The Venus Cuckoldress podcast celebrates five years with a special compilation of the most profound, mind-shifting moments that have transformed understanding of cuckolding relationships.
• Key Barrett explains the concept of "unfiltering" in female-led relationships, breaking down how women are taught to filter their responses and how shedding this brings clarity to relationships
• Crystal Welch characterizes cuckolds as "higher life forms" who have evolved beyond toxic masculinity through personal growth work
• Dr. Justin Lehmiller's research reveals men with cuckolding fantasies have higher self-esteem and self-confidence than typically assumed
• Dr. David Ley explains how sexual shame creates self-defeating behaviors in men with cuckolding desires, including the common pattern of intense interest followed by ghosting
• Ella breaks down how patriarchal systems create a skills deficit in men's emotional intelligence, explaining why many struggle with the "varsity level" communication needed for ethical non-monogamy
Links
Key Barrett: https://bsky.app/profile/keybarrett.bsky.social - books https://a.co/d/4PNQSHp episode - https://www.buzzsprout.com/822292/episodes/14336219-flr-surrender-submit-and-serve-her-with-key-barrett-m-sc
Dr. Justin Lehmiller: https://www.sexandpsychology.com/ - books https://a.co/d/4gvABX0 episode https://www.buzzsprout.com/822292/episodes/14336195-what-do-your-cuckolding-fantasies-say-about-you-with-special-guest-dr-justin-lehmiller
Dr. David Ley: https://bsky.app/profile/davidleyphd.bsky.social books https://a.co/d/gjjwtdO episode - https://www.buzzsprout.com/822292/episodes/14336246-unraveling-the-cuck-shame-spiral-with-dr-david-ley
Crystal Welch: https://www.venuscuckoldress.com/cw episode https://www.buzzsprout.com/822292/episodes/14336214-a-bold-message-to-the-women-of-the-world-you-really-can-have-i
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Destination Links for Venus -
(00:32):
Welcome to the show everyone.
I'm your host, venus.
Thanks for joining me today.
I have been waiting so long toput this episode together and
I'm so glad that I finally did,because it's been almost a
decade since I started bloggingor when I learned about
cuckolding.
I started blogging and it'sbeen five years that I've been
podcasting about cuckold,learned about cuckolding.
I started blogging and it'sbeen five years that I've been
podcasting about cuckolding andcuckolding relationships and I
have learned so much and I havehad some amazing guests on the
(00:56):
show.
So I have taken the top fivebest moments of like mic drop
moments where I was just likeholy shit, and I put them
together with a bunch of soundbites from those episodes.
I put them together for thisshow today and it is just like
so amazing, because these areall of the moments that really
(01:16):
really stand out in my mind oflike wow, that was a light bulb
moment, that was an aha moment,that was something that made me
really think long and hard aboutsomething and I can never look
at it the same again.
That's how I feel about thesemoments in the show.
There are many other momentsthat didn't make the list, but
these were my top five.
(01:38):
I put all the links to the fullepisodes in the show notes for
today in case you want to go andactually listen to the whole
thing, and there's also linksfor the books that I recommend
in the show for today as well.
They're in the show notes.
I'll also post the links forthe guests that you hear about
in the show today.
So that's Dr David Lay, drJustin Lee Miller, crystal Welch
(02:02):
, key Barrett and my friend Ella.
All right, before we jump in, Ijust have one quick announcement
.
I'm going to be doing anotherlive chat in the Queen's
Quarters, the last one Irecently did, which was super
fucking fun.
We talked about a bunch ofthings actually, but the topic
of the day was all aboutcheaters and if a cuckolding
(02:23):
relationship can work after shecheats.
So actually it ended up turninginto like an hour and a half
long chat.
It was a lot of fun and Ireally enjoyed it, so it's free
to join if you would like.
It's in the Queens Quarterscommunity.
You can get more informationabout the next one, which is
going to be on April 1st, somark your calendars for that.
You get more information atvenuscuckledresscom on the
(02:45):
events page.
All right, let's jump into theshow right after this quick
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(04:31):
All right, this really blew myfucking mind and I've never been
able to like think about thisthe same ever since I first
heard about it.
So on the show was Key Barrettand he's got two of my favorite
books, locked in Love andSurrender, submit and Serve Her.
And that last book that I justmentioned is all about female
leadership in relationships, orFLR, and before I had him on the
(04:52):
show and talked to him, Ireally didn't know much at all
about FLR.
I only knew what the commonstereotypes were Like.
I'd only heard of, you know,flr being very like femdom and
all about rules and consequencesand tasks and stuff like that,
and I so I really didn't knowanything about it outside of
(05:12):
that.
And it wasn't until I had thisconversation with Key Barrett
and read his book where I wasjust like whoa, this is actually
so much different than what Iactually thought it was, and
this key moment aboutunfiltering was just profound
for me.
I was just like, wow, I willnever look at it the same again.
(05:33):
And ever since then, I'venoticed all of these instances
where I have been able tounfilter or been aware of the
filter that I have.
Going on, so here it is.
This is what he had to say.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
I'm going to start
with the women's benefits,
because I think that's whatneeds to be heard the most,
because I think a lot of peoplehave some assumptions about what
the male benefits would be, andlargely they're right.
There's some ones where they'rewrong, but for women there's a
few.
One women are taught from theget go and this goes back to
Disney that you should filteryour responses, right?
(06:10):
Don't challenge, don't directlyconfront all these kind of
things.
You know it's not worth it is.
You know it's going to raintoday and you see your partner
walking out the door without theumbrella.
You're trained to say hey, doyou think you should bring your
umbrella?
I think it might rain.
(06:30):
Instead of take the umbrella,it's going to pour all day,
right, yeah, because you've beentrained that the response
you'll get nine times out of tenis fuck you.
Speaker 4 (06:46):
I don't need an
umbrella, you know, or something
like that.
Speaker 3 (06:47):
Or fine, you know,
like, who are you to tell me not
to get wet?
Yeah Well, with with femaleleadership, with the accepted
roles in place, that goes away.
Filtering goes away.
You are empowered.
You're not only allowed to saywhat you really mean, you're
empowered to.
And the flip side of that ismen and submissive partners that
(07:11):
are.
You know, I don't want to justmake this a dynamic of male and
female right, submissivepartners get frustrated by
unclear decisions.
One of the one of the thingsthat almost all of the
submissive partners said thatthey used to lament about and
don't anymore is the idea thatthey would rather do a Herculean
(07:32):
task with simple instructionsthan a simple task with
Herculean instructions.
Right, I would rather build arock wall.
If you tell me the rock wallneeds to be this high and it
needs to be there, and okay,I'll go do that, I know how to
do that, right, and I can dothis, and you'll be happy with
the results.
Tell me you want me to, youknow, pick a vacation when I
(07:55):
don't know where, I don't know.
Okay, you've just createdstress, or or filtering, you
know, through that, instead oftelling me I want to go to
charlesteston and I want it tobe in May.
I think we should take avacation.
Do you think we should take avacation?
Where should we go?
I don't want to go to the beachagain.
Just tell me what you want,sandra.
(08:17):
Well, that goes away in afemale-led relationship.
She gets to say what she wantsand describe what she's talking
about with no fear of punishment, and he gets clear instructions
and feels empowered because hegets to deliver right.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
And that was such a
crazy moment for me it still is.
I think a lot of people need towhen they want to learn about
FLR.
Just put those stereotypesaside and look at some of those
benefits for each person that'sinvolved.
These are like normalrelationship kind of benefits,
and it's not so much about kinkand it's not so much about Bdsm
(08:59):
and it's not so much about allof that stuff, that side of
things.
Um, there was something elsethat he talked about key barrett
talked about in the locked inlove book, where he talked about
the um barter system when itcomes to sex and I again another
like moment of like, holy shit,I didn't even realize that that
exists, but like, now that Iknow about it, I can never look
(09:23):
at relationships the same again,like, and I now it's
fascinating because I look athow that actually works, into
how we, we behave inrelationships.
Oh my God, so mind blowing.
I'll put the link to the fullepisode in the show notes for
today, so make sure you listento it is really really good.
And also put the link to thefull episode in the show notes
(09:44):
for today.
So make sure you listen to it.
It's really really good andI'll also put the link for those
couple of books that Imentioned.
Okay, next up I have CrystalWelch, and we were having a
conversation about how there'sso many benefits for women in a
cuckolding relationship and shedropped this one.
(10:10):
That just really rung clear forme, because when she said cucks
are a higher life form, they'rean evolved species, I was like
yes, that's exactly it.
Speaker 4 (10:14):
It just really hit.
It hit right here.
It is of their level ofself-awareness and their ability
to be vulnerable and theirability to be completely open
and honest with who and whatthey are.
They are, in my opinion, ahigher life form.
They are a more evolved manperiod period.
They are not subject to thetoxic masculinity that I see all
(10:38):
around us all the time Peoplethat just want to silence women
and ignore and hide any part ofwomen's sexuality.
The cuck male is kind of on theopposite spectrum of that.
They are just a higher lifeform.
They've done more personalgrowth work.
(10:59):
They stay focused on theevolution of themselves and the
relationship and again, thisisn't just my husband, it's
every single cuck in a solidmarriage that we know.
They all are like that.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
You know, I had not
really even thought about this
before she said it, but as soonas she said it I was like, yes,
okay, that's exactly it.
They have done some emotionalwork, cucks have done some
emotional work that has giventhem the advantage of becoming
this more evolved person andtherefore this relationship is
(11:36):
able to grow and thrive likehers and I was just like, wow,
mind blown.
I completely agree that cucksare an evolved species, a higher
life form.
She just got it bang on.
All right.
Next up I have.
This was so cool.
Dr Justin Lee Miller wrote thebook Tell Me what you Want and
(12:00):
when he was doing his researchfor people like studying
people's fantasies heinterviewed thousands, surveyed
thousands of Americans abouttheir fantasies and he learned a
few things about cuckolding.
This was so cool because hedoes talk a little bit in the
show about how common it is withmen versus women, which was
(12:24):
fascinating.
But there are a couple goodnuggets in here about
kink-related desires accordingto gender and also what that
means about you.
Speaker 5 (12:37):
The link between BDSM
and cuckolding is stronger for
men than it is for women.
So for men there seems to bemore of this kind of kinky
element to it.
So one of the things I did lookat was how is somebody's
self-esteem related to whetheror not they have cuckolding
fantasies?
I also looked at whether peoplefelt secure in their
(13:01):
relationship or not was relatedto these fantasies too.
Because I think you could makea lot of hypotheses, for example
, that maybe people who feelmore secure in their
relationship might be morelikely to explore or experiment
with cuckolding or some othertype of sexual openness, because
you know, they know thatthey've got that kind of secure
base with their partner.
Now it turned out there actuallywasn't anything going on there.
(13:22):
So whether people hadcuckolding fantasies was
unrelated to how secure theyfelt in their relationship.
But I did find that there was alinkage to self-esteem, but it
was really only there for menand it runs counterintuitive to
what people might expect.
So you might think that menwith lower self-esteem fantasize
more about cuckolding, giventhese strong themes of small
(13:45):
penis, humiliation and so forth.
But it was actually men withhigher levels of self-esteem,
more self-confidence, who weremore likely to fantasize about
cuckolding.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
I damn near lost my
mind when he said that, because
that's something that I havealways felt about cucks is that
they have high levels ofself-esteem and that they have
high levels of self-worth andself-confidence, and so I'd
already felt like that over theyears.
So that's why it just makes meso mad the stereotype around
cucks being weak and shit likethat.
Like it's so, not true, likeit's so, not true.
(14:18):
So when he said this that hisresearch showed that cucks have
higher levels of self-esteem andself-confidence than most
people I was like validated,like I felt so seen and heard
and everything.
I was like, yes, that's exactlywhat I have been seeing,
hearing and feeling over thelast many years that I've been
(14:39):
into this amazing kind ofrelationship and lifestyle.
So that felt really amazing.
That was awesome to be able tohear that.
Next up I have Dr David Lay.
He is the author of InsatiableWives, women who Stray and the
Men who Love them, and it's anexcellent book on cuckolding.
He's been a guest at least acouple of times on the show, and
(15:01):
this is this clip that I'mgoing to play is from the first
time that he was a guest on theshow and up until that moment I
had been dealing with well, evenafterwards, but at least I
understood after that moment.
I've been dealing with a lot ofthese single cucks who are
really into the fantasy, butthen and they're just so fucking
all in, they're just hyped up,amped up, it's all they want to
(15:24):
talk about.
They're so interested ineverything and then when it
comes to like meeting in personor making things shit real,
they're just like poof,disappear.
They're chronic ghosters, worsethan regular dating, and I could
not.
But they would always come back.
They would always come back atsome point with some lame ass
excuse and try to weasel the wayback into my life.
And I was so frustrated by itso I asked Dr Lee about it.
(15:47):
Why do I see this in so manyguys, where they're so into it
and yet they just disappear?
It seems like shame.
And this was his response.
And, oh my God, after thisepisode episode, I literally
broke down in tears.
I, because I was so glad tofinally understand I'd never had
(16:09):
any kind of explanation fromthese guys.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
So here's what he had
to say there's been a
tremendous amount of researchnow that has looked at
self-identified sex addicts andporn addicts and has found that
kind of.
I was right, and you, venus,hit the nail on the head that
this is really about shame, thatthe people who identify as
(16:38):
being addicted to sex, peoplewho report that they are really,
really struggling to controltheir sexual behaviors in most
cases, the behaviors that theyare struggling to control are
the sexual desires or fantasiesthat they have that they are
deeply ashamed of.
The interesting thing is thatthe greater the level of shame
(17:04):
you have around asexual desire,the less self-control people
actually seem to feel regardingit.
The more you hate yourself forhaving asexual desire or fantasy
that you feel like youshouldn't have, the greater
difficulty you have controllingit and making it go away,
(17:26):
because the more we fight oursexuality, the more we fight our
sexual desires.
Oftentimes, paradoxically, thestronger they become, stronger
they become.
People who have more compassionfor themselves and for their
(17:47):
sexuality have greater levels ofself-control.
They are less likely to viewthose sexual desires or
fantasies as an addiction orsomething that they have to
fight.
So the last thing is I try andhelp these guys to accept that
they're a person that has thesefantasies, to accept that
(18:08):
they're a person that you know.
These sexual desires that theythink they shouldn't have are a
part of them.
Can you love yourself forhaving those aspects to your
sexuality?
Can you explore how thoseaspects might actually help you
to see the world in a differentway, to see masculinity in a
(18:33):
different way, to see your lifein a different way?
Speaker 1 (18:42):
a different way.
That was such a powerful momentfor me.
Like I said, I've gone yearswith guys acting that way and I
could not understand why I hadwomen call into the show and
they were so frustrated becausetheir boyfriend was like so into
it and then you know he startedacting weird and withdrawing
and you know pushing away andall that and that just like
mixed messages like I had somany mixed messages over the
(19:02):
years from guys who were justlike so fucking into this
fantasy and then would just likepush away and disappear and do
all of that shit, like what thefuck is happening.
After I heard that on thatepisode with Dr David Lay, it
all made sense.
But it also was prettyheartbreaking because that's
(19:24):
when I realized, holy shit, allof these guys, these cucks, are
carrying around this like reallydebilitating level of shame
around having this desire, thisfantasy so many of them.
It's affecting them.
I'm sure it's affectingthemselves and their mental
(19:46):
health, but also it's affectingtheir relationships as well.
And it made me really wonder,like how many guys are able to
be compassionate and acceptingabout themselves eventually?
I'm sure it's a journey, it'swhat I've heard it's a journey
of acceptance, but how many guysdon't actually get to the, this
(20:16):
fantasy, hating themselvesbecause this is what they happen
to be into.
I mean, it was a little bitheartbreaking for me.
It was very heartbreaking forme to realize that so many guys
were carrying around this shame,because for me, as a woman in
this lifestyle, and for so manyother women who you know, you
bring this up to us you're like,hey, how about this?
And we're like, oh my God, thatsounds amazing and as women,
(20:39):
it's all fun for us and we don'trealize that the guy is
actually holding on to all ofthis baggage, this shame, this
guilt, this self hatred, selfloathing for having this kind of
fantasy, but they are nottalking, they're not
communicating that to us,they're not talking about it to
(21:00):
us, and that can be like sodifficult.
How do you navigate that in arelationship?
So, speaking of thecommunication skills, my top
number one, most amazing episodewhere I learned so fucking much
(21:22):
was with a guest named Ella,and the reason why we started
talking about this was becausethere was this article that was
written in Psychology Today andI will post the link to it in
the show notes for today becauseyou have to read it.
It's basically saying that inthe dating landscape for today
of what's happening, women arereally demanding that men learn
(21:46):
the skills that they need thecommunication skills that they
need in these kinds ofrelationships that women want
and need, and how that can be sobeneficial if they do actually
learn those skills, and whythose skills are not there in
the first place.
This is absolutely fascinatingfucking article.
Anyway, it went viral becauseit was titled the Rise of Single
(22:09):
, lonely Men and yes, there aresome controversial things that
are said in that article, but itis by far a call to action, a
positive call to action for menand, like, as you can imagine,
it was very controversial so itdid go viral.
But her and I we talked aboutlike what does this mean for
(22:29):
relationships?
But what does this specificallymean for a cuckolding
relationship?
She dropped so many mics inthis episode.
I was just like mind fuckingblown and I will say, out of in
the five years I've been doingthis podcast, this one episode
with ella was the most, I think,exciting as far as like the
(22:54):
reaction from the listeners.
I had so much feedback frompeople who absolutely loved this
episode.
It seemed like if you listen tothis episode you were kind of
shook after, like you were notgoing to be able to see the
world in the same way that youdid before.
That's how I felt and that'show so many other people felt
when they listened to this show.
(23:15):
So here are a few clips of whatshe had to say in that episode.
Here we go.
The last time you were on theshow you we talked a lot about
some really interesting things,but one of the things that
literally fucking shook thelisteners One of the things that
(23:42):
literally fucking shook thelisteners me too was something
that you said about selfintrospection on behalf of men.
So what you said was and thisis how it came up we were
talking about communication andyou were saying that you know
varsity level communication isrequired for this.
And I was like, yes, varsity,not kindergarten varsity and you
said it's more than justknowing how to talk and knowing
how to listen, which is, I think, what most people think about
(24:03):
when they think aboutcommunication.
But you said it's things likedo you know what to say, do you
know how to describe yourfeelings, do you know what your
interior experience is?
And those kind of thingsrequire for you to be able to
interrogate yourself about whyyou're feeling something, the
(24:26):
way you feel and all of thatwhich, like you said on the show
last time, can be scary and itcan be uncomfortable and not a
place that some guys really wantto go to.
They want to think about howfun and exciting and wank off
material cuckolding is Right andthis other side of it is.
I don't want to have to dealwith that, um, so we were
(24:47):
talking about that and then Ithink I I just quipped some
little thing like oh, do youthink guys actually have the
ability to, you know, integratethemselves emotionally?
And because I was like I doubtit, but then you fucking slammed
it down with this.
You said when we talk aboutliving under the patriarchy, one
(25:09):
of the privileges that men andmale body people can get away
with is they don't have to beintrospective about how they
feel, because the world doesn'tinterrupt it enough for it to be
necessary.
You said systems work for menbecause they're built for men.
And that was just like mic dropshit, like I had so many people
(25:37):
who were contacting meafterwards saying, oh my God,
what a great show.
That was amazing.
She had so many great things tosay, but that one part where
she said that part about youknow it, systems are built for
men I guys were like it's likeseeing something that you can
never unsee afterwards, theywere, like you know, enlightened
(25:58):
completely after that and justshook by it because they never
even thought about it that way.
But it is so true, right, andso I remember that.
I remember that.
And then recently, when thisviral article happened on
psychologytodaycom thePsychology Today magazine there
(26:25):
was a psychologist by the nameof Greg Matos I don't know how
to pronounce it where he titledit the Rise of Single Lonely Men
.
Titled it the Rise of SingleLonely Men.
And as soon as I read thisbecause the title is like wait,
what he was saying, that youknow, one of the key points is
(26:46):
that there's been an increase inrelationship standards.
So women are becoming morechoosy about what they want, and
they are saying that they wantmen who are emotionally
available, good communicatorsand share the same values.
Like you said, the values arereally important to you and you
want to find someone who kind oflines up with that.
And so he was saying that thereis an actual skills gap when it
(27:12):
comes to emotional intelligenceand communication that men are
likely not even aware exists.
And it wasn't until I read thatthat I remembered that quote
from you about the systems aremade for men in a way that it
makes them not have to analyzetheir interior experience.
(27:34):
And I was like, oh my gosh,like all of these light bulbs
like started pinging and I waslike, holy fuck, she's, so she's
.
That's exactly what she wastalking about.
Speaker 6 (27:45):
Yeah, there's a
skills deficit and the standard
is higher and you do have tocome to the table a more healthy
, whole, complete person.
And women are all coming upLike if you're a cis hetero or
if you're a hetero woman, andyou're raising your hand, being
like, yeah, I can't find a manwho's on my level, I can't find
(28:05):
I'm in the dating pool.
And not only are they not on mylevel, they're abusive.
Level.
They're abusive.
I hope men are listening.
I hope men are understandingthat we want you to be here with
us, we want you to come intothe fold, we want you to be
moving forward and, like, wewant you to be in the circle.
We want you to be involved.
(28:27):
But there's a standard and ourwell-being and safety trumps
your happiness.
Quote unquote.
And that is a tough reality forsome of these men.
It's a tough awakening to aworld that feels like it's
rejecting them.
But we're not rejecting them,we're just saying you have to go
(28:49):
back to school and learn andget better and then you can come
join the club.
You need to go fromkindergarten level and learn and
get better and then you cancome join the club.
Speaker 1 (28:54):
You need to go from
kindergarten level to varsity
level.
Speaker 6 (28:58):
Yes, exactly, start
at square one, baby boy, and
then come back and see us and ifyou're trying and you mean well
, and you really can interrogatesome toxic shit this is the
thing I've always said reallycan interrogate some toxic shit.
That this is the thing I'vealways said.
My favorite quote about thepatriarchy comes from bell hooks
.
Uh, rest in power.
(29:19):
Uh, they said.
The first act of violence is notof the patriarchy, is not
towards women.
The first act of violence istowards the self.
It's called the psychicself-mutilation of the boy.
It is the psychicself-mutilation of the boy.
It is the psychicself-mutilation that young boys
go through in order to be pushedthrough that system that says
you can only act this way, youcan only behave this way, you
(29:42):
can only look this way, you canonly sound this way, and it is
toxic.
And they are victims of thepatriarchy too, and we could
have so much empathy andsympathy and room for the growth
that they need to go through ifwe weren't unsafe.
Where we feel safe, there'sroom for you when we don't feel
(30:06):
safe.
That is a line.
Everyone deserves to feel likethey belong.
It breaks my heart to hear thatmen are feeling rejected and
it's like.
That's not the point of sayingthis, that's not the point of
freeing this information.
The point in saying this andhaving articles like Psychology
Today is to say that this is thereality of what we're living
(30:29):
through and you are a part of itand you have to own your part
in it.
And if we can collaborate andwork together, that means that
you have a lot of responsibility.
You have a lot ofresponsibility as the people who
still fucking hold power, whohold the levers of society, who
hold the money.
For Christ's sake, when men gothrough patriarchal norms and
(30:50):
standards, their identity isreduced.
You know their interior worldis reduced.
You know their interior worldis reduced and put it, I would
say, at harm, like you're notallowed to cry, not allowed to
feel stuff, not allowed to feelthings, you're not allowed to
really, in essence, you're notallowed to do, say or display
things that are coded asfeminine.
(31:11):
And therein lies the misogyny,because that scene is less than
the misogyny, because that sceneis less than that scene is bad.
That scene is and that's howyou know patriarchy and misogyny
is about is anti-feminine,anti-femininity and gender is
such a spectrum like can we?
It's like I love, I hate howthis keeps us in the binary.
But things that are feminineare just human.
They're, we're all just humantogether.
(31:33):
There's nothing about angerthat's masculine or unique to
masculinity, and there's nothingabout, like you know,
sensitivity or hurt feelings orcrying that is unique, like it's
just so ridiculous when youthink about it.
You're like every single humanbeing and let's expand to Steve
(31:53):
and other species on the planet.
We know animals feel, we knowthis is what happens.
This is what it means to bealive on this earth.
It is to feel these things andso like opening that up and
expanding that and inviting menin saying you're allowed to be
in here, you're allowed to dothis, but it's a scary move for
them, it's a risky move for them, they give up power, they have
(32:16):
to own parts of themselves thathave been detached, demeaned and
abused, and so they got to openall this up in order to access
this communication, in order toaccess this relational expertise
that we're talking about.
Speaker 1 (32:32):
And so I have felt
like and maybe guys assume that
dating in the cuckoldinglifestyle is the same as dating
in the vanilla lifestyle, wherethey just have to put up a
profile and talk and chit chatand impress her with a few
little lines first lines and youknow, like that kind of thing,
(32:53):
and then shit will happen kindof relationship dating in the
cuckolding lifestyle.
I'm like you have to really dothe fucking work on yourself and
you have to put in the effort,and so one of the things that I
thought was really interestingabout what this guy said is that
level up for this is to theguys level up your mental health
(33:16):
game.
That means getting into someindividual therapy to address
your skills gap.
It means valuing your owninternal world and respecting
your ideas enough to communicatethem effectively.
It means seeing intimacy,romance and emotional connection
as worthy of your time andeffort.
(33:37):
That is amazing because he'ssaying you need to make this a
priority and you need to takethe initiative to go and learn
all of these skills that youneed to bring to the table, and
he says how to do it and that ishow you do it.
Speaker 6 (33:52):
You go to fucking
therapy.
That's just what we did, that'swhat I did, that's what
everyone does, and if they canlove themselves and realize that
they're not less of a man, likeyou said, like this is toxic
masculinity.
When these guys are afraid oftheir fantasies, afraid of their
desires, like feel like a loser, feel whatever, I mean, my
(34:12):
heart goes out to them.
It's like, well, it's kind ofobvious.
I'm like hello, you were taughtto feel that way.
That's not true.
That's not the laws.
You were just taught to feelthat way through a set of values
.
That's harmful and toxic.
Change your mind.
Speaker 1 (34:29):
And there it is.
That was the part.
Well, there were so many parts,but that was the part where she
said change your mind, where Iwas just like that is amazing.
She said so many things thatlike I had never really thought
about before, and obviously lotsof listeners that never really
(34:51):
thought about before, until shejust like spit out facts like
that and you're just like holyshit, that's a lot.
But it really does make me haveempathy for guys who struggle
with their own fantasies, theirown desires and not being able
to have the skills to be able towork through that in a fucking
(35:16):
tragedy.
I look back at all of these.
Learning even more isunderstanding the cuckold
(35:42):
experience, the understandingwhat is like in that, inside the
mind of a cuckold.
It is just to me that isincredible, and I love and adore
cucks so much.
I want to see all cucks thrivein this with themselves, but
also in relationships, and solearning about these tools to be
(36:04):
able to do that has just beenlike, oh my God, amazing.
Those are my top five episodes.
There's also some really greatepisodes that did not make the
cut to this list, and one ofthem is called the Wounded Bull.
It's with Scarlett and DrewMarston that talks about
psychological wounding of bullsin the lifestyle and what that
(36:28):
behavior looks like and howthat's problematic and stuff
like that.
And then there was also onelady who goes by the name of
Lady Wren and she was talkingabout her.
She'd been married for like 30years.
She went from a completelyvanilla marriage into a very,
very kinky marriage, and one ofthe most impactful things that
(36:50):
she said to me when I said likeI asked her, how did it make you
feel when he finally divulgedthese fantasies that he'd been
having and hiding for so longand her comment to that was
really powerful she saidsomething to the effect of it
made me really sad that he feltlike he couldn't approach me, he
(37:16):
couldn't trust me to say thesethings, to tell me these things,
and so I thought that was justa really powerful moment and I
think it goes to show that whenyou're with somebody who you
love and trust, that theyrecognize and understand, when
you are being vulnerable withthem, and when you're sharing
things that are very deep andpossibly things that you've kept
(37:39):
secret for a long time, theyunderstand what that gift is,
and it is a gift that thisperson is able to do.
That means that you are a safeplace for them, and that means a
lot in a marriage, in arelationship.
Okay, that's it for today'sepisode.
I hope you enjoyed it.
I've been waiting to do thisepisode for so long because,
(38:01):
like, these are really profoundmoments for me and my learning
journey when it comes tocuckolding.
So if you have anything, anycomments, things that you'd like
to say about this episode, joinme in the Queens Quarters.
You can get free, limitedaccess at venuscuckoldistcom.
It's an online community whereyou can ask questions, get
information, take part inchallenges and there's also live
(38:23):
chats on there as well.
So sign up atvenuscuckledresscom.
That's going to be it fortoday's episode.
Thank you so much for joining me.
Make sure you go tovenuscuckledresscom.
That's where you can book aprivate chat with me and you can
(38:44):
also join the Queens Quarterscommunity and get all the
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Oh, and you can also submit aquestion or confession for the
(39:07):
show.
Just go to venuscuckledresscomand click on the link that says
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Yes, I said Blue Sky Social.
Fuck Twitter.
My handle there is atCuckoldressV.
All right, that's it fortoday's show, you guys, we'll
see you next time.
Bye.