Episode 121 - Disconnect to Reconnect: How Intentional Solitude Reveals Your True Self

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The question of solitude haunts our hyper-connected age. Are we meant to be alone, or always in community? Today's exploration reveals a profound truth: while complete isolation is unhealthy—"It is not good for man to be alone"—intentional solitude serves as a gateway to our deepest selves.

Many retreat from being alone with their thoughts, filling every moment with noise and distraction. This fear often signals a disconnection from gratitude and spiritual awareness. When we're terrified by our own thoughts, we've lost touch with something essential. Yet those who cultivate regular solitude discover something remarkable—a profound sense of wonder and appreciation for life's gifts.

Consider the metaphor shared by Rav Shlomo Wolbe: "If not for the night, we would not know the stars." During daylight, we focus exclusively on earthly matters, but darkness reveals celestial wonders that were always present yet unseen. Similarly, withdrawing from social interaction allows the "heavenly aspects of the soul" to emerge—revealing emotions and yearnings previously undiscovered within ourselves.

This balance between connection and contemplation defines true wellbeing. While we need relationships—especially those we actively choose and cultivate—we equally need moments of hitbodedut, speaking directly to our Creator without scripts or formalities. These conversations reveal our neshama, our soul's essence and purpose. Without them, we remain strangers to ourselves.

When was the last time you truly disconnected to reconnect? Take time this week to step away from distraction and have an honest conversation with yourself and your Creator. You might be surprised by the stars you find shining within.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 0 (00:00):
Good morning everybody and welcome to the
Trust Factor, the podcast thatguarantees your success when you
implement its divine teachings.
My friends, we are talkingabout relationships.
Yesterday we talked about thisconcept of pirushim people who
withdraw themselves from society.
Back in the old days not somuch today people would go to
mountaintops and meditate,disconnect from the world, try

(00:22):
and avoid everyone andeverything and find solitude so
that they could be alone withtheir thoughts and find
themselves.
Today we don't see that as muchand it's not really the reason
we were brought into this world.
It's not a healthy thing todetach yourself from society.
If you find yourself aloneoften, if you find yourself
often trying to be alone forwhatever reason, it's just not a

(00:42):
healthy thing.
You're not supposed to be alonefor whatever reason.
It's just not a healthy thing.
You're not supposed to be alone.
It says in the early days whenGod created man, adam and Eve,
he says why did he create Eve?
First he created Adam and thenhe saw the result and he said,
although it was good, he saidit's not good that a person
should be by himself.
It is not a healthy thing.
Somebody who is alone for toolong by themselves, with no

(01:05):
family, no friends, no community.
It is very dangerous, very,very dangerous, to say the least
.
That's not what we were broughthere for.
We were brought here to engagewith this world.
We are social creatures.
We benefit from relationshipswith other people, so we have to
have them, but we can be verycareful with which ones.
We have right, whichrelationships we choose to be in

(01:27):
.
Very, very important my friends.
Okay, you can choose therelationships that you want to
be in.
It does not matter who happensto be a family member of yours.
Sometimes friends are much moreimportant than family.
I'm not minimizing family.
Family is critical, but if youhappen to not have family, or if
you happen to have family, thatis not a healthy type

(01:51):
relationship.
Then looking to your friends issometimes even better.
It says as well that friendsare sometimes better why?
Why are friendships moreimportant sometimes than family
relationships?
Because family relationshipsthey're not chosen.
You don't choose your familymembers.
You're born into them.
They're born into your familyand you happen to be family by

(02:14):
circumstance.
With friendship, you chooseyour friends, you dedicate your
time and your energy that youcommit to the relationship, and
so, therefore, it becomes thatmuch more meaningful, you
understand.
So friendships can becritically important.
If you're an individual, likewe were talking about yesterday,
who doesn't find himself withfamily or you're away from
family but you have friendsaround or you can establish

(02:37):
relationships with people whoare like-minded people, then
those are very important.
To detract and be alone and livea life of solitude absolutely
not healthy Now.
At the same time, I saidyesterday I'm all for it, and in
reading forward today we seethat many examples that are
brought forward from our sagesthat talk about the benefit of
solitary time time by yourself,to be able to be alone with your

(03:01):
thoughts.
I, for one, love being alonewith my thoughts.
I love my company a lot morethan I love most people's
company.
I love being alone andcontemplating my life and
contemplating the world andcontemplating his creation and
being in awe of it.
I absolutely love doing that.
The more I can do it the better,but I realize I can't always do

(03:23):
it.
I need to be surrounded bypeople and I need to take care
of my responsibilities my spouse, my children, my family, my
community.
I need to be there, but at thesame time we need to pull back a
little bit.
We need to take some time forourselves to be able to
disconnect.
We say disconnect to reconnect,disconnect from the world and

(03:44):
the craziness.
To be able to reconnect back towhat's important.
To reconnect back to yourcreator and your spirituality
and your emotional being.
We are emotional beings, we'renot just physical.
There is an entire realm, we'vesaid that is emotional, that
you can't sense with any of yoursenses.
You can't look at an individualwho doesn't want to show you

(04:05):
their emotions and know howthey're feeling.
You simply cannot.
It is buried within theiremotional realm and that realm
needs to be nurtured.
We need to take time to investin our emotional and spiritual
well-being.
When are you going to do that?
Not when you're being pulled ina hundred different directions.
Then you're definitely notgoing to do it.
And if you're in business or ifyou've got a family and you're

(04:27):
growing, the more commitmentsyou have, the less time you have
to focus on the good things.
Now there are a lot of peoplewho cannot be by themselves.
There are a lot of people andyou may find yourself to be one
of these who dread it, thethought of spending time alone.
They will actively go out andseek other people, even if

(04:48):
they're complete strangers, justto fill the air with noise,
just to distract them from theirreality.
That, my friends, is not ahealthy thing.
If you find yourself in thatsituation, then it means that,
ultimately, you do not have arelationship with your creator,
you don't have a relationship ofawe, you don't have a

(05:11):
relationship of gratitude,you're simply not dialed in to
your creator.
Because what's happening withthose types of individuals, the
reasons that they're terrifiedto be alone with their thoughts
is because their thoughts scarethem.
Their thoughts make themterrified to be alive, and that
is a very, very dangerous thing.
The thoughts that I have whenI'm alone are thoughts of

(05:34):
gratitude.
The other day I was in a placewhere I go to often during the
summer.
I try to get away as much as Ican to enjoy the summer months
because they're very short.
I was sitting, I found myselfin a place where I go to
regularly, surrounded by natureand beauty, and I sit and and
contemplate, I look around and Isee the trees and I look at the

(05:56):
grass and I look at the sky andthe clouds and the colors and I
just take everything in and I'min awe and I'm thinking about
god and his creation and hiswisdom and I think about the
trees that are the mostspectacular purification system
on planet earth that was givento us free of charge,
continuously filtering our airthat we breathe to make sure

(06:19):
that we have clean air.
The soft, amazing grass thatyou can walk on, that is
comfortable on your feet.
I think about the clouds in thesky and the system of rain that
you know, the sublimation andthe evaporation, and I think
about all of these differentprocesses that come into play
for our survival and our benefit.
And I think, wow, what did I dofor any of this stuff?

(06:41):
What did I do for the clouds todo their job?
What did I do for the grass todo its job or for the trees to
fill to the air?
Absolutely nothing.
I just exist, and God, in hislove for me, gives me all of
these things to make sure I haveall the things that I need in
order to survive and to thrivein this world.
And then you know where mythoughts go, my friends, and it

(07:01):
doesn't matter how many times Ido this.
My thoughts go to my spouse, mychildren, my parents, my
siblings, my family, extendedfamily, community members, all
my friends, and I think what ablessed life.
What a blessed life.
Do I start to get into thenitty gritty and the detail

(07:21):
about conversations I had withpeople Absolutely not.
Do not concern me at all, myfriends.
I'm thinking big picture,30,000 feet elevation.
That's what I'm thinking about.
All of the wonderful things thatI have, what to be happy for,
the fact that I'm not in ahospital bed?
Who says that I'm entitled tonot be a sickly individual?

(07:44):
Who says how many people aredealing with constant illnesses?
They're brought into this worldsickly and they stay in and out
of hospitals all day long.
Do you know how often thathappens?
If you're not one of them,you've got tremendous things to
be happy about, and if you areone of them, I'm sure there are
a million other things that youcan focus on.
My friends, the bottom line isyou choose your thought

(08:05):
processes.
You have to learn to controlyour thought process and if, and
the way to do that is throughgratitude, that is the number
one way.
When you find yourself in aposition of being grateful for
all of the things that you have,that you have and that have
been given to you, you have nochoice but to stop and say thank
you and recognize, and when youdo that, my friends, the world

(08:26):
opens up to you and you start tosee the things that you don't
see all the other days of theweek, in the times of the day
that you are being distracted.
I want to read from you overhere a couple of examples of
this.
It says over here aboutseclusion in our times.
It says the practice ofretreating into seclusion for a
time in order to connect withGod was followed in more recent

(08:49):
times by both Hasidic mastersand Musar masters, while
nowadays it is rare for anyoneto do this for an extended
period.
The Chafetz Chaim advisesadopting this practice in a more
modest way.
Quoting the Shlach HaKadosh inthe name of the Sefer HaCharadim
, he writes quoting the ShlachHaKadosh in the name of the
Sefer HaKharedim, he writes Oncea week, a person should

(09:11):
withdraw from people and secludehimself with his Creator.
So while I am by myself in theseplaces that I go to out in
nature, I am never alone.
I'm always with my Creator andthat's why I can think about Him
.
He should fix his thoughts onGod as if he were already
standing before him on the dayof judgment, and should speak to
him as a servant to his masteror a son to his father.

(09:33):
That is called hit bodedut.
It's almost a form ofmeditation.
It is sitting and discussingyour life with your creator in
your own words, not through abook, not through a
pre-programmed script of prayer,but with your thoughts, your
mind and your heart.
Talk to your Father in theheavens, ask for the things that

(09:54):
you need and be appreciative ofthe things that you have.
He continues to say that RavShlomo Wolbe expresses the
benefit of occasional seclusionas follows.
He says this is veryinteresting, it's a beautiful
analogy.
He says if not for the night,we would not know the stars.
During the day, the light ofthe sun conceals them from our
view and limits our focus toearthly life.

(10:17):
During the day, we don't seethe stars, we just see what's in
front of us.
But when darkness descends uponus upon the earth, new vistas
are open to us and the stars arerevealed.
They're always there.
They've never gone anywhere.
You just haven't contemplatedthem until you see them, until
you have the opportunity to seethem, until darkness sets.
It is the same within a person'sinner world.

(10:39):
While he is among others, hisfocus is entirely on practical
matters.
He is aware of only the earthlyaspects of his personality when
he withdraws for a time fromsocial interaction.
Dusk envelops his earthinessand the heavenly aspects of his

(11:00):
soul is revealed to him.
He discovers emotions and inneryearnings for holiness that he
never knew existed within him.
If one truly desires a glimpseto the heaven within his soul,
with the many shining stars, heneeds to dim his earthly
activities for a while byreflecting upon himself in

(11:20):
solitude.
He will uncover new worlds ofnobility, purity, sanctity and
longing for eternal life in therecesses of his soul.
Very powerful words, verybeautifully spoken Bottom line
my friends, if you're not takingtime for yourself, if you don't
take time to be alone and haveconversations with yourself and

(11:41):
with your creator, haveconversations with yourself and
with your creator to understandwho you are and who god is, and
what he wants of you and whatyou've been given and what you
have to be grateful for, youwill never discover who your
neshama is.
You will never know what yoursoul is really, really made up
of and what drives it.
My wish and my prayer and myblessing to every single one of

(12:03):
us is that we learn to take thetime to be alone and be
comfortable with our thoughts,so that we can learn who we are
and achieve our greatest levelsof success, both physically and
spiritually.
My friends, that is my blessing, not just to you, but to myself
as well.
Have an amazing day, my friends.

(12:23):
We'll continue tomorrow.