July 24, 2024 • 61 mins
Family dynamics can be puzzling, especially when siblings develop vastly different beliefs and lifestyles despite being raised under the same roof. In this episode, we share personal stories about the psychological effects of feeling different within the family unit. We delve into the evolving experiences of parents and how these shape the diverse outcomes observed among siblings. Acceptance and love play crucial roles, and we discuss practical ways to nurture these within the family.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
let's check in, all right.
All right, man, hey, hey, y'all, welcome back.
Welcome back to the cast.
So, like always, you know we'regonna start with.
We got three things for y'all.
We got to check in, we got alittle bit of topic and then we
got to check out, all right.
So, julie, let's check in withthe people.
Man, let the people know what'sbeen going on for your boy, how
(00:34):
you been feeling.
You look, you look tired, youlook exhausted.
You know what?
You know what, dog?
I'm tired of that narrative.
No, what.
You know what?
Dog?
I'm tired of that narrative.
No, I'm tired of that narrativeman.
No, dog, you know what?
Man, I'm actually doing prettygood.
You look weathered.
No, I'm actually doing pretty.
(00:54):
That's just my skin.
So this is good for you.
Yeah, this, this is this isactually me doing good.
This is you thriving, don'tmind.
Don't mind that fire in thebackground.
That's fine.
Nah, it's good For thelisteners.
Who's just listening in?
Yeah, there's multiple fires inthe background of Jude's office
right now.
He has decided to ignore them.
(01:16):
I really am.
I really am dog.
You know what's helped, dog, andI'm going to say this because
I've, like, talked to thesepeople personally.
Yeah, I know they're notsponsoring the cast.
I know how you feel about that.
Right, man, I like to get paid,but shout out to Laura, denise
and their planners, because Igot a bunch, you know, and I
(01:40):
messaged them talking aboutideals and stuff and I got one
that that works, you know, andand it's helped, like it's
really you know.
You know, yeah, you know whatyou know what um, like helps dog
, like the project managersection of it.
So I mean, like it's a, it's aphysical planner.
It's a physical planner.
Yeah, it's a physical planner.
(02:01):
I thought I showed, I thought Ishowed you this.
I think you did.
I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna gothrough it, but you may have
showed it to me.
I just don't pay attention tothe stuff that you'd be saying,
you know.
You know that's that's valid,but, um, but yeah, anyway, it's
a planet man.
It helps with like projects andstuff, dog, because, like I get
stressed, you know, whenever,whenever it feels like things
are haywire, yeah, like, and itfeels like there, it feels like
(02:25):
there's an approaching due dateor deadline or something, and
and that's that's not just forwork, that's like life too, you
know, like kids and registeringthem for sports and camps are
coming in, baseball camps andjust like all of those deadlines
, man, like it, it.
I feel like that's when I getoverwhelmed, you know.
(02:45):
And man, when I get overwhelmed, like I don't know, I feel like
people may have this likeimpression of burnout and how it
looks and stuff, and when I getoverwhelmed, nothing, nothing
changes.
I'm not a different person.
I'm not a different person, youdon't.
But you don't think like youstart to like be a little bit
(03:07):
more agitated, maybe a littleshorter?
Nah, you know.
Nah, not at all.
Man, not at all, but dog, thatis my pet peeve in life,
seriously, and it's a bias intherapy.
Yeah, here's my pet peeve, dog.
When people feel stuff and theyfog up the whole space, yeah,
(03:29):
with their feelings, yeah, it's,it's.
You know what it's like for me?
It's like when people walk intosomething like a door and stop.
Yeah, yeah, keep moving.
Yeah, you walked into a door.
People are also walking intothat door, or they get off the
(03:52):
escalator and stop.
What do you?
I feel like, honestly, I feellike 300 kicking him in the back
now.
Yeah, you, you're okay, I'mfine, I'm fine, I've gotten
enough sleep, I'm fine, there'snothing wrong.
Not tired at all.
(04:12):
Move on, no, but for real, forreal, for real.
It's fine.
The planner helps me organizeand stays on top of the due
dates and yada, yada let's notput the listener's hand into a
honey jar, and it's actually nothoney in there.
How much it costs, how muchthat planner go for, how much
(04:36):
you pay for that, jude, like$44.
, $44.
It is worth it, $44.
It's worth it.
They're getting a free plug.
The paper is nice, the way theyorganize it.
Dog, you can't beat it for $44.
It's perfect.
A life management system.
Yeah, yeah, and I've said thisfor years, man, and I'm the type
(05:00):
of person that I'll message themaker of something Make a
planner for council educators,make a planner for therapists.
I'm the type of person thatI'll message the maker of
something.
You know, make a planner forcouncil educators, make a
planner for therapists.
I know people say like you needspecific things.
But, dog, as a therapist, I'mdoing so much.
As a as a council educators,I'm doing so much stuff.
If I could and this is the goodthing about Lord Denise, is that
(05:20):
you can customize theirplanners to kind of fit you know
, however you want, and so Ifeel like they should be paying
us right now.
Man, this feels like.
This feels like one of thosepodcasts commercials where, like
the, the, the two hosts saylike, this isn't a commercial,
we're not plugging it, butlisten, the paper is nice, no,
(05:40):
but for a phone it's a you knowwhat?
Only for only three payments of12.99 you can have one follow.
Follow them on instagram, tellthem, tell them.
Tell the listener the nameagain g laura denise.
Spell it out for him, man.
Spell it out, for I can't spell.
You know I can't spell.
Don't do me like.
I know I got you, I'll do itlike that.
Hey, I'll be in research classtrying to be all sadidi, like
(06:03):
writing on the board, you know,with different colors, and
somebody will say, like that,that's, that's, that's not how
you spell.
I told my students, I told mystudents the very first one of
them to point out that Imisspelled a word is getting a
body.
Slam in the middle of class.
Slam, I'm talking, that's howyou do.
Wf 1999 stone cold steve austin, stone cold stunner straight
(06:30):
into the desk.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, hey,hey, are you okay?
I mean, you know I could bebetter, you know, nah, man, all
right.
So you don't want you, youdon't want your little check-in
to you.
Don't you know commercial or doyou actually want to be
vulnerable for the people?
That's it, dog.
Hey man, you know what?
And I told the student thistoday hey man, everything don't
(06:51):
have to be no, vulnerable, itdoes, man, deep heartfelt.
Nah, man, the only reason whythey listen to this cast, it's
because every tier you drop,they can count it as an indirect
clinical hour, every tier.
I didn't know it was, I didn'tknow that was in the bylaws.
Yeah, man, yeah, I get.
(07:12):
I get personal emails from thelisteners.
Please make you cry.
I'm just trying to graduate.
Wait, I'm two hours short.
I need two tears.
Ah, man, it man.
It's good bro, how you doingman, oh, you know what, you know
what?
Before I let you go, before Ilet you go, before I let you go,
that sounds like a song, mm-hmm.
(07:34):
We did get a revise and resubmiton an article that made me feel
pretty good.
Oh, so we don't suck.
It made me feel pretty good.
It made me feel pretty good.
It's a top-tier journal.
It made me feel pretty good.
What's the journal we're tryingto publish that in?
I don't really know nothing.
I don't really know nothingabout it.
Council of Education andSupervision.
Yeah, it's pretty good man.
So, anyway, yeah, you know,other than work stuff, family's
(07:55):
doing good.
We're trying to do some stuffhere, man, all right, brother,
let me.
So, uh, megan trying to kill me, okay, yeah, yeah, my wife
trying to kill me, you probablydeserved it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, man, shetried to kill me.
I, uh, I decided, you know, togo on a health journey.
(08:16):
You know, I mean going on ahealth journey since I would say
like 2005, 2006.
It's a long journey on the way,baby, it's a long journey, big
dog.
It's a long road.
It's a long road.
It's spiritual, it's physical.
Yeah, yeah, man, room roomwasn't built overnight.
(08:39):
But listen, man, I just hadthis health scare, and I don't
mean nothing medical, I mean caralmost out drove me at a at the
range and uh, yeah, it was just, it was scary for me, you know,
uh, so I was like I gotta dosomething about it, man, and you
know how I am, dude, I don'tease into nothing full force.
(09:00):
That's one thing.
Listening, that you need to knowabout juice, about Jews, is
that if you say something likehey, jews, let's start cycling,
cycling, what, huh?
Cycling?
What Like spinning?
Oh, I thought it brought meback to 2007, when we were doing
(09:20):
some tricky stuff to our bodies.
My bad, oh no, you startcycling medication.
My bad, oh no, he startscycling medication.
My bad, I'm sorry, man, and myveins started to get all excited
.
If you tell him let's startcycling, let's start riding
bikes, you know Like, yeah, youmay go get a Swin, you know Swin
, whatever the case may be, nah,he's coming full bore.
(09:45):
What is this speciale?
Yeah, I want my bike to weighan ounce With a bodysuit.
I want it to weigh an ounceWith a bodysuit and a little
helmet and a little rearviewmirror on the helmet.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, ain't noplaying games, man.
So I said trying to ride aroundthe neighborhood Listen, man,
on my health journey, I'm goingno sugar.
So I said trying to ride aroundthe neighborhood Listen, man,
(10:05):
on my whole journey I'm going nosugar, at least as much as I
can help it.
You know like, no sugar, right?
So I told Megan today on the wayhome hey, let's go get some
snow cones, right?
So we went to the snow coneplace, right, best snow cone
place on the on the on theplanet in my experience, right?
Megan was like are you going toget a snow cone?
I was like no, because I'm noteating sugar, right?
(10:29):
Hey?
Remember I said we committed tothis.
Remember I said that we didthis, right, yeah?
So I was like the family canhave a snow cone, but I can't.
Right, got the family snowcones.
Everybody eating it.
Megan is eating it with hermouth wide open.
I mean smacking Like she ain'tnever had kiwi flavored anything
before.
It's like this is the new.
I've never had anything kiwiflavored.
(10:50):
Oh my God, did God touch thesnow cone?
Is this snow from heaven?
I can't.
I mean Roby's in the backgroundslurping the juice.
I'm sitting in the front seat.
(11:10):
Like Roby, I got all the juiceat the snow cone, that's it.
I think you got it all.
You know you gotta wait for theice to melt before the next.
So megan looks at me and she'slike you want to taste.
And I was like why would you dothat to me?
You know I want to taste, soall I just say I like kiwi.
I say two words man, two wordsSlippery, slippery, slippery,
slippery dog Dog.
A key, artificially flavoredcone of ice Takes me right down
(11:38):
to Snickersville, baby Snickers,snickers Avenue, right down to
bacon brownies.
At 11 o'clock, when the familygoes to sleep In the morning.
11 o'clock in the morning, heyman, whatever fits your fancy,
I'm just trying not to bediscovered.
Hey man, you really going?
No sugar, yeah, yeah, I'm likeyeah, man, man, that explains so
(12:01):
much.
Man, man, listen, that explainsso much.
You were so mean to me.
Yeah, man, man, that explainsso much.
Man, man, listen, that explainsso much.
You were so mean to me today,man, I was like, I was like man
Bruh Bruh, look man, look man.
I can't say that there's anyside effects.
You know, outside of, you knowme almost leaving the family
twice a day.
I'm supposed to go get a cartonof milk, to go get a carton of
(12:26):
milk.
But, yeah, man, this whole, Iwant, I want to say it out loud
to the cast so that y'all cankeep me accountable.
You know, for me it's reallyabout like, just feeling better.
You know like, hey, geez, youwant me to do, you want me to do
with you.
No, dude, I would not like foryou to do with me, because then
it'll be a competition and thenwhen we go and talk, and we go
(12:50):
talk to Nick Charles, we will beemaciated, because it's a
competition, jude, it's not acompetition.
No, it's not.
It's not a competition.
This is a personal journey forme, jude, please.
I know and I want to be a partof it.
Come on, man, let me share this.
That's how it is.
Come on man.
Hey Jude, come on man, let's doit together.
(13:13):
Listen for the listening.
I'm going to encourage you Forthe listening.
Me and Jude made a bet back inwhat?
92 or something.
Anytime we went to a restaurantor to a fast food place or
whatever, that I would order DrPepper and he would order Sprite
.
Do you know?
I still order Dr Pepper atplaces.
Yeah, I know, I still do it.
(13:33):
You don't even like Dr Pepper.
I don't even like Dr Pepper.
It tastes like plums.
Man, yeah, that's me.
No, for real.
A juice, juice, juice, juice.
A juice for real, on a serioustip, for real.
Yes, yeah, you want me to.
You want me to join it, or insolidarity.
(13:55):
I mean, if you want to, I likeall I can.
What's your streak?
Uh, what's my streak?
Yeah, well, so okay, like, whenI say this is what I mean, this
is what I mean by like no sugar, right, because like, yeah,
there's some sugar, right,obviously, there's sugar in air
these days, right, but like,what I'm saying is like like
(14:16):
fruits, fruits, vegetables, likefor sure that stuff is all good
.
You know, what I'm saying islike we're not trying to get
into the macros, right, yeah,I'm not trying.
Basically, no candy, yeah,essentially like no candy, no
soda, like no sweets, like noneof that stuff.
You know, uh, yeah, because, no, I mean, I, I was talking with
kyra about that man, like wewere talking about we had this
(14:38):
conversation in his room abouthappy versus hyper right, that's
the word we use Because I waslike dude, what is going on?
I feel like I can't evencommunicate with you.
I feel like you're all over theplace.
And he was like I just feellike I have so much energy and
(15:02):
I'm trying to get it out, andevery time I try to get it out,
the only way I can get it out isby fighting with Roby or with
acting up.
And so we just talked abouthaving enough sugar to where you
feel happy, like oh yeah, I hada little bit of brownie that
tasted good, it was good, asopposed to having a lot of bit
(15:23):
of brown right to where, to thepoint, to where you become hyper
.
You know, because when youbecome hyper, you can't really
control your behavior, you know,yeah, so we just had that
conversation, you know, and likeI was like man, I feel the same
way, you know, not like I can'tcontrol my behavior, but just
like this brain fog that happenswhen I'm eating, like I'm in
(15:44):
sessions, like tomorrow, I havelike six sessions tomorrow,
right, and like I know it's soeasy for me to gravitate towards
like um, you know, uh, likecoffee, quick, some quick coffee
.
Or like, uh, you know, puttingmore sugar in my coffee than me,
you know.
Or like, uh, some kind of likerandom snack, you know, and like
I'm, I'm awake and I'm awakeand I'm and I'm, I'm like there
(16:06):
physically in my sessions, butI'm not like present, you know,
with the clients.
You know I think it has a lotto do with like sugar man, I
feel like it's a legit addiction.
You know, like I was tellingmegan that like I feel like I'm
going through withdrawals, youknow.
So when I did taste a kiwi, uh,uh, snow cone, you did huh, so
(16:28):
so I already won, not, but whenI, because she, she told me you
were doing that and I said I'mgonna start now and try to get
him to get this kiwi inside ofhim, like, if you get any way,
any means possible, come on, man, you know so, uh, so not, but
when I, when they handed it tome and I it passed in front of
(16:50):
my nose, I can like, I know thisfile sounds weird, but like,
yeah, you say you, you sounds,you sound man, I know, I was
telling me, I feel like how longyou've been struggling with
this man, but it's been like Idon't know man, now six hours,
uh, since I decided, and I'mjonesing, jt, I'm jonesing, I'm
(17:13):
jonesing, ah, man, but like Iwas, like man, I can like, I can
like sense the sugar in thisthing, man, like I, it's, it's
metaphysical.
Now, I can sense it, you know, Ican sniff it out, I can feel it
.
It's spirit, yeah, it'sspiritual, you know, yeah, man,
so that's my check-in bro,that's my check-in man.
I'll see how long this goes,bro, I'll see how long this goes
(17:36):
.
I'm working out too.
I went, I went back to our ouroriginal workout of natural
progression, uh, you know, uh,working out at home.
So, yeah, man, yeah, it's goodbro, it's good, all right, yeah,
should we transition into thetopic?
Let's do it, thank you.
So, all right, this is somethingthat, like, I don't know it's
(19:14):
been brought up by like a coupledifferent clients of mine,
right, uh, so, like what I'mseeing like this season of my
caseload, it's a lot of likecouple, family stuff, you know,
and so a lot of a lot of mycouples talk about, like their
family of origin.
You know, they're like you knowthe family that they were born
into, right, deal that you know.
(19:51):
Uh, basically, this question oflike, how come, like me and my
siblings were all a part of thisfamily with my mom and dad and
we were raised by the samepeople and we were all raised
the same way like how did webecome so different from each
other, right, whether that'slike from a political
perspective or from likebehavior, behavior from a belief
(20:11):
system, you know, like, how weraise our kids.
You know, how did we become sodifferent when we were all
raised within the same household, you know?
Um, so, yeah, I'm just, I'mgonna just leave it.
You got any thoughts oranything you want to say about
that?
Yeah, I think like we watchedthat video, right, and I don't
remember who who was talking,but I think like one of the
(20:32):
things that stood out to me washow, like, how, yeah.
So, just for the listener, Isaid I sent you to a video on
Instagram about a uh who was.
He was just talking about likethis idea of what it's like to
grow up in the same household.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, but but mytakeaway was basically like you
(20:54):
don't grow up in the samehousehold, you know, like you
don't, and I think what he wassaying was like because the
house changes depending on, likeyou know, the developmental
level of the parents and theexperience of the parents and
just like all of on like youknow the developmental level of
the parents and the experienceof the parents and just like all
of that stuff you know.
And so, while you do have likesimilar, it's almost like you're
in the same country but not inthe same neighborhood.
(21:16):
Yeah, you know, like that's howI kind of experienced it.
You know, or took to what hewas saying you know, yeah, to
get there's the same customs andstuff, but there's like
different, like your parentstreat you differently, like dark
, for example, right.
So like kian, right, he's five,valen is three, right, and valen
is like just basically a littlebit more like impact about
(21:39):
things, and kian is right.
That's not true, though, whatyou mean.
That's not true, though.
They're both impacted the samelevel, but they respond to
things differently, right, youknow like he and he'll usually
get frustrated and he'll kind ofreact and maybe even attack,
you know.
Or, like fallon tends to likerun away.
He tends to like get upset, getquiet and run away, right, and
(22:01):
so, anyway, this morning or onemorning, he woke us up, you know
, woke me up, and he was likedaddy kean's being mean and he
did such and such, you know, andI was like valent, just ignore
him, right, and he goes, he goes.
No, I'm not gonna ignore him.
That's, that's my big brotherand I love him so much.
He's just one of them.
I just wanted to listen to me.
(22:22):
Yeah, that's what he said.
Now, look, it's like the crackof dawn, right, I'm not in the
mood to parent like that.
That's obviously, right now, asI'm talking is a teaching
moment.
That's like a moment.
That's just like, wow, you know, and maybe like a little piece
of my brain was awake enough tobe like, oh my gosh, like this
(22:44):
is, like this is it, this isthis is what I've been parenting
for, and you know.
But you know what I said coolbecause I you know what I mean.
All the my degree, I just feltmy degree simmering, you know,
(23:07):
just like you know all thedegrees was like oh, come on,
man, yeah, y'all.
He said cool, y'all he saidcool, he's like this, cool,
y'all said cool, y'all this isyou know.
But anyway, I say that to saylike he they're different, like
he would it, kian wouldn't havecame to me.
You know what I mean.
You know Right, same house,same parenting style, all of
(23:30):
that stuff.
They're just because you knowyou're just different.
I think that's what the guy wassaying.
You know it's not like youaren't.
And I think the assumptionsometimes is like you know how
did you stray?
You know Right, you know what Imean, right?
I think that kind of ideal oflike you know same parents, same
(23:51):
household, same things, why areyou different?
I think it just leads to likescapegoating.
Well, yeah, yeah, yeah, I thinkwithin the family system it
definitely leads to scapegoating.
But I think if you're workingwith like an individual client
man, it leads to a lot of likeum, like confusion and almost
like uh.
(24:12):
So we're ostracizing you knowwhere, like they, like the, the
client themselves feels like, oh, I guess I'm different, you
know, like like black sheepmentality, oh, they're like
internalizing.
Yeah, they internalize it andsay, okay, so hold on.
Like you know, like one of usis is not the same as the other,
you know, and the client islike oh, it's me, I'm not the
(24:33):
same as that, so what's so?
Then the, the leading questionis like what's wrong with me?
That's it.
Like what's wrong, that's it.
I must honestly and this may betoo strong dog, but that's a
dysfunction.
That is a dysfunction.
That's.
That's the dysfunction.
That's the dysfunction in that,in that whole process, yeah,
(24:54):
you know, it's like.
The dysfunction is when you turnit in and go well, what's wrong
with me?
Well, why don't y'all do this?
You know what I mean?
Yeah, but I think there is this, I don't know, man, I'm seeing
in my own, with my own case,though, like there is this need
for obviously there's this needfor acceptance, you know, but I
think this need for acceptance,especially like within the
(25:15):
family dynamic, man, is that it?
You know, the question that Ihave as a clinician is always
like acceptance from who youknow, like acceptance from the
version of your parents thatwere present within your reality
or the version of your parentsthat you project on to your
(25:38):
brother's reality or yoursister's reality.
You know, like who do you?
What version of reality do youwant your parents to be in?
To like, accept them as, or tohave hard?
If you have this ideal of yourparents and how they accept your
brother and your sister andexpect your that version of your
(26:02):
parents to accept you as youare, it's holding them up to a
standard that they couldn'tpossibly, can't possibly.
Now, dog, some, some parents doso.
I think I think some, someparents do hold up to that
standard.
You know better than others,but the standard of like, just
(26:23):
being consistent, consistentlythere, not loving everybody the
same way, but making everybodyfeel the same type of love.
You get what I'm saying.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,you know.
Yeah, like, some parents arejust good at that.
It reminds me of this, thisthing, um, I forget where I
heard it from man, but somesomebody said, like your parents
(26:45):
can only take you as far asthey've gone.
Yeah, you know what I mean.
We do that as therapists, right,like we did that, dog, when we
went to our graduate school.
Like we don't.
We wanted professors to justlike, carry on into your doc
program, yeah, and into the?
(27:07):
Yeah, I mean, you wanted that,that consistency, yeah, yeah.
And then we got to our docprogram and we were like, oh,
like, yeah, these people can'ttake us anywhere, that they
haven't been Right.
And we had this expectationthat that, exactly, you know,
essentially, the parent line ofyou know, our, of the
(27:29):
transgenerational, yeah, yeah,the Boleanian genogram, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But but our dysfunction was whenwe looked at that and instead
of seeing it for what it is, weinternalized it, for sure, you
know.
And we said, well, maybe we arearrogant, yeah, like, maybe we
do need to change.
Yeah, maybe we do need to tonedown our masculinity.
(27:52):
Yeah, maybe we do need to tonedown our identity.
Yeah, you know, maybe we doneed to tone down our identity.
Yeah, you know, maybe we doneed to be more like them, you
know, yeah, like, maybe it is us, yeah, yeah, even if you don't
fully believe it.
The idea that just the mere factthat you're asking the question
, right, creates, like on, couldcreate shaky, yeah, ice, ice
(28:14):
cracks, yeah, ice cracks.
And it does so much to likeyour ego, you know, yeah, bro,
yeah, it does so much to yourego.
But, like I was thinking aboutthe thing that you said about
the, about the loving you thesame way, you know, do you feel
like you love your kidsdifferently?
Yeah, like each one of themdifferently.
(28:35):
Yeah, yeah, equally.
Yeah, each one of themdifferently.
Yeah, yeah, equally, butdifferently, you think it's
equal?
Yeah, for sure, yeah, yeah, forsure.
I, I love, I love being a dad.
Yeah, like, I mean it, it'slike it's, it's amazing,
especially especially to my kids.
You know, like valentine, hejust he turned three.
(28:58):
His little personality iscoming out.
Yeah, he's softening up.
You know what I mean, like youknow, and so now I could like
teach him and you know, and he'skind of like roby in the sense
that he love bombs you, yeah,yeah, you know, like he's doing
his own thing until he wants tobe like hugged and held and you
know, and tickled and you know,and like and and and you just
(29:18):
got to be ready for it, yeah,but you know, me and Roby say
this thing to each other, wherewe say you're my favorite
daughter in the whole wide worldand I love you no matter what,
and she'll say you're myfavorite daddy in the whole wide
world and I love you no matterwhat.
And she'll say you're myfavorite daddy in the whole wide
(29:39):
world and I love you no matterwhat.
But I don't say that to Cairo.
What'd you say?
Work harder.
You missed one, you skipped one.
Stop all that crying.
You want to be a pro?
Yeah, you want to be a pro.
Yeah, yeah, you want to be apro.
(29:59):
Yeah, professionals, don't cry.
Yeah, wake up and do anotherone, unless you run the tears
out of him.
Yeah, no, we cauterize thosetear ducts.
Yeah, oh, you got that.
You got that operation.
Yeah, we got that operation.
Yeah, I talked to a coach thatsaid that's the only way to go
D1.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,cauterized tear ducts.
Yeah, nah, man, but I don't,it's not, I don't.
(30:26):
I mean, I say stuff like youknow, like you know, tell them
how much I love them and stufflike that.
Yeah, obviously, for sure, butit's different, like it's
different for him and differentfor roby.
Yeah, okay, but I think, but Ithink we're talking.
I'm not talking about, like,I'm talking about intensity.
Okay, I'm talking about, I'mtalking about um, I don't know
(30:52):
what the right word is right,but like it's balanced.
It's different, but it'sbalanced.
It's different, but it'sbalanced, right, you know what I
mean.
Right, that's what I, that'swhat I want.
Well, so, for me, the love is, Ithink I love, obviously, I love
each one of the kids, like youknow, kyra, roby and Kobe, in
(31:12):
different ways, but they all are, they all are loved, right, but
I think the like, uh, thecompassion, is different.
We're different at differentlevels.
You know the uh, um, thefrustration is different.
(31:32):
You know, like, I find thatI'll get, like, I'll get more
frustrated with Cairo in asituation where I wouldn't get
frustrated with Robey.
You know, well, yeah, but, but,but, but, but, would you get
equally frustrated with Robey ifit was the same situation as
(31:52):
Cairo?
You know, like, if Cairo wasRobey, robey was was caro, which
do you think you'd be?
Do you think you like, thinkabout it, like this, right, like
keen, and keen is five, valencethree.
Yeah, there's things I getfrustrated with, keen about that
I wouldn't get frustrated withvalid, about right, you know, in
the same way, you know, and I,and I talked to keen differently
(32:13):
than I talked about, for sure,you know what I mean, but, but,
but only because valent is three.
You know, right, right, and,and you know, that's what I'm
saying, yeah, yeah, and he mayreceive, like dark valent, you
need to, you need to like, youcan't blast him.
But see, jude, that's what I'mtalking about, though I think,
(32:33):
like you have this, like we, wehave this unique window as, like
actually present fathers, right, but also this unique window as
, like clinicians right to belike, okay, like roby will
receive this type ofcommunication, differently than
cairo would receive this type ofcommunication, right and like.
(32:56):
So, yeah, I, if robie didsomething and cairo did
something, because robie is fiveand cairo is seven, I'm going
to get frustrated at them atthis in the same way, but for
different reasons.
Right, like cairo, I'mfrustrated at you because you
(33:19):
should have seen this, or youshould have known this, or you
should have not done this, oryou should have known better, or
whatever.
Yeah, right and like, withrobie, it's like, it's different
, you know and like, I'mfrustrated with you because you
know whatever, you know betterthan that, whatever, it is right
, but it's just like it'sdifferent.
Right, it's different.
Yeah, but I think that thething that stays constant is the
(33:40):
fact that they are loved, andalso, like the acceptance, right
, not the acceptance of, likeanything that they do, right,
but the acceptance of like whothey are, right, like the
freedom to be like who you areyeah, you know what's crazy Not
to like you are.
Yeah, you know what you know.
It's great not to like changethe topic, but I think, like,
(34:01):
maybe to move it forward, it'sjust the idea that, like, you
know, where were we when webecame parents, like
developmentally?
Right, yeah, I was 29.
I was 30.
Yeah, I was 29.
I was 30.
Yeah, I was 29.
(34:21):
31.
Cause, I became a parent aftermy doctorate, like, after our
doctorates, I was like 30.
I don't remember, but but butthink about, like, how close was
our emotional age to ourphysical age?
Right, I feel like my emotionalage is the same as my physical
(34:44):
age.
Sometimes I feel like I'm oldemotionally, emotionally, yeah,
but it has a lot to do with theamount of iterations of life
that we've seen, I know.
And the therapy training, yeah,yeah, of iterations of life
that we've seen, I know.
And the therapy training, yeah,yeah, but, like dog, like some
of my clients, sometimes I haveto like, sometimes I have to
remind myself that, like and I'mnot saying I know what I'm
(35:07):
doing, I'm saying the trainingdefinitely helps.
These people have no training,absolutely no training, no
training, and I'm not sayingthat, I'm not saying that it's a
judgment.
Yep, I'm saying that as this isa reality that I sometimes
forget.
Yep, you know, yeah, like thesepeople have.
No, they didn't take a lifespan.
(35:28):
Yeah, man, you know, theydidn't take addictions.
Yep, you know what I mean.
Like they didn't take familysystems, you know, like you know
.
And so, like when I said, like,yeah, I think I think sometimes
, like parents, parents, um,they, their kids, meet them at
different stages of development,you know, yeah, and and,
(35:50):
honestly, have the work intherapy is helping the, helping
the kids, or the, you know, theadult, whatever the client, yeah
, the client, but in the family,like, see their parents as
human beings?
Yeah, you know, but see thatthat comes with like a whole
other can of worms, right, forsure, a whole other can of worms
(36:13):
.
Because, like man, I think thisis why I love being a dad.
Now, you know, because, becauseour kids don't really see us as
, like, human beings, you know,but, but I feel like I'm
fighting for my humanity withthem every day.
Yeah, well, well, hold on, Iknow that was a good point, but
(36:33):
I think, kyra, when he almost Idrove you, yeah, I think you
started to see you as fallible.
In fact, he told me heFaceTimed me.
No, and he was like Uncle Jude,uncle Jude, listen, uncle Jude,
listen, man, daddy, daddy, hey,daddy Daddy's going to come
live with y'all Because I'm notletting him back in my house.
(36:55):
Bro, when I say out, when I sayout, drove me, I mean there was,
we're talking heavy on theconditions, right, like heavy on
the conditions.
Of course, I can only hit withone hand.
I'm, you know, hitting, youknow, like off of a concrete.
You know, it's a lot, it's alot of conditions, man, and he
has a lot in his favor.
(37:15):
You know, yeah, a lot ofconditions, man, he has a lot in
his favor.
You know, yeah, uh, no, but,but, but I think your point is,
your point is is great, yeah,like I, yeah, I feel like I'm
fighting for my humanity.
You know, for sure, every, everyday, I have to be like hey, man
, sure, like what I'm not.
I'm not telling you that youcan't do something because I'm
(37:35):
like a fun killer.
Like I'm not telling you youcan't do something Because I'm
like a fun killer.
I'm not telling you you can'tdo something Because I don't
want you to have fun.
I would love for you to havefun, but what you're doing right
now Is very scary to me,because you're the person that I
care about, and to watch you dothis With the potentiality of
you hurting yourself, it's likevery scary to me.
(37:57):
I don't want you to get hurt.
You know like I can deal withfear, that's easy, right, but I
got.
What I can't deal with is yougetting hurt on my watch.
You know, yeah, and I don'twant to get in trouble.
I don't want your mom to comein like cairo, be sitting there
with a broken leg and instead ofgoing to Cairo, she'd look at
(38:21):
me like you weren't watching him.
What were you doing?
Nah, man, hold on.
I had a question, man, do youfeel like parenting was realer
back in the day compared to now?
Like, do you think parenting islike, I mean, back in the day,
like in the 90s?
(38:42):
You know parenting was real,like raw, you know like like
uncut.
You know where today, today itfeel.
I'm just wondering if you thinkit feels more synthetic today,
like the gentle parenting, thatkind of, because you just said
we're fighting for our humanity.
(39:03):
Yeah, I feel like I wondered ifyou meant it a different way.
I feel like this is more real,this is more gutter, this is
more gangster.
It's super easy to be like getoff that thing because I told
you so For real.
For real, get off that thingbecause I told you so.
(39:25):
And if you do it again, it'sgoing to be me and you.
Yeah, I can easily do that,that's easy.
I don't even have to let thekids see me, like, really see me
.
They don't have to.
To let the kids see me, likereally see me, I don't.
They don't have to see me as,like a human.
They don't have to go like, oh,when I do that, like dad gets
nervous because that's dangerous, you know, and like I don't
(39:47):
want to do anything dangerous,you know.
But you feel like.
You feel like now, like sharinga little bit more of like what's
going on, yeah, being morepresent, but in a way that, but
in a way that doesn't make themresponsible for you, right, in a
way that doesn't make youresponsible for it, right, so,
like, in a way, it's almost likeman, we're responsible for each
(40:07):
other, you know, and and I seethat sometimes right, or like
I'll be like today, and I wasdoing some deadlifts, right, and
when I was doing some deadlifts, how much weight you had on
there, I mean, you know, not toomuch, 315.
315?
Yeah, not too much, not toomuch.
Oh man, that's cute.
Not too much.
I did five sets of 10.
(40:29):
You were warming up.
Yeah, you know how much you didafter you were warm, how much
you did after you were warm, howmuch I did, I don't know.
My lower back fell off, thebottom fell out, the bottom fell
out of my body.
Yeah, I don't know, I left it.
No, no, no, no, no.
But anyway, so you're workingout.
(40:50):
Yeah, I was just working outand there was my.
The bar was getting too closeto where the rack was right,
like when I would drop theweights, like it would kind of
roll back, you know, and the cargoes, daddy, watch out, because
the next time you drop it it'sgoing to land on this thing
(41:12):
right, which would have made theweights unleveled.
You know, yeah, and so that'swhat I'm saying, you know.
So in that moment I was likedude, you see, you see what you
just did there, like you caredfor me in a way that, like I
didn't see, but you saw, andbecause you don't want me to get
hurt or you don't want anythingto happen, like you, you told
me to watch out like dude.
(41:33):
That's all I can ask for.
Yeah, it's all I can ask for.
Yeah, it's all I can ask for.
You know, no-transcript whatyou mean.
I mean, like when they breakoff and like go start their own
family.
When you say, break off, whatare you talking about?
Yeah, when they escape.
When they, what?
When they escape?
(41:55):
So you mean they won't beliving with me forever?
Yeah, when they, when they,like, you know, when they, when
they, when they leave, no, no,no, even when they leave, I'm
still going to be a fixture intheir life.
The same way, I am now right,yeah, anyway, no, but I think
(42:17):
that's.
But I seriously feel likethat's where the dysfunction is
in some of the systems I work in.
I cannot wait for the day towhere and I see it now, even
with Cairo being seven to wherehe's taking those things.
Not all the time, right,because there's still some times
where he runs and jump kickshis sister, but there's times
(42:38):
where I can see him, especiallywith Kofi, like what do you have
in your mouth, dude?
What are you catching it beforeI even catch it?
Or like with Roby, like simplestuff, man, like putting her
iPad on charge.
Yeah, you know she falls asleep, he puts her iPad on charge.
You know, just like simple,simple things like that.
(43:01):
Where, like it's just like thiscaring thing.
You know, like man, yeah, Ican't wait for the day to where,
like, they do it without mehaving to say anything yeah, for
sure, and sometimes they do itnow, but I mean like more
consistently.
You know, and that's the thing,dog, man, I can't wait to like
(43:34):
in a way like transition throughparenthood and like a healthy,
like giving way.
You know, yeah, I always want,want to.
I'm trying to what I'm trying todo right now and I think this
is sometimes what I see with myclients.
What happens with my clients isthat their parents don't openly
have the conversation with man.
This is going to be hard for mewith you making this transition
in life, like you're going tocollege or you know whatever.
You know um, or like uh, youknow expressing themselves
emotionally.
You know with like, hey, listen, man, this is your life, this
(43:57):
is your life.
I just I have this experiencethat I want to share that I
think you may want to take in.
I have some hesitation.
I'm not saying you gotta dothis or you have to follow me or
like whatever.
Right, yeah, but here's myhesitations and like being
genuinely honest about thosehesitations.
But I think that stuff startswith like, with a relationship
(44:17):
that can handle that level ofvulnerability.
Yes, you know what I mean.
Yeah, like, and that's kind oflike what?
Like people are trying to makechanges that their vulnerability
can't cash, trying to makechecks, they want to build it.
They can't cash.
They're trying to make changes.
Like they're trying to makechanges to the system.
(44:38):
Yeah, that the vulnerability,if we're going to say
vulnerability, is currency.
Yeah, you know they don't haveenough duckies, man, not enough,
they don't, they don't have it.
You know.
And honestly, I feel likesometimes people don't leverage
it enough.
You know, or don't see it asleverage, you know, not a
manipulation too, but like a,yeah, you know, like like a
(45:00):
benefit of the doubt tool.
You know what I mean.
Yeah, benefit of the thought,because once you lose benefit of
the doubt, that's it.
It's hard to get it back.
I would say it's nearimpossible to get it.
Hard to get it back, man,unless the person is is
unhealthy.
But, man, once you lose benefitof the doubt with somebody,
that's like pretty emotionallyhealthy, yes, it's hard to get
(45:23):
it back.
Yeah, that's I feel like that'swhat I try to like avoid when
I'm doing couples counseling orfamily therapy.
You know, it's like assessinglike where are y'all?
You know, because if you'restuck in this ideal that, like
this person is going to hurt meor this person can hurt me, yeah
(45:43):
, they have the potential to dothat.
You know, then, like it doesn'tmatter how much they change,
you're always going to beslightly looking for like the.
It doesn't matter how much theychange, you're always gonna be
slightly looking for like the.
It's like if a dog bites you,yeah, you know, I mean like bite
, bite, yeah, we're not talking.
We're not talking like a nip,we're talking like murder.
When I put in the eyeballs withthe intention of doing some
(46:03):
serious harm, yeah, if I, ifthis is me, that I can't speak
for everybody, but if it's me,I'm never trusting that dog
again.
Yeah, ever.
Well, so once I'm what so liketo put it like, this is what I
see in in therapy is that, like,once somebody is hurt, right,
like they may still maintain therelationship, but it'll be with
(46:29):
like a synthetic kind of like,yeah, distant, yeah, like a this
could potentially happen again.
Full closeness, you know, butyeah, man, and that's the stuff,
like, that's what it is.
Full closeness, yeah, and yeah,and I'm trying to get like
clients.
I feel like I work really hardto get clients to understand the
(46:50):
gravity.
Sometimes there's some of thestuff they do and say, yes, you
know, like there are so manypeople come into counseling and
they say this happened, you know, and we just want to get back
to how it was.
No, no, no, no, no, yeah, no,it's never that, that's, that's
dead.
Yeah, no, it's never that'sdead.
Yeah, it's never going back tohow it was.
Yeah, that's dead, you're nevergoing to Huh, nah, that's it,
(47:14):
man, that's it.
Yeah, yeah, man, yeah, I know,I don't know man, yeah, I.
One thing that I am appreciativeabout is just like having, hmm,
what, what, oh, who are those?
You, what were you gonna say?
(47:41):
Definitely not you.
I was gonna say my wife.
Oh, yeah, even even morespecifically, like the type of
person that Megan is, you know,man, or like, and this just goes
for, like everyone you know,like to have a person that is
(48:02):
parallel to you, right, yeah,like a partner, like that's a
parallel to you.
Yeah, yeah, like a partner,like that's a parallel to you.
Yeah, that is maybe notexperiencing reality in the same
way, you are Right, except for,like, certain moments where you
can both look at each other andbe like, are you?
Yeah, like are we checking?
(48:24):
Yeah, are you feeling the same?
Yeah, you know, are you feelingthe same thing?
I'm feeling, you know?
Like, are you?
And I think some people, whenthey grow up in a family dynamic
where there is no personparallel to them, right, they
can be like, not only isolating,but they can be confusing as
hell Because there is no realitychecks, like there is no.
Hey, you know.
(48:44):
And dog, dog, actually, areality check becomes
threatening.
Yeah, but I was just about tosay that man, yeah, sometimes,
man, I have a client that I seepretty consistently.
Man, we've been seeing eachother for a while where, like,
there is a man you, like you can, you can sense that your
(49:07):
siblings feel similar to you,but it's not worth rejection
from the parents to go againstthe family dynamic.
But they will not let you know.
Hey, I see what you'reexperiencing, yeah, and it's
messed up.
(49:27):
Yeah, they won't validate yourexperience.
It's messed up.
Yeah, they won't validate yourexperience.
It's messed up.
Yeah, but I ain't sayingnothing about it.
Yeah, I'm going to just stay inon that.
They won't let you in on that,right?
So they just watch silently andthey think to themselves man,
like I wish he would just toethe line.
If he would just toe the line,things would be easy.
You know, just total lie.
You know, without like, beingopen about the oh, I see what
(49:51):
you're doing, the dynamic, right, and I think to like, uh, um, I
mean, this word is like,overused, but like a
narcissistic parent.
You know, the worst are like acontrolling parent.
The worst thing for them iswhen the siblings are not just
parallel but they're havingconversations about their
reality.
(50:11):
Right, yeah, real conversationsabout like, did you experience
dad this way, or mom this way,or did you experience this
experience this way?
You know, dog, you ever been ina session where it's like being
exposed, where I where like, oh,what that's happening, what
that's being exposed?
I where like, oh, what that'shappening, what that's happening
(50:32):
, yeah, yeah, man, yeah, it'sfree.
Don't you want to just like letthose sessions run over time,
over time?
You know, like, over time, likelet this thing play out,
because it always happens at theend.
Yeah, it always happens at theend.
Yeah, I got time because, likeman, that moment, that moment
where, like, either like itcould be like a mom and a
(50:54):
daughter dynamic with like the,with like the, or like the dad
and us and a daughter dynamicwith like the mom, when, like,
the dad and the daughter arelike hold on, why are we
fighting against each other?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,yeah, like, why are we fighting
against each other?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,like, why are we?
Yeah, you know.
And then mom chimes in.
(51:14):
You know you always do this,you're always trying to fight to
keep the system going in thesame dog, but you know what, you
know what dog?
Like half the battle I feel,like in couples counseling and
family counseling, like withthis dynamic, is getting them to
fight about the right stuff.
Right, right, right, right.
You know what I mean like, not,not right.
(51:34):
When I say right, I don't meanlike there's a wrong thing, I
mean like getting them to fightabout the healthy choice.
Yeah, like, no, no, no, thething, like the issue, not like
right, not like the, the becauseyou know, like some people in
the family, like they'll try tosplinter you off.
You know, and do thiswhataboutism.
You know what I mean and I seeit in session, man, where you're
(51:58):
sitting there, there's so manysplinter, rabbit hole
conversations.
You know that like isdetracting from, like the issue,
whatever that issue is the onething.
The one thing, because it'sonly just one thing, because,
like you know, you don't do toomuch things.
Well, but like, the one thingthat I stole from you, from me,
from you as a parent, from me asa parent, was when you, when
(52:24):
Kian does something, what I didNow when Kian does something,
what I did now when kian doessomething, to uh, to valen and,
and you're in violence, likecrying or whatever, right,
you're like kian, look at him,like, yeah, look at him.
You know like, look, look atyou, look at what your choices
are like doing to your brother.
(52:45):
You know like he's crying, yeah, you know, like crying.
It's not about whose toy, is itthat's behind the point.
Is getting this toy worthcausing this much pain for your
brother?
And Kian undoubtedly goes?
(53:05):
Of course it is.
Of course it is.
It is absolutely worth it.
I don't know, yes, I don't evenknow why you're asking this.
That's hard to parent.
Yeah, when the answer is yes,yeah, yeah, because then you're
like, because now you go back tothe 90s and you're like okay,
since y'all can't share, give methat talk.
(53:26):
Give me that talk, give me thatnobody can play with it.
Now, nobody can play with it.
Hate me if you want, I don'tmind being hated.
As long as y'all together, Idon't mind.
Hate me together, hate metogether.
It's nice to see y'all getalong.
Uh-huh, it's nice.
It's nice to look, looky here,looky, look, who's finally
decided to talk to each other.
Uh-huh, yeah, no, no, no, y'allcan fight me if y'all do it
(53:49):
together.
Yeah, that's fine.
Nah, that's fine.
I've been waiting for now.
Look who's.
Look who's united.
Now, now, look who's united.
Yeah, united in their hatredfor you for taking the toy away.
But you know so many times, man,you know what I think it does,
because I've I've said stufflike he's not a stranger, you
(54:11):
know, and I've said to both ofthem you know like, this is your
brother.
Yeah, you know, like he's not astranger, he's not one of your
little friends.
Yeah, you know, this is likeit's not, like they're not
disposable.
You know, yeah, like he's house.
Yeah, like you got to come home.
Yeah, he's here.
(54:32):
Yeah, you got to see himtomorrow morning.
Yep, you know, yeah, man, yeah,like what kind of life?
And I think that sets people upto see themselves within the
context of a relationship.
Mm-hmm, you know what I mean.
Yeah, of a relationship.
You know what I mean.
And, yeah, you don't.
You don't have to be perfect,you don't have to share every
toy.
Yeah, you can fight.
Yeah, that's not, it's not,it's not, it's not, it's not man
(54:54):
.
But I'm trying to plant thislittle seed.
You know this little seed everynow and then, you know what I
mean, yeah, but but anyway,anyway, dog, I you know, I don't
know, um, I don't know ifthere's like a solution.
You know what I mean, but Idefinitely feel, like when I'm
in session with clients and whenI'm in session with couples,
like I'm trying to get them tosee the problem Right, you know
(55:19):
what I mean To see like theprocess, like after, like the
12th session, so you can juicethem for all that work Once I
make enough.
Yeah, you see, you actually seetheir problem and pattern
within the first 15 minutes ofthe first of the intake session.
Yeah, yeah, but, but I, I havemy eyes set on these golf clubs.
Yeah, daddy's trying to get thisnew golf.
(55:40):
Yeah, man, the mizuno pro.
Yeah, two, four, five need thatforgiveness.
Yeah, yeah, so y'all hurry up,hurry up, hurry up and and keep
fighting.
Yeah, yeah, daddy likes to playwith blades, but I like a
forgiving blade, I like aforgiveness long iron.
You know I'm not trying to, youknow I'm trying to bust my two
(56:03):
iron out.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, man, nah, but for real, for it, I mean,
you know that's tough,especially when you got.
You know, when you got, likethem fighting and arguing in
there and you're trying to calmthings down, like nah, man, yeah
, man, but anyway, to like put apin in it, I feel like you have
(56:27):
to see it as like a process,all of this stuff.
Oh, yeah, you know what I mean.
You got to separate yourselffrom it.
Step back and look at the fullpicture.
I mean I don't know, yeah, whoknows?
We just talking.
Yeah, we don't know nothing, wejust talking.
We don't know nothing.
Yeah, we don't.
(56:47):
Yeah, just because we, you'vegot degrees and stuff.
You know, we knew parents, yeah, like our kids hadn't even made
it to 10 yet we hadn't evenbeen a parent for five years.
Yeah, you know, we don't knownothing, man, what do I know?
Yeah, anyway, anyway, all right, man, let's, let's, let's do
some checkouts what you'relooking forward to this week and
what you got going on this week.
So, man, we got some friendsvisiting.
(58:01):
Got some friends visiting.
Man from portland, um, for atrack, meet um little
eight-year-old friend.
She runs, I don't know, like1,500 and like 1,400, maybe
1,500.
I can't remember.
In like five minutes andsomething.
Jeez, I mean she'd be bookingit.
That means nothing to me.
It doesn't mean anything to metoo, other than she's fast and
(58:26):
that's it.
She got that, that's it.
Man, just hanging out withfriends.
And we only got a couple moreweeks until the semester starts.
So when did you get off forsummer break?
And then the semester starts.
This is it.
My last class was today.
Okay, so we got like two weeks.
When does your class start?
We actually go back on campusAugust 5th.
(58:46):
Classes start August 12th.
Wow, we go back on campusAugust 5th.
Classes start August 12th.
Wow, we go back on campusAugust 1st.
Our classes don't start untilthe 26th.
26th, until the 26th.
Oh, because y'all probably workthrough December, not through
December, but y'all haveThanksgiving and then y'all go
back after Thanksgiving.
We don't go back afterThanksgiving, okay, okay, okay,
(59:07):
wow, that makes sense.
Our semester ends on the 13th,uh, of December.
Yeah, so we go back afterThanksgiving.
Yeah, we're done.
Wow, we're done.
Yeah, I love it, love it, wow,you're almost like two months
off.
It feels like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean not off, it's not
(59:28):
like we're not doing anything.
Right, right, right, you know,like, right, you have all these
projects, yeah, that you'resupposed to be helping me do.
Yeah, what you heard, what Isaid.
Hmm, you know what I said.
Bro, check your emails.
Man, helping you check the dropbox.
I'm updating things daily,constantly.
Uh, I know what you're talking,waiting for your input.
Yeah, you worked on jerry's.
You worked on jerry'scontributions.
(59:49):
When jerry's who, look, who'sjerry's contribution?
Is this a?
Is this a band that I shouldknow of?
Or, uh, a, it's a tribute.
Hey, jerry corey gonna call youtomorrow.
Yeah, guaranteed.
When is this stuff due?
It was due on monday last week.
Oh, jesus, yeah, oh, yeah, yeah.
Three pieces, yep, oh, threepiece combo, yep.
(01:00:13):
Hey, man, I'm gonna say thislive and in color.
I had no idea.
I know you don't do thisbecause you don't, because I do
all the work.
I had no idea.
Yeah, I don't even know whatwe're writing exactly.
You see what I have to deal with.
You see what I have to dealwith.
You see what I have to do.
I just be like I got nothing todo.
I guess I'll just like have adrink and watch some tv.
(01:00:35):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, I'm over here sweating.
Yeah, I'm gonna have to.
I'm gonna have to get with youoffline and figure out what
pieces we got to do.
Man, I'll let chat gpt writethat thing for your boy.
You know, wow, yeah, yeah, allright, let me check out, bro.
Nothing, nothing too much, man,it's been raining over here so
we hadn't been able to golf atall.
(01:00:55):
You know, yeah, but just youknow, bro, I'm trying to stay
sugar free, man, I'm trying toget abs or nothing, you know,
but just like I just want todetox, you know, like my, I got
(01:01:15):
brain fog and like I know it'sbecause of the sugar that I'm
drinking, yeah, so our sugarthat I'm eating.
So, anyway, man, all right,we'll catch up with y'all next
week if we're still doing this,um, and if I know worse, you all
right, man, have a good week.
Y'all, see y'all next week.
See y'all next week.
If we're still doing this, um,any final words, you all right,
man, have a good week.
Y'all, see y'all next week.
See y'all next week.
let's check in, all right.
All right, man, hey, hey, y'all, welcome back.
Welcome back to the cast.
So, like always, you know we'regonna start with.
We got three things for y'all.
We got to check in, we got alittle bit of topic and then we
got to check out, all right.
So, julie, let's check in withthe people.
Man, let the people know what'sbeen going on for your boy, how
(00:34):
you been feeling.
You look, you look tired, youlook exhausted.
You know what?
You know what, dog?
I'm tired of that narrative.
No, what.
You know what?
Dog?
I'm tired of that narrative.
No, I'm tired of that narrativeman.
No, dog, you know what?
Man, I'm actually doing prettygood.
You look weathered.
No, I'm actually doing pretty.
(00:54):
That's just my skin.
So this is good for you.
Yeah, this, this is this isactually me doing good.
This is you thriving, don'tmind.
Don't mind that fire in thebackground.
That's fine.
Nah, it's good For thelisteners.
Who's just listening in?
Yeah, there's multiple fires inthe background of Jude's office
right now.
He has decided to ignore them.
(01:16):
I really am.
I really am dog.
You know what's helped, dog, andI'm going to say this because
I've, like, talked to thesepeople personally.
Yeah, I know they're notsponsoring the cast.
I know how you feel about that.
Right, man, I like to get paid,but shout out to Laura, denise
and their planners, because Igot a bunch, you know, and I
(01:40):
messaged them talking aboutideals and stuff and I got one
that that works, you know, andand it's helped, like it's
really you know.
You know, yeah, you know whatyou know what um, like helps dog
, like the project managersection of it.
So I mean, like it's a, it's aphysical planner.
It's a physical planner.
Yeah, it's a physical planner.
(02:01):
I thought I showed, I thought Ishowed you this.
I think you did.
I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna gothrough it, but you may have
showed it to me.
I just don't pay attention tothe stuff that you'd be saying,
you know.
You know that's that's valid,but, um, but yeah, anyway, it's
a planet man.
It helps with like projects andstuff, dog, because, like I get
stressed, you know, whenever,whenever it feels like things
are haywire, yeah, like, and itfeels like there, it feels like
(02:25):
there's an approaching due dateor deadline or something, and
and that's that's not just forwork, that's like life too, you
know, like kids and registeringthem for sports and camps are
coming in, baseball camps andjust like all of those deadlines
, man, like it, it.
I feel like that's when I getoverwhelmed, you know.
(02:45):
And man, when I get overwhelmed, like I don't know, I feel like
people may have this likeimpression of burnout and how it
looks and stuff, and when I getoverwhelmed, nothing, nothing
changes.
I'm not a different person.
I'm not a different person, youdon't.
But you don't think like youstart to like be a little bit
(03:07):
more agitated, maybe a littleshorter?
Nah, you know.
Nah, not at all.
Man, not at all, but dog, thatis my pet peeve in life,
seriously, and it's a bias intherapy.
Yeah, here's my pet peeve, dog.
When people feel stuff and theyfog up the whole space, yeah,
(03:29):
with their feelings, yeah, it's,it's.
You know what it's like for me?
It's like when people walk intosomething like a door and stop.
Yeah, yeah, keep moving.
Yeah, you walked into a door.
People are also walking intothat door, or they get off the
(03:52):
escalator and stop.
What do you?
I feel like, honestly, I feellike 300 kicking him in the back
now.
Yeah, you, you're okay, I'mfine, I'm fine, I've gotten
enough sleep, I'm fine, there'snothing wrong.
Not tired at all.
(04:12):
Move on, no, but for real, forreal, for real.
It's fine.
The planner helps me organizeand stays on top of the due
dates and yada, yada let's notput the listener's hand into a
honey jar, and it's actually nothoney in there.
How much it costs, how muchthat planner go for, how much
(04:36):
you pay for that, jude, like$44.
, $44.
It is worth it, $44.
It's worth it.
They're getting a free plug.
The paper is nice, the way theyorganize it.
Dog, you can't beat it for $44.
It's perfect.
A life management system.
Yeah, yeah, and I've said thisfor years, man, and I'm the type
(05:00):
of person that I'll message themaker of something Make a
planner for council educators,make a planner for therapists.
I'm the type of person thatI'll message the maker of
something.
You know, make a planner forcouncil educators, make a
planner for therapists.
I know people say like you needspecific things.
But, dog, as a therapist, I'mdoing so much.
As a as a council educators,I'm doing so much stuff.
If I could and this is the goodthing about Lord Denise, is that
(05:20):
you can customize theirplanners to kind of fit you know
, however you want, and so Ifeel like they should be paying
us right now.
Man, this feels like.
This feels like one of thosepodcasts commercials where, like
the, the, the two hosts saylike, this isn't a commercial,
we're not plugging it, butlisten, the paper is nice, no,
(05:40):
but for a phone it's a you knowwhat?
Only for only three payments of12.99 you can have one follow.
Follow them on instagram, tellthem, tell them.
Tell the listener the nameagain g laura denise.
Spell it out for him, man.
Spell it out, for I can't spell.
You know I can't spell.
Don't do me like.
I know I got you, I'll do itlike that.
Hey, I'll be in research classtrying to be all sadidi, like
(06:03):
writing on the board, you know,with different colors, and
somebody will say, like that,that's, that's, that's not how
you spell.
I told my students, I told mystudents the very first one of
them to point out that Imisspelled a word is getting a
body.
Slam in the middle of class.
Slam, I'm talking, that's howyou do.
Wf 1999 stone cold steve austin, stone cold stunner straight
(06:30):
into the desk.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, hey,hey, are you okay?
I mean, you know I could bebetter, you know, nah, man, all
right.
So you don't want you, youdon't want your little check-in
to you.
Don't you know commercial or doyou actually want to be
vulnerable for the people?
That's it, dog.
Hey man, you know what?
And I told the student thistoday hey man, everything don't
(06:51):
have to be no, vulnerable, itdoes, man, deep heartfelt.
Nah, man, the only reason whythey listen to this cast, it's
because every tier you drop,they can count it as an indirect
clinical hour, every tier.
I didn't know it was, I didn'tknow that was in the bylaws.
Yeah, man, yeah, I get.
(07:12):
I get personal emails from thelisteners.
Please make you cry.
I'm just trying to graduate.
Wait, I'm two hours short.
I need two tears.
Ah, man, it man.
It's good bro, how you doingman, oh, you know what, you know
what?
Before I let you go, before Ilet you go, before I let you go,
that sounds like a song, mm-hmm.
(07:34):
We did get a revise and resubmiton an article that made me feel
pretty good.
Oh, so we don't suck.
It made me feel pretty good.
It made me feel pretty good.
It's a top-tier journal.
It made me feel pretty good.
What's the journal we're tryingto publish that in?
I don't really know nothing.
I don't really know nothingabout it.
Council of Education andSupervision.
Yeah, it's pretty good man.
So, anyway, yeah, you know,other than work stuff, family's
(07:55):
doing good.
We're trying to do some stuffhere, man, all right, brother,
let me.
So, uh, megan trying to kill me, okay, yeah, yeah, my wife
trying to kill me, you probablydeserved it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, man, shetried to kill me.
I, uh, I decided, you know, togo on a health journey.
(08:16):
You know, I mean going on ahealth journey since I would say
like 2005, 2006.
It's a long journey on the way,baby, it's a long journey, big
dog.
It's a long road.
It's a long road.
It's spiritual, it's physical.
Yeah, yeah, man, room roomwasn't built overnight.
(08:39):
But listen, man, I just hadthis health scare, and I don't
mean nothing medical, I mean caralmost out drove me at a at the
range and uh, yeah, it was just, it was scary for me, you know,
uh, so I was like I gotta dosomething about it, man, and you
know how I am, dude, I don'tease into nothing full force.
(09:00):
That's one thing.
Listening, that you need to knowabout juice, about Jews, is
that if you say something likehey, jews, let's start cycling,
cycling, what, huh?
Cycling?
What Like spinning?
Oh, I thought it brought meback to 2007, when we were doing
(09:20):
some tricky stuff to our bodies.
My bad, oh no, you startcycling medication.
My bad, oh no, he startscycling medication.
My bad, I'm sorry, man, and myveins started to get all excited
.
If you tell him let's startcycling, let's start riding
bikes, you know Like, yeah, youmay go get a Swin, you know Swin
, whatever the case may be, nah,he's coming full bore.
(09:45):
What is this speciale?
Yeah, I want my bike to weighan ounce With a bodysuit.
I want it to weigh an ounceWith a bodysuit and a little
helmet and a little rearviewmirror on the helmet.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, ain't noplaying games, man.
So I said trying to ride aroundthe neighborhood Listen, man,
on my health journey, I'm goingno sugar.
So I said trying to ride aroundthe neighborhood Listen, man,
(10:05):
on my whole journey I'm going nosugar, at least as much as I
can help it.
You know like, no sugar, right?
So I told Megan today on the wayhome hey, let's go get some
snow cones, right?
So we went to the snow coneplace, right, best snow cone
place on the on the on theplanet in my experience, right?
Megan was like are you going toget a snow cone?
I was like no, because I'm noteating sugar, right?
(10:29):
Hey?
Remember I said we committed tothis.
Remember I said that we didthis, right, yeah?
So I was like the family canhave a snow cone, but I can't.
Right, got the family snowcones.
Everybody eating it.
Megan is eating it with hermouth wide open.
I mean smacking Like she ain'tnever had kiwi flavored anything
before.
It's like this is the new.
I've never had anything kiwiflavored.
(10:50):
Oh my God, did God touch thesnow cone?
Is this snow from heaven?
I can't.
I mean Roby's in the backgroundslurping the juice.
I'm sitting in the front seat.
(11:10):
Like Roby, I got all the juiceat the snow cone, that's it.
I think you got it all.
You know you gotta wait for theice to melt before the next.
So megan looks at me and she'slike you want to taste.
And I was like why would you dothat to me?
You know I want to taste, soall I just say I like kiwi.
I say two words man, two wordsSlippery, slippery, slippery,
slippery dog Dog.
A key, artificially flavoredcone of ice Takes me right down
(11:38):
to Snickersville, baby Snickers,snickers Avenue, right down to
bacon brownies.
At 11 o'clock, when the familygoes to sleep In the morning.
11 o'clock in the morning, heyman, whatever fits your fancy,
I'm just trying not to bediscovered.
Hey man, you really going?
No sugar, yeah, yeah, I'm likeyeah, man, man, that explains so
(12:01):
much.
Man, man, listen, that explainsso much.
You were so mean to me.
Yeah, man, man, that explainsso much.
Man, man, listen, that explainsso much.
You were so mean to me today,man, I was like, I was like man
Bruh Bruh, look man, look man.
I can't say that there's anyside effects.
You know, outside of, you knowme almost leaving the family
twice a day.
I'm supposed to go get a cartonof milk, to go get a carton of
(12:26):
milk.
But, yeah, man, this whole, Iwant, I want to say it out loud
to the cast so that y'all cankeep me accountable.
You know, for me it's reallyabout like, just feeling better.
You know like, hey, geez, youwant me to do, you want me to do
with you.
No, dude, I would not like foryou to do with me, because then
it'll be a competition and thenwhen we go and talk, and we go
(12:50):
talk to Nick Charles, we will beemaciated, because it's a
competition, jude, it's not acompetition.
No, it's not.
It's not a competition.
This is a personal journey forme, jude, please.
I know and I want to be a partof it.
Come on, man, let me share this.
That's how it is.
Come on man.
Hey Jude, come on man, let's doit together.
(13:13):
Listen for the listening.
I'm going to encourage you Forthe listening.
Me and Jude made a bet back inwhat?
92 or something.
Anytime we went to a restaurantor to a fast food place or
whatever, that I would order DrPepper and he would order Sprite
.
Do you know?
I still order Dr Pepper atplaces.
Yeah, I know, I still do it.
(13:33):
You don't even like Dr Pepper.
I don't even like Dr Pepper.
It tastes like plums.
Man, yeah, that's me.
No, for real.
A juice, juice, juice, juice.
A juice for real, on a serioustip, for real.
Yes, yeah, you want me to.
You want me to join it, or insolidarity.
(13:55):
I mean, if you want to, I likeall I can.
What's your streak?
Uh, what's my streak?
Yeah, well, so okay, like, whenI say this is what I mean, this
is what I mean by like no sugar, right, because like, yeah,
there's some sugar, right,obviously, there's sugar in air
these days, right, but like,what I'm saying is like like
(14:16):
fruits, fruits, vegetables, likefor sure that stuff is all good
.
You know, what I'm saying islike we're not trying to get
into the macros, right, yeah,I'm not trying.
Basically, no candy, yeah,essentially like no candy, no
soda, like no sweets, like noneof that stuff.
You know, uh, yeah, because, no, I mean, I, I was talking with
kyra about that man, like wewere talking about we had this
(14:38):
conversation in his room abouthappy versus hyper right, that's
the word we use Because I waslike dude, what is going on?
I feel like I can't evencommunicate with you.
I feel like you're all over theplace.
And he was like I just feellike I have so much energy and
(15:02):
I'm trying to get it out, andevery time I try to get it out,
the only way I can get it out isby fighting with Roby or with
acting up.
And so we just talked abouthaving enough sugar to where you
feel happy, like oh yeah, I hada little bit of brownie that
tasted good, it was good, asopposed to having a lot of bit
(15:23):
of brown right to where, to thepoint, to where you become hyper
.
You know, because when youbecome hyper, you can't really
control your behavior, you know,yeah, so we just had that
conversation, you know, and likeI was like man, I feel the same
way, you know, not like I can'tcontrol my behavior, but just
like this brain fog that happenswhen I'm eating, like I'm in
(15:44):
sessions, like tomorrow, I havelike six sessions tomorrow,
right, and like I know it's soeasy for me to gravitate towards
like um, you know, uh, likecoffee, quick, some quick coffee
.
Or like, uh, you know, puttingmore sugar in my coffee than me,
you know.
Or like, uh, some kind of likerandom snack, you know, and like
I'm, I'm awake and I'm awakeand I'm and I'm, I'm like there
(16:06):
physically in my sessions, butI'm not like present, you know,
with the clients.
You know I think it has a lotto do with like sugar man, I
feel like it's a legit addiction.
You know, like I was tellingmegan that like I feel like I'm
going through withdrawals, youknow.
So when I did taste a kiwi, uh,uh, snow cone, you did huh, so
(16:28):
so I already won, not, but whenI, because she, she told me you
were doing that and I said I'mgonna start now and try to get
him to get this kiwi inside ofhim, like, if you get any way,
any means possible, come on, man, you know so, uh, so not, but
when I, when they handed it tome and I it passed in front of
(16:50):
my nose, I can like, I know thisfile sounds weird, but like,
yeah, you say you, you sounds,you sound man, I know, I was
telling me, I feel like how longyou've been struggling with
this man, but it's been like Idon't know man, now six hours,
uh, since I decided, and I'mjonesing, jt, I'm jonesing, I'm
(17:13):
jonesing, ah, man, but like Iwas, like man, I can like, I can
like sense the sugar in thisthing, man, like I, it's, it's
metaphysical.
Now, I can sense it, you know, Ican sniff it out, I can feel it
.
It's spirit, yeah, it'sspiritual, you know, yeah, man,
so that's my check-in bro,that's my check-in man.
I'll see how long this goes,bro, I'll see how long this goes
(17:36):
.
I'm working out too.
I went, I went back to our ouroriginal workout of natural
progression, uh, you know, uh,working out at home.
So, yeah, man, yeah, it's goodbro, it's good, all right, yeah,
should we transition into thetopic?
Let's do it, thank you.
So, all right, this is somethingthat, like, I don't know it's
(19:14):
been brought up by like a coupledifferent clients of mine,
right, uh, so, like what I'mseeing like this season of my
caseload, it's a lot of likecouple, family stuff, you know,
and so a lot of a lot of mycouples talk about, like their
family of origin.
You know, they're like you knowthe family that they were born
into, right, deal that you know.
(19:51):
Uh, basically, this question oflike, how come, like me and my
siblings were all a part of thisfamily with my mom and dad and
we were raised by the samepeople and we were all raised
the same way like how did webecome so different from each
other, right, whether that'slike from a political
perspective or from likebehavior, behavior from a belief
(20:11):
system, you know, like, how weraise our kids.
You know, how did we become sodifferent when we were all
raised within the same household, you know?
Um, so, yeah, I'm just, I'mgonna just leave it.
You got any thoughts oranything you want to say about
that?
Yeah, I think like we watchedthat video, right, and I don't
remember who who was talking,but I think like one of the
(20:32):
things that stood out to me washow, like, how, yeah.
So, just for the listener, Isaid I sent you to a video on
Instagram about a uh who was.
He was just talking about likethis idea of what it's like to
grow up in the same household.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, but but mytakeaway was basically like you
(20:54):
don't grow up in the samehousehold, you know, like you
don't, and I think what he wassaying was like because the
house changes depending on, likeyou know, the developmental
level of the parents and theexperience of the parents and
just like all of on like youknow the developmental level of
the parents and the experienceof the parents and just like all
of that stuff you know.
And so, while you do have likesimilar, it's almost like you're
in the same country but not inthe same neighborhood.
(21:16):
Yeah, you know, like that's howI kind of experienced it.
You know, or took to what hewas saying you know, yeah, to
get there's the same customs andstuff, but there's like
different, like your parentstreat you differently, like dark
, for example, right.
So like kian, right, he's five,valen is three, right, and valen
is like just basically a littlebit more like impact about
(21:39):
things, and kian is right.
That's not true, though, whatyou mean.
That's not true, though.
They're both impacted the samelevel, but they respond to
things differently, right, youknow like he and he'll usually
get frustrated and he'll kind ofreact and maybe even attack,
you know.
Or, like fallon tends to likerun away.
He tends to like get upset, getquiet and run away, right, and
(22:01):
so, anyway, this morning or onemorning, he woke us up, you know
, woke me up, and he was likedaddy kean's being mean and he
did such and such, you know, andI was like valent, just ignore
him, right, and he goes, he goes.
No, I'm not gonna ignore him.
That's, that's my big brotherand I love him so much.
He's just one of them.
I just wanted to listen to me.
(22:22):
Yeah, that's what he said.
Now, look, it's like the crackof dawn, right, I'm not in the
mood to parent like that.
That's obviously, right now, asI'm talking is a teaching
moment.
That's like a moment.
That's just like, wow, you know, and maybe like a little piece
of my brain was awake enough tobe like, oh my gosh, like this
(22:44):
is, like this is it, this isthis is what I've been parenting
for, and you know.
But you know what I said coolbecause I you know what I mean.
All the my degree, I just feltmy degree simmering, you know,
(23:07):
just like you know all thedegrees was like oh, come on,
man, yeah, y'all.
He said cool, y'all he saidcool, he's like this, cool,
y'all said cool, y'all this isyou know.
But anyway, I say that to saylike he they're different, like
he would it, kian wouldn't havecame to me.
You know what I mean.
You know Right, same house,same parenting style, all of
(23:30):
that stuff.
They're just because you knowyou're just different.
I think that's what the guy wassaying.
You know it's not like youaren't.
And I think the assumptionsometimes is like you know how
did you stray?
You know Right, you know what Imean, right?
I think that kind of ideal oflike you know same parents, same
(23:51):
household, same things, why areyou different?
I think it just leads to likescapegoating.
Well, yeah, yeah, yeah, I thinkwithin the family system it
definitely leads to scapegoating.
But I think if you're workingwith like an individual client
man, it leads to a lot of likeum, like confusion and almost
like uh.
(24:12):
So we're ostracizing you knowwhere, like they, like the, the
client themselves feels like, oh, I guess I'm different, you
know, like like black sheepmentality, oh, they're like
internalizing.
Yeah, they internalize it andsay, okay, so hold on.
Like you know, like one of usis is not the same as the other,
you know, and the client islike oh, it's me, I'm not the
(24:33):
same as that, so what's so?
Then the, the leading questionis like what's wrong with me?
That's it.
Like what's wrong, that's it.
I must honestly and this may betoo strong dog, but that's a
dysfunction.
That is a dysfunction.
That's.
That's the dysfunction.
That's the dysfunction in that,in that whole process, yeah,
(24:54):
you know, it's like.
The dysfunction is when you turnit in and go well, what's wrong
with me?
Well, why don't y'all do this?
You know what I mean?
Yeah, but I think there is this, I don't know, man, I'm seeing
in my own, with my own case,though, like there is this need
for obviously there's this needfor acceptance, you know, but I
think this need for acceptance,especially like within the
(25:15):
family dynamic, man, is that it?
You know, the question that Ihave as a clinician is always
like acceptance from who youknow, like acceptance from the
version of your parents thatwere present within your reality
or the version of your parentsthat you project on to your
(25:38):
brother's reality or yoursister's reality.
You know, like who do you?
What version of reality do youwant your parents to be in?
To like, accept them as, or tohave hard?
If you have this ideal of yourparents and how they accept your
brother and your sister andexpect your that version of your
(26:02):
parents to accept you as youare, it's holding them up to a
standard that they couldn'tpossibly, can't possibly.
Now, dog, some, some parents doso.
I think I think some, someparents do hold up to that
standard.
You know better than others,but the standard of like, just
(26:23):
being consistent, consistentlythere, not loving everybody the
same way, but making everybodyfeel the same type of love.
You get what I'm saying.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,you know.
Yeah, like, some parents arejust good at that.
It reminds me of this, thisthing, um, I forget where I
heard it from man, but somesomebody said, like your parents
(26:45):
can only take you as far asthey've gone.
Yeah, you know what I mean.
We do that as therapists, right,like we did that, dog, when we
went to our graduate school.
Like we don't.
We wanted professors to justlike, carry on into your doc
program, yeah, and into the?
(27:07):
Yeah, I mean, you wanted that,that consistency, yeah, yeah.
And then we got to our docprogram and we were like, oh,
like, yeah, these people can'ttake us anywhere, that they
haven't been Right.
And we had this expectationthat that, exactly, you know,
essentially, the parent line ofyou know, our, of the
(27:29):
transgenerational, yeah, yeah,the Boleanian genogram, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But but our dysfunction was whenwe looked at that and instead
of seeing it for what it is, weinternalized it, for sure, you
know.
And we said, well, maybe we arearrogant, yeah, like, maybe we
do need to change.
Yeah, maybe we do need to tonedown our masculinity.
(27:52):
Yeah, maybe we do need to tonedown our identity.
Yeah, you know, maybe we doneed to tone down our identity.
Yeah, you know, maybe we doneed to be more like them, you
know, yeah, like, maybe it is us, yeah, yeah, even if you don't
fully believe it.
The idea that just the mere factthat you're asking the question
, right, creates, like on, couldcreate shaky, yeah, ice, ice
(28:14):
cracks, yeah, ice cracks.
And it does so much to likeyour ego, you know, yeah, bro,
yeah, it does so much to yourego.
But, like I was thinking aboutthe thing that you said about
the, about the loving you thesame way, you know, do you feel
like you love your kidsdifferently?
Yeah, like each one of themdifferently.
(28:35):
Yeah, yeah, equally.
Yeah, each one of themdifferently.
Yeah, yeah, equally, butdifferently, you think it's
equal?
Yeah, for sure, yeah, yeah, forsure.
I, I love, I love being a dad.
Yeah, like, I mean it, it'slike it's, it's amazing,
especially especially to my kids.
You know, like valentine, hejust he turned three.
(28:58):
His little personality iscoming out.
Yeah, he's softening up.
You know what I mean, like youknow, and so now I could like
teach him and you know, and he'skind of like roby in the sense
that he love bombs you, yeah,yeah, you know, like he's doing
his own thing until he wants tobe like hugged and held and you
know, and tickled and you know,and like and and and you just
(29:18):
got to be ready for it, yeah,but you know, me and Roby say
this thing to each other, wherewe say you're my favorite
daughter in the whole wide worldand I love you no matter what,
and she'll say you're myfavorite daddy in the whole wide
world and I love you no matterwhat.
And she'll say you're myfavorite daddy in the whole wide
(29:39):
world and I love you no matterwhat.
But I don't say that to Cairo.
What'd you say?
Work harder.
You missed one, you skipped one.
Stop all that crying.
You want to be a pro?
Yeah, you want to be a pro.
Yeah, yeah, you want to be apro.
(29:59):
Yeah, professionals, don't cry.
Yeah, wake up and do anotherone, unless you run the tears
out of him.
Yeah, no, we cauterize thosetear ducts.
Yeah, oh, you got that.
You got that operation.
Yeah, we got that operation.
Yeah, I talked to a coach thatsaid that's the only way to go
D1.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,cauterized tear ducts.
Yeah, nah, man, but I don't,it's not, I don't.
(30:26):
I mean, I say stuff like youknow, like you know, tell them
how much I love them and stufflike that.
Yeah, obviously, for sure, butit's different, like it's
different for him and differentfor roby.
Yeah, okay, but I think, but Ithink we're talking.
I'm not talking about, like,I'm talking about intensity.
Okay, I'm talking about, I'mtalking about um, I don't know
(30:52):
what the right word is right,but like it's balanced.
It's different, but it'sbalanced.
It's different, but it'sbalanced, right, you know what I
mean.
Right, that's what I, that'swhat I want.
Well, so, for me, the love is, Ithink I love, obviously, I love
each one of the kids, like youknow, kyra, roby and Kobe, in
(31:12):
different ways, but they all are, they all are loved, right, but
I think the like, uh, thecompassion, is different.
We're different at differentlevels.
You know the uh, um, thefrustration is different.
(31:32):
You know, like, I find thatI'll get, like, I'll get more
frustrated with Cairo in asituation where I wouldn't get
frustrated with Robey.
You know, well, yeah, but, but,but, but, but, would you get
equally frustrated with Robey ifit was the same situation as
(31:52):
Cairo?
You know, like, if Cairo wasRobey, robey was was caro, which
do you think you'd be?
Do you think you like, thinkabout it, like this, right, like
keen, and keen is five, valencethree.
Yeah, there's things I getfrustrated with, keen about that
I wouldn't get frustrated withvalid, about right, you know, in
the same way, you know, and I,and I talked to keen differently
(32:13):
than I talked about, for sure,you know what I mean, but, but,
but only because valent is three.
You know, right, right, and,and you know, that's what I'm
saying, yeah, yeah, and he mayreceive, like dark valent, you
need to, you need to like, youcan't blast him.
But see, jude, that's what I'mtalking about, though I think,
(32:33):
like you have this, like we, wehave this unique window as, like
actually present fathers, right, but also this unique window as
, like clinicians right to belike, okay, like roby will
receive this type ofcommunication, differently than
cairo would receive this type ofcommunication, right and like.
(32:56):
So, yeah, I, if robie didsomething and cairo did
something, because robie is fiveand cairo is seven, I'm going
to get frustrated at them atthis in the same way, but for
different reasons.
Right, like cairo, I'mfrustrated at you because you
(33:19):
should have seen this, or youshould have known this, or you
should have not done this, oryou should have known better, or
whatever.
Yeah, right and like, withrobie, it's like, it's different
, you know and like, I'mfrustrated with you because you
know whatever, you know betterthan that, whatever, it is right
, but it's just like it'sdifferent.
Right, it's different.
Yeah, but I think that thething that stays constant is the
(33:40):
fact that they are loved, andalso, like the acceptance, right
, not the acceptance of, likeanything that they do, right,
but the acceptance of like whothey are, right, like the
freedom to be like who you areyeah, you know what's crazy Not
to like you are.
Yeah, you know what you know.
It's great not to like changethe topic, but I think, like,
(34:01):
maybe to move it forward, it'sjust the idea that, like, you
know, where were we when webecame parents, like
developmentally?
Right, yeah, I was 29.
I was 30.
Yeah, I was 29.
I was 30.
Yeah, I was 29.
(34:21):
31.
Cause, I became a parent aftermy doctorate, like, after our
doctorates, I was like 30.
I don't remember, but but butthink about, like, how close was
our emotional age to ourphysical age?
Right, I feel like my emotionalage is the same as my physical
(34:44):
age.
Sometimes I feel like I'm oldemotionally, emotionally, yeah,
but it has a lot to do with theamount of iterations of life
that we've seen, I know.
And the therapy training, yeah,yeah, of iterations of life
that we've seen, I know.
And the therapy training, yeah,yeah, but, like dog, like some
of my clients, sometimes I haveto like, sometimes I have to
remind myself that, like and I'mnot saying I know what I'm
(35:07):
doing, I'm saying the trainingdefinitely helps.
These people have no training,absolutely no training, no
training, and I'm not sayingthat, I'm not saying that it's a
judgment.
Yep, I'm saying that as this isa reality that I sometimes
forget.
Yep, you know, yeah, like thesepeople have.
No, they didn't take a lifespan.
(35:28):
Yeah, man, you know, theydidn't take addictions.
Yep, you know what I mean.
Like they didn't take familysystems, you know, like you know
.
And so, like when I said, like,yeah, I think I think sometimes
, like parents, parents, um,they, their kids, meet them at
different stages of development,you know, yeah, and and,
(35:50):
honestly, have the work intherapy is helping the, helping
the kids, or the, you know, theadult, whatever the client, yeah
, the client, but in the family,like, see their parents as
human beings?
Yeah, you know, but see thatthat comes with like a whole
other can of worms, right, forsure, a whole other can of worms
(36:13):
.
Because, like man, I think thisis why I love being a dad.
Now, you know, because, becauseour kids don't really see us as
, like, human beings, you know,but, but I feel like I'm
fighting for my humanity withthem every day.
Yeah, well, well, hold on, Iknow that was a good point, but
(36:33):
I think, kyra, when he almost Idrove you, yeah, I think you
started to see you as fallible.
In fact, he told me heFaceTimed me.
No, and he was like Uncle Jude,uncle Jude, listen, uncle Jude,
listen, man, daddy, daddy, hey,daddy Daddy's going to come
live with y'all Because I'm notletting him back in my house.
(36:55):
Bro, when I say out, when I sayout, drove me, I mean there was,
we're talking heavy on theconditions, right, like heavy on
the conditions.
Of course, I can only hit withone hand.
I'm, you know, hitting, youknow, like off of a concrete.
You know, it's a lot, it's alot of conditions, man, and he
has a lot in his favor.
(37:15):
You know, yeah, a lot ofconditions, man, he has a lot in
his favor.
You know, yeah, uh, no, but,but, but I think your point is,
your point is is great, yeah,like I, yeah, I feel like I'm
fighting for my humanity.
You know, for sure, every, everyday, I have to be like hey, man
, sure, like what I'm not.
I'm not telling you that youcan't do something because I'm
(37:35):
like a fun killer.
Like I'm not telling you youcan't do something Because I'm
like a fun killer.
I'm not telling you you can'tdo something Because I don't
want you to have fun.
I would love for you to havefun, but what you're doing right
now Is very scary to me,because you're the person that I
care about, and to watch you dothis With the potentiality of
you hurting yourself, it's likevery scary to me.
(37:57):
I don't want you to get hurt.
You know like I can deal withfear, that's easy, right, but I
got.
What I can't deal with is yougetting hurt on my watch.
You know, yeah, and I don'twant to get in trouble.
I don't want your mom to comein like cairo, be sitting there
with a broken leg and instead ofgoing to Cairo, she'd look at
(38:21):
me like you weren't watching him.
What were you doing?
Nah, man, hold on.
I had a question, man, do youfeel like parenting was realer
back in the day compared to now?
Like, do you think parenting islike, I mean, back in the day,
like in the 90s?
(38:42):
You know parenting was real,like raw, you know like like
uncut.
You know where today, today itfeel.
I'm just wondering if you thinkit feels more synthetic today,
like the gentle parenting, thatkind of, because you just said
we're fighting for our humanity.
(39:03):
Yeah, I feel like I wondered ifyou meant it a different way.
I feel like this is more real,this is more gutter, this is
more gangster.
It's super easy to be like getoff that thing because I told
you so For real.
For real, get off that thingbecause I told you so.
(39:25):
And if you do it again, it'sgoing to be me and you.
Yeah, I can easily do that,that's easy.
I don't even have to let thekids see me, like, really see me
.
They don't have to.
To let the kids see me, likereally see me, I don't.
They don't have to see me as,like a human.
They don't have to go like, oh,when I do that, like dad gets
nervous because that's dangerous, you know, and like I don't
(39:47):
want to do anything dangerous,you know.
But you feel like.
You feel like now, like sharinga little bit more of like what's
going on, yeah, being morepresent, but in a way that, but
in a way that doesn't make themresponsible for you, right, in a
way that doesn't make youresponsible for it, right, so,
like, in a way, it's almost likeman, we're responsible for each
(40:07):
other, you know, and and I seethat sometimes right, or like
I'll be like today, and I wasdoing some deadlifts, right, and
when I was doing some deadlifts, how much weight you had on
there, I mean, you know, not toomuch, 315.
315?
Yeah, not too much, not toomuch.
Oh man, that's cute.
Not too much.
I did five sets of 10.
(40:29):
You were warming up.
Yeah, you know how much you didafter you were warm, how much
you did after you were warm, howmuch I did, I don't know.
My lower back fell off, thebottom fell out, the bottom fell
out of my body.
Yeah, I don't know, I left it.
No, no, no, no, no.
But anyway, so you're workingout.
(40:50):
Yeah, I was just working outand there was my.
The bar was getting too closeto where the rack was right,
like when I would drop theweights, like it would kind of
roll back, you know, and the cargoes, daddy, watch out, because
the next time you drop it it'sgoing to land on this thing
(41:12):
right, which would have made theweights unleveled.
You know, yeah, and so that'swhat I'm saying, you know.
So in that moment I was likedude, you see, you see what you
just did there, like you caredfor me in a way that, like I
didn't see, but you saw, andbecause you don't want me to get
hurt or you don't want anythingto happen, like you, you told
me to watch out like dude.
(41:33):
That's all I can ask for.
Yeah, it's all I can ask for.
Yeah, it's all I can ask for.
You know, no-transcript whatyou mean.
I mean, like when they breakoff and like go start their own
family.
When you say, break off, whatare you talking about?
Yeah, when they escape.
When they, what?
When they escape?
(41:55):
So you mean they won't beliving with me forever?
Yeah, when they, when they,like, you know, when they, when
they, when they leave, no, no,no, even when they leave, I'm
still going to be a fixture intheir life.
The same way, I am now right,yeah, anyway, no, but I think
(42:17):
that's.
But I seriously feel likethat's where the dysfunction is
in some of the systems I work in.
I cannot wait for the day towhere and I see it now, even
with Cairo being seven to wherehe's taking those things.
Not all the time, right,because there's still some times
where he runs and jump kickshis sister, but there's times
(42:38):
where I can see him, especiallywith Kofi, like what do you have
in your mouth, dude?
What are you catching it beforeI even catch it?
Or like with Roby, like simplestuff, man, like putting her
iPad on charge.
Yeah, you know she falls asleep, he puts her iPad on charge.
You know, just like simple,simple things like that.
(43:01):
Where, like it's just like thiscaring thing.
You know, like man, yeah, Ican't wait for the day to where,
like, they do it without mehaving to say anything yeah, for
sure, and sometimes they do itnow, but I mean like more
consistently.
You know, and that's the thing,dog, man, I can't wait to like
(43:34):
in a way like transition throughparenthood and like a healthy,
like giving way.
You know, yeah, I always want,want to.
I'm trying to what I'm trying todo right now and I think this
is sometimes what I see with myclients.
What happens with my clients isthat their parents don't openly
have the conversation with man.
This is going to be hard for mewith you making this transition
in life, like you're going tocollege or you know whatever.
You know um, or like uh, youknow expressing themselves
emotionally.
You know with like, hey, listen, man, this is your life, this
(43:57):
is your life.
I just I have this experiencethat I want to share that I
think you may want to take in.
I have some hesitation.
I'm not saying you gotta dothis or you have to follow me or
like whatever.
Right, yeah, but here's myhesitations and like being
genuinely honest about thosehesitations.
But I think that stuff startswith like, with a relationship
(44:17):
that can handle that level ofvulnerability.
Yes, you know what I mean.
Yeah, like, and that's kind oflike what?
Like people are trying to makechanges that their vulnerability
can't cash, trying to makechecks, they want to build it.
They can't cash.
They're trying to make changes.
Like they're trying to makechanges to the system.
(44:38):
Yeah, that the vulnerability,if we're going to say
vulnerability, is currency.
Yeah, you know they don't haveenough duckies, man, not enough,
they don't, they don't have it.
You know.
And honestly, I feel likesometimes people don't leverage
it enough.
You know, or don't see it asleverage, you know, not a
manipulation too, but like a,yeah, you know, like like a
(45:00):
benefit of the doubt tool.
You know what I mean.
Yeah, benefit of the thought,because once you lose benefit of
the doubt, that's it.
It's hard to get it back.
I would say it's nearimpossible to get it.
Hard to get it back, man,unless the person is is
unhealthy.
But, man, once you lose benefitof the doubt with somebody,
that's like pretty emotionallyhealthy, yes, it's hard to get
(45:23):
it back.
Yeah, that's I feel like that'swhat I try to like avoid when
I'm doing couples counseling orfamily therapy.
You know, it's like assessinglike where are y'all?
You know, because if you'restuck in this ideal that, like
this person is going to hurt meor this person can hurt me, yeah
(45:43):
, they have the potential to dothat.
You know, then, like it doesn'tmatter how much they change,
you're always going to beslightly looking for like the.
It doesn't matter how much theychange, you're always gonna be
slightly looking for like the.
It's like if a dog bites you,yeah, you know, I mean like bite
, bite, yeah, we're not talking.
We're not talking like a nip,we're talking like murder.
When I put in the eyeballs withthe intention of doing some
(46:03):
serious harm, yeah, if I, ifthis is me, that I can't speak
for everybody, but if it's me,I'm never trusting that dog
again.
Yeah, ever.
Well, so once I'm what so liketo put it like, this is what I
see in in therapy is that, like,once somebody is hurt, right,
like they may still maintain therelationship, but it'll be with
(46:29):
like a synthetic kind of like,yeah, distant, yeah, like a this
could potentially happen again.
Full closeness, you know, butyeah, man, and that's the stuff,
like, that's what it is.
Full closeness, yeah, and yeah,and I'm trying to get like
clients.
I feel like I work really hardto get clients to understand the
(46:50):
gravity.
Sometimes there's some of thestuff they do and say, yes, you
know, like there are so manypeople come into counseling and
they say this happened, you know, and we just want to get back
to how it was.
No, no, no, no, no, yeah, no,it's never that, that's, that's
dead.
Yeah, no, it's never that'sdead.
Yeah, it's never going back tohow it was.
Yeah, that's dead, you're nevergoing to Huh, nah, that's it,
(47:14):
man, that's it.
Yeah, yeah, man, yeah, I know,I don't know man, yeah, I.
One thing that I am appreciativeabout is just like having, hmm,
what, what, oh, who are those?
You, what were you gonna say?
(47:41):
Definitely not you.
I was gonna say my wife.
Oh, yeah, even even morespecifically, like the type of
person that Megan is, you know,man, or like, and this just goes
for, like everyone you know,like to have a person that is
(48:02):
parallel to you, right, yeah,like a partner, like that's a
parallel to you.
Yeah, yeah, like a partner,like that's a parallel to you.
Yeah, that is maybe notexperiencing reality in the same
way, you are Right, except for,like, certain moments where you
can both look at each other andbe like, are you?
Yeah, like are we checking?
(48:24):
Yeah, are you feeling the same?
Yeah, you know, are you feelingthe same thing?
I'm feeling, you know?
Like, are you?
And I think some people, whenthey grow up in a family dynamic
where there is no personparallel to them, right, they
can be like, not only isolating,but they can be confusing as
hell Because there is no realitychecks, like there is no.
Hey, you know.
(48:44):
And dog, dog, actually, areality check becomes
threatening.
Yeah, but I was just about tosay that man, yeah, sometimes,
man, I have a client that I seepretty consistently.
Man, we've been seeing eachother for a while where, like,
there is a man you, like you can, you can sense that your
(49:07):
siblings feel similar to you,but it's not worth rejection
from the parents to go againstthe family dynamic.
But they will not let you know.
Hey, I see what you'reexperiencing, yeah, and it's
messed up.
(49:27):
Yeah, they won't validate yourexperience.
It's messed up.
Yeah, they won't validate yourexperience.
It's messed up.
Yeah, but I ain't sayingnothing about it.
Yeah, I'm going to just stay inon that.
They won't let you in on that,right?
So they just watch silently andthey think to themselves man,
like I wish he would just toethe line.
If he would just toe the line,things would be easy.
You know, just total lie.
You know, without like, beingopen about the oh, I see what
(49:51):
you're doing, the dynamic, right, and I think to like, uh, um, I
mean, this word is like,overused, but like a
narcissistic parent.
You know, the worst are like acontrolling parent.
The worst thing for them iswhen the siblings are not just
parallel but they're havingconversations about their
reality.
(50:11):
Right, yeah, real conversationsabout like, did you experience
dad this way, or mom this way,or did you experience this
experience this way?
You know, dog, you ever been ina session where it's like being
exposed, where I where like, oh,what that's happening, what
that's being exposed?
I where like, oh, what that'shappening, what that's happening
(50:32):
, yeah, yeah, man, yeah, it'sfree.
Don't you want to just like letthose sessions run over time,
over time?
You know, like, over time, likelet this thing play out,
because it always happens at theend.
Yeah, it always happens at theend.
Yeah, I got time because, likeman, that moment, that moment
where, like, either like itcould be like a mom and a
(50:54):
daughter dynamic with like the,with like the, or like the dad
and us and a daughter dynamicwith like the mom, when, like,
the dad and the daughter arelike hold on, why are we
fighting against each other?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,yeah, like, why are we fighting
against each other?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,like, why are we?
Yeah, you know.
And then mom chimes in.
(51:14):
You know you always do this,you're always trying to fight to
keep the system going in thesame dog, but you know what, you
know what dog?
Like half the battle I feel,like in couples counseling and
family counseling, like withthis dynamic, is getting them to
fight about the right stuff.
Right, right, right, right.
You know what I mean like, not,not right.
(51:34):
When I say right, I don't meanlike there's a wrong thing, I
mean like getting them to fightabout the healthy choice.
Yeah, like, no, no, no, thething, like the issue, not like
right, not like the, the becauseyou know, like some people in
the family, like they'll try tosplinter you off.
You know, and do thiswhataboutism.
You know what I mean and I seeit in session, man, where you're
(51:58):
sitting there, there's so manysplinter, rabbit hole
conversations.
You know that like isdetracting from, like the issue,
whatever that issue is the onething.
The one thing, because it'sonly just one thing, because,
like you know, you don't do toomuch things.
Well, but like, the one thingthat I stole from you, from me,
from you as a parent, from me asa parent, was when you, when
(52:24):
Kian does something, what I didNow when Kian does something,
what I did now when kian doessomething, to uh, to valen and,
and you're in violence, likecrying or whatever, right,
you're like kian, look at him,like, yeah, look at him.
You know like, look, look atyou, look at what your choices
are like doing to your brother.
(52:45):
You know like he's crying, yeah, you know, like crying.
It's not about whose toy, is itthat's behind the point.
Is getting this toy worthcausing this much pain for your
brother?
And Kian undoubtedly goes?
(53:05):
Of course it is.
Of course it is.
It is absolutely worth it.
I don't know, yes, I don't evenknow why you're asking this.
That's hard to parent.
Yeah, when the answer is yes,yeah, yeah, because then you're
like, because now you go back tothe 90s and you're like okay,
since y'all can't share, give methat talk.
(53:26):
Give me that talk, give me thatnobody can play with it.
Now, nobody can play with it.
Hate me if you want, I don'tmind being hated.
As long as y'all together, Idon't mind.
Hate me together, hate metogether.
It's nice to see y'all getalong.
Uh-huh, it's nice.
It's nice to look, looky here,looky, look, who's finally
decided to talk to each other.
Uh-huh, yeah, no, no, no, y'allcan fight me if y'all do it
(53:49):
together.
Yeah, that's fine.
Nah, that's fine.
I've been waiting for now.
Look who's.
Look who's united.
Now, now, look who's united.
Yeah, united in their hatredfor you for taking the toy away.
But you know so many times, man,you know what I think it does,
because I've I've said stufflike he's not a stranger, you
(54:11):
know, and I've said to both ofthem you know like, this is your
brother.
Yeah, you know, like he's not astranger, he's not one of your
little friends.
Yeah, you know, this is likeit's not, like they're not
disposable.
You know, yeah, like he's house.
Yeah, like you got to come home.
Yeah, he's here.
(54:32):
Yeah, you got to see himtomorrow morning.
Yep, you know, yeah, man, yeah,like what kind of life?
And I think that sets people upto see themselves within the
context of a relationship.
Mm-hmm, you know what I mean.
Yeah, of a relationship.
You know what I mean.
And, yeah, you don't.
You don't have to be perfect,you don't have to share every
toy.
Yeah, you can fight.
Yeah, that's not, it's not,it's not, it's not, it's not man
(54:54):
.
But I'm trying to plant thislittle seed.
You know this little seed everynow and then, you know what I
mean, yeah, but but anyway,anyway, dog, I you know, I don't
know, um, I don't know ifthere's like a solution.
You know what I mean, but Idefinitely feel, like when I'm
in session with clients and whenI'm in session with couples,
like I'm trying to get them tosee the problem Right, you know
(55:19):
what I mean To see like theprocess, like after, like the
12th session, so you can juicethem for all that work Once I
make enough.
Yeah, you see, you actually seetheir problem and pattern
within the first 15 minutes ofthe first of the intake session.
Yeah, yeah, but, but I, I havemy eyes set on these golf clubs.
Yeah, daddy's trying to get thisnew golf.
(55:40):
Yeah, man, the mizuno pro.
Yeah, two, four, five need thatforgiveness.
Yeah, yeah, so y'all hurry up,hurry up, hurry up and and keep
fighting.
Yeah, yeah, daddy likes to playwith blades, but I like a
forgiving blade, I like aforgiveness long iron.
You know I'm not trying to, youknow I'm trying to bust my two
(56:03):
iron out.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, man, nah, but for real, for it, I mean,
you know that's tough,especially when you got.
You know, when you got, likethem fighting and arguing in
there and you're trying to calmthings down, like nah, man, yeah
, man, but anyway, to like put apin in it, I feel like you have
(56:27):
to see it as like a process,all of this stuff.
Oh, yeah, you know what I mean.
You got to separate yourselffrom it.
Step back and look at the fullpicture.
I mean I don't know, yeah, whoknows?
We just talking.
Yeah, we don't know nothing, wejust talking.
We don't know nothing.
Yeah, we don't.
(56:47):
Yeah, just because we, you'vegot degrees and stuff.
You know, we knew parents, yeah, like our kids hadn't even made
it to 10 yet we hadn't evenbeen a parent for five years.
Yeah, you know, we don't knownothing, man, what do I know?
Yeah, anyway, anyway, all right, man, let's, let's, let's do
some checkouts what you'relooking forward to this week and
what you got going on this week.
So, man, we got some friendsvisiting.
(58:01):
Got some friends visiting.
Man from portland, um, for atrack, meet um little
eight-year-old friend.
She runs, I don't know, like1,500 and like 1,400, maybe
1,500.
I can't remember.
In like five minutes andsomething.
Jeez, I mean she'd be bookingit.
That means nothing to me.
It doesn't mean anything to metoo, other than she's fast and
(58:26):
that's it.
She got that, that's it.
Man, just hanging out withfriends.
And we only got a couple moreweeks until the semester starts.
So when did you get off forsummer break?
And then the semester starts.
This is it.
My last class was today.
Okay, so we got like two weeks.
When does your class start?
We actually go back on campusAugust 5th.
(58:46):
Classes start August 12th.
Wow, we go back on campusAugust 5th.
Classes start August 12th.
Wow, we go back on campusAugust 1st.
Our classes don't start untilthe 26th.
26th, until the 26th.
Oh, because y'all probably workthrough December, not through
December, but y'all haveThanksgiving and then y'all go
back after Thanksgiving.
We don't go back afterThanksgiving, okay, okay, okay,
(59:07):
wow, that makes sense.
Our semester ends on the 13th,uh, of December.
Yeah, so we go back afterThanksgiving.
Yeah, we're done.
Wow, we're done.
Yeah, I love it, love it, wow,you're almost like two months
off.
It feels like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean not off, it's not
(59:28):
like we're not doing anything.
Right, right, right, you know,like, right, you have all these
projects, yeah, that you'resupposed to be helping me do.
Yeah, what you heard, what Isaid.
Hmm, you know what I said.
Bro, check your emails.
Man, helping you check the dropbox.
I'm updating things daily,constantly.
Uh, I know what you're talking,waiting for your input.
Yeah, you worked on jerry's.
You worked on jerry'scontributions.
(59:49):
When jerry's who, look, who'sjerry's contribution?
Is this a?
Is this a band that I shouldknow of?
Or, uh, a, it's a tribute.
Hey, jerry corey gonna call youtomorrow.
Yeah, guaranteed.
When is this stuff due?
It was due on monday last week.
Oh, jesus, yeah, oh, yeah, yeah.
Three pieces, yep, oh, threepiece combo, yep.
(01:00:13):
Hey, man, I'm gonna say thislive and in color.
I had no idea.
I know you don't do thisbecause you don't, because I do
all the work.
I had no idea.
Yeah, I don't even know whatwe're writing exactly.
You see what I have to deal with.
You see what I have to dealwith.
You see what I have to do.
I just be like I got nothing todo.
I guess I'll just like have adrink and watch some tv.
(01:00:35):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, I'm over here sweating.
Yeah, I'm gonna have to.
I'm gonna have to get with youoffline and figure out what
pieces we got to do.
Man, I'll let chat gpt writethat thing for your boy.
You know, wow, yeah, yeah, allright, let me check out, bro.
Nothing, nothing too much, man,it's been raining over here so
we hadn't been able to golf atall.
(01:00:55):
You know, yeah, but just youknow, bro, I'm trying to stay
sugar free, man, I'm trying toget abs or nothing, you know,
but just like I just want todetox, you know, like my, I got
(01:01:15):
brain fog and like I know it'sbecause of the sugar that I'm
drinking, yeah, so our sugarthat I'm eating.
So, anyway, man, all right,we'll catch up with y'all next
week if we're still doing this,um, and if I know worse, you all
right, man, have a good week.
Y'all, see y'all next week.
See y'all next week.
If we're still doing this, um,any final words, you all right,
man, have a good week.
Y'all, see y'all next week.
See y'all next week.
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