February 28, 2024 • 22 mins
Join Dexter and Dr. Tonya from The Upgraders Podcast for an enlightening dive into personal growth strategies, self-esteem enhancement, and the dismantling of mental blockades. Specializing in soft skills training, this dynamic duo provides insightful tips for negating self-defeating thoughts, applauding small victories, overcoming perfectionism, and nurturing self-confidence.
In this thought-provoking episode, they underscore the importance of learning from mistakes and embracing our flaws. Learn why the power of action and progress outweighs the need for perfection in our lives. Their warm and welcoming conversation style, coupled with uplifting humor, adds a refreshing touch to these pertinent topics.
Dive into the influence that mental and physical health has on our ability to uplift ourselves and others. Discover the pivotal role confidence plays in our self-esteem and how being around confident people can catapult our self-growth. Uncover the value of a strong peer support system and mastermind groups in our self-growth journey.
Explore the obstacles that lack of clarity and overwhelm present, and arm yourself with strategies to conquer these hurdles. Unravel the power of breaking down tasks, visualizing goals, avoiding overcommitting, and the significance of taking regular breaks.
Whether you're stuck or looking for a boost, this episode offers insights that encourage listeners to break free and move towards fulfilling their dreams. Tune in to The Upgraders as they share motivating and enlightening discussions on various ways to amplify your life.
***Want to grow personally and professionally in our inner circle? Join us at: http://upgradersinnercircle.com/
(The academy is designed to take your life to the next level! We will help you grow in ways your never thought possible. Start that business, create that youtube channel, start today).
Get you mind back into balance by getting your copy of "Help, My Mind is Too Loud".
Email: info@theupgraders.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
The Upgraders. Welcome to Upgrade Your Life. We're Dexter and Dr.
Tanya. You know, most people upgrade their cars, their clothes,
their cell phones, and even their homes. But what about themselves?
This is the place to help you get out of your own way.
Now let's get started.
Does your school, church, government agency, corporation, or organization need
(00:25):
leadership, communication, and team building training, then contact The Upgraders.
We specialize in soft skills training, including emotional intelligence,
influencing styles, and mindset development.
We will help you create the environment that your organization needs.
Email us at info at theupgraders.com. Again, that's info at theupgraders.com.
(00:49):
Right. You know, you say a no more condemning yourself, that's an internal conversation too.
It is. Thanks for saying that. I mean, that's very powerful.
Y'all really got to get this.
So develop just some kind of mechanism that you can do to interrupt,
like disrupt that thought.
And the more you do it, the more it's going to work, right? So it's a book we're
(01:10):
reading on faith by Kenneth Hagen.
And he talks about when the enemy brings those thoughts, he consistently just
repeats things to shut it down, shut it down, shut it down. And after a while,
he doesn't even bother me anymore.
Doesn't even bother me anymore. It's really cool. So really quickly,
too, before we go into the next one, y'all, small goals.
(01:31):
I don't think it's all about small goals. It's really about celebrating all of your wins.
And please recognize that it is subjective.
Small wins, big wins don't matter. You might be saying, let me talk to one person today.
One of the things that Tanya and I do is in direct sales, and we tell our team,
celebrate yourself. yourself.
(01:51):
If you talk to one person and they said, yes, that is a celebration.
The other person might have talked to 50 and all 50 of them said, yes. Okay.
That's not me. Yes.
You see what I'm saying? Yeah. So come on y'all celebrate you.
We deal with stuff y'all.
Celebrate you. Amen. Amen. The third one y'all, perfectionism.
(02:15):
Now Tanya and I, what's funny, Tanya and I, we've been through Through this,
we've been married for 22 years.
The perfectionism was on high alert when we first got married. It's not so much now.
You've changed a lot. But perfectionism, I make the bed.
I put the pillows a certain way. The bed is made.
She goes back and changes it because it's not exactly how she wants it. I still do that.
(02:42):
I still do that. We need to revisit it. Because look, paralyzing.
Perfectionism is paralyzed it can be i mean but
no but y'all y'all get what i'm saying that's a funny thing but
y'all don't it's not about being perfect it's
about getting it done what was it we did we we invested in some course and they
(03:05):
said in the course what is it done is better than perfect yeah i think that's
it done this has really truly been a big lesson for me on the real because I
have been a perfectionist,
you know, and see, I love to decorate.
So there's, you know, when you decorate, there's things, I do want them in a
particular place because it looks better.
I have a vision. I can see, I mean, putting together bouquets and all of that too.
(03:29):
I'm like, if you put in four, it, it doesn't look right.
You need an odd number in it. I'm just telling you, then that's a tip for anybody
who wants to do stuff like this. Okay.
But those even numbers in it is, it looks looks awkward and it just does.
So I am, I don't count that, but I did have that to come into me getting started in business.
(03:50):
You know, I actually had that to be a part of like, I've got to get everything
right. I need to know more.
And here's the thing though, because we have different styles.
We teach on these types of things too, where I'm also a thinker,
you know, I'm more logical.
I have questions. I need things answered. And if I don't have that,
(04:10):
then I may not be able to move as fast as someone else because this is what I need.
I hope I'm making sense. And there's nothing wrong with that.
However, Tanya Joyner-Scott.
Has had to realize that you can't know it all, okay?
Tanya, don't limit yourself and not move forward and take action because you
(04:34):
feel like you've got to have all I's dotted and all T's crossed.
That's right, that's good, Tanya. And that's what I had to change.
So I hope that this helps someone because it's nothing, because I have to say
this to you because this is the other thing that I would deal with because then
my thing is like, why it seems like I'm always the person that has the issues? Why is it that?
(04:54):
And I'll be honest with you when you and then this is going to be an admittance
and everybody may not agree with me, but this is something I really do believe.
When you stepping into the areas of like entrepreneurship and just doing other
things like this, where you wanting to be the leader in something,
because everybody may not want to be an entrepreneur,
but most people who listen to what we do, you do. I mean, it's an author.
(05:17):
You want to start a business. You're running different things. You want to be a speaker.
You're looking to market. at yourself. You're looking to brand yourself,
all of these types of things.
But for some reason, you can't seem to get started.
You can't seem to keep going, those types of things.
So those are the type of people we typically work with and deal with, right?
So with that being said, when you deal with being a perfectionist,
(05:42):
there's nothing wrong with you, okay?
But I would oftentimes, and I'm going to admit being a perfectionist is very
limiting and it will cause you to not take action because you're looking at
for everything to be right.
So I admit that. And I need for you to also know and understand that.
(06:04):
But at the same time, it's a gift for me because there's details that I'll pick
up on that somebody else will miss. That's very true.
So being a part of the team, I bring that to the team as well. That's my value.
But I have to also and they'll need to understand, too, people that I work with
that they might have to say, wait a minute.
(06:25):
Now, let me listen a little bit more before I take action where I also have
to come in to say, let me go ahead and take action, knowing that I may make a mistake.
And it's OK. So I just said a lot. I pray it makes sense. I really do.
I do. I pray it made sense because I admit it.
Being a perfectionist is a major stumbling block to success.
(06:47):
You will trip over yourself all the time if you're trying to get it right.
Remember, number one, fear of failure.
A perfectionist does not want to fail.
That a perfectionist sometimes is afraid of success. That was me too.
So it's a matter of like, it's okay to fail.
Okay. Don't talk bad about yourself. You're fine. You're good. Just keep going.
(07:11):
So don't be that perfectionist. That perfectionist kind of marries to both of
those. Does that make sense?
So I hope this is making sense to everybody. What is it? It doesn't talk,
don't talk bad about yourself because you're listening.
Yep. I remember that. Don't do that. Don't do that.
Y'all even your thoughts. Don't do it. So let's go to overcoming it. Right.
(07:32):
Embrace imperfection and focus on progress over perfection.
That's literally what we're just talking about. The progress is better than the perfection.
Recognize that profession is attainable and that making mistakes is a natural
part of the learning process.
Goes back to what we said about school.
(07:52):
I mean, because I'm not knocking teachers. Teachers are phenomenal.
Phenomenal. My mom was a retired teacher, retired educator.
It's just they have so much to get through, so much curriculum to teach that
it's not always said that, hey, you got to see it's OK.
It's OK. So just work, work towards a B next time.
(08:13):
You can't tell every student that. And the thing is, just do your best. Yeah, that's right.
And know that that's OK. OK, we would talk about that, Dexter,
how, you know, we were so used to seeing those red X's.
Oh, man. And to get something wrong, you were made to feel like there's something wrong with you.
(08:34):
You know, the things that get celebrated, you know, hey, summa cum laude,
magna, cumma, you know, those things are celebrated so much.
And you just feel like I'm not good enough when you really are.
What was my good law that you made?
Not summa cum laude, but good lordy. Good lordy. He's so easy. All right, y'all.
(08:56):
Y'all laugh with us. Look, if this is connecting with you on any way,
man, drop us a comment or leave, you know, share it with somebody.
Because we do recognize that this stuff is real. This is real stuff.
It's time for real conversations. This is not.
And, you know, our podcast has been up for a while. We try to have real conversations,
(09:17):
no fluffy stuff. I mean, because people are tired of fluff. If you want fluff, go to Instagram.
I mean, if you want fluff and people show you the fluff, but they don't show
you what's really going on behind the scenes, just go to IG and just click on these. Perfect.
Everything's perfect. My house is perfect. My car is perfect.
(09:38):
It's come on, y'all. It's time for a real conversation. And we know that,
you know, folks, it might be you that's dealing with some of these same things.
Share it. Tell them to check it out. We hope it'll be a blessing to them.
Number four, the lack of self-confidence.
The lack of self-confidence. Low self-confidence.
Wow. That's a whole conversation in itself.
(09:59):
All of these are. Because when you lack confidence, remember I talked about the party? Mm-hmm.
If you lack confidence, that negative self-talk is going to keep you from going to talk to that person.
That low confidence is going to keep you from stepping up even at work to let
your supervisor or your manager know, hey, I want to take on some more responsibilities.
(10:20):
It's not going to go well. Well, these are some things we really got to work
on, y'all, because we it is time to start walking out who you are and keeping
the main thing, the main thing. Absolutely. All right. Absolutely.
I keep saying it, but dealt with it so much, you know, very low self-esteem.
And that thing was still rise up even now.
(10:41):
So, again, when I say to you how the enemy comes, he's the adversary.
So, I mean, he doesn't give up. He as long as there is breath in your body,
he's not going to give up.
He's looking for an open door. So just don't give it to him, okay?
So let's overcome it. You're going to build up your self-confidence through
self-care. This is big. Got a book that's coming. She decided to love herself.
(11:04):
That's self-care. Took me a while. Took me, it's taken me a while to even get it out. Why?
Because for me, I'm like, well, it ain't about you, you know?
But there are times it is, you know?
It's about you because if you're unhealthy, what can you do for me?
If you're walking around here sick emotionally, if you're sick financially.
(11:25):
Come on, if you're sick physically, okay, if you're sick mentally,
if there is any level of illness going on with any one of us,
we're not the best of who we are to even be able to come and help somebody else.
So let's get out of our way.
We've got to learn how to take care of yourself, loving yourself.
(11:46):
And that self-care is key, is key.
Personal development is key. It is key. It is key. personal development. It is key.
Read, being here, listening right now. If you're on YouTube watching,
being here, it is key and it's necessary.
And that's what you need to do.
(12:06):
That's what you need to do. And I'm telling you, it's unlocking,
all right, building up and coming out of that low self-esteem.
Yeah. And I'm going to add to that too. I was just looking here is being around
people that's going to help you get to that next level.
That's going to help build that self-esteem Because what happens is if you are,
you know, we've heard the whole thing.
(12:28):
If you're around five people, you're the result of the five people that you're
around the most. I mean, we know that. Right.
But the thing is, you want to build up your self-confidence,
get around confident people, get around confident people that you can develop a relationship with.
I mean, things have to fit. Right. You got to fit with who they are, their personality.
(12:49):
Get around people that's going to lift you up. Yes. You've been around the folks
who are not going to do it.
Get around the people that's going to lift you up and motivate you,
encourage you. That's why mastermind groups are so good.
We have the Upgraders Academy, like-minded people.
There are many things that you can become a part of that's going to help you grow.
I remember being, we did a Think and Grow Rich Mastermind.
(13:12):
What was it, 2010?
Like 13, 14 years ago. Yeah, it's been a million years. We went to an awesome
business owner, Leslie Flowers. She's a coach.
Here in the Raleigh-Durham area. I think she's in Cary. But we went to a Think
and Grow Rich Mastermind, and it was phenomenal.
I was so nervous. It actually kicked off a lot of things for us.
(13:33):
It really did. It really did. But you were getting it. Oh, yeah.
And I was sitting there feeling like, I don't know what in the world is going on here.
I mean, I'm telling you, it was some serious unlearning that had to take place,
some serious unlearning that was taking place.
And I love the quote, you know, the illiterate of the 21st century.
Yeah, it won't be those. It's Alvin Toffler, the illiterate of the 21st century.
(13:57):
It won't be those who can't read or write. It will be those who can't learn, unlearn and relearn.
And I'm telling you, y'all, we are quote unquote middle aged, whatever that means.
But unlearning things can be difficult.
So you got to unlearn, you got to learn, unlearn and then relearn.
(14:17):
I got a great example for that.
This new math. Math. Oh, gosh.
How in the world am I supposed to hit my kid with math and they got new math?
See, that's what I get. Y'all get what we're saying.
Well, yeah. So, I mean, you just got to be able to unlearn those things that
have been programmed in us. That's what you got to do.
(14:37):
And so number five, overwhelm and a lack of clarity.
Oh, that's a big one. We actually opened up with that.
We talked about if you got so many different things going on,
keep the main thing, the main thing that over you can become incredibly overwhelmed
when you don't sit down and take some time to really focus in on what is it
(14:59):
that I really want to accomplish?
And we're working on that now. We're still doing it. It is an ever-evolving process.
As a matter of fact, I think Leslie is the one who said, like,
the way to get there might change, but where you're going doesn't.
When you know where you're going, I might have to take a couple of detours to get there. That's good.
(15:22):
Right, right. And especially working with a team and all that good stuff.
Our thing will always be we're all headed in the same direction,
but we may take different routes to get there.
And when that was more understood, it was like a release.
It was a relief. Let me say it that way. It was a relief.
(15:43):
Why? Because I may be better in this area than you are and you're better in this area than I am.
But we're both headed in the same direction and they both work.
And then sometimes it's a combination of things. Right. You know,
I could I mean, I have to drive to the airport, take the plane to the destination,
hop on, get in an Uber. over to take me to the hotel.
(16:09):
Do you see what I mean? It's different methods of transportation,
but they all work together to get me in that one direction.
And I love it. I love it. It's just something to think about.
Clarity. Clarity. Yeah. I mean, and being overwhelmed, and we've been there.
We've been just because you don't quite know exactly what to do.
And that's a lot of things that we even share with one of our groups is that,
(16:32):
listen, you don't have to, what Martin Luther King said, you don't have to see
the whole stairwell in order to make a step.
When you make the first step, the stairwell will appear.
So even in getting, being stuck or, or that overwhelm, just kind of get some
clarity around what it is, make the, what the main thing, the main thing,
(16:55):
figure out what's going to push me in a direction I need to go in.
And then by being able to do that, then you can start making progression to
all those areas. I mean, listen, none of us are.
Immune from being overwhelmed we just got to know how to clearly get through
it that's so true so very true so overcoming it you want to begin to do what
(17:18):
breaking down tasks down into smaller.
Actionable steps to make them more manageable that's good really listen to that
you want to break up inch by inch is a cinch you know what i mean just break
it on down bit by bit when you You know what it is that you desire to do and
(17:39):
you have the foresight for it.
Now back up and begin to put those steps in place.
So a big part of overcoming this and not having the clarity is stepping into
your vision. What do you want? We're talking about being unstuck here.
We're talking about you getting out of your own way.
So it's really necessary for each and every one of us to have a big vision of what we want.
(18:03):
Put that in your mind and you will be able to actually take the necessary steps
bit by bit when you actually do this, breaking them down,
actionable and making them manageable and they will work for you.
Right. You know, it was interesting, even in the last couple of days.
(18:23):
We, you and I both have been contacted to do things.
So another part of that too, is not to overcommit yourself.
That's good, Dexter. So, you know, I got a message the other day to come speak at an event.
And my thing right now is always, well, let me check the calendar and I'll get back to you.
Yeah. Because I have to do that because sometimes we've overcommitted and then
(18:47):
we're like scrambling to try to
figure out, well, how are we going to do that? How are we going to do it?
And then that feeling of overwhelm comes. So that's another.
I know you guys, you know, you guys listening, you might have.
Another way of doing it. But however you do it, you can overcome that overwhelm
just by not over committing yourself.
I love it. Yeah. And what about also taking regular breaks and reach to recharge and focus?
(19:14):
A lot of times we don't do that. We can get so caught up on things.
And sometimes people can look at work and the things that you do and feel like
success is when when you're exhausting yourself,
that success is when you can look up here and see me constantly on the go.
I'm always grinding. Come on, grind.
(19:35):
Team, go sleep. Come on. I couldn't stand it, I tell you. But this is us,
you know, hey, everybody has a way of doing things.
But one thing that we found, oftentimes when you're behaving that way,
you do become overwhelmed and the clarity isn't there.
You will find that your mind is all over the place because you're You're doing so much. Take some time.
(19:55):
If you take that time to sit and exhale, I guarantee you, you're going to have thoughts come.
You're going to have ideas come. You'll be able to hear.
Are you like us? Are you seeking the voice of God? Are you looking for him to give you direction?
Then I guarantee you, when you sit down, calm down and take time for yourself
and especially with him, you're going to hear more things. It's going to keep
(20:18):
you on the go. It's powerful.
It's amazing. amazing. Yeah. You know, this has been a great show because it
even helped me in just realizing some things that have gotten in my way.
So guys, listen, we hope you got something out of this and we encourage you
to share this broadcast.
You can copy the link, send it to other people, tell them to go to any of our.
(20:40):
Where we're located on our podcast, whether it be our podcast,
YouTube channel, and tell them to go and just watch and listen to our content.
Because we know that this is a breakthrough for a lot of people,
helping you get out of your own way. And that's just what we do.
Absolutely. There are common obstacles, everybody. This is common.
There's nothing new under the sun. And all you need to do is take those necessary
(21:03):
proactive steps to get out of your own way.
Move forward toward your achievements. Just go after what it is that you desire.
Your goals, your aspirations.
These are things that are hidden within your heart, but it needs you to activate
it. I love the scripture that faith without works is dead.
So whatever you're believing for, put the work behind it and you will definitely
(21:25):
see the outcome that you're looking for because that's what works together.
Your desires, those aspirations, those goals, you have them.
They're within you. now it's time to put some action.
That's your faith. Put some action behind what it is that you want to,
what you want to see happen in your life.
(21:46):
That is excellent. So guys, listen, this is Dexter and Dr. Tanya.
We are the upgraders. Make sure that you just tune into our channel.
Make sure you listen to us. We're going to be dropping some new content.
So we are the upgraders. We may not know you, but we know what's in you.
Music.
The Upgraders. Welcome to Upgrade Your Life. We're Dexter and Dr.
Tanya. You know, most people upgrade their cars, their clothes,
their cell phones, and even their homes. But what about themselves?
This is the place to help you get out of your own way.
Now let's get started.
Does your school, church, government agency, corporation, or organization need
(00:25):
leadership, communication, and team building training, then contact The Upgraders.
We specialize in soft skills training, including emotional intelligence,
influencing styles, and mindset development.
We will help you create the environment that your organization needs.
Email us at info at theupgraders.com. Again, that's info at theupgraders.com.
(00:49):
Right. You know, you say a no more condemning yourself, that's an internal conversation too.
It is. Thanks for saying that. I mean, that's very powerful.
Y'all really got to get this.
So develop just some kind of mechanism that you can do to interrupt,
like disrupt that thought.
And the more you do it, the more it's going to work, right? So it's a book we're
(01:10):
reading on faith by Kenneth Hagen.
And he talks about when the enemy brings those thoughts, he consistently just
repeats things to shut it down, shut it down, shut it down. And after a while,
he doesn't even bother me anymore.
Doesn't even bother me anymore. It's really cool. So really quickly,
too, before we go into the next one, y'all, small goals.
(01:31):
I don't think it's all about small goals. It's really about celebrating all of your wins.
And please recognize that it is subjective.
Small wins, big wins don't matter. You might be saying, let me talk to one person today.
One of the things that Tanya and I do is in direct sales, and we tell our team,
celebrate yourself. yourself.
(01:51):
If you talk to one person and they said, yes, that is a celebration.
The other person might have talked to 50 and all 50 of them said, yes. Okay.
That's not me. Yes.
You see what I'm saying? Yeah. So come on y'all celebrate you.
We deal with stuff y'all.
Celebrate you. Amen. Amen. The third one y'all, perfectionism.
(02:15):
Now Tanya and I, what's funny, Tanya and I, we've been through Through this,
we've been married for 22 years.
The perfectionism was on high alert when we first got married. It's not so much now.
You've changed a lot. But perfectionism, I make the bed.
I put the pillows a certain way. The bed is made.
She goes back and changes it because it's not exactly how she wants it. I still do that.
(02:42):
I still do that. We need to revisit it. Because look, paralyzing.
Perfectionism is paralyzed it can be i mean but
no but y'all y'all get what i'm saying that's a funny thing but
y'all don't it's not about being perfect it's
about getting it done what was it we did we we invested in some course and they
(03:05):
said in the course what is it done is better than perfect yeah i think that's
it done this has really truly been a big lesson for me on the real because I
have been a perfectionist,
you know, and see, I love to decorate.
So there's, you know, when you decorate, there's things, I do want them in a
particular place because it looks better.
I have a vision. I can see, I mean, putting together bouquets and all of that too.
(03:29):
I'm like, if you put in four, it, it doesn't look right.
You need an odd number in it. I'm just telling you, then that's a tip for anybody
who wants to do stuff like this. Okay.
But those even numbers in it is, it looks looks awkward and it just does.
So I am, I don't count that, but I did have that to come into me getting started in business.
(03:50):
You know, I actually had that to be a part of like, I've got to get everything
right. I need to know more.
And here's the thing though, because we have different styles.
We teach on these types of things too, where I'm also a thinker,
you know, I'm more logical.
I have questions. I need things answered. And if I don't have that,
(04:10):
then I may not be able to move as fast as someone else because this is what I need.
I hope I'm making sense. And there's nothing wrong with that.
However, Tanya Joyner-Scott.
Has had to realize that you can't know it all, okay?
Tanya, don't limit yourself and not move forward and take action because you
(04:34):
feel like you've got to have all I's dotted and all T's crossed.
That's right, that's good, Tanya. And that's what I had to change.
So I hope that this helps someone because it's nothing, because I have to say
this to you because this is the other thing that I would deal with because then
my thing is like, why it seems like I'm always the person that has the issues? Why is it that?
(04:54):
And I'll be honest with you when you and then this is going to be an admittance
and everybody may not agree with me, but this is something I really do believe.
When you stepping into the areas of like entrepreneurship and just doing other
things like this, where you wanting to be the leader in something,
because everybody may not want to be an entrepreneur,
but most people who listen to what we do, you do. I mean, it's an author.
(05:17):
You want to start a business. You're running different things. You want to be a speaker.
You're looking to market. at yourself. You're looking to brand yourself,
all of these types of things.
But for some reason, you can't seem to get started.
You can't seem to keep going, those types of things.
So those are the type of people we typically work with and deal with, right?
So with that being said, when you deal with being a perfectionist,
(05:42):
there's nothing wrong with you, okay?
But I would oftentimes, and I'm going to admit being a perfectionist is very
limiting and it will cause you to not take action because you're looking at
for everything to be right.
So I admit that. And I need for you to also know and understand that.
(06:04):
But at the same time, it's a gift for me because there's details that I'll pick
up on that somebody else will miss. That's very true.
So being a part of the team, I bring that to the team as well. That's my value.
But I have to also and they'll need to understand, too, people that I work with
that they might have to say, wait a minute.
(06:25):
Now, let me listen a little bit more before I take action where I also have
to come in to say, let me go ahead and take action, knowing that I may make a mistake.
And it's OK. So I just said a lot. I pray it makes sense. I really do.
I do. I pray it made sense because I admit it.
Being a perfectionist is a major stumbling block to success.
(06:47):
You will trip over yourself all the time if you're trying to get it right.
Remember, number one, fear of failure.
A perfectionist does not want to fail.
That a perfectionist sometimes is afraid of success. That was me too.
So it's a matter of like, it's okay to fail.
Okay. Don't talk bad about yourself. You're fine. You're good. Just keep going.
(07:11):
So don't be that perfectionist. That perfectionist kind of marries to both of
those. Does that make sense?
So I hope this is making sense to everybody. What is it? It doesn't talk,
don't talk bad about yourself because you're listening.
Yep. I remember that. Don't do that. Don't do that.
Y'all even your thoughts. Don't do it. So let's go to overcoming it. Right.
(07:32):
Embrace imperfection and focus on progress over perfection.
That's literally what we're just talking about. The progress is better than the perfection.
Recognize that profession is attainable and that making mistakes is a natural
part of the learning process.
Goes back to what we said about school.
(07:52):
I mean, because I'm not knocking teachers. Teachers are phenomenal.
Phenomenal. My mom was a retired teacher, retired educator.
It's just they have so much to get through, so much curriculum to teach that
it's not always said that, hey, you got to see it's OK.
It's OK. So just work, work towards a B next time.
(08:13):
You can't tell every student that. And the thing is, just do your best. Yeah, that's right.
And know that that's OK. OK, we would talk about that, Dexter,
how, you know, we were so used to seeing those red X's.
Oh, man. And to get something wrong, you were made to feel like there's something wrong with you.
(08:34):
You know, the things that get celebrated, you know, hey, summa cum laude,
magna, cumma, you know, those things are celebrated so much.
And you just feel like I'm not good enough when you really are.
What was my good law that you made?
Not summa cum laude, but good lordy. Good lordy. He's so easy. All right, y'all.
(08:56):
Y'all laugh with us. Look, if this is connecting with you on any way,
man, drop us a comment or leave, you know, share it with somebody.
Because we do recognize that this stuff is real. This is real stuff.
It's time for real conversations. This is not.
And, you know, our podcast has been up for a while. We try to have real conversations,
(09:17):
no fluffy stuff. I mean, because people are tired of fluff. If you want fluff, go to Instagram.
I mean, if you want fluff and people show you the fluff, but they don't show
you what's really going on behind the scenes, just go to IG and just click on these. Perfect.
Everything's perfect. My house is perfect. My car is perfect.
(09:38):
It's come on, y'all. It's time for a real conversation. And we know that,
you know, folks, it might be you that's dealing with some of these same things.
Share it. Tell them to check it out. We hope it'll be a blessing to them.
Number four, the lack of self-confidence.
The lack of self-confidence. Low self-confidence.
Wow. That's a whole conversation in itself.
(09:59):
All of these are. Because when you lack confidence, remember I talked about the party? Mm-hmm.
If you lack confidence, that negative self-talk is going to keep you from going to talk to that person.
That low confidence is going to keep you from stepping up even at work to let
your supervisor or your manager know, hey, I want to take on some more responsibilities.
(10:20):
It's not going to go well. Well, these are some things we really got to work
on, y'all, because we it is time to start walking out who you are and keeping
the main thing, the main thing. Absolutely. All right. Absolutely.
I keep saying it, but dealt with it so much, you know, very low self-esteem.
And that thing was still rise up even now.
(10:41):
So, again, when I say to you how the enemy comes, he's the adversary.
So, I mean, he doesn't give up. He as long as there is breath in your body,
he's not going to give up.
He's looking for an open door. So just don't give it to him, okay?
So let's overcome it. You're going to build up your self-confidence through
self-care. This is big. Got a book that's coming. She decided to love herself.
(11:04):
That's self-care. Took me a while. Took me, it's taken me a while to even get it out. Why?
Because for me, I'm like, well, it ain't about you, you know?
But there are times it is, you know?
It's about you because if you're unhealthy, what can you do for me?
If you're walking around here sick emotionally, if you're sick financially.
(11:25):
Come on, if you're sick physically, okay, if you're sick mentally,
if there is any level of illness going on with any one of us,
we're not the best of who we are to even be able to come and help somebody else.
So let's get out of our way.
We've got to learn how to take care of yourself, loving yourself.
(11:46):
And that self-care is key, is key.
Personal development is key. It is key. It is key. personal development. It is key.
Read, being here, listening right now. If you're on YouTube watching,
being here, it is key and it's necessary.
And that's what you need to do.
(12:06):
That's what you need to do. And I'm telling you, it's unlocking,
all right, building up and coming out of that low self-esteem.
Yeah. And I'm going to add to that too. I was just looking here is being around
people that's going to help you get to that next level.
That's going to help build that self-esteem Because what happens is if you are,
you know, we've heard the whole thing.
(12:28):
If you're around five people, you're the result of the five people that you're
around the most. I mean, we know that. Right.
But the thing is, you want to build up your self-confidence,
get around confident people, get around confident people that you can develop a relationship with.
I mean, things have to fit. Right. You got to fit with who they are, their personality.
(12:49):
Get around people that's going to lift you up. Yes. You've been around the folks
who are not going to do it.
Get around the people that's going to lift you up and motivate you,
encourage you. That's why mastermind groups are so good.
We have the Upgraders Academy, like-minded people.
There are many things that you can become a part of that's going to help you grow.
I remember being, we did a Think and Grow Rich Mastermind.
(13:12):
What was it, 2010?
Like 13, 14 years ago. Yeah, it's been a million years. We went to an awesome
business owner, Leslie Flowers. She's a coach.
Here in the Raleigh-Durham area. I think she's in Cary. But we went to a Think
and Grow Rich Mastermind, and it was phenomenal.
I was so nervous. It actually kicked off a lot of things for us.
(13:33):
It really did. It really did. But you were getting it. Oh, yeah.
And I was sitting there feeling like, I don't know what in the world is going on here.
I mean, I'm telling you, it was some serious unlearning that had to take place,
some serious unlearning that was taking place.
And I love the quote, you know, the illiterate of the 21st century.
Yeah, it won't be those. It's Alvin Toffler, the illiterate of the 21st century.
(13:57):
It won't be those who can't read or write. It will be those who can't learn, unlearn and relearn.
And I'm telling you, y'all, we are quote unquote middle aged, whatever that means.
But unlearning things can be difficult.
So you got to unlearn, you got to learn, unlearn and then relearn.
(14:17):
I got a great example for that.
This new math. Math. Oh, gosh.
How in the world am I supposed to hit my kid with math and they got new math?
See, that's what I get. Y'all get what we're saying.
Well, yeah. So, I mean, you just got to be able to unlearn those things that
have been programmed in us. That's what you got to do.
(14:37):
And so number five, overwhelm and a lack of clarity.
Oh, that's a big one. We actually opened up with that.
We talked about if you got so many different things going on,
keep the main thing, the main thing that over you can become incredibly overwhelmed
when you don't sit down and take some time to really focus in on what is it
(14:59):
that I really want to accomplish?
And we're working on that now. We're still doing it. It is an ever-evolving process.
As a matter of fact, I think Leslie is the one who said, like,
the way to get there might change, but where you're going doesn't.
When you know where you're going, I might have to take a couple of detours to get there. That's good.
(15:22):
Right, right. And especially working with a team and all that good stuff.
Our thing will always be we're all headed in the same direction,
but we may take different routes to get there.
And when that was more understood, it was like a release.
It was a relief. Let me say it that way. It was a relief.
(15:43):
Why? Because I may be better in this area than you are and you're better in this area than I am.
But we're both headed in the same direction and they both work.
And then sometimes it's a combination of things. Right. You know,
I could I mean, I have to drive to the airport, take the plane to the destination,
hop on, get in an Uber. over to take me to the hotel.
(16:09):
Do you see what I mean? It's different methods of transportation,
but they all work together to get me in that one direction.
And I love it. I love it. It's just something to think about.
Clarity. Clarity. Yeah. I mean, and being overwhelmed, and we've been there.
We've been just because you don't quite know exactly what to do.
And that's a lot of things that we even share with one of our groups is that,
(16:32):
listen, you don't have to, what Martin Luther King said, you don't have to see
the whole stairwell in order to make a step.
When you make the first step, the stairwell will appear.
So even in getting, being stuck or, or that overwhelm, just kind of get some
clarity around what it is, make the, what the main thing, the main thing,
(16:55):
figure out what's going to push me in a direction I need to go in.
And then by being able to do that, then you can start making progression to
all those areas. I mean, listen, none of us are.
Immune from being overwhelmed we just got to know how to clearly get through
it that's so true so very true so overcoming it you want to begin to do what
(17:18):
breaking down tasks down into smaller.
Actionable steps to make them more manageable that's good really listen to that
you want to break up inch by inch is a cinch you know what i mean just break
it on down bit by bit when you You know what it is that you desire to do and
(17:39):
you have the foresight for it.
Now back up and begin to put those steps in place.
So a big part of overcoming this and not having the clarity is stepping into
your vision. What do you want? We're talking about being unstuck here.
We're talking about you getting out of your own way.
So it's really necessary for each and every one of us to have a big vision of what we want.
(18:03):
Put that in your mind and you will be able to actually take the necessary steps
bit by bit when you actually do this, breaking them down,
actionable and making them manageable and they will work for you.
Right. You know, it was interesting, even in the last couple of days.
(18:23):
We, you and I both have been contacted to do things.
So another part of that too, is not to overcommit yourself.
That's good, Dexter. So, you know, I got a message the other day to come speak at an event.
And my thing right now is always, well, let me check the calendar and I'll get back to you.
Yeah. Because I have to do that because sometimes we've overcommitted and then
(18:47):
we're like scrambling to try to
figure out, well, how are we going to do that? How are we going to do it?
And then that feeling of overwhelm comes. So that's another.
I know you guys, you know, you guys listening, you might have.
Another way of doing it. But however you do it, you can overcome that overwhelm
just by not over committing yourself.
I love it. Yeah. And what about also taking regular breaks and reach to recharge and focus?
(19:14):
A lot of times we don't do that. We can get so caught up on things.
And sometimes people can look at work and the things that you do and feel like
success is when when you're exhausting yourself,
that success is when you can look up here and see me constantly on the go.
I'm always grinding. Come on, grind.
(19:35):
Team, go sleep. Come on. I couldn't stand it, I tell you. But this is us,
you know, hey, everybody has a way of doing things.
But one thing that we found, oftentimes when you're behaving that way,
you do become overwhelmed and the clarity isn't there.
You will find that your mind is all over the place because you're You're doing so much. Take some time.
(19:55):
If you take that time to sit and exhale, I guarantee you, you're going to have thoughts come.
You're going to have ideas come. You'll be able to hear.
Are you like us? Are you seeking the voice of God? Are you looking for him to give you direction?
Then I guarantee you, when you sit down, calm down and take time for yourself
and especially with him, you're going to hear more things. It's going to keep
(20:18):
you on the go. It's powerful.
It's amazing. amazing. Yeah. You know, this has been a great show because it
even helped me in just realizing some things that have gotten in my way.
So guys, listen, we hope you got something out of this and we encourage you
to share this broadcast.
You can copy the link, send it to other people, tell them to go to any of our.
(20:40):
Where we're located on our podcast, whether it be our podcast,
YouTube channel, and tell them to go and just watch and listen to our content.
Because we know that this is a breakthrough for a lot of people,
helping you get out of your own way. And that's just what we do.
Absolutely. There are common obstacles, everybody. This is common.
There's nothing new under the sun. And all you need to do is take those necessary
(21:03):
proactive steps to get out of your own way.
Move forward toward your achievements. Just go after what it is that you desire.
Your goals, your aspirations.
These are things that are hidden within your heart, but it needs you to activate
it. I love the scripture that faith without works is dead.
So whatever you're believing for, put the work behind it and you will definitely
(21:25):
see the outcome that you're looking for because that's what works together.
Your desires, those aspirations, those goals, you have them.
They're within you. now it's time to put some action.
That's your faith. Put some action behind what it is that you want to,
what you want to see happen in your life.
(21:46):
That is excellent. So guys, listen, this is Dexter and Dr. Tanya.
We are the upgraders. Make sure that you just tune into our channel.
Make sure you listen to us. We're going to be dropping some new content.
So we are the upgraders. We may not know you, but we know what's in you.
Music.
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