August 15, 2025 • 34 mins
This week I take you from how I went from from “Hi” to “I do,” in 10 weeks... I mean, what could possibly go wrong, right?
From a whirlwind wedding to cracks showing up almost immediately, Austin adventures, and a divorce-era heaux phase — this episode has it all.
Plus: the infamous “ranch” shirt shift, what I learned about dealbreakers, and why I’ll never rush into anything again
The Unhinged Ginge is my unfiltered memoir in podcast form, just stories. The laughter is loud, the hindsight is still nursing a hangover, and the details are... as accurate as memory allows.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
What's up guys?
Welcome back to the UnhingedGinge am Beaux, episode four.
Getting going.
So I last left you, I was inOrlando, or leaving Orlando
actually.
I'm just kind of like blown mylife up and I am about to move
back in with my parents and, uh,deal with all of that.
wasn't really proud of it.
(00:22):
but we all fuck up and we've allbeen there.
I had to do it twice.
I did it again when I was 30.
Fantastic.
So we'll get started with thisone.
So I'm back in Virginia, I'mdepressed.
I am, dealing with my nonsenseand my feelings that I'm not
really good at processing'causeI'm 19 and who is, and, I'm
looking for a job.
'cause that's what needs to bedone first and foremost.
(00:43):
I need to start making money soI can get the fuck out of here.
Period.
That's the most important thing.
So I'm flying around for jobseverywhere and um, like, so I
was driving and I drove pastthis shitty.
Little chain restaurant andsomething just kind of like to
like, turn here, turn now Bo.
(01:07):
And for whatever reason, I guessI did, I turned and that's where
I got a job and also Where Iended up meeting what would be
my soon to be husband and thensoon to be ex-husband, six years
following.
So I, um, pulled in, startedworking there, got to know this
(01:28):
guy.
started like casually seeinghim, nothing too serious.
Um, was also sleeping with thekitchen manager at that same
place as well, so, and.
I think I might have hooked upwith a server.
I don't know.
It was a lot.
I did, I did, was doing themost, trying to keep myself busy
and definitely, preoccupied frommy feelings and my feelings of
(01:51):
failure mainly.
So from working at that job, Iwas also trying to hang out with
some people and I didn't reallyknow that many people, because I
left right after high school.
So the only people that I knewwere the people who stuck around
and go figure.
I ended up.
Going to hang out with the same,were you fucking in the
bathroom?
(02:11):
I ended up going, she doesn'tsound like that, by the way.
She'll probably kill me fromdoing her impression that way.
But, um, I ended up, going to alittle house party.
We called'em Gettys, um, alittle Getty with, um, her and
her old friends.
Not the people who were on thetrip with us, but like her group
of friends, that she grew upwith.
And, um.
(02:33):
The, yeah, that party, this guywalks in and I remember just
when I saw him, I was like, whothe fuck is that?
I just thought he was mosthandsome thing I had seen at the
time.
he was tall dark handsome andcovered in tattoos.
(02:55):
he had this cool, weird, deepvoice that was just interesting.
I'm a sucker for a good voice,at least a distinct one, you
know?
And his was different.
I hadn't heard anybody who talklike him before.
And yeah, we sat down, westarted talking.
Turns out he was dating.
The friend of the friend who wasthere.
So I was like, oh great,perfect.
He's occupied, he's taken.
So all just mind my ownbusiness.
(03:17):
But we had this really greatconversation about skateboards.
'cause I used to, go out with myfriends and skateboard when I
was in college and would borrowthis guy's longboard.
I was telling, Daniel all aboutit.
Daniel's the guy at the party.
I was just like 46 inch concavePintail, sector nine Bamboo
series, and I'm just rattlingoff all of these things about
(03:39):
this board that I was like,didn't get to use anymore.
And he is like, oh man, that'sreally, like, he's like, that's
dope, blah, blah, blah.
just getting some goodconversation.
We're talking about life andmusic and, and shit and
whatever.
And, he is like.
I don't know, 8, 8, 9 yearsolder than me.
I have a hard time keeping upthese days.
But, um, yeah, so, uh, he wasstill seeing this girl, but he
(04:05):
sold weed, so I needed a dealer.
So, that's how I ended up,staying in contact with him at
first, more often was because hewas my pot dealer.
he ended up.
not being in that relationshipanymore.
we started flirting and then onething led to another.
He asked me if I wanted to hangout one night.
And of course I absolutelyfucking did.
(04:27):
And we were just driving around'cause there's nothing to do in
this town where we lived.
so he is just driving around,like enjoying each other's
company and he's like, so, uh,you wanna get a room?
I was like, yeah, absolutely.
I guess he said it because hethought that I was kidding or he
thought, I don't know what hethought.
I don't know if he was trying tomake a joke, but to see how I
(04:48):
would respond.
But I guess that wasn't theresponse that he was thinking I
would have, because clearly hedidn't know me that well yet.
Um, so we ended up going to afucking Holiday Inn and we
stopped at this store nearby.
And he goes in and he grabs likechampagne and strawberries and
flowers and fucking beer andshit, and, um, comes out to the
(05:12):
car.
He opens the car door and putsthese flowers in my lap.
He goes, these aren't for you.
I was like, that's cool.
He's like, oh my God, Beaux I'mfucking kidding.
Jesus.
I'm like, oh man.
My self esteem or lack thereof,is out on like full blast.
God, how we have changed.
Uh, oh man.
I was really, really more thanwilling to accept absolutely
(05:34):
nothing from these men besidesjust, uh, about, you know, and
like, what, nothing but, um,good or bad sex.
It didn't even fucking matter.
I just wanted attention.
That's what I needed.
I'm like, love me, love me, loveme.
Um.
So, yeah, so that's not meanymore, but Damnit, yeah.
He threw this, like, he threwthose flowers on my lap.
(05:57):
These aren't for you.
Oh, Jesus.
Okay.
So anyway, we go up to thisroom.
He ends up getting the fuckinghot tub suite.
which in hindsight is like, oof.
I wonder how well they cleanthose things, but didn't matter
at the time.
We got busy all over thatfucking room.
We had a good time.
We talked and just.
(06:18):
Really enjoyed each other.
It was a really cool night.
I don't know, I'd like, I'd befalling in love left and right
and so I fell in love with thatman so fast after that night.
Like Woofy man.
Ooh.
But I was seeing him and I wasalso seeing the km who was Also
seeing the GM of thatrestaurant.
Restaurants are so incestuous,man.
(06:38):
We all just be up in the family,fucking each other.
It's crazy.
So I was seeing the km and thebartender who ended up being my
husband and Daniel, just, healways had.
His fingers and a lot ofhoneypots, you know what I mean?
And he always had a lot ofdifferent side hustles going on.
he was always really active justdoing something.
(06:59):
So, not to be surprised thatsometimes, you know, you just
don't get contacted.
It wasn't a ghosting situation'cause that wasn't so much a
thing back then, but itabsolutely fucking felt like
one.
Um, so fast forward just alittle bit.
I started spending more and moretime with.
who ends up being my husband.
And, um, Daniel kind of justdisappeared for a couple of
(07:24):
weeks.
I don't know what he was goingon or what happened, but in that
couple weeks that he was gone ornot contacting me, I was rapidly
falling more for.
My husband and, um, we werehaving sex one night and he
(07:44):
said, what would you say if Isaid I could do this with you
for like, ever?
And I was like, oh my God.
Absolutely.
I would love that.
That sounds amazing.
Fucking idiot.
so we were lying there and it'slike, was that, it Did we just
get engaged low key?
Like was that what that was?
And um, yeah, it turns out, uh,it was, that was what it was.
(08:09):
And so we were like, oh, fuckit.
We're both off on Tuesday.
Let's get married.
We weren't planning a wedding,we weren't planning shit.
We were just like, let's go,let's just be with each other.
This is awesome.
Let's just be with each other.
Ugh.
Man, it's so weird telling itnow.
'cause it's just like, what?
God, you were a fucking child.
You were a baby.
What were you doing?
Ah, I love her and I forgive herfor indiscretions.
(08:31):
Anyway, bygones.
we were going to get married onTuesday, and it just did not
feel right to me.
to not tell my parents.
I don't know why.
It wasn't something that I hadnormally felt really obligated
to do too much was to tell themwhat I was doing with my life,
just because I've always, beenmore like, I'll fucking figure
it out.
I don't want anybody's helpunless I absolutely need to have
help.
(08:51):
it I decided to tell my parents.
They did not seem pleased.
he was with me when I told themthey pulled him in the bathroom
and talked to him for like anhour or so without me.
That's in my parents'bathroom's, like where we go
smoke cigarettes and where wehave family talks and things
like that It's a small bathroomjust with a big tub.
we use the tub like a bench andwe all sit in there and smoke
and talk and, um, it's been, uh,the main scene for many, many, a
(09:14):
deep talk with many a human.
In or outta the family to behonest with you.
deep talk with Sandie.
That's my mom.
deep talks with Sandie happen inthe bathroom while we're chain
smoking and drinking all thetime.
So.
Oh,'cause it's'cause of thevent.
It's'cause of the vent.
'cause of the vent.
Pull out the smoke.
It doesn't, that bathroom smellslike smoke.
It's been 20 years of smoke,whatever.
(09:35):
Anyway, bygones Scott, I justkeep rambling today.
Ah, enjoy.
So, so, they pulled him in thebathroom and they were talking
to him about, What it means tomarry their daughter and who I
am and, um, that you can'tsettle down like you're gonna
have to travel a lot.
(09:55):
she is really random.
She changes her mind a lot.
She's all over the place.
You have to be quite a person tobe able to do this and, and
stick with it because she'sgonna be pulling you all over
the place.
But if you can, I'm sure she'sgonna take you on an incredible
adventure and also don't fuckinghurt her.
You know?
So, um, yeah, they had thattalk.
I guess I never got too manydetails about it really, besides
(10:18):
what I just told you.
And, it seemed to be fine.
they really just wanted to dosomething for us, so they were
like, just give us a week.
So we pushed it off untilSaturday.
So, or no, I'm sorry, it was onSaturday.
we got married on a Thursday.
'cause it was weird as shit.
So we waited, it was a Thursday,it was the following Thursday
and it was 4-19.
'cause we didn't wanna do it onFriday.
We didn't wanna do it on 4-20because we wanted to be able to
(10:40):
take the 19th and the 20th offso that we would always have
4-20 as a holiday that we couldtake off work and we could blame
it on our anniversary.
So that's where our prioritieslie.
And so we got married onThursday.
my parents kind of threwsomething together.
We had a little sushi platterand a bunch of, wings he wore a
(11:01):
slayer shirt and his favoritepair of jeans that were ripped.
And, neither one of us had bigfans of underwear and so he had
a hole in his pocket so youcould see his ass cheek and then
I was wearing this green andwhite checkered sundress that
nobody told me.
A did not fit.
B like looked like shit.
C was C through, so luckily Idid wear underwear that day
(11:23):
because whenever you took apicture you could see straight
through my dress.
It was this green and whitecheckered sundress.
And then I just like bought onthe fly.
I thought green and white.
I look great with my red hair,and my mom wore baby's breath.
in her, hair when she gotmarried.
So I thought I would too.
she got me a little one and itwas really cute and I thought it
would look great with thisdress.
the unbeknownst to me it wasjust because this was before my
(11:44):
best reduction, so it was justlike, boom, it was just tits for
days.
And I don't know, it wasn'tcute, but I didn't care.
I was in love.
And, uh, his family wasn't superfun.
So my family's a laugh riot.
They're out of their minds, buthis family's not super fun.
So, that it was kind of a clashat the weddings'cause we're
(12:06):
having the best time.
His family's like, who the fuckis this bitch?
Um, anyway, So then, um, let'sfast forward.
We get married, and I bump intoDaniel at the grocery store a
couple weeks after that.
And he was still in these like,I didn't know where you is.
And I hadn't talked to him in awhile.
he is like, Hey, how are you?
It's good to see you.
(12:27):
I'm like, yeah, where have youbeen?
he is like, oh, blah, blah,blah.
I don't even remember what hetold me, but he was gone.
he is like, so what's new?
What's happening?
I'm like, well, I got married.
it was like this, oh, oh, oh,oh.
I don't know.
It was weird.
I still don't know how I feelabout that moment.
I feel like in hindsight, inthat moment, I realized I fucked
(12:48):
up the second I saw him and sawhim, and I felt the way that I
felt about him.
Still, I knew that I wasn'tprepared to be anybody's wife.
'cause I, I.
I was only half in, but I made acommitment, I made a promise,
and so I pretended like I wasall in until I was all the way
(13:11):
the fucking, and I definitelywas pretty shortly after that.
Um, I, but, uh, yeah, so, um.
So both of us were living withour parents, um, when we had got
married.
so it was like, I'm not stayinghere.
With my parents, my grandparentswere living with my parents too.
(13:32):
This is a full house.
I'm not doing this right now.
so we ended up moving in withhis mom and, that was awful.
Um, she's a very nice lady.
Or at least she was to my facemost of the time.
She would say little snarkythings when he left the room and
he never believed me, but that'sokay.
That was very much his style.
I don't wanna turn this into aex-husband bashing fest by any
stretch of the imagination, butif these little guys sneak in
(13:54):
from time to time, please don'tblame me.
I'm trying to have some decorum,but it's a little bit difficult
when you've been burned.
I know all of you get it, so,uh, yeah.
So, oh, fun tidbit.
Backtrack real quick.
The guy that married us wasordained and he was actually
friends with my husband's mom,and he didn't wanna marry
(14:17):
anybody again because everysingle person he got married,
got divorced.
He's like, I'm cursed.
Do not let me marry you.
I don't want to.
And we're like, oh, no.
Please, please, please.
So we don't want it to bereligious and you're not a
priest, so we need the ordainedguy.
You're the only ordained guy weknow.
And so he did it.
And, uh.
Your streaks still solid there,honey, because we didn't fucking
make it either.
(14:38):
So yeah, crushed that one andthank God for that.
I'm glad we didn't listen to himand I'm glad we were cursed.
So, yeah, I guess.
If we're gonna kind of bleedthis into when the first couple
of cracks started coming up inthat relationship.
it wasn't long.
It was very shortly after.
we got married in April and mygrandfather had died in July.
(15:00):
I only have one set ofgrandparents, my mom's parents.
And my popo was awesome.
He was the only guy, only personreally that could ever calm me
down when I got pissed off.
So he was very special to me.
He was also an Aries.
He knew how to talk to mebecause, you know, we understood
each other.
And, um, my husband at the time,asked me if he needed to take
(15:23):
off work for the funeral becauseit was Saturday and it was a
money day and he didn't thinkthat it was that important.
To, uh, to attend with me sincehe barely knew the guy.
And, uh, I should have knownthen what I meant to him because
he was more concerned aboutmoney than, emotionally
(15:43):
supporting me in a time of need.
It was the first relative, andfirst, I mean, besides my mentor
who had died, which was acompletely different kind of
situation, also really fuckingtragic, but.
Very, like, just different.
So, uh, that sucked and he saidthat.
it was kind of when the redflags started showing up a
little bit more.
(16:05):
And that was only three monthsin.
This relationship lasted sixyears.
So, but I mean, I guess it's nottoo bad for only knowing the guy
for 10 weeks.
Oh, I didn't tell you guys thatI knew this guy for 10 weeks.
okay, so, Sorry, I got stuck onmy dead grandpa for a second.
(16:25):
All right.
So, another thing that wouldhappen is like, we were, you
know, honeymoon period we'relike banging like bunnies.
Everything's fine.
I didn't think that there wasany type of issue.
And then as we were togetherlonger and longer, the sex just
got slower and slower, likehappening.
Um, it just wasn't happening.
As frequently as it used to.
And I was like, Hmm, what'swrong?
I'm 21, I got married.
(16:47):
just over two weeks after my21st birthday.
So I was a baby getting married,which I had no fucking business
doing.
And um, so since that's thecase, my self-esteem wasn't
there.
My frontal lobe hadn't fullyfucking developed yet.
Like, I don't know what I wasdoing.
It was ridiculous.
so what ends up happening is thesex is getting further and
further apart.
I am thinking that there'ssomething wrong with me, because
(17:10):
my husband won't fuck me.
And I'm like, what is thisabout?
he is just playing video gamesall the fucking time, just
constantly playing video games.
I tried to get in on, I playwith them.
He eventually, the guy got a Wiiand so I was like doing like
back when it was like brandfucking new.
So we were playing, Mario Kartand shit like that.
I was trying to be a part ofwhat he enjoyed.
(17:31):
but he refused to be a part ofwhat I enjoyed.
and now I can't even rememberwhat I enjoyed back then, to be
honest with you.
I wasn't a big fan of it, so Ifigured maybe, if we get him out
of his mom's house, this'll bebetter.
So we, saved up our money and wegot an apartment.
So we get an apartment in,Virginia, and it's like, okay,
(17:52):
cool.
Same shit.
Nothing's changing.
I'm like, all right, well thissucks.
So then we do mushrooms One day.
It's like this weird trip.
He kind of goes into this crazystate and, um, he keeps saying
like, insulting me, saying allthis crazy weird shit.
And then he keeps referencinghis ex-girlfriend I'm like,
what?
Because I'm like, I'm tripping,but I'm not tripping like that.
And so I'm like, I'm having ababysit him.
(18:12):
'cause he's like, he turns it.
He went.
Himself, infant himself.
And he like kind of revertedback to a child.
And it was a very odd situation.
And after that I was like, wegotta get the fuck outta here.
so I decided that we shouldmove.
He followed along with it.
we put the names of cities in ahat that we liked and we picked
out three.
(18:33):
And then we went to go visit andwe ended up landing in Austin
Tech.
And we were in Austin, Texas fora couple of years.
I started working at arestaurant and bar down in the
thick of it, off of like second.
And Brazos is the middle ofdowntown.
And that's when I met Rayna, whois going to be coming up more
(18:55):
and more frequently through thisAustin chapter.
So I will be doing a littleintro to her very soon.
we had this moment where.
we met some people who lived inthe apartment that we had moved
in.
They were some, they were acrazy couple.
And, uh, we went to this reallycool karaoke bar in a parking
garage, I don't remember what itwas called, but we went there me
(19:17):
and this chick had gone up tothe bar to order shots and he
comes in from outside smokingand comes in behind me and puts
his arms around my waist.
And goes to like kiss me and Iwas like, fall back, fall back.
This guy's about to buy usshots.
And so he walked to the otherside of the bar and gave me like
a little wink and a thumbs upand I was like, oh man.
(19:37):
Like we trust each other.
This is fun.
He's letting me do my thing.
Wow.
We were like.
Growing or something, or likeevolving, I don't know.
it's finally going better, whichwas also shortlived because it
really wasn't, I think it wasjust kind of the awe of being
somewhere new and yada yada.
so I'm working at thisrestaurant in downtown Austin
(20:00):
with Rayna I was serving, Iwasn't bartending at the time,
and we had just hired a newexecutive chef and I was at the
computer ringing in my order myGM is behind me and he's like,
Beaux, hey, um, meet the newexecutive chef.
And I'm like, he can, hold on.
I am, I am ringing shit and I ambusy.
(20:23):
I, I'm working for the peoplewho pay my bills.
I'm not concerned.
I'll be there in a minute.
So I finish ringing my order andI turn around and I'm like, hi,
I'm Beaux, and I look down atthis hand, and then I just start
scanning upward to this giantman, and I don't know, we just
(20:49):
locked eyes and something wasjust like.
Like, like it's like I got hitby a bus and then he is like,
hi, nice to meet you, and thisvoice pops out and I'm like,
(21:09):
fuck me, I'm getting divorced.
Ah, shit.
I was like, that was the firstthought in my brain is like, I'm
getting divorced.
Fuck.
All right, here we go.
So then, later on, like maybethe same day, maybe a couple
days later, but pretty soonafter this encounter and this
man started working there, I wassitting outside after work with
(21:32):
another coworker, Rebecca andRayna, Rebecca was listening to
me and Rayna Bitch about theseterrible dudes we were in
relationships with because Raynawas also in a relationship with
a guy for a long time.
They weren't married, but he wasa piece of shit So, um, Rebecca
was like, you guys already havethe answers.
If you just listen to yourselveswhen you talk, it's very clear
(21:55):
what you wanna do.
You just need to do it.
And it's like, no, but no, butno, but fuck you.
She was right.
So I, shortly after that, endedup, leaving within like a month
after that conversation andafter, the new EC started we
started flirting and we neverdid anything.
(22:16):
We did not do anything.
'cause he was also married, wedid not do anything.
But I feel like, he was kind of.
Going through his own shit.
The way he was describing it, itsounded like he was also married
to like the female version of myhusband.
But I got along with her reallywell too.
So, I mean, I don't know, maybejust like those love blinders
that you get.
Um,'cause I'm not,'cause I'd befalling in love left and right.
(22:38):
I was desperately in love withthat man too.
Oh man.
He, um, we'll get to him laterbefore I go on another Beaux
tangent.
Who.
Yes, ADHD is raging and the medsdon't work, so I don't take
them.
Alright, sorry.
Anyway.
So I leave him, right?
I leave my husband.
(22:58):
and now we're in this limboperiod where we had to wait 90
days before they could finalizeour divorce.
So, um, I told him I was gonnaleave.
I filed paper shortlythereafter.
I wanted everything done veryquick.
So, between me saying I don'twanna be with you anymore, and
me being legally divorced, ittook about three or four months.
So in the time after I left him,I was so ready to get dicked
(23:22):
down and meet some fuckingpeople that I just decided, um,
to do that really to do that.
So I didn't wanna stay home,obviously.
'cause like I said, I wassleeping on the couch.
I figured I'm the one who'sleaving, he can have the bed.
Right.
so I was sleeping on the couchor just staying at random's
(23:42):
houses or friends' houses.
And um, and then I ended uphooking up with one of my
coworkers, not the executivechef.
'cause like I said, he was stillmarried.
But I ended up hooking up withone of my coworkers, Terrance,
and I go to, Over.
He was actually, he wasroommates with Rebecca.
(24:03):
So I would go over to theirplace, and stay the night from
time to time.
But it was funny because Ididn't know I'd been outta the
game for like five and a halfyears at that point.
So I didn't know how things hadchanged or what have you.
So when I went over toTerrance's house to hook up.
The first time I was just likegetting my shit on and I was
(24:23):
getting ready to leave and goback home.
And he is like, you can stayhere.
And I'm like, oh God.
Because I'm used to being likein Orlando where I know my motto
was, thanks for the oh, it'stime to go get the, get the fuck
out of my house.
but apparently that wasn't thething.
He was like, no, I'm not gonnathink you wanna be in a fucking
relationship with me justbecause you spend the night like
it's late, you can sleep here.
(24:44):
And I'm like, oh, okay.
That's nice.
Alright, cool.
So I ended up hooking up withhim on a regular basis.
'cause you know, post divorce,you need a fuck buddy.
You need one and you gotta findone quick.
and there was some follies thathappened with that one too.
Um, man.
Oh, one time.
Ooh, one time after we've beenhooking up for several months
and I was sleeping with way morepeople.
(25:05):
One time I was, having sex withhim and I called him I think
three or four different names.
Before I got to his name.
So I kind of stopped.
I stopped saying people's nameswhile I was fucking'em after
that, that was fuckingembarrassing.
But luckily, Terrance, um,either didn't notice or just,
(25:25):
just really understood who thefuck I was and what we were
doing because he did not careand he didn't say shit about it,
but it was hilarious.
And then also one time I wentover there after work.
Man, I was on a bender.
Um, I was really, really, reallytrying not to go home because me
and my soon to be ex-husbandwere fighting all the time.
(25:46):
Of course, because that's what'sgonna happen.
It was just fighting and cryingand like, don't leave.
Yes, leave, blah, blah, blah.
And then he wouldn't fuck me.
My ex-husband that is, and hethen he like made a reference to
like, we should be fuck buddies.
And it's like, are you serious?
I like, one of the big reasonswhy I left was because you
didn't want to be intimate withme.
And now you have the fuckingcaucasity to ask me if I'll be
(26:08):
your fucking fuck buddy.
Get fucked.
That's insane.
Okay, anyway.
Bygones.
So, um, I was with Terrance andI had gone to work.
It was raining, so I was wearingrain boots and shorts'cause I
had to work on the patio.
So I was wearing rain boots andshorts and my work shirt.
And I had gone and stayed withTerrance that night and then
(26:28):
went back to work the next day.
And it wasn't raining, but Ididn't have shoes.
so I still wore my rain boots, Iwas wearing the same outfit,
including the fucking rain bootsagain.
And then I came back the thirdday, same outfit.
I washed my clothes, I washed myclothes at Terrance's Place.
Okay.
I wasn't super stinky, but Istill had those fucking rain
boots.
(26:49):
And so I was wearing the rainbowboots and it did not rain.
It's not raining.
So my, one of my managers waslike, dude, you've got.
To go home.
I know what you're doing.
I totally get it.
But if the GM was here, youalready know he hates you.
And uh, he would absolutely finda reason to fire you for this
shit.
You have got to go get somedifferent shoes.
(27:11):
You can't keep showing up in thesame outfit.
I'm like, fuck.
All right.
You right.
but, uh, what, he didn't call meon that day, even though he
called me all wearing the sameoutfit.
Luckily what he did not call meon that day is that the night
before I had gone to, um, so I'dwash.
So I had washed my clothes afterthe first night.
(27:34):
So I had clean shirt, cleanshorts, same galoshes, go back
to Terrance's Place the nextnight.
We fuck again.
I don't take my shirt offbecause I was wasted, tired, So
we're banging.
I pass out, I wake up, I put mypants on.
(27:54):
I try to like, you know, do thislike, like we lick the bottoms
of your fingers and you push up,get the eyeliner back on my face
and like fingering, boom, Igotta go to work.
And I had to work a double thatday.
Um, so yeah, so I go to workthis double and I am bebopping
around and Rayna comes up to mewhen she gets there for the
(28:15):
dinner shift and she's like,girl, you have a rough lunch.
And I'm like, no, not really.
It wasn't that, not no.
Why?
She's like, oh, you've, you'veranch all over your shirt.
I was like, excuse me?
And I looked down.
And this is pre breastreduction, not that I could even
see it now, post reduction,because boobs are still big, but
(28:37):
pre breast reduction boobs arehuge, and all the mirrors were
only coming like from the titsup, and so I had no idea.
Last night when I was bangingTerrance, he pulled out and he
came on my shirt and I workedthat whole fucking double, with
jizz on my shirt.
Lot of it too.
(28:58):
Thank God.
It looked like ranch.
I get, there's no fucking way.
It looked like ranch.
So, yeah.
So, um.
That was kind of, uh, uh, arinse and repeat, um, no pun
intended part of my life, likethis post-divorce, or in the
middle of it kind of era.
I really thank you Terrance forbanging me when nobody would.
No, that's not true.
(29:18):
thank you Terrance for, uh,dicking me down when I was down
and out.
You are the best.
I appreciate that.
It was fun.
It's really fun.
Um, yeah, so eventually I moveout and, give my ex-husband
everything.
I only take the coffee table andthe couch, uh, coffee table.
So I had somewhere to put mystuff, like a shelf essentially.
(29:41):
And um, the couch.
So I had somewhere to sleep.
I left him everything else.
And so that's when I moved inwith a couple of guys off of
Craigslist who were really dope.
Had a good time with them untilone of them moved out.
And then the other one found aside hustle that was kind of
(30:02):
crazy.
And we ended up having likehundreds and hundreds of birds
in the house.
Hundreds eggs, babies fullgrown.
Just quail fucking quaileverywhere.
But we'll get to that.
That's a different story for adifferent time.
So stay tuned.
Um, but yeah, I think we'll wrapit up.
(30:27):
proud of myself that didn'ttrash talk him too much.
There's a lot more if you, um,if you're curious about it or
anything, eventually, um, I'lltell you everything you just
have to ask.
Um, yeah, so I guess thereflection on that is that.
I got married in the first placeand I didn't realize it until
after I got divorced that, whenhe said I could do this with you
(30:50):
forever, I was really under theimpression that no one, and I
mean no one was ever going tosay that to me again.
Um, my self-esteem was so in thetoilet that I really just was
using my sexuality to try tofake, like I had some, um, and
uh, which was ridiculous'cause.
(31:12):
She, she is beautiful and sheabsolutely was beautiful back
then.
And, um, I love her, thatversion of me and I'm sorry that
she had to deal with that, butwe are making moves now, my
darling.
But anyway, um, I think Irealized after I got divorced
that the reason why I said yesto that shit in the first place.
'cause I never got a proposal.
(31:33):
I never got a ring.
And not that those thingsmatter.
But it was all just so rushedand it was so, um, impromptu and
it wasn't romantic.
It was desperation because Igenuinely thought that that was
the only chance I was ever goingto get for someone to say that
they love me back, and, that wasnot true at all.
(31:56):
Wish she would've known that.
But I did learn a few things.
And what I did learn was, it'snot about what you want, it's
about what you fucking don't.
It's the checklist of thingsthat you will not tolerate.
It's deal breakers, and I'm nottalking petty ones.
I'm talking about what youfucking deserve as a person and
(32:17):
how you deserve to be treated.
By the person that you wannaspend the rest of your life with
or the person you even wannaspend the next 15 fucking
minutes with.
It is absolutely up to you toestablish boundaries and it's up
to you to set the bar for whatyou will and will not tolerate.
And learning that lesson isfucking invaluable.
(32:40):
So if that's what I needed totough out those five and a half,
six years of my life doing, um,then I'm.
Then I'm glad, I'm glad.
I gave that man most of mytwenties.
Um, but I am really glad that Icame out of it knowing what I
want, what I need, and learninghow to fucking run those
(33:03):
streets, you know?
So, yeah.
Um, next one, we're gonna take alittle casual.
Quick fire, uh, trip downBeaux's, Austin, Heaux Bag Lane.
And, uh, there's severalchapters in that, so we might
have to stretch that and do acouple of episodes of just
random weird fuck stories thatdon't really connect to each
(33:27):
other.
We're just gonna like drop'em.
Like little chaos bombs thathave no connecting factor.
Or maybe they do.
I don't know.
I honestly haven't written theoutline yet, so we'll have to
find out later.
But that leads into me.
Moving to the Caribbean.
So we still gotta talk about theheaux bag lane.
We still gotta talk about thebird house.
(33:50):
We gotta talk about the chickwho like set all my shit on fire
and we gotta talk about whathappens when I move to the
Caribbean on accident.
And, uh, yeah, it's gonna, itjust, it's gonna keep layering.
It's gonna keep layering.
Oh, okay.
So yeah, so that's that.
Tell your therapist I said hi,and I'll see you next Tuesday.
What's up guys?
Welcome back to the UnhingedGinge am Beaux, episode four.
Getting going.
So I last left you, I was inOrlando, or leaving Orlando
actually.
I'm just kind of like blown mylife up and I am about to move
back in with my parents and, uh,deal with all of that.
wasn't really proud of it.
(00:22):
but we all fuck up and we've allbeen there.
I had to do it twice.
I did it again when I was 30.
Fantastic.
So we'll get started with thisone.
So I'm back in Virginia, I'mdepressed.
I am, dealing with my nonsenseand my feelings that I'm not
really good at processing'causeI'm 19 and who is, and, I'm
looking for a job.
'cause that's what needs to bedone first and foremost.
(00:43):
I need to start making money soI can get the fuck out of here.
Period.
That's the most important thing.
So I'm flying around for jobseverywhere and um, like, so I
was driving and I drove pastthis shitty.
Little chain restaurant andsomething just kind of like to
like, turn here, turn now Bo.
(01:07):
And for whatever reason, I guessI did, I turned and that's where
I got a job and also Where Iended up meeting what would be
my soon to be husband and thensoon to be ex-husband, six years
following.
So I, um, pulled in, startedworking there, got to know this
(01:28):
guy.
started like casually seeinghim, nothing too serious.
Um, was also sleeping with thekitchen manager at that same
place as well, so, and.
I think I might have hooked upwith a server.
I don't know.
It was a lot.
I did, I did, was doing themost, trying to keep myself busy
and definitely, preoccupied frommy feelings and my feelings of
(01:51):
failure mainly.
So from working at that job, Iwas also trying to hang out with
some people and I didn't reallyknow that many people, because I
left right after high school.
So the only people that I knewwere the people who stuck around
and go figure.
I ended up.
Going to hang out with the same,were you fucking in the
bathroom?
(02:11):
I ended up going, she doesn'tsound like that, by the way.
She'll probably kill me fromdoing her impression that way.
But, um, I ended up, going to alittle house party.
We called'em Gettys, um, alittle Getty with, um, her and
her old friends.
Not the people who were on thetrip with us, but like her group
of friends, that she grew upwith.
And, um.
(02:33):
The, yeah, that party, this guywalks in and I remember just
when I saw him, I was like, whothe fuck is that?
I just thought he was mosthandsome thing I had seen at the
time.
he was tall dark handsome andcovered in tattoos.
(02:55):
he had this cool, weird, deepvoice that was just interesting.
I'm a sucker for a good voice,at least a distinct one, you
know?
And his was different.
I hadn't heard anybody who talklike him before.
And yeah, we sat down, westarted talking.
Turns out he was dating.
The friend of the friend who wasthere.
So I was like, oh great,perfect.
He's occupied, he's taken.
So all just mind my ownbusiness.
(03:17):
But we had this really greatconversation about skateboards.
'cause I used to, go out with myfriends and skateboard when I
was in college and would borrowthis guy's longboard.
I was telling, Daniel all aboutit.
Daniel's the guy at the party.
I was just like 46 inch concavePintail, sector nine Bamboo
series, and I'm just rattlingoff all of these things about
(03:39):
this board that I was like,didn't get to use anymore.
And he is like, oh man, that'sreally, like, he's like, that's
dope, blah, blah, blah.
just getting some goodconversation.
We're talking about life andmusic and, and shit and
whatever.
And, he is like.
I don't know, 8, 8, 9 yearsolder than me.
I have a hard time keeping upthese days.
But, um, yeah, so, uh, he wasstill seeing this girl, but he
(04:05):
sold weed, so I needed a dealer.
So, that's how I ended up,staying in contact with him at
first, more often was because hewas my pot dealer.
he ended up.
not being in that relationshipanymore.
we started flirting and then onething led to another.
He asked me if I wanted to hangout one night.
And of course I absolutelyfucking did.
(04:27):
And we were just driving around'cause there's nothing to do in
this town where we lived.
so he is just driving around,like enjoying each other's
company and he's like, so, uh,you wanna get a room?
I was like, yeah, absolutely.
I guess he said it because hethought that I was kidding or he
thought, I don't know what hethought.
I don't know if he was trying tomake a joke, but to see how I
(04:48):
would respond.
But I guess that wasn't theresponse that he was thinking I
would have, because clearly hedidn't know me that well yet.
Um, so we ended up going to afucking Holiday Inn and we
stopped at this store nearby.
And he goes in and he grabs likechampagne and strawberries and
flowers and fucking beer andshit, and, um, comes out to the
(05:12):
car.
He opens the car door and putsthese flowers in my lap.
He goes, these aren't for you.
I was like, that's cool.
He's like, oh my God, Beaux I'mfucking kidding.
Jesus.
I'm like, oh man.
My self esteem or lack thereof,is out on like full blast.
God, how we have changed.
Uh, oh man.
I was really, really more thanwilling to accept absolutely
(05:34):
nothing from these men besidesjust, uh, about, you know, and
like, what, nothing but, um,good or bad sex.
It didn't even fucking matter.
I just wanted attention.
That's what I needed.
I'm like, love me, love me, loveme.
Um.
So, yeah, so that's not meanymore, but Damnit, yeah.
He threw this, like, he threwthose flowers on my lap.
(05:57):
These aren't for you.
Oh, Jesus.
Okay.
So anyway, we go up to thisroom.
He ends up getting the fuckinghot tub suite.
which in hindsight is like, oof.
I wonder how well they cleanthose things, but didn't matter
at the time.
We got busy all over thatfucking room.
We had a good time.
We talked and just.
(06:18):
Really enjoyed each other.
It was a really cool night.
I don't know, I'd like, I'd befalling in love left and right
and so I fell in love with thatman so fast after that night.
Like Woofy man.
Ooh.
But I was seeing him and I wasalso seeing the km who was Also
seeing the GM of thatrestaurant.
Restaurants are so incestuous,man.
(06:38):
We all just be up in the family,fucking each other.
It's crazy.
So I was seeing the km and thebartender who ended up being my
husband and Daniel, just, healways had.
His fingers and a lot ofhoneypots, you know what I mean?
And he always had a lot ofdifferent side hustles going on.
he was always really active justdoing something.
(06:59):
So, not to be surprised thatsometimes, you know, you just
don't get contacted.
It wasn't a ghosting situation'cause that wasn't so much a
thing back then, but itabsolutely fucking felt like
one.
Um, so fast forward just alittle bit.
I started spending more and moretime with.
who ends up being my husband.
And, um, Daniel kind of justdisappeared for a couple of
(07:24):
weeks.
I don't know what he was goingon or what happened, but in that
couple weeks that he was gone ornot contacting me, I was rapidly
falling more for.
My husband and, um, we werehaving sex one night and he
(07:44):
said, what would you say if Isaid I could do this with you
for like, ever?
And I was like, oh my God.
Absolutely.
I would love that.
That sounds amazing.
Fucking idiot.
so we were lying there and it'slike, was that, it Did we just
get engaged low key?
Like was that what that was?
And um, yeah, it turns out, uh,it was, that was what it was.
(08:09):
And so we were like, oh, fuckit.
We're both off on Tuesday.
Let's get married.
We weren't planning a wedding,we weren't planning shit.
We were just like, let's go,let's just be with each other.
This is awesome.
Let's just be with each other.
Ugh.
Man, it's so weird telling itnow.
'cause it's just like, what?
God, you were a fucking child.
You were a baby.
What were you doing?
Ah, I love her and I forgive herfor indiscretions.
(08:31):
Anyway, bygones.
we were going to get married onTuesday, and it just did not
feel right to me.
to not tell my parents.
I don't know why.
It wasn't something that I hadnormally felt really obligated
to do too much was to tell themwhat I was doing with my life,
just because I've always, beenmore like, I'll fucking figure
it out.
I don't want anybody's helpunless I absolutely need to have
help.
(08:51):
it I decided to tell my parents.
They did not seem pleased.
he was with me when I told themthey pulled him in the bathroom
and talked to him for like anhour or so without me.
That's in my parents'bathroom's, like where we go
smoke cigarettes and where wehave family talks and things
like that It's a small bathroomjust with a big tub.
we use the tub like a bench andwe all sit in there and smoke
and talk and, um, it's been, uh,the main scene for many, many, a
(09:14):
deep talk with many a human.
In or outta the family to behonest with you.
deep talk with Sandie.
That's my mom.
deep talks with Sandie happen inthe bathroom while we're chain
smoking and drinking all thetime.
So.
Oh,'cause it's'cause of thevent.
It's'cause of the vent.
'cause of the vent.
Pull out the smoke.
It doesn't, that bathroom smellslike smoke.
It's been 20 years of smoke,whatever.
(09:35):
Anyway, bygones Scott, I justkeep rambling today.
Ah, enjoy.
So, so, they pulled him in thebathroom and they were talking
to him about, What it means tomarry their daughter and who I
am and, um, that you can'tsettle down like you're gonna
have to travel a lot.
(09:55):
she is really random.
She changes her mind a lot.
She's all over the place.
You have to be quite a person tobe able to do this and, and
stick with it because she'sgonna be pulling you all over
the place.
But if you can, I'm sure she'sgonna take you on an incredible
adventure and also don't fuckinghurt her.
You know?
So, um, yeah, they had thattalk.
I guess I never got too manydetails about it really, besides
(10:18):
what I just told you.
And, it seemed to be fine.
they really just wanted to dosomething for us, so they were
like, just give us a week.
So we pushed it off untilSaturday.
So, or no, I'm sorry, it was onSaturday.
we got married on a Thursday.
'cause it was weird as shit.
So we waited, it was a Thursday,it was the following Thursday
and it was 4-19.
'cause we didn't wanna do it onFriday.
We didn't wanna do it on 4-20because we wanted to be able to
(10:40):
take the 19th and the 20th offso that we would always have
4-20 as a holiday that we couldtake off work and we could blame
it on our anniversary.
So that's where our prioritieslie.
And so we got married onThursday.
my parents kind of threwsomething together.
We had a little sushi platterand a bunch of, wings he wore a
(11:01):
slayer shirt and his favoritepair of jeans that were ripped.
And, neither one of us had bigfans of underwear and so he had
a hole in his pocket so youcould see his ass cheek and then
I was wearing this green andwhite checkered sundress that
nobody told me.
A did not fit.
B like looked like shit.
C was C through, so luckily Idid wear underwear that day
(11:23):
because whenever you took apicture you could see straight
through my dress.
It was this green and whitecheckered sundress.
And then I just like bought onthe fly.
I thought green and white.
I look great with my red hair,and my mom wore baby's breath.
in her, hair when she gotmarried.
So I thought I would too.
she got me a little one and itwas really cute and I thought it
would look great with thisdress.
the unbeknownst to me it wasjust because this was before my
(11:44):
best reduction, so it was justlike, boom, it was just tits for
days.
And I don't know, it wasn'tcute, but I didn't care.
I was in love.
And, uh, his family wasn't superfun.
So my family's a laugh riot.
They're out of their minds, buthis family's not super fun.
So, that it was kind of a clashat the weddings'cause we're
(12:06):
having the best time.
His family's like, who the fuckis this bitch?
Um, anyway, So then, um, let'sfast forward.
We get married, and I bump intoDaniel at the grocery store a
couple weeks after that.
And he was still in these like,I didn't know where you is.
And I hadn't talked to him in awhile.
he is like, Hey, how are you?
It's good to see you.
(12:27):
I'm like, yeah, where have youbeen?
he is like, oh, blah, blah,blah.
I don't even remember what hetold me, but he was gone.
he is like, so what's new?
What's happening?
I'm like, well, I got married.
it was like this, oh, oh, oh,oh.
I don't know.
It was weird.
I still don't know how I feelabout that moment.
I feel like in hindsight, inthat moment, I realized I fucked
(12:48):
up the second I saw him and sawhim, and I felt the way that I
felt about him.
Still, I knew that I wasn'tprepared to be anybody's wife.
'cause I, I.
I was only half in, but I made acommitment, I made a promise,
and so I pretended like I wasall in until I was all the way
(13:11):
the fucking, and I definitelywas pretty shortly after that.
Um, I, but, uh, yeah, so, um.
So both of us were living withour parents, um, when we had got
married.
so it was like, I'm not stayinghere.
With my parents, my grandparentswere living with my parents too.
(13:32):
This is a full house.
I'm not doing this right now.
so we ended up moving in withhis mom and, that was awful.
Um, she's a very nice lady.
Or at least she was to my facemost of the time.
She would say little snarkythings when he left the room and
he never believed me, but that'sokay.
That was very much his style.
I don't wanna turn this into aex-husband bashing fest by any
stretch of the imagination, butif these little guys sneak in
(13:54):
from time to time, please don'tblame me.
I'm trying to have some decorum,but it's a little bit difficult
when you've been burned.
I know all of you get it, so,uh, yeah.
So, oh, fun tidbit.
Backtrack real quick.
The guy that married us wasordained and he was actually
friends with my husband's mom,and he didn't wanna marry
(14:17):
anybody again because everysingle person he got married,
got divorced.
He's like, I'm cursed.
Do not let me marry you.
I don't want to.
And we're like, oh, no.
Please, please, please.
So we don't want it to bereligious and you're not a
priest, so we need the ordainedguy.
You're the only ordained guy weknow.
And so he did it.
And, uh.
Your streaks still solid there,honey, because we didn't fucking
make it either.
(14:38):
So yeah, crushed that one andthank God for that.
I'm glad we didn't listen to himand I'm glad we were cursed.
So, yeah, I guess.
If we're gonna kind of bleedthis into when the first couple
of cracks started coming up inthat relationship.
it wasn't long.
It was very shortly after.
we got married in April and mygrandfather had died in July.
(15:00):
I only have one set ofgrandparents, my mom's parents.
And my popo was awesome.
He was the only guy, only personreally that could ever calm me
down when I got pissed off.
So he was very special to me.
He was also an Aries.
He knew how to talk to mebecause, you know, we understood
each other.
And, um, my husband at the time,asked me if he needed to take
(15:23):
off work for the funeral becauseit was Saturday and it was a
money day and he didn't thinkthat it was that important.
To, uh, to attend with me sincehe barely knew the guy.
And, uh, I should have knownthen what I meant to him because
he was more concerned aboutmoney than, emotionally
(15:43):
supporting me in a time of need.
It was the first relative, andfirst, I mean, besides my mentor
who had died, which was acompletely different kind of
situation, also really fuckingtragic, but.
Very, like, just different.
So, uh, that sucked and he saidthat.
it was kind of when the redflags started showing up a
little bit more.
(16:05):
And that was only three monthsin.
This relationship lasted sixyears.
So, but I mean, I guess it's nottoo bad for only knowing the guy
for 10 weeks.
Oh, I didn't tell you guys thatI knew this guy for 10 weeks.
okay, so, Sorry, I got stuck onmy dead grandpa for a second.
(16:25):
All right.
So, another thing that wouldhappen is like, we were, you
know, honeymoon period we'relike banging like bunnies.
Everything's fine.
I didn't think that there wasany type of issue.
And then as we were togetherlonger and longer, the sex just
got slower and slower, likehappening.
Um, it just wasn't happening.
As frequently as it used to.
And I was like, Hmm, what'swrong?
I'm 21, I got married.
(16:47):
just over two weeks after my21st birthday.
So I was a baby getting married,which I had no fucking business
doing.
And um, so since that's thecase, my self-esteem wasn't
there.
My frontal lobe hadn't fullyfucking developed yet.
Like, I don't know what I wasdoing.
It was ridiculous.
so what ends up happening is thesex is getting further and
further apart.
I am thinking that there'ssomething wrong with me, because
(17:10):
my husband won't fuck me.
And I'm like, what is thisabout?
he is just playing video gamesall the fucking time, just
constantly playing video games.
I tried to get in on, I playwith them.
He eventually, the guy got a Wiiand so I was like doing like
back when it was like brandfucking new.
So we were playing, Mario Kartand shit like that.
I was trying to be a part ofwhat he enjoyed.
(17:31):
but he refused to be a part ofwhat I enjoyed.
and now I can't even rememberwhat I enjoyed back then, to be
honest with you.
I wasn't a big fan of it, so Ifigured maybe, if we get him out
of his mom's house, this'll bebetter.
So we, saved up our money and wegot an apartment.
So we get an apartment in,Virginia, and it's like, okay,
(17:52):
cool.
Same shit.
Nothing's changing.
I'm like, all right, well thissucks.
So then we do mushrooms One day.
It's like this weird trip.
He kind of goes into this crazystate and, um, he keeps saying
like, insulting me, saying allthis crazy weird shit.
And then he keeps referencinghis ex-girlfriend I'm like,
what?
Because I'm like, I'm tripping,but I'm not tripping like that.
And so I'm like, I'm having ababysit him.
(18:12):
'cause he's like, he turns it.
He went.
Himself, infant himself.
And he like kind of revertedback to a child.
And it was a very odd situation.
And after that I was like, wegotta get the fuck outta here.
so I decided that we shouldmove.
He followed along with it.
we put the names of cities in ahat that we liked and we picked
out three.
(18:33):
And then we went to go visit andwe ended up landing in Austin
Tech.
And we were in Austin, Texas fora couple of years.
I started working at arestaurant and bar down in the
thick of it, off of like second.
And Brazos is the middle ofdowntown.
And that's when I met Rayna, whois going to be coming up more
(18:55):
and more frequently through thisAustin chapter.
So I will be doing a littleintro to her very soon.
we had this moment where.
we met some people who lived inthe apartment that we had moved
in.
They were some, they were acrazy couple.
And, uh, we went to this reallycool karaoke bar in a parking
garage, I don't remember what itwas called, but we went there me
(19:17):
and this chick had gone up tothe bar to order shots and he
comes in from outside smokingand comes in behind me and puts
his arms around my waist.
And goes to like kiss me and Iwas like, fall back, fall back.
This guy's about to buy usshots.
And so he walked to the otherside of the bar and gave me like
a little wink and a thumbs upand I was like, oh man.
(19:37):
Like we trust each other.
This is fun.
He's letting me do my thing.
Wow.
We were like.
Growing or something, or likeevolving, I don't know.
it's finally going better, whichwas also shortlived because it
really wasn't, I think it wasjust kind of the awe of being
somewhere new and yada yada.
so I'm working at thisrestaurant in downtown Austin
(20:00):
with Rayna I was serving, Iwasn't bartending at the time,
and we had just hired a newexecutive chef and I was at the
computer ringing in my order myGM is behind me and he's like,
Beaux, hey, um, meet the newexecutive chef.
And I'm like, he can, hold on.
I am, I am ringing shit and I ambusy.
(20:23):
I, I'm working for the peoplewho pay my bills.
I'm not concerned.
I'll be there in a minute.
So I finish ringing my order andI turn around and I'm like, hi,
I'm Beaux, and I look down atthis hand, and then I just start
scanning upward to this giantman, and I don't know, we just
(20:49):
locked eyes and something wasjust like.
Like, like it's like I got hitby a bus and then he is like,
hi, nice to meet you, and thisvoice pops out and I'm like,
(21:09):
fuck me, I'm getting divorced.
Ah, shit.
I was like, that was the firstthought in my brain is like, I'm
getting divorced.
Fuck.
All right, here we go.
So then, later on, like maybethe same day, maybe a couple
days later, but pretty soonafter this encounter and this
man started working there, I wassitting outside after work with
(21:32):
another coworker, Rebecca andRayna, Rebecca was listening to
me and Rayna Bitch about theseterrible dudes we were in
relationships with because Raynawas also in a relationship with
a guy for a long time.
They weren't married, but he wasa piece of shit So, um, Rebecca
was like, you guys already havethe answers.
If you just listen to yourselveswhen you talk, it's very clear
(21:55):
what you wanna do.
You just need to do it.
And it's like, no, but no, butno, but fuck you.
She was right.
So I, shortly after that, endedup, leaving within like a month
after that conversation andafter, the new EC started we
started flirting and we neverdid anything.
(22:16):
We did not do anything.
'cause he was also married, wedid not do anything.
But I feel like, he was kind of.
Going through his own shit.
The way he was describing it, itsounded like he was also married
to like the female version of myhusband.
But I got along with her reallywell too.
So, I mean, I don't know, maybejust like those love blinders
that you get.
Um,'cause I'm not,'cause I'd befalling in love left and right.
(22:38):
I was desperately in love withthat man too.
Oh man.
He, um, we'll get to him laterbefore I go on another Beaux
tangent.
Who.
Yes, ADHD is raging and the medsdon't work, so I don't take
them.
Alright, sorry.
Anyway.
So I leave him, right?
I leave my husband.
(22:58):
and now we're in this limboperiod where we had to wait 90
days before they could finalizeour divorce.
So, um, I told him I was gonnaleave.
I filed paper shortlythereafter.
I wanted everything done veryquick.
So, between me saying I don'twanna be with you anymore, and
me being legally divorced, ittook about three or four months.
So in the time after I left him,I was so ready to get dicked
(23:22):
down and meet some fuckingpeople that I just decided, um,
to do that really to do that.
So I didn't wanna stay home,obviously.
'cause like I said, I wassleeping on the couch.
I figured I'm the one who'sleaving, he can have the bed.
Right.
so I was sleeping on the couchor just staying at random's
(23:42):
houses or friends' houses.
And um, and then I ended uphooking up with one of my
coworkers, not the executivechef.
'cause like I said, he was stillmarried.
But I ended up hooking up withone of my coworkers, Terrance,
and I go to, Over.
He was actually, he wasroommates with Rebecca.
(24:03):
So I would go over to theirplace, and stay the night from
time to time.
But it was funny because Ididn't know I'd been outta the
game for like five and a halfyears at that point.
So I didn't know how things hadchanged or what have you.
So when I went over toTerrance's house to hook up.
The first time I was just likegetting my shit on and I was
(24:23):
getting ready to leave and goback home.
And he is like, you can stayhere.
And I'm like, oh God.
Because I'm used to being likein Orlando where I know my motto
was, thanks for the oh, it'stime to go get the, get the fuck
out of my house.
but apparently that wasn't thething.
He was like, no, I'm not gonnathink you wanna be in a fucking
relationship with me justbecause you spend the night like
it's late, you can sleep here.
(24:44):
And I'm like, oh, okay.
That's nice.
Alright, cool.
So I ended up hooking up withhim on a regular basis.
'cause you know, post divorce,you need a fuck buddy.
You need one and you gotta findone quick.
and there was some follies thathappened with that one too.
Um, man.
Oh, one time.
Ooh, one time after we've beenhooking up for several months
and I was sleeping with way morepeople.
(25:05):
One time I was, having sex withhim and I called him I think
three or four different names.
Before I got to his name.
So I kind of stopped.
I stopped saying people's nameswhile I was fucking'em after
that, that was fuckingembarrassing.
But luckily, Terrance, um,either didn't notice or just,
(25:25):
just really understood who thefuck I was and what we were
doing because he did not careand he didn't say shit about it,
but it was hilarious.
And then also one time I wentover there after work.
Man, I was on a bender.
Um, I was really, really, reallytrying not to go home because me
and my soon to be ex-husbandwere fighting all the time.
(25:46):
Of course, because that's what'sgonna happen.
It was just fighting and cryingand like, don't leave.
Yes, leave, blah, blah, blah.
And then he wouldn't fuck me.
My ex-husband that is, and hethen he like made a reference to
like, we should be fuck buddies.
And it's like, are you serious?
I like, one of the big reasonswhy I left was because you
didn't want to be intimate withme.
And now you have the fuckingcaucasity to ask me if I'll be
(26:08):
your fucking fuck buddy.
Get fucked.
That's insane.
Okay, anyway.
Bygones.
So, um, I was with Terrance andI had gone to work.
It was raining, so I was wearingrain boots and shorts'cause I
had to work on the patio.
So I was wearing rain boots andshorts and my work shirt.
And I had gone and stayed withTerrance that night and then
(26:28):
went back to work the next day.
And it wasn't raining, but Ididn't have shoes.
so I still wore my rain boots, Iwas wearing the same outfit,
including the fucking rain bootsagain.
And then I came back the thirdday, same outfit.
I washed my clothes, I washed myclothes at Terrance's Place.
Okay.
I wasn't super stinky, but Istill had those fucking rain
boots.
(26:49):
And so I was wearing the rainbowboots and it did not rain.
It's not raining.
So my, one of my managers waslike, dude, you've got.
To go home.
I know what you're doing.
I totally get it.
But if the GM was here, youalready know he hates you.
And uh, he would absolutely finda reason to fire you for this
shit.
You have got to go get somedifferent shoes.
(27:11):
You can't keep showing up in thesame outfit.
I'm like, fuck.
All right.
You right.
but, uh, what, he didn't call meon that day, even though he
called me all wearing the sameoutfit.
Luckily what he did not call meon that day is that the night
before I had gone to, um, so I'dwash.
So I had washed my clothes afterthe first night.
(27:34):
So I had clean shirt, cleanshorts, same galoshes, go back
to Terrance's Place the nextnight.
We fuck again.
I don't take my shirt offbecause I was wasted, tired, So
we're banging.
I pass out, I wake up, I put mypants on.
(27:54):
I try to like, you know, do thislike, like we lick the bottoms
of your fingers and you push up,get the eyeliner back on my face
and like fingering, boom, Igotta go to work.
And I had to work a double thatday.
Um, so yeah, so I go to workthis double and I am bebopping
around and Rayna comes up to mewhen she gets there for the
(28:15):
dinner shift and she's like,girl, you have a rough lunch.
And I'm like, no, not really.
It wasn't that, not no.
Why?
She's like, oh, you've, you'veranch all over your shirt.
I was like, excuse me?
And I looked down.
And this is pre breastreduction, not that I could even
see it now, post reduction,because boobs are still big, but
(28:37):
pre breast reduction boobs arehuge, and all the mirrors were
only coming like from the titsup, and so I had no idea.
Last night when I was bangingTerrance, he pulled out and he
came on my shirt and I workedthat whole fucking double, with
jizz on my shirt.
Lot of it too.
(28:58):
Thank God.
It looked like ranch.
I get, there's no fucking way.
It looked like ranch.
So, yeah.
So, um.
That was kind of, uh, uh, arinse and repeat, um, no pun
intended part of my life, likethis post-divorce, or in the
middle of it kind of era.
I really thank you Terrance forbanging me when nobody would.
No, that's not true.
(29:18):
thank you Terrance for, uh,dicking me down when I was down
and out.
You are the best.
I appreciate that.
It was fun.
It's really fun.
Um, yeah, so eventually I moveout and, give my ex-husband
everything.
I only take the coffee table andthe couch, uh, coffee table.
So I had somewhere to put mystuff, like a shelf essentially.
(29:41):
And um, the couch.
So I had somewhere to sleep.
I left him everything else.
And so that's when I moved inwith a couple of guys off of
Craigslist who were really dope.
Had a good time with them untilone of them moved out.
And then the other one found aside hustle that was kind of
(30:02):
crazy.
And we ended up having likehundreds and hundreds of birds
in the house.
Hundreds eggs, babies fullgrown.
Just quail fucking quaileverywhere.
But we'll get to that.
That's a different story for adifferent time.
So stay tuned.
Um, but yeah, I think we'll wrapit up.
(30:27):
proud of myself that didn'ttrash talk him too much.
There's a lot more if you, um,if you're curious about it or
anything, eventually, um, I'lltell you everything you just
have to ask.
Um, yeah, so I guess thereflection on that is that.
I got married in the first placeand I didn't realize it until
after I got divorced that, whenhe said I could do this with you
(30:50):
forever, I was really under theimpression that no one, and I
mean no one was ever going tosay that to me again.
Um, my self-esteem was so in thetoilet that I really just was
using my sexuality to try tofake, like I had some, um, and
uh, which was ridiculous'cause.
(31:12):
She, she is beautiful and sheabsolutely was beautiful back
then.
And, um, I love her, thatversion of me and I'm sorry that
she had to deal with that, butwe are making moves now, my
darling.
But anyway, um, I think Irealized after I got divorced
that the reason why I said yesto that shit in the first place.
'cause I never got a proposal.
(31:33):
I never got a ring.
And not that those thingsmatter.
But it was all just so rushedand it was so, um, impromptu and
it wasn't romantic.
It was desperation because Igenuinely thought that that was
the only chance I was ever goingto get for someone to say that
they love me back, and, that wasnot true at all.
(31:56):
Wish she would've known that.
But I did learn a few things.
And what I did learn was, it'snot about what you want, it's
about what you fucking don't.
It's the checklist of thingsthat you will not tolerate.
It's deal breakers, and I'm nottalking petty ones.
I'm talking about what youfucking deserve as a person and
(32:17):
how you deserve to be treated.
By the person that you wannaspend the rest of your life with
or the person you even wannaspend the next 15 fucking
minutes with.
It is absolutely up to you toestablish boundaries and it's up
to you to set the bar for whatyou will and will not tolerate.
And learning that lesson isfucking invaluable.
(32:40):
So if that's what I needed totough out those five and a half,
six years of my life doing, um,then I'm.
Then I'm glad, I'm glad.
I gave that man most of mytwenties.
Um, but I am really glad that Icame out of it knowing what I
want, what I need, and learninghow to fucking run those
(33:03):
streets, you know?
So, yeah.
Um, next one, we're gonna take alittle casual.
Quick fire, uh, trip downBeaux's, Austin, Heaux Bag Lane.
And, uh, there's severalchapters in that, so we might
have to stretch that and do acouple of episodes of just
random weird fuck stories thatdon't really connect to each
(33:27):
other.
We're just gonna like drop'em.
Like little chaos bombs thathave no connecting factor.
Or maybe they do.
I don't know.
I honestly haven't written theoutline yet, so we'll have to
find out later.
But that leads into me.
Moving to the Caribbean.
So we still gotta talk about theheaux bag lane.
We still gotta talk about thebird house.
(33:50):
We gotta talk about the chickwho like set all my shit on fire
and we gotta talk about whathappens when I move to the
Caribbean on accident.
And, uh, yeah, it's gonna, itjust, it's gonna keep layering.
It's gonna keep layering.
Oh, okay.
So yeah, so that's that.
Tell your therapist I said hi,and I'll see you next Tuesday.
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