Venus welcomes guest Matty who shares the evolution of his polyamorous cuckolding relationship with his wife, from natural flirtation to a structured arrangement where emotional connection and safety are prioritized.
Key points:
• Matty and his wife discovered their dynamic organically over the course of their 15-year relationship
• His wife's natural flirtatiousness and his comfort with her interactions with other men formed the foundation
• Their journey from casual flirtation to polyamorous cuckolding took approximately 10 years
• Communication and transparency have been essential to navigating potential jealousy
• Safety is prioritized through developing relationships with trusted people rather than strangers
• The relationship provides fulfillment for both partners in different ways
• Matty advises couples to take things slowly and start with "softer" entry points
• Building a strong foundation of friendship and partnership is crucial before adding polyamory
• Resources like polyamory podcasts and kink-aware therapists can help couples navigate challenges
• Finding support from others in similar relationships helps manage emotional complexity
Links:
The Multiamory Podcast - https://www.multiamory.com/podcast#gsc.tab=0
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is the Venus Cuckoldress podcast, a place to
learn all things cuckolding forthe curious, for the passionate
and for the sexually empoweredwoman who wants it all.
Let's go.
(00:32):
Welcome to the show.
I'm your host, venus.
Thanks for joining me today.
Today, my guest is maddie andhe's going to be talking about
his cuckolding polyamorousrelationship that he's in with
his wife, and we're going tolearn all about what exactly
that is, what it looks like andhow that actually developed.
It's a really cool story.
I think you're going to love it.
We're also going to learn aboutsome things that you might want
(00:53):
to consider when it comes tothis kind of relationship, and
this is a great episode forcouples who are curious to learn
about how those two worlds ofcuckolding and polyamory can
combine and blend together.
Going to learn about someresources and the other things
suggestions to help navigatethis kind of relationship
(01:14):
Because, as you can imagine, itmight be a little bit complex
and challenging, and we're goingto jump right in right after
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Speaker 2 (03:06):
It's great to be here and talk with you about this.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
Yeah, so I came, or you came, across my post on
Reddit.
I put a post on there.
I was looking for guests forthe show.
Share your story.
Can you tell us a little bitabout your marriage and how
cuckolding became part of it?
Speaker 2 (03:31):
Yeah, sure.
So we met.
I guess we've been maybe 15years ago that we met and you
know, I was in my early 30s andshe was in her 20s and yeah, we
had a very normal courtship.
You know, we were having funtogether.
(03:53):
We met at a bar and traveledand did all the things.
She was always very flirty,though, and that didn't bother
me.
She liked to dance and so therewas always an aspect of that in
our lives.
And, you know, over the yearsshe would maybe go out and or
even before that we would go outtogether and she'd be like, ooh
(04:15):
, look at, look at that guy overthere there.
You know, like, tell me aboutit and I would, you know, play
along, and it would be a funkind of experience for both of
us to to like just very vanillaand like no risk involved
whatsoever.
It was just kind of fun forboth of us.
And you know, that sort of thingkind of evolved over time where
she would go out with herfriends and then maybe she would
(04:37):
come back and report to meafter a night, a little bit
tipsy about how she danced withsomebody or fluttered with
somebody out, how she dancedwith somebody or flirty with
somebody.
So that's kind of how it allnaturally evolved in our
relationship.
So it was certainly somethingthat excited me and I think, has
excited her as well too.
So from there, you know, ittook a long time for us to get
(04:57):
into more of this kind ofpolyamorous, cuckolding
relationship sort of thing, butit did go there over time.
So it probably took, you know,10 years of us in this kind of
flirty, fun sort of way to amore, you know, changing our
dynamic.
So we.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
So in the beginning, before you met her, did you know
you were into anythingcuckolding?
Or is this something thatspawned between the two of you?
Speaker 2 (05:22):
I'm trying to think, you know, I mean, I guess you
know I was always kind of intokinks and you know I was always
interested in things like, youknow, multiple partners or
threesomes or things like that.
But you know, I guess maybe itdid start, I did start thinking
about it more.
(05:42):
I didn't really know what itwas, I guess, at the time, but I
did like the idea, it wasexciting to me and it turned me
on.
So, but yeah, but before that,I don't think it was necessarily
something that I like lookedfor, it was just something that
kind of came out of our naturaldynamics.
So okay, but there's a lot ofpeople out there that probably
think I'm pretty lucky because alot of folks look for it first
(06:05):
and foremost.
But I kind of fell into it alittle bit.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
Yeah, and, and she seemed to like if you, I don't
know, it's the fact that she wasfelt comfortable and safe to
tell you that there was guyshitting on her and that you
weren't going to get jealous andmad and angry and lash out, and
so there must've been sometrust there.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
Yeah, for sure, and I think it was just part of our
dynamic, of what maybe attractedus to each other too is just
that I was maybe had more of a,you know, laid back submissive
role and she was definitely alittle more aggressive.
And, yeah, I think it just waskind of our natural demeanors
that kind of led to thisattraction where she felt
(06:46):
comfortable fulfilling that roleand I did as well too.
So, you know, just simple stufflike going out and her dancing
with somebody else didn't neverbothered me.
So I think that was like a clueas to you know what might come
down the road, but I didn'treally know that at the time.
Speaker 1 (07:03):
Yeah, you guys kind of won the dating lottery when
you met each other.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
Yeah, yeah, pretty, much, pretty much.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
That's so awesome.
Yeah, there's gonna be a lot ofjealous people listening right
now, because, for all thecouples who are listening right
now and you're living your bestlives in a cuckolding
relationship, let me tell youthis is a privilege for couples.
This really is.
This is something that, onceyou have it, you hold onto it
and you hold dear to it, becauseit's very, very difficult to
(07:31):
find when you're a single personand you're looking for this
kind of thing.
Like it's difficult to findsomeone who lines up with you
with cuckolding, but it's alsovery difficult to find somebody
that you want to live with forthe rest of your life.
So you found both those thingswhich is like amazing, that's
awesome.
So at what point did you guysgo from so she liked flirting or
(07:55):
she was very flirtatious, or isa very flirtatious person, and
you enjoyed hearing about thestories of her getting hit on by
other men and stuff like thatAt what point did it transition
into something a little bit moreserious?
Speaker 2 (08:08):
well, and also during that time, um, she, like maybe
a couple years after we weretogether, she reconnected with
one of her old friends, like anex that they had, um, they had
dated for like a few months orsomething like that.
It wasn't very serious but theyhad had fun together and so
(08:29):
they reconnected and would meetfor lunch and stuff like that
and they maintained thisfriendship throughout the years.
Throughout the past, you knowwhatever 12, 13 years Texting
and meeting for lunch andmeeting up occasionally, but
just platonically.
But they would share lots ofinformation about their lives
(08:49):
and he would talk about hisescapades and his women and
different people that he'd beenwith with her and she'd
sometimes relate those storiesto me.
But it wasn't until it must havebeen like six or seven years
ago we had moved away from thecity where we met and she had
(09:11):
gone back to visit and shereconnected with actually a
different flirtatious connection, kind of coincidentally, and
they met up and they kind oflike started talking a little
bit and she kind of related tome and and so they eventually
saw each other and then when wewent out to visit she spent a
(09:32):
couple of of evenings kind ofgoing out with him, and then
they ended up like connectingphysically as well, but not more
so than before, but not likeall the way.
So they hadn't had sex oranything like that yet.
So they were.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
Was she telling you about this before or during or
after?
Speaker 2 (09:51):
She said, yeah, well, she told me she's going out to
meet up and I kind of knew moreor less what was going on.
And there's one point beforethis that she had gone out by
herself, and so that guy andanother guy were at a party that
she'd gone out by herself, andand, uh, so that guy and another
guy were at a at a party thatshe had gone to.
And she's told me she's like,oh, I could have hooked up with
two guys tonight, sort of thing.
(10:12):
But then then back to this,this visit.
She, she had come back late,like at 5 am in the morning, and
woke me up and told me kind ofwhat had happened and that they
had been having fun and that shewent back to his place and that
, um, a lot happened.
But she said that they didn'tgo all the way.
She, she kind of stopped it at acertain point okay, so she, she
(10:34):
didn't feel comfortable rightokay so, um, so they like stayed
connected and would chat andshe would, you know, keep me,
keep me in the loop as to whatwas going on and how they're
talking.
But that kind of relationship alittle bit fizzled out because
we were thousands of miles apartand they chatted but it just it
didn't work out.
(10:54):
So he eventually moved out ofthat city too, and then, you
know, they weren't going to bereally able to see each other
that often.
So that was kind of the end ofthat and it went back to kind of
business as usual where shewould, you know, maybe go out
and flirt with somebody and thatwould be about it.
I do remember at one point herasking me like what?
are your thoughts about PollyannAmory, about this time, and I,
(11:16):
you know, I thought like, oh,that sounds very complicated.
You know, that's a lot.
I got a lot.
I got enough going on.
I can't imagine doing more thanthat and it just wasn't
something that I could seemyself doing.
You know, being a part of thatI, you know I'm I was interested
in my relationship with someoneelse I think she was thinking
(11:37):
about it in terms of herself,but kind of feeling me out about
it, okay.
Because what her thoughts are isthat it just felt a lot safer
for her to have theserelationships with people that
she trusted and knew and caredfor, and knew that they cared
(12:01):
about her and her privacy andher relationship and what she
wanted.
So I think that's where herhead was at and knew that we
both were excited abouteverything.
But, that was an important thingfor her.
So I'm trying to think of theexact timeline, but in any case,
(12:21):
at first I didn't think aboutit much, but eventually we did
start talking about a little bitmore and she was kind of at the
point where she really wantedto kind of pursue that.
She was reconnecting with theseguys that she felt comfortable
with and she wanted to pursue ita little bit more, and so we
had to have quite a bit ofconversation.
You know, it was a big changeto it's like a transition in our
(12:45):
relationship and that processtook, you know, time.
It was like a couple of yearsbetween the first time and then
when she finally was in arelationship with somebody else.
So so it was.
That part was like a littlerocky for me, for both of us
trying to figure that out andcommunicate how to navigate it
(13:08):
and what that would look like,but at the same time it's still
super exciting for us.
So we actually ended up moving asecond time to another city and
the guy had mentioned that shehad dated before she and I got
together, told her that he wasgoing to be moving out here too,
out like a couple hours awayfrom here, and he had invited
(13:28):
her, like they met up and hadlunch and then he invited her to
a family party it was like awedding or something like that
and they were still just kind oflike hanging out or whatever,
just talking you know, nothingreally beyond that.
So he came out and you know, itwas like a couple of weeks away
and we spent time like trying tofigure out what she was going
(13:50):
to wear and, uh, you know it was, you know getting her, you know
picking out her outfit and howshe's going to wear her hair and
all these things.
And so I helped her with thatwhole process and I kind of knew
, you know what, what was whatwith that whole process?
And I kind of knew you knowwhat, what was what was
happening.
And I think she was in a littlebit of denial about it or just
like maybe not.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
What do you mean?
What was happening, like herfalling for someone else?
Speaker 2 (14:14):
Yeah, yeah, that that well, that night they would.
Probably.
Well, I think they'd they'dalready had this established
relationship.
You know they always talk, soit wasn't like she was.
It was maybe their dynamic waschanging, maybe not not falling,
so so, yeah, so, and I kind ofknew that that maybe something
was going to happen that night.
But so she went.
(14:35):
I actually I drove her to meetup with him and drove the car
and I I'd never met him before.
So I pull up outside and he'slike waiting outside and and
she's like all dressed up andall ready to go, and she gets
out of the car and he says helloto her, and then he reaches
into the window and shakes myhand and says thanks, and then
(14:59):
they walk away and I'm like, ohmy God, my heart was beating a
thousand miles an hour.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
Okay, no, help me understand how you felt in that
moment, because I'm not.
Oh my God, it's like my heartwas beating a thousand miles an
hour.
Okay, no, help me understandhow you felt in that moment,
cause I'm not a cuck, like Idon't.
I don't know how this all likeworks for you, but I'm like just
it amazes me where you.
Obviously these are liketypical I don't want to say
typical, but maybe like commoncucky ritual things of get
(15:25):
helping her to get ready andthen the whole dropping her off
for her date thing is.
This is a big thing for forguys who are into cuckolding.
How did you feel in that moment?
You said your heart was racing,but were you what like?
What did it really feel like?
Speaker 2 (15:41):
I mean it was very exciting to think because we
didn't really know, we hadn'ttalked about anything besides
her going to this event, whereshe was going with a guy that
nobody else knew her.
So the optics of it were thatshe was going as his date, right
(16:01):
, right, going as his date,right, um.
So you know, it wasn't like.
You know, you hear a lot ofstories from cucks about you
know they, they knew they, theymet somebody on reddit and
they're set up a date at a hoteland they were.
You knew exactly what was goingto be happening.
Um, but it was super exciting.
(16:22):
You know, like the, theprospect of it it was like
dangling out there.
Um, there was this like, um, youknow, like this tension in the
air, like sexual tension.
She had gotten all dressed upand I had helped her and and I
knew when we had talked thatthey were flirty and had a past
(16:42):
and so, um, you know, I kind offeel I'm like feeling it, I feel
like it just talking about itright now with you a little bit,
just that nervous anxiousness alittle bit, but, um, but like
exciting, so like it's likemaybe, like I don't know
anything that you do in yourlife.
That is a little bit scary, butyou, you want to do it, um,
(17:07):
maybe like the first time you,you like put yourself out there
on, you know, on podcasts or onYouTube or something like that,
and that like that first showwhen you're interviewing
somebody, and like that nervousanxiousness, you know you want
to do it, but but it's scary atthe same time.
So I think I mean that that'skind of what I was feeling and
(17:27):
and also is like, um, you knowsomething, you know this, this
desire to be in this type ofrelationship had had been there
for years, right, and and solike getting that much closer to
it felt a lot more real, andespecially like seeing, and,
yeah, just like feeling thatfeeling of realness, that like,
(17:49):
oh my god, this is actually whoI am, and, um, that that kind of
trying to like wrap your headaround it at the same time of
like this is really happeningsort of thing.
It's all those those emotionshitting at once and, um, it's
exciting, and it's also like,once you leave, then it's just
like there in the ether in yourhead.
(18:11):
You know it's just sitting outthere, you're not sure what's
going on, and so I can justremember being kind of like
preoccupied by it and a littlenervous, but like prepared at
the same time.
Not feeling like overwhelmed oranything like that, but at that
particular time it wasn't likethat.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
So she went to this event and no one knew who she
was, so it looked like they werea couple and you knew that
going into that, like she knewshe was going, gonna look like
that was her date or whatever.
Um, so what happened after that?
Speaker 2 (18:50):
like she had a great time and she so, so that night
she, she came home and told melike how it went, like she, well
, she came home and she was, shewas a bit tipsy, she had, uh,
and it was like 5 am when shegot home.
So I was like, of course, likeburning with curiosity as to
what had happened.
And, um, she told me that theyhad a great time, that people
(19:14):
were asking how long they hadbeen together.
You know, like those, sorts ofthings and uh, and she's like,
well, I just kind of deflectedand didn't really answer the
questions.
But then she's like andafterwards we went out to kind
of like an after party.
We went to a bar nearby and wewere set talking and she told me
(19:35):
how they were kind of likeflirty and then a little more
touchy-feely, and then they wentout to the sidewalk and things
went even farther than that andthey were kissing and she was
wearing a skirt and how he hadtook advantage of that and felt
(19:56):
her up and fingered her on thesidewalk and everything.
And so she came back.
She was super excited and veryaroused from the whole situation
.
So, um, but that was that waskind of.
After that she got into a caband and came home and and told
me all about it.
But she did that night.
She's like oh, my god, yes, I,I was super turned on and
(20:19):
excited too and so did you guyshave like amazing sex together
when she came home?
oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah yeah itwas super hot and, uh, you know,
kind of like you want to fuckhim, don't you?
And she's like, oh yes, I do,and like that was just it was
your cock brain exploded, yeahit was.
It was amazing and super crazyand and so we had a great time.
(20:44):
And then, like the next day andand like she was like a little
like she's, she was excited.
She was kind of like bashful alittle bit like oh my god, what
happened last night.
That was you know that sort ofthing.
And uh, um, but she's like, doyou think that we could do that
and why?
And so we had, you know thatconversation, like would this be
possible?
(21:04):
Like how would that look?
And she's, and you know, to herit was a big thing where she
didn't want to just like havethis, you know, she cared about
this, this other person, anddidn't want to like string him
along and was concerned abouthow he would feel.
But then also like, what doesthat mean about our relationship
?
So it's very confusing, right?
(21:24):
No-transcript.
(21:52):
So, um, so they planned onmeeting up again and, uh, they
did one of the first times theymet up, you know, they, he came
kind of to our city and theystayed nearby, but they went out
or whatever, and then theyspent the night at the hotel and
the next day she, or that night, she came back again and I, of
(22:14):
course, I was like, couldn'tsleep and was eager to know what
, how it went.
And and she's, she, she's, shehad told me that she's like she
couldn't believe it.
She, she thought that there wassomething wrong with her
because she was so embarrassedbecause she had squirted for the
first time that had neverhappened to her before and that
he was able to and I was just,you know, it was not something
(22:36):
that was ever on my radar andthat that could happen and that
wasn't my specialty andapparently it is.
So that was kind of likeanother milestone.
And then eventually, you know,we talked about it and she's
like okay, this weekend we'regoing to have sex finally.
(22:56):
And so I remember that one waslike that was a little harder
moment, I think, for me, in thatthey were going to spend the
weekend together.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
Yeah, it's a long time.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
So he came and picked her up at our house and I just
had a little bit of a panicattack and like like, oh my God,
this is crazy.
It wasn't that I didn't want itto happen, I was just it was a
big step and I was anxious andnervous.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
And yeah you.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
I think you know those other fears come into play
where you feel maybe inferioror what does this mean for my
relationship?
Is it is this, is he she justgonna prefer him over me, sort
of thing.
So like those thoughts of doubtgoing through my head, and so
that whole weekend was was kindof that.
That was a little bitchallenging, but when she got
(23:45):
back it took a few times for usto get super comfortable, where
it's like she knew what I neededand I knew what she needed and
we could communicate and feelokay about things.
But she was always veryconscientious about checking in
with me and reassuring me and Ithink it helped for me to tell
(24:07):
her how I was feeling, what Ineeded.
Obviously, like thosecommunication was a big part of
it, so but at the same time,like it was super exciting and
and uh, and since then you know,like that was all super
exciting, but then it's kind ofmore fun and natural.
Now it's like we got over thatkind of like needing to talk
(24:27):
about it every five minutes oror, like you know me, like I
definitely edited myself a bit.
Like you know, it was just inmy head a lot and I knew that
you know she would talk about itfor a bit and then be like,
okay, listen, enough Time totalk about you know dinner plans
for next week or whatever it isyou know, yeah, so, so like
(24:49):
balancing out real life with,with, with, that was also
something that we had to learnhow to manage, and you know that
you had mentioned on your lastpodcast that I listened to about
resources and things, and Ithink there's a lot more
resources out there forpolyamory and I think one of the
things I learned about, one ofthe things that made me feel
(25:12):
most, I don't know, just gave meperspective on the cuckolding
lifestyle and the polyamorouslifestyle is like when somebody
was.
I always thought of polyamory asbeing kind of, I don't know,
like lots of rules and things,and in any case, when somebody
had said like oh, and I wastalking to my partner and I
(25:35):
asked him how their night wasand they said oh, you know, we
hooked up and the other partnersaid hot, or something like that
.
Just like, oh, okay, it's okayto to think of some your partner
being somebody else's being hot.
That's not like creepy, it'slike it's okay, it's, you know,
I don't know if I'm articulatingthat very well, but, um, but
(25:56):
anyway, the there's, thoseresources, I think, helped me a
lot.
I also found another cuckonline that I talked to and I
never don't know their name,don't know anything about them
much, but other than their,their lifestyle, and so that you
know, whenever I was kind of,when I was alone, or that those
nights or those times, therewould be a way that I could, I
could talk with with him andshare, share war stories and
(26:19):
things.
Speaker 1 (26:20):
So I'm so happy to hear that men are reaching out
to other men for support andcomfort and all of those things.
Oh my gosh, the.
Speaker 2 (26:29):
I am so happy to hear that be a lot more resources
for folks and and connectionswith people and, um, you know,
even for, like my wife, you know, I think she wishes, and both
(26:49):
of us wishes maybe we had likeanother couple, friend that
weren't a similar lifestyle andwe could be, you know, just hang
out and she could talk with herand we, you know, just have a
lot more in common.
So it's hard to find that, orwe haven't found that.
I mean, I'm sure there's,there's folks in common, so it's
hard to find that, or wehaven't found that.
I mean, I'm sure there's folksout there that are very similar
(27:09):
to us in many ways, but it's notsomething that we broadcast out
.
You know, we have family and wehave jobs and things like that,
and so it's not something weshare with other folks.
Speaker 1 (27:23):
Really, so you're in a polyamorous cuckolding
relationship right now and, justbased on what you said, I'm
sure you guys have a certainlevel of discretion to make sure
that other people don't findout and stuff like that.
But if she is seeing the sameperson in an actual relationship
outside of your marriage, thenisn't that kind of risky Cause
(27:47):
people are going to see them out?
Yeah, there's.
Speaker 2 (27:51):
There's definitely that risk, I guess.
You know we live in a big cityand he, he has a whole different
crew of folks and so do we.
So we don't really, and itworks for us the way we have it.
We don't really mingle thosetwo lives.
It's not like we're.
I don't know if that's.
(28:11):
You know, I'm sure that there'ssome types of, or I know
there's some types of, polyamorythat that's considered maybe
not healthy, maybe.
But yeah, I think it works forus.
Where we're not, you know, wehave kids and stuff.
So we don't want to confusethat and, you know, put any of
(28:33):
that at risk for them.
You know I don't think it'd befair to them.
So but yeah, I mean I guessthere is a little bit of risk
and I mean I don't think it'sanybody's business either, and
if somebody says something, thenyou just I feel like you can
play it off and just let themthink what they want to think
and just live your life, andthey don't need to know anything
(28:57):
more than what they alreadyknow.
So, but it's not like we'resneaking around or anything, but
you know around or anything.
Speaker 1 (29:08):
But you know, um, okay, let's get into this whole
polyamorous thing, because Ilove how she she's taken the
lead on this, which is awesome.
I don't get the sense thatyou've like pushed her into any
of this.
You guys really kind of grownthis together kind of naturally,
which is awesome.
By the way, it also sounds likeyou guys have that kind of next
level communication skills.
Partner is going to leave himfor somebody else who's sexually
(29:50):
more capable than him or betterin some way, or, if you know,
she enjoys spending more timewith him, eventually she will
leave him.
This is like the biggest fearthat guys have, and you see, and
women have that fear too.
You see, and women have thatfear too.
A lot of women have that fear.
I have that fear.
I don't trust myself.
When I'm in love, I make stupiddecisions, like I do dumb shit.
(30:14):
I no, I don't have a goodhistory when it comes to that,
no, so so I don't trust myself.
I'd be, I'd be doing some dumbshit.
So if I was falling in lovewith somebody, I just don't
trust myself to make rational,fucking good decisions.
If I had somebody to keep me incheck, I think maybe that would
(30:37):
be better.
My best friend, she's the onewho keeps me in check.
She's always going to tell methe way it is.
But so how did you figure thatshit out?
Because weren't you just scared?
Aren't you naturally scared?
Am I no longer relevant, orwill I become irrelevant to my
(30:58):
wife because, like I don't knowhow you navigate that, I mean
yeah I think a couple things,like one.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
I like I probably am the best friend, right, so I you
know that, I that I'm there,and I think the biggest part is
we have so much history togethertoo and like we've got, we've
built a life together, sothere's it's a lot harder, just
to you're not disposable likeright yeah, I mean we.
(31:26):
It's hard to imagine, like usnot having that partnership and
that that you know this, all thestuff that we built together.
So there's a lot of inertiathere that's keeping us moving
in one direction and it would bereally difficult to change that
.
Also, I think just the natureof who we are as people and I
(31:49):
guess I trust her and also thatshe has absolutely no filter and
she's always talking all thetime, telling me everything she
thinks.
I'm a lot more in my head, butshe's always talking about, so I
always know exactly where shestands, so I know exactly what's
happening, um, and, and itleads to discussions and it it's
(32:10):
super helpful that she can kindof be that person and you know
it's helped me be a bettercommunicator, for sure, but
she's, she's always, um, superopen about it.
So I think, yeah, it's still,you know, I think part of the
appeal of being a cuck too isthat you know that submissive
side of it sometimes for somepeople, I guess, and that
(32:32):
vulnerability putting yourselfout there but then still coming
back to it is part of the appeal.
So yeah.
I mean it's scary.
It can be scary, for sure, andI think you just need to.
I don't necessarily think ofmyself as an overly confident,
(32:53):
self-confident person.
I have lots of insecurities butat the same time, I'm very,
very secure in my relationship.
I'm very secure in who I am andwhat I have to offer, and I
think also, like love is not azero sum game and like having
(33:13):
more love in your life, and likegiving your partner the
opportunity to do things that'simportant to them, is a key part
of a long term relationship, Ithink, and I think that giving
your partner that opportunitywhether it's to, you know, take
up a new hobby or whatever it is, hang out with friends more
(33:34):
often, or whatever it is I thinkyou know that's part of what
makes a good relationship, andthat's maybe just how we express
that to each other.
Um, but yeah, I mean it is.
It is scary, but it is alsokind of um, I feel like that's.
I've learned, as in my olderage, that uh, I mean that's kind
of who I am and and I I like uhto it feels like I'm living a
(34:00):
more authentic lifestyle, to, towho I am, and kind of it's
fulfilling to me as well too.
So I mean, I know it's scaryfor a lot of folks and change is
super scary for everybody, butI feel like this is like um,
it's been, it's you know, it's ahuge thing and it changed our
lives, but it's like we, we'vedone, it's just another thing
(34:22):
that we've done together andlike it strengthened our
relationship as a result,because we've got this deep
trust for each other.
Speaker 1 (34:30):
So the most common.
What I've seen the most commonreaction or intervention that
people couples do when it comesto polyamory or preventing
feelings from being caught witha bull is implementing these
kinds of rules, boundaries andlimits, and one of the most
(34:52):
common ones is you'll see brandnew couples thinking about
trying cuckolding for the firsttime and they're looking for a
bull, and they come up with allsorts of funny little rules, and
usually the number one is likeno kissing a bull.
She's not allowed to kiss thebull either.
(35:12):
It's usually a cuck that makesthe rule, but sometimes it's the
woman as well who's like no, Ican't, I might fall in love if I
kiss this guy or that's justtoo emotional or whatever.
Like he's like no, no, no, no.
And that's so funny because youread this on Reddit too, on the
post, and I'm always like thatis so, like that's it's funny
(35:32):
because that is the most commonfirst rule that couples have and
it's the first rule that getsthrown out the fucking window.
Speaker 2 (35:40):
Like, she's just like right.
Speaker 1 (35:42):
She's just like she's making out with this guy.
How do you fuck, do you makeout without touching lips like
hello, like it's fucking weird.
And then she's in her headbecause she's like, oh, I gotta
remember not to do this and notto do that.
And it's just like, justfucking, let her live in the
moment, like yeah, but what I?
Speaker 2 (36:00):
mean, what did you?
Speaker 1 (36:01):
guys have rules like that.
Did you ever?
Speaker 2 (36:05):
no, I don't think so.
I mean, I um, I feel like ifyou're wanting to be in this
lifestyle, then that's the mostridiculous rule you can make,
like that, right it's like Iunderstand why they want, why
the logic is yeah unless, unlessyou have a thing for breaking
rules or something like that,then maybe that's cool because
(36:27):
you could set a new rule eachtime and it's going to get
broken.
But yeah, that's not somethinglike we didn't have any rules
like that.
Speaker 1 (36:34):
But what about?
Because, especially when shebrought up the polyamory thing,
did you create any kind oflimits or anything like that,
where boundaries, where you werejust like we can go there, but
we can't go past this point, orsomething like that?
Speaker 2 (36:49):
My limit was that I wanted to know what was going on
and I wanted to know where Istood and where she stood with
the other people.
I think I, I I wanted her topursue things and and she did
too.
Um, but there's no like,there's no specific rules set in
(37:09):
play.
You know, like amount of timeor when and where, or any of
that.
Um, I think one one differencetoo for our relationship is that
, um, I is that I'm not therewhen they're together.
They hook up separately, butshe does share, you know, photos
and videos and tells me stories, and so, or, if I send along
(37:34):
like lingerie or something likethat, she'll wear that, or you
know.
So, yeah, so, in terms of likelimits set, there is nothing
other than somehow being a partof it, right, like I didn't want
her just to go off and havethis loving relationship with
somebody else and not being apart of it, because I felt like
that was not what I wanted.
Speaker 1 (37:55):
Okay, that's good to know.
Speaker 2 (37:57):
Yeah, yeah, so I guess, yeah, I guess there are,
are, are limits, but then, atthe same time, it doesn't feel
like a limit.
It just feels like that's thefun thing that we're doing,
right, that's what the kuckyparts being involved in some way
, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (38:13):
Yeah.
So that's good, that is goodfor you know, for her, for both
of you to know that that's theexpectation, that that's what
you want and that's how you feelfulfilled in that kind of
relationship, right?
So without that it would be notfulfilling, it would be kind of
empty.
Speaker 2 (38:26):
It would be different .
Yeah, yeah, and that'ssomething that I want to have,
and she knows that, and I thinkshe likes that aspect too.
She gets off on it as well too.
So I mean, if that didn't exist, it'd probably be completely
different.
Maybe we'd just be in apolyamorous relationship or not
at all.
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (38:46):
I don't know how it would be Just open on her side
and minus the cuckolding part,right.
Speaker 2 (38:54):
Yeah, and that doesn't sound that fun to me.
Speaker 1 (38:59):
So, yeah, I prefer it this way, yeah and that's good
that she enjoys that part of itthe sending you the pictures,
the having you get excited andturn on that you buying the
lingerie part and stuff all thecookie parts, like she likes
that part.
Did you ever want to have adiscussion with this other guy,
like?
Did you ever talk to him, sithim, him down and be like, hey,
(39:21):
like no, and he's never tried tosit down with you and be like
is this cool?
Speaker 2 (39:31):
No, I mean like we use the.
You know, my wife is like themediator, I guess, for that sort
of thing, although she has saidlike oh, someday I think we
should all get together and butbut yeah, I don't know what will
happen in the future, but yeah,perhaps I mean I still.
I mean, I don't know, you knowit would be super hot to see her
(39:52):
and to see them in action, butI don't know that when or if.
There's no plans for that tohappen at some point.
But she knows it's a fantasy ofmine.
So I mean I have seen it invideos and pictures and things
like that too.
Speaker 1 (40:05):
Yeah, but being there live would be something
different right, yeah, that'd beexciting, that'd be crazy yeah.
Has she expressed?
Speaker 2 (40:18):
an interest in having more than just one kind of
boyfriend.
Not really.
I mean, she is very flirty andshe's had some other guys that
(40:38):
she's flirted around with, but Ithink she you about pulling off
the side of the road with himand finding a bush somewhere to
hook up.
But I think you know she's very.
That's too risky behavior forher.
I think she would not.
Yeah, she likes the idea of it,but it's too much risk involved
risk involved.
Speaker 1 (41:03):
Yeah, yeah, no, I understand that and I appreciate
how, when she first came to youto talk about polyamory, that
her main driver behind that wassafety.
I can, I totally get that.
And this is where there's areal disconnect sometimes
between in cuckolding withcouples, because, especially new
couples, the guy is like thecuck is like okay, we can find a
bull, but it has to be somerandom stranger or some guy
(41:24):
who's just going to be there toprovide dick and then going to
leave and we'll never see himagain or whatever.
Um.
And then, but oftentimes thewoman's like but I don't feel
safe with that, like thatdoesn't feel good to me, that
doesn't feel like it's aphysically or emotionally safe
space for me.
I don't like the idea of hookingup with some random fucking
(41:46):
dude, um and but for the cuckhe's like safest situation for
him, because this guy she's notgonna see him again, she's gonna
fall in love, like there'sgonna be no, no strings attached
kind of thing.
But for her she's like no, likeI need the connection, I need
to know this person.
And so there's oftentimes thisreal battle between the two
(42:08):
because the cuck is like, ohfine, like I guess we'll do that
.
But I'm just going to be reallyscared about it and I don't
like it and I'm not comfortablewith it.
Yeah, all of that stuff.
Speaker 2 (42:18):
Yeah, absolutely, and all of that stuff.
Yeah, absolutely.
And I mean I think, yeah forsure, the safety part is the
biggest thing to make itcomfortable.
But I think, also for the womantoo, it can be scary that
you're involving yourself withthis person and, like like you
were saying, like you lose yourmind a little bit when you're
falling in love with that newrelationship, energy and
(42:39):
everything, and it's it's gotits own, you know, scariness
factor for the woman as well asfor the guy too.
So, um, but yeah, I mean Ithink that for us anyway, and
for especially for for who sheis, um, that safety was a must.
And you know, she's still thesame person, still flirty and
(43:01):
still, you know, always openedinto relationships or new people
.
But I don't, you know, she'sstill the same person, still
flirty and still, you know,always open to new relationships
or new people.
But I mean she's got her handsfull with her.
You know her boyfriend andstuff too.
So I think I can't imagine thatthings are going to change much
in the near future.
Speaker 1 (43:16):
Anyway, but we'll see , see um, for for couples out
there who are thinking aboutpolyamorous cuckolding, um
thinking about oh, this would bereally hot, this would be fun
to try, or whatever.
Do you have any advice, uh, orrecommendations or things that
you should or shouldn't do?
Um in a relationship like this,when you're thinking about
(43:40):
bringing this into a marriage orrelationship?
Speaker 2 (43:44):
uh, yeah, I mean, I think from the perspective,
don't go nuts, like chill outright, like take a step back and
like think about it from herperspective and not just your
monkey brain sort of thing.
You know, like I think that'sthe.
You know, it took us years tokind of get to the point that
(44:07):
we're at now and kind of feelingit out.
Naturally, I think is anotherthing, not pressuring it in any
one way.
Making sure everybody feelscomfortable and I think, like
the biggest thing that youalways hear is communication.
I know it's hard, you know Ithink a lot, of, a lot of people
hold this in and then like kindof blurt it out and it's
(44:29):
received with maybe shock or orlike just not understanding
what's going on.
I mean, I guess I was lucky inthat sense that it was more of a
natural progression and sheforced the issue as much as I
did.
So but yeah, I think, beingpatient and communicating and
(44:52):
finding maybe softer ways tointroduce it, like they like for
me, the way we started of, youknow, just like going to a bar
and like hey, that guy overthere is checking you out and
like having her respond, thatsort of thing, it's a very low
risk entry point, that you canfeel things out and if you get a
(45:14):
good reaction or maybe youtweak your approach or maybe you
take it another step and kindof feel it out and just go with
that, but go slowly so thatyou're not like freaking people
out or and yourself too, likeyou could, you could take things
, you could push things way toofar, too fast and and not be
ready for it.
So I think it takes some ummaturity.
(45:34):
I think you know I see a lot ofyoung folks, um, like in their
20s on on reddit you know thecut cold psychology things
talking about how do I get mygirlfriend to do this?
You see that a lot.
Speaker 1 (45:46):
Yeah, and.
Speaker 2 (45:47):
I think that it takes some maturity and patience to
kind of be successful in thislifestyle.
Not that somebody in their 20scouldn't do this, but I think it
.
I think it, uh, I think that'sfor me and or for what worked
for me, I guess is is that andit's part of my personality and
(46:08):
part of my.
My life is is like that anyway.
So, um, but yeah, that would be.
My advice for folks is to kindof take it slow and kind of feel
it out.
You know, do the the kiddiepool first and try your dip,
your feet in there before you gointo the deep end.
Speaker 1 (46:22):
So yeah, I love the fact that you said that you and
your partner are best friendsand that you've built this life
together, and I think maybethat's a lot of some of the
that's like a big step that'soften overlooked.
With these, I want to sayyounger guys in their twenties
who are like oh, I really wantthis.
I had to like my girlfriendinto this, or how to find a girl
(46:43):
into this or whatever you haveto actually build that the
foundation of a real lovingrelationship where you're both
open and honest, where you havethe skills to be able to analyze
your own internal experienceand be able to communicate your
wants, needs, desires,insecurities effectively to your
(47:04):
partner.
Those are skills that a lot ofus are not born with.
We don't get taught those as wegrow up.
These are skills you actuallyhave to learn, and so, if you
don't have those skills, just goto therapy.
Learn them from a therapist.
They can teach you that soeasily.
If you don't want to go totherapy, look up some youtube
videos.
Like you can learn thesecommunication skills really
(47:26):
easily.
But yeah, you have to have thatand um, I I love the fact that
you guys already have that.
And I heard I've heard thisbefore with polyamorous
cuckolding couples where Italked to the guy the cock and I
say, hey, aren't you afraid ofher leaving?
And their response was verysimilar to yours.
(47:46):
I can't imagine us not havingthis partnership together.
This is something that is sointegral to our life right now.
I mean, like it's just, it'sabsurd to think that you
wouldn't, you wouldn't have thattogether, and I think that's
the kind of strength that youneed in your relationship to be
able to start adding polyamory.
(48:07):
And if you don't have that, ifyou're not already best friends
with somebody, if you haven'talready built that life together
and you're adding this on, it'sjust, I can see that being very
complicated.
I can see that being verycomplicated.
But, also there are tons of kinkaware professionals, therapists
(48:33):
, counselors who specialize inpolyamory.
There's no need to like reallyfuck up and fuck around and find
out when it comes to this kindof relationship, like you don't
have to fuck around and find out, like you could just go to one
of these people who do this fora loving, helping couples
throughout through theseprocesses and like do it.
Like I don't understand whypeople don't do it.
(48:55):
You haven't, it sounds like youhaven't needed to, because and
I, this is the other thing Ilove about your relationship.
You said she's so unfiltered.
That which is the cornerstone,a cornerstone of a female-led
relationship where she does notneed to filter what it is, that
how she's feeling, what sheneeds to say.
(49:16):
Well, how she it needs to comeacross.
She could just just say it.
You said I always know how shefeels.
This is what Key Barrett writesabout in his FLR book.
This is very helpful inrelationships when a guy knows
exactly how his wife is feeling.
He doesn't need to guess, hedoesn't need to read between the
lines.
She's just going to say it.
(49:38):
It's beneficial for everybodyinvolved.
I love that.
Speaker 2 (49:41):
it's so great yeah, it's perfect, it's so and it's
so funny.
Like she doesn't know.
She doesn't know you.
If you said flr to her, shewouldn't know what that meant.
She doesn't know the wordcuckold or anything like that.
It's just so like.
I mean, I think we came to itorganically, sort of thing, so
it's like, uh, but yeah,absolutely she's, she's in
charge it's so funny because,there's couples out there
(50:04):
practicing cuckolding that don'tknow what that word means.
Speaker 1 (50:07):
They don't know it's an actual thing.
And then when they find outthey're like, oh holy shit,
there's a word for it.
Speaker 2 (50:14):
Yeah, it's awesome yeah.
Speaker 1 (50:16):
Yeah, it's so great.
I think all of the advice thatyou gave was awesome, especially
taking it slow.
Go to the kiddie pool first is,I think, probably absolutely
necessary when it comes toinvolving polyamory and
cuckolding, because, like yousaid, you can get into your head
so easily it can become amental health downward spiral
(50:37):
before you know it, and youdon't want that to happen.
Speaker 2 (50:40):
Yeah, there's a good podcast that I listened to.
That helped a lot too.
Um, I think it's calledpolyamory, but they have all
different topics right, so itcould be, um, it could be
specific to like a, a one-sidedpolyamorous relationship.
It can be like just like howpeople communicate and the types
of communication that peoplehave, um, different types of
(51:03):
bonding.
There's like all these sorts ofthings, like one hour chunks of
things that you can listen toand then kind of evaluate, and
it really helped me to kind ofdo some work on on all of that,
just like how can I be a betterperson, how can I feel better
about myself?
That's the sort of thing.
So, if folks out there want tocheck that out, I've.
You know, there's a.
I think they have like 300 400podcasts, but there's so many
(51:26):
different interesting topicsthat you can look at.
That might, um, help you kindof like figure shit out, right,
yeah, and, uh, I would recommenddoing that as well.
As therapists, uh, I've donethat as well too, so that's
always been super helpful.
Speaker 1 (51:40):
Yay, therapy, yeah, yeah, All right.
Well, we are out of time.
I can't believe we've beentalking for this long.
I feel like it's been for fiveminutes.
This has been a fascinatingconversation.
I've really enjoyed it.
I love getting to know you andyour story and I think listeners
are going to be able to learn alot from this today.
And I especially wanted to say,maddie, big thank you for
(52:02):
sharing your story.
You reached out.
You are brave to come on theshow.
You don't have to.
Nobody's making you, you're notobligated to.
I just really want to say a bigthank you to all of the people
in this lifestyle who not onlytake from the lifestyle as far
as consuming things, but giveback in this way of sharing
their story.
(52:22):
So thank you so much, maddie.
Speaker 2 (52:24):
Thank you so much for having me.
I love your show and everythingthat you do, so thank you for
being you.
Speaker 1 (52:33):
That's going to be it for today's episode.
Thank you so much for joiningme.
Make sure you go tovenuscuckoldresscom.
That's where you can book aprivate chat with me, and you
can also join the Queens Porterscommunity and get all the
amazing benefits, like theprivate podcast and the helpful
cuck tier, where you can get keyholding for the private
(52:55):
Snapchat group, monthly privatechats with me and weekly live
hangouts and invites to speciallive events.
Oh, and you can also submit aquestion or confession for the
show.
Just go to venuscuckledresscomand click on the link that says
the podcast.
Make sure you follow me on bluesky social.
(53:16):
Yes, I said blue sky social.
Fuck Twitter.
My handle there is atcuckoldress V.
All right, that's it fortoday's show, you guys, we'll
see you next time.
Bye.
This is the Venus Cuckoldress podcast, a place to
learn all things cuckolding forthe curious, for the passionate
and for the sexually empoweredwoman who wants it all.
Let's go.
(00:32):
Welcome to the show.
I'm your host, venus.
Thanks for joining me today.
Today, my guest is maddie andhe's going to be talking about
his cuckolding polyamorousrelationship that he's in with
his wife, and we're going tolearn all about what exactly
that is, what it looks like andhow that actually developed.
It's a really cool story.
I think you're going to love it.
We're also going to learn aboutsome things that you might want
(00:53):
to consider when it comes tothis kind of relationship, and
this is a great episode forcouples who are curious to learn
about how those two worlds ofcuckolding and polyamory can
combine and blend together.
Going to learn about someresources and the other things
suggestions to help navigatethis kind of relationship
(01:14):
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Speaker 2 (03:06):
It's great to be here and talk with you about this.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
Yeah, so I came, or you came, across my post on
Reddit.
I put a post on there.
I was looking for guests forthe show.
Share your story.
Can you tell us a little bitabout your marriage and how
cuckolding became part of it?
Speaker 2 (03:31):
Yeah, sure.
So we met.
I guess we've been maybe 15years ago that we met and you
know, I was in my early 30s andshe was in her 20s and yeah, we
had a very normal courtship.
You know, we were having funtogether.
(03:53):
We met at a bar and traveledand did all the things.
She was always very flirty,though, and that didn't bother
me.
She liked to dance and so therewas always an aspect of that in
our lives.
And, you know, over the yearsshe would maybe go out and or
even before that we would go outtogether and she'd be like, ooh
(04:15):
, look at, look at that guy overthere there.
You know, like, tell me aboutit and I would, you know, play
along, and it would be a funkind of experience for both of
us to to like just very vanillaand like no risk involved
whatsoever.
It was just kind of fun forboth of us.
And you know, that sort of thingkind of evolved over time where
she would go out with herfriends and then maybe she would
(04:37):
come back and report to meafter a night, a little bit
tipsy about how she danced withsomebody or fluttered with
somebody out, how she dancedwith somebody or flirty with
somebody.
So that's kind of how it allnaturally evolved in our
relationship.
So it was certainly somethingthat excited me and I think, has
excited her as well too.
So from there, you know, ittook a long time for us to get
(04:57):
into more of this kind ofpolyamorous, cuckolding
relationship sort of thing, butit did go there over time.
So it probably took, you know,10 years of us in this kind of
flirty, fun sort of way to amore, you know, changing our
dynamic.
So we.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
So in the beginning, before you met her, did you know
you were into anythingcuckolding?
Or is this something thatspawned between the two of you?
Speaker 2 (05:22):
I'm trying to think, you know, I mean, I guess you
know I was always kind of intokinks and you know I was always
interested in things like, youknow, multiple partners or
threesomes or things like that.
But you know, I guess maybe itdid start, I did start thinking
about it more.
(05:42):
I didn't really know what itwas, I guess, at the time, but I
did like the idea, it wasexciting to me and it turned me
on.
So, but yeah, but before that,I don't think it was necessarily
something that I like lookedfor, it was just something that
kind of came out of our naturaldynamics.
So okay, but there's a lot ofpeople out there that probably
think I'm pretty lucky because alot of folks look for it first
(06:05):
and foremost.
But I kind of fell into it alittle bit.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
Yeah, and, and she seemed to like if you, I don't
know, it's the fact that she wasfelt comfortable and safe to
tell you that there was guyshitting on her and that you
weren't going to get jealous andmad and angry and lash out, and
so there must've been sometrust there.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
Yeah, for sure, and I think it was just part of our
dynamic, of what maybe attractedus to each other too is just
that I was maybe had more of a,you know, laid back submissive
role and she was definitely alittle more aggressive.
And, yeah, I think it just waskind of our natural demeanors
that kind of led to thisattraction where she felt
(06:46):
comfortable fulfilling that roleand I did as well too.
So, you know, just simple stufflike going out and her dancing
with somebody else didn't neverbothered me.
So I think that was like a clueas to you know what might come
down the road, but I didn'treally know that at the time.
Speaker 1 (07:03):
Yeah, you guys kind of won the dating lottery when
you met each other.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
Yeah, yeah, pretty, much, pretty much.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
That's so awesome.
Yeah, there's gonna be a lot ofjealous people listening right
now, because, for all thecouples who are listening right
now and you're living your bestlives in a cuckolding
relationship, let me tell youthis is a privilege for couples.
This really is.
This is something that, onceyou have it, you hold onto it
and you hold dear to it, becauseit's very, very difficult to
(07:31):
find when you're a single personand you're looking for this
kind of thing.
Like it's difficult to findsomeone who lines up with you
with cuckolding, but it's alsovery difficult to find somebody
that you want to live with forthe rest of your life.
So you found both those thingswhich is like amazing, that's
awesome.
So at what point did you guysgo from so she liked flirting or
(07:55):
she was very flirtatious, or isa very flirtatious person, and
you enjoyed hearing about thestories of her getting hit on by
other men and stuff like thatAt what point did it transition
into something a little bit moreserious?
Speaker 2 (08:08):
well, and also during that time, um, she, like maybe
a couple years after we weretogether, she reconnected with
one of her old friends, like anex that they had, um, they had
dated for like a few months orsomething like that.
It wasn't very serious but theyhad had fun together and so
(08:29):
they reconnected and would meetfor lunch and stuff like that
and they maintained thisfriendship throughout the years.
Throughout the past, you knowwhatever 12, 13 years Texting
and meeting for lunch andmeeting up occasionally, but
just platonically.
But they would share lots ofinformation about their lives
(08:49):
and he would talk about hisescapades and his women and
different people that he'd beenwith with her and she'd
sometimes relate those storiesto me.
But it wasn't until it must havebeen like six or seven years
ago we had moved away from thecity where we met and she had
(09:11):
gone back to visit and shereconnected with actually a
different flirtatious connection, kind of coincidentally, and
they met up and they kind oflike started talking a little
bit and she kind of related tome and and so they eventually
saw each other and then when wewent out to visit she spent a
(09:32):
couple of of evenings kind ofgoing out with him, and then
they ended up like connectingphysically as well, but not more
so than before, but not likeall the way.
So they hadn't had sex oranything like that yet.
So they were.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
Was she telling you about this before or during or
after?
Speaker 2 (09:51):
She said, yeah, well, she told me she's going out to
meet up and I kind of knew moreor less what was going on.
And there's one point beforethis that she had gone out by
herself, and so that guy andanother guy were at a party that
she'd gone out by herself, andand, uh, so that guy and another
guy were at a at a party thatshe had gone to.
And she's told me she's like,oh, I could have hooked up with
two guys tonight, sort of thing.
(10:12):
But then then back to this,this visit.
She, she had come back late,like at 5 am in the morning, and
woke me up and told me kind ofwhat had happened and that they
had been having fun and that shewent back to his place and that
, um, a lot happened.
But she said that they didn'tgo all the way.
She, she kind of stopped it at acertain point okay, so she, she
(10:34):
didn't feel comfortable rightokay so, um, so they like stayed
connected and would chat andshe would, you know, keep me,
keep me in the loop as to whatwas going on and how they're
talking.
But that kind of relationship alittle bit fizzled out because
we were thousands of miles apartand they chatted but it just it
didn't work out.
(10:54):
So he eventually moved out ofthat city too, and then, you
know, they weren't going to bereally able to see each other
that often.
So that was kind of the end ofthat and it went back to kind of
business as usual where shewould, you know, maybe go out
and flirt with somebody and thatwould be about it.
I do remember at one point herasking me like what?
are your thoughts about PollyannAmory, about this time, and I,
(11:16):
you know, I thought like, oh,that sounds very complicated.
You know, that's a lot.
I got a lot.
I got enough going on.
I can't imagine doing more thanthat and it just wasn't
something that I could seemyself doing.
You know, being a part of thatI, you know I'm I was interested
in my relationship with someoneelse I think she was thinking
(11:37):
about it in terms of herself,but kind of feeling me out about
it, okay.
Because what her thoughts are isthat it just felt a lot safer
for her to have theserelationships with people that
she trusted and knew and caredfor, and knew that they cared
(12:01):
about her and her privacy andher relationship and what she
wanted.
So I think that's where herhead was at and knew that we
both were excited abouteverything.
But, that was an important thingfor her.
So I'm trying to think of theexact timeline, but in any case,
(12:21):
at first I didn't think aboutit much, but eventually we did
start talking about a little bitmore and she was kind of at the
point where she really wantedto kind of pursue that.
She was reconnecting with theseguys that she felt comfortable
with and she wanted to pursue ita little bit more, and so we
had to have quite a bit ofconversation.
You know, it was a big changeto it's like a transition in our
(12:45):
relationship and that processtook, you know, time.
It was like a couple of yearsbetween the first time and then
when she finally was in arelationship with somebody else.
So so it was.
That part was like a littlerocky for me, for both of us
trying to figure that out andcommunicate how to navigate it
(13:08):
and what that would look like,but at the same time it's still
super exciting for us.
So we actually ended up moving asecond time to another city and
the guy had mentioned that shehad dated before she and I got
together, told her that he wasgoing to be moving out here too,
out like a couple hours awayfrom here, and he had invited
(13:28):
her, like they met up and hadlunch and then he invited her to
a family party it was like awedding or something like that
and they were still just kind oflike hanging out or whatever,
just talking you know, nothingreally beyond that.
So he came out and you know, itwas like a couple of weeks away
and we spent time like trying tofigure out what she was going
(13:50):
to wear and, uh, you know it was, you know getting her, you know
picking out her outfit and howshe's going to wear her hair and
all these things.
And so I helped her with thatwhole process and I kind of knew
, you know what, what was whatwith that whole process?
And I kind of knew you knowwhat, what was what was
happening.
And I think she was in a littlebit of denial about it or just
like maybe not.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
What do you mean?
What was happening, like herfalling for someone else?
Speaker 2 (14:14):
Yeah, yeah, that that well, that night they would.
Probably.
Well, I think they'd they'dalready had this established
relationship.
You know they always talk, soit wasn't like she was.
It was maybe their dynamic waschanging, maybe not not falling,
so so, yeah, so, and I kind ofknew that that maybe something
was going to happen that night.
But so she went.
(14:35):
I actually I drove her to meetup with him and drove the car
and I I'd never met him before.
So I pull up outside and he'slike waiting outside and and
she's like all dressed up andall ready to go, and she gets
out of the car and he says helloto her, and then he reaches
into the window and shakes myhand and says thanks, and then
(14:59):
they walk away and I'm like, ohmy God, my heart was beating a
thousand miles an hour.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
Okay, no, help me understand how you felt in that
moment, because I'm not.
Oh my God, it's like my heartwas beating a thousand miles an
hour.
Okay, no, help me understandhow you felt in that moment,
cause I'm not a cuck, like Idon't.
I don't know how this all likeworks for you, but I'm like just
it amazes me where you.
Obviously these are liketypical I don't want to say
typical, but maybe like commoncucky ritual things of get
(15:25):
helping her to get ready andthen the whole dropping her off
for her date thing is.
This is a big thing for forguys who are into cuckolding.
How did you feel in that moment?
You said your heart was racing,but were you what like?
What did it really feel like?
Speaker 2 (15:41):
I mean it was very exciting to think because we
didn't really know, we hadn'ttalked about anything besides
her going to this event, whereshe was going with a guy that
nobody else knew her.
So the optics of it were thatshe was going as his date, right
(16:01):
, right, going as his date,right, um.
So you know, it wasn't like.
You know, you hear a lot ofstories from cucks about you
know they, they knew they, theymet somebody on reddit and
they're set up a date at a hoteland they were.
You knew exactly what was goingto be happening.
Um, but it was super exciting.
(16:22):
You know, like the, theprospect of it it was like
dangling out there.
Um, there was this like, um, youknow, like this tension in the
air, like sexual tension.
She had gotten all dressed upand I had helped her and and I
knew when we had talked thatthey were flirty and had a past
(16:42):
and so, um, you know, I kind offeel I'm like feeling it, I feel
like it just talking about itright now with you a little bit,
just that nervous anxiousness alittle bit, but, um, but like
exciting, so like it's likemaybe, like I don't know
anything that you do in yourlife.
That is a little bit scary, butyou, you want to do it, um,
(17:07):
maybe like the first time you,you like put yourself out there
on, you know, on podcasts or onYouTube or something like that,
and that like that first showwhen you're interviewing
somebody, and like that nervousanxiousness, you know you want
to do it, but but it's scary atthe same time.
So I think I mean that that'skind of what I was feeling and
(17:27):
and also is like, um, you knowsomething, you know this, this
desire to be in this type ofrelationship had had been there
for years, right, and and solike getting that much closer to
it felt a lot more real, andespecially like seeing, and,
yeah, just like feeling thatfeeling of realness, that like,
(17:49):
oh my god, this is actually whoI am, and, um, that that kind of
trying to like wrap your headaround it at the same time of
like this is really happeningsort of thing.
It's all those those emotionshitting at once and, um, it's
exciting, and it's also like,once you leave, then it's just
like there in the ether in yourhead.
(18:11):
You know it's just sitting outthere, you're not sure what's
going on, and so I can justremember being kind of like
preoccupied by it and a littlenervous, but like prepared at
the same time.
Not feeling like overwhelmed oranything like that, but at that
particular time it wasn't likethat.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
So she went to this event and no one knew who she
was, so it looked like they werea couple and you knew that
going into that, like she knewshe was going, gonna look like
that was her date or whatever.
Um, so what happened after that?
Speaker 2 (18:50):
like she had a great time and she so, so that night
she, she came home and told melike how it went, like she, well
, she came home and she was, shewas a bit tipsy, she had, uh,
and it was like 5 am when shegot home.
So I was like, of course, likeburning with curiosity as to
what had happened.
And, um, she told me that theyhad a great time, that people
(19:14):
were asking how long they hadbeen together.
You know, like those, sorts ofthings and uh, and she's like,
well, I just kind of deflectedand didn't really answer the
questions.
But then she's like andafterwards we went out to kind
of like an after party.
We went to a bar nearby and wewere set talking and she told me
(19:35):
how they were kind of likeflirty and then a little more
touchy-feely, and then they wentout to the sidewalk and things
went even farther than that andthey were kissing and she was
wearing a skirt and how he hadtook advantage of that and felt
(19:56):
her up and fingered her on thesidewalk and everything.
And so she came back.
She was super excited and veryaroused from the whole situation
.
So, um, but that was that waskind of.
After that she got into a caband and came home and and told
me all about it.
But she did that night.
She's like oh, my god, yes, I,I was super turned on and
(20:19):
excited too and so did you guyshave like amazing sex together
when she came home?
oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah yeah itwas super hot and, uh, you know,
kind of like you want to fuckhim, don't you?
And she's like, oh yes, I do,and like that was just it was
your cock brain exploded, yeahit was.
It was amazing and super crazyand and so we had a great time.
(20:44):
And then, like the next day andand like she was like a little
like she's, she was excited.
She was kind of like bashful alittle bit like oh my god, what
happened last night.
That was you know that sort ofthing.
And uh, um, but she's like, doyou think that we could do that
and why?
And so we had, you know thatconversation, like would this be
possible?
(21:04):
Like how would that look?
And she's, and you know, to herit was a big thing where she
didn't want to just like havethis, you know, she cared about
this, this other person, anddidn't want to like string him
along and was concerned abouthow he would feel.
But then also like, what doesthat mean about our relationship
?
So it's very confusing, right?
(21:24):
No-transcript.
(21:52):
So, um, so they planned onmeeting up again and, uh, they
did one of the first times theymet up, you know, they, he came
kind of to our city and theystayed nearby, but they went out
or whatever, and then theyspent the night at the hotel and
the next day she, or that night, she came back again and I, of
(22:14):
course, I was like, couldn'tsleep and was eager to know what
, how it went.
And and she's, she, she's, shehad told me that she's like she
couldn't believe it.
She, she thought that there wassomething wrong with her
because she was so embarrassedbecause she had squirted for the
first time that had neverhappened to her before and that
he was able to and I was just,you know, it was not something
(22:36):
that was ever on my radar andthat that could happen and that
wasn't my specialty andapparently it is.
So that was kind of likeanother milestone.
And then eventually, you know,we talked about it and she's
like okay, this weekend we'regoing to have sex finally.
(22:56):
And so I remember that one waslike that was a little harder
moment, I think, for me, in thatthey were going to spend the
weekend together.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
Yeah, it's a long time.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
So he came and picked her up at our house and I just
had a little bit of a panicattack and like like, oh my God,
this is crazy.
It wasn't that I didn't want itto happen, I was just it was a
big step and I was anxious andnervous.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
And yeah you.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
I think you know those other fears come into play
where you feel maybe inferioror what does this mean for my
relationship?
Is it is this, is he she justgonna prefer him over me, sort
of thing.
So like those thoughts of doubtgoing through my head, and so
that whole weekend was was kindof that.
That was a little bitchallenging, but when she got
(23:45):
back it took a few times for usto get super comfortable, where
it's like she knew what I neededand I knew what she needed and
we could communicate and feelokay about things.
But she was always veryconscientious about checking in
with me and reassuring me and Ithink it helped for me to tell
(24:07):
her how I was feeling, what Ineeded.
Obviously, like thosecommunication was a big part of
it, so but at the same time,like it was super exciting and
and uh, and since then you know,like that was all super
exciting, but then it's kind ofmore fun and natural.
Now it's like we got over thatkind of like needing to talk
(24:27):
about it every five minutes oror, like you know me, like I
definitely edited myself a bit.
Like you know, it was just inmy head a lot and I knew that
you know she would talk about itfor a bit and then be like,
okay, listen, enough Time totalk about you know dinner plans
for next week or whatever it isyou know, yeah, so, so like
(24:49):
balancing out real life with,with, with, that was also
something that we had to learnhow to manage, and you know that
you had mentioned on your lastpodcast that I listened to about
resources and things, and Ithink there's a lot more
resources out there forpolyamory and I think one of the
things I learned about, one ofthe things that made me feel
(25:12):
most, I don't know, just gave meperspective on the cuckolding
lifestyle and the polyamorouslifestyle is like when somebody
was.
I always thought of polyamory asbeing kind of, I don't know,
like lots of rules and things,and in any case, when somebody
had said like oh, and I wastalking to my partner and I
(25:35):
asked him how their night wasand they said oh, you know, we
hooked up and the other partnersaid hot, or something like that
.
Just like, oh, okay, it's okayto to think of some your partner
being somebody else's being hot.
That's not like creepy, it'slike it's okay, it's, you know,
I don't know if I'm articulatingthat very well, but, um, but
(25:56):
anyway, the there's, thoseresources, I think, helped me a
lot.
I also found another cuckonline that I talked to and I
never don't know their name,don't know anything about them
much, but other than their,their lifestyle, and so that you
know, whenever I was kind of,when I was alone, or that those
nights or those times, therewould be a way that I could, I
could talk with with him andshare, share war stories and
(26:19):
things.
Speaker 1 (26:20):
So I'm so happy to hear that men are reaching out
to other men for support andcomfort and all of those things.
Oh my gosh, the.
Speaker 2 (26:29):
I am so happy to hear that be a lot more resources
for folks and and connectionswith people and, um, you know,
even for, like my wife, you know, I think she wishes, and both
(26:49):
of us wishes maybe we had likeanother couple, friend that
weren't a similar lifestyle andwe could be, you know, just hang
out and she could talk with herand we, you know, just have a
lot more in common.
So it's hard to find that, orwe haven't found that.
I mean, I'm sure there's,there's folks in common, so it's
hard to find that, or wehaven't found that.
I mean, I'm sure there's folksout there that are very similar
(27:09):
to us in many ways, but it's notsomething that we broadcast out
.
You know, we have family and wehave jobs and things like that,
and so it's not something weshare with other folks.
Speaker 1 (27:23):
Really, so you're in a polyamorous cuckolding
relationship right now and, justbased on what you said, I'm
sure you guys have a certainlevel of discretion to make sure
that other people don't findout and stuff like that.
But if she is seeing the sameperson in an actual relationship
outside of your marriage, thenisn't that kind of risky Cause
(27:47):
people are going to see them out?
Yeah, there's.
Speaker 2 (27:51):
There's definitely that risk, I guess.
You know we live in a big cityand he, he has a whole different
crew of folks and so do we.
So we don't really, and itworks for us the way we have it.
We don't really mingle thosetwo lives.
It's not like we're.
I don't know if that's.
(28:11):
You know, I'm sure that there'ssome types of, or I know
there's some types of, polyamorythat that's considered maybe
not healthy, maybe.
But yeah, I think it works forus.
Where we're not, you know, wehave kids and stuff.
So we don't want to confusethat and, you know, put any of
(28:33):
that at risk for them.
You know I don't think it'd befair to them.
So but yeah, I mean I guessthere is a little bit of risk
and I mean I don't think it'sanybody's business either, and
if somebody says something, thenyou just I feel like you can
play it off and just let themthink what they want to think
and just live your life, andthey don't need to know anything
(28:57):
more than what they alreadyknow.
So, but it's not like we'resneaking around or anything, but
you know around or anything.
Speaker 1 (29:08):
But you know, um, okay, let's get into this whole
polyamorous thing, because Ilove how she she's taken the
lead on this, which is awesome.
I don't get the sense thatyou've like pushed her into any
of this.
You guys really kind of grownthis together kind of naturally,
which is awesome.
By the way, it also sounds likeyou guys have that kind of next
level communication skills.
Partner is going to leave himfor somebody else who's sexually
(29:50):
more capable than him or betterin some way, or, if you know,
she enjoys spending more timewith him, eventually she will
leave him.
This is like the biggest fearthat guys have, and you see, and
women have that fear too.
You see, and women have thatfear too.
A lot of women have that fear.
I have that fear.
I don't trust myself.
When I'm in love, I make stupiddecisions, like I do dumb shit.
(30:14):
I no, I don't have a goodhistory when it comes to that,
no, so so I don't trust myself.
I'd be, I'd be doing some dumbshit.
So if I was falling in lovewith somebody, I just don't
trust myself to make rational,fucking good decisions.
If I had somebody to keep me incheck, I think maybe that would
(30:37):
be better.
My best friend, she's the onewho keeps me in check.
She's always going to tell methe way it is.
But so how did you figure thatshit out?
Because weren't you just scared?
Aren't you naturally scared?
Am I no longer relevant, orwill I become irrelevant to my
(30:58):
wife because, like I don't knowhow you navigate that, I mean
yeah I think a couple things,like one.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
I like I probably am the best friend, right, so I you
know that, I that I'm there,and I think the biggest part is
we have so much history togethertoo and like we've got, we've
built a life together, sothere's it's a lot harder, just
to you're not disposable likeright yeah, I mean we.
(31:26):
It's hard to imagine, like usnot having that partnership and
that that you know this, all thestuff that we built together.
So there's a lot of inertiathere that's keeping us moving
in one direction and it would bereally difficult to change that
.
Also, I think just the natureof who we are as people and I
(31:49):
guess I trust her and also thatshe has absolutely no filter and
she's always talking all thetime, telling me everything she
thinks.
I'm a lot more in my head, butshe's always talking about, so I
always know exactly where shestands, so I know exactly what's
happening, um, and, and itleads to discussions and it it's
(32:10):
super helpful that she can kindof be that person and you know
it's helped me be a bettercommunicator, for sure, but
she's, she's always, um, superopen about it.
So I think, yeah, it's still,you know, I think part of the
appeal of being a cuck too isthat you know that submissive
side of it sometimes for somepeople, I guess, and that
(32:32):
vulnerability putting yourselfout there but then still coming
back to it is part of the appeal.
So yeah.
I mean it's scary.
It can be scary, for sure, andI think you just need to.
I don't necessarily think ofmyself as an overly confident,
(32:53):
self-confident person.
I have lots of insecurities butat the same time, I'm very,
very secure in my relationship.
I'm very secure in who I am andwhat I have to offer, and I
think also, like love is not azero sum game and like having
(33:13):
more love in your life, and likegiving your partner the
opportunity to do things that'simportant to them, is a key part
of a long term relationship, Ithink, and I think that giving
your partner that opportunitywhether it's to, you know, take
up a new hobby or whatever it is, hang out with friends more
(33:34):
often, or whatever it is I thinkyou know that's part of what
makes a good relationship, andthat's maybe just how we express
that to each other.
Um, but yeah, I mean it is.
It is scary, but it is alsokind of um, I feel like that's.
I've learned, as in my olderage, that uh, I mean that's kind
of who I am and and I I like uhto it feels like I'm living a
(34:00):
more authentic lifestyle, to, towho I am, and kind of it's
fulfilling to me as well too.
So I mean, I know it's scaryfor a lot of folks and change is
super scary for everybody, butI feel like this is like um,
it's been, it's you know, it's ahuge thing and it changed our
lives, but it's like we, we'vedone, it's just another thing
(34:22):
that we've done together andlike it strengthened our
relationship as a result,because we've got this deep
trust for each other.
Speaker 1 (34:30):
So the most common.
What I've seen the most commonreaction or intervention that
people couples do when it comesto polyamory or preventing
feelings from being caught witha bull is implementing these
kinds of rules, boundaries andlimits, and one of the most
(34:52):
common ones is you'll see brandnew couples thinking about
trying cuckolding for the firsttime and they're looking for a
bull, and they come up with allsorts of funny little rules, and
usually the number one is likeno kissing a bull.
She's not allowed to kiss thebull either.
(35:12):
It's usually a cuck that makesthe rule, but sometimes it's the
woman as well who's like no, Ican't, I might fall in love if I
kiss this guy or that's justtoo emotional or whatever.
Like he's like no, no, no, no.
And that's so funny because youread this on Reddit too, on the
post, and I'm always like thatis so, like that's it's funny
(35:32):
because that is the most commonfirst rule that couples have and
it's the first rule that getsthrown out the fucking window.
Speaker 2 (35:40):
Like, she's just like right.
Speaker 1 (35:42):
She's just like she's making out with this guy.
How do you fuck, do you makeout without touching lips like
hello, like it's fucking weird.
And then she's in her headbecause she's like, oh, I gotta
remember not to do this and notto do that.
And it's just like, justfucking, let her live in the
moment, like yeah, but what I?
Speaker 2 (36:00):
mean, what did you?
Speaker 1 (36:01):
guys have rules like that.
Did you ever?
Speaker 2 (36:05):
no, I don't think so.
I mean, I um, I feel like ifyou're wanting to be in this
lifestyle, then that's the mostridiculous rule you can make,
like that, right it's like Iunderstand why they want, why
the logic is yeah unless, unlessyou have a thing for breaking
rules or something like that,then maybe that's cool because
(36:27):
you could set a new rule eachtime and it's going to get
broken.
But yeah, that's not somethinglike we didn't have any rules
like that.
Speaker 1 (36:34):
But what about?
Because, especially when shebrought up the polyamory thing,
did you create any kind oflimits or anything like that,
where boundaries, where you werejust like we can go there, but
we can't go past this point, orsomething like that?
Speaker 2 (36:49):
My limit was that I wanted to know what was going on
and I wanted to know where Istood and where she stood with
the other people.
I think I, I I wanted her topursue things and and she did
too.
Um, but there's no like,there's no specific rules set in
(37:09):
play.
You know, like amount of timeor when and where, or any of
that.
Um, I think one one differencetoo for our relationship is that
, um, I is that I'm not therewhen they're together.
They hook up separately, butshe does share, you know, photos
and videos and tells me stories, and so, or, if I send along
(37:34):
like lingerie or something likethat, she'll wear that, or you
know.
So, yeah, so, in terms of likelimits set, there is nothing
other than somehow being a partof it, right, like I didn't want
her just to go off and havethis loving relationship with
somebody else and not being apart of it, because I felt like
that was not what I wanted.
Speaker 1 (37:55):
Okay, that's good to know.
Speaker 2 (37:57):
Yeah, yeah, so I guess, yeah, I guess there are,
are, are limits, but then, atthe same time, it doesn't feel
like a limit.
It just feels like that's thefun thing that we're doing,
right, that's what the kuckyparts being involved in some way
, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (38:13):
Yeah.
So that's good, that is goodfor you know, for her, for both
of you to know that that's theexpectation, that that's what
you want and that's how you feelfulfilled in that kind of
relationship, right?
So without that it would be notfulfilling, it would be kind of
empty.
Speaker 2 (38:26):
It would be different .
Yeah, yeah, and that'ssomething that I want to have,
and she knows that, and I thinkshe likes that aspect too.
She gets off on it as well too.
So I mean, if that didn't exist, it'd probably be completely
different.
Maybe we'd just be in apolyamorous relationship or not
at all.
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (38:46):
I don't know how it would be Just open on her side
and minus the cuckolding part,right.
Speaker 2 (38:54):
Yeah, and that doesn't sound that fun to me.
Speaker 1 (38:59):
So, yeah, I prefer it this way, yeah and that's good
that she enjoys that part of itthe sending you the pictures,
the having you get excited andturn on that you buying the
lingerie part and stuff all thecookie parts, like she likes
that part.
Did you ever want to have adiscussion with this other guy,
like?
Did you ever talk to him, sithim, him down and be like, hey,
(39:21):
like no, and he's never tried tosit down with you and be like
is this cool?
Speaker 2 (39:31):
No, I mean like we use the.
You know, my wife is like themediator, I guess, for that sort
of thing, although she has saidlike oh, someday I think we
should all get together and butbut yeah, I don't know what will
happen in the future, but yeah,perhaps I mean I still.
I mean, I don't know, you knowit would be super hot to see her
(39:52):
and to see them in action, butI don't know that when or if.
There's no plans for that tohappen at some point.
But she knows it's a fantasy ofmine.
So I mean I have seen it invideos and pictures and things
like that too.
Speaker 1 (40:05):
Yeah, but being there live would be something
different right, yeah, that'd beexciting, that'd be crazy yeah.
Has she expressed?
Speaker 2 (40:18):
an interest in having more than just one kind of
boyfriend.
Not really.
I mean, she is very flirty andshe's had some other guys that
(40:38):
she's flirted around with, but Ithink she you about pulling off
the side of the road with himand finding a bush somewhere to
hook up.
But I think you know she's very.
That's too risky behavior forher.
I think she would not.
Yeah, she likes the idea of it,but it's too much risk involved
risk involved.
Speaker 1 (41:03):
Yeah, yeah, no, I understand that and I appreciate
how, when she first came to youto talk about polyamory, that
her main driver behind that wassafety.
I can, I totally get that.
And this is where there's areal disconnect sometimes
between in cuckolding withcouples, because, especially new
couples, the guy is like thecuck is like okay, we can find a
bull, but it has to be somerandom stranger or some guy
(41:24):
who's just going to be there toprovide dick and then going to
leave and we'll never see himagain or whatever.
Um.
And then, but oftentimes thewoman's like but I don't feel
safe with that, like thatdoesn't feel good to me, that
doesn't feel like it's aphysically or emotionally safe
space for me.
I don't like the idea of hookingup with some random fucking
(41:46):
dude, um and but for the cuckhe's like safest situation for
him, because this guy she's notgonna see him again, she's gonna
fall in love, like there'sgonna be no, no strings attached
kind of thing.
But for her she's like no, likeI need the connection, I need
to know this person.
And so there's oftentimes thisreal battle between the two
(42:08):
because the cuck is like, ohfine, like I guess we'll do that
.
But I'm just going to be reallyscared about it and I don't
like it and I'm not comfortablewith it.
Yeah, all of that stuff.
Speaker 2 (42:18):
Yeah, absolutely, and all of that stuff.
Yeah, absolutely.
And I mean I think, yeah forsure, the safety part is the
biggest thing to make itcomfortable.
But I think, also for the womantoo, it can be scary that
you're involving yourself withthis person and, like like you
were saying, like you lose yourmind a little bit when you're
falling in love with that newrelationship, energy and
(42:39):
everything, and it's it's gotits own, you know, scariness
factor for the woman as well asfor the guy too.
So, um, but yeah, I mean Ithink that for us anyway, and
for especially for for who sheis, um, that safety was a must.
And you know, she's still thesame person, still flirty and
(43:01):
still, you know, always openedinto relationships or new people
.
But I don't, you know, she'sstill the same person, still
flirty and still, you know,always open to new relationships
or new people.
But I mean she's got her handsfull with her.
You know her boyfriend andstuff too.
So I think I can't imagine thatthings are going to change much
in the near future.
Speaker 1 (43:16):
Anyway, but we'll see , see um, for for couples out
there who are thinking aboutpolyamorous cuckolding, um
thinking about oh, this would bereally hot, this would be fun
to try, or whatever.
Do you have any advice, uh, orrecommendations or things that
you should or shouldn't do?
Um in a relationship like this,when you're thinking about
(43:40):
bringing this into a marriage orrelationship?
Speaker 2 (43:44):
uh, yeah, I mean, I think from the perspective,
don't go nuts, like chill outright, like take a step back and
like think about it from herperspective and not just your
monkey brain sort of thing.
You know, like I think that'sthe.
You know, it took us years tokind of get to the point that
(44:07):
we're at now and kind of feelingit out.
Naturally, I think is anotherthing, not pressuring it in any
one way.
Making sure everybody feelscomfortable and I think, like
the biggest thing that youalways hear is communication.
I know it's hard, you know Ithink a lot, of, a lot of people
hold this in and then like kindof blurt it out and it's
(44:29):
received with maybe shock or orlike just not understanding
what's going on.
I mean, I guess I was lucky inthat sense that it was more of a
natural progression and sheforced the issue as much as I
did.
So but yeah, I think, beingpatient and communicating and
(44:52):
finding maybe softer ways tointroduce it, like they like for
me, the way we started of, youknow, just like going to a bar
and like hey, that guy overthere is checking you out and
like having her respond, thatsort of thing, it's a very low
risk entry point, that you canfeel things out and if you get a
(45:14):
good reaction or maybe youtweak your approach or maybe you
take it another step and kindof feel it out and just go with
that, but go slowly so thatyou're not like freaking people
out or and yourself too, likeyou could, you could take things
, you could push things way toofar, too fast and and not be
ready for it.
So I think it takes some ummaturity.
(45:34):
I think you know I see a lot ofyoung folks, um, like in their
20s on on reddit you know thecut cold psychology things
talking about how do I get mygirlfriend to do this?
You see that a lot.
Speaker 1 (45:46):
Yeah, and.
Speaker 2 (45:47):
I think that it takes some maturity and patience to
kind of be successful in thislifestyle.
Not that somebody in their 20scouldn't do this, but I think it
.
I think it, uh, I think that'sfor me and or for what worked
for me, I guess is is that andit's part of my personality and
(46:08):
part of my.
My life is is like that anyway.
So, um, but yeah, that would be.
My advice for folks is to kindof take it slow and kind of feel
it out.
You know, do the the kiddiepool first and try your dip,
your feet in there before you gointo the deep end.
Speaker 1 (46:22):
So yeah, I love the fact that you said that you and
your partner are best friendsand that you've built this life
together, and I think maybethat's a lot of some of the
that's like a big step that'soften overlooked.
With these, I want to sayyounger guys in their twenties
who are like oh, I really wantthis.
I had to like my girlfriendinto this, or how to find a girl
(46:43):
into this or whatever you haveto actually build that the
foundation of a real lovingrelationship where you're both
open and honest, where you havethe skills to be able to analyze
your own internal experienceand be able to communicate your
wants, needs, desires,insecurities effectively to your
(47:04):
partner.
Those are skills that a lot ofus are not born with.
We don't get taught those as wegrow up.
These are skills you actuallyhave to learn, and so, if you
don't have those skills, just goto therapy.
Learn them from a therapist.
They can teach you that soeasily.
If you don't want to go totherapy, look up some youtube
videos.
Like you can learn thesecommunication skills really
(47:26):
easily.
But yeah, you have to have thatand um, I I love the fact that
you guys already have that.
And I heard I've heard thisbefore with polyamorous
cuckolding couples where Italked to the guy the cock and I
say, hey, aren't you afraid ofher leaving?
And their response was verysimilar to yours.
(47:46):
I can't imagine us not havingthis partnership together.
This is something that is sointegral to our life right now.
I mean, like it's just, it'sabsurd to think that you
wouldn't, you wouldn't have thattogether, and I think that's
the kind of strength that youneed in your relationship to be
able to start adding polyamory.
(48:07):
And if you don't have that, ifyou're not already best friends
with somebody, if you haven'talready built that life together
and you're adding this on, it'sjust, I can see that being very
complicated.
I can see that being verycomplicated.
But, also there are tons of kinkaware professionals, therapists
(48:33):
, counselors who specialize inpolyamory.
There's no need to like reallyfuck up and fuck around and find
out when it comes to this kindof relationship, like you don't
have to fuck around and find out, like you could just go to one
of these people who do this fora loving, helping couples
throughout through theseprocesses and like do it.
Like I don't understand whypeople don't do it.
(48:55):
You haven't, it sounds like youhaven't needed to, because and
I, this is the other thing Ilove about your relationship.
You said she's so unfiltered.
That which is the cornerstone,a cornerstone of a female-led
relationship where she does notneed to filter what it is, that
how she's feeling, what sheneeds to say.
(49:16):
Well, how she it needs to comeacross.
She could just just say it.
You said I always know how shefeels.
This is what Key Barrett writesabout in his FLR book.
This is very helpful inrelationships when a guy knows
exactly how his wife is feeling.
He doesn't need to guess, hedoesn't need to read between the
lines.
She's just going to say it.
(49:38):
It's beneficial for everybodyinvolved.
I love that.
Speaker 2 (49:41):
it's so great yeah, it's perfect, it's so and it's
so funny.
Like she doesn't know.
She doesn't know you.
If you said flr to her, shewouldn't know what that meant.
She doesn't know the wordcuckold or anything like that.
It's just so like.
I mean, I think we came to itorganically, sort of thing, so
it's like, uh, but yeah,absolutely she's, she's in
charge it's so funny because,there's couples out there
(50:04):
practicing cuckolding that don'tknow what that word means.
Speaker 1 (50:07):
They don't know it's an actual thing.
And then when they find outthey're like, oh holy shit,
there's a word for it.
Speaker 2 (50:14):
Yeah, it's awesome yeah.
Speaker 1 (50:16):
Yeah, it's so great.
I think all of the advice thatyou gave was awesome, especially
taking it slow.
Go to the kiddie pool first is,I think, probably absolutely
necessary when it comes toinvolving polyamory and
cuckolding, because, like yousaid, you can get into your head
so easily it can become amental health downward spiral
(50:37):
before you know it, and youdon't want that to happen.
Speaker 2 (50:40):
Yeah, there's a good podcast that I listened to.
That helped a lot too.
Um, I think it's calledpolyamory, but they have all
different topics right, so itcould be, um, it could be
specific to like a, a one-sidedpolyamorous relationship.
It can be like just like howpeople communicate and the types
of communication that peoplehave, um, different types of
(51:03):
bonding.
There's like all these sorts ofthings, like one hour chunks of
things that you can listen toand then kind of evaluate, and
it really helped me to kind ofdo some work on on all of that,
just like how can I be a betterperson, how can I feel better
about myself?
That's the sort of thing.
So, if folks out there want tocheck that out, I've.
You know, there's a.
I think they have like 300 400podcasts, but there's so many
(51:26):
different interesting topicsthat you can look at.
That might, um, help you kindof like figure shit out, right,
yeah, and, uh, I would recommenddoing that as well.
As therapists, uh, I've donethat as well too, so that's
always been super helpful.
Speaker 1 (51:40):
Yay, therapy, yeah, yeah, All right.
Well, we are out of time.
I can't believe we've beentalking for this long.
I feel like it's been for fiveminutes.
This has been a fascinatingconversation.
I've really enjoyed it.
I love getting to know you andyour story and I think listeners
are going to be able to learn alot from this today.
And I especially wanted to say,maddie, big thank you for
(52:02):
sharing your story.
You reached out.
You are brave to come on theshow.
You don't have to.
Nobody's making you, you're notobligated to.
I just really want to say a bigthank you to all of the people
in this lifestyle who not onlytake from the lifestyle as far
as consuming things, but giveback in this way of sharing
their story.
(52:22):
So thank you so much, maddie.
Speaker 2 (52:24):
Thank you so much for having me.
I love your show and everythingthat you do, so thank you for
being you.
Speaker 1 (52:33):
That's going to be it for today's episode.
Thank you so much for joiningme.
Make sure you go tovenuscuckoldresscom.
That's where you can book aprivate chat with me, and you
can also join the Queens Porterscommunity and get all the
amazing benefits, like theprivate podcast and the helpful
cuck tier, where you can get keyholding for the private
(52:55):
Snapchat group, monthly privatechats with me and weekly live
hangouts and invites to speciallive events.
Oh, and you can also submit aquestion or confession for the
show.
Just go to venuscuckledresscomand click on the link that says
the podcast.
Make sure you follow me on bluesky social.
(53:16):
Yes, I said blue sky social.
Fuck Twitter.
My handle there is atcuckoldress V.
All right, that's it fortoday's show, you guys, we'll
see you next time.
Bye.
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