March 21, 2025 • 14 mins
Freedom depends not on unlimited choices but on clear boundaries that enable focused attention and meaningful progress.
• You cannot focus on something that isn't properly framed
• Like picture frames, boundaries help eliminate distractions and highlight what's important
• True freedom isn't chaotic—it's responsible, enjoyable and safe
• Struggling to focus often indicates a lack of proper boundaries
• Creating frameworks starts with documenting what has worked before
• Connect your personal frameworks to universal best practices
• Create visual representations of your boundaries for daily reference
• Progress depends on focus, which depends on proper framing
Continue to like, share, comment, and subscribe as we build this community together. Let's keep unlearning so we can experience more freedom.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
Hello everybody and welcome once again to the
unlearned podcast.
I am your host, ruth Abigail,aka RA, and this is Freedom
Friday, where we come and sharesomething we've unlearned
recently and how it has made usjust a little bit more free.
So today is pretty simple,right?
Here's what I've beenunlearning lately that you can't
(00:31):
focus on something or you won'tfocus on something that is not
properly framed.
I'll say again you will notfocus on something that is not
properly framed.
Have you ever thought why peopleframe pictures?
I was thinking about this theother day.
Why do people frame pictures?
And if you can see in your mind, if you have a picture in front
(00:55):
of you and think, okay, if thisis fine, and it's not that I
can't see the picture, you cansee the picture.
But a frame helps you to focusin on the picture.
It kind of it psychologicallyeliminates the other things that
you could be focused on, theother things that might be
around it, and it makes youfocus in on it.
(01:17):
If you, if you put a picture onthe table with a bunch of other
pictures, how am I going todistinguish that picture out?
I have to put it in a frame, Ihave to outline it and
distinguish it in order to focuson it.
If you see, if you know there'sa collage, if you have a
collage of pictures and you andyou begin to to to say, hey, I
(01:40):
want you to look at that picture, I want you to focus in on that
picture, but it's a collage, soit's all together.
It'd be really, really hard todo that because you've got these
other images that are in yourmind.
But a frame helps you to focus.
And what I've had to unlearnrecently is that when is that
boundaries right?
(02:00):
The boundaries that a framegives right?
The boundaries that a framegives?
The boundaries are what I haveto.
I had to unlearn thatboundaries did not contribute to
freedom.
Boundaries give the freedomthat you need to focus.
If somebody says, focus on thispicture and there are other
pictures that it's bleeding into, I am going to have a really
(02:24):
hard time doing that.
If they give me a boundary onwhich to focus in on, I'm free
to focus and I don't have toworry about the other images
that are coming to my mind.
Another way to think about thisis on a highway, right, we are,
we're driving, there are rulesof the road, there are things
that I don't have to think aboutor decide or make decisions on
(02:46):
when I get onto the road,because they're already made for
me.
I'm free to focus because myit's all my focus is being
framed because there'sboundaries.
I don't have to worry aboutrunning into somebody who's
going the opposite direction ofme as me, because you, you can
only go one direction on my sideof the road, right.
So that is.
(03:07):
That is an example of of aboundary, right, if there's a
framework at play and it helpsme to focus, it takes some
thinking out, uh, for me to do.
It's freedom.
It's freedom Sometimes, and Iknow this concept of boundaries
(03:27):
is freedom.
I mean, this is something that alot of us have definitely heard
and maybe even embraced.
But here's why I challenge youis asking yourself why is it
hard for you to focus?
Why are you struggling focusing?
For whatever reason you'restruggling with focusing, you
can't.
You seem to keep gettingdistracted, keep going here and
(03:49):
there, and you know, you knowthis phone call and that email,
and you know this, this event,this opportunity, and I don't
know where I'm going.
I don't know where I'm thinking.
I, just I.
You know my mind is goingeverywhere.
I start this book.
I put that down, I pick thisbook up.
I never finished this bookbecause this was interesting.
And now I'm listening to thispodcast and I'm listening to
this song.
I mean, it's just doing allthis stuff.
(04:10):
You got all these differentoptions and you're having
trouble focusing, and what Iwould challenge you to do is say
where are my frames?
Where have I put frames in mylife?
What have I really framed sothat I can focus on?
In other words, what boundarieshave I put around the very
(04:32):
thing that I say I want to focuson?
If you want to focus onspending more time with your
family, what boundaries have youput in place to do that?
If you want to focus on gettinga project done at work, what
boundaries have you put aroundto do that?
If you want to focus on aparticular relationship more,
what boundaries have you putaround to do that?
(04:54):
If you haven't framed, if youhaven't begun to frame your
boundaries, if you haven't donethat, there's no way you can
focus on it.
How can you do it?
You got 10 million other thingsthat your brain and your eyes
are moving to.
There's all these otherdifferent images that you are
being pulled into because youhaven't yet framed your focus,
(05:17):
so you're not free, and so it'slike, okay, well, isn't it
freedom to just be able to dowhat I want to do and think what
I want to think and just kindof take things as they come?
Is that not freedom?
Well, sure, but it's alsochaotic and, at its core,
(05:39):
freedom is not chaos.
At its core, freedom is reallyresponsibility.
Right, it is being responsibleand being able to really max out
a moment.
Right, that's I mean.
True freedom is not chaotic,true freedom is enjoyable, true
(06:04):
freedom takes responsibility,and it is.
It's an amazing feeling.
You can't be, you can't be inchaos and be free because you
can't be safe, and and and truefreedom is safety and boundaries
really help you.
Framing around your focus helpsyou, to say, helps you to stay
(06:27):
free, because you free, becauseit helps your mind to stay safe.
So how do I do that?
How do I do that?
How do I create frames andframeworks around the thing I
wanna focus on?
So what?
And this next part, I'm actuallystealing from another podcast.
It's called why that WorksDonald Miller, he does
(06:49):
StoryBrand.
If you haven't heard him, lookhim up.
Great content, great mind whenit comes to storytelling.
And so I took this from that.
I'm not even gonna lie, I'mstealing this, but in the
context that they're talkingabout, they're talking about how
do you build your own framework.
But in the context that they'retalking about, they're talking
about how do you build your ownframework, and I kind of want to
use that same idea to help youto figure out how do I build a
(07:12):
frame around the thing I want tofocus on.
What are some good steps to dothat?
The first thing I want to justsay around that is you probably
already have these things.
You probably already know whatthey are because you've done
them before.
You just have stopped doingthem.
They're not consistent, youaren't being disciplined in it.
(07:35):
So a lot of this stuff isn'tnecessarily like you're not
recreating the wheel, but youmight want to just be thinking
about what already, what alreadyapplies, and then then do these
steps to make it, make itintentional.
Okay.
So the first thing is createlike, what is the process?
What is what does it take foryou to spend more time with with
(07:59):
your spouse?
Let's just say that, right.
Let's just say I want to focuson my relationship.
It means I need to spend moretime with my spouse.
What is that going to take?
Okay, so maybe it's going totake me coming home by five
o'clock Okay, cool.
What do I need to do to makethat happen?
If I need to be home by fiveo'clock, that means maybe I need
(08:22):
to get to work by eight insteadof nine.
Give myself an extra hour.
Maybe I need to not take asmany, not, you know, cut my
meeting times off at three if Ijust get back, you know.
So you know doing things.
What is it?
What are the things that I needto do?
What are the steps that have totake place in order for me to
(08:46):
get where I want to get, andthen write those things down.
A good way to understand this iswhen did it work before?
Maybe you've had times whereyou've spent time with your
spouse and it was great, or youspent time with your kids it was
great.
Or when you were taking care ofyourself physically right and
and was working All right.
What was it?
(09:06):
What was it?
Write it down.
Write down what has worked.
Write down the process that hasworked in the past, that you
don't necessarily have torecreate it.
You've already done it.
You just stopped doing it, sowrite it down.
That becomes your boundaries.
I'm going to make sure I'm homeat five, which means I'm not
(09:28):
going to take any meetings afterthree, which means that I might
have to start work a littleearly.
You know, I'm going to go aheadand put certain dates on the
calendar that I'm going to askfor this time off, because I
know that I need to be preparedfor that.
I'm going to do that nowinstead of waiting, waiting
later and waiting last minute.
Right, those are the things ifthey worked before, they'll work
(09:52):
again, most likely and writethem down.
Just write them down.
Make them your steps.
Those are your rules, those areyour boundaries.
Write those things down.
The second thing is you connectit to a best practice.
This is interesting.
We're talking about more of apersonal kind of framing, but
this could also be good for,like a universal framing.
So, if you know, connecting itto a best practice.
(10:15):
So it's not just about does itwork for you, but does it work
for a lot of people?
And sometimes those things youcan find them out there, right,
there's all kinds.
I won't even go through them,but Maslow's Hierarchy Needs is
a great example of this.
Right, it's based on a bestpractice and you know it works
(10:42):
across the board, because it'stalking about human nature at a
very basic level.
So that's an example of how toconnect it to a best practice.
Is it not just working for me,but does it work for other
people?
Does it work at a universallevel?
And the last thing is createsome nice visual for yourself.
So, if it's a bullet-pointedlist, maybe it's a bullet
pointed list, but maybe it'slike a triangle or a circle or
(11:04):
an actual, like you know, asquare that looks like a picture
frame, right?
So, whatever that might be,create a visual that makes maybe
it's a vision board orsomething like that.
I'm not sure you can getcreative but create a visual
that outlines your process.
Maybe it's a calendar.
Create a visual that outlinesyour process and that makes it
(11:28):
simple for you to go by, so youcan take the creativity out of
this thing, so that you canbegin to frame it and you can
focus on it, because yourprogress is going to be
dependent on your focus and yourfocus is going to be dependent
on how you frame it.
You cannot focus on somethingthat is not framed, and so I
(11:54):
hope that's helpful on somelevel.
It was helpful for me.
I have started using thisprinciple recently and I always
already find myself being beinga lot freer, being a lot more, a
lot, a lot less stressed aroundfiguring things out.
It's like I don't want to wakeup, it's just kind of try to
figure everything out.
That becomes very overwhelming.
(12:14):
There are some things that Ican already pre-think,
pre-figure out, but thensometimes, even though I've done
that, if I haven't written itdown, if I haven't connected it
to something bigger and if Ihaven't created some sort of
visual for me to look at everyday, then oftentimes I'll forget
about it and I find myselfbeing inconsistent and then
(12:36):
thinking, oh shoot, I gotta dothis again.
And now I'm using energy torecreate something that I used
to do, that I don't do anymore,that I know I need to do in
order to make it, make it to thenext step.
So that's that's kind of howI've been using it recently and
what some of the I've had to dosome unlearning around it.
But I hope that's helpful toyou.
(12:58):
And check out the podcast whythat Works.
It's a really good podcast.
I think it's really reallyinteresting and it breaks down a
lot of these principles and Ithink it can be really helpful
for those of us that areunlearning because you just have
to.
It's basically talking aboutunlocking the mindset of what
works and what doesn't.
All right, that's it, y'all.
(13:18):
Thanks again.
Continue to like and share andcomment and subscribe, and let's
keep building this communitytogether Until next week, y'all.
Let's keep unlearning so thatwe can experience more freedom,
peace.
Thank you once again forlistening to the Unlearned
(13:42):
Podcast.
We would love to hear yourcomments and your feedback about
the episode.
Feel free to follow us onFacebook and Instagram and to
let us know what you think.
We're looking forward to thenext time when we are able to
unlearn together to move forwardtowards freedom.
See you then.
Hello everybody and welcome once again to the
unlearned podcast.
I am your host, ruth Abigail,aka RA, and this is Freedom
Friday, where we come and sharesomething we've unlearned
recently and how it has made usjust a little bit more free.
So today is pretty simple,right?
Here's what I've beenunlearning lately that you can't
(00:31):
focus on something or you won'tfocus on something that is not
properly framed.
I'll say again you will notfocus on something that is not
properly framed.
Have you ever thought why peopleframe pictures?
I was thinking about this theother day.
Why do people frame pictures?
And if you can see in your mind, if you have a picture in front
(00:55):
of you and think, okay, if thisis fine, and it's not that I
can't see the picture, you cansee the picture.
But a frame helps you to focusin on the picture.
It kind of it psychologicallyeliminates the other things that
you could be focused on, theother things that might be
around it, and it makes youfocus in on it.
(01:17):
If you, if you put a picture onthe table with a bunch of other
pictures, how am I going todistinguish that picture out?
I have to put it in a frame, Ihave to outline it and
distinguish it in order to focuson it.
If you see, if you know there'sa collage, if you have a
collage of pictures and you andyou begin to to to say, hey, I
(01:40):
want you to look at that picture, I want you to focus in on that
picture, but it's a collage, soit's all together.
It'd be really, really hard todo that because you've got these
other images that are in yourmind.
But a frame helps you to focus.
And what I've had to unlearnrecently is that when is that
boundaries right?
(02:00):
The boundaries that a framegives right?
The boundaries that a framegives?
The boundaries are what I haveto.
I had to unlearn thatboundaries did not contribute to
freedom.
Boundaries give the freedomthat you need to focus.
If somebody says, focus on thispicture and there are other
pictures that it's bleeding into, I am going to have a really
(02:24):
hard time doing that.
If they give me a boundary onwhich to focus in on, I'm free
to focus and I don't have toworry about the other images
that are coming to my mind.
Another way to think about thisis on a highway, right, we are,
we're driving, there are rulesof the road, there are things
that I don't have to think aboutor decide or make decisions on
(02:46):
when I get onto the road,because they're already made for
me.
I'm free to focus because myit's all my focus is being
framed because there'sboundaries.
I don't have to worry aboutrunning into somebody who's
going the opposite direction ofme as me, because you, you can
only go one direction on my sideof the road, right.
So that is.
(03:07):
That is an example of of aboundary, right, if there's a
framework at play and it helpsme to focus, it takes some
thinking out, uh, for me to do.
It's freedom.
It's freedom Sometimes, and Iknow this concept of boundaries
(03:27):
is freedom.
I mean, this is something that alot of us have definitely heard
and maybe even embraced.
But here's why I challenge youis asking yourself why is it
hard for you to focus?
Why are you struggling focusing?
For whatever reason you'restruggling with focusing, you
can't.
You seem to keep gettingdistracted, keep going here and
(03:49):
there, and you know, you knowthis phone call and that email,
and you know this, this event,this opportunity, and I don't
know where I'm going.
I don't know where I'm thinking.
I, just I.
You know my mind is goingeverywhere.
I start this book.
I put that down, I pick thisbook up.
I never finished this bookbecause this was interesting.
And now I'm listening to thispodcast and I'm listening to
this song.
I mean, it's just doing allthis stuff.
(04:10):
You got all these differentoptions and you're having
trouble focusing, and what Iwould challenge you to do is say
where are my frames?
Where have I put frames in mylife?
What have I really framed sothat I can focus on?
In other words, what boundarieshave I put around the very
(04:32):
thing that I say I want to focuson?
If you want to focus onspending more time with your
family, what boundaries have youput in place to do that?
If you want to focus on gettinga project done at work, what
boundaries have you put aroundto do that?
If you want to focus on aparticular relationship more,
what boundaries have you putaround to do that?
(04:54):
If you haven't framed, if youhaven't begun to frame your
boundaries, if you haven't donethat, there's no way you can
focus on it.
How can you do it?
You got 10 million other thingsthat your brain and your eyes
are moving to.
There's all these otherdifferent images that you are
being pulled into because youhaven't yet framed your focus,
(05:17):
so you're not free, and so it'slike, okay, well, isn't it
freedom to just be able to dowhat I want to do and think what
I want to think and just kindof take things as they come?
Is that not freedom?
Well, sure, but it's alsochaotic and, at its core,
(05:39):
freedom is not chaos.
At its core, freedom is reallyresponsibility.
Right, it is being responsibleand being able to really max out
a moment.
Right, that's I mean.
True freedom is not chaotic,true freedom is enjoyable, true
(06:04):
freedom takes responsibility,and it is.
It's an amazing feeling.
You can't be, you can't be inchaos and be free because you
can't be safe, and and and truefreedom is safety and boundaries
really help you.
Framing around your focus helpsyou, to say, helps you to stay
(06:27):
free, because you free, becauseit helps your mind to stay safe.
So how do I do that?
How do I do that?
How do I create frames andframeworks around the thing I
wanna focus on?
So what?
And this next part, I'm actuallystealing from another podcast.
It's called why that WorksDonald Miller, he does
(06:49):
StoryBrand.
If you haven't heard him, lookhim up.
Great content, great mind whenit comes to storytelling.
And so I took this from that.
I'm not even gonna lie, I'mstealing this, but in the
context that they're talkingabout, they're talking about how
do you build your own framework.
But in the context that they'retalking about, they're talking
about how do you build your ownframework, and I kind of want to
use that same idea to help youto figure out how do I build a
(07:12):
frame around the thing I want tofocus on.
What are some good steps to dothat?
The first thing I want to justsay around that is you probably
already have these things.
You probably already know whatthey are because you've done
them before.
You just have stopped doingthem.
They're not consistent, youaren't being disciplined in it.
(07:35):
So a lot of this stuff isn'tnecessarily like you're not
recreating the wheel, but youmight want to just be thinking
about what already, what alreadyapplies, and then then do these
steps to make it, make itintentional.
Okay.
So the first thing is createlike, what is the process?
What is what does it take foryou to spend more time with with
(07:59):
your spouse?
Let's just say that, right.
Let's just say I want to focuson my relationship.
It means I need to spend moretime with my spouse.
What is that going to take?
Okay, so maybe it's going totake me coming home by five
o'clock Okay, cool.
What do I need to do to makethat happen?
If I need to be home by fiveo'clock, that means maybe I need
(08:22):
to get to work by eight insteadof nine.
Give myself an extra hour.
Maybe I need to not take asmany, not, you know, cut my
meeting times off at three if Ijust get back, you know.
So you know doing things.
What is it?
What are the things that I needto do?
What are the steps that have totake place in order for me to
(08:46):
get where I want to get, andthen write those things down.
A good way to understand this iswhen did it work before?
Maybe you've had times whereyou've spent time with your
spouse and it was great, or youspent time with your kids it was
great.
Or when you were taking care ofyourself physically right and
and was working All right.
What was it?
(09:06):
What was it?
Write it down.
Write down what has worked.
Write down the process that hasworked in the past, that you
don't necessarily have torecreate it.
You've already done it.
You just stopped doing it, sowrite it down.
That becomes your boundaries.
I'm going to make sure I'm homeat five, which means I'm not
(09:28):
going to take any meetings afterthree, which means that I might
have to start work a littleearly.
You know, I'm going to go aheadand put certain dates on the
calendar that I'm going to askfor this time off, because I
know that I need to be preparedfor that.
I'm going to do that nowinstead of waiting, waiting
later and waiting last minute.
Right, those are the things ifthey worked before, they'll work
(09:52):
again, most likely and writethem down.
Just write them down.
Make them your steps.
Those are your rules, those areyour boundaries.
Write those things down.
The second thing is you connectit to a best practice.
This is interesting.
We're talking about more of apersonal kind of framing, but
this could also be good for,like a universal framing.
So, if you know, connecting itto a best practice.
(10:15):
So it's not just about does itwork for you, but does it work
for a lot of people?
And sometimes those things youcan find them out there, right,
there's all kinds.
I won't even go through them,but Maslow's Hierarchy Needs is
a great example of this.
Right, it's based on a bestpractice and you know it works
(10:42):
across the board, because it'stalking about human nature at a
very basic level.
So that's an example of how toconnect it to a best practice.
Is it not just working for me,but does it work for other
people?
Does it work at a universallevel?
And the last thing is createsome nice visual for yourself.
So, if it's a bullet-pointedlist, maybe it's a bullet
pointed list, but maybe it'slike a triangle or a circle or
(11:04):
an actual, like you know, asquare that looks like a picture
frame, right?
So, whatever that might be,create a visual that makes maybe
it's a vision board orsomething like that.
I'm not sure you can getcreative but create a visual
that outlines your process.
Maybe it's a calendar.
Create a visual that outlinesyour process and that makes it
(11:28):
simple for you to go by, so youcan take the creativity out of
this thing, so that you canbegin to frame it and you can
focus on it, because yourprogress is going to be
dependent on your focus and yourfocus is going to be dependent
on how you frame it.
You cannot focus on somethingthat is not framed, and so I
(11:54):
hope that's helpful on somelevel.
It was helpful for me.
I have started using thisprinciple recently and I always
already find myself being beinga lot freer, being a lot more, a
lot, a lot less stressed aroundfiguring things out.
It's like I don't want to wakeup, it's just kind of try to
figure everything out.
That becomes very overwhelming.
(12:14):
There are some things that Ican already pre-think,
pre-figure out, but thensometimes, even though I've done
that, if I haven't written itdown, if I haven't connected it
to something bigger and if Ihaven't created some sort of
visual for me to look at everyday, then oftentimes I'll forget
about it and I find myselfbeing inconsistent and then
(12:36):
thinking, oh shoot, I gotta dothis again.
And now I'm using energy torecreate something that I used
to do, that I don't do anymore,that I know I need to do in
order to make it, make it to thenext step.
So that's that's kind of howI've been using it recently and
what some of the I've had to dosome unlearning around it.
But I hope that's helpful toyou.
(12:58):
And check out the podcast whythat Works.
It's a really good podcast.
I think it's really reallyinteresting and it breaks down a
lot of these principles and Ithink it can be really helpful
for those of us that areunlearning because you just have
to.
It's basically talking aboutunlocking the mindset of what
works and what doesn't.
All right, that's it, y'all.
(13:18):
Thanks again.
Continue to like and share andcomment and subscribe, and let's
keep building this communitytogether Until next week, y'all.
Let's keep unlearning so thatwe can experience more freedom,
peace.
Thank you once again forlistening to the Unlearned
(13:42):
Podcast.
We would love to hear yourcomments and your feedback about
the episode.
Feel free to follow us onFacebook and Instagram and to
let us know what you think.
We're looking forward to thenext time when we are able to
unlearn together to move forwardtowards freedom.
See you then.
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