July 31, 2024 • 40 mins
This rollercoaster of an episode promises a lot of laughs and some sobering lessons about the importance of mindful living amidst the madness of modern life. Tune in for an entertaining yet insightful discussion that's perfect for anyone juggling work, health, and family.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
hey, welcome back to the cash y'all.
We got another one and wecoming in hot today.
I'm fresh off of one, two,three.
I'm fresh off of four clientsbefore this session.
Yeah, man, yeah, some of us gotto work for a living.
Jude, you know we don't all knowthe deputy director of the
recreation park services thatcan give our kids a pass on the
(00:38):
soccer registration.
You know, we're not all Lordand saviors of our church to
where you know you don't have totithe.
You know we're not all Lord andSaviors of our church to where
you don't have to tithe.
We're not all deans to wherewe're making two incomes off of
one university.
We're not all getting cut underthe table by the provost, like
(00:58):
you are.
He do be making me bread.
He do be making me bread.
We're not all doing that.
We're not selling doing that.
He do be making me bread.
He do be making me bread.
We're not all doing that.
We're not selling students todifferent departments.
We're not skimming off the topof our adjuncts, like you are.
Wow, we're not doing that.
I was talking about embezzling.
We're not embezzling funds fromthe cafeteria workers.
(01:20):
Yeah, we're not doing that.
Hey, man, just a real, serioustip, serious, serious, real,
like on the real, On the real.
Yeah, our adjuncts make solittle man, they would notice if
I'm skimming off the top.
Yeah, as somebody who was anadjunct before before becoming a
(01:45):
full-time professor.
Yeah, man, you notice thatstuff.
You're like what about?
What about one dollar?
75 cents?
Anyway, last time I got paidthree cents, now I'm gonna pay
two cents.
Where's my, where's my cent?
You know, they took a wholenickel.
I'm thinking took a wholenickel.
I'm thinking about quitting Awhole nickel.
Anyway, all right, man.
(02:06):
So you know, like always, man,we're going to do a little
check-in, we're going to do alittle topic, then we're going
to do a check-out.
Man, let's check in.
Jude, what's been going on inyour world?
Tell me what level of shamblesyour life has been in.
Real quick, man.
I've been visiting thechiropractor.
Oh, oh, you've been.
You mean you've been, you'vebeen taking care of yourself.
(02:29):
Man, hey, forget self-care.
Man, it's for the birds.
Man, it's this lady put herhands on my calf.
Uh-huh, oh, man, oh, amen, hey,green jay in belton, they'll
get you right.
You may cuss him out.
(02:50):
I feel like that should be theslogan, because, seriously, man,
I don't know what's going on.
Like I messed up my achillestendon or something.
Just you know, I, I think a, Ithink it was probably, it was
probably the 25 years of ofathletic endeavors into, like
the, the three-year soiree ofCrossFit athletics.
I think that's me, babe.
(03:11):
I think that's me.
I'm done with CrossFit.
Crossfit is done with me.
Crossfit is cool, man, untilyou tweak something until you
blow your rotator cuff trying todo thrusters.
I love it, man, I love it, Ilove it man, but, bro, it's so
hard man.
I love it, I love it, man, butthat's so hard man.
And so, anyway, that's myupdate.
Man, you know, I've been, I'vebeen going twice a week for like
(03:33):
two weeks now, yeah, and andbasically, like you know, I had
basically just like struck thatmy calves were so tight my ankle
, my ankle is so swollen, youknow and so they adjusted my hip
, then they worked on the T-bandand they worked on the calves.
All of that stuff was good, andnow everything in my ankle is
(03:55):
all stiff.
So they're working on the heeland the ankle Wow, scraping and
massaging and adjusting andpulling.
Man, you know what's funny dogscraping and massaging and
adjusting and pulling.
And man, you know what's funnydog, this morning I got done
with the chiropractor, came backhome to my loving family.
You know, yeah, made him someeggs and rice and, um, and uh, a
(04:17):
French toast Like you told meto make.
You know, uh, you know I madethe French toast man feeding my
children and Keane goes hey, oldman, can you give me some
chocolate chips?
Old man, you go to thechiropractor once.
(04:38):
I put mustard on his sandwichonce and he said don't make
sandwiches like mommy makes it.
Would just remind me of thatrandomly the other day I'm
having a great day and then I'llhear hey, hey, remember, the
next time you make a sandwichdon't make it like like you make
it, make it like mommy makes it.
Random one time two years ago,dog, hey, hey, man, uh, just
(04:59):
this week I told robie, I told,told Roby, hey, can you pick up
your iPad and put it on chargeso that way when you go take a
bath and when you go to bed it'scharging at nighttime.
She goes no, because you're notthe boss of me, mommy is.
I mean, it's valid.
(05:21):
I could not dispute that claim.
Yeah, I'm not going to get intoit, but we had several of those
situations where Lindsay and Ilook at each other and just go.
He's got a point.
Yeah, I got a point.
I put the iPad on charge aftershe went to take a bath Because,
she's right, mommy's the bossof all of us.
(05:44):
Real quick, the kids wereplaying with a Play-Doh and it
was like, hey, you got to stopplaying with the Play-Doh, it's
time to go take a bath.
You know they're going to gotake a bath and they and they I
say hey, you got to come put theplay-doh up.
(06:10):
He was like, okay, I put theplay-doh up.
Like did I?
Did I lose?
Yeah, like the loss?
Yeah, no, I won because they'retaking a bath.
Yeah, no, no, no, no, no.
He probably walked away to thebathroom like this idiot while
they walk past.
Hey, ken, I got him again.
I got him again.
(06:31):
Got him again.
Got him for having so mucheducation.
He cannot logic throughsituations.
The dumbest phd in the world ifhe got one.
When do I start?
When do I start?
Do I go through kindergartenfirst?
Or what thing was written onerasable ink?
(06:52):
Yeah, he was written in theface erasable ink man.
All right, man, let me, let me,let me do a check-in.
Uh, my name is is dr juliusAustin, and I'm an addict.
Finally, yeah, but when are yougoing to let me on that journey
man?
You don't want a part of thisjourney, man.
(07:13):
It's tough, it's tough, it'stough.
Hey, how's it going though?
For real, horrible, jt.
Horrible, yeah, man.
I went on a nice little datenight with my wife to watch
deadpool and wolverine.
I came out of there, I ate awhole king-size kit kat and I
had a slushy.
And I had a slushy.
(07:34):
My body said oh, we rememberthis, oh yeah, this is familiar.
There you go, there you go,yeah, yeah.
Yeah, we thought we lost him,but we found him.
Yeah, we found him, foundhimself.
Hey, jesus, hey man, hey, hey,jesus, jesus, what jesus, what?
(07:57):
They gonna cut your foot off?
Yeah, hey, bro, it's bad, it'sbad man, yeah, man.
So then that?
So then, that weekend, man,just turned like friday night,
we went to like this mexicanrestaurant.
I got a sprite, you know, um,not even a dr pepper.
I got a sprite.
I had a sprite, man, I uh, yeah.
(08:19):
Then the next day I just, youknow, went deep down into it,
woke up that morning, got donuts.
Yeah, man, it's, yeah, it's bad.
Then I thought to myself, likeyou might as well.
Just go all out.
You know you've already wentdown the slope.
Why not?
Which doesn't make any sense atall.
So I baked chocolate Chocolatebrownies with chocolate chips in
(08:45):
it For breakfast no, man, juston the Sunday.
And then I baked cookies withit.
So we had brownies and cookies.
What you going to wash thebrownies down with?
I mean some scotch.
You know like I would typicallydo what.
I mean some milk.
I mean milk.
Yeah, I mean milk.
(09:05):
I think sometimes you forget.
I think sometimes you forgetwhy I work.
Milk, I mean milk.
Yeah, I mean milk.
I think sometimes you forget.
I think sometimes you forgetwhy I work.
Man, because you've been sayingstuff.
I know you work at a publicuniversity.
I have standards and morals.
I mean only the sanctity ofwater that was blessed by Father
O'Connell.
Yeah, yeah, I had that water.
(09:25):
Yeah, no man, hey, I fell.
Yeah, yeah, I had that one.
Yeah, no man, hey, I fell offthe wagon.
I fell off, man.
I fell off, but I got back on.
So Monday I got back on, man, Istarted working out and my body
was like what the fuck did youdo to us this weekend?
What is happening?
I was on the roar, I could notcatch my breath.
(09:48):
Yeah, I mean could not catch mybreath, like I felt the tough
man.
Oh, it was bad man, yeah, it'sbad, yeah, it's a problem.
Man, it's a problem, it's aproblem, but like I'm man, I'm
like I'm not trying to be toohard on myself.
Again, man, again, I'm not outhere trying to get a six-pack.
Yeah, for sure I'm not out heretrying to get a six-pack.
(10:10):
I had it, it was cool.
It's not worth it, it's notworth the lifestyle.
You know, I'm just trying tofeel more clarity.
You know, in my sessions, I'mjust trying to feel, I want to
feel more energy.
You know, with, uh, like whenI'm playing with the kids, you
know like I don't want to like,usually, though, I would take a
nap at like three o'clock, fouro'clock.
You know, like just just, Imean just nap couldn't go, it
(10:34):
doesn't.
It doesn't help that you stayup till like three, four o'clock
in the morning.
It doesn't help that I do that.
Yeah, you know, just just likea side note.
You know not to like cut the,the check-in off, but but like
we got projects to do.
Yeah, man, you know, yeah, it'sso hard to take care of
yourself in that way.
It is Like up and writingproject, doing stuff.
(10:54):
That's like not related to likeyour job, but it's like related
to like your job.
Yeah, man, you know what I mean, like tenure and related to the
profession.
It's a percentage of your job,so it's like you know.
And there's studentresponsibilities too.
Man, I'm not, you know, it'snot like we're laying roofs on,
(11:15):
like you know I mean.
No, it's not like we're, likeyou know, putting shingles up in
Central Texas in the middle ofsummer, like we're in our.
You know I'm in my slipperswriting, you know, but still
summer, like we're in our, youknow, like I'm in my slippers
writing, you know, but still,yeah, it takes a toll, you know.
So, yeah, I'm just trying tolike be better at that, you know
.
So, uh, on a on a lighter note,man, I got a year calendar.
(11:36):
So I got a calendar, big one,that big, the big year calendar,
man, and, like my, my goal isto like, really like etch out
what I want the year to looklike.
Robi's doing dance classes andacting classes all week, plus
she's in gymnastics.
Cairo's got flag football andsoccer and gymnastics.
(11:57):
So you didn't go with the Lord,denise.
No, I didn't go with that, notyet.
I think I'm going to go with itnext year, yeah, next year.
Yeah, next year, whenever theuh, the big one is in stock.
You know, I think it's usuallyin stock in like May, you know.
So, um, I'll look for that.
But now, man, I got this alittle bit more organized, yeah,
(12:25):
man, yeah.
Anyway, all right, let's getinto the topic, because I got
another client that's startingout at 130,.
Man, you got anything off thetop of your mind Because I got a
(12:52):
couple bullet points.
(13:37):
So, thank you, dog.
This is what.
This is something that I'vebeen seeing in my sessions,
right, not just today, but, likeyou know, since the last time
we had this cast.
Man, um, I don't know if wetalked about this on the cast
yet.
Maybe we did talk about it, butlike it, do you?
Do you think that there is aunified, especially like in,
(14:00):
like, uh, modern society?
Right, there's a unifiedtimeline that everyone should be
on, right, maybe not time zones, no, no, no, I mean like life
progress wise, oh, right, likeeveryone should graduate high
school when they're 17, 15,right.
And then, like everyone shouldenter like, some type of like
(14:23):
educational phase, right,whether that's like college or
like trade school, or whetherthat's like you become, like you
know, um, uh, yeah, whatever,whatever, like a partner to
somebody and you learn the ways,whatever right, like you become
and you have an internship, anapprentice, whatever, right,
like your mind, yeah, some, sometype of four clients deep man,
(14:43):
I can't think so.
So, like you're my apprentice,I'm gonna let you go soon how
much books we've written.
I'm four clients deep man, Ican't think so you should enter
that.
I'm going to let you go soon.
How much books we've written.
About six books so far, sevenbooks.
That's very interesting.
Once we get to ten, I gave youa little first authorship.
Do it out there, for youStumbled, I picked up the pieces
(15:04):
.
That's fine.
Why is Lindsay paying me?
Paying me 175 a month?
Well, yeah, on, I can look atit right now.
On cash app it says jude'sapprenticeship every month, 175,
no, no, no, no, no, because,because y'all broke, that's.
(15:25):
Oh, yeah, we do need some money.
She didn't want to.
Yeah, yeah, just, yeah, anyway,anyway, anyway, you know what
it is.
I think like there shoulddefinitely wait, man, wait, I'm
not done, man wait, can I?
Just?
It's not gonna change what I'mabout to say can you wait, let
me finish.
Man, so right, there is this.
Right, like the 18, right,there's like an apprenticeship,
(15:48):
education type of thing, right.
And then, like man, after 21,you get into like the I don't
know man, like I'm just makingthis stuff up.
Like the career phase right,like the early career phase, you
know where, like you don'treally know too much, but like
you don't really need asupervisor anymore.
You know, we're like you don'treally know too much, but like
you don't really need asupervisor anymore.
You know, and that's like inlife in general, that's like
(16:09):
paying your bills.
That's like you know buying acar, that's like you don't rent
it, Like all this stuff, right,you don't really need that much
supervision, right.
And then, once you hit like the26 age, you know like, yeah,
that's money earning years,right, that's like the
potentiality of.
Like, okay, now you know enoughto where you can start moving
(16:29):
up in leadership, right, whetherthat's in your job or your life
or whatever.
Right, you buy your first home,or like you make your first big
purchase or you make somesavings, whatever right.
Like there's a transition,right, and you have kids, maybe
before 30 or maybe a littleafter 30.
You know where.
You're like just young enoughto move around with them, right,
like, that's the, that's theideal.
(16:50):
You know you may have somegrandkids when you're like 57 or
whatever you know like, andyou're financially stable enough
to be present with them.
That's like the timeline, right, man?
I feel like sometimes some atleast what I've been seeing on
my caseload is that people,people like go through life and
(17:10):
they like they have events thatlike bump them off that timeline
.
You know like just completelybump them off and then like,
then they're like spiraling,trying to like catch that
timeline again.
You know what's that?
What's that show?
What's that show with um gosh,with the avenger got loki.
(17:31):
Is it loki?
I think it's called loki.
Yeah, yeah, have you seen it?
Yes, yeah, you don't.
Really, you're not really intoshows like that, though.
Huh, no, I am.
Yeah, I watched loki.
Yeah, okay, okay, okay, okay,yeah, yeah, but but that's what
it reminds me of.
Yeah, like this, like there's atimeline, there's a preferred
timeline, mm-hmm, and that'swhat it is.
There's a preferred timeline,yeah, there's a preferred
(17:53):
timeline.
I don't know, maybe thelisteners can like, maybe you
can determine this for yourself,right, but like, I just feel
like, every time I'm in sessionand I'm talking with a client,
they always gravitate backtowards that preferred timeline
and, like, depending on theirdeviation from that preferred
(18:14):
timeline, is the level of theiranxiety or depression.
Dog, I was just about to saythat.
Right, I was just about to saythat, yeah, it feels like.
It feels like so, like, ifyou're doing it like a theory,
you know how, you know, somepeople say, like anxiety, it's
like like when you wantsomething but you can't have it
(18:34):
right, and then depressionhappens when you don't get what
you need exactly for a longamount of time.
Yeah, you know.
Yeah, then, like it's basicallylike, hey, there's some needs
you get from being on thistimeline and there's anxiety of,
like, making the decisions whenyou need to make him to be on
that timeline.
Yep, you know.
And then when you feel yourselfslipping or pulling away from
(18:57):
that timeline, the anxietystarts to creep in.
And then when you start to getthis sense that, like, I'm not
going to be able to make thistimeline, yeah, you know, like
the train is kind of coming.
You know what I mean?
Yep, uh, yeah, I mean, you cansee, that's when the depression
comes in you.
You can see it reflected inlike the psychosexual stages, or
(19:18):
like the psychosocial stageslike you know.
Uh, you see it like like todayI had a client who's like, let's
say, they're like 57, 60 yearsold, right, like they've reached
the epitome of their career,there's no more going up,
they're going to make the mostamount of money that they
possibly can, right, but there'sno like joy, there's no like,
you know, happiness Because,like the mountaintop and there's
(19:41):
yeah, well, there's no, there'sno purpose.
There's no purpose.
There's no definition, there'sno like, oh yeah, raising my
kids and being the best father Ican be is my life's purpose.
Well, that's over.
Your kids old, they don'treally need you that much
anymore.
So now this idea of finding ahobby and a purpose.
(20:01):
You haven't really had time tofind a hobby and purpose because
you've been working.
So now you're there.
You haven't really had time tofind a hobby and purpose because
, like you've been working, youknow.
So, like now you're there.
So the deviation of, like man,you're looking around, people
have, like you know, speed boats, or people have fishing, or
people do pottery, or people dowhatever All their cohort have
like the purpose, right, and nowthey're deviating from that.
(20:22):
Like, oh, maybe my life isn'tpurposeful, you know so, like
the depression starts to creepin.
Maybe it was never purposeful,maybe it was never purposeful,
so the depression starts tocreep.
The only time people call me iswhen they want something.
The depression starts to creepit out a little bit more, you
know.
But I got like a, you know, a20 year old, right decided not
to go to college, which is fine,it's, it's a decision that you
(20:44):
make right.
But, like all of their friends,went to college right and like
man, 20.
Yeah, because I've seen thosepictures 20, 21-year-old is.
You know, when people start tolike graduate from college, you
know so, like now they likethese people are like his
friends are like his friendswere these broke-ass college
students you know, who was justkind of making it through life.
Now his friends are thesecollege graduates that are
(21:08):
propelling themselves into theircareer and they're making
enough money to actually survive.
So now it's like oh, now what?
I can't get those three yearsback.
I can't get 18 to 20 or 17 to20 back.
I see it in every iteration ofthe client that I'm seeing the
(21:30):
preferred timeline.
Once you deviate from thatpreferred timeline, it's tough
to manage life.
Yeah, man, like it's real toughto manage life.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think mostof the time, like what I ended
up doing in session is isprocessing the time, like what I
(21:51):
end up doing in session is isprocessing the grief.
You know loss, you know a flyoh, I'm not going to be able to
have kids.
Yeah, like, maybe I could, likeif I could.
Just, you know, and then youdid, did you try to make the
relationship and then therelationship doesn't work?
Yep, you know, and then, andthen it's like you.
It's like you, you can see itfloating away from you.
(22:12):
Yeah, oh, man, that's how oneclient described it.
It's like I can see it.
I can see it like drifting awayfrom me.
You know they use the analogyof, like you ever saw that movie
cast away with, um, yeah, yeah,uh, robert jr.
No, tom hanks man, when he had,oh, my god, oh, man, remember
(22:35):
when he had wilson thevolleyball.
And, yeah, man, you know wilsondrifted away from him.
Like, yeah, man, it's like,yeah, that that anxiety of just
like, oh, oh, should I go afterWilson?
Should I go after Wilson andpotentially die, or should I
stay close to the raft?
But C-Dawg, c-dawg, that's thequestion.
(22:56):
That's the question, man.
That is the question If youwent after Wilson and died, is
that a death worth having?
Is it a death worth having Ifyou did it your way, right?
Or would you rather not go forhim, go back to shore and die a
(23:21):
slow, painful death?
Or potentially go back to theraft in the middle of the ocean
and like, maybe you get saved,maybe you get saved, but you no
longer have wilson.
Yeah, it's the same, it's thesame situation.
It's like.
It's like, ah, man, yeah, yeah,like, hey, let me, let me, let
(23:45):
me ask you a question, man.
Let me ask you a question.
Do you feel like that in yourlife, like, what, like like you
didn't chase wilson?
Oh hell, nah me, neither me,neither.
Nah, nah, man, I felt like Igot out in the in the exact
(24:07):
right time, and what I mean byget out, I mean it's like there
was this dream of like of thegame playing for arsenal.
You know, oh yeah, yeah, it'slike this, like dream of playing
for arsenal, this just dream ofplaying for us, or this just
dream of like playing, like youknow, european epl professional
soccer.
Yeah, right, and and it got.
It got to a point where it'sjust like, you know, like you
(24:29):
gotta choose, like you could,like we could have.
We could have missed theolympics, missed the olympics by
the south african olymp,exactly right.
But we could have got a van,moved to the UK, tried out for a
(24:51):
base level team and the lowerdivision, like what Lapeer was
talking about, the lowerdivision living in the van,
working.
We had a plan.
Remember that plan?
Yeah, man, we had a plan, me,you and some friends, you know,
yeah, at 19, 20 years old, youknow, and like, really trying to
work your way up to, like, youknow, maybe not Arsenal, maybe
(25:13):
not Arsenal, you know, but like,but on some Jamie Vardy type
stuff, ipswich and Ipswich Town,you know, yeah, witch, and it's
which town?
You know.
Yeah, man, hey, I will be aclub legend, exactly, you know.
Like, yeah, forest, or you know, now, now, we would have had to
give up on a master's degree,for sure, a phd.
We would have had to.
(25:34):
Maybe not, maybe not giving upon it, but like, delayed by
giving you giving up.
Nah, you know, you could.
Stuff happens out there,exactly, stuff happens.
You'd have found a girl.
You'd have found a girl.
You'd have set them down, youknow, you'd have found some joy
in, like being a janitor at aschool or you become a coach.
(25:57):
You become a coach, you becomea coach, youth division,
whatever, whatever the case maybe.
But you're saying but yourpoint is that you got out.
The point is that, yeah, therewas a moment where it's just
like no, if I wanted to play forlike an arsenal, then I would
have needed to start at the clublevel at like three years old.
You know, I'm like oh see, wehave a different opinion about
(26:17):
that, we have a different.
Well, and then like, and thenlike, work my way up the system.
You know, I would have had tobe like a, like a product, or
like maybe even in america.
In america, I would have had tolike grown up in like you know,
um and like, not america place,nah, no, I'm just saying.
I'm just saying growing up in aplace where, like soccer was
like thriving, you know, like atexas, or like a florida or
(26:38):
californ.
You know like somewhere on theEast coast.
You know, and like, work out,you would have to meet the right
people, and by the right peopleI mean mom and dad.
It would have to pay somepeople to be on some teams
Exactly Coaches and then thosewould have to pay our way up.
That's always some trash.
Now, we could do a whole cast.
(27:00):
We could do a whole cast.
Now, why the US national teamis trash, but, but, but.
But.
You pull the cord, pull thecord, pull the cord, pull the
cord.
And there's this oh no, like,that's not a sustainable life
that I want to live, you know.
So like, let me stay on thetimeline and like, what's more
sustainable?
Getting the type of educationthat's going to allow me to have
(27:21):
a career where I can makeenough money and also have
enough freedom to live the typeof life that I want.
So like, what does that mean tome?
Yeah, you know, like, that'sthe question, that's the
question.
Now let me ask you a differentquestion.
Do you feel like that's whatclients should do?
Do I feel like that's whatclients should do?
No, I feel like, when clientscome to see me this is just me,
(27:44):
it's just me.
When clients come to see me,they've waited too long.
Yeah, oh man, they've waitedtoo long.
I'm not saying, yeah, they come, they come and see redemption.
I know, I know, but they cut.
They'd like walk into theoffice.
Yeah, right, when, oh man, likeyou know, you know you have you
(28:08):
ever like stood over a puttright eight feet, knee knocker,
whatever, yeah, right, andyou're, you're moving your feet,
you're ready to putt andthere's just something in your
body that's like you know, getthe ball.
Yeah, you know, you don't know.
If you look at yourself overtime and it probably lasts like
(28:28):
2.6 seconds each time.
You know you don't know.
Yeah, but then three secondsthrows over and you feel the
moment stale.
Yeah, like you know what I mean.
Yeah, man, like moment stale.
Yeah, like you, you know what Imean.
Like you feel it just like, uh,you, but you don't back up you,
you, you put it and you pull it.
Yeah, you push it.
You know what I mean.
(28:49):
Like that's when they come tocounseling yeah, whenever they
pull it, I'll push.
The putt is rolling past thehole, and now they got like a
four foot, you know, kickback tosave par.
Yep, they're coming intotherapy like we do.
So do you think I should keepfinding a relationship like dog,
dog?
(29:10):
Yeah, are they?
They come.
They come into therapy withthese like pre-made rules about
how relationships work and whatrelationships looks like, and
then they come into therapy,like kind of close-minded, and
they're like, you know, I justwant to stop, I just want to get
over my ex-girlfriend.
You know, you know, it's justlike okay, like, are you open to
(29:31):
the possibility that you'llnever be over your ex-girlfriend
and that your ex-girlfriend'sgonna live on within your
consciousness forever?
Like, are you open to thatideal?
You know, like, yeah, just likeI feel, like I feel like
clients come in at the momentwhere life has staled, you know,
yeah, but yeah, the momentwhere, like, their experience
(29:54):
has staled, yeah, yeah, and Ithink it feels like they're
coming in wanting you to injectsome energy.
Yeah, and I think it feels likethey're coming in wanting you
to inject some energy.
Exactly, you know what I mean.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, like,give them a new perspective.
You know, give them a you knowwhat I mean which, which can
happen.
You know, like we've had someawarenesses, but I think hold on
, let me finish this up but itultimately comes down to whether
(30:16):
or not they are willing tosacrifice who they are today for
who they want to be tomorrow.
Exactly, dog, you know what Imean.
Like seriously, so, like, so,like you see where you sit there
and go okay, maybe I'm notgoing to be a mom, you know,
maybe I'm not going to be a mom,maybe that's.
(30:36):
But I have this, but I havethis urge to nurture and grow
things.
What's my next step?
Yeah, yeah, maybe you know whatI mean.
Maybe being a mom does notnecessarily mean childbirth,
exactly, yeah.
But I think that if we're goingto continue and I'm not
(30:57):
trivializing that experience, no, I know you are, I'm not.
No, you're that type of personthat trivializes.
No, no, no, for real, I'm notsaying like, hey, man, just give
up on that dream and grow someplants.
That's not what I'm saying.
Yeah, but you said that though.
Yeah, but you told me that,yeah, yeah, I have reports to
(31:18):
back it up if you need it.
It was putting me to do thisethical rig.
I'm a roll Now, but for real,you know, but I think that's
part of it.
It's like sitting in thatstaleness, you know, and just
like sitting in it.
Well, I think that's whatpeople try to avoid, man, okay.
So I was going to say, if we'regoing to still go on this, like
you know, this idea of like,like you have the raft here and
(31:41):
you have wilson floating awayfrom you, I think clients come
into therapy when they'vealready made a choice, when
they've like, made a choice,when they were like, yeah, and
they've made a choice to followwilson, you know, or when
they've made a choice to go backto the right, yeah, do you feel
like they just want yourpermission, they just want you
to be like?
I think a lot of clients comeinto therapy wanting permission
(32:02):
and I think a lot of frustrationthat exists within the
therapeutic relationship is thatpush and pull between, hey, I'm
not going to tell you what todo here, yeah, I'm not going to
tell you what to do here, youknow, yeah.
And and clients are like, well,what did I come here for if
you're not going to tell me whatto do?
You know, I think I think a lotof the tension, whether it
(32:23):
comes out in that way or not,you know, but yeah, I had a
conversation with a client thismorning.
You know who like who.
You know who isn't into, likeyou know, isn't into finding a
hobby or whatever you know, andlike they.
Eventually it boiled down to solike, so what are we going to
do about it?
You know, and it's just a frankconversation of like, I don't
think you want to do anythingabout it.
(32:44):
Like the way that this works is, like you know, I'm here to
help, you know, with thetherapeutic process, right, and
like you're here to help withoutyour own life process.
But, like you know, you come inon a weekly basis and say, like
I cannot wait to change, Iwould like to change, I would
like to change or I would liketo change, but I don't know how
(33:04):
to change.
But you come in here kind oflike at a place where, like you
know, momentum has started Right, like you don't want to change
and like everything that I'm,like you know, everything that
we're talking about in hereisn't like being done outside of
session, you know, isn't likebeing done outside of session,
you know.
(33:24):
So, like how many times are wegoing to get into this process?
Where, like we come in here andyou feel down about being, yeah
for sure, you feel down aboutnot, yeah, exactly, it's a
cyclical process.
So, like now, I feel like I'mentering into the process that
you're in, like our relationshipis entered into that process,
you know.
Or like I feel like I, you'reunhelpful, you know, yeah,
(33:45):
there's no, there's no magictherapeutic technique that I can
give you that'll help youreally.
You know, there's no language,there's no like special theory,
yeah, you know, yeah, man, yeah,yeah, it doesn't really is.
It really is like hey, man,what do you want to do exactly?
Yep, yeah, yeah.
What are you willing to do?
(34:05):
What are you willing to do?
That's a better question.
Yeah, man, that's a betterquestion.
What are you, what are youwilling to do?
What are you willing to do?
Yeah, you know, yeah, and youknow what, dog, you know what.
Not to like make this a Disneyending.
But, like I found in therapythat when clients are willing to
(34:27):
sacrifice that like identitythat they have, or like fixation
on like the Going back to theraft I should have went back to
the raft, I should have did that.
I can't believe it.
And they're willing to likefind a way, no matter what Yep,
you know to make that symbolicideal of like what it means to
(34:52):
be in the timeline work.
Yep, they end up being happierman.
I know we got to wrap up, butdo you feel that once clients
make that decision of I amwielding happiness into my life,
I am wielding the universe?
Wielding, you mean Well,wielding, hey, man, I'm sorry
(35:15):
Baby, what Wielding?
I'm sorry, man, what are youtalking about?
My bad Like a sword?
Yeah, hey, don't wielding a.
Are you talking about my badlike a sword?
Yeah, yeah, hey, don't, don'tlisten.
Hey, listen, just real quick,just real quick.
Jews used to say sward.
Hey, man, just just so you know.
Jews used to say sward.
That's what we're dealing withtoday.
A side note uh, if you watchdeadpool, wolverine, right there
(35:41):
, right, there's a, there's acharacter, come on, come on, man
, come on, man, don't, don'tspoil it.
Well, there's, there's acharacter in it.
And the listener if you areinto comic books, you know what
I'm talking about there's acharacter that sounds just like
us, like, right now, thelistener hearing, you're not
(36:02):
hearing us like our accent islike augmented.
When we push the will, we stopthe record button.
I'm telling you you will not,you would not be able to
understand.
So sometimes, like will thencomes out man, yeah, so, anyway,
anyway, uh, so, yeah, man, Ifeel like once clients make the
decision to like will, happinessinto their life, you know, like
man, things start to work outfor it's been my experience Not
(36:26):
in the way that they've expectedand not in some Disney magical
way, yeah, but like.
You know what it is, dog, youknow what it is.
You know what it is.
It's like, uh, it's like achange.
It's almost like how can Iframe this for you, man?
Simple man, yeah, it's almostlike they.
(36:52):
You know what it's like.
The opposite of a double bind,yeah, uh-huh, no matter what,
once you get control of thewheel, yeah, you know, yeah, do
you know what I mean then, thenyou're kind of okay with
whatever happens.
Yes, man, yes, you know.
(37:12):
Like, that's kind of what it'sall about, because I think, like
, the struggle is that you feellike the timeline, it's like
driving the car, man, exactly,exactly.
Anyway, man, let's do somequick checkouts because, uh, one
of my clients just told me thatthey're here, that they were
here actually on time.
They are notoriously late.
So, okay, cool, man, uh, realquick, yeah, doing good, you
(37:35):
know, uh, listener, we got acouple presentations coming up,
man, in October it's coming fast, keynote speaking Lake Charles.
And then we got I'm sorry,that's a Louisiana, louisiana,
yeah, and, like Charles, we'regoing to be the keynote speakers
.
Yeah, we got some presentationsfor ACA.
Hopefully we get accepted forthose, man, but we're going to
(37:56):
be there.
And then we sign in books andstuff.
Yeah, signing books and stuff,yeah, and then, and then we got
that book proposal due.
We got two book proposals, yeah, but one potentially due in
June, yeah, and so, just, youknow, if you're, if you're
friends of ours, colleagues,we're going to, we're going to
hit you up to write some pieces.
Yeah, we're going to hit you up, yeah.
(38:17):
Anyway, do you, do you want totell them what the project's on
or not yet?
Not yet, man, let's first writethe proposal so we know what
it's about.
I mean, continue to write theproposal.
If Blaine is listening, if theAmerican Counseling Association
is listening, everything is fine.
(38:38):
Everything is fine.
It's in the process of beingwritten.
Don't look over here.
Do not even think for a secondthat we haven't started yet.
I know it's, I know it's due atthe end of this week and you
know what we're doing somefinishing touches right now.
We're almost done, almost done.
Yeah, don't even, don't evenfret, we'll get it to you by
Friday or Monday, yep, or Monday.
(39:00):
We're definitely not startingthis weekend.
Yes, yes, mm-hmm, uh-huh.
Anyway, let me check out realquick.
Man, hey, man, bro, you got togo.
Man, hey, you be checking out.
Hey, man, hey, school'sstarting in one week.
I know the kid's going back toschool week.
(39:21):
I know the kid's going back toschool, man Keen's starting
kindergarten.
You know like, roby's startingkindergarten, kyra's starting
second grade, man, man, man,yeah, man, they're going to
start to read in kindergarten.
It's about to be a lit year,dog, a lit year.
(39:46):
Maybe they can read our books.
You know, carl asks that.
He's like can I read your book?
I was like, yeah, dude, heopened it.
He's like it's just boring,boring old man.
Yeah, anyway, all right, We'llsee y'all again next week.
If we're still doing this, ifwe're not doing it, we're just
going to go show.
All right, man, any final wordsto you and anything you want to
(40:07):
add?
Nah, man, y'all have a goodweek, all right, peace.
hey, welcome back to the cash y'all.
We got another one and wecoming in hot today.
I'm fresh off of one, two,three.
I'm fresh off of four clientsbefore this session.
Yeah, man, yeah, some of us gotto work for a living.
Jude, you know we don't all knowthe deputy director of the
recreation park services thatcan give our kids a pass on the
(00:38):
soccer registration.
You know, we're not all Lordand saviors of our church to
where you know you don't have totithe.
You know we're not all Lord andSaviors of our church to where
you don't have to tithe.
We're not all deans to wherewe're making two incomes off of
one university.
We're not all getting cut underthe table by the provost, like
(00:58):
you are.
He do be making me bread.
He do be making me bread.
We're not all doing that.
We're not selling doing that.
He do be making me bread.
He do be making me bread.
We're not all doing that.
We're not selling students todifferent departments.
We're not skimming off the topof our adjuncts, like you are.
Wow, we're not doing that.
I was talking about embezzling.
We're not embezzling funds fromthe cafeteria workers.
(01:20):
Yeah, we're not doing that.
Hey, man, just a real, serioustip, serious, serious, real,
like on the real, On the real.
Yeah, our adjuncts make solittle man, they would notice if
I'm skimming off the top.
Yeah, as somebody who was anadjunct before before becoming a
(01:45):
full-time professor.
Yeah, man, you notice thatstuff.
You're like what about?
What about one dollar?
75 cents?
Anyway, last time I got paidthree cents, now I'm gonna pay
two cents.
Where's my, where's my cent?
You know, they took a wholenickel.
I'm thinking took a wholenickel.
I'm thinking about quitting Awhole nickel.
Anyway, all right, man.
(02:06):
So you know, like always, man,we're going to do a little
check-in, we're going to do alittle topic, then we're going
to do a check-out.
Man, let's check in.
Jude, what's been going on inyour world?
Tell me what level of shamblesyour life has been in.
Real quick, man.
I've been visiting thechiropractor.
Oh, oh, you've been.
You mean you've been, you'vebeen taking care of yourself.
(02:29):
Man, hey, forget self-care.
Man, it's for the birds.
Man, it's this lady put herhands on my calf.
Uh-huh, oh, man, oh, amen, hey,green jay in belton, they'll
get you right.
You may cuss him out.
(02:50):
I feel like that should be theslogan, because, seriously, man,
I don't know what's going on.
Like I messed up my achillestendon or something.
Just you know, I, I think a, Ithink it was probably, it was
probably the 25 years of ofathletic endeavors into, like
the, the three-year soiree ofCrossFit athletics.
I think that's me, babe.
(03:11):
I think that's me.
I'm done with CrossFit.
Crossfit is done with me.
Crossfit is cool, man, untilyou tweak something until you
blow your rotator cuff trying todo thrusters.
I love it, man, I love it, Ilove it man, but, bro, it's so
hard man.
I love it, I love it, man, butthat's so hard man.
And so, anyway, that's myupdate.
Man, you know, I've been, I'vebeen going twice a week for like
(03:33):
two weeks now, yeah, and andbasically, like you know, I had
basically just like struck thatmy calves were so tight my ankle
, my ankle is so swollen, youknow and so they adjusted my hip
, then they worked on the T-bandand they worked on the calves.
All of that stuff was good, andnow everything in my ankle is
(03:55):
all stiff.
So they're working on the heeland the ankle Wow, scraping and
massaging and adjusting andpulling.
Man, you know what's funny dogscraping and massaging and
adjusting and pulling.
And man, you know what's funnydog, this morning I got done
with the chiropractor, came backhome to my loving family.
You know, yeah, made him someeggs and rice and, um, and uh, a
(04:17):
French toast Like you told meto make.
You know, uh, you know I madethe French toast man feeding my
children and Keane goes hey, oldman, can you give me some
chocolate chips?
Old man, you go to thechiropractor once.
(04:38):
I put mustard on his sandwichonce and he said don't make
sandwiches like mommy makes it.
Would just remind me of thatrandomly the other day I'm
having a great day and then I'llhear hey, hey, remember, the
next time you make a sandwichdon't make it like like you make
it, make it like mommy makes it.
Random one time two years ago,dog, hey, hey, man, uh, just
(04:59):
this week I told robie, I told,told Roby, hey, can you pick up
your iPad and put it on chargeso that way when you go take a
bath and when you go to bed it'scharging at nighttime.
She goes no, because you're notthe boss of me, mommy is.
I mean, it's valid.
(05:21):
I could not dispute that claim.
Yeah, I'm not going to get intoit, but we had several of those
situations where Lindsay and Ilook at each other and just go.
He's got a point.
Yeah, I got a point.
I put the iPad on charge aftershe went to take a bath Because,
she's right, mommy's the bossof all of us.
(05:44):
Real quick, the kids wereplaying with a Play-Doh and it
was like, hey, you got to stopplaying with the Play-Doh, it's
time to go take a bath.
You know they're going to gotake a bath and they and they I
say hey, you got to come put theplay-doh up.
(06:10):
He was like, okay, I put theplay-doh up.
Like did I?
Did I lose?
Yeah, like the loss?
Yeah, no, I won because they'retaking a bath.
Yeah, no, no, no, no, no.
He probably walked away to thebathroom like this idiot while
they walk past.
Hey, ken, I got him again.
I got him again.
(06:31):
Got him again.
Got him for having so mucheducation.
He cannot logic throughsituations.
The dumbest phd in the world ifhe got one.
When do I start?
When do I start?
Do I go through kindergartenfirst?
Or what thing was written onerasable ink?
(06:52):
Yeah, he was written in theface erasable ink man.
All right, man, let me, let me,let me do a check-in.
Uh, my name is is dr juliusAustin, and I'm an addict.
Finally, yeah, but when are yougoing to let me on that journey
man?
You don't want a part of thisjourney, man.
(07:13):
It's tough, it's tough, it'stough.
Hey, how's it going though?
For real, horrible, jt.
Horrible, yeah, man.
I went on a nice little datenight with my wife to watch
deadpool and wolverine.
I came out of there, I ate awhole king-size kit kat and I
had a slushy.
And I had a slushy.
(07:34):
My body said oh, we rememberthis, oh yeah, this is familiar.
There you go, there you go,yeah, yeah.
Yeah, we thought we lost him,but we found him.
Yeah, we found him, foundhimself.
Hey, jesus, hey man, hey, hey,jesus, jesus, what jesus, what?
(07:57):
They gonna cut your foot off?
Yeah, hey, bro, it's bad, it'sbad man, yeah, man.
So then that?
So then, that weekend, man,just turned like friday night,
we went to like this mexicanrestaurant.
I got a sprite, you know, um,not even a dr pepper.
I got a sprite.
I had a sprite, man, I uh, yeah.
(08:19):
Then the next day I just, youknow, went deep down into it,
woke up that morning, got donuts.
Yeah, man, it's, yeah, it's bad.
Then I thought to myself, likeyou might as well.
Just go all out.
You know you've already wentdown the slope.
Why not?
Which doesn't make any sense atall.
So I baked chocolate Chocolatebrownies with chocolate chips in
(08:45):
it For breakfast no, man, juston the Sunday.
And then I baked cookies withit.
So we had brownies and cookies.
What you going to wash thebrownies down with?
I mean some scotch.
You know like I would typicallydo what.
I mean some milk.
I mean milk.
Yeah, I mean milk.
(09:05):
I think sometimes you forget.
I think sometimes you forgetwhy I work.
Milk, I mean milk.
Yeah, I mean milk.
I think sometimes you forget.
I think sometimes you forgetwhy I work.
Man, because you've been sayingstuff.
I know you work at a publicuniversity.
I have standards and morals.
I mean only the sanctity ofwater that was blessed by Father
O'Connell.
Yeah, yeah, I had that water.
(09:25):
Yeah, no man, hey, I fell.
Yeah, yeah, I had that one.
Yeah, no man, hey, I fell offthe wagon.
I fell off, man.
I fell off, but I got back on.
So Monday I got back on, man, Istarted working out and my body
was like what the fuck did youdo to us this weekend?
What is happening?
I was on the roar, I could notcatch my breath.
(09:48):
Yeah, I mean could not catch mybreath, like I felt the tough
man.
Oh, it was bad man, yeah, it'sbad, yeah, it's a problem.
Man, it's a problem, it's aproblem, but like I'm man, I'm
like I'm not trying to be toohard on myself.
Again, man, again, I'm not outhere trying to get a six-pack.
Yeah, for sure I'm not out heretrying to get a six-pack.
(10:10):
I had it, it was cool.
It's not worth it, it's notworth the lifestyle.
You know, I'm just trying tofeel more clarity.
You know, in my sessions, I'mjust trying to feel, I want to
feel more energy.
You know, with, uh, like whenI'm playing with the kids, you
know like I don't want to like,usually, though, I would take a
nap at like three o'clock, fouro'clock.
You know, like just just, Imean just nap couldn't go, it
(10:34):
doesn't.
It doesn't help that you stayup till like three, four o'clock
in the morning.
It doesn't help that I do that.
Yeah, you know, just just likea side note.
You know not to like cut the,the check-in off, but but like
we got projects to do.
Yeah, man, you know, yeah, it'sso hard to take care of
yourself in that way.
It is Like up and writingproject, doing stuff.
(10:54):
That's like not related to likeyour job, but it's like related
to like your job.
Yeah, man, you know what I mean, like tenure and related to the
profession.
It's a percentage of your job,so it's like you know.
And there's studentresponsibilities too.
Man, I'm not, you know, it'snot like we're laying roofs on,
(11:15):
like you know I mean.
No, it's not like we're, likeyou know, putting shingles up in
Central Texas in the middle ofsummer, like we're in our.
You know I'm in my slipperswriting, you know, but still
summer, like we're in our, youknow, like I'm in my slippers
writing, you know, but still,yeah, it takes a toll, you know.
So, yeah, I'm just trying tolike be better at that, you know
.
So, uh, on a on a lighter note,man, I got a year calendar.
(11:36):
So I got a calendar, big one,that big, the big year calendar,
man, and, like my, my goal isto like, really like etch out
what I want the year to looklike.
Robi's doing dance classes andacting classes all week, plus
she's in gymnastics.
Cairo's got flag football andsoccer and gymnastics.
(11:57):
So you didn't go with the Lord,denise.
No, I didn't go with that, notyet.
I think I'm going to go with itnext year, yeah, next year.
Yeah, next year, whenever theuh, the big one is in stock.
You know, I think it's usuallyin stock in like May, you know.
So, um, I'll look for that.
But now, man, I got this alittle bit more organized, yeah,
(12:25):
man, yeah.
Anyway, all right, let's getinto the topic, because I got
another client that's startingout at 130,.
Man, you got anything off thetop of your mind Because I got a
(12:52):
couple bullet points.
(13:37):
So, thank you, dog.
This is what.
This is something that I'vebeen seeing in my sessions,
right, not just today, but, likeyou know, since the last time
we had this cast.
Man, um, I don't know if wetalked about this on the cast
yet.
Maybe we did talk about it, butlike it, do you?
Do you think that there is aunified, especially like in,
(14:00):
like, uh, modern society?
Right, there's a unifiedtimeline that everyone should be
on, right, maybe not time zones, no, no, no, I mean like life
progress wise, oh, right, likeeveryone should graduate high
school when they're 17, 15,right.
And then, like everyone shouldenter like, some type of like
(14:23):
educational phase, right,whether that's like college or
like trade school, or whetherthat's like you become, like you
know, um, uh, yeah, whatever,whatever, like a partner to
somebody and you learn the ways,whatever right, like you become
and you have an internship, anapprentice, whatever, right,
like your mind, yeah, some, sometype of four clients deep man,
(14:43):
I can't think so.
So, like you're my apprentice,I'm gonna let you go soon how
much books we've written.
I'm four clients deep man, Ican't think so you should enter
that.
I'm going to let you go soon.
How much books we've written.
About six books so far, sevenbooks.
That's very interesting.
Once we get to ten, I gave youa little first authorship.
Do it out there, for youStumbled, I picked up the pieces
(15:04):
.
That's fine.
Why is Lindsay paying me?
Paying me 175 a month?
Well, yeah, on, I can look atit right now.
On cash app it says jude'sapprenticeship every month, 175,
no, no, no, no, no, because,because y'all broke, that's.
(15:25):
Oh, yeah, we do need some money.
She didn't want to.
Yeah, yeah, just, yeah, anyway,anyway, anyway, you know what
it is.
I think like there shoulddefinitely wait, man, wait, I'm
not done, man wait, can I?
Just?
It's not gonna change what I'mabout to say can you wait, let
me finish.
Man, so right, there is this.
Right, like the 18, right,there's like an apprenticeship,
(15:48):
education type of thing, right.
And then, like man, after 21,you get into like the I don't
know man, like I'm just makingthis stuff up.
Like the career phase right,like the early career phase, you
know where, like you don'treally know too much, but like
you don't really need asupervisor anymore.
You know, we're like you don'treally know too much, but like
you don't really need asupervisor anymore.
You know, and that's like inlife in general, that's like
(16:09):
paying your bills.
That's like you know buying acar, that's like you don't rent
it, Like all this stuff, right,you don't really need that much
supervision, right.
And then, once you hit like the26 age, you know like, yeah,
that's money earning years,right, that's like the
potentiality of.
Like, okay, now you know enoughto where you can start moving
(16:29):
up in leadership, right, whetherthat's in your job or your life
or whatever.
Right, you buy your first home,or like you make your first big
purchase or you make somesavings, whatever right.
Like there's a transition,right, and you have kids, maybe
before 30 or maybe a littleafter 30.
You know where.
You're like just young enoughto move around with them, right,
like, that's the, that's theideal.
(16:50):
You know you may have somegrandkids when you're like 57 or
whatever you know like, andyou're financially stable enough
to be present with them.
That's like the timeline, right, man?
I feel like sometimes some atleast what I've been seeing on
my caseload is that people,people like go through life and
(17:10):
they like they have events thatlike bump them off that timeline
.
You know like just completelybump them off and then like,
then they're like spiraling,trying to like catch that
timeline again.
You know what's that?
What's that show?
What's that show with um gosh,with the avenger got loki.
(17:31):
Is it loki?
I think it's called loki.
Yeah, yeah, have you seen it?
Yes, yeah, you don't.
Really, you're not really intoshows like that, though.
Huh, no, I am.
Yeah, I watched loki.
Yeah, okay, okay, okay, okay,yeah, yeah, but but that's what
it reminds me of.
Yeah, like this, like there's atimeline, there's a preferred
timeline, mm-hmm, and that'swhat it is.
There's a preferred timeline,yeah, there's a preferred
(17:53):
timeline.
I don't know, maybe thelisteners can like, maybe you
can determine this for yourself,right, but like, I just feel
like, every time I'm in sessionand I'm talking with a client,
they always gravitate backtowards that preferred timeline
and, like, depending on theirdeviation from that preferred
(18:14):
timeline, is the level of theiranxiety or depression.
Dog, I was just about to saythat.
Right, I was just about to saythat, yeah, it feels like.
It feels like so, like, ifyou're doing it like a theory,
you know how, you know, somepeople say, like anxiety, it's
like like when you wantsomething but you can't have it
(18:34):
right, and then depressionhappens when you don't get what
you need exactly for a longamount of time.
Yeah, you know.
Yeah, then, like it's basicallylike, hey, there's some needs
you get from being on thistimeline and there's anxiety of,
like, making the decisions whenyou need to make him to be on
that timeline.
Yep, you know.
And then when you feel yourselfslipping or pulling away from
(18:57):
that timeline, the anxietystarts to creep in.
And then when you start to getthis sense that, like, I'm not
going to be able to make thistimeline, yeah, you know, like
the train is kind of coming.
You know what I mean?
Yep, uh, yeah, I mean, you cansee, that's when the depression
comes in you.
You can see it reflected inlike the psychosexual stages, or
(19:18):
like the psychosocial stageslike you know.
Uh, you see it like like todayI had a client who's like, let's
say, they're like 57, 60 yearsold, right, like they've reached
the epitome of their career,there's no more going up,
they're going to make the mostamount of money that they
possibly can, right, but there'sno like joy, there's no like,
you know, happiness Because,like the mountaintop and there's
(19:41):
yeah, well, there's no, there'sno purpose.
There's no purpose.
There's no definition, there'sno like, oh yeah, raising my
kids and being the best father Ican be is my life's purpose.
Well, that's over.
Your kids old, they don'treally need you that much
anymore.
So now this idea of finding ahobby and a purpose.
(20:01):
You haven't really had time tofind a hobby and purpose because
you've been working.
So now you're there.
You haven't really had time tofind a hobby and purpose because
, like you've been working, youknow.
So, like now you're there.
So the deviation of, like man,you're looking around, people
have, like you know, speed boats, or people have fishing, or
people do pottery, or people dowhatever All their cohort have
like the purpose, right, and nowthey're deviating from that.
(20:22):
Like, oh, maybe my life isn'tpurposeful, you know so, like
the depression starts to creepin.
Maybe it was never purposeful,maybe it was never purposeful,
so the depression starts tocreep.
The only time people call me iswhen they want something.
The depression starts to creepit out a little bit more, you
know.
But I got like a, you know, a20 year old, right decided not
to go to college, which is fine,it's, it's a decision that you
(20:44):
make right.
But, like all of their friends,went to college right and like
man, 20.
Yeah, because I've seen thosepictures 20, 21-year-old is.
You know, when people start tolike graduate from college, you
know so, like now they likethese people are like his
friends are like his friendswere these broke-ass college
students you know, who was justkind of making it through life.
Now his friends are thesecollege graduates that are
(21:08):
propelling themselves into theircareer and they're making
enough money to actually survive.
So now it's like oh, now what?
I can't get those three yearsback.
I can't get 18 to 20 or 17 to20 back.
I see it in every iteration ofthe client that I'm seeing the
(21:30):
preferred timeline.
Once you deviate from thatpreferred timeline, it's tough
to manage life.
Yeah, man, like it's real toughto manage life.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think mostof the time, like what I ended
up doing in session is isprocessing the time, like what I
(21:51):
end up doing in session is isprocessing the grief.
You know loss, you know a flyoh, I'm not going to be able to
have kids.
Yeah, like, maybe I could, likeif I could.
Just, you know, and then youdid, did you try to make the
relationship and then therelationship doesn't work?
Yep, you know, and then, andthen it's like you.
It's like you, you can see itfloating away from you.
(22:12):
Yeah, oh, man, that's how oneclient described it.
It's like I can see it.
I can see it like drifting awayfrom me.
You know they use the analogyof, like you ever saw that movie
cast away with, um, yeah, yeah,uh, robert jr.
No, tom hanks man, when he had,oh, my god, oh, man, remember
(22:35):
when he had wilson thevolleyball.
And, yeah, man, you know wilsondrifted away from him.
Like, yeah, man, it's like,yeah, that that anxiety of just
like, oh, oh, should I go afterWilson?
Should I go after Wilson andpotentially die, or should I
stay close to the raft?
But C-Dawg, c-dawg, that's thequestion.
(22:56):
That's the question, man.
That is the question If youwent after Wilson and died, is
that a death worth having?
Is it a death worth having Ifyou did it your way, right?
Or would you rather not go forhim, go back to shore and die a
(23:21):
slow, painful death?
Or potentially go back to theraft in the middle of the ocean
and like, maybe you get saved,maybe you get saved, but you no
longer have wilson.
Yeah, it's the same, it's thesame situation.
It's like.
It's like, ah, man, yeah, yeah,like, hey, let me, let me, let
(23:45):
me ask you a question, man.
Let me ask you a question.
Do you feel like that in yourlife, like, what, like like you
didn't chase wilson?
Oh hell, nah me, neither me,neither.
Nah, nah, man, I felt like Igot out in the in the exact
(24:07):
right time, and what I mean byget out, I mean it's like there
was this dream of like of thegame playing for arsenal.
You know, oh yeah, yeah, it'slike this, like dream of playing
for arsenal, this just dream ofplaying for us, or this just
dream of like playing, like youknow, european epl professional
soccer.
Yeah, right, and and it got.
It got to a point where it'sjust like, you know, like you
(24:29):
gotta choose, like you could,like we could have.
We could have missed theolympics, missed the olympics by
the south african olymp,exactly right.
But we could have got a van,moved to the UK, tried out for a
(24:51):
base level team and the lowerdivision, like what Lapeer was
talking about, the lowerdivision living in the van,
working.
We had a plan.
Remember that plan?
Yeah, man, we had a plan, me,you and some friends, you know,
yeah, at 19, 20 years old, youknow, and like, really trying to
work your way up to, like, youknow, maybe not Arsenal, maybe
(25:13):
not Arsenal, you know, but like,but on some Jamie Vardy type
stuff, ipswich and Ipswich Town,you know, yeah, witch, and it's
which town?
You know.
Yeah, man, hey, I will be aclub legend, exactly, you know.
Like, yeah, forest, or you know, now, now, we would have had to
give up on a master's degree,for sure, a phd.
We would have had to.
(25:34):
Maybe not, maybe not giving upon it, but like, delayed by
giving you giving up.
Nah, you know, you could.
Stuff happens out there,exactly, stuff happens.
You'd have found a girl.
You'd have found a girl.
You'd have set them down, youknow, you'd have found some joy
in, like being a janitor at aschool or you become a coach.
(25:57):
You become a coach, you becomea coach, youth division,
whatever, whatever the case maybe.
But you're saying but yourpoint is that you got out.
The point is that, yeah, therewas a moment where it's just
like no, if I wanted to play forlike an arsenal, then I would
have needed to start at the clublevel at like three years old.
You know, I'm like oh see, wehave a different opinion about
(26:17):
that, we have a different.
Well, and then like, and thenlike, work my way up the system.
You know, I would have had tobe like a, like a product, or
like maybe even in america.
In america, I would have had tolike grown up in like you know,
um and like, not america place,nah, no, I'm just saying.
I'm just saying growing up in aplace where, like soccer was
like thriving, you know, like atexas, or like a florida or
(26:38):
californ.
You know like somewhere on theEast coast.
You know, and like, work out,you would have to meet the right
people, and by the right peopleI mean mom and dad.
It would have to pay somepeople to be on some teams
Exactly Coaches and then thosewould have to pay our way up.
That's always some trash.
Now, we could do a whole cast.
(27:00):
We could do a whole cast.
Now, why the US national teamis trash, but, but, but.
But.
You pull the cord, pull thecord, pull the cord, pull the
cord.
And there's this oh no, like,that's not a sustainable life
that I want to live, you know.
So like, let me stay on thetimeline and like, what's more
sustainable?
Getting the type of educationthat's going to allow me to have
(27:21):
a career where I can makeenough money and also have
enough freedom to live the typeof life that I want.
So like, what does that mean tome?
Yeah, you know, like, that'sthe question, that's the
question.
Now let me ask you a differentquestion.
Do you feel like that's whatclients should do?
Do I feel like that's whatclients should do?
No, I feel like, when clientscome to see me this is just me,
(27:44):
it's just me.
When clients come to see me,they've waited too long.
Yeah, oh man, they've waitedtoo long.
I'm not saying, yeah, they come, they come and see redemption.
I know, I know, but they cut.
They'd like walk into theoffice.
Yeah, right, when, oh man, likeyou know, you know you have you
(28:08):
ever like stood over a puttright eight feet, knee knocker,
whatever, yeah, right, andyou're, you're moving your feet,
you're ready to putt andthere's just something in your
body that's like you know, getthe ball.
Yeah, you know, you don't know.
If you look at yourself overtime and it probably lasts like
(28:28):
2.6 seconds each time.
You know you don't know.
Yeah, but then three secondsthrows over and you feel the
moment stale.
Yeah, like you know what I mean.
Yeah, man, like moment stale.
Yeah, like you, you know what Imean.
Like you feel it just like, uh,you, but you don't back up you,
you, you put it and you pull it.
Yeah, you push it.
You know what I mean.
(28:49):
Like that's when they come tocounseling yeah, whenever they
pull it, I'll push.
The putt is rolling past thehole, and now they got like a
four foot, you know, kickback tosave par.
Yep, they're coming intotherapy like we do.
So do you think I should keepfinding a relationship like dog,
dog?
(29:10):
Yeah, are they?
They come.
They come into therapy withthese like pre-made rules about
how relationships work and whatrelationships looks like, and
then they come into therapy,like kind of close-minded, and
they're like, you know, I justwant to stop, I just want to get
over my ex-girlfriend.
You know, you know, it's justlike okay, like, are you open to
(29:31):
the possibility that you'llnever be over your ex-girlfriend
and that your ex-girlfriend'sgonna live on within your
consciousness forever?
Like, are you open to thatideal?
You know, like, yeah, just likeI feel, like I feel like
clients come in at the momentwhere life has staled, you know,
yeah, but yeah, the momentwhere, like, their experience
(29:54):
has staled, yeah, yeah, and Ithink it feels like they're
coming in wanting you to injectsome energy.
Yeah, and I think it feels likethey're coming in wanting you
to inject some energy.
Exactly, you know what I mean.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, like,give them a new perspective.
You know, give them a you knowwhat I mean which, which can
happen.
You know, like we've had someawarenesses, but I think hold on
, let me finish this up but itultimately comes down to whether
(30:16):
or not they are willing tosacrifice who they are today for
who they want to be tomorrow.
Exactly, dog, you know what Imean.
Like seriously, so, like, so,like you see where you sit there
and go okay, maybe I'm notgoing to be a mom, you know,
maybe I'm not going to be a mom,maybe that's.
(30:36):
But I have this, but I havethis urge to nurture and grow
things.
What's my next step?
Yeah, yeah, maybe you know whatI mean.
Maybe being a mom does notnecessarily mean childbirth,
exactly, yeah.
But I think that if we're goingto continue and I'm not
(30:57):
trivializing that experience, no, I know you are, I'm not.
No, you're that type of personthat trivializes.
No, no, no, for real, I'm notsaying like, hey, man, just give
up on that dream and grow someplants.
That's not what I'm saying.
Yeah, but you said that though.
Yeah, but you told me that,yeah, yeah, I have reports to
(31:18):
back it up if you need it.
It was putting me to do thisethical rig.
I'm a roll Now, but for real,you know, but I think that's
part of it.
It's like sitting in thatstaleness, you know, and just
like sitting in it.
Well, I think that's whatpeople try to avoid, man, okay.
So I was going to say, if we'regoing to still go on this, like
you know, this idea of like,like you have the raft here and
(31:41):
you have wilson floating awayfrom you, I think clients come
into therapy when they'vealready made a choice, when
they've like, made a choice,when they were like, yeah, and
they've made a choice to followwilson, you know, or when
they've made a choice to go backto the right, yeah, do you feel
like they just want yourpermission, they just want you
to be like?
I think a lot of clients comeinto therapy wanting permission
(32:02):
and I think a lot of frustrationthat exists within the
therapeutic relationship is thatpush and pull between, hey, I'm
not going to tell you what todo here, yeah, I'm not going to
tell you what to do here, youknow, yeah.
And and clients are like, well,what did I come here for if
you're not going to tell me whatto do?
You know, I think I think a lotof the tension, whether it
(32:23):
comes out in that way or not,you know, but yeah, I had a
conversation with a client thismorning.
You know who like who.
You know who isn't into, likeyou know, isn't into finding a
hobby or whatever you know, andlike they.
Eventually it boiled down to solike, so what are we going to
do about it?
You know, and it's just a frankconversation of like, I don't
think you want to do anythingabout it.
(32:44):
Like the way that this works is, like you know, I'm here to
help, you know, with thetherapeutic process, right, and
like you're here to help withoutyour own life process.
But, like you know, you come inon a weekly basis and say, like
I cannot wait to change, Iwould like to change, I would
like to change or I would liketo change, but I don't know how
(33:04):
to change.
But you come in here kind oflike at a place where, like you
know, momentum has started Right, like you don't want to change
and like everything that I'm,like you know, everything that
we're talking about in hereisn't like being done outside of
session, you know, isn't likebeing done outside of session,
you know.
(33:24):
So, like how many times are wegoing to get into this process?
Where, like we come in here andyou feel down about being, yeah
for sure, you feel down aboutnot, yeah, exactly, it's a
cyclical process.
So, like now, I feel like I'mentering into the process that
you're in, like our relationshipis entered into that process,
you know.
Or like I feel like I, you'reunhelpful, you know, yeah,
(33:45):
there's no, there's no magictherapeutic technique that I can
give you that'll help youreally.
You know, there's no language,there's no like special theory,
yeah, you know, yeah, man, yeah,yeah, it doesn't really is.
It really is like hey, man,what do you want to do exactly?
Yep, yeah, yeah.
What are you willing to do?
(34:05):
What are you willing to do?
That's a better question.
Yeah, man, that's a betterquestion.
What are you, what are youwilling to do?
What are you willing to do?
Yeah, you know, yeah, and youknow what, dog, you know what.
Not to like make this a Disneyending.
But, like I found in therapythat when clients are willing to
(34:27):
sacrifice that like identitythat they have, or like fixation
on like the Going back to theraft I should have went back to
the raft, I should have did that.
I can't believe it.
And they're willing to likefind a way, no matter what Yep,
you know to make that symbolicideal of like what it means to
(34:52):
be in the timeline work.
Yep, they end up being happierman.
I know we got to wrap up, butdo you feel that once clients
make that decision of I amwielding happiness into my life,
I am wielding the universe?
Wielding, you mean Well,wielding, hey, man, I'm sorry
(35:15):
Baby, what Wielding?
I'm sorry, man, what are youtalking about?
My bad Like a sword?
Yeah, hey, don't wielding a.
Are you talking about my badlike a sword?
Yeah, yeah, hey, don't, don'tlisten.
Hey, listen, just real quick,just real quick.
Jews used to say sward.
Hey, man, just just so you know.
Jews used to say sward.
That's what we're dealing withtoday.
A side note uh, if you watchdeadpool, wolverine, right there
(35:41):
, right, there's a, there's acharacter, come on, come on, man
, come on, man, don't, don'tspoil it.
Well, there's, there's acharacter in it.
And the listener if you areinto comic books, you know what
I'm talking about there's acharacter that sounds just like
us, like, right now, thelistener hearing, you're not
(36:02):
hearing us like our accent islike augmented.
When we push the will, we stopthe record button.
I'm telling you you will not,you would not be able to
understand.
So sometimes, like will thencomes out man, yeah, so, anyway,
anyway, uh, so, yeah, man, Ifeel like once clients make the
decision to like will, happinessinto their life, you know, like
man, things start to work outfor it's been my experience Not
(36:26):
in the way that they've expectedand not in some Disney magical
way, yeah, but like.
You know what it is, dog, youknow what it is.
You know what it is.
It's like, uh, it's like achange.
It's almost like how can Iframe this for you, man?
Simple man, yeah, it's almostlike they.
(36:52):
You know what it's like.
The opposite of a double bind,yeah, uh-huh, no matter what,
once you get control of thewheel, yeah, you know, yeah, do
you know what I mean then, thenyou're kind of okay with
whatever happens.
Yes, man, yes, you know.
(37:12):
Like, that's kind of what it'sall about, because I think, like
, the struggle is that you feellike the timeline, it's like
driving the car, man, exactly,exactly.
Anyway, man, let's do somequick checkouts because, uh, one
of my clients just told me thatthey're here, that they were
here actually on time.
They are notoriously late.
So, okay, cool, man, uh, realquick, yeah, doing good, you
(37:35):
know, uh, listener, we got acouple presentations coming up,
man, in October it's coming fast, keynote speaking Lake Charles.
And then we got I'm sorry,that's a Louisiana, louisiana,
yeah, and, like Charles, we'regoing to be the keynote speakers
.
Yeah, we got some presentationsfor ACA.
Hopefully we get accepted forthose, man, but we're going to
(37:56):
be there.
And then we sign in books andstuff.
Yeah, signing books and stuff,yeah, and then, and then we got
that book proposal due.
We got two book proposals, yeah, but one potentially due in
June, yeah, and so, just, youknow, if you're, if you're
friends of ours, colleagues,we're going to, we're going to
hit you up to write some pieces.
Yeah, we're going to hit you up, yeah.
(38:17):
Anyway, do you, do you want totell them what the project's on
or not yet?
Not yet, man, let's first writethe proposal so we know what
it's about.
I mean, continue to write theproposal.
If Blaine is listening, if theAmerican Counseling Association
is listening, everything is fine.
(38:38):
Everything is fine.
It's in the process of beingwritten.
Don't look over here.
Do not even think for a secondthat we haven't started yet.
I know it's, I know it's due atthe end of this week and you
know what we're doing somefinishing touches right now.
We're almost done, almost done.
Yeah, don't even, don't evenfret, we'll get it to you by
Friday or Monday, yep, or Monday.
(39:00):
We're definitely not startingthis weekend.
Yes, yes, mm-hmm, uh-huh.
Anyway, let me check out realquick.
Man, hey, man, bro, you got togo.
Man, hey, you be checking out.
Hey, man, hey, school'sstarting in one week.
I know the kid's going back toschool week.
(39:21):
I know the kid's going back toschool, man Keen's starting
kindergarten.
You know like, roby's startingkindergarten, kyra's starting
second grade, man, man, man,yeah, man, they're going to
start to read in kindergarten.
It's about to be a lit year,dog, a lit year.
(39:46):
Maybe they can read our books.
You know, carl asks that.
He's like can I read your book?
I was like, yeah, dude, heopened it.
He's like it's just boring,boring old man.
Yeah, anyway, all right, We'llsee y'all again next week.
If we're still doing this, ifwe're not doing it, we're just
going to go show.
All right, man, any final wordsto you and anything you want to
(40:07):
add?
Nah, man, y'all have a goodweek, all right, peace.
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