June 24, 2024 • 25 mins
Join me for a satirical yet impactful exploration of methods guaranteed to maximize your misery. From skipping exercise and endlessly scrolling through social media to the pitfall of comparing yourself to others, we cover all the surefire ways to sink your mental well-being. By tuning in, you’ll laugh through the dark humor and perhaps recognize some habits that could be steering you towards a path of stress and anxiety.
But we don't leave you hanging in the depths of despair! After painting a grim picture, we shift to a brighter narrative, focusing on overcoming these mental health challenges. We’ll talk about how substance abuse, rumination, poor sleep, self-blame, and constant complaining form a toxic cocktail for your mind. Then, I’ll guide you through actionable, healthier alternatives that can foster a happier, more purposeful life. Learn how small, intentional changes in your daily routine can significantly impact your overall well-being and set you on the path to inner peace and joy. Get ready to transform your mindset and your life, all with a dose of humor and a touch of satire.
Sources:
American Psychological Association. (2018). Stress management. Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/helpcenter/stress-management
Beck, A. T. (1967). Depression: Clinical, experimental, and theoretical aspects. University of Pennsylvania Press.
Beck, J. S. (2011). Cognitive behavior therapy: Basics and beyond (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
Blumenthal, J. A., Babyak, M. A., Doraiswamy, P. M., Watkins, L., Hoffman, B. M., Barbour, K. A., ... & Sherwood, A. (2007). Exercise and pharmacotherapy in the treatment of major depressive disorder. Psychosomatic Medicine, 69(7), 587-596. https://doi.org/10.1097/PSY.0b013e318148c19a
Cacioppo, J. T., & Cacioppo, S. (2018). Loneliness in the modern age: An evolutionary theory of loneliness (ETL). Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, 58, 127-197. https://doi.org/10.1016/bs.aesp.2018.03.003
Cohen, S. (2004). Social relationships and health. American Psychologist, 59(8), 676-684. https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.59.8.676
Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(2), 377-389. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.84.2.377
Festinger, L. (1954). A theory of social comparison processes. Human Relations, 7(2), 117-140. https://doi.org/10.1177/001872675400700202
Gross, J. J., & John, O. P. (2003). Individual differences in two emotion regulation processes: Implications for affect, relationships, and well-being. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 85(2), 348-362. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.85.2.348
HealthyPlace. (2024). The Link Between Marijuana Use and Panic and Anxiety. Retrieved from HealthyPlace
Hofmann, S. G., Sawyer, A. T., Witt, A. A., & Oh, D. (2010). The effect of mindfulness-based therapy on anxiety and depression: A meta-analytic review. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 78(2), 169-183. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0018555
Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T. B., Baker, M., Harris, T., & Stephenson, D. (2015). Loneliness and social isolation as risk factors for mortality: A meta-analytic review. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 10(2), 227-237. https://doi.org/10.1177/1745691614568352
House, J. S., Landis, K. R., & Umberson, D. (1
The goal of The UnScripted Mind Podcast is to give you fresh perspectives, practical insights and tools you can use to give you more choices, self-awareness and control of your fe
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Jim Cunningham (00:03):
Are you sick and tired of feeling happy and
content?
Are you tired of all thatpositivity just ruining your
perfectly dreary day?
Well, you're in luck.
Welcome to the ultimate guideon how to feel absolutely
miserable.
I've compiled a list of thebest strategies to ensure your
mental health.
Takes a nosedive.
Say goodbye to peace of mindand hello to stress, anxiety and
(00:27):
all around unhappiness on thisepisode of the Unscripted Mind.
Welcome to the Unscripted Mind,where our goal is to give you
fresh perspectives, practicalinsights and tools you can use
(00:47):
to give you more choices,increase your awareness and have
better control of yourreactions, feelings and
behaviors.
My name is Jim Cunningham andI'm a licensed professional
counselor, and today we're goingto talk about some practical
tips and tricks to get rid ofthat pesky happiness and joy you
have in your life.
Now, I know this might soundlike a big challenge, but trust
(01:08):
me, it's not as hard as youthink.
I'm sure many of you havealready successfully used some
of these techniques, but whetheryou're a seasoned pessimist or
just starting on your journeyinto the depths of despair, this
guide is here to help youmaximize your misery.
So grab a seat, make yourselfcomfortable, or uncomfortable
preferably, and let's dive intothe surefire ways to make sure
(01:31):
you're feeling worse in no time.
Now I'm sure you're saying toyourself but, jim, I seem to
have everything going well forme.
How could I possibly changethings so quickly?
Trust me, you can turn everysilver lining into a dark cloud.
You might be asking where do Ieven begin to start?
Well, the good news is that youcan start immediately, as this
(01:53):
requires very little talent andabsolutely no support from
anyone else.
You'll just need to tweak thepriorities a bit, but I think
you'll find that many of thethings on this checklist may
already be things you're doing,so you've already got a head
start.
Where do we begin?
Well, number one, I thinkisolation.
Keeping yourself isolated isgoing to prevent those people
(02:13):
who might want to support youand stuff from getting in your
way.
So isolation and loneliness isa great place to start, because
it has been extensively studiedand is known to be a significant
risk factor for various mentalhealth issues, so that research
indicates that lonelinessincreases the likelihood of
mortality by 26%, making it asdangerous as smoking 15
(02:35):
cigarettes a day.
It's associated with higherrates of depression, anxiety,
cognitive decline.
So starting by isolating is agreat, great place to begin.
Second, you don't want toexercise.
If you are exercising, you needto stop.
I mean, why bother withexercise when you can sit
perfectly still and let anxietyand depression take root?
Sedentary lifestyle is yourfast track to poor mental health
(02:58):
.
The lack of physical activityis associated with higher levels
of depression and anxiety, soregular exercise is known to
improve mood and overall mentalhealth, and that is exactly the
reason why we would like toavoid that.
You're not going to make thestrides you want to make by
exercising, so lack of exerciseis going to exacerbate these
conditions and lead to poormental overall health.
(03:21):
The third thing I might suggestis binging on social media.
Spend all of your time, all ofyour free time, on social media.
If you've got productiveactivities that are getting in
the way, you need to get rid ofthose, because it's the best way
to ensure you feel utterlyinadequate compared to everyone
else's highlight reels.
Excessive use of social mediaplatforms has been linked to
(03:42):
higher levels of anxiety anddepression, particularly among
young adults.
A study published by theJournal of Social and Clinical
Psychology found that limitingsocial media significantly
decreases loneliness anddepression.
But that's not what we'relooking for.
We're looking for the constantcomparison and unrealistic
portrayals of life on socialmedia that contribute to
(04:05):
negative self-perception bycreating unrealistic
expectations and comparisons.
Truly the sweet spot.
This ties into the fourth itemon the checklist, and that is
you need to compare yourself toother people their wealth, their
status, their happiness, etc.
I mean, compare away.
Nothing boosts self-esteem likefeeling inferior to carefully
(04:27):
curated online personas.
It's a fantastic recipe foranxiety and depression.
You are going to love it.
Constant comparison can lead tofeelings of inadequacy, low
self-esteem that contribute toanxiety and depression, which is
again what we're looking for.
Festinger's social comparisontheory explains how comparing
oneself to others can lead tofeelings of inadequacy and lower
(04:49):
self-esteem, so this isempirically verified.
So we want to use these studiesthat show frequent social
comparison on social mediaplatforms is correlated with
depressive symptoms anddecreased life satisfaction.
Bingo Now.
Starting to believe that you arethe only one that has the
problem is the next step.
Of course, you're the only onewith problems in the entire
(05:12):
universe.
This belief is sure to amplifyyour loneliness and stress.
Having this belief is going toexacerbate your feelings of
isolation and loneliness,leading to increased stress and
a higher risk of mental healthdisorders.
This one simple cognitivedistortion can lead to increased
feelings of isolation andhopelessness.
(05:32):
A study by the NationalInstitute of Mental Health
highlights that people who feelalone in their struggles are
less likely to seek help,exacerbating their condition.
This belief perpetuates a cycleof isolation and mental
distress which is going to tiein very nicely with our next
point on the checklist, which isdon't tell anyone anything or
(05:56):
share any of your problems.
See, now that you've cultivatedsome solid mental health issues
, you're going to want to keepthose tricks to yourself.
Why would you share yourproblems when you can keep them
bottled up inside, letting themfester into a delightful
cocktail of stress and isolation, perfect for mental health
decline.
Keeping problems to oneself isgoing to help increase stress
(06:19):
and that sense of isolationtremendously.
The American PsychologicalAssociation emphasizes that
social support is crucial formental health.
That's why we have to avoid itin order to be successful here.
Lack of communication can leadto the buildup of stress and the
exacerbation of other mentalhealth issues.
So by avoiding those kinds ofthings we can move to step
(06:40):
number six, and that is avoidthe hassle of discomfort by
addressing problems.
Bury those emotions, shove themdown.
I mean, who's got time for thatNow that you've got some good,
unhealthy patterns of behaviorand thought, you'll want to
shove those emotions deep, deepdown.
Who needs emotional health?
Anyway?
Suppressing feelings is astellar strategy for brewing
(07:04):
anxiety.
Anyway, suppressing feelings isa stellar strategy for brewing
anxiety, depression and evensome fun physical health issues,
if you like.
This emotional suppression isgoing to be essential if you
want to feel worse, because itleads to numerous other negative
outcomes, including increasedanxiety, depression and, like I
said, even some physical healthproblems like hypertension.
According to some studies,long-term suppression of
(07:26):
emotions prevents effectiveproblem solving and emotional
regulation.
So we are still on the righttrack here.
The next step is to focus ondrama and not problem solving
Drama.
Drama, drama, honestly solvingproblems is so passe, focus on
the theatrics and watch yourstress levels soar.
(07:46):
Focusing on drama instead ofsolutions can create a nice
toxic environment, bothpersonally and professionally.
It increases stress levels andhinders problem-solving
abilities, and chronic stressfrom such environments can lead
to burnout and mental healthissues, not just for you, but
here's the bonus for yourfriends, family and co-workers.
(08:07):
So that is a perfect recipe forsome second and third order
effects for your friends andfamily.
Next, we want to use a lot ofmind-altering substances Now.
Substance abuse is a brilliantstrategy for worsening mental
health.
I think we all kind of knowthat.
It's a shortcut for dependencyand a perfect method for
exacerbating depression andanxiety, and to that I say
(08:31):
cheers.
Substance abuse is stronglylinked to mental health
disorders.
It can lead to dependency,exacerbate the symptoms of
depression, anxiety and increasethe risk of developing further
mental health conditions laterdown the road.
It also affects brain functionand overall physical health as
well.
So again still on the righttrack here.
(08:52):
What you want to do with thispoint is to perseverate and
ruminate.
I want you to focus and wallowin the negative.
Now that you've been followingthe template, you should be
feeling pretty awful.
Now is the time to take thatdeep dive into the cesspool of
self-loathing and startwallowing in that negativity.
Ruminate on every little thingthat's wrong.
(09:13):
Focus on that.
It's the best way to ensure younever have to solve any
problems and stay stuck in thecycle of distress.
Rumination can lead toincreased levels of depression
and anxiety.
It prevents positive problemsolving and increases stress.
Rumination, or the constantfocus on those negative thoughts
, is a significant risk factorfor depression and anxiety, and
(09:37):
it prevents individuals fromengaging in positive problem
solving and can perpetuate acycle of negative thinking and,
again, more emotional distress.
All of this should lead you tosome really really poor sleep,
sleep less or use things likealcohol to make sleep worse.
If you really want to take itto the next level.
If you've been following thistemplate, or if you're already
(10:00):
doing some things on thistemplate, your sleep is probably
already in the crapper.
Poor sleep is your ticket to awhole new level of mental health
decline.
Alcohol will definitely helpdisrupt your sleep even more,
but poor sleep is linked to arange of mental health issues,
including depression and anxiety, and alcohol can disrupt sleep
(10:21):
patterns, exacerbating issueslike the risk of depression,
anxiety and cognitive impairment.
Alcohol, while initially is agood sedative, will ultimately
disrupt sleep patterns andyou'll wake up feeling not
rested at all, which again isgoing to make everything feel
even worse.
(10:41):
The next step is to startblaming yourself for everything.
Now, of course, this is kind ofsilly, because if you're
following this template, it isabsolutely your fault and this
is absolutely a true statement.
But why not use this to take onthe mantle of victim?
Also, let's get as much bangfor the buck as we can.
Self-blame is fantastic formaintaining a negative self-view
(11:04):
and ensuring you never engagein positive self-reflection.
It's a surefire way to feeldepressed, helpless and hopeless
.
Well done, it perpetuates anegative self-view and prevents
you from engaging in positiveself-reflection and growth.
Finally, what is the point offeeling terrible if no one is
(11:25):
aware?
After all, you're the victimhere.
In the last step, you shouldhave convinced yourself of this.
Now it's time to go public.
This might soundcounterintuitive at this point,
but remember to complain,complain, complain, because
you're going to really want tospread the news about how much
negative progress you've made bycomplaining to everyone you
(11:45):
know.
And since you're alreadyspending so much time on social
media, you'll want to share yourmisery there as well, to help
others achieve the same level ofprogress you've made.
Constant complaining is goingto reinforce all those negative
thought patterns that you've hadand can create a pessimistic
outlook on life like you'venever seen before.
(12:06):
If you're lucky, it's alsogoing to strain relationships,
which is going to support a lotof other things you've already
done, like isolating andincreasing stress levels and
keeping you from seekingconstructive solutions.
Now I realize that some of youmay be already doing some of
these things religiously, and tothat, I realize that some of
you may be already doing some ofthese things religiously, and
(12:27):
to that I say congratulations.
But there's another section ofpeople who I've already
experienced all this strategyhas to offer and want to turn
things around, to slough offthat negativity, maybe to start
living a happy, productive lifeand maybe a purposeful life.
Now I know we've had a littlefun with how to feel worse, but
in all seriousness, here's thebottom line Control what you can
(12:50):
control.
We can largely choose how wefeel by what we do, what we
ingest and what we focus on.
Now I understand there areexceptions, there are medical
issues and extenuatingcircumstances for people that
can drive moods, but for most ofus we're putting garbage in and
somehow miraculously expectingwe'll be immune from the
(13:13):
consequences.
That's just not how things work.
Our attitudes and decisions,even micro decisions, are key
determinants of how we feel.
Every day I have manyopportunities to choose things
that make me feel better, thathelp me sleep better, to be more
productive, to feel moreconnected to other people.
(13:34):
If I come home from work anddecide to watch the news and
scroll on social media with abeer in my hand, that road leads
to a very different place thanif I change my clothes and take
a two mile walk with my wife.
Each of these seemingly smalldecisions leads to radically
different outcomes.
There are things that I can dothat almost guarantee 100% that
(13:58):
I will feel better.
All I have to do is do thosethings.
If and that's a big if we trulywant to turn things around,
slough off all the negativity,start to live a less stressed,
more productive and purposefullife, we have to make different
choices.
I often ask clients if theytruly want to change, because
(14:22):
the things that they are doing Iknow and they know don't work.
So if we were really to getcrazy, what might doing the
opposite look like for most ofus?
Well, the first thing is don'tisolate.
Isolating tends to be one ofthe first things people do.
(14:43):
Instead, find ways to connectwith other people.
Isolating tends to be one ofthe first things people do.
Instead, find ways to connectwith other people.
Isolating simply does not workand exacerbates everything.
Second, you want to exerciseregularly.
It's one of the most effectiveways to improve mood and reduce
symptoms of depression andanxiety almost immediately, even
sometimes while you're stillexercising.
Third, you want to limit socialmedia.
(15:06):
We know all of this intuitivelyand all the research only seems
to reinforce this idea.
Setting limits on social mediacan improve mental health period
.
Stop comparing yourself toothers and focus on your own
progress.
Remember other people are notthe metric to determine how
you're doing.
The odds of others having yourgoals and priorities are
(15:30):
actually very low.
If you must compare yourself tosomething, then compare
yourself to how you wereyesterday.
Next, we want to understand thatwe are not alone.
This is one of the first realtraps clients fall into not just
clients, but all people, andthat is believing that they're
(15:50):
the only one struggling orsuffering with a certain problem
.
I can guarantee whatever you'regoing through, many others are
also Finding, and being moreconnected with those people is a
guaranteed way to make yourselffeel a little bit better.
Share your problems.
(16:11):
This goes hand in hand withfinding other people.
Talking about problems withpeople you trust to reduce
stress and provide newperspectives is also very
helpful, and you don't want tosuppress, but you want to
address those emotions head onrather than avoiding them.
Finally, you want to focus onsolutions, not drama.
This is a topic for anotherepisode in and of itself, but
developing a proactive mindsetand focusing on problem solving
(16:34):
can reduce stress.
Drama creates chaos, focuses uson the wrong things and
generates a ton of negativeemotions.
Problem solving, on the otherhand, is focused on a clear goal
and it is not an emotionalprocess, because it utilizes the
cognitive or thinking part ofthe brain, not the emotional
(16:56):
part.
While you're working on all ofthis, you want to avoid
substances like alcohol ormarijuana or anything else that
is going to manipulate how youfeel about things Now.
They might make you feel betterin the moment, but just because
something works temporarilydoesn't mean it's a good thing
or is a good long-term solution.
(17:16):
In fact, it's more likely tocompound whatever problems
you're struggling with in thelong term.
Another thing to focus on isprioritizing sleep.
Everything gets harder when youdon't sleep well.
Establish a regular sleepschedule, create a restful
environment and avoid screensand the blue light stuff before
bed.
Finally, you need to controlyour brain.
(17:39):
One of the best precursors ofdepression is ruminating on the
negative.
Some call it stinking thinking.
Sometimes our minds get stuckon all that's wrong and we lose
sight of all the things that aregoing great in our lives.
To change this requiresintentionality it's not going to
change by itself and bycontrolling our brain.
(18:00):
We also need to control what wesay so, stop complaining.
This is only going to reinforceand keep reminding you and
everybody around you how bad youactually feel.
And lastly, give yourself somegrace.
Self-compassion is associatedwith greater emotional
resilience and lower levels ofanxiety and depression.
(18:22):
If you can change your focus andyour behaviors, you can change
your life.
No one likes to hear this, butI have to remind people that no
one else can do this for them.
The cavalry is not going tosimply come riding over the
mountain and save the day andmake all the changes for you.
You always get the final say,and here's the good news.
(18:43):
Every day, we get to make achoice.
We can decide to make our dayharder by doing the things that
don't work, or we can make ourday better by deciding on things
that we know will work.
Every single day, the choice isin our hands, so choose wisely.
Thanks for checking us out onthis edition of the Unscripted
(19:06):
Mind.
If you found this episodehelpful, please share it with
someone, maybe someone who youfeel might need it.
Please subscribe, follow us andleave a review.
Also, if you have any questionsor topics you'd like us to
cover, please include that aswell.
Until next time, remember, lifedoesn't come with a script.
No-transcript.
Are you sick and tired of feeling happy and
content?
Are you tired of all thatpositivity just ruining your
perfectly dreary day?
Well, you're in luck.
Welcome to the ultimate guideon how to feel absolutely
miserable.
I've compiled a list of thebest strategies to ensure your
mental health.
Takes a nosedive.
Say goodbye to peace of mindand hello to stress, anxiety and
(00:27):
all around unhappiness on thisepisode of the Unscripted Mind.
Welcome to the Unscripted Mind,where our goal is to give you
fresh perspectives, practicalinsights and tools you can use
(00:47):
to give you more choices,increase your awareness and have
better control of yourreactions, feelings and
behaviors.
My name is Jim Cunningham andI'm a licensed professional
counselor, and today we're goingto talk about some practical
tips and tricks to get rid ofthat pesky happiness and joy you
have in your life.
Now, I know this might soundlike a big challenge, but trust
(01:08):
me, it's not as hard as youthink.
I'm sure many of you havealready successfully used some
of these techniques, but whetheryou're a seasoned pessimist or
just starting on your journeyinto the depths of despair, this
guide is here to help youmaximize your misery.
So grab a seat, make yourselfcomfortable, or uncomfortable
preferably, and let's dive intothe surefire ways to make sure
(01:31):
you're feeling worse in no time.
Now I'm sure you're saying toyourself but, jim, I seem to
have everything going well forme.
How could I possibly changethings so quickly?
Trust me, you can turn everysilver lining into a dark cloud.
You might be asking where do Ieven begin to start?
Well, the good news is that youcan start immediately, as this
(01:53):
requires very little talent andabsolutely no support from
anyone else.
You'll just need to tweak thepriorities a bit, but I think
you'll find that many of thethings on this checklist may
already be things you're doing,so you've already got a head
start.
Where do we begin?
Well, number one, I thinkisolation.
Keeping yourself isolated isgoing to prevent those people
(02:13):
who might want to support youand stuff from getting in your
way.
So isolation and loneliness isa great place to start, because
it has been extensively studiedand is known to be a significant
risk factor for various mentalhealth issues, so that research
indicates that lonelinessincreases the likelihood of
mortality by 26%, making it asdangerous as smoking 15
(02:35):
cigarettes a day.
It's associated with higherrates of depression, anxiety,
cognitive decline.
So starting by isolating is agreat, great place to begin.
Second, you don't want toexercise.
If you are exercising, you needto stop.
I mean, why bother withexercise when you can sit
perfectly still and let anxietyand depression take root?
Sedentary lifestyle is yourfast track to poor mental health
(02:58):
.
The lack of physical activityis associated with higher levels
of depression and anxiety, soregular exercise is known to
improve mood and overall mentalhealth, and that is exactly the
reason why we would like toavoid that.
You're not going to make thestrides you want to make by
exercising, so lack of exerciseis going to exacerbate these
conditions and lead to poormental overall health.
(03:21):
The third thing I might suggestis binging on social media.
Spend all of your time, all ofyour free time, on social media.
If you've got productiveactivities that are getting in
the way, you need to get rid ofthose, because it's the best way
to ensure you feel utterlyinadequate compared to everyone
else's highlight reels.
Excessive use of social mediaplatforms has been linked to
(03:42):
higher levels of anxiety anddepression, particularly among
young adults.
A study published by theJournal of Social and Clinical
Psychology found that limitingsocial media significantly
decreases loneliness anddepression.
But that's not what we'relooking for.
We're looking for the constantcomparison and unrealistic
portrayals of life on socialmedia that contribute to
(04:05):
negative self-perception bycreating unrealistic
expectations and comparisons.
Truly the sweet spot.
This ties into the fourth itemon the checklist, and that is
you need to compare yourself toother people their wealth, their
status, their happiness, etc.
I mean, compare away.
Nothing boosts self-esteem likefeeling inferior to carefully
(04:27):
curated online personas.
It's a fantastic recipe foranxiety and depression.
You are going to love it.
Constant comparison can lead tofeelings of inadequacy, low
self-esteem that contribute toanxiety and depression, which is
again what we're looking for.
Festinger's social comparisontheory explains how comparing
oneself to others can lead tofeelings of inadequacy and lower
(04:49):
self-esteem, so this isempirically verified.
So we want to use these studiesthat show frequent social
comparison on social mediaplatforms is correlated with
depressive symptoms anddecreased life satisfaction.
Bingo Now.
Starting to believe that you arethe only one that has the
problem is the next step.
Of course, you're the only onewith problems in the entire
(05:12):
universe.
This belief is sure to amplifyyour loneliness and stress.
Having this belief is going toexacerbate your feelings of
isolation and loneliness,leading to increased stress and
a higher risk of mental healthdisorders.
This one simple cognitivedistortion can lead to increased
feelings of isolation andhopelessness.
(05:32):
A study by the NationalInstitute of Mental Health
highlights that people who feelalone in their struggles are
less likely to seek help,exacerbating their condition.
This belief perpetuates a cycleof isolation and mental
distress which is going to tiein very nicely with our next
point on the checklist, which isdon't tell anyone anything or
(05:56):
share any of your problems.
See, now that you've cultivatedsome solid mental health issues
, you're going to want to keepthose tricks to yourself.
Why would you share yourproblems when you can keep them
bottled up inside, letting themfester into a delightful
cocktail of stress and isolation, perfect for mental health
decline.
Keeping problems to oneself isgoing to help increase stress
(06:19):
and that sense of isolationtremendously.
The American PsychologicalAssociation emphasizes that
social support is crucial formental health.
That's why we have to avoid itin order to be successful here.
Lack of communication can leadto the buildup of stress and the
exacerbation of other mentalhealth issues.
So by avoiding those kinds ofthings we can move to step
(06:40):
number six, and that is avoidthe hassle of discomfort by
addressing problems.
Bury those emotions, shove themdown.
I mean, who's got time for thatNow that you've got some good,
unhealthy patterns of behaviorand thought, you'll want to
shove those emotions deep, deepdown.
Who needs emotional health?
Anyway?
Suppressing feelings is astellar strategy for brewing
(07:04):
anxiety.
Anyway, suppressing feelings isa stellar strategy for brewing
anxiety, depression and evensome fun physical health issues,
if you like.
This emotional suppression isgoing to be essential if you
want to feel worse, because itleads to numerous other negative
outcomes, including increasedanxiety, depression and, like I
said, even some physical healthproblems like hypertension.
According to some studies,long-term suppression of
(07:26):
emotions prevents effectiveproblem solving and emotional
regulation.
So we are still on the righttrack here.
The next step is to focus ondrama and not problem solving
Drama.
Drama, drama, honestly solvingproblems is so passe, focus on
the theatrics and watch yourstress levels soar.
(07:46):
Focusing on drama instead ofsolutions can create a nice
toxic environment, bothpersonally and professionally.
It increases stress levels andhinders problem-solving
abilities, and chronic stressfrom such environments can lead
to burnout and mental healthissues, not just for you, but
here's the bonus for yourfriends, family and co-workers.
(08:07):
So that is a perfect recipe forsome second and third order
effects for your friends andfamily.
Next, we want to use a lot ofmind-altering substances Now.
Substance abuse is a brilliantstrategy for worsening mental
health.
I think we all kind of knowthat.
It's a shortcut for dependencyand a perfect method for
exacerbating depression andanxiety, and to that I say
(08:31):
cheers.
Substance abuse is stronglylinked to mental health
disorders.
It can lead to dependency,exacerbate the symptoms of
depression, anxiety and increasethe risk of developing further
mental health conditions laterdown the road.
It also affects brain functionand overall physical health as
well.
So again still on the righttrack here.
(08:52):
What you want to do with thispoint is to perseverate and
ruminate.
I want you to focus and wallowin the negative.
Now that you've been followingthe template, you should be
feeling pretty awful.
Now is the time to take thatdeep dive into the cesspool of
self-loathing and startwallowing in that negativity.
Ruminate on every little thingthat's wrong.
(09:13):
Focus on that.
It's the best way to ensure younever have to solve any
problems and stay stuck in thecycle of distress.
Rumination can lead toincreased levels of depression
and anxiety.
It prevents positive problemsolving and increases stress.
Rumination, or the constantfocus on those negative thoughts
, is a significant risk factorfor depression and anxiety, and
(09:37):
it prevents individuals fromengaging in positive problem
solving and can perpetuate acycle of negative thinking and,
again, more emotional distress.
All of this should lead you tosome really really poor sleep,
sleep less or use things likealcohol to make sleep worse.
If you really want to take itto the next level.
If you've been following thistemplate, or if you're already
(10:00):
doing some things on thistemplate, your sleep is probably
already in the crapper.
Poor sleep is your ticket to awhole new level of mental health
decline.
Alcohol will definitely helpdisrupt your sleep even more,
but poor sleep is linked to arange of mental health issues,
including depression and anxiety, and alcohol can disrupt sleep
(10:21):
patterns, exacerbating issueslike the risk of depression,
anxiety and cognitive impairment.
Alcohol, while initially is agood sedative, will ultimately
disrupt sleep patterns andyou'll wake up feeling not
rested at all, which again isgoing to make everything feel
even worse.
(10:41):
The next step is to startblaming yourself for everything.
Now, of course, this is kind ofsilly, because if you're
following this template, it isabsolutely your fault and this
is absolutely a true statement.
But why not use this to take onthe mantle of victim?
Also, let's get as much bangfor the buck as we can.
Self-blame is fantastic formaintaining a negative self-view
(11:04):
and ensuring you never engagein positive self-reflection.
It's a surefire way to feeldepressed, helpless and hopeless
.
Well done, it perpetuates anegative self-view and prevents
you from engaging in positiveself-reflection and growth.
Finally, what is the point offeeling terrible if no one is
(11:25):
aware?
After all, you're the victimhere.
In the last step, you shouldhave convinced yourself of this.
Now it's time to go public.
This might soundcounterintuitive at this point,
but remember to complain,complain, complain, because
you're going to really want tospread the news about how much
negative progress you've made bycomplaining to everyone you
(11:45):
know.
And since you're alreadyspending so much time on social
media, you'll want to share yourmisery there as well, to help
others achieve the same level ofprogress you've made.
Constant complaining is goingto reinforce all those negative
thought patterns that you've hadand can create a pessimistic
outlook on life like you'venever seen before.
(12:06):
If you're lucky, it's alsogoing to strain relationships,
which is going to support a lotof other things you've already
done, like isolating andincreasing stress levels and
keeping you from seekingconstructive solutions.
Now I realize that some of youmay be already doing some of
these things religiously, and tothat, I realize that some of
you may be already doing some ofthese things religiously, and
(12:27):
to that I say congratulations.
But there's another section ofpeople who I've already
experienced all this strategyhas to offer and want to turn
things around, to slough offthat negativity, maybe to start
living a happy, productive lifeand maybe a purposeful life.
Now I know we've had a littlefun with how to feel worse, but
in all seriousness, here's thebottom line Control what you can
(12:50):
control.
We can largely choose how wefeel by what we do, what we
ingest and what we focus on.
Now I understand there areexceptions, there are medical
issues and extenuatingcircumstances for people that
can drive moods, but for most ofus we're putting garbage in and
somehow miraculously expectingwe'll be immune from the
(13:13):
consequences.
That's just not how things work.
Our attitudes and decisions,even micro decisions, are key
determinants of how we feel.
Every day I have manyopportunities to choose things
that make me feel better, thathelp me sleep better, to be more
productive, to feel moreconnected to other people.
(13:34):
If I come home from work anddecide to watch the news and
scroll on social media with abeer in my hand, that road leads
to a very different place thanif I change my clothes and take
a two mile walk with my wife.
Each of these seemingly smalldecisions leads to radically
different outcomes.
There are things that I can dothat almost guarantee 100% that
(13:58):
I will feel better.
All I have to do is do thosethings.
If and that's a big if we trulywant to turn things around,
slough off all the negativity,start to live a less stressed,
more productive and purposefullife, we have to make different
choices.
I often ask clients if theytruly want to change, because
(14:22):
the things that they are doing Iknow and they know don't work.
So if we were really to getcrazy, what might doing the
opposite look like for most ofus?
Well, the first thing is don'tisolate.
Isolating tends to be one ofthe first things people do.
(14:43):
Instead, find ways to connectwith other people.
Isolating tends to be one ofthe first things people do.
Instead, find ways to connectwith other people.
Isolating simply does not workand exacerbates everything.
Second, you want to exerciseregularly.
It's one of the most effectiveways to improve mood and reduce
symptoms of depression andanxiety almost immediately, even
sometimes while you're stillexercising.
Third, you want to limit socialmedia.
(15:06):
We know all of this intuitivelyand all the research only seems
to reinforce this idea.
Setting limits on social mediacan improve mental health period
.
Stop comparing yourself toothers and focus on your own
progress.
Remember other people are notthe metric to determine how
you're doing.
The odds of others having yourgoals and priorities are
(15:30):
actually very low.
If you must compare yourself tosomething, then compare
yourself to how you wereyesterday.
Next, we want to understand thatwe are not alone.
This is one of the first realtraps clients fall into not just
clients, but all people, andthat is believing that they're
(15:50):
the only one struggling orsuffering with a certain problem
.
I can guarantee whatever you'regoing through, many others are
also Finding, and being moreconnected with those people is a
guaranteed way to make yourselffeel a little bit better.
Share your problems.
(16:11):
This goes hand in hand withfinding other people.
Talking about problems withpeople you trust to reduce
stress and provide newperspectives is also very
helpful, and you don't want tosuppress, but you want to
address those emotions head onrather than avoiding them.
Finally, you want to focus onsolutions, not drama.
This is a topic for anotherepisode in and of itself, but
developing a proactive mindsetand focusing on problem solving
(16:34):
can reduce stress.
Drama creates chaos, focuses uson the wrong things and
generates a ton of negativeemotions.
Problem solving, on the otherhand, is focused on a clear goal
and it is not an emotionalprocess, because it utilizes the
cognitive or thinking part ofthe brain, not the emotional
(16:56):
part.
While you're working on all ofthis, you want to avoid
substances like alcohol ormarijuana or anything else that
is going to manipulate how youfeel about things Now.
They might make you feel betterin the moment, but just because
something works temporarilydoesn't mean it's a good thing
or is a good long-term solution.
(17:16):
In fact, it's more likely tocompound whatever problems
you're struggling with in thelong term.
Another thing to focus on isprioritizing sleep.
Everything gets harder when youdon't sleep well.
Establish a regular sleepschedule, create a restful
environment and avoid screensand the blue light stuff before
bed.
Finally, you need to controlyour brain.
(17:39):
One of the best precursors ofdepression is ruminating on the
negative.
Some call it stinking thinking.
Sometimes our minds get stuckon all that's wrong and we lose
sight of all the things that aregoing great in our lives.
To change this requiresintentionality it's not going to
change by itself and bycontrolling our brain.
(18:00):
We also need to control what wesay so, stop complaining.
This is only going to reinforceand keep reminding you and
everybody around you how bad youactually feel.
And lastly, give yourself somegrace.
Self-compassion is associatedwith greater emotional
resilience and lower levels ofanxiety and depression.
(18:22):
If you can change your focus andyour behaviors, you can change
your life.
No one likes to hear this, butI have to remind people that no
one else can do this for them.
The cavalry is not going tosimply come riding over the
mountain and save the day andmake all the changes for you.
You always get the final say,and here's the good news.
(18:43):
Every day, we get to make achoice.
We can decide to make our dayharder by doing the things that
don't work, or we can make ourday better by deciding on things
that we know will work.
Every single day, the choice isin our hands, so choose wisely.
Thanks for checking us out onthis edition of the Unscripted
(19:06):
Mind.
If you found this episodehelpful, please share it with
someone, maybe someone who youfeel might need it.
Please subscribe, follow us andleave a review.
Also, if you have any questionsor topics you'd like us to
cover, please include that aswell.
Until next time, remember, lifedoesn't come with a script.
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