February 20, 2025 • 14 mins
Unlock the transformative power of therapy as we guide you through overcoming the common barriers that often hinder progress. How can embracing discomfort and vulnerability lead to personal growth? Join host Jim Cunningham in exploring therapy not as a quick fix but as a marathon requiring patience and commitment. Discover techniques for setting clear goals, navigating the non-linear process, and finding a therapist who truly understands you. Learn why honesty with oneself and the therapist is crucial, and how avoiding people-pleasing can significantly enhance your therapeutic journey. This episode unravels key strategies to help listeners harness therapy's full potential for personal development.
We delve into the art of internalizing change, moving beyond understanding to truly integrating therapeutic insights into daily life. Listen as we draw parallels between therapy and physical therapy, emphasizing consistent effort for lasting change. Uncover ways to navigate the challenges faced by avoidant individuals, with strategies like setting realistic goals and committing to incremental progress. Embrace the discomfort, persistence, and patience necessary for true transformation as you gradually build a new sense of self. We encourage you to engage with this episode, share your thoughts, and pose questions as we foster a community of growth and understanding.
The goal of The UnScripted Mind Podcast is to give you fresh perspectives, practical insights and tools you can use to give you more choices, self-awareness and control of your feelings, reactions and behaviors.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Jim Cunningham (00:00):
Therapy can be a powerful tool.
So why is it that some peopleleave therapy feeling
transformed, while others feellike they're still stuck, still
spinning their wheels?
And here's the big questionwhat does it take to make
therapy actually work for you?
Today, we're gonna dive intothe hidden barriers things like
fear, resistance, evenunrealistic expectations that
(00:21):
can prevent real progress.
Is it about finding the righttechnique, being in the right
mindset, or is there somethingdeeper at work?
Today, I'll share six ways toget the most out of therapy on
this episode of the UnscriptedMind.
Welcome to the Unscripted Mind,where our goal is to give you
(00:44):
fresh perspectives, practicalinsights and tools you can use
to give you more choices,increase your awareness and have
better control of your feelings, reactions and behaviors.
I'm Jim Cunningham.
I'm a licensed professionalcounselor and on today's episode
, it's all about a crucial butoften elusive part of self-help
and therapy how to make it workfor you.
We're going to cover about sixdifferent ways to do that, but
(01:07):
before let me share some initialthoughts with you as we jump in
on how to make therapy work foryou.
First of all, I think it'sreally important to shop around
for therapists.
You need to ask about theirbackgrounds, their credentials,
what techniques they use.
Does that feel like acomfortable fit?
Finding a good somebody whohave good chemistry with is
super important to that, and Ithink it's really important to
(01:30):
take some extra time to maybeinterview a couple of folks,
meet a couple of folks to see ifit's going to be a good fit.
The second thing I would say istherapy is more like a marathon
than a sprint and it shouldn'tbe a super anxious, super
intense kind of thing.
There's going to be momentswhere we're addressing deeper
(01:50):
issues that are going to be moreemotional, but I see the
process as kind of like we'rewalking through the cave the
client decides where to go andI'll hold the flashlight, and
how do we shine some light onsome things or maybe see things
a little bit differently than wehave in the past.
So the last thing I would sayis that a lot of people think
(02:10):
that or see therapy as kind ofthis linear process I start here
and I'm trying to get to theend, to the finish line is this
long linear process and thatseems overwhelming.
I see it more like a maze,because as we go through the
maze, if we come around theright corner, all of a sudden we
feel unstuck and we can seeprogress.
(02:30):
I liken it to when you'rehiking in the woods and if you
get lost.
As soon as you find thatlandmark, all of a sudden you
feel unstuck.
Now you still might be 10 milesfrom the car, but when you
start walking you feel likeyou're starting to make progress
again.
And I see that very similar tothe therapeutic process.
And I don't know what the rightquestion is or the right tool.
(02:52):
We have a lot of those but whenyou hit on the right one, all
of a sudden you see the lightbulbs come on and people can
make progress very quickly atthat point.
So I would say those are somethings to think about as we kind
of jump into this.
So how do you make therapy workfor you?
I think the first thing youneed to do is figure out what
the goal is.
How do we know when we're done?
(03:12):
That's the question I like toask clients.
What do you want to fix?
Is that a behavior, a habit,some poor communication,
dysregulated emotions, traumaticevents?
As Stephen Covey said, you knowyou want to start with the end
in mind and I think the moreclear and specific you can be
about what we're trying to fix,the more progress you can make.
(03:34):
And it also gives us a nicetarget to shoot for, because it
informs our treatment plan whatkind of pace we're going to try
to go at, and that way we alsoknow when we've hit the target,
because we know what the targetis.
So a lot of clarity andsimplicity about what those
goals are and what you're tryingto shoot for.
The second thing I would saythat's super important is you
(03:55):
got to be ready to do the work,and when I say work I actually
mean work.
There are no shortcuts to doingtherapy and trying to resolve
old events and trying to resolvepatterns of behavior and
communication and all thesethings that we have ingrained in
us.
It's a very difficult processto do and I have to be ready to
roll up my sleeves and kind ofdive in Understanding that takes
(04:17):
a little bit of time to startto build some trust with a
therapist, and that's why it'ssuper important to find a good
fit, somebody you can trust andconnect with.
And I think part of thatconnecting with people with the
right therapist is maybe evenfinding a therapist near your
age or who has similarexperiences, who can relate If
(04:38):
you've lived 65 years and yourtherapist is 25, there's some
things that you may not have incommon and it might be harder to
connect with.
The third thing about therapythat I see, with a people
pleasing and this is kind of atricky one, because I have a lot
of clients who feel like theythey want to tell me what I want
(05:01):
to hear, and that really isn'tserving them well, I knew one
person who went to therapy andcame back after the first
session and said I think mytherapist really likes me.
I'm like I don't think that'sreally the point.
It's not what we're shootingfor here.
People pleasing is really getsin the way of the things that
we're trying to do, whichusually requires a lot of
(05:22):
honesty and vulnerability with atherapist.
So what you need is to be readyto be honest and vulnerable
with the therapist and honestwith yourself.
Frankly, bessel van der Kolk,who wrote the body keeps the
score, once said you know, andI'm paraphrasing One of the
things that is the hardest forpeople is allowing themselves to
(05:43):
know what they know, and thatrequires a lot of courage and a
lot of vulnerability.
We all have those things thatare in the corner that we're not
ready to and address or evenacknowledge, but they're there
and the more we can do that, themore we can actually start to
work on things.
It's like having a broken legand just trying to ignore it.
At some point I'm going to haveto face it head on and start to
(06:03):
address some of those things,even though it's going to be
painful.
So a lot of people have beenconditioned to avoid a lot of
those emotions too, and Icertainly get that.
I mean, there's a reason thatpeople aren't addressing these
things on their own because it'sdifficult and it takes a lot of
guts and courage to do that.
A lot of clients who areempathetic also tend to be very
(06:24):
conflict averse, so they'reafraid of confrontation and that
they sometimes are so afraid ofconfrontation that they never
speak up, they never rock theboat and, as a result, they feel
unfulfilled in therapyparticularly.
The next thing I would say is weneed to manage expectations.
Is we need to manageexpectations?
(06:44):
Change is difficult even whenyou're trying to change.
It's even harder when you'retrying to avoid the change.
I have a lot of people who arebrought to me because somebody
else recommended it, or parentsbring kids to therapy and
they're not ready to do the work.
It's not really their idea yet.
So the way I conceptualize theexpectations is when I want to
(07:07):
change something, even if it'sjust a simple behavior.
It's a lot of work.
The things that I do a lot.
The ways I have thought aboutthings are very similar to
muscle memory, the neuralpathways.
We use the same things and thesame shortcuts over and over
again.
So I liken it to we've walkedacross this grass long enough
(07:29):
that there's a trail there, andthen I've used that so much that
I've I've paved it, I've put inlighting, I've put in park
benches, and it's just the wayto go.
I don't even have to thinkabout it anymore.
If I want to change that, Ihave to start hacking through
the jungle, I have to get outthe machete and I start hacking.
And the only way to turn thejungle into the pathway is
(07:54):
intentional repetition over andover, and over again.
When I worked at the school, wewould do interventions for kids
and because they're dysregulatedin class or whatever it might
be, and depending on which modelyou follow, the intervention
has to be consistently appliedfor two to four months, just to
(08:15):
see if it's going to take beforewe start tweaking it too much,
and so I think this is what Itry to get people to understand
is that, even if you're justtrying to, what I try to get
people to understand is that,even if you're just trying to
improve your habits, healthyhabits, things that you know you
ought to do, it's very hard tocreate new patterns and neural
pathways to think about thingsand do things.
It's very challenging, and Isay you have to manage the
(08:37):
expectations, because a lot ofpeople will try things for two
weeks or a month and go, well,it's not working, like you
haven't given enough time yet.
We've got to give it timeenough to kind of get into the
system and become the new normal.
Very challenging thing to doBecause, again, this is more of
a marathon, not a sprint.
The next thing I would say is tobe ready to internalize change.
(08:59):
What does it actually take tomake the shift from just knowing
to feeling and living?
A new truth, a new identity?
It's that move fromintellectualizing a concept to
anchoring it so deeply that itbecomes part of our identity.
People often come to therapyfor everyday issues, everything
from relationship struggles towork stress to personal
(09:21):
insecurities.
They want to change how theyfeel and act in their lives.
And yet, if they don'tinternalize the insights that we
uncover and the tools we use,the effects are probably going
to be short-lived.
It's not going to stick.
It's like, oh, I learnedsomething new.
But without that deeperconnection, that change is
likely to fade.
Which takes us to number six.
(09:43):
You got to do something.
I've had too many people whoshow up and they want change and
they don't do things.
I had one person who, aftertalking for an extended period
of time, was very frustratedthat they weren't seeing any
benefits.
And I'm like, and I asked them,I said what?
I know you take a lot of notes.
What have you tried that hasn'tworked?
And they said I haven't, Idon't take notes.
(10:04):
I said I know that's part ofthe problem.
You don't just show up one houra week and then just think
you've checked the box, you'vegot to apply this stuff, you've
got to try it, and after thatone hour is kind of like going
to physical therapy.
That's great for an hour andyou learn these new tools, but I
have to go home and I have toapply those so that I can start
(10:25):
building my core or rehabbingsomething.
And I think in a lot of waysthis is a very similar process
that I've got to start takingsome chances and taking some
risks and applying myself tomake things better and start
activating that change.
Now, if some of these toolsdon't work, that's great, we
want to try it and that's whatthe next session is about.
(10:45):
How did it go?
What does that look like?
What do we need to tweak?
So one of the struggles I haveand I would say maybe the
population that's one of thehardest to treat is people who
are tend to be avoidant andthey're very difficult to treat
because they are inherentlyskitty, which means they don't
do things.
They don't do homework, theydon't take chances, they don't
(11:08):
step outside their comfort zonesand usually that's based on a
lot of fear and it makescomplete sense.
But it's very hard to makeprogress when you're unwilling
or feel too scared to make thechanges, and usually those fears
are unsubstantiated andirrational.
The other question I like toask when people aren't doing the
homework is what keeps you fromdoing what you know you ought
(11:30):
to do?
What's holding you back?
And sometimes that needs to beaddressed, sometimes before we
can actually address thebehaviors and the different ways
of thinking and cognitivedistortions.
So just to wrap up, number onehave a clear goal in mind.
If you want to be successful intherapy, know what you want to
change.
Sometimes it's a hard one.
(11:51):
Some people just show up andthey say I just don't feel good.
Great, that's one of the thingswe're going to first start with
is like okay, what is our goal?
Where are we trying to get to?
Whether that's shifting a habit, improving communication,
healing a past trauma or justtrying to be a better person,
having more control in theirlives.
Number two be ready to do thework.
There's no shortcut to change.
(12:11):
It's going to be work and it'sgoing to be difficult, and
taking care of yourself makesthat work a little bit easier as
well.
But make no mistake, there isno shortcut to this.
If I had the magic wand, Iwould let you borrow it, but I
haven't found that yet.
The third thing I would say isthat therapist isn't about
people pleasing or taking theeasy road.
It's about being honest, andnot just with your therapist,
(12:33):
but yourself.
You can't change what you'reavoiding.
So it's time to face fears headon, and that's kind of what
this involves.
And somebody once said you haveto feel it to heal it, and
that's uncomfortable, but slowlyand surely, you start to
reshape that identity andovercome some of those fears and
build a sense of self thatbelieves in their voice and
(12:53):
their own worth.
Number four is to manage theexpectations.
This is a marathon, not asprint.
The path to change isn't alwaysclear, it's not a straight line
necessarily, and it's likenavigating in a jungle full of
twists, turns, unexpectedobstacles, because the thing you
think you're going to work on,sometimes you uncover different
layers and you're like, wow,there's a lot more to it than I
(13:14):
ever expected.
So persistence is the key,though, in finding your way
through those challenges.
Number five, I would sayinternalize the concepts and
change.
True change comes when you shiftfrom simply knowing something
to truly living it.
Without the deeper connection,the change is probably just
going to be temporary.
And finally, you have to applyyourself.
(13:35):
Take those small steps, eventhe tiniest risks.
Ask yourself what's stopping mefrom doing what I know I ought
to do?
Avoidance can keep you stuck,but it's only by taking action,
even the small stuff 1% a day,according to James Clear that
you'll begin to carve out thatnew reality.
As always, we have to have somepatience.
(13:55):
Give yourself some grace.
This is not going to be easy.
Some days it's going to feellike taking one step forward and
two steps back, but change ishappening, even if you don't see
it.
Be brave, and remember that theeffort is absolutely going to
be worth it and it's going topay off in the end.
Thanks for checking us outtoday on the Unscripted Mind.
(14:16):
If you found this episodehelpful, share it with somebody
who might need it also.
Please subscribe and follow usand leave a review.
If you have any questions ortopics you'd like us to cover,
please include that also.
Until next time, remember lifedoesn't come with a script, so
embrace the unexpected, cherishthe unplanned, always stay
curious and have an amazing day.
(14:37):
We'll see you next time on theUnscripted Mind.
Therapy can be a powerful tool.
So why is it that some peopleleave therapy feeling
transformed, while others feellike they're still stuck, still
spinning their wheels?
And here's the big questionwhat does it take to make
therapy actually work for you?
Today, we're gonna dive intothe hidden barriers things like
fear, resistance, evenunrealistic expectations that
(00:21):
can prevent real progress.
Is it about finding the righttechnique, being in the right
mindset, or is there somethingdeeper at work?
Today, I'll share six ways toget the most out of therapy on
this episode of the UnscriptedMind.
Welcome to the Unscripted Mind,where our goal is to give you
(00:44):
fresh perspectives, practicalinsights and tools you can use
to give you more choices,increase your awareness and have
better control of your feelings, reactions and behaviors.
I'm Jim Cunningham.
I'm a licensed professionalcounselor and on today's episode
, it's all about a crucial butoften elusive part of self-help
and therapy how to make it workfor you.
We're going to cover about sixdifferent ways to do that, but
(01:07):
before let me share some initialthoughts with you as we jump in
on how to make therapy work foryou.
First of all, I think it'sreally important to shop around
for therapists.
You need to ask about theirbackgrounds, their credentials,
what techniques they use.
Does that feel like acomfortable fit?
Finding a good somebody whohave good chemistry with is
super important to that, and Ithink it's really important to
(01:30):
take some extra time to maybeinterview a couple of folks,
meet a couple of folks to see ifit's going to be a good fit.
The second thing I would say istherapy is more like a marathon
than a sprint and it shouldn'tbe a super anxious, super
intense kind of thing.
There's going to be momentswhere we're addressing deeper
(01:50):
issues that are going to be moreemotional, but I see the
process as kind of like we'rewalking through the cave the
client decides where to go andI'll hold the flashlight, and
how do we shine some light onsome things or maybe see things
a little bit differently than wehave in the past.
So the last thing I would sayis that a lot of people think
(02:10):
that or see therapy as kind ofthis linear process I start here
and I'm trying to get to theend, to the finish line is this
long linear process and thatseems overwhelming.
I see it more like a maze,because as we go through the
maze, if we come around theright corner, all of a sudden we
feel unstuck and we can seeprogress.
(02:30):
I liken it to when you'rehiking in the woods and if you
get lost.
As soon as you find thatlandmark, all of a sudden you
feel unstuck.
Now you still might be 10 milesfrom the car, but when you
start walking you feel likeyou're starting to make progress
again.
And I see that very similar tothe therapeutic process.
And I don't know what the rightquestion is or the right tool.
(02:52):
We have a lot of those but whenyou hit on the right one, all
of a sudden you see the lightbulbs come on and people can
make progress very quickly atthat point.
So I would say those are somethings to think about as we kind
of jump into this.
So how do you make therapy workfor you?
I think the first thing youneed to do is figure out what
the goal is.
How do we know when we're done?
(03:12):
That's the question I like toask clients.
What do you want to fix?
Is that a behavior, a habit,some poor communication,
dysregulated emotions, traumaticevents?
As Stephen Covey said, you knowyou want to start with the end
in mind and I think the moreclear and specific you can be
about what we're trying to fix,the more progress you can make.
(03:34):
And it also gives us a nicetarget to shoot for, because it
informs our treatment plan whatkind of pace we're going to try
to go at, and that way we alsoknow when we've hit the target,
because we know what the targetis.
So a lot of clarity andsimplicity about what those
goals are and what you're tryingto shoot for.
The second thing I would saythat's super important is you
(03:55):
got to be ready to do the work,and when I say work I actually
mean work.
There are no shortcuts to doingtherapy and trying to resolve
old events and trying to resolvepatterns of behavior and
communication and all thesethings that we have ingrained in
us.
It's a very difficult processto do and I have to be ready to
roll up my sleeves and kind ofdive in Understanding that takes
(04:17):
a little bit of time to startto build some trust with a
therapist, and that's why it'ssuper important to find a good
fit, somebody you can trust andconnect with.
And I think part of thatconnecting with people with the
right therapist is maybe evenfinding a therapist near your
age or who has similarexperiences, who can relate If
(04:38):
you've lived 65 years and yourtherapist is 25, there's some
things that you may not have incommon and it might be harder to
connect with.
The third thing about therapythat I see, with a people
pleasing and this is kind of atricky one, because I have a lot
of clients who feel like theythey want to tell me what I want
(05:01):
to hear, and that really isn'tserving them well, I knew one
person who went to therapy andcame back after the first
session and said I think mytherapist really likes me.
I'm like I don't think that'sreally the point.
It's not what we're shootingfor here.
People pleasing is really getsin the way of the things that
we're trying to do, whichusually requires a lot of
(05:22):
honesty and vulnerability with atherapist.
So what you need is to be readyto be honest and vulnerable
with the therapist and honestwith yourself.
Frankly, bessel van der Kolk,who wrote the body keeps the
score, once said you know, andI'm paraphrasing One of the
things that is the hardest forpeople is allowing themselves to
(05:43):
know what they know, and thatrequires a lot of courage and a
lot of vulnerability.
We all have those things thatare in the corner that we're not
ready to and address or evenacknowledge, but they're there
and the more we can do that, themore we can actually start to
work on things.
It's like having a broken legand just trying to ignore it.
At some point I'm going to haveto face it head on and start to
(06:03):
address some of those things,even though it's going to be
painful.
So a lot of people have beenconditioned to avoid a lot of
those emotions too, and Icertainly get that.
I mean, there's a reason thatpeople aren't addressing these
things on their own because it'sdifficult and it takes a lot of
guts and courage to do that.
A lot of clients who areempathetic also tend to be very
(06:24):
conflict averse, so they'reafraid of confrontation and that
they sometimes are so afraid ofconfrontation that they never
speak up, they never rock theboat and, as a result, they feel
unfulfilled in therapyparticularly.
The next thing I would say is weneed to manage expectations.
Is we need to manageexpectations?
(06:44):
Change is difficult even whenyou're trying to change.
It's even harder when you'retrying to avoid the change.
I have a lot of people who arebrought to me because somebody
else recommended it, or parentsbring kids to therapy and
they're not ready to do the work.
It's not really their idea yet.
So the way I conceptualize theexpectations is when I want to
(07:07):
change something, even if it'sjust a simple behavior.
It's a lot of work.
The things that I do a lot.
The ways I have thought aboutthings are very similar to
muscle memory, the neuralpathways.
We use the same things and thesame shortcuts over and over
again.
So I liken it to we've walkedacross this grass long enough
(07:29):
that there's a trail there, andthen I've used that so much that
I've I've paved it, I've put inlighting, I've put in park
benches, and it's just the wayto go.
I don't even have to thinkabout it anymore.
If I want to change that, Ihave to start hacking through
the jungle, I have to get outthe machete and I start hacking.
And the only way to turn thejungle into the pathway is
(07:54):
intentional repetition over andover, and over again.
When I worked at the school, wewould do interventions for kids
and because they're dysregulatedin class or whatever it might
be, and depending on which modelyou follow, the intervention
has to be consistently appliedfor two to four months, just to
(08:15):
see if it's going to take beforewe start tweaking it too much,
and so I think this is what Itry to get people to understand
is that, even if you're justtrying to, what I try to get
people to understand is that,even if you're just trying to
improve your habits, healthyhabits, things that you know you
ought to do, it's very hard tocreate new patterns and neural
pathways to think about thingsand do things.
It's very challenging, and Isay you have to manage the
(08:37):
expectations, because a lot ofpeople will try things for two
weeks or a month and go, well,it's not working, like you
haven't given enough time yet.
We've got to give it timeenough to kind of get into the
system and become the new normal.
Very challenging thing to doBecause, again, this is more of
a marathon, not a sprint.
The next thing I would say is tobe ready to internalize change.
(08:59):
What does it actually take tomake the shift from just knowing
to feeling and living?
A new truth, a new identity?
It's that move fromintellectualizing a concept to
anchoring it so deeply that itbecomes part of our identity.
People often come to therapyfor everyday issues, everything
from relationship struggles towork stress to personal
(09:21):
insecurities.
They want to change how theyfeel and act in their lives.
And yet, if they don'tinternalize the insights that we
uncover and the tools we use,the effects are probably going
to be short-lived.
It's not going to stick.
It's like, oh, I learnedsomething new.
But without that deeperconnection, that change is
likely to fade.
Which takes us to number six.
(09:43):
You got to do something.
I've had too many people whoshow up and they want change and
they don't do things.
I had one person who, aftertalking for an extended period
of time, was very frustratedthat they weren't seeing any
benefits.
And I'm like, and I asked them,I said what?
I know you take a lot of notes.
What have you tried that hasn'tworked?
And they said I haven't, Idon't take notes.
(10:04):
I said I know that's part ofthe problem.
You don't just show up one houra week and then just think
you've checked the box, you'vegot to apply this stuff, you've
got to try it, and after thatone hour is kind of like going
to physical therapy.
That's great for an hour andyou learn these new tools, but I
have to go home and I have toapply those so that I can start
(10:25):
building my core or rehabbingsomething.
And I think in a lot of waysthis is a very similar process
that I've got to start takingsome chances and taking some
risks and applying myself tomake things better and start
activating that change.
Now, if some of these toolsdon't work, that's great, we
want to try it and that's whatthe next session is about.
(10:45):
How did it go?
What does that look like?
What do we need to tweak?
So one of the struggles I haveand I would say maybe the
population that's one of thehardest to treat is people who
are tend to be avoidant andthey're very difficult to treat
because they are inherentlyskitty, which means they don't
do things.
They don't do homework, theydon't take chances, they don't
(11:08):
step outside their comfort zonesand usually that's based on a
lot of fear and it makescomplete sense.
But it's very hard to makeprogress when you're unwilling
or feel too scared to make thechanges, and usually those fears
are unsubstantiated andirrational.
The other question I like toask when people aren't doing the
homework is what keeps you fromdoing what you know you ought
(11:30):
to do?
What's holding you back?
And sometimes that needs to beaddressed, sometimes before we
can actually address thebehaviors and the different ways
of thinking and cognitivedistortions.
So just to wrap up, number onehave a clear goal in mind.
If you want to be successful intherapy, know what you want to
change.
Sometimes it's a hard one.
(11:51):
Some people just show up andthey say I just don't feel good.
Great, that's one of the thingswe're going to first start with
is like okay, what is our goal?
Where are we trying to get to?
Whether that's shifting a habit, improving communication,
healing a past trauma or justtrying to be a better person,
having more control in theirlives.
Number two be ready to do thework.
There's no shortcut to change.
(12:11):
It's going to be work and it'sgoing to be difficult, and
taking care of yourself makesthat work a little bit easier as
well.
But make no mistake, there isno shortcut to this.
If I had the magic wand, Iwould let you borrow it, but I
haven't found that yet.
The third thing I would say isthat therapist isn't about
people pleasing or taking theeasy road.
It's about being honest, andnot just with your therapist,
(12:33):
but yourself.
You can't change what you'reavoiding.
So it's time to face fears headon, and that's kind of what
this involves.
And somebody once said you haveto feel it to heal it, and
that's uncomfortable, but slowlyand surely, you start to
reshape that identity andovercome some of those fears and
build a sense of self thatbelieves in their voice and
(12:53):
their own worth.
Number four is to manage theexpectations.
This is a marathon, not asprint.
The path to change isn't alwaysclear, it's not a straight line
necessarily, and it's likenavigating in a jungle full of
twists, turns, unexpectedobstacles, because the thing you
think you're going to work on,sometimes you uncover different
layers and you're like, wow,there's a lot more to it than I
(13:14):
ever expected.
So persistence is the key,though, in finding your way
through those challenges.
Number five, I would sayinternalize the concepts and
change.
True change comes when you shiftfrom simply knowing something
to truly living it.
Without the deeper connection,the change is probably just
going to be temporary.
And finally, you have to applyyourself.
(13:35):
Take those small steps, eventhe tiniest risks.
Ask yourself what's stopping mefrom doing what I know I ought
to do?
Avoidance can keep you stuck,but it's only by taking action,
even the small stuff 1% a day,according to James Clear that
you'll begin to carve out thatnew reality.
As always, we have to have somepatience.
(13:55):
Give yourself some grace.
This is not going to be easy.
Some days it's going to feellike taking one step forward and
two steps back, but change ishappening, even if you don't see
it.
Be brave, and remember that theeffort is absolutely going to
be worth it and it's going topay off in the end.
Thanks for checking us outtoday on the Unscripted Mind.
(14:16):
If you found this episodehelpful, share it with somebody
who might need it also.
Please subscribe and follow usand leave a review.
If you have any questions ortopics you'd like us to cover,
please include that also.
Until next time, remember lifedoesn't come with a script, so
embrace the unexpected, cherishthe unplanned, always stay
curious and have an amazing day.
(14:37):
We'll see you next time on theUnscripted Mind.
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