someone's home, then I'm just here. Right, and I've used that same concept to run my Airbnb, and the reviews I get is like this is the best hope ever.
(42:49):
Oh my god thank you. You know, you always have a couple hard issues here and there and that's like, what, you know, I love when I get that feedback that's just like wow you were such an amazing host or wow thank you.
And I'm like, that's because I've seen how this can look in other places, and how people can, you know, feel that sense of hospitality and other places, and that sense of autonomy, because most of the places that I've rented abroad were so easy to
(43:20):
check in and check out. I was like, Oh, that's a really good technique, you know, I'll do that in my Airbnb, Airbnb, so just little things that you kind of learn, just based on how other people do things, you know,
Absolutely.
Staying open to that is exactly what you're talking about. Yep. That way to love yourself enough to say, I actually like doing it this way, instead of that way.
(43:47):
This is the only way. But now that I know that there's more. I'm going to go for it. Yeah, yeah that giving yourself permission right it goes back to that permission piece, giving yourself permission to think about something differently and apply it to your own life,
you may have been conditioned to do, despite what you may have been told is the right way to do despite what everybody else is doing around you. That, yes, is self love. Absolutely.
(44:17):
I feel like this conversation needs to be had more and more and more.
Read. Yeah, I mean this is what I do in my own life, if I come, I read a lot. I read a lot. If I come across something that really struck me, or I was like, I need to apply this to my own life.
I will read it over and over and over or listen to it over and over and over again, because one of the laws of learning is repetition. Yes, right. And you learn when you hear something over and over again and then conversely it works if you
(44:51):
hear something negative over and over and over again, right, right absorb that as well. So why not hear something positive over and over and over again so you can learn it, get the lesson and apply it to your own life so share it multiple times,
I know I will be sharing it multiple times because I think this conversation is needed, and it was just fantastic. Yes, girl, it was definitely needed. I mean, you know just thinking about how many how many times I talk about travel being so cathartic and just the
(45:24):
opportunity to just change and shift your whole reality that I'm like yes, somebody else gets it. You should get it.
Nadine gets it.
Right?
You just need the two of us, and you just need to broadcast it out there.
Send it out to the masses. Yes, yes, yes, yes, because otherwise you find yourself like, you know, you don't you don't want to be a gatekeeper, and you want, you want the community of the community of women community of black women, you just want people to feel
(46:00):
that way. And it's like if I if I can find something that can help you get out of a rut, get out of, you know, bad routine, whatever it is. I want to share that. Absolutely. Absolutely. I'm with you on that. Yes, share multiple ways.
That's what it sounds like. So I'll be there.
(46:34):
I think, like, you know, we touched on a lot of things that aren't talked about too often in travel, but kind of the deeper side of travel like of course travel is pretty and nice and look at the blue water and look at this little tiny bikini, you know, and all the other things that that draw people to travel.
But ultimately, there's a whole deeper side that I think we really need to continue to consider. So that way we can kind of get out of our own limitations, you know, I posted on threads the other day that part of my purpose with traveling black women is to get us away from the double
(47:08):
consciousness that we all look through, you know, this is how the world sees me. So this is how I'm supposed to be. And we don't recognize that we do that consciously. Not a lot of us, you know, when we have conversations like this, then it starts to open our minds or our eyes that are doing
this, but really, we don't really think about it, we're always looking at ourselves through someone else's expectations, just like we said in the beginning, to be able to kind of peel back those expectations and get to the core of like, this is this is what I want what I need, whatever
(47:41):
I want to get out of life and just figure it out and just feel better and feel good and whatever else you know is is something that really needs to be put on the forefront a little bit more. So, I agree.
And that whole double consciousness that you were talking about the whole piece about living authentically, you know, living that single consciousness life right where you are yourself, because that is more than enough. Yes, right is more than enough.
(48:12):
Right. Oh yes, it's yes. And, you know, I know right, because I'm about to go down a whole rabbit hole you know I want to go down a whole rabbit hole again.
So, I'm gonna say you're welcome Nadine and thank you for having me because I'm about to go down a whole rabbit hole authenticity piece, girl.
Oh, well, we can do this again and we can jump into that again.
(48:36):
And do a whole nother hour and jump into all of that again. I would love it.
That's a whole other topic right? It's literally a whole other topic. But it is another topic. It's connected though, it's definitely connected.
Yes, it is.
All right, well thank you all so much for tuning in. And as a final inspiration. I have a quote from Audre Lorde. You probably already know it.
(49:01):
We're caring for myself is not self indulgence. It is self preservation. I'm gonna repeat that first part again. Some of you may already know it, maybe not. But if you don't write it down. Caring for myself is not self indulgence. It is self preservation and that is an act of political warfare.
(49:24):
So I'm gonna marinate on that. Feel that out. See what that means for you how that feels in your body.
And that's it. So thank you again Isha and thank you all for tuning in.
Thank you for having me.
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