E108 - The UC Playbook: Raw Vs. Candid Conversation

Ever found yourself sugarcoating words until your message loses its edge? Lance Furiyama joins us to champion the raw power of communication, where frankness can unexpectedly cut through noise and foster effectiveness. We navigate the origins of Lance's forthright style, deeply rooted in the unadorned cadences of Pigeon English, and unpack how a touch of authenticity can make for compelling conversations. A personal anecdote brings to life a moment where Lance's genuine approach sparked a memorable UC moment, reminding us all of the transformative impact of staying true to our voices.

This episode also serves as your compass in the complex terrain of radical candor, guiding you through the nuance of honesty blended with empathy. Seven essential tips lay the groundwork for conversations that resonate with clarity, usefulness, and respect. As we navigate the dance between embracing change and preserving authenticity, we delve into how candid exchanges, when handled with care, can cultivate growth and enrich relationships. Join us for an exploration that promises to equip you with the finesse of radical candor, a tool that when wielded wisely, can usher in profound personal and communal metamorphoses.:

Here is a link to episode 22 were we discussed Truth , lies and candor: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N2zS3NFp0pU&list=PL58DOlv5Vk2OHipHnbwDL_dMKhYA6B9jv&index=86&pp=gAQBiAQB

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:06):
Welcome to the Uncom communicator podcast, where we
bring enlightenment to the topicof communication.
Are you ready to take ownershipof your conversations?
Are you looking to possess theskills to navigate and
facilitate conversations to amutual understanding?
What are you waiting for?
Grab your growth mindset andlet's go.

(00:29):
Welcome to this week's episodeof the Uncom communicator
podcast, the UC playbook as welike to call it.
We will be following up on ourinterview with Lance Furiyama A
lot of great things that wediscussed during that
conversation.
We went in talking generallyabout raw communication.
That's how Lance described hiscommunication style.
I'd never heard of that kind ofterminology and trying to

(00:51):
understand it a little bitbetter.
I think I got a betterunderstanding after talking with
him what he meant by that.
What we will do today in the UCplaybook is dive a little bit
deeper into what is rawcommunication and also how does
that apply to candor?
I think radical candor is goingto be very important to talk

(01:12):
about, especially in regards totransferring from the raw
communication over to the ideaof a radical candor.
Raw communication was unique.
We had really thought about thedefinition of what raw
communication is.
It describes a type ofcommunication that is without
finesse.
That's what I said to Lance.

(01:33):
I'm like Lance, you havefinesse, but it's without
finesse, but it's direct.
That is probably the onlypositive description that I
could find in regards to rawcommunication, because the next
description is it stings, itcreates a tension beyond what
anyone normally desires in arelationship.
It makes it really sound likethis is raw and painful and

(01:55):
hurtful.
Then, of course, they ended.
This definition was sometimesraw communication can be
unexpectedly effective.
That may be the case, I think,if you tie it into radical
candor.
Raw can a lot of times meanunpolished, natural,
unsophisticated, simple.
Those are a lot of definitionsthat we would find in describing

(02:17):
a raw communication.
If you have a raw communication, you can certainly develop it
and build it up.
When we dug a little deeper, webegan to understand where did
Lance come up with this kind ofidea of this raw communication?
He mentioned how, where he grewup on the island in Hawaii,
they spoke a lot of PigeonEnglish.
I wasn't completely familiarwith this term.

(02:40):
The language about North andNorth Pigeon English is mom.
This is a description of it.
It is a grammatically simplifiedmeans of communication and what
that means is when you're inand it's tied to several
different locations where theyhave developed a pigeon language
.
Creole sometimes is referred toas a pigeon language, but it's

(03:00):
a language where you're kind ofmixing words between two
different languages and you comeup with your own language and
terminology and words.
And this happens all the time,very much locally, maybe in
Colorado, maybe in California,maybe in New York, maybe you go
down to the South.
All of these areas have thesekind of variations of it.
It's not considered pigeonEnglish, but it can appear to be

(03:23):
unpolished and especiallyunknown to those that are
outside of that region or thatarea, so developing in this kind
of pigeon English idea.
It is definitely an unpolishedand could sometimes come across
as being raw.
And one of the stories thatLance shared is when he was
given a speech.

(03:43):
He's working on his grammar,working on his vocabulary, which
is always a great thing to do,but you don't want your
vocabulary to go beyond what youare comfortable being able to
talk like.
And he was in a room when hewas sharing the story where he
was given a presentation andusing some of these words and
even himself he realized thatthis was not him.
He ditched it and then he justkind of gave what in his

(04:05):
interpretation, a raw example ofthe presentation that he was
given.
He just went and was himselfwith it.
And when you're yourself andthat's where we ended up with
the UC moment is be yourself.
That's the best way that youcould ever present.
Don't try to be anything else,don't try to be someone else.
That doesn't mean that youcan't develop yourself and
become that better person, butit has to come from a natural

(04:28):
state.
So, coming and developing fromthat raw communication, I wanna
turn it to the idea of candorNow in episode 22, we covered
that on the uncommoncommunicator.
I'll put a link into the shownotes to that episode where we
talked about truth, lies andcandor.
But this one I wanna dive alittle bit deeper specifically
into candor.
How can we utilize this in ourcommunication?

(04:51):
And this is something as wellthat can be developed.
Some people who come acrossunreserved, you think they have
this radical candor as describedby Jill Scott.
But this radical candor isdifferent than just being
hurtful and that's what we'llfind out here.
Now.
Candor is described asunreserved, honest or sincere

(05:13):
expression.
It's really about thedefinition says unreserved.
I think there is somereserveness that is required in
being an effective giver ofcandor.
Another description is aquality of being open and honest
in expression.
Frankness that, I think, is oneof the best words that really
describes the idea of candor.

(05:35):
It's often referred to as beingrefreshing, like wow, some
refreshing candor instead of allthe sugar, just like when we
get in a sugar coma, especiallyafter the holidays.
Too much sugar in words doesn'tbring any benefit or value.
It's too sweet.
Now in radical candor by JimScott, she calls radical as

(05:55):
being far-reaching or thorough.
That's how she defines thecandor.
We wanna be far-reaching, wewanna dive in, we wanna be as
thorough as we can, and thedefinition of candor is being
open and honest in yourexpression.
So in other words, radicalcandor is the quality of being
thoroughly open and honest withothers thoroughly.
That's a difficult challenge toovercome to be thoroughly

(06:18):
honest, and to be thoroughlyhonest in a respectful way, like
when it comes to work andmanagement.
It means balancing the stuffout.
You have to be careful in howyou give this radical candor to
your team members, becauseultimately, your goal should be
to help them improve.
If your goal isn't to helpsomebody improve, then your
radical candor becomes just youropinion that somebody needs to

(06:40):
change.
There's seven tips that I'mgonna give you today in talking
about radical candor that willhopefully guide you away from
being that opinion, from beinghurtful, but to go in
conscientiously, to be there, tosincerely wanna help somebody.
And first it starts with thekey that that individual needs
to want to be helped.

(07:00):
So that's one of the firstthings that we need to look at
Is this individual open forcandor?
Now, radical, candid, radicallycandid criticism has to be
crystal clear.
It can't be fuzzy, it can't bejust too wishy-washy.
You have to be clear about it.
It's easy to say, it's veryhard to do, it's very hard to be

(07:22):
clear and it's very hard toseparate our biases and our
emotions out of this.
But being clear means leavingno room for interpretation about
what you really think.
Like, don't be so vague aboutit that you know you should work
on this or that.
You have to be crystal clear,and sometimes you've got to look
internally first to know how tobe able to say those things

(07:43):
clearly.
Because if you don't, thenthere's a good chance you're
just kind of diving into yourown opinion and there's a
possibility that your opinion iswrong.
So first be crystal clear aboutyour intentions.
The next thing ultimately, thisis the basis of it all.
It needs to be helpful.
Once you're really clear aboutwhat's wrong, you should be

(08:07):
there to help somebody fix aproblem, fix a situation, fix
this circumstance.
That's the spirit ofhelpfulness that is required in
really defining true candor.
The next thing is you have to behumble about it.
You've got to check your ego atthe door.
You're not always open tolearning.

(08:28):
When you think somebody iscompletely dead wrong, you're
not open to it.
So you have to be humble aboutit.
You have to go in there withthe mind as well.
If they're dead wrong andyou've got emotions in there,
you have to be humble about it.
And you also have to look atyourself.
You have to care about helpingothers do their best work of
their careers and by giving themthe best answer that you can,

(08:50):
and you have to do that in aspirit of humbleness.
The other thing that's reallyimportant about candor is really
about doing it in the righttime, making sure that your
timing is right.
Waiting and letting somethingbug you and get to you is not
always the right time.
I do believe there's a littlebit of patience in there to find

(09:12):
that right time, but the longeryou wait, the details get muddy
and that individual may noteven remember whatever you were
talking about in providing thatradical candor, because those
details start to fade with time.
So timing is very, veryimportant.
Quicker you do it, the better,and to develop that skill to be
able to do that.

(09:32):
I tend to overthink a lot ofthings and by the time I've
overthought exactly how I'mgonna say it, then that time has
passed and I've missed anopportunity both to build a
relationship with somebody andalso to help that individual
build themselves up as well.
So timing can become veryimportant.
Another thing is really todeliver it in person.

(09:55):
That's the best way.
If you're delivering candorthrough a text, you just stop
right now.
Don't do it.
Text would be the worst way todo it.
The best thing to do is to doit in person.
So much of our communication90% or above is nonverbal and
when you're giving this kind ofcandor, you really have to read

(10:16):
the room, read that individual,to know that you are giving them
something that is benefitingthem.
How are they receiving it?
And you have to be able to readthat.
This is a skill and a practicethat you have to practice, and
if you're being kind and you'rebeing clear, then you can see
how this person is reacting toit.
You may have to change yourapproach a little bit and maybe

(10:38):
it's not the right time.
Of course, this one seemsobvious Give it in private.
If you're giving criticism,give it in private.
Step out of the way.
You don't wanna have a debatein public about something.
You wanna step aside and havethese conversations with these
individuals.
It's not about calling somebodyout in public.
That one seems pretty basic,but do it in private.

(10:58):
Don't dress them down in public.
It's not about dressing down.
It's about helping andsupporting, and it won't be
received if you're giving it inpublic like that.
And the last thing is, it's notabout personality.
So that's about finding out andbeing clear about your message
that you're giving.
It's not about you know you'rea jerk or you're sloppy or

(11:20):
something like that.
It's those type of things.
It's not about personality.
You have to look.
It's about process and functionand things like that.
You're not there to changesomebody's personality.
You have to put that aside andthen that one, I think, goes
along with the idea of ego.
Those are things that you haveto look at in radical candor.

(11:42):
So a quick wrap up when you'retalking about kind of seven tips
of radical candor.
One be crystal clear, make sureit's helpful.
The other thing is be humbleabout it.
Put the ego away, put it aside.
Do it as quickly as you can.
You do it immediately, that'sone way, but do it especially at
the right time.
But the longer you wait,details will start to fade.

(12:05):
Do it in person and then do itin private.
And then remember this, it'snot about personality.
Those are some great tips thatyou can take in regards to
radical candor.
Tine it to your rawcommunication.
If you are in the world of rawcommunication and you're looking
to develop yourself out of that, remember this and these are
the words from Lance is beyourself, make it you, make it

(12:29):
you and change is okay.
Change in that process, butmake it all about that change.
Make it about being true toyourself.
So I would take this as thisweek's UC moment is this
Remember that radical candor canbring about effective change in
yourself and also effectivechange in others when presented

(12:50):
properly.
So I hope you take that withyou for this week, and that's
all I've got.
See you, bye Go.