October 24, 2024 • 9 mins
Is the quest for work-life balance leading you astray? Join licensed professional counselor Jim Cunningham as he challenges the conventional wisdom that balance is the ultimate goal. Discover why the pursuit of perfect equilibrium may be setting you up for stress and disappointment. Instead, explore the power of intentional living and how setting clear daily priorities can transform your life. By focusing on boundaries rather than balance, we discuss ways to prevent chaos and preserve your well-being and relationships. Jim also shares insights into genuine self-care, emphasizing activities that truly rejuvenate rather than distract.
Celebrate the unpredictable nature of life and embrace its beautiful chaos with us. Perfection isn't the destination, and that's what makes every unexpected moment a gift. Learn to cherish the unplanned and maintain a sense of wonder daily. As we wrap up, we invite you to share this episode with others who might benefit from a fresh perspective on living intentionally. Engage with us by subscribing, leaving reviews, and suggesting topics for future episodes. Let's embark on this journey of proactive living and intentional time management together!
The goal of The UnScripted Mind Podcast is to give you fresh perspectives, practical insights and tools you can use to give you more choices, self-awareness and control of your feelings, reactions and behaviors.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Jim Cunningham (00:00):
Balance in life.
We hear this all the time, buthave you really taken the time
to think about it?
Today, we're going to dive intoone of the biggest myths out
there Balance in life, thisperfect work-life balance that
everybody talks about and thatwe're all supposed to achieve.
Have you ever stopped to think?
Is this even a good idea?
Spoiler alert I don't think itis.
(00:22):
On this episode of theUnscripted Mind.
Welcome to the Unscripted Mind,where our goal is to give you
fresh perspectives, practicalinsights and tools you can use
to give you more choices,increase your awareness and have
better control of your feelings, reactions and behaviors.
(00:44):
I'm Jim Cunningham.
I'm a licensed professionalcounselor, and today we're going
to debunk the idea of havingbalance in life.
We've all heard the quotes likehappiness is not a matter of
intensity, but of balance andorder and rhythm and harmony.
Someone else said work, loveand play are the great balance
(01:05):
wheels of man's being.
Now, all that sounds nice,doesn't it?
But today we're going tochallenge that, because if
everything is a priority, thennothing is a priority.
So let's kind of break thisdown and understand why chasing
balance might be making youabsolutely miserable, and I know
this might sound a littlecontroversial, but stick with me
(01:27):
on this.
First, let's talk about balance.
Here's the deal.
Balance sounds great in theory,but when you try to apply it to
real life, it just doesn't work.
Why?
Because balance suggests thateverything in life your work,
your family, your personal goalscan and should get equal
(01:47):
attention.
I mean, let's be real here.
We all have moments where wecan't give equal attention to
everything.
If you're starting a business,guess what You're going to need
to grind a little harder for awhile Family emergency your
priorities shift, at least forthe moment.
Balance just doesn't allow forthat flexibility.
Now don't get me wrong.
(02:08):
I'm not saying we should bechaotic messes running around
putting out fires all day, but Iam saying that the concept of
balance is misleading.
Life is not a 50-50 split or a33-33-33 split.
It's about being intentionalwith our priorities, and I think
that's the key.
So let's break that down alittle bit.
(02:28):
Balance assumes that everythingwork.
Family, self-care, hobbies canneatly fit into a pie chart
where each slice gets its fairshare.
But life doesn't work like that.
Some days your career is thepriority, other days it's your
kids, and sometimes let's behonest Netflix is the priority,
because we all need to unwindwith some guilty pleasures every
(02:50):
once in a while.
The key here, though, is aboutbeing intentional.
What's my priority today?
What can wait until tomorrow?
It's about being proactiverather than reactive.
This is very similar to ifyou're familiar with Dave Ramsey
.
He's a financial advisor, moneyguy, and his general philosophy
(03:12):
is it doesn't matter what youspend your money on each month.
The idea is that you arespending your money
intentionally and that eachdollar has a name on it, so that
you aren't doing thingsimpulsively, and I think this is
very similar with our time.
Too many people wake up in themorning already playing catch up
, like, oh my gosh, the kids arelate for school, I've got
(03:33):
deadlines, why is the dogthrowing up?
And they've checked their emailat 630 in the morning and all
of a sudden, they're trying toput out fires, and then, next
thing you know they're in fullreact mode.
The rest of the day they arestumbling forward.
They never get a chance to gettheir feet under them because
they're constantly reacting tothe things that are already out
there, and there's nointentionality to that.
(03:54):
And here's the real problemthat lies with balance.
It makes you feel like you'refailing if you're not perfectly
juggling everything at once.
Instead, let's focus on whatneeds our attention right now
and be okay with the fact thatother things might slip, even
just for the moment or for theday.
Now, if you're gonna toss aroundthe idea of balance, we've
(04:15):
gotta replace it with something.
If you're gonna take somethingaway, it's gonna leave a void.
So what do we replace that with?
And I might suggest the idea ofboundaries.
I know it's a buzzword thesedays.
You see, without boundaries,balance becomes even more
impossible.
We forget there areconsequences to life without
(04:37):
boundaries.
In a word, that means chaos.
Usually, the first casualtiesare ourselves and those closest
to us our spouses, our children,our dreams, our health and our
emotional well-being.
But what does this look like inreality?
Well, let's say you're a smallbusiness owner, of which I am
one, and there's alwayssomething else to do Billing,
(05:01):
planning, network meeting withclients.
The work really never stops.
There's always something elseto do.
So you have to set limits.
And just because I can answer awork email at 10 PM on a
weeknight doesn't mean I should.
I would be honest, on someweekends I actually do answer
the phone, just because I mighthave the extra time.
Uh, what I found is it actuallyfreaks people out a little bit
(05:23):
because they were expecting toget an answering machine, um.
But mostly I try to keep thoseboundaries firm because it's
really important and this danceis, I promise you, more of an
art than a science.
So, speaking of boundaries,let's talk about self-care for a
second.
I know self-care is getting abad rap, especially when it's
associated with endlessscrolling on social media or
(05:45):
binging on shows.
Don't get me wrong.
I love some good TV, but realself-care is about doing things
that actually recharge you, notjust distract you.
It's okay to spend time doingnothing productive if that's
what you need to recharge, butbe honest, if you're at a
Netflix vortex for three hours,is it really making you feel
(06:05):
better or is it just numbing thestress?
Let's shift our thinking.
I think self-care should beabout filling the tank, not
draining it, and that meanssomething different to everybody
.
But that also requires a levelof self-awareness and
willingness to understand if I'mdistracting myself or I'm
actually recharging my batteries.
(06:27):
So for a lot of people, it'sdifficult to say the word no
when they set boundaries, andthe trick is to learn to say no
without having to justify it andwithout feeling guilty A very
tricky thing to do.
I think the word no a word weall hate saying, but we need to
get a lot better at using it.
Why do we suck so bad at sayingno?
(06:49):
Well, because I think sayingyes feels pretty good.
Yes makes me feel like a hero,a helpful friend, the amazing
parent.
But, ironically, yes is oftenthe quickest path to chaos.
We don't say no to stretchourselves too thin.
And when we're stretched thin,guess what we fail.
We fail ourselves and thepeople we're trying to help.
(07:12):
In the airplane, they tell you,put the oxygen mask on yourself
first.
That applies to life as well,and I get it.
Saying no can feel harsh, butwhat if we flip that mindset?
Want or need is a yes tosomething that truly matters to
(07:32):
you.
It's not about being selfish.
It's about preserving yourenergy for the stuff that counts
your family, your dreams, yoursanity, things that are
priorities to you.
Instead of letting everybodyelse determine those priorities
for you, it's important to beproactive in doing that yourself
.
So let me say this also ifeverything in your life is a
priority, then nothing is apriority.
(07:54):
The first casualties in thiseverything is important mindset
are often ourselves and, again,the people that we're closest to
, they get lost in the shuffle.
Why?
Because we're busy saying yesto everything else.
I don't think I need to remindyou that burnout is a real thing
and, trust me, we've all beenthere.
It's time to pause and askyourself are the things that I'm
(08:15):
doing today taking me where Iwant to go, or am I just filling
my time with stuff that'sdraining me?
So we've covered a lot todayand I've thrown a lot at you,
but the myth of balance to thepower of boundaries, to learning
to say no with confidence.
I hope you're starting to seethat chasing balance isn't the
answer.
(08:35):
It's all about beingintentional with our priorities,
setting boundaries that workfor you intentionally, and
giving yourself the space tofocus on what truly matters and
not feel guilty about it.
Look, we all get overwhelmed bylife at times.
It's inevitable, but the key tomanaging it isn't through
perfect balance.
(08:55):
It's through giving yourselfpermission to say no when
necessary and focusing on what'smost important today, even if
that looks a little differenttomorrow.
Remember, no one's life isperfectly balanced.
If it were, we'd all be robots.
Life is messy, it'sunpredictable and full of
surprises, but that's also whatmakes it so amazing and so
(09:16):
exciting to get up and see whateach day holds for us.
Thanks for checking us out onthe unscripted mind today.
If you found this episodehelpful, share it with somebody
who might need it Also.
Please subscribe, follow us andleave a review, and if you have
any questions or topics you'dlike us to cover, please include
that also.
Until next time, remember lifedoesn't come with a script, so
(09:39):
embrace the unexpected, cherishthe unplanned, always stay
curious and have an amazing day.
We'll see you next time on theUnscripted Mind.
Balance in life.
We hear this all the time, buthave you really taken the time
to think about it?
Today, we're going to dive intoone of the biggest myths out
there Balance in life, thisperfect work-life balance that
everybody talks about and thatwe're all supposed to achieve.
Have you ever stopped to think?
Is this even a good idea?
Spoiler alert I don't think itis.
(00:22):
On this episode of theUnscripted Mind.
Welcome to the Unscripted Mind,where our goal is to give you
fresh perspectives, practicalinsights and tools you can use
to give you more choices,increase your awareness and have
better control of your feelings, reactions and behaviors.
(00:44):
I'm Jim Cunningham.
I'm a licensed professionalcounselor, and today we're going
to debunk the idea of havingbalance in life.
We've all heard the quotes likehappiness is not a matter of
intensity, but of balance andorder and rhythm and harmony.
Someone else said work, loveand play are the great balance
(01:05):
wheels of man's being.
Now, all that sounds nice,doesn't it?
But today we're going tochallenge that, because if
everything is a priority, thennothing is a priority.
So let's kind of break thisdown and understand why chasing
balance might be making youabsolutely miserable, and I know
this might sound a littlecontroversial, but stick with me
(01:27):
on this.
First, let's talk about balance.
Here's the deal.
Balance sounds great in theory,but when you try to apply it to
real life, it just doesn't work.
Why?
Because balance suggests thateverything in life your work,
your family, your personal goalscan and should get equal
(01:47):
attention.
I mean, let's be real here.
We all have moments where wecan't give equal attention to
everything.
If you're starting a business,guess what You're going to need
to grind a little harder for awhile Family emergency your
priorities shift, at least forthe moment.
Balance just doesn't allow forthat flexibility.
Now don't get me wrong.
(02:08):
I'm not saying we should bechaotic messes running around
putting out fires all day, but Iam saying that the concept of
balance is misleading.
Life is not a 50-50 split or a33-33-33 split.
It's about being intentionalwith our priorities, and I think
that's the key.
So let's break that down alittle bit.
(02:28):
Balance assumes that everythingwork.
Family, self-care, hobbies canneatly fit into a pie chart
where each slice gets its fairshare.
But life doesn't work like that.
Some days your career is thepriority, other days it's your
kids, and sometimes let's behonest Netflix is the priority,
because we all need to unwindwith some guilty pleasures every
(02:50):
once in a while.
The key here, though, is aboutbeing intentional.
What's my priority today?
What can wait until tomorrow?
It's about being proactiverather than reactive.
This is very similar to ifyou're familiar with Dave Ramsey
.
He's a financial advisor, moneyguy, and his general philosophy
(03:12):
is it doesn't matter what youspend your money on each month.
The idea is that you arespending your money
intentionally and that eachdollar has a name on it, so that
you aren't doing thingsimpulsively, and I think this is
very similar with our time.
Too many people wake up in themorning already playing catch up
, like, oh my gosh, the kids arelate for school, I've got
(03:33):
deadlines, why is the dogthrowing up?
And they've checked their emailat 630 in the morning and all
of a sudden, they're trying toput out fires, and then, next
thing you know they're in fullreact mode.
The rest of the day they arestumbling forward.
They never get a chance to gettheir feet under them because
they're constantly reacting tothe things that are already out
there, and there's nointentionality to that.
(03:54):
And here's the real problemthat lies with balance.
It makes you feel like you'refailing if you're not perfectly
juggling everything at once.
Instead, let's focus on whatneeds our attention right now
and be okay with the fact thatother things might slip, even
just for the moment or for theday.
Now, if you're gonna toss aroundthe idea of balance, we've
(04:15):
gotta replace it with something.
If you're gonna take somethingaway, it's gonna leave a void.
So what do we replace that with?
And I might suggest the idea ofboundaries.
I know it's a buzzword thesedays.
You see, without boundaries,balance becomes even more
impossible.
We forget there areconsequences to life without
(04:37):
boundaries.
In a word, that means chaos.
Usually, the first casualtiesare ourselves and those closest
to us our spouses, our children,our dreams, our health and our
emotional well-being.
But what does this look like inreality?
Well, let's say you're a smallbusiness owner, of which I am
one, and there's alwayssomething else to do Billing,
(05:01):
planning, network meeting withclients.
The work really never stops.
There's always something elseto do.
So you have to set limits.
And just because I can answer awork email at 10 PM on a
weeknight doesn't mean I should.
I would be honest, on someweekends I actually do answer
the phone, just because I mighthave the extra time.
Uh, what I found is it actuallyfreaks people out a little bit
(05:23):
because they were expecting toget an answering machine, um.
But mostly I try to keep thoseboundaries firm because it's
really important and this danceis, I promise you, more of an
art than a science.
So, speaking of boundaries,let's talk about self-care for a
second.
I know self-care is getting abad rap, especially when it's
associated with endlessscrolling on social media or
(05:45):
binging on shows.
Don't get me wrong.
I love some good TV, but realself-care is about doing things
that actually recharge you, notjust distract you.
It's okay to spend time doingnothing productive if that's
what you need to recharge, butbe honest, if you're at a
Netflix vortex for three hours,is it really making you feel
(06:05):
better or is it just numbing thestress?
Let's shift our thinking.
I think self-care should beabout filling the tank, not
draining it, and that meanssomething different to everybody
.
But that also requires a levelof self-awareness and
willingness to understand if I'mdistracting myself or I'm
actually recharging my batteries.
(06:27):
So for a lot of people, it'sdifficult to say the word no
when they set boundaries, andthe trick is to learn to say no
without having to justify it andwithout feeling guilty A very
tricky thing to do.
I think the word no a word weall hate saying, but we need to
get a lot better at using it.
Why do we suck so bad at sayingno?
(06:49):
Well, because I think sayingyes feels pretty good.
Yes makes me feel like a hero,a helpful friend, the amazing
parent.
But, ironically, yes is oftenthe quickest path to chaos.
We don't say no to stretchourselves too thin.
And when we're stretched thin,guess what we fail.
We fail ourselves and thepeople we're trying to help.
(07:12):
In the airplane, they tell you,put the oxygen mask on yourself
first.
That applies to life as well,and I get it.
Saying no can feel harsh, butwhat if we flip that mindset?
Want or need is a yes tosomething that truly matters to
(07:32):
you.
It's not about being selfish.
It's about preserving yourenergy for the stuff that counts
your family, your dreams, yoursanity, things that are
priorities to you.
Instead of letting everybodyelse determine those priorities
for you, it's important to beproactive in doing that yourself
.
So let me say this also ifeverything in your life is a
priority, then nothing is apriority.
(07:54):
The first casualties in thiseverything is important mindset
are often ourselves and, again,the people that we're closest to
, they get lost in the shuffle.
Why?
Because we're busy saying yesto everything else.
I don't think I need to remindyou that burnout is a real thing
and, trust me, we've all beenthere.
It's time to pause and askyourself are the things that I'm
(08:15):
doing today taking me where Iwant to go, or am I just filling
my time with stuff that'sdraining me?
So we've covered a lot todayand I've thrown a lot at you,
but the myth of balance to thepower of boundaries, to learning
to say no with confidence.
I hope you're starting to seethat chasing balance isn't the
answer.
(08:35):
It's all about beingintentional with our priorities,
setting boundaries that workfor you intentionally, and
giving yourself the space tofocus on what truly matters and
not feel guilty about it.
Look, we all get overwhelmed bylife at times.
It's inevitable, but the key tomanaging it isn't through
perfect balance.
(08:55):
It's through giving yourselfpermission to say no when
necessary and focusing on what'smost important today, even if
that looks a little differenttomorrow.
Remember, no one's life isperfectly balanced.
If it were, we'd all be robots.
Life is messy, it'sunpredictable and full of
surprises, but that's also whatmakes it so amazing and so
(09:16):
exciting to get up and see whateach day holds for us.
Thanks for checking us out onthe unscripted mind today.
If you found this episodehelpful, share it with somebody
who might need it Also.
Please subscribe, follow us andleave a review, and if you have
any questions or topics you'dlike us to cover, please include
that also.
Until next time, remember lifedoesn't come with a script, so
(09:39):
embrace the unexpected, cherishthe unplanned, always stay
curious and have an amazing day.
We'll see you next time on theUnscripted Mind.
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