May 30, 2023 • 49 mins
Solo Travel... The single most loved and feared method of traveling. Could you do it? Have you done it? On this episode Nadine & Genny discuss pushing through the anxiety of traveling alone to explore the world. If you've been considering solo travel, this episode is especially for you!
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All right, we are recording. What's up? Hey, what's up y'all? Welcome to episode three
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of the Traveling Black Women podcast. All right, y'all. So guess what we are talking
about today. So travel. Yes, yes. Something that is very near and dear to my heart. I
think this is probably one of my favourite things to discuss about travel, solo travel,
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you know. Yeah. Just a level of freedom, of empowerment, of enthusiasm. There's just so
many words that I can use to describe it. I have to also point out that I'm a very,
very anxious person. So there's a contradictory part of me that's like, yes, the freedom and
the other part's like anxiety ridden. Like, oh my gosh, no, I can't do this. But yeah,
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I think that's what makes it so special to me, because I'm also very anxiety ridden.
Like I'm also that person who is like, let me make sure I plan everything out so nothing
goes wrong. And if something goes wrong, let me look at plan B on page 35. And look at
plan C on page 37. That's me, right? So I'm the kind of person that I think if you were
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inside my head, you would think I would never solo travel. The thing about solo travel is
that it is what it means to do what you want to do scared. Like still do it. Yeah. It's
funny that I think that there's a lot of people that at least one point in their life, they've
lived by themselves. When it comes to, you know, when you're living by yourself, you
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have to look at the area that you're going to live in. You have to look at the location
of where it is in comparison to, you know, either the city or the town or the transportation.
The same methods that you would use when you're trying to find somewhere to live, whether
that's by yourself, with family or with friends, is the same method that would be applied when
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you're solo traveling in terms of trying to find your accommodation. I'll be honest, I'm
not the biggest review person because I always look and think about reviews as people's opinion.
And if people were having a bad day on the day that they left the review, that's going
to be 10 negative reviews on somewhere that might not have been that bad. It just didn't
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look up to this expectation that they thought it would be. And now you've deterred another
50 people from going to that one place. That's a good point. Right. So if we're talking about
things like cleanliness, of course that's going to be as a whole. That's not opinionated.
But if we're talking about staff and things like that, those kinds of things are opinionated,
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which isn't always a true reflection on the establishment. That's a really good point.
I've been the opposite where I lean very heavily into reviews, but then there are times where
you have to acknowledge this is user error or this is really the person who's writing
the reviews issue. So I feel that. I feel that. And that's the kind of thing for me
is a major deterrent for people wanting to solo travel. I'm not telling anybody not to
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do their research, but you have to have discretion or discernment when you're doing your research.
Because then you'll never experience anything. Right. Let's talk about food. I literally
just had sushi for dinner. The amount of people are like, ew, it's raw fish. Okay. But I like
it. But if I've listened to everybody that said, don't try it, then I just would never
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know if it was something for me because I didn't try. Right. When I went on my first
solo trip, I remember doing a level of planning that was more so how long do I think I'm going
to be able to stay in this country before I get bored? Are there things to do that if
I went for seven days? Because the UK we have 28 days annual leave plus seven bank holidays.
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So it works out to over a month. So you can go places for seven days. No problem. Right.
And I just remember selecting different places that had things to do and thinking, okay,
if I book up something, one excursion, one activity per day, then I can't be bored for
the entire trip because I've got something to do each day.
You know what? And I think that is the main thing that I do as well. I am flexible. I'm
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not like, you know, the Virgo style anxious planner, where we have to do everything. Number
one, two and three is like, no, I have something that's prepared just in case there is nothing
to do. You know, that's, that's more of my thing. Keeping myself occupied when I'm solo
traveling, it's easy for me to communicate back home where I am and what I'm doing. So
if, if you don't see any pictures of me at this cooking class, then it's okay for you
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to ask, Hey, where you at? Like, it's okay to check in. It gives you the opportunity
to not feel like I'm bored. I have nothing to do. There's no one with me, you know, and
then you get lost in all of those thoughts. And then you have that whole like waterfall
of I'm by myself. Like, no, like keep doing something. And then on top of all of that,
and I think you talked about this in our first podcast, it's also the opportunity for you
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to now talk to other people who don't know you. And there is something that there's something
very freeing with anonymity. I'm not talking about like, you know, just going out there
and being wild and crazy and you're by yourself. Like, no, you still have to think smart. Just
like Jenny said in the beginning, the same way you would move smart when you're moving
into your own space at home is the same caution that you need to take abroad. So I'm not saying
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that when I say there's some freedom and anonymity, but I do think there's some freedom in being
able to sit in a restaurant or a bar or be at an event or being an activity and just
be able to have a conversation with someone who does not know, know you enough to judge
you based on the person you want to be in that moment.
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And I have to be honest, I don't care how many times you've traveled solo. I don't care
how far you've been, how close you've been. The nerves and anxiousness does not disappear.
Right. This is even to just locally like stick a pin on solo travel. I went out for a friend's
birthday dinner maybe about three weeks ago and people won't understand my anxiety does
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not allow me to be silent. The silence kills me and I refuse to be uncomfortable anywhere.
I'm sorry if me talking to you makes you uncomfortable, but if I had to choose you or me, I'm choosing
me. So I introduce myself to these two girls. Can you imagine the cheek of them to tell
me I think you're in the wrong room? Oh, I'm like, okay. But I heard the waitress who was
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still standing here. I heard the waitress say my friend's name. So are you sure? The
waitress is like, Oh, actually, I'm not sure. Maybe you could come downstairs with me so
we can double check. Lo and behold, I was in the right room and these two females were
not in the right room. So now I was supposed to be and they were not. But could you imagine
if I stayed in that room and I did not say anything, a whole other group of people would
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have turned up that I have no clue who they are because I already do not know the celebrants,
friends and family or whoever's coming out. I have no clue. Right. So if I didn't speak
in that moment in time, I could have been stuck in a room with people for 20 or 30 minutes,
not speaking to them, not having any clue who they were here to celebrate or anything
just because my anxiety did not allow me to say, Hi, I'm Jenny. Who are you? Or how are
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you? Yeah. How do you know this person? It doesn't stop me from being vocal wherever
I go, when I'm by myself. Me talking to people makes me feel more safe. It makes me feel
less by myself. There's a level of confidence that you have to have with solo travel because
I don't think you realize that you stand out more when you look nervous.
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Yeah, that's true.
And how I get through each solo trip or solo adventure. Like honestly, you have to start
small. If you've never been to a restaurant by yourself, you've never been to the zoo
by yourself, you've never been anywhere by yourself. Don't solo travel, please.
At the end of the day, it's like, if I am comfortable here moving around with myself,
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then I can be comfortable anywhere in the world moving around by myself.
You deserve to be comfortable moving anywhere in this world by yourself.
Yeah. Yeah. You know, it's interesting because I know that Western culture, US culture, you
know, is very individualistic, especially after COVID. Right. Everybody learned how
to be by themselves. So it's either I can sit around and be like, oh my God, I'm by
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myself. Or I can be like, let me find some shit to do by myself and enjoy my own company.
If you're able to go and enjoy your own company in your own city, then going abroad and getting
on a plane and going and doing the very same thing somewhere else will not seem that bad.
I feel like if travel is your thing, solo travel just trumps nearly anything else that
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you've done travel wise. Yeah. It's not easy to do. You don't realize that when you're
traveling with somebody, you get to double check the gate with them. Oh, it says D6,
right? And they check their ticket. Yeah, yeah, it's D6. And then you get to D6 and
you want to make sure like, this is the gate, right? You can't do that when you're by yourself.
Yeah. Everything you're doing, you're confirming with yourself. Like, girl, this is the gate.
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Oh hell yeah, this is the gate. And you're going to check that thing 15, 20 times over.
Yeah. And as the trip goes on with all these little things, you land, you want to find
the trolley to get your luggage. You want to find the gate that says exit to go get
your Uber, assessing your surroundings. Everything you're doing, you're talking to yourself like,
wow, I actually got on the plane. Yeah. I actually made it here. I got in the taxi.
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Like every little part of the solo travel is a tick off a box that you didn't even put.
It wasn't a list. You didn't go there to tick things off because so many things happen that
you didn't think would happen. So each time you get past these little milestones, you're
like, yes, I did that. Yeah. And you get to feel proud of yourself from the very beginning
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of the trip. Forget about when you get there and you check in and you know, you put on
your bikini and you go down to the pool by yourself the next day. There's so many things
to be proud of way before the next day. I think that is such a great example. Like that
was the perfect example because unless you've traveled by yourself, you don't realize how
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valuable those moments are. Those are the moments where you realize how much you rely
on external validation to get you through your day. And people try to make out like
talking to yourself is madness. No, it's not. There's no one else that's going to encourage
me. There's no one else that's going to praise me. There's no one else that's going to make
me feel good about the fact that I really just got on this whole plane by myself. Yeah.
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It's only when you're a grown adult, when you realize that you've been traveling literally
through this world with people, the moment you don't have people to do it, you better
pack yourself on the back. I traveled solo with an itinerary for the first time at 34
for my 34th birthday. But since a little girl, my mother used to send me to Trinidad every
summer pack bag and baggage and go to Trinidad. And I would be there from anywhere from about
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seven to 10 weeks. And even before then I was flying with my cousin Roxanne. That was
probably like six and she was probably like 13, 14. So we were still both two kids traveling
by ourselves. So I think somewhere in there when it came time for me to do it as an adult,
that part of it going through the airport or whatnot, that part never scared me. Oh,
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it was just what I do when I get there because now I don't know anybody when I get there,
you know, your thoughts become louder, you can just be in your own world and no one's
going to interrupt your thoughts to be by yourself in a space looking out a window on
a tour bus, which I wasn't in Iceland on my first trip. You're thinking and no one is
interrupting that thinking. You can have all these conversations in your mind and not be
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interrupted, not be thrown off and not even have somebody to be like, let me have this
conversation and see what their opinion is. Since you don't have that person, you actually
have to pay attention to your own opinion. And you might still be conflicted. It's not
to say that everything, every problem in your life is going to be solved with solo travel.
You may still leave and be like, I don't know. But the point is you finally heard your own
voice without the interruption of somebody else. And that for me is my favorite part.
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I feel like that's the part that most people are running away from. And I don't know why
I don't know why you are running away from wanting to be the person that advocates for
you. If it goes wrong, you should only be able to blame you. And if it goes right, you
should only be able to give yourself credit. You should not be given that to somebody else.
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Yeah. Yes. Okay. We're going to choose destinations. Nadine, I'm going to sit here with you and
I'm going to ask you out of these three, if you had a choice, where would you go? That's
your opinion. But if I had my heart set on choice B and you chose choice A, why on earth
am I going to go on choice A when you're not even coming? Thanks for your opinion, but
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I just needed to know if we were on the same page. And then what ends up happening is because
your friend, family, whoever it is that you've conferred with is not on the same page, you've
ran now. I'm just not going to go actually. They thought about place A and there must
be a reason why they chose place A and maybe there's something. Overthinking is a problem
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with all of us in all aspects of our lives. Not just solo travel. In everything that we
do, you have two job offers, you're overthinking which one is going to be the best long term.
You're moving house, you want to know which one has the best location. Like overthinking
is a standard practice. Going solo doesn't mean that you have to be completely by yourself.
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You don't have to isolate yourself from the world, but you should be going to learn more
about yourself, about the capabilities that you can do without having anybody's opinion
to do it. You think if I told any one of my friends, forget even telling my mum that is
so scared of water. You think if I could tell any one of my friends I was going to swim
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with dolphins before I was going to swim with them, they'd be like, yeah Jen, go do it.
No. They'll be asking me, am I mad because I know I can't swim. Well, guess what? I'm
here to take the risk. I'll find out what happens tomorrow if I make it. There's too
many things to deter people from doing things that they want to do in life. And if you want
to solo travel, we are here to tell you, go and do it please. And start small. Start small,
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start near. If you have to go book a hotel in the next city or within your town for a
weekend, take your book, take your notepad, take your laptop, watch your Netflix, do whatever
you need to do. Start small. Go to the movies, go to the restaurant, go to the museum, go
wherever you need to go by yourself and do the thing by yourself because these are the
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things that help you to build the confidence.
Let me ask you a question, Nadine. What is one or some of the challenges that you face
during solo traveling?
The challenge that I face is the financial challenge. So while I may be able to afford
an entire trip, I prefer splitting the entire trip in half. Because let me tell you, going
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to Napa Valley by myself versus going to Napa Valley with my mom was completely different.
I had a great time both times, but I had a better time with her because I didn't have
to just pay for everything by myself. So I think that for me is the main thing. Like,
man, I really want to go and stay at this particular hotel. But as an individual, I
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don't know, I'm going to have to wash dishes. I'm going to have to make some beds. I don't
know what I'm going to have to do. I need to scale down.
This is a public service announcement in all the places in this world that you would not
go to by yourself. Do not go to Bali, Indonesia by yourself. Well, I have done that trip three
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times and the first time was by myself. And I thought, oh, this is expensive, but I didn't
think anything of it because I didn't know any different.
Will these people have the cheek to charge you per car, not per person? So the car that's
fully fit for people. And because I'm on a solo excursion, you're still going to charge
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me the price as if to say it had three other people in there. You know how much of a difference
it made to go to Bali twice with two other people. I said, what? Girl, I can't even tell
you the prices. I went to Bali in 2016, wait, 2015, 16 and 19. That 2015 to 2017 year, I
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was genuinely unstoppable. I was going everywhere because I could, I had the money and I had
the time off work. It was no problem. So even though it felt expensive, I didn't know that
it was actually expensive until I went with people. I said, nah, this place, I can never
go here again by myself. Wow. It's expensive. So imagine the car is 150 USD. Based on the
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people you split that it's going to be 150 regardless of if it's by yourself. You know
what? So I went to Bali for my 35th birthday with 22 people. I would have never considered
it expensive because we were all paying like $20 for this excursion because the van cost
us much. I've never been to Thailand. They tell you Thailand is cheap to be in. Yeah.
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But expensive to get to. Okay, fine. I can take that. Bali by yourself is expensive.
It's not making sense at all. I wouldn't do it again. I had a great time, but I wouldn't
do it again. There's some places that bills have to be paid when you're home. Rent or
more has to be paid. Groceries have to be bought. It needs locally have to take place
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for you to get through where you live more than 300 days of the year. That Bali, do not
attempt to go there by yourself because it will almost set you back to the point that
you probably wouldn't want to visit anywhere on that side of the world again. For me, your
challenge is one that everybody would relate to. My challenge, I don't know if people will
relate to it. People really might be asking me like, why do you continue to go on holiday
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if this is what you have to deal with? But every single day I have to really shout at
myself to leave the hotel room. My anxiety is telling me, oh, you know, you're on holiday.
You don't need to go outside. You'll find in the hotel room like, no girl, you need
to eat. Breakfast is now and it finishes in an hour. And why did you get up an hour ago?
Yeah. And then you know when to leave. I'm just angry at myself. Like, why didn't I leave
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three hours ago? Yeah, it happens everywhere. And again, guys, I can be honest with you,
it even happens in my own house daily. Wow. Plan, like an actual plan to leave this house.
I cannot just go through the front door and say, oh, I'm just going to go for a walk around
the block. That's aimless to me. So that's another like method to my madness of why I
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have to have things booked. Because if they're not booked, then it's kind of unlikely. I'll
probably waste about two days being in the hotel and then get out on the third day and
be angry that I didn't just leave the hotel two days ago. I remember when I went to Dubai
for my 30th birthday, which was literally 2020. And I had to really, really, really
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gear myself up to leave because I didn't realize that the windows were a bit tinted. So I was
high up and it was looking a bit cloudy outside. So I just convinced myself, oh, it's cloudy
out there. I don't need to go outside on my birthday. You know, big, big 30th birthday.
I'm telling myself, I don't need to go outside. Like, this is not the whole reason why I flew
to this country. London had just put in their restrictions to make it be six people or less.
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So I had to cancel my party. And then the weather forecast for literally that entire
week was 90% rain. I said, oh, hell no, I'm not staying here. I'm going where it's guaranteed
sun. So imagine I've actually left my rainy country to go and spend my birthday in hot
sun and I'm still having to convince myself to leave. That's probably one of the contradictory
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challenges that I have with going away by myself. I like the freedom of being able to
do what I want when I want, but I still need somebody to tell me, oh yeah, Jen, you know,
we had this booked at one o'clock or breakfast finishes in an hour. Do you want to go or
do you want to do this later? It takes a lot for me to get out. And then when I'm out,
I don't want to come back in because I'm like, home girl, you just wasted like two hours
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in the hotel and you did not need to do that. You could have been tidying up. Like even
if it's just, you have to put a bikini on and go down to the poolside and catch a tan,
you know, you left the hotel room. Like that's a big accomplishment. You still left your
whole home country to check into the hotel or Airbnb or hostel, wherever it is you're
choosing to stay and then put on your good, good, good bikini shorts. If your guys are
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listening, you know what you guys choose to wear your trunks or whatever you call them,
just go downstairs by the pool or go across the street to the beach. Don't underestimate
that, you know, cause you still did that. You don't have to go on a solo trip and have
all these things booked to feel accomplished by the fact that I traveled solo. Go and understand
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that leaving your home country to go and spend some time in a different country, even if
it's just that you read your book, you left, that is an accomplishment in itself. And I
think that sometimes my challenge is not giving myself enough credit at the fact that I made
it here. So what you have to observe in that moment as a solo traveler is that in every
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situation there was a comfort zone that you push yourself out of to the next step. So
even if the next step is you sitting in that hotel and now having to push yourself out
of getting out of the hotel, that is your next step, right? So that's like literally
a staircase. Okay. I'm on, I'm on the next step. I'm in this hotel room. I'm in Dubai.
So I'm clearly, I've clearly made it here and I've gotten comfortable cause this, this
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is nice. The bed is nice. Whatever else is nice is safe. My door is locked. So now I've
created the next comfort zone. But in that process, you see that that comfort zone looks
nothing like the comfort zone on the step. And then you push yourself out of the actual
hotel, right? Then you're actually going and doing stuff. So now you're literally at comfort
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zone number three.
It really is like a step by step process. If you pay attention, like if you're self
aware enough to pay attention to, I made it here, you know, so you know, you're feeling
like, okay, I have to push myself out of being in this room. Yes. Push yourself out of the
being this room and recognize at the same time that while you're in that room, you create
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another comfort zone that your body wants you to stay in. So you can stay safe. But
in reality, if you're trying to continue to stretch yourself, then you now push yourself
out of the comfort zone of leaving the room. And then once you leave the room is now pushing
yourself out of the comfort zone of now I'm talking to these random people that I don't
know.
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When you're on solo travel, you've got to continue to push all the boundaries because
when you get home, you have no reason to. Yeah. There's no reason for you to push the
barrier any further than where you're at now, you know, right? In terms of two different
travel resources, Nadine, what would you say they would be?
Um, within our network, we have our solo travel guide. So that was written by Marilyn Shane.
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She talked a lot about solo missions and everything that we talked about tonight is pretty much
what she also talked about in the book. Being able to find that self-efficacy about yourself,
being able to hear your own voice, being able to recognize how much of yourself you've given
away as opposed to how much of yourself you've actually given back to yourself to be successful.
Face any fears, face any whatever. She talked about her fear. I think it was either her
(24:00):
fear of flying or her fear of heights. And she decided on one of her solo travels, well,
you know what? I'm going to do parry lighting. So she did that and realized, oh one, that
wasn't that bad. But two, it is actually possible for me to do something that I'm afraid of.
Those who may not be readers, they can get into Facebook groups and just ask questions
like, Hey, I'm interested in solo travel. Does anybody have any tips? Because I think
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that human resource, even though when we think human resource, we think about employment,
but a human resource is just as valuable as a tangible book resource, right? Being able
to ask somebody a question as opposed to just read about it. So those are the resources
that I would say. Like if you're really a person who's feeling like I want to solo travel,
I don't know where to start. I don't know if this is something for me, if it's safe.
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There are so many resources out there, even beyond us, even beyond traveling black women.
There are so many resources out there now where people are saying, this is how you can
travel by yourself safely and see the world. Really be able to like stretch yourself and
meet yourself and see all the things that you are actually capable of.
I think that all of those are good resources and they are all accessible resources that
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everybody is able to use. So the biggest solo adventure was moving and my friends really
let me know in Heathrow when I was leaving that girl, you'll buy yourself from now. So
we're not going to help you carry your suitcases because when you land on the other side, there's
not going to be anybody to do that for you. And it was a big realization that, oh yeah,
I'm really going out into the big wide world by myself. And I didn't do any of the research
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that you just mentioned, but my research was by my own experience, which is why you should
solo travel. There's a certain education that you get that you wouldn't get if you're with
people because again, you're relying on them.
And with that, you are also forced to get out of that bubble that's created when you're
with people. When you're with someone else, whether it be one person, one other person
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or four other people, you tend to be in the bubble with them. So even in that experience,
what you guys are talking about, what you guys are seeing, everything is in that bubble.
When you're by yourself, there is no bubble. You are a bubble as an individual, but you
have to pay attention to everything going around you. And I think that in itself forces
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you to learn how to be present. And when you're by yourself and you have to be alert, it forces
you to be present. And then you realize how often, especially when you come back home
or when you get back home, you realize how often you are not present with the people
that you say matter. You're scrolling your phone or you're distant or in whatever way.
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But now you realize what that looks like because you've had a time where you had no choice
but to be present. So now you can actually acknowledge the fact that I'm not really present.
I'm not really in the moment that I think I'm in just because I'm physically in the
room, not like engaging with the people around me. You know what I'm saying? So that brings
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another learning lesson.
Whoa, many gems. You can't even take it in on the first. That's why you have to keep
doing it because you keep learning. You keep learning. Let me ask you about Iceland. How
was it? What was it like?
So Iceland was my very first solo trip that was a solo trip where I planned an entire
(27:23):
solo itinerary. So of course I've been on a plane plenty of times by myself since a
kid. But when it came to actually planning a solo itinerary, that was my first time.
I did it for my 34th birthday. I felt like I wanted the opportunity to just celebrate
me with me. I just wanted to go and spend some time with Nadine. And I loved it because
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when I got there, first of all, super safe city and there was just so much to do every
single day. I started off day one with a walking tour of Reykjavik. So it was like, hey, meet
us at the, I forget what the big cathedral is called that has like that shape.
Oh, I know that.
It's like Grosjevik or something like that. But it was like meet out there and we're going
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to walk around. Cool. Sign me up. It was like 20 bucks. So met them out there. They had
a little flag and we walked around. They gave the walking tour. After the walking tour,
I asked the tour guide, like what's the place that they recommend for lunch? She recommended
a place. I went and found that place, sat down, ate. Next day there was another activity.
Then went to see the Northern Lights. Then actually went to another hotel that was closer
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to where the Northern Lights were and closer to where the Blue Lagoon was. And then went
to another hotel. It was completely an opportunity for me to do exactly what I wanted to do without
having to worry about someone else. Because the way my little Libra heart is set up is
I am going to worry about everybody else's comfort around me because I don't want to
(28:49):
hear about you not being comfortable. I don't want to hear about anything else other than
you having a good time. So what that means for me is I'm going to consistently make sure
that you're having a good time, which also means I'm not going to fully have a good time.
You're not. You're too aware of everybody else. And I think the sad thing about that
is that you can't even control those things.
Right. Right. It's so easy to say, oh, don't worry about it. Don't think about that. But
(29:13):
it comes so naturally. I legit wanted to be able to do everything that I wanted to do
without feeling like I have to make sure somebody else is okay with doing it. And that in itself
taught me a thousand different lessons throughout that entire trip.
Guys, if you're like Nadine, go on a solo trip. Yes. Stop worrying about people. They're
not worrying about you. Right. And I mean, rightly, they're not worrying about you because
(29:36):
you have somebody accommodating to you. You have no reason to think about how much stress
and pressure they are under to ensure that you are having a great time. Like to say,
they never paid their same good, good money to have a good time too. Nah, man, I'm not,
I can't, I'm not into that. My first two solo trips, one might even ask literally Jen after
(29:58):
the first one, why on earth would you go on the second one? Why not? It's all about experience.
The first one I booked was to Turkey and that was for five days. And I don't think I've
ever spoken still till now. So that was 2016. I don't think now even in 2023, I've spoken
to my mom as much as I have, as I did on that trip.
Wow. Every movement I made, she was the only person that I felt comfortable to talk to
(30:23):
because I didn't really want to feel like I was burdening anybody. And I just remember
her really encouraging me, you know, telling me like, you'll meet people. I'm like, mom,
I just came back from go karting where there was two other people and they were a couple.
I thought you said I was going to meet people. Yeah. She's like, okay, just land. I'm like,
yeah, but didn't you say I was going to meet people? She was like, well, did you go there
to meet people or go there by yourself? I was like, wow, do you have to be so loud?
(30:46):
I came to myself, but I thought you said I was going to meet people. Like we were just
going back and forth with it. Anyways, I can't remember what day it was, but let's say it
was like day three or four. I met some girls. No, no, it wasn't day three or five, actually.
I think it was day two or five. I booked a lazy boat ride and I met a girl on the boat
(31:07):
who was a passenger in my station in London. I'm seeing this girl on the boat in Turkey.
I'm like, hey, I know you. She's like, I know you too. Don't you work out? Not telling you
guys where I used to work. I'm like, yeah, don't you pass through there? She's like,
yeah. I'm like, wow. That whole trip, the rest of the trip that I booked by myself,
I had booked all my excursions, so I didn't spend any of my excursions with them, but
(31:30):
they gave me a chance to experience nightlife because I had everything booked for the day
so I couldn't meet them in the day. But every time they were going out for dinner and then
onto the club or whatever, I would meet them. Can you imagine again, like the irony of the
fact that their hotel was like maybe five minutes down the road from where I was staying.
On day four of, or was it, I think it was day three or five, I went on like a kind of
(31:55):
ATV tour, like quad bikes. First time on the quad bike, didn't really get any instructions,
went through what I guess I could describe as a mud pit. And after coming out the other
side of the mud pit, I was like, wow, the sun feels extremely hot on the back of my
leg. Like it felt extremely hot. And I kept riding and after about two minutes, I'm like,
(32:16):
no, something on my leg feels like it's on fire. I looked down and I had a massive burn
on my leg. Oh no.
Yeah. So when we went through this mud pit, there was a way to kind of go through because
the force makes the quad bike bounce back. So you have to be standing in a certain position.
(32:37):
They didn't tell me this and I burnt my leg on the exhaust of the quad bike, which kind
of ended the trip for me because where it was, it meant I couldn't go in the sea or
go in the pool because the seawater would have infected it and all of these other things.
Oh no.
The thing is, I had travel insurance, but it turns out I didn't have the right level
(32:57):
of travel insurance. So I had to pay, but they didn't pay that much back. So after that,
I decided, well, I want full coverage, whatever zero excess is, that's what I want. And that's
how I learned what zero excess was. I'm like, I don't want to have to pay anything. I think
I paid something like 120 euro for the medication that I needed for the burn. I'm like, why
(33:20):
am I only getting back 20 euro? I want it all back. So I changed my travel insurance
after that. And thank God, because on the next solo trip, which was the next year, I
went to Lanaka, which is just outside Greece. And there's no other thing that could happen
to me. It's just me that it could happen to. I was in the shower and I slipped and I cracked
(33:43):
my ribs on the edge of the bathtub in the shower.
Oh no.
That is something that I wouldn't wish on anybody because if you, again, if you live
at home alone and you've been sick, you know how much lower you feel that there isn't anybody
to comfort you that you're sick. But when you're abroad and injured to the point where
(34:05):
you have to go to a foreign hospital, have an x-ray, have an MRI, be put in a room in
a hospital that you don't speak the language, they don't speak the language either. It's
a very, very, very traumatizing experience.
That's probably more of the experience that people are scared of, but they don't know
how to articulate it. Having to deal with figuring out how to do everything that you
(34:29):
just did by yourself. But even that, I don't know, it is something that you learn your
own strength in. And not that I would want that for anybody. I would never want that
for, I don't even want that for you. And it's already happened. But I think it does give
you the opportunity to really see like, how can I handle a situation like this when it's
only up to me to figure it out? You find people that help, right? So that challenges the belief
(34:53):
that everybody is bad. You figure it out. You figure it out.
I think what you said there about people, the hotel actually sent the lifeguard to come
and spend the evening with me in the hospital.
Oh, wow.
Yeah. When I was discharged, they sent me an Uber to bring me back to the hotel. They
also gave me free room service. I mean, I know room service is supposed to be free,
(35:15):
but buffet, you're not supposed to be able to take food away, right? And they called
me the next morning to ask me if I wanted food because they realized I hadn't gone down
for breakfast. And they even sent somebody to go get my medication from the pharmacy.
I couldn't have asked for that experience to be any different other than of course,
I wish it didn't happen.
Right.
It was long months, seven long months of living. And in the midst of me being injured, I still
(35:43):
went on a trip six weeks later because it wasn't going to stop me. It wasn't going to
stop me. I'm not going to lie to you. I was in stupid pain. I've just kept going. You
learn something different each time. I could have slipped in the shower at home. They actually
have a sign in the bathroom that says, if you want a slip map, you have to request it.
That is on me or on them. They've covered their back. Who knows if that's something
(36:06):
that's happened before.
And that's why they put the sign up, right?
Yeah. But the sign is there. And that's for you as a person to decide. For me, I find
slip maps quite disgusting, to be honest with you. I don't even have one in my own house
now, however many years later. But I say all of this to say that if you have travel insurance,
that really does take the pressure off. Because who wants to be doing an x-ray and MRI and
(36:27):
getting casted up a medication in somebody else's country? It's already expensive in
your own country. But you continue to learn that there really isn't much in this life
that you can't do unless you tell yourself you're incapable of doing it. And I am capable
of doing everything that is within my power to do.
Okay, so what would be your best experience?
(36:51):
It would still be Turkey. Still Turkey as much as I injured myself. Yeah, because it
was the first one. I don't think that you forget the first one, no matter how good or
bad it is. Because if it was bad, then there wouldn't be another one. Right? That one,
it kind of again, it's the most time I've spent with my mom, which I probably shouldn't
have been on the phone to her that much if I was trying to explore myself and, you know,
(37:13):
learn myself. But it allowed me and her to bond because she was so worried about what
could happen. Right. That it kind of helped me to ease her to talk to her and just let
her know like, I'm safe. I'm cool. On the first day, I really wasn't impressed. I was
like, Mom, I'm really not having fun. And I've seen people that have, you know, posted
like, oh, after day three, like, I had nothing to do, like, I wouldn't do this again. It's
(37:35):
not for me. Sometimes it's the destination that you choose that isn't for you. That's
true. So many places in the world, there's no reason why you couldn't get it wrong. But
I say Turkey on the flip side, because that was the first time that I'd done quad biking.
That was the first time I swam with dolphins. It was the first time I'd met a group of girls
I actually could see myself getting on with. And up until I moved, we were still, you know,
(37:59):
really good and close friends, which was like what? Six years after our trip, we never went
to a trip after that. We never missed each other's birthday after that trip. Like they're
the twins birthdays in January, one of their birthdays in March and the other one's birthdays
in December and then mine in October. We never missed any one of our birthdays after that
(38:19):
trip. Oh, wow. I wouldn't say that me burning my leg in Turkey overshadowed the holiday.
It was still, it's still in my top three places that I've been to because of everything that
I didn't know I was capable of doing. Oh yeah, my parasailing trip was on that too. Me being
afraid of open heights and you know, deep water. It was just a lot of first things that
(38:42):
I didn't know that I was going to be able to accomplish because I didn't know what there
was to do. I just knew I had spoken to a lot of people that were like, oh, there's loads
of things to do in Turkey. I did land at night, which isn't something that I would recommend
if you want to go on your first solo trip. Landing at night can be quite a, I don't want
to use the word scary, but daunting is the word that I would use. Like everything looks
(39:04):
different in the dark. So, you know, I reach up to the hotel and really trying to make
sure like, is this the hotel? Cause I don't even remember the name. The next day I was
able to push myself, come out of the hotel, go across the street and make all the reservations
for every day for that week so that I had something to do for each day. I would probably
(39:25):
change Lanaka. Yes, because I cracked my roots, but also because there wasn't anything to
do there. The world is such a beautiful place and I don't think that you have to go to these
Instagrammable destinations or popular destinations to be able to get what you need out of solo
traveling. You can literally go to the next city and that is an accomplishment in itself
(39:48):
and hope that you learn something from that that makes you want to go to a different country.
I would agree with that. And I think even with you talking about like how your first
one in Turkey, you spent so much time talking on the phone to your mom. I think there's
a lot of people like that. You know, their first solo trip, they may find someone back
home that they're consistently communicating with, but I think that's part of the process.
(40:10):
And if you are able to allow yourself to do that without judging yourself, then you can
go on the next trip and not speak to people as much. And then the next trip and find yourself
not speaking to people at all or just updating them as it comes. But whatever that transition
looks like for you, you have to be okay with it. And I think some people might have looked
(40:31):
at that and been like, oh, well, I talked to my mom the whole time, so it's not for
me. When in reality, that was your transition. Like, okay, I'm uncomfortable, but I'll try
it again. You know what I mean?
In terms of wrapping up, what type of tips would you give anybody for their first solo
trip?
Research. Like I'm gonna take a risk. I'm gonna push myself outside my comfort zone,
(40:53):
but I'm also gonna weigh all the possibilities. I'm also gonna look at the probability of
X, Y, Z happening. I'm also gonna look at, you know, what are my needs? Like, I'm gonna
weigh everything, right? I'm gonna figure out everything. So in order for me to have
a successful trip, I'm gonna need to research. I'm gonna need to figure out like, okay, what
does this look like? I'll research everything down to sunset and sunrise. That is how serious
(41:19):
I research. And I know it sounds crazy, right? But when you think about it, if I am someone
who lives in Georgia, like right now, today is May whatever, we're in May is 2023. And
the sun pretty much sets right around eight o'clock now, eight PM, but that's seven thirty
eight PM. So if I'm in a different country, and that is happening at five or six o'clock,
(41:43):
if I'm there, and I've made these plans to go to dinner or wherever, and it's dark at
five o'clock, if I'm solo traveling, I don't want to be out. I just don't personally want
to be walking around an unfamiliar place and it is pitch black outside. Yep. Catch me when
the sun comes up. You know what I mean? So even that kind of stuff, I want to research
because I'm like, if I'm going to go on this tour, and they're telling me eight hours,
(42:07):
which means I'm going to get back around seven and it's going to be dark, let me see how
far the stop is from my hotel. So I'm not walking around. So I make a lot of safe risks.
I push myself out the box a lot, but I also get into the nitty gritty of what does this
look like when I'm by myself and not able to like, girl, you see him over there? Run,
(42:27):
you know, like, right, right. Or I'm not tapping somebody else to make sure like, hey, that
guy looks kind of sketchy. Is he really sketchy or is it just me in this moment? I don't have
time to do that. I just have to get to the bus, the tour bus to the hotel door. And that's
it. For me, I would 100% say that you have to be open minded. Yeah, the open minded.
(42:51):
You've never been to this place before. So you don't actually know what to expect. Right.
So you can't really go into it with an expectation because you don't know what it's like you
have no no clue like, okay, you know, their local cuisine, for example, but at the same
time, if you're not open minded to it, that means that you might not taste it because
you haven't gone in there with the mind to enjoy the culture of what it is. Yeah. And
(43:18):
then lastly, for me, I think it's probably easier said than done. But have fun. Have
fun, whatever that looks like to you. Like I keep using reading the book as an example,
because I'm talking to a teacher and a nerd. But is what gives you peace. And you can do
that on holiday, do it. You've gone and found a new place to do the thing that brings you
(43:43):
peace. You have to be winning with that. Have fun with it. Have fun wherever you choose
to go. And whatever fun looks like to you go and do exactly that. It's pointless otherwise.
Yeah, I would agree with that. I think those are great points. At the end of the day, I
think it is you'd have to push yourself through first visualizing it. So like even when you
(44:04):
think about our Instagram or YouTube or anyone's Instagram or YouTube, and they're showing
you what places look like, they're showing you what it looks like for a black person
to be there, black woman to be there. Those are great opportunities to visualize yourself.
Like, could this look like something I would do? This look like something I could do? Because
for so long, we didn't have that and we didn't imagine or visualize those things for ourselves.
(44:27):
So now we do have the opportunity to visualize ourselves in these places by looking at other
people. So you got my page, you got Gypsy Jen's, obviously. You got Black German Traveler.
You've got Traveling with Nika. These are all the people that I share on the Traveling
Black Woman page. You can just check them out and see how they solo travel and what
(44:49):
that looks like for them. Because then that can give you a sense of what could that look
like for you? If I can look at all these different people and see them traveling and see that
they're clearly still alive, they're clearly having a good time. And despite what anxieties
they may feel, what fears, what uncertainties they may feel, they're still figuring out
(45:11):
a way to push through and experience life for everything that it has to offer. So that's
something that I would definitely say to add into all of that. It just kind of gives you
the opportunity to look at others that look like you and place yourself in those same
positions. Use your resources. There's too much out there now to still be as apprehensive
(45:33):
as we once had to be when we didn't have these resources. I agree. There's people that I've
been traveling, Instagram is what, like 10, 12 years old? There's people that I've been
traveling before these platforms were a platform, that they were a place for them to be able
to showcase where they've been, what it looks like. Don't just watch what they've done.
(45:56):
Feel free to ask them, do you mind if I ask you a few questions on what made you choose
this place? Because I've been looking at it, I've been thinking about it, like have open
conversations because there isn't a way to make yourself feel more comfortable about
going to somewhere if you haven't had any kind of conversation. And researching is also
a conversation. You're going to have questions that the research would answer for you. Like,
(46:20):
I just think that you have to be open-minded, you have to have fun, you have to use your
resources and you have to ask questions. Even when you get there, ask the locals, where
would you recommend to eat? What would you recommend a good tour to be? Is there a walking
tour that I can do? Is there a historical landmark that you might suggest?
And sometimes just walking around is just as good. Just walk fast like you live there.
(46:44):
That's it. Don't walk and look all crazy. Walk with a purpose, walk with confidence.
So you have to have that kind of air about you. Like, let me get here and just be comfortable.
Let me not get here and act weird.
What is our inspiration for this episode?
I would say if you travel far enough, you will meet yourself. And when I say far enough,
(47:11):
and I mean, that's cliche, you probably heard it online, but when I think of far enough,
I'm thinking of not just once or twice, like several different times and to places that
you can't just get back to, get back home with one flight. Like that, I think is where
you find the strength that you didn't know you have.
It's the kind of thing that you want for yourself, like in terms of personal growth. There's
(47:36):
so many little things that we can do throughout our lives to give ourselves that pat on the
back. But I just think like truly, I just really, truly think that you should do it
at least once. And if you enjoyed some elements, but you didn't enjoy all, then give yourself
grace and the opportunity to do it again somewhere else and do it different.
(47:58):
Because I honestly could have not gone on a second, right through to sixth solo trip
and moved country. If I would have let burning my leg in a foreign country, stop me from
getting on a plane ever again by myself. And then again, to crack my ribs and end up in
a hospital, like I said, in a foreign country, that those two things should be enough to
(48:18):
make somebody not want to travel by themselves again. But these two things are things that
can happen in your hometown. They're not anything specific to the country itself. That self
awareness that you have, that confidence that you have, it all lives in you. You just have
to find a way to implement it when you are away.
Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely.
Well, guys, we've given you everything we have on what I'm going to say is both of our
(48:45):
favorite topics to talk about when it comes to travel. We have so many different episodes
to come. We hope you've enjoyed this one. I'm just going to tell you again, book that
trip. Yes. The main person you want to meet in life is yourself. Amen. Amen. You've got
a point there. Well, thanks for listening, guys. We shall see you on the next episode.
(49:05):
See you next time.
All right, we are recording. What's up? Hey, what's up y'all? Welcome to episode three
(00:10):
of the Traveling Black Women podcast. All right, y'all. So guess what we are talking
about today. So travel. Yes, yes. Something that is very near and dear to my heart. I
think this is probably one of my favourite things to discuss about travel, solo travel,
(00:31):
you know. Yeah. Just a level of freedom, of empowerment, of enthusiasm. There's just so
many words that I can use to describe it. I have to also point out that I'm a very,
very anxious person. So there's a contradictory part of me that's like, yes, the freedom and
the other part's like anxiety ridden. Like, oh my gosh, no, I can't do this. But yeah,
(00:56):
I think that's what makes it so special to me, because I'm also very anxiety ridden.
Like I'm also that person who is like, let me make sure I plan everything out so nothing
goes wrong. And if something goes wrong, let me look at plan B on page 35. And look at
plan C on page 37. That's me, right? So I'm the kind of person that I think if you were
(01:18):
inside my head, you would think I would never solo travel. The thing about solo travel is
that it is what it means to do what you want to do scared. Like still do it. Yeah. It's
funny that I think that there's a lot of people that at least one point in their life, they've
lived by themselves. When it comes to, you know, when you're living by yourself, you
(01:41):
have to look at the area that you're going to live in. You have to look at the location
of where it is in comparison to, you know, either the city or the town or the transportation.
The same methods that you would use when you're trying to find somewhere to live, whether
that's by yourself, with family or with friends, is the same method that would be applied when
(02:04):
you're solo traveling in terms of trying to find your accommodation. I'll be honest, I'm
not the biggest review person because I always look and think about reviews as people's opinion.
And if people were having a bad day on the day that they left the review, that's going
to be 10 negative reviews on somewhere that might not have been that bad. It just didn't
(02:29):
look up to this expectation that they thought it would be. And now you've deterred another
50 people from going to that one place. That's a good point. Right. So if we're talking about
things like cleanliness, of course that's going to be as a whole. That's not opinionated.
But if we're talking about staff and things like that, those kinds of things are opinionated,
(02:49):
which isn't always a true reflection on the establishment. That's a really good point.
I've been the opposite where I lean very heavily into reviews, but then there are times where
you have to acknowledge this is user error or this is really the person who's writing
the reviews issue. So I feel that. I feel that. And that's the kind of thing for me
is a major deterrent for people wanting to solo travel. I'm not telling anybody not to
(03:15):
do their research, but you have to have discretion or discernment when you're doing your research.
Because then you'll never experience anything. Right. Let's talk about food. I literally
just had sushi for dinner. The amount of people are like, ew, it's raw fish. Okay. But I like
it. But if I've listened to everybody that said, don't try it, then I just would never
(03:36):
know if it was something for me because I didn't try. Right. When I went on my first
solo trip, I remember doing a level of planning that was more so how long do I think I'm going
to be able to stay in this country before I get bored? Are there things to do that if
I went for seven days? Because the UK we have 28 days annual leave plus seven bank holidays.
(04:01):
So it works out to over a month. So you can go places for seven days. No problem. Right.
And I just remember selecting different places that had things to do and thinking, okay,
if I book up something, one excursion, one activity per day, then I can't be bored for
the entire trip because I've got something to do each day.
You know what? And I think that is the main thing that I do as well. I am flexible. I'm
(04:26):
not like, you know, the Virgo style anxious planner, where we have to do everything. Number
one, two and three is like, no, I have something that's prepared just in case there is nothing
to do. You know, that's, that's more of my thing. Keeping myself occupied when I'm solo
traveling, it's easy for me to communicate back home where I am and what I'm doing. So
if, if you don't see any pictures of me at this cooking class, then it's okay for you
(04:50):
to ask, Hey, where you at? Like, it's okay to check in. It gives you the opportunity
to not feel like I'm bored. I have nothing to do. There's no one with me, you know, and
then you get lost in all of those thoughts. And then you have that whole like waterfall
of I'm by myself. Like, no, like keep doing something. And then on top of all of that,
and I think you talked about this in our first podcast, it's also the opportunity for you
(05:13):
to now talk to other people who don't know you. And there is something that there's something
very freeing with anonymity. I'm not talking about like, you know, just going out there
and being wild and crazy and you're by yourself. Like, no, you still have to think smart. Just
like Jenny said in the beginning, the same way you would move smart when you're moving
into your own space at home is the same caution that you need to take abroad. So I'm not saying
(05:38):
that when I say there's some freedom and anonymity, but I do think there's some freedom in being
able to sit in a restaurant or a bar or be at an event or being an activity and just
be able to have a conversation with someone who does not know, know you enough to judge
you based on the person you want to be in that moment.
(05:59):
And I have to be honest, I don't care how many times you've traveled solo. I don't care
how far you've been, how close you've been. The nerves and anxiousness does not disappear.
Right. This is even to just locally like stick a pin on solo travel. I went out for a friend's
birthday dinner maybe about three weeks ago and people won't understand my anxiety does
(06:25):
not allow me to be silent. The silence kills me and I refuse to be uncomfortable anywhere.
I'm sorry if me talking to you makes you uncomfortable, but if I had to choose you or me, I'm choosing
me. So I introduce myself to these two girls. Can you imagine the cheek of them to tell
me I think you're in the wrong room? Oh, I'm like, okay. But I heard the waitress who was
(06:46):
still standing here. I heard the waitress say my friend's name. So are you sure? The
waitress is like, Oh, actually, I'm not sure. Maybe you could come downstairs with me so
we can double check. Lo and behold, I was in the right room and these two females were
not in the right room. So now I was supposed to be and they were not. But could you imagine
if I stayed in that room and I did not say anything, a whole other group of people would
(07:11):
have turned up that I have no clue who they are because I already do not know the celebrants,
friends and family or whoever's coming out. I have no clue. Right. So if I didn't speak
in that moment in time, I could have been stuck in a room with people for 20 or 30 minutes,
not speaking to them, not having any clue who they were here to celebrate or anything
just because my anxiety did not allow me to say, Hi, I'm Jenny. Who are you? Or how are
(07:34):
you? Yeah. How do you know this person? It doesn't stop me from being vocal wherever
I go, when I'm by myself. Me talking to people makes me feel more safe. It makes me feel
less by myself. There's a level of confidence that you have to have with solo travel because
I don't think you realize that you stand out more when you look nervous.
(07:56):
Yeah, that's true.
And how I get through each solo trip or solo adventure. Like honestly, you have to start
small. If you've never been to a restaurant by yourself, you've never been to the zoo
by yourself, you've never been anywhere by yourself. Don't solo travel, please.
At the end of the day, it's like, if I am comfortable here moving around with myself,
(08:19):
then I can be comfortable anywhere in the world moving around by myself.
You deserve to be comfortable moving anywhere in this world by yourself.
Yeah. Yeah. You know, it's interesting because I know that Western culture, US culture, you
know, is very individualistic, especially after COVID. Right. Everybody learned how
to be by themselves. So it's either I can sit around and be like, oh my God, I'm by
(08:40):
myself. Or I can be like, let me find some shit to do by myself and enjoy my own company.
If you're able to go and enjoy your own company in your own city, then going abroad and getting
on a plane and going and doing the very same thing somewhere else will not seem that bad.
I feel like if travel is your thing, solo travel just trumps nearly anything else that
(09:03):
you've done travel wise. Yeah. It's not easy to do. You don't realize that when you're
traveling with somebody, you get to double check the gate with them. Oh, it says D6,
right? And they check their ticket. Yeah, yeah, it's D6. And then you get to D6 and
you want to make sure like, this is the gate, right? You can't do that when you're by yourself.
Yeah. Everything you're doing, you're confirming with yourself. Like, girl, this is the gate.
(09:27):
Oh hell yeah, this is the gate. And you're going to check that thing 15, 20 times over.
Yeah. And as the trip goes on with all these little things, you land, you want to find
the trolley to get your luggage. You want to find the gate that says exit to go get
your Uber, assessing your surroundings. Everything you're doing, you're talking to yourself like,
wow, I actually got on the plane. Yeah. I actually made it here. I got in the taxi.
(09:49):
Like every little part of the solo travel is a tick off a box that you didn't even put.
It wasn't a list. You didn't go there to tick things off because so many things happen that
you didn't think would happen. So each time you get past these little milestones, you're
like, yes, I did that. Yeah. And you get to feel proud of yourself from the very beginning
(10:10):
of the trip. Forget about when you get there and you check in and you know, you put on
your bikini and you go down to the pool by yourself the next day. There's so many things
to be proud of way before the next day. I think that is such a great example. Like that
was the perfect example because unless you've traveled by yourself, you don't realize how
(10:31):
valuable those moments are. Those are the moments where you realize how much you rely
on external validation to get you through your day. And people try to make out like
talking to yourself is madness. No, it's not. There's no one else that's going to encourage
me. There's no one else that's going to praise me. There's no one else that's going to make
me feel good about the fact that I really just got on this whole plane by myself. Yeah.
(10:53):
It's only when you're a grown adult, when you realize that you've been traveling literally
through this world with people, the moment you don't have people to do it, you better
pack yourself on the back. I traveled solo with an itinerary for the first time at 34
for my 34th birthday. But since a little girl, my mother used to send me to Trinidad every
summer pack bag and baggage and go to Trinidad. And I would be there from anywhere from about
(11:17):
seven to 10 weeks. And even before then I was flying with my cousin Roxanne. That was
probably like six and she was probably like 13, 14. So we were still both two kids traveling
by ourselves. So I think somewhere in there when it came time for me to do it as an adult,
that part of it going through the airport or whatnot, that part never scared me. Oh,
(11:39):
it was just what I do when I get there because now I don't know anybody when I get there,
you know, your thoughts become louder, you can just be in your own world and no one's
going to interrupt your thoughts to be by yourself in a space looking out a window on
a tour bus, which I wasn't in Iceland on my first trip. You're thinking and no one is
interrupting that thinking. You can have all these conversations in your mind and not be
(12:02):
interrupted, not be thrown off and not even have somebody to be like, let me have this
conversation and see what their opinion is. Since you don't have that person, you actually
have to pay attention to your own opinion. And you might still be conflicted. It's not
to say that everything, every problem in your life is going to be solved with solo travel.
You may still leave and be like, I don't know. But the point is you finally heard your own
voice without the interruption of somebody else. And that for me is my favorite part.
(12:26):
I feel like that's the part that most people are running away from. And I don't know why
I don't know why you are running away from wanting to be the person that advocates for
you. If it goes wrong, you should only be able to blame you. And if it goes right, you
should only be able to give yourself credit. You should not be given that to somebody else.
(12:47):
Yeah. Yes. Okay. We're going to choose destinations. Nadine, I'm going to sit here with you and
I'm going to ask you out of these three, if you had a choice, where would you go? That's
your opinion. But if I had my heart set on choice B and you chose choice A, why on earth
am I going to go on choice A when you're not even coming? Thanks for your opinion, but
(13:08):
I just needed to know if we were on the same page. And then what ends up happening is because
your friend, family, whoever it is that you've conferred with is not on the same page, you've
ran now. I'm just not going to go actually. They thought about place A and there must
be a reason why they chose place A and maybe there's something. Overthinking is a problem
(13:29):
with all of us in all aspects of our lives. Not just solo travel. In everything that we
do, you have two job offers, you're overthinking which one is going to be the best long term.
You're moving house, you want to know which one has the best location. Like overthinking
is a standard practice. Going solo doesn't mean that you have to be completely by yourself.
(13:51):
You don't have to isolate yourself from the world, but you should be going to learn more
about yourself, about the capabilities that you can do without having anybody's opinion
to do it. You think if I told any one of my friends, forget even telling my mum that is
so scared of water. You think if I could tell any one of my friends I was going to swim
(14:15):
with dolphins before I was going to swim with them, they'd be like, yeah Jen, go do it.
No. They'll be asking me, am I mad because I know I can't swim. Well, guess what? I'm
here to take the risk. I'll find out what happens tomorrow if I make it. There's too
many things to deter people from doing things that they want to do in life. And if you want
to solo travel, we are here to tell you, go and do it please. And start small. Start small,
(14:38):
start near. If you have to go book a hotel in the next city or within your town for a
weekend, take your book, take your notepad, take your laptop, watch your Netflix, do whatever
you need to do. Start small. Go to the movies, go to the restaurant, go to the museum, go
wherever you need to go by yourself and do the thing by yourself because these are the
(15:00):
things that help you to build the confidence.
Let me ask you a question, Nadine. What is one or some of the challenges that you face
during solo traveling?
The challenge that I face is the financial challenge. So while I may be able to afford
an entire trip, I prefer splitting the entire trip in half. Because let me tell you, going
(15:28):
to Napa Valley by myself versus going to Napa Valley with my mom was completely different.
I had a great time both times, but I had a better time with her because I didn't have
to just pay for everything by myself. So I think that for me is the main thing. Like,
man, I really want to go and stay at this particular hotel. But as an individual, I
(15:51):
don't know, I'm going to have to wash dishes. I'm going to have to make some beds. I don't
know what I'm going to have to do. I need to scale down.
This is a public service announcement in all the places in this world that you would not
go to by yourself. Do not go to Bali, Indonesia by yourself. Well, I have done that trip three
(16:13):
times and the first time was by myself. And I thought, oh, this is expensive, but I didn't
think anything of it because I didn't know any different.
Will these people have the cheek to charge you per car, not per person? So the car that's
fully fit for people. And because I'm on a solo excursion, you're still going to charge
(16:33):
me the price as if to say it had three other people in there. You know how much of a difference
it made to go to Bali twice with two other people. I said, what? Girl, I can't even tell
you the prices. I went to Bali in 2016, wait, 2015, 16 and 19. That 2015 to 2017 year, I
(16:55):
was genuinely unstoppable. I was going everywhere because I could, I had the money and I had
the time off work. It was no problem. So even though it felt expensive, I didn't know that
it was actually expensive until I went with people. I said, nah, this place, I can never
go here again by myself. Wow. It's expensive. So imagine the car is 150 USD. Based on the
(17:17):
people you split that it's going to be 150 regardless of if it's by yourself. You know
what? So I went to Bali for my 35th birthday with 22 people. I would have never considered
it expensive because we were all paying like $20 for this excursion because the van cost
us much. I've never been to Thailand. They tell you Thailand is cheap to be in. Yeah.
(17:39):
But expensive to get to. Okay, fine. I can take that. Bali by yourself is expensive.
It's not making sense at all. I wouldn't do it again. I had a great time, but I wouldn't
do it again. There's some places that bills have to be paid when you're home. Rent or
more has to be paid. Groceries have to be bought. It needs locally have to take place
(18:02):
for you to get through where you live more than 300 days of the year. That Bali, do not
attempt to go there by yourself because it will almost set you back to the point that
you probably wouldn't want to visit anywhere on that side of the world again. For me, your
challenge is one that everybody would relate to. My challenge, I don't know if people will
relate to it. People really might be asking me like, why do you continue to go on holiday
(18:26):
if this is what you have to deal with? But every single day I have to really shout at
myself to leave the hotel room. My anxiety is telling me, oh, you know, you're on holiday.
You don't need to go outside. You'll find in the hotel room like, no girl, you need
to eat. Breakfast is now and it finishes in an hour. And why did you get up an hour ago?
Yeah. And then you know when to leave. I'm just angry at myself. Like, why didn't I leave
(18:49):
three hours ago? Yeah, it happens everywhere. And again, guys, I can be honest with you,
it even happens in my own house daily. Wow. Plan, like an actual plan to leave this house.
I cannot just go through the front door and say, oh, I'm just going to go for a walk around
the block. That's aimless to me. So that's another like method to my madness of why I
(19:09):
have to have things booked. Because if they're not booked, then it's kind of unlikely. I'll
probably waste about two days being in the hotel and then get out on the third day and
be angry that I didn't just leave the hotel two days ago. I remember when I went to Dubai
for my 30th birthday, which was literally 2020. And I had to really, really, really
(19:31):
gear myself up to leave because I didn't realize that the windows were a bit tinted. So I was
high up and it was looking a bit cloudy outside. So I just convinced myself, oh, it's cloudy
out there. I don't need to go outside on my birthday. You know, big, big 30th birthday.
I'm telling myself, I don't need to go outside. Like, this is not the whole reason why I flew
to this country. London had just put in their restrictions to make it be six people or less.
(19:56):
So I had to cancel my party. And then the weather forecast for literally that entire
week was 90% rain. I said, oh, hell no, I'm not staying here. I'm going where it's guaranteed
sun. So imagine I've actually left my rainy country to go and spend my birthday in hot
sun and I'm still having to convince myself to leave. That's probably one of the contradictory
(20:16):
challenges that I have with going away by myself. I like the freedom of being able to
do what I want when I want, but I still need somebody to tell me, oh yeah, Jen, you know,
we had this booked at one o'clock or breakfast finishes in an hour. Do you want to go or
do you want to do this later? It takes a lot for me to get out. And then when I'm out,
I don't want to come back in because I'm like, home girl, you just wasted like two hours
(20:39):
in the hotel and you did not need to do that. You could have been tidying up. Like even
if it's just, you have to put a bikini on and go down to the poolside and catch a tan,
you know, you left the hotel room. Like that's a big accomplishment. You still left your
whole home country to check into the hotel or Airbnb or hostel, wherever it is you're
choosing to stay and then put on your good, good, good bikini shorts. If your guys are
(21:03):
listening, you know what you guys choose to wear your trunks or whatever you call them,
just go downstairs by the pool or go across the street to the beach. Don't underestimate
that, you know, cause you still did that. You don't have to go on a solo trip and have
all these things booked to feel accomplished by the fact that I traveled solo. Go and understand
(21:24):
that leaving your home country to go and spend some time in a different country, even if
it's just that you read your book, you left, that is an accomplishment in itself. And I
think that sometimes my challenge is not giving myself enough credit at the fact that I made
it here. So what you have to observe in that moment as a solo traveler is that in every
(21:47):
situation there was a comfort zone that you push yourself out of to the next step. So
even if the next step is you sitting in that hotel and now having to push yourself out
of getting out of the hotel, that is your next step, right? So that's like literally
a staircase. Okay. I'm on, I'm on the next step. I'm in this hotel room. I'm in Dubai.
So I'm clearly, I've clearly made it here and I've gotten comfortable cause this, this
(22:09):
is nice. The bed is nice. Whatever else is nice is safe. My door is locked. So now I've
created the next comfort zone. But in that process, you see that that comfort zone looks
nothing like the comfort zone on the step. And then you push yourself out of the actual
hotel, right? Then you're actually going and doing stuff. So now you're literally at comfort
(22:30):
zone number three.
It really is like a step by step process. If you pay attention, like if you're self
aware enough to pay attention to, I made it here, you know, so you know, you're feeling
like, okay, I have to push myself out of being in this room. Yes. Push yourself out of the
being this room and recognize at the same time that while you're in that room, you create
(22:50):
another comfort zone that your body wants you to stay in. So you can stay safe. But
in reality, if you're trying to continue to stretch yourself, then you now push yourself
out of the comfort zone of leaving the room. And then once you leave the room is now pushing
yourself out of the comfort zone of now I'm talking to these random people that I don't
know.
(23:10):
When you're on solo travel, you've got to continue to push all the boundaries because
when you get home, you have no reason to. Yeah. There's no reason for you to push the
barrier any further than where you're at now, you know, right? In terms of two different
travel resources, Nadine, what would you say they would be?
Um, within our network, we have our solo travel guide. So that was written by Marilyn Shane.
(23:36):
She talked a lot about solo missions and everything that we talked about tonight is pretty much
what she also talked about in the book. Being able to find that self-efficacy about yourself,
being able to hear your own voice, being able to recognize how much of yourself you've given
away as opposed to how much of yourself you've actually given back to yourself to be successful.
Face any fears, face any whatever. She talked about her fear. I think it was either her
(24:00):
fear of flying or her fear of heights. And she decided on one of her solo travels, well,
you know what? I'm going to do parry lighting. So she did that and realized, oh one, that
wasn't that bad. But two, it is actually possible for me to do something that I'm afraid of.
Those who may not be readers, they can get into Facebook groups and just ask questions
like, Hey, I'm interested in solo travel. Does anybody have any tips? Because I think
(24:24):
that human resource, even though when we think human resource, we think about employment,
but a human resource is just as valuable as a tangible book resource, right? Being able
to ask somebody a question as opposed to just read about it. So those are the resources
that I would say. Like if you're really a person who's feeling like I want to solo travel,
I don't know where to start. I don't know if this is something for me, if it's safe.
(24:47):
There are so many resources out there, even beyond us, even beyond traveling black women.
There are so many resources out there now where people are saying, this is how you can
travel by yourself safely and see the world. Really be able to like stretch yourself and
meet yourself and see all the things that you are actually capable of.
I think that all of those are good resources and they are all accessible resources that
(25:13):
everybody is able to use. So the biggest solo adventure was moving and my friends really
let me know in Heathrow when I was leaving that girl, you'll buy yourself from now. So
we're not going to help you carry your suitcases because when you land on the other side, there's
not going to be anybody to do that for you. And it was a big realization that, oh yeah,
I'm really going out into the big wide world by myself. And I didn't do any of the research
(25:36):
that you just mentioned, but my research was by my own experience, which is why you should
solo travel. There's a certain education that you get that you wouldn't get if you're with
people because again, you're relying on them.
And with that, you are also forced to get out of that bubble that's created when you're
with people. When you're with someone else, whether it be one person, one other person
(25:58):
or four other people, you tend to be in the bubble with them. So even in that experience,
what you guys are talking about, what you guys are seeing, everything is in that bubble.
When you're by yourself, there is no bubble. You are a bubble as an individual, but you
have to pay attention to everything going around you. And I think that in itself forces
(26:19):
you to learn how to be present. And when you're by yourself and you have to be alert, it forces
you to be present. And then you realize how often, especially when you come back home
or when you get back home, you realize how often you are not present with the people
that you say matter. You're scrolling your phone or you're distant or in whatever way.
(26:40):
But now you realize what that looks like because you've had a time where you had no choice
but to be present. So now you can actually acknowledge the fact that I'm not really present.
I'm not really in the moment that I think I'm in just because I'm physically in the
room, not like engaging with the people around me. You know what I'm saying? So that brings
(27:01):
another learning lesson.
Whoa, many gems. You can't even take it in on the first. That's why you have to keep
doing it because you keep learning. You keep learning. Let me ask you about Iceland. How
was it? What was it like?
So Iceland was my very first solo trip that was a solo trip where I planned an entire
(27:23):
solo itinerary. So of course I've been on a plane plenty of times by myself since a
kid. But when it came to actually planning a solo itinerary, that was my first time.
I did it for my 34th birthday. I felt like I wanted the opportunity to just celebrate
me with me. I just wanted to go and spend some time with Nadine. And I loved it because
(27:44):
when I got there, first of all, super safe city and there was just so much to do every
single day. I started off day one with a walking tour of Reykjavik. So it was like, hey, meet
us at the, I forget what the big cathedral is called that has like that shape.
Oh, I know that.
It's like Grosjevik or something like that. But it was like meet out there and we're going
(28:04):
to walk around. Cool. Sign me up. It was like 20 bucks. So met them out there. They had
a little flag and we walked around. They gave the walking tour. After the walking tour,
I asked the tour guide, like what's the place that they recommend for lunch? She recommended
a place. I went and found that place, sat down, ate. Next day there was another activity.
Then went to see the Northern Lights. Then actually went to another hotel that was closer
(28:28):
to where the Northern Lights were and closer to where the Blue Lagoon was. And then went
to another hotel. It was completely an opportunity for me to do exactly what I wanted to do without
having to worry about someone else. Because the way my little Libra heart is set up is
I am going to worry about everybody else's comfort around me because I don't want to
(28:49):
hear about you not being comfortable. I don't want to hear about anything else other than
you having a good time. So what that means for me is I'm going to consistently make sure
that you're having a good time, which also means I'm not going to fully have a good time.
You're not. You're too aware of everybody else. And I think the sad thing about that
is that you can't even control those things.
Right. Right. It's so easy to say, oh, don't worry about it. Don't think about that. But
(29:13):
it comes so naturally. I legit wanted to be able to do everything that I wanted to do
without feeling like I have to make sure somebody else is okay with doing it. And that in itself
taught me a thousand different lessons throughout that entire trip.
Guys, if you're like Nadine, go on a solo trip. Yes. Stop worrying about people. They're
not worrying about you. Right. And I mean, rightly, they're not worrying about you because
(29:36):
you have somebody accommodating to you. You have no reason to think about how much stress
and pressure they are under to ensure that you are having a great time. Like to say,
they never paid their same good, good money to have a good time too. Nah, man, I'm not,
I can't, I'm not into that. My first two solo trips, one might even ask literally Jen after
(29:58):
the first one, why on earth would you go on the second one? Why not? It's all about experience.
The first one I booked was to Turkey and that was for five days. And I don't think I've
ever spoken still till now. So that was 2016. I don't think now even in 2023, I've spoken
to my mom as much as I have, as I did on that trip.
Wow. Every movement I made, she was the only person that I felt comfortable to talk to
(30:23):
because I didn't really want to feel like I was burdening anybody. And I just remember
her really encouraging me, you know, telling me like, you'll meet people. I'm like, mom,
I just came back from go karting where there was two other people and they were a couple.
I thought you said I was going to meet people. Yeah. She's like, okay, just land. I'm like,
yeah, but didn't you say I was going to meet people? She was like, well, did you go there
to meet people or go there by yourself? I was like, wow, do you have to be so loud?
(30:46):
I came to myself, but I thought you said I was going to meet people. Like we were just
going back and forth with it. Anyways, I can't remember what day it was, but let's say it
was like day three or four. I met some girls. No, no, it wasn't day three or five, actually.
I think it was day two or five. I booked a lazy boat ride and I met a girl on the boat
(31:07):
who was a passenger in my station in London. I'm seeing this girl on the boat in Turkey.
I'm like, hey, I know you. She's like, I know you too. Don't you work out? Not telling you
guys where I used to work. I'm like, yeah, don't you pass through there? She's like,
yeah. I'm like, wow. That whole trip, the rest of the trip that I booked by myself,
I had booked all my excursions, so I didn't spend any of my excursions with them, but
(31:30):
they gave me a chance to experience nightlife because I had everything booked for the day
so I couldn't meet them in the day. But every time they were going out for dinner and then
onto the club or whatever, I would meet them. Can you imagine again, like the irony of the
fact that their hotel was like maybe five minutes down the road from where I was staying.
On day four of, or was it, I think it was day three or five, I went on like a kind of
(31:55):
ATV tour, like quad bikes. First time on the quad bike, didn't really get any instructions,
went through what I guess I could describe as a mud pit. And after coming out the other
side of the mud pit, I was like, wow, the sun feels extremely hot on the back of my
leg. Like it felt extremely hot. And I kept riding and after about two minutes, I'm like,
(32:16):
no, something on my leg feels like it's on fire. I looked down and I had a massive burn
on my leg. Oh no.
Yeah. So when we went through this mud pit, there was a way to kind of go through because
the force makes the quad bike bounce back. So you have to be standing in a certain position.
(32:37):
They didn't tell me this and I burnt my leg on the exhaust of the quad bike, which kind
of ended the trip for me because where it was, it meant I couldn't go in the sea or
go in the pool because the seawater would have infected it and all of these other things.
Oh no.
The thing is, I had travel insurance, but it turns out I didn't have the right level
(32:57):
of travel insurance. So I had to pay, but they didn't pay that much back. So after that,
I decided, well, I want full coverage, whatever zero excess is, that's what I want. And that's
how I learned what zero excess was. I'm like, I don't want to have to pay anything. I think
I paid something like 120 euro for the medication that I needed for the burn. I'm like, why
(33:20):
am I only getting back 20 euro? I want it all back. So I changed my travel insurance
after that. And thank God, because on the next solo trip, which was the next year, I
went to Lanaka, which is just outside Greece. And there's no other thing that could happen
to me. It's just me that it could happen to. I was in the shower and I slipped and I cracked
(33:43):
my ribs on the edge of the bathtub in the shower.
Oh no.
That is something that I wouldn't wish on anybody because if you, again, if you live
at home alone and you've been sick, you know how much lower you feel that there isn't anybody
to comfort you that you're sick. But when you're abroad and injured to the point where
(34:05):
you have to go to a foreign hospital, have an x-ray, have an MRI, be put in a room in
a hospital that you don't speak the language, they don't speak the language either. It's
a very, very, very traumatizing experience.
That's probably more of the experience that people are scared of, but they don't know
how to articulate it. Having to deal with figuring out how to do everything that you
(34:29):
just did by yourself. But even that, I don't know, it is something that you learn your
own strength in. And not that I would want that for anybody. I would never want that
for, I don't even want that for you. And it's already happened. But I think it does give
you the opportunity to really see like, how can I handle a situation like this when it's
only up to me to figure it out? You find people that help, right? So that challenges the belief
(34:53):
that everybody is bad. You figure it out. You figure it out.
I think what you said there about people, the hotel actually sent the lifeguard to come
and spend the evening with me in the hospital.
Oh, wow.
Yeah. When I was discharged, they sent me an Uber to bring me back to the hotel. They
also gave me free room service. I mean, I know room service is supposed to be free,
(35:15):
but buffet, you're not supposed to be able to take food away, right? And they called
me the next morning to ask me if I wanted food because they realized I hadn't gone down
for breakfast. And they even sent somebody to go get my medication from the pharmacy.
I couldn't have asked for that experience to be any different other than of course,
I wish it didn't happen.
Right.
It was long months, seven long months of living. And in the midst of me being injured, I still
(35:43):
went on a trip six weeks later because it wasn't going to stop me. It wasn't going to
stop me. I'm not going to lie to you. I was in stupid pain. I've just kept going. You
learn something different each time. I could have slipped in the shower at home. They actually
have a sign in the bathroom that says, if you want a slip map, you have to request it.
That is on me or on them. They've covered their back. Who knows if that's something
(36:06):
that's happened before.
And that's why they put the sign up, right?
Yeah. But the sign is there. And that's for you as a person to decide. For me, I find
slip maps quite disgusting, to be honest with you. I don't even have one in my own house
now, however many years later. But I say all of this to say that if you have travel insurance,
that really does take the pressure off. Because who wants to be doing an x-ray and MRI and
(36:27):
getting casted up a medication in somebody else's country? It's already expensive in
your own country. But you continue to learn that there really isn't much in this life
that you can't do unless you tell yourself you're incapable of doing it. And I am capable
of doing everything that is within my power to do.
Okay, so what would be your best experience?
(36:51):
It would still be Turkey. Still Turkey as much as I injured myself. Yeah, because it
was the first one. I don't think that you forget the first one, no matter how good or
bad it is. Because if it was bad, then there wouldn't be another one. Right? That one,
it kind of again, it's the most time I've spent with my mom, which I probably shouldn't
have been on the phone to her that much if I was trying to explore myself and, you know,
(37:13):
learn myself. But it allowed me and her to bond because she was so worried about what
could happen. Right. That it kind of helped me to ease her to talk to her and just let
her know like, I'm safe. I'm cool. On the first day, I really wasn't impressed. I was
like, Mom, I'm really not having fun. And I've seen people that have, you know, posted
like, oh, after day three, like, I had nothing to do, like, I wouldn't do this again. It's
(37:35):
not for me. Sometimes it's the destination that you choose that isn't for you. That's
true. So many places in the world, there's no reason why you couldn't get it wrong. But
I say Turkey on the flip side, because that was the first time that I'd done quad biking.
That was the first time I swam with dolphins. It was the first time I'd met a group of girls
I actually could see myself getting on with. And up until I moved, we were still, you know,
(37:59):
really good and close friends, which was like what? Six years after our trip, we never went
to a trip after that. We never missed each other's birthday after that trip. Like they're
the twins birthdays in January, one of their birthdays in March and the other one's birthdays
in December and then mine in October. We never missed any one of our birthdays after that
(38:19):
trip. Oh, wow. I wouldn't say that me burning my leg in Turkey overshadowed the holiday.
It was still, it's still in my top three places that I've been to because of everything that
I didn't know I was capable of doing. Oh yeah, my parasailing trip was on that too. Me being
afraid of open heights and you know, deep water. It was just a lot of first things that
(38:42):
I didn't know that I was going to be able to accomplish because I didn't know what there
was to do. I just knew I had spoken to a lot of people that were like, oh, there's loads
of things to do in Turkey. I did land at night, which isn't something that I would recommend
if you want to go on your first solo trip. Landing at night can be quite a, I don't want
to use the word scary, but daunting is the word that I would use. Like everything looks
(39:04):
different in the dark. So, you know, I reach up to the hotel and really trying to make
sure like, is this the hotel? Cause I don't even remember the name. The next day I was
able to push myself, come out of the hotel, go across the street and make all the reservations
for every day for that week so that I had something to do for each day. I would probably
(39:25):
change Lanaka. Yes, because I cracked my roots, but also because there wasn't anything to
do there. The world is such a beautiful place and I don't think that you have to go to these
Instagrammable destinations or popular destinations to be able to get what you need out of solo
traveling. You can literally go to the next city and that is an accomplishment in itself
(39:48):
and hope that you learn something from that that makes you want to go to a different country.
I would agree with that. And I think even with you talking about like how your first
one in Turkey, you spent so much time talking on the phone to your mom. I think there's
a lot of people like that. You know, their first solo trip, they may find someone back
home that they're consistently communicating with, but I think that's part of the process.
(40:10):
And if you are able to allow yourself to do that without judging yourself, then you can
go on the next trip and not speak to people as much. And then the next trip and find yourself
not speaking to people at all or just updating them as it comes. But whatever that transition
looks like for you, you have to be okay with it. And I think some people might have looked
(40:31):
at that and been like, oh, well, I talked to my mom the whole time, so it's not for
me. When in reality, that was your transition. Like, okay, I'm uncomfortable, but I'll try
it again. You know what I mean?
In terms of wrapping up, what type of tips would you give anybody for their first solo
trip?
Research. Like I'm gonna take a risk. I'm gonna push myself outside my comfort zone,
(40:53):
but I'm also gonna weigh all the possibilities. I'm also gonna look at the probability of
X, Y, Z happening. I'm also gonna look at, you know, what are my needs? Like, I'm gonna
weigh everything, right? I'm gonna figure out everything. So in order for me to have
a successful trip, I'm gonna need to research. I'm gonna need to figure out like, okay, what
does this look like? I'll research everything down to sunset and sunrise. That is how serious
(41:19):
I research. And I know it sounds crazy, right? But when you think about it, if I am someone
who lives in Georgia, like right now, today is May whatever, we're in May is 2023. And
the sun pretty much sets right around eight o'clock now, eight PM, but that's seven thirty
eight PM. So if I'm in a different country, and that is happening at five or six o'clock,
(41:43):
if I'm there, and I've made these plans to go to dinner or wherever, and it's dark at
five o'clock, if I'm solo traveling, I don't want to be out. I just don't personally want
to be walking around an unfamiliar place and it is pitch black outside. Yep. Catch me when
the sun comes up. You know what I mean? So even that kind of stuff, I want to research
because I'm like, if I'm going to go on this tour, and they're telling me eight hours,
(42:07):
which means I'm going to get back around seven and it's going to be dark, let me see how
far the stop is from my hotel. So I'm not walking around. So I make a lot of safe risks.
I push myself out the box a lot, but I also get into the nitty gritty of what does this
look like when I'm by myself and not able to like, girl, you see him over there? Run,
(42:27):
you know, like, right, right. Or I'm not tapping somebody else to make sure like, hey, that
guy looks kind of sketchy. Is he really sketchy or is it just me in this moment? I don't have
time to do that. I just have to get to the bus, the tour bus to the hotel door. And that's
it. For me, I would 100% say that you have to be open minded. Yeah, the open minded.
(42:51):
You've never been to this place before. So you don't actually know what to expect. Right.
So you can't really go into it with an expectation because you don't know what it's like you
have no no clue like, okay, you know, their local cuisine, for example, but at the same
time, if you're not open minded to it, that means that you might not taste it because
you haven't gone in there with the mind to enjoy the culture of what it is. Yeah. And
(43:18):
then lastly, for me, I think it's probably easier said than done. But have fun. Have
fun, whatever that looks like to you. Like I keep using reading the book as an example,
because I'm talking to a teacher and a nerd. But is what gives you peace. And you can do
that on holiday, do it. You've gone and found a new place to do the thing that brings you
(43:43):
peace. You have to be winning with that. Have fun with it. Have fun wherever you choose
to go. And whatever fun looks like to you go and do exactly that. It's pointless otherwise.
Yeah, I would agree with that. I think those are great points. At the end of the day, I
think it is you'd have to push yourself through first visualizing it. So like even when you
(44:04):
think about our Instagram or YouTube or anyone's Instagram or YouTube, and they're showing
you what places look like, they're showing you what it looks like for a black person
to be there, black woman to be there. Those are great opportunities to visualize yourself.
Like, could this look like something I would do? This look like something I could do? Because
for so long, we didn't have that and we didn't imagine or visualize those things for ourselves.
(44:27):
So now we do have the opportunity to visualize ourselves in these places by looking at other
people. So you got my page, you got Gypsy Jen's, obviously. You got Black German Traveler.
You've got Traveling with Nika. These are all the people that I share on the Traveling
Black Woman page. You can just check them out and see how they solo travel and what
(44:49):
that looks like for them. Because then that can give you a sense of what could that look
like for you? If I can look at all these different people and see them traveling and see that
they're clearly still alive, they're clearly having a good time. And despite what anxieties
they may feel, what fears, what uncertainties they may feel, they're still figuring out
(45:11):
a way to push through and experience life for everything that it has to offer. So that's
something that I would definitely say to add into all of that. It just kind of gives you
the opportunity to look at others that look like you and place yourself in those same
positions. Use your resources. There's too much out there now to still be as apprehensive
(45:33):
as we once had to be when we didn't have these resources. I agree. There's people that I've
been traveling, Instagram is what, like 10, 12 years old? There's people that I've been
traveling before these platforms were a platform, that they were a place for them to be able
to showcase where they've been, what it looks like. Don't just watch what they've done.
(45:56):
Feel free to ask them, do you mind if I ask you a few questions on what made you choose
this place? Because I've been looking at it, I've been thinking about it, like have open
conversations because there isn't a way to make yourself feel more comfortable about
going to somewhere if you haven't had any kind of conversation. And researching is also
a conversation. You're going to have questions that the research would answer for you. Like,
(46:20):
I just think that you have to be open-minded, you have to have fun, you have to use your
resources and you have to ask questions. Even when you get there, ask the locals, where
would you recommend to eat? What would you recommend a good tour to be? Is there a walking
tour that I can do? Is there a historical landmark that you might suggest?
And sometimes just walking around is just as good. Just walk fast like you live there.
(46:44):
That's it. Don't walk and look all crazy. Walk with a purpose, walk with confidence.
So you have to have that kind of air about you. Like, let me get here and just be comfortable.
Let me not get here and act weird.
What is our inspiration for this episode?
I would say if you travel far enough, you will meet yourself. And when I say far enough,
(47:11):
and I mean, that's cliche, you probably heard it online, but when I think of far enough,
I'm thinking of not just once or twice, like several different times and to places that
you can't just get back to, get back home with one flight. Like that, I think is where
you find the strength that you didn't know you have.
It's the kind of thing that you want for yourself, like in terms of personal growth. There's
(47:36):
so many little things that we can do throughout our lives to give ourselves that pat on the
back. But I just think like truly, I just really, truly think that you should do it
at least once. And if you enjoyed some elements, but you didn't enjoy all, then give yourself
grace and the opportunity to do it again somewhere else and do it different.
(47:58):
Because I honestly could have not gone on a second, right through to sixth solo trip
and moved country. If I would have let burning my leg in a foreign country, stop me from
getting on a plane ever again by myself. And then again, to crack my ribs and end up in
a hospital, like I said, in a foreign country, that those two things should be enough to
(48:18):
make somebody not want to travel by themselves again. But these two things are things that
can happen in your hometown. They're not anything specific to the country itself. That self
awareness that you have, that confidence that you have, it all lives in you. You just have
to find a way to implement it when you are away.
Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely.
Well, guys, we've given you everything we have on what I'm going to say is both of our
(48:45):
favorite topics to talk about when it comes to travel. We have so many different episodes
to come. We hope you've enjoyed this one. I'm just going to tell you again, book that
trip. Yes. The main person you want to meet in life is yourself. Amen. Amen. You've got
a point there. Well, thanks for listening, guys. We shall see you on the next episode.
(49:05):
See you next time.
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