Episode 8: "Gratitude" featuring Henry Fenichel and Emily Kendall

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Kevin Aldridge (00:02):
What do we mean by the upstander ripple effect,

Werner Coppel (00:06):
stand up against hate and prejudice, even if it
does not affect you

Jackie Congedo (00:13):
from moral dilemmas in today's headlines,
upstanders who rose for justiceand stories of survival,

be prepared to walk away from this conversation
inspired and motivated.

Hello everybody, and welcome to the upstander
ripple effect podcast, the lastepisode of 2024 I'm Jackie
Congedo

and I'm Kevin Aldridge, and our theme for
today's episode is one ofgratitude, and so we're at that
time of year coming out ofthanksgiving and heading into
Christmas and Hanukkah toreligious and faith holidays
that are essentially grounded inthe idea of gratitude and having

(00:59):
a deep thankfulness andappreciation for the good things
that we have in life and and,you know, this is probably a
good time to have thatconversation, because, you know,
the holidays can also be a timeof great depression for a lot of
people and a sense ofloneliness. And so, good topic

(01:20):
for us to have today on how dowe, how do we channel that
gratitude and and how gratitudeplays a factor and, and in our
hope for the future and ouroutlook on life, so good
conversation for needed time.

Yeah, yeah, for the end of the year, it's, it's
a good time to kind of justreflect right and, and I think
in moments like pivot points ofreflection, we have the
opportunity to kind of takestock of where we've been, think
about where we're headed. Soit's like what sits in between
our past experiences and ourhopes for the future, and this

(01:57):
catalyst of gratitude isactually really important. And
it's not just a fuzzy feel goodthing there's there's real
science behind the practice ofgratitude and how that actually
primes our brains to be morehopeful and to and the benefits
of just general well being ofhealth, related to the sort of

(02:20):
taking stock in what you'regrateful for. This. This stuff
has been studied, researched byscientists. It's actual real
data backed, you know, proofthat this, this actually has
this kind of interplay. So we'regoing to talk a little bit about
that.
But first, I just want to start,as we think about, sort of the
theme of gratitude. It's anappropriate theme for the work

(02:43):
that we do at the center,because really, so much of our
work is grounded in this idea ofwhat it is to be grateful and
that comes that's a gift that weget from our survivor community,
who came here out of the depthsof some of the most horrific
experiences you can imagine, andstepped forward with not just,

(03:06):
you know, an attitude ofgratitude, but you know, for the
blessings that they did have,right, for the fact that they
survived, for the people whohelped them, but but then, you
know, said, We're not just goingto stop at being grateful. We
want to make sure that we useour our voices to educate, to

(03:27):
share these stories so otherpeople can understand, you know,
the lessons, yeah, and can takestock in, you know, in what
they're grateful for as theycome and they understand. You
know, these stories of just howbad things could be.

Yeah.

So there's a couple survivors I wanted to
just sort of mention, and somany of them, I mean, I would
say just about every story ofsurvival that we have in the
museum has a note, many notes,in some cases, of gratitude
woven throughout, but the onesthat sort of popped in my mind
this morning, you know, thisyear, we lost, as I'd mentioned

(04:08):
in a prior episode, RenateNeeman, who, you know, at her,
at her funeral, her son, wasreflecting on the gratitude that
she was able to hold after allof these years, you know, she
was separated from her parents.
She was taken in, I think, by aCatholic, by a convent or a
Catholic school, and as sort of,you know, a maid, essentially,

(04:31):
and and her son later in life,asked her, you know, how, how
did you not come out of thatexperience so bitter. And she
said, well, because what I choseto focus on were the droplets of
goodness in an ocean of evil,yeah, which is, I just think
about droplets of goodness allthe time now, thanks, thanks to

(04:52):
that.
And then there's the story of AlMiller and Mason Bailey, one of
the first. And survivors. Wefirst actually stories we talked
about on the podcast, and thatmoment of him arriving, you
know, with the Statue of Libertyand and the immigration,
American immigration officialafter, you know, narrowly

(05:14):
escaping Nazi Germany, hisfamily, and then country
hopping, where, basically theyweren't wanted. Country after
country after country, theyarrive in New York, and the
immigration official shows himjust an act of kindness, saying,
You know what, I know you forgotyour papers. Hal remembers that
moment and the look on hismother's face when he realized,

(05:37):
you know, there he was and hedidn't have his papers after all
that. And he said, Theimmigration official says it's
okay you go back and just, I'msure they're in your cabin, and
come back and your family willbe here and it'll all be fine.
And he did, and we know the endto the story. He went on to be a
Richie boy, you know, serving inthe American army in
intelligence, and going back as,actually, as an interrogator.

(05:59):
And we named the award theupstander award last year, after
him the award for gratitude. Whywas that? Well, because that
moment of kindness unlocked thisspirit of gratitude in him that
changed the course of his life.
And we, we gave the award to ayoung man named Mason Bailey in
Northern Kentucky, who was bornwith cerebral palsy, and, you

(06:23):
know, went through life wantingto be work in heavy machinery,
was told he wouldn't going to beable to do it. Did it anyway.
And you know, then no one wouldhire him after he got a
certification. They were, theywere, they were, you know,
worried about the liability. Andhe said, Fine, I'll just start a
lawn care business on my own.

(06:44):
And he did, and he's still doingit. And when we asked him what
his strength was, you wouldthink, you know, perseverance,
creativity, he said, gratitude,right? Because that's like the
gateway, absolutely, to beingable to do so many other things,
is, is just taking stock in whatyou do have so, yeah, there's so
many beautiful stories ofgratitude that come from our

(07:05):
survivors and from our work.

Yeah, you know, a few things stick out from that
is, you know, gratitude is amatter of perspective, you know.
So thinking about Renate, youknow, she chose to focus on the
droplets of goodness instead ofthe sea of evil. And that's a
that is very much a perspectivehow you choose to look at the

(07:29):
world. And it's, it's a reminderto me of a song that's one of my
favorites. It's, it's, it's kindof a gospel song, and the lyrics
say, no matter what you're goingthrough, there's somebody doing
worse than you, so be thankfulfor what you have, because the
person doing bad could be you.
And it's always a reminder of,you know, even when we're

(07:54):
experiencing tough times, thatthe attitude of gratitude always
says it could be worse. Youknow, it could be worse. So I'm
thankful for, you know, whatevergood, even in the midst of the
worst situation that I mightfind I find myself in, is I've
got to learn to, gotta learn tofocus on that. Yeah, and it

(08:15):
really is a mindset, because itruns so counter to how we
normally think. And I think, youknow, we may, we may be
discussing here what, what DanTomasulo says about, you know,
the preponderance, thepercentage of our thoughts that
you know, tend to focus on thenegative versus the positive.

(08:36):
You know, we tend to hang on andrelive those negative things and
spend very little time, youknow, on on the positive. So
shifting to this mindset ofgratitude, you know, really is
something that we have to beintentional about doing. And the
second thought I had is that,you know, gratitude also unlocks

(08:58):
this sort of pay it forwardmentality, right?

Yeah, yeah.

Because when you're gratitude, when you're
grateful for experiences thatyou've had, people who've been
influential on your life, thingsthat you've had the opportunity
to learn from, gratitude tendsto activate it that in us and we
get this sense of wanting to payit forward to to to share with
others. You know, our gratitudeor extend kindness, you know, to

(09:26):
other folks, because we'rethankful for and we have an
appreciation for what's beendone for us. And so you know,
recognizing those two things,you know, gratitude being a
matter of perspective andrecognizing that it unlocks, you
know, kindness and gratefulnessand positive acts that that

(09:47):
encourages us to pay it forward,speaks to the power of

It's sort of the like kinetic energy behind the
gratitude.
ripple effect. You know, whenyou when there's gratitude that
hits you, you. You're morelikely and sort of primed to pay
that pay that forward. Thescience behind this is so
interesting. So we had on thepodcast a number of positive

(10:11):
psychologists on talking aboutdifferent strengths. And we had
Dr Dan Tomasulo in New York on anumber of months ago, talking
about this idea that you canactually acquire a more hopeful
outlook. So it's important likethis, gratitude and perspective

(10:33):
and hope. I don't think yes,gratitude, perspective and hope.
I believe they are all part ofthe value family within the
character strengths,classification of transcendence,
right? And so it's easy for usto think, well, you know, I'm
not a hopeful person or agrateful person, or someone who
has good perspective, becausethings have not gone well for

(10:56):
me, and once those things gowell for me, I will be more
grateful, more hopeful, havebetter perspective. But really,
we know from the research thatit's, it's, it's actually the
choice that you make to embracethose things that sort of fuels
a cycle. And so Dan highlightshis research around acquired

(11:21):
hopefulness, which, like I saidback then, I still say now, we
can always use more of every daythat goes by. And he talks
about, you know what you weresaying, Kevin, that by default,
our brains are hardwired to holdon to the bad, right? Because
that's the that's the survivalinstinct. It's like, Oh, wow.
That was painful, traumatic, notgood, not safe. And so if I just

(11:46):
don't let go of that, then itwon't happen to me again, right,
right? But if we actuallypractice gratitude
intentionally, deliberately, wecan rewire our brains. We can
change our biochemistry toinstead, to sort of prime our
neural pathways to have a morehopeful Outlook. So, yeah, so

(12:10):
it's just, it's fascinating, andI've seen it work. I mean, I, as
Dan was telling me this a couplemonths ago, I'm like, okay, all
right, I hear you, and that'scool. But, like, does that
really work. And he was saying,try it. Try a practice of
gratitude every day where youjust, you just flat out, speak
out loud three things you'regrateful for, yeah. And I did it
with my kids, and it was, it's,it's actually really impressive,

(12:32):
yeah,

yeah. I mean, again, it's a, it's sort of a,
it's shifting to a positivitymindset. I mean, if you, if your
mindset is always one ofnegative or hopelessness or, for
lack of a better word, oh, woeis me. It's hard to pull
yourself out of that. Andthings, if things, if you

(12:54):
perceive things going badly, andthat's your attitude, it seems
like things tend to spiral,because everything that happens
now becomes a bigger

production biochemistry, right? Actually,
there's a reason for that,right? Yeah. And

so it's like, it can even be a small thing, but
if it's a small thing thatdoesn't go your way, then it's
just like one more thing thatyou add to the stack that that
gives you a sense ofhopelessness, that it's never
going to get better. But if you,if you begin to take stock. You
know, take an inventory everyday of, yeah, this didn't go
right, but I'm thankful forthis. I'm thankful for my kids.

(13:29):
I'm thankful, you know, hey, Imay not have the job I want, but
at least I've got a job. Youknow, there are people who
aren't working, who can't makeends meet, or who don't have
anything, you know, if you ifyou learn to take stock of the
things that you do have and nottake those things for granted,
it does give you a differentperspective. It goes back to
what I was saying is, there'salways someone who would gladly

(13:53):
trade places with, yeah, andthat's that's hard to think when
you're or even believe whenyou're in a tough spot, or
you're experiencing somehardship in your life, but, but
there truly are people who youknow don't have movement in
their limbs, who are, you know,maybe lying on their death beds,

(14:13):
or, you know, are homeless, orwho would gladly, you know, take
your worst moment, you know, andit's sort of like that
recognition that can give yougratitude, even when things
aren't going your way, justhaving that humility to say, you
know, what things could be.
Things might not be 100% the waythat I want them to be, but they

(14:35):
could always be. They could beworse. They could be a lot
worse.

Yep, yep. We had been talking about this earlier,
you know, noted that perspectiveis actually necessary for
gratitude. Yeah, right. And thesort of a key blocker of
gratitude is this idea ofentitlement. Yeah, thinking that
like, you know, well, I'mcounting back from 100 and so I
deserve 100 everything. Shouldgo right all the time for right,

(15:01):
and so then everything that,it's your accountant, well, this
didn't, this didn't, thisdidn't. And there's only
downhill to go from there. Yeah,instead of thinking about, wow,
when something, you know whensomething goes wrong, retraining
our brains to focus on what wentright? Yeah, absolutely. And
that's the whole that isactually, as I say, that allowed
the whole character strengthsmentality is, instead of coming

(15:24):
at this from a deficit andtalking about what's wrong with
people right, diagnosing theproblems, let's, let's instead
identify the strengths that theywere able to use to, you know,
to persevere, to you know, thethings they can activate to to,
you know, to make themselvesstronger and to make the world

(15:45):
better. And

so, yeah, I think that, you know, it's
important to really hone in onthat, on that sense of
entitlement. Because I thinkthis is one of the things that
helps us sort of move towardgratitude. Because the reality
is, is that life is difficult.
Life is not fair. Life ischallenging. And I think that if
you are in the percentage ofpeople who are blessed to have

(16:10):
way more good days than you havebad days, you got to be
grateful, extremely grateful forthat, but I think what happens
is this is where that sense ofentitlement comes in. Is like
when things are rolling andthings are good for us, we
expect that it's always going tobe that way. And that's not how

(16:31):
life is that if you're fortunateto live long enough, you're
going to experience peaks andvalleys in life that are not
attacking you, but it's that'sthat's life, that's how it
happens. It It happens to all.
It happens to everybody. It justbecomes much more personal and

(16:55):
intense when it happens to us,and we start to think, like,
Well, why is this happening tome? Well, we're not, we're not
special in that regard, likewe're not exempt from the
challenges of life. But it'sthat sense of entitlement that
somehow or another, we expect,we expect that we're going to
dodge what life brings, and webecome spoiled. And I think that

(17:16):
when things do happen, we canexperience ungratefulness in
that where, where we begin tocomplain and think, like, why is
this happening to me? Well, whoshould it be happening to right?
It's like, that's life. That'swhat that's what happens. And so
it's the bumps that allow us tohave gratitude, to appreciate

(17:40):
when things are going well,like, Man, I gotta, I gotta be
grateful for this, and just ridethis train as long as I can,
because eventually it's got topull into the station at some
point. And so

The heater is gonna go out, yeah, my kid's
gonna come down with, you know,an ear infection, both of which
have happened this week for youand me.

Yeah.

And here we are talking about gratitude
Absolutely because, you know,there's I've never felt more
grateful for my health than I dowhen I finally start feeling
better after I've been sick.
That's the reality. But, youknow, the other mindset can be,
I'm so upset about the time Ilost, or how bad I felt, or that
that happened to me, well,instead, just allow yourself to
take stock in the fact thatthat's not your every day. You

(18:21):
know, well,

we'll think about, think about the pandemic,
right? Yeah, how many? How? Youknow, that was a terrible year
and a half that we all wentthrough. We all lost a lot of
time. Some people lost theirlives. I mean, there was a lot
of loss over that, over thatyear and a half that we went
through the pandemic. But howoften do you hear people even

(18:44):
talk about that now? And it'slike we've, we've moved past
that in the couple of years now.
I'm sure there are people whoare still dealing with the
effects of that, whether that'shealth wise or or dealing with
loved ones who were lost duringthat period. But by and large,
as a society, we've, we've movedpast that. We don't, we don't,
we aren't really dealing withthat anymore. And the you know,

(19:06):
maybe we don't express it, but Igot to believe that there's
intense gratitude, oh my god,among most people, that we've
gotten back to, you know, somesemblance of of normalcy. And
yeah, you know in our dailylives that we didn't have during
that during that period, and Ithink if we look back on it,
we're grateful to be able to bein a studio today and not, not

(19:29):
be masked up and all of thesethings like that's that's
something that that you've gotto take stock of.

I was just saying that I want to challenge
everybody to start doing theseevery day, consciously, out
loud, talk about three thingsthat you're grateful for. Do it
with your family. Do it withyour friends. Do it with your
kids. And it never occurred tome, since I've been doing this
for the past year or so, thatevery day I could have just

(19:58):
added a fourth and that is. Isthat we are not locked inside,
staring at each other, worriedabout, you know, who's going to
get sick and who might, youknow, who might not recover. I
mean, that's that is a hugegift, that you're right, how
quickly it falls off the radarof things that just, you know,
well, of course, that's the wayit is. Right. We all walk around
in the world, and people don'twear masks, and, you know, we

(20:20):
can eat out with our friends atrestaurants and, you know, go
shopping without thinking aboutit. Gosh, I remember when I was
in the shopping for applianceswith like an eye mask on double
mask. I don't think you couldsee much of my face at all. That
was not so long ago. Yeah, so

and think about that. I mean, you would have
given anything...

Oh my gosh, yeah. I remember thinking, if I
could just go back, yeah, youknow when all the when the
shutdown happened, if I couldjust go back three weeks ago,
man, I would eat out everynight, yeah? And I would, like,
you know, I wouldn't just, justto be in a grocery store. Made
me feel so connected and alive?
Yeah, I just remember thinking,this might never happen again.

(21:02):
This might just be our normalforever. But do

you, but do you give thanks? But think about,
think about so many things thatwe lost over that year. Didn't
have access to, that when youthink about it on a day to day
basis, you don't give thanks forthat

No,

like you don't.
You don't give thanks for hey, Ican go out and have dinner with
my spouse and kids at arestaurant. We don't, we don't
think of that as something to begrateful for. We think of it as,
this is what's supposed to thisis what is supposed to be.

That's the entitlement.

So it's like, even if you take it to you know,
just thankful I have myeyesight, thankful I can hear
for those who lost their tastebuds as a result of COVID and
couldn't taste food like, ThankGod that you know I can taste
delicious foods that I that Ilove to eat like, it's all of
these things that, if you learnto condition yourself to just

(21:55):
say, Man, if I lost any of that,It would be horrible to my to my
day in and day out lifestyle,and those sorts of things are
things that regardless ofwhatever else is going on in my
life, I should have gratitudefor and be thankful and grateful
for. So there, there are amillion things people might not

(22:16):
think about it, but there are amillion things every day that
you can be as should be gratefulfor, but we take it for granted.
Yeah, so we don't have itanymore.

Well, this is why. And then, you know, we can
move to some of our some of ourinterviews that that I think
fall beautifully under thistheme. This is why the study of
human adversity, right chaptersof human adversity are such rich
landscapes to explore this themeof gratitude. Because, you know,

(22:46):
the idea that it's sort of whenwe're when we're immersed in the
histories of the Holocaust,civil rights, slavery, any
genocide, you know, otherhorrific, not to compare, but
similar, you know, similarlyadverse the pandemic. It's, it's
these sort of moments. It's thedroplets of goodness right

(23:10):
amidst these times that are sostark. They really, they pop
out. And researchers have hit onthat. I found a study, actually,
that was done in 2015 byneuroscientists at University of
Southern California who werelooking to map the feelings of
gratitude in the brain. And youcan imagine that they picked

(23:34):
Holocaust history to help themdo that. So they actually picked
two dozen Millennials with noconnection to the Holocaust, and
they showed them documentariesabout the rise of Nazism and the
camps and liberation while theywere laying inside the MRI
scanner, which I can't imagine.
The only thing that would beworse than sitting inside an MRI

(23:56):
scanner without any way to getout is to then watch Holocaust
films while you are that justgives me anxiety. Yeah, I agree.
But they got through that andand that was intended to mirror
the experience of sort of goingthrough a museum, a Holocaust
Museum, and then they they sortof shared with them testimonies

(24:17):
of survivors who had experiencedrescue and, you know, even sort
of shared some scenarios of, youknow, imagine this for yourself,
and they were able to see theway the brain lit up in
different areas with gratitude,and the way those neural
pathways connected to otherparts of The brain that are

(24:38):
responsible for, you know,reward, fairness, self
awareness, these kind ofpositive feelings. And so the
connection between gratitude andactual well being, you know,
just more evidence to back thatup. And I just think it's so
interesting that, you know,scientists who have no reason to
study necessarily (positivepsychologists) the Holocaust,

(24:59):
are using this as a as alandscape, to understand these
emotions and these, thesefeelings of gratitude.

Yeah, you know, I it, and I know we'll move on
to to some of our stories andhighlights here today. But I
always think it's interesting,you know, as as as someone of
faith, you know, our religioustexts are very clear on these
emotions and the impact for usliving healthy, productive

(25:30):
lives. And so a lot of times we,you know, even for unbelievers,
you know, who might not believein in, you know, the face that
we subscribe to science, youknow, verifies, oh my gosh,
yeah, that that our faith tellsus all the time. And it's like,
oh well, you know, these peoplestudy it, and so now there's

(25:51):
validity to it. But it's like,hey, you know, this is a this is
the tenant of what our faithtells us is necessary to to to
live healthy, strong, productivelives, to make connections with
one another. And it's it's goodto see. You know, I always kind
of chuckle and smile when I seescience that verifies, you know,

(26:14):
what our faith tells us. Youknow, a lot of times people see
science and faith asdiametrically opposed to each
other. But I view it in adifferent context, that science
is all often the confirmation ofspiritual things, of the
explaining and helping us tounderstand, you know, how God
has ordered the universe and hasset things up, you know,

(26:37):
through, through God's design,and it's, it's always great to
see that, that confirmation. SoI'll, I'll get off of my pulpit.
We can move on.

We welcome you on your pulpit anytime. Kevin,
you are, you are, you are greaton the pulpit. It's interesting
thinking about like, you know,it does match so well. You know
your role here, and your role atthe Enquirer, and your role in
your church like you can see howall of these things have sort of
beautifully woven themselves to

I wish I could say it was by my design, because
it's interesting. Every spacethat I find myself in where I'm
doing work was if you'd asked15, 16, year old, even 22 year
old, Kevin Aldridge, what hewould be doing. None of these
things would be. None of thesethings would have been, yeah,

(27:26):
but they were, but they were alltalents and gifts that I had
been gifted with that, you know,just came together in the right
way at the right time and again.

And I should, I actually shouldn't say that
you're not doing basketball,because you are also doing that.
I am

just just not in the NBA, like, like 15, 16, year
old me would have hoped, but,

Well, there's still time. That's okay. All
right. So pivoting to ourstories for for this month, the
story from our archive is thatof one of our one of our amazing
survivors, Henry Fenichel, isstill with us and very active
with the center. He was born inthe Netherlands. Nazis deported

(28:07):
and murdered his father inAuschwitz. He survived as a
child with his mother, first inhiding, then both in Westerbork
and Bergen Belsen. They madetheir way to what is now Israel
as part of a prisoner exchange.
He immigrated to the UnitedStates and was a professor at UC
in physics, and he's nowretired, and he speaks regularly
with student groups andcommunity groups about his

(28:30):
experience.

So we have two short clips from Henry's episode
of hear my story to share withyou. The first is Cori
Silbernagel, Director ofCollections and Exhibitions,
starting the episode by thankingHenry, he was the first survivor
she recalls meeting when shebegan here at HHC. She had never

(28:53):
known a survivor before, and itchanged her and how she
approaches her work.

Cori Silbernagel (28:58):
Hi, Henry. It is lovely to have you here
today. I'm I'm so happy you camedown to the center to talk with
us. Before you share your story,I want to share a little story
of mine for you.

Henry Fenichel (29:11):
Um, it'll be nice to hear.

Yeah. So I started working at the Holocaust
center in 2015 and you were oneof the first Holocaust survivors
I met ever I came into the worknot knowing very much about the
Holocaust and not feeling, notfeeling personally connected.

(29:37):
And I think it's because of yourstory and the story of others
that I've met over these yearsthat you know there's truly no
other work that I feel like Ishould be doing. So thank you.
That's impressive. I think it'sincredibly important that you

(29:59):
continue sharing your story and

Thank you. I appreciate hearing that. But

do you have hope for the future?

I think so. I mean, there are some issues that
will learn, perhaps, to learnhow to deal with them. But
ultimately, there ought to beenough of people, positive
people like you, folks overhere, to be able to make sure
that you go in the rightdirection.

Yes, I agree.
I think if the upstandingcitizens continue to speak and
act, that overcomes a lot ofproblems that we face today.

You're absolutely right.

Well, I want to thank you so much for talking
with me today. Every time wespeak, I learned something new
about you and and again, as Istarted prior to meeting you and
other Holocaust survivors, I hadlittle understanding, and I am

(31:09):
honored to be in a positionwhere I can sit here today and
say that that I understand Alittle bit more, and I'm very
excited to continue talking withyou many more times to come.

Thank you very much, and I speak for I think,
the other survivors as well. Wereally appreciate you and the
organization and the supportyou're giving us. We're not left
alone somewhere to wherever wehave a home. You're part of our
home.

Oh, thank you, Henry. Thank you.

Well, on behalf of Cori and Henry, you're
welcome to everyone out therefor for if you don't have a tear
in your eye, you you might justbe have a heart of stone out
there, because just to hear howthese, you know, take the

(32:08):
context aside how these twopeople have changed each other,

yeah,

and the gratitude that they each have
for each other is just reallypowerful. And it seems simple,
just to say thank you. You knowI'm grateful for you, but but
even witnessing those acts ofgratitude, I think, is enough to
really change the people who arelistening.

Yeah, absolutely. Well, I think if you
if you saw the interaction, youlisten to the voice when we talk
about gratefulness, gratefulnessis not just some kind of
passing, like pleasantry, likesomething that we do that's
politically correct, like it's ait's a deep, heartfelt
appreciation. And you felt thatcoming through in their

(32:56):
interaction, in their theirtheir voices, their facial
expressions, you could see thatit actually meant something.

It lit up the person to say it, and the person
to receive it.

Absolutely, absolutely. And you know, that's
that's always good to see. Andlike you said, it's a, it's an
energy transference from one toanother that that not just
getting and understanding theappreciation factor for
yourself, but then expressing itto the person that you're

(33:31):
grateful to, or the situationthat you're grateful to,
activates again something inthem that you know now they're
returning the expressions. And Ijust thought it was great, you
know, you know what Henry wastalking about. And just in terms
of of his gratitude for feelinglike he was not alone, that he

(33:52):
that he had a home, that that,again, someone was was
listening, you know, to hisstory, cared about his story,
right? Because you got to careabout it, to go through the work
of the the exceptional work thatyou guys do, to to listen to the
stories, to package it, topresent it like, there's,
there's care that's involved inthat. And, and I can't imagine

(34:13):
being on the other end of that,being the person whose story is
being handled with such care,like that's that's got to, you
know, engender the type ofgratitude that I think we saw.
Yeah,

I mean, and I'll just, I just want to also give
major respect to CoriSilbernagel, who is our Director
of Collections and Exhibitions,and really just the caretaker of
our stories in so many ways, ourartifacts, our collection, our
exhibits. And you know, Cori,it's hard to imagine someone who

(34:46):
could be more well suited forthis work. She just cares for
the people and the things.
Things, meaning, objects,artifacts. You know, that. To
help to tell these stories in away that's like her own family,
her own personal memories andthings. I mean, it's, it's

(35:07):
really beautiful to watch, and Iremember, you know, thinking
about what you were saying aboutHenry, and just being grateful
that someone was there to listenand to hear his story and keep
the story and share the story.
We have a portrait book comingout. It's at the printer right
now, hopefully by the timepeople are listening, it will be

(35:28):
out and available. But it's aportrait of 40 some Holocaust
survivors, local Holocaustsurvivors, and a little
handwritten quote from each oneof them and their biographies.
And about half of thesesurvivors had never shared their
story before, and Cori was theone who was going in in these

(35:48):
people's homes to take theirpictures and to hear from them
and to document their stories.
And you can just tell by herdemeanor, she's just so again,
just born to do that. Shereflects often. I've heard her
share this a number of timesthat one of the survivors, you
know, when she thanked them forsharing, they said, Well, you're
the first person to ask,

yeah. I mean, think about that. And I would
encourage everybody who'slistening to share your stories,
because here's one of the thingsthat I took away from what, what
Cori said she talked about herdisconnection to, you know, the
Holocaust, and that, that partof the, you know, the Jewish

(36:31):
experience, and it was throughthe hearing of the stories that
she found not only connection,But deep appreciation. And I
think all of us can say, youknow, as an African American,
you know, hearing the thestories of what you know, my
forefathers and mothers wentthrough what they endured for me

(36:52):
to be able to be here todaygives me an and do what I do,
gives me an appreciation fortheir sacrifice, their hard
work, their their pain, theirstruggle, that makes you
thankful for them. And so Ithink like you know, if you're a
parent, share your story withyour kids, so that they have an

(37:16):
appreciation and a gratefulnessfor who you are and what you've
done to enable them to be ableto enjoy whatever life it is
that they have. I, you know, andmake them listen, you know. You
know, that's the importantthing. Like my I feel like my

(37:36):
father tried as best he could toshare some of his stories, you
know. But sometimes I was toobusy on my own thing with my own
friends to want to sit down andtake time to listen to that and
you know, as a 50 year old adultnow, there's not a day that goes
by that I wish I hadn't listenedmore intently to some of those

(37:56):
stories I greatly appreciate.
You know, my dad and my mom andeverything that they did for me,
but I wish I'd have taken moretime to listen, you know,
document, you know, take inthose stories. So if you've got
kids out there, definitely makesure that they they know your
story, they understand.

And this is the time of year when we give gifts,
and I'm trying to come up witheight gifts for my kids for
Hanukkah. And I think I mightjust be like, so you get a toy
every other night, and on theoff nights, the gift is a story.
I'm gonna tell you a story aboutthe people who came before you,
who you are, yeah, and what youhave to be grateful for in in
the just those things, yeah,maybe even just gonna start

(38:35):
giving stories as gifts,

absolutely, or even even, uh even, recording a
video, yeah, yeah. Like, even ifthey don't listen to it now, you
know, one day, yeah. Just like,you know, we have the stories of
our Holocaust survivors thatwill live on. You know, through
this museum and other means,think about that in your own
family, that even if your kidsare too into themselves and what

(39:00):
they've got going on right nowto listen, there will be one
day, yeah, where they'llappreciate you know, you having
having done that? Yeah,absolutely.

So the next story we have is an upstander
story, and this one is fromEmily Kendall,

yeah, this month's upstander is 2024
Upstander Award winner, EmilyKendall. Emily and her husband
Mark, founded EmpowerMe Livingto transform housing options for
people with disabilities.

Emily credits her son, Luke, who has Down
syndrome, with inspiring her andher husband's work, and she says
that one of his strengths isgratitude, and she learns from
him every day. Let's listen.
You know, we talk in the museumabout people meeting their
moment, upstanders who meettheir moment. And it's just like
hearing about the fact thatyou've been preparing your whole

(39:53):
life to be able to meet thismoment. You know? I mean, you
didn't even in a way thatprobably. Never occurred to you
until you know now, but the factthat you have this experience,
that you've built the skills andthe network and the awareness
around you know how to work inthis space, and then you know,

(40:15):
and then there's a moment ofneed, right? That's that's like
the the common story of anupstander is, there's there's
strength, there's preparationthat I don't even know they're
preparing for, and then there'sa need. And the difference is
the choice that you make to leanin or not, and the fact that you
and Mark have so powerfullyleaned into this is really
inspiring. It's reallyinspiring. Well,

Emily Kendall (40:36):
thank you. I want to say that one of the things
that I love about your missionis that anyone is standard, yes,
I want to emphasize that forlisteners, yeah, I am. I am just
a middle aged mom fromCincinnati, Ohio, right, right.

(40:58):
That's most of the time I'mtrying to get three children out
the door and get my cup ofcoffee in, yep, and enjoy it
before it gets cold, right? Yep,yep. But that's the beauty that
this power is within all of us.
All of us have this ability.
Luke, my son has this ability,and I say that he teaches us

(41:22):
more than we teach him, and Iwouldn't be doing this if it
wasn't for him. So he is. Hisname means light. The name Luke
means light, and that is verymuch what he is. Wow, there's my
light that keeps me going. Oh,my

goodness. Well, quite clearly, and he's doing a
good job, because you are, youare rolling right along. There's
been a lot of research done. I'mthinking about our friends at
the via Institute on charactercharacter, and in particular
Ryan niemeck, who has done a lotof research around strengths in
people with disabilities. It'slike abilities within

(41:59):
disabilities, essentiallystrengths within disabilities,
and it so powerfully connects towhat you were sharing about your
son. What do you feel like hisstrengths are? What has he
taught you? My gosh,

in a world where we are constantly seeking, you
know, presence and focus and,you know, there's all these apps
better help and calm and themeditating, and we're all
seeking for this like Lukeinherently already has that Wow.
Luke lives his life in thepresent moment. That's not to

(42:35):
say that he does not have hisemotions and feelings. He has
them and he moves forward, Iwould say that one of his
strengths is definitelygratitude.

Yeah, yeah.
Well, that's what allows you tolive in the present. Yes,

it is gratitude.
And he is not too worried abouttomorrow or harder, not worried
about, Yeah, yesterday. He'slike, we're here right now.

Man, really, really, very powerful. And I
think that, you know, storieslike Luke's, and I, you know, I
always find people withdisabilities very inspiring in
terms of their approach to life,because if there's anybody who

(43:20):
you would say has a right to beangry, be angry, be sad, be
depressed, to feel like you knowyou didn't get a fair shake. A
lot of times it's people withdisabilities, but you know, a
lot of times when you encounterthose folks, they're some of the
most joyful people that you'llmeet. You know. And I think it's

(43:43):
partly because of the attitudethat the Emily talked about, you
know, just this sense ofgratitude, this sense of, you
know, being thankful, you know,for what, for what they do have,
and not allowing what they don'thave to be impediments to them
trying to live life to thefullest. And I think, you know,

(44:04):
I think, as she said, you know,Luke teaches them more than they
teach him. And I think it's alesson that you know, that all
of us can learn. You know fromthat, you know we need to be
more grateful for the thingsthat that we do have, because
even someone who might have lessthan you in terms of of physical

(44:28):
capabilities or developmentalcapabilities, these are still
folks who who move forward andand she talked about living in,
you know, living In the momentagain, just going back to
another, uh, another faiththing, you know, Scripture talks
about not worrying abouttomorrow, uh or fretting about

(44:50):
yesterday, but living today. Youknow, appreciate today. You
know, today has enough in and ofitself that, yeah, you know,
one. Should be preoccupied withor be concerned about, to live
in the moment, to appreciatemoments. And a lot of times it's
hard for us to be mindful of themoment and appreciate the moment

(45:16):
because we're worried about, youknow, what's coming next? Yeah,
I can't even enjoy, you know,this concert that I'm at because
I'm trying to video record it,because I'm thinking about who
I'm going to share it with afterI get so, you know, I haven't
even been able to fully immersemyself in in the situation and
be grateful for this, this workof art, or whatever it is that

(45:37):
I'm experiencing, because we're,we're always so fragmented and
here and there. So I justthought those were some some
powerful comments from that.

Yeah, that she's she and her husband, Mark, and
their whole family. I mean,they're really incredible. They
won the Frank Gerson award forcreativity this past two years
ago. I'm sorry, two years agowas our first awards. And, yeah,
it's just an amazing story ofpeople meeting their moment, you
know, working, I think they werein commercial real estate, and

(46:09):
then they had a child with IDD,and realized there was a need
for housing that was not beingmet. And they said, well, may as
well be us, you know, if not us,then who? Yeah, they just
activated and so, but the factthat gratitude is a part of that
recipe for them, and somethingthat, you know, fuels them

(46:32):
coming from their son, is reallyspecial. And, I mean, it's right
alongside with, you know, MasonBailey, right? Who won? You
know, born with cerebral palsy,number one strength is
gratitude, right? There'ssomething to learn there. I
mean, absolutely, open your eyesand pay attention to that. It's
like, the older I get, the moreI realize it's just the more I

(46:52):
realize this. I watch it in mykids, you know, I haven't I have
a firstborn who is a typicaloverachiever, first born, and
she's always harping on theperfection and wanting to, you
know, and then I, and then Ihave a younger daughter who is
who's really concerned aboutfinding the rainbows in the
cloudy sky. And it's not to saythat one strength is better. We

(47:16):
need both, right? But I think assomeone who's primed for the
first piece. Naturally, I'm nowin my as I as I get older, and
as I watch my kids, I'm I'm morecognizant of trying to cultivate
that look for the rainbowstrength sure in myself. Because
it's not, it's not somethingwhere, you know, I didn't pop

(47:36):
out like our youngest, who'sjust looking for rainbows every
day. Yeah, I popped out lookingfor the like, the what's the
next thing I can do to, youknow, to make sure I get it
right. And so I just think thisidea of these transcendent
strengths are so important, andthey require a certain sort of
maturity and perspective toreally take stock in,

yeah. And I think, I think, as you said,
both of those are greatstrengths. And I think what we
want, I think what most of uswant to do is kind of try to
find the balance there, right?
Like, it's like, perfection isunachievable as it is still
should be a goal to is anadmirable goal to strive for.
Like, try to be better excellenttoday than I was yesterday.

(48:14):
Would be the, be the best that Ican you know, those are the
messages that we that we teach.
But I think even in in the midstof that, we have to learn how to
give ourselves grace and begrateful for and thankful for
where we are. While I'm notwhere I want to be, I'm not
where I was right and where I'mat, it's not too bad, yeah, and

(48:36):
so, so that's the that's thelooking for the rainbows, even
as we strive for what's beyondthe rainbow, right? And, and I
think that's the sweet spot, youknow, that that most of us want
to try to hit. I just want toshare this because it's a story
that I use over and over again,and it has, and it has to do

(48:57):
with with a person withdisabilities, or as a video I
might have shared this on apodcast once before, now that I
think about it, but it was avideo that I saw probably about
a year, year or so ago, and itwas of a mother who had no arms
and she was caring for herchild, and in one leg she held

(49:19):
her baby, and With the otherleg, she used her feet to hold
the bottle and feed her babywith the feet. You

have not shared the story before, because I
would remember this story. It'sa

video that's out there, if you can find it. It's
one of the most amazing things.
And she's not only feeding thebaby with the bottle, but then
she takes a napkin, uses herfoot, wipes the baby's mouth off
and everything, just as any

So that's and that's the pivot at the end of
mother would do if she had, youknow, arms. And it was the most
amazing thing that I had everseen in that it said to me,
like, Here is someone with everyreason, every excuse to say,
Can't, feel I can't. Maybe,yeah. Can't do it, but she used

(50:05):
what she had at her disposal.
And I'm sure that that probablytook an incredible amount of
practice, you know, think about,think about how many, how many
fails were probably involved inthat before she actually got the
opportunity to be able to get tothe place where she was, where
she did it so expertly, and itwas just very it was very

(50:27):
inspiring to me, and I wasthankful for seeing that,
because it did shift my itshifted my mind from a can't
attitude that like, it's not amatter of capability, right?
It's a matter of mindset, yeah,mental capacity. You know that
we can do amazing things if wejust have the right attitude,

(50:47):
the right mindset, that that youknow, being grateful for what
you do have, and learning how totake what you do have and and
try to be excellent with that.
the year we should all befinding ourselves in, which is,
okay, I'm gonna reflect back.
How do I take stock in the good?

(51:07):
Yeah, so that I can project thatfor myself in 2025 for my
friends, for my community. Andby doing that, the exercise of
doing that, and other peopleseeing you do that, it has the
kind of effect that this videohad on you, which is to say
that's possible. Yeah, that's apossible way to be, that's a
possible way to live. Things arepossible. So, you know, it's
good for us, but it's also goodfor the people who are in our

(51:29):
spaces and our networks and ourfamilies and our communities to
see us do that. To wrap thingsup for the end of the year, I
just wanted to share a fewthings. First, a couple of
shameless plugs, which actuallyhave a lot to do with what we
talked about. We have aincredibly busy January in the
museum coming up. We are sograteful, speaking of gratitude

(51:52):
to the Schneider family, Hankand Anita Schneider and their
children, Ben and RonnaSchneider and Micah and Jessica
Max and even theirgrandchildren, actually, who
came together to support anendowment that's providing free
admission in January intoperpetuity. So if you have not
seen the museum, come inJanuary. It's free and and

(52:14):
listen to these stories. We havea beautiful new audio tour that
we just launched, so you don'teven need a tour guide. You can
come and listen and take yourtime. It's a great way to start
your year with a grateful note.

Absolutely, and even if you haven't, if you have
been to the museum, look, I'vebeen to the museum a couple of
times, and it's a prettyexpansive place, and like, you
don't get to absorb like you cancome to the museum sometimes and
just spend, like, a day or ahalf day, like, with just a
couple of exhibits there toreally just kind of, like,

(52:46):
absorb it. So I think, you know,even if you have been take
advantage of the opportunity tocome and make multiple trips and
spend some time,

yeah, and we have, you know, speaking of
another thing in January, so ifyou're coming and you've
already, you've already been tothe museum. Come back, because
we have a brand new we're goingto be launching a brand new
testimony, brand new testimoniesin our dimensions and testimony
gallery. So this is this amazinginteractive experience. If
you've never experienced thisbefore, it's something you
really ought to do, where youcan come and have a conversation

(53:18):
with a survivor in real time. Sothis is sort of facilitated
through natural language. Youknow, there's an AI algorithm
that pairs questions andanswers. It's not an AI
experience. The answers, therecorded answers that we have
from our survivors, are realanswers. They are not developed
by a computer. They are actuallytaped from real people. But

(53:41):
there's an algorithm that issort of adapt adaptively, learns
the more you you engage with itto source the real clip that is
most responsive to yourquestion. Anyway, it's an
amazing experience and and inJanuary, we're launching the
first local testimony that we'vebeen able to have in that

(54:01):
gallery. And it is the story ofHenry Fenichel, Henry, in his
own words, sharing his story,nice, really, a powerful
experience. And Henry, who Ijust love for so many reasons,
he said he's going to have tocome down and see what he says
to himself. He can't wait totalk to himself.

Imagine that conversation with yourself. I
mean, I do that probably morethan is healthy, but I think you

just did that.
Actually, just did that. Yeah,so come down talk to Henry
anytime in January, for free.
We're so excited about this, andthen we'll be we actually also

Absolutely.
are sort of launching a secondtestimony around 1940s day. So
towards the middle of '25 AlMiller, we also were fortunate
enough to capture his testimonyin this format when he was still

So gratitude to the people whose stories we are
with us. And so that is ready togo, and we'll be launching right
around 1940s day at the museumcenter, towards the middle of
the year. So we have a we. Havean action packed January lined
up. We want to see everybody atthe museum. And I would be
remiss if I didn't also thankBob and Lori Fregolle and the

(55:12):
Jewish Foundation which madethose Dimensions in Testimony
captures possible, bothincredibly generous, generous
funders of those thatinitiative. And then lastly, I
thought we could just go out ona note of gratitude for for the
work that we were able to dotogether. And so, you know, we
were talking Kevin about, youknow, how to sort of frame this,

(55:36):
how to think about it. And Ithink really, you know, in the
my practice of gratitude, likeI've said now six or seven times
with my kids, we talk aboutthree things with what three
things are we grateful for? Idon't know why three. It's a
good number. And sometimesactually, they'll say, Mom, can

(55:57):
I say a fourth or I have afifth? And I know it's really
working, you know, and you cancome up with more than three.
But for today, let's justsuffice to suffice it to say
that, you know, the three thingsthat I think we're really
grateful for here at theUpstander Ripple Effect, at the
Holocaust and Humanity Center,are the people who are

(56:20):
courageous enough to let us telltheir stories, our survivors,
our liberators, theirdescendants, our upstanders, who
have the courage to have thelived experience and then to
entrust those stories with us,to share them. So grateful, so
grateful for them every day,people who make the storytelling

(56:40):
possible, right? So that's you.
That's our amazing crew, Bob andJosh and Anne and Ron and the
staff at our at our museum andour and our board and our
volunteers and our donors whogenerously give of their of
their resources and their timeand their passion and their
ambassadorship to make sure thatwe seize the moment to tell

(57:01):
these stories before they'relost to history. Yeah. And then
lastly, the people who listen,right? Because storytelling
requires listeners. It's notjust happening in a vacuum,
right? The Act of, we saw thatwith Cori and with Henry, the
act of sharing your own humanityand having someone receive that

(57:21):
is a really special innerexchange of gifts, right?
fortunate and privileged enoughto tell, to the people who make
that possible, and to ouramazing listeners and audiences
at the museum and our programshere, you know, in our podcast,

(57:41):
we're just immeasurably gratefulfor the opportunity to do this
work and for all that you giveus.

Absolutely I am, I am so grateful to be a part of
this, this great journey andthis great experience. I'm
grateful for the stories, theperspectives, I think, all of
which have contributed to, youknow, making me be a better
person and to be more empathetictoward towards others. And just,

(58:13):
you know, really, again, we talkabout perspective. You know, it
takes perspective to havegratitude, but gratitude also
increases your perspective aswell. And so I'm grateful for
the opportunity to be a part ofthis. I'm grateful for your
friendship and all of the greatfolks who help make this this

(58:33):
possible. And there are somegreat folks. I mean, we have
this is one of the things I lookmost forward to in my month is
coming in and doing this, and,you know, getting to hear the
stories of folks on the crew andwhat's been going on, and it's
just great. It's a greatopportunity and and so glad to

(58:53):
be a part of it.

It's, yeah, it is definitely, what is yours
half

full, yeah, probably a little less than
those who

are listening or looking at our water glasses. So
I'm just gonna say both of oursare half full, even though yours
is

negative way emptier than mine. Maybe I could
have said a little bit more thana third of the way full instead
of less than half. That was Thatwasn't very great. Mine

is just about full. Okay, mine is maybe it
couldn't even get any fullerthan it is, and that's thanks to
all of you. So thanks again.
We'll be back in 2025 with moreepisodes, and as always, you
know how to reach us in the shownotes. Please send us an email
or a tweet or a can you call ita tweet? Still,

I don't know. Is it an X? I don't you know. Call
it a post, a post,

you know, let us know what you're thinking as
you're listening and and if youengage in your own gratitude
practice, tell us how it'sgoing. I'm really curious. I'm
telling you, it will make you abeliever overnight, the way my
kids have really transformedthrough this practice of just on
the way to school, "What arethree things you're grateful
for?" So give it a try and letus know what you think, and

(01:00:05):
we'll see you next year. Let usknow your thoughts on this
episode. Our email is in theshow notes. You can listen
anytime on Spotify, Applepodcasts or visit Holocaust and
humanity.org/podcast. You canalso connect with us on
Instagram and Tiktok@holocaustandhumanity and X
Facebook @CincyHHC. TheUpstander Ripple Effect is a
production of the Nancy & DavidWolf Holocaust & Humanity

(01:00:27):
Center. The Center's mission isto ensure that the lessons of
the Holocaust inspire actiontoday. This series is part of
the Cynthia & Harold GuttmanFamily Center for Storytelling.
Visit us in person at historicunion terminal in Cincinnati,
Ohio, or online anytime atholocaustinhumanity.org.
Managing Producer is AnneThompson. Consulting Producer is

(01:00:48):
Joyce Kamen. Technical Produceris Robert Mills, and Technical
Director is Josh Emerson. Theopening sequence is by Ken
Furman. Select music is by KickLee, and this is recorded at
Technical Consulting Partnerstudios in Cincinnati, Ohio.

All Episodes

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

On Purpose with Jay Shetty

Stuff You Should Know

Dateline NBC

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Episode 8: "Gratitude" featuring Henry Fenichel and Emily Kendall

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

.css-r6mb8g{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:1;overflow:hidden;}On Purpose with Jay Shetty

Stuff You Should Know

Dateline NBC

All Episodes

Episode 8: "Gratitude" featuring Henry Fenichel and Emily Kendall

On Purpose with Jay Shetty