Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
If I don't have time
to myself to read pray, journal,
meditate, whatever it is thatyou feel like will fill your cup
.
Having that time first thing inthe morning sets the precedence
for the entire day, so thattime is incredibly, incredibly
sacred, because that just helpswith my whole mindset.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Hey Uncommon Leaders,
welcome back.
This is the Uncommon LeaderPodcast and I'm your host, john
Gallagher.
Well, you may not believe it,but we've reached a milestone
this is episode 150 of theUncommon Leader Podcast.
So, whether it's your firsttime listening or your 150th
time, a huge thank you to eachof you for joining me on this
journey.
Today, for this special episode,I have an equally special guest
(00:44):
.
I'm thrilled to welcome theincredible Marlena Stell.
Not only is she a successfulentrepreneur and social media
influencer with millions offollowers, but she's also an
inspiring example of overcomingadversity and turning passion
into purpose, and I'm alsograteful to call her friend.
Marlena shares her journey ofovercoming childhood struggles,
building confidence and creatinga thriving business.
(01:06):
We'll hear about the power offamily support, the importance
of following your gut and howshe's using her platform to make
a difference through herventure in House of Marseille.
Get ready for a dose ofinspiration, actionable advice
and a conversation that willleave you feeling empowered.
Let's get started.
Hey, marlena Stone, welcome tothe Uncommon Leader Podcast.
(01:33):
Great to have you on the show.
How are you doing today?
Speaker 1 (01:35):
I'm happy to be here
Doing great.
Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
John for having me.
I've been waiting for thisconversation for a long time
Full disclosure to the listeners.
Marlena and I've been workingtogether for about a year and a
half now, and I've had a chanceto learn more about her and as
we've worked to work with her onthe business side and on the
coaching side, but I know thather story is one that is
inspiring and encouraging andone that the listeners of the
Uncommon Leader podcast need tohear, and I'm excited to go
(02:03):
through that story with you alittle bit today, marlena.
So as we get started, though, Ialways start all my first time
guests with the same firstquestion, that's, to ask you to
tell a story from your childhoodthat still impacts who you are
today as a person or as abusiness leader.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
Oh, a story from
childhood I think.
Well, it'll start off negativebut it'll turn into a positive.
So I struggled with weightsince I was a small child and I
was made a fun of a lot on theplayground and so it was just
kind of a regular occurrence.
For a long time I've struggledwith hearing things from the
playground, but I would alwayscome home.
(02:42):
My parents were so supportive,especially my dad, and having, I
guess, as a daughter, having afather figure that was very
supportive and always telling meyou know, you're so beautiful,
you're so smart, just giving mea lot of positive affirmations,
and I knew it was very genuine.
It wasn't like, ok, my dad'sjust saying this because you
know I'm his daughter, he lovesme, but he would constantly give
(03:03):
me that reassurance.
And so when I reflect back onmy childhood, most people say,
oh, it was a hard childhoodbecause I was made fun of all
the time.
But for me, I had such ablessed and amazing childhood
because I had a strong, positivehome environment, and I think
that's just.
If you have that at least oneperson in your life as a child
that gives you so much positivesupport, you can overcome just
(03:24):
about anything.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
So, no, I hear that
and I listen through, because as
a child I probably went throughsimilar things.
But you know, even as you'vegrown and look, folks know you
already know this, but thosethat are just getting a chance
to meet you.
You've got millions offollowers on social media.
It's an opportunity for you tosit in front of your listeners
(03:46):
on a regular basis, and manytimes folks see that and they
think these people must havephenomenal confidence.
That's not always been the casefor you.
That's something that you'vehad to work through all along,
and so for you, as you've movedinto adulthood, from childhood
and that confidence level, whatare some of the things that have
allowed you the opportunity todo what you do today?
Speaker 1 (04:08):
I think.
I mean it's been a really longgrowing process for me to feel
that I'm capable and strongenough and confident in so many
areas, especially as I startedbusiness.
When I started business I hadno experience at all, so I think
for a while I had to almosthate to use this phrase but fake
it till you make it.
I was a teacher and going fromteacher to being a business
(04:32):
owner and doing productdevelopment and cosmetics were
very different career paths.
So in the beginning I was likeyou know, I'm just, I think,
cause I'm very stubborn, and sothe stubbornness me and was like
I'm just going to do it, likeyou know, I'm just going to get
in there and I'm stubborn andyou know.
But I think that played to mybenefits.
Um, cause I had to fake it tillI make it in the beginning and
(04:54):
over time it just I began togarner the skills I needed.
It's almost you learn as you gois the best training possible.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
When you think about
what you went through.
What were some of thosesymptoms of the lack of
confidence that you had?
What were you experiencing asyou grew through that?
Speaker 1 (05:11):
I think it was a
constant self-doubt, because I
was bringing with me, I guess,my own baggage of having low
self-esteem on the outsidebecause I kept struggling with
weight, and it just became aconstant public scrutiny.
I hate to use this phrase aswell, but this is what wraps it
up very succinctly is my boxthat society put me in for so
(05:32):
many years was I was a fat girlwith a pretty face and that was
kind of my mindset of what Ithought is like you know, I
struggle with weight, but I've,you know I can do makeup
beautifully and things like that.
But over time I had to learnhow to be confident, and that's
I didn't learn that until,honestly, until I got close to
my 40s, because up until thatpoint I thought well, you're
(05:54):
just born with it, or women whoare just born naturally
beautiful, of course they'regoing to be confident.
And what I realized is even thewomen that you would think were
ideal on the outside, theystill even struggled with
confidence.
So then it kind of clicked forme.
I was like, wait a minute, it'snot.
It's not doesn't correlate with, you know, society standards of
(06:16):
looks.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
It's a skill that you
have to learn, and so I sense
that one of those things youtalked about in one of your, one
of your recent videos, and thatwe've talked about before, is
that confidence can be learned.
It is a skill that is learned,so that means if we can learn it
, then we also probably canunlearn it.
What are some of the habits,maybe, that you've developed to
(06:38):
help you to improve yourconfidence as you continue to be
in front of the camera and growyour business, your confidence?
Speaker 1 (06:45):
as you continue to be
in front of the camera and grow
your business.
One of the key things helped meso much is in the mornings or
any time of day, having agratitude journal, and I know a
lot of people think, well,that's very like, okay, let's do
a gratitude journal.
But when I stopped to writedown, there's something about
tactile writing it and visuallyseeing it, of saying positive
things in your life that you'regrateful for.
(07:05):
And then also I make sure toinclude positive things that I
like about myself.
You know I feel like I havenice eyes, I feel like I'm very
compassionate, I have a bigheart.
So me even writing those thingsand focusing on the things I
love about myself builds theconfidence.
So I focus less on the thingsthat maybe I think that I
struggle with.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
I think, as I, as I
listened to that I'm focusing on
things that we like aboutourselves.
It is so easy in today's worldto focus on the things that we
don't like about ourselves andwe step in front of a camera or
we're even in front of themirror when we're talking to
ourselves.
That mindset of negative andwhat we don't like is so
important.
So I can understand how,ultimately, focusing on the
(07:47):
things that you like aboutyourself can be very important.
So I hear you touch on that,your eyes, compassionate and
certainly the way that you are.
I even was reminded in one ofyour videos about an experience
that you had teaching othermodels, and so you teaching has
been something.
What has been there as you'vegrown inside of teaching and how
has that formed who you are, inyour business as well?
Speaker 1 (08:09):
Oh my gosh.
So I love to teach.
Since I was a child, I wouldline up my teddy bears and teach
.
It makes me light up and it's askill set that I've had since I
was young.
I always, since I was a child,I loved to teach and so as I've
gotten older, I've really honedin on that and that's what I
built my social media followingon.
(08:30):
And, ironically, I built mymakeup brand on was called
Makeup Geek, because I wouldteach people how to apply makeup
.
So that's how that name kind ofcame about.
But the more I did that skillset, I felt more internally
confident because I'm activelyevery single day.
I'm doing something that I knowI'm good at, and when I, when I
feel like I can do somethingreally good, it translates to my
(08:51):
overall confidence, not just onthe inside, but how I feel.
Like I look on the outside,it's like well, of course I'm
not.
You know, I feel like I'mpretty, I get on camera and I'm
teaching people.
I'm teaching people how to domakeup.
So it gives me that overallconfidence.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
I think, teaching
we've heard it before.
We are most powerfullypositioned to help the person
that we used to be.
So I would imagine, especiallyas much as you are in front of
the camera, you're talking tothat little girl who grew up
with it as well.
You're talking to that youngentrepreneur, woman in business,
who's trying to grow as well.
So if you had tips for them,even to help them improve their
(09:29):
confidence women in business andgoing forward what would you
say that you've experienced andhow you've overcome some of
those things that you run into?
Speaker 1 (09:36):
I think women in
business specifically have
another layer of confidence theyhave to build because they're
putting themselves in a veryvulnerable the ground that
you're trying to break andthere's always a little bit of
uncertainty like what am I doingand how do I navigate the
business?
So I think again, like findingsomething that you're really
(09:57):
good at, like each person'sstrengths different someone is
great at marketing, someone'sgreat at building a business
plan, whatever it is in yourbusiness that you do really well
, do it every single day andmake that the focus of what
you're doing, and that buildsconfidence.
But also to never second guessyour gut.
My biggest failures and mybiggest successes in business
(10:21):
have always centered around thetimes when I listened to my gut
and I had that inner strengthand confidence to know I was
making the right decision.
Or when I ignored it and Ididn't listen to my gut and I
listened to someone else or didsomething that didn't feel right
was the cause to my biggestfailure.
So I'd always say thatfollowing your gut, ironically,
is going to give you moreconfidence, because each
(10:42):
decision you make that you seegoes well based on your gut.
You're like, oh, I did make theright decision the next time
you do it.
It just kind of spirals fromthere in an upward fashion of
building more confidence.
Speaker 2 (10:53):
Love that, one of the
things that you and I have
talked about.
In our working.
We have kind of a way toevaluate options that are out
there and use a very mechanicalapproach on how it affects the
business and how it affects yourcustomers and how it affects
you inside the business.
But ultimately that decisioncomes down as like what is my
internal gut reaction telling me?
(11:13):
And usually if it doesn't feelreally good, it's either a sign
of indigestion or that thedecision is not really ready to
be made and it's probably, onthat, not really ready to be
made.
So we need to kind of digdeeper inside of that.
Now I sense I don't have thisproblem millions of followers on
social media and other spacesand that if you have millions of
(11:37):
followers, they're probably notall raving fans.
You probably have a couple, atleast one or two critics out
there that have a way of tryingto tear you down as well.
That's just how society feels,and so what are the ways that
you're able to tune that out ormanage that?
Maybe you can't tune it outcompletely, but manage some of
the things that they say as well.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
Oh, my goodness.
Yes, this has been a very, veryinteresting journey in my 16
years of being in the public eyeis there's always going to be
critics that have something tosay.
You could be the most amazing,perfect on the planet, and
someone will find something thatthey don't like.
And this was my hardest lessonas well, because I didn't start
(12:19):
to learn confidence in thisaspect until probably the last
few years or so.
But in the beginning of my timeon YouTube, I would hear all
sorts of comments and wouldstart to affect me.
But I think over time, justhearing it, you almost become
numb to it and you start to tuneit out and realize like okay,
it's not me that they're havingan issue about.
It's they're projecting theirown insecurities or own trials
(12:43):
that they're going through,excuse me, in their own lives.
And once I learned that itwasn't all about me, it's about
them projecting it almost mademe not be angry or upset anymore
.
I look at people withcompassion and say in my mind
like they must be going throughsomething really difficult right
now to be lashing out or sayingsuch hurtful comments, because
(13:06):
someone who's happy, in a goodplace in their life, just isn't
going to do that.
So once I switched that mindsetof from anger to compassion, it
changed the whole game.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
I love that and I
know it's not easy to do.
I think we have those criticsand hopefully they're not in our
inner circle as to how we needcoaches, we need those who will
give us feedback, but thosecritics are always going to be
there.
They're going to be trying totear you down, and it may be
people that were once positivein your life as well that jump
in when they see you starting tohave a little bit of success.
(13:38):
They may try to, in essence,bring you back into their space.
So it's very important tounderstand what they're trying
to do, and I love that.
It's.
Hurting people will hurt people, uh, in terms of what you're
talking about there, and ifwe're aware of that and we can
have compassion for them as wellin that situation, that can
(13:59):
certainly help us to get throughthat as well and hopefully have
an impact on them.
You also have mentioned thatsomething that's very important
for you is, you know, makingyourself a top priority and
building your confidence.
What are some of the ways thatyou make yourself a top priority
as you grow, as you continue tostrive for more?
Speaker 1 (14:20):
I think carving out
an hour each day, getting up
before everyone else, is a keyto how my day is going to lay
out.
If I don't have time to myselfto read, pray, journal, meditate
, whatever it is that you feellike will fill your cup.
Having that time first thing inthe morning sets the precedence
(14:40):
for the entire day.
So that time is incredibly,incredibly sacred, because that
just helps with my whole mindsetand that also builds confidence
too.
If I have that time for me,then I can be there for others
and then just making sure everyweek that I do something just
for myself, even if it's justdriving to the coffee shop and
(15:01):
getting a coffee while listeningto my favorite 90s music or
whatever.
It is something that's justsimple and small.
It doesn't have to becomplicated or expensive, but
something that just makes youhappy.
But taking time like being verymindful of every single day.
You have to have some time justfor you and then some sort of
event or something you do everyweek once a week.
(15:23):
That's another bonus of likethis is my time.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
Hey listeners, I want
to take a quick moment to share
something special with you.
Many of the topics anddiscussions we have on this
podcast are areas where Iprovide coaching and consulting
services for individuals andorganizations.
If you've been inspired by ourconversation and are seeking a
catalyst for change in your ownlife or within your team, I
invite you to visitcoachjohngallaghercom forward
(15:49):
slash free call to sign up for afree coaching call with me.
It's an opportunity for us toconnect, discuss your unique
challenges and explore howcoaching or consulting can
benefit you and your team.
Okay, let's get back to theshow.
I love that you mentioned yourtime as well.
First of all, I know you're abig Starbucks fan and I've been
(16:12):
in Houston before when you'vebeen there and you like your
Starbucks early in the morningfor your time.
But you're also a newer mom.
You have a young toddler, audie, who you are raising now, and
that changes things as well as aleader, as a business person as
well.
How has she helped to shapeyour leadership and your style?
Speaker 1 (16:35):
Oh my gosh, she is my
little mini me, my spitfire,
she's my everything.
But it changed.
I was in business for a longtime before I had my daughter,
so I had this very hustle mode.
I was hustle, hustle, hustlewith even with makeup geek to
the point where it destroyed myhealth because I was overworking
myself.
And I still if I'm being veryblunt and honest, I still really
(16:57):
struggle with that now, where Iwill overwork myself, get sick.
It's this whole cycle.
But with Audie, she has forcedme to have a true balance of
working and spending time withher.
Mama.
Are you done working Mama,let's play.
Mama, you know she's like Mama.
Are you in a meeting?
What are you going to be done?
Like just her wanting my loveand attention.
(17:19):
It forces me to pull myselfaway from work, so I'm not
working myself to the ground andI'm on a day to day basis.
I'm constantly have to strugglethat balance between mom life
and work life.
But it's always a good thingthat I have that balance of the
two and so she's, she's broughtup that good in me.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
She's a hoot and I
like to see when you share on
social media about her as welland some of the things that you
are growing through as a mom.
This question is going to sounda little bit selfish on my part
, but it isn't really.
I want folks to know that evenas entrepreneurs, we can't do it
all on our own.
You took the step of jumping inwith a coach.
(18:00):
What do you see in the value ofa coach or maybe that's not
just a coach in business, but itmight be a coach in your mental
or spiritual world as well.
What do you see and how that'simpacted you and your growth?
Speaker 1 (18:14):
It's been
life-changing, john.
I'm going to try not to getemotional as I talk about it,
I'm not going to get sappy, Idon't want to ruin my mascara.
For me it's been life-changingto have someone that you feel,
that is in your corner, cheeringyou on, trying to help you,
wish the best for you.
But in a professional sense,it's always amazing to have
someone that has experience likeyou, who has been through so
(18:38):
many things you know light yearsbefore me, and just has walked
that walk to be able to sit downand say, okay, this is what I
see from the outside, because Ithink we, especially as women,
we get so much in our head thatwe can see things about other
people, but when it comes to us,or things that we need to work
on, or things that are gettingin the way of our progress, it's
(18:59):
helpful to have someone on theoutside looking in to say this
is what I see.
That I think would help youwith your time management or
with your you know, being aleader.
All of those things have helpedme so immensely.
I don't know how I would havegotten this far if it hadn't
been for the last year and ahalf with you.
So thank you, john.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
And I just I mean
again, while I didn't want it to
be that selfish, I know thatthere's times that we as leaders
and certainly those who want tobe successful we get a little
bit of hubris involved in thereand we think we can do it all on
our own.
And I think it's just soimportant I have a coach as well
, the coach of the coach,whatever that means that we need
others to kind of see, help usto see our blind spots, help us
(19:42):
to see, and to your point, theexperiences that they have as
well.
That could help and have youavoid some of the pitfalls that
might be there into the future.
So that's pretty cool when Ithink about it.
So let's bring it right to thekind of bottom shelf for easier
to reach for those listeners.
You have listeners in here thatare wondering you know, I'm
(20:03):
suffering from a lack ofself-confidence and I want to
get better as a leader and Iwant to grow as well and I want
to be in front of a camera evenmore.
What would be the tips that youwould give the Marlena of just
a few years ago who wasstruggling her way through that,
or the person that's listeningthat might be in the same seat
you were as to how to getstarted today.
Speaker 1 (20:24):
I think the first
thing you have to do it always
starts with you, and that'ssometimes hard for us to realize
because we want to say wellit's.
You know, I'm not confidentbecause I wasn't born beautiful
or because I had this traumaticevent happen to my life.
We can always.
It's very easy to try to seekwhat's going on, but it always
starts with us internally.
So I go back to you have to,first thing is, every single day
(20:47):
, make time for yourself, and Iknow it doesn't sound like a way
to build confidence, but I'mtelling you, if you just have an
hour to yourself every day todo something that fills your cup
, you will automatically feelconfident because you are making
time, you're making yourself apriority.
And then, second, make surethere's no negative talk.
And this was a lesson I had tolearn too is I'm my own worst
(21:10):
critic and we so often putourselves down.
And even if we don't verballysay it, we think it in our head.
And if we think something inour head, it's more likely to
happen or be the reality.
If that's our like, the law ofattraction is real.
If I'm telling myself all theday you know, every single day,
(21:30):
oh, I'm ugly because I strugglewith weight, then that's how I'm
going to be presented to theworld.
That's going to be my realityis that people see me as being
that.
But if I'm telling myself I'mstill beautiful even though I
struggle with weight, or I'mstill intelligent, or I bring
all these amazing things to thetable, that's going to build
confidence too.
So it always starts with usfirst, before anything else.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
Quiet time, positive
mindset, absolutely.
And mindset is one of thosemuscles that we must train on a
regular basis.
From a faith standpoint, I knowthat thinking on those positive
things is very important andyou mentioned that critic but
that evil one will try todistract us.
He will try to push us awayfrom what we need to do to be
successful in both our businesslife, but also in our personal
lives as well.
So I've appreciated you sharing.
(22:15):
I want to give you a little bitof opportunity I'll put some
contact info in the show notesbut to tell us about your
company, marlena, that you'rebuilding and the mission that
you have and who you serve.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
So the company I'm
building is called House of
Marseille and I haven't toldanyone what it entails yet
because everyone's dying to knowwhat is it that I'm going to be
working on.
And I do have a Makeup GeekAcademy as well, where I teach
people how to build out theirbusinesses and beauty.
Also, I teach makeup classesbecause I love to teach, so
that's kind of my passionproject is Makeup Geek Academy,
(22:47):
but my true business that willreplace Makeup Geek is called
how so Mar Stay.
But my ultimate goal and I trynot to get it, I don't know, I'm
crying already for it is totake a good part of the funds,
or at least one part of the line, and have it fund domestic
abuse shelters.
(23:08):
Sorry, I didn't mean to cry onthe podcast today.
I guess that's what I meant todo, but it's really important
for me to support domestic abuseshelters because that's
something that I endured in mylifetime.
So it's very personal for me tobe able to help especially
women have a, have theconfidence to be able to get out
(23:31):
of really bad relationship orbad environment that they're in
and feel like that they havehope to build a life that they
want for themselves.
So sorry, I didn't mean to cry.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
No, no, no.
I appreciate you sharing that,but I wanted folks to know as
well, uh, really know as well.
Really, the mission of yourorganization is to not only just
to grow your business, asyou've done, and I just frankly
appreciate being a small part ofthat on the journey that you're
(24:10):
looking to create.
Marlena, how do folks stay intouch with you?
What's the best place they cango and find you?
Speaker 1 (24:17):
I'm all over social
media.
If you just search my name,marlena Style, that's my YouTube
handle, my TikTok, my Instagram, my Facebook, I think that's it
.
I don't do Snapchat anymore, soI'm out there.
If you just Google my name,you'll find me.
Speaker 2 (24:30):
Go on.
Finder folks, I'll put the.
I'll put the links in the shownotes.
But fun, fun to watch andcertainly those of you who are
looking to be taught how to bemore beautiful both inside and
out.
Marlene is there to help out.
I have so appreciated this andI know the listeners of the
podcast are going to find valuefor so many reasons.
Marlene, as we go through this,I'll finish with one more
(24:51):
question and give you kind ofthe last word.
It's always the same lastquestion that I ask, but I'm
going to give you a billboardand you can put it anywhere you
want to.
What's the message you're goingto put on that billboard and
why do you put that messagethere?
Maybe that's two questions.
Speaker 1 (25:05):
So my message would
be you're never too old to start
over and it's never too late tomake yourself happy and feel
authentically confident.
I know that's not very succinct.
I'm not giving this beautifullike quote or anything like that
(25:27):
.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
No hashtag or
anything.
Speaker 1 (25:30):
No hashtag or
anything, but I think at this
stage of my life because I'm 44,it's never too late to make a
change and live the life thatyou want.
That's what I would say.
Speaker 2 (25:39):
No, I appreciate that
, Marlena, and I know that folks
will find an interest there.
Just as you said, as you'vegrown and you've been through,
as I've gotten a chance to learnyour story as well, many lives,
if you will, in the growth andI'm looking again, looking
forward to seeing what's goingto be possible with the House of
Mars Day and, frankly, you asyou grow on your journey as a
(25:59):
mom and as a spouse and as afriend to many.
So thank you again for sharingso much on the Uncommon Leader
Podcast.
I wish you the best goingforward.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
Thank you so much,
Don, for having me Appreciate it
.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
And that wraps up
another episode of the Uncommon
Leader Podcast.
Thanks for tuning in today.
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