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June 9, 2025 42 mins

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Betrayal cuts deep, leaving wounds that can take years to heal. In this powerful exploration of why people cheat, we pull back the curtain on the psychology of infidelity to reveal that cheating is never a mistake—it's a choice rooted in emotional disconnection, fear of vulnerability, and unhealed trauma.

We dive into six revealing patterns that often precede infidelity: inconsistency between words and actions, emotional unavailability, excessive need for external validation, blame-shifting without accountability, push-pull dynamics that create emotional whiplash, and the rare but important case of someone realizing they're gay while in a heterosexual relationship. Each pattern reveals a different facet of why people betray those they claim to love—not to excuse the behavior, but to understand its deeper roots.

The most transformative insight might be recognizing that attracting serial cheaters isn't random bad luck. It often stems from being an over-giver who craves validation, confuses chaos with passion, or carries the subconscious belief that you must prove your worth to be chosen. Breaking this cycle requires raising your standards, redefining what healthy love feels like, and choosing from wholeness rather than fear of loneliness.

For those healing from betrayal, I offer practical guidance on rebuilding trust—in yourself first, then potentially in others. Remember that you didn't deserve to be betrayed, but now you get to rise. This pain doesn't define your worth; it reveals where your soul is asking for more honesty, self-honor, and aligned love. And for additional support, look for my bonus meditation episode "Releasing the Betrayal" designed to help you reclaim your self-worth and stop sabotaging your future happiness.

Ready to break free from patterns of betrayal and create the honest, devoted love you deserve? Listen now and begin your journey toward real connection—with yourself and others.

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Website: https://www.undetectednarcissist.com

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Episode Transcript

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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to Season 4 of the Undetected Narcissist
Podcast.
Your host, angela Meyer, ishere to bring you clarity if you
are stuck in confusion,self-doubt or feel lost, without
a sense of direction.
This podcast is extremelydifferent because Angela comes
from a place of wisdom,compassion and has been able to
forgive the unforgivable.

(00:22):
She's a mental healthprofessional, trauma-informed
human consciousness guide andempowerment strategist.
She knows one can't truly healand recover when one is stuck in
hate, anger and fear.
One must rise above it, findmeaning, understanding,
compassion for oneself and thetoxic people within our lives.

(00:45):
This season is aboutself-empowerment,
self-realizations andtransformation.
There is always a blog postsupporting this information, so
please visitundetectednarcissistcom so get
ready to learn about yourself,others and find a way to truly
live and thrive.

(01:06):
Once again, enjoy the show.

Speaker 2 (01:09):
Hello everyone and welcome back to season four of
the Undetected Narcissist.
Today I'm going to bediscussing why people cheat and
I'm going to unpack this subjectand this might be a sensitive
topic for many people, so pleaseensure you are in the right

(01:31):
headspace before we begin.
If you are listening to thisinformation from a mindset of
anger, disappointment or revenge, I suggest coming back another
time when you feel more grounded, balanced and centered.
Cheating devastates therelationship and a person's
sense of self, and the rippleeffect can last for years if not

(01:54):
handled with care and trust.
Also, when I look back at mylife experiences, I can see some
of these traits in myself, evenwithout the notion or desire to
cheat.
I saw some of these traits inmyself even without the notion
or desire to cheat.
I saw some of these traits inmyself when I was single because
I built a fortress around myheart.
I was emotionally unavailableand I developed an anxious and

(02:18):
avoidant attachment style.
I believe many survivors ofnarcissistic abuse do this as
well.
We do it to survive period andI know in previous episodes I
briefly covered this topic ofattachment styles and in the
episode Sex Trap or Beautiful,terrific Lovemaking.

(02:40):
When we truly learn to listento what the person is telling us
and observe their behaviorstowards others and ourselves.
People typically reveal theirtrue nature At times.
It is not the words spoken, buthow they are spoken and the
energy charge behind them.

(03:01):
A good example is I could agreeto pretend to agree with you on
a topic, but underneath mywords you can pick up my anger,
resentment and disapprovalbecause you did not agree with
my point of view.
I hope this makes sense, solet's compassionately dismantle

(03:22):
this pain point so you canunderstand the why, recognize
the signs and repeatedly stopattracting the same wound.
I have met many people who fitthese profiles and, like always,
I wish I had learned thisinformation when I was in my 20s
, not in my 50s.

(03:42):
First I want to express thisclearly Cheating is a choice,
not a mistake.
It is often a symptom ofemotional immaturity, avoidance
of forming healthy relationshipsor unhealed wounds.
Cheating is not evil, yet itcan feel like a cruel act when a

(04:07):
partner discovers theirpartner's intentions for
cheating on them.
People cheat because they areemotionally disconnected from
themselves, addicted to externalvalidation, afraid of true
intimacy or vulnerability,seeking novelty to escape their

(04:29):
inner emptiness and then, lastly, lacking communication tools or
the courage to address issuesdirectly.
Some carry trauma that makesstability feel suffocating and,
yes, the trauma we experiencedoes change our attachment
styles.
Others were never taught how toshow up in love when it stops

(04:55):
being easy.
Does any of this make sense?
Can anyone relate?
The truth is, none of thisjustifies the betrayal.
I am just here to shine a lightupon this delicate subject of
why people cheat.
Yet understanding it helps ussee the deeper roots, so we can

(05:15):
stop taking it personally andstart healing.
Cheating is not about you.
It is about the person whocheats.
Let me make this clear Cheatingis not about you.
It is their flaws andinabilities, not yours.
Cheating can create a massivewall around your heart because

(05:37):
trust has been broken, and trustis essential for a healthy
relationship.
Once that trust is broken, somepeople might not be able to
trust that person again, nomatter how hard they try to
rebuild that trust.
I was in the same situationwhen I was in my 20s.
As hard as my partner tried torebuild my trust, there was

(06:00):
something about him that I stillcould not trust, and I was
correct, because he did cheat onme again after I forgave him.
Therefore, I need to becompletely transparent here.
Some people can forgive butstill cannot trust their partner
.
I know I am not the only one,so let's explore some common red

(06:23):
flags, often overlooked earlyon in the relationship.
Just note that not all of thesesix parts or signs always lead
to cheating, but they frequentlyprecede it.
Part one inconsistency in aperson's words versus actions.

(06:43):
They talk big about loyalty,love or the future, but don't
show up consistently.
They may cancel plans, be vaguewith communication or shift
moods unpredictably.
Keynote love withoutconsistency is a performance,

(07:03):
not a promise.
That is why actions do speaklouder than words.
Inconsistency between words andactions is like a crack in the
mirror where self-betrayal oftenbegins and cheating may emerge.
This inconsistency isn't merelyabout deception.
It's usually the symptom of adeeper internal fragmentation.

(07:29):
That's why I talk about partsand there's fragmented parts.
So let's break it down intofive soul level insights.
One the split between the idealself and the wounded self.
The split between the idealself and the wounded self.
Many people express the versionof themselves they want to be.

(07:49):
Such as I value loyalty, you'rethe only one for me.
Still, their actions betray asubconscious allegiance to
unresolved wounds or unmet needs.
Why this matters is when theideal self, who they want to be

(08:09):
is disconnected from the woundedself.
The one who still seeksvalidation or escape can be
unaware of their action, defaultto the childlike wounds and
survival patterns.
Number two fear of confrontationand avoidant patterns.
Some people use words tomaintain peace or avoid

(08:33):
confrontation, but act incontradictory ways to meet their
hidden needs.
This matters because thesepeople fear abandonment,
conflict or disappointingsomeone, so they say what's
expected or do what gives themtemporary relief or a sense of

(08:54):
control.
Let me give you an example thatsome people can relate to.
I had a best friend in highschool who loved to go out
dancing with me, but if shefound a better option elsewhere,
she would leave me in the dustwaiting by the phone and she
never showed up.
Some might call it ghosting,but she did have this fear of

(09:15):
confrontation and she did alwayscome back.
Number three conditional lovescripts from childhood.
When someone grows up aroundconditional love scripts from
childhood.
When someone grows up aroundconditional love such as you're
loved only if you behave,perform please.
They may learn to speak theright words to gain approval

(09:38):
without developing the emotionalintegrity to align those words
with truth.
This matters because theirnervous system is wired to
perform love rather than embodylove.
Have you met anyone like this?
I sure have.
Number four lack of internalcoherence slash soul

(10:00):
disconnection.
When someone is disconnectedfrom their inner compass, they
lose touch with what theygenerally want or need.
They may say I'm committedwithout checking in with their
authentic desire.
This matters because withoutinner coherence people may not
even realize they are beingdishonest until the act.

(10:23):
This is a byproduct of innerconfusion, and some call it
spiritual amnesia, forgettingwho they are and what they value
.
Number five the ego's addictedto image over integrity.
Some individuals are moreinvested in how they appear than

(10:45):
who they are.
They say the right things tomaintain status or admiration,
while the hidden self seeksnovelty, power and affirmation.
This matters because they speakfrom personas but act from
shadows.
Sonas but act from shadows.

(11:10):
So cheating arises when someonewith an indulgent ego in the
shadows strongly desires to keeptheir mask intact until the
mask slips and they're caught.
Cheating is a form of emotionalbypass.
I want to be crystal clear hereCheating is a form of emotional
bypass.
Let me explain.
For someone with avoidanttendencies, cheating can become

(11:34):
a way to reclaim autonomywithout addressing their more
profound fear of being engulfed.
It also allows them to feel incontrol emotionally without
having to emotionally bevulnerable in their primary
relationship.
They often rationalize orminimize their actions to avoid

(11:56):
shame or emotionalaccountability.
Sound familiar to anyone?
Familiar to anyone.
Part two the lack of emotionalavailability.
They avoid deep conversationsor change the subject when
feelings come up.
They may give you access totheir body, but not their soul.

(12:17):
Key note intimacy withoutemotional presence is hollow.
People feel used or ashamedwhen they lack emotional
availability and intimacy.
Lack of emotional ability is aroot so entangled in the soil of

(12:38):
unmet childhood needs, needs,inner disconnection and
protective numbing that oftenbecomes invisible until intimacy
tries to bloom.
Here's how we can break thisdown into soul-level insights
around why emotionalunavailability can lead to

(13:01):
cheating.
1.
Emotional armor as survival,not betrayal.
Many emotionally unavailablepeople didn't choose to be that
way.
They had to be that way,whether through trauma, neglect
or emotional purification.

(13:22):
They learned that vulnerabilityequaled danger.
This matters because whensomeone isn't available to
themselves emotionally, theycan't truly connect to another.
Therefore, cheating arises as away to access intimacy without
actual vulnerability and theneed to pursue an emotional or

(13:46):
physical connection with someonewho doesn't require depth or
accountability.
Number two intimacy feels unsafeor suffocating.
Emotionally unavailabilityisn't the absence of feeling,

(14:08):
it's the avoidance of feeling.
The closer someone gets to them, the more threatened they feel.
This matters because as soon asthe relationship deepens, the
unavailable person may withdrawor subconsciously sabotage.
Cheating arises as a detourfrom emotional depth.
It is a way to regulate anxietyby scattering attention rather

(14:33):
than facing intimacy.
Number three love becomestransactional, not
transformational.
Emotionally unavailableindividuals often confuse love
with obligation, performance orcontrol.
They struggle to give orreceive without conditions.

(14:57):
This matters because yourpartner might stay in a
relationship for companionshipor appearances but seek depth
elsewhere because they're afraidto experience it where it truly
matters.
Cheating arises as a mistakensearch for the emotional
nourishment they've never fullyallowed themselves to receive or

(15:21):
give.
To receive or give.
Number four disconnectionbetween heart and body.
When the heart is closed orwalled off, intimacy becomes
more about physicality thanconnection.
Why this matters is thatwounded people may have sex

(15:42):
without feeling or seek noveltyto compensate for a lack of
emotional residence.
Therefore, cheating arises as away to feel alive, desired or
stimulated without risking heartexposure.
5.
Echoes of the EmotionallyUnavailable Parent.

(16:05):
The subconscious often drivesus to recreate unresolved
childhood dynamics.
If a parent was distant,inconsistent or emotionally
absent.
We internalize this as theblueprint for love.
This matters because until theyheal this wound, they may

(16:25):
continue repeating the cycle,being emotionally absent
themselves or attractingunavailable partners.
Cheating arises as anunconscious reenactment of
abandonment or a twisted attemptto reclaim power over an old
heartbreak.

(16:45):
Does any of this make sense?
Can anyone relate?
I am not making excuses for thecheaters' behaviors, actions,
lack of actions or childhoodwounds.
I want everyone to comprehendwhy and what drives people to
cheat, because cheating isclearly a form of self-sabotage.
So let's move on.

(17:07):
Part three over flirting orneeding excessive attention.
They need constant validationfrom others, not just you.
You feel like you're competingwith their phone DMs or social
circles.
Key note this often points tolow self-worth masked as charm.

(17:29):
This third one over-flirting orneeding excessive attention
begins to shift us into anxiousattachment territory.
Though it can carry shadows ofanxious and avoidant patterns,
it's a complex mask, part charm,part cry for help.

(17:50):
So let's break it down.
1.
Anxious Attachment and theAches for External Validation.
Those with anxious attachmentsoften carry an internal void.
Am I enough To soothe this void?
They may flirt to feel desired,perform to feel seen or heard,

(18:15):
or accumulate attention likeoxygen.
This matters because theexcessive need for external
affirmation stems from aprofound, unmet internal
affirmation.
Cheating arises as a compulsivesearch for reassurance or proof

(18:35):
of worth when they don't feelsecure or prioritized in a
relationship.
Number two the addiction to thedopamine of novelty.
Over-flirting often gives a hitof excitement, a dopamine rush
of being noticed, pursued andadmired.

(18:57):
The problem is that over timethis can become an emotional
addiction that masks moreprofound discomfort with
stillness, stability oremotional vulnerability.
This matters because intimacyfeels boring or uncertain, but
attention feels like adrenalineand safety all at once.

(19:19):
Therefore, cheating arises as apursuit of the next quote high,
not necessarily fromdissatisfaction, but from
emotional dysregulation.
Number three performance as asurvival strategy, when someone

(19:41):
was praised only for how theylooked, acted or pleased others.
Growing up, they may learn toequate flirting equals safety
and attention equals love.
This matters because thisperson never felt chosen for
simply being themselves.
So they keep auditioning foraffection.

(20:04):
Therefore, cheating arises as aperformance that gets out of
control, seeking more profoundaffirmation from multiple
sources because the inner childnever fully felt chosen.
It is sad because theseindividuals were seen as objects
, not human beings.

(20:26):
4.
Insecurity masquerades asconfidence.
Some people who overflirt seemself-assured, but it's often a
mask of low self-worth.
Some may rely on sexual orsocial energy to feel in control
or powerful.
This matters becauserelationships require deep

(20:48):
vulnerability, butattention-seeking provides
surface-level intimacy withoutthe risk.
Therefore, cheating arises as atactic or way to avoid
confronting their deeperinsecurities by continually
outsourcing self-worth.
Last one number five woundedmasculine or feminine archetypes

(21:13):
.
This behavior is sometimes anexpression of unbalanced
internal polarity.
The wounded feminine may seekattention to feel worthy or
validated.
The wounded masculine mayover-conquer or seduce to feel
powerful.
This matters because thesepatterns distort the energy of

(21:37):
sacred union, turning connectioninto conquest.
Cheating is a distorted form ofenergetic exchange that seeks
attention rather than authenticintimacy.
Part four balancing pastpartners without accountability.

(21:57):
Here's some examples.
My ex was crazy.
They never understood me.
I would never cheat if theyweren't different.
Or you know, if they weredifferent, I'd never cheat.
They're all excuses.
Key note they won't protect thefuture if they can't own the
past.
That is why we takeaccountability and

(22:20):
responsibility for our actions.
Blaming past partners withoutaccountability is a defense
mechanism wrapped in ego andpain, often guarding the wounds
that need the most love andlight.
This pattern isn't justavoidance, it's an identity
preservation tactic.

(22:41):
Let's dissect it at the soullevel to see how and why it
often leads to cheating in thesefive areas.
1.
Victim Consciousness as aShield Against Vulnerability.
When someone consciously andcontinually blames their exes,

(23:03):
they remain the wronged one inevery story.
Have you heard those?
I sure have.
This allows them to avoidexamining their role in
relationship dynamics.
Why this matters is if every exwas so-called crazy, needy,

(23:23):
ungrateful or toxic, it becomesimpossible to evolve or hold
emotional responsibility.
Therefore, cheating arises as aform of self-justification.
The cheater will make theexcuse they had to because their
ex wasn't enough, didn't lovethem right or pushed them away.
Sorry, I find those people justso annoying.

(23:46):
Either way, it's just a list ofexcuses.
Let's call it what it is.
Two shame disguises assuperiority, like I'm better
than you.
Often, this pattern masks deepinternal shame.
Instead of confronting theiremotional immaturity, patterns
or wounds, the person flips thelens outward.

(24:08):
This matters because when shameis projected outward as blame,
true healing cannot occur.
Therefore, cheating arises as acovert way to escape
accountability, often blamingthe current partner too for
driving them to do it.
Two for driving them to do it.
You can hear my sarcasm Sorry,no, not sorry.

(24:32):
Again, another lame excuse fornot taking accountability or
responsibility for their actions.
Three fragmented identity andthe refusal to self-reflect.
Those who can't integrate theirpast often rewrite it.

(24:53):
They remember themselves as thehero or victim, rarely the
flawed, but growing soul.
This matters because withoutself-reflection they cannot
cultivate integrity.
They see cheating not asbetrayal but as a consequence of
others' failure.
Therefore, cheating is apattern that repeats across

(25:16):
relationships with no innertransformation.
Four narcissistic wounding oremotional immaturity.
This blame shifting may alsostem from a narcissistic wound,
often developed in childhoodwhen emotional needs were unmet
or conditional.
This matters because theseindividuals may feel entitled to

(25:41):
perfection in a partner andwhen that illusion breaks, they
reject the partner rather thanface their fears of inadequacy.
Therefore, cheating arises as away or an attempt to regain a
sense of power or where they'resuperior when their idealized

(26:02):
view of the relationshipcollapses.
Karmic avoidance and spiritualbypass.
Karmic avoidance and spiritualbypass.
Number five on a soul level,blame without accountability
delays karmic evolution.
Every relationship is a mirrorand every rupture is a lesson.

(26:22):
This matters because if a soul,if a soul, avoids the lesson,
the universe will recycle ituntil it is learned.
The cheating partner may jumpfrom one broken relationship to
another, never realizing they'rethe common thread.
Therefore, cheating arises asan escape from shadow

(26:44):
integration, spiritual maturityand emotional evolution.
So I want to give you somecommon phrases that reveal this
pattern style.
My ex was insane.
I'm so easygoing.
I don't know what her problemwas.
I've never done anything wrong.

(27:05):
They couldn't handle someonereal.
I've never done anything wrong.
They couldn't handle someonereal.
If they had treated me right, Iwouldn't have had to look
elsewhere.
Lame excuses, part 5.
Push-pull dynamic the hot-coldenergy they draw you in then

(27:26):
disappear emotionally.
It keeps you craving theirapproval.
Key note this is often thebeginning of a trauma bond and a
sign that your partner has anavoidant attachment style.
When your partner has anavoidant attachment style, it
can cause the other person todevelop an anxious attachment

(27:49):
style.
The push-pull dynamic is adance as old as time and as
addictive as it is.
Wounding.
This hot-cold energy exchangeis often mistaken for passion,
chemistry or even a soulmateintensity, but in reality it's

(28:09):
usually an unresolved traumabond playing out in disguise.
Therefore, I want to strip itdown and examine how this
dynamic can lead to cheating andwhat it reveals at the soul
level.
Number one trauma bonding thehigh of reconnection after pain.

(28:31):
Push-pull dynamics createemotional whiplash, a one-moment
connection and a subsequentrejection.
This unpredictable cyclereleases cortisol, stress and
dopamine relief in a wave.
This matters because thenervous system becomes addicted

(28:54):
to the high of reunion afterdistance.
Therefore, cheating arises as asubstitute high when the
primary relationship hits a coldor disconnected phase.
Number two fear of abandonmentversus fear of enmeshment.

(29:15):
The push-pull cycle often stemsfrom one or both partners
having an anxious attachmentstyle.
Fear, they fear abandonment.
Chase connections, that's thepull, and an avoidant attachment
style they fear abandonment.
Chase connections, that's thepole, and an avoidant attachment
style, the avoidant attachmentstyle is fear of being engulfed

(29:35):
they withdraw.
You know the pushes.
These two complex and differentroles can even switch depending
on the trigger.
This matters because intimacyfeels unsafe for both partners
in different ways.
Therefore, cheating arises as afalse sense of control, like

(30:01):
I'll leave emotionally orphysically before I get hurt.
That's sometimes the thoughtsthey think.
Number three inner child seeking.
3.
Inner Child Seeking Safety, notLove.
The hot-cold pattern reflectsearly experiences of
inconsistent, caregiving lovethat was given and withdrawn
unpredictably.
This matters because yourpartner may recreate this

(30:24):
inconsistency to resolve orrepeat the wound.
Therefore, cheating arises asan unconscious attempt to create
stability outside arelationship that feels
emotionally volatile.
4.
Power struggles and emotionalwithholding.

(30:45):
Push-pull dynamics often becomepower games.
We have all heard people makethese comments, such as I'll
withdraw to make you chase orI'll come closer until you push
away.
This matters because whenpeople play these games it
creates emotional scarcity whereeach partner emotional scarcity

(31:14):
where each partner weaponizescloseness or distance.
Therefore, cheating arises likea chess game.
It is a game where one moves toreclaim perceived power or push
the partner.
If you won't give me love,someone else will.
That's what they think and it'sa vicious cycle.
At times some people can becomeaddicted to the power they feel
when the other one struggles toregain power or control.

(31:39):
Five intensity mistaken forintimacy.
Many mistake the emotionalspikes of push-pull for a soul
connection.
But intensity isn't intimacy.
This is a misconception.
This matters because trueintimacy is steady and

(32:03):
nourishing.
Intensity, when unresolved,often masks emotional immaturity
.
Therefore, cheating arises asan attempt to replicate
intensity with someone new,until the same pattern
inevitably emerges.
So some common signs andcomments people make within this

(32:26):
push-pull dynamic are they onlywant me when I pull away.
When I open up, they shut down.
The sex is amazing, but theemotional connection is chaotic.
I want you, but not too close.
Part six you realize you are gay.

(32:48):
I had to include this last onebecause I remember in my 20s,
back in the 90s, coming out ofthe closet was not easy for many
people.
The story my best friend's momshared was one of her friends
who was married for 30 years butthen suddenly it ended because

(33:10):
her spouse finally came out ofthe closet and confessed that he
was gay.
For 10 years he was having asecret relationship with another
man.
He wanted a divorce and wasplanning to spend the rest of
his life with this other man.
Back then it was shockingLooking back at that story I
feel so much compassion for thisman why there was so much shame

(33:35):
and fear around being gay.
In the 90s, I mean we had theAIDS outbreak and people were
too judgmental and closed-minded.
Today, we have embraced andencouraged people to accept
their authentic selves.
We have embraced and encouragedpeople to accept their
authentic selves.
So this information comes fromGoogle.
Quote what percentage ofstraight people married realize

(33:57):
they're gay?
It said.
It's difficult to pinpoint anexact percentage of straight
people in heterosexual marriagewho later realize they are gay
or bisexual.
However, studies suggest thatthe significant portion of gay
men and women had previouslybeen in straight marriages.
For example, one study foundthat 23% of gay men and women

(34:21):
had previously been in astraight marriage.
Additionally, gary Gates foundthat 1.6% of married men
identified as gay or bisexual.
So those are the reasons, but Iwant to have some closing
comments here.

(34:42):
Why does someone keep attractingcheaters?
Yeah, we need to know that.
I want to discuss why someonekeeps attracting cheaters and I
want to begin gently herebecause I want to help everyone.
It's not until we believe wedeserve loyalty, steady love,
that we may choose people whoreflect our self-doubt Patterns.

(35:05):
Repeat not because we're broken, but because the soul asks for
healing.
As hard as this may seem or ashard it is to hear, we are all
here on earth to learn lessons.
Life is our teacher.
That is why I say everyone is astudent and a teacher.
We are all here to teach theother valuable soul lessons.

(35:30):
Therefore, people who oftenattract serial cheaters display
the following traits andbehaviors Over givers and people
pleasers, crave validation atthe expense of their own
self-worth, unaware of their ownboundaries or self-worth,

(35:52):
addicted to emotional highs andlows, confusing chaos with love
and carrying a subconsciousbelief.
I must prove my worth to bechosen.
I must prove my worth to bechosen.
Now I want to give everyoneadvice on how to break the
pattern and attract and alignwith someone who will provide

(36:12):
them with the love they deserve.
So let's dive into this Adviceto break the pattern and attract
aligned love.
One raise the standards, notthe excuses.
Stop trying to heal people intobeing faithful.
This is a sign of codependencyor a salvation attitude.

(36:34):
To fix another person, it neverends well, because you can only
fix ourselves.
We can't fix someone else, justus.
That is why there is thatsaying you can take a horse to
water, but you cannot force itto drink.
To break this pattern, one muststart by choosing people who

(36:54):
are fateful without needing tobe fixed.
Your love should never bereceived or tested.
Two redefine what chemistryfeels like.
This can be hard to learn orcomprehend.
Let me explain.
If peace feels boring, that's atrauma imprint.

(37:15):
Real love often feels calm,slow and safe, not intense and
urgent.
Many people have thismisconception because some
cultures believe love should behot, fierce, passionate and like
a roller coaster ride.
What ends up happening is thatmost people get burned, wounded

(37:35):
and disappointed because whenthe honeymoon phase starts to
fizzle out, some are addicted tothat high.
Therefore, I advise lettingyour nervous system learn to
trust the stillness.
Take it slow, let the fire bebuilt and ask the right
questions to truly get to knowthis person.

(37:58):
Love is not a race, just ajourney.
3.
Date from the heart, not thewound.
Before we ask another person,do they like me?
Start by asking yourself thisquestion Do I feel safe,
respected and honored in theirpresence?
It is unfair to you and others.

(38:21):
When we are not ready to date,it is like our heart is not in
the game, but our head, ego,friends or family members try to
force us into dating when weare not clearly emotionally
available or still woundedinside.
Dating another person will nothelp you get over your ex when

(38:43):
one is still trying to heal fromthe vicious cycle of being
cheated on repeatedly.
That is why your mindset andheart must align Four.
Trust your intuition overpotential.
I like to say this is mysuperpower, but I have dated men

(39:04):
who cheated in the past.
If something feels off, itusually is yes.
It is hard when the person isattractive and charming.
Yet we must take it slow, testthe water and stop diving into
the deep end, because that iswhen you can bypass all the red
flags.

(39:24):
Healing takes time and you needto honor the process.
You do not need more red flagsto prove your intuition was
correct.
That is why we need to stopfalling for what someone could
be and learn to listen andobserve truly.
People well reveal themselvesover time when we learn to set

(39:47):
healthy boundaries for our peaceof mind and safety.
This is why it is best to be upfront with a potential partner
and request to take things slow.
And lastly, five choose fromwholeness, not loneliness, from
wholeness, not loneliness.
Many people fear being alone.
Learning to be alone isessential.

(40:08):
We need to learn how to healthe part of us that believes
love is rare or that just beingchosen is enough.
We can be easily manipulatedand controlled when we lack
self-worth, self-love andself-confidence.
It is like expecting someoneelse to fill the void or hole

(40:30):
within ourselves.
We need to be the one who cancreate this sense of wholeness
within ourselves.
Your partner should complementyou, not complete you.
You both are unique and just asimportant and special.
Once you are whole withinyourself, it will be hard to
manipulate you, for yourself-love runs deep and strong.

(40:54):
You know your worth and purposeand no longer settle for the
fear of being alone.
So here's my final message foryou listeners you didn't deserve
to be betrayed, but now you getto rise.
This pain doesn't define yourworth.

(41:15):
It reveals where your soul isasking for more, more honesty,
more self-honor, more alignedlove.
And it will come when you stopabandoning yourself.
To better support listenersstruggling with the healing
process, I have created ameditation titled Releasing the

(41:37):
Betrayal, a meditation toreclaim self-worth after being
cheated on.
The primary focus is to let goof the pain, cut the soul ties
and remember who you are beneaththe heartbreak.
The meditation will be astandalone podcast episode as
bonus material.

(41:58):
I recommend listening for 30days every day right before you
go to sleep.
The purpose is to rewire yoursubconscious mind so you will no
longer sabotage your futurehappiness and love life.
So enjoy and love and lightuntil next time.
Bye.
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