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August 15, 2025 19 mins

This one's a rapid-fire highlight reel from my Florida era — some wild nights out, bullseye piercings, unexpected hook-ups, and a few moments that are equal parts hilarious and cringe worthy. It's messy, it's out of order, ad it's definitely not the whole story (some names and details are off-limits). But even in the blur, these nights shaped me, tested me, and taught me more about friendship than I realized at the time.

From bloody eyebrows in Key West to the my favorite awkward hook-up exit strategy, consider this one of the last appetizers before the real chaos kicks in.  

The Unhinged Ginge is my unfiltered memoir in podcast form, just stories. The laughter is loud, the hindsight is still nursing a hangover, and the details are... as accurate as memory allows.

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Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
What's up guys?
Okay, so we are back for anotherone.
Uh, last time I left you withlike my chaos with the Florida
thing and the roommate and thebreaking me up and so on and
whatever.
And as I said in the last one,this roommate, even though I
love her dearly, we had a bit ofa falling.
Uh, she does not wanna beinvolved with this.

(00:22):
Um, and that's totally fine.
I respect it, So, um, I'm gonnagive you highlight reel of some
of, my favorite moments ofnonsense that happened in the
time that we lived together.
I'm sorry.
I'm a little disheveled.
She's feeling a little roughtoday.
I just, uh, I just got off workand came home to do this

(00:42):
because, because I need to.
'cause I love it.
So, uh, it's cheaper thantherapy, right?
So, um, this isn't gonna be tidyand it's not gonna be linear by
any stretch of the imagination.
it's, gonna be uh, these fewmoments that.
made this era kind ofunforgettable for me.
rah, here we go.
So bing bang, boom moments withmy old bestie.

(01:08):
ooh.
Okay.
Okay.
Where do I begin?
Um.
So we used to dance a lot.
All right.
So we used to dance a lot.
she had taken me out, I boughtmy first pair of high heels with
her.
I learned how to be like achick.
I don't know, such a tomboy.
I still am very much a tomboy,but she taught me how to sit in
my femininity, even though I'mstill not really great at it.

(01:31):
and we went dancing a lot.
whenever we would get ready togo dancing.
We would always, pregame'causewe were minors so we were
shooting Cuervo and drinkingCaptain Cokes.
she would always get us to theclub while I drank on the way.
then we would drink in theparking lot'cause I had a higher
tolerance than her.
And then, we would go into theclub and we would dance our

(01:54):
asses off.
She would stay drunk.
After the pre-gaming in theparking lot, and I would sweat
out most of my booze.
So at least in my brain Ithought I was sober.
So, um, sober enough to gethome.
Luckily that always worked out.
so yeah, so a lot of it kind ofstarts or stops or sites
somewhere involved with theclubs specifically.
when Paris Hilton opened anightclub.

(02:15):
And we went to that a lot.
I mean, it's 2005, so of coursewe did.
one of the times we ended upgoing home with roommates, they
happened to live, about 45minutes to an hour away from the
city, over by the beach.
We had left and we had gone toparty with them and hookup

(02:37):
mainly was the, that was thegoal.
But we had took her car'causethat was what we did.
we go over to these two dudeshouse.
They were also roommates andwe're trying to hook up.
I was banging this dude and hemade a comment about how when we
were done, we should switch andhe should then get my roommate,
and then I would go fuck hisroommate.

(02:59):
And I'm like, who the fuck doyou think you are?
Like, what do I look Like I'mnot a whore.
what are you talking about?
And he is like, well, um, I'veonly known you for a couple
hours and uh, I'm inside you.
So, uh, are you not?
And I don't even know what gotinto me because still to this
day, the only person I've everhit in my life.

(03:19):
But I just wound up and punchedhim right in the nose, punched
him right in the face.
So I like to think I broke hisnose just because fuck that guy,
So the only time I've ever hitsomeone.
I hit them in the face whilethey were inside of me.
So that's kind of fun.
That's a fun little tidbit.

(03:40):
next one would probably be whenwe were about to go out and we
were both kind of in a mood andshe was just like, I just want
something different.
I just wanna do somethingdifferent.
So she's like, I wanna get mynipples pierced.
And I'm like, okay, bet.
I'll go with you.
Sounds cool.
So I then decided that I wasgonna get my clit pierced as

(04:02):
well, because you know, why not?
Why the fuck not?
So went with her to the piercingparlor And um, this guy pierced
me I think his name was Bear.
I don't know, bygones, itdoesn't matter.
Got a piercing.
So we go, we get thesepiercings.
but it's not gonna stop us fromgoing to club.

(04:24):
I'm like, Hey, can we go dancingtonight?
And he's like, yeah, no problem.
I'm like, okay, cool.
So we go to the club, I get offthe table and I'm like, take a
couple steps.
I was like, oh shit.
I see the purpose.
I might pick up jogging.
This is nice.
This is really nice.
I did not pick up jogging, andit was only nice for a little

(04:45):
bit because the whole goal waskind of like, guys are idiots,
right?
They can't find that shit.
I mean, when they can, they can,but like when you're 19, no one
fucking can.
If they can, it's like a diamondin the rough or diamond in the
bush, I don't know, but it's adiamond in something and it
doesn't happen very fuckingoften.
So I figured why not put abullseye on that bitch?
Right?
Let's go.

(05:06):
So.
We go out to the clubafterwards, we're dancing, we're
having a good time.
And he like, you know, it's 2005so that you're always like
grinding on a thigh on somedude's thigh for whatever
fucking reason.
And I was avoiding thighgrinding obviously, because I
had a very sensitive piercingthat I just got.
So, nothing happened to theclub, obviously did not hook up

(05:27):
with anybody that night becauselike, no.
Open wound.
We're not doing that.
But the little tie into that wasafter this had happened and I
had done this and got thispiercing or whatever, we had
gone up to Virginia for mysister's 21st birthday.
And uh, my sister love her.
She's incredible, but we aredefinitely different people.

(05:48):
And so it's her 21st birthdayand people are ordering her
drinks and she's giving them tomy 19-year-old ass because.
she doesn't drink at the time.
She doesn't want to.
She's like, she is not into it.
We were at a chain restaurantand there was a long, table that
had like her friends and thensome like, family group friends,
whatever it was.
And, sitting across from my momand my dad.

(06:08):
And I'm in, I'm in a mood, likeI'm just, I was not the best
version of myself at this time.
I had just dropped a bunch ofweight and I didn't just sit
into like confidence.
I sat into like, I feel so goodabout myself, I'm gonna be an
asshole.
'cause I thought my shit didn'tstink like you do when you're 19

(06:30):
years old.
so I'm gonna twist my hair'causethis little back part that won't
go in my pony is driving mebonkers.
So I'm just like.
Okay talking.
Dad sees that I have newtattoos.
'cause at that time I wasgetting tattooed pretty rapidly.
'cause once you start right, itis just, you just keep going.
So I was getting tattooed prettyrapidly and dad's like, oh, you

(06:52):
got a new tattoo.?
I'm like, yeah, I got a few of'em.
What?
He was like, oh, is thereanything else you want to tell
me about?
And I'm like, yeah, dad, allyou've been talking this joke
about a little boy and a littlegirl.
I'm gonna ruin this joke.
It's not even gonna be a joke,but it's something about like,
they're walking to school andthey have new bikes and it's
like, oh, well mine's a fivespeed.

(07:13):
oh, mine's a 10 speed.
And back and forth, back andforth.
And it goes into basically beingthis little boy, getting
frustrated with this girl.
Always one-upping him.
And so then the punchline of thejoke is he pulls down his pants
and he goes, well, I've got oneof these.
So she pulls down her pants andsays, well, I've got one of
these, and with one of these Ican get as many of those as I

(07:35):
want.
And so it was constantly in ahouse of, you were a woman, you
have power.
So, um, me being the assholethat I was in that, um,
scenario, I told my father infront of a group of people at a
dinner table that, he had alwaysbeen talking about the power of
the"P".

(07:55):
So I decided to give my power acrown and, um.
That was great.
That was a great family affair.
I'm not super proud of myself,but it was kind of funny.
It was kind of funny.
any who, so yeah, so there's thepiercing debacle.
So what's next?
What's next?
there was another time when wewere down in the Keys and we

(08:18):
were day drinking and partyinglike we, you know, per usual.
and she had fallen up thestairs, which was, you know,
pretty standard.
We were clumsy, clumsy ladies.
she bonked her head really hard.
She split her eyebrow open andum, it was hilarious.
And she was like, I'm liketrying to find her.

(08:40):
I'm like, where is she?
Because I just feel like, uh,because I'm like, was like
whimpering.
I'm like, where's it going from?
And there's these steps are likethis.
It's like an A-frame step.
And so I'm trying to find herand I'm looking all over the
property.
I can't find her, so I go up theside of the steps and to look
over and look down the otherside of the steps.
And then I see her just like,just sprawled out on the

(09:04):
downside, like going up the sideof the steps, just bleeding from
her face.
It's just like, oh.
And she's just like, huh, look,she looks thrilled.
It didn't seem like it wasphasing her at all.
So.
We, um, I got her upstairs, puther in the shower, took this
really epic photo of her withblood dripping down.

(09:25):
I wish I still had it.
Save more pictures, man.
This was before smartphone, soit was not as easy.
It was just disposable.
So I'm hoping she still has thatcopy because it was a really
good one.
So.
We are dealing with this.
She is absolutely concussed.
She's bleeding from the head,get her in the shower, wash off

(09:46):
this blood.
I'm like, do not go to sleep.
Do not go to sleep.
You can't go to sleep.
Have a concussion.
But of course we're still justdrinking.
And so we eventually both justpass out and then we wake up.
She's still has an open woundstill like, like bleeding.
So we end up hopping the carlike, let's go to party, let's
go down to Duval Street,whatever.
So we drive the long drive thatit takes us to get down there.

(10:07):
So we go down there and we park,we walk, we are on Duval Street
for all of like two fuckingseconds before this dude comes
up and it's like, blah, blah.
Like just.
La la la whatever, shows us hisPrince Albert for absolutely no
reason.
I'm trying to get her to theconvenience store because I'm
trying to buy super glue so Ican like fuse this eyebrow back

(10:29):
together so we can party.
And so we just super glued itand just kept it rolling like
you do.
Um, not happy about that scar.
She wasn't for the longest.
I hope, it's not something thatbothers her now because I think
it was cute.
Um.
Let's see, what else can we doto roll through this?
Um.

(10:51):
I feel like I'm spit firingthese really fast at you guys, I
know it's a lot and it's kind ofall over the place, but, once we
get past these awkward chaptersand once I get divorced, we are
in it to win it, and theneverything just gets way more
fun, I promise.
But we have to honor the partsthat got us there.
Right.
So, I think probably the lastone maybe, just'cause like I

(11:16):
said, I feel kind of ickytalking about this.
There's just much.
Uh, there was so much.
I love her.
Anyway, I digress.
I think probably, uh.
One of my favorites is for surewhen, we had met these guys in
the parking lot, I think we wereleaving, Like universal Orlando,

(11:39):
like the like big ass nightclubby thing that used to be a
big deal back in the early twothousands.
And, um, bumps in these guys inthe parking lot.
We always be bumping in.
These dudes in the parking lot,bumped in these, into these
dudes in the parking lot.
Ended up going back to theirplace and I'm hanging out with
this guy.
We're having a good time.

(12:00):
We are making out, we aremessing around And I put my hand
down his pants and, uh, it's amicro penis situation.
And like, no shame, guys.
No shame.
Just didn't know how to handleit at the time.
So I didn't want this guy tofeel bad about the, you know,

(12:23):
something that he has zerofucking control over.
So I didn't want him to feel badabout it, so I was like, oh
yeah.
So I'm making out, I give himlike the courtesy.
Like two minute handy or likepinky thingy.
Not even a handy.
It was more like a thingy.
So I give him like the courtesytwo minute little, like, like
finger job.
And I'm like, I'm gonna go tothe bathroom and freshen up the

(12:45):
floor.
This gets any further.
So I go to the bathroom and um,I stay in there for a couple
minutes and I come out and Ifaked a period.
I was like, man.
I am so sorry, but I just got myperiod and he is like, oh no,
that's totally fine.
Like I don't care at all.
I was like, oh my God, that isso great.

(13:06):
I really appreciate the factthat you don't care.
This is the first time that I'mhooking up with you and it just
would make me uncomfortable, solike I'd rather not.
I'm like, I'm so sorry.
And so it's like, I'm like, I'mgonna get dressed.
This is so embarrassing.
So I fake a period to not fuck ateeny pee.
And then I get my clothes on andI go, to leave.

(13:28):
And I'm like, where is she?
So I'm like, Hey girl, go.
Hey girl, where are you?
And then.
Like here she is like pops herhead up, from the other side of
the couch because I guess shenever made it to a bedroom.
She was just on the floor like achampion and just walks up.
It's like what?
And I'm like, oh go.
We gotta go.
We gotta go.

(13:49):
And she's like, oh yeah, noproblem.
She just hops off.
This dude doesn't ask anyquestions, ride or die.
Fucking bitch.
I love her.
She just hops off this dude.
No questions.
She's like, lemme grab my purseWe get in the car.
I'm like, girl.
She's like, is everything okay?
I'm like, yeah man, everything'sfine.
It was like, it's just on amicro.
I was that uh.
I didn't even know what to dowith it.
I didn't know.
I didn't, at the time, I didn'tknow they made dicks that small.

(14:11):
Um.
Bro, bro.
I was like, dude, she's like, ohmy God, his roommate too.
And I was like, oh my God, areyou serious?
Why'd you fuck him?
And she's like, I, I, I feltbad.
And I was like, oh my God, I didtoo.
I faked a period.
And she like, but that totallychecks out.

(14:32):
So then we, you know, went toDenny's or whatever and had some
pancakes and went home alone.
all in all, it was a successfulevening.
these are literally just blipsand hiccups and things, but they
were all silly little buildingblocks to what eventually turned
into this like wild debaucherouslife that I've led.

(14:57):
And even though this is like,you know, I'm not, I'm super
pumped about this episode.
I don't feel super confident init right now, but that's totally
fine'cause they're not all gonnabe fucking winners.
But I'm gonna keep going becauseI know it gets more interesting.
I just wanna honor her in someway, shape or form.
I'll close out with saying thatI fucked up.

(15:23):
I was an irresponsible, uh, twatand I did not know what I was
doing.
I was in and outta jobs and Iwas learning.
I was learning how to bartendand I was so consumed with the
crushes that I had on people andjust letting these random
hookups and these men kind oflike rule.
I just wanted to be loved sobad.

(15:43):
I think, you know, it's like I.
Was looking for it in the wrongplaces because she loved me the
entire time and I didn't giveher the respect that I deserved
because I was looking for thesame thing from a man when I
should have been looking for itin the friendship that I had
with her.
And so when everything kind ofhit the fan and it did.

(16:04):
Hard.
I lost my job.
I had no money.
her parents were covering myrent and I promised her when we
moved in that that was nevergonna fucking happen because it
had happened to her so manytimes before.
And I broke that promise.
And then on my last night there,um, in our apartment before my
father had to come down and pickme up'cause my car had broken

(16:25):
down, I had no money, everythingwas fucked.
And he came down to pick me upto move me back to Virginia and.
When he came down to get me, Ishould have been spending that
last night with her and Iwasn't.
I was with strangers doingcocaine and acting like a
fucking asshole because I didn'tknow how to process my feelings.
And she deserved better thanthat.

(16:47):
She deserved a lot better thanthat'cause she was there for me
the whole fucking time.
And when she needed me to saybye to her, when she needed me
to love her, I fucking droppedthe ball.
And, uh.
She knows who she is and I hopeshe's fine.
I'm fucking sorry.

(17:08):
I am deeply fucking sorry.
You were awesome.
And I think you know as well asI do that there are so many
better stories and so many morestories than this.
And sorry for everyone who isnot involved that I just, just
spitfire through them, but it iskind of a touchy subject and I
was hoping that I couldcollaborate with her to refresh

(17:28):
these memories a little bit withme at least giving you guys a
little taste, um, of what thatyear and a half I was with her
in, um, that chapter.
And, um, yeah, so I got pickedup and moved back to Virginia
and.

(17:49):
It was absolutely devastatingand a big defeat for me.
It was, in October or September,October.
I was uh, 20.
And it's also going to introducea new person who I still to this
day love very dearly and is veryspecial to me.
And it's also going to talkabout the fact that I married a

(18:12):
man that I only knew for 10fucking weeks, because talk
about wanting to be loved.
And um, yeah, once we get thatout of the way with the next
one.
Then the real fun starts.
So if you have stuck around sofar, if you have stuck around so
far, um, the chaos hasn't evenbegun yet and it gets so much

(18:38):
more fun.
So I am going to wrap up.
I know this one was crazy.
Like I said, I just got off workand I'm feeling a little crazy.
Um, I'm feeling a littleunhinged.
And I'm also feeling like it'stime to go to bed because we
have a wedding to go to thisweekend.
This is a big weekend and it'smy people from Austin I moved to
Austin with that husband.
and so that chapter hasn't evencome up yet, I will be talking

(19:00):
to these people at this weddingand we're gonna have some new
stories.
It's gonna be super fun.
We're gonna recant.
I love.
So I guess, um, I guess that'sit for today.
in case no one's told youlately?
It is totally okay to misspeople that don't wanna talk to

(19:21):
you anymore.
And, uh, that's it.
I'll see you next Tuesday.
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