E112 - The UCPB on The Power of NO

Unlock the secrets to gracefully declining requests and safeguarding your boundaries with the guidance of Sarah Ginald, our boundary expert. Prepare to navigate the tricky waters of saying "no" without ruffling feathers or compromising relationships. Our latest episode serves as a playbook for those moments when you need to stand your ground, offering nine practical strategies that marry assertiveness with empathy. Whether it's disentangling the refusal from the individual asking or learning the subtle art of a timely "not now," we've got you covered with insights straight from the Harvard Business Review and beyond.

The dance of denial need not be a solo performance. Embrace the nuanced choreography of preserving both your peace and your connections as we dissect each step in the process. Sarah's expertise illuminates the path to a firm yet kind refusal, highlighting the importance of clarity in your "no" and the freedom that comes with the choices you make. By the close of our conversation, you'll walk away not just with the tools to decline with finesse, but also the courage to welcome the growth and opportunities that your well-placed "no's" will bring.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:06):
Welcome to the Uncom communicator podcast, where we
bring enlightenment to the topicof communication.
Are you ready to take ownershipof your conversations?
Are you looking to possess theskills to navigate and
facilitate conversations to amutual understanding?
What are you waiting for?
Grab your growth mindset andlet's go.
Welcome to this week's episode.

(00:31):
This week in UC Playbook, we aregoing to be talking about some
best practices, only not fromour conversation with Sarah
Ginald about the power of know.
We had such a fantasticconversation talking about
boundaries and some greatstories that related to why and
how important it is to reallyknow and have a know, to know

(00:52):
K&OW to have a know and when touse it and effectively how to
use it as well.
What I did in bringing thisweek's playbook is bringing nine
practices that I have foundthat the Harvard Business Review
has brought out to help peoplein being able to practice the
ability to say no in everycircumstance.
So let's talk about those ninepractices.

(01:13):
The first thing is to know yourknow.
You have to know it.
You have to know what you'rewilling to accept and what
you're not going to, and that'sa lot of times like if we're not
sure and you're constantly saya people, pleaser.
You're going to go towards youryes, so what you want to do is
know what you're going to say noto and then think about saying

(01:34):
yes to the things that you wantto, but you have to know that in
advance.
The next thing is beappreciative.
Most of the time when peopleare asking you for your advice
or asking for your help, yoursupport is because they value
you, so it's never an insult forthem to come and ask you for
your help.
Now, that's not saying thatpeople aren't going to pile on

(01:56):
work on you.
That's a different set as well,too, that we're going to talk
about.
But it's being appreciativelike, hey, I think you, I
appreciate that you are lookingfor this, but I just don't have
the time for this right now.
It's not always a no.
It can often be a not now, andthat's something that Sarah
really brought up.
That was a very importantpractice to really think about.

(02:19):
Now, one of the more importantthings is to not say no to the
person.
You're not saying no to them,and you need to make that clear,
because some people areoffended by this.
So, taking that in advance,knowing that you're going to say
no to their request, andsometimes, depending on who that
is, you might want to clarifythat.
Make sure that they know look,I can't.

(02:40):
I'm saying no to this, but notno to you.
That's something to separatethose and that'll be important
in later on maintaining thatrelationship.
The next one I really like isreally to explain the why and
that's one thing that Sarahbrought out and that was part of
the UC moment, which is knowthe why, say the no.

(03:02):
So that was our UC moment lastweek.
But, talking about the why,there's particular reasons.
It could be timing, it could bea myriad of your own reasons,
and it's okay to say the whythat's behind it.
Be honest with them.
It's way better than justsaying no.
The next thing is be as resoluteas they are pushy.

(03:24):
You're going to have those.
You know it right.
We all run into those peoplethat we know are going to push
and they're going to push andthey're going to push and you
don't want to give up and that'stheir prerogative.
You know to come up and dothose things, but you have to be
resolute in your response tothem and what you want to do and
you want to do that in arespectful way, and then you can

(03:46):
even be a little playful withit, like, look, I know you don't
give up easily, but neither doI, and that's okay in setting
that standard for no, be asresolute as they are pushy.
The next one is practice, and wetalk about that a lot on the
uncommon communicator practiceyour nose and and Sarah brought

(04:07):
this out as well too a practicethat she had with her employees
that she knew were kind ofpushovers or they were always
saying yes, pushovers.
She never used that word, Ijust did.
But some people can bepushovers and they need to
practice saying no.
They don't know who and how tosay no, and she even shared a
story about how, when you know,she called on a weekend and had

(04:29):
something for somebody to do andat the end of it, talked about
how, hey, it's okay to say no.
And that's where the story camein, where it's okay to say not.
Now I'll get to that on the dayfor you, and that's okay.
But to practice, though she hada practice with her employee,
you can do the same thing now.
Some of the suggestions ofHarvard Business Review is this

(04:50):
is to practice saying no when awaiter asks you for dessert.
That is not uncommoncommunicator approved?
Not one bit.
If they offer you dessert, seewhat they got going first.
But there's plenty of otheropportunities, small ways of
practicing saying that no.
The other one is to establishlike a preemptive no.
We all have certain people inour lives who tend to make

(05:13):
Repeated, sometimes even burden,some requests to us.
We know they're coming, so youneed to be prepared for that no,
and sometimes we've ran intothose people that we know that
they are not ready for they're.
They're ready for you.
Maybe you're that person buthave a preemptive no ready.
Then when those requests comes,you you can always refer to

(05:34):
like a you know an earlierconversation about having that
conversation, about yourcommitments or whatever your
reason for no might be.
This is the tough one.
Be prepared to miss out.
A lot of times when we say yesand I'm not just talking
workload, you know, I'm talkingabout doing things that just so

(05:54):
much activities offers that maycome to you you might miss out
and that's one of the biggestreasons that draws in people to
say no is Because they don'twant to miss out.
They want to be a part of it.
You have to prepare yourselffor that.
Remind yourself that whenyou're saying no to a quest, you
are at the same time saying yesto somebody else and you need

(06:16):
to be able to take those Yesesand your nose and bounce them
out for your own life.
But you might miss out somethingover here, and that goes back
to when we were talking about onthe other podcast.
How are we going to prioritize?
And maybe you need to practicethat as well.
How do you prioritize what'simportant to you, what's
important to the other person?

(06:37):
All of those things factor intohow are you Prioritizing?
But in that, you know you mightmiss out on something, but is
it for the better good?
Is it the better reason?
Because I know that at timesI've said yes to things and
missed out on the things thatwere probably going to be better
or Funner or maybe even hadmore value.
I don't know why.

(06:57):
I can't even go back andremember why I said it, but I
know after I did it I regrettedit because I did not do a good
balance of Of or a practice offinding out what was my reason.
You know I wasn't prepared tomiss out on something and I
missed out on something reallygreat.
So you have to be prepared forthat.

(07:18):
The next thing is to reallygather your courage.
If someone is used to sayingyes, it will take courage to say
no, especially if that personis asking something for you to
give up really easily.
So you need to take courage toput up with that and be prepared
to say no.
So find the courage.
That is one thing, and we had alive stream the other day where

(07:40):
we talked about vulnerabilityand in that a lot of times Brene
Brown talks about how that's.
You know, it takes courage tobe vulnerable and in this case
it's the same thing.
You might have to be vulnerable.
You might have to be able tohave the courage to say no to
that person.

(08:01):
Those are some great tips fromthe Harvard Business Review for
helping you today in thisplaybook, actionable items for
you to think about.
So, of those nine items, thinkabout one that you can put into
practice Even this week, becausethat's going to challenge you
to be better at it if you're notgood at it.
The other thing is sometimesit's even good to be intuitive

(08:21):
or not intuitive.
It's going to be thoughtfulmindful that's a better word of
this practice, and when you'remindful of it, then you're going
to hone your skills, even ifyou think you're already good at
it.
So let's just do a quick review.
Be resolute, be as no, I'm sorry, go back.
Know your know Right, you gotto know your know, you got to

(08:43):
know it.
Be appreciative.
Stay no to the request, not tothat person.
Explain why.
Get back to the why thing.
Be as resolute as they arepushy and practice, practice it.
Find times to put this intopractice.
Establish a preemptive know,especially with people that you

(09:04):
know are going to come at youwith a barrage of stuff.
Be prepared to miss out.
And then, the most importantthing, at the end, gather the
courage from the practice to beable to say no.
Hope this helps.
I hope this gives you someactionable items, and our UC
moment for this episode is thesame UC moment that we had in

(09:25):
our episode with Sarah, which isthis know the why, say the know
.
That's all I got.
See you Bye.