Michael Vesalero, an army veteran, artist, and poet, shares a moving and deeply personal story that opens the door to understanding the often-hidden struggles of military life and its aftermath. Growing up in upstate New York after being born in West Palm Beach, Michael's journey from a youth spent in challenging circumstances to his enlistment in the army at 18 sets a powerful narrative of resilience. His vivid recollections of basic training at Fort Benning and subsequent deployment with the "Ghost Battalion" and "Shocker Platoon" reveal the harsh realities of military service, painted with honesty and raw emotion.
Listeners gain an intimate glimpse into the duality of combat experiences, with stories that range from night missions in perilous terrains to the emotional rollercoaster of camaraderie and loss. Michael doesn't shy away from addressing the profound mental health challenges he faced, including surviving the 2009 Fort Hood shooting and the struggles of reintegration into civilian life. His candid discussion highlights the critical need for support systems for veterans, drawing attention to the importance of addressing PTSD and mental health stigma within military culture.
As the conversation unfolds, Michael underscores the healing power of creative expression, sharing how poetry and art have been lifelines in his journey towards recovery. He advocates passionately for greater recognition of art therapy as a therapeutic tool for veterans, while also presenting his heartfelt Christmas poem that reflects on positivity, family, and tradition. This episode promises an enlightening exploration of the transformative impact of storytelling and creativity, wrapped in a message of hope and healing for those who have served.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Scott McLean (00:01):
Welcome to the podcast.
I'm Scott McClain.
My guest today is MichaelVesalero.
Michael is an army veteranlocated in Palm Beach County and
he's a artist and a poet isreally, really unique.
(00:21):
And as a little bonus, I askedhim on Sunday, just out of
nowhere.
I said hey, your episode isgoing to be released around
Christmas.
Can you do a Christmas poem?
Because he's really good, hispoetry is really really good and
it's kind of short notice andthis is being recorded on
(00:42):
Tuesday the 10th.
And he said sure, and that waslike Sunday morning.
And then by late Sundayafternoon he sent me this poem,
this Christmas poem.
Veteran Christmas poem and allright.
It kind of got me a littleteary-eyed at one point.
So I'm going to have him,during this podcast, read that
(01:05):
Christmas poem and I promise youstay tuned in and listen
because it's well worth the waitonce he reads it.
So, without further ado, sorryfor my ongoing rant, michael.
Oh, by the way, welcome to theOne man, one Mic Foundation
podcast studio, thank you.
(01:26):
Sponsored by Willow and PalmConstruction, willow and Palm,
delray Beach, florida, willowand Palm, south Florida's
premier builder, from drivewaysto roofs to buildings, if you
need it, they'll build it.
Find them at willowandpalmcom.
See, I do that live read nowit's like I say every episode.
Now they deserve it.
They're very good to me.
(01:48):
So how are you doing today,michael?
Michael Vascellaro (01:50):
Doing all right.
Scott McLean (01:51):
All right, all right, so let's get right into
it.
Tell me, where are you fromoriginally.
Michael Vascellaro (01:58):
I was born in West Palm Beach in 1988.
And then, shortly a few monthsafter, my mom brought me to
upstate new york, where she wasborn and raised, and that's
where I was raised, between uhseneca lake and geneva and lions
area okay, uh, when did youwent in the army?
Scott McLean (02:20):
when?
When did you go in?
Michael Vascellaro (02:22):
um 18, um turning 19, so um like by the
time I signed up for therecruiter and left.
I left january and my birthdaywas, or is, december 11th so
tomorrow happy birthday, happyearly birthday, thank you um, so
(02:43):
yeah, that was all right.
Scott McLean (02:44):
Freshly 19 what year was that?
Michael Vascellaro (02:47):
um in 2008 and um my start wasn't that easy
I was raised by a single motherand um struggled in school and
uh was hanging out in thestreets by the time I got into
(03:08):
high school and had a girlfriendwho I ended up uh kind of like
the old, uh Italian movies, ummovies, um, I thought it was
(03:32):
cool to fight over a girl and uhthreaten somebody we were just
kids.
So I went to his house like atough guy to call him out to
fight and nothing happened.
But because I went there andthreatened to fight him, it was
enough means for police to getinvolved and slap me with
menacing and I was alreadytalking to a recruiter.
(04:05):
So I spent, uh, my 17thbirthday and Christmas in jail
as turning 18, from 17, turning18, um, for 30 days and then it
was For 30 days and then it wasTooken off my record and I got
(04:26):
ready and left for the army asan infantryman, so you spent the
Christmas Eve in jail.
Yeah, a lot of tough situationsthat you're not ready for At
such a young age.
But this is.
I didn't expect it Becauseagain At that time time,
(04:54):
generations before us, boysfighting or calling each other
out was pretty normal.
Scott McLean (04:56):
But then I just ended up getting caught up.
Yeah.
Someone called the cops.
Michael Vascellaro (05:00):
I got.
Scott McLean (05:01):
I could say something about that, but I
won't, we'll move on.
I'm with you, though I'm withyou so, but I won't, we'll move
on.
I'm with you though I'm withyou.
Michael Vascellaro (05:07):
So you went in the Army, did you go over, so
the same girl that I wasfighting over we actually had
just had a baby too, so mydaughter was only about six
months old and then I left inJanuary, went straight to Fort
(05:28):
Benning, georgia, as aninfantryman, where AIT and all
that is all in one and, by April, graduate and basic training
was wild and crazy waseverything you would expect from
(05:49):
old movies.
I'm not the strongest guy, I'mnot the biggest guy.
This is infantry, so they pushyou a little bit harder to keep
up with the bigger guys.
But also, a lot of mymotivation was watching guys
that were weaker than me, um,mentally and physically, and I
(06:09):
watched a lot of.
It's kind of hard to talk abouttoday because we have a lot of
wokeism and, uh, liberalism andthings like that.
But, um, do I believe thatthere's a such thing as tough
love?
(06:29):
Yes, but I also do believe thatthere is some unnecessary, uh,
actions that don't really needto happen that can really change
people's lives.
So I've, you know, it reallystuck with me to watch some of
these guys who left for basicand failed in basic, um, not
(06:55):
only because of their own flawsor weakness, but also because
they were really tough on you,like I mean, watch guys get beat
up and treated wrong, right.
So that motivated me to keepgoing, because I was like I
don't want to be that guy, Idon't want to have to repeat
(07:16):
basic, I don't want to have tohave a profile, I don't want to
be any of that.
So it wasn't easy, but, um, yeah, so it was like wasn't the I,
wasn't the guy that could carryall the weight and walk all the
distance.
It was a really uh, uh,something that I really had to
(07:37):
dig deep down inside to getmyself through.
Right, and so you get throughthat Yep and then uh home for
about a month and then straightto fort hood and um, we, our um
class that graduated, werebecame a bunch of fillers.
(07:58):
So, uh, rapid, rapid deploymentunits, ready to go, placement
in open spaces where they neededextra men.
So we were graduated asinfantrymen, which you'll see on
(08:19):
my deployment orders, or awardscome up as tankermen, because
they placed a few of us infantrymen with tanker company units,
because the mission that we weredoing in Iraq didn't require
them to utilize tanks but to domissions on trucks, so pretty
much an infantryman job.
(08:40):
So we were mixed in.
We deployed on the day of mydaughter's birthday, june 15th
of 2008.
And when I got there.
When we got there, everybodywas uh kind of um, uh, spending
(09:07):
time with family and packingstuff, so we kind of just had to
jump into that and then, uh,for me, where I feel my story is
important is because uh as Isaid, not being the strongest
guy being raised by a singlemother.
Um, I, you know, have to admitto myself, but who I am is that
(09:34):
I've been more of a.
I lead with my heart, so I'm avery loving, caring guy and.
I have a lot of sensitivity.
So, uh, uh, to where, as someguys would be like, oh just
toughen up, just suck it up, itdoesn't matter.
But um, some of those toughguys, a lot of those tough guys,
(09:54):
weren't in the same situationas me either, right?
So here I was waiting to get onthe bus, waiting the days in
order to deploy, and I didn'thave anybody there.
And, um, making sense of thatand going through that was tough
for me because, well, Icouldn't make sense of which one
(10:17):
is tougher, right?
Actually, seeing your familyand hugging them and saying
goodbye or not, and in themoment, standing to the side and
watching everyone hug theirfamilies and say bye was really
hard on me emotionally.
I had knots in my chest becauseyou have that fear and you
(10:39):
don't really have anyone comfortyou, to say goodbye to you.
Really have anyone come?
for you to say goodbye to youand um so, uh, it was a long
ride to get to iraq.
We got to kuwait first and thenum on deployment.
We spent about a month betweenkuwait and uh Nazaria air base
(11:06):
in Iraq and we were uhexchanging equipment and trucks
and all of that and Gary Owen,the unit that I was a part of
attached to 2-7 Cav.
Gary Owen is the same unit thatserved in the movie.
(11:29):
We Were Soldiers and the colors, the guide arm, the flags on it
, the last base to be built.
Bob Gary Owen was in that movieso I didn't know that, but
learned it later on.
(11:50):
But after we got to Iraq theywanted to build a FAB.
units were tasked with going outto southern iraq, right next to
the iran border andestablishing a fob the fob for
(12:11):
the people that don't knowforward operating base um from
nazaria right and um, along withair force and a couple
companies dredging it, and itwas like really fine dust, like
walking on the moon type dust,until they brought in gravel and
(12:34):
HESCO baskets to fill.
We had to fill sand.
We still have our mission,daily mission or night mission
but in the in-between time, uh,villain stand bags.
Um, uh, craft duty, I'm tryingto think for the right word um,
where you're burning uh feces,right, um putting, uh we start.
(13:00):
They started getting attackedby rockets because, being that
it was out in the field, itwasn't secure enough for enemy
to launch in mortar rounds, sothey were using 240mm rockets
and launching them from a mileor two miles out and launching
(13:25):
them in and killed a few guysafter setting up the tents.
So then, after them getting hitwith shrapnel and dying in
their sleep, we had to putsandbags all around the tents
and bunkers with sandbags and,um, all of that.
(13:48):
And we at the time we didn'thave uh sirens either.
So it, you know, just a smallbomb.
No, no no your uh warning no,advanced technology.
Your warning was the explosionin the background.
You heard it in the background,then you knew the whistle and
then within, like you know, fiveto ten seconds, laundry
(14:12):
trailers, our tents, all typesof things.
So I know people have exposure,illnesses and things like that
(14:39):
from burn pits, which we alsohad to partake in as well, but I
say the whole deployment, thewhole base was a burn pit,
because when the Rockets blew upit burnt everything, even
uniforms that were supposed tobe flame proof with whatever
(15:01):
chemicals or materials those aremade with, still burned in the
in the explosion, um, uh,complete blackout.
We were, our battalion was theghost battalion and, uh, my
company, or charlie company, butthen my platoon was the Shocker
(15:23):
.
Platoon and platoons would goout as how they wanted to as far
as night missions.
But for us, our platoon leaderwanted us to go to completely
blackout for their own reasons,but it kept us alive, so we
(15:46):
would go out on night missionsand our night missions would
consist of being in the TAIs,which is a tactical area of
interest about three, four milesaway from the base around the
base, to whether it was fields,whatever it was to roam around
(16:07):
in order to deter them fromlaunching in rocket because it
was happening so much.
So, even though we would have,there was times where we'd have
to be out on day mission wewould have to turn around a few
hours later and you would findyourself standing in the field,
driving through the fields,driving through berms and
(16:29):
backyards and all these riskyplaces which we had problems
like with our one of our trucksrolling over off the berm and
almost killing a guy anddestroying the truck.
And that was crazy because wewere up on the berm pulling
security and they still launchedin the rockets.
(16:51):
So we had the rockets on theright side being launched and
flying in hitting the base onthe left side and they're
calling up to us to respond tothe rockets.
But we're calling up to themtelling them that we can't
because we have a truck that'srolled over and like it was just
.
Scott McLean (17:10):
Chaos yeah chaos, chaos.
Michael Vascellaro (17:14):
So the day missions consisted of helping
pull security and operations fortraining the police academy
setting up a police academy forthe Iraqis to train a bunch of
cadets to become Iraqi police.
(17:34):
So we would pull security onthem at the academy some days,
and then some days do missionswhere we would let them lead the
way, or a lot of times inbetween, um doing humanitarian
things like giving out book bagsat school where we would take
sniper shots and they had av-bit ready for us or what's
(17:59):
that vehicle born id and thenwhen they get uh intel that that
is there, thank god, you haveto reroute and all of that and
um yeah, sniper shots whileyou're giving out book bags.
Yeah, you know that's a littlefucked up, yeah I heard it was
(18:21):
crazy because uh it was towardsour medic and it was meant to be
a headshot and there was alittle bit of confusion over the
radio, because during thedeployment a person gets to go
on leave.
So sometimes you have positionschange up a little bit.
(18:42):
Maybe one guy who's always onthe second truck, maybe on the
first truck because he's stillin that spot while the guy's on
leave.
So sometimes there was a littleconfusion about call signs over
the radio, right, because ifI'm the two truck I'm calling up
as two truck but I'm trying totalk with the one truck, but the
(19:04):
guy on the one truck's not usedto responding as a one truck.
Gotcha Then there's a littleconfusion there to let them know
.
Hey, I see a guy on the leftside on the balcony, but when
the shot went off it went soclose to his face that it cut
his nose and a little bit ofshrapnel on his face and hit the
(19:28):
truck.
Scott McLean (19:30):
So yeah, yeah, that's tough.
So how long were you?
Michael Vascellaro (19:34):
over there for For a year, minus your leave
Right and again when you say afull year you're in a full year
of danger, yes, but there'sthose transition phases as well
that people don't talk about,where you're like in weight and
you're waiting in line and yeah,I mean you're still in danger,
but you're not like right andyeah, like you were, yeah.
Scott McLean (19:58):
So uh, you come back and you eventually get out.
Michael Vascellaro (20:02):
Well, the biggest incident was uh uh being
hit by an EFP.
Scott McLean (20:09):
And people that don't know, uh EFP.
Speaker 3 (20:18):
It's all right.
It's all right, they can lookit up, it's a.
Michael Vascellaro (20:23):
It's a copper bowl that usually gets
packed into a five gallon bucketor smaller depending on the
size of explosives and when itgoes off it's a projectile
instead of a aerial.
So an id is the aerial, yeah,and the efp is more directional.
(20:43):
So they would aim the EFPs byangling them.
Scott McLean (20:53):
So it's like a homemade claymore almost Well.
Michael Vascellaro (20:56):
the copper bowl would turn inside out and
it would be like liquid copperand it went straight through our
armor and one of our guys inour battalion got hit by one and
it went straight through andkilled the gunner, the one that
(21:18):
went off on us.
We never go with lights on Ourfirst sergeant.
The higher command wanted to goout with us, so that means a
couple added trucks, but becausehe's the big guy, we do what he
tells us to do and he wanted usto go with all the lights on
(21:45):
off about a mile and a half, twomiles down the road from the
FOB, and the timing of it andhow they set it up, we don't
know, if it fell when they weretrying to set it up, if they
(22:09):
were doing it too fast orwhatever the case may be, but it
went off uh in between thetrucks and into the ground.
So we like, got the blast andthe shrapnel from it and, um, uh
, lots of confusion and you knowsome, a lot of the dark humor
and the ptsd comes from, uh, um,similarities and things.
(22:35):
So, uh, when the efp went off,the base was calling over the
radio because they thought itwas incoming rockets, because
when these rockets would go off,I mean it's hard to describe.
I have videos on my YouTubechannel, and so also with the
(22:58):
consistency of the rocketsflying in they wanted to bring
in more protection for us, sothey, instead of having mortar
men on the corners of our FOB,they ended up bringing in
paladins, which is like, uh, thebig boys of tanks, you know,
the big gun.
(23:19):
And when the paladins would gooff, there would be times where
we're like on, and when theywent off, we would laugh and
joke to each other because wewould jump and not know.
Scott McLean (23:35):
Shakes the earth.
Michael Vascellaro (23:36):
Are those rockets coming in and blowing up
?
Or are those rockets going out?
and fighting back, and fightingback the hardest part of my
experience our deployment waseverything that we were pushed
(24:02):
to do.
Is that what kept us alive?
Was it necessary, and couldthere have been a better way to
(24:23):
do things or deal with things?
So the reason why I say that isbecause I watched a lot of guys
lower enlisted like me, orhigher command also were
disciplined or relieved ofpositions because we were really
hard on each other.
(24:43):
We were really hard on eachother.
There was a lot of aggression, alot of pushing you over your
limit, so people snapped.
I mean, when you're on missionall day, mission all night, and
you're getting attacked andyou're taking all these hits,
(25:10):
not being able to fight back andjust taking it took a toll on
people.
You, yeah yeah, and I don'tknow how to explain it, sorry we
(25:36):
can move on um we don't have totalk.
It was, it was really hard yeah, that's fine, I, I get and in
for hood is hard.
Yeah, as soon as we came back injune now, mind you, like a
month or two after we came home,we got word from the people
(25:58):
that replaced us, that theyactually abandoned the base
because they didn't want to doeverything that we were doing,
and they took significantcasualties to the point where
they just didn't want to.
Scott McLean (26:13):
So all that work that you put in and the losses,
the casualties, the injuries,the time the stress the tears.
All that was, but not Is thathow you looked at it?
Not so much, All right.
Michael Vascellaro (26:28):
But later in my recovery it was just more or
less understanding the systemthat we serve?
Yeah Right, the system that weserve, yeah Right.
So, uh, similarities betweenour deployment and say, the
Vietnam, is that this was welike to say, um, we do this for
(26:50):
Americans and the freedom ofAmericans, um, but a lot of
times we're doing this for bigbusiness and for cultural
influence.
So who benefits from it and whatcomes from it?
Uh, is like what you would seewith v is tourism right,
(27:17):
american, your influence ofculture.
So I wouldn't say it wasn't fornothing, because you know,
that's kind of cool to see andto witness, right, to see the
smile on the kids' faces whenthey're playing with the balls
or school, and to have acommonality so our cultures can
(27:42):
accept each other, right.
The only negative thing I wouldsay is that those royalties
that are secured from thoseoperations should be shared with
veterans, and that's a wholething that I go down in my book
and my writings is that weshouldn't be solely relying on
(28:09):
the VA for financial support andwe shouldn't have to be.
You know, our only source ofsuccess is making a full
recovery and somehow changingyour life around or coming from
generational wealth, but itshould come from royalties that
(28:29):
are drawn up in your contract.
And that's the differencebetween what I've seen movie
stars, football players andmilitary is that we just have to
be honest and that is like okay, these wars are going to
benefit businessmen.
We protect their assets, they,you know, as a businessman in
(28:52):
America, if you need certainmaterials or certain things or
you want to conduct businesswhatever.
I think that's amazing, butthese things should be taught
and these things should betalked about when you're
deciding to serve this system tosay, okay, this is what we're
doing it for.
So the reason why I say that isbecause now, a couple years ago,
(29:12):
I look, it popped up on mytimeline or something like that
and I clicked on it.
But you can now go onTicketmaster or Hotelscom and
get a hotel room a mile downfrom where I was hit by an IED.
And then I dug a little bitdeeper and looked at when that
hotel was built and how weinfluenced their culture and how
(29:37):
we influence their culture.
Well, the only reason that wascapable of being done was
because the work that we did,because we built up a police
force, and that police forceprotects business, protects the
big guys.
Because you start bringing inassets, you start wanting to
change their culture, you'regoing to make people unhappy,
(29:57):
you know, and they're going toburn it down, they're going to
steal your equipment, they'regoing to do whatever.
So that's you know, thanks to us, we built that police force so
that you could do these things.
So now you can.
So there's a sense of security,there's a culture, there's a
vibrant community, there's youknow, and how we influence
(30:17):
that's an vibrant communitythere's, you know, and how we
influence that's an interestthat's an interesting concept.
Scott McLean (30:21):
So it really is.
Michael Vascellaro (30:22):
It really wasn't for nothing it's just
right I would love to seeveterans not so down and out.
You know only one guy reapingthe benefits of it, yeah, so so
when did you get?
out.
So we came back in June of 2009.
(30:42):
And the chaos only got worsefrom there.
The transition evaluations thatyou go through for a month or
(31:09):
so after you come home.
Those buildings were across thestreet, a little bit down to
the side, and you have to reportthere and this is where you get
your evaluations, like yourhearing, your eyesight, your
testing and questions andpsychological stuff and all that
(31:31):
, and the same guy that we hadto go through a couple months
after we returned, uh, ended upshooting about 30 of us, 40 of
us and killing about 30 of them.
The 2009 Fort.
(31:53):
Hood.
Scott McLean (31:54):
You were there.
Michael Vascellaro (31:55):
Yeah, and we had just gotten back from
deployment.
We're infantrymen and it likeyou.
Just as soon as it startedhappening, the alarms go off,
you hear a bunch of movingaround, but as far as us at work
(32:19):
, we had to lock in place.
So you're not allowed to runand help you don't have access
to your weapon or your ammo.
And here's this guy just gunningus down just killing everyone
and my wife at the time we livedon base so she's experiencing
(32:42):
the same thing, but she don'tknow what's going on.
Right, because we know what'sgoing on, but they just hear the
sirens of lock in the place andthere's an active shooter.
But so, yeah, communicatingthat with your wife and going
through that whole thing, it wascrazy, yeah, yeah yeah, that's
(33:04):
I'm not.
Yeah, go on it.
It wasn't just that.
It was again a lot of guys notgetting the help that you need
and dealing with everything,maybe not asking for the help
that you need and dealing witheverything maybe not asking for
the help that you need.
(33:25):
There was a lot of pain andsuffering among a lot of those
soldiers and when I was movedback into my infantry uh platoon
about like a week after uh oneof our battle buddies.
Uh was at the club and fightingwith another soldier I mean
(33:50):
whoever's from Fort hood, and Imean they know exactly what I'm
talking about, cause it's notjust an isolated situation, but
um, exactly what I'm talkingabout, because it's not just an
isolated situation, but umstarted fighting over a girl
with another soldier and theother soldier stabbed him in the
heart and killed him and we hadto pull security on his
(34:11):
barracks room until his parentsto come and get his stuff and go
through uh, you through theceremony and everything where
you have that knot inyour chest, which again happened
in Iraq.
Those were the hardest timesfor me was watching the body and
watching the box getting Idon't want to say paraded, but
(34:36):
brought in front of you, acrossyou, and you have to somehow
tell yourself that tomorrow I'mgoing to be that gunner and I
got to go on a mission tomorrowand that could be me with the
guy at Fort Hood was watchingand being a part of telling his
(35:00):
parents that he's 19, hesurvived.
Scott McLean (35:11):
Iraq and one of his own guys killed him.
Michael Vascellaro (35:13):
You were only 19 during that 20, 19, 20?
Scott McLean (35:14):
I had just turned 20,.
Yeah, Just a kid man.
Michael Vascellaro (35:16):
You don't feel like it, but.
Scott McLean (35:18):
No, at the time you don't, and you're right,
you're absolutely right, andthat's the difference, that's
the thing, right?
So when you're in the moment,you feel like a man, you feel
like a woman, you feel mature,you feel, oh, I'm ready for this
, okay, this is this and thatstuff, but it's later on, when
you get older, and thisshouldn't have happened, I
shouldn't have been there.
(35:38):
I was you know, those questionspop in and you know.
I don't want to go down thatalley with you, because that's a
little deep.
Michael Vascellaro (35:49):
But we know, I know, you know, I think a lot
of people listening probablyunderstand that.
So there was a lot of becauseof all this and being infantry.
I mean these guys are hard andthey don't care.
So not only are they pushing foryou to get things done on the
checklist for the nextdeployment that's coming within
12 months, but also um trainingfor like the EIB or things like
(36:15):
that.
So I needed help and I startedasking for help and was
evaluated for, you know, backinjuries, neck injury, um, uh,
ptsd, all this stuff and some ofthe reason why the guys didn't
(36:36):
want to ask for help and theyjust, you know, drown it out
with alcohol or just ignore it.
Or maybe some guys actually areprepared and know how to deal
with it and they are workingthrough it Right, but for me,
for some of the guys, when youstart, asking for help.
(36:58):
Well, the military is requiredto make sure you get that help.
So now you're kind of stuck ina tough situation because it's
like you have five or sixdifferent medical appointments
or evaluations or treatments,but now you're missing out on
range day.
You're missing out onqualification.
You're missing out on range day.
You're missing out onqualification, you're missing
(37:18):
out on whatever.
So there starts to createfriction and they start debating
on whether or not they want tokeep you in um and a lot of guys
were dealing with emotional andphysical pain to where it was
affecting their relationshipswith their wives, and a lot of
(37:48):
guys were being abused becauseyou would get into heated
moments and the wives and Idon't want to take nothing from
them because I understand thatbeing an army wife is- hard as
well right.
I don't want to take anythingaway from the wives that do put
in the work and do understand,but my wife, along with a lot of
other wives, had a hard timedealing with the fact that we
(38:10):
have to go to work by 4 o'clockin the morning and we might not
come back because platoondecides that we're gonna do
qualification range and we'regonna stay out there until and
we might as well take advantageand do night qualification as
well and then the doctor'sappointments and the culture
(38:32):
behind it is, you know, what dowe do on our downtime?
What do we do for brotherlylove or brotherly connection?
well it was a lot ofdestructiveness, like drinking
alcohol, hanging out, going tothe club and fights.
We're all over the place wherethis creates a lot of friction
(38:54):
and a lot of uh disruption inrelationships and career.
All of that so um, my wife atthe time, uh got into a physical
fight with me and I just had totake it and she was arrested
(39:15):
and our child was removed.
This was on base and even thoughshe broke my finger and was
arrested for it, you still haveto, like, go through military
procedures of like yeah, theygot the whole like suicide watch
(39:38):
and you know battle buddy andthe military, police and on base
and all this stuff so long.
Story short is um.
I ended up being honorablydischarged for, uh, chapter five
, dash eight, which is a familycare plan, because so many
(40:03):
people the platoons that weremade of people transitioning out
of the military or gettingdischarged was enormous that
they didn't have room and therewas so much going on that if
(40:24):
there was a way to get you outhonorably then they wanted to do
that because there was so manyguys.
You know, like one of my battlebuddies who was on his second
deployment and he made onemistake of driving back on the
base, drunk, and his mirror hit,barely hit the gate, and he got
(40:49):
in trouble for drinking anddriving and got honorably
discharged, losing all hisbenefits and being, you know,
labeled like that and kicked outlike that after serving two
deployments is a really a sadthing, you know?
Scott McLean (41:04):
yeah, the the thing in the military, the
alcohol, and it's part of theculture.
But then when you're the guythat, uh, they decide that's, I
got sent to the alcohol rehabcenter travis air force base for
three weeks impatient becausethey decided that I was the guy
that drank too much, right, Igot in too many fights, right.
(41:25):
But uh, a real quick story onthis is uh, they send me there
for three weeks.
My first sergeant, my kennelmaster, my trainer, my
supervisor, the squad, you know,nco, blah, blah, blah.
I come back after three weeksof inpatient.
It changed my life.
I haven't drank since I go.
First thing you do is you gotto go see your first sergeant
(41:48):
and I go to my first sergeant.
I stand in front of him.
Michael Vascellaro (41:50):
He was at ease and he's how was it?
Scott McLean (41:52):
And I kind of give him a rundown and he says to me
this he says well, I'm glad youwent through it.
And you know what, I don't seewhy.
Maybe every once in a while atdinner, or you know, on a
birthday or something you couldhave a glass of wine or
something and I'm thinking doesthis motherfucker?
even know what he sent me for?
Was this a like?
(42:14):
I was like.
I didn't say that to himbecause he was an asshole, like.
So what did you?
Okay, thank you for changing mylife, but do you really know
what you did Like, why you sentme?
You thinking that you'retelling me I can drink again.
So it made no sense.
So the drinking in the militaryand you know, it's all.
It's all good until you're thatguy and then it's not good.
Michael Vascellaro (42:39):
So they act like they're holier than thou.
So some of the stuff I touch onwith my story and the reason
why I've been trying to workthrough my messaging and
understanding of things and wewant to get to your art and your
poetry.
Yeah, well, there needs to be alot of forgiveness.
Going on a mittens admit to toguilt right Because what I've
noticed is we have a lot ofpeople who serve the military,
(43:00):
who may be honorable, but theiractions and their
responsibilities they failedshort of in the military.
So I don't want to play theblame game or anything like that
, because people say you havepersonal choice, but the the
(43:21):
destructive lifestyle andculture that we see happening in
america is happening x amountof you know, 10 times more in
the military.
So what I like to share is that, even though you are considered
(43:46):
a grown man at 17, 18, you'rekind of when you sign that
contract you're in custody ofthe military.
Oh yeah, and they canmicromanage every little aspect
right, like if you shave and howyou walk, how you present
yourself, all of that.
(44:08):
But they failed to do that on alevel of lifestyle and recovery
that is so crucial and such akey point to a conversation, to
fixing the amount of deaths,suicides, murders and all this
(44:30):
that's going on in the militarythat we see right now has to
come down to that.
So you know, when you're theculture and you're a sergeant,
to be in a place of awarenessand know how to handle younger
troops to lead the way.
That structure and that theimportance behind it and
(44:57):
incorporating health andwellness into that, all comes
down to like that, sargent beingaware.
So, um, drinking under age, youknow being open to to.
I turned 20 in Iraq.
(45:19):
I was 19,.
Turned 20 in Iraq, so I was 20when I came home.
I'm not legally able to drink,but it's being offered to me and
I'm being encouraged by my ownchain of command by my.
Sergeant, you know, come over,let's hang out, let's have a
(45:40):
beer in the back yeah.
Yeah, the same with when we wentto Iraq.
If we build our own fob, wehave we only have access to what
you give, provide us and whatyou encourage us.
So for them, to our little fob,little nothing of existence in
(46:02):
the middle of Iraq and you finda way to bring a shipping
container and put it in the foband charge us money to consume
these products consisting oftobacco, cigarettes or energy
drinks, or processed foods.
All these things, at least forme, made my experience a hundred
(46:30):
times worse than what it neededto be, because imagine going
through trauma, imagine puttingyourself at deficit of sleep,
pushing yourself to your limit,but as you're doing it, you're
experiencing inflammation,you're experiencing headaches,
(46:51):
you're experiencing stomachcramps, you're experiencing all
these symptoms that directlyhave to do with drinking all the
energy drinks, smoking thecigarettes.
Scott McLean (47:00):
Those creature comforts, as they call them.
Yeah, creature comforts.
Michael Vascellaro (47:04):
But the government knows, from what I've
researched, that on one sidethey say cigarettes are harmful,
they're dangerous, they causecancer, but you're allowing
troops that you have screamingand believing the American
soldier oath, saying I am asoldier, I am what my country
(47:28):
expects me to be the besttrained soldier in the world.
When you say these oaths, ifyou really take it to heart,
we're not living up to thoseoaths.
Right.
You know, and you know that's a, it's a.
It's a.
It's something that needs to betalked about and has to change.
Scott McLean (47:50):
So Diagnose of PTSD right.
Michael Vascellaro (47:54):
Yeah.
Scott McLean (47:54):
When did you start your poetry?
When did you start writing?
Michael Vascellaro (47:58):
The poetry and the writing.
I started dabbling in it abouta year ago and I only got
serious about it the last maybenine months, with a couple of
tools that are available to makethat easier and classes that
I've attended um through um theveteran art therapy at the local
(48:24):
uh palm beach west palm beach,va.
Um.
They work with, uh, the armoryart center that's downtown palm
Beach, which offers all mediumsof art ceramics, acrylics,
screen printing and thencreative writing and other
(48:46):
things so they don't put a limiton it.
You can go to all these classesas much as you want.
They don't talk about it a lot,they don't share.
That's something that a lot ofus are voicing and trying to
advocate for, because a lot oftheir funding gets cut before
anybody else's, because theydon't really give value to it.
Scott McLean (49:07):
Yeah.
Michael Vascellaro (49:11):
So they've done it for about five years and
this year was the first yearthat they didn't secure funding,
so we didn't have any availableclasses to attend this year.
But the coordinator's workingwith that or the VA and stuff.
But, they want people that haveattended class to talk about it
(49:32):
, to share about it to a letterand show why, how important it
is or how it's worth.
Scott McLean (49:38):
But um, friend of mine is an art therapist and,
yes, it's very um, overlookedand underappreciated, um, and I
don't know what the reason isfor that.
I don't want to get into thataspect of the conversation, but,
um, I have an idea that peoplelook at it as it's foo-foo stuff
(49:59):
and it's soft.
And listen, I'll just say itand I don't care if anybody
listening likes this or not.
This is just the way I feel.
You know, this military, thisveteran thing, can be a little
too fucking macho sometimes.
I'm just going to say it andagain, if you don't like it, I
don't care.
I see it, you know, and I thinkthat a lot of things get
(50:22):
overlooked because it's notdynamic and it's not you know
this hardcore, let's go do this,let's go do that shit.
Some of us don't really careabout that shit, some of us just
want to do you know, somethingless, but it's more.
It's what I want to do, youknow, uh, in art, therapy and
art and what it can bring to aveteran who might be too you
(50:46):
know, I don't know, maybe I'mbeing judgmental, too macho to
look into that.
Or it's like nah, I don't wantto do that, you know, but some
of us do that.
Or it's like, yeah, I don'twant to do that, you know, but
some of us do, and it shouldn'tbe lesser than anything else.
You know what I mean, yeah, andso I'm with you on that.
I think things like that shouldget funded more and I think it
needs more attention and I thinkmore veterans that might be
(51:09):
interested but don't want to getcaught up in that like I'm just
doing yeah, it's hard, it's notthere, you know well the thing,
own it, the fucking own it.
Michael Vascellaro (51:18):
The thing for me too is uh with the
younger generation.
Um, I would say I was in thebeginning of those uh stages.
Yeah, we have a lot of photosand videos of our experience in
Iraq and it's one thing to sharephotos and share videos and you
(51:40):
get that blunt visual.
But it's so much more impactfuland meaningful when you can
take that experience and put itinto a visual story or a visual
experience.
And put it into a visual storyor a visual, I make more
(52:01):
connection and more of a message, showing you a visual
interpretation of thatexperience rather than just
throwing the pictures in frontof you and then trying to
explain oh, this is this picture, this was, oh, this is when we
were getting blown up or up.
But to put it into picture formor story form is more appealing
and more attention grabbing.
Scott McLean (52:23):
Which is what I'm looking at right now.
So Michael was nice enough tobring two of his pieces down
here, his artwork.
I wouldn't just say they'repaintings, I'd look at them,
they're more than that.
They're very there's a lotgoing on, but there's a lot to
see in these things and they'reamazing.
(52:45):
I mean he definitely put hisheart, soul, mind, thoughts and
this I would think thesepaintings, one is called.
Recovery.
The One is called Recovery, theother one is called PTSD Yep.
Michael Vascellaro (52:59):
So kind of like yinging.
Scott McLean (53:00):
Yeah, yeah.
Michael Vascellaro (53:01):
And had it not been the support of the VA
or my wife, I wouldn't have beenable to get to this point.
Tell me about your wife.
(53:22):
This point Tell me about yourwife.
After getting out of themilitary I kind of got that
typical story where you're lostand homelessness the situation
with the ex-wife being draggedthrough to support court and all
of that and sought out collegefor GI Bill to have a source of
income and started out asgraphic design here in Boca at
(53:50):
Digital Media Arts College,which doesn't exist anymore.
They integrated with LynnUniversity.
Scott McLean (53:58):
Okay.
Michael Vascellaro (53:59):
Yeah, we actually met on Plenty of Fish.
Scott McLean (54:05):
I love that you just come right out and say I
love that.
Good for you, man, Good for you.
Michael Vascellaro (54:11):
And we had a lot of similar struggles in
life.
So it was two people lookingfor love or looking for a
connection that didn't have much.
So we didn't have.
I didn't have a place to stay,she didn't have a place to stay.
For credit, she, her two boys,were in the system and problems
(54:38):
with her ex, the father of thetwo boys.
They were young, they were onlylike three and four, and we
decided to come together andbuild a family and a foundation.
But again, it took a lot of helpfrom the veteran organizations
(55:00):
or the va hospital, uh, hoodvashhousing, all of that.
My life for like five years wasan open book, meaning yeah uh
child support court, va.
Social work, coming in and outof the house offering us housing
.
But you, you know they're goingto come and do inspections.
(55:21):
They're gonna.
They want to see your budget,they want to see your tax return
.
Um, I mean, everything aboutyour life when you start asking
for help is an open book.
There's nothing to hide,there's.
You've got to stay on thestraight and narrow.
Scott McLean (55:38):
And she stayed with you through all that.
Michael Vascellaro (55:40):
Yep, and so the reason why I give her credit
for me being able to developthese paintings is because you
can tell it takes a lot of timeand I have the skills to do
(56:00):
sellable work.
Yeah, and she wants that for me, she wants it for us, so I have
an alternate source of incometo be able to fix some of the
struggles in our life income tobe able to fix some of the
struggles in our life.
(56:20):
But her being patient with meand supporting me through this
is crucial because it wasn'tabout my skills, like can I
paint palm trees in a scene?
Yeah, can I.
Can I do, I have the skills todo certain things that Do.
I have the skills to do certainthings that we can monetize and
sell over in Oregon.
Yes, but for me in my recovery,in this moment of my life, that
(56:46):
wasn't the most important thingwas my skills or survival, but
is my recovery and my message,and the message behind it is so
much more important to me thanit is, you know, to be able to
just show that I can do.
I want to create pieces thatrepresent my recovery but also
(57:06):
make such an impact that itstarts a conversation, that it
makes you think and thetransition from doing art.
So I did drawing and art when Iwas growing up a little bit, and
then Iraq.
I took a lot of photos and alot of videos.
But then I went to college forgraphic design and got my
(57:28):
associates for, you know, webdesign and graphic design and
stuff like that, and I washeaded for my bachelor's but I
had to step away.
So I had to have a deepconversation with the dean and
she was like I would really hatefor you to walk away and then
(57:49):
say that you're going to come ata later time to finish, to get
your degree and bachelor's.
Because I was really close togetting my bachelor's.
But she was like so you'vealready earned your associates,
we're going to go ahead and giveyou the associates with the
extra credits that you have, andthe reason why along with that
(58:11):
at the same time.
I had filed for my LLC to startdoing photography, so I did like
weddings or all different typesof things photography or
graphic design.
As far as like freelance, awebsite or a business card
design or things like that Is,my symptoms, both physically and
(58:33):
emotionally, were so much thatbeing able to focus on that and
make it successful on top ofbeing a father to four kids, on
top of trying to make myrecovery.
You only have so much time.
You only have so much time.
(58:55):
And it was too much for me.
So I had to step back from thatand say what's going on getting
(59:18):
the securing the disability sothat I could take that time and
take that disability and startrebuilding myself.
Like can?
I hope and believe is the firstthing that you need, right, the
hope and the belief that youcan recover from this, that you
can get stronger from this, thatyou can rebuild yourself from
this.
Um uh.
So with that, peer supportgroups, um alternative therapy
(59:47):
through veteran outside orveteran organizations um art
therapy, so getting back intodoing art, acrylic art and
things like that.
So the biggest thing where myroads cross is through learning
my recovery.
I'm starting to learn andrealize that something that
(01:00:10):
people in the infantry wouldlaugh at, right, but is there's
power to your?
Words that's right.
So there's a vibration, isthere's power to your words?
That's right.
So there's a vibration andthere's a belief behind the
words that you speak and thewords that you put out there.
And I started digging deeperinto that as far as, like, the
(01:00:30):
frequencies, the vibrations andthe importance of things and
stuff like that.
Right, I mean, that's how youwatch a movie and when you
synchronize that into perfection, that move in like a disney
movie, right, these that realitydoesn't even exist, the
characters don't even, aren'teven real but you're, you're
(01:00:52):
crying, you're bawling out thatthe that is the power of
storytelling.
It's literally like there's aneuroscience that goes with it,
and I I know exactly what you'resaying so what I learned
through my recovery is it'sgreat to advocate for yourself,
and we find ourselves in thislike circle over and over again
(01:01:15):
every time we go to the doctors.
I experienced it every time Igo to a new doctor.
The va changes the doctor everytime you ask for veteran
assistance.
I'm having to repeat.
I'm repeating my struggle, I'mrepeating my story.
Scott McLean (01:01:30):
I'm repeating I think a lot of us can.
Michael Vascellaro (01:01:51):
If somebody really wants to know, they can
read it, they can look at it,but that kind of separates
yourself from it, because nowyou should be focusing on the
positive things instead ofrepeating that my back hurts, my
stomach hurts, I went throughthis, I went through that and
saying it over and over again,instead saying I still alive,
(01:02:15):
I'm here, I love this and youknow, this is I can make, I
believe I am getting better, Ican get better and telling
yourself those things to believethose things I'm going to take
a picture.
Scott McLean (01:02:29):
Uh, of course, every everybody that comes to
this podcast gets now theirpicture taken on the big pink
couch I have to ask you do youlike the big pink couch?
yeah, yeah, it's nice right nice, smooth feeling right,
everything's good, good, uh.
I'm going to take a picture ofmichael with his, his paintings,
and I don't know.
(01:02:49):
They're just more thanpaintings to me the way I look
at them.
There's just a little more thanjust that.
It's it is.
Uh, there's some 3d artinvolved in look at them,
there's just a little more thanjust that.
It's it is.
Uh, there's some 3d artinvolved in here and it's.
There's a lot going on andeverything uh is connected.
But I'm going to take a picture, I'm going to post it on my
LinkedIn, scott McLean, uh, andI'll put it on Facebook.
I'll put it on on the VetsConnection podcast website too.
(01:03:14):
I'm going to put them up there.
That's all right with you yeahthat's fine, you and the picture
, because I think people shouldsee them Now.
You said sharing and I said atthe beginning of this podcast
that you were going to shareyour.
Christmas poem.
That I think is amazing.
So this recording was done onDecember 10th 2024 by Michael
(01:03:36):
Vassilero.
This is his Christmas poem toveterans.
Michael is a local artist herein Palm Beach County and I hope
you enjoy this.
Michael Vascellaro (01:03:50):
A veteran's holiday poem, a Veterans Holiday
Poem.
Here's a timeline poem thattells the story of my Christmas
journey from childhood toadulthood, to fatherhood In
upstate New York, where SenecaLakes, snowy streets adorned
(01:04:12):
with light, christmas awakesBetween Geneva and Lyons, a
young boy's delight.
Decorations and warmth on acold winter night.
Traveling to grandparents,aunts for the cheer, family
gatherings, love so sincere.
Homemade cookies, nutcrackersstand tall, cartoons and movies,
(01:04:36):
movies, the magic of it all.
Snow suits and snowmen, fortsin the yard, grandpa's tractor
pulling sleds not too hard.
Memories of childhood joy inthe air, building moments with
family to share, buildingmoments with family to share.
Then came a Christmas at 17,confined, a jail cell for
(01:05:00):
reflection, a troubled mindfighting over a girl just being
a kid, a time of sadness, thepain I hid the following year in
Iraq's Sandy span.
An infantryman, a tankerman, alonely man preparing trucks for
mission, early to rise, wishingfor home, tears in my eyes,
(01:05:26):
processed sugars, a cot and ascreen.
Christmas felt distant, afaraway dream Years.
Post-service holidays feltdistant.
A faraway dream Years.
Post-service holidays felt cold, isolation and avoidance.
The story told, but then awoman, beautiful and kind, with
a big heart, holiday spiritentwined.
(01:05:48):
We mixed our family, fourchildren in tow Struggled to
build holidays.
Love began to grow Without atree.
Some years were lean, asked forassistance, a humble scene, va
hospital Christmas with Santa'scheer, ensuring our kids felt
(01:06:08):
love and joy here.
Gifts for children, decorationsbright.
Gifts for children, decorationsbright.
No gifts for us, but theirsmiles were our light.
We built traditions, excitementand cheer, comfort and
happiness year after year.
Now our children, with joy intheir eyes, look forward to
(01:06:29):
holidays under the skies.
They love the time togethergifts to unwrap, decorating and
laughter.
A happy map.
So the moral is clear Inmoments of strife, holidays are
beautiful despite the slice.
Be grateful and joyful.
(01:06:50):
Don't isolate.
Give when you can Share yourplate, in cold or heat, north or
south, with family or alone.
It's not about Be in the moment, cherish the day.
(01:07:12):
You are special, a gift inevery way.
Christmas should leave youhopeful and bright, grateful and
special in its light.
Happy holidays to you, near andfar.
May your journey be blessedwherever you are.
I hope this poem captures theessence of a Christmas journey
and brings warmth and reflectionto your holidays.
Scott McLean (01:07:35):
That was good man to your holiday.
That was good man, that wasgood, that still got me.
Glad.
I wasn't on the mic.
That's awesome dude.
That is beautiful man.
That is beautiful.
Thank you and it's moving andit's relatable.
That's a grand slam.
(01:07:56):
So, thank you, don't thank me,I thank you.
I thank you for coming on thepodcast.
I know this took a lot.
I know you're working we talkedabout this You're working
toward getting out there moreand getting over the anxieties
that you might have and publicspeaking and hopefully people
will listen to this and they'llstart reaching out to you
(01:08:17):
because your story is importantand I'm glad you're sitting
right in front of me right nowand that you, you haven't given
up and I'm not just saying thatto make this sound.
You know it's an emotionalpodcast episode, but that and
I'll do, thank, thank you.
Thank you for that poem, thankyou for your art.
(01:08:39):
Uh, I I would love to get morepeople to know about you and
know about your art and and seewhere this goes.
Um, is there any way if peoplewant to get in touch with you?
You want to facebook or do youwant?
You not want to do that?
Michael Vascellaro (01:08:55):
yeah, they can look me up on uh instagram a
lot and what's your handle oninstagram?
Uh, never or n2m veteran, whichis november to mike veteran yep
, which stands for if you googleuh, never too much, kind of a
little tag that I attached tothat I wanted to use.
(01:09:17):
So I kind of made um never toomuch photography and design,
which was my llc, all right, andthen never too much veteran
stuff like that right, all right, man.
Scott McLean (01:09:31):
Well, thank you again, michael.
I truly appreciate and I willbe talking again.
This isn't like I end up alwaysjust becoming friends with the
people I interview.
It's like I just like beingconnected like that.
I appreciate your time, Iappreciate the effort getting
down here and I wish you andyour wonderful wife and your
(01:09:52):
kids a Merry Christmas.
I think that poem the partabout the no toys, but it's
about the kids and that kind of.
I know that and I think a lotof people it resonates with.
I can't say it enough.
That's an amazing poem.
I'm going to play that everyyear.
(01:10:13):
Now I'm going to play it on myother podcast, my music podcast.
Thank you, thank you, thank youfor that and the timeliness
that you got it in before theinterview.
You're a good dude man.
You're a good dude.
You got a good vibe, you have agreat attitude, you have a good
(01:10:33):
spirit and I think you willmake that difference that you're
looking for.
I think you will.
You know what?
You made a difference with meawesome.
So that's where it starts, rightyeah, just one veteran at a
time, one person at a time.
And again, I'm not just sayingthis shit, I don't just I don't,
on a roll like that, say shit,that's the same.
(01:10:54):
You know what I mean.
But you definitely changed me alittle bit in a couple of ways
and I appreciate it.
So thank you, michael, and Iwant to thank you for listening.
As I always say, we builtanother bridge today, but this
(01:11:14):
was a very it's a beautifulbridge, very artsy and very it's
a cool bridge that we builttoday.
And, as I always say also,please listen to the end of the
podcast.
There's a good public serviceannouncement of veterans, family
members of veterans and, evenif you're not a veteran, it
involves 211 and 988 and acouple other things.
(01:11:37):
It's only 30 seconds long, soplease give it a listen.
And this is my Christmasepisode, so I want to wish
everybody a Merry Christmas.
Michael, you want to wisheverybody a Merry Christmas?
Michael Vascellaro (01:11:48):
Yeah, I would want everybody to enjoy
their holidays and be gratefulfor the things you have, and my
biggest public announcementwould be don't be afraid to ask
for help, because I've beenthere and uh.
I've been Baker acted.
(01:12:10):
I've been deep in the mentalhealth but there's light at the
end and there is a lot of helpand a lot of the people that you
hear on in previous episodes.
A lot of those people.
I have worked with directly likePete, Dr Pete and I wouldn't be
(01:12:34):
here on this podcast or be opento caring, had I not worked
with a lot of those people whoare.
So a lot of people listen tothose podcasts and hear the
stuff that they, the servicesthey offer.
I'm here to let you know that Ihave used those services and it
(01:12:54):
has helped me a lot.
Scott McLean (01:12:55):
So don't be afraid to ask and utilize that All
right.
Once again, you're a good dudeman.
You got a good spirit, goodsoul.
And again, merry Christmaseverybody.
And I will be back, maybe afterNew Year.
I think I'll take the week offbetween Christmas and new year
and we'll pick it up in 2025.
(01:13:16):
And I want to thank you all forlistening for the last.
I think.
I started this eight months agoand it's gotten a great
reception and I'm humbled by itand I'm excited to do some more
interviews and and create moreof a resource for veterans
through the vets Net podcastcom.
(01:13:37):
And again, thank you very much.
Welcome to the podcast.
I'm Scott McClain.
My guest today is MichaelVesalero.
Michael is an army veteranlocated in Palm Beach County and
he's a artist and a poet isreally, really unique.
(00:21):
And as a little bonus, I askedhim on Sunday, just out of
nowhere.
I said hey, your episode isgoing to be released around
Christmas.
Can you do a Christmas poem?
Because he's really good, hispoetry is really really good and
it's kind of short notice andthis is being recorded on
(00:42):
Tuesday the 10th.
And he said sure, and that waslike Sunday morning.
And then by late Sundayafternoon he sent me this poem,
this Christmas poem.
Veteran Christmas poem and allright.
It kind of got me a littleteary-eyed at one point.
So I'm going to have him,during this podcast, read that
(01:05):
Christmas poem and I promise youstay tuned in and listen
because it's well worth the waitonce he reads it.
So, without further ado, sorryfor my ongoing rant, michael.
Oh, by the way, welcome to theOne man, one Mic Foundation
podcast studio, thank you.
(01:26):
Sponsored by Willow and PalmConstruction, willow and Palm,
delray Beach, florida, willowand Palm, south Florida's
premier builder, from drivewaysto roofs to buildings, if you
need it, they'll build it.
Find them at willowandpalmcom.
See, I do that live read nowit's like I say every episode.
Now they deserve it.
They're very good to me.
(01:48):
So how are you doing today,michael?
Michael Vascellaro (01:50):
Doing all right.
Scott McLean (01:51):
All right, all right, so let's get right into
it.
Tell me, where are you fromoriginally.
Michael Vascellaro (01:58):
I was born in West Palm Beach in 1988.
And then, shortly a few monthsafter, my mom brought me to
upstate new york, where she wasborn and raised, and that's
where I was raised, between uhseneca lake and geneva and lions
area okay, uh, when did youwent in the army?
Scott McLean (02:20):
when?
When did you go in?
Michael Vascellaro (02:22):
um 18, um turning 19, so um like by the
time I signed up for therecruiter and left.
I left january and my birthdaywas, or is, december 11th so
tomorrow happy birthday, happyearly birthday, thank you um, so
(02:43):
yeah, that was all right.
Scott McLean (02:44):
Freshly 19 what year was that?
Michael Vascellaro (02:47):
um in 2008 and um my start wasn't that easy
I was raised by a single motherand um struggled in school and
uh was hanging out in thestreets by the time I got into
(03:08):
high school and had a girlfriendwho I ended up uh kind of like
the old, uh Italian movies, ummovies, um, I thought it was
(03:32):
cool to fight over a girl and uhthreaten somebody we were just
kids.
So I went to his house like atough guy to call him out to
fight and nothing happened.
But because I went there andthreatened to fight him, it was
enough means for police to getinvolved and slap me with
menacing and I was alreadytalking to a recruiter.
(04:05):
So I spent, uh, my 17thbirthday and Christmas in jail
as turning 18, from 17, turning18, um, for 30 days and then it
was For 30 days and then it wasTooken off my record and I got
(04:26):
ready and left for the army asan infantryman, so you spent the
Christmas Eve in jail.
Yeah, a lot of tough situationsthat you're not ready for At
such a young age.
But this is.
I didn't expect it Becauseagain At that time time,
(04:54):
generations before us, boysfighting or calling each other
out was pretty normal.
Scott McLean (04:56):
But then I just ended up getting caught up.
Yeah.
Someone called the cops.
Michael Vascellaro (05:00):
I got.
Scott McLean (05:01):
I could say something about that, but I
won't, we'll move on.
I'm with you, though I'm withyou so, but I won't, we'll move
on.
I'm with you though I'm withyou.
Michael Vascellaro (05:07):
So you went in the Army, did you go over, so
the same girl that I wasfighting over we actually had
just had a baby too, so mydaughter was only about six
months old and then I left inJanuary, went straight to Fort
(05:28):
Benning, georgia, as aninfantryman, where AIT and all
that is all in one and, by April, graduate and basic training
was wild and crazy waseverything you would expect from
(05:49):
old movies.
I'm not the strongest guy, I'mnot the biggest guy.
This is infantry, so they pushyou a little bit harder to keep
up with the bigger guys.
But also, a lot of mymotivation was watching guys
that were weaker than me, um,mentally and physically, and I
(06:09):
watched a lot of.
It's kind of hard to talk abouttoday because we have a lot of
wokeism and, uh, liberalism andthings like that.
But, um, do I believe thatthere's a such thing as tough
love?
(06:29):
Yes, but I also do believe thatthere is some unnecessary, uh,
actions that don't really needto happen that can really change
people's lives.
So I've, you know, it reallystuck with me to watch some of
these guys who left for basicand failed in basic, um, not
(06:55):
only because of their own flawsor weakness, but also because
they were really tough on you,like I mean, watch guys get beat
up and treated wrong, right.
So that motivated me to keepgoing, because I was like I
don't want to be that guy, Idon't want to have to repeat
(07:16):
basic, I don't want to have tohave a profile, I don't want to
be any of that.
So it wasn't easy, but, um, yeah, so it was like wasn't the I,
wasn't the guy that could carryall the weight and walk all the
distance.
It was a really uh, uh,something that I really had to
(07:37):
dig deep down inside to getmyself through.
Right, and so you get throughthat Yep and then uh home for
about a month and then straightto fort hood and um, we, our um
class that graduated, werebecame a bunch of fillers.
(07:58):
So, uh, rapid, rapid deploymentunits, ready to go, placement
in open spaces where they neededextra men.
So we were graduated asinfantrymen, which you'll see on
(08:19):
my deployment orders, or awardscome up as tankermen, because
they placed a few of us infantrymen with tanker company units,
because the mission that we weredoing in Iraq didn't require
them to utilize tanks but to domissions on trucks, so pretty
much an infantryman job.
(08:40):
So we were mixed in.
We deployed on the day of mydaughter's birthday, june 15th
of 2008.
And when I got there.
When we got there, everybodywas uh kind of um, uh, spending
(09:07):
time with family and packingstuff, so we kind of just had to
jump into that and then, uh,for me, where I feel my story is
important is because uh as Isaid, not being the strongest
guy being raised by a singlemother.
Um, I, you know, have to admitto myself, but who I am is that
(09:34):
I've been more of a.
I lead with my heart, so I'm avery loving, caring guy and.
I have a lot of sensitivity.
So, uh, uh, to where, as someguys would be like, oh just
toughen up, just suck it up, itdoesn't matter.
But um, some of those toughguys, a lot of those tough guys,
(09:54):
weren't in the same situationas me either, right?
So here I was waiting to get onthe bus, waiting the days in
order to deploy, and I didn'thave anybody there.
And, um, making sense of thatand going through that was tough
for me because, well, Icouldn't make sense of which one
(10:17):
is tougher, right?
Actually, seeing your familyand hugging them and saying
goodbye or not, and in themoment, standing to the side and
watching everyone hug theirfamilies and say bye was really
hard on me emotionally.
I had knots in my chest becauseyou have that fear and you
(10:39):
don't really have anyone comfortyou, to say goodbye to you.
Really have anyone come?
for you to say goodbye to youand um so, uh, it was a long
ride to get to iraq.
We got to kuwait first and thenum on deployment.
We spent about a month betweenkuwait and uh Nazaria air base
(11:06):
in Iraq and we were uhexchanging equipment and trucks
and all of that and Gary Owen,the unit that I was a part of
attached to 2-7 Cav.
Gary Owen is the same unit thatserved in the movie.
(11:29):
We Were Soldiers and the colors, the guide arm, the flags on it
, the last base to be built.
Bob Gary Owen was in that movieso I didn't know that, but
learned it later on.
(11:50):
But after we got to Iraq theywanted to build a FAB.
units were tasked with going outto southern iraq, right next to
the iran border andestablishing a fob the fob for
(12:11):
the people that don't knowforward operating base um from
nazaria right and um, along withair force and a couple
companies dredging it, and itwas like really fine dust, like
walking on the moon type dust,until they brought in gravel and
(12:34):
HESCO baskets to fill.
We had to fill sand.
We still have our mission,daily mission or night mission
but in the in-between time, uh,villain stand bags.
Um, uh, craft duty, I'm tryingto think for the right word um,
where you're burning uh feces,right, um putting, uh we start.
(13:00):
They started getting attackedby rockets because, being that
it was out in the field, itwasn't secure enough for enemy
to launch in mortar rounds, sothey were using 240mm rockets
and launching them from a mileor two miles out and launching
(13:25):
them in and killed a few guysafter setting up the tents.
So then, after them getting hitwith shrapnel and dying in
their sleep, we had to putsandbags all around the tents
and bunkers with sandbags and,um, all of that.
(13:48):
And we at the time we didn'thave uh sirens either.
So it, you know, just a smallbomb.
No, no no your uh warning no,advanced technology.
Your warning was the explosionin the background.
You heard it in the background,then you knew the whistle and
then within, like you know, fiveto ten seconds, laundry
(14:12):
trailers, our tents, all typesof things.
So I know people have exposure,illnesses and things like that
(14:39):
from burn pits, which we alsohad to partake in as well, but I
say the whole deployment, thewhole base was a burn pit,
because when the Rockets blew upit burnt everything, even
uniforms that were supposed tobe flame proof with whatever
(15:01):
chemicals or materials those aremade with, still burned in the
in the explosion, um, uh,complete blackout.
We were, our battalion was theghost battalion and, uh, my
company, or charlie company, butthen my platoon was the Shocker
(15:23):
.
Platoon and platoons would goout as how they wanted to as far
as night missions.
But for us, our platoon leaderwanted us to go to completely
blackout for their own reasons,but it kept us alive, so we
(15:46):
would go out on night missionsand our night missions would
consist of being in the TAIs,which is a tactical area of
interest about three, four milesaway from the base around the
base, to whether it was fields,whatever it was to roam around
(16:07):
in order to deter them fromlaunching in rocket because it
was happening so much.
So, even though we would have,there was times where we'd have
to be out on day mission wewould have to turn around a few
hours later and you would findyourself standing in the field,
driving through the fields,driving through berms and
(16:29):
backyards and all these riskyplaces which we had problems
like with our one of our trucksrolling over off the berm and
almost killing a guy anddestroying the truck.
And that was crazy because wewere up on the berm pulling
security and they still launchedin the rockets.
(16:51):
So we had the rockets on theright side being launched and
flying in hitting the base onthe left side and they're
calling up to us to respond tothe rockets.
But we're calling up to themtelling them that we can't
because we have a truck that'srolled over and like it was just
.
Scott McLean (17:10):
Chaos yeah chaos, chaos.
Michael Vascellaro (17:14):
So the day missions consisted of helping
pull security and operations fortraining the police academy
setting up a police academy forthe Iraqis to train a bunch of
cadets to become Iraqi police.
(17:34):
So we would pull security onthem at the academy some days,
and then some days do missionswhere we would let them lead the
way, or a lot of times inbetween, um doing humanitarian
things like giving out book bagsat school where we would take
sniper shots and they had av-bit ready for us or what's
(17:59):
that vehicle born id and thenwhen they get uh intel that that
is there, thank god, you haveto reroute and all of that and
um yeah, sniper shots whileyou're giving out book bags.
Yeah, you know that's a littlefucked up, yeah I heard it was
(18:21):
crazy because uh it was towardsour medic and it was meant to be
a headshot and there was alittle bit of confusion over the
radio, because during thedeployment a person gets to go
on leave.
So sometimes you have positionschange up a little bit.
(18:42):
Maybe one guy who's always onthe second truck, maybe on the
first truck because he's stillin that spot while the guy's on
leave.
So sometimes there was a littleconfusion about call signs over
the radio, right, because ifI'm the two truck I'm calling up
as two truck but I'm trying totalk with the one truck, but the
(19:04):
guy on the one truck's not usedto responding as a one truck.
Gotcha Then there's a littleconfusion there to let them know
.
Hey, I see a guy on the leftside on the balcony, but when
the shot went off it went soclose to his face that it cut
his nose and a little bit ofshrapnel on his face and hit the
(19:28):
truck.
Scott McLean (19:30):
So yeah, yeah, that's tough.
So how long were you?
Michael Vascellaro (19:34):
over there for For a year, minus your leave
Right and again when you say afull year you're in a full year
of danger, yes, but there'sthose transition phases as well
that people don't talk about,where you're like in weight and
you're waiting in line and yeah,I mean you're still in danger,
but you're not like right andyeah, like you were, yeah.
Scott McLean (19:58):
So uh, you come back and you eventually get out.
Michael Vascellaro (20:02):
Well, the biggest incident was uh uh being
hit by an EFP.
Scott McLean (20:09):
And people that don't know, uh EFP.
Speaker 3 (20:18):
It's all right.
It's all right, they can lookit up, it's a.
Michael Vascellaro (20:23):
It's a copper bowl that usually gets
packed into a five gallon bucketor smaller depending on the
size of explosives and when itgoes off it's a projectile
instead of a aerial.
So an id is the aerial, yeah,and the efp is more directional.
(20:43):
So they would aim the EFPs byangling them.
Scott McLean (20:53):
So it's like a homemade claymore almost Well.
Michael Vascellaro (20:56):
the copper bowl would turn inside out and
it would be like liquid copperand it went straight through our
armor and one of our guys inour battalion got hit by one and
it went straight through andkilled the gunner, the one that
(21:18):
went off on us.
We never go with lights on Ourfirst sergeant.
The higher command wanted to goout with us, so that means a
couple added trucks, but becausehe's the big guy, we do what he
tells us to do and he wanted usto go with all the lights on
(21:45):
off about a mile and a half, twomiles down the road from the
FOB, and the timing of it andhow they set it up, we don't
know, if it fell when they weretrying to set it up, if they
(22:09):
were doing it too fast orwhatever the case may be, but it
went off uh in between thetrucks and into the ground.
So we like, got the blast andthe shrapnel from it and, um, uh
, lots of confusion and you knowsome, a lot of the dark humor
and the ptsd comes from, uh, um,similarities and things.
(22:35):
So, uh, when the efp went off,the base was calling over the
radio because they thought itwas incoming rockets, because
when these rockets would go off,I mean it's hard to describe.
I have videos on my YouTubechannel, and so also with the
(22:58):
consistency of the rocketsflying in they wanted to bring
in more protection for us, sothey, instead of having mortar
men on the corners of our FOB,they ended up bringing in
paladins, which is like, uh, thebig boys of tanks, you know,
the big gun.
(23:19):
And when the paladins would gooff, there would be times where
we're like on, and when theywent off, we would laugh and
joke to each other because wewould jump and not know.
Scott McLean (23:35):
Shakes the earth.
Michael Vascellaro (23:36):
Are those rockets coming in and blowing up
?
Or are those rockets going out?
and fighting back, and fightingback the hardest part of my
experience our deployment waseverything that we were pushed
(24:02):
to do.
Is that what kept us alive?
Was it necessary, and couldthere have been a better way to
(24:23):
do things or deal with things?
So the reason why I say that isbecause I watched a lot of guys
lower enlisted like me, orhigher command also were
disciplined or relieved ofpositions because we were really
hard on each other.
(24:43):
We were really hard on eachother.
There was a lot of aggression, alot of pushing you over your
limit, so people snapped.
I mean, when you're on missionall day, mission all night, and
you're getting attacked andyou're taking all these hits,
(25:10):
not being able to fight back andjust taking it took a toll on
people.
You, yeah yeah, and I don'tknow how to explain it, sorry we
(25:36):
can move on um we don't have totalk.
It was, it was really hard yeah, that's fine, I, I get and in
for hood is hard.
Yeah, as soon as we came back injune now, mind you, like a
month or two after we came home,we got word from the people
(25:58):
that replaced us, that theyactually abandoned the base
because they didn't want to doeverything that we were doing,
and they took significantcasualties to the point where
they just didn't want to.
Scott McLean (26:13):
So all that work that you put in and the losses,
the casualties, the injuries,the time the stress the tears.
All that was, but not Is thathow you looked at it?
Not so much, All right.
Michael Vascellaro (26:28):
But later in my recovery it was just more or
less understanding the systemthat we serve?
Yeah Right, the system that weserve, yeah Right.
So, uh, similarities betweenour deployment and say, the
Vietnam, is that this was welike to say, um, we do this for
(26:50):
Americans and the freedom ofAmericans, um, but a lot of
times we're doing this for bigbusiness and for cultural
influence.
So who benefits from it and whatcomes from it?
Uh, is like what you would seewith v is tourism right,
(27:17):
american, your influence ofculture.
So I wouldn't say it wasn't fornothing, because you know,
that's kind of cool to see andto witness, right, to see the
smile on the kids' faces whenthey're playing with the balls
or school, and to have acommonality so our cultures can
(27:42):
accept each other, right.
The only negative thing I wouldsay is that those royalties
that are secured from thoseoperations should be shared with
veterans, and that's a wholething that I go down in my book
and my writings is that weshouldn't be solely relying on
(28:09):
the VA for financial support andwe shouldn't have to be.
You know, our only source ofsuccess is making a full
recovery and somehow changingyour life around or coming from
generational wealth, but itshould come from royalties that
(28:29):
are drawn up in your contract.
And that's the differencebetween what I've seen movie
stars, football players andmilitary is that we just have to
be honest and that is like okay, these wars are going to
benefit businessmen.
We protect their assets, they,you know, as a businessman in
(28:52):
America, if you need certainmaterials or certain things or
you want to conduct businesswhatever.
I think that's amazing, butthese things should be taught
and these things should betalked about when you're
deciding to serve this system tosay, okay, this is what we're
doing it for.
So the reason why I say that isbecause now, a couple years ago,
(29:12):
I look, it popped up on mytimeline or something like that
and I clicked on it.
But you can now go onTicketmaster or Hotelscom and
get a hotel room a mile downfrom where I was hit by an IED.
And then I dug a little bitdeeper and looked at when that
hotel was built and how weinfluenced their culture and how
(29:37):
we influence their culture.
Well, the only reason that wascapable of being done was
because the work that we did,because we built up a police
force, and that police forceprotects business, protects the
big guys.
Because you start bringing inassets, you start wanting to
change their culture, you'regoing to make people unhappy,
(29:57):
you know, and they're going toburn it down, they're going to
steal your equipment, they'regoing to do whatever.
So that's you know, thanks to us, we built that police force so
that you could do these things.
So now you can.
So there's a sense of security,there's a culture, there's a
vibrant community, there's youknow, and how we influence
(30:17):
that's an vibrant communitythere's, you know, and how we
influence that's an interestthat's an interesting concept.
Scott McLean (30:21):
So it really is.
Michael Vascellaro (30:22):
It really wasn't for nothing it's just
right I would love to seeveterans not so down and out.
You know only one guy reapingthe benefits of it, yeah, so so
when did you get?
out.
So we came back in June of 2009.
(30:42):
And the chaos only got worsefrom there.
The transition evaluations thatyou go through for a month or
(31:09):
so after you come home.
Those buildings were across thestreet, a little bit down to
the side, and you have to reportthere and this is where you get
your evaluations, like yourhearing, your eyesight, your
testing and questions andpsychological stuff and all that
(31:31):
, and the same guy that we hadto go through a couple months
after we returned, uh, ended upshooting about 30 of us, 40 of
us and killing about 30 of them.
The 2009 Fort.
(31:53):
Hood.
Scott McLean (31:54):
You were there.
Michael Vascellaro (31:55):
Yeah, and we had just gotten back from
deployment.
We're infantrymen and it likeyou.
Just as soon as it startedhappening, the alarms go off,
you hear a bunch of movingaround, but as far as us at work
(32:19):
, we had to lock in place.
So you're not allowed to runand help you don't have access
to your weapon or your ammo.
And here's this guy just gunningus down just killing everyone
and my wife at the time we livedon base so she's experiencing
(32:42):
the same thing, but she don'tknow what's going on.
Right, because we know what'sgoing on, but they just hear the
sirens of lock in the place andthere's an active shooter.
But so, yeah, communicatingthat with your wife and going
through that whole thing, it wascrazy, yeah, yeah yeah, that's
(33:04):
I'm not.
Yeah, go on it.
It wasn't just that.
It was again a lot of guys notgetting the help that you need
and dealing with everything,maybe not asking for the help
that you need and dealing witheverything maybe not asking for
the help that you need.
(33:25):
There was a lot of pain andsuffering among a lot of those
soldiers and when I was movedback into my infantry uh platoon
about like a week after uh oneof our battle buddies.
Uh was at the club and fightingwith another soldier I mean
(33:50):
whoever's from Fort hood, and Imean they know exactly what I'm
talking about, cause it's notjust an isolated situation, but
um, exactly what I'm talkingabout, because it's not just an
isolated situation, but umstarted fighting over a girl
with another soldier and theother soldier stabbed him in the
heart and killed him and we hadto pull security on his
(34:11):
barracks room until his parentsto come and get his stuff and go
through uh, you through theceremony and everything where
you have that knot inyour chest, which again happened
in Iraq.
Those were the hardest timesfor me was watching the body and
watching the box getting Idon't want to say paraded, but
(34:36):
brought in front of you, acrossyou, and you have to somehow
tell yourself that tomorrow I'mgoing to be that gunner and I
got to go on a mission tomorrowand that could be me with the
guy at Fort Hood was watchingand being a part of telling his
(35:00):
parents that he's 19, hesurvived.
Scott McLean (35:11):
Iraq and one of his own guys killed him.
Michael Vascellaro (35:13):
You were only 19 during that 20, 19, 20?
Scott McLean (35:14):
I had just turned 20,.
Yeah, Just a kid man.
Michael Vascellaro (35:16):
You don't feel like it, but.
Scott McLean (35:18):
No, at the time you don't, and you're right,
you're absolutely right, andthat's the difference, that's
the thing, right?
So when you're in the moment,you feel like a man, you feel
like a woman, you feel mature,you feel, oh, I'm ready for this
, okay, this is this and thatstuff, but it's later on, when
you get older, and thisshouldn't have happened, I
shouldn't have been there.
(35:38):
I was you know, those questionspop in and you know.
I don't want to go down thatalley with you, because that's a
little deep.
Michael Vascellaro (35:49):
But we know, I know, you know, I think a lot
of people listening probablyunderstand that.
So there was a lot of becauseof all this and being infantry.
I mean these guys are hard andthey don't care.
So not only are they pushing foryou to get things done on the
checklist for the nextdeployment that's coming within
12 months, but also um trainingfor like the EIB or things like
(36:15):
that.
So I needed help and I startedasking for help and was
evaluated for, you know, backinjuries, neck injury, um, uh,
ptsd, all this stuff and some ofthe reason why the guys didn't
(36:36):
want to ask for help and theyjust, you know, drown it out
with alcohol or just ignore it.
Or maybe some guys actually areprepared and know how to deal
with it and they are workingthrough it Right, but for me,
for some of the guys, when youstart, asking for help.
(36:58):
Well, the military is requiredto make sure you get that help.
So now you're kind of stuck ina tough situation because it's
like you have five or sixdifferent medical appointments
or evaluations or treatments,but now you're missing out on
range day.
You're missing out onqualification.
You're missing out on range day.
You're missing out onqualification, you're missing
(37:18):
out on whatever.
So there starts to createfriction and they start debating
on whether or not they want tokeep you in um and a lot of guys
were dealing with emotional andphysical pain to where it was
affecting their relationshipswith their wives, and a lot of
(37:48):
guys were being abused becauseyou would get into heated
moments and the wives and Idon't want to take nothing from
them because I understand thatbeing an army wife is- hard as
well right.
I don't want to take anythingaway from the wives that do put
in the work and do understand,but my wife, along with a lot of
other wives, had a hard timedealing with the fact that we
(38:10):
have to go to work by 4 o'clockin the morning and we might not
come back because platoondecides that we're gonna do
qualification range and we'regonna stay out there until and
we might as well take advantageand do night qualification as
well and then the doctor'sappointments and the culture
(38:32):
behind it is, you know, what dowe do on our downtime?
What do we do for brotherlylove or brotherly connection?
well it was a lot ofdestructiveness, like drinking
alcohol, hanging out, going tothe club and fights.
We're all over the place wherethis creates a lot of friction
(38:54):
and a lot of uh disruption inrelationships and career.
All of that so um, my wife atthe time, uh got into a physical
fight with me and I just had totake it and she was arrested
(39:15):
and our child was removed.
This was on base and even thoughshe broke my finger and was
arrested for it, you still haveto, like, go through military
procedures of like yeah, theygot the whole like suicide watch
(39:38):
and you know battle buddy andthe military, police and on base
and all this stuff so long.
Story short is um.
I ended up being honorablydischarged for, uh, chapter five
, dash eight, which is a familycare plan, because so many
(40:03):
people the platoons that weremade of people transitioning out
of the military or gettingdischarged was enormous that
they didn't have room and therewas so much going on that if
(40:24):
there was a way to get you outhonorably then they wanted to do
that because there was so manyguys.
You know, like one of my battlebuddies who was on his second
deployment and he made onemistake of driving back on the
base, drunk, and his mirror hit,barely hit the gate, and he got
(40:49):
in trouble for drinking anddriving and got honorably
discharged, losing all hisbenefits and being, you know,
labeled like that and kicked outlike that after serving two
deployments is a really a sadthing, you know?
Scott McLean (41:04):
yeah, the the thing in the military, the
alcohol, and it's part of theculture.
But then when you're the guythat, uh, they decide that's, I
got sent to the alcohol rehabcenter travis air force base for
three weeks impatient becausethey decided that I was the guy
that drank too much, right, Igot in too many fights, right.
(41:25):
But uh, a real quick story onthis is uh, they send me there
for three weeks.
My first sergeant, my kennelmaster, my trainer, my
supervisor, the squad, you know,nco, blah, blah, blah.
I come back after three weeksof inpatient.
It changed my life.
I haven't drank since I go.
First thing you do is you gotto go see your first sergeant
(41:48):
and I go to my first sergeant.
I stand in front of him.
Michael Vascellaro (41:50):
He was at ease and he's how was it?
Scott McLean (41:52):
And I kind of give him a rundown and he says to me
this he says well, I'm glad youwent through it.
And you know what, I don't seewhy.
Maybe every once in a while atdinner, or you know, on a
birthday or something you couldhave a glass of wine or
something and I'm thinking doesthis motherfucker?
even know what he sent me for?
Was this a like?
(42:14):
I was like.
I didn't say that to himbecause he was an asshole, like.
So what did you?
Okay, thank you for changing mylife, but do you really know
what you did Like, why you sentme?
You thinking that you'retelling me I can drink again.
So it made no sense.
So the drinking in the militaryand you know, it's all.
It's all good until you're thatguy and then it's not good.
Michael Vascellaro (42:39):
So they act like they're holier than thou.
So some of the stuff I touch onwith my story and the reason
why I've been trying to workthrough my messaging and
understanding of things and wewant to get to your art and your
poetry.
Yeah, well, there needs to be alot of forgiveness.
Going on a mittens admit to toguilt right Because what I've
noticed is we have a lot ofpeople who serve the military,
(43:00):
who may be honorable, but theiractions and their
responsibilities they failedshort of in the military.
So I don't want to play theblame game or anything like that
, because people say you havepersonal choice, but the the
(43:21):
destructive lifestyle andculture that we see happening in
america is happening x amountof you know, 10 times more in
the military.
So what I like to share is that, even though you are considered
(43:46):
a grown man at 17, 18, you'rekind of when you sign that
contract you're in custody ofthe military.
Oh yeah, and they canmicromanage every little aspect
right, like if you shave and howyou walk, how you present
yourself, all of that.
(44:08):
But they failed to do that on alevel of lifestyle and recovery
that is so crucial and such akey point to a conversation, to
fixing the amount of deaths,suicides, murders and all this
(44:30):
that's going on in the militarythat we see right now has to
come down to that.
So you know, when you're theculture and you're a sergeant,
to be in a place of awarenessand know how to handle younger
troops to lead the way.
That structure and that theimportance behind it and
(44:57):
incorporating health andwellness into that, all comes
down to like that, sargent beingaware.
So, um, drinking under age, youknow being open to to.
I turned 20 in Iraq.
(45:19):
I was 19,.
Turned 20 in Iraq, so I was 20when I came home.
I'm not legally able to drink,but it's being offered to me and
I'm being encouraged by my ownchain of command by my.
Sergeant, you know, come over,let's hang out, let's have a
(45:40):
beer in the back yeah.
Yeah, the same with when we wentto Iraq.
If we build our own fob, wehave we only have access to what
you give, provide us and whatyou encourage us.
So for them, to our little fob,little nothing of existence in
(46:02):
the middle of Iraq and you finda way to bring a shipping
container and put it in the foband charge us money to consume
these products consisting oftobacco, cigarettes or energy
drinks, or processed foods.
All these things, at least forme, made my experience a hundred
(46:30):
times worse than what it neededto be, because imagine going
through trauma, imagine puttingyourself at deficit of sleep,
pushing yourself to your limit,but as you're doing it, you're
experiencing inflammation,you're experiencing headaches,
(46:51):
you're experiencing stomachcramps, you're experiencing all
these symptoms that directlyhave to do with drinking all the
energy drinks, smoking thecigarettes.
Scott McLean (47:00):
Those creature comforts, as they call them.
Yeah, creature comforts.
Michael Vascellaro (47:04):
But the government knows, from what I've
researched, that on one sidethey say cigarettes are harmful,
they're dangerous, they causecancer, but you're allowing
troops that you have screamingand believing the American
soldier oath, saying I am asoldier, I am what my country
(47:28):
expects me to be the besttrained soldier in the world.
When you say these oaths, ifyou really take it to heart,
we're not living up to thoseoaths.
Right.
You know, and you know that's a, it's a.
It's a.
It's something that needs to betalked about and has to change.
Scott McLean (47:50):
So Diagnose of PTSD right.
Michael Vascellaro (47:54):
Yeah.
Scott McLean (47:54):
When did you start your poetry?
When did you start writing?
Michael Vascellaro (47:58):
The poetry and the writing.
I started dabbling in it abouta year ago and I only got
serious about it the last maybenine months, with a couple of
tools that are available to makethat easier and classes that
I've attended um through um theveteran art therapy at the local
(48:24):
uh palm beach west palm beach,va.
Um.
They work with, uh, the armoryart center that's downtown palm
Beach, which offers all mediumsof art ceramics, acrylics,
screen printing and thencreative writing and other
(48:46):
things so they don't put a limiton it.
You can go to all these classesas much as you want.
They don't talk about it a lot,they don't share.
That's something that a lot ofus are voicing and trying to
advocate for, because a lot oftheir funding gets cut before
anybody else's, because theydon't really give value to it.
Scott McLean (49:07):
Yeah.
Michael Vascellaro (49:11):
So they've done it for about five years and
this year was the first yearthat they didn't secure funding,
so we didn't have any availableclasses to attend this year.
But the coordinator's workingwith that or the VA and stuff.
But, they want people that haveattended class to talk about it
(49:32):
, to share about it to a letterand show why, how important it
is or how it's worth.
Scott McLean (49:38):
But um, friend of mine is an art therapist and,
yes, it's very um, overlookedand underappreciated, um, and I
don't know what the reason isfor that.
I don't want to get into thataspect of the conversation, but,
um, I have an idea that peoplelook at it as it's foo-foo stuff
(49:59):
and it's soft.
And listen, I'll just say itand I don't care if anybody
listening likes this or not.
This is just the way I feel.
You know, this military, thisveteran thing, can be a little
too fucking macho sometimes.
I'm just going to say it andagain, if you don't like it, I
don't care.
I see it, you know, and I thinkthat a lot of things get
(50:22):
overlooked because it's notdynamic and it's not you know
this hardcore, let's go do this,let's go do that shit.
Some of us don't really careabout that shit, some of us just
want to do you know, somethingless, but it's more.
It's what I want to do, youknow, uh, in art, therapy and
art and what it can bring to aveteran who might be too you
(50:46):
know, I don't know, maybe I'mbeing judgmental, too macho to
look into that.
Or it's like nah, I don't wantto do that, you know, but some
of us do that.
Or it's like, yeah, I don'twant to do that, you know, but
some of us do, and it shouldn'tbe lesser than anything else.
You know what I mean, yeah, andso I'm with you on that.
I think things like that shouldget funded more and I think it
needs more attention and I thinkmore veterans that might be
(51:09):
interested but don't want to getcaught up in that like I'm just
doing yeah, it's hard, it's notthere, you know well the thing,
own it, the fucking own it.
Michael Vascellaro (51:18):
The thing for me too is uh with the
younger generation.
Um, I would say I was in thebeginning of those uh stages.
Yeah, we have a lot of photosand videos of our experience in
Iraq and it's one thing to sharephotos and share videos and you
(51:40):
get that blunt visual.
But it's so much more impactfuland meaningful when you can
take that experience and put itinto a visual story or a visual
experience.
And put it into a visual storyor a visual, I make more
(52:01):
connection and more of a message, showing you a visual
interpretation of thatexperience rather than just
throwing the pictures in frontof you and then trying to
explain oh, this is this picture, this was, oh, this is when we
were getting blown up or up.
But to put it into picture formor story form is more appealing
and more attention grabbing.
Scott McLean (52:23):
Which is what I'm looking at right now.
So Michael was nice enough tobring two of his pieces down
here, his artwork.
I wouldn't just say they'repaintings, I'd look at them,
they're more than that.
They're very there's a lotgoing on, but there's a lot to
see in these things and they'reamazing.
(52:45):
I mean he definitely put hisheart, soul, mind, thoughts and
this I would think thesepaintings, one is called.
Recovery.
The One is called Recovery, theother one is called PTSD Yep.
Michael Vascellaro (52:59):
So kind of like yinging.
Scott McLean (53:00):
Yeah, yeah.
Michael Vascellaro (53:01):
And had it not been the support of the VA
or my wife, I wouldn't have beenable to get to this point.
Tell me about your wife.
(53:22):
This point Tell me about yourwife.
After getting out of themilitary I kind of got that
typical story where you're lostand homelessness the situation
with the ex-wife being draggedthrough to support court and all
of that and sought out collegefor GI Bill to have a source of
income and started out asgraphic design here in Boca at
(53:50):
Digital Media Arts College,which doesn't exist anymore.
They integrated with LynnUniversity.
Scott McLean (53:58):
Okay.
Michael Vascellaro (53:59):
Yeah, we actually met on Plenty of Fish.
Scott McLean (54:05):
I love that you just come right out and say I
love that.
Good for you, man, Good for you.
Michael Vascellaro (54:11):
And we had a lot of similar struggles in
life.
So it was two people lookingfor love or looking for a
connection that didn't have much.
So we didn't have.
I didn't have a place to stay,she didn't have a place to stay.
For credit, she, her two boys,were in the system and problems
(54:38):
with her ex, the father of thetwo boys.
They were young, they were onlylike three and four, and we
decided to come together andbuild a family and a foundation.
But again, it took a lot of helpfrom the veteran organizations
(55:00):
or the va hospital, uh, hoodvashhousing, all of that.
My life for like five years wasan open book, meaning yeah uh
child support court, va.
Social work, coming in and outof the house offering us housing
.
But you, you know they're goingto come and do inspections.
(55:21):
They're gonna.
They want to see your budget,they want to see your tax return
.
Um, I mean, everything aboutyour life when you start asking
for help is an open book.
There's nothing to hide,there's.
You've got to stay on thestraight and narrow.
Scott McLean (55:38):
And she stayed with you through all that.
Michael Vascellaro (55:40):
Yep, and so the reason why I give her credit
for me being able to developthese paintings is because you
can tell it takes a lot of timeand I have the skills to do
(56:00):
sellable work.
Yeah, and she wants that for me, she wants it for us, so I have
an alternate source of incometo be able to fix some of the
struggles in our life income tobe able to fix some of the
struggles in our life.
(56:20):
But her being patient with meand supporting me through this
is crucial because it wasn'tabout my skills, like can I
paint palm trees in a scene?
Yeah, can I.
Can I do, I have the skills todo certain things that Do.
I have the skills to do certainthings that we can monetize and
sell over in Oregon.
Yes, but for me in my recovery,in this moment of my life, that
(56:46):
wasn't the most important thingwas my skills or survival, but
is my recovery and my message,and the message behind it is so
much more important to me thanit is, you know, to be able to
just show that I can do.
I want to create pieces thatrepresent my recovery but also
(57:06):
make such an impact that itstarts a conversation, that it
makes you think and thetransition from doing art.
So I did drawing and art when Iwas growing up a little bit, and
then Iraq.
I took a lot of photos and alot of videos.
But then I went to college forgraphic design and got my
(57:28):
associates for, you know, webdesign and graphic design and
stuff like that, and I washeaded for my bachelor's but I
had to step away.
So I had to have a deepconversation with the dean and
she was like I would really hatefor you to walk away and then
(57:49):
say that you're going to come ata later time to finish, to get
your degree and bachelor's.
Because I was really close togetting my bachelor's.
But she was like so you'vealready earned your associates,
we're going to go ahead and giveyou the associates with the
extra credits that you have, andthe reason why along with that
(58:11):
at the same time.
I had filed for my LLC to startdoing photography, so I did like
weddings or all different typesof things photography or
graphic design.
As far as like freelance, awebsite or a business card
design or things like that Is,my symptoms, both physically and
(58:33):
emotionally, were so much thatbeing able to focus on that and
make it successful on top ofbeing a father to four kids, on
top of trying to make myrecovery.
You only have so much time.
You only have so much time.
(58:55):
And it was too much for me.
So I had to step back from thatand say what's going on getting
(59:18):
the securing the disability sothat I could take that time and
take that disability and startrebuilding myself.
Like can?
I hope and believe is the firstthing that you need, right, the
hope and the belief that youcan recover from this, that you
can get stronger from this, thatyou can rebuild yourself from
this.
Um uh.
So with that, peer supportgroups, um alternative therapy
(59:47):
through veteran outside orveteran organizations um art
therapy, so getting back intodoing art, acrylic art and
things like that.
So the biggest thing where myroads cross is through learning
my recovery.
I'm starting to learn andrealize that something that
(01:00:10):
people in the infantry wouldlaugh at, right, but is there's
power to your?
Words that's right.
So there's a vibration, isthere's power to your words?
That's right.
So there's a vibration andthere's a belief behind the
words that you speak and thewords that you put out there.
And I started digging deeperinto that as far as, like, the
(01:00:30):
frequencies, the vibrations andthe importance of things and
stuff like that.
Right, I mean, that's how youwatch a movie and when you
synchronize that into perfection, that move in like a disney
movie, right, these that realitydoesn't even exist, the
characters don't even, aren'teven real but you're, you're
(01:00:52):
crying, you're bawling out thatthe that is the power of
storytelling.
It's literally like there's aneuroscience that goes with it,
and I I know exactly what you'resaying so what I learned
through my recovery is it'sgreat to advocate for yourself,
and we find ourselves in thislike circle over and over again
(01:01:15):
every time we go to the doctors.
I experienced it every time Igo to a new doctor.
The va changes the doctor everytime you ask for veteran
assistance.
I'm having to repeat.
I'm repeating my struggle, I'mrepeating my story.
Scott McLean (01:01:30):
I'm repeating I think a lot of us can.
Michael Vascellaro (01:01:51):
If somebody really wants to know, they can
read it, they can look at it,but that kind of separates
yourself from it, because nowyou should be focusing on the
positive things instead ofrepeating that my back hurts, my
stomach hurts, I went throughthis, I went through that and
saying it over and over again,instead saying I still alive,
(01:02:15):
I'm here, I love this and youknow, this is I can make, I
believe I am getting better, Ican get better and telling
yourself those things to believethose things I'm going to take
a picture.
Scott McLean (01:02:29):
Uh, of course, every everybody that comes to
this podcast gets now theirpicture taken on the big pink
couch I have to ask you do youlike the big pink couch?
yeah, yeah, it's nice right nice, smooth feeling right,
everything's good, good, uh.
I'm going to take a picture ofmichael with his, his paintings,
and I don't know.
(01:02:49):
They're just more thanpaintings to me the way I look
at them.
There's just a little more thanjust that.
It's it is.
Uh, there's some 3d artinvolved in look at them,
there's just a little more thanjust that.
It's it is.
Uh, there's some 3d artinvolved in here and it's.
There's a lot going on andeverything uh is connected.
But I'm going to take a picture, I'm going to post it on my
LinkedIn, scott McLean, uh, andI'll put it on Facebook.
I'll put it on on the VetsConnection podcast website too.
(01:03:14):
I'm going to put them up there.
That's all right with you yeahthat's fine, you and the picture
, because I think people shouldsee them Now.
You said sharing and I said atthe beginning of this podcast
that you were going to shareyour.
Christmas poem.
That I think is amazing.
So this recording was done onDecember 10th 2024 by Michael
(01:03:36):
Vassilero.
This is his Christmas poem toveterans.
Michael is a local artist herein Palm Beach County and I hope
you enjoy this.
Michael Vascellaro (01:03:50):
A veteran's holiday poem, a Veterans Holiday
Poem.
Here's a timeline poem thattells the story of my Christmas
journey from childhood toadulthood, to fatherhood In
upstate New York, where SenecaLakes, snowy streets adorned
(01:04:12):
with light, christmas awakesBetween Geneva and Lyons, a
young boy's delight.
Decorations and warmth on acold winter night.
Traveling to grandparents,aunts for the cheer, family
gatherings, love so sincere.
Homemade cookies, nutcrackersstand tall, cartoons and movies,
(01:04:36):
movies, the magic of it all.
Snow suits and snowmen, fortsin the yard, grandpa's tractor
pulling sleds not too hard.
Memories of childhood joy inthe air, building moments with
family to share, buildingmoments with family to share.
Then came a Christmas at 17,confined, a jail cell for
(01:05:00):
reflection, a troubled mindfighting over a girl just being
a kid, a time of sadness, thepain I hid the following year in
Iraq's Sandy span.
An infantryman, a tankerman, alonely man preparing trucks for
mission, early to rise, wishingfor home, tears in my eyes,
(01:05:26):
processed sugars, a cot and ascreen.
Christmas felt distant, afaraway dream Years.
Post-service holidays feltdistant.
A faraway dream Years.
Post-service holidays felt cold, isolation and avoidance.
The story told, but then awoman, beautiful and kind, with
a big heart, holiday spiritentwined.
(01:05:48):
We mixed our family, fourchildren in tow Struggled to
build holidays.
Love began to grow Without atree.
Some years were lean, asked forassistance, a humble scene, va
hospital Christmas with Santa'scheer, ensuring our kids felt
(01:06:08):
love and joy here.
Gifts for children, decorationsbright.
Gifts for children, decorationsbright.
No gifts for us, but theirsmiles were our light.
We built traditions, excitementand cheer, comfort and
happiness year after year.
Now our children, with joy intheir eyes, look forward to
(01:06:29):
holidays under the skies.
They love the time togethergifts to unwrap, decorating and
laughter.
A happy map.
So the moral is clear Inmoments of strife, holidays are
beautiful despite the slice.
Be grateful and joyful.
(01:06:50):
Don't isolate.
Give when you can Share yourplate, in cold or heat, north or
south, with family or alone.
It's not about Be in the moment, cherish the day.
(01:07:12):
You are special, a gift inevery way.
Christmas should leave youhopeful and bright, grateful and
special in its light.
Happy holidays to you, near andfar.
May your journey be blessedwherever you are.
I hope this poem captures theessence of a Christmas journey
and brings warmth and reflectionto your holidays.
Scott McLean (01:07:35):
That was good man to your holiday.
That was good man, that wasgood, that still got me.
Glad.
I wasn't on the mic.
That's awesome dude.
That is beautiful man.
That is beautiful.
Thank you and it's moving andit's relatable.
That's a grand slam.
(01:07:56):
So, thank you, don't thank me,I thank you.
I thank you for coming on thepodcast.
I know this took a lot.
I know you're working we talkedabout this You're working
toward getting out there moreand getting over the anxieties
that you might have and publicspeaking and hopefully people
will listen to this and they'llstart reaching out to you
(01:08:17):
because your story is importantand I'm glad you're sitting
right in front of me right nowand that you, you haven't given
up and I'm not just saying thatto make this sound.
You know it's an emotionalpodcast episode, but that and
I'll do, thank, thank you.
Thank you for that poem, thankyou for your art.
(01:08:39):
Uh, I I would love to get morepeople to know about you and
know about your art and and seewhere this goes.
Um, is there any way if peoplewant to get in touch with you?
You want to facebook or do youwant?
You not want to do that?
Michael Vascellaro (01:08:55):
yeah, they can look me up on uh instagram a
lot and what's your handle oninstagram?
Uh, never or n2m veteran, whichis november to mike veteran yep
, which stands for if you googleuh, never too much, kind of a
little tag that I attached tothat I wanted to use.
(01:09:17):
So I kind of made um never toomuch photography and design,
which was my llc, all right, andthen never too much veteran
stuff like that right, all right, man.
Scott McLean (01:09:31):
Well, thank you again, michael.
I truly appreciate and I willbe talking again.
This isn't like I end up alwaysjust becoming friends with the
people I interview.
It's like I just like beingconnected like that.
I appreciate your time, Iappreciate the effort getting
down here and I wish you andyour wonderful wife and your
(01:09:52):
kids a Merry Christmas.
I think that poem the partabout the no toys, but it's
about the kids and that kind of.
I know that and I think a lotof people it resonates with.
I can't say it enough.
That's an amazing poem.
I'm going to play that everyyear.
(01:10:13):
Now I'm going to play it on myother podcast, my music podcast.
Thank you, thank you, thank youfor that and the timeliness
that you got it in before theinterview.
You're a good dude man.
You're a good dude.
You got a good vibe, you have agreat attitude, you have a good
(01:10:33):
spirit and I think you willmake that difference that you're
looking for.
I think you will.
You know what?
You made a difference with meawesome.
So that's where it starts, rightyeah, just one veteran at a
time, one person at a time.
And again, I'm not just sayingthis shit, I don't just I don't,
on a roll like that, say shit,that's the same.
(01:10:54):
You know what I mean.
But you definitely changed me alittle bit in a couple of ways
and I appreciate it.
So thank you, michael, and Iwant to thank you for listening.
As I always say, we builtanother bridge today, but this
(01:11:14):
was a very it's a beautifulbridge, very artsy and very it's
a cool bridge that we builttoday.
And, as I always say also,please listen to the end of the
podcast.
There's a good public serviceannouncement of veterans, family
members of veterans and, evenif you're not a veteran, it
involves 211 and 988 and acouple other things.
(01:11:37):
It's only 30 seconds long, soplease give it a listen.
And this is my Christmasepisode, so I want to wish
everybody a Merry Christmas.
Michael, you want to wisheverybody a Merry Christmas?
Michael Vascellaro (01:11:48):
Yeah, I would want everybody to enjoy
their holidays and be gratefulfor the things you have, and my
biggest public announcementwould be don't be afraid to ask
for help, because I've beenthere and uh.
I've been Baker acted.
(01:12:10):
I've been deep in the mentalhealth but there's light at the
end and there is a lot of helpand a lot of the people that you
hear on in previous episodes.
A lot of those people.
I have worked with directly likePete, Dr Pete and I wouldn't be
(01:12:34):
here on this podcast or be opento caring, had I not worked
with a lot of those people whoare.
So a lot of people listen tothose podcasts and hear the
stuff that they, the servicesthey offer.
I'm here to let you know that Ihave used those services and it
(01:12:54):
has helped me a lot.
Scott McLean (01:12:55):
So don't be afraid to ask and utilize that All
right.
Once again, you're a good dudeman.
You got a good spirit, goodsoul.
And again, merry Christmaseverybody.
And I will be back, maybe afterNew Year.
I think I'll take the week offbetween Christmas and new year
and we'll pick it up in 2025.
(01:13:16):
And I want to thank you all forlistening for the last.
I think.
I started this eight months agoand it's gotten a great
reception and I'm humbled by itand I'm excited to do some more
interviews and and create moreof a resource for veterans
through the vets Net podcastcom.
(01:13:37):
And again, thank you very much.
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