Sex Educator Shan Boodram Joins Us & Brings Out All The Fun Toys | Truth After Dark - The Truth After Dark

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
There's a tremendous amount of pressure on the penis. I
used to have penis env I'm very glad I don't
have one now. Hey, I know that you saw in
porn like jackhammering was what got the girl off and
made her squirt. That's not working for me. Like dirty
talk is more like, yes, let's choke on that ship,
you know, like that.

Speaker 2 (00:21):
BDSM like you like, what slut choke.

Speaker 3 (00:24):
On this ship. I'm not gonna say exactly crying, but yeah,
I can't say that.

Speaker 4 (00:32):
What you see just somewhere between the last thirty seconds
of what she said, I like that. If a man,
I'm thinking if a man said that to a woman,
I'm like, oh, hold on here on some weird.

Speaker 3 (00:43):
Some ship that you probably got into.

Speaker 4 (00:45):
But like, yes, you're hurting me. You can do whatever
to me.

Speaker 2 (00:51):
Well, not with that tone.

Speaker 4 (00:55):
Like you talk about that prostate boy. That's an exits
for me.

Speaker 1 (01:00):
What about the gooch, No, I don't know what that is.
That's the trip that's between the anus and the balls.

Speaker 4 (01:07):
We can work with that.

Speaker 3 (01:10):
Fry. Okay, so what is this cock and ball ring?

Speaker 4 (01:18):
Oh?

Speaker 3 (01:18):
Yeah, you've used this before.

Speaker 4 (01:27):
No, I never used it, but I know about it.

Speaker 5 (01:31):
Oh, okay, this is to take it over the game?

Speaker 4 (02:03):
All right? Everybody, welcome to Truth after Dark.

Speaker 3 (02:08):
Do you think that men or women are more toxic? Hello,
beautiful people, welcome to another episode of the Truth after Dark.
I am your host, is our faira day? And of
course we have Paul Pierce tonight.

Speaker 4 (02:27):
What's are excited? Tonight?

Speaker 3 (02:29):
Excited? So tonight We've got a true powerhouse in the building.
She's a sex and relationship therapist, an author, and the
creator behind the hit Masterclass The Art of Sex Appeal.
She's helped people all over the world unlocked confidence and connection.
I'm hoping she can help me with something tonight. Give
it up for Shan Boodram.

Speaker 1 (02:49):
You killed it. Crush the name. But I have to correct.
I'm not a therapist, You're no. I'm an ASEX certified
sex educator.

Speaker 3 (02:57):
Okayed, work, Okay? So what's the difference between an educator
and a therapist. Therapist is just one on one.

Speaker 1 (03:05):
I think therapy assumes a responsibility to do no harm,
you know, and to be responsible for the well being
and the people that you look after. I don't have
that responsibility. I could take that responsibility. My job is
to teach about things I'm excited about, share information that
I think is fascinating, maybe be a bridge to some
of the work that therapists do to uh, and my
work is generally not one to one, it's one to many.

Speaker 4 (03:27):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (03:28):
I love that. That's dope. I love that.

Speaker 3 (03:30):
So you brought a box of goodies today and I'm
super excited and thirsty to see what's in the box.
I know you said it's some sex toys. Yeah, so
I would love for you to share with us. One
of the questions I have today is, actually, I know
a lot of women you know that struggle with reaching

(03:52):
an orgasm.

Speaker 2 (03:53):
Obviously, I'm sure you know that.

Speaker 3 (03:55):
And it's not like you're not enjoying it, because you are,
but you just don't get there, whether it's a mental
thing or a physical before.

Speaker 4 (04:05):
Before we go any further, and we've talked about this
before about women, I haven't orgasm. Is it because like
you burnt out? Or what is it like about the orgasm?
Like you have too many before?

Speaker 1 (04:20):
No, if that's how it worked, then most men would
be tapped out by age seventeen. N Most men have
shared with me that they wish they could have called
child protective services on themselves because they masturbated so much
in their teens. So if there was a cap on
the amount of orgasms, don't raise your eyebrows you fourteen
years old? Yeah, well could and falling off and you

(04:43):
still have to keep going. So no, there's no there's
no max on that.

Speaker 3 (04:47):
It's actually for me, I've actually there when I was young.
I never reached an orgasm like from when I was
young when you first started. Yeah, even when I first started,
it was way harder because I didn't know my body
and I didn't know that the clid is it makes
me come. I didn't know anything about my own body
as a young girl, so it took me to like
something rubbed against the vagina the vibration, and I came

(05:10):
and I was like, whoa, what is that?

Speaker 1 (05:13):
You know?

Speaker 4 (05:13):
Question? Before we move further. I'm sorry for the interruption
because me as an interesting man and hearing this topic.
Can you teach a man how to make you orgasm?

Speaker 1 (05:23):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (05:23):
I think so, yes, you can teach.

Speaker 4 (05:25):
Him, like you can give him the boom boom buff
you do this. But so why women don't give the
information to the man. You just keep going and y'all
have sex a thousand times, But why don't you say, hey, babe,
I think this is gonna make it go.

Speaker 1 (05:41):
I feel like answered the question off the top, but
very quick. Biology lesson. Everyone develops first as female. So
when Trump said that sex is determined by your sex
at conception, everybody develops his female first. So that's an
inaccurate statement. So in essence, what happened at week twelve
when you're in utero, All that happens is this. Everybody

(06:04):
has a clitorist to start, and if you're an XY chromosome,
it comes out and it becomes a penis. If you're XX,
it stays like this. So the clitorists and the penis
are actually the analogous body part. Most people think it's
clitorists and vagina. So what's actually more let's say analogous,
which I mean by that is like the comparison to
the vagina is the prostate. So like a G spot

(06:26):
orgasm is more similar to a prostate orgasm.

Speaker 2 (06:29):
Many men moving fast, We're.

Speaker 1 (06:31):
Moving fast, but I'm just saying if most men, yeah, well,
I'm just in terms of sensation. The percentage of men
who can orgasm from prostate simulation alone is probably similar
to the percentage of women who can orgasm from vaginal
penetration alone. Most people require what's known as clitteral plus.
Even people who can orgasm from the prostate actually require

(06:53):
prostate plus prostate plus penis. So if we just reframe
our understanding of sexual pleasure to the literists, is the
primary function of sexual pleasure for people with volvas and
the penis is the men's primary function, that in itself
we would reduce the amount of orgasms that women are
not have by like sixty percent. So fascinatingly enough, when

(07:14):
I first started in this space twenty years ago, the
orgasm gap was three to one, which meant for every
three orgasms a straight man was having, a straight woman
was having one. And at that time, the big mystery
of the early two thousands was like where is the glitterist,
Like how do you find this thing? And now we're
all like, it's it's right there, Jim, It's literally right there.

(07:37):
So now that we have more clitteracy, the orgasm gap
has actually been reduced to two to one. So if
we keep spreading the word, then we'll get to that
space of one to one.

Speaker 3 (07:46):
I think Paul had a good point and I want
to just expand on that. He said, like, why don't
more women teach men like, hey, this is how you
can make me come. I think too, it's just like
with women. A lot of women are taught to be
performative during sex for a man. So it's like, I'm
pleasing you. I want to make sure you come. I

(08:06):
want to make sure you're good, and it's kind of
awkward to be like, hey, take care of me. This
is what it feels like. You're more in a massculine space,
even though it doesn't have to be. And I know that,
but I think for a lot of women, it doesn't
feel like I'm in my femininity when I'm having to
show you, even though I think it's an amazing thing
and we should do that as women. But you believe

(08:27):
that because you're Like what you stated earlier is like
as a younger person, you were burnt out, so now
you can't come. Actually, you know your body more as
you get older, and you have a more likelihood to
come now than I'm older because I know who I
am more. Definitely wasn't coming as a young person because
I didn't know nothing. I was good for you.

Speaker 2 (08:47):
But I also just did that by trial and error.

Speaker 1 (08:50):
I think Paul's point links with this point I was
making in that because our perception of sex is penis
and vagina and that's what's mostly shown and porn that's
just mostly educated and there's a tremendous amount of pressure
on the penis. I used to have penis env I'm
very glad I don't have one now. Penises are expected
to last for four hours, give multiple orgasms, put out fires,

(09:14):
save the world. And there's no sex education for men.
There's no encouragement for men to learn. There's this inherent
belief that a man is just supposed to know, and
so a man who doesn't know feels deep shame, and
so his partner kind of wants to carry that on
and doesn't want to inform him, like, hey, I know
that you saw in porn, like jackhammering was what got
the girl off and made her squirt. That's not working

(09:36):
for me. And she also doesn't want to admit that
because she might be afraid that her body is broken.
She never ever gotten the permission before to say pounding.

Speaker 3 (09:46):
No, woman just wants out, but not a lot.

Speaker 1 (09:51):
Yeah, beating it up like all of those sort of
like analogies that we use for good sex.

Speaker 3 (09:58):
Right and on the porn lot of men learn how
to have sex through porn, and it's like, I don't
that don't feel good? Like that hurts and.

Speaker 4 (10:05):
Just probably make a man feel more of a man.

Speaker 1 (10:08):
Yeah, And don't get me wrong, one third of women
can orgasm from penetration alone. Now majority of that third
are going to do so while being on top, And
although it feels like penetration only orgasm, it's actually still
clitteral plus because their clitterists falls under something called rule
of thumb, in which your clitterists is actually less than
this distance away from your vaginal opening, so much so

(10:31):
that you get enough friction from leaning forward to get
outer clitteral stimulation while you're getting the internal legxaer clitterist stimulated.
So there are a percentage of women out there who
can orgasm penetration alone, but two thirds of women will
never That doesn't mean that they won't still enjoy penetration
along with outer clitteral or just enjoy penetration by itself.
A lot of people's best sex isn't linked with their

(10:52):
best orgasm.

Speaker 2 (10:54):
That's a real thing.

Speaker 3 (10:55):
Because I've never came just off of sex, right, And
I feel like partners could be like, damn, that's like,
are you not enjoying it? But it's like, no, I
enjoy this. This is so good, Like I'm loving it,
but I just don't come off of just penetration, you know,
like I never have been able to do that.

Speaker 4 (11:14):
Yeah, so I'm getting a good little education here.

Speaker 1 (11:20):
It's a helpful reframe to be like, okay, cool, because
then now to your point, why don't people teach men?

Speaker 4 (11:26):
Yeah, why don't women just say, like like for me
to listen to like Cizar and like many women say,
I don't have orgasms and sex, and why aren't you
explaining to the guy what he has to do? And
I know it kind of sounds like weird and crazy,
and it just it's just for it looks like for

(11:48):
you to be trying to break it down for a
man because he should probably you assume he should probably
already know. But I just feel like when you intimate
with your partner, y'all can have these type of conversations
like Bay, I really like when you do this, this
is really turning me on. Like, but women just gonna
look at you from afar and be like oh, you know,
he's just saying he got it.

Speaker 3 (12:07):
I don't think it's a he hasn't got it though thing,
because I never looked at.

Speaker 4 (12:11):
It when I was with her, she got it different,
so w don't you tell me.

Speaker 3 (12:18):
But I don't think that it's an assumption that every
man should know, like I don't.

Speaker 1 (12:21):
Look at it, and I think that that she always
got it from the past.

Speaker 3 (12:25):
Yeah, exactly. I don't think that it's necessarily like every
man should know this. I think every partner is different,
even when you're with a man. Men like different things,
so it's about learning your specific partner. So it's not
necessarily me like observing a man and being like, he
don't know what he's doing. It's I kind of internalize
it as an me issue, like, yeah, I have a problem.

(12:46):
This has nothing to do with here. I look at
it as my problem, you.

Speaker 2 (12:49):
Know, right until you get the stats to say like.

Speaker 1 (12:52):
Oh, what I actually experience is more of what the
norm is and I just require something separate from what
that person wants. And don't get me wrong, I think
the fantasy is amazing. I would love it if my
husband orgasmed off of giving me oral That would be
so convenient, right, So if with which some people can.

Speaker 2 (13:09):
Don't get me wrong, A think off is a real thing.

Speaker 1 (13:11):
You can orgasm in yourself, yeah, which means you can
orgasm any capacity. I haven't gotten there yet, but those
are those are real. But that to be said, like
for men, I agree, in a dream world it would
be amazing if exactly what you like to do is
exactly what your partner needs to get off within the
amount of time you can last. Right, Like, that's to
actually hit an agenda too, because if you do have

(13:31):
a partner who requires penetration or to orgasm, there's also
a lot of pressure on you to be able to
sustain an erection for long enough. And as we know,
the average man can sustain an erection through penetration from
anywhere to three to twelve minutes, And if a woman
is going to orgasm penetration alone, she's likely going to
need somewhere between twenty to twenty five to forty minutes.
So even then it's not necessarily the best fit of

(13:54):
like lock and key either, So if we stop waiting.
I was on the Nick Cannon podcast and he was
just saying, like every partner I've ever had, we always
orgasm at the exact same time and.

Speaker 2 (14:04):
Every partner what.

Speaker 1 (14:07):
That's insane, It's an It makes It brings up questions
for me, is he being honest? Are they being honest?
It brings up questions. No one's there in the bedroom
other than these two individuals.

Speaker 2 (14:18):
But I just mean in.

Speaker 1 (14:19):
Order to fulfill the societal narrative of what sex is
supposed to be, there is a lot of biological truths
that just don't align for that. Like I said, even
if we are Europenists in someone else's vagina and that's
they need that to get off and you need that
to get off, then we have to talk about timing
now of that lining up.

Speaker 2 (14:39):
Like, there's a lot of different variables that play here.

Speaker 3 (14:42):
So what would you suggest for a woman? Like what
are the positions that a man? Like if you know
you just can't have penetration, then what do you do
like to speed that up? Like is it like playing
with the clin at the same time?

Speaker 2 (14:57):
You know?

Speaker 3 (14:57):
Like, like what are your suggestions here?

Speaker 1 (15:02):
Yes, you know what I mean. You got two hands.
You can have one down here at six o'clock, one
up here at three o'clock, right, like you can have
your partner also using their thumbs in different positions. My
favorite position is to be like on my back and
happy baby pose. You know, when you've got usually have
most women self pleasure when you're like on your back
and your legs are up.

Speaker 2 (15:22):
Yeah, my partners in a tee.

Speaker 1 (15:24):
That way I can DJ myself and they're not Wait
wait wait, he's in a te like, so he's like
this way, so his head is that way coming across
my body. So that way, his body's not interfering with
what I.

Speaker 3 (15:38):
Need to do. Oh wow.

Speaker 1 (15:40):
Whereas if you're in a missionary position, it's difficult to
get the consistent rhythm that you need for.

Speaker 2 (15:44):
Yourself or from the back, even from the back.

Speaker 1 (15:48):
That could work for you, depending on like if that's
the kind of most people aren't like accustomed to orgasming,
think about how you self pleasure. You're just trying to
reproduce that position and then add a penis in there.
I feel like that's the best position or you. I
think every woman should try on top. If it works
for you, then great, that becomes your go to. And
if it doesn't, it might mean that your clitorist is

(16:10):
just more higher up than some people's.

Speaker 2 (16:13):
The grinding with being on top.

Speaker 3 (16:16):
Sometimes it's like I feel like, is the man enjoying that?

Speaker 2 (16:20):
Though probably not.

Speaker 1 (16:22):
Yeah, it's a difference since it again that's the point
finding that lineup.

Speaker 2 (16:27):
Yeah, yeah, no, probably not. Yeah, because he prefers a
bounce exactly. You require a scoot.

Speaker 3 (16:34):
This, So sometimes I get like, okay, wait, let me
you know.

Speaker 1 (16:39):
But it's better for them because at least they can
last because if you were bouncing and that's what you
needed to get off, they probably couldn't sustain the direction
for enough time for you to get off. So the
fact that you require different things is beneficial as long
as you're on the same page. Going back to Paul's point,
like that's where communication really makes a big difference of like, hey,

(17:00):
this is how I get off, so you might see
me doing something and in your mind because if you
don't communicate your partners like they're wasting their time, like
I'm not enjoying this.

Speaker 2 (17:08):
Who is this for?

Speaker 1 (17:08):
And if you don't say no, no, it's for me, then
it becomes an awkward sex session. But if they know
that's what you need to get off, then they actually
become an enthusiastic participant, like laying there on and while
you're scooting, even if they're not feeling much, they can
start pumping you up like, oh, you're so sexy, like
go back and forth.

Speaker 2 (17:26):
I love when you do that. You're so hot right now,
your goddess.

Speaker 4 (17:28):
That's get it right there. That is what gets look
before you go for I was just about to say
something because I'll be like, so y'all talking for the
way I'm gona talk to me, y'all talking to like,
all right, sometimes that the D ain't good enough. It
has to be a multiple things that has to go
on for y'all to get to.

Speaker 2 (17:49):
Well, why did you interpret it is not good enough?

Speaker 4 (17:51):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (17:51):
That was crazy. Well you said, no, the D is great,
and I said that, I said.

Speaker 4 (17:57):
But for you to get to your maximum.

Speaker 3 (18:00):
Most women can't come just off of past.

Speaker 4 (18:02):
All right, So this and I'm gonna say this. For men,
we the same. Yeah, I think we the same too.
I think that just because we having sex, it ain't
just because the vagina is doing what it's doing. I
think more men get there based on the reaction of

(18:22):
the girl.

Speaker 6 (18:23):
MM.

Speaker 2 (18:25):
I can see that.

Speaker 4 (18:25):
I think because like, it don't matter what it feels
like if you just sitting there he ain't really ain't
he ain't excited about it. You know what I'm saying.
So like if you gassed, he gassed over. Oh it's
about to go quick like if you like that, you

(18:47):
can do that. The first thirty section is going. You
know what I'm saying, You don't even matter what it
feel like, but your reaction you do regardless of what
it feel like.

Speaker 1 (18:57):
Well, you just answered your original question as to why
women don't speak up because they're like, I'm not enjoying it.
But if I tell him I'm not enjoying it, or
I don't act like I'm enjoying it, then he won't
enjoy it. Now, nobody's enjoying themselves, so at least let
me fake it so they can have a good time.

Speaker 2 (19:13):
Put the gas out.

Speaker 4 (19:14):
If you a woman, get the gas up, you can
have be honest.

Speaker 1 (19:18):
That was the original message that you had. It was
very beautiful. Be honest about your pleasure. What works for you,
talk about it. If it's not going, well, say something
so that when you can actually give genuine reactions.

Speaker 4 (19:28):
I feel like you should have to be able to
have a conversation, Like I feel like you could just
look your partner in the eye. But it's all men too,
like like me saying that, like women tell y'all man,
but the man got to be like what you like?
You know what I'm saying, Like what you like? Mat
because like a man can feel it, you know what
I'm saying. When you with somebody, you can feel the reaction.

(19:51):
You know what I'm saying. So you can just be like, damn, bebby,
you know what you like. I feel like it's been
the same for a minute, like what you like, and
I feel like men don't. It's scared to ask that. Man.
It's like too prideful or something like nah, nah, level
up this your girl, right, y'all should be able to
talk about whatever, like what you like? Baby. You know

(20:11):
what I'm saying, Man, tell me the hard truths because
I'm willing to make it better, you know what I'm saying. Yeah,
well I like this and like that. Tell me what's up?
Tell me what's up? Because if we together, tell me
what's up? All right, I'm gona get on that there.

Speaker 3 (20:30):
What about do you feel like?

Speaker 1 (20:33):
Man?

Speaker 2 (20:33):
Because I've heard it.

Speaker 1 (20:34):
Give a small run of applause for that. That was
That was a really good speech. Yeah, actually that was
really lovely. Yeah, tell me the hard truth because I'm
willing to make it better. Is a line that could
save tons of relationships from the mediocre, undesirable sex.

Speaker 4 (20:50):
But I think it has to be both ways too.
But like, you can't just be sitting there and we
didn't have as as my girl as my significant other.
You can't just be sitting there faking orgasms and not
have an orgasm in ten last ten times and not
tell I feel like if it's something, you can go

(21:11):
up to him too, and he can come up to you.
Like it go both ways, you know what I'm saying.
But as a man too, you should be like man
even if you think she doing it, but like what
what you really like? So I can focus on that
more because we assuming we're gonna get into our one
two thinking you like this, slap up, loop your around,
smack the eye, Oh, hands behind your back, dude, But

(21:32):
you know what I'm saying, thinking you like that, like
it's important to us, like what you like? You know
what I'm saying. You might not like what I'm doing.
I might, you know, So you know, as a woman too, y'all,
just sometimes go with the flow and don't say nothing
and the man too. Yeah, so I think the communication
gotta be better in that aspect, you know what I'm saying.

(21:52):
You can't just go with the flow and all of
this for it the last long. I think you gotta
have like constant like you know what you.

Speaker 3 (21:59):
You know what is it called? It's a it's a
war for it when like someone like a woman likes
to be called like you're a good girl that you
know what I'm saying, Like, how like you're like good girl? Yeah,
like you're doing a good job.

Speaker 1 (22:16):
A praise kink, well, it would be more like domination
a little bit. It's more of a power play thing
because it is it could be infantalization, because it's a
little bit of like yeah that daddy daughter language, which
is not necessarily having to do with parental care, but
just like the idea of a patriarchal male and then

(22:37):
like a recipient. So I think it's kind of like
and there's probably a specific word for that, but praise
kink is more like what is that like, Oh my gosh,
like your pussy is heaven. I've never experienced someone like
you before. I'm so grateful to be with you. You
are God, You are loved.

Speaker 2 (22:52):
I worship you.

Speaker 1 (22:54):
Like dirty talk is more like, yes, let's choke on
that shit, you know, like this, And then I think
that when you're talking about kind of leans more into BDSM,
like you like slut choke on this ship.

Speaker 4 (23:11):
I don't know what she was somewhere and what she
was talking about. I'm not going to say exactly crying,
but yeah, I say that what you said just somewhere
between the last thirty seconds of what she said, I
like the.

Speaker 3 (23:28):
Okay, that's hilarious. Okay, so I get what you're saying.
So what I was gonna say is have you because
I know you have the sex toys and I want
to get into it. But I also want to ask
this question because I've heard women say before that man
and I don't know how true this is because I
haven't had the experience, but men will feel intimidated like, oh,
I'm not good enough you need a sex toy, like

(23:49):
to involve a sex toy during sex, like why are
you involving that? Like I'm not good enough for you,
I can't do it, et cetera. Have you heard that?

Speaker 2 (23:58):
Of course? Yeah, very common narrative.

Speaker 1 (24:01):
Again, like I empathize with the position that men are
in where they are only taught that their penis is
going to solve all of the world issues and all
their relationship problems. And they're not taught about the glitterists,
they're not taught about other orogenos zones. They're not even
taught about emotional intimacy and the things that many women
require in order to feel safe to be sexual. And

(24:21):
they are given like a very specific script, and then
when they try to apply that and it doesn't work,
their partner again can get to a place where they're like, well, look,
they seem very like gung ho on this way of
doing things. It's not working for me. I don't even
know how we can even get on track to what
I like. So let me just pretend I like what
they like, because at least someone's getting enjoyment out of this,
and compersion is a very real thing, and that's joy

(24:44):
for someone else's joy, Like what you said, Like, you know,
you make a meal for somebody and you don't even
have to like it, but just seeing how much they
enjoy it brings you joy in return. So I think
a lot of women settle for that as their pleasure
and sex now long term.

Speaker 2 (24:57):
I don't think that's sustainable.

Speaker 1 (24:59):
And that's why you end up with couples who have
the decline in sex dramatically after marriage, because now that
we have the commitment, now that we have these agreements
in place, then I no longer feel like I have
to do duty sex that I never really like to
begin with. I think sometimes men think like, oh, while,
all of a sudden, did it stop? Did you stop
liking it? It's like, I actually never did. But now
that I'm in a place where I don't feel like

(25:19):
I have to do it anymore, I don't feel incentivized.
One of the most controversial things I've ever said before
in a podcast was somebody asked how often should a
couple be having sex a month? And then I said,
however many times as the person who wants it the least.
And many people were like, what, no, because what if
one person wants it twice a week, one person wants

(25:41):
it twenty It's like, yeah, then you have it twice
and you figure out what that person would require to
want it eighteen more times, Like what's not happening for them,
what's not occurring, what's not president versus us just saying
there's a standard that we have to meet that has
nothing to do with the bodies involved.

Speaker 2 (25:58):
Wow, that's actually really me he threw me.

Speaker 4 (26:01):
I had a question, and man, that was so good.

Speaker 1 (26:05):
If you guys ever get a chance to get Kadeen
in devou on your podcast, Kadeena Kadenan Devo.

Speaker 2 (26:10):
They're a married couple.

Speaker 3 (26:11):
Oh, I know exactly who they are there. I love Yeah,
they're so cute. I love them so much, their marriage,
their story. Yeah, what I have to I.

Speaker 4 (26:20):
Got one question. So you're married.

Speaker 1 (26:25):
Right, I am married for long time, seventy seven years.

Speaker 4 (26:31):
That's pretty good, thank you. Damn uh of sex is
the most important in the How do you hold the
percentage of sex in the relationship? Is it the end

(26:54):
all be all?

Speaker 2 (26:57):
It's important?

Speaker 4 (26:58):
Is it the most important?

Speaker 2 (27:00):
I think that that's would you give it?

Speaker 4 (27:02):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (27:03):
I mean it's determined on the couples, because you can
genuinely get a couple of people whom it's not that
important to them, and that's a compatibility thing. You can
get people who are a sexual who have who end
up married and are extremely happy with none to very
little sex. For me, oh, it's it's probably like what
percentage of importance it's like ninety it's really high.

Speaker 2 (27:25):
I means what I talk about for a living. IM
fascinated in it. I got into the world.

Speaker 1 (27:29):
I got into talking about sex the same way young kids.

Speaker 4 (27:36):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (27:36):
I mean we started off as as a fuck buddy. Yeah,
so like that was like the.

Speaker 2 (27:42):
Foundational relationships start like that. They don't. But no, no,
not at all.

Speaker 1 (27:50):
Maybe one in six I think, actually it's a dice.

Speaker 4 (27:54):
In six start off as sex.

Speaker 2 (27:55):
According to studies, one in six.

Speaker 3 (27:58):
Friends with beneford saying how did y'all.

Speaker 1 (28:01):
There's a book that I really really love that's called
Why Men Behave Badly, which talks about like that book. Yes,
and so it's a researcher, David Buss who that's a
statistic that he he has shared before. So it's not
obviously universal, but it's a pretty decent one to say
one in six friends with benefits actually end up being
something more substantial.

Speaker 3 (28:20):
You know, none of my relationships started as friends and benefits,
so I'm not a part of that statistic. I never
had that experience, which it's all of all of them.

Speaker 2 (28:31):
I think you and your wife start out, you.

Speaker 4 (28:39):
Start off probably having it's admitt but not together y'all
get together and Dan y'all star.

Speaker 1 (28:46):
Well, you're saying that like sex, it's a difference between
friends with benefits.

Speaker 4 (28:50):
Essentially means relationships are built on sex. No, you know why? Okay,
so let me explain.

Speaker 2 (28:59):
You lost you lost your e copallet.

Speaker 4 (29:01):
No, I'm gonna explain. If all relationships are not built
on sex, how come when I go outside the relationship
to get sex is over?

Speaker 3 (29:12):
Because that's that's not just sex. That's built on distrust, lying, cheating,
breaking a commitment that I could.

Speaker 4 (29:19):
Be truthful about everything else in the world. I could
be the protector. I could be truthful about everything else
in the world. Like I died in front of a
bullet for you because I went out of here and
had sex with a girl who I didn't like. It's over.
You didn't like her, I didn't like her. It was
just like, man, we got us. It was I was
just not at each other with my relationship and it

(29:41):
went down. But man, I'm off her. But you found
out about it.

Speaker 1 (29:46):
Well, yeah, because it's a damage to like multiple parts
of the relationship, the social reputation of your partner, potentially
having kids outside of the relationship, which you can take
away from the resources of your partner and of children.
If you guys have children together in health risks to
the relationship. And then above all else, it does go
back to trust, and trust is just timepless consistency, So

(30:08):
whatever trust you have built up becomes damaged at that point.
And then of course to the point that we just
live in a society that places so much emphasis on
that being the marker of what makes a good relationship.
I don't subscribe to that, but I'm also in a
relationship where we both don't subscribe to that. But if
you are in one that does, those are part of
the rules that you signed up for, so you have
to be available to play for them, and if you can't,

(30:31):
then you will suffer the consequences.

Speaker 4 (30:34):
So sex is a big part of every relationship.

Speaker 1 (30:39):
Like I'll say it, but what if, again, you have
a two asexual couples, or two people who deprioritize sex
or consider themselves to be a romantic or people in
general who just don't need sex that much who get
together who got together. About seventy percent of relationships that
weren't formed through dating apps start off as platonic friends first,
So that's a higher stat than want to start off

(31:00):
as fucking friends first. So friends that are just like
we were just hanging out and next thing you know,
one day I looked at them and I was like,
I think that there's.

Speaker 2 (31:08):
Something here between a man and women. Cannot be friends? Right, Well, yeah,
it goes to.

Speaker 3 (31:13):
My point, and I keep proving it every day as
the days go on.

Speaker 4 (31:17):
Can be friends?

Speaker 3 (31:18):
No, they can't unless a man is not sexually attracted
or attracted to the woman or the woman has completely friends.

Speaker 2 (31:26):
So it's not it's definitely not.

Speaker 4 (31:29):
But anyways, with her.

Speaker 3 (31:32):
We're not talking about your friend's wives.

Speaker 1 (31:33):
Well, statistically, it's less risky to have a side chick
than it is to have a close female platonic friend.
You're more likely to form You're more likely to form
a serious intimate relationship with the person that you have
a friendship with than you are with the person that
you just go to for sex and have a very
clear relationship where it's just physical.

Speaker 2 (31:55):
That's a statistic.

Speaker 4 (31:56):
I mean most relationships is physical.

Speaker 2 (32:00):
Exactly, my boy.

Speaker 7 (32:02):
So, anyways, because like when you see think about this,
when you see these athletes, entertainers and people in the
industry that.

Speaker 4 (32:15):
They busted with the bad one, like, come on, they
come on, she only went in for the bread, and
he with her because she's bad and her and I
have sex with her all the time, and then like
no substance to that. You know what I'm saying. But
it's a lot of them. I go to the gym,
I'll be seeing like y'all even look right together, because

(32:38):
if you didn't have no bread or you wouldn't be
with him, you know. So it's just like money and
sex based a lot of relationships.

Speaker 1 (32:45):
Is I like that we've gone from all to a lot.
We can subscribe to many a lot. But yeah, and
I agree with what you just said.

Speaker 4 (32:54):
A lot, a lot, like when I say, oh, I'm
just saying the majority.

Speaker 3 (33:00):
Okay, So now let's move on and let's get.

Speaker 2 (33:12):
No.

Speaker 3 (33:12):
No, no, I'm not mad at what you said. I
hear you.

Speaker 1 (33:15):
At the end of the day, we're all here because
two people fucked. It's a big part of life. It's
a big motivator for why we chose the car that
we chose, why we have the job that we have,
why we wear what we wear. So it is an
intrinsic part. I mean, we owe our survival to sex.
So yes, it is a very big part of the
human experience. I just don't think that it's the only

(33:36):
part for all people. And that's a privilege that we've
gotten over time, you know, as we don't really require
people to have sex to sustain our population because we're good.
People can decide whether or not they actually want to
opt into this idea that sex has to be the
most important thing, because it actually doesn't. And if you
find somebody else who also agrees with that, and you,
guys fall in love, that's a beautiful thing.

Speaker 3 (33:56):
I will say that I think sex is super important,
like to me in a relationship because it creates like
my partner being inside of me physically is the closest
you can be to me, And I just love that
you don't, like I be inside of me and I
want that like closeness to my partner the mouth too, But.

Speaker 4 (34:20):
Before sex, that's the same thing.

Speaker 3 (34:22):
Okay, but you get what I'm saying. The point is.

Speaker 4 (34:29):
That's crazy, Like kissing is the closest you can be
to somebody to lips face, Like, come on, that's something,
So don't just put it all on just penis and vagina.
It's to mouth is a thing too. I agree. That's
like damn that that should be looked at like the

(34:50):
same as sex.

Speaker 2 (34:52):
Yes or no, No, you don't have vagina.

Speaker 4 (34:55):
You're not getting You can catch the same thing from
the mouth to mouth, and you can from the penis
to vagina.

Speaker 2 (35:00):
You make a baby. That's a key difference. I can't
make a baby.

Speaker 4 (35:04):
You can't make it.

Speaker 3 (35:07):
That because wow, yeah, so that's the closest you can
be to me is inside of me, and that intimacy
of having that closer I have.

Speaker 4 (35:22):
I'm to Have you ever kissed a man and became
close to Yeah? From kissing?

Speaker 2 (35:34):
No, not close. I love a makeout. I love what
of course, of course, of course, of course you can
make out for so long that when the person actually
does get to what gets you off, it's very quick,
Like it can take three seconds and I'm still required.

Speaker 4 (35:55):
Intimacy is important for that.

Speaker 2 (35:57):
Have you orgasm before from the makeout?

Speaker 4 (36:05):
No?

Speaker 2 (36:06):
I don't know. Yeah, it's been pretty close though.

Speaker 4 (36:12):
No, No, what was.

Speaker 2 (36:14):
That whole speech then before?

Speaker 3 (36:16):
It's different a man. It's different from men because you
know how.

Speaker 4 (36:21):
It's because like.

Speaker 3 (36:22):
And do you know the process that it is for
a woman or you just because you've never been because.

Speaker 4 (36:28):
You could kiss a female and then juice to start flowing.
Like when you kiss a man, he gotta kiss thing,
gotta start getting wake up and wake.

Speaker 3 (36:36):
Up, blood starts start flowing, and.

Speaker 4 (36:38):
Then after that it's got to be some some tingo
going on, like like it's a lot like like without
no friction, it's it's nothing.

Speaker 3 (36:50):
I mean, I've kissed man and they're definitely hard.

Speaker 4 (36:52):
Yeah, but that's friction to get there, just like y'all.

Speaker 2 (36:58):
Yeah, get though. It's a good important note.

Speaker 1 (37:01):
You know, men get pre come and women also do
get engorgement because again the glitterists.

Speaker 3 (37:06):
The glitterist gets big, right, Yeah.

Speaker 1 (37:08):
The majority of it is on the inside, so that
it does get erect because it is made of the
same tissue as the body of the penis.

Speaker 2 (37:15):
But she's not what I'm looking for, not body shaft.

Speaker 3 (37:18):
Definitely. I've looked at a man that I was with
or in love with, and I've gotten wet without any touch,
like just the.

Speaker 2 (37:25):
Thought being as arousal.

Speaker 3 (37:27):
Yeah, for super wet all of that, like, oh my god,
just turned on.

Speaker 1 (37:30):
But I reserved the right for you to be right though.
I think at the end of the day, I can
orgasm in my sleep. The potential is there. I just
haven't been able to orgasm in your sleep. It's very normal, yeah, guy,
dream very normal.

Speaker 3 (37:47):
Felt very turned on in my sleep, like sex dreams.
I actually just had one, but I don't think I don't.
I was waking up from an orgasm many times. Wow,
like I can, I wake up and I'll feel the
contractions happened. So especially during pregnancy, which statistically you will
get more wet dreams when you're pregnant. I experienced a lot,
so I know that you can orgasm from a kiss,

(38:07):
or from a shoulder rub, or from deep breathing.

Speaker 1 (38:09):
All those things are possible and also too, like for
with your PC muscles, there are people who can just
do that where you release and then you know your
CAGL and by doing that enough times rapidly, depending on
if you're very turned on, you might be able to
orgasm from that.

Speaker 2 (38:24):
Even doing that, I've almost orgasm from that. I'm getting excited.

Speaker 3 (38:28):
Yeah yeah, yeah, I've almost orgasm from that.

Speaker 2 (38:31):
I could see that.

Speaker 4 (38:33):
So our coach, let's start calling your coach or educator.

Speaker 2 (38:41):
That rolls off the time.

Speaker 4 (38:43):
Yeah, so we have is this so we have this
box of sex toys right here. Uh, you've been in
a relationship, married for seven yes?

Speaker 2 (38:56):
Together?

Speaker 4 (38:58):
Is this in the relationship? How does this? How did
this get into the relationship?

Speaker 2 (39:08):
How do you encore? How do you incorporate this?

Speaker 1 (39:11):
Well, in my particular case, it's what I do for
a living, So I actually am CIO of this company
called Aria, and their mantra is essentially to make breaking
the routine the new routine. So what happens in long
term relationships is or in relationships you go through the
phase of passion where you have all these neurochemicals which
are just making it, which I call the roller coaster.
You don't have to do much right, sexual excitement is there,

(39:34):
Desire is there, arousal is there. That's when we come
up with the term on site. And then essentially, though
if that lasted for a long period of time, it
would in essence actually shorten your life expectancy because it's
damaging to your tissue. It causes these adrenaline spikes, it
causes lass of last, loss of sleep, loss of appetite,
mood swings. So you actually have to transition from that

(39:55):
passionate love to what's called companionate love and that's where
real bonding at she takes place. Some people theorize that
love doesn't begin until it turns from passionate to genuinely
companion it.

Speaker 2 (40:05):
But that's when you.

Speaker 1 (40:06):
Come off of the roller coaster and now you are
in a car that you have to get in together,
decide where you're gonna go, gass it up, and then
be on that journey. So this is where I think
toys can really be helpful to bring that novelty back,
Like you have to introduce the brain to new things
which give you that spike once again that you first
got just from seeing that person naked. Because if you

(40:27):
see somebody naked a million times, that's not going to
be a thing anymore that's going to get you going.
I mean it can on occasions, but that's why I
think what aria does is essentially it just provides you
with a novel experience once a month you can try
just to get out of whatever your rut and routine is.
So I actually don't even know what's really in this box,
But before I introduce it, I just wanted to hand
it over to you for you to slide and play with.

Speaker 2 (40:48):
But I want to frame it like this.

Speaker 1 (40:50):
I used to be of the belief that sex was
about pleasure and that good sex was about pleasure, And
through a lot of conversation with people, I realize that
the true goal of sex is freedom.

Speaker 2 (41:04):
Like genuine freedom, it's a.

Speaker 1 (41:06):
Place that you go where you can bring all of you,
all of your fears, all of your traumas, every smell
your body can make, every sound your body can make,
every expression. And in order for it to be a
genuine space of freedom, you have to establish different kinds
of freedom. And this box really represents the freedom too,
which we all kind of know right. Freedom to love

(41:26):
who you want to love, love how you want to love,
to explore your kings, let your freak flag fly. But
in order to really get to freedom to what you
require is freedom from and freedom from which is very difficult,
I would say, mostly for men, is freedom from all
of the scripts and ideals that tell you this is
how you're supposed to have sex, because you can't be
free if you are trying to mimic the porn that

(41:48):
you just saw, if you are trying to please the
dad who told you that, like, well, a man's job
is this in the bedroom, If you're trying to live
up to the standard that you saw your favorite action
star door. If you're trying to maintain your heterosexuality, your masculinity,
you have to be able to let that.

Speaker 2 (42:05):
Go to play and explore.

Speaker 1 (42:06):
And for women, the freedom to not be perfect, the
freedom from even feminism. I required that, like because there
were so many things that I'm like, oh, I can't
be called a slut in the bedroom, or I can't
do this, or I can't participate in that kind of
act because you know that's sexist. But even for me
being like, well wait a second, if I'm basing all
of my sexual desires on what other women told me,

(42:28):
I'm supposed to, like, that's a form of repression too.

Speaker 3 (42:31):
That's real because I think I've went through that, like
feeling taboo of like I like to be controlled or
like someone telling.

Speaker 2 (42:37):
Me what to do, like I love.

Speaker 3 (42:39):
That you love yeah, and so I feel like I
feel like for me, it's like you're like nervous about
that because you're like is that weird? Like why do
I want to be controlled? Or like yes, like do
this and full like is that strange? But it's just
like feeling okay to be free. And when you said that,

(42:59):
that like feels so right, like being able to just
be like wow, because it's a lot of the mental
that stops you.

Speaker 1 (43:12):
No, it goes through what's happening, Paul, Yeah, anything I said,
I don't even like any.

Speaker 3 (43:18):
Of that that you said, Yeah I do, and you
were talking about No, I'm talking more of like a
U no love. What is that?

Speaker 1 (43:32):
I think that was him between the butt cheeks.

Speaker 2 (43:35):
Wasn't that you between the butt?

Speaker 3 (43:38):
No?

Speaker 4 (43:38):
No?

Speaker 3 (43:42):
But I think it's more like when I say control,
didn't what to do. It's like how you said like someone,
like how you were just saying, like you like someone
to say do this or call you, like all those
things are like you feel like you're wrong for wanting
certain things as I want to. I think I do, point,
but it's not necessarily like an aggressive violent domination. I

(44:03):
think there's intimacy where you can be dominant, but like
sensual way. Yeahs like.

Speaker 4 (44:11):
Yeah, just like yeah grabed look real firm and but
like in a finesse type of way but still like manly.

Speaker 1 (44:21):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (44:21):
I think it's like a few but I still like
sensuality a lot in the bedroom too, like where we
can be sensual and like kissing I love to kiss
and like that romance aspect of it, but like you know,
you can add different things. I'm one of those people
in the bedroom where I'm like, you could do anything
to me if it's my person that I'm with and
I love and I like when my man takes advantage

(44:43):
of that, like you could do whatever, Like I'm open
for whatever you like, and that's just how I am.
But I think being able to come to that with
a level of freedom where you're not in your head
is what makes you able to get to that point.

Speaker 4 (44:56):
Like as a man ever said, you can do whatever.

Speaker 2 (45:00):
No weird, No, I don't think.

Speaker 4 (45:04):
It would be you can whatever, you can do whatever.

Speaker 2 (45:06):
It's to be a huge turn on.

Speaker 3 (45:07):
Yeah, that's not that weird. I don't think that's weird.

Speaker 4 (45:10):
But if a man, I'm thinking, if a man say
that to a woman, I'm like, hold on here on
some weird.

Speaker 3 (45:17):
Some ship that you probably got into.

Speaker 4 (45:19):
It may like, yes, you're heard you can do whatever
to me.

Speaker 7 (45:26):
Well not with that tone whatever you know it y'all
buzz And then I just you can't.

Speaker 4 (45:36):
It's just like I don't know what that whatever? What
can a man say? What is that whatever? That's weird maybe.

Speaker 3 (45:41):
Like to me for whatever, I go straight to like, yeah,
for sure, like when someone says because that's usually what
a man is limited on.

Speaker 1 (45:50):
But that's also again like that's the strangeness of that
is that you're exploring your own body, which is auto
sexual somehow makes you homosexual, right, that is it's a
very strange concept. And then again going back to we
talked about off the top in terms of nerve endings
and pleasure potential, you will receive just as much pleasure

(46:14):
from prostate play, either through goot stimulation or through direct stimulation,
as the average woman will receive from penetration of their vagina.
So if it's it's a huge don't get me wrong,
Like if you a lot of women can experience pleasure
from their orgasm from their clitorist alone, but clteral plus

(46:35):
is always going to provide something else clteral plus aplitteral
plus plus g.

Speaker 2 (46:39):
So yeah, it's your it's your body.

Speaker 1 (46:41):
I mean, if you don't feel comfortable exploring that, because again,
there's some scripts that have been taught to you about
what you do with your body and how that relates
to how you present yourself in the world. And you
can't get past that. That's for you to carry and
that's your body, your choice. But I'm just saying, I'm
pointing out it's a little iron I'm.

Speaker 4 (47:01):
Just saying, like you talking about that prostate boy, that's
an exit sign for me. What about the no, I
don't know what that is.

Speaker 1 (47:09):
That's the strip that's between the anus and the balls.

Speaker 4 (47:13):
We can work with that, right, we can work with that.
That's a sensitive mark. It's cool. But like another situation,
I just know how good it feel when that exit,
that relief. Yeah, there ain't no answer in that.

Speaker 1 (47:33):
But what about anal beads that also mimic that. So
you put the beads in and then once you that's
the point, you pull the beads out as your orgasm,
So you get the release, the feeling of what you like,
addition to the other feeling you like. Coach, I'm just
saying that when I'm passing over this, boxes are all
things to explore because and the last freedom I want

(47:54):
to share. So it's freedom to, freedom from and then
freedom not to. That's a huge point. Your nose are
integral to good yes is so your ability to say
no to sex because you're not in the mood, not
in the right space, not the right time. That's what
actually supports amazing sex. And your ability to say no
to certain things that are not part of your wheelhouse

(48:15):
or your comfort zone is also very important to your yeses.
So I respect your nose. Right now, I'm giving you
other options just to consider. That doesn't mean you have
to like it.

Speaker 4 (48:24):
Let's start into this box.

Speaker 3 (48:25):
Okay, I'm so excited that you brought this.

Speaker 4 (48:28):
What's good and what's not that I'm gonna work with
now me as a man, Yeah, I want to check
this out because these looking like that I can work with. Okay,
all right, so now right here, let's start off.

Speaker 3 (48:45):
We got like to hit something with this.

Speaker 4 (48:52):
I can work with this me like taps, you know,
like some dudes get too aggressive.

Speaker 3 (48:58):
Yeah, I can't do it.

Speaker 2 (48:59):
Well, that's what they're paddle is for it.

Speaker 1 (49:00):
Right, there's a graduating system that you can go on, right,
so you can get something more than it looks more
like a ping pong table paddle.

Speaker 8 (49:09):
Like right here, Look, yeah, you know what the coach
you've given me, You've given me.

Speaker 1 (49:20):
But that's why it has to be fifty shades, because
you gotta find the tone that's right for you.

Speaker 2 (49:26):
You gotta find.

Speaker 1 (49:28):
No, I'm actually not very much like pleasure pain. I
like it to a degree, like I love rope, like
shibari that. I love ropes, that's my thing. Yeah, and
I love I love tying. I love tying, and I
like to be tied as well. But I love tying.

Speaker 2 (49:46):
You like ty I really do.

Speaker 4 (49:47):
Oh that's dope that with your partner she ti you
love like a right, I'm gonna just relax and you
just you. Yeah, okay, that's lit. Yeah, that's lit.

Speaker 1 (49:58):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (49:59):
I like the tie up.

Speaker 2 (50:00):
I think the man.

Speaker 3 (50:01):
You know, what else is cool is a tie up.

Speaker 4 (50:04):
I'm with that.

Speaker 3 (50:05):
Tie up plus blindfolds because it's like heightens your other senses,
so you're like, ooh you can feel everything. What if
the hell is this?

Speaker 2 (50:18):
Oh we can take that out.

Speaker 1 (50:18):
Actually, that's probably a good one to I know it's
not always attractive to take things out on camera, but
this is super.

Speaker 3 (50:26):
I have no idea. I can't even begin to imagine what.

Speaker 4 (50:30):
Expert all right, I'm looking at it. They got the Chinese.
Oh you wrote this on your partner like back and stuff.

Speaker 2 (50:39):
Yes you do. Yes, it could be really light pressure.
I mean that's the thing. Like, if you do this.

Speaker 1 (50:47):
It's one sensation, but if you do this and that
at the same time, it provides something new.

Speaker 2 (50:52):
So that can be.

Speaker 4 (50:55):
Tingle.

Speaker 1 (50:56):
Yeah, girl, put that on your partner's feet while they orgasm,
like it would just create Wow.

Speaker 4 (51:08):
So I'm gonna open this up so y'all can see,
because we're gonna come out with some after dark products
soon to get you all cracking, to get your sex
lights back on track, you know what I'm saying. So
this is one of those that I've not used, but
I'm knowledgeable of.

Speaker 3 (51:28):
I'm crying. Wow.

Speaker 4 (51:31):
Yeah, you could just rub this. It feels kind of
good too, like around.

Speaker 5 (51:39):
Oh okay, damn no, I like this.

Speaker 2 (51:54):
This is cracking.

Speaker 3 (51:56):
I didn't get one of these. Okay, yeah, yeah, I
see how this is a turn on for sure. This
is crazy.

Speaker 1 (52:04):
I would then tie your partner up and then come
out with that, right because you could be mean or
you could be nice with that.

Speaker 2 (52:13):
I love toys that provide that as an option.

Speaker 3 (52:16):
Yeah, I like to be nice. This is dope, though.
I love this. Okay, this is cracking. People need to
use this more. What else is in here? Let's see
this right here, she explained it.

Speaker 2 (52:31):
This is.

Speaker 3 (52:34):
This is to what like slap them?

Speaker 4 (52:36):
Right, slap?

Speaker 3 (52:39):
I guess you want someone.

Speaker 4 (52:50):
Around?

Speaker 1 (52:54):
Well, who do you think go to? Dominatrix is the
most right? Who do you think subscribe to going to
a sex setting where they're tied up, where they have
to call the woman mistress, where they have to behave properly,
they're putting cages.

Speaker 2 (53:07):
It's predominantly men.

Speaker 3 (53:08):
So you know, my homegirl used to work in l
a in a sex dungeon.

Speaker 4 (53:14):
Not black men, other races.

Speaker 2 (53:16):
Yeah, that makes you feel better, No, for sure, that's
other races.

Speaker 4 (53:19):
Black men. We kings. We ain't about to be paddled
up in the ass laying. No, we kings. We No,
that's true. That's a fact. That's a fact. We can
look it up called AI chat GPT. Let's look it up.

Speaker 3 (53:34):
Hey, okay, so what is this cock and ball ring?

Speaker 7 (53:40):
Oh?

Speaker 3 (53:41):
Yeah, you need to grow up.

Speaker 4 (53:50):
Raw.

Speaker 3 (53:52):
You've used this before?

Speaker 4 (53:54):
No, I ain't never used it, but I know about it.

Speaker 3 (53:58):
So what is it supposed to do?

Speaker 4 (54:00):
Older? I'm an older guy.

Speaker 3 (54:02):
So it's just like you what, what what is the
point of it?

Speaker 4 (54:05):
Just like.

Speaker 2 (54:10):
It's a cock and ball ring?

Speaker 4 (54:12):
And squeeze them and then make them tighter and more
blood flow, and then it can bounce against the You.

Speaker 3 (54:19):
Know a lot about this, sir, So have you used this?
Yes or no?

Speaker 1 (54:25):
That's a really great toy for well endowed people as well,
because it takes away a couple of inches so they
can give a full thrust without hurting their partner.

Speaker 3 (54:37):
Wow.

Speaker 1 (54:38):
And also a lot of men enjoy their balls being
pulled away, like pulling the balls down, so that also
does that function too, and it can help to delay
orgasm and then to stay in the longer erection because
you get more blood flow.

Speaker 3 (54:50):
Wow, all the stuff. I didn't use it, but I'm
nonage sick of him. What else is in here?

Speaker 1 (55:02):
Okay?

Speaker 2 (55:02):
A collar and leash situation? So what is this?

Speaker 3 (55:06):
You're getting the collar on your walking somebody in a leash?

Speaker 2 (55:10):
What's that?

Speaker 4 (55:12):
Man?

Speaker 2 (55:12):
It's called the Pivot the podcast? Yeah with Ryan Clark.
What's the other the light skin guy's name on the Pivot? Yes?
What's Channing? Yes?

Speaker 1 (55:26):
Yeah, I talked about that how one of the main
things in his relationship is he pretends to be a cat,
So like, wait, what that things interesting in his marriage?

Speaker 2 (55:35):
Right?

Speaker 1 (55:36):
Like they do role play, and he was talking about
one of the role plays of like him being like
the cat who's left on the porch and then like that,
please pull that clip up.

Speaker 2 (55:44):
If that I'm making that up. But uh, those like
the leash play the.

Speaker 4 (55:49):
City Boys down one thousand, that's crazy. I mean, I
don't know Ryan.

Speaker 3 (55:57):
No, not Ryan Clark, He's I know Ryan.

Speaker 4 (56:01):
But listen, if that's what he's said, I need to
holler at my guy. He a little younger than me.

Speaker 2 (56:09):
What is this right here?

Speaker 3 (56:10):
I'm liking this. It says your clit plus orgasm therapy
equals clip therapy liquid vibrator I might need to get
by Are you selling this?

Speaker 2 (56:22):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (56:23):
You know what, you can take that one and tell
me how it works. I mean, there's a lot of
different gels out there that claim to like bring more
blood to the area. I've heard of that. I've tried
one of those jails one. Yeah, so it sounds like
it's something like that. But a lot of these as
well too. So like with Aria, for example, they give
you scenes, so you'll get the four scene four items
per box, and it's more like to create an overall moment,

(56:44):
so like you might decide that one night is about worship,
one night.

Speaker 2 (56:48):
Isn't about Like I like that, it's performing.

Speaker 1 (56:51):
So it's there's one of the scenes we did recently
that was called pose and other scenes like I gave
a box to this couple who just had a baby,
and they were like, I do not want the box
right now. I'm like, trust me, it's gonna be a
good one for you. It was massage stones and then
a hand roller, and then in addition it was like
a hot wax candle that they could put on.

Speaker 3 (57:09):
So I saw the candle right here, I'm into this.
Look at this drip candle. So it's like, what are
you doing? You're dripping this all over the body?

Speaker 2 (57:17):
There you go. I like that. I like that.

Speaker 7 (57:23):
Yeah, Like this is like so you ten years in
and it just does it feel new still?

Speaker 2 (57:33):
Yes?

Speaker 1 (57:33):
Yeah, I just actually had a brand new orgasm a
few days ago.

Speaker 2 (57:36):
What's like one that was like.

Speaker 1 (57:38):
Oh this was different, Like this one was different, but yeah,
you get no no, although no, you know what, I'm
actually not much of a partaker, but I do have
a community of people and online and in it, somebody
was like, man, I've been having these orgasms where I'm

(57:59):
seeing colors I've never seen before, and I was like, what, what, what.

Speaker 2 (58:03):
Are you guys doing? Like, what's the blueprint here?

Speaker 1 (58:06):
And yeah, it was a strain of weed, So that
would also be a part of it. I meant the
end of the day, again, when we think of it
as a freedom framework, an opportunity to explore our humanity,
explore the potential of our bodies, explore the potential of
the spiritual side. If you're into that, then you can
go a million different places with it. So whenever a
couple tells me that sex has gotten routine and boring,

(58:27):
that almost feels like the most solvable problem on the
planet because as humans, like I love, what you said
is are of how sometimes you may want the more
central approach and sometimes you may want the more dominant approach,
but that also speaks to who you are as a woman.
You don't show up in the world every day the
exact same way like your multi dimensional, multifaceted but the
world still has a lot of restrictions on how you

(58:49):
can behave Like sex gets to be like that in
terms of having those dimensions, but it also should be
a place of like pure freedom and exploration.

Speaker 3 (58:56):
Yeah, like one day I'm a slut, the next dam
your it. Just all the different things can be played
out in sex. Yeah, and I feel like that's where
you should be.

Speaker 1 (59:05):
The put it on a blonde wig one day, right,
you could put on a strap the next day. Like,
there's many different ways that you can express.

Speaker 2 (59:15):
You can't say no on her behalf. She could put
on a strap that you want to put in a strap.

Speaker 3 (59:19):
You may not want to ever want to put on
a strap because it makes me. I feel like I
like to be more submissive in the bedroom, and like
I don't like the idea of being dominant. I don't
know why I've never been there.

Speaker 1 (59:33):
Let's say Paul, for example, has said that he likes rope, right, or.

Speaker 2 (59:38):
The idea of being tied up. Tying up somebody.

Speaker 3 (59:41):
Put you more dominant.

Speaker 1 (59:43):
Now I would do that, so, yeah, you're right, there
would do.

Speaker 2 (59:46):
There's degrees there.

Speaker 3 (59:47):
Yeah, there is degrees. There is degrees, so I would,
I would. I would get into that. I think that
it's just about exploring and trying different things and seeing
what it is you like, because you may not know
that you like something or don't like where you don't
like it.

Speaker 4 (01:00:01):
What would you say to couples whose sex life is
dead who are looking to rediscover. And I know we
went over a lot of things like what's the first
step and just how do we get the spark back?

Speaker 2 (01:00:23):
I think it starts with.

Speaker 1 (01:00:25):
I've really been missing getting to know you, like that question,
I want to get to know you again. So starting
from scratch with your partner, what do you like now?

Speaker 2 (01:00:36):
What do you not like?

Speaker 1 (01:00:36):
What's been bothering you? They talk about in UH there's
five levels of communication that range from routine facts, opinions, feelings,
and level five is like someone's inner world, which is
kind of a mess, right, Like if I go inside
of your thoughts right now, they're filled with a bunch
of contrasts and hypocrisies and question marks, And a lot

(01:00:57):
of people in long term relationships stop going to that
place with their partner where things aren't clean and perfect.
So you have to kind of want to get back
to level five with somebody, but you have to build
up the trust to get there, and that takes a
lot of humility to admit that you know somebody for
a really long time and you might not really know
them anymore.

Speaker 2 (01:01:17):
That's hard.

Speaker 1 (01:01:17):
Yeah, I remember, maybe like a year ago. I was
like I said to my husband, I was like, I
want to give you head tonight, like it's the first time,
like we've never done this before, and I want you
to teach me like you're teaching a masterclass, like step
by step. And it was so crazy because in the end,
I was like, I don't do any of those things
in my routine. Oh, like how long has it been

(01:01:40):
that I've been doing things?

Speaker 4 (01:01:42):
A little with it?

Speaker 2 (01:01:44):
Yeah, I mean it works, you get to the same
end function.

Speaker 1 (01:01:47):
But like if he re taught me and guided me
because his body's changed, you know, his sensations has changed,
his taste has changed, like what turns up on.

Speaker 3 (01:01:55):
Change and that could be sexy too, Like that's a
turn on, Like telling me what to do when to
do it, that's a turn on. Yeah, you're open to it,
but if you're open for whoever likes that. But still
that's good. And like you said, I think a lot
of people the ego is involved. So you're like, I
don't want to ask those questions because I feel like
I should know what I'm doing or I already know

(01:02:16):
what I'm doing. But it's like no, and I think
that even works for a new partner, like teach me
what you like, because everyone is different.

Speaker 1 (01:02:24):
And it goes against what most people want in a
partner in the beginning. Most people, which I tell people
all the time, stop wishing for genies and mind readers.
I want someone who just knows what I like. I
want somebody who just understands me. I want somebody who
just intuitively knows how I'm feeling. Sometimes you're not going
to know how you feel, so having somebody who makes
assumptions when you haven't figured things out is not necessarily

(01:02:46):
the best formula for growth. And maybe they can guess
it right a few of the times, but things are
going to change. So you want somebody who's humble and
ask questions, and is curious, and is open and is
down to explore, down to challenge their own humanity, down
to say no, like who was clear about their boundaries
and could revisit them later. There's been many things in
my relationship that my partner has turned down or I

(01:03:06):
have turned down, that we have circled back on months later.

Speaker 2 (01:03:10):
That's also a big part.

Speaker 1 (01:03:10):
When we first got together, we were having just all
kinds of new sex all the time, and then he
stopped me one day. He was like, hey, man, life
is long, like we don't have to do everything right now,
and I was like, cool, I'm glad you said that
because I felt the pressure.

Speaker 4 (01:03:27):
Who said new seck.

Speaker 1 (01:03:29):
Well, like new toys, new experiences, new heights, like public sex, voyeurism, exhibitionism.

Speaker 2 (01:03:37):
Like I just.

Speaker 4 (01:03:39):
Other people.

Speaker 1 (01:03:41):
We've never had other people, but life is long, so
we will. Like a long running fantasy of mine, long
running has been to have sex with another couple that
I think is really hot in the same room while
we're having sex, Like that is something that I like.

Speaker 2 (01:03:57):
I hope that happens before the year's end is out.

Speaker 1 (01:04:00):
But yeah, life is long, and I definitely want as
my humanity makes space for it, and as my boundaries
are respected and my comfort levels respected. Yeah, I want
to try all kinds of things.

Speaker 3 (01:04:10):
Wow, that's interesting. I just learned what a voyager is.
I didn't know what that was for a very long time.
Can you explain it because I don't want to.

Speaker 2 (01:04:18):
Get it wrong. Well, a voyeur is somebody who likes
to watch other people voy sex.

Speaker 3 (01:04:22):
Boyer, okay, yeah, but we we should all be voyagers though.

Speaker 7 (01:04:25):
Yeah, everybody's a voyager.

Speaker 3 (01:04:29):
If you watch No, but like pub like but also
to like in person like we're why like I want
to look at this person, like that's going to turn
me on. Like let's go watch someone else have sex, Like,
let's go and I don't even have to like touch
on it. No, that's not Everyone doesn't like that though.

Speaker 4 (01:04:46):
But I'm saying, where are you gonna get your phone? Like, oh,
seven o'clock, we can go here and watch these two.

Speaker 3 (01:04:53):
No, there's sex clubs and different things that people have,
Like there's sex clubs in LA. There's sex clubs everywhere.

Speaker 2 (01:04:59):
There's also it's.

Speaker 4 (01:05:00):
A bunch of weird people that I bet, I bet
it's a bunch of just off brand.

Speaker 3 (01:05:06):
I've heard both.

Speaker 2 (01:05:07):
I've never been invited to a cool sex club before.
I've been.

Speaker 3 (01:05:10):
Have you heard of that one that's in La? It
starts with the S or something. It's like, very well, No,
I'm never been a sex club. But they're saying that
it's like rich famous like people and you have to
pay and you can only get invited and it's a
whole documentary on it.

Speaker 1 (01:05:25):
Oh yeah, I'd like my friend got invited to one
by a celebrity and she was like everybody in there
was like a nine and up, and so I was like,
can I come with you next time?

Speaker 3 (01:05:34):
Check?

Speaker 2 (01:05:34):
It's not how it works, so I have to assume
I'm not a nine, but that that's Those would be great.

Speaker 1 (01:05:39):
But yes, most sex clubs are are just full of
people who have let go of sidle expectations and are
just ready to like live and be free.

Speaker 2 (01:05:50):
Yeah, they're the people who you see on HBO real awkward,
right right right.

Speaker 3 (01:05:55):
I think it's out of curiosity that I would like
to just see what's going on here.

Speaker 4 (01:06:01):
To the left turns of the right, like what, like,
I'm good, let's get out of.

Speaker 3 (01:06:06):
Here, bab, I'm crying. So, if there's one thing that
you can say that you would implement, there was so
much that I wanted to talk to you about because
I know you've talked about love bombing and all these
things that I wanted to get into, but we just
don't have the time. But if there were if there's
one thing that you would say change your sex life

(01:06:28):
like for the better, Like, what would it be?

Speaker 4 (01:06:31):
Like?

Speaker 3 (01:06:31):
What was one thing you would want, like you would
tell someone to implement or to try that you just
feel like is a must.

Speaker 4 (01:06:42):
We ain't gonna do it.

Speaker 1 (01:06:43):
I think a general tip was that line that you
gave off the beginning, which I wish I could quote
it now.

Speaker 2 (01:06:48):
Like he said that.

Speaker 3 (01:06:51):
Sometimes you have to tell me the hard truths so
I can make it better.

Speaker 1 (01:06:57):
Wow, marry that woman. Great listening.

Speaker 2 (01:07:01):
Yes you were silent, though you didn't you didn't chime. Yeah,
that was great. That was really great. That exactly.

Speaker 1 (01:07:11):
I think that that line is such a beautiful line.
I really want to know the hard truths. I want
to know the new truths, right, like introducing yourself to
the person you've known for a really long time and
not taking it personal that it's very different from what
you thought. I think that that's that could save a
lot of relationships. I really want to think about something

(01:07:33):
recent that has really made a big difference in my
sex life, and I feel like, oh, I think role
play has been really fun for us recently.

Speaker 2 (01:07:44):
I really enjoyed that.

Speaker 1 (01:07:45):
But it's not role playing like we've tried role playing
like Amazon Delivery person.

Speaker 3 (01:07:49):
And I loved it.

Speaker 2 (01:07:52):
He was not into it as much, but.

Speaker 4 (01:07:55):
Robber, I love that. I'm gonna just throw a cuffy
down where the cheese at. There you do we're gonna
talk about some other thing.

Speaker 2 (01:08:07):
Yeah, I think that.

Speaker 3 (01:08:08):
I don't know how I feel about that when I've
be't robbed at gunpoint in my home while I was sleeping,
So I don't know if that would turn me on
or if it wouldn't.

Speaker 2 (01:08:16):
It could be a healing refrain.

Speaker 3 (01:08:17):
Yeah, it might turn be on though. Yes, that's the thing.
I don't fucking know. I'm willing to try it. But
what kind of role play are you talking about? Because
I'm interested in hearing.

Speaker 1 (01:08:25):
Well even just like allowing yourself in your mind, like
to be more submissive than I usually am. That's a rule,
right of me stepping into something or stepping away from
how I usually show up into the world, the role
of sex worker, right like of providing that the role
of somebody who's much more dominant, the role of somebody
who who believes that like they have pussy power.

Speaker 4 (01:08:49):
There's put this outfit on the go out there and
stand on the corner, well out there, stand by the staples.
I'm gonna pull up on you. What you guys w
one tonight?

Speaker 3 (01:09:04):
That actually is fun.

Speaker 1 (01:09:05):
That's actually one the longer the sex lasts and not
just stimulation of the genitals, but the.

Speaker 2 (01:09:12):
Whole experience going on the preparation, the premeditation.

Speaker 1 (01:09:15):
We went and did this experiment, not experiment, but we
went and played together where we did the kind of
stereotypical like we go out, I flirt with dudes, you
flirt with I love that I love each other there.
So I was at a table flirting with these guys.

Speaker 3 (01:09:28):
The flirting part because I'm gonna kill everybody, but I
loved it.

Speaker 1 (01:09:31):
He pretended that he was like, do I recognize you
from high school? And I love took me away. Then
we had sex in the car like all of that,
Like I really love that. But the sex started from
you know, a week before, where I said I want
to do this next weekend. It's like that's I think
the longer sex can last.

Speaker 3 (01:09:47):
I love the whole idea of like going out pretending
you don't know somebody that's like that, Like I cry. Okay, wait,
so this is my last question before we wrap up.
What are your thoughts on tantric sex.

Speaker 1 (01:10:07):
I think it's a beautiful practice for people who have
a deep spiritual belief because at its core, tantra is
using your bodies as a form of prayer and I Yeah,
I've tried various forms of tontric sex. They haven't necessarily
been shifting for me. But I also acknowledge I don't
really have a strong belief system or a strong relationship

(01:10:31):
with that idea, so that might be the missing piece
for me. So I think if you do have that,
it takes on different meaning. And then the breath work
takes you to another headspace. And yeah, maybe there are
some mushrooms and other things in there, but all in all,
it's using your bodies as a form of prayer together.

Speaker 2 (01:10:47):
So I think it can be very beautiful. Okay, I
love that.

Speaker 3 (01:10:51):
I love that. Well, do you have any last questions
for the coach?

Speaker 4 (01:10:55):
So I just want coach to just, you know, give
her a spiel. This is coach. If y'all want to
get yall sex game together, holler at her.

Speaker 2 (01:11:05):
Thank you.

Speaker 4 (01:11:05):
She's an educator.

Speaker 2 (01:11:08):
Yeah, yes, so many things.

Speaker 4 (01:11:09):
We can talk for hours, and I know we don't
have the time tonight because, like based on what you
was talking about in some of the little sessions I watched,
we're gonna talk again. I promise you.

Speaker 2 (01:11:20):
I'd like that. Yeah, I'd love to give you the
rope as a gift the rope.

Speaker 4 (01:11:24):
I'll take that.

Speaker 2 (01:11:25):
Yeah, yeah, sure, So Sweete.

Speaker 1 (01:11:28):
Are you into art at all? Like, could you have
any kind of arts and crafts hobbies? Uh?

Speaker 4 (01:11:34):
Like heart is like define.

Speaker 2 (01:11:39):
Art, you get to define it for me.

Speaker 1 (01:11:40):
So I just I'm asking if there's anything that you
do that's like, oh, like a pastime. I'm only just
saying this because the rope tying is like an art
in itself.

Speaker 4 (01:11:49):
Yeah. No, I don't know nothing about that. Yeah, but
I know about it, like because I know my cousin
always talking about because the boy scouts there's different type
of knots and all that. Yes, but I don't know
how to do all of that. Yeah, but I know
what you're talking about. That's an art form in itself
because I've seen like so there's like different type of
nots you can make.

Speaker 1 (01:12:10):
It could be a new hobbies. But yeah, thank you
for the time. My website is lovers by shann dot com.
I have tons of free resources, including a quiz that's
called better Sex, which walks you through the different freedoms
tell you which one you should focus on next. So
I invite people to take that, and I want to
thank you guys for inviting me on and being so
open and cool.

Speaker 2 (01:12:29):
It was a lovely conversation.

Speaker 4 (01:12:30):
You have a book.

Speaker 2 (01:12:32):
I do have two books, and one called Laid and
one that's called The Game of Desire.

Speaker 4 (01:12:36):
And where can we find those?

Speaker 2 (01:12:38):
Wherever books are sold Amazon?

Speaker 4 (01:12:40):
Yeah, I just wanted to put that out there.

Speaker 3 (01:12:44):
Yeah, and your master class.

Speaker 1 (01:12:46):
Yes, I have a class class masters.

Speaker 2 (01:12:49):
I have a class on Masterclass. It's called the Artist
Sex Appeal.

Speaker 1 (01:12:52):
But the first hour is just everything I know about
sex packed into an hour. It's like one of the
most incredible things I've gotten to do. The Masterclass team
is obviously one of the most prestigious, high production, beautiful places,
and to go there and talk about squirting was like.

Speaker 2 (01:13:09):
Such a dream come true. It is squirt p highly Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:13:14):
Yeah, it comes out of the same space, comes out
of the urethra, but it's also makes the schemes gland
fluid from the bartholin gland, So it's not just pe Can.

Speaker 3 (01:13:24):
You score as a woman if you've never squirt it?
Is it possible to be like, I'm going to figure
out how to squirret one day?

Speaker 2 (01:13:30):
Yeah? Wow, yeah, okay, you just pee during sex.

Speaker 3 (01:13:40):
It's a lot of p in it.

Speaker 2 (01:13:42):
It depends.

Speaker 1 (01:13:43):
I mean it's not supposed to the amount the amount
that you get in or to get the like gush
the amount of fluid that like think about how much
come comes out during pre come right, so like it's
a pretty small amount. So actual squirt. It does happen,
and it's just not going to you. But you see
in porn, which I've spoken to porn stars chug water.

(01:14:07):
They'll chuck bottles of water before they have to escorting scene.

Speaker 2 (01:14:11):
That's my pain.

Speaker 3 (01:14:12):
But thank you so much, she said, Okay.

Speaker 1 (01:14:19):
On Instagram, I'll go by one wish. I'll say lovers
by Shan dot com. I one wish because I think
if I confuse people then they'll never go go anywhere.

Speaker 3 (01:14:26):
And we'll add everything to the description her at her
masterclass her lovers by Shan her Instagram. All that stuff
will be added in the description. If you guys want
to find her, I highly recommend checking her out because
she's cracking all right, you guys, thank you so much.

(01:14:46):
Paul's getting into his sex toys. Anyways, thank you guys
for joining Truth after Dark.

Speaker 2 (01:14:54):
We appreciate you.

Speaker 3 (01:14:55):
Thank you, Shan.

Speaker 2 (01:14:57):
He's too excited over here. What is this one.

Speaker 3 (01:15:00):
He's we're out of here. Thank you, Thank you guys,
Thank you Shan. This has been amazing. Thank you for
for I've learned a lot.

Speaker 4 (01:15:11):
Make sure you follow Dark YouTube, Ptreon, Pious. This is
our fair day.

Speaker 3 (01:15:19):
This is Shamboo Ram.

Speaker 4 (01:15:21):
Yeah like, follow us, subscribe, Yeah, I love y'all. We're
gonna keep bringing the heat.

Speaker 2 (01:15:26):
Heat, and that's it.

Speaker 6 (01:15:27):
Thank you.

Speaker 4 (01:15:46):
This is the taking over the game. All right, everybody,
welcome to Truth after Dark.

Speaker 3 (01:15:59):
Do you think that men or women are more toxic

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Sex Educator Shan Boodram Joins Us & Brings Out All The Fun Toys | Truth After Dark

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Sex Educator Shan Boodram Joins Us & Brings Out All The Fun Toys | Truth After Dark