Mental Health In Relationships, Dating Men For Dinner, & Does Size Matter!? | Truth After Dark - The Truth After Dark

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
I think the audience should know what did you actually

(00:02):
go through that you're willing to share.

Speaker 2 (00:04):
I mean, what didn't I go through? I have been
through so much.

Speaker 3 (00:10):
Was a thing.

Speaker 2 (00:11):
Yeah, the weight game happened because I got robbed at
gunpoint in my home and then I got into a
really toxic relationship after that, and I was in a
really really depressed state, and I remember just like being
with someone and begging them to love me. And I
never want to be that low ever again. And I
can honestly say that I don't think you will meet

(00:33):
anyone that's like me. I'm a different, unique person and
that's what makes me special. And for so long, my name,
everything about me, how I looked, I was, all of
that was so unique and I hated it, and then
I grew to love that the size matter to women.

Speaker 3 (00:53):
You answer that, now I can answer.

Speaker 2 (00:55):
I can only say this, like, I have had sex
with the man and I'm like, oh, yes, this fits
for me.

Speaker 3 (01:02):
This is me.

Speaker 2 (01:03):
And I've had sex with the man who I was dating,
and I'm like, this penis is not for me.

Speaker 3 (01:08):
I could just tell you have sex the first one.

Speaker 2 (01:11):
I haven't, but I would if it felt that way.

Speaker 3 (01:13):
You've never done it.

Speaker 2 (01:14):
No, I have not yet.

Speaker 1 (01:15):
You know you would, you older lady, you should buy
it now. You should have did that by now.

Speaker 2 (01:20):
And I remember my brother told me a long time ago,
like low key, men are more emotional than women. We
just don't show it. We just can't show it.

Speaker 3 (01:26):
What's the question?

Speaker 2 (01:29):
No, this is disrespectful, talk about disrespect the question. No,
it don't matter. We're moving on to the next one.

Speaker 3 (01:39):
No, I forgot the question taking over the game.

Speaker 1 (02:07):
All right, everybody, welcome to Truth after Dark.

Speaker 2 (02:11):
Do you think that men or women are more toxic? Hello,
beautiful people, welcome to another episode of the Truth after
Dark with Azar Faraday and Paul Pierce.

Speaker 3 (02:28):
What Up? What up? Back at it?

Speaker 2 (02:30):
Back at it? How are you feeling tonight?

Speaker 1 (02:32):
Man?

Speaker 3 (02:32):
I feel good. Man.

Speaker 1 (02:33):
We we didn't covered a lot of great topics. Man,
I hope our fans are still joining us. Make sure
you subscribe. Like, man, we got some dope conversations, but like, yeah,
today is really one that's touching me, so.

Speaker 3 (02:47):
Like, yeah, you can explain for sure.

Speaker 2 (02:49):
Today we're going to talk about something a little more serious,
which is mental health in relationships, in relationships and all around,
and especially in the black community. So to start with
some stats, that is actually really sad. But according to
the CDC, suicide is the third leading cause of death

(03:10):
for black men age fifteen to twenty four. Yeah, black
adults are twenty percent more likely to experience serious mental
health problems than the general population, and only one in
three Black adults who need mental health care actually receive it.
So that's like very sad and touching. And for me,

(03:31):
you know, I lost my best friend, his name was Tony,
when I was seventeen years old. He killed himself. He
shot himself in the head. He survived for fourteen minutes
and his sister found him on the floor. And I
lost my uncle as well to suicide. So I have
seen a few people, you know, killed themselves and black

(03:53):
men specifically and effect on you. I don't know if
I would say it hadn't affected me, but it was definitely.
I mean, when my best friend shot himself, he called
me every night. He hated talk on the phone, and
that specific week he asked me to talk to him
every night on the phone. And I was like sure.

(04:15):
I fell asleep on like a Thursday night and he
called me. I woke up out my sleep and he
was like hey, and I'm like, oh, I'll get up.
He's like, no, don't worry about it, go to bed.
He killed himself that night.

Speaker 3 (04:27):
You talked to him, Yeah, I talked to me.

Speaker 2 (04:29):
He asked me to talk to him every night, so
he was.

Speaker 3 (04:32):
One of the last ones to talk to him. Damn.

Speaker 2 (04:35):
Yeah. And then it was traumatizing. And then my uncle
killed himself on the phone. He's a big public figure,
he's very famous, so I won't mention his name. But
he killed himself on the phone with my sister and
her husband, big V and they were rushing to his house,
but before they got there, he already killed himself. And

(04:55):
then I lost several people more than that, I've I've
lost a a lot of people to suicide.

Speaker 1 (05:02):
And you're saying the people that you lost you feel
like this was due to their personal mental health. Let
me ask you this, how has that affect you, if
it's affects you at all, or what are your personal
experiences with mental health that you've had to deal with
in your life, Like, because I know you more personal

(05:24):
than a lot of people who are watching this, and
we've had a chance to sit down and have some
dope ass conversations and you have an amazing story. Thank
you the things that you've been through and that shaped
you to where you are today. And a lot of

(05:44):
stuff that you tell me could be traumatized in to
where it can put you in a situation to where
in life it can go in any directions, Like I
would like for you to share your personal experience of
like what did you you have to deal with as
far as mental health to where it's like things become

(06:10):
so overwhelming and who did you reach out to or
who is that shoulder to cry on?

Speaker 3 (06:15):
Or there was nobody?

Speaker 1 (06:16):
Like what got you through your experiences dealing with the
things that you've been through as far as dealing with
your mental health?

Speaker 2 (06:27):
I would probably say, God, you can't put your mental
health in the hands of anybody else because that is
a recipe for a disaster. Nobody is responsible for your happiness,
nobody is responsible for how you feel about yourself, and
nobody else can be responsible for getting you through tough times.

Speaker 3 (06:47):
What was your personal traumas that caused us little hard
you want to get it here going on?

Speaker 1 (06:52):
Well, I think like to say what got through it?
I think the audience should know what did you actually
go through that you're willing to share.

Speaker 2 (06:59):
I mean, what didn't I go through? I have been
through so much. Obviously, there's other people who have stories
that are worse than mine. It's not a place to
compare to anyone else's.

Speaker 3 (07:10):
Obviously was a thing.

Speaker 2 (07:13):
Yeah, the weight game happened because I got robbed at
gunpoint in my home.

Speaker 3 (07:18):
I've talked about this, but.

Speaker 1 (07:20):
Okay, so before the way game, you said you got
robbed that gunpoint, and this is what triggered with my depression.

Speaker 2 (07:25):
I went through a really tough time because I felt
that it was an inside job. I had no idea
what happened, but these people had followed me. They already
knew how to get into my place. I lived in
a very nice place, and at the time I was
really confused about who I can trust, you know, and
who I can have around me. And I questioned everybody,

(07:47):
and I couldn't sleep at night. And like I said,
they stole a lot of things for me, but the
worst was my peace of mind.

Speaker 3 (07:53):
What actually happened that night?

Speaker 2 (07:57):
That night I was at my house, chilling, knocked out,
went to sleep, and when I went to sleep, I
woke up. I have night like I have really bad sleep.
I have panic attacks in my sleep ever since I
was twenty years old, just based off of like my trauma.

(08:19):
I wake up screaming. I don't always remember, but I
know that I have, Like when I woke up screaming. No,
I started waking up screaming at twenty. I only was
too eighty for about a year of my life. I
think people are confused by that I was not big
my whole life. They're like, oh, she was always a
big girl. She never know I was very small up

(08:41):
until that point. But anyways, No, I was not too eighty,
but these people I woke up and when I woke up,
I saw this man with the gun. Mind you, for me,
as a woman who's not involved in any type of
lifestyle that would lead me to that, you know, there's people,
and it doesn't make it okay live a certain lifestyle

(09:01):
where it's like you knew you were playing with fire,
right me, personally, I didn't live that type of lifestyle.
So as a young woman who was maybe twenty eight
at the time, I lived in my own place. I
had a three bedroom, like nice place in Larchmont Village.
And this man I woke up and I saw this man.

(09:21):
Mind you, this is like one of my worst nightmares.
So I think I'm like tripping, so I go back
to sleep.

Speaker 1 (09:27):
Before you continue, you said you don't leave a lifestyle
that could lead to this.

Speaker 3 (09:33):
Yeah, but you did. You tell me you worked in
a dismission.

Speaker 2 (09:37):
I did, though, but it wasn't like you're right.

Speaker 3 (09:40):
You're right, that's that could be something.

Speaker 2 (09:42):
Yeah, yeah, you're right. Yeah, you're right, that could be
something like.

Speaker 3 (09:46):
Guys go in and say hey, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.

Speaker 2 (09:49):
I did industry, so you're right, Okay, but I was
in corporate and I was very legal, like when it
was like our thing we had, we had partnerships with
Paris Hilton, Seth Rogan, Like it wasn't the trap because
they like illegal shots were called traps, so it wasn't

(10:09):
like that. But it is a business that can lead
to that. So you're right, I was wrong. But when
I say that, I just mean like I wasn't into
like this dark lifestyle of like being outside and be
around these people or being around certain crowds, you know
what I mean. I lived a very like go to work,
like even though it's a weed industry, it's legalized, and

(10:30):
it was very like go to your job, come home,
you know. But anyways, I woke up. I see this man.
I go back to sleep because I think I'm tripping.
That pissed him off, so he like like dragged me
out the bed, pulled me by my hair. I was like, bitch,
wake up, da da da da, And he was just like,

(10:54):
you know, I'm not going to leave here with nothing,
like I have nothing to lose. And he had the
gun to my head, like feel the gun on my head,
you know, And I was just like okay, And you know,
I had a safe with some stuff in it, and
I gave it to him. I was like one second,

(11:14):
I so happened to pull my safe out and have
it all my bathroom counter and I gave it to
him and he looked at it and then like there
was two other guys running around my place. You know.
My nephew at the time was living with me. Thank
god he was not there. He was out of town.
But he had like Montclair jackets and this and that.

(11:34):
So they like went and all they stole all my shoes,
all my purses. Like till this day, I only have
like two designer purses because they stole all my stuff,
and I was like, you know what whatever, like even shoes,
like they stole all my shoes and I just had
a trauma with like buying myself that. Again, I never
replenished any of that stuff. And so yeah, at that

(11:57):
point when they were walking out, I walked out behind
them for some reason, I was tripping, like I don't
know what I was on. And then he like dragged me,
hit me, fucked me up, like put me in the
bed a little bit. It wasn't like, you know, they
hit me and like stuff, but it wasn't that crazy,
Like I was okay. And then he like forced me

(12:18):
I had like a bruise on my arm whatever, forced
me back into the bed, some uncomfortable stuff, and then
that was it. They left. And then at that point
I didn't even call the police. First called my brother
and he told me what to do, and so then

(12:40):
I called the police. They came, and then they never
did anything. They came to take fingerprints, and then after
that they called me one time and their question was
what was going through your head when the gun was
to your head? That's all they ever.

Speaker 3 (12:54):
Asked me question. Yeah, I don't know what was going on.

Speaker 2 (12:58):
I never understood donna die. Well. During the time, what
my what was going through my head, to be honest,
was I hope it doesn't hurt. Like I never thought
about being shot and the pain associated. I was like,
I just want to die quick.

Speaker 3 (13:11):
Okay, That's what I was saying. So you deal with that,
how did you recover?

Speaker 2 (13:18):
Well, unfortunately I got't traumatizing. Yeah, it was traumatizing. And
I was seeing a guy at the time, and he
was a gambler. He was really into gambling lifestyle. So
like some of my friends like kind of accused him,
and I don't want to blast him because this is

(13:39):
fucked up, like because I'm not accusing him of that,
but you know, I was just like looking like it
was crazy. And then you know, he was like, let's
live together. I'm gonna take like I got you and
take care of you. You're going to be straight, like
you know, so I'm thinking like okay. So we moved
really quickly, like we were only talking for like two
three months, and he like put it on thick with me, like,

(14:01):
oh I'm here. I'm like, babe, all of this, Like
he flew my sister and my brother in law, flew
me to Atlanta. He came with me. We stayed there
for like two weeks, like just to get my life.
I moved my sister and V came back. We moved everything,
like got a new place, did all of that, Like
me and him moved, we moved in together, and then

(14:25):
I got into a really toxic relationship after that. And
that's when I started.

Speaker 3 (14:31):
Just eating and just saved.

Speaker 2 (14:34):
Yeah, And I was in a really really depressed state,
and I remember just like being with someone and begging
them to love me. And I never want to be
that low ever again, you know, Like I was just
at such a low space in my life that I
was taking the bare minimum like type of love and
it just it breaks my heart when I think back

(14:56):
on it, because I'm like, you deserve so much more,
but I didn't feel worthy of anything even I remember
during the time that I was going through that, I
caught him like cheat, like texting another girl and like
doing all this, and I had asked him like damn,
Like this is when the robbery had just hit, like
a few weeks. I'm still trying to like move in
and get everything together, and I'm like dang, and he's like, well,

(15:19):
I just need someone to vent to because this is
a lot I'll meet too, so I just need to
go to someone else, like another room. And at the time,
I really was like I feel you, I understand, like
I'm so sorry that I'm putting this on you right now.
And it's like I think back on that, like this
was his choice to want to show up as a man,
and he couldn't, you know. So I just became really

(15:39):
depressed and I was in a really dark place and
I hated myself.

Speaker 3 (15:44):
And it made you vulnerable.

Speaker 2 (15:46):
It made me super vulnerable. It made me vulnerable, and
it made me and that's when the way game, but
also too like we were going on trips and stuff
to try to like ease the pain. Oh when we're
going here, We're we're traveling all the time. Everyone I'm eating,
I'm eating like different foods that I'm just eating like
my ass off, just emotional eating, just depressed. And then

(16:07):
I just hated to look at myself, like in the mirror.
I hated anyone to take a picture of me, a video.

Speaker 3 (16:12):
Of me, Like can I ask one question for me
to cut you off?

Speaker 1 (16:16):
But like from the time y'alls together, from the robbery
to the time you gained all that weight.

Speaker 3 (16:23):
What was the number.

Speaker 2 (16:26):
Like you went from I probably went to like again, like.

Speaker 3 (16:30):
How much in that process?

Speaker 1 (16:33):
Because I just feel like this And the reason I
asked this is not It's like if I'm your man,
I'm gonna tell you, like, hey, you doing too much, babby. Yeah,
don't let all that get to you. You know what
I'm saying. You can't go from my hundred to one
hundred remember the time. But as a man, I gotta
bring you comfort, Yeah, comfort, I gotta bring you some

(16:54):
stability to where you're not even feeling like depressed all
the time. I got to bring a happy place for
you because you was with him still in a dark place.

Speaker 2 (17:02):
But it wasn't his job to make me feel that
is a man's job.

Speaker 3 (17:05):
It is your partner.

Speaker 1 (17:07):
I'm watching you gain weight and you you blowing up,
and I'm looking like, hold on, what's going on? Like nah,
we ain't doing that, And that's my job to help you,
like get you through that, Like now we are about
to do that.

Speaker 2 (17:19):
But I also will say this too. I know he
didn't want me big, and I know that he didn't
like me big, but I also know that he was
intimidated by who I was as a woman, and the
less desirable that I was to other men, the better
for him, because he can keep me in a certain place.
He was the type of man that, like, I would
be looking bomb, I know it, and he would just

(17:41):
be like, and I'll be like, Babe, do I look cute?

Speaker 1 (17:42):
Da?

Speaker 2 (17:43):
Da da? And He'll be like no, like sarcastic but
joking right, And then I'm like what, and I'll get pissed.
He's like, you know, you look good, Like why do
you need me to tell you that? Like, he was
that type of man to where he was like jealous
of me, like he felt and he was in competition
with me. He wasn't the type of man like, remember,
this is a man that I met at one of

(18:03):
the lowest points in my life. You attract at the
same level of woundedness you were at. I attract him
at the same level of woundedness I was. I was low,
I was deep dark. You don't attract the most amazing people. Yeah,
I brought a low vibration man into my life. And

(18:24):
I don't think he's a horrible person, but I think
that he battled with his own depression, He battled with
his own ship. He battled with his own gambling and
this and that and the things that he had his
own devils and so did I and so we.

Speaker 1 (18:40):
We don't have to dive into this stuff, right. I
think the important part of the message is like your
mental health right now?

Speaker 2 (18:48):
Then that was my story? Did you want me to
say no?

Speaker 3 (18:51):
But I don't need to get into him, Okay, Yes,
I feel like this is about you. For sure.

Speaker 1 (18:58):
Your story is more important than with yes, you know
what I'm saying, And like getting to that point and
then getting out of it, Like how did you get
to the mindset of like I can't.

Speaker 3 (19:16):
Be this person no more. I have to change internally?
And what was the what clicked?

Speaker 1 (19:22):
What is there a moment or is it a person
or what clicked to say I can't be this person anymore?
That person that you looked at.

Speaker 3 (19:31):
In the mirror.

Speaker 2 (19:32):
Well, the thing is is that's not who I was,
Like I'm like, I'm not a lazy person. I'm not
someone who isn't determined, like I at my core am determined.
And you know, unfortunately this is something that I've worked
my way out of. But I say this to you,
and I said this to you the other day, like

(19:52):
people talk about me bad in the comments. They always
say crazy things, But there's nothing that anyone can say
to me that I haven't probably already said to my
myself or my family hasn't said to me. You know,
like I grew up in an environment where it was
very tough love, so it's very like talking down on you,
making you feel like you're nothing, And that was always

(20:13):
my motivation. Unfortunately, I have retrained myself to not think
about myself in those ways anymore, and I'm so grateful
to not do that. And I don't promote negative self
talk as a way to motivate yourself, but I will
say that that was my motivation. You know, I hated myself.
I talked so bad about myself, Like who would want you?

(20:34):
Who would love you? Look at you? These are similar
things that I heard about myself growing up, and you know,
like that was something that I would tell myself because
you know, like I was always someone who had to
be a high performer, and I felt like if I
wasn't performing high, there's no reason to love me, you know,
Like I was an ice figure skater, a ballerita played tennis,

(20:57):
a swim on the swim team, like I did all
these things because that's how I earned love, and in
my mind, that's the only way someone would love me
if I added, if I was performing at high capacity
one hundred percent of the time. I never learned to
love in low moments. I learned to love people in
low moments because that's what I wanted. But I never
learned that I deserve that too. So for me, like,

(21:20):
I talked negatively about myself, and that's how I got
to the point where I was like, fuck that. I've
said it before. I was in a relationship, he was
cheating on me. I saw the type of woman he
was cheating with, and I got to the point where
I was like, I can't look like this anymore. I
can't feel like this, I can't be this big. Like
this is un It was so uncomfortable.

Speaker 3 (21:41):
I ask you a question, how did you get here
as far as.

Speaker 1 (21:54):
Sitting here with the truth out the dark? How did
you get here based on where you came from? Yeah,
how are you explained to me? How did you get here?

Speaker 3 (22:08):
Right now? I think I know, but I don't want to.

Speaker 2 (22:16):
I can only contribute it to God. Honestly, there's nothing
else that I could say other than that, you know,
and that's why I say that God is what got
me through and that's all, that's all, and that's it.
Like I am anointed and I am chosen, and I
am different, And for so long I let me being

(22:37):
different make me feel like an outsider, make me feel alone,
make me feel empty, when I didn't realize that me
being different was my superpower, me being not fitting in
the circle, you know, for so long, like I would
be like, why don't I have a group of home
girls where we all go out and they're singing city
girls and we're doing this. But when I would go
around that, not that I'm better, I would feel disc connected.

(23:01):
I never felt like I fit into that, so that
never worked for me. Then I would go around different.
I never felt like I fit anywhere, you know, So
for me, again, I can only give it to God
and also, you know, to myself for understanding like who
I am. And there's still days that I question that,

(23:21):
And there's still days that people can you know, bring
me down or say negative things about me that can
bring me back to that place where I used to
say that to myself, and then I have to remind myself,
like that's not who you are anymore, and it's okay
that you're different. That is what makes you powerful, That
is what makes you right here with the truth. That's
the truth after dark. Yeah, and I can honestly say

(23:45):
that I don't think you will meet anyone that's like me.
I'm a different, unique person, and that's what makes me special.
And for so long, my name, everything about me, how
I looked, I was, all of that was so unique
and I hated it, and then I grew to love that.

Speaker 3 (24:03):
Okay, So like all right, I'm gonna tell you this.
I'm gonna keep one undred with you.

Speaker 2 (24:07):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (24:08):
Like a lot of people come on our show and
they you know, they say things about your nationality. Yeah,
and you constantly on YouTube and Instagram defending yourself. You're
letting people know like, hey, I'm I'm black, yes, and
tell the camera your mom is what, your dad is what?

Speaker 3 (24:32):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (24:33):
This is if I got a dollar for every time
I got asked this.

Speaker 3 (24:36):
Yeah, let's set the record straight.

Speaker 2 (24:38):
I've done it, but they still don't listen. My mom
is Persian and my dad is black.

Speaker 1 (24:43):
I've talked to your dad, I've seen them all right,
So this is the question I have though I got
a question, sure, Like your last name is Fairer that
it's not.

Speaker 2 (24:56):
That's my middle name.

Speaker 3 (24:58):
Oh you know that? So your last okay?

Speaker 2 (25:02):
And I don't need to.

Speaker 3 (25:03):
Tell everybody my last name.

Speaker 2 (25:04):
But my last name is none of nobody's because that's.

Speaker 1 (25:07):
Not a black last That's if your dad black, his
last name is not there to day. So everybody's gonna
be like, girl, you are not black. That's why everybody's
talking to you like that, because you ain't gave up
the real By the way, her last name is Thomas
Czar Faraday Thomas.

Speaker 3 (25:25):
So she black Thomas Thomas.

Speaker 2 (25:28):
Last name is Alexander, is it? Yeah?

Speaker 3 (25:31):
Oh it's Alexander. Yeah, they can go both ways. Yeah, Sonny,
that can go all racist.

Speaker 2 (25:37):
Yeah, so my dad is black.

Speaker 3 (25:40):
He's his last name. I didn't. I didn't talk to him.

Speaker 2 (25:47):
My family is black.

Speaker 3 (25:50):
Ain't got it. You ain't gotta go too deep into that.
This is all good. That's we're gonna keep that ship.

Speaker 2 (25:55):
Okay. But yeah, they love to say that. And the
only reason why you are no more to talk? Can
I just say this part though, because the only reason
why I defend myself is because sometimes I say the
N word. And they're like, why would she just be
out here? I don't want anyone to ever think I
would just be out here saying that and not be black,
Like that's crazy to me. But anyways, keeping so just.

Speaker 1 (26:14):
Moving forward, like while you're like dealing with love and
you and your healing and you're traumatized, like that relationship
was doing from the start.

Speaker 2 (26:32):
Yeah, it was a trauma bond. We bonded over our
traumas you know. And a lot of people do that,
like they'll get out of a long relationship, they'll hop
into something else and they'll use that to cope. And
you have to realize, like who you attract in your
darkest moments, You got to question that sometimes because you
are not You are not a bright light at that moment,

(26:54):
you know what I mean. And a lot of the
time too, people will suck, will try to suck your
light when they recognize that you're you're vulnerable, You're not
always in this moment, You're not always in this dark place.
They can recognize your light, but they know right now
they can take advantage of it. So my sister used

(27:16):
to always say, she was like, you know, when you're
when you're I've cried, Okay, I'm so sorry. Anyways, moving on,

(27:41):
I forgot what I was even saying at this point.
That was was we're all so serious on this episode
more like you and then who made this about me?

Speaker 3 (27:51):
We never said we're talking about mental health.

Speaker 1 (27:53):
This is this is about mental health and relationships and
how its affected you.

Speaker 2 (27:56):
Okay, So what was the question?

Speaker 3 (27:59):
Uh So the lesson was like kind of like navigating
the love while healing.

Speaker 2 (28:03):
I think that.

Speaker 1 (28:05):
Let's explain to women, like to women that's dealing with
things like how do you navigate love while healing? Or
do you not get into a situation where you try
to be with somebody why you're healing, Like seriously, because
a lot of women and men they be in a
healing phase and they not ready for love, but then
they get into something quick and it turned out like

(28:28):
it didn't work out. Like I deal with that, Like
I'm gonna tell you, you know what I'm saying, because
after my long term relationship, I got into another relationship
and it didn't last long, and you know, I don't
have no regrets from it, but it was just like
and then when I go back and look at it,
I'll be like, damn, I wasn't ready to love because
of where I was in my life, you know what

(28:48):
I'm saying, So like everything is a life learning lesson
when you jump into a relationships. So I just want
to tell ladies and men like, don't jump in relationships
when you really not ready to love, Like don't talk
to a girl who's who's got the kids and ready
to settle down, or an older lady like a czar

(29:10):
that's not like you gotta be ready to settle Like,
don't jump into something that's gonna be just a just
a just a fly by night thing, Like when you
get up there and age and everything, you should be
like listen the next girl you talk to, and like
you should know from the first conversation, is this somebody
I'm really gonna be hollering at? Like how many conversations

(29:31):
do it take to know if you're gonna talk to
a person, Let's keep it one hundred, Like, because a
dude that like me, I know, for the first time
I've talked to you on the phone, I know with
this majority of time it's gonna be or what it
can be. And I think if I think this is
just gonna be a fly by night thing. I'm gonna
take it for what it is. But if I think
there's some longevity in it, I'm gonna talk to you

(29:53):
like that. You know, But based on where I'm at
in my life as an older cat, I don't got
time for the fly by night thing no more. I'm
like only talking to you if it's something that I
feel like this could be a longevity thing, like all
that fly by night playing around and like, nah, I'm good,
that's just a waste of time and money pretty much.

(30:15):
And I'm gonna know that off of one conversation on
the phone, even like, even if the conversation go good,
I'm gonna after one day, you know what I'm saying.
Once I go out with you after one day, So like,
let me ask you this, like how many days do
it take to realize you know?

Speaker 3 (30:30):
This? Ain't the dude?

Speaker 1 (30:31):
Like do you keep going out on dates with you
because he gonna pay for food and you ain't gotta
give him none? Or like why do women drag these
type of things on with cats? Why do women play
with niggas pockets and time? That's a real one.

Speaker 2 (30:47):
Yeah, I could see that. I think that too many
people are bored and too many people are desperate, and
that's just the truth. I also think that there are
people who see good in somebody and they want to
really like them, but they just don't fully feel it.

Speaker 3 (31:08):
So they just I know, I know this guy, he
don't take me to dinner.

Speaker 2 (31:12):
I don't know that.

Speaker 3 (31:13):
I mean when playing a dude.

Speaker 1 (31:15):
That you just said, Oh, this is dinner. You got
your phone, that's dinner. I can't like, oh this is dinner,
like girl, you want to go out dinner.

Speaker 3 (31:23):
This This is this nigga. His name is dinner. I
know he club. He gonna have a seat club. I
call him club. I ain't got to do nothing with him.
We're gonna sit in this section, have drinks that.

Speaker 2 (31:36):
I can't be bored enough. I can't be broken enough,
bored enough, lonely enough to ever waste my time and
energy on someone I don't want to be around. I've
said that before. I have a viral clip that says that, Yeah,
as a younger lady, I was like that, motherfucker, so
you say no. As a younger lady, I was like
that too, because, like I said, people cannot compare themselves

(31:59):
to me. I get that, but me personally, my time
is more valuable than any other thing I can spend,
because that's the only thing I cannot get back. So
if I'm spending, I don't want to be in the
presence of someone I don't fuck with, like if I
don't date like that, because I either like I'm I
know my energy, I know who I attract and when
I attract them, it's usually a vibe from day one

(32:20):
off rip and we locked into ever since we met.
And that's just it, Like I don't do all of that.

Speaker 3 (32:25):
You mean by day one? I mean you haven't. You
haven't sex the first night.

Speaker 2 (32:29):
I haven't, but I would if it felt that way.

Speaker 3 (32:32):
You've never done it?

Speaker 2 (32:33):
No, I have not yet.

Speaker 3 (32:34):
You know you would, you older lady. You should buy
it now. You should have did that by now.

Speaker 1 (32:39):
No, I'm just saying, like, come on, I don't don't
say you would if it felt like that, But you
said you didn't felt like that with somebody, and it ain't.

Speaker 2 (32:45):
Never have like kissed and stuff. You know what I'm saying,
Like being buddh up, like even with someone on.

Speaker 1 (32:51):
The first night. Yeah, yeah, but you ain't never the
first night. It's like, oh, listen, have text.

Speaker 2 (32:56):
No I never did that. You know what I'm saying,
But I'm not lying. But I think for me, it
just takes more connection. Like, I'm not saying it's wrong.
I know plenty of people who did that and are married.

Speaker 3 (33:07):
You get the first night energy. You're not about but
you was like if I feel like that.

Speaker 2 (33:22):
I'm saying I'm not clowning nobody who did that. I'm
just saying that I've never did that.

Speaker 1 (33:27):
But I'm just saying this outfit, like right here, you
look at sexy, you got the hills on, you got that.

Speaker 2 (33:32):
What does that have to do with you?

Speaker 1 (33:37):
I know you're going to show, but this is the act.
You heard that, but you didn't hear it. But like
I said, you really be coming like this when you
go out looking cracking, this is how you be coming.

Speaker 2 (33:52):
So what does that have to do with sleeping someone
on the first night? Tell me, riddle me that just
because you look cracking, you're gonna have sex on the
first night.

Speaker 1 (34:01):
This outfit is given first night energy, first night sex,
first night energy.

Speaker 2 (34:07):
I'm on a whole late night show in silk pajamas,
So what do you mean this outfit is looking like
I don't even goddamn no, so off.

Speaker 1 (34:17):
Yeah, the off it is looking like me and you're
gonna be in the fireplace outside in the backyard talking,
looking up at the stars, and we're just sipping on
some coniac, chopping it up with some like real intimacy.
Like I'll be trying to tell you what intimacy is,
not sex all the time. Where the nigga needs sometime.
You could just be sitting with somebody chilling, chopping it up,

(34:40):
and he telling you his deepest secrets and you telling
him his and that's gonna stimulate you more than just
getting right to it. Now your mind is like, ooh,
you're in a daze now.

Speaker 2 (34:52):
So now it's like, ooh, I understand what intimacy is.
And I want everybody who saw that clip to know
I know what intimacy is. I I have intimacy with
people that I'm with, and I know that it's not
just sex, Like I understand that I feel like people
love to take what I say is like, she.

Speaker 1 (35:09):
Doesn't know what. So give us an example of a
night or intimacy that you've experienced.

Speaker 3 (35:19):
With your lover, Like what did you do?

Speaker 2 (35:25):
Like I like to bathe my man, so like we
can bathe together, like wash.

Speaker 3 (35:30):
Him like hair everything, the baptub or the shower.

Speaker 2 (35:34):
Both either or I do the shower too, but I
definitely bathe the man. It's just like my favorite thing.
And then we go and everyone's gonna take this out
of context whatever. Then like just chilling, relaxing, rubbing, talking, touching,
maybe not talking at all, like you know, scratching his back,

(35:54):
scratching his.

Speaker 3 (35:55):
Head like on his check, going over here, you over here,
got uncomfortable.

Speaker 1 (36:01):
Hold on, let me adjust some things talking that you're
talking that ship right now, all right, keep going.

Speaker 3 (36:11):
I cannot stand take some adjustments.

Speaker 2 (36:16):
I really tell myself, I'm not gonna cuss. I'm not
gonna do this. And then I get with you.

Speaker 1 (36:20):
I'll be like, no, tell us about what the intimacy
look like, because I will tell you mine what mine
looked like. Because like you said that, yes you said,
man like that from a woman, but women like that too.
So we're gonna flip it to the women like men
we ask men got to give the women into meac too,
because they go through what they go through on a

(36:40):
long work day, we stressing them over food and all that.
But so I'm gonna give the men what we can
do to give intimacy to our women, because our last
episode was me trying to get it from a woman.

Speaker 3 (36:52):
But I can get the game to the men.

Speaker 2 (36:55):
But why wouldn't you let a woman tell you what
that is? Why are you need a woman to.

Speaker 3 (36:59):
Tell me that? Every woman, I don't need a woman
to tell me what intimacy is. I know what intimacy
is for the woman.

Speaker 1 (37:06):
Tell me, like, I know, first of all, I'm gonna
know the woman I went. I'm gonna already know what
she like so based on her personal preferences, and I'm
gonna adjust to that. So me, it's gonna be like
some sensual touching and talking. You know, it's gonna be
a sexy environment. You know, it might involve candles, roses,

(37:29):
low lighting, soft talking, you know, uncomfortable. It can be candles, fireplace.

Speaker 3 (37:40):
It can be.

Speaker 1 (37:43):
Just sitting in the bed and the lights off and
I'm whispering in your ear. You know what I'm saying, Like,
all of that is intimacy.

Speaker 3 (37:51):
That done so like.

Speaker 1 (37:57):
Before the sex, and we ain't even gotta have sex
that night. It could be just like I just want
to give her this to make her stimulated, just some
words in her ear. It's words. It could be words.
It could be touched. It could be a like like,
it could be a rough word touch. It can be
all of that. It could just be the vibe we got.
We having a drink by the fire pit or you know,

(38:20):
sitting by the pool. And you know this ain't for everybody.
If you ain't got no pool, fire pit, that's okay.
You can put it on TV with the fireplace on
the TV. We sitting in the living room wanted to
cook cauch. We just we just chopping. Sometimes it's about chopping,
like I need to touch them on my day, baby,
Like I need to let this out. I'm going through
some stuff. And if you willing to listen and embrace
what I'm saying and not say nothing, let me just

(38:41):
get this off.

Speaker 3 (38:43):
And vice versa.

Speaker 1 (38:44):
That's intimacy, because dude, something like we feel like we
gotta be tough all the time, and then when we
not tough and we giving that oh he he he
ain't a man, he ain't got no masculinity. But sometimes
we gotta get ours off. What you gotta understand, like
sometimes we gotta let it out, you know, and the
men like like get up to us like then we

(39:07):
go through it as a man, and the pressure is
on us of the everyday life to provide to be
the lion, to be the gorilla, to come home and
be able to say, hey, maybe you're gonna eat good tonight,
or be the leader like it's like he who wears

(39:27):
the crown as heavy as the head, like we wear
the crown.

Speaker 3 (39:31):
You see what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (39:32):
So, like, I want to know how you went from
talking about what women need back into what men.

Speaker 3 (39:36):
No, we're talking about intimacy.

Speaker 2 (39:38):
But you said you were going to say, and okay,
so let me tell you what I feel as a
woman that I need for intimacy. Can I do that?

Speaker 1 (39:46):
Let me hear what you need because you but you
something like y'all don't know what y'all need intimacy, don't
have a book to it.

Speaker 2 (39:55):
But you just told him, You just said you don't.

Speaker 1 (39:57):
Like because you going off, because you going off with
the last nigg it did. And you think that's gonna
that's not gonna work with every dude.

Speaker 2 (40:03):
I'm not.

Speaker 3 (40:04):
It's going on. It's gonna be.

Speaker 2 (40:06):
Talking about what I like for intimacy and women.

Speaker 3 (40:08):
Like, like, listen, what you like is what you already experienced, right,
that's not true. It is true. Well, how do you
know what you like? If you're experience, what are.

Speaker 2 (40:18):
You going off of them? Because how is you so
much different than mine?

Speaker 1 (40:22):
That?

Speaker 3 (40:23):
Because because I'm going off with.

Speaker 2 (40:28):
I know it, all of it like this, it's crazy?

Speaker 3 (40:33):
How is mine?

Speaker 2 (40:34):
So it's just it's and I don't know, I don't
know what women like. And I'm a woman. You're a trip.

Speaker 3 (40:44):
I'm cool talking about No no, no, no, no, let's move.

Speaker 2 (40:49):
This is game crazy.

Speaker 3 (40:51):
Don't do that. Don't do that. Tell us what you
like as a woman with intimacy is for you and
what you think women like? Let's go do that? Oh yours,
don't do that? Okay, give us that?

Speaker 1 (41:07):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (41:08):
For me and for a lot of women that I know,
intimacy can be as simple as just allowing us to
be vulnerable and be open and share, like you know
a lot of deep parts of ourselves.

Speaker 3 (41:20):
Like that's are you accept this? Is you given intimacy
to your man or us? Well?

Speaker 1 (41:28):
Okay, oh what you Okay, I get it, I get it.
I'm listening now, Okay. Intimacy to you is like you
being vulnerable.

Speaker 2 (41:33):
Being able to be vulnerable, being able to be open,
actually being with someone that listens to you and understands,
like damn, you know. I feel like that's a big
part of vulnerability for women in general, you know, because
it's like a lot of women that we have this armor.
And I always say, like the stronger a woman appears,

(41:54):
the softer and more sensitive that she is on the inside.

Speaker 3 (41:58):
That's usually the case.

Speaker 2 (42:00):
And I feel like being able to feel like you
can fully be yourself with someone is like the ultimate
act of intimacy for me. And I feel like a
lot of women don't feel like they can do that
with a man, you know, because you don't want it
to be used against you, same as men, like you
don't want it to be used against you, or you
don't want him to view you as weak, or you

(42:21):
don't want him to take advantage of the things that
hurt you in the past or know your weak points.
So being able to be able to like open up
like that to a man is so intimate. Like me personally,
I feel like that's such a deep, active intimacy.

Speaker 1 (42:37):
I feel like, Okay, I understand what you're saying. I
feel like intimacy should lead to like something that kind
of like draws you. I guess intimacy is something that
should draw you closer, right, Yeah, for sure. The one

(42:58):
thing I don't like sometimes the intimacy from a woman.
It leads to tears and cloth and kills the mo Yeah,
I don't you know what I'm saying, though, you know,
like because some type of intimacy can lead to tears,
and it's like damn, And then turned into this because

(43:23):
like we was trust to have a moment and I
thought it was gonna be like it gonna because like
most of the time, you feel like intimacy could lead
to sex or whatever, but it shouldn't lead to tears.

Speaker 3 (43:34):
Well, maybe it should. I don't know.

Speaker 1 (43:36):
I don't know the answer to that. I don't know
the answer that. I don't know the answer to that,
So I'm not gonna talk about that. But you just
said intimacy can lead to tears though from a woman
it can because I didn't.

Speaker 3 (43:49):
Deal with that.

Speaker 2 (43:49):
But you don't like that, it's what you're saying.

Speaker 3 (43:51):
I don't like that because it's like damn.

Speaker 1 (43:56):
I thought this night was because I had the roses
the fire and I'll cook you some food and then
lets into leeds some crying to where like now the
mold changed and then i'm and then when I try
to hold you, you like no, and then it's just
like you're going off of It's just like but like
when it leads to tears, I don't know, leads to tears.

(44:19):
I think we should like separate. Yeah, we'll do like tears,
like crying, sadness, tears that should be a whole different
type of tears and conversation. But like intimacy should always
lead to like a bonding.

Speaker 2 (44:38):
You don't think that, Well, it's a fine line because.

Speaker 1 (44:41):
A man can like tell you his and it leads
to tears, and it depends on how your pardner reacts.
If she holds you and huggs, that is intimacy. Tears
is intimacy period.

Speaker 3 (44:51):
It is No, I didn't go from left and right.

Speaker 1 (44:56):
But when I really dive deep into it, yeah, like
intimacy could lead to tears, could lead to us getting closer.
You know, I'm holding you and like, damn, she really
told me her deep thought or because it could be viversal,
because I have to look at it from my perspective too,
if a man did the same thing, you know, a
lot of times and where I failed in relationships.

Speaker 3 (45:18):
I always was one sided. Yeah always, it's like this podcast.

Speaker 1 (45:24):
But like I only looked at the one side of it.
When I reverse the side and I really think about it, yeah,
it makes more sense. And that's me growing and trying
to understand. Like so, like tears is part of intimacy.
If you're talking and you're spilling your goods as a woman,
because I had to deal with that, that's intimacy. I

(45:47):
should have reacted better to like some holding like it's
gonna be all right, because, like you know, you're sharing
your deepest thoughts and a man should be able to
do that for a woman too.

Speaker 3 (45:57):
Okay, we got you.

Speaker 2 (45:58):
I will say that this though it depends because if
a woman cries all the time, I can't I personally
can't even stand that. I'm like, girl, I can't deal
with this, or like you get drunk now you crying
like everyone has a Homegirl, girl, I don't cry like
that at all, and you probably I don't even know
if you'll see me cry. So if you do, then

(46:19):
that's a deep moment period. But crying is not always
like that. But what I do want to talk about
is since we went all the way off topic somehow like.

Speaker 3 (46:28):
You usually do away y'all got to rock with us period.

Speaker 2 (46:35):
So what I want to talk about is just like
the stigma around you know, men and mental health, especially
black men, and being able to be vulnerable. You know,
I feel like with black men specifically. I mean, I
can't speak for all men, but I'm sure all men
struggle with this, but a lot of men I know

(46:58):
have vocalized this that they have issues being vulnerable or
holding back things, or like maybe they're they're harboring stuff
and they don't talk about it, they don't release it,
so it's just for them to hold right. Let me
just give you an example. For instance, when a woman
goes through a breakup, I can cry and call thirty
million people. They're just gonna listen to me, Okay, girl,

(47:19):
you want to come over, Da da da da. But
a man is not gonna do that. A man is
not gonna call his boys and be able to cry
to these people. They're just gonna call and be like, oh, bro,
let's go out, let's find a bit da da dah.
Like they're gonna numb their pain versus being able to
talk about it, be open about it, be vulnerable or
even in relationships. So my question is is what can

(47:40):
women do to give men a safe space so they
feel like they can have those conversations, Like, if you're
in a relationship, what can your women do to make
you feel comfortable enough to talk about things with her
or to if you have an issue, to be able
to be like, hey, babe, you know this bothered me

(48:01):
or you know whatever it is.

Speaker 3 (48:05):
I think that's easy.

Speaker 1 (48:06):
Okay, Like it's easier for women, right, for it's easier
for women to like kind of like be vulnerable and cry.

Speaker 2 (48:18):
Right, Yeah, we're not talking about that though. Yeah, yes,
it's easier for Yes, it's easier for women.

Speaker 1 (48:29):
So as long as a woman can show that to
a man and dive into her purest form of femininity
to where a man feel comfortable with that, I think
a man has no problem crying to his girl, you know.

(48:53):
And I think and it's it's a fun line like
say for me, you know, I never I grew up
in an aerage where you have to be tough, like
you have to be like on some like nah, I
gotta stand strong.

Speaker 3 (49:11):
I can't when everybody crying. I can't. I'm strong you
know what I'm saying, So like.

Speaker 1 (49:21):
This air is more accustomed to like showing their feelings,
and this air from the old school, we look at
them as soft and not strong enough and everything.

Speaker 3 (49:34):
And I get it. But I think.

Speaker 1 (49:39):
Like the people from my generation, the men are even
more sensitive than this generation, but don't show it.

Speaker 3 (49:48):
But just don't even show it because I come from like.

Speaker 1 (49:53):
More of a gang culture to where you getting the
gangs because your insecurities truthfully, because you ain't got really
the family like structure and you feel like nigga, my
homies is the family and this is my protection, like
and you know, because you didn't have security at home.

Speaker 3 (50:11):
That's the gang culture and everything.

Speaker 1 (50:14):
So is saying that as a man from my generation
to this generation, it was just more difficult because like
a woman didn't want a man that was vulnerable and
crying and sharing his deepest secrets. They wanted a man
that when they shared theirs, he can he can get
you through it. Because women, when we share our tears,

(50:38):
most likely.

Speaker 3 (50:38):
Y'all teer too. So like how we gonna get through
it if we both tearing up?

Speaker 1 (50:44):
Because I'll make you feel a certain way because your
feelings for me, it's like, damn, that's a sad something
to where like when you sat, I was like, it's
gonna be all right, baby, to where as an inside
you might cry because he cried. You understand what I'm saying.

(51:06):
So it's just like, damn, I'm built and I grew
up to be the one that can't cry or I
can't express it. And then when I did, I did
it in private. We was taught to do it in private.
You know me, I'm gonna go in this back room
because Daddy, y'all need to see Daddy like this. Daddy
is the strong man that's gonna hold us down because

(51:28):
I want my family to be strong. I don't want
y'all to cry when adversity hit. So when adversity hit,
I gotta be here, but I'm gonna go over here
and pray, like tear up.

Speaker 3 (51:38):
Let it out. We let our shit out in private.
You see the difference now to where it's like.

Speaker 1 (51:48):
Now we live in a world to where you let
it out publicly and you get the affection and everything.

Speaker 3 (51:52):
But the strong men we did it in private. In
my generation, it wasn't that we was weak. It wasn't
that that we was sensitive to what was going on

(52:13):
or not sensitive to what was going on.

Speaker 1 (52:15):
We just had to be strong in front of everybody,
and then we're just like nah, all right, yeah, this
is how we gotta be bavan.

Speaker 3 (52:21):
Let me hold you.

Speaker 1 (52:22):
Boom boo boom, because if we both weak ahing, ain't
nothing gonna come out of that. But I'm gonna be like, damn,
I may be going through it. Think about this, if
you're going through it and you crying, you going through it,
and then I'm crying with you. How you're gonna get
through it? You need somebody to be a backbone, because

(52:44):
when you're weak, you need somebody to be strong with you.

Speaker 3 (52:48):
That's just what it is.

Speaker 1 (52:50):
I might be like feeling bad, but I can't show
it like I'd have been to a thousand funerals, Like
I'm looking at like my uncles and my kids is crying,
but I gotta be there. I'm sitting there at the
funeral like I gotta hug them, like a tear.

Speaker 3 (53:09):
May come on my eye.

Speaker 1 (53:10):
But I can't be boohooing like that because I gotta
be strong as a man, As a black man, we
gotta we taught to be strong and be tough for
our families. And that's why we're the most resilient race
on this planet because we come from nothing, We come from.

Speaker 3 (53:25):
The bottom, and we resilient. So now we start showing
that motion.

Speaker 1 (53:30):
We looked at it different because we looked at as
the strongest on this planet because of what we've been
through as black men.

Speaker 3 (53:38):
This is this is this is our image. I ain't
saying this right, but that's what we built.

Speaker 2 (53:48):
I can understand because my dad is seventy seven and
I've never seen him cry one time.

Speaker 3 (53:52):
And Man.

Speaker 2 (53:55):
And Daughter, Yeah you did mention that on the podcast.
I like, I never seen my get dad cry once.
I never My dad is so cold to the point
where I have an aunt who died his sister. He
never even told me, like because it was before I
was born, and like I found out of the family room.
He's like, I asked him about it. He's like, it
was a long time ago. What you want me to say, Like,

(54:16):
that's my dad. When it comes to emotion, there's none.
So I will say this as a woman, I can
understand how it feels to see a man cry. I've
only seen a few men cry. So when you see
a man cry, it hurts, especially a black man because
you're like, it hurts more damn. But it doesn't mean

(54:38):
I'm not a crier, so I probably wouldn't cry too.
But even if I did, it doesn't mean that I
don't have the capability to still be strong. It doesn't
mean that, like I could feel that emotion in that moment,
but I can still understand he's hurting. So let me
take the steps I need to take every other day
to relieve that pain and make him feel better. At

(54:58):
least I'm aware of it, know that he's going through something.

Speaker 1 (55:01):
The biggest hurt is not from a man cry. It's
always going to be from a woman cry.

Speaker 2 (55:06):
To me, seeing a man cry is the most devastating
thing I ever seen. For me, because I've only seen
a few men cry in my lifetime. That shit is crazy.
I never seen my dad cry. I think I see
my brother in law. I haven't seen no one cry.

Speaker 1 (55:21):
All say different. The biggest or the most emotional thing
that you can see, I guess as a kid is
to see any one of your parents cry. But I
don't have my dad in my life. But I don't
even know my daddy, but like, well, my mama cried.

(55:43):
When I saw her cry for the first.

Speaker 3 (55:44):
Time, crushed me.

Speaker 1 (55:47):
Yeah, for sure, crushed me because my mama was yeah,
the dad and the mama. But when I made her cry,
and I made her cry because I stole something, I
was right, I stole something.

Speaker 3 (56:02):
I have to put some action figures in my hands.
We walked out beep beep.

Speaker 2 (56:08):
I know.

Speaker 1 (56:08):
Remember I'm eight years old. I was stealing man. And
then we went in the bag. It was like sears.
They said, hey, we got you on camera. Mom sat
there and cried and I looked at her. I'll never
forget this memory. At eight years old, you know, you
don't remember stuff. I'll never forget that memory. My mama cried.
It's like, damn made mama sad. Like I never heard

(56:29):
that feeling. I never want to make my mond cry
ever again. So that was that emotion. So, you know,
but moving forward, you know, we got a showlder to
talk about. In the show, much gone our viewers. I know,
I know today to our viewers we need we are
a little more. To our viewers, we're a little more

(56:49):
vulnerable than normal. And we're talking about more personal stuff
that we haven't talked about in the past, and make
sure you watch our Patreon because Azar has a story
and I have a story on a share on there,
but we're not even going to share it.

Speaker 3 (57:02):
For the national television, national television, we're not.

Speaker 2 (57:07):
Going to hear about that as a television. Subscribe and
follow on Patreon subscribe. I know, again, this is a
change of pace until for us, but we just wanted
to talk about some mental health because it is very
real and I feel like we're in a very dark
time right now as a society and as a community,
and I really just want to make sure we can

(57:28):
uplift each other and not feel stigmatized about dealing with
our mental health. Like we should be able to talk
about it, we should be able to be open about it,
and it's not always easy. So thank you Paul for
being vulnerable, especially as a black man. I don't think
you understand the impact that that has and you will

(57:49):
maybe one day. Yeah, but that's very impactful. So anyways,
we are going to talk about some questions really quick
from our fans, and then we're going to wrap up.
Okay from at just a kid from stoveall how Instagram
or on Instagram, Oh y'all.

Speaker 3 (58:08):
Can follow him. We're giving you a shout out, my boy.

Speaker 2 (58:11):
How do you how do you leave someone that you
spent literally your whole life with?

Speaker 1 (58:17):
How do you leave somebody that you spent your whole
life with? What is a girlfriend or boyfriend? Because they
teated on you or they disrespected you.

Speaker 2 (58:26):
Know, but how do you actually gain the courage to
walk away.

Speaker 3 (58:30):
When they get disrespectful?

Speaker 1 (58:32):
That that's the ultimate sign where it's like, that's the
end all be off of me, Like the disrespect and
if this is a guy, we should never have to
deal with disrespect. And you're a fool if you stick
around during disrespect because it's always gonna be that. I

(58:52):
can't live with disrespect as a man. Yeah, there's like
that's the end all be off of me. You ain't
gotta love me. We could tolerate each other, but when
it gets disrespect and not loving me and all, this
is a different animal.

Speaker 2 (59:08):
Okay, okay, let's move on to the next question at
Will's dad. Do women actually consider or understand men's feelings.

Speaker 3 (59:18):
Or do they just not care?

Speaker 2 (59:20):
I will say, since I'm a woman, I'm gonna answer this.

Speaker 3 (59:24):
They care about them pockets. Let's keep it one hundred.

Speaker 2 (59:27):
Can I answer the question.

Speaker 3 (59:29):
I don't know about no feelings. You know, the woman
told me before.

Speaker 2 (59:34):
To answer this question, I said.

Speaker 1 (59:36):
Maybe you're only gonna get his time or as money.
Pick one, But that sinking, that's not true.

Speaker 3 (59:42):
To have nothing to do with no feelings, that's not true.

Speaker 2 (59:45):
Anyways, I'm gonna say this, I will say for a
long time because I grew up in a household where
my dad never showed feelings or emotions. I did disminish
or dismiss a man's feelings because men don't outwardly show
their emotions like women do. And as a younger girl,
because now that I'm a older woman, I didn't understand that.
When I was younger, you know, I felt like they

(01:00:06):
don't give a damn. Like I thought that men just
really did not care. So why would I consider his
feelings because he doesn't have any. I thought that for
a long time. I'm gonna be honest, until I started
to become older. And then I started to recognize and
understand men because I actually wanted to understand men and
have more conversations with men. And once I have more

(01:00:26):
conversations with men, and I remember my brother told me
a long time ago, like low key. Men are more
emotional than women. We just don't show it. We just
can't show it.

Speaker 3 (01:00:33):
What's the question?

Speaker 2 (01:00:36):
No, this is disrespectful, talk about disrespect. No, it don't matter.
We're moving on to the next one.

Speaker 3 (01:00:47):
No, I forgot the question. What was it somebody's more emotional?

Speaker 2 (01:00:53):
No, anyways, we're going to the next question. Yeah, like
you're you tell me at gresh are mad something? Two
seven four four? The size matter to women?

Speaker 3 (01:01:09):
You answer that?

Speaker 2 (01:01:10):
Now I can answer. I would say it does to
a certain degree, like if you just have a little
little thing, like they're not gonna be able to feel it,
m at Papa Georgio nine.

Speaker 3 (01:01:22):
They're not gonna feel it. You went to the next question, what.

Speaker 2 (01:01:27):
Do you want to say if it's this like very aquable,
like what's what's Is that a word equitable? What equates?
So like quitable?

Speaker 3 (01:01:42):
Nine? Ten? Like what what's what? What?

Speaker 2 (01:01:47):
I don't know about inches and things with these penis things.
I can only say this, like I have had sex
with the man and I'm like, oh, yes, this fits
for me. This is me And I've had sex with
the man who I was dating, and I'm like, this
penis is not for me. I could just tell, like
it's not mine, like I could tell if it's mine
or not.

Speaker 3 (01:02:07):
How long is you da them?

Speaker 2 (01:02:09):
We were there for a year?

Speaker 3 (01:02:11):
How did last alone?

Speaker 1 (01:02:12):
Like?

Speaker 2 (01:02:13):
He did other things that you know, pleased me, what
like gave me head and stuff and I would come,
you know, like from that and so that was great.
So I enjoyed that, But it just wasn't feeling like anything,
like I just wanted to move on. I wasn't feeling

(01:02:34):
the connection. I didn't feel like it was it was
a deep connection or whatever. Hum So at Papa Georgio. Nine,
men have simple needs. Why do men struggle? Why do
women struggle to meet them?

Speaker 1 (01:02:56):
That's a great question, I will I don't know. I
don't know why women struggle to me a man's needs
because a man's needs are free. A woman's needs cost money.

Speaker 3 (01:03:10):
Yeah, that's true most of them. I mean, you can
talk about id love and affection out or no, nah,
we know what you need.

Speaker 1 (01:03:18):
It costs money all that. That's what the world we
live in. If he came in my lifestyle, a man
ain't never shooting nothing like that. Maybe rub my neck,
rub my back, that don't cost nothing. You make me
some food, I'm at fact, I'll pay for the food
for you to make it. It don't cost nothing for
a woman to please a man. It costs money for

(01:03:40):
a warm man to please a woman.

Speaker 2 (01:03:42):
You want to know what else I'll say, and I'll
make it quick. I feel like men were raised on
how to treat a woman well and women were raised
how to treat a woman well by their mothers, you know,
or whoever was around, Like it's all about like you
need to do this for you, open the door, do this,
And women were treated on how to get what they
need from a man. They were never they were never,

(01:04:05):
they were never taught. Women are not taught to do
these things for men. Now, other cultures, which is what
you would say an American woman, or even other cultures
like my mom's Persian, I've seen that they're very submissive,
you have to do all this. But most American culture,
people they are not taught to especially black women. Don't

(01:04:27):
kill me, but I feel like a lot of women
were raised by independent mothers. So for them, they wanted
to protect their child and they wanted their child not
to be in their position. So in order to protect
their child, it was like, look, this is what you
need from a man, and if he's not doing this,
this and this and this, you're not supposed to mess
with up. And a man was taught how to give
the needs to a woman. You're supposed to open a door,

(01:04:48):
You're supposed to make sure you have this, have enough
money to take care of her, take her on a date,
do this. So women were not taught that a lot
of women period. And that's just what I think. Don't
shoot me and don't kill me off of that one
at seat one B. Should a man with no kids
at age thirty eight date a woman with kids or
solely date women with no kids?

Speaker 1 (01:05:11):
If you're thirty eight, I have to just kind of
look at your financial situation because most men at thirty
eight with no kids and uncomfortable financial situation, it's going
to take a younger woman around the age of twenty
six that got no kids that like he can probably

(01:05:33):
like have some kids with and grow something with.

Speaker 2 (01:05:37):
I think, what if she's twenty six and has kids, though, well, if.

Speaker 1 (01:05:41):
He thirty and ain got no kids, he could just
find somebody that's twenty six with my kids.

Speaker 2 (01:05:45):
Okay, what if he doesn't want to date someone that's
twelve years younger than him because it's not relatable and
he actually wants a woman of his age or close
to his age. Have you ever thought of that?

Speaker 3 (01:05:56):
Why would he do that?

Speaker 2 (01:05:57):
Why wouldn't he do that? Why wouldn't someone want to
relate to someone in twenty six? They don't even know
how to put on motion on their clean their assholes?
What do you mean? What if someone doesn't want to
be dating someone, so twenty.

Speaker 3 (01:06:08):
Should have thirty eight or with no kids?

Speaker 2 (01:06:10):
Day?

Speaker 3 (01:06:11):
What's the age should he day?

Speaker 1 (01:06:13):
He didn't ask he's gonna be if he's talking to
somebody thirty three enough, they gonna have kids and he
ain't got no kids. So now I'm gonna just put
myself in a situation where dating you and I'm with you,
and I just myself into a favely situation.

Speaker 2 (01:06:28):
I don't have kids, and I'm in my thirties, my
early early thirties, So not every Yeah, so there's women
that are in their thirties that don't have children a
lot because women are now statistically having more children in
their forties. It's a statistic.

Speaker 1 (01:06:43):
So most women who went on got no kids and
they men thirties are cut. I'm not saying that's you. Well,
I'm almost like no, Like, clearly there's men out there
that I see on the messages that want to have
kids with you and do all that with you. I
get it, but like most women in that situation.

Speaker 2 (01:07:06):
That's so grzy bad, that's not true. And you know what,
I'm gonna say this and I'm done, and I'm done
with the podcast. I'm gonna say that I'm thirty four.
I'm not in my mid thirties, but next year I
will be mid thirties, I guess. And you know, I've
had plenty of opportunities to have children with men who

(01:07:26):
wanted me to have their children. Am I cooked? Or
am I smart? Because I would have been somebody's baby mama?
Because that wasn't a connection. A lot of these women
with children are baby mothers and they're not wives. Okay,
So I can have a baby. Having a baby is easy.
I'm very fertile, like a Latina. I'm fertile as hell,
and I can have a baby any moment right now.
And I've been in a situation where I could have

(01:07:48):
had that. So am I cooked? Or am I smart?
Because right now I could have been here with two
children with a man that I don't even want to
be with. I could be married. I know plenty of
people who are married to people they don't even fuck with,
just to say that they have a child and they
have a husband. I'm so sorry that I didn't want
to be another fucking statistic. But I'm cooked. I think

(01:08:09):
I'm very fucking smart. Actually, I think that I'm very
smart that I'm not spending my time mothering a child
by a man that I don't even want to be with,
not being in the same household as that man, because
every man I've ever been with I did not want
to be with him because I was not at the
level of maturity that I am now. I'm not at
the mental maturity that I am now, and I have
not evolved to attract that certain type of partner. I've

(01:08:33):
done the work, and unfortunately, I've been through a lot
of shit in my life that made my journey a
little slower than most. But I'm the one, never the two.
Are you falling asleep up my conversation?

Speaker 3 (01:08:45):
Fuck you?

Speaker 2 (01:08:47):
You are away. You're telling me I'm taking log You
know how long you take to say so? This is
fucked up. I'm getting off of this podcast.

Speaker 3 (01:09:01):
But you're still going, what are you looking for?

Speaker 2 (01:09:04):
I'm not looking for anything. I told you that before.
Why not because I don't I'm not I'm not looking.

Speaker 3 (01:09:16):
You're not looking.

Speaker 2 (01:09:17):
Oh I'm not looking for anything.

Speaker 3 (01:09:20):
So Instagram you m cleave out. You ain't looking for nothing. Wow.
The Instagram saying.

Speaker 2 (01:09:33):
Oh, where's my Instagram saying that where's my Instagram? Saying
that this one picture that I posted of myself and
how long one picture?

Speaker 3 (01:09:44):
It looks like this?

Speaker 2 (01:09:49):
That is crazy?

Speaker 1 (01:09:51):
Why I'm looking good though? I'm sure your d MS
is cracking. I'm sure there's cats out here that's like
has are I like cook food? I like you could
be cooked with me. I'm sure that's all going down
because you got a market. You definitely got a market

(01:10:11):
in your market.

Speaker 3 (01:10:14):
All right. Look see that that's bonds over there. What
market are you? Bonds? Rawphs?

Speaker 1 (01:10:23):
Wow, what's the one Bristol Farms? Everybody got a market.
I'm trying to figure out what market are you? You
gotta market though, it's people gonna come in there every day,
you know what I'm saying?

Speaker 3 (01:10:38):
Rows? What is you? Likes you? What's the what's the
whole foods? What market are you, though? What market?

Speaker 1 (01:10:45):
If you had to say, if you as a market,
describe yourself as a market, what market are you?

Speaker 3 (01:10:48):
No? Thank you?

Speaker 2 (01:10:50):
No?

Speaker 1 (01:10:51):
You. Whole Foods though, good? Everybody go to Whole Foods.
Everybody go there. Okay, well, hey everybody, Hey, you definitely
hold foods and you're not Rouse and Bonds. You definitely hold.

Speaker 3 (01:11:06):
Foods or Bristol Farms. Okay, I'm giving you love right now.
Don't give you love right now.

Speaker 2 (01:11:14):
You love to fucking drop me down from the hundred
floor and then try to pick me back up. It's okay,
you do that every time. I'm cool. Thank you guys
so much. On another episode of after Dark, That's crazy.
Another episode of Paul talking about me being an older
woman cook and comparing me to grocery stores. I hope
you guys enjoyed this episode to talk like, and I

(01:11:38):
hope you guys tune in for more.

Speaker 1 (01:11:40):
No listen, make sure you join us on our Patreon,
make sure you subscribe, like and follow, because we bring
in that heat.

Speaker 3 (01:11:47):
Uh, you know, and you got the beautiful.

Speaker 1 (01:11:50):
As are Please don't don't start look at her out
there tonight, Paul.

Speaker 2 (01:11:54):
You You're done, Like, thank you, I appreciate it. Have
a good night peace.

Speaker 1 (01:12:19):
This is the taking over the game, all right, everybody,
welcome to Truth after Dark.

Speaker 2 (01:12:31):
Do you think that men or women are more toxic

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Mental Health In Relationships, Dating Men For Dinner, & Does Size Matter!? | Truth After Dark

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