June 23, 2025 • 26 mins
Have you ever noticed how exhausting it is trying to change the difficult people in your life? What if the key to your peace lies not in their transformation, but in yours?
Grace through acceptance becomes possible when we release our grip on how others should be. In this deeply moving episode, I share my personal breakthrough moment—when I stopped trying to "fix" toxic family members and discovered a profound liberation. This shift wasn't about giving up or tolerating harmful behavior. Rather, it revealed how love transforms when we no longer filter others through our wounded ego.
I walk you through practical techniques that saved my sanity, including the "Seeds Blowing in the Wind" visualization that helps you let toxic words pass by instead of planting them in your mental garden. You'll learn why some difficult people actually anticipate your emotional reactions and how to rise above these dynamics with dignity. The "River and Rock" concept offers a powerful metaphor: you can be the flowing water that moves around obstacles rather than futilely trying to remove them from your path.
My son recently asked how I remain so calm around triggering people. The answer lies in a consciousness shift that anyone can achieve—seeing the soul beneath someone's personality, the wounded child beneath their mask. This episode isn't about spiritual bypassing; it's about finding genuine compassion while maintaining healthy boundaries.
Ready to transform your most challenging relationships? Listen now to discover how acceptance creates the space for true healing—not because others change, but because you do. And be sure to check out the accompanying guided meditation on our website to embody these principles before your next difficult encounter.
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/angelamyerun/
Website: https://www.undetectednarcissist.com
Blog posts: https://undetectednarcissist.com/blog/
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to Season 4 of the Undetected Narcissist
Podcast.
Your host, angela Meyer, ishere to bring you clarity if you
are stuck in confusion,self-doubt or feel lost, without
a sense of direction.
This podcast is extremelydifferent because Angela comes
from a place of wisdom,compassion and has been able to
forgive the unforgivable.
(00:22):
She's a mental healthprofessional, trauma-informed
human consciousness guide andempowerment strategist.
She knows one can't truly healand recover when one is stuck in
hate, anger and fear.
One must rise above it, findmeaning, understanding,
compassion for oneself and thetoxic people within our lives.
(00:45):
This season is aboutself-empowerment,
self-realizations andtransformation.
There is always a blog postsupporting this information, so
please visitundetectednarcissistcom so get
ready to learn about yourself,others and find a way to truly
live and thrive.
(01:06):
Once again, enjoy the show.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of
the Undetected Narcissist.
Today I'm talking about gracethrough acceptance, and this one
can be really really hard forsome people to grasp.
Can be really really hard forsome people to grasp.
It was for me and I will unpackhow I came to this realization
(01:30):
that saved my sanity literallysaved my sanity and it changed
everything for me when I stoppedtrying to change others.
So finding grace or acceptanceis a deeply profound and
liberating shift.
It is one of the mosttransformative steps in the
(01:53):
evolution of consciousness.
When someone stops trying tochange others, it moves from
personal preference andprojection into graceful
neutrality and soul levelacceptance.
My son has seen me around toxicpeople and is amazed at how I
(02:15):
handle their behaviors andattempts to hook me into an
argument or fight.
My son wants to grow andovercome his traumas because it
means his heart is alreadyopening.
Therefore, this information Ishare today is designed to be
relatable yet elevated, honestyet empowering, something that
(02:42):
speaks to those ready to movebeyond judgment and into divine
compassion.
There is a moment in the journeyof awakening when love stops
being about agreement, alignmentor shared values and starts
being about grace, and startsbeing about grace.
(03:06):
This moment is quiet, powerfuland life-altering.
It comes not with fireworks,but with peace.
That moment came when Irealized I don't have to change
anyone to love them.
I realized I don't have toagree with them to respect them,
(03:26):
and I don't even have tounderstand them to hold them in
my heart.
I used to believe love meantmaking people better or at least
more like me.
Based on my professionalexperience in mental health, I
thought that if I could justoffer the right insight, express
(03:49):
myself clearly enough or showthem what I saw, they would
shift, and sometimes they did.
But more often what Iexperienced was resistance,
conflict and disconnection.
I was trying to loveconditionally, while calling it,
(04:11):
quote helping.
The fundamental shift happenedwhen I began to release my
attachments to how others shouldbe their politics, beliefs and
personality quirks, the way theyprocess emotion, the way they
don't, the things they said thatonce triggered me, the things
(04:36):
they didn't say that once hurtme.
And something unexpectedhappened when I stopped trying
to change them, everythingchanged.
It was as if grace itselfwalked into my chest and said
quote you are free and so arethey.
(05:00):
I started to see people assouls, not just personalities.
The more I let go, the more Isaw their wounds and wisdom,
their masks and their truth.
All at once I was no longeroffended by what once disturbed
me.
(05:20):
I was so.
I mean the whole thing.
It was so eye-opening for me.
My eyes were wide open.
I found that I could sit withpeople radically different from
me and still feel connected.
My whole reality changed.
(05:42):
I could hear someone's extremeviewpoint and not recoil,
because I wasn't filtering theirwords through my own ego
anymore.
That is when I came to therealization that I didn't need
to be right.
I just needed to stay present.
(06:03):
This didn't mean I let go ofdiscernment or boundaries.
It meant I let go control.
So how do you start if you'renot there yet?
If you're, like my son, longingfor this kind of peace but
(06:25):
unsure of how to access it,here's where you begin.
One notice what triggers you.
Triggers are like gold mines.
They point to where your egostill needs others to behave a
certain way for you to feel safe, seen or validated.
(06:46):
Two ask what am I trying tocontrol or fix?
Be honest with yourself.
Often, beneath frustration is asubtle hope that someone will
finally get it or be who we needthem to be.
(07:08):
Three practice releasing thestory Instead of telling
yourself quote they're wrong,they should change.
End.
Quote or quote they are ontheir path.
I don't have to carry theirlesson.
Four tune into the soul.
(07:29):
Behind the mask, everyone hasone, even those who seem hard,
loud or lost.
Can you feel the child withinthem, the sacredness, the scared
person that's buried beneaththe noise?
Can you connect to that?
(07:51):
And five choose compassion overconversion.
You don't need to convertanyone.
To your viewpoint, compassionmeans holding space for them as
they are, even if they neverchange.
(08:12):
This is the beginning of realfreedom.
When we accept others as theyare, we stop wasting energy on
the impossible task of shapingthem.
In that release, your heartopens wider than you ever
thought possible.
That is what unconditional loveis all about, and that is why
(08:37):
we must learn to master what wewere never given or taught to
use when we were growing up.
This is the love that does notdemand.
It is the peace that bypassesunderstanding.
This is the grace that changeseverything, not because they
(09:02):
changed, but because you didGrace through acceptance.
Today I want to talk aboutsomething that changed
everything for me, not overnight, not with effort, but with
(09:24):
surrender, and that something isthe radical, so freeing power
of acceptance.
It is not the kind ofacceptance that gives up or
tolerates what feels wrong.
It is the kind that breathesgrace into every relationship,
(09:47):
even the hardest ones.
You see, there was a time whenI believed love meant
improvement, and I learned thisdistorted viewpoint.
Growing up, I had horrible rolemodels because I did not grow
up in a home with unconditionallove.
When I stepped out of mywounded ego and into a higher
(10:10):
state of consciousness, Idiscovered that I had the false
belief that if I generally caredabout my toxic family members,
I would try to help them change,I would lead by example and
eventually they would followbecause I could be there.
(10:31):
I could see their blind spotsIn my heart.
I wanted to wake them up, shifttheir thinking, especially
regarding the big stuff, theirspiritual path, worldviews and
behaviors.
I thought that was love, love,but that was love with strings,
(11:07):
love with the subtle energy ofquote.
I'll feel more peaceful whenyou change.
It wasn't until I let go of thatneed, that urge to fix or
convert, that somethingmiraculous happened.
Everything changed, even whenthey didn't.
Suddenly I could be in thepresence of someone I used to
(11:30):
feel deeply triggered by andfeel nothing but compassion, no
judgment, no resistance and noneed to correct or explain
myself.
Just space, presence and peace.
Because love isn't aboutagreement, it's about connection
(11:56):
, it's about recognizing thesoul underneath the personality,
the child underneath the maskand the divine beneath the drama
.
So when people ask me quote howcan you be so calm around
someone so different from you,or how can you be so calm around
(12:20):
someone so different from you,or how can you love someone
whose views you don't share, Itell them this I stopped needing
them to be different, andthat's when real love came in.
(12:41):
Instead of reaching outward, youlook inward.
Now my friend who's on her ownjourney asked me recently how do
you get to that place?
How do you accept people youdisagree with or even feel hurt
by, without losing yourself?
And here's what I told her youstart by noticing what you want
(13:07):
to change.
Instead of reaching outward,you look inward, ask yourself
what am I trying to control?
What story am I holding ontoabout how this person should
behave?
What part of me feels unsafeunless I'm being validated?
(13:32):
Unsafe unless I'm beingvalidated?
You meet that part of yourselfwith unconditional love.
Then you let go.
You let go of needing to beright.
You let go the wounded eaglethat demands they understand, we
(13:57):
let go of needing them tochange.
And when we do, something,amazing happens.
When we can do this forourselves and the toxic people
around us, your heart expandsand grace walks in Seeds blowing
in the wind.
Technique.
Therefore, I've created thistechnique.
(14:22):
I taught it to myself and ithas been my lifeline.
When I'm around toxic people,before I am in the presence of
anyone toxic or full of drama, Imake sure that I am grounded.
Presence of anyone toxic orfull of drama, I make sure that
I am grounded, centered andbalanced.
This is essential because if weare already in a bad funk, we
(14:45):
can easily be triggered into anegative reaction and if I am
being truly transparent here,some of those toxic people are
waiting and anticipating thatyou will lose your cool and snap
.
I know this is messed up andchildish, but we must remember
(15:06):
who and what we are dealing with.
This is not about them, but you.
When I feel grounded andcentered, I imagine a light
jacket of protection around methat is snug against my skin.
Then I imagine I am surroundedby bright, white or golden light
(15:27):
.
Enjoy the process and say toyourself Shields up like Batman.
Enjoy the process and say toyourself shields up like Batman.
Now, when someone toxic speaksto me or within earshot, I think
of their words like seedsblowing in the wind.
Some seeds are supportive andnurturing, while others are
(15:49):
toxic and damaging to my mentalgarden.
We always have a choice ofwhich seeds we want to grab and
water, because this is the truth.
When we grab a toxic seed, suchas an insult, shame, anger or
hatred, we are the only ones whohold it and water it.
(16:12):
Nobody else does this for us.
Each time we water it with ourdisappointment, resentment and
prideful ego, it grows roots.
We can lose sleep over itbecause our mind will stew and
stew Weeds start to form in ourmental garden.
(16:36):
Here is the sad truth.
Some toxic people can't wait toruin your day.
They will bait you and provokeyou until you snap.
Then they will flip the scriptand blame shift, saying that you
are the angry toxic person.
They will gaslight you intoquestioning your reality and
(16:57):
sense of self.
We need to rise above theseimmature games and egotistical
power trips.
I know it is twisted and messedup, but be warned Learn to let
those toxic seeds float on by.
(17:18):
That is why I say silence isgolden.
When I hear something insultingtowards me or someone I care
about, I do not say a word.
I do not say a word.
I do not need to defend myself.
It's not worth my piece ofminor energy.
(17:39):
Why, even if I tried to defendmyself or another person, I'm
still being baited into areaction that is when I walk
away.
They are not worth it.
It is their messed up hatefulopinion, not mine.
I choose peace because I know Icannot change them.
(18:05):
That is why people came up withthe saying quote just let that
shit go.
I love that saying.
Let the seeds float on by.
We always have a choice.
You will thank yourself in theend.
Therefore, I want to share astory with you, a little
(18:28):
metaphor, as I love to do.
Let's call it the sculpture andthe stone.
There once was a sculpture whospent her life searching for the
perfect stone.
She wanted to carve somethingmagnificent, something that
would reflect her soul.
Yet every time she found astone, she began to chip away,
(18:51):
only to discover cracks, hardspots, imperfections.
Frustrated, she discarded itand moved on, thinking to
herself this one isn't right,I'll try the next.
Years passed, dozens of stones,dozens of attempts.
Then, weary and worn.
(19:13):
One day she sat beside theroughest, most unpolished stone
she had ever found.
It had strange curves,discolored fault lines.
It was nothing like sheimagined her masterpiece would
come from.
Yet she was tired of searching.
(19:35):
So she sat and waited.
She didn't reach for her chisel, she just sat with the stone In
the stillness.
She listened to it, she let thesun warm it and watched the
(19:55):
rain wash over it.
Day after day she watched itwithout trying to change it.
Then something curious happened.
She began to see beauty and thethings she once tried to carve
away Before her eyes.
(20:16):
She saw the curves.
It held wisdom and the cracksheld light.
The stone, as it was, began toteach her how to love without
molding.
At that moment she realized themasterpiece wasn't something to
create but something to see.
(20:38):
She didn't need to change thestone, she needed to change how
she saw it the Gray RockTechnique.
So, dear listeners, if you wantpeople to change and if your
heart longs to feel peace inrelationships full of conflict
(21:00):
or difference, start there.
You can imagine, just imagineyourself sitting with the stone.
You become the gray rock Solid,grounded, secure and full of
strength.
Let grace teach you how to seeand you may find that the very
(21:27):
people who once caused you painbecome your greatest teachers in
love, unconditional love, lovewithout demand, pure love that
liberates everyone involved.
Gentle love that changeseverything without changing
(21:50):
anymore.
You become the gray rock thatis very self-aware and, over
time, you learn the art ofobserving, listening, standing
in your truth and allowing theseeds to float on by.
There is nothing to defend,because you realize it is petty,
(22:13):
childish and meant to causeharm instead of supporting your
well-being.
The River and the Rock Concept.
There is one last concept Iwant to share with everyone that
might be helpful.
The more tools we have in ourtoolbox, the better, because
(22:36):
this mindset did not happen tome overnight.
There is another way of lookingat life and the people around
us.
I like to say be the river, letothers be the rock.
Both belong, therefore.
(22:56):
These are deep words and a deepconcept.
If you can recall my blog postand podcast episode about
forgiving the unforgivable, Ispoke about the stream of life.
Therefore, you are that riveror stream.
(23:17):
We cannot dig the rocks orboulders out of your stream of
life.
The stones and bouldersrepresent our family members and
the toxic people we meet alongour journey in life.
Therefore, we need to learn tofloat on by, to continue our
(23:41):
journey onward, instead ofallowing them to stand in our
way.
When we stop, argue and getstuck in their childish games,
it is like we are stuck in themud.
The more we try to defend orchange them, the deeper and
deeper we get stuck in the mud.
(24:01):
That is why we must rise out ofthe mud and remember that we
can float again.
Let them be the rock.
This person is your teacher ofpain.
When we stop trying to teachthem to change and realize we
(24:22):
both belong, grace flows throughus.
This is when I count myblessings that I am not the rock
, but the water that flowseasily and gracefully in life.
Since Season 4 of the UndetectedNarcissist has been diving deep
(24:45):
into various out-of-the-boxconcepts.
Diving deep into variousout-of-the-box concepts, I have
created a guided meditation toaccompany this blog post and
podcast on finding grace throughacceptance, especially with the
metaphor of the river and therock, a concept that speaks so
(25:05):
clearly to the balance ofsurrender and sovereignty.
This guided meditation willinvite listeners to embody the
grace of the river, the wisdomof water and the art of
acceptance.
You could listen to this guidedmeditation before visiting a
(25:29):
family member, friend or goingto work.
This meditation will have softambient sounds in the background
to enhance you becoming theriver that flows with ease and
grace.
So thank you for being herewith me today.
(25:50):
Remember you are deeply lovedjust as you are.
We are all perfectly imperfect.
Life is our teacher, as is allof us.
We are all students andteachers for one another and
over time we all can find gracethrough acceptance.
Until next time, stay open,grounded and in grace and love
(26:16):
and light.
Angela Meyer and Carrie Logan.
Welcome to Season 4 of the Undetected Narcissist
Podcast.
Your host, angela Meyer, ishere to bring you clarity if you
are stuck in confusion,self-doubt or feel lost, without
a sense of direction.
This podcast is extremelydifferent because Angela comes
from a place of wisdom,compassion and has been able to
forgive the unforgivable.
(00:22):
She's a mental healthprofessional, trauma-informed
human consciousness guide andempowerment strategist.
She knows one can't truly healand recover when one is stuck in
hate, anger and fear.
One must rise above it, findmeaning, understanding,
compassion for oneself and thetoxic people within our lives.
(00:45):
This season is aboutself-empowerment,
self-realizations andtransformation.
There is always a blog postsupporting this information, so
please visitundetectednarcissistcom so get
ready to learn about yourself,others and find a way to truly
live and thrive.
(01:06):
Once again, enjoy the show.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of
the Undetected Narcissist.
Today I'm talking about gracethrough acceptance, and this one
can be really really hard forsome people to grasp.
Can be really really hard forsome people to grasp.
It was for me and I will unpackhow I came to this realization
(01:30):
that saved my sanity literallysaved my sanity and it changed
everything for me when I stoppedtrying to change others.
So finding grace or acceptanceis a deeply profound and
liberating shift.
It is one of the mosttransformative steps in the
(01:53):
evolution of consciousness.
When someone stops trying tochange others, it moves from
personal preference andprojection into graceful
neutrality and soul levelacceptance.
My son has seen me around toxicpeople and is amazed at how I
(02:15):
handle their behaviors andattempts to hook me into an
argument or fight.
My son wants to grow andovercome his traumas because it
means his heart is alreadyopening.
Therefore, this information Ishare today is designed to be
relatable yet elevated, honestyet empowering, something that
(02:42):
speaks to those ready to movebeyond judgment and into divine
compassion.
There is a moment in the journeyof awakening when love stops
being about agreement, alignmentor shared values and starts
being about grace, and startsbeing about grace.
(03:06):
This moment is quiet, powerfuland life-altering.
It comes not with fireworks,but with peace.
That moment came when Irealized I don't have to change
anyone to love them.
I realized I don't have toagree with them to respect them,
(03:26):
and I don't even have tounderstand them to hold them in
my heart.
I used to believe love meantmaking people better or at least
more like me.
Based on my professionalexperience in mental health, I
thought that if I could justoffer the right insight, express
(03:49):
myself clearly enough or showthem what I saw, they would
shift, and sometimes they did.
But more often what Iexperienced was resistance,
conflict and disconnection.
I was trying to loveconditionally, while calling it,
(04:11):
quote helping.
The fundamental shift happenedwhen I began to release my
attachments to how others shouldbe their politics, beliefs and
personality quirks, the way theyprocess emotion, the way they
don't, the things they said thatonce triggered me, the things
(04:36):
they didn't say that once hurtme.
And something unexpectedhappened when I stopped trying
to change them, everythingchanged.
It was as if grace itselfwalked into my chest and said
quote you are free and so arethey.
(05:00):
I started to see people assouls, not just personalities.
The more I let go, the more Isaw their wounds and wisdom,
their masks and their truth.
All at once I was no longeroffended by what once disturbed
me.
(05:20):
I was so.
I mean the whole thing.
It was so eye-opening for me.
My eyes were wide open.
I found that I could sit withpeople radically different from
me and still feel connected.
My whole reality changed.
(05:42):
I could hear someone's extremeviewpoint and not recoil,
because I wasn't filtering theirwords through my own ego
anymore.
That is when I came to therealization that I didn't need
to be right.
I just needed to stay present.
(06:03):
This didn't mean I let go ofdiscernment or boundaries.
It meant I let go control.
So how do you start if you'renot there yet?
If you're, like my son, longingfor this kind of peace but
(06:25):
unsure of how to access it,here's where you begin.
One notice what triggers you.
Triggers are like gold mines.
They point to where your egostill needs others to behave a
certain way for you to feel safe, seen or validated.
(06:46):
Two ask what am I trying tocontrol or fix?
Be honest with yourself.
Often, beneath frustration is asubtle hope that someone will
finally get it or be who we needthem to be.
(07:08):
Three practice releasing thestory Instead of telling
yourself quote they're wrong,they should change.
End.
Quote or quote they are ontheir path.
I don't have to carry theirlesson.
Four tune into the soul.
(07:29):
Behind the mask, everyone hasone, even those who seem hard,
loud or lost.
Can you feel the child withinthem, the sacredness, the scared
person that's buried beneaththe noise?
Can you connect to that?
(07:51):
And five choose compassion overconversion.
You don't need to convertanyone.
To your viewpoint, compassionmeans holding space for them as
they are, even if they neverchange.
(08:12):
This is the beginning of realfreedom.
When we accept others as theyare, we stop wasting energy on
the impossible task of shapingthem.
In that release, your heartopens wider than you ever
thought possible.
That is what unconditional loveis all about, and that is why
(08:37):
we must learn to master what wewere never given or taught to
use when we were growing up.
This is the love that does notdemand.
It is the peace that bypassesunderstanding.
This is the grace that changeseverything, not because they
(09:02):
changed, but because you didGrace through acceptance.
Today I want to talk aboutsomething that changed
everything for me, not overnight, not with effort, but with
(09:24):
surrender, and that something isthe radical, so freeing power
of acceptance.
It is not the kind ofacceptance that gives up or
tolerates what feels wrong.
It is the kind that breathesgrace into every relationship,
(09:47):
even the hardest ones.
You see, there was a time whenI believed love meant
improvement, and I learned thisdistorted viewpoint.
Growing up, I had horrible rolemodels because I did not grow
up in a home with unconditionallove.
When I stepped out of mywounded ego and into a higher
(10:10):
state of consciousness, Idiscovered that I had the false
belief that if I generally caredabout my toxic family members,
I would try to help them change,I would lead by example and
eventually they would followbecause I could be there.
(10:31):
I could see their blind spotsIn my heart.
I wanted to wake them up, shifttheir thinking, especially
regarding the big stuff, theirspiritual path, worldviews and
behaviors.
I thought that was love, love,but that was love with strings,
(11:07):
love with the subtle energy ofquote.
I'll feel more peaceful whenyou change.
It wasn't until I let go of thatneed, that urge to fix or
convert, that somethingmiraculous happened.
Everything changed, even whenthey didn't.
Suddenly I could be in thepresence of someone I used to
(11:30):
feel deeply triggered by andfeel nothing but compassion, no
judgment, no resistance and noneed to correct or explain
myself.
Just space, presence and peace.
Because love isn't aboutagreement, it's about connection
(11:56):
, it's about recognizing thesoul underneath the personality,
the child underneath the maskand the divine beneath the drama
.
So when people ask me quote howcan you be so calm around
someone so different from you,or how can you be so calm around
(12:20):
someone so different from you,or how can you love someone
whose views you don't share, Itell them this I stopped needing
them to be different, andthat's when real love came in.
(12:41):
Instead of reaching outward, youlook inward.
Now my friend who's on her ownjourney asked me recently how do
you get to that place?
How do you accept people youdisagree with or even feel hurt
by, without losing yourself?
And here's what I told her youstart by noticing what you want
(13:07):
to change.
Instead of reaching outward,you look inward, ask yourself
what am I trying to control?
What story am I holding ontoabout how this person should
behave?
What part of me feels unsafeunless I'm being validated?
(13:32):
Unsafe unless I'm beingvalidated?
You meet that part of yourselfwith unconditional love.
Then you let go.
You let go of needing to beright.
You let go the wounded eaglethat demands they understand, we
(13:57):
let go of needing them tochange.
And when we do, something,amazing happens.
When we can do this forourselves and the toxic people
around us, your heart expandsand grace walks in Seeds blowing
in the wind.
Technique.
Therefore, I've created thistechnique.
(14:22):
I taught it to myself and ithas been my lifeline.
When I'm around toxic people,before I am in the presence of
anyone toxic or full of drama, Imake sure that I am grounded.
Presence of anyone toxic orfull of drama, I make sure that
I am grounded, centered andbalanced.
This is essential because if weare already in a bad funk, we
(14:45):
can easily be triggered into anegative reaction and if I am
being truly transparent here,some of those toxic people are
waiting and anticipating thatyou will lose your cool and snap
.
I know this is messed up andchildish, but we must remember
(15:06):
who and what we are dealing with.
This is not about them, but you.
When I feel grounded andcentered, I imagine a light
jacket of protection around methat is snug against my skin.
Then I imagine I am surroundedby bright, white or golden light
(15:27):
.
Enjoy the process and say toyourself Shields up like Batman.
Enjoy the process and say toyourself shields up like Batman.
Now, when someone toxic speaksto me or within earshot, I think
of their words like seedsblowing in the wind.
Some seeds are supportive andnurturing, while others are
(15:49):
toxic and damaging to my mentalgarden.
We always have a choice ofwhich seeds we want to grab and
water, because this is the truth.
When we grab a toxic seed, suchas an insult, shame, anger or
hatred, we are the only ones whohold it and water it.
(16:12):
Nobody else does this for us.
Each time we water it with ourdisappointment, resentment and
prideful ego, it grows roots.
We can lose sleep over itbecause our mind will stew and
stew Weeds start to form in ourmental garden.
(16:36):
Here is the sad truth.
Some toxic people can't wait toruin your day.
They will bait you and provokeyou until you snap.
Then they will flip the scriptand blame shift, saying that you
are the angry toxic person.
They will gaslight you intoquestioning your reality and
(16:57):
sense of self.
We need to rise above theseimmature games and egotistical
power trips.
I know it is twisted and messedup, but be warned Learn to let
those toxic seeds float on by.
(17:18):
That is why I say silence isgolden.
When I hear something insultingtowards me or someone I care
about, I do not say a word.
I do not say a word.
I do not need to defend myself.
It's not worth my piece ofminor energy.
(17:39):
Why, even if I tried to defendmyself or another person, I'm
still being baited into areaction that is when I walk
away.
They are not worth it.
It is their messed up hatefulopinion, not mine.
I choose peace because I know Icannot change them.
(18:05):
That is why people came up withthe saying quote just let that
shit go.
I love that saying.
Let the seeds float on by.
We always have a choice.
You will thank yourself in theend.
Therefore, I want to share astory with you, a little
(18:28):
metaphor, as I love to do.
Let's call it the sculpture andthe stone.
There once was a sculpture whospent her life searching for the
perfect stone.
She wanted to carve somethingmagnificent, something that
would reflect her soul.
Yet every time she found astone, she began to chip away,
(18:51):
only to discover cracks, hardspots, imperfections.
Frustrated, she discarded itand moved on, thinking to
herself this one isn't right,I'll try the next.
Years passed, dozens of stones,dozens of attempts.
Then, weary and worn.
(19:13):
One day she sat beside theroughest, most unpolished stone
she had ever found.
It had strange curves,discolored fault lines.
It was nothing like sheimagined her masterpiece would
come from.
Yet she was tired of searching.
(19:35):
So she sat and waited.
She didn't reach for her chisel, she just sat with the stone In
the stillness.
She listened to it, she let thesun warm it and watched the
(19:55):
rain wash over it.
Day after day she watched itwithout trying to change it.
Then something curious happened.
She began to see beauty and thethings she once tried to carve
away Before her eyes.
(20:16):
She saw the curves.
It held wisdom and the cracksheld light.
The stone, as it was, began toteach her how to love without
molding.
At that moment she realized themasterpiece wasn't something to
create but something to see.
(20:38):
She didn't need to change thestone, she needed to change how
she saw it the Gray RockTechnique.
So, dear listeners, if you wantpeople to change and if your
heart longs to feel peace inrelationships full of conflict
(21:00):
or difference, start there.
You can imagine, just imagineyourself sitting with the stone.
You become the gray rock Solid,grounded, secure and full of
strength.
Let grace teach you how to seeand you may find that the very
(21:27):
people who once caused you painbecome your greatest teachers in
love, unconditional love, lovewithout demand, pure love that
liberates everyone involved.
Gentle love that changeseverything without changing
(21:50):
anymore.
You become the gray rock thatis very self-aware and, over
time, you learn the art ofobserving, listening, standing
in your truth and allowing theseeds to float on by.
There is nothing to defend,because you realize it is petty,
(22:13):
childish and meant to causeharm instead of supporting your
well-being.
The River and the Rock Concept.
There is one last concept Iwant to share with everyone that
might be helpful.
The more tools we have in ourtoolbox, the better, because
(22:36):
this mindset did not happen tome overnight.
There is another way of lookingat life and the people around
us.
I like to say be the river, letothers be the rock.
Both belong, therefore.
(22:56):
These are deep words and a deepconcept.
If you can recall my blog postand podcast episode about
forgiving the unforgivable, Ispoke about the stream of life.
Therefore, you are that riveror stream.
(23:17):
We cannot dig the rocks orboulders out of your stream of
life.
The stones and bouldersrepresent our family members and
the toxic people we meet alongour journey in life.
Therefore, we need to learn tofloat on by, to continue our
(23:41):
journey onward, instead ofallowing them to stand in our
way.
When we stop, argue and getstuck in their childish games,
it is like we are stuck in themud.
The more we try to defend orchange them, the deeper and
deeper we get stuck in the mud.
(24:01):
That is why we must rise out ofthe mud and remember that we
can float again.
Let them be the rock.
This person is your teacher ofpain.
When we stop trying to teachthem to change and realize we
(24:22):
both belong, grace flows throughus.
This is when I count myblessings that I am not the rock
, but the water that flowseasily and gracefully in life.
Since Season 4 of the UndetectedNarcissist has been diving deep
(24:45):
into various out-of-the-boxconcepts.
Diving deep into variousout-of-the-box concepts, I have
created a guided meditation toaccompany this blog post and
podcast on finding grace throughacceptance, especially with the
metaphor of the river and therock, a concept that speaks so
(25:05):
clearly to the balance ofsurrender and sovereignty.
This guided meditation willinvite listeners to embody the
grace of the river, the wisdomof water and the art of
acceptance.
You could listen to this guidedmeditation before visiting a
(25:29):
family member, friend or goingto work.
This meditation will have softambient sounds in the background
to enhance you becoming theriver that flows with ease and
grace.
So thank you for being herewith me today.
(25:50):
Remember you are deeply lovedjust as you are.
We are all perfectly imperfect.
Life is our teacher, as is allof us.
We are all students andteachers for one another and
over time we all can find gracethrough acceptance.
Until next time, stay open,grounded and in grace and love
(26:16):
and light.
Angela Meyer and Carrie Logan.
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